,*APT] #da 
,MY ,FRI5D%IP ,) ,! ,NE*LUD(FS 

#ahegaheg 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,AT ?IS P]IOD1 9DE$1 MY FRI5D%IP ) ,DIMITRI HUNG BY A HAIR4 ,I HAD BE5 CRITICIZ+ HIM TOO LONG NOT TO HAVE DISCOV]$ FAULTS 9 HIS *>ACT]1 = IT IS ONLY 9 FIR/ Y\? ?AT WE LOVE PASSIONATELY & !RE=E LOVE ONLY P]FECT PEOPLE4 ,AS SOON AS ! MI/S 5G5D]$ BY LOVE ( ?IS K9D BEG9 TO DISSOLVE1 & TO BE P5ETRAT$ BY ! CLE> BEAMS ( REASON1 WE SEE ! OBJECT ( \R ADORATION 9 HIS TRUE %APE1 & ) ALL HIS VIRTUES & FAIL+S EXPOS$4 ,SOME ( ?OSE FAIL+S /RIKE US ) ! EXAGG]AT$ =CE ( ! UNEXPECT$1 & COMB9E ) ! 9/9CT = NOVELTY & ! HOPE ?AT P]FECTION MAY YET BE F\ND 9 A FELL[-MAN TO 9DUCE US NOT ONLY TO FEEL COLDNESS1 BUT EV5 AV]SION1 T[>DS ! LATE OBJECT ( \R ADORATION4 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 DESIR+ IT NO LONG]1 WE USUALLY CA/ IT FROM US1 & PASS ONW>DS TO SEEK FRE% P]FECTION4 ,= ! CIRCUM/ANCE ?AT ?AT WAS NOT :AT OCCURR$ ) RESPECT TO MY [N RELATION TO ,DIMITRI1 ,I WAS 9DEBT$ TO HIS /UBBORN1 PUNCTILI\S1 & MORE CRITICAL ?AN IMPULSIVE ATTA*M5T TO MYSELF--A TIE :I* ,I FELT A%AM$ TO BREAK4 ,MOREOV]1 \R /RANGE V[ ( FRANKNESS B\ND US TOGE!R4 ,WE W]E AFRAID ?AT1 IF WE P>T$1 WE %\LD LEAVE 9 ONE ANO!R'S P[] ALL ! 9CRIM9ATORY MORAL SECRETS ( :I* WE HAD MADE MUTUAL CONFESSION4 ,AT ! SAME TIME1 \R RULE ( FRANKNESS HAD LONG CEAS$ TO BE FAI?FULLY OBS]V$1 BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 PROV$ A FREQU5T CAUSE ( CON/RA9T1 & BR\<T AB\T /RANGE RELATIONS BETWE5 US4 

,ALMO/ EV]Y TIME ?AT W9T] ?AT ,I W5T UP/AIRS TO ,DIMITRI'S ROOM1 ,I US$ TO F9D !RE A ,UNIV]SITY FRI5D ( HIS NAM$ ,BEZOBI$(F1 ) :OM HE APPE>$ TO BE V]Y MU* TAK5 UP4 ,BEZOBI$(F WAS A SMALL1 SLI<T FELL[1 ) A FACE PITT$ OV] ) SMALLPOX1 FRECKL$1 EFFEM9ATE H&S1 & A HUGE FLAX5 MU/A*E MU* 9 NE$ ( ! COMB4 ,HE WAS 9V>IABLY DIRTY1 %ABBY1 UNC\?1 & UN9T]E/+4 ,TO ME1 ,DIMITRI'S RELATIONS ) HIM W]E AS UN9TELLIGIBLE AS HIS RELATIONS ) ,LUBOV ,S]GIEVNA1 & ! ONLY REASON HE C\LD HAVE HAD = *OOS+ SU* A MAN = HIS ASSOCIATE WAS ?AT 9 ! :OLE ,UNIV]SITY !RE WAS NO WORSE-LOOK+ /UD5T ?AN ,BEZOBI$(F4 ,YET ?AT ALONE W\LD HAVE BE5 SUFFICI5T TO MAKE ,DIMITRI EXT5D HIM HIS FRI5D%IP1 &1 AS A MATT] ( FACT1 9 ALL HIS 9T]C\RSE ) ?IS FELL[ HE SEEM$ TO BE SAY+ PR\DLY3 0,I C>E NO?+ :O A MAN MAY BE4 ,9 MY EYES EV]Y ONE IS EQUAL4 ,I LIKE HIM1 & !RE=E HE IS A DESIRABLE ACQUA9TANCE40 ,NEV]!LESS ,I C\LD NOT IMAG9E H[ HE C\LD BR+ HIMSELF TO DO IT1 NOR H[ ! WRET*$ ,BEZOBI$(F EV] CONTRIV$ TO MA9TA9 HIS AWKW>D POSITION4 ,TO ME ! FRI5D%IP SEEM$ A MO/ DI/A/EFUL ONE4 

