,! ,FALL 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,ALB]T ,CAMUS 

,SECTIONS 7,T,O,C7 3 
     

O ,*APT] #a 

      #b1#h#h ,WORDS2 #a#f1#c#e#a ,*>ACT]S     

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      #e1#b#h#c ,WORDS2 #b#i1#g#b#e ,*>ACT]S     

O ,*APT] #c 

      #f1#d#b#g ,WORDS2 #c#e1#e#h#c ,*>ACT]S     

O ,*APT] #d 

      #e1#d#e#f ,WORDS2 #c1#e#c#g ,*>ACT]S     

O ,*APT] #e 

      #d1#h#d#i ,WORDS2 #b#g1#a ,*>ACT]S     

O ,*APT] #f 

      #f1#e#f#c ,WORDS2 #c#e1#i#h#h ,*>ACT]S 

,SECTIONS 7,CONT5T7 3 

O ,*APT] #a 

,SOME W]E DREADFULLY 9SULT$1 & QUITE S]I\SLY1 TO HAVE HELD UP AS A MODEL SU* AN IMMORAL *>ACT] AS ,A ,H]O ( ,\R ,TIME 2 O!RS %REWDLY NOTIC$ ?AT ! AU?OR HAD PORTRAY$ HIMSELF & HIS ACQUA9TANCES4 444 ,A ,H]O ( ,\R ,TIME 1 G5TLEM51 IS 9 FACT A PORTRAIT1 BUT NOT ( AN 9DIVIDUAL2 IT IS ! AGGREGATE ( ! VICES ( \R :OLE G5]ATION 9 !IR FULLE/ EXPRESSION4 

--,L,],M,O,N,T,O,V 

,I 

,M,A,Y ,I1 MONSIEUR1 (F] MY S]VICES )\T RUNN+ ! RISK ( 9TRUD+8 ,I FE> Y\ MAY NOT BE 
ABLE TO MAKE Y\RSELF UND]/OOD BY ! WOR?Y APE :O PRESIDES OV] ! FATE ( ?IS 
E/ABLI%M5T4 ,9 FACT1 HE SPEAKS NO?+ BUT ,DUT*4 ,UNLESS Y\ AU?ORIZE ME TO PLEAD Y\R CASE1 HE 
WILL NOT GUESS ?AT Y\ WANT G94 ,!RE1 ,I D>E HOPE HE UND]/OOD ME2 ?AT NOD MU/ MEAN ?AT HE 
YIELDS TO MY >GUM5TS4 ,HE IS TAK+ /EPS2 9DE$1 HE IS MAK+ HA/E ) PRUD5T DELIB]ATION4 

,Y\ >E LUCKY2 HE DIDN'T GRUNT4 ,:5 HE REFUSES TO S]VE SOMEONE1 HE M]ELY GRUNTS4 ,NO ONE 9SI/S4 

,BE+ MA/] ( ONE'S MOODS IS ! PRIVILEGE ( ! L>G] ANIMALS4 ,N[ ,I %ALL )DRAW1 MONSIEUR1 
HAPPY TO HAVE BE5 ( HELP TO Y\4 ,?ANK Y\2 ,I'D ACCEPT IF ,I W]E SURE ( NOT BE+ A NUISANCE4 ,Y\ 
>E TOO K9D4 ,!N ,I %ALL BR+ MY GLASS OV] BESIDE Y\RS4 

,Y\ >E RI<T4 ,HIS SIL5CE IS DEAF5+4 ,IT'S ! SIL5CE ( ! PRIMEVAL =E/1 HEAVY ) ?REATS4 

,AT TIMES ,I AM AMAZ$ BY HIS OB/9ACY 9 SNUBB+ CIVILIZ$ LANGUAGES4 ,HIS BUS9ESS CONSI/S 9 
5T]TA9+ SAILORS ( ALL NATIONALITIES 9 ?IS ,AM/]DAM B>1 :I* = ?AT MATT] HE NAM$--NO 
ONE KN[S :Y--,MEXICO ,CITY4 ,) SU* DUTIES W\LDN'T Y\ ?9K !RE MI<T BE SOME FE> ?AT HIS 
IGNORANCE W\LD BE AWKW>D8 ,FANCY ! ,CRO-,MAGNON MAN LODG$ 9 ! ,T[] ( ,BABEL6 ,HE W\LD 
C]TA9LY FEEL \T ( HIS ELEM5T4 ,YET ?IS ONE IS NOT AW>E ( HIS EXILE2 HE GOES HIS [N SWEET WAY 
& NO?+ T\*ES HIM4 ,ONE ( ! R>E S5T5CES ,I HAVE EV] HE>D FROM HIS M\? PROCLAIM$ 
?AT Y\ C\LD TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT4 ,:AT DID ONE HAVE TO TAKE OR LEAVE8 ,D\BTLESS \R FRI5D HIMSELF4 ,I 
CONFESS ,I AM DRAWN BY SU* CREATURES :O >E ALL ( A PIECE4 ,ANYONE :O HAS CONSID]ABLY 
M$ITAT$ ON MAN1 BY PR(ESSION OR VOCATION1 IS L$ TO FEEL NO/ALGIA = ! PRIMATES4 ,!Y AT LEA/ 
DON'T HAVE ANY ULT]IOR MOTIVES4 

,\R HO/1 TO TELL ! TRU?1 HAS SOME1 AL?\< HE H>BORS !M DEEP )9 HIM4 ,AS A RESULT ( 
NOT UND]/&+ :AT IS SAID 9 HIS PRES5CE1 HE HAS ADOPT$ A DI/RU/FUL DISPOSITION4 ,:5CE ?AT 
LOOK ( T\*Y DIGNITY AS IF HE AT LEA/ SUSPECT$ ?AT ALL IS NOT P]FECT AMONG M54 ,?AT DISPOSITION 
 MAKES IT LESS EASY TO DISCUSS ANY?+ ) HIM ?AT DOES NOT CONC]N HIS BUS9ESS4 ,NOTICE1 = 
9/ANCE1 ON ! BACK WALL ABOVE HIS HEAD ?AT EMPTY RECTANGLE M>K+ ! PLACE :]E A PICTURE HAS 
BE5 TAK5 D[N4 ,9DE$1 !RE WAS A PICTURE !RE1 & A P>TICUL>LY 9T]E/+ ONE1 A REAL 
MA/]PIECE4 ,WELL1 ,I WAS PRES5T :5 ! MA/] ( ! H\SE RECEIV$ IT & :5 HE GAVE IT UP4 ,9 
BO? CASES HE DID SO ) ! SAME DI/RU/1 AFT] WEEKS ( RUM9ATION4 ,9 ?AT REG>D Y\ MU/ 
ADMIT ?AT SOCIETY HAS SOME:AT SPOIL$ ! FRANK SIMPLICITY ( HIS NATURE4 

,M9D Y\1 ,I AM NOT JUDG+ HIM4 ,I CONSID] HIS DI/RU/ JU/IFI$ & %\LD BE 9CL9$ TO %>E IT 
IF1 AS Y\ SEE1 MY COMMUNICATIVE NATURE W]E NOT OPPOS$ TO ?IS4 ,I AM TALKATIVE1 ALAS1 & MAKE 
FRI5DS EASILY4 ,AL?\< ,I KN[ H[ TO KEEP MY DI/ANCE1 ,I SEIZE ANY & EV]Y OPPORTUNITY4 ,:5 ,I 
US$ TO LIVE 9 ,FRANCE1 W]E ,I TO MEET AN 9TELLIG5T MAN ,I IMM$IATELY S\<T HIS COMPANY4 ,IF ?AT 
BE FOOLI% 444 ,AH1 ,I SEE Y\ SMILE AT ?AT USE ( ! SUBJUNCTIVE4 ,I CONFESS MY WEAKNESS = ?AT MOOD 
& = F9E SPEE* 9 G5]AL4 ,A WEAKNESS ?AT ,I CRITICIZE 9 MYSELF1 BELIEVE ME4 ,I AM WELL AW>E 
?AT AN ADDICTION TO SILK UND]WE> DOES NOT NECESS>ILY IMPLY ?AT ONE'S FEET >E DIRTY4 ,NONE!LESS1 
/YLE1 LIKE %E] SILK1 TOO (T5 HIDES ECZEMA4 ,MY CONSOLATION IS TO TELL MYSELF ?AT1 AFT] ALL1 ?OSE :O 
MURD] ! LANGUAGE >E NOT PURE EI!R4 ,:Y YES1 LET'S HAVE ANO!R G94 

,>E Y\ /AY+ LONG 9 ,AM/]DAM8 ,A BEAUTIFUL CITY1 ISN'T IT8 ,FASC9AT+8 ,!RE'S AN ADJECTIVE ,I 
HAV5'T HE>D 9 SOME TIME4 ,NOT S9CE LEAV+ ,P>IS1 9 FACT1 YE>S AGO4 ,BUT ! HE>T HAS ITS [N 
MEMORY & ,I HAVE =GOTT5 NO?+ ( \R BEAUTIFUL CAPITAL1 NOR ( ITS QUAYS4 ,P>IS IS A REAL 
TROMPEL'OEIL1 A MAGNIFIC5T /AGE-SETT+ 9HABIT$ BY F\R MILLION SILH\ETTES4 ,NE>LY FIVE MILLION AT ! 
LA/ C5SUS8 ,:Y1 !Y MU/ HAVE MULTIPLI$4 ,& ?AT W\LDN'T SURPRISE ME4 ,IT ALWAYS SEEM$ TO ME 
?AT \R FELL[ CITIZ5S HAD TWO PASSIONS3 IDEAS & =NICATION4 ,)\T RHYME OR REASON1 SO TO 
SPEAK4 ,/ILL1 LET US TAKE C>E NOT TO CONDEMN !M2 !Y >E NOT ! ONLY ONES1 = ALL ,EUROPE IS 9 ! 
SAME BOAT4 ,I SOMETIMES ?9K ( :AT FUTURE HI/ORIANS WILL SAY ( US4 ,A S+LE S5T5CE WILL SUFFICE 
= MOD]N MAN3 HE =NICAT$ & READ ! PAP]S4 ,AFT] ?AT VIGOR\S DEF9ITION1 ! SUBJECT 
WILL BE1 IF ,I MAY SAY SO1 EXHAU/$4 

,OH1 NOT ! ,DUT*2 !Y >E MU* LESS MOD]N6 ,!Y HAVE TIME--JU/ LOOK AT !M4 ,:AT DO 
!Y DO8 ,WELL1 !SE G5TLEM5 OV] H]E LIVE (F ! LABORS ( ?OSE LADIES OV] !RE4 ,ALL ( !M1 
MOREOV]1 BO? MALE & FEMALE1 >E V]Y MIDDLE-CLASS CREATURES :O HAVE COME H]E1 AS USUAL1 \T 
( MY?OMANIA OR /UPIDITY4 ,?R\< TOO MU* OR TOO LITTLE IMAG9ATION1 9 %ORT4 ,FROM TIME TO 
TIME1 !SE G5TLEM5 9DULGE 9 A LITTLE KNIFE OR REVOLV] PLAY1 BUT DON'T GET ! IDEA ?AT !Y'RE 
KE5 ON IT4 ,!IR ROLE CALLS = IT1 ?AT'S ALL1 & !Y >E DY+ ( FRI<T AS !Y %OOT IT \T4 

,NEV]!LESS1 ,I F9D !M MORE MORAL ?AN ! O!RS1 ?OSE :O KILL 9 ! BOSOM ( ! FAMILY BY 
ATTRITION4 ,HAV5'T Y\ NOTIC$ ?AT \R SOCIETY IS ORGANIZ$ = ?IS K9D ( LIQUIDATION8 ,Y\ HAVE 
HE>D1 ( C\RSE1 ( ?OSE T9Y FI% 9 ! RIV]S ( ,BRAZIL ?AT ATTACK ! UNW>Y SWIMM] BY 
?\S&S & ) SWIFT LITTLE NIBBLES CLEAN HIM UP 9 A FEW M9UTES1 LEAV+ ONLY AN IMMACULATE 
SKELETON8 ,WELL1 ?AT'S :AT !IR ORGANIZATION IS4 0,DO Y\ WANT A GOOD CLEAN LIFE8 ,LIKE EV]YBODY 
ELSE80 ,Y\ SAY YES1 ( C\RSE4 ,H[ CAN ONE SAY NO8 0,O4,K4 ,Y\'LL BE CLEAN$ UP4 ,H]E'S A JOB1 A 
FAMILY1 & ORGANIZ$ LEISURE ACTIVITIES40 ,& ! LITTLE TEE? ATTACK ! FLE%1 RI<T D[N TO ! BONE4 

,BUT ,I AM UNJU/4 ,I %\LDN'T SAY !IR ORGANIZATION4 ,IT IS \RS1 AFT] ALL3 IT'S A QUE/ION ( :I* WILL 
CLEAN UP ! O!R4 

,H]E IS \R G9 AT LA/4 ,TO Y\R PROSP]ITY4 ,YES1 ! APE OP5$ HIS M\? TO CALL ME DOCTOR4 ,9 
!SE C\NTRIES EV]YONE IS A DOCTOR1 OR A PR(ESSOR4 ,!Y LIKE %[+ RESPECT1 \T ( K9DNESS & 
\T ( MODE/Y4 ,AMONG !M1 AT LEA/1 SPITEFULNESS IS NOT A NATIONAL 9/ITUTION4 ,BESIDES1 ,I AM NOT A 
DOCTOR4 ,IF Y\ WANT TO KN[1 ,I WAS A LAWY] BE=E COM+ H]E4 ,N[1 ,I AM A JUDGE-P5IT5T4 

,BUT ALL[ ME TO 9TRODUCE MYSELF3 ,JEAN-,BAPTI/E ,CLAM5CE1 AT Y\R S]VICE4 ,PLEAS$ TO KN[ Y\4 

,Y\ >E 9 BUS9ESS1 NO D\BT8 ,9 A WAY8 ,EXCELL5T REPLY6 ,JUDICI\S TOO3 9 ALL ?+S WE >E M]ELY 
09 A WAY40 ,N[1 ALL[ ME TO PLAY ! DETECTIVE4 ,Y\ >E MY AGE 9 A WAY1 ) ! SOPHI/ICAT$ EYE 
( ! MAN 9 HIS =TIES :O HAS SE5 EV]Y?+1 9 A WAY2 Y\ >E WELL DRESS$ 9 A WAY1 ?AT IS AS 
PEOPLE >E 9 \R C\NTRY2 & Y\R H&S >E SMOO?4 ,H5CE A B\RGEOIS1 9 A WAY6 ,BUT A 
CULTUR$ B\RGEOIS6 ,SMIL+ AT ! USE ( ! SUBJUNCTIVE1 9 FACT1 PROVES Y\R CULTURE TWICE OV] 
BECAUSE Y\ RECOGNIZE IT TO BEG9 ) & !N BECAUSE Y\ FEEL SUP]IOR TO IT4 ,LA/LY1 ,I AMUSE Y\4 

,& BE IT SAID )\T VANITY1 ?IS IMPLIES 9 Y\ A C]TA9 OP5-M9D$NESS4 ,CONSEQU5TLY Y\ >E 
9 A WAY 444 ,BUT NO MATT]4 ,PR(ESSIONS 9T]E/ ME LESS ?AN SECTS4 ,ALL[ ME TO ASK Y\ TWO QUE/IONS 
& DON'T ANSW] IF Y\ CONSID] !M 9DISCREET4 ,DO Y\ HAVE ANY POSSESSIONS8 ,SOME8 ,GOOD4 ,HAVE 
Y\ %>$ !M ) ! POOR8 ,NO8 ,!N Y\ >E :AT ,I CALL A ,SADDUCEE4 ,IF Y\ >E NOT FAMILI> 
) ! ,SCRIPTURES1 ,I ADMIT ?AT ?IS WON'T HELP Y\4 ,BUT IT DOES HELP Y\8 ,SO Y\ KN[ ! 
,SCRIPTURES8 ,DECID$LY1 Y\ 9T]E/ ME4 

