,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA 

#ahia 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,ISABEL ,FLOR5CE ,HAPGOOD 

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,SECTIONS 7,CONT5T7 3 

O ,*APT] #a 

,TRAVEL]S LEFT & 5T]$ \R C> AT EV]Y /OPP+ ( ! TRA94 ,?REE P]SONS1 H[EV]1 REMA9$1 B\ND1 LIKE MYSELF1 = ! F>!/ /ATION3 A LADY NEI!R Y\NG NOR PRETTY1 SMOK+ CIG>ETTES1 ) A ?9 FACE1 A CAP ON H] HEAD1 & WE>+ A SEMI-MASCUL9E \T] G>M5T2 !N H] COMPANION1 A V]Y LOQUACI\S G5TLEMAN ( AB\T =TY YE>S1 ) BAGGAGE 5TIRELY NEW & >RANG$ 9 AN ORD]LY MANN]2 !N A G5TLEMAN :O HELD HIMSELF 5TIRELY ALO(1 %ORT 9 /ATURE1 V]Y N]V\S1 ( UNC]TA9 AGE1 ) BRI<T EYES1 NOT PRON\NC$ 9 COLOR1 BUT EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE1--EYES ?AT D>T$ ) RAPIDITY FROM ONE OBJECT TO ANO!R4 

,?IS G5TLEMAN1 DUR+ ALMO/ ALL ! J\RNEY ?US F>1 HAD 5T]$ 9TO CONV]SATION ) NO FELL[-TRAVEL]1 AS IF HE C>EFULLY AVOID$ ALL ACQUA9TANCE4 ,:5 SPOK5 TO1 HE ANSW]$ CURTLY & DECISIVELY1 & BEGAN TO LOOK \T ( ! C> W9D[ OB/9ATELY4 

,YET IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ! SOLITUDE WEI<$ UPON HIM4 ,HE SEEM$ TO P]CEIVE ?AT ,I UND]/OOD ?IS1 & :5 \R EYES MET1 AS HAPP5$ FREQU5TLY1 S9CE WE W]E SITT+ ALMO/ OPPOSITE EA* O!R1 HE TURN$ AWAY HIS HEAD1 & AVOID$ CONV]SATION ) ME AS MU* AS ) ! O!RS4 ,AT NI<TFALL1 DUR+ A /OP AT A L>GE /ATION1 ! G5TLEMAN ) ! F9E BAGGAGE--A LAWY]1 AS ,I HAVE S9CE LE>N$--GOT \T ) HIS COMPANION TO DR9K SOME TEA AT ! RE/AURANT4 ,DUR+ !IR ABS5CE SEV]AL NEW TRAVEL]S 5T]$ ! C>1 AMONG :OM WAS A TALL OLD MAN1 %AV5 & WR9KL$1 EVID5TLY A M]*ANT1 WE>+ A L>GE HEAVILY-L9$ CLOAK & A BIG CAP4 ,?IS M]*ANT SAT D[N OPPOSITE ! EMPTY SEATS ( ! LAWY] & HIS COMPANION1 & /RAI<TWAY 5T]$ 9TO CONV]SATION ) A Y\NG MAN :O SEEM$ LIKE AN EMPLOYEE 9 SOME COMM]CIAL H\SE1 & :O HAD LIKEWISE JU/ BO>D$ ! TRA94 ,AT FIR/ ! CL]K HAD REM>K$ ?AT ! SEAT OPPOSITE WAS OCCUPI$1 & ! OLD MAN HAD ANSW]$ ?AT HE %\LD GET \T AT ! FIR/ /ATION4 ,?US !IR CONV]SATION />T$4 

,I WAS SITT+ NOT F> FROM !SE TWO TRAVEL]S1 &1 AS ! TRA9 WAS NOT 9 MOTION1 ,I C\LD CAT* BITS ( !IR CONV]SATION :5 O!RS W]E NOT TALK+4 

,!Y TALK$ FIR/ ( ! PRICES ( GOODS & ! CONDITION ( BUS9ESS2 !Y REF]R$ TO A P]SON :OM !Y BO? KNEW2 !N !Y PLUNG$ 9TO ! FAIR AT ,NIJNI ,NOVGOROD4 ,! CL]K BOA/$ ( KN[+ PEOPLE :O W]E LEAD+ A GAY LIFE !RE1 BUT ! OLD MAN DID NOT ALL[ HIM TO CONT9UE1 &1 9T]RUPT+ HIM1 BEGAN TO DESCRIBE ! FE/IVITIES ( ! PREVI\S YE> AT ,K\NAV9O1 9 :I* HE HAD TAK5 P>T4 ,HE WAS EVID5TLY PR\D ( !SE RECOLLECTIONS1 &1 PROBABLY ?9K+ ?AT ?IS W\LD DETRACT NO?+ FROM ! GRAVITY :I* HIS FACE & MANN]S EXPRESS$1 HE RELAT$ ) PRIDE H[1 :5 DRUNK1 HE HAD FIR$1 AT ,K\NAV9O1 SU* A BROADSIDE ?AT HE C\LD DESCRIBE IT ONLY 9 ! O!R'S E>4 

,! CL]K BEGAN TO LAU< NOISILY4 ,! OLD MAN LAU<$ TOO1 %[+ TWO LONG YELL[ TEE?4 ,!IR CONV]SATION NOT 9T]E/+ ME1 ,I LEFT ! C> TO /RET* MY LEGS4 ,AT ! DOOR ,I MET ! LAWY] & HIS LADY4 

0,Y\ HAVE NO MORE TIME10 ! LAWY] SAID TO ME4 0,! SECOND BELL IS AB\T TO R+40 

,9DE$ ,I HAD SC>CELY REA*$ ! RE> ( ! TRA9 :5 ! BELL S\ND$4 ,AS ,I 5T]$ ! C> AGA91 ! LAWY] WAS TALK+ ) HIS COMPANION 9 AN ANIMAT$ FA%ION4 ,! M]*ANT1 SITT+ OPPOSITE !M1 WAS TACITURN4 

0,& !N %E SQU>ELY DECL>$ TO H] HUSB&10 SAID ! LAWY] ) A SMILE1 AS ,I PASS$ BY !M1 0?AT %E NEI!R C\LD NOR W\LD LIVE ) HIM1 BECAUSE0 4 4 4 

,& HE CONT9U$1 BUT ,I DID NOT HE> ! RE/ ( ! S5T5CE1 MY ATT5TION BE+ DI/RACT$ BY ! PASS+ ( ! CONDUCTOR & A NEW TRAVEL]4 ,:5 SIL5CE WAS RE/OR$1 ,I AGA9 HE>D ! LAWY]'S VOICE4 ,! CONV]SATION HAD PASS$ FROM A SPECIAL CASE TO G5]AL CONSID]ATIONS4 

0,& AFT]W>DS COMES DISCORD1 F9ANCIAL DIFFICULTIES1 DISPUTES BETWE5 ! TWO P>TIES1 & ! C\PLE SEP>ATE4 ,9 ! GOOD OLD DAYS ?AT SELDOM HAPP5$4 ,IS IT NOT SO80 ASK$ ! LAWY] ( ! TWO M]*ANTS1 EVID5TLY TRY+ TO DRAG !M 9TO ! CONV]SATION4 

,JU/ !N ! TRA9 />T$1 & ! OLD MAN1 )\T ANSW]+1 TOOK (F HIS CAP1 & CROSS$ HIMSELF ?REE TIMES :ILE MUTT]+ A PRAY]4 ,:5 HE HAD F9I%$1 HE CLAPP$ HIS CAP F> D[N ON HIS HEAD1 & SAID3 

0,YES1 SIR1 ?AT HAPP5$ 9 =M] TIMES ALSO1 BUT NOT AS (T54 ,9 ! PRES5T DAY IT IS B\ND TO HAPP5 MORE FREQU5TLY4 ,PEOPLE HAVE BECOME TOO LE>N$40 

,! LAWY] MADE SOME REPLY TO ! OLD MAN1 BUT ! TRA91 EV] 9CREAS+ ITS SPE$1 MADE SU* A CLATT] UPON ! RAILS ?AT ,I C\LD NO LONG] HE> DI/9CTLY4 ,AS ,I WAS 9T]E/$ 9 :AT ! OLD MAN WAS SAY+1 ,I DREW NE>]4 ,MY NEI<BOR1 ! N]V\S G5TLEMAN1 WAS EVID5TLY 9T]E/$ ALSO1 &1 )\T *ANG+ HIS SEAT1 HE L5T AN E>4 

0,BUT :AT H>M IS !RE 9 $UCATION80 ASK$ ! LADY1 ) A SMILE ?AT WAS SC>CELY P]CEPTIBLE4 0,W\LD IT BE BETT] TO M>RY AS 9 ! OLD DAYS1 :5 ! BRIDE & BRIDEGROOM DID NOT EV5 SEE EA* O!R BE=E M>RIAGE80 %E CONT9U$1 ANSW]+1 AS IS ! HABIT ( \R LADIES1 NOT ! WORDS ?AT H] 9T]LOCUTOR HAD SPOK51 BUT ! WORDS %E BELIEV$ HE WAS GO+ TO SPEAK4 0,WOM5 DID NOT KN[ :E!R !Y W\LD LOVE OR W\LD BE LOV$1 & !Y W]E M>RI$ TO ! FIR/ COM]1 & SUFF]$ ALL !IR LIVES4 ,!N Y\ ?9K IT WAS BETT] SO80 %E CONT9U$1 EVID5TLY ADDRESS+ ! LAWY] & MYSELF1 & NOT AT ALL ! OLD MAN4 

0,PEOPLE HAVE BECOME TOO LE>N$10 REPEAT$ ! LA/1 LOOK+ AT ! LADY ) CONTEMPT1 & LEAV+ H] QUE/ION UNANSW]$4 

0,I %\LD BE CURI\S TO KN[ H[ Y\ EXPLA9 ! CORRELATION BETWE5 $UCATION & CONJUGAL DIFF]5CES10 SAID ! LAWY]1 ) A SLI<T SMILE4 

,! M]*ANT WANT$ TO MAKE SOME REPLY1 BUT ! LADY 9T]RUPT$ HIM4 

0,NO1 ?OSE DAYS >E PA/40 

,! LAWY] CUT %ORT H] WORDS3-- 

0,LET HIM EXPRESS HIS ?\<T40 

0,BECAUSE !RE IS NO MORE FE>10 REPLI$ ! OLD MAN4 

0,BUT H[ WILL Y\ M>RY PEOPLE :O DO NOT LOVE EA* O!R8 ,ONLY ANIMALS CAN BE C\PL$ AT ! WILL ( A PROPRIETOR4 ,BUT PEOPLE HAVE 9CL9ATIONS1 ATTA*M5TS10 ! LADY HA/5$ TO SAY1 CA/+ A GLANCE AT ! LAWY]1 AT ME1 & EV5 AT ! CL]K1 :O1 /&+ UP & LEAN+ HIS ELB[ ON ! BACK ( A SEAT1 WAS LI/5+ TO ! CONV]SATION ) A SMILE4 

0,Y\ >E WRONG TO SAY ?AT1 MADAM10 SAID ! OLD MAN4 0,! ANIMALS >E BEA/S1 BUT MAN HAS RECEIV$ ! LAW40 

0,BUT1 NEV]!LESS1 H[ IS ONE TO LIVE ) A MAN :5 !RE IS NO LOVE80 SAID ! LADY1 EVID5TLY EXCIT$ BY ! G5]AL SYMPA?Y & ATT5TION4 

0,=M]LY NO SU* DI/9CTIONS W]E MADE10 SAID ! OLD MAN1 GRAVELY4 0,ONLY N[ HAVE !Y BECOME A P>T ( \R HABITS4 ,AS SOON AS ! LEA/ ?+ HAPP5S1 ! WIFE SAYS3 ',I RELEASE Y\4 ,I AM GO+ TO LEAVE Y\R H\SE4' ,EV5 AMONG ! M\JIKS ?IS FA%ION HAS BECOME ACCLIMAT$4 ',!RE1' %E SAYS1 'H]E >E Y\R %IRTS & DRAW]S4 ,I AM GO+ (F ) ,VANKA4 ,HIS HAIR IS CURLI] ?AN Y\RS4' ,JU/ GO TALK ) !M4 ,& YET ! FIR/ RULE = ! WIFE %\LD BE FE>40 

,! CL]K LOOK$ AT ! LAWY]1 ! LADY1 & MYSELF1 EVID5TLY REPRESS+ A SMILE1 & ALL READY TO D]IDE OR APPROVE ! M]*ANT'S WORDS1 ACCORD+ TO ! ATTITUDE ( ! O!RS4 

0,:AT FE>80 SAID ! LADY4 

0,?IS FE>1--! WIFE MU/ FE> H] HUSB&2 ?AT IS :AT FE>40 

0,OH1 ?AT1 MY LITTLE FA!R1 ?AT IS 5D$40 

0,NO1 MADAM1 ?AT CANNOT 5D4 ,AS %E1 ,EVE1 ! WOMAN1 WAS TAK5 FROM MAN'S RIBS1 SO %E WILL REMA9 UNTO ! 5D ( ! WORLD10 SAID ! OLD MAN1 %AK+ HIS HEAD SO TRIUMPHANTLY & SO SEV]ELY ?AT ! CL]K1 DECID+ ?AT ! VICTORY WAS ON HIS SIDE1 BUR/ 9TO A L\D LAU<4 

0,YES1 Y\ M5 ?9K SO10 REPLI$ ! LADY1 )\T SURR5D]+1 & TURN+ T[>D US4 0,Y\ HAVE GIV5 Y\RSELF LIB]TY4 ,AS = WOMAN1 Y\ WI% TO KEEP H] 9 ! S]AGLIO4 ,TO Y\1 EV]Y?+ IS P]MISSIBLE4 ,IS IT NOT SO80 

0,OH1 MAN1--?AT'S ANO!R AFFAIR40 

0,!N1 ACCORD+ TO Y\1 TO MAN EV]Y?+ IS P]MISSIBLE80 

0,NO ONE GIVES HIM ?IS P]MISSION2 ONLY1 IF ! MAN BEHAVES BADLY \TSIDE1 ! FAMILY IS NOT 9CREAS$ !REBY2 BUT ! WOMAN1 ! WIFE1 IS A FRAGILE VESSEL10 CONT9U$ ! M]*ANT1 SEV]ELY4 

,HIS TONE ( AU?ORITY EVID5TLY SUBJUGAT$ HIS HE>]S4 ,EV5 ! LADY FELT CRU%$1 BUT %E DID NOT SURR5D]4 

0,YES1 BUT Y\ WILL ADMIT1 ,I ?9K1 ?AT WOMAN IS A HUMAN BE+1 & HAS FEEL+S LIKE H] HUSB&4 ,:AT %\LD %E DO IF %E DOES NOT LOVE H] HUSB&80 

0,IF %E DOES NOT LOVE HIM60 REPEAT$ ! OLD MAN1 /ORMILY1 & KNITT+ HIS BR[S2 0:Y1 %E WILL BE MADE TO LOVE HIM40 

,?IS UNEXPECT$ >GUM5T PLEAS$ ! CL]K1 & HE UTT]$ A MURMUR ( APPROBATION4 

0,OH1 NO1 %E WILL NOT BE =C$10 SAID ! LADY4 0,:]E !RE IS NO LOVE1 ONE CANNOT BE OBLIG$ TO LOVE 9 SPITE ( H]SELF40 

0,& IF ! WIFE DECEIVES H] HUSB&1 :AT IS TO BE DONE80 SAID ! LAWY]4 

0,?AT %\LD NOT HAPP510 SAID ! OLD MAN4 0,HE MU/ HAVE HIS EYES AB\T HIM40 

0,& IF IT DOES HAPP51 ALL ! SAME8 ,Y\ WILL ADMIT ?AT IT DOES HAPP580 

0,IT HAPP5S AMONG ! UPP] CLASSES1 NOT AMONG US10 ANSW]$ ! OLD MAN4 0,& IF ANY HUSB& IS F\ND :O IS SU* A FOOL AS NOT TO RULE HIS WIFE1 HE WILL NOT HAVE ROBB$ H]4 ,BUT NO SC&AL1 NEV]!LESS4 ,LOVE OR NOT1 BUT DO NOT DI/URB ! H\SEHOLD4 ,EV]Y HUSB& CAN GOV]N HIS WIFE4 ,HE HAS ! NECESS>Y P[]4 ,IT IS ONLY ! IMBECILE :O DOES NOT SUCCE$ 9 DO+ SO40 

,EV]YBODY WAS SIL5T4 ,! CL]K MOV$1 ADVANC$1 &1 NOT WI%+ TO LAG BEH9D ! O!RS 9 ! CONV]SATION1 BEGAN ) HIS ET]NAL SMILE3 

0,YES1 9 ! H\SE ( \R EMPLOY]1 A SC&AL HAS >IS51 & IT IS V]Y DIFFICULT TO VIEW ! MATT] CLE>LY4 ,! WIFE LOV$ TO AMUSE H]SELF1 & BEGAN TO GO A/RAY4 ,HE IS A CAPABLE & S]I\S MAN4 ,FIR/1 IT WAS ) ! BOOK-KEEP]4 ,! HUSB& TRI$ TO BR+ H] BACK TO REASON ?R\< K9DNESS4 ,%E DID NOT *ANGE H] CONDUCT4 ,%E PLUNG$ 9TO ALL SORTS ( BEA/L9ESS4 ,%E BEGAN TO /EAL HIS MONEY4 ,HE BEAT H]1 BUT %E GREW WORSE & WORSE4 ,TO AN UNBAPTIZ$1 TO A PAGAN1 TO A ,JEW 7SAV+ Y\R P]MISSION71 %E W5T 9 SUCCESSION = H] C>ESSES4 ,:AT C\LD ! EMPLOY] DO8 ,HE HAS DROPP$ H] 5TIRELY1 & N[ HE LIVES AS A BA*ELOR4 ,AS = H]1 %E IS DRAGG+ 9 ! DEP?S40 

0,HE IS AN IMBECILE10 SAID ! OLD MAN4 0,IF FROM ! FIR/ HE HAD NOT ALL[$ H] TO GO 9 H] [N FA%ION1 & HAD KEPT A FIRM H& UPON H]1 %E W\LD BE LIV+ HONE/LY1 NO DANG]4 ,LIB]TY MU/ BE TAK5 AWAY FROM ! BEG9N+4 ,DO NOT TRU/ Y\RSELF TO Y\R HORSE UPON ! HI<WAY4 ,DO NOT TRU/ Y\RSELF TO Y\R WIFE AT HOME40 

,AT ?AT MOM5T ! CONDUCTOR PASS$1 ASK+ = ! TICKETS = ! NEXT /ATION4 ,! OLD MAN GAVE UP HIS4 

0,YES1 ! FEM99E SEX MU/ BE DOM9AT$ 9 SEASON1 ELSE ALL WILL P]I%40 

0,& Y\ Y\RSELVES1 AT ,K\NAV9O1 DID Y\ NOT LEAD A GAY LIFE ) ! PRETTY GIRLS80 ASK$ ! LAWY] ) A SMILE4 

0,OH1 ?AT'S ANO!R MATT]10 SAID ! M]*ANT1 SEV]ELY4 0,GOOD-BY10 HE ADD$1 RIS+4 ,HE WRAPP$ HIMSELF 9 HIS CLOAK1 LIFT$ HIS CAP1 &1 TAK+ HIS BAG1 LEFT ! C>4 

O ,*APT] #b 

,SC>CELY HAD ! OLD MAN GONE :5 A G5]AL CONV]SATION BEGAN4 

0,!RE'S A LITTLE ,OLD ,TE/AM5T FA!R = Y\10 SAID ! CL]K4 

0,HE IS A ,DOMO/ROY10.<#a.> SAID ! LADY4 0,:AT SAVAGE IDEAS AB\T A WOMAN & M>RIAGE60 

0,YES1 G5TLEM510 SAID ! LAWY]1 0WE >E /ILL A LONG WAY FROM ! ,EUROPEAN IDEAS UPON M>RIAGE4 ,FIR/1 ! RI<TS ( WOMAN1 !N FREE M>RIAGE1 !N DIVORCE1 AS A QUE/ION NOT YET SOLV$40 4 4 4 

0,! MA9 ?+1 & ! ?+ :I* SU* PEOPLE AS HE DO NOT UND]/&10 REJO9$ ! LADY1 0IS ?AT ONLY LOVE CONSECRATES M>RIAGE1 & ?AT ! REAL M>RIAGE IS ?AT :I* IS CONSECRAT$ BY LOVE40 

,! CL]K LI/5$ & SMIL$1 ) ! AIR ( ONE ACCU/OM$ TO /ORE 9 HIS MEMORY ALL 9TELLIG5T CONV]SATION ?AT HE HE>S1 9 ORD] TO MAKE USE ( IT AFT]W>DS4 

0,BUT :AT IS ?IS LOVE ?AT CONSECRATES M>RIAGE80 SAID1 SUDD5LY1 ! VOICE ( ! N]V\S & TACITURN G5TLEMAN1 :O1 UNNOTIC$ BY US1 HAD APPROA*$4 

,HE WAS /&+ ) HIS H& ON ! SEAT1 & EVID5TLY AGITAT$4 ,HIS FACE WAS R$1 A VE9 9 HIS =EHEAD WAS SWOLL51 & ! MUSCLES ( HIS *EEKS QUIV]$4 

0,:AT IS ?IS LOVE ?AT CONSECRATES M>RIAGE80 HE REPEAT$4 

0,:AT LOVE80 SAID ! LADY4 0,! ORD9>Y LOVE ( HUSB& & WIFE40 

0,& H[1 !N1 CAN ORD9>Y LOVE CONSECRATE M>RIAGE80 CONT9U$ ! N]V\S G5TLEMAN1 /ILL EXCIT$1 & ) A DISPLEAS$ AIR4 ,HE SEEM$ TO WI% TO SAY SOME?+ DISAGREEABLE TO ! LADY4 ,%E FELT IT1 & BEGAN TO GR[ AGITAT$4 

0,H[8 ,:Y1 V]Y SIMPLY10 SAID %E4 

,! N]V\S G5TLEMAN SEIZ$ ! WORD AS IT LEFT H] LIPS4 

0,NO1 NOT SIMPLY40 

0,MADAM SAYS10 9T]C$$ ! LAWY] 9DICAT+ HIS COMPANION1 0?AT M>RIAGE %\LD BE FIR/ ! RESULT ( AN ATTA*M5T1 ( A LOVE1 IF Y\ WILL1 & ?AT1 :5 LOVE EXI/S1 & 9 ?AT CASE ONLY1 M>RIAGE REPRES5TS SOME?+ SACR$4 ,BUT EV]Y M>RIAGE :I* IS NOT BAS$ ON A NATURAL ATTA*M5T1 ON LOVE1 HAS 9 IT NO?+ ?AT IS MORALLY OBLIGATORY4 ,IS NOT ?AT ! IDEA ?AT Y\ 9T5D$ TO CONVEY80 HE ASK$ ! LADY4 

,! LADY1 ) A NOD ( H] HEAD1 EXPRESS$ H] APPROVAL ( ?IS TRANSLATION ( H] ?\<TS4 

0,!N10 RESUM$ ! LAWY]1 CONT9U+ HIS REM>KS4 

,BUT ! N]V\S G5TLEMAN1 EVID5TLY SC>CELY ABLE TO CONTA9 HIMSELF1 )\T ALL[+ ! LAWY] TO F9I%1 ASK$3 

0,YES1 SIR4 ,BUT :AT >E WE TO UND]/& BY ?IS LOVE ?AT ALONE CONSECRATES M>RIAGE80 

0,EV]YBODY KN[S :AT LOVE IS10 SAID ! LADY4 

0,BUT ,I DON'T KN[1 & ,I %\LD LIKE TO KN[ H[ Y\ DEF9E IT40 

0,H[8 ,IT IS V]Y SIMPLE10 SAID ! LADY4 

,& %E SEEM$ ?\<TFUL1 & !N SAID3 

0,LOVE 4 4 4 LOVE 4 4 4 IS A PREF]5CE = ONE MAN OR ONE WOMAN TO ! EXCLUSION ( ALL O!RS4 4 4 40 

0,A PREF]5CE = H[ LONG8 4 4 4 ,= A MON?1 TWO DAYS1 OR HALF AN H\R80 SAID ! N]V\S G5TLEMAN1 ) SPECIAL IRRITATION4 

0,NO1 P]MIT ME1 Y\ EVID5TLY >E NOT TALK+ ( ! SAME ?+40 

0,YES1 ,I AM TALK+ ABSOLUTELY ( ! SAME ?+4 ,( ! PREF]5CE = ONE MAN OR ONE WOMAN TO ! EXCLUSION ( ALL O!RS4 ,BUT ,I ASK3 A PREF]5CE = H[ LONG80 

0,= H[ LONG8 ,= A LONG TIME1 = A LIFE-TIME SOMETIMES40 

0,BUT ?AT HAPP5S ONLY 9 NOVELS4 ,9 LIFE1 NEV]4 ,9 LIFE ?IS PREF]5CE = ONE TO ! EXCLUSION ( ALL O!RS LA/S 9 R>E CASES SEV]AL YE>S1 (T5] SEV]AL MON?S1 OR EV5 WEEKS1 DAYS1 H\RS4 4 4 40 

0,OH1 SIR4 ,OH1 NO1 NO1 P]MIT ME10 SAID ALL ?REE ( US AT ! SAME TIME4 

,! CL]K HIMSELF UTT]$ A MONOSYLLABLE ( DISAPPROVAL4 

0,YES1 ,I KN[10 HE SAID1 %\T+ L\D] ?AN ALL ( US2 0Y\ >E TALK+ ( :AT IS BELIEV$ TO EXI/1 & ,I AM TALK+ ( :AT IS4 ,EV]Y MAN FEELS :AT Y\ CALL LOVE T[>D EA* PRETTY WOMAN HE SEES1 & V]Y LITTLE T[>D HIS WIFE4 ,?AT IS ! ORIG9 ( ! PROV]B1--& IT IS A TRUE ONE1--',ANO!R'S WIFE IS A :ITE SWAN1 & \RS IS BITT] WORMWOOD40' 

0,AH1 BUT :AT Y\ SAY IS T]RIBLE6 ,!RE C]TA9LY EXI/S AMONG HUMAN BE+S ?IS FEEL+ :I* IS CALL$ LOVE1 & :I* LA/S1 NOT = MON?S & YE>S1 BUT = LIFE40 

0,NO1 ?AT DOES NOT EXI/4 ,EV5 IF IT %\LD BE ADMITT$ ?AT ,M5ELAUS HAD PREF]R$ ,HEL5 ALL HIS LIFE1 ,HEL5 W\LD HAVE PREF]R$ ,P>IS2 & SO IT HAS BE51 IS1 & WILL BE ET]NALLY4 ,& IT CANNOT BE O!RWISE1 JU/ AS IT CANNOT HAPP5 ?AT1 9 A LOAD ( *ICK-PEAS1 TWO PEAS M>K$ ) A SPECIAL SIGN %\LD FALL SIDE BY SIDE4 ,FUR!R1 ?IS IS NOT ONLY AN IMPROBABILITY1 BUT IT IS C]TA9 ?AT A FEEL+ ( SATIETY WILL COME TO ,HEL5 OR TO ,M5ELAUS4 ,! :OLE DIFF]5CE IS ?AT TO ONE IT COMES SOON]1 TO ! O!R LAT]4 ,IT IS ONLY 9 /UPID NOVELS ?AT IT IS WRITT5 ?AT '!Y LOV$ EA* O!R ALL !IR LIVES4' ,& NONE BUT *ILDR5 CAN BELIEVE IT4 ,TO TALK ( LOV+ A MAN OR WOMAN = LIFE IS LIKE SAY+ ?AT A C&LE CAN BURN =EV]40 

0,BUT Y\ >E TALK+ ( PHYSICAL LOVE4 ,DO Y\ NOT ADMIT A LOVE BAS$ UPON A CON=MITY ( IDEALS1 ON A SPIRITUAL AFF9ITY80 

0,:Y NOT8 ,BUT 9 ?AT CASE IT IS NOT NECESS>Y TO PROCREATE TOGE!R 7EXCUSE MY BRUTALITY74 ,! PO9T IS ?AT ?IS CON=MITY ( IDEALS IS NOT MET AMONG OLD PEOPLE1 BUT AMONG Y\NG & PRETTY P]SONS10 SAID HE1 & HE BEGAN TO LAU< DISAGREEABLY4 

0,YES1 ,I AFFIRM ?AT LOVE1 REAL LOVE1 DOES NOT CONSECRATE M>RIAGE1 AS WE >E 9 ! HABIT ( BELIEV+1 BUT ?AT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT RU9S IT40 

0,P]MIT ME10 SAID ! LAWY]4 0,! FACTS CONTRADICT Y\R WORDS4 ,WE SEE ?AT M>RIAGE EXI/S1 ?AT ALL HUMANITY--AT LEA/ ! L>G] PORTION--LIVES CONJUGALLY1 & ?AT MANY HUSB&S & WIVES HONE/LY 5D A LONG LIFE TOGE!R40 

,! N]V\S G5TLEMAN SMIL$ ILL-NATUR$LY4 

0,& :AT !N8 ,Y\ SAY ?AT M>RIAGE IS BAS$ UPON LOVE1 & :5 ,I GIVE VOICE TO A D\BT AS TO ! EXI/5CE ( ANY O!R LOVE ?AN S5SUAL LOVE1 Y\ PROVE TO ME ! EXI/5CE ( LOVE BY M>RIAGE4 ,BUT 9 \R DAY M>RIAGE IS ONLY A VIOL5CE & FALSEHOOD40 

0,NO1 P>DON ME10 SAID ! LAWY]4 0,I SAY ONLY ?AT M>RIAGES HAVE EXI/$ & DO EXI/40 

0,BUT H[ & :Y DO !Y EXI/8 ,!Y HAVE EXI/$1 & !Y DO EXI/1 = PEOPLE :O HAVE SE51 & DO SEE1 9 M>RIAGE SOME?+ SACRAM5TAL1 A SACRAM5T ?AT IS B9D+ BE=E ,GOD4 ,= SU* PEOPLE M>RIAGES EXI/1 BUT TO US !Y >E ONLY HYPOCRISY & VIOL5CE4 ,WE FEEL IT1 &1 TO CLE> \RSELVES1 WE PREA* FREE LOVE2 BUT1 REALLY1 TO PREA* FREE LOVE IS ONLY A CALL BACKW>D TO ! PROMISCUITY ( ! SEXES 7EXCUSE ME1 HE SAID TO ! LADY71 ! HAPHAZ>D S9 ( C]TA9 RASKOLNIKS4 ,! OLD F\NDATION IS %ATT]$2 WE MU/ BUILD A NEW ONE1 BUT WE MU/ NOT PREA* DEBAU*]Y40 

,HE GREW SO W>M ?AT ALL BECAME SIL5T1 LOOK+ AT HIM 9 A/ONI%M5T4 

0,& YET ! TRANSITION /ATE IS T]RIBLE4 ,PEOPLE FEEL ?AT HAPHAZ>D S9 IS 9ADMISSIBLE4 ,IT IS NECESS>Y 9 SOME WAY OR O!R TO REGULATE ! SEXUAL RELATIONS2 BUT !RE EXI/S NO O!R F\NDATION ?AN ! OLD ONE1 9 :I* NOBODY LONG] BELIEVES8 ,PEOPLE M>RY 9 ! OLD FA%ION1 )\T BELIEV+ 9 :AT !Y DO1 & ! RESULT IS FALSEHOOD1 VIOL5CE4 ,:5 IT IS FALSEHOOD ALONE1 IT IS EASILY 5DUR$4 ,! HUSB& & WIFE SIMPLY DECEIVE ! WORLD BY PR(ESS+ TO LIVE MONOGAMICALLY4 ,IF !Y REALLY >E POLYGAM\S & POLY&R\S1 IT IS BAD1 BUT ACCEPTABLE4 ,BUT :51 AS (T5 HAPP5S1 ! HUSB& & ! WIFE HAVE TAK5 UPON !MSELVES ! OBLIGATION TO LIVE TOGE!R ALL !IR LIVES 7!Y !MSELVES DO NOT KN[ :Y71 & FROM ! SECOND MON? HAVE ALREADY A DESIRE TO SEP>ATE1 BUT CONT9UE TO LIVE TOGE!R JU/ ! SAME1 !N COMES ?AT 9F]NAL EXI/5CE 9 :I* !Y RESORT TO DR9K1 9 :I* !Y FIRE REVOLV]S1 9 :I* !Y ASSASS9ATE EA* O!R1 9 :I* !Y POISON EA* O!R40 

,ALL W]E SIL5T1 BUT WE FELT ILL AT EASE4 

0,YES1 !SE CRITICAL EPISODES HAPP5 9 M>ITAL LIFE4 ,= 9/ANCE1 !RE IS ! ,POSDNI*EFF AFFAIR10 SAID ! LAWY]1 WI%+ TO /OP ! CONV]SATION ON ?IS EMB>RASS+ & TOO EXCIT+ GR\ND4 0,HAVE Y\ READ H[ HE KILL$ HIS WIFE ?R\< JEAL\SY80 

,! LADY SAID ?AT %E HAD NOT READ IT4 ,! N]V\S G5TLEMAN SAID NO?+1 & *ANG$ COLOR4 

0,I SEE ?AT Y\ HAVE DIV9$ :O ,I AM10 SAID HE1 SUDD5LY1 AFT] A PAUSE4 

0,NO1 ,I HAVE NOT HAD ?AT PLEASURE40 

0,IT IS NO GREAT PLEASURE4 ,I AM ,POSDNI*EFF40 

,NEW SIL5CE4 ,HE BLU%$1 !N TURN$ PALE AGA94 

0,:AT MATT]S IT1 H[EV]80 SAID HE4 0,EXCUSE ME1 ,I DO NOT WI% TO EMB>RASS Y\40 

,& HE RESUM$ HIS OLD SEAT4 

O ,*APT] #c 

,I RESUM$ M9E1 ALSO4 ,! LAWY] & ! LADY :ISP]$ TOGE!R4 ,I WAS SITT+ BESIDE ,POSDNI*EFF1 & ,I MA9TA9$ SIL5CE4 ,I DESIR$ TO TALK TO HIM1 BUT ,I DID NOT KN[ H[ TO BEG91 & ?US AN H\R PASS$ UNTIL WE REA*$ ! NEXT /ATION4 

,!RE ! LAWY] & ! LADY W5T \T1 AS WELL AS ! CL]K4 ,WE W]E LEFT ALONE1 ,POSDNI*EFF & ,I4 

0,!Y SAY IT1 & !Y LIE1 OR !Y DO NOT UND]/&10 SAID ,POSDNI*EFF4 

0,( :AT >E Y\ TALK+80 

0,:Y1 /ILL ! SAME ?+40 

,HE LEAN$ HIS ELB[S UPON HIS KNEES1 & PRESS$ HIS H&S AGA9/ HIS TEMPLES4 

0,LOVE1 M>RIAGE1 FAMILY1--ALL LIES1 LIES1 LIES40 

,HE ROSE1 L[]$ ! LAMP-%ADE1 LAY D[N ) HIS ELB[S ON ! CU%ION1 & CLOS$ HIS EYES4 ,HE REMA9$ ?US = A M9UTE4 

0,IS IT DISAGREEABLE TO Y\ TO REMA9 ) ME1 N[ ?AT Y\ KN[ :O ,I AM80 

0,OH1 NO40 

0,Y\ HAVE NO DESIRE TO SLEEP80 

0,NOT AT ALL40 

0,!N DO Y\ WANT ME TO TELL Y\ ! /ORY ( MY LIFE80 

,JU/ !N ! CONDUCTOR PASS$4 ,HE FOLL[$ HIM ) AN ILL-NATUR$ LOOK1 & DID NOT BEG9 UNTIL HE HAD GONE AGA94 ,!N DUR+ ALL ! RE/ ( ! /ORY HE DID NOT /OP ONCE4 ,EV5 ! NEW TRAVEL]S AS !Y 5T]$ DID NOT /OP HIM4 

,HIS FACE1 :ILE HE WAS TALK+1 *ANG$ SEV]AL TIMES SO COMPLETELY ?AT IT BORE POSITIVELY NO RESEMBLANCE TO ITSELF AS IT HAD APPE>$ JU/ BE=E4 ,HIS EYES1 HIS M\?1 HIS MU/A*E1 & EV5 HIS BE>D1 ALL W]E NEW4 ,EA* TIME IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL & T\*+ PHYSIOGNOMY1 & !SE TRANS=MATIONS W]E PRODUC$ SUDD5LY 9 ! P5UMBRA2 & = FIVE M9UTES IT WAS ! SAME FACE1 ?AT C\LD NOT BE COMP>$ TO ?AT ( FIVE M9UTES BE=E4 ,& !N1 ,I KN[ NOT H[1 IT *ANG$ AGA91 & BECAME UNRECOGNIZABLE4 

O ,*APT] #d 

0,WELL1 ,I AM GO+ !N TO TELL Y\ MY LIFE1 & MY :OLE FRI<TFUL HI/ORY1--YES1 FRI<TFUL4 ,& ! /ORY ITSELF IS MORE FRI<TFUL ?AN ! \TCOME40 

,HE BECAME SIL5T = A MOM5T1 PASS$ HIS H&S OV] HIS EYES1 & BEGAN3-- 

0,TO BE UND]/OOD CLE>LY1 ! :OLE MU/ BE TOLD FROM ! BEG9N+4 ,IT MU/ BE TOLD H[ & :Y ,I M>RI$1 & :AT ,I WAS BE=E MY M>RIAGE4 ,FIR/1 ,I WILL TELL Y\ :O ,I AM4 ,! SON ( A RI* G5TLEMAN ( ! /EPPES1 AN OLD M>%AL ( ! NOBILITY1 ,I WAS A ,UNIV]SITY PUPIL1 A GRADUATE ( ! LAW S*OOL4 ,I M>RI$ 9 MY ?IRTIE? YE>4 ,BUT BE=E TALK+ TO Y\ ( MY M>RIAGE1 ,I MU/ TELL Y\ H[ ,I LIV$ =M]LY1 & :AT IDEAS ,I HAD ( CONJUGAL LIFE4 ,I L$ ! LIFE ( SO MANY O!R SO-CALL$ RESPECTABLE PEOPLE1--?AT IS1 9 DEBAU*]Y4 ,& LIKE ! MAJORITY1 :ILE LEAD+ ! LIFE ( A DEBAU*E1 ,I WAS CONV9C$ ?AT ,I WAS A MAN ( IRREPROA*ABLE MORALITY4 

0,! IDEA ?AT ,I HAD ( MY MORALITY >OSE FROM ! FACT ?AT 9 MY FAMILY !RE WAS NO KN[L$GE ( ?OSE SPECIAL DEBAU*]IES1 SO COMMON 9 ! SURR\ND+S ( L&-[N]S1 & ALSO FROM ! FACT ?AT MY FA!R & MY MO!R DID NOT DECEIVE EA* O!R4 ,9 CONSEQU5CE ( ?IS1 ,I HAD BUILT FROM *ILDHOOD A DREAM ( HI< & POETICAL CONJUGAL LIFE4 ,MY WIFE WAS TO BE P]FECTION ITSELF1 \R MUTUAL LOVE WAS TO BE 9COMP>ABLE1 ! PURITY ( \R CONJUGAL LIFE /A9LESS4 ,I ?\<T ?US1 & ALL ! TIME ,I M>VEL$ AT ! NOBILITY ( MY PROJECTS4 

0,AT ! SAME TIME1 ,I PASS$ T5 YE>S ( MY ADULT LIFE )\T HURRY+ T[>D M>RIAGE1 & ,I L$ :AT ,I CALL$ ! WELL-REGULAT$ & REASONABLE LIFE ( A BA*ELOR4 ,I WAS PR\D ( IT BE=E MY FRI5DS1 & BE=E ALL M5 ( MY AGE :O AB&ON$ !MSELVES TO ALL SORTS ( SPECIAL REF9EM5TS4 ,I WAS NOT A S$UC]1 ,I HAD NO UNNATURAL TA/ES1 ,I DID NOT MAKE DEBAU*]Y ! PR9CIPAL OBJECT ( MY LIFE2 BUT ,I F\ND PLEASURE )9 ! LIMITS ( SOCIETY'S RULES1 & 9NOC5TLY BELIEV$ MYSELF A PR(\NDLY MORAL BE+4 ,! WOM5 ) :OM ,I HAD RELATIONS DID NOT BELONG TO ME ALONE1 & ,I ASK$ ( !M NO?+ BUT ! PLEASURE ( ! MOM5T4 

0,9 ALL ?IS ,I SAW NO?+ ABNORMAL4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 FROM ! FACT ?AT ,I DID NOT 5GAGE MY HE>T1 BUT PAID 9 CA%1 ,I SUPPOS$ ?AT ,I WAS HONE/4 ,I AVOID$ ?OSE WOM5 :O1 BY ATTA*+ !MSELVES TO ME1 OR PRES5T+ ME ) A *ILD1 C\LD B9D MY FUTURE4 ,MOREOV]1 P]HAPS !RE MAY HAVE BE5 *ILDR5 OR ATTA*M5TS2 BUT ,I SO >RANG$ MATT]S ?AT ,I C\LD NOT BECOME AW>E ( !M4 

0,& LIV+ ?US1 ,I CONSID]$ MYSELF A P]FECTLY HONE/ MAN4 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?AT DEBAU*]Y DOES NOT CONSI/ SIMPLY 9 PHYSICAL ACTS1 ?AT NO MATT] :AT PHYSICAL IGNOM9Y DOES NOT YET CON/ITUTE DEBAU*]Y1 & ?AT REAL DEBAU*]Y CONSI/S 9 FRE$OM FROM ! MORAL BONDS T[>D A WOMAN ) :OM ONE 5T]S 9TO C>NAL RELATIONS1 & ,I REG>D$ ,?,I,S ,F,R,E,$,O,M AS A M]IT4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT ,I ONCE TORTUR$ MYSELF EXCE$+LY = HAV+ =GOTT5 TO PAY A WOMAN :O PROBABLY HAD GIV5 H]SELF TO ME ?R\< LOVE4 ,I ONLY BECAME TRANQUIL AGA9 :51 HAV+ S5T H] ! MONEY1 ,I HAD ?US %[N H] ?AT ,I DID NOT CONSID] MYSELF AS 9 ANY WAY B\ND TO H]4 ,OH1 DO NOT %AKE Y\R HEAD AS IF Y\ W]E 9 AGREEM5T ) ME 7HE CRI$ SUDD5LY ) VEHEM5CE74 ,I KN[ !SE TRICKS4 ,ALL ( Y\1 & Y\ ESPECIALLY1 IF Y\ >E NOT A R>E EXCEPTION1 HAVE ! SAME IDEAS ?AT ,I HAD !N4 ,IF Y\ >E 9 AGREEM5T ) ME1 IT IS N[ ONLY4 ,=M]LY Y\ DID NOT ?9K SO4 ,NO MORE DID ,I2 &1 IF ,I HAD BE5 TOLD :AT ,I HAVE JU/ TOLD Y\1 ?AT :I* HAS HAPP5$ W\LD NOT HAVE HAPP5$4 ,H[EV]1 IT IS ALL ! SAME4 ,EXCUSE ME 7HE CONT9U$73 ! TRU? IS ?AT IT IS FRI<TFUL1 FRI<TFUL1 FRI<TFUL1 ?IS ABYSS ( ]RORS & DEBAU*]IES 9 :I* WE LIVE FACE TO FACE ) ! REAL QUE/ION ( ! RI<TS ( WOMAN40 4 4 4 

