,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #ai 

#ahhiahhi 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,B5JAM9 ,R4 ,TUCK] 

,TEXT 3 

,POSDNI*EFF'S FACE HAD BECOME TRANS=M$2 HIS EYES W]E PITIABLE2 !IR EXPRESSION SEEM$ /RANGE1 LIKE ?AT ( ANO!R BE+ ?AN HIMSELF2 HIS MU/A*E & BE>D TURN$ UP T[>D ! TOP ( HIS FACE2 HIS NOSE WAS DIM9I%$1 & HIS M\? 5L>G$1 IMM5SE1 FRI<TFUL4 

0,YES10 HE RESUM$ 0%E HAD GR[N /\T] S9CE CEAS+ TO CONCEIVE1 & H] ANXIETIES AB\T H] *ILDR5 BEGAN TO DISAPPE>4 ,NOT EV5 TO DISAPPE>4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT %E WAS WAK+ FROM A LONG 9TOXICATION1 ?AT ON COM+ TO H]SELF %E HAD P]CEIV$ ! 5TIRE UNIV]SE ) ITS JOYS1 A :OLE WORLD 9 :I* %E HAD NOT LE>N$ TO LIVE1 & :I* %E DID NOT UND]/&4 

0',IF ONLY ?IS WORLD %ALL NOT VANI%6 ,:5 TIME IS PA/1 :5 OLD AGE COMES1 ONE CANNOT RECOV] IT4' ,?US1 ,I BELIEVE1 %E ?\<T1 OR RA!R FELT4 ,MOREOV]1 %E C\LD NEI!R ?9K NOR FEEL O!RWISE4 ,%E HAD BE5 BR\<T UP 9 ?IS IDEA ?AT !RE IS 9 ! WORLD BUT ONE ?+ WOR?Y ( ATT5TION1--LOVE4 ,9 M>RY+1 %E HAD KN[N SOME?+ ( ?IS LOVE1 BUT V]Y F> FROM EV]Y?+ ?AT %E HAD UND]/OOD AS PROMIS$ H]1 EV]Y?+ ?AT %E EXPECT$4 ,H[ MANY DISILLUSIONS6 ,H[ MU* SUFF]+6 ,& AN UNEXPECT$ TORTURE1--! *ILDR56 ,?IS TORTURE HAD TOLD UPON H]1 & !N1 ?ANKS TO ! OBLIG+ DOCTOR1 %E HAD LE>N$ ?AT IT IS POSSIBLE TO AVOID HAV+ *ILDR54 ,?AT HAD MADE H] GLAD4 ,%E HAD TRI$1 & %E WAS N[ REVIV$ = ! ONLY ?+ ?AT %E KNEW1--= LOVE4 ,BUT LOVE ) A HUSB& POLLUT$ BY JEAL\SY & ILL-NATURE WAS NO LONG] H] IDEAL4 ,%E BEGAN TO ?9K ( SOME O!R T5D]NESS2 AT LEA/1 ?AT IS :AT ,I ?\<T4 ,%E LOOK$ AB\T H] AS IF EXPECT+ SOME EV5T OR SOME BE+4 ,I NOTIC$ IT1 & ,I C\LD NOT HELP BE+ ANXI\S4 