,AS = ME 444 ,WELL1 JUDGE = Y\RSELF4 ,BY MY /ATURE1 MY %\LD]S1 & ?IS FACE ?AT ,I HAVE (T5 
BE5 TOLD WAS %Y1 ,I RA!R LOOK LIKE A RUGBY PLAY]1 DON'T ,I8 ,BUT IF ,I AM JUDG$ BY MY CONV]SATION ,I 
HAVE TO BE GRANT$ A LITTLE SUBTLETY4 ,! CAMEL ?AT PROVID$ ! HAIR = MY OV]COAT WAS PROBABLY 
MANGY2 YET MY NAILS >E MANICUR$4 ,I1 TOO1 AM SOPHI/ICAT$1 & YET ,I CONFIDE 9 Y\ )\T 
CAUTION ON ! SOLE BASIS ( Y\R LOOKS4 ,F9ALLY1 DESPITE MY GOOD MANN]S & MY F9E SPEE*1 ,I 
FREQU5T SAILORS' B>S 9 ! ,ZE$IJK4 ,COME ON1 GIVE UP4 ,MY PR(ESSION IS D\BLE1 ?AT'S ALL1 LIKE ! 
HUMAN BE+4 ,I HAVE ALREADY TOLD Y\1 ,I AM A JUDGE-P5IT5T4 ,ONLY ONE ?+ IS SIMPLE 9 MY CASE3 ,I 
POSSESS NO?+4 ,YES1 ,I WAS RI*4 ,NO1 ,I %>$ NO?+ ) ! POOR4 ,:AT DOES ?AT PROVE8 ,?AT ,I1 
TOO1 WAS A ,SADDUCEE 444 ,OH1 DO Y\ HE> ! FO<ORNS 9 ! H>BOR8 ,!RE'LL BE FOG TONI<T ON ! 
,ZUID] ,ZEE4 

,Y\'RE LEAV+ ALREADY8 ,=GIVE ME = HAV+ P]HAPS DETA9$ Y\4 ,NO1 ,I BEG Y\2 ,I WON'T LET 
Y\ PAY4 ,I AM AT HOME AT ,MEXICO ,CITY & HAVE BE5 P>TICUL>LY PLEAS$ TO RECEIVE Y\ H]E4 ,I %ALL 
C]TA9LY BE H]E TOMORR[1 AS ,I AM EV]Y EV5+1 & ,I %ALL BE PLEAS$ TO ACCEPT Y\R 9VITATION4 

,Y\R WAY BACK8 444 ,WELL 444 ,BUT IF Y\ DON'T HAVE ANY OBJECTION1 ! EASIE/ ?+ W\LD BE = ME TO 
ACCOMPANY Y\ AS F> AS ! H>BOR4 ,!NCE1 BY GO+ >\ND ! ,JEWI% QU>T] Y\'LL F9D ?OSE 
F9E AV5UES ) !IR P>ADE ( /REETC>S FULL ( FL[]S & ?UND]+ S\NDS4 ,Y\R HOTEL IS ON 
ONE ( !M1 ! ,DAMRAK4 ,Y\ FIR/1 PLEASE4 ,I LIVE 9 ! ,JEWI% QU>T] OR :AT WAS CALL$ SO 
UNTIL \R ,HITL]IAN BRE?R5 MADE ROOM4 ,:AT A CLEANUP6 ,SEV5TY-FIVE ?\S& ,JEWS DEPORT$ OR 
ASSASS9AT$2 ?AT'S REAL VACUUM-CLEAN+4 ,I ADMIRE ?AT DILIG5CE1 ?AT ME?ODICAL PATI5CE6 ,:5 
ONE HAS NO *>ACT] ONE HAS TO APPLY A ME?OD4 ,H]E IT DID WOND]S 9CONTROV]TIBLY1 & ,I AM 
LIV+ ON ! SITE ( ONE ( ! GREATE/ CRIMES 9 HI/ORY4 ,P]HAPS ?AT'S :AT HELPS ME TO UND]/& 
! APE & HIS DI/RU/4 ,?US ,I CAN /RUGGLE AGA9/ MY NATURAL 9CL9ATION C>RY+ ME T[>D 
FRAT]NIZ+4 ,:5 ,I SEE A NEW FACE1 SOME?+ 9 ME S\NDS ! AL>M4 0,SL[6 ,DANG]60 ,EV5 :5 
! ATTRACTION IS /RONGE/1 ,I AM ON MY GU>D4 

,DO Y\ KN[ ?AT 9 MY LITTLE VILLAGE1 DUR+ A PUNITIVE OP]ATION1 A ,G]MAN (FIC] C\RTE\SLY 
ASK$ AN OLD WOMAN TO PLEASE *OOSE :I* ( H] TWO SONS W\LD BE %OT AS A HO/AGE8 ,*OOSE6-- 
CAN Y\ IMAG9E ?AT8 ,?AT ONE8 ,NO1 ?IS ONE4 ,& SEE HIM GO4 ,LET'S NOT DWELL ON IT1 BUT BELIEVE ME1 
MONSIEUR1 ANY SURPRISE IS POSSIBLE4 ,I KNEW A PURE HE>T :O REJECT$ DI/RU/4 ,HE WAS A PACIFI/ & 
LIB]T>IAN & LOV$ ALL HUMANITY & ! ANIMALS ) AN EQUAL LOVE4 ,AN EXCEPTIONAL S\L1 ?AT'S 
C]TA94 ,WELL1 DUR+ ! LA/ W>S ( RELIGION 9 ,EUROPE HE HAD RETIR$ TO ! C\NTRY4 ,HE HAD WRITT5 
ON HIS ?RE%OLD3 0,:]EV] Y\ COME FROM1 COME 9 & BE WELCOME40 ,:O DO Y\ ?9K 
ANSW]$ ?AT NOBLE 9VITATION8 ,! MILITIA1 :O MADE !MSELVES AT HOME & DISEMB[EL$ HIM4 

,OH P>DON1 MADAME6 ,BUT %E DIDN'T UND]/& A WORD ( IT ANYWAY4 ,ALL !SE PEOPLE1 EH8 \T SO 
LATE DESPITE ?IS RA9 :I* HASN'T LET UP = DAYS4 ,=TUNATELY !RE IS G91 ! SOLE GLIMM] ( LI<T 9 
?IS D>KNESS4 ,DO Y\ FEEL ! GOLD51 COPP]-COLOR$ LI<T IT K9DLES 9 Y\8 ,I LIKE WALK+ ?R\< 
! CITY ( AN EV5+ 9 ! W>M? ( G94 ,I WALK = NI<TS ON 5D1 ,I DREAM OR TALK TO MYSELF 
9T]M9ABLY4 ,YES1 LIKE ?IS EV5+--& ,I FE> MAK+ Y\R HEAD SWIM SOME:AT4 ,?ANK Y\1 Y\ 
>E MO/ C\RTE\S4 ,BUT IT'S ! OV]FL[2 AS SOON AS ,I OP5 MY M\?1 S5T5CES />T TO FL[4 

,BESIDES1 ?IS C\NTRY 9SPIRES ME4 ,I LIKE !SE PEOPLE SW>M+ ON ! SIDEWALKS1 W$G$ 9TO A LITTLE 
SPACE ( H\SES & CANALS1 HEMM$ 9 BY FOGS1 COLD L&S1 & ! SEA /EAM+ LIKE A WET WA%4 ,I 
LIKE !M1 = !Y >E D\BLE4 ,!Y >E H]E & ELSE:]E4 

 ,YES1 9DE$6 ,FROM HE>+ !IR HEAVY TREAD ON ! DAMP PAVEM5T1 FROM SEE+ !M MOVE 
HEAVILY BETWE5 !IR %OPS FULL ( GILD$ H]R+S & JEWELS ! COLOR ( DEAD LEAVES1 Y\ PROBABLY 
?9K !Y >E H]E ?IS EV5+8 ,Y\ >E LIKE EV]YBODY ELSE2 Y\ TAKE !SE GOOD PEOPLE = A TRIBE 
( SYNDICS & M]*ANTS C\NT+ !IR GOLD CR[NS ) !IR *ANCES ( ET]NAL LIFE1 :OSE ONLY 
LYRICISM CONSI/S 9 OCCASIONALLY1 )\T D(F+ !IR BROAD-BRIMM$ HATS1 TAK+ ANATOMY LESSONS8 

,Y\ >E WRONG4 ,!Y WALK ALONG ) US1 TO BE SURE1 & YET SEE :]E !IR HEADS >E3 9 ?AT FOG 
COMP\ND$ ( NEON1 G91 & M9T EMANAT+ FROM ! %OP SIGNS ABOVE !M4 ,HOLL& IS A 
DREAM1 MONSIEUR1 A DREAM ( GOLD & SMOKE--SMOKI] BY DAY1 MORE GILD$ BY NI<T4 ,& NI<T & 
DAY ?AT DREAM IS PEOPL$ ) ,LOH5GR9S LIKE !SE1 DREAMILY RID+ !IR BLACK BICYCLES ) HI< 
H&LE-B>S1 FUN]EAL SWANS CON/ANTLY DRIFT+ ?R\<\T ! :OLE L&1 >\ND ! SEAS1 ALONG 
! CANALS4 ,!IR HEADS 9 !IR COPP]-COLOR$ CL\DS1 !Y DREAM2 !Y CYCLE 9 CIRCLES2 !Y PRAY1 
SOMNAMBULI/S 9 ! FOG'S GILD$ 9C5SE2 !Y HAVE CEAS$ TO BE H]E4 ,!Y HAVE GONE 
?\S&S ( MILES AWAY1 T[>D ,JAVA1 ! DI/ANT ISLE4 ,!Y PRAY TO ?OSE GRIMAC+ GODS ( 
,9DONESIA ) :I* !Y HAVE DECORAT$ ALL !IR %OP-W9D[S & :I* AT ?IS MOM5T >E 
FLOAT+ AIMLESSLY ABOVE US BE=E ALI<T+1 LIKE SUMPTU\S MONKEYS1 ON ! SIGNS & /EPP$ RO(S 
TO REM9D !SE HOMESICK COLONIALS ?AT ,HOLL& IS NOT ONLY ! ,EUROPE ( M]*ANTS BUT ALSO ! 
SEA1 ! SEA ?AT LEADS TO ,CIPANGO & TO ?OSE ISL&S :]E M5 DIE MAD & HAPPY4 

,BUT ,I AM LETT+ MYSELF GO6 ,I AM PLEAD+ A CASE6 ,=GIVE ME4 ,HABIT1 MONSIEUR1 VOCATION1 ALSO ! 
DESIRE TO MAKE Y\ FULLY UND]/& ?IS CITY1 & ! HE>T ( ?+S6 ,= WE >E AT ! HE>T ( 
?+S H]E4 ,HAVE Y\ NOTIC$ ?AT ,AM/]DAM'S CONC5TRIC CANALS RESEMBLE ! CIRCLES ( HELL8 ,! 
MIDDLE-CLASS HELL1 ( C\RSE1 PEOPL$ ) BAD DREAMS4 ,:5 ONE COMES FROM ! \TSIDE1 AS ONE 
GRADUALLY GOES ?R\< ?OSE CIRCLES1 LIFE--& H5CE ITS CRIMES--BECOMES D5S]1 D>K]4 ,H]E1 WE 
>E 9 ! LA/ CIRCLE4 ,! CIRCLE ( ! 444 ,AH1 Y\ KN[ ?AT8 ,BY HEAV51 Y\ BECOME H>D] TO 
CLASSIFY4 ,BUT Y\ UND]/& !N :Y ,I CAN SAY ?AT ! C5T] ( ?+S IS H]E1 AL?\< WE 
/& AT ! TIP ( ! CONT95T4 ,A S5SITIVE MAN GRASPS SU* ODDITIES4 ,9 ANY CASE1 ! NEWSPAP] 
READ]S & ! =NICATORS CAN GO NO FUR!R4 ,!Y COME FROM ! F\R CORN]S ( ,EUROPE & /OP 
FAC+ ! 9N] SEA1 ON ! DRAB /R&4 ,!Y LI/5 TO ! FO<ORNS1 VA9LY TRY TO MAKE \T ! 
SILH\ETTES ( BOATS 9 ! FOG1 !N TURN BACK OV] ! CANALS & GO HOME ?R\< ! RA94 ,*ILL$ 
TO ! BONE1 !Y COME & ASK 9 ALL LANGUAGES = G9 AT ,MEXICO ,CITY4 ,!RE ,I WAIT = !M4 

,TILL TOMORR[1 !N1 MONSIEUR ET *] COMPATRIOTE4 ,NO1 Y\ WILL EASILY F9D Y\R WAY N[3 ,I'LL LEAVE 
Y\ NE> ?IS BRIDGE4 ,I NEV] CROSS A BRIDGE AT NI<T4 ,IT'S ! RESULT ( A V[4 ,SUPPOSE1 AFT] ALL1 ?AT 
SOMEONE %\LD JUMP 9 ! WAT]4 ,ONE ( TWO ?+S--EI!R Y\ DO LIKEWISE TO FI% HIM \T &1 
9 COLD WEA!R1 Y\ RUN A GREAT RISK6 ,OR Y\ =SAKE HIM !RE & SUPPRESS$ DIVES SOMETIMES 
LEAVE ONE /RANGELY A*+4 ,GOOD NI<T4 ,:AT8 ,?OSE LADIES BEH9D ?OSE W9D[S8 ,DREAM1 
MONSIEUR1 *EAP DREAM1 A TRIP TO ! ,9DIES6 ,?OSE P]SONS P]FUME !MSELVES ) SPICES4 ,Y\ GO 
91 !Y DRAW ! CURTA9S1 & ! NAVIGATION BEG9S4 ,! GODS COME D[N ONTO ! NAK$ 
BODIES & ! ISL&S >E SET ADRIFT1 LO/ S\LS CR[N$ ) ! T\SL$ HAIR ( PALM TREES 9 ! 
W9D4 ,TRY IT4 

O ,*APT] #b 
,I,I 

,:,A,T IS A JUDGE-P5IT5T8 ,AH1 ,I 9TRIGU$ Y\ ) ?AT BUS9ESS4 ,I MEANT NO H>M BY IT1 
BELIEVE ME1 & ,I CAN EXPLA9 MYSELF MORE CLE>LY4 ,9 A WAY1 ?AT EV5 BELONGS TO MY (FICIAL DUTIES4 