0,:AT DO Y\ MEAN BY ! 'REAL' QUE/ION ( ! RI<TS ( WOMAN80 

0,! QUE/ION ( ! NATURE ( ?IS SPECIAL BE+1 ORGANIZ$ O!RWISE ?AN MAN1 & H[ ?IS BE+ & MAN \<T TO VIEW ! WIFE4 4 4 40 

O ,*APT] #e 

0,YES3 = T5 YE>S ,I LIV$ ! MO/ REVOLT+ EXI/5CE1 :ILE DREAM+ ( ! NOBLE/ LOVE1 & EV5 9 ! NAME ( ?AT LOVE4 ,YES1 ,I WANT TO TELL Y\ H[ ,I KILL$ MY WIFE1 & = ?AT ,I MU/ TELL Y\ H[ ,I DEBAU*$ MYSELF4 ,I KILL$ H] BE=E ,I KNEW H]4 

0,I KILL$ ,! WIFE :5 ,I FIR/ TA/$ S5SUAL JOYS )\T LOVE1 & !N IT WAS ?AT ,I KILL$ ,M,Y WIFE4 ,YES1 SIR3 IT IS ONLY AFT] HAV+ SUFF]$1 AFT] HAV+ TORTUR$ MYSELF1 ?AT ,I HAVE COME TO UND]/& ! ROOT ( ?+S1 ?AT ,I HAVE COME TO UND]/& MY CRIMES4 ,?US Y\ WILL SEE :]E & H[ BEGAN ! DRAMA ?AT HAS L$ ME TO MIS=TUNE4 

0,IT IS NECESS>Y TO GO BACK TO MY SIXTE5? YE>1 :5 ,I WAS /ILL AT S*OOL1 & MY ELD] BRO!R A FIR/-YE> /UD5T4 ,I HAD NOT YET KN[N WOM5 BUT1 LIKE ALL ! UN=TUNATE *ILDR5 ( \R SOCIETY1 ,I WAS ALREADY NO LONG] 9NOC5T4 ,I WAS TORTUR$1 AS Y\ W]E1 ,I AM SURE1 & AS >E TORTUR$ N9ETY-N9E ONE-HUNDR$?S ( \R BOYS4 ,I LIV$ 9 A FRI<TFUL DREAD1 ,I PRAY$ TO ,GOD1 & ,I PRO/RAT$ MYSELF4 

0,I WAS ALREADY P]V]T$ 9 IMAG9ATION1 BUT ! LA/ /EPS REMA9$ TO BE TAK54 ,I C\LD /ILL ESCAPE1 :5 A FRI5D ( MY BRO!R1 A V]Y GAY /UD5T1 ONE ( ?OSE :O >E CALL$ GOOD FELL[S1--?AT IS1 ! GREATE/ ( SCAMPS1--& :O HAD TAU<T US TO DR9K & PLAY C>DS1 TOOK ADVANTAGE ( A NI<T ( 9TOXICATION TO DRAG US ,!,R,E4 ,WE />T$4 ,MY BRO!R1 AS 9NOC5T AS ,I1 FELL ?AT NI<T1 & ,I1 A M]E LAD ( SIXTE51 POLLUT$ MYSELF & HELP$ TO POLLUTE A SI/]-WOMAN1 )\T UND]/&+ :AT ,I DID4 ,NEV] HAD ,I HE>D FROM MY ELD]S ?AT :AT ,I ?US DID WAS BAD4 ,IT IS TRUE ?AT !RE >E ! T5 COMM&M5TS ( ! ,BIBLE2 BUT ! COMM&M5TS >E MADE ONLY TO BE RECIT$ BE=E ! PRIE/S AT EXAM9ATIONS1 & EV5 !N >E NOT AS EXACT+ AS ! COMM&M5TS 9 REG>D TO ! USE ( UT 9 CONDITIONAL PROPOSITIONS4 

0,?US1 FROM MY ELD]S1 :OSE OP9ION ,I E/EEM$1 ,I HAD NEV] HE>D ?AT ?IS WAS REPREH5SIBLE4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I HAD HE>D PEOPLE :OM ,I RESPECT$ SAY ?AT IT WAS GOOD4 ,I HAD HE>D ?AT MY /RUGGLES & MY SUFF]+S W\LD BE APPEAS$ AFT] ?IS ACT4 ,I HAD HE>D IT & READ IT4 ,I HAD HE>D FROM MY ELD]S ?AT IT WAS EXCELL5T = ! HEAL?1 & MY FRI5DS HAVE ALWAYS SEEM$ TO BELIEVE ?AT IT CONTA9$ ,I KN[ NOT :AT M]IT & VALOR4 ,SO NO?+ IS SE5 9 IT BUT :AT IS PRAISEWOR?Y4 ,AS = ! DANG] ( DISEASE1 IT IS A =ESE5 DANG]4 ,DOES NOT ! GOV]NM5T GU>D AGA9/ IT8 ,& EV5 SCI5CE CORRUPTS US40 

0,H[ SO1 SCI5CE80 ,I ASK$4 

0,:Y1 ! DOCTORS1 ! PONTIFFS ( SCI5CE4 ,:O P]V]T Y\NG PEOPLE BY LAY+ D[N SU* RULES ( HYGI5E8 ,:O P]V]T WOM5 BY DEVIS+ & TEA*+ !M WAYS BY :I* NOT TO HAVE *ILDR58 

0,YES3 IF ONLY A HUNDR$? ( ! EF=TS SP5T 9 CUR+ DISEASES W]E SP5T 9 CUR+ DEBAU*]Y1 DISEASE W\LD LONG AGO HAVE CEAS$ TO EXI/1 :]EAS N[ ALL EF=TS >E EMPLOY$1 NOT 9 EXTIRPAT+ DEBAU*]Y1 BUT 9 FAVOR+ IT1 BY ASSUR+ ! H>MLESSNESS ( ! CONSEQU5CES4 ,BESIDES1 IT IS NOT A QUE/ION ( ?AT4 ,IT IS A QUE/ION ( ?IS FRI<TFUL ?+ ?AT HAS HAPP5$ TO ME1 AS IT HAPP5S TO N9E-T5?S1 IF NOT MORE1 NOT ONLY ( ! M5 ( \R SOCIETY1 BUT ( ALL SOCIETIES1 EV5 PEASANTS1--?IS FRI<TFUL ?+ ?AT ,I HAD FALL51 & NOT BECAUSE ,I WAS SUBJECT$ TO ! NATURAL S$UCTION ( A C]TA9 WOMAN4 ,NO1 NO WOMAN S$UC$ ME4 ,I FELL BECAUSE ! SURR\ND+S 9 :I* ,I F\ND MYSELF SAW 9 ?IS DEGRAD+ ?+ ONLY A LEGITIMATE FUNCTION1 USEFUL TO ! HEAL?2 BECAUSE O!RS SAW 9 IT SIMPLY A NATURAL AMUSEM5T1 NOT ONLY EXCUSABLE1 BUT EV5 9NOC5T 9 A Y\NG MAN4 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?AT IT WAS A FALL1 & ,I BEGAN TO GIVE MYSELF TO ?OSE PLEASURES 7P>TLY FROM DESIRE & P>TLY FROM NECESSITY7 :I* ,I WAS L$ TO BELIEVE W]E *>ACT]I/IC ( MY AGE1 JU/ AS ,I HAD BEGUN TO DR9K & SMOKE4 

0,& YET !RE WAS 9 ?IS FIR/ FALL SOME?+ PECULI> & T\*+4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT /RAI<TWAY ,I WAS FILL$ ) SU* A PR(\ND SADNESS ?AT ,I HAD A DESIRE TO WEEP1 TO WEEP OV] ! LOSS =EV] ( MY RELATIONS ) WOMAN4 ,YES1 MY RELATIONS ) WOMAN W]E LO/ =EV]4 ,PURE RELATIONS ) WOM51 FROM ?AT TIME =W>D1 ,I C\LD NO LONG] HAVE4 ,I HAD BECOME :AT IS CALL$ A VOLUPTU>Y2 & TO BE A VOLUPTU>Y IS A PHYSICAL CONDITION LIKE ! CONDITION ( A VICTIM ( ! MORPH9E HABIT1 ( A DRUNK>D1 & ( A SMOK]4 

0,JU/ AS ! VICTIM ( ! MORPH9E HABIT1 ! DRUNK>D1 ! SMOK]1 IS NO LONG] A NORMAL MAN1 SO ! MAN :O HAS KN[N SEV]AL WOM5 = HIS PLEASURE IS NO LONG] NORMAL8 ,HE IS ABNORMAL =EV]4 ,HE IS A VOLUPTU>Y4 ,JU/ AS ! DRUNK>D & ! VICTIM ( ! MORPH9E HABIT MAY BE RECOGNIZ$ BY !IR FACE & MANN]1 SO WE MAY RECOGNIZE A VOLUPTU>Y4 ,HE MAY REPRESS HIMSELF & /RUGGLE1 BUT NEV]MORE WILL HE 5JOY SIMPLE1 PURE1 & FRAT]NAL RELATIONS T[>D WOMAN4 ,BY HIS WAY ( GLANC+ AT A Y\NG WOMAN ONE MAY AT ONCE RECOGNIZE A VOLUPTU>Y2 & ,I BECAME A VOLUPTU>Y1 & ,I HAVE REMA9$ ONE40 

O ,*APT] #f 

0,YES1 SO IT IS2 & ?AT W5T F>!R & F>!R ) ALL SORTS ( V>IATIONS4 ,MY ,GOD6 :5 ,I REMEMB] ALL MY C[>DLY ACTS & BAD DE$S1 ,I AM FRI<T5$4 ,& ,I REMEMB] ?AT 'ME' :O1 DUR+ ?AT P]IOD1 WAS /ILL ! BUTT ( HIS COMRADES' RIDICULE ON ACC\NT ( HIS 9NOC5CE4 

0,& :5 ,I HE> PEOPLE TALK ( ! GILD$ Y\?1 ( ! (FIC]S1 ( ! ,P>ISIANS1 & ALL !SE G5TLEM51 & MYSELF1 LIV+ WILD LIVES AT ! AGE ( ?IRTY1 & :O HAVE ON \R CONSCI5CES HUNDR$S ( CRIMES T[>D WOM51 T]RIBLE & V>I$1 :5 WE 5T] A P>LOR OR A BALL-ROOM1 WA%$1 %AV51 & P]FUM$1 ) V]Y :ITE L951 9 DRESS COATS OR 9 UNI=M1 AS EMBLEMS ( PURITY1 OH1 ! DISGU/6 ,!RE WILL SURELY COME A TIME1 AN EPO*1 :5 ALL !SE LIVES & ALL ?IS C[>DICE WILL BE UNVEIL$6 

0,SO1 NEV]!LESS1 ,I LIV$1 UNTIL ! AGE ( ?IRTY1 )\T AB&ON+ = A M9UTE MY 9T5TION ( M>RY+1 & BUILD+ AN ELEVAT$ CONJUGAL LIFE2 & ) ?IS 9 VIEW ,I WAT*$ ALL Y\NG GIRLS :O MI<T SUIT ME4 ,I WAS BURI$ 9 ROTT5NESS1 & AT ! SAME TIME ,I LOOK$ = VIRG9S1 :OSE PURITY WAS WOR?Y ( ME6 ,MANY ( !M W]E REJECT$3 !Y DID NOT SEEM TO ME PURE 5\<6 

0,F9ALLY ,I F\ND ONE ?AT ,I CONSID]$ ON A LEVEL ) MYSELF4 ,%E WAS ONE ( TWO DAU<T]S ( A L&$ PROPRIETOR ( ,P5ZA1 =M]LY V]Y RI* & S9CE RU9$4 ,TO TELL ! TRU?1 )\T FALSE MODE/Y1 !Y PURSU$ ME & F9ALLY CAPTUR$ ME4 ,! MO!R 7! FA!R WAS AWAY7 LAID ALL SORTS ( TRAPS1 & ONE ( !SE1 A TRIP 9 A BOAT1 DECID$ MY FUTURE4 

0,I MADE UP MY M9D AT ! 5D ( ! A=ESAID TRIP ONE NI<T1 BY MOONLI<T1 ON \R WAY HOME1 :ILE ,I WAS SITT+ BESIDE H]4 ,I ADMIR$ H] SL5D] BODY1 :OSE *>M+ %APE WAS MOLD$ BY A J]SEY1 & H] CURL+ HAIR1 & ,I SUDD5LY CONCLUD$ ?AT ,?,I,S ,W,A,S ,%,E4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ON ?AT BEAUTIFUL EV5+ ?AT %E UND]/OOD ALL ?AT ,I ?\<T & FELT1 & ,I ?\<T & FELT ! MO/ ELEVAT+ ?+S4 

0,REALLY1 IT WAS ONLY ! J]SEY ?AT WAS SO BECOM+ TO H]1 & H] CURLY HAIR1 & ALSO ! FACT ?AT ,I HAD SP5T ! DAY BESIDE H]1 & ?AT ,I DESIR$ A MORE 9TIMATE RELATION4 

0,I RETURN$ HOME 5?USIA/IC1 & ,I P]SUAD$ MYSELF ?AT %E REALIZ$ ! HI<E/ P]FECTION1 & ?AT = ?AT REASON %E WAS WOR?Y TO BE MY WIFE1 & ! NEXT DAY ,I MADE TO H] A PROPOSAL ( M>RIAGE4 

0,NO1 SAY :AT Y\ WILL1 WE LIVE 9 SU* AN ABYSS ( FALSEHOOD1 ?AT1 UNLESS SOME EV5T /RIKES US A BL[ ON ! HEAD1 AS 9 MY CASE1 WE CANNOT AWAK54 ,:AT CONFUSION6 ,\T ( ! ?\S&S ( M5 :O M>RY1 NOT ONLY AMONG US1 BUT ALSO AMONG ! PEOPLE1 SC>CELY WILL Y\ F9D A S+LE ONE :O HAS NOT PREVI\SLY M>RI$ AT LEA/ T5 TIMES4 7,IT IS TRUE ?AT !RE N[ EXI/1 AT LEA/ SO ,I HAVE HE>D1 PURE Y\NG PEOPLE :O FEEL & KN[ ?AT ?IS IS NOT A JOKE1 BUT A S]I\S MATT]4 ,MAY ,GOD COME TO !IR AID6 ,BUT 9 MY TIME !RE WAS NOT TO BE F\ND ONE SU* 9 A ?\S&47 

0,& ALL KN[ IT1 & PRET5D NOT TO KN[ IT4 ,9 ALL ! NOVELS >E DESCRIB$ D[N TO ! SMALLE/ DETAILS ! FEEL+S ( ! *>ACT]S1 ! LAKES & BRAMBLES >\ND :I* !Y WALK2 BUT1 :5 IT COMES TO DESCRIB+ !IR ,G,R,E,A,T LOVE1 NOT A WORD IS BREA!D ( :AT ,H,E1 ! 9T]E/+ *>ACT]1 HAS PREVI\SLY DONE1 NOT A WORD AB\T HIS FREQU5T+ ( DISREPUTABLE H\SES1 OR HIS ASSOCIATION ) NURS]Y-MAIDS1 COOKS1 & ! WIVES ( O!RS4 

0,& IF ANY?+ IS SAID ( !SE ?+S1 SU* ,I,M,P,R,O,P,] NOVELS >E NOT ALL[$ 9 ! H&S ( Y\NG GIRLS4 ,ALL M5 HAVE ! AIR ( BELIEV+1 9 PRES5CE ( MAID5S1 ?AT !SE CORRUPT PLEASURES1 9 :I* ,E,V,],Y,B,O,D,Y TAKES P>T1 DO NOT EXI/1 OR EXI/ ONLY TO A V]Y SMALL EXT5T4 ,!Y PRET5D IT SO C>EFULLY ?AT !Y SUCCE$ 9 CONV9C+ !MSELVES ( IT4 ,AS = ! POOR Y\NG GIRLS1 !Y BELIEVE IT QUITE S]I\SLY1 JU/ AS MY POOR WIFE BELIEV$ IT4 

0,I REMEMB] ?AT1 BE+ ALREADY 5GAG$1 ,I %[$ H] MY 'MEMOIRS1' FROM :I* %E C\LD LE>N MORE OR LESS ( MY PA/1 & ESPECIALLY MY LA/ LIAISON :I* %E MI<T P]HAPS HAVE DISCOV]$ ?R\< ! GOSSIP ( SOME ?IRD P>TY4 ,IT WAS = ?IS LA/ REASON1 = ?AT MATT]1 ?AT ,I FELT ! NECESSITY ( COMMUNICAT+ !SE MEMOIRS TO H]4 ,I CAN /ILL SEE H] FRI<T1 H] DESPAIR1 H] BEWILD]M5T1 :5 %E HAD LE>N$ & UND]/OOD IT4 ,%E WAS ON ! PO9T ( BREAK+ ! 5GAGEM5T4 ,:AT A LUCKY ?+ IT W\LD HAVE BE5 = BO? ( US60 

,POSDNI*EFF WAS SIL5T = A MOM5T1 & !N RESUM$3-- 

0,AFT] ALL1 NO6 ,IT IS BETT] ?AT ?+S HAPP5$ AS !Y DID1 BETT]60 HE CRI$4 0,IT WAS A GOOD ?+ = ME4 ,BESIDES1 IT MAKES NO DIFF]5CE4 ,I WAS SAY+ ?AT 9 !SE CASES IT IS ! POOR Y\NG GIRLS :O >E DECEIV$4 ,AS = ! MO!RS1 ! MO!RS ESPECIALLY1 9=M$ BY !IR HUSB&S1 !Y KN[ ALL1 &1 :ILE PRET5D+ TO BELIEVE 9 ! PURITY ( ! Y\NG MAN1 !Y ACT AS IF !Y DID NOT BELIEVE 9 IT4 

0,!Y KN[ :AT BAIT MU/ BE HELD \T TO PEOPLE = !MSELVES & !IR DAU<T]S4 ,WE M5 S9 ?R\< IGNORANCE1 & A DET]M9ATION NOT TO LE>N4 ,AS = ! WOM51 !Y KN[ V]Y WELL ?AT ! NOBLE/ & MO/ POETIC LOVE1 AS WE CALL IT1 DEP5DS1 NOT ON MORAL QUALITIES1 BUT ON ! PHYSICAL 9TIMACY1 & ALSO ON ! MANN] ( DO+ ! HAIR1 & ! COLOR & %APE4 

0,ASK AN EXP]I5C$ COQUETTE1 :O HAS UND]TAK5 TO S$UCE A MAN1 :I* %E W\LD PREF]1--TO BE CONVICT$1 9 PRES5CE ( ! MAN :OM %E IS 5GAG$ 9 CONQU]+1 ( FALSEHOOD1 P]V]SITY1 CRUELTY1 OR TO APPE> BE=E HIM 9 AN ILL-FITT+ DRESS1 OR A DRESS ( AN UNBECOM+ COLOR4 ,%E WILL PREF] ! FIR/ ALT]NATIVE4 ,%E KN[S V]Y WELL ?AT WE SIMPLY LIE :5 WE TALK ( \R ELEVAT$ S5TIM5TS1 ?AT WE SEEK ONLY ! POSSESSION ( H] BODY1 & ?AT BECAUSE ( ?AT WE WILL =GIVE H] EV]Y SORT ( BAS5ESS1 BUT WILL NOT =GIVE H] A CO/UME ( AN UGLY %ADE1 )\T TA/E OR FIT4 

0,& !SE ?+S %E KN[S BY REASON1 :]E AS ! MAID5 KN[S !M ONLY BY 9/9CT1 LIKE ! ANIMAL4 ,H5CE !SE ABOM9ABLE J]SEYS1 !SE >TIFICIAL HUMPS ON ! BACK1 !SE B>E %\LD]S1 >MS1 & ?ROATS4 

0,WOM51 ESPECIALLY ?OSE :O HAVE PASS$ ?R\< ! S*OOL ( M>RIAGE1 KN[ V]Y WELL ?AT CONV]SATIONS UPON ELEVAT$ SUBJECTS >E ONLY CONV]SATIONS1 & ?AT MAN SEEKS & DESIRES ! BODY & ALL ?AT ORNAM5TS ! BODY4 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 !Y ACT ACCORD+LY8 ,IF WE REJECT CONV5TIONAL EXPLANATIONS1 & VIEW ! LIFE ( \R UPP] & L[] CLASSES AS IT IS1 ) ALL ITS %AMELESSNESS1 IT IS ONLY A VA/ P]V]SITY4 ,Y\ DO NOT %>E ?IS OP9ION8 ,P]MIT ME1 ,I AM GO+ TO PROVE IT TO Y\ 7SAID HE1 9T]RUPT+ ME74 

0,Y\ SAY ?AT ! WOM5 ( \R SOCIETY LIVE = A DIFF]5T 9T]E/ FROM ?AT :I* ACTUATES FALL5 WOM54 ,& ,I SAY NO1 & ,I AM GO+ TO PROVE IT TO Y\4 ,IF BE+S DIFF] FROM ONE ANO!R ACCORD+ TO ! PURPOSE ( !IR LIFE1 ACCORD+ TO !IR ,9,N,] ,L,I,F,E1 ?IS WILL NECESS>ILY BE REFLECT$ ALSO 9 !IR ,\,T,] ,L,I,F,E1 & !IR EXT]IOR WILL BE V]Y DIFF]5T4 ,WELL1 !N1 COMP>E ! WRET*$1 ! DESPIS$1 ) ! WOM5 ( ! HI<E/ SOCIETY3 ! SAME DRESSES1 ! SAME FA%IONS1 ! SAME P]FUM]IES1 ! SAME PASSION = JEWELRY1 = BRILLIANT & V]Y EXP5SIVE >TICLES1 ! SAME AMUSEM5TS1 DANCES1 MUSIC1 & SONGS4 ,! =M] ATTRACT BY ALL POSSIBLE MEANS2 SO DO ! LATT]4 ,NO DIFF]5CE1 NONE :ATEV]6 

0,YES1 & ,I1 TOO1 WAS CAPTIVAT$ BY J]SEYS1 BU/LES1 & CURLY HAIR40 

O ,*APT] #g 

0,& IT WAS V]Y EASY TO CAPTURE ME1 S9CE ,I WAS BR\<T UP UND] >TIFICIAL CONDITIONS1 LIKE CUCUMB]S 9 A HO?\SE4 ,\R TOO ABUNDANT N\RI%M5T1 TOGE!R ) COMPLETE PHYSICAL IDL5ESS1 IS NO?+ BUT SY/EMATIC EXCITEM5T ( ! IMAG9ATION4 ,! M5 ( \R SOCIETY >E F$ & KEPT LIKE REPRODUCTIVE /ALLIONS4 ,IT IS SUFFICI5T TO CLOSE ! VALVE1--?AT IS1 = A Y\NG MAN TO LIVE A QUIET LIFE = SOME TIME1--TO PRODUCE AS AN IMM$IATE RESULT A RE/LESSNESS1 :I*1 BECOM+ EXAGG]AT$ BY REFLECTION ?R\< ! PRISM ( \R UNNATURAL LIFE1 PROVOKES ! ILLUSION ( LOVE4 

0,ALL \R IDYLS & M>RIAGE1 ALL1 >E ! RESULT = ! MO/ P>T ( \R EAT+4 ,DOES ?AT A/ONI% Y\8 ,= MY P>T1 ,I AM A/ONI%$ ?AT WE DO NOT SEE IT4 ,NOT F> FROM MY E/ATE ?IS SPR+ SOME M\JIKS W]E WORK+ ON A RAILWAY EMBANKM5T4 ,Y\ KN[ :AT A PEASANT'S FOOD IS1--BREAD1 KVASS1.<#b.> ONIONS4 ,) ?IS FRUGAL N\RI%M5T HE LIVES1 HE IS AL]T1 HE MAKES LI<T WORK 9 ! FIELDS4 ,BUT ON ! RAILWAY ?IS BILL ( F>E BECOMES CA*A & A P\ND ( MEAT4 ,ONLY HE RE/ORES ?IS MEAT BY SIXTE5 H\RS ( LABOR PU%+ LOADS WEI<+ TWELVE HUNDR$ P\NDS4 

0,& WE1 :O EAT TWO P\NDS ( MEAT & GAME1 WE :O ABSORB ALL SORTS ( HEAT+ DR9KS & FOOD1 H[ DO WE EXP5D IT8 ,9 S5SUAL EXCESSES4 ,IF ! VALVE IS OP51 ALL GOES WELL2 BUT CLOSE IT1 AS ,I HAD CLOS$ IT TEMPOR>ILY BE=E MY M>RIAGE1 & IMM$IATELY !RE WILL RESULT AN EXCITEM5T :I*1 DE=M$ BY NOVELS1 V]SES1 MUSIC1 BY \R IDLE & LUXURI\S LIFE1 WILL GIVE A LOVE ( ! F9E/ WAT]4 ,I1 TOO1 FELL 9 LOVE1 AS EV]YBODY DOES1 & !RE W]E TRANSPORTS1 EMOTIONS1 POESY2 BUT REALLY ALL ?IS PASSION WAS PREP>$ BY MAMA & ! DRESSMAK]S4 ,IF !RE HAD BE5 NO TRIPS 9 BOATS1 NO WELL-FITT$ G>M5TS1 ETC41 IF MY WIFE HAD WORN SOME %APELESS BL\SE1 & ,I HAD SE5 H] ?US AT H] HOME1 ,I %\LD NOT HAVE BE5 S$UC$40 

O ,*APT] #h 

0,& NOTE1 ALSO1 ?IS FALSEHOOD1 ( :I* ALL >E GUILTY2 ! WAY 9 :I* M>RIAGES >E MADE4 ,:AT C\LD !RE BE MORE NATURAL8 ,! Y\NG GIRL IS M>RIAGEABLE1 %E %\LD M>RY4 ,:AT SIMPL]1 PROVID$ ! Y\NG P]SON IS NOT A MON/]1 & M5 CAN BE F\ND ) A DESIRE TO M>RY8 ,WELL1 NO1 H]E BEG9S A NEW HYPOCRISY4 

0,=M]LY1 :5 ! MAID5 >RIV$ AT A FAVORABLE AGE1 H] M>RIAGE WAS >RANG$ BY H] P>5TS4 ,?AT WAS DONE1 ?AT IS DONE /ILL1 ?R\<\T HUMANITY1 AMONG ! ,*9ESE1 ! ,H9DOOS1 ! ,MUSSULMANS1 & AMONG \R COMMON PEOPLE ALSO4 ,?+S >E SO MANAG$ 9 AT LEA/ N9ETY-N9E P] C5T4 ( ! FAMILIES ( ! 5TIRE HUMAN RACE4 

0,ONLY WE RIOT\S LIV]S HAVE IMAG9$ ?AT ?IS WAY WAS BAD1 & HAVE 9V5T$ ANO!R4 ,& ?IS O!R1--:AT IS IT8 ,IT IS ?IS4 ,! Y\NG GIRLS >E SEAT$1 & ! G5TLEM5 WALK UP & D[N BE=E !M1 AS 9 A BAZA>1 & MAKE !IR *OICE4 ,! MAID5S WAIT & ?9K1 BUT DO NOT D>E TO SAY3 ',TAKE ME1 Y\NG MAN1 ME & NOT H]4 ,LOOK AT !SE %\LD]S & ! RE/4' ,WE MALES WALK UP & D[N1 & E/IMATE ! M]*&ISE1 & !N WE DISC\RSE UPON ! RI<TS ( WOMAN1 UPON ! LIB]TY ?AT %E ACQUIRES1 ,I KN[ NOT H[1 9 ! !ATRICAL HALLS40 

0,BUT :AT IS TO BE DONE80 SAID ,I TO HIM4 0,%ALL ! WOMAN MAKE ! ADVANCES80 

0,I DO NOT KN[4 ,BUT1 IF IT IS A QUE/ION ( EQUALITY1 LET ! EQUALITY BE COMPLETE4 ,?\< IT HAS BE5 F\ND ?AT TO CONTRACT M>RIAGES ?R\< ! AG5CY ( MAT*-MAK]S IS HUMILIAT+1 IT IS NEV]!LESS A ?\S& TIMES PREF]ABLE TO \R SY/EM4 ,!RE ! RI<TS & ! *ANCES >E EQUAL2 H]E ! WOMAN IS A SLAVE1 EXHIBIT$ 9 ! M>KET4 ,BUT AS %E CANNOT B5D TO H] CONDITION1 OR MAKE ADVANCES H]SELF1 !RE BEG9S ?AT O!R & MORE ABOM9ABLE LIE :I* IS SOMETIMES CALL$ ,G,O,+ ,9,T,O ,S,O,C,I,E,T,Y1 SOMETIMES ,A,M,U,S,+ ,O,N,E',S ,S,E,L,F1 & :I* IS REALLY NO?+ BUT ! HUNT = A HUSB&4 

0,BUT SAY TO A MO!R OR TO H] DAU<T] ?AT !Y >E 5GAG$ ONLY 9 A HUNT = A HUSB&4 ,GOD6 ,:AT AN (F5SE6 ,YET !Y CAN DO NO?+ ELSE1 & HAVE NO?+ ELSE TO DO2 & ! T]RIBLE FEATURE ( IT ALL IS TO SEE SOMETIMES V]Y Y\NG1 POOR1 & 9NOC5T MAID5S HAUNT$ SOLELY BY SU* IDEAS4 ,IF ONLY1 ,I REPEAT1 IT W]E DONE FRANKLY2 BUT IT IS ALWAYS ACCOMPANI$ ) LIES & BABBLE ( ?IS SORT3-- 

0',AH1 ! DESC5T ( SPECIES6 ,H[ 9T]E/+ IT IS6' 

0',OH1 ,LILY IS MU* 9T]E/$ 9 PA9T+4' 

0',%ALL Y\ GO TO ! ,EXPOSITION8 ,H[ *>M+ IT IS6' 

0',& ! TROIKA1 & ! PLAYS1 & ! SYMPHONY4 ,AH1 H[ ADORABLE6' 

0',MY ,LISE IS PASSIONATELY FOND ( MUSIC4' 

0',& Y\1 :Y DO Y\ NOT %>E !SE CONVICTIONS8' 

0,& ?R\< ALL ?IS V]BIAGE1 ALL HAVE BUT ONE S+LE IDEA3 ',TAKE ME1 TAKE MY ,LISE4 ,NO1 ME6 ,ONLY TRY60' 

O ,*APT] #i 

0,DO Y\ KN[10 SUDD5LY CONT9U$ ,POSDNI*EFF1 0?AT ?IS P[] ( WOM5 FROM :I* ! WORLD SUFF]S >ISES SOLELY FROM :AT ,I HAVE JU/ SPOK5 (80 

0,:AT DO Y\ MEAN BY ! P[] ( WOM580 ,I SAID4 0,EV]YBODY1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 COMPLA9S ?AT WOM5 HAVE NOT SUFFICI5T RI<TS1 ?AT !Y >E 9 SUBJECTION40 

0,?AT'S IT2 ?AT'S IT EXACTLY10 SAID HE1 VIVACI\SLY4 0,?AT IS JU/ :AT ,I MEAN1 & ?AT IS ! EXPLANATION ( ?IS EXTRAORD9>Y PH5OM5ON1 ?AT ON ! ONE H& WOMAN IS R$UC$ TO ! L[E/ DEGREE ( HUMILIATION & ON ! O!R H& %E REIGNS OV] EV]Y?+4 ,SEE ! ,JEWS3 ) !IR P[] ( MONEY1 !Y AV5GE !IR SUBJECTION1 JU/ AS ! WOM5 DO4 ',AH6 Y\ WI% US TO BE ONLY M]*ANTS8 ,ALL RI<T2 REMA9+ M]*ANTS1 WE WILL GET POSSESSION ( Y\1' SAY ! ,JEWS4 ',AH6 Y\ WI% US TO BE ONLY OBJECTS ( S5SUALITY8 ,ALL RI<T2 BY ! AID ( S5SUALITY WE WILL B5D Y\ B5EA? \R YOKE1' SAY ! WOM54 

0,! ABS5CE ( ! RI<TS ( WOMAN DOES NOT CONSI/ 9 ! FACT ?AT %E HAS NOT ! RI<T TO VOTE1 OR ! RI<T TO SIT ON ! B5*1 BUT 9 ! FACT ?AT 9 H] AFFECTIONAL RELATIONS %E IS NOT ! EQUAL ( MAN1 %E HAS NOT ! RI<T TO AB/A91 TO *OOSE 9/EAD ( BE+ *OS54 ,Y\ SAY ?AT ?AT W\LD BE ABNORMAL4 ,V]Y WELL6 ,BUT !N DO NOT LET MAN 5JOY !SE RI<TS1 :ILE HIS COMPANION IS DEPRIV$ ( !M1 & F9DS H]SELF OBLIG$ TO MAKE USE ( ! COQUETRY BY :I* %E GOV]NS1 SO ?AT ! RESULT IS ?AT MAN *OOSES '=MALLY1' :]EAS REALLY IT IS WOMAN :O *OOSES4 ,AS SOON AS %E IS 9 POSSESSION ( H] MEANS1 %E ABUSES !M1 & ACQUIRES A T]RIBLE SUPREMACY40 

0,BUT :]E DO Y\ SEE ?IS EXCEPTIONAL P[]80 

0,:]E8 ,:Y1 EV]Y:]E1 9 EV]Y?+4 ,GO SEE ! /ORES 9 ! L>GE CITIES4 ,!RE >E MILLIONS !RE1 MILLIONS4 ,IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO E/IMATE ! 5ORM\S QUANTITY ( LABOR ?AT IS EXP5D$ !RE4 ,9 N9E-T5?S ( !SE /ORES IS !RE ANY?+ :ATEV] = ! USE ( M58 ,ALL ! LUXURY ( LIFE IS DEM&$ & SU/A9$ BY WOMAN4 ,C\NT ! FACTORIES2 ! GREAT] P>T ( !M >E 5GAG$ 9 MAK+ FEM99E ORNAM5TS4 ,MILLIONS ( M51 G5]ATIONS ( SLAVES1 DIE TOIL+ LIKE CONVICTS SIMPLY TO SATISFY ! :IMS ( \R COMPANIONS4 

0,WOM51 LIKE QUE5S1 KEEP N9E-T5?S ( ! HUMAN RACE AS PRISON]S ( W>1 OR AS PRISON]S AT H>D LABOR4 ,& ALL ?IS BECAUSE !Y HAVE BE5 HUMILIAT$1 BECAUSE !Y HAVE BE5 DEPRIV$ ( RI<TS EQUAL TO ?OSE :I* M5 5JOY4 ,!Y TAKE REV5GE = \R S5SUALITY2 !Y CAT* US 9 !IR NETS4 

0,YES1 ! :OLE ?+ IS !RE4 ,WOM5 HAVE MADE ( !MSELVES SU* A WEAPON TO ACT UPON ! S5SES ?AT A Y\NG MAN1 & EV5 AN OLD MAN1 CANNOT REMA9 TRANQUIL 9 !IR PRES5CE4 ,WAT* A POPUL> FE/IVAL1 OR \R RECEPTIONS OR BALL-ROOMS4 ,WOMAN WELL KN[S H] 9FLU5CE !RE4 ,Y\ WILL SEE IT 9 H] TRIUMPHANT SMILES4 

0,AS SOON AS A Y\NG MAN ADVANCES T[>D A WOMAN1 DIRECTLY HE FALLS UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( ?IS OPIUM1 & LOSES HIS HEAD4 ,LONG AGO ,I FELT ILL AT EASE :5 ,I SAW A WOMAN TOO WELL ADORN$1--:E!R A WOMAN ( ! PEOPLE ) H] R$ NECK]*IEF & H] LOOP$ SKIRT1 OR A WOMAN ( \R [N SOCIETY 9 H] BALL-ROOM DRESS4 ,BUT N[ IT SIMPLY T]RIFIES ME4 ,I SEE 9 IT A DANG] TO M51 SOME?+ CONTR>Y TO ! LAWS2 & ,I FEEL A DESIRE TO CALL A POLICEMAN1 TO APPEAL = DEF5SE FROM SOME QU>T]1 TO DEM& ?AT ?IS DANG]\S OBJECT BE REMOV$4 

0,& ?IS IS NOT A JOKE1 BY ANY MEANS4 ,I AM CONV9C$1 ,I AM SURE1 ?AT ! TIME WILL COME--& P]HAPS IT IS NOT F> DI/ANT--:5 ! WORLD WILL UND]/& ?IS1 & WILL BE A/ONI%$ ?AT A SOCIETY C\LD EXI/ 9 :I* ACTIONS AS H>MFUL AS ?OSE :I* APPEAL TO S5SUALITY BY ADORN+ ! BODY AS \R COMPANIONS DO W]E ALL[$4 ,AS WELL SET TRAPS ALONG \R PUBLIC /REETS1 OR WORSE ?AN ?AT40 

O ,*APT] #a 

0,?AT1 !N1 WAS ! WAY 9 :I* ,I WAS CAPTUR$4 ,I WAS 9 LOVE1 AS IT IS CALL$2 NOT ONLY DID %E APPE> TO ME A P]FECT BE+1 BUT ,I CONSID]$ MYSELF A :ITE BLACKBIRD4 ,IT IS A COMMONPLACE FACT ?AT !RE IS NO ONE SO L[ 9 ! WORLD ?AT HE CANNOT F9D SOME ONE VIL] ?AN HIMSELF1 & CONSEQU5TLY PUFF ) PRIDE & SELF-CONT5TM5T4 ,I WAS 9 ?AT SITUATION4 ,I DID NOT M>RY = MONEY4 ,9T]E/ WAS =EIGN TO ! AFFAIR1 UNLIKE ! M>RIAGES ( MO/ ( MY ACQUA9TANCES1 :O M>RI$ EI!R = MONEY OR = RELATIONS4 ,FIR/1 ,I WAS RI*1 %E WAS POOR4 ,SECOND1 ,I WAS ESPECIALLY PR\D ( ! FACT ?AT1 :ILE O!RS M>RI$ ) AN 9T5TION ( CONT9U+ !IR POLYGAMIC LIFE AS BA*ELORS1 IT WAS MY FIRM 9T5TION TO LIVE MONOGAMICALLY AFT] MY 5GAGEM5T & ! W$D+1 & MY PRIDE SWELL$ IMMEASURABLY4 

0,YES1 ,I WAS A WRET*1 CONV9C$ ?AT ,I WAS AN ANGEL4 ,! P]IOD ( MY 5GAGEM5T DID NOT LA/ LONG4 ,I CANNOT REMEMB] ?OSE DAYS )\T %AME4 ,:AT AN ABOM9ATION6 

0,IT IS G5]ALLY AGRE$ ?AT LOVE IS A MORAL S5TIM5T1 A COMMUNITY ( ?\<T RA!R ?AN ( S5SE4 ,IF ?AT IS ! CASE1 ?IS COMMUNITY ( ?\<T \<T TO F9D EXPRESSION 9 WORDS & CONV]SATION4 ,NO?+ ( ! SORT4 ,IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT = US TO TALK ) EA* O!R4 ,:AT A TOIL ( ,SISYPHUS WAS \R CONV]SATION6 ,SC>CELY HAD WE ?\<T ( SOME?+ TO SAY1 & SAID IT1 :5 WE HAD TO RESUME \R SIL5CE & TRY TO DISCOV] NEW SUBJECTS4 ,LIT]ALLY1 WE DID NOT KN[ :AT TO SAY TO EA* O!R4 ,ALL ?AT WE C\LD ?9K ( CONC]N+ ! LIFE ?AT WAS BE=E US & \R HOME WAS SAID4 

0,& !N :AT8 ,IF WE HAD BE5 ANIMALS1 WE %\LD HAVE KN[N ?AT WE HAD NOT TO TALK4 ,BUT H]E1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT WAS NECESS>Y TO TALK1 & !RE W]E NO RES\RCES6 ,= ?AT :I* OCCUPI$ \R M9DS WAS NOT A ?+ TO BE EXPRESS$ 9 WORDS4 

0,& !N ?AT SILLY CU/OM ( EAT+ BON-BONS1 ?AT BRUTAL GLUTTONY = SWEETMEATS1 ?OSE ABOM9ABLE PREP>ATIONS = ! W$D+1 ?OSE DISCUSSIONS ) MAMA UPON ! AP>TM5TS1 UPON ! SLEEP+-ROOMS1 UPON ! B$D+1 UPON ! MORN+-G[NS1 UPON ! WRAPP]S1 ! L951 ! CO/UMES6 ,UND]/& ?AT IF PEOPLE M>RI$ ACCORD+ TO ! OLD FA%ION1 AS ?IS OLD MAN SAID JU/ N[1 !N !SE EID]D[N COV]LETS & ?IS B$D+ W\LD ALL BE SACR$ DETAILS2 BUT ) US1 \T ( T5 M>RI$ PEOPLE !RE IS SC>CELY TO BE F\ND ONE :O1 ,I DO NOT SAY BELIEVES 9 SACRAM5TS 7:E!R HE BELIEVES OR NOT IS A MATT] ( 9DIFF]5CE TO US71 BUT BELIEVES 9 :AT HE PROMISES4 ,\T ( A HUNDR$ M51 !RE IS SC>CELY ONE :O HAS NOT M>RI$ BE=E1 & \T ( FIFTY SC>CELY ONE :O HAS NOT MADE UP HIS M9D TO DECEIVE HIS WIFE4 

0,! GREAT MAJORITY LOOK UPON ?IS J\RNEY TO ! *UR* AS A CONDITION NECESS>Y TO ! POSSESSION ( A C]TA9 WOMAN4 ,?9K !N ( ! SUPREME SIGNIFICANCE :I* MAT]IAL DETAILS MU/ TAKE ON4 ,IS IT NOT A SORT ( SALE1 9 :I* A MAID5 IS GIV5 OV] TO A DEBAU*E1 ! SALE BE+ SURR\ND$ ) ! MO/ AGREEABLE DETAILS80 

O ,*APT] #aa 

0,ALL M>RY 9 ?IS WAY4 ,& ,I DID LIKE ! RE/4 ,IF ! Y\NG PEOPLE :O DREAM ( ! HONEYMOON ONLY KNEW :AT A DISILLUSION IT IS1 & ALWAYS A DISILLUSION6 ,I REALLY DO NOT KN[ :Y ALL ?9K IT NECESS>Y TO CONCEAL IT4 