,ONE NI<T1 ,I W5T UP TO ,DIMITRI'S ROOM TO TRY & GET HIM TO COME D[N = AN EV5+'S TALK 9 HIS MO!R'S DRAW+-ROOM1 :]E WE C\LD ALSO LI/5 TO ,V>5IKA'S READ+ & S++1 BUT ,BEZOBI$(F HAD =E/ALL$ ME !RE1 & ,DIMITRI ANSW]$ ME CURTLY ?AT HE C\LD NOT COME D[N1 S9CE1 AS ,I C\LD SEE = MYSELF1 HE HAD A VISITOR ) HIM4 

0,BESIDES10 HE ADD$1 0:AT IS ! FUN ( SITT+ !RE8 ,WE HAD MU* BETT] /AY ,H,],E & TALK40 

,I SC>CELY RELI%$ ! PROSPECT ( SP5D+ A C\PLE ( H\RS 9 ,BEZOBI$(F'S COMPANY1 YET C\LD NOT MAKE UP MY M9D TO GO D[N ALONE2 :]E=E1 CURS+ MY FRI5D'S VAG>IES1 ,I SEAT$ MYSELF 9 A ROCK+-*AIR1 & BEGAN ROCK+ MYSELF SIL5TLY TO & FRO4 ,I FELT VEX$ ) !M BO? = DEPRIV+ ME ( ! PLEASURES ( ! DRAW+-ROOM1 & MY ONLY HOPE AS ,I LI/5$ IRRITABLY TO !IR CONV]SATION WAS ?AT ,BEZOBI$(F W\LD SOON TAKE HIS DEP>TURE4 0,A NICE GUE/ 9DE$ TO BE SITT+ )60 ,I ?\<T TO MYSELF :5 A FOOTMAN BR\<T 9 TEA & ,DIMITRI HAD FIVE TIMES TO BEG ,BEZOBI$(F TO HAVE A CUP1 = ! REASON ?AT ! BA%FUL GUE/ ?\<T IT 9CUMB5T UPON HIM ALWAYS TO REFUSE IT AT FIR/ & TO SAY1 0,NO1 HELP Y\RSELF40 ,I C\LD SEE ?AT ,DIMITRI HAD TO PUT SOME RE/RA9T UPON HIMSELF AS HE RESUM$ ! CONV]SATION4 ,HE TRI$ TO 9VEIGLE ME ALSO 9TO IT1 BUT ,I REMA9$ GLUM & SIL5T4 

0,I DO NOT MEAN TO LET MY FACE GIVE ANY ONE ! SUSPICION ?AT ,I AM BOR$0 WAS MY M5TAL REM>K TO ,DIMITRI AS ,I SAT QUIETLY ROCK+ MYSELF TO & FRO ) MEASUR$ BEAT4 ,YET1 AS ! MOM5TS PASS$1 ,I F\ND MYSELF--NOT )\T A C]TA9 SATISFACTION--GR[+ MORE & MORE 9W>DLY HO/ILE TO MY FRI5D4 0,:AT A FOOL HE IS60 ,I REFLECT$4 0,HE MI<T BE SP5D+ ! EV5+ AGREEABLY ) HIS *>M+ FAMILY1 YET HE GOES ON SITT+ ) ?IS BRUTE6--WILL GO ON DO+ SO1 TOO1 UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE TO GO D[N TO ! DRAW+-ROOM60 ,H]E ,I GLANC$ AT HIM OV] ! BACK ( MY *AIR1 & ?\<T ! G5]AL LOOK ( HIS ATTITUDE & APPE>ANCE SO (F5SIVE & REPELL5T ?AT AT ! MOM5T ,I C\LD GLADLY HAVE (F]$ HIM SOME 9SULT1 EV5 A MO/ S]I\S ONE4 