,BUT FIR/ ,I MU/ SET =? A C]TA9 NUMB] ( FACTS ?AT WILL HELP Y\ TO UND]/& MY /ORY4 

,A FEW YE>S AGO ,I WAS A LAWY] 9 ,P>IS &1 9DE$1 A RA!R WELL-KN[N LAWY]4 ,( C\RSE1 ,I 
DIDN'T TELL Y\ MY REAL NAME4 ,I HAD A SPECIALTY3 NOBLE CASES4 ,WID[S & ORPHANS1 AS ! SAY+ 
GOES--,I DON'T KN[ :Y1 BECAUSE !RE >E IMPROP] WID[S & F]OCI\S ORPHANS4 ,YET IT WAS 
5\< = ME TO SNIFF ! SLI<TE/ SC5T ( VICTIM ON A DEF5DANT = ME TO SW+ 9TO ACTION4 ,& 
:AT ACTION6 ,A REAL TORNADO6 ,MY HE>T WAS ON MY SLEEVE4 ,Y\ W\LD REALLY HAVE ?\<T ?AT JU/ICE 
SLEPT ) ME EV]Y NI<T4 ,I AM SURE Y\ W\LD HAVE ADMIR$ ! RI<TNESS ( MY TONE1 ! 
APPROPRIAT5ESS ( MY EMOTION1 ! P]SUASION & W>M?1 ! RE/RA9$ 9DIGNATION ( MY 
SPEE*ES BE=E ! C\RT4 ,NATURE FAVOR$ ME AS TO MY PHYSIQUE1 & ! NOBLE ATTITUDE COMES 
EF=TLESSLY4 ,FUR!RMORE1 ,I WAS BUOY$ UP BY TWO S9C]E FEEL+S3 ! SATISFACTION ( BE+ ON ! 
RI<T SIDE ( ! B> & AN 9/9CTIVE SCORN = JUDGES 9 G5]AL4 ,?AT SCORN1 AFT] ALL1 WASN'T 
P]HAPS SO 9/9CTIVE4 ,I KN[ N[ ?AT IT HAD ITS REASONS4 ,BUT1 SE5 FROM ! \TSIDE1 IT LOOK$ 
RA!R LIKE A PASSION4 ,IT CAN'T BE D5I$ ?AT1 = ! MOM5T AT LEA/1 WE HAVE TO HAVE JUDGES1 DON'T 
WE8 ,H[EV]1 ,I C\LD NOT UND]/& H[ A MAN C\LD (F] HIMSELF TO P]=M SU* A SURPRIS+ 
FUNCTION4 ,I ACCEPT$ ! FACT BECAUSE ,I SAW IT1 BUT RA!R AS ,I ACCEPT$ LOCU/S4 ,) ?IS DIFF]5CE3 

?AT ! 9VASIONS ( ?OSE ,OR?OPT]A NEV] BR\<T ME A SON :]EAS ,I E>N$ MY LIV+ BY 
C>RY+ ON A DIALOGUE ) PEOPLE ,I SCORN$4 

,BUT1 AFT] ALL1 ,I WAS ON ! RI<T SIDE2 ?AT WAS 5\< TO SATISFY MY CONSCI5CE4 ,! FEEL+ ( ! 
LAW1 ! SATISFACTION ( BE+ RI<T1 ! JOY ( SELF-E/EEM1 *] MONSIEUR1 >E P[]FUL 9C5TIVES = 
KEEP+ US UPRI<T OR KEEP+ US MOV+ =W>D4 ,ON ! O!R H&1 IF Y\ DEPRIVE M5 ( !M1 
Y\ TRANS=M !M 9TO DOGS FRO?+ ) RAGE4 ,H[ MANY CRIMES COMMITT$ M]ELY BECAUSE 
!IR AU?ORS C\LD NOT 5DURE BE+ WRONG6 ,I ONCE KNEW A MANUFACTUR] :O HAD A P]FECT WIFE1 
ADMIR$ BY ALL1 & YET HE DECEIV$ H]4 ,?AT MAN WAS LIT]ALLY FURI\S TO BE 9 ! WRONG1 TO BE 
BLOCK$ FROM RECEIV+1 OR GRANT+ HIMSELF1 A C]TIFICATE ( VIRTUE4 ,! MORE VIRTUES HIS WIFE 
MANIFE/$1 ! MORE VEX$ HE BECAME4 ,EV5TUALLY1 LIV+ 9 ! WRONG BECAME UNBE>ABLE TO HIM4 

,:AT DO Y\ ?9K HE DID !N8 ,HE GAVE UP DECEIV+ H]8 ,NOT AT ALL4 ,HE KILL$ H]4 ,?AT IS H[ ,I 
5T]$ 9TO RELATIONS ) HIM4 

,MY SITUATION WAS MORE 5VIABLE4 ,NOT ONLY DID ,I RUN NO RISK ( JO9+ ! CRIM9AL CAMP 79 
P>TICUL> ,I HAD NO *ANCE ( KILL+ MY WIFE1 BE+ A BA*ELOR71 BUT ,I EV5 TOOK UP !IR DEF5SE1 ON 
! SOLE CONDITION ?AT !Y %\LD BE NOBLE MURD]]S1 AS O!RS >E NOBLE SAVAGES4 ,! V]Y 
MANN] 9 :I* ,I CONDUCT$ ?AT DEF5SE GAVE ME GREAT SATISFACTIONS4 ,I WAS TRULY ABOVE REPROA* 9 
MY PR(ESSIONAL LIFE4 ,I NEV] ACCEPT$ A BRIBE1 IT GOES )\T SAY+1 & ,I NEV] /OOP$ EI!R TO 
ANY %ADY PROCE$+S4 ,&--?IS IS EV5 R>]--,I NEV] DEIGN$ TO FLATT] ANY J\RNALI/ TO GET HIM 
ON MY SIDE1 NOR ANY CIVIL S]VANT :OSE FRI5D%IP MI<T BE USEFUL TO ME4 ,I EV5 HAD ! LUCK ( 
SEE+ ! ,LEGION ( ,HONOR (F]$ TO ME TWO OR ?REE TIMES & ( BE+ ABLE TO REFUSE IT ) A 
DISCREET DIGNITY 9 :I* ,I F\ND MY TRUE REW>D4 ,F9ALLY1 ,I NEV] *>G$ ! POOR A FEE & NEV] 
BOA/$ ( IT4 ,DON'T ?9K = A MOM5T1 *] MONSIEUR1 ?AT ,I AM BRAGG+4 ,I TAKE NO CR$IT = ?IS4 

,! AVIDITY :I* 9 \R SOCIETY SUB/ITUTES = AMBITION HAS ALWAYS MADE ME LAU<4 ,I WAS AIM+ 
HI<]2 Y\ WILL SEE ?AT ! EXPRESSION IS EXACT 9 MY CASE4 

,BUT Y\ CAN ALREADY IMAG9E MY SATISFACTION4 ,I 5JOY$ MY [N NATURE TO ! FULLE/1 & WE ALL 
KN[ ?AT !RE LIES HAPP9ESS1 AL?\<1 TO SOO! ONE ANO!R MUTUALLY1 WE OCCASIONALLY PRET5D TO 
CONDEMN SU* JOYS AS SELFI%NESS4 ,AT LEA/ ,I 5JOY$ ?AT P>T ( MY NATURE :I* REACT$ SO 
APPROPRIATELY TO ! WID[ & ORPHAN ?AT EV5TUALLY1 ?R\< EX]CISE1 IT CAME TO DOM9ATE MY 
:OLE LIFE4 ,= 9/ANCE1 ,I LOV$ TO HELP BL9D PEOPLE CROSS /REETS4 ,FROM AS F> AWAY AS ,I C\LD SEE A 
CANE HESITAT+ ON ! $GE ( A SIDEWALK1 ,I W\LD RU% =W>D1 SOMETIMES ONLY A SECOND AHEAD ( 
ANO!R *>ITABLE H& ALREADY \T/RET*$1 SNAT* ! BL9D P]SON FROM ANY SOLICITUDE BUT M9E1 
& LEAD HIM G5TLY BUT FIRMLY ALONG ! CROSSWALK AMONG ! TRAFFIC OB/ACLES T[>D ! REFUGE 
( ! O!R SIDEWALK1 :]E WE W\LD SEP>ATE ) A MUTUAL EMOTION4 ,9 ! SAME WAY1 ,I ALWAYS 
5JOY$ GIV+ DIRECTIONS 9 ! /REET1 OBLIG+ ) A LI<T1 L5D+ A H& TO HEAVY PU%C>TS1 
PU%+ A /R&$ C>1 BUY+ A PAP] FROM ! ,SALVATION ,>MY LASS OR FL[]S FROM ! OLD 
P$DL]1 ?\< ,I KNEW %E /OLE !M FROM ! ,MONTP>NASSE CEMET]Y4 ,I ALSO LIK$--& ?IS IS 
H>D] TO SAY--,I LIK$ TO GIVE ALMS4 ,A V]Y ,*RI/IAN FRI5D ( M9E ADMITT$ ?AT ONE'S 9ITIAL FEEL+ 
ON SEE+ A BEGG> APPROA* ONE'S H\SE IS UNPLEASANT4 ,WELL1 ) ME IT WAS WORSE3 ,I US$ TO EXULT4 

,BUT LET'S NOT DWELL ON ?IS4 

,LET US SPEAK RA!R ( MY C\RTESY4 ,IT WAS FAM\S & UNQUE/IONABLE4 ,9DE$1 GOOD MANN]S 
PROVID$ ME ) GREAT DELI<TS4 ,IF ,I HAD ! LUCK1 C]TA9 MORN+S1 TO GIVE UP MY SEAT 9 ! BUS OR 
SUBWAY TO SOMEONE :O OBVI\SLY DES]V$ IT1 TO PICK UP SOME OBJECT AN OLD LADY HAD DROPP$ & 
RETURN IT TO H] ) A SMILE ,I KNEW WELL1 OR M]ELY TO =FEIT MY TAXI TO SOMEONE 9 A GREAT] HURRY 
?AN ,I1 IT WAS A R$-LETT] DAY4 ,I EV5 REJOIC$1 ,I MU/ ADMIT1 ?OSE DAYS :5 ! TRANSPORT SY/EM 
 BE+ ON /RIKE ,I HAD A *ANCE TO LOAD 9TO MY C> AT ! BUS /OPS SOME ( MY UN=TUNATE 
FELL[ CITIZ5S UNABLE TO GET HOME4 ,GIV+ UP MY SEAT 9 ! !AT] TO ALL[ A C\PLE TO SIT TOGE!R1 
HOI/+ A GIRL'S SUITCASES ONTO ! RACK 9 A TRA9--!SE W]E ALL DE$S ,I P]=M$ MORE (T5 ?AN 
O!RS BECAUSE ,I PAID MORE ATT5TION TO ! OPPORTUNITIES & WAS BETT] ABLE TO RELI% ! PLEASURE 
!Y GIVE4 

,CONSEQU5TLY ,I WAS CONSID]$ G5]\S1 & SO ,I WAS4 ,I GAVE A GREAT DEAL 9 PUBLIC & 9 
PRIVATE4 ,BUT F> FROM SUFF]+ :5 ,I HAD TO GIVE UP AN OBJECT OR A SUM ( MONEY1 ,I D]IV$ 
CON/ANT PLEASURES FROM ?IS--AMONG !M A SORT ( MELAN*OLY :I* OCCASIONALLY ROSE )9 ME 
AT ! ?\<T ( ! /]ILITY ( ?OSE GIFTS & ! PROBABLE +RATITUDE ?AT W\LD FOLL[4 ,I EV5 
TOOK SU* PLEASURE 9 GIV+ ?AT ,I HAT$ TO BE OBLIG$ TO DO SO4 ,EXACTITUDE 9 MONEY MATT]S BOR$ 
ME TO DEA? & ,I CON=M$ UNGRACI\SLY4 ,I HAD TO BE ! MA/] ( MY LIB]ALITIES4 

,!SE >E JU/ LITTLE T\*ES BUT !Y WILL HELP Y\ GRASP ! CON/ANT DELI<TS ,I EXP]I5C$ 9 MY 
LIFE1 & ESPECIALLY 9 MY PR(ESSION4 ,BE+ /OPP$ 9 ! CORRIDOR ( ! LAW C\RTS BY ! WIFE ( A 
 DEF5DANT Y\ REPRES5T$ \T ( JU/ICE OR PITY ALONE--,I MEAN )\T *>GE--HE>+ ?AT 
WOMAN :ISP] ?AT NO?+1 NO1 NO?+ C\LD EV] REPAY :AT Y\ HAD DONE = !M1 REPLY+ 
?AT IT WAS QUITE NATURAL1 ?AT ANYONE W\LD HAVE DONE AS MU*1 EV5 (F]+ SOME F9ANCIAL HELP TO 
TIDE OV] ! BAD DAYS AHEAD1 !N--9 ORD] TO CUT ! EFFUSIONS %ORT & PRES]VE !IR PROP] 
RESONANCE--KISS+ ! H& ( A POOR WOMAN & BREAK+ AWAY--BELIEVE ME1 *] MONSIEUR1 ?IS IS 
A*IEV+ MORE ?AN ! VULG> AMBITI\S MAN & RIS+ TO ?AT SUPREME SUMMIT :]E VIRTUE IS ITS 
[N REW>D4 

,LET'S PAUSE ON !SE HEI<TS4 ,N[ Y\ UND]/& :AT ,I MEANT :5 ,I SPOKE ( AIM+ HI<]4 ,I 
WAS TALK+1 IT SO HAPP5S1 ( ?OSE SUPREME SUMMITS1 ! ONLY PLACES ,I CAN REALLY LIVE4 ,YES1 ,I HAVE 
NEV] FELT COM=TABLE EXCEPT 9 L(TY PLACES4 ,EV5 9 ! DETAILS ( DAILY LIFE1 ,I NE$$ TO FEEL ABOVE4 ,I 
PREF]R$ ! BUS TO ! SUBWAY1 OP5 C>RIAGES TO TAXIS1 T]RACES TO CLOS$-9 PLACES4 ,AN 5?USIA/ 
= SPORT PLANES 9 :I* ONE'S HEAD IS 9 ! OP51 ON BOATS ,I WAS ! ET]NAL PAC] ( ! TOP DECK4 

,9 ! M\NTA9S ,I US$ TO FLEE ! DEEP VALLEYS = ! PASSES & PLATEAUS2 ,I WAS ! MAN ( 
! MESAS AT LEA/4 ,IF FATE HAD =C$ ME TO *OOSE BETWE5 WORK AT A LA! OR AS A RO(]1 DON'T 
WORRY1 ,I'D HAVE *OS5 ! RO(S & BECOME ACQUA9T$ ) DIZZ9ESS4 ,COALB9S1 %IPS' HOLDS1 
UND]GR\NDS1 GROTTOES1 PITS W]E REPULSIVE TO ME4 ,I HAD EV5 DEVELOP$ A SPECIAL LOA?+ = 
SPELEOLOGI/S1 :O HAD ! N]VE TO FILL ! FRONT PAGE ( \R NEWSPAP]S1 & :OSE RECORDS 
NAUSEAT$ ME4 ,/RIV+ TO REA* ELEVATION M9US EI<T HUNDR$ AT ! RISK ( GETT+ ONE'S HEAD 
CAU<T 9 A ROCKY FUNNEL 7A SIPHON1 AS ?OSE FOOLS SAY67 SEEM$ TO ME ! EXPLOIT ( P]V]T$ OR 
TRAUMATIZ$ *>ACT]S4 ,!RE WAS SOME?+ CRIM9AL UND]LY+ IT4 