0,ONE DAY ,I WAS WALK+ AMONG ! %[S 9 ,P>IS1 :51 ATTRACT$ BY A SIGN1 ,I 5T]$ AN E/ABLI%M5T TO SEE A BE>D$ WOMAN & A WAT]-DOG4 ,! WOMAN WAS A MAN 9 DISGUISE1 & ! DOG WAS AN ORD9>Y DOG1 COV]$ ) A SEALSK91 & SWIMM+ 9 A BA?4 ,IT WAS NOT 9 ! LEA/ 9T]E/+1 BUT ! ,B>NUM ACCOMPANI$ ME TO ! EXIT V]Y C\RTE\SLY1 &1 9 ADDRESS+ ! PEOPLE :O W]E COM+ 91 MADE AN APPEAL TO MY TE/IMONY4 ',ASK ! G5TLEMAN IF IT IS NOT WOR? SEE+6 ,COME 91 COME 96 ,IT ONLY CO/S A FRANC6' ,& 9 MY CONFUSION ,I DID NOT D>E TO ANSW] ?AT !RE WAS NO?+ CURI\S TO BE SE51 & IT WAS UPON MY FALSE %AME ?AT ! ,B>NUM MU/ HAVE C\NT$4 

0,IT MU/ BE ! SAME ) ! P]SONS :O HAVE PASS$ ?R\< ! ABOM9ATIONS ( ! HONEYMOON4 ,!Y DO NOT D>E TO UNDECEIVE !IR NEI<BOR4 ,& ,I DID ! SAME4 

0,! FELICITIES ( ! HONEYMOON DO NOT EXI/4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT IS A P]IOD ( UNEAS9ESS1 ( %AME1 ( PITY1 &1 ABOVE ALL1 ( 5NUI1--( F]OCI\S 5NUI4 ,IT IS SOME?+ LIKE ! FEEL+ ( A Y\? :5 HE IS BEG9N+ TO SMOKE4 ,HE DESIRES TO VOMIT2 HE DRIVELS1 & SWALL[S HIS DRIVEL1 PRET5D+ TO 5JOY ?IS LITTLE AMUSEM5T4 ,! VICE ( M>RIAGE 4 4 40 

0,:AT6 ,VICE80 ,I SAID4 0,BUT Y\ >E TALK+ ( ONE ( ! MO/ NATURAL ?+S40 

0,NATURAL60 SAID HE4 0,NATURAL6 ,NO1 ,I CONSID] ON ! CONTR>Y ?AT IT IS AGA9/ NATURE1 & IT IS ,I1 A P]V]T$ MAN1 :O HAVE REA*$ ?IS CONVICTION4 ,:AT W\LD IT BE1 !N1 IF ,I HAD NOT KN[N CORRUPTION8 ,TO A Y\NG GIRL1 TO EV]Y UNP]V]T$ Y\NG GIRL1 IT IS AN ACT EXTREMELY UNNATURAL1 JU/ AS IT IS TO *ILDR54 ,MY SI/] M>RI$1 :5 V]Y Y\NG1 A MAN TWICE H] [N AGE1 & :O WAS UTT]LY CORRUPT4 ,I REMEMB] H[ A/ONI%$ WE W]E ! NI<T ( H] W$D+1 :51 PALE & COV]$ ) TE>S1 %E FL$ FROM H] HUSB&1 H] :OLE BODY TREMBL+1 SAY+ ?AT = NO?+ 9 ! WORLD W\LD %E TELL :AT HE WANT$ ( H]4 

0,Y\ SAY NATURAL8 ,IT IS NATURAL TO EAT2 ?AT IS A PLEASANT1 AGREEABLE FUNCTION1 :I* NO ONE IS A%AM$ TO P]=M FROM ! TIME ( HIS BIR?4 ,NO1 IT IS NOT NATURAL4 ,A PURE Y\NG GIRL WANTS ONE ?+1--*ILDR54 ,*ILDR51 YES1 NOT A LOV]40 4 4 4 

0,BUT10 SAID ,I1 ) A/ONI%M5T1 0H[ W\LD ! HUMAN RACE CONT9UE80 

0,BUT :AT IS ! USE ( ITS CONT9U+80 HE REJO9$1 VEHEM5TLY4 

0,:AT6 ,:AT IS ! USE8 ,BUT !N WE %\LD NOT EXI/40 

0,& :Y IS IT NECESS>Y ?AT WE %\LD EXI/80 

0,:Y1 TO LIVE1 TO BE SURE40 

0,& :Y LIVE8 ,! ,S*OP5HAU]S1 ! ,H>TMANNS1 & ALL ! ,BUDDHI/S1 SAY ?AT ! GREATE/ HAPP9ESS IS ,NIRVANA1 ,NON-,LIFE2 & !Y >E RI<T 9 ?IS S5SE1--?AT HUMAN HAPP9ESS IS CO9CID5T ) ! ANNIHILATION ( ',SELF4' ,ONLY !Y DO NOT EXPRESS !MSELVES WELL4 ,!Y SAY ?AT ,HUMANITY %\LD ANNIHILATE ITSELF TO AVOID ITS SUFF]+S1 ?AT ITS OBJECT %\LD BE TO DE/ROY ITSELF4 ,N[ ! OBJECT ( ,HUMANITY CANNOT BE TO AVOID SUFF]+S BY ANNIHILATION1 S9CE SUFF]+ IS ! RESULT ( ACTIVITY4 ,! OBJECT ( ACTIVITY CANNOT CONSI/ 9 SUPPRESS+ ITS CONSEQU5CES4 ,! OBJECT ( ,MAN1 AS ( ,HUMANITY1 IS HAPP9ESS1 &1 TO ATTA9 IT1 ,HUMANITY HAS A LAW :I* IT MU/ C>RY \T4 ,?IS LAW CONSI/S 9 ! UNION ( BE+S4 ,?IS UNION IS ?W>T$ BY ! PASSIONS4 ,& ?AT IS :Y1 IF ! PASSIONS DISAPPE>1 ! UNION WILL BE ACCOMPLI%$4 ,HUMANITY !N WILL HAVE C>RI$ \T ! LAW1 & WILL HAVE NO FUR!R REASON TO EXI/40 

0,& BE=E ,HUMANITY C>RIES \T ! LAW80 

0,9 ! MEANTIME IT WILL HAVE ! SIGN ( ! UNFULFILL$ LAW1 & ! EXI/5CE ( PHYSICAL LOVE4 ,AS LONG AS ?IS LOVE %ALL EXI/1 & BECAUSE ( IT1 G5]ATIONS WILL BE BORN1 ONE ( :I* WILL F9ALLY FULFILL ! LAW4 ,:5 AT LA/ ! LAW %ALL BE FULFILL$1 ! ,HUMAN ,RACE WILL BE ANNIHILAT$4 ,AT LEA/ IT IS IMPOSSIBLE = US TO CONCEIVE ( ,LIFE 9 ! P]FECT UNION ( PEOPLE40 

O ,*APT] #ab 

0,/RANGE !ORY60 CRI$ ,I4 

0,/RANGE 9 :AT8 ,ACCORD+ TO ALL ! DOCTR9ES ( ! ,*UR*1 ! WORLD WILL HAVE AN 5D4 ,SCI5CE TEA*ES ! SAME FATAL CONCLUSIONS4 ,:Y1 !N1 IS IT /RANGE ?AT ! SAME ?+ %\LD RESULT FROM MORAL ,DOCTR9E8 ',LET ?OSE :O CAN1 CONTA91' SAID ,*RI/4 ,& ,I TAKE ?IS PASSAGE LIT]ALLY1 AS IT IS WRITT54 ,?AT MORALITY MAY EXI/ BETWE5 PEOPLE 9 !IR WORLDLY RELATIONS1 !Y MU/ MAKE COMPLETE *A/ITY !IR OBJECT4 ,9 T5D+ T[>D ?IS 5D1 MAN HUMILIATES HIMSELF4 ,:5 HE %ALL REA* ! LA/ DEGREE ( HUMILIATION1 WE %ALL HAVE MORAL M>RIAGE4 

0,BUT IF MAN1 AS 9 \R SOCIETY1 T5DS ONLY T[>D PHYSICAL LOVE1 ?\< HE MAY CLO! IT ) PRETEXTS & ! FALSE =MS ( M>RIAGE1 HE WILL HAVE ONLY P]MISSIBLE DEBAU*]Y1 HE WILL KN[ ONLY ! SAME IMMORAL LIFE 9 :I* ,I FELL & CAUS$ MY WIFE TO FALL1 A LIFE :I* WE CALL ! HONE/ LIFE ( ! FAMILY4 ,?9K :AT A P]V]SION ( IDEAS MU/ >ISE :5 ! HAPPIE/ SITUATION ( MAN1 LIB]TY1 *A/ITY1 IS LOOK$ UPON AS SOME?+ WRET*$ & RIDICUL\S4 ,! HI<E/ IDEAL1 ! BE/ SITUATION ( WOMAN1 TO BE PURE1 TO BE A VE/AL1 A VIRG91 EXCITES FE> & LAU<T] 9 \R SOCIETY4 ,H[ MANY1 H[ MANY Y\NG GIRLS SACRIFICE !IR PURITY TO ?IS ,MOLO* ( OP9ION BY M>RY+ RASCALS ?AT !Y MAY NOT REMA9 VIRG9S1--?AT IS1 SUP]IORS6 ,?R\< FE> ( F9D+ !MSELVES 9 ?AT IDEAL /ATE1 !Y RU9 !MSELVES4 

0,BUT ,I DID NOT UND]/& =M]LY1 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?AT ! WORDS ( ! ,GOSPEL1 ?AT 'HE :O LOOKS UPON A WOMAN TO LU/ AFT] H] HAS ALREADY COMMITT$ ADULT]Y1' DO NOT APPLY TO ! WIVES ( O!RS1 BUT NOTABLY & ESPECIALLY TO \R [N WIVES4 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?IS1 & ,I ?\<T ?AT ! HONEYMOON & ALL ( MY ACTS DUR+ ?AT P]IOD W]E VIRTU\S1 & ?AT TO SATISFY ONE'S DESIRES ) HIS WIFE IS AN EM95TLY *A/E ?+4 ,KN[1 !N1 ?AT ,I CONSID] !SE DEP>TURES1 !SE ISOLATIONS1 :I* Y\NG M>RI$ C\PLES >RANGE ) ! P]MISSION ( !IR P>5TS1 AS NO?+ ELSE ?AN A LIC5SE TO 5GAGE 9 DEBAU*]Y4 

0,I SAW1 !N1 9 ?IS NO?+ BAD OR %AMEFUL1 &1 HOP+ = GREAT JOYS1 ,I BEGAN TO LIVE ! HONEYMOON4 ,& V]Y C]TA9LY NONE ( !SE JOYS FOLL[$4 ,BUT ,I HAD FAI?1 & WAS DET]M9$ TO HAVE !M1 CO/ :AT !Y MI<T4 ,BUT ! MORE ,I TRI$ TO SECURE !M1 ! LESS ,I SUCCE$$4 ,ALL ?IS TIME ,I FELT ANXI\S1 A%AM$1 & WE>Y4 ,SOON ,I BEGAN TO SUFF]4 ,I BELIEVE ?AT ON ! ?IRD OR F\R? DAY ,I F\ND MY WIFE SAD & ASK$ H] ! REASON4 ,I BEGAN TO EMBRACE H]1 :I* 9 MY OP9ION WAS ALL ?AT %E C\LD DESIRE4 ,%E PUT ME AWAY ) H] H&1 & BEGAN TO WEEP4 

0,AT :AT8 ,%E C\LD NOT TELL ME4 ,%E WAS FILL$ ) SORR[1 ) ANGUI%4 ,PROBABLY H] TORTUR$ N]VES HAD SUGGE/$ TO H] ! TRU? AB\T ! BAS5ESS ( \R RELATIONS1 BUT %E F\ND NO WORDS 9 :I* TO SAY IT4 ,I BEGAN TO QUE/ION H]2 %E ANSW]$ ?AT %E MISS$ H] ABS5T MO!R4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT %E WAS NOT TELL+ ! TRU?4 ,I S\<T TO CONSOLE H] BY MA9TA9+ SIL5CE 9 REG>D TO H] P>5TS4 ,I DID NOT IMAG9E ?AT %E FELT H]SELF SIMPLY OV]:ELM$1 & ?AT H] P>5TS HAD NO?+ TO DO ) H] SORR[4 ,%E DID NOT LI/5 TO ME1 & ,I ACCUS$ H] ( CAPRICE4 ,I BEGAN TO LAU< AT H] G5TLY4 ,%E DRI$ H] TE>S1 & BEGAN TO REPROA* ME1 9 H>D & W\ND+ T]MS1 = MY SELFI%NESS & CRUELTY4 

0,I LOOK$ AT H]4 ,H] :OLE FACE EXPRESS$ HATR$1 & HATR$ ( ME4 ,I CANNOT DESCRIBE TO Y\ ! FRI<T :I* ?IS SI<T GAVE ME4 ',H[8 ,:AT8' ?\<T ,I1 'LOVE IS ! UNITY ( S\LS1 & H]E %E HATES ME8 ,ME8 ,:Y8 ,BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE6 ,IT IS NO LONG] %E6' 

0,I TRI$ TO CALM H]4 ,I CAME 9 CONFLICT ) AN IMMOVABLE & COLD HO/ILITY1 SO ?AT1 HAV+ NO TIME TO REFLECT1 ,I WAS SEIZ$ ) KE5 IRRITATION4 ,WE EX*ANG$ DISAGREEABLE REM>KS4 ,! IMPRESSION ( ?IS FIR/ QU>REL WAS T]RIBLE4 ,I SAY QU>REL1 BUT ! T]M IS 9EXACT4 ,IT WAS ! SUDD5 DISCOV]Y ( ! ABYSS ?AT HAD BE5 DUG BETWE5 US4 ,LOVE WAS EXHAU/$ ) ! SATISFACTION ( S5SUALITY4 ,WE /OOD FACE TO FACE 9 \R TRUE LI<T1 LIKE TWO EGOI/S TRY+ TO PROCURE ! GREATE/ POSSIBLE 5JOYM5T1 LIKE TWO 9DIVIDUALS TRY+ TO MUTUALLY EXPLOIT EA* O!R4 

0,SO :AT ,I CALL$ \R QU>REL WAS \R ACTUAL SITUATION AS IT APPE>$ AFT] ! SATISFACTION ( S5SUAL DESIRE4 ,I DID NOT REALIZE ?AT ?IS COLD HO/ILITY WAS \R NORMAL /ATE1 & ?AT ?IS FIR/ QU>REL W\LD SOON BE DR[N$ UND] A NEW FLOOD ( ! 9T5SE/ S5SUALITY4 ,I ?\<T ?AT WE HAD DISPUT$ ) EA* O!R1 & HAD BECOME RECONCIL$1 & ?AT IT W\LD NOT HAPP5 AGA94 ,BUT 9 ?IS SAME HONEYMOON !RE CAME A P]IOD ( SATIETY1 9 :I* WE CEAS$ TO BE NECESS>Y TO EA* O!R1 & A NEW QU>REL BROKE \T4 

0,IT BECAME EVID5T ?AT ! FIR/ WAS NOT A MATT] ( *ANCE4 ',IT WAS 9EVITABLE1' ,I ?\<T4 ,?IS SECOND QU>REL /UPEFI$ ME ! MORE1 BECAUSE IT WAS BAS$ ON AN EXTREMELY UNJU/ CAUSE4 ,IT WAS SOME?+ LIKE A QUE/ION ( MONEY1--& NEV] HAD ,I HAGGL$ ON ?AT SCORE2 IT WAS EV5 IMPOSSIBLE ?AT ,I %\LD DO SO 9 RELATION TO H]4 ,I ONLY REMEMB] ?AT1 9 ANSW] TO SOME REM>K ?AT ,I MADE1 %E 9S9UAT$ ?AT IT WAS MY 9T5TION TO RULE H] BY MEANS ( MONEY1 & ?AT IT WAS UPON MONEY ?AT ,I BAS$ MY SOLE RI<T OV] H]4 ,9 %ORT1 SOME?+ EXTRAORD9>ILY /UPID & BASE1 :I* WAS NEI!R 9 MY *>ACT] NOR 9 H]S4 

0,I WAS BESIDE MYSELF4 ,I ACCUS$ H] ( 9DELICACY4 ,%E MADE ! SAME ACCUSATION AGA9/ ME1 & ! DISPUTE BROKE \T4 ,9 H] WORDS1 9 ! EXPRESSION ( H] FACE1 ( H] EYES1 ,I NOTIC$ AGA9 ! HATR$ ?AT HAD SO A/ONI%$ ME BE=E4 ,) A BRO!R1 FRI5DS1 MY FA!R1 ,I HAD OCCASIONALLY QU>REL$1 BUT NEV] HAD !RE BE5 BETWE5 US ?IS FI]CE SPITE4 ,SOME TIME PASS$4 ,\R MUTUAL HATR$ WAS AGA9 CONCEAL$ B5EA? AN ACCESS ( S5SUAL DESIRE1 & ,I AGA9 CONSOL$ MYSELF ) ! REFLECTION ?AT !SE SC5ES W]E REP>ABLE FAULTS4 

0,BUT :5 !Y W]E REPEAT$ A ?IRD & A F\R? TIME1 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT !Y W]E NOT SIMPLY FAULTS1 BUT A FATALITY ?AT MU/ HAPP5 AGA94 ,I WAS NO LONG] FRI<T5$1 ,I WAS SIMPLY A/ONI%$ ?AT ,I %\LD BE PRECISELY ! ONE TO LIVE SO UNCOM=TABLY ) MY WIFE1 & ?AT ! SAME ?+ DID NOT HAPP5 9 O!R H\SEHOLDS4 ,I DID NOT KN[ ?AT 9 ALL H\SEHOLDS ! SAME SUDD5 *ANGES TAKE PLACE1 BUT ?AT ALL1 LIKE MYSELF1 IMAG9E ?AT IT IS A MIS=TUNE EXCLUSIVELY RES]V$ = !MSELVES ALONE1 :I* !Y C>EFULLY CONCEAL AS %AMEFUL1 NOT ONLY TO O!RS1 BUT TO !MSELVES1 LIKE A BAD DISEASE4 

0,?AT WAS :AT HAPP5$ TO ME4 ,BEGUN 9 ! E>LY DAYS1 IT CONT9U$ & 9CREAS$ ) *>ACT]I/ICS ( FURY ?AT W]E EV] MORE PRON\NC$4 ,AT ! BOTTOM ( MY S\L1 FROM ! FIR/ WEEKS1 ,I FELT ?AT ,I WAS 9 A TRAP1 ?AT ,I HAD :AT ,I DID NOT EXPECT1 & ?AT M>RIAGE IS NOT A JOY1 BUT A PA9FUL TRIAL4 ,LIKE EV]YBODY ELSE1 ,I REFUS$ TO CONFESS IT 7,I %\LD NOT HAVE CONFESS$ IT EV5 N[ BUT = ! \TCOME74 ,N[ ,I AM A/ONI%$ TO ?9K ?AT ,I DID NOT SEE MY REAL SITUATION4 ,IT WAS SO EASY TO P]CEIVE IT1 9 VIEW ( ?OSE QU>RELS1 BEGUN = REASONS SO TRIVIAL ?AT AFT]W>DS ONE C\LD NOT RECALL !M4 

0,JU/ AS IT (T5 HAPP5S AMONG GAY Y\NG PEOPLE ?AT1 9 ! ABS5CE ( JOKES1 !Y LAU< AT !IR [N LAU<T]1 SO WE F\ND NO REASONS = \R HATR$1 & WE HAT$ EA* O!R BECAUSE HATR$ WAS NATURALLY BOIL+ UP 9 US4 ,MORE EXTRAORD9>Y /ILL WAS ! ABS5CE ( CAUSES = RECONCILIATION4 

0,SOMETIMES WORDS1 EXPLANATIONS1 OR EV5 TE>S1 BUT SOMETIMES1 ,I REMEMB]1 AFT] 9SULT+ WORDS1 !RE TACITLY FOLL[$ EMBRACES & DECL>ATIONS4 ,ABOM9ATION6 ,:Y IS IT ?AT ,I DID NOT !N P]CEIVE ?IS BAS5ESS80 

O ,*APT] #ac 

0,ALL ( US1 M5 & WOM51 >E BR\<T UP 9 !SE AB]RATIONS ( FEEL+ ?AT WE CALL LOVE4 ,I FROM *ILDHOOD HAD PREP>$ MYSELF = ?IS ?+1 & ,I LOV$1 & ,I LOV$ DUR+ ALL MY Y\?1 & ,I WAS JOY\S 9 LOV+4 ,IT HAD BE5 PUT 9TO MY HEAD ?AT IT WAS ! NOBLE/ & HI<E/ OCCUPATION 9 ! WORLD4 ,BUT :5 ?IS EXPECT$ FEEL+ CAME AT LA/1 & ,I1 A MAN1 AB&ON$ MYSELF TO IT1 ! LIE WAS PI]C$ ?R\< & ?R\<4 ,!ORETICALLY A L(TY LOVE IS CONCEIVABLE2 PRACTICALLY IT IS AN IGNOBLE & DEGRAD+ ?+1 :I* IT IS EQUALLY DISGU/+ TO TALK AB\T & TO REMEMB]4 ,IT IS NOT 9 VA9 ?AT NATURE HAS MADE C]EMONIES1 BUT PEOPLE PRET5D ?AT ! IGNOBLE & ! %AMEFUL IS BEAUTIFUL & L(TY4 

0,I WILL TELL Y\ BRUTALLY & BRIEFLY :AT W]E ! FIR/ SIGNS ( MY LOVE4 ,I AB&ON$ MYSELF TO BEA/LY EXCESSES1 NOT ONLY NOT A%AM$ ( !M1 BUT PR\D ( !M1 GIV+ NO ?\<T TO ! 9TELLECTUAL LIFE ( MY WIFE4 ,& NOT ONLY DID ,I NOT ?9K ( H] 9TELLECTUAL LIFE1 ,I DID NOT EV5 CONSID] H] PHYSICAL LIFE4 

0,I WAS A/ONI%$ AT ! ORIG9 ( \R HO/ILITY1 & YET H[ CLE> IT WAS6 ,?IS HO/ILITY IS NO?+ BUT A PROTE/ ( HUMAN NATURE AGA9/ ! BEA/ ?AT 5SLAVES IT4 ,IT C\LD NOT BE O!RWISE4 ,?IS HATR$ WAS ! HATR$ ( ACCOMPLICES 9 A CRIME4 ,WAS IT NOT A CRIME ?AT1 ?IS POOR WOMAN HAV+ BECOME PREGNANT 9 ! FIR/ MON?1 \R LIAISON %\LD HAVE CONT9U$ JU/ ! SAME8 

0,Y\ IMAG9E ?AT ,I AM W&]+ FROM MY /ORY4 ,NOT AT ALL4 ,I AM ALWAYS GIV+ Y\ AN ACC\NT ( ! EV5TS ?AT L$ TO ! MURD] ( MY WIFE4 ,! IMBECILES6 ,!Y ?9K ?AT ,I KILL$ MY WIFE ON ! #e? ( ,OCTOB]4 ,IT WAS LONG BE=E ?AT ?AT ,I IMMOLAT$ H]1 JU/ AS !Y ALL KILL N[4 ,UND]/& WELL ?AT 9 \R SOCIETY !RE IS AN IDEA %>$ BY ALL ?AT WOMAN PROCURES MAN PLEASURE 7& VICE V]SA1 PROBABLY1 BUT ,I KN[ NO?+ ( ?AT1 ,I ONLY KN[ MY [N CASE74 ,WE91 ,WEIB] UND ,GESANG4 ,SO SAY ! POETS 9 !IR V]SES3 ,W9E1 WOM51 & SONG6 

0,IF IT W]E ONLY ?AT6 ,TAKE ALL ! POETRY1 ! PA9T+1 ! SCULPTURE1 BEG9N+ ) ,P\S*K9E'S ',LITTLE ,FEET1' ) ',V5US & ,PHRYNE1' & Y\ WILL SEE ?AT WOMAN IS ONLY A MEANS ( 5JOYM5T4 ,?AT IS :AT %E IS AT ,TR\BA1.<#c.> AT ,GRAT*EVKA1 & 9 A C\RT BALL-ROOM4 ,& ?9K ( ?IS DIABOLICAL TRICK3 IF %E W]E A ?+ )\T MORAL VALUE1 IT MI<T BE SAID ?AT WOMAN IS A F9E MORSEL2 BUT1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 !SE KNI<TS ASSURE US ?AT !Y ADORE WOMAN 7!Y ADORE H] & LOOK UPON H]1 H[EV]1 AS A MEANS ( 5JOYM5T71 !N ALL ASSURE US ?AT !Y E/EEM WOMAN4 ,SOME GIVE UP !IR SEATS TO H]1 PICK UP H] H&K]*IEF2 O!RS RECOGNIZE 9 H] A RI<T TO FILL ALL (FICES1 P>TICIPATE 9 GOV]NM5T1 ETC41 BUT1 9 SPITE ( ALL ?AT1 ! ESS5TIAL PO9T REMA9S ! SAME4 ,%E IS1 %E REMA9S1 AN OBJECT ( S5SUAL DESIRE1 & %E KN[S IT4 ,IT IS SLAV]Y1 = SLAV]Y IS NO?+ ELSE ?AN ! UTILIZATION ( ! LABOR ( SOME = ! 5JOYM5T ( O!RS4 ,?AT SLAV]Y MAY NOT EXI/ PEOPLE MU/ REFUSE TO 5JOY ! LABOR ( O!RS1 & LOOK UPON IT AS A %AMEFUL ACT & AS A S94 

0,ACTUALLY1 ?IS IS :AT HAPP5S4 ,!Y ABOLI% ! EXT]NAL =M1 !Y SUPPRESS ! =MAL SALES ( SLAVES1 & !N !Y IMAG9E & ASSURE O!RS ?AT SLAV]Y IS ABOLI%$4 ,!Y >E UNWILL+ TO SEE ?AT IT /ILL EXI/S1 S9CE PEOPLE1 AS BE=E1 LIKE TO PR(IT BY ! LABOR ( O!RS1 & ?9K IT GOOD & JU/4 ,?IS BE+ GIV51 !RE WILL ALWAYS BE F\ND BE+S /RONG] OR MORE CUNN+ ?AN O!RS TO PR(IT !REBY4 ,! SAME ?+ HAPP5S 9 ! EMANCIPATION ( WOMAN4 ,AT BOTTOM FEM99E S]VITUDE CONSI/S 5TIRELY 9 H] ASSIMILATION ) A MEANS ( PLEASURE4 ,!Y EXCITE WOMAN1 !Y GIVE H] ALL SORTS ( RI<TS EQUAL TO ?OSE ( M51 BUT !Y CONT9UE TO LOOK UPON H] AS AN OBJECT ( S5SUAL DESIRE1 & ?US !Y BR+ H] UP FROM 9FANCY & 9 PUBLIC OP9ION4 

0,%E IS ALWAYS ! HUMILIAT$ & CORRUPT S]F1 & MAN REMA9S ALWAYS ! DEBAU*$ ,MA/]4 ,YES1 TO ABOLI% SLAV]Y1 PUBLIC OP9ION MU/ ADMIT ?AT IT IS %AMEFUL TO EXPLOIT ONE'S NEI<BOR1 &1 TO MAKE WOMAN FREE1 PUBLIC OP9ION MU/ ADMIT ?AT IT IS %AMEFUL TO CONSID] WOMAN AS AN 9/RUM5T ( PLEASURE4 

0,! EMANCIPATION ( WOMAN IS NOT TO BE EFFECT$ 9 ! PUBLIC C\RTS OR 9 ! *AMB] ( DEPUTIES1 BUT 9 ! SLEEP+ *AMB]4 ,PRO/ITUTION IS TO BE COMBAT$1 NOT 9 ! H\SES ( ILL-FAME1 BUT 9 ! FAMILY4 ,!Y FREE WOMAN 9 ! PUBLIC C\RTS & 9 ! *AMB] ( DEPUTIES1 BUT %E REMA9S AN 9/RUM5T4 ,TEA* H]1 AS %E IS TAU<T AMONG US1 TO LOOK UPON H]SELF AS SU*1 & %E WILL ALWAYS REMA9 AN 9F]IOR BE+4 ,EI!R1 ) ! AID ( ! RASCALLY DOCTORS1 %E WILL TRY TO PREV5T CONCEPTION1 & DESC5D1 NOT TO ! LEVEL ( AN ANIMAL1 BUT TO ! LEVEL ( A ?+2 OR %E WILL BE :AT %E IS 9 ! GREAT MAJORITY ( CASES1--SICK1 HY/]ICAL1 WRET*$1 )\T HOPE ( SPIRITUAL PROGRESS40 4 4 4 

0,BUT :Y ?AT80 ,I ASK$4 

0,OH6 ! MO/ A/ONI%+ ?+ IS ?AT NO ONE IS WILL+ TO SEE ?IS ?+1 EVID5T AS IT IS1 :I* ! DOCTORS MU/ UND]/&1 BUT :I* !Y TAKE GOOD C>E NOT TO DO4 ,MAN DOES NOT WI% TO KN[ ! LAW ( NATURE1--*ILDR54 ,BUT *ILDR5 >E BORN & BECOME AN EMB>RASSM5T4 ,!N MAN DEVISES MEANS ( AVOID+ ?IS EMB>RASSM5T4 ,WE HAVE NOT YET REA*$ ! L[ LEVEL ( ,EUROPE1 NOR ,P>IS1 NOR ! 'SY/EM ( TWO *ILDR51' NOR ,MAHOMET4 ,WE HAVE DISCOV]$ NO?+1 BECAUSE WE HAVE GIV5 IT NO ?\<T4 ,WE FEEL ?AT !RE IS SOME?+ BAD 9 ! TWO FIR/ MEANS2 BUT WE WI% TO PRES]VE ! FAMILY1 & \R VIEW ( WOMAN IS /ILL WORSE4 

0,) US WOMAN MU/ BE AT ! SAME TIME MI/RESS & NURSE1 & H] /R5G? IS NOT SUFFICI5T4 ,?AT IS :Y WE HAVE HY/]IA1 N]V\S ATTACKS1 &1 AMONG ! PEASANTS1 WIT*CRAFT4 ,NOTE ?AT AMONG ! Y\NG GIRLS ( ! PEASANTRY ?IS /ATE ( ?+S DOES NOT EXI/1 BUT ONLY AMONG ! WIVES1 & ! WIVES :O LIVE ) !IR HUSB&S4 ,! REASON IS CLE>1 & ?IS IS ! CAUSE ( ! 9TELLECTUAL & MORAL DECL9E ( WOMAN1 & ( H] ABASEM5T4 

0,IF !Y W\LD ONLY REFLECT :AT A GR& WORK = ! WIFE IS ! P]IOD ( GE/ATION6 ,9 H] IS =M+ ! BE+ :O CONT9UES US1 & ?IS HOLY WORK IS ?W>T$ & R5D]$ PA9FUL 4 4 4 BY :AT8 ,IT IS FRI<TFUL TO ?9K ( IT6 ,& AFT] ?AT !Y TALK ( ! LIB]TIES & ! RI<TS ( WOMAN6 ,IT IS LIKE ! CANNIBALS FATT5+ !IR PRISON]S 9 ORD] TO DEV\R !M1 & ASSUR+ !SE UN=TUNATES AT ! SAME TIME ?AT !IR RI<TS & !IR LIB]TIES >E GU>D$60 

,ALL ?IS WAS NEW TO ME1 & A/ONI%$ ME V]Y MU*4 

0,BUT IF ?IS IS SO10 SAID ,I1 0IT FOLL[S ?AT ONE MAY LOVE HIS WIFE ONLY ONCE EV]Y TWO YE>S2 & AS MAN0 4 4 4 

0,& AS MAN HAS NE$ ( H]1 Y\ >E GO+ TO SAY4 ,AT LEA/1 SO ! PRIE/S ( SCI5CE ASSURE US4 ,I W\LD =CE !SE PRIE/S TO FULFILL ! FUNCTION ( !SE WOM51 :O1 9 !IR OP9ION1 >E NECESS>Y TO MAN4 ,I WOND] :AT SONG !Y W\LD S+ !N4 ,ASSURE MAN ?AT HE NE$S BR&Y1 TOBACCO1 OPIUM1 & HE WILL BELIEVE ?OSE POISONS NECESS>Y4 ,IT FOLL[S ?AT ,GOD DID NOT KN[ H[ TO >RANGE MATT]S PROP]LY1 S9CE1 )\T ASK+ ! OP9IONS ( ! PRIE/S1 HE HAS COMB9$ ?+S AS !Y >E4 ,MAN NE$S1 SO !Y HAVE DECID$1 TO SATISFY HIS S5SUAL DESIRE1 & H]E ?IS FUNCTION IS DI/URB$ BY ! BIR? & ! NURS+ ( *ILDR54 

0,:AT1 !N1 IS TO BE DONE8 ,:Y1 APPLY TO ! PRIE/S2 !Y WILL >RANGE EV]Y?+1 & !Y HAVE REALLY DISCOV]$ A WAY4 ,:51 !N1 WILL !SE RASCALS ) !IR LIES BE UNCR[N$6 ,IT IS HI< TIME4 ,WE HAVE HAD 5\< ( !M4 ,PEOPLE GO MAD1 & %OOT EA* O!R ) REVOLV]S1 & ALWAYS BECAUSE ( ?AT6 ,& H[ C\LD IT BE O!RWISE8 

0,ONE W\LD SAY ?AT ! ANIMALS KN[ ?AT DESC5T CONT9UES !IR RACE1 & ?AT !Y FOLL[ A C]TA9 LAW 9 REG>D !RETO4 ,ONLY MAN DOES NOT KN[ ?IS1 & IS UNWILL+ TO KN[ IT4 ,HE C>ES ONLY TO HAVE AS MU* S5SUAL 5JOYM5T AS POSSIBLE4 ,! K+ ( NATURE1--MAN6 ,9 ! NAME ( HIS LOVE HE KILLS HALF ! HUMAN RACE4 ,( WOMAN1 :O \<T TO BE HIS AID 9 ! MOVEM5T ( HUMANITY T[>D LIB]TY1 HE MAKES1 9 ! NAME ( HIS PLEASURES1 NOT AN AID1 BUT AN 5EMY4 ,:O IS IT ?AT EV]Y:]E PUTS A *ECK UPON ! PROGRESSIVE MOVEM5T ( HUMANITY8 ,WOMAN4 ,:Y IS IT SO8 

0,= ! REASON ?AT ,I HAVE GIV51 & = ?AT REASON ONLY40 

O ,*APT] #ad 

0,YES1 MU* WORSE ?AN ! ANIMAL IS MAN :5 HE DOES NOT LIVE AS A MAN4 ,?US WAS ,I4 ,! HORRIBLE P>T IS ?AT ,I BELIEV$1 9ASMU* AS ,I DID NOT ALL[ MYSELF TO BE S$UC$ BY O!R WOM5 ?AT ,I WAS LEAD+ AN HONE/ FAMILY LIFE1 ?AT ,I WAS A V]Y MORTAL BE+1 & ?AT IF WE HAD QU>RELS1 ! FAULT WAS 9 MY WIFE1 & 9 H] *>ACT]4 

0,BUT IT IS EVID5T ?AT ! FAULT WAS NOT 9 H]4 ,%E WAS LIKE EV]YBODY ELSE1 LIKE ! MAJORITY4 ,%E WAS BR\<T UP ACCORD+ TO ! PR9CIPLES EXACT$ BY ! SITUATION ( \R SOCIETY1--?AT IS1 AS ALL ! Y\NG GIRLS ( \R WEAL?Y CLASSES1 )\T EXCEPTION1 >E BR\<T UP1 & AS !Y CANNOT FAIL TO BE BR\<T UP4 ,H[ MANY TIMES WE HE> OR READ ( REFLECTIONS UPON ! ABNORMAL CONDITION ( WOM51 & UPON :AT !Y \<T TO BE4 ,BUT !SE >E ONLY VA9 WORDS4 ,! $UCATION ( WOM5 RESULTS FROM ! REAL & NOT IMAG9>Y VIEW :I* ! WORLD 5T]TA9S ( WOM5'S VOCATION4 ,ACCORD+ TO ?IS VIEW1 ! CONDITION ( WOM5 CONSI/S 9 PROCUR+ PLEASURE & IT IS TO ?AT 5D ?AT H] $UCATION IS DIRECT$4 ,FROM H] 9FANCY %E IS TAU<T ONLY ?OSE ?+S ?AT >E CALCULAT$ TO 9CREASE H] *>M4 ,EV]Y Y\NG GIRL IS ACCU/OM$ TO ?9K ONLY ( ?AT4 

0,AS ! S]FS W]E BR\<T UP SOLELY TO PLEASE !IR MA/]S1 SO WOMAN IS BR\<T UP TO ATTRACT M54 ,IT CANNOT BE O!RWISE4 ,BUT Y\ WILL SAY1 P]HAPS1 ?AT ?AT APPLIES ONLY TO Y\NG GIRLS :O >E BADLY BR\<T UP1 BUT ?AT !RE IS ANO!R $UCATION1 AN $UCATION ?AT IS S]I\S1 9 ! S*OOLS1 AN $UCATION 9 ! DEAD LANGUAGES1 AN $UCATION 9 ! 9/ITUTIONS ( MIDWIF]Y1 AN $UCATION 9 M$ICAL C\RSES1 & 9 O!R C\RSES4 ,IT IS FALSE4 

0,EV]Y SORT ( FEM99E $UCATION HAS = ITS SOLE OBJECT ! ATTRACTION ( M54 

0,SOME ATTRACT BY MUSIC OR CURLY HAIR1 O!RS BY SCI5CE OR BY CIVIC VIRTUE4 ,! OBJECT IS ! SAME1 & CANNOT BE O!RWISE 7S9CE NO O!R OBJECT EXI/S71--TO S$UCE MAN 9 ORD] TO POSSESS HIM4 ,IMAG9E C\RSES ( 9/RUCTION = WOM5 & FEM99E SCI5CE )\T M51--?AT IS1 LE>N$ WOM51 & M5 NOT ,K,N,[,+ !M AS LE>N$4 ,OH1 NO6 ,NO $UCATION1 NO 9/RUCTION CAN *ANGE WOMAN AS LONG AS H] HI<E/ IDEAL %ALL BE M>RIAGE & NOT VIRG9ITY1 FRE$OM FROM S5SUALITY4 ,UNTIL ?AT TIME %E WILL REMA9 A S]F4 ,ONE NE$ ONLY IMAG9E1 =GETT+ ! UNIV]SALITY ( ! CASE1 ! CONDITIONS 9 :I* \R Y\NG GIRLS >E BR\<T UP1 TO AVOID A/ONI%M5T AT ! DEBAU*]Y ( ! WOM5 ( \R UPP] CLASSES4 ,IT IS ! OPPOSITE ?AT W\LD CAUSE A/ONI%M5T4 

0,FOLL[ MY REASON+4 ,FROM 9FANCY G>M5TS1 ORNAM5TS1 CLEANL9ESS1 GRACE1 DANCES1 MUSIC1 READ+ ( POETRY1 NOVELS1 S++1 ! !AT]1 ! CONC]T1 = USE )9 & )\T1 ACCORD+ AS WOM5 LI/51 OR PRACTICE !MSELVES4 ,) ?AT1 COMPLETE PHYSICAL IDL5ESS1 AN EXCESSIVE C>E ( ! BODY1 A VA/ CONSUMPTION ( SWEETMEATS2 & ,GOD KN[S H[ ! POOR MAID5S SUFF] FROM !IR [N S5SUALITY1 EXCIT$ BY ALL !SE ?+S4 ,N9E \T ( T5 >E TORTUR$ 9TOL]ABLY DUR+ ! FIR/ P]IOD ( MATURITY1 & AFT]W>DS PROVID$ !Y DO NOT M>RY AT ! AGE ( TW5TY4 ,?AT IS :AT WE >E UNWILL+ TO SEE1 BUT ?OSE :O HAVE EYES SEE IT ALL ! SAME4 ,& EV5 ! MAJORITY ( !SE UN=TUNATE CREATURES >E SO EXCIT$ BY A HIDD5 S5SUALITY 7& IT IS LUCKY IF IT IS HIDD57 ?AT !Y >E FIT = NO?+4 ,!Y BECOME ANIMAT$ ONLY 9 ! PRES5CE ( M54 ,!IR :OLE LIFE IS SP5T 9 PREP>ATIONS = COQUETRY1 OR 9 COQUETRY ITSELF4 ,9 ! PRES5CE ( M5 !Y BECOME TOO ANIMAT$2 !Y BEG9 TO LIVE BY S5SUAL 5]GY4 ,BUT ! MOM5T ! MAN GOES AWAY1 ! LIFE /OPS4 

0,& ?AT1 NOT 9 ! PRES5CE ( A C]TA9 MAN1 BUT 9 ! PRES5CE ( ANY MAN1 PROVID$ HE IS NOT UTT]LY HIDE\S4 ,Y\ WILL SAY ?AT ?IS IS AN EXCEPTION4 ,NO1 IT IS A RULE4 ,ONLY 9 SOME IT IS MADE V]Y EVID5T1 9 O!R LESS SO4 ,BUT NO ONE LIVES BY H] [N LIFE2 !Y >E ALL DEP5D5T UPON MAN4 ,!Y CANNOT BE O!RWISE1 S9CE TO !M ! ATTRACTION ( ! GREATE/ NUMB] ( M5 IS ! IDEAL ( LIFE 7Y\NG GIRLS & M>RI$ WOM571 & IT IS = ?IS REASON ?AT !Y HAVE NO FEEL+ /RONG] ?AN ?AT ( ! ANIMAL NE$ ( EV]Y FEMALE :O TRIES TO ATTRACT ! L>GE/ NUMB] ( MALES 9 ORD] TO 9CREASE ! OPPORTUNITIES = *OICE4 ,SO IT IS 9 ! LIFE ( Y\NG GIRLS1 & SO IT CONT9UES DUR+ M>RIAGE4 ,9 ! LIFE ( Y\NG GIRLS IT IS NECESS>Y 9 ORD] TO SELECTION1 & 9 M>RIAGE IT IS NECESS>Y 9 ORD] TO RULE ! HUSB&4 ,ONLY ONE ?+ SUPPRESSES OR 9T]RUPTS !SE T5D5CIES = A TIME1--NAMELY1 *ILDR51--& !N ONLY :5 ! WOMAN IS NOT A MON/]1--?AT IS1 :5 %E NURSES H] [N *ILDR54 ,H]E AGA9 ! DOCTOR 9T]F]ES4 