,AT LA/ ,BEZOBI$(F ROSE1 BUT ,DIMITRI C\LD NOT EASILY LET SU* A DELI<TFUL FRI5D DEP>T1 & ASK$ HIM TO /AY ! NI<T4 ,=TUNATELY1 ,BEZOBI$(F DECL9$ ! 9VITATION1 & DEP>T$4 ,HAV+ SE5 HIM (F1 ,DIMITRI RETURN$1 &1 SMIL+ A FA9TLY COMPLAC5T SMILE AS HE DID SO1 & RUBB+ HIS H&S TOGE!R 79 ALL PROBABILITY P>TLY BECAUSE HE HAD SU/A9$ HIS *>ACT] = ECC5TRICITY1 & P>TLY BECAUSE HE HAD GOT RID ( A BORE71 />T$ TO PACE ! ROOM1 ) AN OCCASIONAL GLANCE AT MYSELF4 ,I FELT MORE (F5D$ ) HIM ?AN EV]4 0,H[ CAN HE GO ON WALK+ AB\T ! ROOM & GR9N+ LIKE ?AT80 WAS MY 9W>D REFLECTION4 

0,:AT >E Y\ SO ANGRY AB\T80 HE ASK$ ME SUDD5LY AS HE HALT$ 9 FRONT ( MY *AIR4 

0,I AM NOT 9 ! LEA/ ANGRY10 ,I REPLI$ 7AS PEOPLE ALWAYS DO ANSW] UND] SU* CIRCUM/ANCES74 0,I AM M]ELY VEX$ ?AT Y\ %\LD PLAY-ACT TO ME1 & TO ,BEZOBI$(F1 & TO Y\RSELF40 

0,:AT RUBBI%60 HE RETORT$4 0,I NEV] PLAY-ACT TO ANY ONE40 

0,I HAVE 9 M9D \R RULE ( FRANKNESS10 ,I REPLI$1 0:5 ,I TELL Y\ ?AT ,I AM C]TA9 Y\ CANNOT BE> ?IS ,BEZOBI$(F ANY MORE ?AN ,I CAN4 ,HE IS AN ABSOLUTE CAD1 YET = SOME 9EXPLICABLE REASON OR ANO!R IT PLEASES Y\ TO MASQU]ADE BE=E HIM40 

0,NOT AT ALL6 ,TO BEG9 )1 HE IS A SPL5DID FELL[1 &--0 

0,BUT ,I TELL Y\ IT ,I,S SO4 ,I ALSO TELL Y\ ?AT Y\R FRI5D%IP = ,LUBOV ,S]GIEVNA IS F\ND$ ON ! SAME BASIS1 NAMELY1 ?AT %E ?9KS Y\ A GOD40 

0,& ,I TELL Y\ ONCE MORE ?AT IT IS NOT SO40 

0,OH1 ,I KN[ IT = MYSELF10 ,I RETORT$ ) ! HEAT ( SUPPRESS$ ANG]1 & DESIGN+ TO DIS>M HIM ) MY FRANKNESS4 0,I HAVE TOLD Y\ BE=E1 & ,I REPEAT IT N[1 ?AT Y\ ALWAYS SEEM TO LIKE PEOPLE :O SAY PLEASANT ?+S TO Y\1 BUT ?AT1 AS SOON AS EV] ,I COME TO EXAM9E Y\R FRI5D%IP1 ,I 9V>IABLY F9D ?AT !RE EXI/S NO REAL ATTA*M5T BETWE5 Y\40 

0,OH1 BUT Y\ >E WRONG10 SAID ,DIMITRI ) AN ANGRY /RAI<T5+ ( ! NECK 9 HIS COLL>4 0,:5 ,I LIKE PEOPLE1 NEI!R !IR PRAISE NOR !IR BLAME CAN MAKE ANY DIFF]5CE TO MY OP9ION ( !M40 