,A NATURAL BALCONY FIFTE5 HUNDR$ FEET ABOVE A SEA /ILL VISIBLE BA!D 9 SUNLI<T1 ON ! O!R 
H&1 WAS ! PLACE :]E ,I C\LD BREA! MO/ FREELY1 ESPECIALLY IF ,I W]E ALONE1 WELL ABOVE ! 
HUMAN ANTS4 ,I C\LD READILY UND]/& :Y S]MONS1 DECISIVE PREA*+S1 & FIRE MIRACLES TOOK 
PLACE ON ACCESSIBLE HEI<TS4 ,9 MY OP9ION NO ONE M$ITAT$ 9 CELL>S OR PRISON CELLS 7UNLESS !Y 
W]E SITUAT$ 9 A T[] ) A BROAD VIEW72 ONE JU/ BECAME MOLDY4 ,& ,I C\LD UND]/& ?AT 
MAN :O1 HAV+ 5T]$ HOLY ORD]S1 GAVE UP ! FROCK BECAUSE HIS CELL1 9/EAD ( OV]LOOK+ 
A VA/ L&SCAPE AS HE EXPECT$1 LOOK$ \T ON A WALL4 ,RE/ ASSUR$ ?AT AS F> AS ,I WAS CONC]N$ ,I 
DID NOT GR[ MOLDY4 ,AT EV]Y H\R ( ! DAY1 )9 MYSELF & AMONG O!RS1 ,I W\LD SCALE ! 
HEI<TS & LI<T CONSPICU\S FIRES1 & A JOYFUL GREET+ W\LD RISE T[>D ME4 ,?US AT LEA/ ,I TOOK 
PLEASURE 9 LIFE & 9 MY [N EXCELL5CE4 

,MY PR(ESSION SATISFI$ MO/ HAPPILY ?AT VOCATION = SUMMITS4 ,IT CLEANS$ ME ( ALL BITT]NESS 
T[>D MY NEI<BOR1 :OM ,I ALWAYS OBLIGAT$ )\T EV] [+ HIM ANY?+4 ,IT SET ME ABOVE ! 
JUDGE :OM ,I JUDG$ 9 TURN1 ABOVE ! DEF5DANT :OM ,I =C$ TO GRATITUDE4 ,JU/ WEI< ?IS1 *] 
MONSIEUR1 ,I LIV$ ) IMPUNITY4 ,I WAS CONC]N$ 9 NO JUDGM5T2 ,I WAS NOT ON ! FLOOR ( ! 
C\RTROOM1 BUT SOME:]E 9 ! FLIES LIKE ?OSE GODS ?AT >E BR\<T D[N BY MA*9]Y FROM 
TIME TO TIME TO TRANSFIGURE ! ACTION & GIVE IT ITS MEAN+4 ,AFT] ALL1 LIV+ AL(T IS /ILL ! ONLY WAY 
( BE+ SE5 & HAIL$ BY ! L>GE/ NUMB]4 

,BESIDES1 SOME ( MY GOOD CRIM9ALS HAD KILL$ 9 OB$I5CE TO ! SAME FEEL+4 ,READ+ ! 
NEWSPAP]S AFT]W>DS1 9 ! SORRY CONDITION 9 :I* !Y !N W]E1 D\BTLESS BR\<T !M A SORT 
( UNHAPPY COMP5SATION4 ,LIKE MANY M51 !Y HAD NO LONG] BE5 ABLE TO 5DURE ANONYMITY1 & 
?AT IMPATI5CE HAD CONTRIBUT$ TO LEAD+ !M TO UN=TUNATE EXTREMITIES4 ,TO A*IEVE NOTORIETY IT 
IS 5\<1 AFT] ALL1 TO KILL ONE'S CONCI]GE4 ,UNHAPPILY1 ?IS IS USUALLY AN EPHEM]AL REPUTATION1 SO 
MANY CONCI]GES >E !RE :O DES]VE & RECEIVE ! KNIFE4 ,CRIME CON/ANTLY MONOPOLIZES ! 
HEADL9ES1 BUT ! CRIM9AL APPE>S !RE ONLY FUGITIVELY1 TO BE REPLAC$ AT ONCE4 ,9 %ORT1 SU* BRIEF 
TRIUMPHS CO/ TOO DE>4 ,DEF5D+ \R UN=TUNATE ASPIRANTS AFT] A REPUTATION AM\NT$1 ON ! 
O!R H&1 TO BECOM+ REALLY WELL KN[N1 AT ! SAME TIME & 9 ! SAME PLACES1 BUT BY MORE 
ECONOMICAL MEANS4 ,CONSEQU5TLY ?IS 5C\RAG$ ME TO MAK+ MORE M]ITORI\S EF=TS SO ?AT 
!Y W\LD PAY AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE4 ,:AT !Y W]E PAY+ !Y W]E DO+ SO TO SOME EXT5T 9 MY 
PLACE4 ,! 9DIGNATION1 TAL5T1 & EMOTION ,I EXP5D$ ON !M WA%$ AWAY1 9 RETURN1 ANY DEBT ,I 
MI<T FEEL T[>D !M4 ,! JUDGES PUNI%$ & ! DEF5DANTS EXPIAT$1 :ILE ,I1 FREE ( ANY 
DUTY1 %IELD$ FROM JUDGM5T AS FROM P5ALTY1 ,I FREELY HELD SWAY BA!D 9 A LI<T AS ( ,$54 

,9DE$1 WASN'T ?AT ,$51 *] MONSIEUR3 NO 9T]M$I>Y BETWE5 LIFE & ME8 ,SU* WAS MY LIFE4 ,I 
NEV] HAD TO LE>N H[ TO LIVE4 ,9 ?AT REG>D1 ,I ALREADY KNEW EV]Y?+ AT BIR?4 ,SOME PEOPLE'S 
PROBLEM IS TO PROTECT !MSELVES FROM M5 OR AT LEA/ TO COME TO T]MS ) !M4 ,9 MY CASE1 ! 
UND]/&+ WAS ALREADY E/ABLI%$4 ,FAMILI> :5 IT WAS APPROPRIATE1 SIL5T :5 NECESS>Y1 
CAPABLE ( A FREE & EASY MANN] AS READILY AS ( DIGNITY1 ,I WAS ALWAYS 9 H>MONY4 ,H5CE MY 
POPUL>ITY WAS GREAT & MY SUCCESSES 9 SOCIETY 9NUM]ABLE4 ,I WAS ACCEPTABLE 9 APPE>ANCE2 ,I 
REVEAL$ MYSELF TO BE BO? A TIRELESS DANC] & AN UNOBTRUSIVELY LE>N$ MAN2 ,I MANAG$ TO LOVE 
SIMULTANE\SLY--& ?IS IS NOT EASY--WOM5 & JU/ICE2 ,I 9DULG$ 9 SPORTS & ! F9E >TS--9 
%ORT1 ,I'LL NOT GO ON = FE> Y\ MI<T SUSPECT ME ( SELF-FLATT]Y4 ,BUT JU/ IMAG9E1 ,I BEG Y\1 A MAN 
AT ! HEI<T ( HIS P[]S1 9 P]FECT HEAL?1 G5]\SLY GIFT$1 SKILL$ 9 BODILY EX]CISES AS 9 ?OSE 
( ! M9D1 NEI!R RI* NOR POOR1 SLEEP+ WELL1 & FUNDAM5TALLY PLEAS$ ) HIMSELF 
)\T %[+ ?IS O!RWISE ?AN BY A FELICIT\S SOCIABILITY4 ,Y\ WILL READILY SEE H[ ,I CAN SPEAK1 
)\T IMMODE/Y1 ( A SUCCESSFUL LIFE4 

,YES1 FEW CREATURES W]E MORE NATURAL ?AN ,I4 ,I WAS ALTOGE!R 9 H>MONY ) LIFE1 FITT+ 9TO IT 
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM )\T REJECT+ ANY ( ITS IRONIES1 ITS GR&EUR1 OR ITS S]VITUDE4 ,9 P>TICUL> 
! FLE%1 MATT]1 ! PHYSICAL 9 %ORT1 :I* DISCONC]TS OR DISC\RAGES SO MANY M5 9 LOVE OR 9 
SOLITUDE1 )\T 5SLAV+ ME1 BR\<T ME /EADY JOYS4 ,I WAS MADE TO HAVE A BODY4 ,:5CE ?AT 
H>MONY 9 ME1 ?AT RELAX$ MA/]Y ?AT PEOPLE FELT1 EV5 TO TELL+ ME SOMETIMES ?AT IT HELP$ 
!M 9 LIFE4 ,H5CE MY COMPANY WAS 9 DEM&4 ,(T51 = 9/ANCE1 PEOPLE ?\<T !Y HAD MET 
ME BE=E4 ,LIFE1 ITS CREATURES & ITS GIFTS1 (F]$ !MSELVES TO ME1 & ,I ACCEPT$ SU* M>KS ( 
HOMAGE ) A K9DLY PRIDE4 ,TO TELL ! TRU?1 JU/ FROM BE+ SO FULLY & SIMPLY A MAN1 ,I LOOK$ 
UPON MYSELF AS SOME?+ ( A SUP]MAN4 

,I WAS ( RESPECTABLE BUT HUMBLE BIR? 7MY FA!R WAS AN (FIC]71 & YET1 C]TA9 MORN+S1 LET 
ME CONFESS IT HUMBLY1 ,I FELT LIKE A K+'S SON1 OR A BURN+ BU%4 ,IT WAS NOT A MATT]1 M9D Y\1 
( ! C]TA9TY ,I HAD ( BE+ MORE 9TELLIG5T ?AN EV]YONE ELSE4 ,BESIDES1 SU* C]TA9TY IS ( NO 
CONSEQU5CE BECAUSE SO MANY IMBECILES %>E IT4 ,NO1 AS A RESULT ( BE+ %[]$ ) BLESS+S1 ,I 
FELT1 ,I HESITATE TO ADMIT1 M>K$ \T4 ,P]SONALLY M>K$ \T1 AMONG ALL1 = ?AT LONG & 
UN9T]RUPT$ SUCCESS4 ,?IS1 AFT] ALL1 WAS A RESULT ( MY MODE/Y4 ,I REFUS$ TO ATTRIBUTE ?AT SUCCESS 
TO MY [N M]ITS & C\LD NOT BELIEVE ?AT ! CONJUNCTION 9 A S+LE P]SON ( SU* DIFF]5T & 
SU* EXTREME VIRTUES WAS ! RESULT ( *ANCE ALONE4 ,?IS IS :Y 9 MY HAPPY LIFE ,I FELT SOMEH[ 
?AT ?AT HAPP9ESS WAS AU?ORIZ$ BY SOME HI<] DECREE4 ,:5 ,I ADD ?AT ,I HAD NO RELIGION Y\ 
CAN SEE EV5 BETT] H[ EXTRAORD9>Y ?AT CONVICTION WAS4 ,:E!R ORD9>Y OR NOT1 IT S]V$ = 
SOME TIME TO RAISE ME ABOVE ! DAILY R\T9E & ,I LIT]ALLY SO>$ = A P]IOD ( YE>S1 = :I*1 
TO TELL ! TRU?1 ,I /ILL LONG 9 MY HE>T ( HE>TS4 ,I SO>$ UNTIL ! EV5+ :5 444 ,BUT NO1 ?AT'S 
ANO!R MATT] & IT MU/ BE =GOTT54 ,ANYWAY1 ,I AM P]HAPS EXAGG]AT+4 ,I WAS AT EASE 9 
EV]Y?+1 TO BE SURE1 BUT AT ! SAME TIME SATISFI$ ) NO?+4 ,EA* JOY MADE ME DESIRE 
ANO!R4 ,I W5T FROM FE/IVITY TO FE/IVITY4 ,ON OCCASION ,I DANC$ = NI<TS ON 5D1 EV] MADD] 
AB\T PEOPLE & LIFE4 ,AT TIMES1 LATE ON ?OSE NI<TS :5 ! DANC+1 ! SLI<T 9TOXICATION1 MY 
WILD 5?USIASM1 EV]YONE'S VIOL5T UNRE/RA9T W\LD FILL ME ) A TIR$ & OV]:ELM$ RAPTURE1 
IT W\LD SEEM TO ME--AT ! BREAK+ PO9T ( FATIGUE & = A SECOND'S FLA%--?AT AT LA/ ,I 
UND]/OOD ! SECRET ( CREATURES & ( ! WORLD4 ,BUT MY FATIGUE W\LD DISAPPE> ! NEXT DAY1 
& ) IT ! SECRET2 ,I W\LD RU% =? ANEW4 ,I RAN ON LIKE ?AT1 ALWAYS HEAP$ ) FAVORS1 NEV] 
SATIAT$1 )\T KN[+ :]E TO /OP1 UNTIL ! DAY--UNTIL ! EV5+ RA!R :5 ! MUSIC 
/OPP$ & ! LI<TS W5T \T4 ,! GAY P>TY AT :I* ,I HAD BE5 SO HAPPY 444 ,BUT ALL[ ME TO CALL 
ON \R FRI5D ! PRIMATE4 ,NOD Y\R HEAD TO ?ANK HIM &1 ABOVE ALL1 DR9K UP ) ME1 ,I NE$ 
Y\R UND]/&+4 

,I SEE ?AT ?AT DECL>ATION AMAZES Y\4 ,HAVE Y\ NEV] SUDD5LY NE$$ UND]/&+1 HELP1 
FRI5D%IP8 ,YES1 ( C\RSE4 ,I HAVE LE>N$ TO BE SATISFI$ ) UND]/&+4 ,IT IS F\ND MORE READILY 
&1 BESIDES1 IT'S NOT B9D+4 0,I BEG Y\ TO BELIEVE 9 MY SYMPA!TIC UND]/&+0 9 ! 
9N] DISC\RSE ALWAYS PREC$ES IMM$IATELY 0& N[1 LET'S TURN TO O!R MATT]S40 ,IT'S A BO>D 
*AIRMAN'S EMOTION2 IT COMES *EAP1 AFT] CATA/ROPHES4 ,FRI5D%IP IS LESS SIMPLE4 ,IT IS LONG & H>D 
TO OBTA91 BUT :5 ONE HAS IT !RE'S NO GETT+ RID ( IT2 ONE SIMPLY HAS TO COPE ) IT4 ,DON'T ?9K 
= A M9UTE ?AT Y\R FRI5DS WILL TELEPHONE Y\ EV]Y EV5+1 AS !Y \<T TO1 9 ORD] TO F9D \T 
IF ?IS DOESN'T HAPP5 TO BE ! EV5+ :5 Y\ >E DECID+ TO COMMIT SUICIDE1 OR SIMPLY :E!R 
Y\ DON'T NE$ COMPANY1 :E!R Y\ >E NOT 9 A MOOD TO GO \T4 ,NO1 DON'T WORRY1 !Y'LL R+ UP 
! EV5+ Y\ >E NOT ALONE1 :5 LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL4 ,AS = SUICIDE1 !Y W\LD BE MORE LIKELY TO 
PU% Y\ TO IT1 BY VIRTUE ( :AT Y\ [E TO Y\RSELF1 ACCORD+ TO !M4 ,MAY HEAV5 PROTECT US1 *] 
MONSIEUR1 FROM BE+ SET ON A P$E/AL BY \R FRI5DS6 ,?OSE :OSE DUTY IS TO LOVE US--,I MEAN 
RELATIVES & CONNECTIONS 7:AT AN EXPRESSION67-->E ANO!R MATT]4 ,!Y F9D ! RI<T WORD1 ALL 
RI<T1 & IT HITS ! BULL'S-EYE2 !Y TELEPHONE AS IF %OOT+ A RIFLE4 ,& !Y KN[ H[ TO AIM4 ,OH1 
! ,BAZA9ES6 