0,) MY WIFE1 :O DESIR$ TO NURSE H] [N *ILDR51 & :O DID NURSE SIX ( !M1 IT HAPP5$ ?AT ! FIR/ *ILD WAS SICKLY4 ,! DOCTORS1 :O CYNICALLY UNDRESS$ H] & FELT ( H] EV]Y:]E1 & :OM ,I HAD TO ?ANK & PAY = !SE ACTS1--!SE DE> DOCTORS DECID$ ?AT %E \<T NOT TO NURSE H] *ILD1 & %E WAS TEMPOR>ILY DEPRIV$ ( ! ONLY REM$Y = COQUETRY4 ,A NURSE F9I%$ ! NURS+ ( ?IS FIR/-BORN1--?AT IS TO SAY1 WE PR(IT$ BY ! POV]TY & IGNORANCE ( A WOMAN TO /EAL H] FROM H] [N LITTLE ONE 9 FAVOR ( \RS1 & = ?AT PURPOSE WE DRESS$ H] 9 A KAKOS*NIK TRIMM$ ) GOLD LACE4 ,NEV]!LESS1 ?AT IS NOT ! QUE/ION2 BUT !RE WAS AGA9 AWAK5$ 9 MY WIFE ?AT COQUETRY :I* HAD BE5 SLEEP+ DUR+ ! NURS+ P]IOD4 ,?ANKS TO ?AT1 %E REAWAK5$ 9 ME ! TORM5TS ( JEAL\SY :I* ,I HAD =M]LY KN[N1 ?\< 9 A MU* SLI<T] DEGREE40 

O ,*APT] #ae 

0,YES1 JEAL\SY1 ?AT IS ANO!R ( ! SECRETS ( M>RIAGE KN[N TO ALL & CONCEAL$ BY ALL4 ,BESIDES ! G5]AL CAUSE ( ! MUTUAL HATR$ ( HUSB&S & WIVES RESULT+ FROM COMPLICITY 9 ! POLLUTION ( A HUMAN BE+1 & ALSO FROM O!R CAUSES1 ! 9EXHAU/IBLE S\RCE ( M>ITAL W\NDS IS JEAL\SY4 ,BUT BY TACIT CONS5T IT IS DET]M9$ TO CONCEAL !M FROM ALL1 & WE CONCEAL !M4 ,KN[+ !M1 EA* ONE SUPPOSES 9 HIMSELF ?AT IT IS AN UN=TUNATE PECULI>ITY1 & NOT A COMMON DE/9Y4 ,SO IT WAS ) ME1 & IT HAD TO BE SO4 ,!RE CANNOT FAIL TO BE JEAL\SY BETWE5 HUSB&S & WIVES :O LIVE IMMORALLY4 ,IF !Y CANNOT SACRIFICE !IR PLEASURES = ! WELF>E ( !IR *ILD1 !Y CONCLUDE !REFROM1 & TRULY1 ?AT !Y WILL NOT SACRIFICE !IR PLEASURES =1 ,I WILL NOT SAY HAPP9ESS & TRANQUILITY 7S9CE ONE MAY S9 9 SECRET71 BUT EV5 = ! SAKE ( CONSCI5CE4 ,EA* ONE KN[S V]Y WELL ?AT NEI!R ADMITS ANY HI< MORAL REASONS = NOT BETRAY+ ! O!R1 S9CE 9 !IR MUTUAL RELATIONS !Y FAIL 9 ! REQUIREM5TS ( MORALITY1 & FROM ?AT TIME DI/RU/ & WAT* EA* O!R4 

0,OH1 :AT A FRI<TFUL FEEL+ ( JEAL\SY6 ,I DO NOT SPEAK ( ?AT REAL JEAL\SY :I* HAS F\NDATIONS 7IT IS TORM5T+1 BUT IT PROMISES AN ISSUE71 BUT ( ?AT UNCONSCI\S JEAL\SY :I* 9EVITABLY ACCOMPANIES EV]Y IMMORAL M>RIAGE1 & :I*1 HAV+ NO CAUSE1 HAS NO 5D4 ,?IS JEAL\SY IS FRI<TFUL4 ,FRI<TFUL1 ?AT IS ! WORD4 

0,& ?IS IS IT4 ,A Y\NG MAN SPEAKS TO MY WIFE4 ,HE LOOKS AT H] ) A SMILE1 &1 AS IT SEEMS TO ME1 HE SURVEYS H] BODY4 ,H[ DOES HE D>E TO ?9K ( H]1 TO ?9K ( ! POSSIBILITY ( A ROMANCE ) H]8 ,& H[ CAN %E1 SEE+ ?IS1 TOL]ATE HIM8 ,NOT ONLY DOES %E TOL]ATE HIM1 BUT %E SEEMS PLEAS$4 ,I EV5 SEE ?AT %E PUTS H]SELF TO TR\BLE ON HIS ACC\NT4 ,& 9 MY S\L !RE RISES SU* A HATR$ = H] ?AT EA* ( H] WORDS1 EA* GE/URE1 DISGU/S ME4 ,%E NOTICES IT1 %E KN[S NOT :AT TO DO1 & H[ ASSUME AN AIR ( 9DIFF]5T ANIMATION8 ,AH6 ,I SUFF]6 ,?AT MAKES H] GAY1 %E IS CONT5T4 ,& MY HATR$ 9CREASES T5FOLD1 BUT ,I DO NOT D>E TO GIVE IT FREE =CE1 BECAUSE AT ! BOTTOM ( MY S\L ,I KN[ ?AT !RE >E NO REAL REASONS = IT1 & ,I REMA9 9 MY SEAT1 FEIGN+ 9DIFF]5CE1 & EXAGG]AT+ MY ATT5TION & C\RTESY TO ,H,I,M4 

0,!N ,I GET ANGRY ) MYSELF4 ,I DESIRE TO LEAVE ! ROOM1 TO LEAVE !M ALONE1 & ,I DO1 9 FACT1 GO \T2 BUT SC>CELY AM ,I \TSIDE :5 ,I AM 9VAD$ BY A FE> ( :AT IS TAK+ PLACE )9 MY ABS5CE4 ,I GO 9 AGA91 9V5T+ SOME PRETEXT4 ,OR SOMETIMES ,I DO NOT GO 92 ,I REMA9 NE> ! DOOR1 & LI/54 ,H[ CAN %E HUMILIATE H]SELF & HUMILIATE ME BY PLAC+ ME 9 ?IS C[>DLY SITUATION ( SUSPICION & ESPIONAGE8 ,OH1 ABOM9ATION6 ,OH1 ! WICK$ ANIMAL6 ,& HE TOO1 :AT DOES HE ?9K ( Y\8 ,BUT HE IS LIKE ALL M54 ,HE IS :AT ,I WAS BE=E MY M>RIAGE4 ,IT GIVES HIM PLEASURE4 ,HE EV5 SMILES :5 HE LOOKS AT ME1 AS MU* AS TO SAY3 ',:AT HAVE Y\ TO DO ) ?IS8 ,IT IS MY TURN N[4' 

0,?IS FEEL+ IS HORRIBLE4 ,ITS BURN IS UN5DURABLE4 ,TO 5T]TA9 ?IS FEEL+ T[>D ANY ONE1 TO ONCE SUSPECT A MAN ( LU/+ AFT] MY WIFE1 WAS 5\< TO SPOIL ?IS MAN =EV] 9 MY EYES1 AS IF HE HAD BE5 SPR9KL$ ) VITRIOL4 ,LET ME ONCE BECOME JEAL\S ( A BE+1 & NEV]MORE C\LD ,I REE/ABLI% ) HIM SIMPLE HUMAN RELATIONS1 & MY EYES FLA%$ :5 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM4 

0,AS = MY WIFE1 SO MANY TIMES HAD ,I 5VELOP$ H] ) ?IS MORAL VITRIOL1 ) ?IS JEAL\S HATR$1 ?AT %E WAS DEGRAD$ !REBY4 ,9 ! P]IODS ( ?IS CAUSELESS HATR$ ,I GRADUALLY UNCR[N$ H]4 ,I COV]$ H] ) %AME 9 MY IMAG9ATION4 

0,I 9V5T$ IMPOSSIBLE KNAV]IES4 ,I SUSPECT$1 ,I AM A%AM$ TO SAY1 ?AT %E1 ?IS QUE5 ( ',! ,?\S& & ,ONE ,NI<TS1' DECEIV$ ME ) MY S]F1 UND] MY V]Y EYES1 & LAU<+ AT ME4 

0,?US1 ) EA* NEW ACCESS ( JEAL\SY 7,I SPEAK ALWAYS ( CAUSELESS JEAL\SY71 ,I 5T]$ 9TO ! FURR[ DUG =M]LY BY MY FIL?Y SUSPICIONS1 & ,I CONT9UALLY DEEP5$ IT4 ,%E DID ! SAME ?+4 ,IF ,I HAVE REASONS TO BE JEAL\S1 %E :O KNEW MY PA/ HAD A ?\S& TIMES MORE4 ,& %E WAS MORE ILL-NATUR$ 9 H] JEAL\SY ?AN ,I4 ,& ! SUFF]+S ?AT ,I FELT FROM H] JEAL\SY W]E DIFF]5T1 & LIKEWISE V]Y PA9FUL4 

0,! SITUATION MAY BE DESCRIB$ ?US4 ,WE >E LIV+ MORE OR LESS TRANQUILLY4 ,I AM EV5 GAY & CONT5T$4 ,SUDD5LY WE />T A CONV]SATION ON SOME MO/ COMMONPLACE SUBJECT1 & DIRECTLY %E F9DS H]SELF DISAGREE+ ) ME UPON MATT]S CONC]N+ :I* WE HAVE BE5 G5]ALLY 9 ACCORD4 ,& FUR!RMORE ,I SEE ?AT1 )\T ANY NECESSITY !RE=1 %E IS BECOM+ IRRITAT$4 ,I ?9K ?AT %E HAS A N]V\S ATTACK1 OR ELSE ?AT ! SUBJECT ( CONV]SATION IS REALLY DISAGREEABLE TO H]4 ,WE TALK ( SOME?+ ELSE1 & ?AT BEG9S AGA94 ,AGA9 %E TORM5TS ME1 & BECOMES IRRITAT$4 ,I AM A/ONI%$ & LOOK = A REASON4 ,:Y8 ,= :AT8 ,%E KEEPS SIL5CE1 ANSW]S ME ) MONOSYLLABLES1 EVID5TLY MAK+ ALLUSIONS TO SOME?+4 ,I BEG9 TO DIV9E ?AT ! REASON ( ALL ?IS IS ?AT ,I HAVE TAK5 A FEW WALKS 9 ! G>D5 ) H] C\S91 TO :OM ,I DID NOT GIVE EV5 A ?\<T4 ,I BEG9 TO DIV9E1 BUT ,I CANNOT SAY SO4 ,IF ,I SAY SO1 ,I CONFIRM H] SUSPICIONS4 ,I 9T]ROGATE H]1 ,I QUE/ION H]4 ,%E DOES NOT ANSW]1 BUT %E SEES ?AT ,I UND]/&1 & ?AT CONFIRMS H] SUSPICIONS4 

0',:AT IS ! MATT] ) Y\8' ,I ASK4 

0',NO?+1 ,I AM AS WELL AS USUAL1' %E ANSW]S4 

0,& AT ! SAME TIME1 LIKE A CRAZY WOMAN1 %E GIVES UTT]ANCE TO ! SILLIE/ REM>KS1 TO ! MO/ 9EXPLICABLE EXPLOSIONS ( SPITE4 

0,SOMETIMES ,I AM PATI5T1 BUT AT O!R TIMES ,I BREAK \T ) ANG]4 ,!N H] [N IRRITATION IS LAUN*$ =? 9 A FLOOD ( 9SULTS1 9 *>GES ( IMAG9>Y CRIMES & ALL C>RI$ TO ! HI<E/ DEGREE BY SOBS1 TE>S1 & RETREATS ?R\< ! H\SE TO ! MO/ IMPROBABLE SPOTS4 ,I GO TO LOOK = H]4 ,I AM A%AM$ BE=E PEOPLE1 BE=E ! *ILDR51 BUT !RE IS NO?+ TO BE DONE4 ,%E IS 9 A CONDITION :]E ,I FEEL ?AT %E IS READY = ANY?+4 ,I RUN1 & F9ALLY F9D H]4 ,NI<TS ( TORTURE FOLL[1 9 :I* BO? ( US1 ) EXHAU/$ N]VES1 APPEASE EA* O!R1 AFT] ! MO/ CRUEL WORDS & ACCUSATIONS4 

0,YES1 JEAL\SY1 CAUSELESS JEAL\SY1 IS ! CONDITION ( \R DEBAU*$ CONJUGAL LIFE4 ,& ?R\<\T MY M>RIAGE NEV] DID ,I CEASE TO FEEL IT & TO SUFF] FROM IT4 ,!RE W]E TWO P]IODS 9 :I* ,I SUFF]$ MO/ 9T5SELY4 ,! FIR/ TIME WAS AFT] ! BIR? ( \R FIR/ *ILD1 :5 ! DOCTORS HAD =BIDD5 MY WIFE TO NURSE IT4 ,I WAS P>TICUL>LY JEAL\S1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 BECAUSE MY WIFE FELT ?AT RE/LESSNESS PECULI> TO ANIMAL MATT] :5 ! REGUL> C\RSE ( LIFE IS 9T]RUPT$ )\T OCCASION4 ,BUT ESPECIALLY WAS ,I JEAL\S BECAUSE1 HAV+ SE5 ) :AT FACILITY %E HAD ?R[N (F H] MORAL DUTIES AS A MO!R1 ,I CONCLUD$ RI<TLY1 ?\< UNCONSCI\SLY1 ?AT %E W\LD ?R[ (F AS EASILY H] CONJUGAL DUTIES1 FEEL+ ALL ! SUR] ( ?IS BECAUSE %E WAS 9 P]FECT HEAL?1 AS WAS %[N BY ! FACT ?AT1 9 SPITE ( ! PROHIBITION ( ! DE> DOCTORS1 %E NURS$ H] FOLL[+ *ILDR51 & EV5 V]Y WELL40 

0,I SEE ?AT Y\ HAVE NO LOVE = ! DOCTORS10 SAID ,I1 HAV+ NOTIC$ ,POSDNI*EFF'S EXTRAORD9>ILY SPITEFUL EXPRESSION ( FACE & TONE ( VOICE :5EV] HE SPOKE ( !M4 

0,IT IS NOT A QUE/ION ( LOV+ !M OR ( NOT LOV+ !M4 ,!Y HAVE RU9$ MY LIFE1 AS !Y HAVE RU9$ ! LIVES ( ?\S&S ( BE+S BE=E ME1 & ,I CANNOT HELP CONNECT+ ! CONSEQU5CE ) ! CAUSE4 ,I CONCEIVE ?AT !Y DESIRE1 LIKE ! LAWY]S & ! RE/1 TO MAKE MONEY4 ,I W\LD WILL+LY HAVE GIV5 !M HALF ( MY 9COME--& ANY ONE W\LD HAVE DONE IT 9 MY PLACE1 UND]/&+ :AT !Y DO--IF !Y HAD CONS5T$ NOT TO M$DLE 9 MY CONJUGAL LIFE1 & TO KEEP !MSELVES AT A DI/ANCE4 ,I HAVE COMPIL$ NO /ATI/ICS1 BUT ,I KN[ SCORES ( CASES--9 REALITY1 !Y >E 9NUM]ABLE--:]E !Y HAVE KILL$1 N[ A *ILD 9 ITS MO!R'S WOMB1 ASS]T+ POSITIVELY ?AT ! MO!R C\LD NOT GIVE BIR? TO IT 7:5 ! MO!R C\LD GIVE BIR? TO IT V]Y WELL71 N[ MO!RS1 UND] ! PRETEXT ( A SO-CALL$ OP]ATION4 ,NO ONE HAS C\NT$ !SE MURD]S1 JU/ AS NO ONE C\NT$ ! MURD]S ( ! ,9QUISITION1 BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOS$ ?AT !Y W]E COMMITT$ = ! B5EFIT ( HUMANITY4 ,9NUM]ABLE >E ! CRIMES ( ! DOCTORS6 ,BUT ALL !SE CRIMES >E NO?+ COMP>$ ) ! MAT]IALI/IC DEMORALIZATION :I* !Y 9TRODUCE 9TO ! WORLD ?R\< WOM54 ,I SAY NO?+ ( ! FACT ?AT1 IF IT W]E TO FOLL[ !IR ADVICE1--?ANKS TO ! MICROBE :I* !Y SEE EV]Y:]E1--HUMANITY1 9/EAD ( T5D+ TO UNION1 W\LD PROCE$ /RAI<T TO COMPLETE DISUNION4 ,EV]YBODY1 ACCORD+ TO !IR DOCTR9E1 %\LD ISOLATE HIMSELF1 & NEV] REMOVE FROM HIS M\? A SYR+E FILL$ ) PH5IC ACID 7MOREOV]1 !Y HAVE F\ND \T N[ ?AT IT DOES NO GOOD74 ,BUT ,I W\LD PASS OV] ALL !SE ?+S4 ,! SUPREME POISON IS ! P]V]SION ( PEOPLE1 ESPECIALLY ( WOM54 ,ONE CAN NO LONG] SAY N[3 ',Y\ LIVE BADLY1 LIVE BETT]4' ,ONE CAN NO LONG] SAY IT EI!R TO HIMSELF OR TO O!RS1 =1 IF Y\ LIVE BADLY 7SAY ! DOCTORS71 ! CAUSE IS 9 ! N]V\S SY/EM OR 9 SOME?+ SIMIL>1 & IT IS NECESS>Y TO GO TO CONSULT !M1 & !Y WILL PRESCRIBE = Y\ ?IRTY-FIVE KOPECKS' WOR? ( REM$IES TO BE B\<T AT ! DRUG-/ORE1 & Y\ MU/ SWALL[ !M4 ,Y\R CONDITION GR[S WORSE8 ,AGA9 TO ! DOCTORS1 & MORE REM$IES6 ,AN EXCELL5T BUS9ESS6 

0,BUT TO RETURN TO \R SUBJECT4 ,I WAS SAY+ ?AT MY WIFE NURS$ H] *ILDR5 WELL1 ?AT ! NURS+ & ! GE/ATION ( ! *ILDR51 & ! *ILDR5 9 G5]AL1 QUIET$ MY TORTURES ( JEAL\SY1 BUT ?AT1 ON ! O!R H&1 !Y PROVOK$ TORM5TS ( A DIFF]5T SORT40 

O ,*APT] #af 

0,! *ILDR5 CAME RAPIDLY1 ONE AFT] ANO!R1 & !RE HAPP5$ :AT HAPP5S 9 \R SOCIETY ) *ILDR5 & DOCTORS4 ,YES1 *ILDR51 MAT]NAL LOVE1 IT IS A PA9FUL ?+4 ,*ILDR51 TO A WOMAN ( \R SOCIETY1 >E NOT A JOY1 A PRIDE1 NOR A FULFILLM5T ( H] VOCATION1 BUT A CAUSE ( FE>1 ANXIETY1 & 9T]M9ABLE SUFF]+1 TORTURE4 ,WOM5 SAY IT1 !Y ?9K IT1 & !Y FEEL IT TOO4 ,*ILDR5 TO !M >E REALLY A TORTURE1 NOT BECAUSE !Y DO NOT WI% TO GIVE BIR? TO !M1 NURSE !M1 & C>E = !M 7WOM5 ) A /RONG MAT]NAL 9/9CT--& SU* WAS MY WIFE-->E READY TO DO ?AT71 BUT BECAUSE ! *ILDR5 MAY FALL SICK & DIE4 ,!Y DO NOT WI% TO GIVE BIR? TO !M1 & !N NOT LOVE !M2 & :5 !Y LOVE1 !Y DO NOT WI% TO FEEL FE> = ! *ILD'S HEAL? & LIFE4 ,?AT IS :Y !Y DO NOT WI% TO NURSE !M4 ',IF ,I NURSE IT1' !Y SAY1 ',I %ALL BECOME TOO FOND ( IT4' ,ONE W\LD ?9K ?AT !Y PREF]R$ 9DIA-RUBB] *ILDR51 :I* C\LD NEI!R BE SICK NOR DIE1 & C\LD ALWAYS BE REPAIR$4 ,:AT AN 5TANGLEM5T 9 ! BRA9S ( !SE POOR WOM56 ,:Y SU* ABOM9ATIONS TO AVOID PREGNANCY1 & TO AVOID ! LOVE ( ! LITTLE ONES8 

0,LOVE1 ! MO/ JOY\S CONDITION ( ! S\L1 IS REPRES5T$ AS A DANG]4 ,& :Y8 ,BECAUSE1 :5 A MAN DOES NOT LIVE AS A MAN1 HE IS WORSE ?AN A BEA/4 ,A WOMAN CANNOT LOOK UPON A *ILD O!RWISE ?AN AS A PLEASURE4 ,IT IS TRUE ?AT IT IS PA9FUL TO GIVE BIR? TO IT1 BUT :AT LITTLE H&S6 4 4 4 ,OH1 ! LITTLE H&S6 ,OH1 ! LITTLE FEET6 ,OH1 ITS SMILE6 ,OH1 ITS LITTLE BODY6 ,OH1 ITS PRATTLE6 ,OH1 ITS HICC\<6 ,9 A WORD1 IT IS A FEEL+ ( ANIMAL1 S5SUAL MAT]NITY4 ,BUT AS = ANY IDEA AS TO ! MY/]I\S SIGNIFICANCE ( ! APPE>ANCE ( A NEW HUMAN BE+ TO REPLACE US1 !RE IS SC>CELY A SIGN ( IT4 

0,NO?+ ( IT APPE>S 9 ALL ?AT IS SAID & DONE4 ,NO ONE HAS ANY FAI? N[ 9 A BAPTISM ( ! *ILD1 & YET ?AT WAS NO?+ BUT A REM9D] ( ! HUMAN SIGNIFICANCE ( ! NEWBORN BABE4 

0,!Y HAVE REJECT$ ALL ?AT1 BUT !Y HAVE NOT REPLAC$ IT1 & !RE REMA9 ONLY ! DRESSES1 ! LACES1 ! LITTLE H&S1 ! LITTLE FEET1 & :ATEV] EXI/S 9 ! ANIMAL4 ,BUT ! ANIMAL HAS NEI!R IMAG9ATION1 NOR =ESI<T1 NOR REASON1 NOR A DOCTOR4 

0,NO6 NOT EV5 A DOCTOR6 ,! *ICK5 DROOPS ITS HEAD1 OV]:ELM$1 OR ! CALF DIES2 ! H5 CLUCKS & ! C[ L[S = A TIME1 & !N !SE BEA/S CONT9UE TO LIVE1 =GETT+ :AT HAS HAPP5$4 

0,) US1 IF ! *ILD FALLS SICK1 :AT IS TO BE DONE1 H[ TO C>E = IT1 :AT DOCTOR TO CALL1 :]E TO GO8 ,IF IT DIES1 !RE WILL BE NO MORE LITTLE H&S OR LITTLE FEET1 & !N :AT IS ! USE ( ! SUFF]+S 5DUR$8 ,! C[ DOES NOT ASK ALL ?AT1 & ?IS IS :Y *ILDR5 >E A S\RCE ( MIS]Y4 ,! C[ HAS NO IMAG9ATION1 & = ?AT REASON CANNOT ?9K H[ IT MI<T HAVE SAV$ ! *ILD IF IT HAD DONE ?IS OR ?AT1 & ITS GRIEF1 F\ND$ 9 ITS PHYSICAL BE+1 LA/S BUT A V]Y %ORT TIME4 ,IT IS ONLY A CONDITION1 & NOT ?AT SORR[ :I* BECOMES EXAGG]AT$ TO ! PO9T ( DESPAIR1 ?ANKS TO IDL5ESS & SATIETY4 ,! C[ HAS NOT ?AT REASON+ FACULTY :I* W\LD 5ABLE IT TO ASK ! :Y4 ,:Y 5DURE ALL !SE TORTURES8 ,:AT WAS ! USE ( SO MU* LOVE1 IF ! LITTLE ONES W]E TO DIE8 ,! C[ HAS NO LOGIC :I* TELLS IT TO HAVE NO MORE *ILDR51 &1 IF ANY COME ACCID5TALLY1 TO NEI!R LOVE NOR NURSE !M1 ?AT IT MAY NOT SUFF]4 ,BUT \R WIVES REASON1 & REASON 9 ?IS WAY1 & ?AT IS :Y ,I SAID ?AT1 :5 A MAN DOES NOT LIVE AS A MAN1 HE IS B5EA? ! ANIMAL40 

0,BUT !N1 H[ IS IT NECESS>Y TO ACT1 9 Y\R OP9ION1 9 ORD] TO TREAT *ILDR5 HUMANLY80 ,I ASK$4 

0,H[8 ,:Y1 LOVE !M HUMANLY40 

0,WELL1 DO NOT MO!RS LOVE !IR *ILDR580 

0,!Y DO NOT LOVE !M HUMANLY1 OR V]Y SELDOM DO1 & ?AT IS :Y !Y DO NOT LOVE !M EV5 AS DOGS4 ,M>K ?IS1 A H51 A GOOSE1 A WOLF1 WILL ALWAYS REMA9 TO WOMAN 9ACCESSIBLE IDEALS ( ANIMAL LOVE4 ,IT IS A R>E ?+ = A WOMAN TO ?R[ H]SELF1 AT ! P]IL ( H] LIFE1 UPON AN ELEPHANT TO SNAT* H] *ILD AWAY1 :]EAS A H5 OR A SP>R[ WILL NOT FAIL TO FLY AT A DOG & SACRIFICE ITSELF UTT]LY = ITS *ILDR54 ,OBS]VE ?IS1 ALSO4 ,WOMAN HAS ! P[] TO LIMIT H] PHYSICAL LOVE = H] *ILDR51 :I* AN ANIMAL CANNOT DO4 ,DOES ?AT MEAN ?AT1 BECAUSE ( ?IS1 WOMAN IS 9F]IOR TO ! ANIMAL8 ,NO4 ,%E IS SUP]IOR 7& EV5 TO SAY SUP]IOR IS UNJU/1 %E IS NOT SUP]IOR1 %E IS DIFF]5T71 BUT %E HAS O!R DUTIES1 HUMAN DUTIES4 ,%E CAN RE/RA9 H]SELF 9 ! MATT] ( ANIMAL LOVE1 & TRANSF] H] LOVE TO ! S\L ( ! *ILD4 ,?AT IS :AT WOMAN'S ROLE %\LD BE1 & ?AT IS PRECISELY :AT WE DO NOT SEE 9 \R SOCIETY4 ,WE READ ( ! H]OIC ACTS ( MO!RS :O SACRIFICE !IR *ILDR5 9 ! NAME ( A SUP]IOR IDEA1 & !SE ?+S SEEM TO US LIKE TALES ( ! ANCI5T WORLD1 :I* DO NOT CONC]N US4 ,& YET ,I BELIEVE ?AT1 IF ! MO!R HAS NOT SOME IDEAL1 9 ! NAME ( :I* %E CAN SACRIFICE ! ANIMAL FEEL+1 & IF ?IS =CE F9DS NO EMPLOYM5T1 %E WILL TRANSF] IT TO *IM]ICAL ATTEMPTS TO PHYSICALLY PRES]VE H] *ILD1 AID$ 9 ?IS TASK BY ! DOCTOR1 & %E WILL SUFF] AS %E DOES SUFF]4 

0,SO IT WAS ) MY WIFE4 ,:E!R !RE WAS ONE *ILD OR FIVE1 ! FEEL+ REMA9$ ! SAME4 ,9 FACT1 IT WAS A LITTLE BETT] :5 !RE HAD BE5 FIVE4 ,LIFE WAS ALWAYS POISON$ ) FE> = ! *ILDR51 NOT ONLY FROM !IR REAL OR IMAG9>Y DISEASES1 BUT EV5 BY !IR SIMPLE PRES5CE4 ,= MY P>T1 AT LEA/1 ?R\<\T MY CONJUGAL LIFE1 ALL MY 9T]E/S & ALL MY HAPP9ESS DEP5D$ UPON ! HEAL? ( MY *ILDR51 !IR CONDITION1 !IR /UDIES4 ,*ILDR51 IT IS NE$LESS TO SAY1 >E A S]I\S CONSID]ATION2 BUT ALL \<T TO LIVE1 & 9 \R DAYS P>5TS CAN NO LONG] LIVE4 ,REGUL> LIFE DOES NOT EXI/ = !M4 ,! :OLE LIFE ( ! FAMILY HANGS BY A HAIR4 ,:AT A T]RIBLE ?+ IT IS TO SUDD5LY RECEIVE ! NEWS ?AT LITTLE ,BASILE IS VOMIT+1 OR ?AT ,LISE HAS A CRAMP 9 ! /OMA*6 ,IMM$IATELY Y\ AB&ON EV]Y?+1 Y\ =GET EV]Y?+1 EV]Y?+ BECOMES NO?+4 ,! ESS5TIAL ?+ IS ! DOCTOR1 ! 5EMA1 ! TEMP]ATURE4 ,Y\ CANNOT BEG9 A CONV]SATION BUT LITTLE ,PI]RE COMES RUNN+ 9 ) AN ANXI\S AIR TO ASK IF HE MAY EAT AN APPLE1 OR :AT JACKET HE %ALL PUT ON1 OR ELSE IT IS ! S]VANT :O 5T]S ) A SCREAM+ BABY4 

0,REGUL>1 /EADY FAMILY LIFE DOES NOT EXI/4 ,:]E Y\ LIVE1 & CONSEQU5TLY :AT Y\ DO1 DEP5DS UPON ! HEAL? ( ! LITTLE ONES1 ! HEAL? ( ! LITTLE ONES DEP5DS UPON NOBODY1 &1 ?ANKS TO ! DOCTORS1 :O PRET5D TO AID HEAL?1 Y\R 5TIRE LIFE IS DI/URB$4 ,IT IS A P]PETUAL P]IL4 ,SC>CELY DO WE BELIEVE \RSELVES \T ( IT :5 A NEW DANG] COMES3 MORE ATTEMPTS TO SAVE4 ,ALWAYS ! SITUATION ( SAILORS ON A F\ND]+ VESSEL4 ,SOMETIMES IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ?IS WAS DONE ON PURPOSE1 ?AT MY WIFE FEIGN$ ANXIETY 9 ORD] TO CONQU] ME1 S9CE ?AT SOLV$ ! QUE/ION SO SIMPLY = H] B5EFIT4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ALL ?AT %E DID AT ?OSE TIMES WAS DONE = ITS EFFECT UPON ME1 BUT N[ ,I SEE ?AT %E H]SELF1 MY WIFE1 SUFF]$ & WAS TORTUR$ ON ACC\NT ( ! LITTLE ONES1 !IR HEAL?1 & !IR DISEASES4 

0,A TORTURE TO BO? ( US1 BUT TO H] ! *ILDR5 W]E ALSO A MEANS ( =GETT+ H]SELF1 LIKE AN 9TOXICATION4 ,I (T5 NOTIC$1 :5 %E WAS V]Y SAD1 ?AT %E WAS RELIEV$1 :5 A *ILD FELL SICK1 AT BE+ ABLE TO TAKE REFUGE 9 ?IS 9TOXICATION4 ,IT WAS 9VOLUNT>Y 9TOXICATION1 BECAUSE AS YET !RE WAS NO?+ ELSE4 ,ON EV]Y SIDE WE HE>D ?AT ,MRS4 ,SO-&-SO HAD LO/ *ILDR51 ?AT ,DR4 ,SO-&-SO HAD SAV$ ! *ILD ( ,MRS4 ,SO-&-SO1 & ?AT 9 A C]TA9 FAMILY ALL HAD MOV$ FROM ! H\SE 9 :I* !Y W]E LIV+1 & !REBY SAV$ ! LITTLE ONES4 ,& ! DOCTORS1 ) A S]I\S AIR1 CONFIRM$ ?IS1 SU/A9+ MY WIFE 9 H] OP9IONS4 ,%E WAS NOT PRONE TO FE>1 BUT ! DOCTOR DROPP$ SOME WORD1 LIKE CORRUPTION ( ! BLOOD1 SC>LAT9A1 OR ELSE--HEAV5 HELP US--DIPH!RIA1 & (F %E W5T4 

0,IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE = IT TO BE O!RWISE4 ,WOM5 9 ! OLD DAYS HAD ! BELIEF ?AT ',GOD HAS GIV51 ,GOD HAS TAK5 AWAY1' ?AT ! S\L ( ! LITTLE ANGEL IS GO+ TO HEAV51 & ?AT IT IS BETT] TO DIE 9NOC5T ?AN TO DIE 9 S94 ,IF ! WOM5 ( TO-DAY HAD SOME?+ LIKE ?IS FAI?1 !Y C\LD 5DURE MORE PEACEFULLY ! SICKNESS ( !IR *ILDR54 ,BUT ( ALL ?AT !RE DOES NOT REMA9 EV5 A TRACE4 ,& YET IT IS NECESS>Y TO BELIEVE 9 SOME?+2 CONSEQU5TLY !Y /UPIDLY BELIEVE 9 M$IC9E1 & NOT EV5 9 M$IC9E1 BUT 9 ! DOCTOR4 ,ONE BELIEVES 9 ,X1 ANO!R 9 ,Z1 &1 LIKE ALL BELIEV]S1 !Y DO NOT SEE ! IDIOCY ( !IR BELIEFS4 ,!Y BELIEVE QUIA ABSURDUM1 BECAUSE1 9 REALITY1 IF !Y DID NOT BELIEVE 9 A /UPID WAY1 !Y W\LD SEE ! VANITY ( ALL ?AT !SE BRIG&S PRESCRIBE = !M4 ,SC>LAT9A IS A CONTAGI\S DISEASE2 SO1 :5 ONE LIVES 9 A L>GE CITY1 HALF ! FAMILY HAS TO MOVE AWAY FROM ITS RESID5CE 7WE DID IT TWICE71 & YET EV]Y MAN 9 ! CITY IS A C5T] ?R\< :I* PASS 9NUM]ABLE DIAMET]S1 C>RY+ ?READS ( ALL SORTS ( CONTAGIONS4 ,!RE IS NO OB/ACLE3 ! BAK]1 ! TAILOR1 ! COA*MAN1 ! LAUNDRESSES4 

0,& ,I W\LD UND]TAKE1 = EV]Y MAN :O MOVES ON ACC\NT ( CONTAGION1 TO F9D 9 HIS NEW DWELL+-PLACE ANO!R CONTAGION SIMIL>1 IF NOT ! SAME4 

0,BUT ?AT IS NOT ALL4 ,EV]Y ONE KN[S RI* PEOPLE :O1 AFT] A CASE ( DIPH!RIA1 DE/ROY EV]Y?+ 9 !IR RESID5CES1 & !N FALL SICK 9 H\SES NEWLY BUILT & FURNI%$4 ,EV]Y ONE KN[S1 LIKEWISE1 NUMB]S ( M5 :O COME 9 CONTACT ) SICK PEOPLE & DO NOT GET 9FECT$4 ,\R ANXIETIES >E DUE TO ! PEOPLE :O CIRCULATE TALL /ORIES4 ,ONE WOMAN SAYS ?AT %E HAS AN EXCELL5T DOCTOR4 ',P>DON ME1' ANSW]S ! O!R1 'HE KILL$ SU* A ONE1' OR SU* A ONE4 ,& VICE V]SA4 ,BR+ H] ANO!R1 :O KN[S NO MORE1 :O LE>N$ FROM ! SAME BOOKS1 :O TREATS ACCORD+ TO ! SAME =MULAS1 BUT :O GOES AB\T 9 A C>RIAGE1 & ASKS A HUNDR$ RUBLES A VISIT1 & %E WILL HAVE FAI? 9 HIM4 

0,IT ALL LIES 9 ! FACT ?AT \R WOM5 >E SAVAGES4 ,!Y HAVE NO BELIEF 9 ,GOD1 BUT SOME ( !M BELIEVE 9 ! EVIL EYE1 & ! O!RS 9 DOCTORS :O *>GE HI< FEES4 ,IF !Y HAD FAI? !Y W\LD KN[ ?AT SC>LAT9A1 DIPH!RIA1 ETC41 >E NOT SO T]RIBLE1 S9CE !Y CANNOT DI/URB ?AT :I* MAN CAN & %\LD LOVE1--! S\L4 ,!RE CAN RESULT FROM !M ONLY ?AT :I* NONE ( US CAN AVOID1--DISEASE & DEA?4 ,)\T FAI? 9 ,GOD1 !Y LOVE ONLY PHYSICALLY1 & ALL !IR 5]GY IS CONC5TRAT$ UPON ! PRES]VATION ( LIFE1 :I* CANNOT BE PRES]V$1 & :I* ! DOCTORS PROMISE ! FOOLS ( BO? SEXES TO SAVE4 ,& FROM ?AT TIME !RE IS NO?+ TO BE DONE2 ! DOCTORS MU/ BE SUMMON$4 

0,?US ! PRES5CE ( ! *ILDR5 NOT ONLY DID NOT IMPROVE \R RELATIONS AS HUSB& & WIFE1 BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 DISUNIT$ US4 ,! *ILDR5 BECAME AN ADDITIONAL CAUSE ( DISPUTE1 & ! L>G] !Y GREW1 ! MORE !Y BECAME AN 9/RUM5T ( /RUGGLE4 

0,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT WE US$ !M AS WEAPONS ) :I* TO COMBAT EA* O!R4 ,EA* ( US HAD HIS FAVORITE4 ,I MADE USE ( LITTLE ,BASILE 7! ELDE/71 %E ( ,LISE4 ,FUR!R1 :5 ! *ILDR5 REA*$ AN AGE :]E !IR *>ACT]S BEGAN TO BE DEF9$1 !Y BECAME ALLIES1 :I* WE DREW EA* 9 HIS OR H] [N DIRECTION4 ,!Y SUFF]$ HORRIBLY FROM ?IS1 ! POOR ?+S1 BUT WE1 9 \R P]PETUAL HUBBUB1 W]E NOT CLE>HEAD$ 5\< TO ?9K ( !M4 ,! LITTLE GIRL WAS DEVOT$ TO ME1 BUT ! ELDE/ BOY1 :O RESEMBL$ MY WIFE1 HIS FAVORITE1 (T5 9SPIR$ ME ) DISLIKE40 

O ,*APT] #ag 

0,WE LIV$ AT FIR/ 9 ! C\NTRY1 !N 9 ! CITY1 &1 IF ! F9AL MIS=TUNE HAD NOT HAPP5$1 ,I %\LD HAVE LIV$ ?US UNTIL MY OLD AGE & %\LD !N HAVE BELIEV$ ?AT ,I HAD HAD A GOOD LIFE1--NOT TOO GOOD1 BUT1 ON ! O!R H&1 NOT BAD1--AN EXI/5CE SU* AS O!R PEOPLE LEAD4 ,I %\LD NOT HAVE UND]/OOD ! ABYSS ( MIS=TUNE & IGNOBLE FALSEHOOD 9 :I* ,I FL\ND]$ AB\T1 FEEL+ ?AT SOME?+ WAS NOT RI<T4 ,I FELT1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 ?AT ,I1 A MAN1 :O1 ACCORD+ TO MY IDEAS1 \<T TO BE ! MA/]1 WORE ! PETTICOATS1 & ?AT ,I C\LD NOT GET RID ( !M4 ,! PR9CIPAL CAUSE ( MY SUBJECTION WAS ! *ILDR54 ,I %\LD HAVE LIK$ TO FREE MYSELF1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT4 ,BR++ UP ! *ILDR51 & RE/+ UPON !M1 MY WIFE RUL$4 ,I DID NOT !N REALIZE ?AT %E C\LD NOT HELP RUL+1 ESPECIALLY BECAUSE1 9 M>RY+1 %E WAS MORALLY SUP]IOR TO ME1 AS EV]Y Y\NG GIRL IS 9COMP>ABLY SUP]IOR TO ! MAN1 S9CE %E IS 9COMP>ABLY PUR]4 ,/RANGE ?+6 ,! ORD9>Y WIFE 9 \R SOCIETY IS A V]Y COMMONPLACE P]SON OR WORSE1 SELFI%1 GOSSIP+1 :IMSICAL1 :]EAS ! ORD9>Y Y\NG GIRL1 UNTIL ! AGE ( TW5TY1 IS A *>M+ BE+1 READY = EV]Y?+ ?AT IS BEAUTIFUL & L(TY4 ,:Y IS ?IS SO8 ,EVID5TLY BECAUSE HUSB&S P]V]T !M1 & L[] !M TO !IR [N LEVEL4 

0,9 TRU?1 IF BOYS & GIRLS >E BORN EQUAL1 ! LITTLE GIRLS F9D !MSELVES 9 A BETT] SITUATION4 ,9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 ! Y\NG GIRL IS NOT SUBJECT$ TO ! P]V]T+ CONDITIONS TO :I* WE >E SUBJECT$4 ,%E HAS NEI!R CIG>ETTES1 NOR W9E1 NOR C>DS1 NOR COMRADES1 NOR PUBLIC H\SES1 NOR PUBLIC FUNCTIONS4 ,& !N ! *IEF ?+ IS ?AT %E IS PHYSICALLY PURE1 & ?AT IS :Y1 9 M>RY+1 %E IS SUP]IOR TO H] HUSB&4 ,%E IS SUP]IOR TO MAN AS A Y\NG GIRL1 & :5 %E BECOMES A WIFE 9 \R SOCIETY1 :]E !RE IS NO NE$ TO WORK 9 ORD] TO LIVE1 %E BECOMES SUP]IOR1 ALSO1 BY ! GRAVITY ( ! ACTS ( G5]ATION1 BIR?1 & NURS+4 

0,WOMAN1 9 BR++ A *ILD 9TO ! WORLD1 & GIV+ IT H] BOSOM1 SEES CLE>LY ?AT H] AFFAIR IS MORE S]I\S ?AN ! AFFAIR ( MAN1 :O SITS 9 ! ,ZEM/VO1 9 ! C\RT4 ,%E KN[S ?AT 9 !SE FUNCTIONS ! MA9 ?+ IS MONEY1 & MONEY CAN BE MADE 9 DIFF]5T WAYS1 & = ?AT V]Y REASON MONEY IS NOT 9EVITABLY NECESS>Y1 LIKE NURS+ A *ILD4 ,CONSEQU5TLY WOMAN IS NECESS>ILY SUP]IOR TO MAN1 & MU/ RULE4 ,BUT MAN1 9 \R SOCIETY1 NOT ONLY DOES NOT RECOGNIZE ?IS1 BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 ALWAYS LOOKS UPON H] FROM ! HEI<T ( HIS GR&EUR1 DESPIS+ :AT %E DOES4 

0,?US MY WIFE DESPIS$ ME = MY WORK AT ! ,ZEM/VO1 BECAUSE %E GAVE BIR? TO *ILDR5 & NURS$ !M4 ,I1 9 TURN1 ?\<T ?AT WOMAN'S LABOR WAS MO/ CONTEMPTIBLE1 :I* ONE MI<T & %\LD LAU< AT4 