0,ALWAYS1 N[1 IT HAPP5$ ?AT1 9 TALK+ ) ME ?R\< A ?IRD P>TY 7?AT IS1 9 TALK+ ) O!RS1 BUT ) ! 9T5TION ?AT ,I %\LD HE>71 %E BOLDLY EXPRESS$1--NOT ?9K+ ?AT AN H\R BE=E %E HAD SAID ! OPPOSITE1--HALF JOK+1 HALF S]I\SLY1 ?IS IDEA ?AT MAT]NAL ANXIETIES >E A DELUSION2 ?AT IT IS NOT WOR? :ILE TO SACRIFICE ONE'S LIFE TO *ILDR54 ,:5 ONE IS Y\NG1 IT IS NECESS>Y TO 5JOY LIFE4 ,SO %E OCCUPI$ H]SELF LESS ) ! *ILDR51 NOT ) ! SAME 9T5SITY AS =M]LY1 & PAID MORE & MORE ATT5TION TO H]SELF1 TO H] FACE1--AL?\< %E CONCEAL$ IT1--TO H] PLEASURES1 & EV5 TO H] P]FECTION FROM ! WORLDLY PO9T ( VIEW4 ,%E BEGAN TO DEVOTE H]SELF PASSIONATELY TO ! PIANO1 :I* HAD =M]LY /OOD =GOTT5 9 ! CORN]4 ,!RE1 AT ! PIANO1 BEGAN ! ADV5TURE4 

0,! ,M,A,N APPE>$40 

,POSDNI*EFF SEEM$ EMB>RASS$1 & TWICE AGA9 !RE ESCAP$ HIM ?AT NASAL S\ND ( :I* ,I SPOKE ABOVE4 ,I ?\<T ?AT IT GAVE HIM PA9 TO REF] TO ! ,M,A,N1 & TO REMEMB] HIM4 ,HE MADE AN EF=T1 AS IF TO BREAK D[N ! OB/ACLE ?AT EMB>RASS$ HIM1 & CONT9U$ ) DET]M9ATION4 

0,HE WAS A BAD MAN 9 MY EYES1 & NOT BECAUSE HE HAS PLAY$ SU* AN IMPORTANT ROLE 9 MY LIFE1 BUT BECAUSE HE WAS REALLY SU*4 ,= ! RE/1 FROM ! FACT ?AT HE WAS BAD1 WE MU/ CONCLUDE ?AT HE WAS IRRESPONSIBLE4 ,HE WAS A MUSICIAN1 A VIOL9I/4 ,NOT A PR(ESSIONAL MUSICIAN1 BUT HALF MAN ( ! WORLD1 HALF >TI/4 ,HIS FA!R1 A C\NTRY PROPRIETOR1 WAS A NEI<BOR ( MY FA!R'S4 ,! FA!R HAD BECOME RU9$1 & ! *ILDR51 ?REE BOYS1 W]E ALL S5T AWAY4 ,\R MAN1 ! Y\NGE/1 WAS S5T TO HIS GODMO!R AT ,P>IS4 ,!RE !Y PLAC$ HIM 9 ! ,CONS]VATORY1 = HE %[$ A TA/E = MUSIC4 ,HE CAME \T A VIOL9I/1 & PLAY$ 9 CONC]TS40 

,ON ! PO9T ( SPEAK+ EVIL ( ! O!R1 ,POSDNI*EFF *ECK$ HIMSELF1 /OPP$1 & SAID SUDD5LY3 

0,9 TRU?1 ,I KN[ NOT H[ HE LIV$4 ,I ONLY KN[ ?AT ?AT YE> HE CAME TO ,RUSSIA1 & CAME TO SEE ME4 ,MOI/ EYES ( ALMOND %APE1 SMIL+ R$ LIPS1 A LITTLE MU/A*E WELL WAX$1 HAIR BRU%$ 9 ! LATE/ FA%ION1 A VULG>LY PRETTY FACE1--:AT ! WOM5 CALL 'NOT BAD1'--FEEBLY BUILT PHYSICALLY1 BUT ) NO DE=MITY2 ) HIPS AS BROAD AS A WOMAN'S2 CORRECT1 & 9S9UAT+ HIMSELF 9TO ! FAMILI>ITY ( PEOPLE AS F> AS POSSIBLE1 BUT HAV+ ?AT KE5 S5SE ?AT QUICKLY DETECTS A FALSE /EP & RETIRES 9 REASON1--A MAN1 9 %ORT1 OBS]VANT ( ! EXT]NAL RULES ( DIGNITY1 ) ?AT SPECIAL ,P>ISIANISM ?AT IS REVEAL$ 9 BUTTON$ BOOTS1 A GAUDY CRAVAT1 & ?AT SOME?+ :I* =EIGN]S PICK UP 9 ,P>IS1 & :I*1 9 ITS PECULI>ITY & NOVELTY1 ALWAYS HAS AN 9FLU5CE ON \R WOM54 ,9 HIS MANN]S AN EXT]NAL & >TIFICIAL GAIETY1 A WAY1 Y\ KN[1 ( REF]R+ TO EV]Y?+ BY H9TS1 BY UNF9I%$ FRAGM5TS1 AS IF EV]Y?+ ?AT ONE SAYS Y\ KNEW ALREADY1 RECALL$ IT1 & C\LD SUPPLY ! OMISSIONS4 ,WELL1 HE1 ) HIS MUSIC1 WAS ! CAUSE ( ALL4 