 ,:AT8 ,:AT EV5+8 ,I'LL GET TO IT1 BE PATI5T ) ME4 ,9 A C]TA9 WAY ,I AM /ICK+ TO MY 
SUBJECT ) ALL ?AT AB\T FRI5DS & CONNECTIONS4 ,Y\ SEE1 ,I'VE HE>D ( A MAN :OSE FRI5D HAD 
BE5 IMPRISON$ & :O SLEPT ON ! FLOOR ( HIS ROOM EV]Y NI<T 9 ORD] NOT TO 5JOY A COM=T 
( :I* HIS FRI5D HAD BE5 DEPRIV$4 ,:O1 *] MONSIEUR1 WILL SLEEP ON ! FLOOR = US8 ,:E!R ,I 
AM CAPABLE ( IT MYSELF8 ,LOOK1 ,I'D LIKE TO BE & ,I %ALL BE4 ,YES1 WE %ALL ALL BE CAPABLE ( IT ONE DAY1 
& ?AT WILL BE SALVATION4 ,BUT IT'S NOT EASY1 = FRI5D%IP IS ABS5T-M9D$ OR AT LEA/ UNAVAIL+4 ,IT 
IS 9CAPABLE ( A*IEV+ :AT IT WANTS4 ,MAYBE1 AFT] ALL1 IT DOESN'T WANT IT 5\<8 ,MAYBE WE DON'T 
LOVE LIFE 5\<8 ,HAVE Y\ NOTIC$ ?AT DEA? ALONE AWAK5S \R FEEL+S8 ,H[ WE LOVE ! FRI5DS 
:O HAVE JU/ LEFT US8 ,H[ WE ADMIRE ?OSE ( \R TEA*]S :O HAVE CEAS$ TO SPEAK1 !IR M\?S 
FILL$ ) E>?6 ,!N ! EXPRESSION ( ADMIRATION SPR+S =? NATURALLY1 ?AT ADMIRATION !Y 
W]E P]HAPS EXPECT+ FROM US ALL !IR LIVES4 ,BUT DO Y\ KN[ :Y WE >E ALWAYS MORE JU/ & 
MORE G5]\S T[>D ! DEAD8 ,! REASON IS SIMPLE4 ,) !M !RE IS NO OBLIGATION4 ,!Y 
LEAVE US FREE & WE CAN TAKE \R TIME1 FIT ! TE/IMONIAL 9 BETWE5 A COCKTAIL P>TY & A NICE LITTLE 
MI/RESS1 9 \R SP>E TIME1 9 %ORT4 ,IF !Y =C$ US TO ANY?+1 IT W\LD BE TO REMEMB]+1 & 
WE HAVE A %ORT MEMORY4 ,NO1 IT IS ! REC5TLY DEAD WE LOVE AMONG \R FRI5DS1 ! PA9FUL DEAD1 
\R EMOTION1 \RSELVES AFT] ALL6 

,= 9/ANCE1 ,I HAD A FRI5D ,I G5]ALLY AVOID$4 ,HE RA!R BOR$ ME1 &1 BESIDES1 HE WAS 
SOME?+ ( A MORALI/4 ,BUT :5 HE WAS ON HIS DEA? B$1 ,I WAS !RE--DON'T WORRY4 ,I NEV] 
MISS$ A DAY4 ,HE DI$ SATISFI$ ) ME1 HOLD+ BO? MY H&S4 ,A WOMAN :O US$ TO *ASE AFT] 
ME1 & 9 VA91 HAD ! GOOD S5SE TO DIE Y\NG4 ,:AT ROOM 9 MY HE>T AT ONCE6 ,& :51 9 
ADDITION1 IT'S A SUICIDE6 ,LORD1 :AT A DELI<TFUL COMMOTION6 ,ONE'S TELEPHONE R+S1 ONE'S HE>T 
OV]FL[S1 & ! 9T5TIONALLY %ORT S5T5CES YET HEAVY ) IMPLICATIONS1 ONE'S RE/RA9$ 
SUFF]+ & EV51 YES1 A BIT ( SELF-ACCUSATION6 

,?AT'S ! WAY MAN IS1 *] MONSIEUR4 ,HE HAS TWO FACES3 HE CAN'T LOVE )\T SELF-LOVE4 ,NOTICE Y\R 
NEI<BORS IF P]*ANCE A DEA? TAKES PLACE 9 ! BUILD+4 ,!Y W]E ASLEEP 9 !IR LITTLE R\T9E 
& SUDD5LY1 = EXAMPLE1 ! CONCI]GE DIES4 ,AT ONCE !Y AWAKE1 BE/IR !MSELVES1 GET ! DETAILS1 
COMMIS]ATE4 ,A NEWLY DEAD MAN & ! %[ BEG9S AT LA/4 ,!Y NE$ TRAG$Y1 DON'T Y\ KN[2 IT'S 
!IR LITTLE TRANSC5D5CE1 !IR AP]ITIF4 ,MOREOV]1 IS IT M]E *ANCE ?AT ,I %\LD SPEAK ( A 
CONCI]GE8 ,I HAD ONE1 REALLY ILL FAVOR$1 MALICE 9C>NATE1 A MON/] ( 9SIGNIFICANCE & RANCOR1 :O 
W\LD HAVE DISC\RAG$ A ,FRANCISCAN4 ,I HAD EV5 GIV5 UP SPEAK+ TO HIM1 BUT BY HIS M]E 
EXI/5CE HE COMPROMIS$ MY CU/OM>Y CONT5T$NESS4 ,HE DI$ & ,I W5T TO HIS FUN]AL4 ,CAN Y\ 
TELL ME :Y8 

,ANYWAY1 ! TWO DAYS PREC$+ ! C]EMONY W]E FULL ( 9T]E/4 ,! CONCI]GE'S WIFE WAS ILL1 
LY+ 9 ! S+LE ROOM1 & NE> H] ! C(F9 HAD BE5 SET ON SA:ORSES4 ,EV]YONE HAD TO GET HIS 
MAIL HIMSELF4 ,Y\ OP5$ ! DOOR1 SAID 0,BONJ\R1 MADAME10 LI/5$ TO H] PRAISE ( ! DE> 
DEP>T$ AS %E PO9T$ TO HIM1 & TOOK Y\R MAIL4 ,NO?+ V]Y AMUS+ AB\T ?AT4 ,& YET ! 
:OLE BUILD+ PASS$ ?R\< H] ROOM1 :I* /ANK ( C>BOLIC ACID4 ,& ! T5ANTS DIDN'T S5D 
!IR S]VANTS EI!R2 !Y CAME !MSELVES TO TAKE ADVANTAGE ( ! UNEXPECT$ ATTRACTION4 ,! 
S]VANTS DID TOO1 ( C\RSE1 BUT ON ! SLY4 ,! DAY ( ! FUN]AL1 ! C(F9 WAS TOO BIG = ! 
DOOR4 0,OH MY DE>Y10 ! WIFE SAID FROM H] B$ ) A SURPRISE AT ONCE DELI<T$ & GRIEV$1 
0H[ BIG HE WAS60 0,DON'T WORRY1 MADAME10 REPLI$ ! FUN]AL DIRECTOR1 0WE'LL GET HIM ?R\< 
$GEWISE1 & UPRI<T40 ,HE WAS GOT ?R\< UPRI<T & !N LAID D[N AGA91 & ,I WAS ! ONLY 
ONE 7) A =M] CAB>ET DOORMAN :O1 ,I GA!R$1 US$ TO DR9K HIS ,P]NOD EV]Y EV5+ ) 
! DOP>T$7 TO GO AS F> AS ! CEMET]Y & /REW FL[]S ON A C(F9 ( A/\ND+ LUXURY4 ,!N ,I 
PAID A VISIT TO ! CONCI]GE'S WIFE TO RECEIVE H] ?ANKS EXPRESS$ AS BY A GREAT TRAG$I5NE4 ,TELL ME1 
:AT WAS ! REASON = ALL ?AT8 ,NONE1 EXCEPT ! AP]TIF4 

,I LIKEWISE BURI$ AN OLD FELL[ MEMB] ( ! ,LAWY]S' ,GUILD4 ,A CL]K TO :OM NO ONE PAID 
ATT5TION1 BUT ,I ALWAYS %OOK HIS H&4 ,:]E ,I WORK$ ,I US$ TO %AKE EV]YONE'S H&1 MOREOV]1 
BE+ D\BLY SURE TO MISS NO ONE4 ,)\T MU* EF=T1 SU* CORDIAL SIMPLICITY WON ME ! 
POPUL>ITY SO NECESS>Y TO MY CONT5TM5T4 ,= ! FUN]AL ( \R CL]K ! ,PRESID5T ( ! 
,GUILD HAD NOT GONE \T ( HIS WAY4 ,BUT ,I DID1 & ON ! EVE ( A TRIP1 AS WAS AMPLY PO9T$ \T4 ,IT 
SO HAPP5$ ?AT ,I KNEW MY PRES5CE W\LD BE NOTIC$ & FAVORABLY COMM5T$ ON4 ,H5CE1 Y\ 
SEE1 NOT EV5 ! SN[ ?AT WAS FALL+ ?AT DAY MADE ME )DRAW4 

,:AT8 ,I'M GETT+ TO IT1 NEV] FE>2 BESIDES1 ,I HAVE NEV] LEFT IT4 ,BUT LET ME FIR/ PO9T \T ?AT MY 
CONCI]GE'S WIFE1 :O HAD GONE TO SU* AN \T LAY = ! CRUCIFIX1 HEAVY OAK1 & SILV] H&LES 9 
ORD] TO GET ! MO/ \T ( H] EMOTION1 HAD %ACK$ UP A MON? LAT] ) AN OV]DRESS$ YOKEL 
PR\D ( HIS S++ VOICE4 ,HE US$ TO BEAT H]2 FRI<TFUL SCREAMS C\LD BE HE>D & IMM$IATELY 
AFT]W>DS HE W\LD OP5 ! W9D[ & GIVE =? ) HIS FAVORITE SONG3 0,WOM51 H[ PRETTY 
Y\ >E60 

0,ALL ! SAME60 ! NEI<BORS W\LD SAY4 ,ALL ! SAME :AT8 ,I ASK Y\4 ,ALL RI<T1 
APPE>ANCES W]E AGA9/ ! B>ITONE1 & AGA9/ ! CONCI]GE'S WIFE1 TOO4 ,BUT NO?+ PROVES ?AT 
!Y W]E NOT 9 LOVE4 ,& NO?+ PROVES EI!R ?AT %E DID NOT LOVE H] HUSB&4 ,MOREOV]1 :5 
! YOKEL TOOK FLI<T1 HIS VOICE & >M EXHAU/$1 %E --?AT FAI?FUL WIFE--RESUM$ H] PRAISES 
( ! DEP>T$4 ,AFT] ALL1 ,I KN[ ( O!RS :O HAVE APPE>ANCES ON !IR SIDE & >E NO MORE 
FAI?FUL OR S9C]E4 ,I KNEW A MAN :O GAVE TW5TY YE>S ( HIS LIFE TO A SCATT]BRA9$ WOMAN1 
SACRIFIC+ EV]Y?+ TO H]1 HIS FRI5D%IPS1 HIS WORK1 ! V]Y RESPECTABILITY ( HIS LIFE1 & :O ONE 
EV5+ RECOGNIZ$ ?AT HE HAD NEV] LOV$ H]4 ,HE HAD BE5 BOR$1 ?AT'S ALL1 BOR$ LIKE MO/ 
PEOPLE4 ,H5CE HE HAD MADE HIMSELF \T ( :OLE CLO? A LIFE FULL ( COMPLICATIONS & DRAMA4 

,SOME?+ MU/ HAPP5--& ?AT EXPLA9S MO/ HUMAN COMMITM5TS4 ,SOME?+ MU/ HAPP51 
EV5 LOVELESS SLAV]Y1 EV5 W> OR DEA?4 ,HURRAH !N = FUN]ALS6 

,BUT ,I AT LEA/ DIDN'T HAVE ?AT EXCUSE4 ,I WAS NOT BOR$ BECAUSE ,I WAS RID+ ON ! CRE/ ( ! 
WAVE4 ,ON ! EV5+ ,I AM SPEAK+ AB\T ,I CAN SAY ?AT ,I WAS EV5 LESS BOR$ ?AN EV]4 ,& YET 444 

,Y\ SEE1 *] MONSIEUR1 IT WAS A F9E AUTUMN EV5+1 /ILL W>M 9 T[N & ALREADY DAMP OV] ! 
,SE9E4 ,NI<T WAS FALL+2 ! SKY1 /ILL BRI<T 9 ! WE/1 WAS D>K5+2 ! /REET LAMPS W]E 
GL[+ DIMLY4 ,I WAS WALK+ UP ! QUAYS ( ! ,LEFT ,BANK T[>D ! ,PONT DES ,>TS4 ,! RIV] WAS 
GLEAM+ BETWE5 ! /ALLS ( ! SECONDH& BOOKSELL]S4 ,!RE W]E BUT FEW PEOPLE ON ! 
QUAYS2 ,P>IS WAS ALREADY AT D9N]4 ,I WAS TREAD+ ON ! DU/Y YELL[ LEAVES ?AT /ILL RECALL$ 
SUMM]4 ,GRADUALLY ! SKY WAS FILL+ ) />S ?AT C\LD BE SE5 = A MOM5T AFT] LEAV+ ONE 
/REET LAMP & HEAD+ T[>D ANO!R4 ,I 5JOY$ ! RETURN ( SIL5CE1 ! EV5+'S MILDNESS1 ! 
EMPT9ESS ( ,P>IS4 ,I WAS HAPPY4 ,! DAY HAD BE5 GOOD3 A BL9D MAN1 ! R$UC$ S5T5CE ,I HAD 
HOP$ =1 A CORDIAL H&CLASP FROM MY CLI5T1 A FEW LIB]ALITIES1 & 9 ! AFT]NOON1 A BRILLIANT 
IMPROVIZATION 9 ! COMPANY ( SEV]AL FRI5DS ON ! H>DHE>T$NESS ( \R GOV]N+ CLASS & 
! HYPOCRISY ( \R LEAD]S4 

,I HAD GONE UP ON ! ,PONT DES ,>TS1 DES]T$ AT ?AT H\R1 TO LOOK AT ! RIV] ?AT C\LD H>DLY 
BE MADE \T N[ NI<T HAD COME4 ,FAC+ ! /ATUE ( ! ,V]T-,GALANT1 ,I DOM9AT$ ! ISL&4 ,I FELT 
RIS+ )9 ME A VA/ FEEL+ ( P[] &--,I DON'T KN[ H[ TO EXPRESS IT--( COMPLETION1 
:I* *E]$ MY HE>T4 ,I /RAI<T5$ UP & WAS AB\T TO LI<T A CIG>ETTE1 ! CIG>ETTE ( 
SATISFACTION1 :51 AT ?AT V]Y MOM5T1 A LAU< BUR/ \T BEH9D ME4 ,TAK5 BY SURPRISE1 ,I 
SUDD5LY :EEL$ >\ND2 !RE WAS NO ONE !RE4 ,I /EPP$ TO ! RAIL+2 NO B>GE OR BOAT4 ,I TURN$ 
BACK T[>D ! ISL& &1 AGA91 HE>D ! LAU<T] BEH9D ME1 A LITTLE F>!R (F AS IF IT W]E GO+ 
D[N/REAM4 ,I /OOD !RE MOTIONLESS4 ,! S\ND ( ! LAU<T] WAS DECREAS+1 BUT ,I C\LD /ILL 
HE> IT DI/9CTLY BEH9D ME1 COME FROM NO:]E UNLESS FROM ! WAT]4 ,AT ! SAME TIME ,I WAS 
AW>E ( ! RAPID BEAT+ ( MY HE>T4 ,PLEASE DON'T MISUND]/& ME2 !RE WAS NO?+ 
MY/]I\S AB\T ?AT LAU<2 IT WAS A GOOD1 HE>TY1 ALMO/ FRI5DLY LAU<1 :I* REE/ABLI%$ ! 
PROP] PROPORTIONS4 ,SOON ,I HE>D NO?+ MORE1 ANYWAY4 ,I RETURN$ TO ! QUAYS1 W5T UP ! RUE 
,DAUPH9E1 B\<T SOME CIG>ETTES ,I DIDN'T NE$ AT ALL4 ,I WAS DAZ$ & HAD TR\BLE BREA?+4 ,?AT 
EV5+ ,I RANG UP A FRI5D1 :O WASN'T AT HOME4 ,I WAS HESITAT+ AB\T GO+ \T :51 SUDD5LY1 ,I 
HE>D LAU<T] UND] MY W9D[S4 ,I OP5$ !M4 ,ON ! SIDEWALK1 9 FACT1 SOME Y\?S W]E 
L\DLY SAY+ GOOD NI<T4 ,I %RUGG$ MY %\LD]S AS ,I CLOS$ ! W9D[S2 AFT] ALL1 ,I HAD A BRIEF TO 
/UDY4 ,I W5T 9TO ! BA?ROOM TO DR9K A GLASS ( WAT]4 ,MY REFLECTION WAS SMIL+ 9 ! 
MIRROR1 BUT IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT MY SMILE WAS D\BLE 444 