0,AP>T FROM ! O!R MOTIVES1 WE W]E ALSO SEP>AT$ BY A MUTUAL CONTEMPT4 ,\R RELATIONS GREW EV] MORE HO/ILE1 & WE >RIV$ AT ?AT P]IOD :51 NOT ONLY DID DISS5T PROVOKE HO/ILITY1 BUT HO/ILITY PROVOK$ DISS5T4 ,:ATEV] %E MI<T SAY1 ,I WAS SURE 9 ADVANCE TO HOLD A CONTR>Y OP9ION2 & %E ! SAME4 ,T[>D ! F\R? YE> ( \R M>RIAGE IT WAS TACITLY DECID$ BETWE5 US ?AT NO 9TELLECTUAL COMMUNITY WAS POSSIBLE1 & WE MADE NO FUR!R ATTEMPTS AT IT4 ,AS TO ! SIMPLE/ OBJECTS1 WE EA* HELD OB/9ATELY TO \R [N OP9IONS4 ,) /RANG]S WE TALK$ UPON ! MO/ V>I$ & MO/ 9TIMATE MATT]S1 BUT NOT ) EA* O!R4 ,SOMETIMES1 9 LI/5+ TO MY WIFE TALK ) O!RS 9 MY PRES5CE1 ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',:AT A WOMAN6 ,EV]Y?+ ?AT %E SAYS IS A LIE6' ,& ,I WAS A/ONI%$ ?AT ! P]SON ) :OM %E WAS CONV]S+ DID NOT SEE ?AT %E WAS LY+4 ,:5 WE W]E TOGE!R2 WE W]E CONDEMN$ TO SIL5CE1 OR TO CONV]SATIONS :I*1 ,I AM SURE1 MI<T HAVE BE5 C>RI$ ON BY ANIMALS4 

0',:AT TIME IS IT8 ,IT IS B$-TIME4 ,:AT IS !RE = D9N] TO-DAY8 ,:]E %ALL WE GO8 ,:AT IS !RE 9 ! NEWSPAP]8 ,! DOCTOR MU/ BE S5T =1 ,LISE HAS A SORE ?ROAT4' 

0,UNLESS WE KEPT )9 ! EXTREMELY N>R[ LIMITS ( SU* CONV]SATION1 IRRITATION WAS SURE TO 5SUE4 ,! PRES5CE ( A ?IRD P]SON RELIEV$ US1 = ?R\< AN 9T]M$I>Y WE C\LD /ILL COMMUNICATE4 ,%E PROBABLY BELIEV$ ?AT %E WAS ALWAYS RI<T4 ,AS = ME1 9 MY [N EYES1 ,I WAS A SA9T BESIDE H]4 

0,! P]IODS ( :AT WE CALL LOVE >RIV$ AS (T5 AS =M]LY4 ,!Y W]E MORE BRUTAL1 )\T REF9EM5T1 )\T ORNAM5T2 BUT !Y W]E %ORT1 & G5]ALLY FOLL[$ BY P]IODS ( IRRITATION )\T CAUSE1 IRRITATION F$ BY ! MO/ TRIVIAL PRETEXTS4 ,WE HAD SPATS AB\T ! C(FEE1 ! TABLE-CLO?1 ! C>RIAGE1 GAMES ( C>DS1--TRIFLES1 9 %ORT1 :I* C\LD NOT BE ( ! LEA/ IMPORTANCE TO EI!R ( US4 ,AS = ME1 A T]RIBLE EXECRATION WAS CONT9UALLY BOIL+ UP )9 ME4 ,I WAT*$ H] P\R ! TEA1 SW+ H] FOOT1 LIFT H] SPOON TO H] M\?1 & BL[ UPON HOT LIQUIDS OR SIP !M1 & ,I DETE/$ H] AS IF !SE HAD BE5 SO MANY CRIMES4 

0,I DID NOT NOTICE ?AT !SE P]IODS ( IRRITATION DEP5D$ V]Y REGUL>LY UPON ! P]IODS ( LOVE4 ,EA* ( ! LATT] WAS FOLL[$ BY ONE ( ! =M]4 ,A P]IOD ( 9T5SE LOVE WAS FOLL[$ BY A LONG P]IOD ( ANG]2 A P]IOD ( MILD LOVE 9DUC$ A MILD IRRITATION4 ,WE DID NOT UND]/& ?AT ?IS LOVE & ?IS HATR$ W]E TWO OPPOSITE FACES ( ! SAME ANIMAL FEEL+4 ,TO LIVE ?US W\LD BE T]RIBLE1 IF ONE UND]/OOD ! PHILOSOPHY ( IT4 ,BUT WE DID NOT P]CEIVE ?IS1 WE DID NOT ANALYZE IT4 ,IT IS AT ONCE ! TORTURE & ! RELIEF ( MAN ?AT1 :5 HE LIVES IRREGUL>LY1 HE CAN *]I% ILLUSIONS AS TO ! MIS]IES ( HIS SITUATION4 ,SO DID WE4 ,%E TRI$ TO =GET H]SELF 9 SUDD5 & ABSORB+ OCCUPATIONS1 9 H\SEHOLD DUTIES1 ! C>E ( ! FURNITURE1 H] DRESS & ?AT ( H] *ILDR51 9 ! $UCATION ( ! LATT]1 & 9 LOOK+ AFT] !IR HEAL?4 ,!SE W]E OCCUPATIONS ?AT DID NOT >ISE FROM ANY IMM$IATE NECESSITY1 BUT %E ACCOMPLI%$ !M AS IF H] LIFE & ?AT ( H] *ILDR5 DEP5D$ ON :E!R ! PA/RY WAS ALL[$ TO BURN1 :E!R A CURTA9 WAS HANG+ PROP]LY1 :E!R A DRESS WAS A SUCCESS1 :E!R A LESSON WAS WELL LE>N$1 OR :E!R A M$IC9E WAS SWALL[$4 

0,I SAW CLE>LY ?AT TO H] ALL ?IS WAS1 MORE ?AN ANY?+ ELSE1 A MEANS ( =GETT+1 AN 9TOXICATION1 JU/ AS HUNT+1 C>D-PLAY+1 & MY FUNCTIONS AT ! ,ZEM/VO S]V$ ! SAME PURPOSE = ME4 ,IT IS TRUE ?AT 9 ADDITION ,I HAD AN 9TOXICATION LIT]ALLY SPEAK+1--TOBACCO1 :I* ,I SMOK$ 9 L>GE QUANTITIES1 & W9E1 UPON :I* ,I DID NOT GET DRUNK1 BUT ( :I* ,I TOOK TOO MU*4 ,VODKA BE=E MEALS1 & DUR+ MEALS TWO GLASSES ( W9E1 SO ?AT A P]PETUAL MI/ CONCEAL$ ! TURMOIL ( EXI/5CE4 

0,!SE NEW !ORIES ( HYPNOTISM1 ( M5TAL MALADIES1 ( HY/]IA >E NOT SIMPLE /UPIDITIES1 BUT DANG]\S OR EVIL /UPIDITIES4 ,*>COT1 ,I AM SURE1 W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT MY WIFE WAS HY/]ICAL1 & ( ME HE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT ,I WAS AN ABNORMAL BE+1 & HE W\LD HAVE WANT$ TO TREAT ME4 ,BUT 9 US !RE WAS NO?+ REQUIR+ TREATM5T4 ,ALL ?IS M5TAL MALADY WAS ! SIMPLE RESULT ( ! FACT ?AT WE W]E LIV+ IMMORALLY4 ,?ANKS TO ?IS IMMORAL LIFE1 WE SUFF]$1 &1 TO /IFLE \R SUFF]+S1 WE TRI$ ABNORMAL MEANS1 :I* ! DOCTORS CALL ! 'SYMPTOMS' ( A M5TAL MALADY1--HY/]IA4 

0,!RE WAS NO OCCASION 9 ALL ?IS TO APPLY = TREATM5T TO ,*>COT OR TO ANYBODY ELSE4 ,NEI!R SUGGE/ION NOR BROMIDE W\LD HAVE BE5 EFFECTIVE 9 WORK+ \R CURE4 ,! NE$FUL ?+ WAS AN EXAM9ATION ( ! ORIG9 ( ! EVIL4 ,IT IS AS :5 ONE IS SITT+ ON A NAIL2 IF Y\ SEE ! NAIL1 Y\ SEE ?AT :I* IS IRREGUL> 9 Y\R LIFE1 & Y\ AVOID IT4 ,!N ! PA9 /OPS1 )\T ANY NECESSITY ( /IFL+ IT4 ,\R PA9 >OSE FROM ! IRREGUL>ITY ( \R LIFE1 & ALSO MY JEAL\SY1 MY IRRITABILITY1 & ! NECESSITY ( KEEP+ MYSELF 9 A /ATE ( P]PETUAL SEMI-9TOXICATION BY HUNT+1 C>D-PLAY+1 &1 ABOVE ALL1 ! USE ( W9E & TOBACCO4 ,IT WAS BECAUSE ( ?IS IRREGUL>ITY ?AT MY WIFE SO PASSIONATELY PURSU$ H] OCCUPATIONS4 ,! SUDD5 *ANGES ( H] DISPOSITION1 FROM EXTREME SADNESS TO EXTREME GAIETY1 & H] BABBLE1 >OSE FROM ! NE$ ( =GETT+ H]SELF1 ( =GETT+ H] LIFE1 9 ! CONT9UAL 9TOXICATION ( V>I$ & V]Y BRIEF OCCUPATIONS4 

0,?US WE LIV$ 9 A P]PETUAL FOG1 9 :I* WE DID NOT DI/+UI% \R CONDITION4 ,WE W]E LIKE TWO GALLEY-SLAVES FA/5$ TO ! SAME BALL1 CURS+ EA* O!R1 POISON+ EA* O!R'S EXI/5CE1 & TRY+ TO %AKE EA* O!R (F4 ,I WAS /ILL UNAW>E ?AT N9ETY-N9E FAMILIES \T ( EV]Y HUNDR$ LIVE 9 ! SAME HELL1 & ?AT IT CANNOT BE O!RWISE4 ,I HAD NOT LE>N$ ?IS FACT FROM O!RS OR FROM MYSELF4 ,! CO9CID5CES ?AT >E MET 9 REGUL>1 & EV5 9 IRREGUL> LIFE1 >E SURPRIS+4 ,AT ! V]Y P]IOD :5 ! LIFE ( P>5TS BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE1 IT BECOMES 9DISP5SABLE ?AT !Y GO TO ! CITY TO LIVE1 9 ORD] TO $UCATE !IR *ILDR54 ,?AT IS :AT WE DID40 

,POSDNI*EFF BECAME SIL5T1 & TWICE !RE ESCAP$ HIM1 9 ! HALF-D>KNESS1 SI<S1 :I* AT ?AT MOM5T SEEM$ TO ME LIKE SUPPRESS$ SOBS4 ,!N HE CONT9U$4 

O ,*APT] #ah 

0,SO WE LIV$ 9 ! CITY4 ,9 ! CITY ! WRET*$ FEEL LESS SAD4 ,ONE CAN LIVE !RE A HUNDR$ YE>S )\T BE+ NOTIC$1 & BE DEAD A LONG TIME BE=E ANYBODY WILL NOTICE IT4 ,PEOPLE HAVE NO TIME TO 9QUIRE 9TO Y\R LIFE4 ,ALL >E ABSORB$4 ,BUS9ESS1 SOCIAL RELATIONS1 >T1 ! HEAL? ( *ILDR51 !IR $UCATION4 ,& !RE >E VISITS ?AT MU/ BE RECEIV$ & MADE2 IT IS NECESS>Y TO SEE ?IS ONE1 IT IS NECESS>Y TO HE> ?AT ONE OR ! O!R ONE4 ,9 ! CITY !RE >E ALWAYS ONE1 TWO1 OR ?REE CELEBRITIES ?AT IT IS 9DISP5SABLE ?AT ONE %\LD VISIT4 

0,N[ ONE MU/ C>E = HIMSELF1 OR C>E = SU* OR SU* A LITTLE ONE1 N[ IT IS ! PR(ESSOR1 ! PRIVATE TUTOR1 ! GOV]NESSES1 4 4 4 & LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY EMPTY4 ,9 ?IS ACTIVITY WE W]E LESS CONSCI\S ( ! SUFF]+S ( \R COHABITATION4 ,MOREOV]1 9 ! FIR/ ( IT1 WE HAD A SUP]B OCCUPATION1--! >RANGEM5T ( ! NEW DWELL+1 & !N1 TOO1 ! MOV+ FROM ! CITY TO ! C\NTRY1 & FROM ! C\NTRY TO ! CITY4 

0,?US WE SP5T A W9T]4 ,! FOLL[+ W9T] AN 9CID5T HAPP5$ TO US :I* PASS$ UNNOTIC$1 BUT :I* WAS ! FUNDAM5TAL CAUSE ( ALL ?AT HAPP5$ LAT]4 ,MY WIFE WAS SUFF]+1 & ! RASCALS 7! DOCTORS7 W\LD NOT P]MIT H] TO CONCEIVE A *ILD1 & TAU<T H] H[ TO AVOID IT4 ,I WAS PR(\NDLY DISGU/$4 ,I /RUGGL$ VA9LY AGA9/ IT1 BUT %E 9SI/$ FRIVOL\SLY & OB/9ATELY1 & ,I SURR5D]$4 ,! LA/ JU/IFICATION ( \R LIFE AS WRET*ES WAS !REBY SUPPRESS$1 & LIFE BECAME BAS] ?AN EV]4 

0,! PEASANT & ! WORK+MAN NE$ *ILDR51 & H5CE !IR CONJUGAL RELATIONS HAVE A JU/IFICATION4 ,BUT WE1 :5 WE HAVE A FEW *ILDR51 HAVE NO NE$ ( ANY MORE4 ,!Y MAKE A SUP]FLU\S CONFUSION ( EXP5SES & JO9T HEIRS1 & >E AN EMB>RASSM5T4 ,CONSEQU5TLY WE HAVE NO EXCUSES = \R EXI/5CE AS WRET*ES1 BUT WE >E SO DEEPLY DEGRAD$ ?AT WE DO NOT SEE ! NECESSITY ( A JU/IFICATION4 ,! MAJORITY ( PEOPLE 9 CONTEMPOR>Y SOCIETY GIVE !MSELVES UP TO ?IS DEBAU*]Y )\T ! SLI<TE/ REMORSE4 ,WE HAVE NO CONSCI5CE LEFT1 EXCEPT1 SO TO SPEAK1 ! CONSCI5CE ( PUBLIC OP9ION & ( ! CRIM9AL CODE4 ,BUT 9 ?IS MATT] NEI!R ( !SE CONSCI5CES IS /RUCK4 ,!RE IS NOT A BE+ 9 SOCIETY :O BLU%ES AT IT4 ,EA* ONE PRACTICES IT1--,X1 ,Y1 ,Z1 ETC4 ,:AT IS ! USE ( MULTIPLY+ BEGG>S1 & DEPRIV+ \RSELVES ( ! JOYS ( SOCIAL LIFE8 ,!RE IS NO NECESSITY ( HAV+ CONSCI5CE BE=E ! CRIM9AL CODE1 OR ( FE>+ IT3 L[ GIRLS1 SOLDI]S' WIVES :O ?R[ !IR *ILDR5 9TO PONDS OR WELLS1 !SE C]TA9LY MU/ BE PUT 9 PRISON4 ,BUT ) US ! SUPPRESSION IS EFFECT$ OPPORTUNELY & PROP]LY4 

0,?US WE PASS$ TWO YE>S MORE4 ,! ME?OD PRESCRIB$ BY ! RASCALS HAD EVID5TLY SUCCE$$4 ,MY WIFE HAD GR[N /\T] & H&SOM]4 ,IT WAS ! BEAUTY ( ! 5D ( SUMM]4 ,%E FELT IT1 & PAID MU* ATT5TION TO H] P]SON4 ,%E HAD ACQUIR$ ?AT PROVOK+ BEAUTY ?AT /IRS M54 ,%E WAS 9 ALL ! BRILLIANCY ( ! WIFE ( ?IRTY YE>S1 :O CONCEIVES NO *ILDR51 EATS HE>TILY1 & IS EXCIT$4 ,! V]Y SI<T ( H] WAS 5\< TO FRI<T5 ONE4 ,%E WAS LIKE A SPIRIT$ C>RIAGE-HORSE ?AT HAS LONG BE5 IDLE1 & SUDD5LY F9DS ITSELF )\T A BRIDLE4 ,AS = MY WIFE1 %E HAD NO BRIDLE1 AS = ?AT MATT]1 N9ETY-N9E HUNDR$?S ( \R WOM5 HAVE NONE40 

O ,*APT] #ai 

,POSDNI*EFF'S FACE HAD BECOME TRANS=M$2 HIS EYES W]E PITIABLE2 !IR EXPRESSION SEEM$ /RANGE1 LIKE ?AT ( ANO!R BE+ ?AN HIMSELF2 HIS MU/A*E & BE>D TURN$ UP T[>D ! TOP ( HIS FACE2 HIS NOSE WAS DIM9I%$1 & HIS M\? 5L>G$1 IMM5SE1 FRI<TFUL4 

0,YES10 HE RESUM$ 0%E HAD GR[N /\T] S9CE CEAS+ TO CONCEIVE1 & H] ANXIETIES AB\T H] *ILDR5 BEGAN TO DISAPPE>4 ,NOT EV5 TO DISAPPE>4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT %E WAS WAK+ FROM A LONG 9TOXICATION1 ?AT ON COM+ TO H]SELF %E HAD P]CEIV$ ! 5TIRE UNIV]SE ) ITS JOYS1 A :OLE WORLD 9 :I* %E HAD NOT LE>N$ TO LIVE1 & :I* %E DID NOT UND]/&4 

0',IF ONLY ?IS WORLD %ALL NOT VANI%6 ,:5 TIME IS PA/1 :5 OLD AGE COMES1 ONE CANNOT RECOV] IT4' ,?US1 ,I BELIEVE1 %E ?\<T1 OR RA!R FELT4 ,MOREOV]1 %E C\LD NEI!R ?9K NOR FEEL O!RWISE4 ,%E HAD BE5 BR\<T UP 9 ?IS IDEA ?AT !RE IS 9 ! WORLD BUT ONE ?+ WOR?Y ( ATT5TION1--LOVE4 ,9 M>RY+1 %E HAD KN[N SOME?+ ( ?IS LOVE1 BUT V]Y F> FROM EV]Y?+ ?AT %E HAD UND]/OOD AS PROMIS$ H]1 EV]Y?+ ?AT %E EXPECT$4 ,H[ MANY DISILLUSIONS6 ,H[ MU* SUFF]+6 ,& AN UNEXPECT$ TORTURE1--! *ILDR56 ,?IS TORTURE HAD TOLD UPON H]1 & !N1 ?ANKS TO ! OBLIG+ DOCTOR1 %E HAD LE>N$ ?AT IT IS POSSIBLE TO AVOID HAV+ *ILDR54 ,?AT HAD MADE H] GLAD4 ,%E HAD TRI$1 & %E WAS N[ REVIV$ = ! ONLY ?+ ?AT %E KNEW1--= LOVE4 ,BUT LOVE ) A HUSB& POLLUT$ BY JEAL\SY & ILL-NATURE WAS NO LONG] H] IDEAL4 ,%E BEGAN TO ?9K ( SOME O!R T5D]NESS2 AT LEA/1 ?AT IS :AT ,I ?\<T4 ,%E LOOK$ AB\T H] AS IF EXPECT+ SOME EV5T OR SOME BE+4 ,I NOTIC$ IT1 & ,I C\LD NOT HELP BE+ ANXI\S4 

0,ALWAYS1 N[1 IT HAPP5$ ?AT1 9 TALK+ ) ME ?R\< A ?IRD P>TY 7?AT IS1 9 TALK+ ) O!RS1 BUT ) ! 9T5TION ?AT ,I %\LD HE>71 %E BOLDLY EXPRESS$1--NOT ?9K+ ?AT AN H\R BE=E %E HAD SAID ! OPPOSITE1--HALF JOK+1 HALF S]I\SLY1 ?IS IDEA ?AT MAT]NAL ANXIETIES >E A DELUSION2 ?AT IT IS NOT WOR? :ILE TO SACRIFICE ONE'S LIFE TO *ILDR54 ,:5 ONE IS Y\NG1 IT IS NECESS>Y TO 5JOY LIFE4 ,SO %E OCCUPI$ H]SELF LESS ) ! *ILDR51 NOT ) ! SAME 9T5SITY AS =M]LY1 & PAID MORE & MORE ATT5TION TO H]SELF1 TO H] FACE1--AL?\< %E CONCEAL$ IT1--TO H] PLEASURES1 & EV5 TO H] P]FECTION FROM ! WORLDLY PO9T ( VIEW4 ,%E BEGAN TO DEVOTE H]SELF PASSIONATELY TO ! PIANO1 :I* HAD =M]LY /OOD =GOTT5 9 ! CORN]4 ,!RE1 AT ! PIANO1 BEGAN ! ADV5TURE4 

0,! ,M,A,N APPE>$40 

,POSDNI*EFF SEEM$ EMB>RASS$1 & TWICE AGA9 !RE ESCAP$ HIM ?AT NASAL S\ND ( :I* ,I SPOKE ABOVE4 ,I ?\<T ?AT IT GAVE HIM PA9 TO REF] TO ! ,M,A,N1 & TO REMEMB] HIM4 ,HE MADE AN EF=T1 AS IF TO BREAK D[N ! OB/ACLE ?AT EMB>RASS$ HIM1 & CONT9U$ ) DET]M9ATION4 

0,HE WAS A BAD MAN 9 MY EYES1 & NOT BECAUSE HE HAS PLAY$ SU* AN IMPORTANT ROLE 9 MY LIFE1 BUT BECAUSE HE WAS REALLY SU*4 ,= ! RE/1 FROM ! FACT ?AT HE WAS BAD1 WE MU/ CONCLUDE ?AT HE WAS IRRESPONSIBLE4 ,HE WAS A MUSICIAN1 A VIOL9I/4 ,NOT A PR(ESSIONAL MUSICIAN1 BUT HALF MAN ( ! WORLD1 HALF >TI/4 ,HIS FA!R1 A C\NTRY PROPRIETOR1 WAS A NEI<BOR ( MY FA!R'S4 ,! FA!R HAD BECOME RU9$1 & ! *ILDR51 ?REE BOYS1 W]E ALL S5T AWAY4 ,\R MAN1 ! Y\NGE/1 WAS S5T TO HIS GODMO!R AT ,P>IS4 ,!RE !Y PLAC$ HIM 9 ! ,CONS]VATORY1 = HE %[$ A TA/E = MUSIC4 ,HE CAME \T A VIOL9I/1 & PLAY$ 9 CONC]TS40 

,ON ! PO9T ( SPEAK+ EVIL ( ! O!R1 ,POSDNI*EFF *ECK$ HIMSELF1 /OPP$1 & SAID SUDD5LY3 

0,9 TRU?1 ,I KN[ NOT H[ HE LIV$4 ,I ONLY KN[ ?AT ?AT YE> HE CAME TO ,RUSSIA1 & CAME TO SEE ME4 ,MOI/ EYES ( ALMOND %APE1 SMIL+ R$ LIPS1 A LITTLE MU/A*E WELL WAX$1 HAIR BRU%$ 9 ! LATE/ FA%ION1 A VULG>LY PRETTY FACE1--:AT ! WOM5 CALL 'NOT BAD1'--FEEBLY BUILT PHYSICALLY1 BUT ) NO DE=MITY2 ) HIPS AS BROAD AS A WOMAN'S2 CORRECT1 & 9S9UAT+ HIMSELF 9TO ! FAMILI>ITY ( PEOPLE AS F> AS POSSIBLE1 BUT HAV+ ?AT KE5 S5SE ?AT QUICKLY DETECTS A FALSE /EP & RETIRES 9 REASON1--A MAN1 9 %ORT1 OBS]VANT ( ! EXT]NAL RULES ( DIGNITY1 ) ?AT SPECIAL ,P>ISIANISM ?AT IS REVEAL$ 9 BUTTON$ BOOTS1 A GAUDY CRAVAT1 & ?AT SOME?+ :I* =EIGN]S PICK UP 9 ,P>IS1 & :I*1 9 ITS PECULI>ITY & NOVELTY1 ALWAYS HAS AN 9FLU5CE ON \R WOM54 ,9 HIS MANN]S AN EXT]NAL & >TIFICIAL GAIETY1 A WAY1 Y\ KN[1 ( REF]R+ TO EV]Y?+ BY H9TS1 BY UNF9I%$ FRAGM5TS1 AS IF EV]Y?+ ?AT ONE SAYS Y\ KNEW ALREADY1 RECALL$ IT1 & C\LD SUPPLY ! OMISSIONS4 ,WELL1 HE1 ) HIS MUSIC1 WAS ! CAUSE ( ALL4 

0,AT ! TRIAL ! AFFAIR WAS SO REPRES5T$ ?AT EV]Y?+ SEEM$ ATTRIBUTABLE TO JEAL\SY4 ,IT IS FALSE1--?AT IS1 NOT QUITE FALSE1 BUT !RE WAS SOME?+ ELSE4 ,! V]DICT WAS R5D]$ ?AT ,I WAS A DECEIV$ HUSB&1 ?AT ,I HAD KILL$ 9 DEF5SE ( MY SULLI$ HONOR 7?AT IS ! WAY !Y PUT IT 9 !IR LANGUAGE71 & ?US ,I WAS ACQUITT$4 ,I TRI$ TO EXPLA9 ! AFFAIR FROM MY [N PO9T ( VIEW1 BUT !Y CONCLUD$ ?AT ,I SIMPLY WANT$ TO REHABILITATE ! MEMORY ( MY WIFE4 ,H] RELATIONS ) ! MUSICIAN1 :ATEV] !Y MAY HAVE BE51 >E N[ ( NO IMPORTANCE TO ME OR TO H]4 ,! IMPORTANT P>T IS :AT ,I HAVE TOLD Y\4 ,! :OLE TRAG$Y WAS DUE TO ! FACT ?AT ?IS MAN CAME 9TO \R H\SE AT A TIME :5 AN IMM5SE ABYSS HAD ALREADY BE5 DUG BETWE5 US1 ?AT FRI<TFUL T5SION ( MUTUAL HATR$1 9 :I* ! SLI<TE/ MOTIVE SUFFIC$ TO PRECIPITATE ! CRISIS4 ,\R QU>RELS 9 ! LA/ DAYS W]E SOME?+ T]RIBLE1 & ! MORE A/ONI%+ BECAUSE !Y W]E FOLL[$ BY A BRUTAL PASSION EXTREMELY /RA9$4 ,IF IT HAD NOT BE5 HE1 SOME O!R W\LD HAVE COME4 ,IF ! PRETEXT HAD NOT BE5 JEAL\SY1 ,I %\LD HAVE DISCOV]$ ANO!R4 ,I 9SI/ UPON ?IS PO9T1--?AT ALL HUSB&S :O LIVE ! M>RI$ LIFE ?AT ,I LIV$ MU/ EI!R RESORT TO \TSIDE DEBAU*]Y1 OR SEP>ATE FROM !IR WIVES1 OR KILL !MSELVES1 OR KILL !IR WIVES AS ,I DID4 ,IF !RE IS ANY ONE 9 MY CASE TO :OM ?IS DOES NOT HAPP51 HE IS A V]Y R>E EXCEPTION1 =1 BE=E 5D+ AS ,I 5D$1 ,I WAS SEV]AL TIMES ON ! PO9T ( SUICIDE1 & MY WIFE MADE SEV]AL ATTEMPTS TO POISON H]SELF40 

O ,*APT] #b 

0,9 ORD] ?AT Y\ MAY UND]/& ME1 ,I MU/ TELL Y\ H[ ?IS HAPP5$4 ,WE W]E LIV+ ALONG1 & ALL SEEM$ WELL4 ,SUDD5LY WE BEGAN TO TALK ( ! *ILDR5'S $UCATION4 ,I DO NOT REMEMB] :AT WORDS EI!R ( US UTT]$1 BUT A DISCUSSION BEGAN1 REPROA*ES1 LEAPS FROM ONE SUBJECT TO ANO!R4 ',YES1 ,I KN[ IT4 ,IT HAS BE5 SO = A LONG TIME4' 4 4 4 ',Y\ SAID ?AT4' 4 4 4 ',NO1 ,I DID NOT SAY ?AT4' 4 4 4 ',!N ,I LIE8' ETC4 

0,& ,I FELT ?AT ! FRI<TFUL CRISIS WAS APPROA*+ :5 ,I %\LD DESIRE TO KILL H] OR ELSE MYSELF4 ,I KNEW ?AT IT WAS APPROA*+2 ,I WAS AFRAID ( IT AS ( FIRE2 ,I WANT$ TO RE/RA9 MYSELF4 ,BUT RAGE TOOK POSSESSION ( MY :OLE BE+4 ,MY WIFE F\ND H]SELF 9 ! SAME CONDITION1 P]HAPS WORSE4 ,%E KNEW ?AT %E 9T5TIONALLY DI/ORT$ EA* ( MY WORDS1 & EA* ( H] WORDS WAS SATURAT$ ) V5OM4 ,ALL ?AT WAS DE> TO ME %E DISP>AG$ & PR(AN$4 ,! F>!R ! QU>REL W5T1 ! MORE FURI\S IT BECAME4 ,I CRI$1 ',BE SIL5T1' OR SOME?+ LIKE ?AT4 

0,%E B\ND$ \T ( ! ROOM & RAN T[>D ! *ILDR54 ,I TRI$ TO HOLD H] BACK TO F9I% MY 9SULTS4 ,I GRASP$ H] BY ! >M1 & HURT H]4 ,%E CRI$3 ',*ILDR51 Y\R FA!R IS BEAT+ ME4' ,I CRI$3 ',DON'T LIE4' ,%E CONT9U$ TO UTT] FALSEHOODS = ! SIMPLE PURPOSE ( IRRITAT+ ME FUR!R4 ',AH1 IT IS NOT ! FIR/ TIME1' OR SOME?+ ( ?AT SORT4 ,! *ILDR5 RU%$ T[>D H] & TRI$ TO QUIET H]4 ,I SAID3 ',DON'T %AM4' ,%E SAID3 ',Y\ LOOK UPON EV]Y?+ AS A %AM4 ,Y\ W\LD KILL A P]SON & SAY HE WAS %AMM+4 ,N[ ,I UND]/& Y\4 ,?AT IS :AT Y\ WANT TO DO4' ',OH1 IF Y\ W]E ONLY DEAD6' ,I CRI$4 

0,I REMEMB] H[ ?AT T]RIBLE PHRASE FRI<T5$ ME4 ,NEV] HAD ,I ?\<T ?AT ,I C\LD UTT] WORDS SO BRUTAL1 SO FRI<TFUL1 & ,I WAS /UPEFI$ AT :AT HAD JU/ ESCAP$ MY LIPS4 ,I FL$ 9TO MY PRIVATE AP>TM5T4 ,I SAT D[N & BEGAN TO SMOKE4 ,I HE>D H] GO 9TO ! HALL & PREP>E TO GO \T4 ,I ASK$ H]3 ',:]E >E Y\ GO+8 ,%E DID NOT ANSW]4 ',WELL1 MAY ! DEVIL TAKE Y\6' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 GO+ BACK 9TO MY PRIVATE ROOM1 :]E ,I LAY D[N AGA9 & BEGAN SMOK+ AFRE%4 ,?\S&S ( PLANS ( V5GEANCE1 ( WAYS ( GETT+ RID ( H]1 & H[ TO >RANGE ?IS1 & ACT AS IF NO?+ HAD HAPP5$1--ALL ?IS PASS$ ?R\< MY HEAD4 ,I ?\<T ( !SE ?+S1 & ,I SMOK$1 & SMOK$1 & SMOK$4 ,I ?\<T ( RUNN+ AWAY1 ( MAK+ MY ESCAPE1 ( GO+ TO ,AM]ICA4 ,I W5T SO F> AS TO DREAM H[ BEAUTIFUL IT W\LD BE1 AFT] GETT+ RID ( H]1 TO LOVE ANO!R WOMAN1 5TIRELY DIFF]5T FROM H]4 ,I %\LD BE RID ( H] IF %E %\LD DIE OR IF ,I %\LD GET A DIVORCE1 & ,I TRI$ TO ?9K H[ ?AT C\LD BE MANAG$4 ,I SAW ?AT ,I WAS GETT+ CONFUS$1 BUT1 9 ORD] NOT TO SEE ?AT ,I WAS NOT ?9K+ RI<TLY1 ,I KEPT ON SMOK+4 

0,& ! LIFE ( ! H\SE W5T ON AS USUAL4 ,! *ILDR5'S TEA*] CAME & ASK$3 ',:]E IS ,MADAME8 ,:5 WILL %E RETURN8' 

0,! S]VANTS ASK$ IF !Y %\LD S]VE ! TEA4 ,I 5T]$ ! D9+-ROOM4 ,! *ILDR51 ,LISE1 ! ELDE/ GIRL1 LOOK$ AT ME ) FRI<T1 AS IF TO QUE/ION ME1 & %E DID NOT COME4 ,! :OLE EV5+ PASS$1 & /ILL %E DID NOT COME4 ,TWO S5TIM5TS KEPT SUCCE$+ EA* O!R 9 MY S\L1--HATR$ ( H]1 S9CE %E TORTUR$ MYSELF & ! *ILDR5 BY H] ABS5CE1 BUT W\LD F9ALLY RETURN JU/ ! SAME1 & FE> LE/ %E MI<T RETURN & MAKE SOME ATTEMPT UPON H]SELF4 ,BUT :]E %\LD ,I LOOK = H]8 ,AT H] SI/]'S8 ,IT SEEM$ SO /UPID TO GO TO ASK :]E ONE'S WIFE IS4 ,MOREOV]1 MAY ,GOD =BID1 ,I HOP$1 ?AT %E %\LD BE AT H] SI/]'S6 ,IF %E WI%ES TO TORM5T ANY ONE1 LET H] TORM5T H]SELF FIR/4 ,& SUPPOSE %E W]E NOT AT H] SI/]'S4 

0,SUPPOSE %E W]E TO DO1 OR HAD ALREADY DONE1 SOME?+4 

0,ELEV5 O'CLOCK1 MIDNI<T1 ONE O'CLOCK4 4 4 4 ,I DID NOT SLEEP4 ,I DID NOT GO TO MY *AMB]4 ,IT IS /UPID TO LIE /RET*$ \T ALL ALONE1 & TO WAIT4 ,BUT 9 MY /UDY ,I DID NOT RE/4 ,I TRI$ TO BUSY MYSELF1 TO WRITE LETT]S1 TO READ4 ,IMPOSSIBLE6 ,I WAS ALONE1 TORTUR$1 WICK$1 & ,I LI/5$4 ,T[>D DAYLI<T ,I W5T TO SLEEP4 ,I AWOKE4 ,%E HAD NOT RETURN$4 ,EV]Y?+ 9 ! H\SE W5T ON AS USUAL1 & ALL LOOK$ AT ME 9 A/ONI%M5T1 QUE/ION+LY4 ,! *ILDR5'S EYES W]E FULL ( REPROA* = ME4 

0,& ALWAYS ! SAME FEEL+ ( ANXIETY AB\T H]1 & ( HATR$ BECAUSE ( ?IS ANXIETY4 

0,T[>D ELEV5 O'CLOCK 9 ! MORN+ CAME H] SI/]1 H] AMBASSADRESS4 ,!N BEGAN ! USUAL PHRASES3 ',%E IS 9 A T]RIBLE /ATE4 ,:AT IS ! MATT]8' ',:Y1 NO?+ HAS HAPP5$4' ,I SPOKE ( H] ASP]ITY ( *>ACT]1 & ,I ADD$ ?AT ,I HAD DONE NO?+1 & ?AT ,I W\LD NOT TAKE ! FIR/ /EP4 ,IF %E WANTS A DIVORCE1 SO MU* ! BETT]6 ,MY SI/]-9-LAW W\LD NOT LI/5 TO ?IS IDEA1 & W5T AWAY )\T HAV+ GA9$ ANY?+4 ,I WAS OB/9ATE1 & ,I SAID BOLDLY & DET]M9$LY1 9 TALK+ TO H]1 ?AT ,I W\LD NOT TAKE ! FIR/ /EP4 ,IMM$IATELY %E HAD GONE ,I W5T 9TO ! O!R ROOM1 & SAW ! *ILDR5 9 A FRI<T5$ & PITIFUL /ATE1 & !RE ,I F\ND MYSELF ALREADY 9CL9$ TO TAKE ?IS FIR/ /EP4 ,BUT ,I WAS B\ND BY MY WORD4 ,AGA9 ,I WALK$ UP & D[N1 ALWAYS SMOK+4 ,AT BREAKFA/ ,I DRANK BR&Y & W9E1 & ,I REA*$ ! PO9T :I* ,I UNCONSCI\SLY DESIR$1 ! PO9T :]E ,I NO LONG] SAW ! /UPIDITY & BAS5ESS ( MY SITUATION4 

0,T[>D ?REE O'CLOCK %E CAME4 ,I ?\<T ?AT %E WAS APPEAS$1 OR ADMITT$ H] DEFEAT4 ,I BEGAN TO TELL H] ?AT ,I WAS PROVOK$ BY H] REPROA*ES4 ,%E ANSW]$ ME1 ) ! SAME SEV]E & T]RIBLY D[NCA/ FACE1 ?AT %E HAD NOT COME = EXPLANATIONS1 BUT TO TAKE ! *ILDR51 ?AT WE C\LD NOT LIVE TOGE!R4 ,I ANSW]$ ?AT IT WAS NOT MY FAULT1 ?AT %E HAD PUT ME BESIDE MYSELF4 ,%E LOOK$ AT ME ) A SEV]E & SOLEMN AIR1 & SAID3 ',SAY NO MORE4 ,Y\ WILL REP5T IT4' ,I SAID ?AT ,I C\LD NOT TOL]ATE COM$IES4 ,!N %E CRI$ \T SOME?+ ?AT ,I DID NOT UND]/&1 & RU%$ T[>D H] ROOM4 ,! KEY TURN$ 9 ! LOCK1 & %E %UT H]SELF UP4 ,I PU%$ AT ! DOOR4 ,!RE WAS NO RESPONSE4 ,FURI\S1 ,I W5T AWAY4 

0,A HALF H\R LAT] ,LISE CAME RUNN+ ALL 9 TE>S4 ',:AT6 ,HAS ANY?+ HAPP5$8 ,WE CANNOT HE> ,MAMA6' ,WE W5T T[>D MY WIFE'S ROOM4 ,I PU%$ ! DOOR ) ALL MY MI<T4 ,! BOLT WAS SC>CELY DRAWN1 & ! DOOR OP5$4 ,9 A SKIRT1 ) HI< BOOTS1 MY WIFE LAY AWKW>DLY ON ! B$4 ,ON ! TABLE AN EMPTY OPIUM PHIAL4 ,WE RE/OR$ H] TO LIFE4 ,TE>S & !N RECONCILIATION6 ,NOT RECONCILIATION2 9T]NALLY EA* KEPT ! HATR$ = ! O!R1 BUT IT WAS ABSOLUTELY NECESS>Y = ! MOM5T TO 5D ! SC5E 9 SOME WAY1 & LIFE BEGAN AGA9 AS BE=E4 ,!SE SC5ES1 & EV5 WORSE1 CAME N[ ONCE A WEEK1 N[ EV]Y MON?1 N[ EV]Y DAY4 ,& 9V>IABLY ! SAME 9CID5TS4 ,ONCE ,I WAS ABSOLUTELY RESOLV$ TO FLY1 BUT ?R\< SOME 9CONCEIVABLE WEAKNESS ,I REMA9$4 

0,SU* W]E ! CIRCUM/ANCES 9 :I* WE W]E LIV+ :5 ! ,M,A,N CAME4 ,! MAN WAS BAD1 IT IS TRUE4 ,BUT :AT6 ,NO WORSE ?AN WE W]E40 

O ,*APT] #ba 

0,:5 WE MOV$ TO ,MOSC[1 ?IS G5TLEMAN--HIS NAME WAS ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY--CAME TO MY H\SE4 ,IT WAS 9 ! MORN+4 ,I RECEIV$ HIM4 ,9 =M] TIMES WE HAD BE5 V]Y FAMILI>4 ,HE TRI$1 BY V>I\S ADVANCES1 TO REE/ABLI% ! FAMILI>ITY1 BUT ,I WAS DET]M9$ TO KEEP HIM AT A DI/ANCE1 & SOON HE GAVE IT UP4 ,HE DISPLEAS$ ME EXTREMELY4 ,AT ! FIR/ GLANCE ,I SAW ?AT HE WAS A FIL?Y DEBAU*E4 ,I WAS JEAL\S ( HIM1 EV5 BE=E HE HAD SE5 MY WIFE4 ,BUT1 /RANGE ?+6 SOME OCCULT FATAL P[] KEPT ME FROM REPULS+ HIM & S5D+ HIM AWAY1 &1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 9DUC$ ME TO SUFF] ?IS APPROA*4 ,:AT C\LD HAVE BE5 SIMPL] ?AN TO TALK ) HIM A FEW M9UTES1 & !N DISMISS HIM COLDLY )\T 9TRODUC+ HIM TO MY WIFE8 ,BUT NO1 AS IF ON PURPOSE1 ,I TURN$ ! CONV]SATION UPON HIS SKILL AS A VIOL9I/1 & HE ANSW]$ ?AT1 CONTR>Y TO :AT ,I HAD HE>D1 HE N[ PLAY$ ! VIOL9 MORE ?AN =M]LY4 ,HE REMEMB]$ ?AT ,I US$ TO PLAY4 ,I ANSW]$ ?AT ,I HAD AB&ON$ MUSIC1 BUT ?AT MY WIFE PLAY$ V]Y WELL4 

0,S+UL> ?+6 ,:Y1 9 ! IMPORTANT EV5TS ( \R LIFE1 9 ?OSE 9 :I* A MAN'S FATE IS DECID$1--AS M9E WAS DECID$ 9 ?AT MOM5T1--:Y 9 !SE EV5TS IS !RE NEI!R A PA/ NOR A FUTURE8 ,MY RELATIONS ) ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY ! FIR/ DAY1 AT ! FIR/ H\R1 W]E SU* AS !Y MI<T /ILL HAVE BE5 AFT] ALL ?AT HAS HAPP5$4 ,I WAS CONSCI\S ?AT SOME FRI<TFUL MIS=TUNE MU/ RESULT FROM ! PRES5CE ( ?IS MAN1 &1 9 SPITE ( ?AT1 ,I C\LD NOT HELP BE+ AMIABLE TO HIM4 ,I 9TRODUC$ HIM TO MY WIFE4 ,%E WAS PLEAS$ ) HIM4 ,9 ! BEG9N+1 ,I SUPPOSE1 BECAUSE ( ! PLEASURE ( ! VIOL9 PLAY+1 :I* %E ADOR$4 ,%E HAD EV5 HIR$ = ?AT PURPOSE A VIOL9I/ FROM ! !AT]4 ,BUT :5 %E CA/ A GLANCE AT ME1 %E UND]/OOD MY FEEL+S1 & CONCEAL$ H] IMPRESSION4 ,!N BEGAN ! MUTUAL TRICK]Y & DECEIT4 ,I SMIL$ AGREEABLY1 PRET5D+ ?AT ALL ?IS PLEAS$ ME EXTREMELY4 ,HE1 LOOK+ AT MY WIFE1 AS ALL DEBAU*ES LOOK AT BEAUTIFUL WOM51 ) AN AIR ( BE+ 9T]E/$ SOLELY 9 ! SUBJECT ( CONV]SATION1--?AT IS1 9 ?AT :I* DID NOT 9T]E/ HIM AT ALL4 