0,WELL1 DREADFUL ?\< IT MAY SEEM TO Y\1 ,I CONFESS ?AT ,I MYSELF (T5 US$ TO HATE MY FA!R :5 HE ABUS$ ME1 & TO WI% ?AT HE WAS DEAD4 ,9 ! SAME WAY1 Y\--0 

0,SPEAK = Y\RSELF4 ,I AM V]Y SORRY ?AT Y\ C\LD EV] HAVE BE5 SO--0 

0,NO1 NO60 ,I CRI$ AS ,I LEAP$ FROM MY *AIR & FAC$ HIM ) ! C\RAGE ( EXASP]ATION4 0,IT IS = ,Y,\,R,S,E,L,F ?AT Y\ \<T TO FEEL SORRY--SORRY BECAUSE Y\ NEV] TOLD ME A WORD AB\T ?IS FELL[4 ,Y\ KN[ ?AT WAS NOT HONORABLE ( Y\4 ,NEV]!LESS1 ,I WILL TELL ,Y,\ :AT ,I ?9K ( Y\10 &1 BURN+ TO W\ND HIM EV5 MORE ?AN HE HAD W\ND$ ME1 ,I SET \T TO PROVE TO HIM ?AT HE WAS 9CAPABLE ( FEEL+ ANY REAL AFFECTION = ANYBODY1 & ?AT ,I HAD ! BE/ ( GR\NDS 7AS 9 V]Y TRU? ,I BELIEV$ ,I HAD7 = REPROA*+ HIM4 ,I TOOK GREAT PLEASURE 9 TELL+ HIM ALL ?IS1 BUT AT ! SAME TIME =GOT ?AT ! ONLY CONCEIVABLE PURPOSE ( MY DO+ SO--TO =CE HIM TO CONFESS TO ! FAULTS ( :I* ,I HAD ACCUS$ HIM--C\LD NOT POSSIBLY BE ATTA9$ AT ! PRES5T MOM5T1 :5 HE WAS 9 A RAGE4 ,HAD HE1 ON ! O!R H&1 BE5 9 A CONDITION TO >GUE CALMLY1 ,I %\LD PROBABLY NEV] HAVE SAID :AT ,I DID4 

,! DISPUTE WAS V]G+ UPON AN OP5 QU>REL :5 ,DIMITRI SUDD5LY BECAME SIL5T1 & LEFT ! ROOM4 ,I PURSU$ HIM1 & CONT9U$ :AT ,I WAS SAY+1 BUT HE DID NOT ANSW]4 ,I KNEW ?AT HIS FAIL+S 9CLUD$ A HA/Y TEMP]1 & ?AT HE WAS N[ FI<T+ IT D[N2 :]E=E ,I CURS$ HIS GOOD RESOLUTIONS ! MORE 9 MY HE>T4 

,?IS1 !N1 WAS :AT \R RULE ( FRANKNESS HAD BR\<T US TO--! RULE ?AT WE %\LD 0TELL ONE ANO!R EV]Y?+ 9 \R M9DS1 & NEV] DISCUSS ONE ANO!R ) A ?IRD P]SON60 ,MANY A TIME WE HAD EXAGG]AT$ FRANKNESS TO ! PIT* ( MAK+ MUTUAL CONFESSION ( ! MO/ %AMELESS ?\<TS1 & ( %AM+ \RSELVES BY VOIC+ TO ONE ANO!R PROPOSALS OR S*EMES = ATTA9+ \R DESIRES2 YET ?OSE CONFESSIONS HAD NOT ONLY FAIL$ TO DRAW CLOS] ! TIE :I* UNIT$ US1 BUT HAD DISSIPAT$ SYMPA?Y & ?RU/ US FUR!R AP>T1 UNTIL N[ PRIDE W\LD NOT ALL[ HIM TO EXPOSE HIS FEEL+S EV5 9 ! SMALLE/ DETAIL1 & WE EMPLOY$ 9 \R QU>REL ! V]Y WEAPONS :I* WE HAD =M]LY SURR5D]$ TO ONE ANO!R--! WEAPONS :I* C\LD /RIKE ! %REWDE/ BL[S6 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahef 3 ,*APT] #da -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JUNE #d1 #bba 3 ,*APT] #da -- ,ADD$4 

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