,:AT8 ,=GIVE ME1 ,I WAS ?9K+ ( SOME?+ ELSE4 ,I'LL SEE Y\ AGA9 TOMORR[1 PROBABLY4 

,TOMORR[1 YES1 ?AT'S RI<T4 ,NO1 NO1 ,I CAN'T /AY4 ,BESIDES1 ,I AM CALL$ 9 CONSULTATION BY ?AT BR[N 
BE> ( A MAN Y\ SEE OV] !RE4 ,A DEC5T FELL[1 = SURE1 :OM ! POLICE >E MEANLY P]SECUT+ 
\T ( %E] P]V]SITY4 ,Y\ ?9K HE LOOKS LIKE A KILL]8 ,RE/ ASSUR$ ?AT HIS ACTIONS CON=M TO HIS 
LOOKS4 ,HE BURGLES LIKEWISE1 & Y\ WILL BE SURPRIS$ TO LE>N ?AT ?AT CAVE MAN IS SPECIALIZ$ 9 ! 
>T TRADE4 ,9 ,HOLL& EV]YONE IS A SPECIALI/ 9 PA9T+S & 9 TULIPS4 ,?IS ONE1 ) HIS MODE/ 
MI51 IS ! AU?OR ( ! MO/ FAM\S !FT ( A PA9T+4 ,:I* ONE8 ,I MAY TELL Y\4 ,DON'T BE 
SURPRIS$ AT MY KN[L$GE4 ,AL?\< ,I AM A JUDGE-P5IT5T1 ,I HAVE MY SIDE L9E H]E3 ,I AM ! LEGAL 
C\NSELOR ( !SE GOOD PEOPLE4 ,I /UDI$ ! LAWS ( ! C\NTRY & BUILT UP A CLI5TELE 9 ?IS 
QU>T] :]E DIPLOMAS >E NOT REQUIR$4 ,IT WASN'T EASY1 BUT ,I 9SPIRE CONFID5CE1 DON'T ,I8 ,I HAVE A 
GOOD1 HE>TY LAU< & AN 5]GETIC H&%AKE1 & ?OSE >E TRUMP C>DS4 ,BESIDES1 ,I SETTL$ A 
FEW DIFFICULT CASES1 \T ( SELF-9T]E/ TO BEG9 ) & LAT] \T ( CONVICTION4 ,IF PIMPS & ?IEVES 
W]E 9V>IABLY S5T5C$1 ALL DEC5T PEOPLE W\LD GET TO ?9K+ !Y !MSELVES W]E CON/ANTLY 
9NOC5T1 *] MONSIEUR4 ,& 9 MY OP9ION--ALL RI<T1 ALL RI<T1 ,I'M COM+6--?AT'S :AT MU/ BE 
AVOID$ ABOVE ALL4 ,O!RWISE1 EV]Y?+ W\LD BE JU/ A JOKE4 

O ,*APT] #c 
,I,I,I 

,R,E,A,L,L,Y1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 ,I AM GRATEFUL TO Y\ = Y\R CURIOSITY4 ,H[EV]1 !RE IS NO?+ 
EXTRAORD9>Y AB\T MY /ORY4 ,S9CE Y\ >E 9T]E/$1 ,I'LL TELL Y\ ?AT ,I ?\<T A LITTLE AB\T ?AT 
LAU<1 = A FEW DAYS1 !N =GOT AB\T IT4 ,ONCE 9 A GREAT :ILE1 ,I SEEM$ TO HE> IT )9 ME4 ,BUT 
MO/ ( ! TIME1 )\T MAK+ ANY EF=T1 ,I ?\<T ( O!R ?+S4 

,YET ,I MU/ ADMIT ?AT ,I CEAS$ TO WALK ALONG ! ,P>IS QUAYS4 ,:5 ,I W\LD RIDE ALONG !M 9 A 
C> OR BUS1 A SORT ( SIL5CE W\LD DESC5D ON ME4 ,I WAS WAIT+1 ,I BELIEVE4 ,BUT ,I W\LD CROSS ! 
,SE9E1 NO?+ W\LD HAPP51 & ,I W\LD BREA! AGA94 ,I ALSO HAD SOME HEAL? PROBLEMS AT ?AT 
TIME4 ,NO?+ DEF9ITE1 A DEJECTION P]HAPS1 A SORT ( DIFFICULTY 9 RECOV]+ MY GOOD SPIRITS4 ,I SAW 
DOCTORS1 :O GAVE ME /IMULANTS4 ,I WAS ALT]NATELY /IMULAT$ & DEPRESS$4 ,LIFE BECAME LESS EASY 
= ME3 :5 ! BODY IS SAD ! HE>T LANGUI%ES4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ,I WAS HALF UNLE>N+ :AT ,I 
HAD NEV] LE>N$ & YET KNEW SO WELL--H[ TO LIVE4 ,YES1 ,I ?9K IT WAS PROBABLY !N ?AT 
EV]Y?+ BEGAN4 

,BUT ?IS EV5+ ,I DON'T FEEL QUITE UP TO SNUFF EI!R4 ,I EV5 F9D TR\BLE EXPRESS+ MYSELF4 ,I'M 
NOT TALK+ SO WELL1 IT SEEMS TO ME1 & MY WORDS >E LESS ASSUR$4 ,PROBABLY ! WEA!R4 ,IT'S H>D TO 
BREA!2 ! AIR IS SO HEAVY IT WEI<S ON ONE'S *E/4 ,W\LD Y\ OBJECT1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 TO GO+ 
\T & WALK+ 9 ! T[N A LITTLE8 ,?ANK Y\4 

,H[ BEAUTIFUL ! CANALS >E ?IS EV5+6 ,I LIKE ! BREA? ( /AGNANT WAT]S1 ! SMELL ( DEAD 
LEAVES SOAK+ 9 ! CANAL & ! FUN]EAL SC5T RIS+ FROM ! B>GES LOAD$ ) FL[]S4 ,NO1 NO1 
!RE'S NO?+ MORBID AB\T SU* A TA/E1 ,I ASSURE Y\4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT'S DELIB]ATE ) ME4 ,! 
TRU? IS ?AT ,I =CE MYSELF TO ADMIRE !SE CANALS4 ,:AT ,I LIKE MO/ 9 ! WORLD IS ,SICILY1 Y\ SEE1 
& ESPECIALLY FROM ! TOP ( ,ETNA1 9 ! SUNLI<T1 PROVID$ ,I DOM9ATE ! ISL& & ! SEA4 ,JAVA1 
TOO1 BUT AT ! TIME ( ! TRADE W9DS4 ,YES1 ,I W5T !RE 9 MY Y\?4 ,9 A G5]AL WAY1 ,I LIKE ALL 
ISL&S4 ,IT IS EASI] TO DOM9ATE !M4 

 ,*>M+ H\SE1 ISN'T IT8 ,! TWO HEADS Y\ SEE UP !RE >E HEADS ( ,NEGRO SLAVES4 ,A %OP 
SIGN4 ,! H\SE BELONG$ TO A SLAVE DEAL]4 ,OH1 !Y W]5'T SQUEAMI% 9 ?OSE DAYS6 ,!Y HAD 
ASSURANCE2 !Y ANN\NC$3 0,Y\ SEE1 ,I'M A MAN ( SUB/ANCE2 ,I'M 9 ! SLAVE TRADE2 ,I DEAL 9 BLACK 
FLE%40 ,CAN Y\ IMAG9E ANYONE TODAY MAK+ IT KN[N PUBLICLY ?AT SU* IS HIS BUS9ESS8 ,:AT A 
SC&AL6 ,I CAN HE> MY ,P>ISIAN COLLEAGUES RI<T N[4 ,!Y >E ADAMANT ON ! SUBJECT2 !Y W\LDN'T 
HESITATE TO LAUN* TWO OR ?REE MANIFE/OES1 MAYBE EV5 MORE6 ,& ON REFLECTION1 ,I'D ADD MY 
SIGNATURE TO !IRS4 ,SLAV]Y8--C]TA9LY NOT1 WE >E AGA9/ IT6 ,?AT WE %\LD BE =C$ TO E/ABLI% IT 
AT HOME OR 9 \R FACTORIES--WELL1 ?AT'S NATURAL2 BUT BOA/+ AB\T IT1 ?AT'S ! LIMIT6 

,I AM WELL AW>E ?AT ONE CAN'T GET ALONG )\T DOM9E]+ OR BE+ S]V$4 ,EV]Y MAN NE$S 
SLAVES AS HE NE$S FRE% AIR4 ,COMM&+ IS BREA?+--Y\ AGREE ) ME8 ,& EV5 ! MO/ 
DE/ITUTE MANAGE TO BREA!4 ,! L[E/ MAN 9 ! SOCIAL SCALE /ILL HAS HIS WIFE OR HIS *ILD4 ,IF HE'S 
UNM>RI$1 A DOG4 ,! ESS5TIAL ?+1 AFT] ALL1 IS BE+ ABLE TO GET ANGRY ) SOMEONE :O HAS NO 
 RI<T TO TALK BACK4 0,ONE DOESN'T TALK BACK TO ONE'S FA!R0--Y\ KN[ ! EXPRESSION8 ,9 ONE 
WAY IT IS V]Y ODD4 ,TO :OM %\LD ONE TALK BACK 9 ?IS WORLD IF NOT TO :AT ONE LOVES8 ,9 ANO!R 
WAY1 IT IS CONV9C+4 ,SOMEBODY HAS TO HAVE ! LA/ WORD4 ,O!RWISE1 EV]Y REASON CAN BE ANSW]$ 
) ANO!R ONE & !RE W\LD NEV] BE AN 5D TO IT4 ,P[]1 ON ! O!R H&1 SETTLES 
EV]Y?+4 ,IT TOOK TIME1 BUT WE F9ALLY REALIZ$ ?AT4 ,= 9/ANCE1 Y\ MU/ HAVE NOTIC$ ?AT \R 
OLD ,EUROPE AT LA/ PHILOSOPHIZES 9 ! RI<T WAY4 ,WE NO LONG] SAY AS 9 SIMPLE TIMES3 0,?IS IS ! 
WAY ,I ?9K4 ,:AT >E Y\R OBJECTIONS80 ,WE HAVE BECOME LUCID4 ,= ! DIALOGUE WE HAVE 
SUB/ITUT$ ! COMMUNIQUE3 0,?IS IS ! TRU?10 WE SAY4 0,Y\ CAN DISCUSS IT AS MU* AS Y\ WANT2 
WE >5'T 9T]E/$4 ,BUT 9 A FEW YE>S !RE'LL BE ! POLICE :O WILL %[ Y\ WE >E RI<T40 
,AH1 ?IS DE> OLD PLANET6 ,ALL IS CLE> N[4 ,WE KN[ \RSELVES2 WE N[ KN[ ( :AT WE >E 
CAPABLE4 ,JU/ TAKE ME1 TO *ANGE EXAMPLES IF NOT SUBJECTS1 ,I HAVE ALWAYS WANT$ TO BE S]V$ ) A 
SMILE4 ,IF ! MAID LOOK$ SAD1 %E POISON$ MY DAYS4 ,%E HAD A RI<T NOT TO BE *E]FUL1 TO BE 
SURE4 ,BUT ,I TOLD MYSELF ?AT IT WAS BETT] = H] TO P]=M H] S]VICE ) A LAU< ?AN ) TE>S4 

,9 FACT1 IT WAS BETT] = ME4 ,YET1 )\T BOA/+1 MY REASON+ WAS NOT ALTOGE!R IDIOTIC4 

,LIKEWISE1 ,I ALWAYS REFUS$ TO EAT 9 ,*9ESE RE/AURANTS4 ,:Y8 ,BECAUSE ,ORI5TALS :5 !Y >E SIL5T 
& 9 ! PRES5CE ( :ITES (T5 LOOK SCORNFUL4 ,NATURALLY !Y KEEP ?AT LOOK :5 S]V+4 ,H[ 
!N CAN Y\ 5JOY ! GLAZ$ *ICK58 ,&1 ABOVE ALL1 H[ CAN Y\ LOOK AT !M & ?9K Y\ >E 
RI<T8 

,JU/ BETWE5 US1 SLAV]Y1 PREF]ABLY ) A SMILE1 IS 9EVITABLE !N4 ,BUT WE MU/ NOT ADMIT IT4 ,ISN'T 
IT BETT] ?AT :OEV] CANNOT DO )\T HAV+ SLAVES %\LD CALL !M FREE M58 ,= ! PR9CIPLE 
TO BEG9 )1 &1 SECONDLY1 NOT TO DRIVE !M TO DESPAIR4 ,WE [E !M ?AT COMP5SATION1 DON'T 
WE8 ,9 ?AT WAY1 !Y WILL CONT9UE TO SMILE & WE %ALL MA9TA9 \R GOOD CONSCI5CE4 ,O!RWISE1 
WE'D BE OBLIG$ TO RECONSID] \R OP9ION ( \RSELVES2 WE'D GO MAD ) SUFF]+1 OR EV5 BECOME 
MODE/--= EV]Y?+ W\LD BE POSSIBLE4 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 NO %OP SIGNS1 & ?IS ONE IS %OCK+4 

,BESIDES1 IF EV]YONE TOLD ALL1 DISPLAY$ HIS TRUE PR(ESSION & ID5TITY1 WE %\LDN'T KN[ :I* 
 WAY TO TURN6 ,IMAG9E ! VISIT+ C>DS3 ,DUPONT1 JITT]Y PHILOSOPH]1 OR ,*RI/IAN L&[N]1 OR 
ADULT]\S HUMANI/--9DE$1 !RE'S A WIDE *OICE4 ,BUT IT W\LD BE HELL6 ,YES1 HELL MU/ BE LIKE ?AT3 

/REETS FILL$ ) %OP SIGNS & NO WAY ( EXPLA9+ ONESELF4 ,ONE IS CLASSIFI$ ONCE & = ALL4 

,Y\1 = 9/ANCE1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 /OP & ?9K ( :AT Y\R SIGN W\LD BE4 ,Y\ >E SIL5T8 

,WELL1 Y\'LL TELL ME LAT] ON4 ,I KN[ M9E 9 ANY CASE3 A D\BLE FACE1 A *>M+ ,JANUS1 & ABOVE IT 
! MOTTO ( ! H\SE3 0,DON'T RELY ON IT40 ,ON MY C>DS3 0,JEAN-,BAPTI/E ,CLAM5CE1 PLAY ACTOR40 
,:Y1 %ORTLY AFT] ! EV5+ ,I TOLD Y\ AB\T1 ,I DISCOV]$ SOME?+4 ,:5 ,I W\LD LEAVE A BL9D 
MAN ON ! SIDEWALK TO :I* ,I HAD CONVOY$ HIM1 ,I US$ TO TIP MY HAT TO HIM4 ,OBVI\SLY ! HAT 
TIPP+ WASN'T 9T5D$ = HIM1 S9CE HE C\LDN'T SEE IT4 ,TO :OM WAS IT ADDRESS$8 ,TO ! PUBLIC4 