0,%E TRI$ TO SEEM 9DIFF]5T4 ,BUT MY EXPRESSION1 MY JEAL\S OR FALSE SMILE1 :I* %E KNEW SO WELL1 & ! VOLUPTU\S GLANCES ( ! MUSICIAN1 EVID5TLY EXCIT$ H]4 ,I SAW ?AT1 AFT] ! FIR/ 9T]VIEW1 H] EYES W]E ALREADY GLITT]+1 GLITT]+ /RANGELY1 & ?AT1 ?ANKS TO MY JEAL\SY1 BETWE5 HIM & H] HAD BE5 IMM$IATELY E/ABLI%$ ?AT SORT ( ELECTRIC CURR5T :I* IS PROVOK$ BY AN ID5TITY ( EXPRESSION 9 ! SMILE & 9 ! EYES4 

0,WE TALK$1 AT ! FIR/ 9T]VIEW1 ( MUSIC1 ( ,P>IS1 & ( ALL SORTS ( TRIVIALITIES4 ,HE ROSE TO GO4 ,PRESS+ HIS HAT AGA9/ HIS SWAY+ HIP1 HE /OOD ]ECT1 LOOK+ N[ AT H] & N[ AT ME1 AS IF WAIT+ TO SEE :AT %E W\LD DO4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT M9UTE1 PRECISELY BECAUSE IT WAS 9 MY P[] NOT TO 9VITE HIM4 ,I NE$ NOT HAVE 9VIT$ HIM1 & !N NO?+ W\LD HAVE HAPP5$4 ,BUT ,I CA/ A GLANCE FIR/ AT HIM1 !N AT H]4 ',DON'T FLATT] Y\RSELF ?AT ,I CAN BE JEAL\S ( Y\1' ,I ?\<T1 ADDRESS+ MYSELF TO H] M5TALLY1 & ,I 9VIT$ ! O!R TO BR+ HIS VIOL9 ?AT V]Y EV5+1 & TO PLAY ) MY WIFE4 ,%E RAIS$ H] EYES T[>D ME ) A/ONI%M5T1 & H] FACE TURN$ PURPLE1 AS IF %E W]E SEIZ$ ) A SUDD5 FE>4 ,%E BEGAN TO EXCUSE H]SELF1 SAY+ ?AT %E DID NOT PLAY WELL 5\<4 ,?IS REFUSAL ONLY EXCIT$ ME ! MORE4 ,I REMEMB] ! /RANGE FEEL+ ) :I* ,I LOOK$ AT HIS NECK1 HIS :ITE NECK1 9 CONTRA/ ) HIS BLACK HAIR1 SEP>AT$ BY A P>T+1 :51 ) HIS SKIPP+ GAIT1 LIKE ?AT ( A BIRD1 HE LEFT MY H\SE4 ,I C\LD NOT HELP CONFESS+ TO MYSELF ?AT ?IS MAN'S PRES5CE CAUS$ ME SUFF]+4 ',IT IS 9 MY P[]1' ?\<T ,I1 'TO SO >RANGE ?+S ?AT ,I %ALL NEV] SEE HIM AGA94 ,BUT CAN IT BE ?AT ,I1 ,I1 FE> HIM8 ,NO1 ,I DO NOT FE> HIM4 ,IT W\LD BE TOO HUMILIAT+6' 

0,& !RE 9 ! HALL1 KN[+ ?AT MY WIFE HE>D ME1 ,I 9SI/$ ?AT HE %\LD COME ?AT V]Y EV5+ ) HIS VIOL94 ,HE PROMIS$ ME1 & W5T AWAY4 ,9 ! EV5+ HE >RIV$ ) HIS VIOL91 & !Y PLAY$ TOGE!R4 ,BUT = A LONG TIME ?+S DID NOT GO WELL2 WE HAD NOT ! NECESS>Y MUSIC1 & ?AT :I* WE HAD MY WIFE C\LD NOT PLAY AT SI<T4 ,I AMUS$ MYSELF ) !IR DIFFICULTIES4 ,I AID$ !M1 ,I MADE PROPOSALS1 & !Y F9ALLY EXECUT$ A FEW PIECES1--SONGS )\T WORDS1 & A LITTLE SONATA BY ,MOZ>T4 ,HE PLAY$ 9 A M>VEL\S MANN]4 ,HE HAD :AT IS CALL$ ! 5]GETIC & T5D] TONE4 ,AS = DIFFICULTIES1 !RE W]E NONE = HIM4 ,SC>CELY HAD HE BEGUN TO PLAY1 :5 HIS FACE *ANG$4 ,HE BECAME S]I\S1 & MU* MORE SYMPA!TIC4 ,HE WAS1 IT IS NE$LESS TO SAY1 MU* /RONG] ?AN MY WIFE4 ,HE HELP$ H]1 HE ADVIS$ H] SIMPLY & NATURALLY1 & AT ! SAME TIME PLAY$ HIS GAME ) C\RTESY4 ,MY WIFE SEEM$ 9T]E/$ ONLY 9 ! MUSIC4 ,%E WAS V]Y SIMPLE & AGREEABLE4 ,?R\<\T ! EV5+ ,I FEIGN$1 NOT ONLY = ! O!RS1 BUT = MYSELF1 AN 9T]E/ SOLELY 9 ! MUSIC4 ,REALLY1 ,I WAS CONT9UALLY TORTUR$ BY JEAL\SY4 ,FROM ! FIR/ M9UTE ?AT ! MUSICIAN'S EYES MET ?OSE ( MY WIFE1 ,I SAW ?AT HE DID NOT REG>D H] AS A DISAGREEABLE WOMAN1 ) :OM ON OCCASION IT W\LD BE UNPLEASANT TO 5T] 9TO 9TIMATE RELATIONS4 

0,IF ,I HAD BE5 PURE1 ,I %\LD NOT HAVE DREAM$ ( :AT HE MI<T ?9K ( H]4 ,BUT ,I LOOK$ AT WOM51 & ?AT IS :Y ,I UND]/OOD HIM & WAS 9 TORTURE4 ,I WAS 9 TORTURE1 ESPECIALLY BECAUSE ,I WAS SURE ?AT T[>D ME %E HAD NO O!R FEEL+ ?AN ( P]PETUAL IRRITATION1 SOMETIMES 9T]RUPT$ BY ! CU/OM>Y S5SUALITY1 & ?AT ?IS MAN1--?ANKS TO HIS EXT]NAL ELEGANCE & HIS NOVELTY1 &1 ABOVE ALL1 ?ANKS TO HIS UNQUE/IONABLY REM>KABLE TAL5T1 ?ANKS TO ! ATTRACTION EX]CIS$ UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( MUSIC1 ?ANKS TO ! IMPRESSION ?AT MUSIC PRODUCES UPON N]V\S NATURES1--?IS MAN W\LD NOT ONLY PLEASE1 BUT W\LD 9EVITABLY1 & )\T DIFFICULTY1 SUBJUGATE & CONQU] H]1 & DO ) H] AS HE LIK$4 

0,I C\LD NOT HELP SEE+ ?IS4 ,I C\LD NOT HELP SUFF]+1 OR KEEP FROM BE+ JEAL\S4 ,& ,I WAS JEAL\S1 & ,I SUFF]$1 & 9 SPITE ( ?AT1 & P]HAPS EV5 BECAUSE ( ?AT1 AN UNKN[N =CE1 9 SPITE ( MY WILL1 IMPELL$ ME TO BE NOT ONLY POLITE1 BUT MORE ?AN POLITE1 AMIABLE4 ,I CANNOT SAY :E!R ,I DID IT = MY WIFE1 OR TO %[ HIM ?AT ,I DID NOT FE> ,H,I,M1 OR TO DECEIVE MYSELF2 BUT FROM MY FIR/ RELATIONS ) HIM ,I C\LD NOT BE AT MY EASE4 ,I WAS OBLIG$1 ?AT ,I MI<T NOT GIVE WAY TO A DESIRE TO KILL HIM IMM$IATELY1 TO 'C>ESS' HIM4 ,I FILL$ HIS GLASS AT ! TABLE1 ,I GREW 5?USIA/IC OV] HIS PLAY+1 ,I TALK$ TO HIM ) AN EXTREMELY AMIABLE SMILE1 & ,I 9VIT$ HIM TO D9N] ! FOLL[+ ,SUNDAY1 & TO PLAY AGA94 ,I TOLD HIM ?AT ,I W\LD 9VITE SOME ( MY ACQUA9TANCES1 LOV]S ( HIS >T1 TO HE> HIM4 

0,TWO OR ?REE DAYS LAT] ,I WAS 5T]+ MY H\SE1 9 CONV]SATION ) A FRI5D1 :5 9 ! HALL ,I SUDD5LY FELT SOME?+ AS HEAVY AS A /ONE WEI<+ ON MY HE>T1 & ,I C\LD NOT ACC\NT = IT4 ,& IT WAS ?IS1 IT WAS ?IS3 9 PASS+ ?R\< ! HALL1 ,I HAD NOTIC$ SOME?+ :I* REM9D$ ME ( ,H,I,M4 ,NOT UNTIL ,I REA*$ MY /UDY DID ,I REALIZE :AT IT WAS1 & ,I RETURN$ TO ! HALL TO V]IFY MY CONJECTURE4 ,YES1 ,I WAS NOT MI/AK54 ,IT WAS HIS OV]COAT 7EV]Y?+ ?AT BELONG$ TO HIM1 ,I1 )\T REALIZ+ IT1 HAD OBS]V$ ) EXTRAORD9>Y ATT5TION74 ,I QUE/ION$ ! S]VANT4 ,?AT WAS IT4 ,HE HAD COME4 

0,I PASS$ NE> ! P>LOR1 ?R\< MY *ILDR5'S /UDY-ROOM4 ,LISE1 MY DAU<T]1 WAS SITT+ BE=E A BOOK1 & ! OLD NURSE1 ) MY Y\NGE/ *ILD1 WAS BESIDE ! TABLE1 TURN+ ! COV] ( SOME?+ OR O!R4 ,9 ! P>LOR ,I HE>D A SL[ >PEGGIO1 & HIS VOICE1 DEAD5$1 & A D5IAL FROM H]4 ,%E SAID3 ',NO1 NO6 ,!RE IS SOME?+ ELSE6' ,& IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT SOME ONE WAS PURPOSELY DEAD5+ ! WORDS BY ! AID ( ! PIANO4 

0,MY ,GOD6 ,H[ MY HE>T LEAP$6 ,:AT W]E MY IMAG9ATIONS6 ,:5 ,I REMEMB] ! BEA/ ?AT LIV$ 9 ME AT ?AT MOM5T1 ,I AM SEIZ$ ) FRI<T4 ,MY HE>T WAS FIR/ COMPRESS$1 !N /OPP$1 & !N BEGAN TO BEAT LIKE A HAMM]4 ,! PR9CIPAL FEEL+1 AS 9 EV]Y BAD FEEL+1 WAS PITY = MYSELF4 ',BE=E ! *ILDR51 BE=E ! OLD NURSE1' ?\<T ,I1 '%E DI%ONORS ME4 ,I WILL GO AWAY4 ,I CAN 5DURE IT NO LONG]4 ,GOD KN[S :AT ,I %\LD DO IF4 4 4 4 ,BUT ,I MU/ GO 94' 

0,! OLD NURSE RAIS$ H] EYES TO M9E1 AS IF %E UND]/OOD1 & ADVIS$ ME TO KEEP A %>P WAT*4 ',I MU/ GO 91' ,I SAID TO MYSELF1 &1 )\T KN[+ :AT ,I DID1 ,I OP5$ ! DOOR4 ,HE WAS SITT+ AT ! PIANO & MAK+ >PEGGIOS ) HIS LONG1 :ITE1 CURV$ F+]S4 ,%E WAS /&+ 9 ! ANGLE ( ! GR& PIANO1 BE=E ! OP5 SCORE4 ,%E SAW OR HE>D ME FIR/1 & RAIS$ H] EYES TO M9E4 ,WAS %E /UNN$1 WAS %E PRET5D+ NOT TO BE FRI<T5$1 OR WAS %E REALLY NOT FRI<T5$ AT ALL8 ,9 ANY CASE1 %E DID NOT TREMBLE1 %E DID NOT /IR4 ,%E BLU%$1 BUT ONLY A LITTLE LAT]4 

0',H[ GLAD ,I AM ?AT Y\ HAVE COME6 ,WE HAVE NOT DECID$ :AT WE WILL PLAY ,SUNDAY1' SAID %E1 9 A TONE ?AT %E W\LD NOT HAVE HAD IF %E HAD BE5 ALONE ) ME4 

0,?IS TONE1 & ! WAY 9 :I* %E SAID 'WE' 9 SPEAK+ ( H]SELF & ( HIM1 REVOLT$ ME4 ,I SALUT$ HIM SIL5TLY4 ,HE %OOK H&S ) ME DIRECTLY1 ) A SMILE ?AT SEEM$ TO ME FULL ( MOCK]Y4 ,HE EXPLA9$ TO ME ?AT HE HAD BR\<T SOME SCORES1 9 ORD] TO PREP>E = ! ,SUNDAY CONC]T1 & ?AT !Y W]E NOT 9 ACCORD AS TO ! PIECE TO *OOSE1--:E!R DIFFICULT1 CLASSIC ?+S1 NOTABLY A SONATA BY ,BEE?OV51 OR LI<T] PIECES4 

0,& AS HE SPOKE1 HE LOOK$ AT ME4 ,IT WAS ALL SO NATURAL1 SO SIMPLE1 ?AT !RE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO?+ TO BE SAID AGA9/ IT4 ,& AT ! SAME TIME ,I SAW1 ,I WAS SURE1 ?AT IT WAS FALSE1 ?AT !Y W]E 9 A CONSPIRACY TO DECEIVE ME4 

0,ONE ( ! MO/ TORTUR+ SITUATIONS = ! JEAL\S 7& 9 \R SOCIAL LIFE EV]YBODY IS JEAL\S7 >E ?OSE SOCIAL CONDITIONS :I* ALL[ A V]Y GREAT & DANG]\S 9TIMACY BETWE5 A MAN & A WOMAN UND] C]TA9 PRETEXTS4 ,ONE MU/ MAKE HIMSELF ! LAU<+ /OCK ( EV]YBODY1 IF HE DESIRES TO PREV5T ASSOCIATIONS 9 ! BALL-ROOM1 ! 9TIMACY ( DOCTORS ) !IR PATI5TS1 ! FAMILI>ITY ( >T OCCUPATIONS1 & ESPECIALLY ( MUSIC4 ,9 ORD] ?AT PEOPLE MAY OCCUPY !MSELVES TOGE!R ) ! NOBLE/ >T1 MUSIC1 A C]TA9 9TIMACY IS NECESS>Y1 9 :I* !RE IS NO?+ BLAMEWOR?Y4 ,ONLY A JEAL\S FOOL ( A HUSB& CAN HAVE ANY?+ TO SAY AGA9/ IT4 ,A HUSB& %\LD NOT HAVE SU* ?\<TS1 & ESPECIALLY %\LD NOT ?RU/ HIS NOSE 9TO !SE AFFAIRS1 OR PREV5T !M4 ,& YET1 EV]YBODY KN[S ?AT PRECISELY 9 !SE OCCUPATIONS1 ESPECIALLY 9 MUSIC1 MANY ADULT]IES ORIG9ATE 9 \R SOCIETY4 

0,I HAD EVID5TLY EMB>RASS$ !M1 BECAUSE = SOME TIME ,I WAS UNABLE TO SAY ANY?+4 ,I WAS LIKE A BOTTLE SUDD5LY TURN$ UPSIDE D[N1 FROM :I* ! WAT] DOES NOT RUN BECAUSE IT IS TOO FULL4 ,I WANT$ TO 9SULT ! MAN1 & TO DRIVE HIM AWAY1 BUT ,I C\LD DO NO?+ ( ! K9D4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I FELT ?AT ,I WAS DI/URB+ !M1 & ?AT IT WAS MY FAULT4 ,I MADE A PRES5CE ( APPROV+ EV]Y?+1 ?IS TIME ALSO1 ?ANKS TO ?AT /RANGE FEEL+ ?AT =C$ ME TO TREAT HIM ! MORE AMIABLY 9 PROPORTION AS HIS PRES5CE WAS MORE PA9FUL TO ME4 ,I SAID ?AT ,I TRU/$ TO HIS TA/E1 & ,I ADVIS$ MY WIFE TO DO ! SAME4 ,HE REMA9$ JU/ AS LONG AS IT WAS NECESS>Y 9 ORD] TO EFFACE ! UNPLEASANT IMPRESSION ( MY ABRUPT 5TRANCE ) A FRI<T5$ FACE4 ,HE W5T AWAY ) AN AIR ( SATISFACTION AT ! CONCLUSIONS >RIV$ AT4 ,AS = ME1 ,I WAS P]FECTLY SURE ?AT1 9 COMP>ISON ) ?AT :I* PREOCCUPI$ !M1 ! QUE/ION ( MUSIC WAS 9DIFF]5T TO !M4 ,I ACCOMPANI$ HIM ) ESPECIAL C\RTESY TO ! HALL 7H[ CAN ONE HELP ACCOMPANY+ A MAN :O HAS COME TO DI/URB Y\R TRANQUILITY & RU9 ! HAPP9ESS ( ! 5TIRE FAMILY871 & ,I %OOK HIS :ITE1 S(T H& ) F]V5T AMIABILITY40 

O ,*APT] #bb 

0,ALL ?AT DAY ,I DID NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE4 ,I C\LD NOT4 ,H] PROXIMITY EXCIT$ SU* HATR$ ?AT ,I FE>$ MYSELF4 ,AT ! TABLE %E ASK$ ME1 9 PRES5CE ( ! *ILDR51 :5 ,I WAS TO />T UPON A J\RNEY4 ,I WAS TO GO ! FOLL[+ WEEK TO AN ASSEMBLY ( ! ,ZEM/VO1 9 A NEI<BOR+ LOCALITY4 ,I NAM$ ! DATE4 ,%E ASK$ ME IF ,I W\LD NE$ ANY?+ = ! J\RNEY4 ,I DID NOT ANSW]4 ,I SAT SIL5T AT ! TABLE1 & SIL5TLY ,I RETIR$ TO MY /UDY4 ,9 ?OSE LA/ DAYS %E NEV] 5T]$ MY /UDY1 ESPECIALLY AT ?AT H\R4 ,SUDD5LY ,I HE>D H] /EPS1 H] WALK1 & !N A T]RIBLY BASE IDEA 5T]$ MY HEAD ?AT1 LIKE ! WIFE ( ,URI1 %E WI%$ TO CONCEAL A FAULT ALREADY COMMITT$1 & ?AT IT WAS = ?IS REASON ?AT %E CAME TO SEE ME AT ?IS UNSEASONABLE H\R4 ',IS IT POSSIBLE1' ?\<T ,I1 '?AT %E IS COM+ TO SEE ME8' ,ON HE>+ H] /EP AS IT APPROA*$3 ',IF IT IS TO SEE ME ?AT %E IS COM+1 !N ,I AM RI<T4' 

0,AN 9EXPRESSIBLE HATR$ 9VAD$ MY S\L4 ,! /EPS DREW NE>]1 & NE>]1 & NE>] YET4 ,W\LD %E PASS BY & GO ON TO ! O!R ROOM8 ,NO1 ! H+ES CREAK$1 & AT ! DOOR H] TALL1 GRACEFUL1 LANGUID FIGURE APPE>$4 ,9 H] FACE1 9 H] EYES1 A TIMIDITY1 AN 9S9UAT+ EXPRESSION1 :I* %E TRI$ TO HIDE1 BUT :I* ,I SAW1 & ( :I* ,I UND]/OOD ! MEAN+4 ,I CAME NE> SUFFOCAT+1 SU* W]E MY EF=TS TO HOLD MY BREA?1 &1 CONT9U+ TO LOOK AT H]1 ,I TOOK MY CIG>ETTE1 & LI<T$ IT4 

0',:AT DOES ?IS MEAN8 ,ONE COMES TO TALK ) Y\1 & Y\ GO TO SMOK+4' 

0,& %E SAT D[N BESIDE ME ON ! S(A1 RE/+ AGA9/ MY %\LD]4 ,I RECOIL$1 ?AT ,I MI<T NOT T\* H]4 

0',I SEE ?AT Y\ >E DISPLEAS$ ) :AT ,I WI% TO PLAY ON ,SUNDAY1' SAID %E4 

0',I AM NOT AT ALL DISPLEAS$1' SAID ,I4 

0',CAN ,I NOT SEE8' 

0',WELL1 ,I CONGRATULATE Y\ ON Y\R CLAIRVOYANCE4 ,ONLY TO Y\ EV]Y BAS5ESS IS AGREEABLE1 & ,I ABHOR IT4' 

0',IF Y\ >E GO+ TO SWE> LIKE A TROOP]1 ,I AM GO+ AWAY4' 

0',!N GO AWAY4 ,ONLY KN[ ?AT1 IF ! HONOR ( ! FAMILY IS NO?+ TO Y\1 TO ME IT IS DE>4 ,AS = Y\1 ! DEVIL TAKE Y\6' 

0',:AT6 ,:AT IS ! MATT]8' 

0',GO AWAY1 9 ! NAME ( ,GOD4' 

0,BUT %E DID NOT GO AWAY4 ,WAS %E PRET5D+ NOT TO UND]/&1 OR DID %E REALLY NOT UND]/& :AT ,I MEANT8 ,BUT %E WAS (F5D$ & BECAME ANGRY4 

0',Y\ HAVE BECOME ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE1' %E BEGAN1 OR SOME SU* PHRASE AS ?AT REG>D+ MY *>ACT]1 TRY+1 AS USUAL1 TO GIVE ME AS MU* PA9 AS POSSIBLE4 ',AFT] :AT Y\ HAVE DONE TO MY SI/] 7%E REF]R$ TO AN 9CID5T ) H] SI/]1 9 :I*1 BESIDE MYSELF1 ,I HAD UTT]$ BRUTALITIES2 %E KNEW ?AT ?AT TORTUR$ ME1 & TRI$ TO T\* ME 9 ?AT T5D] SPOT7 NO?+ WILL A/ONI% ME4' 

0',YES1 (F5D$1 HUMILIAT$1 & DI%ONOR$1 & AFT] ?AT TO HOLD ME /ILL RESPONSIBLE1' ?\<T ,I1 & SUDD5LY A RAGE1 SU* A HATR$ 9VAD$ ME AS ,I DO NOT REMEMB] TO HAVE EV] FELT BE=E4 ,= ! FIR/ TIME ,I DESIR$ TO EXPRESS ?IS HATR$ PHYSICALLY4 ,I LEAP$ UPON H]1 BUT AT ! SAME MOM5T ,I UND]/OOD MY CONDITION1 & ,I ASK$ MYSELF :E!R IT W\LD BE WELL = ME TO AB&ON MYSELF TO MY FURY4 ,& ,I ANSW]$ MYSELF ?AT IT W\LD BE WELL1 ?AT IT W\LD FRI<T5 H]1 &1 9/EAD ( RESI/+1 ,I LA%$ & SPURR$ MYSELF ON1 & WAS GLAD TO FEEL MY ANG] BOIL+ MORE & MORE FI]CELY4 

0',GO AWAY1 OR ,I WILL KILL Y\6' ,I CRI$1 PURPOSELY1 ) A FRI<TFUL VOICE1 & ,I GRASP$ H] BY ! >M4 ,%E DID NOT GO AWAY4 ,!N ,I TWI/$ H] >M1 & PU%$ H] AWAY VIOL5TLY4 

0',:AT IS ! MATT] ) Y\8 ,COME TO Y\R S5SES6' %E %RIEK$4 

0',GO AWAY1' RO>$ ,I1 L\D] ?AN EV]1 ROLL+ MY EYES WILDLY4 ',IT TAKES Y\ TO PUT ME 9 SU* A FURY4 ,I DO NOT ANSW] = MYSELF6 ,GO AWAY6' 

0,9 AB&ON+ MYSELF TO MY ANG]1 ,I BECAME /EEP$ 9 IT1 & ,I WANT$ TO COMMIT SOME VIOL5T ACT TO %[ ! =CE ( MY FURY4 ,I FELT A T]RIBLE DESIRE TO BEAT H]1 TO KILL H]1 BUT ,I REALIZ$ ?AT ?AT C\LD NOT BE1 & ,I RE/RA9$ MYSELF4 ,I DREW BACK FROM H]1 RU%$ TO ! TABLE1 GRASP$ ! PAP]-WEI<T1 & ?REW IT ON ! FLOOR BY H] SIDE4 ,I TOOK C>E TO AIM A LITTLE TO ONE SIDE1 &1 BE=E %E DISAPPE>$ 7,I DID IT SO ?AT %E C\LD SEE IT71 ,I GRASP$ A C&LE/ICK1 :I* ,I ALSO HURL$1 & !N TOOK D[N ! B>OMET]1 CONT9U+ TO %\T3 

0',GO AWAY6 ,I DO NOT ANSW] = MYSELF6' 

0,%E DISAPPE>$1 & ,I IMM$IATELY CEAS$ MY DEMON/RATIONS4 ,AN H\R LAT] ! OLD S]VANT CAME TO ME & SAID ?AT MY WIFE WAS 9 A FIT ( HY/]ICS4 ,I W5T TO SEE H]4 ,%E SOBB$ & LAU<$1 9CAPABLE ( EXPRESS+ ANY?+1 H] :OLE BODY 9 A TREMBLE4 ,%E WAS NOT %AMM+1 %E WAS REALLY SICK4 ,WE S5T = ! DOCTOR1 & ALL NI<T LONG ,I C>$ = H]4 ,T[>D DAYLI<T %E GREW CALM]1 & WE BECAME RECONCIL$ UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( ?AT FEEL+ :I* WE CALL$ 'LOVE4' ,! NEXT MORN+1 :51 AFT] ! RECONCILIATION1 ,I CONFESS$ TO H] ?AT ,I WAS JEAL\S ( ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 %E WAS NOT AT ALL EMB>RASS$1 & BEGAN TO LAU< 9 ! MO/ NATURAL WAY1 SO /RANGE DID ! POSSIBILITY ( BE+ L$ A/RAY BY SU* A MAN APPE> TO H]4 

0',) SU* A MAN CAN AN HONE/ WOMAN 5T]TA9 ANY FEEL+ BEYOND ! PLEASURE ( 5JOY+ MUSIC ) HIM8 ,BUT IF Y\ LIKE1 ,I AM READY TO NEV] SEE HIM AGA91 EV5 ON ,SUNDAY1 AL?\< EV]YBODY HAS BE5 9VIT$4 ,WRITE HIM ?AT ,I AM 9DISPOS$1 & ?AT WILL 5D ! MATT]4 ,ONLY ONE ?+ ANNOYS ME1--?AT ANY ONE C\LD HAVE ?\<T HIM DANG]\S4 ,I AM TOO PR\D NOT TO DETE/ SU* ?\<TS4' 

0,& %E DID NOT LIE4 ,%E BELIEV$ :AT %E SAID4 ,%E HOP$ BY H] WORDS TO PROVOKE 9 H]SELF A CONTEMPT = HIM1 & !REBY TO DEF5D H]SELF4 ,BUT %E DID NOT SUCCE$4 ,EV]Y?+ WAS DIRECT$ AGA9/ H]1 ESPECIALLY ?AT ABOM9ABLE MUSIC4 ,SO 5D$ ! QU>REL1 & ON ,SUNDAY \R GUE/S CAME1 & ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY & MY WIFE AGA9 PLAY$ TOGE!R40 

O ,*APT] #bc 

0,I ?9K ?AT IT IS SUP]FLU\S TO SAY ?AT ,I WAS V]Y VA94 ,IF ONE HAS NO VANITY 9 ?IS LIFE ( \RS1 !RE IS NO SUFFICI5T REASON = LIV+4 ,SO = ?AT ,SUNDAY ,I HAD BUSI$ MYSELF 9 TA/EFULLY >RANG+ ?+S = ! D9N] & ! MUSICAL SOIREE4 ,I HAD PUR*AS$ MYSELF NUM]\S ?+S = ! D9N]1 & HAD *OS5 ! GUE/S4 ,T[>D SIX O'CLOCK !Y >RIV$1 & AFT] !M ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 9 HIS DRESS-COAT1 ) DIAMOND %IRT-/UDS1 9 BAD TA/E4 ,HE BORE HIMSELF ) EASE4 ,TO ALL QUE/IONS HE RESPOND$ PROMPTLY1 ) A SMILE ( CONT5TM5T & UND]/&+1 & ?AT PECULI> EXPRESSION :I* WAS 9T5D$ TO MEAN3 ',ALL ?AT Y\ MAY DO & SAY WILL BE EXACTLY :AT ,I EXPECT$4' ,EV]Y?+ AB\T HIM ?AT WAS NOT CORRECT ,I N[ NOTIC$ ) ESPECIAL PLEASURE1 = IT ALL T5D$ TO TRANQUILIZE ME1 & PROVE TO ME ?AT TO MY WIFE HE /OOD 9 SU* A DEGREE ( 9F]IORITY ?AT1 AS %E HAD TOLD ME1 %E C\LD NOT /OOP TO HIS LEVEL4 ,LESS BECAUSE ( MY WIFE'S ASSURANCES ?AN BECAUSE ( ! ATROCI\S SUFF]+S :I* ,I FELT 9 JEAL\SY1 ,I NO LONG] ALL[$ MYSELF TO BE JEAL\S4 

0,9 SPITE ( ?AT1 ,I WAS NOT AT EASE ) ! MUSICIAN OR ) H] DUR+ D9N]-TIME & ! TIME ?AT ELAPS$ BE=E ! BEG9N+ ( ! MUSIC4 ,9VOLUNT>ILY ,I FOLL[$ EA* ( !IR GE/URES & LOOKS4 ,! D9N]1 LIKE ALL D9N]S1 WAS TIRESOME & CONV5TIONAL4 ,NOT LONG AFT]W>DS ! MUSIC BEGAN4 ,HE W5T TO GET HIS VIOL92 MY WIFE ADVANC$ TO ! PIANO1 & RUMMAG$ AMONG ! SCORES4 ,OH1 H[ WELL ,I REMEMB] ALL ! DETAILS ( ?AT EV5+6 ,I REMEMB] H[ HE BR\<T ! VIOL91 H[ HE OP5$ ! BOX1 TOOK (F ! S]GE EMBROID]$ BY A LADY'S H&1 & BEGAN TO TUNE ! 9/RUM5T4 ,I CAN /ILL SEE MY WIFE SIT D[N1 ) A FALSE AIR ( 9DIFF]5CE1 UND] :I* IT WAS PLA9 ?AT %E HID A GREAT TIMIDITY1 A TIMIDITY ?AT WAS ESPECIALLY DUE TO H] COMP>ATIVE LACK ( MUSICAL KN[L$GE4 ,%E SAT D[N ) ?AT FALSE AIR 9 FRONT ( ! PIANO1 & !N BEGAN ! USUAL PRELIM9>IES1--! PIZZICATI ( ! VIOL9 & ! >RANGEM5T ( ! SCORES4 ,I REMEMB] !N H[ !Y LOOK$ AT EA* O!R1 & CA/ A GLANCE AT !IR AUDITORS :O W]E TAK+ !IR SEATS4 ,!Y SAID A FEW WORDS TO EA* O!R1 & ! MUSIC BEGAN4 ,!Y PLAY$ ,BEE?OV5'S ',KREUTZ] ,SONATA4' ,DO Y\ KN[ ! FIR/ PRE/O8 ,DO Y\ KN[ IT8 ,AH60 4 4 4 

,POSDNI*EFF HEAV$ A SI<1 & WAS SIL5T = A LONG TIME4 

0,A T]RIBLE ?+ IS ?AT SONATA1 ESPECIALLY ! PRE/O6 ,& A T]RIBLE ?+ IS MUSIC 9 G5]AL4 ,:AT IS IT8 ,:Y DOES IT DO :AT IT DOES8 ,!Y SAY ?AT MUSIC /IRS ! S\L4 ,/UPIDITY6 ,A LIE6 ,IT ACTS1 IT ACTS FRI<TFULLY 7,I SPEAK = MYSELF71 BUT NOT 9 AN 5NOBL+ WAY4 ,IT ACTS NEI!R 9 AN 5NOBL+ NOR A DEBAS+ WAY1 BUT 9 AN IRRITAT+ WAY4 ,H[ %ALL ,I SAY IT8 ,MUSIC MAKES ME =GET MY REAL SITUATION4 ,IT TRANSPORTS ME 9TO A /ATE :I* IS NOT MY [N4 ,UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( MUSIC ,I REALLY SEEM TO FEEL :AT ,I DO NOT FEEL1 TO UND]/& :AT ,I DO NOT UND]/&1 TO HAVE P[]S :I* ,I CANNOT HAVE4 ,MUSIC SEEMS TO ME TO ACT LIKE YAWN+ OR LAU<T]2 ,I HAVE NO DESIRE TO SLEEP1 BUT ,I YAWN :5 ,I SEE O!RS YAWN2 ) NO REASON TO LAU<1 ,I LAU< :5 ,I HE> O!RS LAU<4 ,& MUSIC TRANSPORTS ME IMM$IATELY 9TO ! CONDITION ( S\L 9 :I* HE :O WROTE ! MUSIC F\ND HIMSELF AT ?AT TIME4 ,I BECOME CONF\ND$ ) HIS S\L1 & ) HIM ,I PASS FROM ONE CONDITION TO ANO!R4 ,BUT :Y ?AT8 ,I KN[ NO?+ AB\T IT8 ,BUT HE :O WROTE ,BEE?OV5'S ',KREUTZ] ,SONATA' KNEW WELL :Y HE F\ND HIMSELF 9 A C]TA9 CONDITION4 ,?AT CONDITION L$ HIM TO C]TA9 ACTIONS1 & = ?AT REASON TO HIM HAD A MEAN+1 BUT TO ME NONE1 NONE :ATEV]4 ,& ?AT IS :Y MUSIC PROVOKES AN EXCITEM5T :I* IT DOES NOT BR+ TO A CONCLUSION4 ,= 9/ANCE1 A MILIT>Y M>* IS PLAY$2 ! SOLDI] PASSES TO ! S\ND ( ?IS M>*1 & ! MUSIC IS F9I%$4 ,A DANCE IS PLAY$2 ,I HAVE F9I%$ DANC+1 & ! MUSIC IS F9I%$4 ,A MASS IS SUNG2 ,I RECEIVE ! SACRAM5T1 & AGA9 ! MUSIC IS F9I%$4 ,BUT ANY O!R MUSIC PROVOKES AN EXCITEM5T1 & ?IS EXCITEM5T IS NOT ACCOMPANI$ BY ! ?+ ?AT NE$S PROP]LY TO BE DONE1 & ?AT IS :Y MUSIC IS SO DANG]\S1 & SOMETIMES ACTS SO FRI<TFULLY4 

0,9 ,*9A MUSIC IS UND] ! CONTROL ( ! ,/ATE1 & ?AT IS ! WAY IT \<T TO BE4 ,IS IT ADMISSIBLE ?AT ! FIR/ COM] %\LD HYPNOTIZE ONE OR MORE P]SONS1 & !N DO ) !M AS HE LIKES8 ,& ESPECIALLY ?AT ! HYPNOTIZ] %\LD BE ! FIR/ IMMORAL 9DIVIDUAL :O HAPP5S TO COME ALONG8 ,IT IS A FRI<TFUL P[] 9 ! H&S ( ANY ONE1 NO MATT] :OM4 ,= 9/ANCE1 %\LD !Y BE ALL[$ TO PLAY ?IS ',KREUTZ] ,SONATA1' ! FIR/ PRE/O1--& !RE >E MANY LIKE IT1--9 P>LORS1 AMONG LADIES WE>+ L[ NECK$ DRESSES1 OR 9 CONC]TS1 !N F9I% ! PIECE1 RECEIVE ! APPLAUSE1 & !N BEG9 ANO!R PIECE8 ,!SE ?+S %\LD BE PLAY$ UND] C]TA9 CIRCUM/ANCES1 ONLY 9 CASES :]E IT IS NECESS>Y TO 9CITE C]TA9 ACTIONS CORRESPOND+ TO ! MUSIC4 ,BUT TO 9CITE AN 5]GY ( FEEL+ :I* CORRESPONDS TO NEI!R ! TIME NOR ! PLACE1 & IS EXP5D$ 9 NO?+1 CANNOT FAIL TO ACT DANG]\SLY4 ,ON ME 9 P>TICUL> ?IS PIECE ACT$ 9 A FRI<TFUL MANN]4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT NEW S5TIM5TS1 NEW VIRTUALITIES1 ( :I* ,I WAS =M]LY IGNORANT1 HAD DEVELOP$ 9 ME4 ',AH1 YES1 ?AT'S IT6 ,NOT AT ALL AS ,I LIV$ & ?\<T BE=E6 ,?IS IS ! RI<T WAY TO LIVE6' 

0,?US ,I SPOKE TO MY S\L AS ,I LI/5$ TO ?AT MUSIC4 ,:AT WAS ?IS NEW ?+ ?AT ,I ?US LE>N$8 ,?AT ,I DID NOT REALIZE1 BUT ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ?IS 9DEF9ITE /ATE FILL$ ME ) JOY4 ,9 ?AT /ATE !RE WAS NO ROOM = JEAL\SY4 ,! SAME FACES1 & AMONG !M ,H,E & MY WIFE1 ,I SAW 9 A DIFF]5T LI<T4 ,?IS MUSIC TRANSPORT$ ME 9TO AN UNKN[N WORLD1 :]E !RE WAS NO ROOM = JEAL\SY4 ,JEAL\SY & ! FEEL+S ?AT PROVOKE IT SEEM$ TO ME TRIVIALITIES1 NOR WOR? ?9K+ (4 

0,AFT] ! PRE/O FOLL[$ ! &ANTE1 NOT V]Y NEW1 ) COMMONPLACE V>IATIONS1 & ! FEEBLE F9ALE4 ,!N !Y PLAY$ MORE1 AT ! REQUE/ ( ! GUE/S1--FIR/ AN ELEGY BY ,]N/1 & !N V>I\S O!R PIECES4 ,!Y W]E ALL V]Y WELL1 BUT DID NOT PRODUCE UPON ME A T5? P>T ( ! IMPRESSION ?AT ! OP5+ PIECE DID4 ,I FELT LI<T & GAY ?R\<\T ! EV5+4 ,AS = MY WIFE1 NEV] HAD ,I SE5 H] AS %E WAS ?AT NI<T4 ,?OSE BRILLIANT EYES1 ?AT SEV]ITY & MAJE/IC EXPRESSION :ILE %E WAS PLAY+1 & !N ?AT UTT] LANGUOR1 ?AT WEAK1 PITIABLE1 & HAPPY SMILE AFT] %E HAD F9I%$1--,I SAW !M ALL & ATTA*$ NO IMPORTANCE TO !M1 BELIEV+ ?AT %E FELT AS ,I DID1 ?AT TO H]1 AS TO ME1 NEW S5TIM5TS HAD BE5 REVEAL$1 AS ?R\< A FOG4 ,DUR+ ALMO/ ! :OLE EV5+ ,I WAS NOT JEAL\S4 

0,TWO DAYS LAT] ,I WAS TO />T = ! ASSEMBLY ( ! ,ZEM/VO1 & = ?AT REASON1 ON TAK+ LEAVE ( ME & C>RY+ ALL HIS SCORES ) HIM1 ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY ASK$ ME :5 ,I %\LD RETURN4 ,I 9F]R$ FROM ?AT ?AT HE BELIEV$ IT IMPOSSIBLE TO COME TO MY H\SE DUR+ MY ABS5CE1 & ?AT WAS AGREEABLE TO ME4 ,N[ ,I WAS NOT TO RETURN BE=E HIS DEP>TURE FROM ! CITY4 ,SO WE BADE EA* O!R A DEF9ITE F>EWELL4 ,= ! FIR/ TIME ,I %OOK HIS H& ) PLEASURE1 & ?ANK$ HIM = ! SATISFACTION ?AT HE HAD GIV5 ME4 ,HE LIKEWISE TOOK LEAVE ( MY WIFE1 & !IR P>T+ SEEM$ TO ME V]Y NATURAL & PROP]4 ,ALL W5T M>VEL\SLY4 ,MY WIFE & ,I RETIR$1 WELL SATISFI$ ) ! EV5+4 ,WE TALK$ ( \R IMPRESSIONS 9 A G5]AL WAY1 & WE W]E NE>] TOGE!R & MORE FRI5DLY ?AN WE HAD BE5 = A LONG TIME40 

O ,*APT] #bd 

0,TWO DAYS LAT] ,I />T$ = ! ASSEMBLY1 HAV+ BID F>EWELL TO MY WIFE 9 AN EXCELL5T & TRANQUIL /ATE ( M9D4 ,9 ! DI/RICT !RE WAS ALWAYS MU* TO BE DONE4 ,IT WAS A WORLD & A LIFE AP>T4 ,DUR+ TWO DAYS ,I SP5T T5 H\RS AT ! SESSIONS4 ,! EV5+ ( ! SECOND DAY1 ON RETURN+ TO MY DI/RICT LODG+S1 ,I F\ND A LETT] FROM MY WIFE1 TELL+ ME ( ! *ILDR51 ( !IR UNCLE1 ( ! S]VANTS1 &1 AMONG O!R ?+S1 AS IF IT W]E P]FECTLY NATURAL1 ?AT ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY HAD BE5 AT ! H\SE1 & HAD BR\<T H] ! PROMIS$ SCORES4 ,HE HAD ALSO PROPOS$ ?AT !Y PLAY AGA91 BUT %E HAD REFUS$4 

0,= MY P>T1 ,I DID NOT REMEMB] AT ALL ?AT HE HAD PROMIS$ ANY SCORE4 ,IT HAD SEEM$ TO ME ON ,SUNDAY EV5+ ?AT HE TOOK A DEF9ITE LEAVE1 & = ?IS REASON ! NEWS GAVE ME A DISAGREEABLE SURPRISE4 ,I READ ! LETT] AGA94 ,!RE WAS SOME?+ T5D] & TIMID AB\T IT4 ,IT PRODUC$ AN EXTREMELY PA9FUL IMPRESSION UPON ME4 ,MY HE>T SWELL$1 & ! MAD BEA/ ( JEAL\SY BEGAN TO RO> 9 HIS LAIR1 & SEEM$ TO WANT TO LEAP UPON HIS PREY4 ,BUT ,I WAS AFRAID ( ?IS BEA/1 & ,I IMPOS$ SIL5CE UPON IT4 