0,AT ! TRIAL ! AFFAIR WAS SO REPRES5T$ ?AT EV]Y?+ SEEM$ ATTRIBUTABLE TO JEAL\SY4 ,IT IS FALSE1--?AT IS1 NOT QUITE FALSE1 BUT !RE WAS SOME?+ ELSE4 ,! V]DICT WAS R5D]$ ?AT ,I WAS A DECEIV$ HUSB&1 ?AT ,I HAD KILL$ 9 DEF5SE ( MY SULLI$ HONOR 7?AT IS ! WAY !Y PUT IT 9 !IR LANGUAGE71 & ?US ,I WAS ACQUITT$4 ,I TRI$ TO EXPLA9 ! AFFAIR FROM MY [N PO9T ( VIEW1 BUT !Y CONCLUD$ ?AT ,I SIMPLY WANT$ TO REHABILITATE ! MEMORY ( MY WIFE4 ,H] RELATIONS ) ! MUSICIAN1 :ATEV] !Y MAY HAVE BE51 >E N[ ( NO IMPORTANCE TO ME OR TO H]4 ,! IMPORTANT P>T IS :AT ,I HAVE TOLD Y\4 ,! :OLE TRAG$Y WAS DUE TO ! FACT ?AT ?IS MAN CAME 9TO \R H\SE AT A TIME :5 AN IMM5SE ABYSS HAD ALREADY BE5 DUG BETWE5 US1 ?AT FRI<TFUL T5SION ( MUTUAL HATR$1 9 :I* ! SLI<TE/ MOTIVE SUFFIC$ TO PRECIPITATE ! CRISIS4 ,\R QU>RELS 9 ! LA/ DAYS W]E SOME?+ T]RIBLE1 & ! MORE A/ONI%+ BECAUSE !Y W]E FOLL[$ BY A BRUTAL PASSION EXTREMELY /RA9$4 ,IF IT HAD NOT BE5 HE1 SOME O!R W\LD HAVE COME4 ,IF ! PRETEXT HAD NOT BE5 JEAL\SY1 ,I %\LD HAVE DISCOV]$ ANO!R4 ,I 9SI/ UPON ?IS PO9T1--?AT ALL HUSB&S :O LIVE ! M>RI$ LIFE ?AT ,I LIV$ MU/ EI!R RESORT TO \TSIDE DEBAU*]Y1 OR SEP>ATE FROM !IR WIVES1 OR KILL !MSELVES1 OR KILL !IR WIVES AS ,I DID4 ,IF !RE IS ANY ONE 9 MY CASE TO :OM ?IS DOES NOT HAPP51 HE IS A V]Y R>E EXCEPTION1 =1 BE=E 5D+ AS ,I 5D$1 ,I WAS SEV]AL TIMES ON ! PO9T ( SUICIDE1 & MY WIFE MADE SEV]AL ATTEMPTS TO POISON H]SELF40 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhh 3 ,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #ai -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,FEBRU>Y #a#f1 #bag 3 ,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #ai -- ,ADD$4 

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