,AFT] PLAY+ MY P>T1 ,I W\LD TAKE ! B[4 ,NOT BAD1 EH8 ,ANO!R DAY DUR+ ! SAME P]IOD1 TO A 
MOTORI/ :O WAS ?ANK+ ME = HELP+ HIM1 ,I REPLI$ ?AT NO ONE W\LD HAVE DONE AS MU*4 ,I 
MEANT1 ( C\RSE1 ANYONE4 ,BUT ?AT UN=TUNATE SLIP WEI<$ HEAVY ON ME4 ,= MODE/Y1 REALLY1 ,I 
TOOK ! CAKE4 

,I HAVE TO ADMIT IT HUMBLY1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 ,I WAS ALWAYS BUR/+ ) VANITY4 ,I1 ,I1 ,I IS ! 
REFRA9 ( MY :OLE LIFE1 :I* C\LD BE HE>D 9 EV]Y?+ ,I SAID4 ,I C\LD NEV] TALK )\T 
BOA/+1 ESPECIALLY IF ,I DID SO ) ?AT %ATT]+ DISCRETION ?AT WAS MY SPECIALTY4 ,IT IS QUITE TRUE 
?AT ,I ALWAYS LIV$ FREE & P[]FUL4 ,I SIMPLY FELT RELEAS$ 9 REG>D TO ALL = ! EXCELL5T REASON 
?AT ,I RECOGNIZ$ NO EQUALS4 ,I ALWAYS CONSID]$ MYSELF MORE 9TELLIG5T ?AN EV]YONE ELSE1 AS ,I'VE 
TOLD Y\1 BUT ALSO MORE S5SITIVE & MORE SKILLFUL1 A CRACK %OT1 AN 9COMP>ABLE DRIV]1 A BETT] 
LOV]4 ,EV5 9 ! FIELDS 9 :I* IT WAS EASY = ME TO V]IFY MY 9F]IORITY--LIKE T5NIS1 = 
9/ANCE1 9 :I* ,I WAS BUT A PASSABLE P>TN]--IT WAS H>D = ME NOT TO ?9K ?AT1 ) A LITTLE 
TIME = PRACTICE1 ,I W\LD SURPASS ! BE/ PLAY]S4 ,I ADMITT$ ONLY SUP]IORITIES 9 ME & ?IS 
EXPLA9$ MY GOOD WILL & S]5ITY4 ,:5 ,I WAS CONC]N$ ) O!RS1 ,I WAS SO \T ( PURE 
CONDESC5SION1 9 UTT] FRE$OM1 & ALL ! CR$IT W5T TO ME3 MY SELF-E/EEM W\LD GO UP A DEGREE4 

 ,ALONG ) A FEW O!R TRU?S1 ,I DISCOV]$ !SE FACTS LITTLE BY LITTLE 9 ! P]IOD FOLL[+ 
! EV5+ ,I TOLD Y\ AB\T4 ,NOT ALL AT ONCE NOR V]Y CLE>LY4 ,FIR/ ,I HAD TO RECOV] MY MEMORY4 ,BY 
GRADUAL DEGRESS ,I SAW MORE CLE>LY1 ,I LE>N$ A LITTLE ( :AT ,I KNEW4 ,UNTIL !N ,I HAD ALWAYS BE5 
AID$ BY AN EXTRAORD9>Y ABILITY TO =GET4 ,I US$ TO =GET EV]Y?+1 BEG9N+ ) MY 
RESOLUTIONS4 ,FUNDAM5TALLY1 NO?+ MATT]$4 ,W>1 SUICIDE1 LOVE1 POV]TY GOT MY ATT5TION1 ( 
C\RSE1 :5 CIRCUM/ANCES =C$ ME1 BUT A C\RTE\S1 SUP]FICIAL ATT5TION4 ,AT TIMES1 ,I W\LD 
PRET5D TO GET EXCIT$ AB\T SOME CAUSE =EIGN TO MY DAILY LIFE4 ,BUT BASICALLY ,I DIDN'T REALLY TAKE P>T 
9 IT EXCEPT1 ( C\RSE1 :5 MY FRE$OM WAS ?W>T$4 ,H[ CAN ,I EXPRESS IT8 ,EV]Y?+ SLID (F-- 
YES1 JU/ ROLL$ (F ME4 

,9 ! 9T]E/ ( FAIRNESS1 IT %\LD BE SAID ?AT SOMETIMES MY =GETFULNESS WAS PRAISEWOR?Y4 

,Y\ HAVE NOTIC$ ?AT !RE >E PEOPLE :OSE RELIGION CONSI/S 9 =GIV+ ALL (F5SES1 & :O DO 
9 FACT =GIVE !M BUT NEV] =GET !M8 ,I WASN'T GOOD 5\< TO =GIVE (F5SES1 BUT EV5TUALLY 
,I ALWAYS =GOT !M4 ,& ! MAN :O ?\<T ,I HAT$ HIM C\LDN'T GET OV] SEE+ ME TIP MY 
HAT TO HIM ) A SMILE4 ,ACCORD+ TO HIS NATURE1 HE W\LD !N ADMIRE MY NOBILITY ( *>ACT] OR 
SCORN MY ILL BRE$+ )\T REALIZ+ ?AT MY REASON WAS SIMPL]3 ,I HAD =GOTT5 HIS V]Y NAME4 

,! SAME 9FIRMITY ?AT (T5 MADE ME 9DIFF]5T OR UNGRATEFUL 9 SU* CASES MADE ME 
MAGNANIM\S4 

,I LIV$ CONSEQU5TLY )\T ANY O!R CONT9UITY ?AN ?AT1 FROM DAY TO DAY1 ( ,I1 ,I1 ,I4 ,FROM DAY 
TO DAY WOM51 FROM DAY TO DAY VIRTUE OR VICE1 FROM DAY TO DAY1 LIKE DOGS--BUT EV]Y DAY MYSELF 
SECURE AT MY PO/4 ,?US ,I PROGRESS$ ON ! SURFACE ( LIFE1 9 ! REALM ( WORDS AS IT W]E1 NEV] 9 
REALITY4 ,ALL ?OSE BOOKS B>ELY READ1 ?OSE FRI5DS B>ELY LOV$1 ?OSE CITIES B>ELY VISIT$1 ?OSE 
WOM5 B>ELY POSSESS$6 ,I W5T ?R\< ! GE/URES \T ( BOR$OM OR ABS5TM9D$NESS4 ,!N 
CAME HUMAN BE+S2 !Y WANT$ TO CL+1 BUT !RE WAS NO?+ TO CL+ TO1 & ?AT WAS 
UN=TUNATE--= !M4 ,AS = ME1 ,I =GOT4 ,I NEV] REMEMB]$ ANY?+ BUT MYSELF4 

,GRADUALLY1 H[EV]1 MY MEMORY RETURN$4 ,OR RA!R1 ,I RETURN$ TO IT1 & 9 IT ,I F\ND ! 
RECOLLECTION ?AT WAS AWAIT+ ME4 ,BUT BE=E TELL+ Y\ ( IT1 ALL[ ME1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 TO GIVE 
Y\ A FEW EXAMPLES 7!Y WILL BE USEFUL TO Y\1 ,I AM SURE7 ( :AT ,I DISCOV]$ 9 ! C\RSE ( MY 
EXPLORATION4 

,ONE DAY 9 MY C> :5 ,I WAS SL[ 9 MAK+ A GETAWAY AT ! GRE5 LI<T :ILE \R PATI5T 
FELL[ CITIZ5S IMM$IATELY BEGAN HONK+ FURI\SLY BEH9D ME1 ,I SUDD5LY REMEMB]$ ANO!R 
OCCASION SET 9 SIMIL> CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,A MOTORCYCLE RIDD5 BY A SP>E LITTLE MAN WE>+ SPECTACLES 
& PLUS F\RS HAD GONE >\ND ME & PLANT$ ITSELF 9 FRONT ( ME AT ! R$ LI<T4 ,AS HE CAME TO A 
/OP ! LITTLE MAN HAD /ALL$ HIS MOTOR & WAS VA9LY /RIV+ TO REVIVE IT4 ,:5 ! LI<T *ANG$1 
,I ASK$ HIM ) MY USUAL C\RTESY TO TAKE HIS MOTORCYCLE \T ( MY WAY SO ,I MI<T PASS4 ,! LITTLE 
MAN WAS GETT+ IRRITABLE OV] HIS :EEZY MOTOR4 ,H5CE HE REPLI$1 ACCORD+ TO ! RULES ( ,P>ISIAN 
C\RTESY1 ?AT ,I C\LD GO CLIMB A TREE4 ,I 9SI/$1 /ILL POLITE1 BUT ) A SLI<T %ADE ( IMPATI5CE 9 
MY VOICE4 ,I WAS IMM$IATELY TOLD ?AT 9 ANY CASE ,I C\LD GO /RAI<T TO HELL4 ,MEAN:ILE SEV]AL HORNS 
BEGAN TO BE HE>D BEH9D ME4 ,) GREAT] FIRMNESS ,I BEGG$ MY 9T]LOCUTOR TO BE POLITE & 
TO REALIZE ?AT HE WAS BLOCK+ TRAFFIC4 ,! IRASCIBLE *>ACT]1 PROBABLY EXASP]AT$ BY ! N[ 
EVID5T ILL WILL ( HIS MOTOR1 9=M$ ME ?AT IF ,I WANT$ :AT HE CALL$ A ?OR\< DU/+ (F HE 
W\LD GLADLY GIVE IT TO ME4 ,SU* CYNICISM FILL$ ME ) A HEAL?Y RAGE & ,I GOT \T ( MY C> ) 
! 9T5TION ( ?RA%+ ?IS CO>SE 9DIVIDUAL4 ,I DON'T ?9K ,I AM C[>DLY 7BUT :AT DOESN'T ONE 
?9K672 ,I WAS A HEAD TALL] ?AN MY ADV]S>Y & MY MUSCLES HAVE ALWAYS BE5 RELIABLE4 ,I /ILL BELIEVE 
! DU/+ (F W\LD HAVE BE5 RECEIV$ RA!R ?AN GIV54 ,BUT ,I HAD H>DLY SET FOOT ON ! 
PAVEM5T :5 FROM ! GA!R+ CR[D A MAN /EPP$ =?1 RU%$ AT ME1 ASSUR$ ME ?AT ,I WAS 
! L[E/ ( ! L[ & ?AT HE W\LD NOT ALL[ ME TO /RIKE A MAN :O HAD A MOTORCYCLE BETWE5 
HIS LEGS & H5CE WAS AT A DISADVANTAGE4 ,I TURN$ T[>D ?IS MUSKETE] &1 9 TRU?1 DIDN'T EV5 
SEE HIM4 ,9DE$1 H>DLY HAD ,I TURN$ MY HEAD :51 ALMO/ SIMULTANE\SLY1 ,I HE>D ! MOTORCYCLE 
BEG9 POPP+ AGA9 & RECEIV$ A VIOL5T BL[ ON ! E>4 ,BE=E ,I HAD ! TIME TO REGI/] :AT 
HAD HAPP5$1 ! MOTORCYCLE RODE AWAY4 ,DAZ$1 ,I ME*ANICALLY WALK$ T[>D D',>TAGNAN 
:51 AT ! SAME MOM5T1 AN EXASP]AT$ CONC]T ( HORNS ROSE FROM ! N[ CONSID]ABLE L9E ( 
VEHICLES4 ,! LI<T WAS *ANG+ TO GRE54 ,!N1 /ILL SOME:AT BEWILD]$1 9/EAD ( GIV+ A 
DRUBB+ TO ! IDIOT :O HAD ADDRESS$ ME1 ,I DOCILELY RETURN$ TO MY C> & DROVE (F4 ,AS ,I 
PASS$1 ! IDIOT GREET$ ME ) A 0POOR DOPE0 ?AT ,I /ILL RECALL4 

,A TOTALLY 9SIGNIFICANT /ORY1 9 Y\R OP9ION8 ,PROBABLY4 ,/ILL IT TOOK ME SOME TIME TO =GET IT1 & 
?AT'S :AT C\NTS4 ,YET ,I HAD EXCUSES4 ,I HAD LET MYSELF BE BEAT5 )\T REPLY+1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT BE 
ACCUS$ ( C[>DICE4 ,TAK5 BY SURPRISE1 ADDRESS$ FROM BO? SIDES1 ,I HAD MIX$ EV]Y?+ UP & 
! HORNS HAD PUT ! F9I%+ T\* TO MY EMB>RASSM5T4 ,YET ,I WAS UNHAPPY AB\T ?IS AS IF ,I 
HAD VIOLAT$ ! CODE ( HONOR4 ,I C\LD SEE MYSELF GETT+ BACK 9TO MY C> )\T A REACTION1 UND] 
! IRONIC GAZE ( A CR[D ESPECIALLY DELI<T$ BECAUSE1 AS ,I RECALL1 ,I WAS WE>+ A V]Y ELEGANT BLUE 
SUIT4 ,I C\LD HE> ! 0POOR DOPE0 :I*1 9 SPITE ( EV]Y?+1 /RUCK ME AS JU/IFI$4 ,9 %ORT1 ,I 
HAD COLLAPS$ 9 PUBLIC4 ,AS A RESULT ( A S]IES ( CIRCUM/ANCES1 TO BE SURE1 BUT !RE >E ALWAYS 
CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,AS AN AFT]?\<T ,I CLE>LY SAW :AT ,I %\LD HAVE DONE4 ,I SAW MYSELF FELL+ 
D',>TAGNAN ) A GOOD HOOK TO ! JAW1 GETT+ BACK 9TO MY C>1 PURSU+ ! MONKEY :O HAD 
/RUCK ME1 OV]TAK+ HIM1 JAMM+ HIS MA*9E AGA9/ ! CURB1 TAK+ HIM ASIDE1 & GIV+ HIM 
! LICK+ HE HAD FULLY DES]V$4 ,) A FEW V>IANTS1 ,I RAN (F ?IS LITTLE FILM A HUNDR$ TIMES 9 MY 
IMAG9ATION4 ,BUT IT WAS TOO LATE1 & = SEV]AL DAYS ,I *EW$ A BITT] RES5TM5T4 