0,:AT AN ABOM9ABLE S5TIM5T IS JEAL\SY6 ',:AT C\LD BE MORE NATURAL ?AN :AT %E HAS WRITT58' SAID ,I TO MYSELF4 ,I W5T TO B$1 ?9K+ MYSELF TRANQUIL AGA94 ,I ?\<T ( ! BUS9ESS ?AT REMA9$ TO BE DONE1 & ,I W5T TO SLEEP )\T ?9K+ ( H]4 

0,DUR+ !SE ASSEMBLIES ( ! ,ZEM/VO ,I ALWAYS SLEPT BADLY 9 MY /RANGE QU>T]S4 ,?AT NI<T ,I W5T TO SLEEP DIRECTLY1 BUT1 AS SOMETIMES HAPP5S1 A SORT ( SUDD5 %OCK AWOKE ME4 ,I ?\<T IMM$IATELY ( H]1 ( MY PHYSICAL LOVE = H]1 ( ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 & ?AT BETWE5 !M EV]Y?+ HAD HAPP5$4 ,& A FEEL+ ( RAGE COMPRESS$ MY HE>T1 & ,I TRI$ TO QUIET MYSELF4 

0',H[ /UPID6' SAID ,I TO MYSELF2 '!RE IS NO REASON1 NONE AT ALL4 ,& :Y HUMILIATE \RSELVES1 H]SELF & MYSELF1 & ESPECIALLY MYSELF1 BY SUPPOS+ SU* HORRORS8 ,?IS M]C5>Y VIOL9I/1 KN[N AS A BAD MAN1--%ALL ,I ?9K ( HIM 9 CONNECTION ) A RESPECTABLE WOMAN1 ! MO!R ( A FAMILY1 ,M,Y WIFE8 ,H[ SILLY6' ,BUT ON ! O!R H&1 ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',:Y %\LD IT NOT HAPP58' 

0,:Y8 ,WAS IT NOT ! SAME SIMPLE & 9TELLIGIBLE FEEL+ 9 ! NAME ( :I* ,I M>RI$1 9 ! NAME ( :I* ,I WAS LIV+ ) H]1 ! ONLY ?+ ,I WANT$ ( H]1 & ?AT :I*1 CONSEQU5TLY1 O!RS DESIR$1 ?IS MUSICIAN AMONG ! RE/8 ,HE WAS NOT M>RI$1 WAS 9 GOOD HEAL? 7,I REMEMB] H[ HIS TEE? GR\ND ! GRI/LE ( ! CUTLETS1 & H[ EAG]LY HE EMPTI$ ! GLASS ( W9E ) HIS R$ LIPS71 WAS C>EFUL ( HIS P]SON1 WELL F$1 & NOT ONLY )\T PR9CIPLES1 BUT EVID5TLY ) ! PR9CIPLE ?AT ONE %\LD TAKE ADVANTAGE ( ! PLEASURE ?AT (F]S ITSELF4 ,!RE WAS A BOND BETWE5 !M1 MUSIC1--! MO/ REF9$ =M ( S5SUAL VOLUPTU\SNESS4 ,:AT WAS !RE TO RE/RA9 !M8 ,NO?+4 ,EV]Y?+1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 ATTRACT$ !M4 ,& %E1 %E HAD BE5 & HAD REMA9$ A MY/]Y4 ,I DID NOT KN[ H]4 ,I KNEW H] ONLY AS AN ANIMAL1 & AN ANIMAL NO?+ CAN OR %\LD RE/RA94 ,& N[ ,I REMEMB] !IR FACES ON ,SUNDAY EV5+1 :51 AFT] ! ',KREUTZ] ,SONATA1' !Y PLAY$ A PASSIONATE PIECE1 WRITT5 ,I KN[ NOT BY :OM1 BUT A PIECE PASSIONATE TO ! PO9T ( OBSC5ITY4 

0',H[ C\LD ,I HAVE GONE AWAY8' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 AS ,I RECALL$ !IR FACES4 ',WAS IT NOT CLE> ?AT BETWE5 !M EV]Y?+ WAS DONE ?AT EV5+8 ,WAS IT NOT CLE> ?AT BETWE5 !M NOT ONLY !RE W]E NO MORE OB/ACLES1 BUT ?AT BO?--ESPECIALLY %E--FELT A C]TA9 %AME AFT] :AT HAD HAPP5$ AT ! PIANO8 ,H[ WEAKLY1 PITIABLY1 HAPPILY %E SMIL$1 AS %E WIP$ ! P]SPIRATION FROM H] R$D5$ FACE6 ,!Y ALREADY AVOID$ EA* O!R'S EYES1 & ONLY AT ! SUPP]1 :5 %E P\R$ SOME WAT] = HIM1 DID !Y LOOK AT EA* O!R & SMILE IMP]CEPTIBLY4' 

0,N[ ,I REMEMB] ) FRI<T ?AT LOOK & ?AT SC>CELY P]CEPTIBLE SMILE4 ',YES1 EV]Y?+ HAS HAPP5$1' A VOICE SAID TO ME1 & DIRECTLY ANO!R SAID ! OPPOSITE4 ',>E Y\ MAD8 ,IT IS IMPOSSIBLE6' SAID ! SECOND VOICE4 

0,IT WAS TOO PA9FUL TO ME TO REMA9 ?US /RET*$ 9 ! D>KNESS4 ,I /RUCK A MAT*1 & ! LITTLE YELL[-PAP]$ ROOM FRI<T5$ ME4 ,I LI<T$ A CIG>ETTE1 &1 AS ALWAYS HAPP5S1 :5 ONE TURNS 9 A CIRCLE ( 9EXTRICABLE CONTRADICTION1 ,I BEGAN TO SMOKE4 ,I SMOK$ CIG>ETTE AFT] CIG>ETTE TO DULL MY S5SES1 ?AT ,I MI<T NOT SEE MY CONTRADICTIONS4 ,ALL NI<T ,I DID NOT SLEEP1 & AT FIVE O'CLOCK1 :5 IT WAS NOT YET LI<T1 ,I DECID$ ?AT ,I C\LD /& ?IS /RA9 NO LONG]1 & ?AT ,I W\LD LEAVE DIRECTLY4 ,!RE WAS A TRA9 AT EI<T O'CLOCK4 ,I AWAK5$ ! KEEP] :O WAS ACT+ AS MY S]VANT1 & S5T HIM TO LOOK = HORSES4 ,TO ! ASSEMBLY ( ,ZEM/VO ,I S5T A MESSAGE ?AT ,I WAS CALL$ BACK TO ,MOSC[ BY PRESS+ BUS9ESS1 & ?AT ,I BEGG$ !M TO SUB/ITUTE = ME A MEMB] ( ! ,COMMITTEE4 ,AT EI<T O'CLOCK ,I GOT 9TO A T>ANTASS & />T$ (F40 

O ,*APT] #be 

0,I HAD TO GO TW5TY-FIVE V]/S BY C>RIAGE & EI<T H\RS BY TRA94 ,BY C>RIAGE IT WAS A V]Y PLEASANT J\RNEY4 ,! COOLNESS ( AUTUMN WAS ACCOMPANI$ BY A BRILLIANT SUN4 ,Y\ KN[ ! WEA!R :5 ! :EELS IMPR9T !MSELVES UPON ! DIRTY ROAD4 ,! ROAD WAS LEVEL1 & ! LI<T /RONG1 & ! AIR /R5G!N+4 ,! T>ANTASS WAS COM=TABLE4 ,AS ,I LOOK$ AT ! HORSES1 ! FIELDS1 & ! PEOPLE :OM WE PASS$1 ,I =GOT :]E ,I WAS GO+4 ,SOMETIMES IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ,I WAS TRAVEL+ )\T AN OBJECT1--SIMPLY PROM5AD+1--& ?AT ,I %\LD GO ON ?US TO ! 5D ( ! WORLD4 ,& ,I WAS HAPPY :5 ,I SO =GOT MYSELF4 ,BUT :5 ,I REMEMB]$ :]E ,I WAS GO+1 ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',I %ALL SEE LAT]4 ,DON'T ?9K AB\T IT4' 

0,:5 HALF WAY1 AN 9CID5T HAPP5$ TO DI/RACT ME /ILL FUR!R4 ,! T>ANTASS1 ?\< NEW1 BROKE D[N1 & HAD TO BE REPAIR$4 ,! DELAYS 9 LOOK+ = A TELEGUE1 ! REPAIRS1 ! PAYM5T1 ! TEA 9 ! 9N1 ! CONV]SATION ) ! DVORNIK1 ALL S]V$ TO AMUSE ME4 ,T[>D NI<TFALL ALL WAS READY1 & ,I />T$ (F AGA94 ,BY NI<T ! J\RNEY WAS /ILL PLEASANT] ?AN BY DAY4 ,! MOON 9 ITS FIR/ QU>T]1 A SLI<T FRO/1 ! ROAD /ILL 9 GOOD CONDITION1 ! HORSES1 ! SPRI<TLY COA*MAN1 ALL S]V$ TO PUT ME 9 GOOD SPIRITS4 ,I SC>CELY ?\<T ( :AT AWAIT$ ME1 & WAS GAY P]HAPS BECAUSE ( ! V]Y ?+ ?AT AWAIT$ ME1 & BECAUSE ,I WAS AB\T TO SAY F>EWELL TO ! JOYS ( LIFE4 

0,BUT ?IS TRANQUIL /ATE1 ! P[] ( CONQU]+ MY PREOCCUPATION1 ALL 5D$ ) ! C>RIAGE DRIVE4 ,SC>CELY HAD ,I 5T]$ ! C>S1 :5 ! O!R ?+ BEGAN4 ,?OSE EI<T H\RS ON ! RAIL W]E SO T]RIBLE TO ME ?AT ,I %ALL NEV] =GET !M 9 MY LIFE4 ,WAS IT BECAUSE ON 5T]+ ! C> ,I HAD A VIVID IMAG9ATION ( HAV+ ALREADY >RIV$1 OR BECAUSE ! RAILWAY ACTS UPON PEOPLE 9 SU* AN EXCIT+ FA%ION8 ,AT ANY RATE1 AFT] BO>D+ ! TRA9 ,I C\LD NO LONG] CONTROL MY IMAG9ATION1 :I* 9CESSANTLY1 ) EXTRAORD9>Y VIVACITY1 DREW PICTURES BE=E MY EYES1 EA* MORE CYNICAL ?AN ITS PR$ECESSOR1 :I* K9DL$ MY JEAL\SY4 ,& ALWAYS ! SAME ?+S AB\T :AT WAS HAPP5+ AT HOME DUR+ MY ABS5CE4 ,I BURN$ ) 9DIGNATION1 ) RAGE1 & ) A PECULI> FEEL+ :I* /EEP$ ME 9 HUMILIATION1 AS ,I CONTEMPLAT$ !SE PICTURES4 ,& ,I C\LD NOT TE> MYSELF \T ( ?IS CONDITION4 ,I C\LD NOT HELP LOOK+ AT !M1 ,I C\LD NOT EFFACE !M1 ,I C\LD NOT KEEP FROM EVOK+ !M4 

0,! MORE ,I LOOK$ AT !SE IMAG9>Y PICTURES1 ! MORE ,I BELIEV$ 9 !IR REALITY1 =GETT+ ?AT !Y HAD NO S]I\S F\NDATION4 ,! VIVACITY ( !SE IMAGES SEEM$ TO PROVE TO ME ?AT MY IMAG9ATIONS W]E A REALITY4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT A DEMON1 AGA9/ MY WILL1 WAS 9V5T+ & BREA?+ 9TO ME ! MO/ T]RIBLE FICTIONS4 ,A CONV]SATION :I* DAT$ A LONG TIME BACK1 ) ! BRO!R ( ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 ,I REMEMB]$ AT ?AT MOM5T1 9 A SORT ( EC/ASY1 & IT TORE MY HE>T AS ,I CONNECT$ IT ) ! MUSICIAN & MY WIFE4 ,YES1 IT WAS V]Y LONG AGO4 ,! BRO!R ( ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 ANSW]+ MY QUE/IONS AS TO :E!R HE FREQU5T$ DISREPUTABLE H\SES1 SAID ?AT A RESPECTABLE MAN DOES NOT GO :]E HE MAY CONTRACT A DISEASE1 9 A L[ & UNCLEAN SPOT1 :5 ONE CAN F9D AN HONE/ WOMAN4 ,& H]E HE1 HIS BRO!R1 ! MUSICIAN1 HAD F\ND ! HONE/ WOMAN4 ',IT IS TRUE ?AT %E IS NO LONG] 9 H] E>LY Y\?4 ,%E HAS LO/ A TOO? ON ONE SIDE1 & H] FACE IS SLI<TLY BLOAT$1' ?\<T ,I = ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY4 ',BUT :AT IS TO BE DONE8 ,ONE MU/ PR(IT BY :AT ONE HAS4' 

0',YES1 HE IS B\ND TO TAKE H] = HIS MI/RESS1' SAID ,I TO MYSELF AGA92 '& BESIDES1 %E IS NOT DANG]\S4' 

0',NO1 IT IS NOT POSSIBLE' ,I REJO9$ 9 FRI<T4 ',NO?+1 NO?+ ( ! K9D HAS HAPP5$1 & !RE IS NO REASON TO SUPPOSE !RE HAS4 ,DID %E NOT TELL ME ?AT ! V]Y IDEA ?AT ,I C\LD BE JEAL\S ( H] BECAUSE ( HIM WAS HUMILIAT+ TO H]8' ',YES1 BUT %E LI$1' ,I CRI$1 & ALL BEGAN OV] AGA94 

0,!RE W]E ONLY TWO TRAVEL]S 9 MY COMP>TM5T3 AN OLD WOMAN ) H] HUSB&1 NEI!R ( !M V]Y TALKATIVE2 & EV5 !Y GOT \T AT ONE ( ! /ATIONS1 LEAV+ ME ALL ALONE4 ,I WAS LIKE A BEA/ 9 A CAGE4 ,N[ ,I JUMP$ UP & APPROA*$ ! W9D[1 N[ ,I BEGAN TO WALK BACK & =?1 /AGG]+ AS IF ,I HOP$ TO MAKE ! TRA9 GO FA/] BY MY EF=TS1 & ! C> ) ITS SEATS & ITS W9D[S TREMBL$ CONT9UALLY1 AS \RS DOES N[40 

,& ,POSDNI*EFF ROSE ABRUPTLY1 TOOK A FEW /EPS1 & SAT D[N AGA94 

0,OH1 ,I AM AFRAID1 ,I AM AFRAID ( RAILWAY C>RIAGES4 ,FE> SEIZES ME4 ,I SAT D[N AGA91 & ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',I MU/ ?9K ( SOME?+ ELSE4 ,= 9/ANCE1 ( ! 9N KEEP] AT :OSE H\SE ,I TOOK TEA4' ,& !N1 9 MY IMAG9ATION >OSE ! DVORNIK1 ) HIS LONG BE>D1 & HIS GR&SON1 A LITTLE FELL[ ( ! SAME AGE AS MY LITTLE ,BASILE4 ,MY LITTLE ,BASILE6 ,MY LITTLE ,BASILE6 ,HE WILL SEE ! MUSICIAN KISS HIS MO!R6 ,:AT ?\<TS WILL PASS ?R\< HIS POOR S\L6 ,BUT :AT DOES ?AT MATT] TO H]6 ,%E LOVES4 

0,& AGA9 IT ALL BEGAN1 ! CIRCLE ( ! SAME ?\<TS4 ,I SUFF]$ SO MU* ?AT AT LA/ ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT TO DO ) MYSELF1 & AN IDEA PASS$ ?R\< MY HEAD ?AT PLEAS$ ME MU*1--TO GET \T UPON ! RAILS1 ?R[ MYSELF UND] ! C>S1 & ?US F9I% EV]Y?+4 ,ONE ?+ PREV5T$ ME FROM DO+ SO4 ,IT WAS PITY6 ,IT WAS PITY = MYSELF1 EVOK+ AT ! SAME TIME A HATR$ = H]1 = HIM1 BUT NOT SO MU* = HIM4 ,T[>D HIM ,I FELT A /RANGE S5TIM5T ( MY HUMILIATION & HIS VICTORY1 BUT T[>D H] A T]RIBLE HATR$4 

0',BUT ,I CANNOT KILL MYSELF & LEAVE H] FREE4 ,%E MU/ SUFF]1 %E MU/ UND]/& AT LEA/ ?AT ,I HAVE SUFF]$1' SAID ,I TO MYSELF4 

0,AT A /ATION ,I SAW PEOPLE DR9K+ AT ! LUN* C\NT]1 & DIRECTLY ,I W5T TO SWALL[ A GLASS ( VODKI4 ,BESIDE ME /OOD A ,JEW1 DR9K+ ALSO4 ,HE BEGAN TO TALK TO ME1 & ,I1 9 ORD] NOT TO BE LEFT ALONE 9 MY COMP>TM5T1 W5T ) HIM 9TO HIS ?IRD-CLASS1 DIRTY1 FULL ( SMOKE1 & COV]$ ) PEEL+S & SUNFL[] SE$S4 ,!RE ,I SAT D[N BESIDE ! ,JEW1 &1 AS IT SEEM$1 HE TOLD MANY ANECDOTES4 

0,FIR/ ,I LI/5$ TO HIM1 BUT ,I DID NOT UND]/& :AT HE SAID4 ,HE NOTIC$ IT1 & EXACT$ MY ATT5TION TO HIS P]SON4 ,!N ,I ROSE & 5T]$ MY [N COMP>TM5T4 

0',I MU/ CONSID]1' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 ':E!R :AT ,I ?9K IS TRUE1 :E!R !RE IS ANY REASON TO TORM5T MYSELF4' ,I SAT D[N1 WI%+ TO REFLECT QUIETLY2 BUT DIRECTLY1 9/EAD ( ! PEACEFUL REFLECTIONS1 ! SAME ?+ BEGAN AGA94 ,9/EAD ( ! REASON+1 ! PICTURES4 

0',H[ MANY TIMES HAVE ,I TORM5T$ MYSELF 9 ?IS WAY1' ,I ?\<T 7,I RECALL$ PREVI\S & SIMIL> FITS ( JEAL\SY71 '& !N SE5 IT 5D 9 NO?+ AT ALL8 ,IT IS ! SAME N[4 ,P]HAPS1 YES1 SURELY1 ,I %ALL F9D H] QUIETLY SLEEP+4 ,%E WILL AWAK51 %E WILL BE GLAD1 & 9 H] WORDS & LOOKS ,I %ALL SEE ?AT NO?+ HAS HAPP5$1 ?AT ALL ?IS IS VA94 ,AH1 IF IT W\LD ONLY SO TURN \T6' ',BUT NO1 ?AT HAS HAPP5$ TOO (T56 ,N[ ! 5D HAS COME1' A VOICE SAID TO ME4 

0,& AGA9 IT ALL BEGAN4 ,AH1 :AT TORTURE6 ,IT IS NOT TO A HOSPITAL FILL$ ) SYPHILITIC PATI5TS ?AT ,I W\LD TAKE A Y\NG MAN TO DEPRIVE HIM ( ! DESIRE = WOM51 BUT 9TO MY S\L1 TO %[ HIM ! DEMON :I* TORE IT4 ,! FRI<TFUL P>T WAS ?AT ,I RECOGNIZ$ 9 MYSELF AN 9DISPUTABLE RI<T TO ! BODY ( MY WIFE1 AS IF H] BODY W]E 5TIRELY M9E4 ,& AT ! SAME TIME ,I FELT ?AT ,I C\LD NOT POSSESS ?IS BODY1 ?AT IT WAS NOT M9E1 ?AT %E C\LD DO ) IT AS %E LIK$1 & ?AT %E LIK$ TO DO ) IT AS ,I DID NOT LIKE4 ,& ,I WAS P[]LESS AGA9/ HIM & AGA9/ H]4 ,HE1 LIKE ! ,VANKA ( ! SONG1 W\LD S+1 BE=E M\NT+ ! GALL[S1 H[ HE W\LD KISS H] SWEET LIPS1 ETC41 & HE W\LD EV5 HAVE ! BE/ ( IT BE=E DEA?4 ,) H] IT WAS /ILL WORSE4 ,IF %E ,H,A,D ,N,O,T ,D,O,N,E ,I,T1 %E HAD ! DESIRE1 %E WI%$ TO DO IT1 & ,I KNEW ?AT %E DID4 ,?AT WAS WORSE YET4 ,IT W\LD BE BETT] IF %E HAD ALREADY DONE IT1 TO RELIEVE ME ( MY UNC]TA9TY4 

0,9 %ORT1 ,I C\LD NOT SAY :AT ,I DESIR$4 ,I DESIR$ ?AT %E MI<T NOT WANT :AT %E ,M,U,/ WANT4 ,IT WAS COMPLETE MADNESS40 

O ,*APT] #bf 

0,AT ! /ATION BE=E ! LA/1 :5 ! CONDUCTOR CAME TO TAKE ! TICKETS1 ,I TOOK MY BAGGAGE & W5T \T ON ! C> PLAT=M1 & ! CONSCI\SNESS ?AT ! CLIMAX WAS NE> AT H& ONLY ADD$ TO MY AGITATION4 ,I WAS COLD1 MY JAW TREMBL$ SO ?AT MY TEE? *ATT]$4 ,ME*ANICALLY ,I LEFT ! /ATION ) ! CR[D1 ,I TOOK A T*IK1 & ,I />T$4 ,I LOOK$ AT ! FEW PEOPLE PASS+ 9 ! /REETS & AT ! DVORNIKS4 ,I READ ! SIGNS1 )\T ?9K+ ( ANY?+4 ,AFT] GO+ HALF A V]/ MY FEET BEGAN TO FEEL COLD1 & ,I REMEMB]$ ?AT 9 ! C> ,I HAD TAK5 (F MY WOOL5 SOCKS1 & HAD PUT !M 9 MY TRAVEL+ BAG4 ,:]E HAD ,I PUT ! BAG8 ,WAS IT ) ME8 ,YES1 & ! BASKET8 

0,I BE?\<T MYSELF ?AT ,I HAD TOTALLY =GOTT5 MY BAGGAGE4 ,I TOOK \T MY *ECK1 & !N DECID$ IT WAS NOT WOR? :ILE TO RETURN4 ,I CONT9U$ ON MY WAY4 ,9 SPITE ( ALL MY EF=TS TO REMEMB]1 ,I CANNOT AT ?IS MOM5T MAKE \T :Y ,I WAS 9 SU* A HURRY4 ,I KN[ ONLY ?AT ,I WAS CONSCI\S ?AT A S]I\S & M5AC+ EV5T WAS APPROA*+ 9 MY LIFE4 ,IT WAS A CASE ( REAL AUTO-SUGGE/ION4 ,WAS IT SO S]I\S BECAUSE ,I ?\<T IT SO8 ,OR HAD ,I A PRES5TIM5T8 ,I DO NOT KN[4 ,P]HAPS1 TOO1 AFT] :AT HAS HAPP5$1 ALL PREVI\S EV5TS HAVE TAK5 ON A LUGUBRI\S T9T 9 MY MEMORY4 

0,I >RIV$ AT ! /EPS4 ,IT WAS AN H\R PA/ MIDNI<T4 ,A FEW ISVOT*IKS W]E BE=E ! DOOR1 AWAIT+ CU/OM]S1 ATTRACT$ BY ! LI<T$ W9D[S 7! LI<T$ W9D[S W]E ?OSE ( \R P>LOR & RECEPTION ROOM74 ,)\T TRY+ TO ACC\NT = ?IS LATE ILLUM9ATION1 ,I W5T UP ! /EPS1 ALWAYS ) ! SAME EXPECTATION ( SOME?+ T]RIBLE1 & ,I RANG4 ,! S]VANT1 A GOOD1 9DU/RI\S1 & V]Y /UPID BE+1 NAM$ ,GREGOR1 OP5$ ! DOOR4 ,! FIR/ ?+ ?AT LEAP$ TO MY EYES 9 ! HALL1 ON ! HAT-/&1 AMONG O!R G>M5TS1 WAS AN OV]COAT4 ,I \<T TO HAVE BE5 A/ONI%$1 BUT ,I WAS NOT A/ONI%$4 ,I EXPECT$ IT4 ',?AT'S IT6' ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 

0,:5 ,I HAD ASK$ ,GREGOR :O WAS !RE1 & HE HAD NAM$ ,TR\KHAT*EVSKY1 ,I 9QUIR$ :E!R !RE W]E O!R VISITORS4 ,HE ANSW]$3 ',NOBODY4' ,I REMEMB] ! AIR ) :I* HE SAID ?AT1 ) A TONE ?AT WAS 9T5D$ TO GIVE ME PLEASURE1 & DISSIPATE MY D\BTS4 ',?AT'S IT6 ?AT'S IT6' ,I HAD ! AIR ( SAY+ TO MYSELF4 ',& ! *ILDR58' 

0',?ANK ,GOD1 !Y >E V]Y WELL4 ,!Y W5T TO SLEEP LONG AGO4' 

0,I SC>CELY BREA!D1 & ,I C\LD NOT KEEP MY JAW FROM TREMBL+4 

0,!N IT WAS NOT AS ,I ?\<T4 ,I HAD (T5 BE=E RETURN$ HOME ) ! ?\<T ?AT A MIS=TUNE HAD AWAIT$ ME1 BUT HAD BE5 MI/AK51 & EV]Y?+ WAS GO+ ON AS USUAL4 ,BUT N[ ?+S W]E NOT GO+ ON AS USUAL4 ,ALL ?AT ,I HAD IMAG9$1 ALL ?AT ,I BELIEV$ TO BE *IM]AS1 ALL REALLY EXI/$4 ,H]E WAS ! TRU?4 

0,I WAS ON ! PO9T ( SOBB+1 BUT /RAI<TWAY ! DEMON :ISP]$ 9 MY E>3 ',WEEP & BE S5TIM5TAL1 & !Y WILL SEP>ATE QUIETLY1 & !RE WILL BE NO PRO(S1 & ALL Y\R LIFE Y\ WILL D\BT & SUFF]4' ,& PITY = MYSELF VANI%$1 & !RE REMA9$ ONLY ! BE/IAL NE$ ( SOME ADROIT1 CUNN+1 & 5]GETIC ACTION4 ,I BECAME A BEA/1 AN 9TELLIG5T BEA/4 

0',NO1 NO1' SAID ,I TO ,GREGOR1 :O WAS AB\T TO ANN\NCE MY >RIVAL4 ',DO ?IS1 TAKE A C>RIAGE1 & GO AT ONCE = MY BAGGAGE4 ,H]E IS ! *ECK4 ,/>T4' 

0,HE W5T ALONG ! HALL TO GET HIS OV]COAT4 ,FE>+ LE/ HE MI<T FRI<T5 !M1 ,I ACCOMPANI$ HIM TO HIS LITTLE ROOM1 & WAIT$ = HIM TO PUT ON HIS ?+S4 ,9 ! D9+-ROOM C\LD BE HE>D ! S\ND ( CONV]SATION & ! RATTL+ ( KNIVES & PLATES4 ,!Y W]E EAT+4 ,!Y HAD NOT HE>D ! R+4 ',N[ IF !Y ONLY DO NOT GO \T1' ,I ?\<T4 

0,GREGOR PUT ON HIS FUR-COLL>$ COAT & W5T \T4 ,I CLOS$ ! DOOR AFT] HIM4 ,I FELT ANXI\S :5 ,I WAS ALONE1 ?9K+ ?AT DIRECTLY ,I %\LD HAVE TO ACT4 ,H[8 ,I DID NOT YET KN[4 ,I KNEW ONLY ?AT ALL WAS 5D$1 ?AT !RE C\LD BE NO D\BT ( HIS 9NOC5CE1 & ?AT 9 AN 9/ANT MY RELATIONS ) H] W]E GO+ TO BE T]M9AT$4 ,BE=E1 ,I HAD /ILL D\BTS4 ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',P]HAPS ?IS IS NOT TRUE4 ,P]HAPS ,I AM MI/AK54' ,N[ ALL D\BT HAD DISAPPE>$4 ,ALL WAS DECID$ IRREVOCABLY4 ,SECRETLY1 ALL ALONE ) HIM1 AT NI<T6 ,IT IS A VIOLATION ( ALL DUTIES6 ,OR1 WORSE YET1 %E MAY MAKE A %[ ( ?AT AUDACITY1 ( ?AT 9SOL5CE 9 CRIME1 :I*1 BY ITS EXCESS1 T5DS TO PROVE 9NOC5CE4 ,ALL IS CLE>4 ,NO D\BT4 ,I FE>$ BUT ONE ?+1--?AT !Y MI<T RUN 9 DIFF]5T DIRECTIONS1 ?AT !Y MI<T 9V5T SOME NEW LIE1 & ?US DEPRIVE ME ( MAT]IAL PRO(1 & ( ! SORR[FUL JOY ( PUNI%+1 YES1 ( EXECUT+ !M4 

0,& TO SURPRISE !M MORE QUICKLY1 ,I />T$ ON TIPTOE = ! D9+-ROOM1 NOT ?R\< ! P>LOR1 BUT ?R\< ! HALL & ! *ILDR5'S ROOMS4 ,9 ! FIR/ ROOM SLEPT ! LITTLE BOY4 ,9 ! SECOND1 ! OLD NURSE MOV$ 9 H] B$1 & SEEM$ ON ! PO9T ( WAK+1 & ,I WOND]$ :AT %E W\LD ?9K :5 %E KNEW ALL4 ,& PITY = MYSELF GAVE ME SU* A PANG ?AT ,I C\LD NOT KEEP ! TE>S BACK4 ,NOT TO WAKE ! *ILDR51 ,I RAN LI<TLY ?R\< ! HALL 9TO MY /UDY4 ,I DROPP$ UPON ! S(A1 & SOBB$4 ',I1 AN HONE/ MAN1 ,I1 ! SON ( MY P>5TS1 :O ALL MY LIFE LONG HAVE DREAM$ ( FAMILY HAPP9ESS1 ,I :O HAVE NEV] BETRAY$6 4 4 4 ,& H]E MY FIVE *ILDR51 & %E EMBRAC+ A MUSICIAN BECAUSE HE HAS R$ LIPS6 ,NO1 %E IS NOT A WOMAN6 ,%E IS A BIT*1 A DIRTY BIT*6 ,BESIDE ! *AMB] ( ! *ILDR51 :OM %E HAD PRET5D$ TO LOVE ALL H] LIFE6 ,& !N TO ?9K ( :AT %E WROTE ME6 ,& H[ DO ,I KN[8 ,P]HAPS IT HAS ALWAYS BE5 ?US4 ,P]HAPS ALL !SE *ILDR51 SUPPOS$ TO BE M9E1 >E ! *ILDR5 ( MY S]VANTS4 ,& IF ,I HAD >RIV$ TO-MORR[1 %E W\LD HAVE COME TO MEET ME ) H] COIFFURE1 ) H] CORSAGE1 H] 9DOL5T & GRACEFUL MOVEM5TS 7& ,I SEE H] ATTRACTIVE & IGNOBLE FEATURES71 & ?IS JEAL\S ANIMAL W\LD HAVE REMA9$ =EV] 9 MY HE>T1 TE>+ IT4 ,:AT WILL ! OLD NURSE SAY8 ,& ,GREGOR8 ,& ! POOR LITTLE ,LISE8 ,%E ALREADY UND]/&S ?+S4 ,& ?IS IMPUD5CE1 ?IS FALSEHOOD1 ?IS BE/IAL S5SUALITY1 ?AT ,I KN[ SO WELL1' ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 

0,I TRI$ TO RISE4 ,I C\LD NOT4 ,MY HE>T WAS BEAT+ SO VIOL5TLY ?AT ,I C\LD NOT HOLD MYSELF UPON MY LEGS4 ',YES1 ,I %ALL DIE ( A RU% ( BLOOD4 ,%E WILL KILL ME4 ,?AT IS :AT %E WANTS4 ,:AT IS IT TO H] TO KILL8 ,BUT ?AT W\LD BE TOO AGREEABLE TO HIM1 & ,I WILL NOT ALL[ HIM TO HAVE ?IS PLEASURE4 

0,YES1 H]E ,I AM1 & !RE !Y >E4 ,!Y >E LAU<+1 !Y4 4 4 4 ,YES1 9 SPITE ( ! FACT ?AT %E IS NO LONG] 9 H] E>LY Y\?1 HE HAS NOT DISDA9$ H]4 ,AT ANY RATE1 %E IS BY NO MEANS UGLY1 & ABOVE ALL1 NOT DANG]\S TO HIS DE> HEAL?1 TO HIM4 ,:Y DID ,I NOT /IFLE H] !N8' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 AS ,I REMEMB]$ ?AT O!R SC5E ( ! PREVI\S WEEK1 :5 ,I DROVE H] FROM MY /UDY1 & BROKE ! FURNITURE4 

0,& ,I RECALL$ ! /ATE 9 :I* ,I WAS !N4 ,NOT ONLY DID ,I RECALL IT1 BUT ,I AGA9 5T]$ 9TO ! SAME BE/IAL /ATE4 ,& SUDD5LY !RE CAME TO ME A DESIRE TO ACT1 & ALL REASON+1 EXCEPT SU* AS WAS NECESS>Y TO ACTION1 VANI%$ FROM MY BRA91 & ,I WAS 9 ! CONDITION ( A BEA/1 & ( A MAN UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( PHYSICAL EXCITEM5T P5D+ A DANG]1 :O ACTS IMP]TURBABLY1 )\T HA/E1 & YET )\T LOS+ A M9UTE1 PURSU+ A DEF9ITE OBJECT4 

0,! FIR/ ?+ ?AT ,I DID WAS TO TAKE (F MY BOOTS1 & N[1 HAV+ ONLY /OCK+S ON1 ,I ADVANC$ T[>D ! WALL1 OV] ! S(A1 :]E FIRE>MS & DAGG]S W]E HANG+1 & ,I TOOK D[N A CURV$ ,DAMASCUS BLADE1 :I* ,I HAD NEV] US$1 & :I* WAS V]Y %>P4 ,I TOOK IT FROM ITS %EA?4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT ! %EA? FELL UPON ! S(A1 & ?AT ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ',I MU/ LOOK = IT LAT]2 IT MU/ NOT BE LO/4' 

0,!N ,I TOOK (F MY OV]COAT1 :I* ,I HAD KEPT ON ALL ! TIME1 & ) WOLF-LIKE TREAD />T$ = ,! ,R,O,O,M4 ,I DO NOT REMEMB] H[ ,I PROCE$$1 :E!R ,I RAN OR W5T SL[LY1 ?R\< :AT *AMB]S ,I PASS$1 H[ ,I APPROA*$ ! D9+-ROOM1 H[ ,I OP5$ ! DOOR1 H[ ,I 5T]$4 ,I REMEMB] NO?+ AB\T IT40 

O ,*APT] #bg 

0,I ,REMEMB] ONLY ! EXPRESSION ( !IR FACES :5 ,I OP5$ ! DOOR4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT1 BECAUSE IT AWAK5$ 9 ME A FEEL+ ( SORR[FUL JOY4 ,IT WAS AN EXPRESSION ( T]ROR1 SU* AS ,I DESIR$4 ,NEV] %ALL ,I =GET ?AT DESP]ATE & SUDD5 FRI<T ?AT APPE>$ ON !IR FACES :5 !Y SAW ME4 ,HE1 ,I BELIEVE1 WAS AT ! TABLE1 &1 :5 HE SAW OR HE>D ME1 HE />T$1 JUMP$ TO HIS FEET1 & RETREAT$ TO ! SIDEBO>D4 ,FE> WAS ! ONLY S5TIM5T ?AT C\LD BE READ ) C]TA9TY 9 HIS FACE4 ,9 H]S1 TOO1 FE> WAS TO BE READ1 BUT ACCOMPANI$ BY O!R IMPRESSIONS4 ,& YET1 IF H] FACE HAD EXPRESS$ ONLY FE>1 P]HAPS ?AT :I* HAPP5$ W\LD NOT HAVE HAPP5$4 ,BUT 9 ! EXPRESSION ( H] FACE !RE WAS AT ! FIR/ MOM5T--AT LEA/1 ,I ?\<T ,I SAW IT--A FEEL+ ( 5NUI1 ( DISCONT5T1 AT ?IS DI/URBANCE ( H] LOVE & HAPP9ESS4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT H] SOLE DESIRE WAS NOT TO BE DI/URB$ ,9 ,! ,M,O,M,5,T ,( ,H,] ,H,A,P,P,9,E,S,S4 ,BUT !SE EXPRESSIONS APPE>$ UPON !IR FACES ONLY = A MOM5T4 ,T]ROR ALMO/ IMM$IATELY GAVE PLACE TO 9T]ROGATION4 ,W\LD !Y LIE OR NOT8 ,IF YES1 !Y MU/ BEG94 ,IF NOT1 SOME?+ ELSE WAS GO+ TO HAPP54 ,BUT :AT8 

0,HE GAVE H] A QUE/ION+ GLANCE4 ,ON H] FACE ! EXPRESSION ( ANGUI% & 5NUI *ANG$1 IT SEEM$ TO ME1 :5 %E LOOK$ AT HIM1 9TO AN EXPRESSION ( ANXIETY = ,H,I,M4 ,= A MOM5T ,I /OOD 9 ! DOORWAY1 HOLD+ ! DAGG] HIDD5 BEH9D MY BACK4 ,SUDD5LY HE SMIL$1 & 9 A VOICE ?AT WAS 9DIFF]5T ALMO/ TO ! PO9T ( RIDICULE1 HE SAID3 

0',WE W]E HAV+ SOME MUSIC4' 

0',I DID NOT EXPECT--1' %E BEGAN AT ! SAME TIME1 *IM+ 9 ) ! TONE ( ! O!R4 

0,BUT NEI!R HE NOR %E F9I%$ !IR REM>KS4 ,! SAME RAGE ?AT ,I HAD FELT ! PREVI\S WEEK TOOK POSSESSION ( ME4 ,I FELT ! NE$ ( GIV+ FREE C\RSE TO MY VIOL5CE & '! JOY ( WRA?4' 

0,NO1 !Y DID NOT F9I%4 ,?AT O!R ?+ WAS GO+ TO BEG91 ( :I* HE WAS AFRAID1 & WAS GO+ TO ANNIHILATE :AT !Y WANT$ TO SAY4 ,I ?REW MYSELF UPON H]1 /ILL HID+ ! DAGG]1 ?AT HE MI<T NOT PREV5T ME FROM /RIK+ :]E ,I DESIR$1 9 H] BOSOM1 UND] ! BREA/4 ,AT ?AT MOM5T HE SAW 4 4 4 &1 :AT ,I DID NOT EXPECT ON HIS P>T1 HE QUICKLY SEIZ$ MY H&1 & CRI$3 

0',COME TO Y\R S5SES6 ,:AT >E Y\ DO+8 ,HELP6 ,HELP6' 

0,I TORE MY H&S FROM HIS GRASP1 & LEAP$ UPON HIM4 ,I MU/ HAVE BE5 V]Y T]RIBLE1 = HE TURN$ AS :ITE AS A %EET1 TO HIS LIPS4 ,HIS EYES SC9TILLAT$ S+UL>LY1 &--AGA9 :AT ,I DID NOT EXPECT ( HIM--HE SCRAMBL$ UND] ! PIANO1 T[>D ! O!R ROOM4 ,I TRI$ TO FOLL[ HIM1 BUT A V]Y HEAVY WEI<T FELL UPON MY LEFT >M4 ,IT WAS %E4 

0,I MADE AN EF=T TO CLE> MYSELF4 ,%E CLUNG MORE HEAVILY ?AN EV]1 REFUS+ TO LET GO4 ,?IS UNEXPECT$ OB/ACLE1 ?IS BURD51 & ?IS REPUGNANT T\* ONLY IRRITAT$ ME ! MORE4 ,I P]CEIV$ ?AT ,I WAS COMPLETELY MAD1 ?AT ,I MU/ BE FRI<TFUL1 & ,I WAS GLAD ( IT4 ,) A SUDD5 IMPULSE1 & ) ALL MY /R5G?1 ,I DEALT H]1 ) MY LEFT ELB[1 A BL[ SQU>ELY 9 ! FACE4 

0,%E UTT]$ A CRY & LET GO MY >M4 ,I WANT$ TO FOLL[ ! O!R1 BUT ,I FELT ?AT IT W\LD BE RIDICUL\S TO PURSUE 9 MY /OCK+S ! LOV] ( MY WIFE1 & ,I DID NOT WI% TO BE GROTESQUE1 ,I WI%$ TO BE T]RIBLE4 ,9 SPITE ( MY EXTREME RAGE1 ,I WAS ALL ! TIME CONSCI\S ( ! IMPRESSION ?AT ,I WAS MAK+ UPON O!RS1 & EV5 ?IS IMPRESSION P>TIALLY GUID$ ME4 

0,I TURN$ T[>D H]4 ,%E HAD FALL5 ON ! LONG EASY *AIR1 &1 COV]+ H] FACE AT ! SPOT :]E ,I HAD /RUCK H]1 %E LOOK$ AT ME4 ,H] FEATURES EXHIBIT$ FE> & HATR$ T[>D ME1 H] 5EMY1 SU* AS ! RAT EXHIBITS :5 ONE LIFTS ! RAT-TRAP4 ,AT LEA/1 ,I SAW NO?+ 9 H] BUT ?AT FE> & HATR$1 ! FE> & HATR$ :I* LOVE = ANO!R HAD PROVOK$4 ,P]HAPS ,I /ILL %\LD HAVE RE/RA9$ MYSELF1 & %\LD NOT HAVE GONE TO ! LA/ EXTREMITY1 IF %E HAD MA9TA9$ SIL5CE4 ,BUT SUDD5LY %E BEGAN TO SPEAK2 %E GRASP$ MY H& ?AT HELD ! DAGG]4 

0',COME TO Y\R S5SES6 ,:AT >E Y\ DO+8 ,:AT IS ! MATT] ) Y\8 ,NO?+ HAS HAPP5$1 NO?+1 NO?+6 ,I SWE> IT TO Y\6' 

0,I MI<T HAVE DELAY$ LONG]1 BUT !SE LA/ WORDS1 FROM :I* ,I 9F]R$ ! CONTR>Y ( :AT !Y AFFIRM$1--?AT IS1 ?AT ,E,V,],Y,?,+ HAD HAPP5$1--!SE WORDS CALL$ = A REPLY4 ,& ! REPLY MU/ CORRESPOND TO ! CONDITION 9TO :I* ,I HAD LA%$ MYSELF1 & :I* WAS 9CREAS+ & MU/ CONT9UE TO 9CREASE4 ,RAGE HAS ITS LAWS4 

0',DO NOT LIE1 WRET*4 ,DO NOT LIE6' ,I RO>$4 

0,) MY LEFT H& ,I SEIZ$ H] H&S4 ,%E DIS5GAG$ H]SELF4 ,!N1 )\T DROPP+ MY DAGG]1 ,I SEIZ$ H] BY ! ?ROAT1 =C$ H] TO ! FLOOR1 & BEGAN TO /RANGLE H]4 ,) H] TWO H&S %E CLUT*$ M9E1 TE>+ !M FROM H] ?ROAT1 /IFL+4 ,!N ,I /RUCK H] A BL[ ) ! DAGG]1 9 ! LEFT SIDE1 BETWE5 ! L[] RIBS4 

0,:5 PEOPLE SAY ?AT !Y DO NOT REMEMB] :AT !Y DO 9 A FIT ( FURY1 !Y TALK NONS5SE4 ,IT IS FALSE4 ,I REMEMB] EV]Y?+4 

0,I DID NOT LOSE MY CONSCI\SNESS = A S+LE MOM5T4 ,! MORE ,I LA%$ MYSELF TO FURY1 ! CLE>] MY M9D BECAME1 & ,I C\LD NOT HELP SEE+ :AT ,I DID4 ,I CANNOT SAY ?AT ,I KNEW 9 ADVANCE :AT ,I W\LD DO1 BUT AT ! MOM5T :5 ,I ACT$1 & IT SEEMS TO ME EV5 A LITTLE BE=E1 ,I KNEW :AT ,I WAS DO+1 AS IF TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO REP5T1 & TO BE ABLE TO SAY LAT] ?AT ,I C\LD HAVE /OPP$4 

0,I KNEW ?AT ,I /RUCK ! BL[ BETWE5 ! RIBS1 & ?AT ! DAGG] 5T]$4 

0,AT ! SECOND :5 ,I DID IT1 ,I KNEW ?AT ,I WAS P]=M+ A HORRIBLE ACT1 SU* AS ,I HAD NEV] P]=M$1--AN ACT ?AT W\LD HAVE FRI<TFUL CONSEQU5CES4 ,MY ?\<T WAS AS QUICK AS LI<TN+1 & ! DE$ FOLL[$ IMM$IATELY4 ,! ACT1 TO MY 9N] S5SE1 HAD AN EXTRAORD9>Y CLE>NESS4 ,I P]CEIV$ ! RESI/ANCE ( ! CORSET & !N SOME?+ ELSE1 & !N ! S9K+ ( ! KNIFE 9TO A S(T SUB/ANCE4 ,%E CLUT*$ AT ! DAGG] ) H] H&S1 & CUT H]SELF ) IT1 BUT C\LD NOT RE/RA9 ! BL[4 

0,LONG AFT]W>DS1 9 PRISON :5 ! MORAL REVOLUTION HAD BE5 EFFECT$ )9 ME1 ,I ?\<T ( ?AT M9UTE1 ,I REMEMB]$ IT AS F> AS ,I C\LD1 & ,I CO-ORD9AT$ ALL ! SUDD5 *ANGES4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! T]RIBLE CONSCI\SNESS :I* ,I FELT1--?AT ,I WAS KILL+ A WIFE1 ,M,Y WIFE4 

0,I WELL REMEMB] ! HORROR ( ?AT CONSCI\SNESS & ,I KN[ VAGUELY ?AT1 HAV+ PLUNG$ 9 ! DAGG]1 ,I DREW IT \T AGA9 IMM$IATELY1 WI%+ TO REPAIR & >RE/ MY ACTION4 ,%E /RAI<T5$ UP & CRI$3 

0',NURSE1 HE HAS KILL$ ME6' 

0,! OLD NURSE1 :O HAD HE>D ! NOISE1 WAS /&+ 9 ! DOORWAY4 ,I WAS /ILL ]ECT1 WAIT+1 & NOT BELIEV+ MYSELF 9 :AT HAD HAPP5$4 ,BUT AT ?AT MOM5T1 FROM UND] H] CORSET1 ! BLOOD GU%$ =?4 ,!N ONLY DID ,I UND]/& ?AT ALL REP>ATION WAS IMPOSSIBLE1 & PROMPTLY ,I DECID$ ?AT IT WAS NOT EV5 NECESS>Y1 ?AT ALL HAD HAPP5$ 9 ACCORDANCE ) MY WI%1 & ?AT ,I HAD FULFILL$ MY DESIRE4 ,I WAIT$ UNTIL %E FELL1 & UNTIL ! NURSE1 EXCLAIM+1 ',OH1 MY ,GOD6' RAN TO H]2 !N ONLY ,I ?REW AWAY ! DAGG] & W5T \T ( ! ROOM4 

0',I MU/ NOT BE AGITAT$4 ,I MU/ BE CONSCI\S ( :AT ,I AM DO+1' ,I SAID TO MYSELF1 LOOK+ NEI!R AT H] NOR AT ! OLD NURSE4 ,! LATT] CRI$ & CALL$ ! MAID4 ,I PASS$ ?R\< ! HALL1 &1 AFT] HAV+ S5T ! MAID1 />T$ = MY /UDY4 

0',:AT %ALL ,I DO N[8' ,I ASK$ MYSELF4 

0,& IMM$IATELY ,I UND]/OOD :AT ,I %\LD DO4 ,DIRECTLY AFT] 5T]+ ! /UDY1 ,I W5T /RAI<T TO ! WALL1 TOOK D[N ! REVOLV]1 & EXAM9$ IT ATT5TIVELY4 ,IT WAS LOAD$4 ,!N ,I PLAC$ IT ON ! TABLE4 ,NEXT ,I PICK$ UP ! %EA? ( ! DAGG]1 :I* HAD DROPP$ D[N BEH9D ! S(A1 & !N ,I SAT D[N4 ,I REMA9$ ?US = A LONG TIME4 ,I ?\<T ( NO?+1 ,I DID NOT TRY TO REMEMB] ANY?+4 ,I HE>D A /IFL$ NOISE ( /EPS1 A MOVEM5T ( OBJECTS & ( TAPE/RIES1 !N ! >RIVAL ( A P]SON1 & !N ! >RIVAL ( ANO!R P]SON4 ,!N ,I SAW ,GREGOR BR+ 9TO MY ROOM ! BAGGAGE FROM ! RAILWAY2 AS IF ANY ONE NE$$ IT6 

0',HAVE Y\ HE>D :AT HAS HAPP5$8' ,I ASK$ HIM4 ',HAVE Y\ TOLD ! DVORNIK TO 9=M ! POLICE8' 

0,HE MADE NO ANSW]1 & W5T \T4 ,I ROSE1 CLOS$ ! DOOR1 TOOK ! CIG>ETTES & ! MAT*ES1 & BEGAN TO SMOKE4 ,I HAD NOT F9I%$ ONE CIG>ETTE1 :5 A DR[SY FEEL+ CAME OV] ME & S5T ME 9TO A DEEP SLEEP4 ,I SURELY SLEPT TWO H\RS4 ,I REMEMB] HAV+ DREAM$ ?AT ,I WAS ON GOOD T]MS ) H]1 ?AT AFT] A QU>REL WE W]E 9 ! ACT ( MAK+ UP1 ?AT SOME?+ PREV5T$ US1 BUT ?AT WE W]E FRI5DS ALL ! SAME4 

0,A KNOCK AT ! DOOR AWOKE ME4 

0',IT IS ! POLICE1' ?\<T ,I1 AS ,I OP5$ MY EYES4 ',I HAVE KILL$1 ,I BELIEVE4 ,BUT P]HAPS IT IS ,%,E2 P]HAPS NO?+ HAS HAPP5$4' 

0,ANO!R KNOCK4 ,I DID NOT ANSW]4 ,I WAS SOLV+ ! QUE/ION3 ',HAS IT HAPP5$ OR NOT8 ,YES1 IT HAS HAPP5$4' 

0,I REMEMB]$ ! RESI/ANCE ( ! CORSET1 & !N4 4 4 4 ',YES1 IT HAS HAPP5$4 ,YES1 IT HAS HAPP5$4 ,YES1 N[ ,I MU/ EXECUTE MYSELF1' SAID ,I TO MYSELF4 

0,I SAID IT1 BUT ,I KNEW WELL ?AT ,I %\LD NOT KILL MYSELF4 ,NEV]!LESS1 ,I ROSE & TOOK ! REVOLV]1 BUT1 /RANGE ?+1 ,I REMEMB]$ ?AT =M]LY ,I HAD V]Y (T5 HAD SUICIDAL IDEAS1 ?AT ?AT V]Y NI<T1 ON ! C>S1 IT HAD SEEM$ TO ME EASY1 ESPECIALLY EASY BECAUSE ,I ?\<T H[ IT W\LD /UPEFY H]4 ,N[ ,I NOT ONLY C\LD NOT KILL MYSELF1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT EV5 ?9K ( IT4 

0',:Y DO IT8' ,I ASK$ MYSELF1 )\T ANSW]+4 

0,ANO!R KNOCK AT ! DOOR4 

0',YES1 BUT ,I MU/ FIR/ KN[ :O IS KNOCK+4 ,I HAVE TIME 5\<4' 

0,I PUT ! REVOLV] BACK ON ! TABLE1 & HID IT UND] MY NEWSPAP]4 ,I W5T TO ! DOOR & DREW BACK ! BOLT4 

0,IT WAS MY WIFE'S SI/]1--A GOOD & /UPID WID[4 

0',BASILE1 :AT DOES ?IS MEAN8' SAID %E1 & H] TE>S1 ALWAYS READY1 BEGAN TO FL[4 

0',:AT DO Y\ WANT8' ,I ASK$ R\<LY4 

0,I SAW CLE>LY ?AT !RE WAS NO NECESSITY ( BE+ R\< ) H]1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT SPEAK 9 ANY O!R TONE4 

0',BASILE1 %E IS DY+4 ,IVAN ,F$OR[IT* SAYS SO4' 

0,IVAN ,F$OR[IT* WAS ! DOCTOR1 ,H,] DOCTOR1 H] C\NSELOR4 

0',IS HE H]E8' ,I 9QUIR$4 

0,& ALL MY HATR$ ( H] >OSE ANEW4 

0,WELL1 :AT8 

0',BASILE1 GO TO H]6 ,AH6 H[ T]RIBLE IT IS6' SAID %E4 

0',GO TO H]8' ,I ASK$ MYSELF2 & IMM$IATELY ,I MADE ANSW] TO MYSELF ?AT ,I \<T TO GO1 ?AT PROBABLY ?AT WAS ! ?+ ?AT IS USUALLY DONE :5 A HUSB& LIKE MYSELF KILLS HIS WIFE1 ?AT IT WAS ABSOLUTELY NECESS>Y ?AT ,I %\LD GO & SEE H]4 

0',IF ?AT IS ! PROP] ?+1 ,I MU/ GO1' ,I REPEAT$ TO MYSELF4 ',YES1 IF IT IS NECESS>Y1 ,I %ALL /ILL HAVE TIME1' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 ?9K+ ( MY 9T5TION ( BL[+ MY BRA9S \T4 

0,& ,I FOLL[$ MY SI/]-9-LAW4 ',N[ !RE >E GO+ TO BE PHRASES & GRIMACES1 BUT ,I WILL NOT YIELD1' ,I DECL>$ TO MYSELF4 

0',WAIT1' SAID ,I TO MY SI/]-9-LAW1 'IT IS /UPID TO BE )\T BOOTS4 ,LET ME AT LEA/ PUT ON MY SLIPP]S4'0 

O ,*APT] #bh 

0,/RANGE ?+6 ,AGA91 :5 ,I HAD LEFT MY /UDY1 & WAS PASS+ ?R\< ! FAMILI> ROOMS1 AGA9 ! HOPE CAME TO ME ?AT NO?+ HAD HAPP5$4 ,BUT ! ODOR ( ! DRUGS1 IOD(ORM & PH5IC ACID1 BR\<T ME BACK TO A S5SE ( REALITY4 

0',NO1 EV]Y?+ HAS HAPP5$4' 

0,9 PASS+ ?R\< ! HALL1 BESIDE ! *ILDR5'S *AMB]1 ,I SAW LITTLE ,LISE4 ,%E WAS LOOK+ AT ME1 ) EYES ?AT W]E FULL ( FE>4 ,I EV5 ?\<T ?AT ALL ! *ILDR5 W]E LOOK+ AT ME4 ,AS ,I APPROA*$ ! DOOR ( \R SLEEP+-ROOM1 A S]VANT OP5$ IT FROM )91 & CAME \T4 ,! FIR/ ?+ ?AT ,I NOTIC$ WAS ,H,] LI<T GRAY DRESS UPON A *AIR1 ALL D>K ) BLOOD4 ,ON \R COMMON B$ %E WAS /RET*$1 ) KNEES DRAWN UP4 

0,%E LAY V]Y HI<1 UPON PILL[S1 ) H] *EMISE HALF OP54 ,L95 HAD BE5 PLAC$ UPON ! W\ND4 ,A HEAVY SMELL ( IOD(ORM FILL$ ! ROOM4 ,BE=E1 & MORE ?AN ANY?+ ELSE1 ,I WAS A/ONI%$ AT H] FACE1 :I* WAS SWOLL5 & BRUIS$ UND] ! EYES & OV] A P>T ( ! NOSE4 ,?IS WAS ! RESULT ( ! BL[ ?AT ,I HAD /RUCK H] ) MY ELB[1 :5 %E HAD TRI$ TO HOLD ME BACK4 ,( BEAUTY !RE WAS NO TRACE LEFT4 ,I SAW SOME?+ HIDE\S 9 H]4 ,I /OPP$ UPON ! ?RE%OLD4 

0',APPROA*1 APPROA* H]1' SAID H] SI/]4 

0',YES1 PROBABLY %E REP5TS1' ?\<T ,I2 '%ALL ,I =GIVE H]8 ,YES1 %E IS DY+1 ,I MU/ =GIVE H]1' ,I ADD$1 TRY+ TO BE G5]\S4 

0,I APPROA*$ ! B$SIDE4 ,) DIFFICULTY %E RAIS$ H] EYES1 ONE ( :I* WAS SWOLL51 & UTT]$ !SE WORDS HALT+LY3 

0',Y\ HAVE ACCOMPLI%$ :AT Y\ DESIR$4 ,Y\ HAVE KILL$ ME4' 

0,& 9 H] FACE1 ?R\< ! PHYSICAL SUFF]+S1 9 SPITE ( ! APPROA* ( DEA?1 WAS EXPRESS$ ! SAME OLD HATR$1 SO FAMILI> TO ME4 

0',! *ILDR5 4 4 4 ,I WILL NOT GIVE !M TO Y\ 4 4 4 ALL ! SAME4 4 4 4 ,%E 7H] SI/]7 %ALL TAKE !M4' 4 4 4 

0,BUT ( ?AT :I* ,I CONSID]$ ESS5TIAL1 ( H] FAULT1 ( H] TREASON1 ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT %E DID NOT ?9K IT NECESS>Y TO SAY EV5 A WORD4 

0',YES1 REVEL 9 :AT Y\ HAVE DONE4' 

0,& %E SOBB$4 

0,AT ! DOOR /OOD H] SI/] ) ! *ILDR54 

0',YES1 SEE :AT Y\ HAVE DONE6' 

0,I CA/ A GLANCE AT ! *ILDR51 & !N AT H] BRUIS$ & SWOLL5 FACE1 & = ! FIR/ TIME ,I =GOT MYSELF 7MY RI<TS1 MY PRIDE71 & = ! FIR/ TIME ,I SAW 9 H] A HUMAN BE+1 A SI/]4 

0,& ALL ?AT :I* A MOM5T BE=E HAD BE5 SO (F5SIVE TO ME N[ SEEM$ TO ME SO PETTY1--ALL ?IS JEAL\SY1--&1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 :AT ,I HAD DONE SEEM$ TO ME SO IMPORTANT ?AT ,I FELT LIKE B5D+ OV]1 APPROA*+ MY FACE TO H] H&1 & SAY+3 

0',=GIVE ME6' 

0,BUT ,I DID NOT D>E4 ,%E WAS SIL5T1 ) EYELIDS L[]$1 EVID5TLY HAV+ NO /R5G? TO SPEAK FUR!R4 ,!N H] DE=M$ FACE BEGAN TO TREMBLE & %RIVEL1 & %E FEEBLY PU%$ ME BACK4 

0',:Y HAS ALL ?IS HAPP5$8 ,:Y8' 

0',=GIVE ME1' SAID ,I4 

0',YES1 IF Y\ HAD NOT KILL$ ME1' %E CRI$ SUDD5LY1 & H] EYES %ONE FEV]I%LY4 ',=GIV5ESS--?AT IS NO?+4 4 4 4 ,IF ,I ONLY DO NOT DIE6 ,AH1 Y\ HAVE ACCOMPLI%$ :AT Y\ DESIR$6 ,I HATE Y\6' 

0,!N %E GREW DELIRI\S4 ,%E WAS FRI<T5$1 & CRI$3 

0',FIRE1 ,I DO NOT FE> 4 4 4 BUT /RIKE !M ALL 4 4 4 ,HE HAS GONE4 4 4 4 ,HE HAS GONE4' 4 4 4 

0,! DELIRIUM CONT9U$4 ,%E NO LONG] RECOGNIZ$ ! *ILDR51 NOT EV5 LITTLE ,LISE1 :O HAD APPROA*$4 ,T[>D NOON %E DI$4 ,AS = ME1 ,I WAS >RE/$ BE=E H] DEA?1 AT EI<T O'CLOCK 9 ! MORN+4 ,!Y TOOK ME TO ! POLICE /ATION1 & !N TO PRISON1 & !RE1 DUR+ ELEV5 MON?S1 AWAIT+ ! V]DICT1 ,I REFLECT$ UPON MYSELF1 & UPON MY PA/1 & ,I UND]/OOD IT4 ,YES1 ,I BEGAN TO UND]/& FROM ! ?IRD DAY4 ,! ?IRD DAY !Y TOOK ME TO ! H\SE40 4 4 4 

,POSDNI*EFF SEEM$ TO WI% TO ADD SOME?+1 BUT1 NO LONG] HAV+ ! /R5G? TO REPRESS HIS SOBS1 HE /OPP$4 ,AFT] A FEW M9UTES1 HAV+ RECOV]$ HIS CALMNESS1 HE RESUM$3 

0,I BEGAN TO UND]/& ONLY :5 ,I SAW H] 9 ! C(F940 4 4 4 

,HE UTT]$ A SOB1 & !N IMM$IATELY CONT9U$1 ) HA/E3 

0,!N ONLY1 :5 ,I SAW H] DEAD FACE1 DID ,I UND]/& ALL ?AT ,I HAD DONE4 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT IT WAS ,I1 ,I1 :O HAD KILL$ H]4 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT ,I WAS ! CAUSE ( ! FACT ?AT %E1 :O HAD BE5 A MOV+1 LIV+1 PALPITAT+ BE+1 HAD N[ BECOME MOTIONLESS & COLD1 & ?AT !RE WAS NO WAY ( REPAIR+ ?IS ?+4 ,HE :O HAS NOT LIV$ ?R\< ?AT CANNOT UND]/& IT40 

,WE REMA9$ SIL5T A LONG TIME4 ,POSDNI*EFF SOBB$ & TREMBL$ BE=E ME4 ,HIS FACE HAD BECOME DELICATE & LONG1 & HIS M\? HAD GR[N L>G]4 

0,YES10 SAID HE SUDD5LY1 0IF ,I HAD KN[N :AT ,I N[ KN[1 ,I %\LD NEV] HAVE M>RI$ H]1 NEV]1 NOT = ANY?+40 

,AGA9 WE REMA9$ SIL5T = A LONG TIME4 

0,YES1 ?AT IS :AT ,I HAVE DONE1 ?AT IS MY EXP]I5CE1 ,WE MU/ UND]/& ! REAL MEAN+ ( ! WORDS ( ! ,GOSPEL1--,MAT!W1 ,V4 #b#h1--'?AT :OSOEV] LOOKE? ON A WOMAN TO LU/ AFT] H] HA? COMMITT$ ADULT]Y'2 & !SE WORDS RELATE TO ! WIFE1 TO ! SI/]1 & NOT ONLY TO ! WIFE ( ANO!R1 BUT ESPECIALLY TO ONE'S [N WIFE40 
,! ,5,D4 

,IF ! READ+ ( ?IS BOOK HAS 9T]E/$ Y\1 DO NOT FAIL TO GET ITS SEQUEL1 5TITL$ 0,K,R,E,U,T,Z,] ,S,O,N,A,T,A ,B,E,>,+ ,F,R,U,I,T10 BY ,PAUL9E ,GRAYSON1 :I* IS AN EXCE$+LY 9T]E/+ N>RATIVE %[+ ONE ( ! RESULTS ( ! IDEAS SET =? 9 0,KREUTZ] ,SONATA40 ,IT IS B\ND 9 PAP] COV]S & WILL BE S5T BY MAIL1 PO/AGE PAID1 UPON RECEIPT ( #be C5TS4 ,ADDRESS ALL ORD]S TO ,J4 ,S4 ,O,G,I,L,V,I,E ,P,U,B,L,I,%,+ ,C,O,M,P,A,N,Y1 #eg ,ROSE ,/REET1 ,NEW ,YORK4 

O ,LESSON ( ! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA 

,I HAVE RECEIV$1 & /ILL CONT9UE TO RECEIVE1 NUMB]S ( LETT]S FROM P]SONS :O >E P]FECT /RANG]S TO ME1 ASK+ ME TO /ATE 9 PLA9 & SIMPLE LANGUAGE MY [N VIEWS ON ! SUBJECT H&L$ 9 ! /ORY 5TITL$ 0,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA40 ,) ?IS REQUE/ ,I %ALL N[ 5DEAVOR TO COMPLY4 

,MY VIEWS ON ! QUE/ION MAY BE SUCC9CTLY /AT$ AS FOLL[S3 ,)\T 5T]+ 9TO DETAILS1 IT WILL BE G5]ALLY ADMITT$ ?AT ,I AM ACCURATE 9 SAY+ ?AT MANY PEOPLE CONDONE 9 Y\NG M5 A C\RSE ( CONDUCT ) REG>D TO ! O!R SEX :I* IS 9COMPATIBLE ) /RICT MORALITY1 & ?AT ?IS DISSOLUT5ESS IS P>DON$ G5]ALLY4 ,BO? P>5TS & ! GOV]NM5T1 9 CONSEQU5CE ( ?IS VIEW1 MAY BE SAID TO W9K AT PR(LIGACY1 & EV5 9 ! LA/ RES\RCE TO 5C\RAGE ITS PRACTICE4 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ?IS IS NOT RI<T4 

,IT IS NOT POSSIBLE ?AT ! HEAL? ( ONE CLASS %\LD NECESSITATE ! RU9 ( ANO!R1 &1 9 CONSEQU5CE1 IT IS \R FIR/ DUTY TO TURN A DEAF E> TO SU* AN ESS5TIAL IMMORAL DOCTR9E1 NO MATT] H[ /RONGLY SOCIETY MAY HAVE E/ABLI%$ OR LAW PROTECT$ IT4 ,MOREOV]1 IT NE$S TO BE FULLY RECOGNIZ$ ?AT M5 >E RI<TLY TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE = ! CONSEQU5CES ( !IR [N ACTS1 & ?AT !SE >E NO LONG] TO BE VISIT$ ON ! WOMAN ALONE4 ,IT FOLL[S FROM ?IS ?AT IT IS ! DUTY ( M5 :O DO NOT WI% TO LEAD A LIFE ( 9FAMY TO PRACTICE SU* CONT95CE 9 RESPECT TO ALL WOMAN AS !Y W\LD W]E ! FEMALE SOCIETY 9 :I* !Y MOVE MADE UP EXCLUSIVELY ( !IR [N MO!RS & SI/]S4 

,A MORE RATIONAL MODE ( LIFE %\LD BE ADOPT$ :I* W\LD 9CLUDE AB/95CE FROM ALL ALCOHOLIC DR9KS1 FROM EXCESS 9 EAT+ & FROM FLE% MEAT1 ON ! ONE H&1 & REC\RSE TO PHYSICAL LABOR ON ! O!R4 ,I AM NOT SPEAK+ ( GYMNA/ICS1 OR ( ANY ( ?OSE OCCUPATIONS :I* MAY BE FITLY DESCRIB$ AS PLAY+ AT WORK2 ,I MEAN ! G5U9E TOIL ?AT FATIGUES4 ,NO ONE NE$ GO F> 9 SE>* ( PRO(S ?AT ?IS K9D ( AB/EMI\S LIV+ IS NOT M]ELY POSSIBLE1 BUT F> LESS HURTFUL TO HEAL? ?AN EXCESS4 ,HUNDR$S ( 9/ANCES >E KN[N TO EV]Y ONE4 ,?IS IS MY FIR/ CONT5TION4 

,9 ! SECOND PLACE1 ,I ?9K ?AT ( LATE YE>S1 ?R\< V>I\S REASONS :I* ,I NE$ NOT 5T]1 BUT AMONG :I* ! ABOVE-M5TION$ LAXITY ( OP9ION 9 SOCIETY & ! FREQU5T IDEALIZATION ( ! SUBJECT 9 CURR5T LIT]ATURE & PA9T+ MAY BE M5TION$1 CONJUGAL 9FIDELITY HAS BECOME MORE COMMON & IS CONSID]$ LESS REPREH5SIBLE4 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ?IS IS NOT RI<T4 ,! ORIG9 ( ! EVIL IS TW(OLD4 ,IT IS DUE1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 TO A NATURAL 9/9CT1 &1 9 ! SECOND1 TO ! ELEVATION ( ?IS 9/9CT TO A PLACE TO :I* IT DOES NOT RI<TLY BELONG4 ,?IS BE+ SO1 ! EVIL CAN ONLY BE REM$I$ BY EFFECT+ A *ANGE 9 ! VIEWS N[ 9 VOGUE AB\T 0FALL+ 9 LOVE0 & ALL ?AT ?IS T]M IMPLIES1 BY $UCAT+ M5 & WOM5 AT HOME ?R\< FAMILY 9FLU5CE & EXAMPLE1 & ABROAD BY MEANS ( HEAL?Y PUBLIC OP9ION1 TO PRACTICE ?AT AB/95CE :I* MORALITY & ,*RI/IANITY ALIKE 5JO94 ,?IS IS MY SECOND CONT5TION4 

,9 ! ?IRD PLACE ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ANO!R CONSEQU5CE ( ! FALSE LI<T 9 :I* 0FALL+ 9 LOVE10 & :AT IT LEADS TO1 >E VIEW$ 9 \R SOCIETY1 IS ?AT ! BIR? ( *ILDR5 HAS LO/ ITS PRI/9E SIGNIFICANCE1 & ?AT MOD]N M>RIAGES >E CONCEIV$ LESS & LESS FROM ! PO9T ( VIEW ( ! FAMILY4 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ?IS IS NOT RI<T4 ,?IS IS MY ?IRD CONT5TION4 

,9 ! F\R? PLACE1 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ! *ILDR5 7:O 9 \R SOCIETY >E CONSID]$ AN OB/ACLE TO 5JOYM5T--AN UNLUCKY ACCID5T1 AS IT W]E7 >E $UCAT$ NOT ) A VIEW TO ! PROBLEM :I* !Y WILL BE ONE DAY CALL$ ON TO FACE & TO SOLVE1 BUT SOLELY ) AN EYE TO ! PLEASURE :I* !Y MAY BE MADE TO YIELD TO !IR P>5TS4 ,! CONSEQU5CE IS1 ?AT ! *ILDR5 ( HUMAN BE+S >E BR\<T UP = ALL ! WORLD LIKE ! Y\NG ( ANIMALS1 ! *IEF C>E ( !IR P>5TS BE+ NOT TO TRA9 !M TO SU* WORK AS IS WOR?Y ( M5 & WOM51 BUT TO 9CREASE !IR WEI<T1 OR ADD A CUBIT TO !IR /ATURE1 TO MAKE !M SPRUCE1 SLEEK1 WELL-F$1 & COMELY4 ,!Y RIG !M \T 9 ALL MANN] ( FANTA/IC CO/UMES1 WA% !M1 OV]-FE$ !M1 & REFUSE TO MAKE !M WORK4 ,IF ! *ILDR5 ( ! L[] ORD]S DIFF] 9 ?IS LA/ RESPECT FROM ?OSE ( ! WELL-TO-DO CLASSES1 ! DIFF]5CE IS M]ELY =MAL2 !Y WORK FROM %E] NECESSITY1 & NOT BECAUSE !IR P>5TS RECOGNIZE WORK AS A DUTY4 ,& 9 OV]-F$ *ILDR51 AS 9 OV]-F$ ANIMALS1 S5SUALITY IS 5G5D]$ UNNATURALLY E>LY4 

,FA%IONABLE DRESS TO-DAY1 ! C\RSE ( READ+1 PLAYS1 MUSIC1 DANCES1 LUSCI\S FOOD1 ALL ! ELEM5TS ( \R MOD]N LIFE1 9 A WORD1 FROM ! PICTURES ON ! LITTLE BOXES ( SWEETMEATS UP TO ! NOVEL1 ! TALE1 & ! POEM1 CONTRIBUTE TO FAN ?IS S5SUALITY 9TO A /RONG1 CONSUM+ FLAME1 ) ! RESULT ?AT SEXUAL VICES & DISEASES HAVE COME TO BE ! NORMAL CONDITIONS ( ! P]IOD ( T5D] Y\?1 & (T5 CONT9UE 9TO ! RIP] AGE ( FULL-BL[N MANHOOD4 ,& ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ?IS IS NOT RI<T4 

,IT IS HI< TIME IT CEAS$4 ,! *ILDR5 ( HUMAN BE+S %\LD NOT BE BR\<T UP AS IF !Y W]E ANIMALS2 & WE %\LD SET UP AS ! OBJECT & /RIVE TO MA9TA9 AS ! RESULT ( \R LABORS SOME?+ BETT] & NOBL] ?AN A WELL-DRESS$ BODY4 ,?IS IS MY F\R? CONT5TION4 

,9 ! FIF? PLACE1 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT1 [+ TO ! EXAGG]AT$ & ]RONE\S SIGNIFICANCE ATTRIBUT$ BY \R SOCIETY TO LOVE & TO ! IDEALIZ$ /ATES ?AT ACCOMPANY & SUCCE$ IT1 ! BE/ 5]GIES ( \R M5 & WOM5 >E DRAWN =? & EXHAU/$ DUR+ ! MO/ PROMIS+ P]IOD ( LIFE2 ?OSE ( ! M5 9 ! WORK ( LOOK+ =1 *OOS+1 & W9N+ ! MO/ DESIRABLE OBJECTS ( LOVE1 = :I* PURPOSE LY+ & FRAUD >E HELD TO BE QUITE EXCUSABLE2 ?OSE ( ! WOM5 & GIRLS 9 ALLUR+ M5 & DECOY+ !M 9TO LIAISONS OR M>RIAGE BY ! MO/ QUE/IONABLE MEANS CONCEIVABLE1 AS AN 9/ANCE ( :I* ! PRES5T FA%IONS 9 EV5+ DRESS MAY BE CIT$4 ,I AM ( OP9ION ?AT ?IS IS NOT RI<T4 

,! TRU? IS1 ?AT ! :OLE AFFAIR HAS BE5 EXALT$ BY POETS & ROMANC]S TO AN UNDUE IMPORTANCE1 & ?AT LOVE 9 ITS V>I\S DEVELOPM5TS IS NOT A FITT+ OBJECT TO CONSUME ! BE/ 5]GIES ( M54 ,PEOPLE SET IT BE=E !M & /RIVE AFT] IT1 BECAUSE !IR VIEW ( LIFE IS AS VULG> & BRUTI% AS IS ?AT O!R CONCEPTION FREQU5TLY MET ) 9 ! L[] /AGES ( DEVELOPM5T1 :I* SEES 9 LUSCI\S & ABUNDANT FOOD AN 5D WOR?Y ( MAN'S BE/ EF=TS4 ,N[1 ?IS IS NOT RI<T & %\LD NOT BE DONE4 ,&1 9 ORD] TO AVOID DO+ IT1 IT IS ONLY NE$FUL TO REALIZE ! FACT ?AT :ATEV] TRULY DES]VES TO BE HELD UP AS A WOR?Y OBJECT ( MAN'S /RIV+ & WORK+1 :E!R IT BE ! S]VICE ( HUMANITY1 ( ONE'S C\NTRY1 ( SCI5CE1 ( >T1 NOT TO SPEAK ( ! S]VICE ( ,GOD1 IS F> ABOVE & BEYOND ! SPH]E ( P]SONAL 5JOYM5T4 ,H5CE1 IT FOLL[S ?AT NOT ONLY TO =M A LIAISON1 BUT EV5 TO CONTRACT M>RIAGE1 IS1 FROM A ,*RI/IAN PO9T ( VIEW1 NOT A PROGRESS1 BUT A FALL4 ,LOVE1 & ALL ! /ATES ?AT ACCOMPANY & FOLL[ IT1 H[EV] WE MAY TRY 9 PROSE & V]SE TO PROVE ! CONTR>Y1 NEV] DO & NEV] CAN FACILITATE ! ATTA9M5T ( AN AIM WOR?Y ( M51 BUT ALWAYS MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT4 ,?IS IS MY FIF? CONT5TION4 

,H[ AB\T ! HUMAN RACE8 ,IF WE ADMIT ?AT CELIBACY IS BETT] & NOBL] ?AN M>RIAGE1 EVID5TLY ! HUMAN RACE WILL COME TO AN 5D4 ,BUT1 IF ! LOGICAL CONCLUSION ( ! >GUM5T IS ?AT ! HUMAN RACE WILL BECOME EXT9CT1 ! :OLE REASON+ IS WRONG4 

,TO ?AT ,I REPLY ?AT ! >GUM5T IS NOT M9E2 ,I DID NOT 9V5T IT4 ,?AT IT IS 9CUMB5T ON MANK9D SO TO /RIVE1 & ?AT CELIBACY IS PREF]ABLE TO M>RIAGE1 >E TRU?S REVEAL$ BY ,*RI/ #a1#i YE>S AGO1 SET =? 9 \R CATE*ISMS1 & PR(ESS$ BY US AS FOLL[]S ( ,*RI/4 

,*A/ITY & CELIBACY1 IT IS URG$1 CANNOT CON/ITUTE ! IDEAL ( HUMANITY1 BECAUSE *A/ITY W\LD ANNIHILATE ! RACE :I* /ROVE TO REALIZE IT1 & HUMANITY CANNOT SET UP AS ITS IDEAL ITS [N ANNIHILATION4 ,IT MAY BE PO9T$ \T 9 REPLY ?AT ONLY ?AT IS A TRUE IDEAL1 :I*1 BE+ UNATTA9ABLE1 ADMITS ( 9F9ITE GRADATION 9 DEGREES ( PROXIMITY4 ,SU* IS ! ,*RI/IAN IDEAL ( ! F\ND+ ( ,GOD'S K+DOM1 ! UNION ( ALL LIV+ CREATURES BY ! BONDS ( LOVE4 ,! CONCEPTION ( ITS ATTA9M5T IS 9COMPATIBLE ) ! CONCEPTION ( ! MOVEM5T ( LIFE4 ,:AT K9D ( LIFE C\LD SUBSI/ IF ALL LIV+ CREATURES W]E JO9$ TOGE!R BY ! BONDS ( LOVE8 ,NONE4 ,\R CONCEPTION ( LIFE IS 9SEP>ABLY B\ND UP ) ! CONCEPTION ( A CONT9UAL /RIV+ AFT] AN UNATTA9ABLE IDEAL4 

,BUT EV5 IF WE SUPPOSE ! ,*RI/IAN IDEAL ( P]FECT *A/ITY REALIZ$1 :AT !N8 ,WE %\LD M]ELY F9D \RSELVES FACE TO FACE ON ! ONE H& ) ! FAMILI> TEA*+ ( RELIGION1 ONE ( :OSE DOGMAS IS ?AT ! WORLD WILL HAVE AN 5D2 & ON ! O!R ( SO-CALL$ SCI5CE1 :I* 9=MS US ?AT ! SUN IS GRADUALLY LOS+ ITS HEAT1 ! RESULT ( :I* WILL 9 TIME BE ! EXT9CTION ( ! HUMAN RACE4 

,N[ !RE IS NOT & CANNOT BE SU* AN 9/ITUTION AS ,*RI/IAN M>RIAGE1 JU/ AS !RE CANNOT BE SU* A ?+ AS A ,*RI/IAN LITURGY 7,MATT4 VI4 #e-#a#b2 ,JOHN IV4 #b#a71 NOR ,*RI/IAN TEA*]S1 NOR *UR* FA!RS 7,MATT4 XXIII4 #h-#a71 NOR ,*RI/IAN >MIES1 ,*RI/IAN LAW C\RTS1 NOR ,*RI/IAN ,/ATES4 ,?IS IS :AT WAS ALWAYS TAU<T & BELIEV$ BY TRUE ,*RI/IANS ( ! FIR/ & FOLL[+ C5TURIES4 ,A ,*RI/IAN'S IDEAL IS NOT M>RIAGE1 BUT LOVE = ,GOD & = HIS NEI<BOR4 ,CONSEQU5TLY 9 ! EYES ( A ,*RI/IAN RELATIONS 9 M>RIAGE NOT ONLY DO NOT CON/ITUTE A LAWFUL1 RI<T1 & HAPPY /ATE1 AS \R SOCIETY & \R *UR*ES MA9TA91 BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 >E ALWAYS A FALL4 

,SU* A ?+ AS ,*RI/IAN M>RIAGE NEV] WAS & NEV] C\LD BE4 ,*RI/ DID NOT M>RY1 NOR DID HE E/ABLI% M>RIAGE2 NEI!R DID HIS DISCIPLES M>RY4 ,BUT IF ,*RI/IAN M>RIAGE CANNOT EXI/1 !RE IS SU* A ?+ AS A ,*RI/IAN VIEW ( M>RIAGE4 ,& ?IS IS H[ IT MAY BE =MULAT$3 ,A ,*RI/IAN 7& BY ?IS T]M ,I UND]/& NOT ?OSE :O CALL !MSELVES ,*RI/IANS M]ELY BECAUSE !Y W]E BAPTIZ$ & /ILL RECEIVE ! SACRAM5T ONCE A YE>1 BUT ?OSE :OSE LIVES >E %AP$ & REGULAT$ BY ! TEA*+S ( ,*RI/71 ,I SAY1 CANNOT VIEW ! M>RIAGE RELATION O!RWISE ?AN AS A DEVIATION FROM ! DOCTR9E ( ,*RI/1--AS A S94 ,?IS IS CLE>LY LAID D[N 9 ,MATT4 V4 #b#h1 & ! C]EMONY CALL$ ,*RI/IAN M>RIAGE DOES NOT ALT] ITS *>ACT] ONE JOT4 ,A ,*RI/IAN WILL NEV]1 !RE=E1 DESIRE M>RIAGE1 BUT WILL ALWAYS AVOID IT4 

,IF ! LI<T ( TRU? DAWNS UPON A ,*RI/IAN :5 HE IS ALREADY M>RI$1 OR IF1 BE+ A ,*RI/IAN1 FROM WEAKNESS HE 5T]S 9TO M>ITAL RELATIONS ) ! C]EMONIES ( ! *UR*1 OR )\T !M1 HE HAS NO O!R ALT]NATIVE ?AN TO ABIDE ) HIS WIFE 7& ! WIFE ) H] HUSB&1 IF IT IS %E :O IS A ,*RI/IAN7 & TO ASPIRE TOGE!R ) H] TO FREE !MSELVES ( !IR S94 ,?IS IS ! ,*RI/IAN VIEW ( M>RIAGE2 & !RE CANNOT BE ANY O!R = A MAN :O HONE/LY 5DEAVORS TO %APE HIS LIFE 9 ACCORDANCE ) ! TEA*+S ( ,*RI/4 

,TO V]Y MANY P]SONS ! ?\<TS ,I HAVE UTT]$ H]E & 9 0,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA0 WILL SEEM /RANGE1 VAGUE1 EV5 CONTRADICTORY4 ,!Y C]TA9LY DO CONTRADICT1 NOT EA* O!R1 BUT ! :OLE T5OR ( \R LIVES1 & 9VOLUNT>ILY A D\BT >ISES1 0ON :I* SIDE IS TRU?1--ON ! SIDE ( ! ?\<TS :I* SEEM TRUE & WELL-F\ND$1 OR ON ! SIDE ( ! LIVES ( O!RS & MYSELF80 ,I1 TOO1 WAS WEI<$ D[N BY ?AT SAME D\BT :5 WRIT+ 0,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA40 ,I HAD NOT ! FA9TE/ PRES5TIM5T ?AT ! TRA9 ( ?\<T ,I HAD />T$ W\LD LEAD ME :I!R IT DID4 ,I WAS T]RIFI$ BY MY [N CONCLUSION1 & ,I WAS AT FIR/ DISPOS$ TO REJECT IT1 BUT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO HE>K5 TO ! VOICE ( MY REASON & MY CONSCI5CE4 ,& SO1 /RANGE ?\< !Y MAY APPE> TO MANY1 OPPOS$ AS !Y UND\BT$LY >E TO ! TR5D & T5OR ( \R LIVES1 & 9COMPATIBLE ?\< !Y MAY PROVE ) :AT ,I HAVE H]ET(ORE ?\<T & UTT]$1 ,I HAVE NO *OICE BUT TO ACCEPT !M4 0,BUT MAN IS WEAK10 PEOPLE WILL OBJECT4 0,HIS TASK %\LD BE REGULAT$ BY HIS /R5G?40 

,?IS IS TANTAM\NT TO SAY+1 0,MY H& IS WEAK4 ,I CANNOT DRAW A /RAI<T L9E1--?AT IS1 A L9E :I* WILL BE ! %ORTE/ L9E BETWE5 TWO GIV5 PO9TS1--& SO1 9 ORD] TO MAKE IT MORE EASY = MYSELF1 ,I1 9T5D+ TO DRAW A /RAI<T1 WILL *OOSE = MY MODEL A CROOK$ L9E40 

,! WEAK] MY H&1 ! GREAT] ! NE$ ?AT MY MODEL %\LD BE P]FECT4 
,L,E,O ,T,O,L,/,O,Y4 

4MW-P>S]-\TPUT 4W/-SMALLREFS_<FONT-SIZE3#h#c.02CLE>3BO?2L9E-HEI<T3#a4#b#e_> 

8 ,! ,DOMO/ROY IS A MATRIMONIAL CODE ( ! DAYS ( ,IVAN ! ,T]RIBLE4 

8 ,KVASS1 A SORT ( CID]4 

8 ,A SUBURB ( ,MOSC[4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahi 3 ,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JULY #f1 #bba 3 ,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA -- ,ADD$4 
,JANU>Y #i1 #bbb 3 ,! ,KREUTZ] ,SONATA -- ,UPDAT$4 

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