,:Y1 IT'S RA9+ AGA94 ,LET'S /OP1 %ALL WE1 UND] ?IS PORTICO8 ,GOOD4 ,:]E WAS ,I8 ,OH1 YES1 
HONOR6 ,WELL1 :5 ,I RECOV]$ ! RECOLLECTION ( ?AT EPISODE1 ,I REALIZ$ :AT IT MEANT4 ,AFT] ALL1 MY 
DREAM HAD NOT /OOD UP TO FACTS4 ,I HAD DREAM$--?IS WAS N[ CLE>--( BE+ A COMPLETE MAN 
:O MANAG$ TO MAKE HIMSELF RESPECT$ 9 HIS P]SON AS WELL AS 9 HIS PR(ESSION4 ,HALF ,C]DAN1 HALF 
DE ,GAULLE1 IF Y\ WILL4 ,9 %ORT1 ,I WANT$ TO DOM9ATE 9 ALL ?+S4 ,?IS IS :Y ,I ASSUM$ ! MAN- 
N]1 MADE A P>TICUL> PO9T ( DISPLAY+ MY PHYSICAL SKILL RA!R ?AN MY 9TELLECTUAL GIFTS4 ,BUT AFT] 
HAV+ BE5 /RUCK 9 PUBLIC )\T REACT+1 IT WAS NO LONG] POSSIBLE = ME TO *]I% ?AT 
F9E PICTURE ( MYSELF4 ,IF ,I HAD BE5 ! FRI5D ( TRU? & 9TELLIG5CE ,I CLAIM$ TO BE1 :AT W\LD 
?AT EPISODE HAVE MATT]$ TO ME8 ,IT WAS ALREADY =GOTT5 BY ?OSE :O HAD WITNESS$ IT4 ,I'D HAVE 
B>ELY ACCUS$ MYSELF ( HAV+ GOT ANGRY OV] NO?+ & ALSO1 HAV+ GOT ANGRY1 ( NOT HAV+ 
MANAG$ TO FACE UP TO ! CONSEQU5CES ( MY ANG]1 = WANT ( PRES5CE ( M9D4 ,9/EAD ( ?AT1 
,I WAS EAG] TO GET MY REV5GE1 TO /RIKE & CONQU]4 ,AS IF MY TRUE DESIRE W]E NOT TO BE ! MO/ 
9TELLIG5T OR MO/ G5]\S CREATURE ON E>?1 BUT ONLY TO BEAT ANYONE ,I WANT$1 TO BE ! /RONG]1 
9 %ORT1 & 9 ! MO/ ELEM5T>Y WAY4 ,! TRU? IS ?AT EV]Y 9TELLIG5T MAN1 AS Y\ KN[1 
DREAMS ( BE+ A GANG/] & ( RUL+ OV] SOCIETY BY =CE ALONE4 ,AS IT IS NOT SO EASY AS ! 
DETECTIVE NOVELS MI<T LEAD ONE TO BELIEVE1 ONE G5]ALLY RELIES ON POLITICS & JO9S ! CRUELE/ 
P>TY4 ,:AT DOES IT MATT]1 AFT] ALL1 IF BY HUMILIAT+ ONE'S M9D ONE SUCCE$S 9 DOM9AT+ 
EV]YONE8 ,I DISCOV]$ 9 MYSELF SWEET DREAMS ( OPPRESSION4 

,I LE>N$ AT LEA/ ?AT ,I WAS ON ! SIDE ( ! GUILTY1 ! ACCUS$1 ONLY 9 EXACTLY SO F> AS 
!IR CRIME CAUS$ ME NO H>M4 ,!IR GUILT MADE ME ELOQU5T BECAUSE ,I WAS NOT ITS VICTIM4 ,:5 ,I 
WAS ?REAT5$1 ,I BECAME NOT ONLY A JUDGE 9 TURN BUT EV5 MORE3 AN IRASCIBLE MA/] :O WANT$1 
REG>DLESS ( ALL LAWS1 TO /RIKE D[N ! (F5D] & GET HIM ON HIS KNEES4 ,AFT] ?AT1 MON *] 
COMPATRIOTE1 IT IS V]Y H>D TO CONT9UE S]I\SLY BELIEV+ ONE HAS A VOCATION = JU/ICE & IS ! 
PR$E/9$ DEF5D] ( ! WID[ & ORPHAN4 

,S9CE ! RA9 IS COM+ D[N H>D] & WE HAVE ! TIME1 MAY ,I IMP>T TO Y\ ANO!R DIS- 
COV]Y ,I MADE1 SOON AFT]1 9 MY MEMORY8 ,LET'S SIT D[N ON ?IS B5* \T ( ! RA94 ,= C5- 
TURIES PIPE SMOK]S HAVE BE5 WAT*+ ! SAME RA9 FALL+ ON ! SAME CANAL4 ,:AT ,I HAVE TO TELL 
Y\ IS A BIT MORE DIFFICULT4 ,?IS TIME IT CONC]NS A WOMAN4 ,TO BEG9 )1 Y\ MU/ KN[ ?AT ,I 
ALWAYS SUCCE$$ ) WOM5--& )\T MU* EF=T4 ,I DON'T SAY SUCCE$ 9 MAK+ !M 
HAPPY OR EV5 9 MAK+ MYSELF HAPPY ?R\< !M4 ,NO1 SIMPLY SUCCE$4 ,I US$ TO A*IEVE MY 
5DS JU/ AB\T :5EV] ,I WANT$ ,I WAS CONSID]$ TO HAVE *>M4 ,FANCY ?AT6 ,Y\ KN[ :AT 
*>M IS3 A WAY ( GETT+ ! ANSW] YES )\T HAV+ ASK$ ANY CLE> QUE/ION4 ,& ?AT WAS 
TRUE ( ME AT ! TIME4 ,DOES ?AT SURPRISE Y\8 ,COME N[1 DON'T D5Y IT4 ,) ! FACE ,I N[ HAVE1 
?AT'S QUITE NATURAL4 ,ALAS1 AFT] A C]TA9 AGE EV]Y MAN IS RESPONSIBLE = HIS FACE4 ,M9E 444 ,BUT :AT 
MATT]8 ,IT'S A FACT--,I WAS CONSID]$ TO HAVE *>M & ,I TOOK ADVANTAGE ( IT4 

,)\T CALCULATION1 H[EV]2 ,I WAS 9 GOOD FAI?1 OR ALMO/4 ,MY RELATION%IP ) WOM5 WAS 
NATURAL1 FREE1 EASY1 AS ! SAY+ GOES4 ,NO GUILE 9 IT EXCEPT ?AT OBVI\S GUILE :I* !Y LOOK UPON 
AS A HOMAGE4 ,I LOV$ !M1 ACCORD+ TO ! HALL[$ EXPRESSION1 :I* AM\NTS TO SAY+ ?AT ,I 
NEV] LOV$ ANY ( !M4 ,I ALWAYS CONSID]$ MISOGYNY VULG> & /UPID1 & ALMO/ ALL ! WOM5 
,I HAVE KN[N SEEM$ TO ME BETT] ?AN ,I4 ,NEV]!LESS1 SETT+ !M SO HI<1 ,I MADE USE ( !M 
MORE (T5 ?AN ,I S]V$ !M4 ,H[ CAN ONE MAKE IT \T8 

,( C\RSE1 TRUE LOVE IS EXCEPTIONAL--TWO OR ?REE TIMES A C5TURY1 MORE OR LESS4 ,! RE/ ( ! 
TIME !RE IS VANITY OR BOR$OM4 ,AS = ME1 9 ANY CASE ,I WAS NOT ! ,PORTUGUESE ,NUN4 ,I AM NOT 
H>D-HE>T$2 F> FROM IT--FULL ( PITY ON ! CONTR>Y & ) A READY TE> TO BOOT4 ,ONLY1 MY 
EMOTIONAL IMPULSES ALWAYS TURN T[>D ME1 MY FEEL+S ( PITY CONC]N ME4 ,IT IS NOT TRUE1 AFT] ALL1 
?AT ,I NEV] LOV$4 ,I CONCEIV$ AT LEA/ ONE GREAT LOVE 9 MY LIFE1 ( :I* ,I WAS ALWAYS ! OBJECT4 

,FROM ?AT PO9T ( VIEW1 AFT] ! 9EVITABLE H>D%IPS ( Y\?1 ,I WAS E>LY FOCUS$3 S5SUALITY ALONE 
DOM9AT$ MY LOVE LIFE4 ,I LOOK$ M]ELY = OBJECTS ( PLEASURE & CONQUE/4 ,MOREOV]1 ,I WAS AID$ 
9 ?IS BY MY CON/ITUTION3 NATURE HAD BE5 G5]\S ) ME4 ,I WAS CONSID]ABLY PR\D ( ?IS & 
D]IV$ MANY SATISFACTIONS !REFROM--)\T MY KN[+ N[ :E!R !Y W]E PHYSICAL OR 
BAS$ ON PRE/IGE4 ,( C\RSE Y\ WILL SAY ?AT ,I AM BOA/+ AGA94 ,I %AN'T D5Y IT & ,I AM H>DLY 
PR\D ( DO+ SO1 = H]E ,I AM BOA/+ ( :AT IS TRUE4 

,9 ANY CASE1 MY S5SUALITY 7TO LIMIT MYSELF TO IT7 WAS SO REAL ?AT EV5 = A T5-M9UTE ADV5TURE 
,I'D HAVE DIS[N$ FA!R & MO!R1 EV5 W]E ,I TO REGRET IT BITT]LY4 ,9DE$--ESPECIALLY = A T5- 
M9UTE ADV5TURE & EV5 MORE SO IF ,I W]E SURE IT WAS TO HAVE NO SEQUEL4 ,I HAD PR9CIPLES1 TO BE 
SURE1 SU* AS ?AT ! WIFE ( A FRI5D IS SACR$4 ,BUT ,I SIMPLY CEAS$ QUITE S9C]ELY1 A FEW DAYS 
BE=E1 TO FEEL ANY FRI5D%IP = ! HUSB&4 ,MAYBE ,I \<T NOT TO CALL ?IS S5SUALITY8 ,S5SUALITY IS 
NOT REPULSIVE4 ,LET'S BE 9DULG5T & USE ! WORD 09FIRMITY10 A SORT ( CONG5ITAL 9ABILITY TO SEE 9 
LOVE ANY?+ BUT ! PHYSICAL4 ,?AT 9FIRMITY1 AFT] ALL1 WAS CONV5I5T4 ,COMB9$ ) MY FACULTY 
= =GETT+1 IT FAVOR$ MY FRE$OM4 ,AT ! SAME TIME1 ?R\< A C]TA9 APPE>ANCE ( 
9ACCESSIBILITY & UN%AKABLE 9DEP5D5CE IT GAVE ME1 IT PROVID$ ! OPPORTUNITY = NEW 
SUCCESSES4 ,AS A RESULT ( NOT BE+ ROMANTIC1 ,I GAVE ROMANCE SOME?+ TO WORK ON4 ,\R FEM99E 
FRI5DS HAVE 9 COMMON ) ,BONAP>TE ! BELIEF ?AT !Y CAN SUCCE$ :]E EV]YONE ELSE HAS 
FAIL$4 

,9 ?IS EX*ANGE1 MOREOV]1 ,I SATISFI$ SOME?+ 9 ADDITION TO MY S5SUALITY3 MY PASSION = 
GAMBL+4 ,I LOV$ 9 WOM5 MY P>TN]S 9 A C]TA9 GAME1 :I* HAD AT LEA/ ! TA/E ( 9NOC5CE4 

,Y\ SEE1 ,I CAN'T 5DURE BE+ BOR$ & APPRECIATE ONLY DIV]SIONS 9 LIFE4 ,ANY SOCIETY1 H[EV] BRIL- 
LIANT1 SOON CRU%ES ME1 :]EAS ,I HAVE NEV] BE5 BOR$ ) ! WOM5 ,I LIK$4 ,IT HURTS ME TO CON- 
FESS IT1 BUT ,I'D HAVE GIV5 T5 CONV]SATIONS ) .<#fO.> ,E9/E9 = AN 9ITIAL R5DEZV\S ) A PRETTY 
*ORUS GIRL4 ,IT'S TRUE ?AT AT ! T5? R5DEZV\S ,I WAS LONG+ = ,E9/E9 OR1 A S]I\S BOOK4 ,9 
%ORT1 ,I WAS NEV] CONC]N$ ) ! MAJOR PROBLEMS EXCEPT 9 ! 9T]VALS BETWE5 MY LITTLE 
EXCESSES4 ,& H[ (T51 /&+ ON ! SIDEWALK 9VOLV$ 9 A PASSIONATE DISCUSSION ) FRI5DS1 
,I LO/ ! ?READ ( ! >GUM5T BE+ DEVELOP$ BECAUSE A DEVA/AT+ WOMAN WAS CROSS+ ! 
/REET AT ?AT V]Y MOM5T4 

,H5CE ,I PLAY$ ! GAME4 ,I KNEW !Y DIDN'T LIKE ONE TO REVEAL ONE'S PURPOSE TOO QUICKLY4 ,FIR/1 
!RE HAD TO BE CONV]SATION1 FOND ATT5TIONS1 AS !Y SAY4 ,I WASN'T WORRI$ AB\T SPEE*ES1 BE+ A 
LAWY]1 NOR AB\T GLANCES1 HAV+ BE5 AN AMATEUR ACTOR DUR+ MY MILIT>Y S]VICE4 ,I (T5 *ANG$ 
P>TS1 BUT IT WAS ALWAYS ! SAME PLAY4 ,= 9/ANCE1 ! SC5E ( ! 9COMPREH5SIBLE ATTRACTION1 ( 
! 0MY/]I\S SOME?+10 ( ! 0IT'S UNREASONABLE1 ,I C]TA9LY DIDN'T WANT TO BE ATTRACT$1 ,I WAS 
EV5 TIR$ ( LOVE1 ETC4 4440 ALWAYS WORK$1 ?\< IT IS ONE ( ! OLDE/ 9 ! REP]TORY4 ,!RE WAS 
ALSO ! GAMBIT ( ! MY/]I\S HAPP9ESS NO O!R WOMAN HAS EV] GIV5 Y\2 IT MAY BE A 
BL9D ALLEY--9DE$1 IT SURELY IS 7= ONE CANNOT PROTECT ONESELF TOO MU*7--BUT IT JU/ HAPP5S TO BE 
UNIQUE4 ,ABOVE ALL1 ,I HAD P]FECT$ A LITTLE SPEE* :I* WAS ALWAYS WELL RECEIV$ & :I*1 ,I AM 
SURE1 Y\ WILL APPLAUD4 ,! ESS5TIAL P>T ( ?AT ACT LAY 9 ! ASS]TION1 PA9FUL & RESIGN$1 ?AT ,I 
WAS NO?+1 ?AT IT WAS NOT WOR? GETT+ 9VOLV$ ) ME1 ?AT MY LIFE WAS ELSE:]E & NOT 
RELAT$ TO EV]YDAY HAPP9ESS--A HAPP9ESS ?AT MAYBE ,I %\LD HAVE PREF]R$ TO ANY?+1 BUT 
!RE Y\ W]E1 IT WAS TOO LATE4 ,AS TO ! REASONS BEH9D ?IS DECISIVE LAT5ESS1 ,I MA9TA9$ SECRECY1 
KN[+ ?AT IT IS ALWAYS BETT] TO GO TO B$ ) A MY/]Y4 ,9 A WAY1 MOREOV]1 ,I BELIEV$ :AT ,I 
SAID2 ,I WAS LIV+ MY P>T4 ,IT IS NOT SURPRIS+ ?AT MY P>TN]S LIKEWISE BEGAN TO 0TREAD ! BO>DS0 
5?USIA/ICALLY4 ,! MO/ S5SITIVE AMONG !M TRI$ TO UND]/& ME1 & ?AT EF=T L$ !M TO 
MELAN*OLY SURR5D]S4 ,! O!RS1 SATISFI$ TO NOTE ?AT ,I WAS RESPECT+ ! RULES ( ! GAME & 
HAD ! TACTFULNESS TO TALK BE=E ACT+1 PROGRESS$ )\T DELAY TO ! REALITIES4 ,?IS MEANT ,I HAD 
 WON--& TWICE OV]1 S9CE1 BESIDES ! DESIRE ,I FELT = !M1 ,I WAS SATISFY+ ! LOVE ,I BORE 
MYSELF BY V]IFY+ EA* TIME MY SPECIAL P[]S4 

,?IS IS SO TRUE ?AT EV5 IF SOME AMONG !M PROVID$ BUT SLI<T PLEASURE1 ,I NEV]!LESS TRI$ TO 
RESUME RELATIONS ) !M1 AT LONG 9T]VALS1 HELP$ D\BTLESS BY ?AT /RANGE DESIRE K9DL$ BY 
ABS5CE & A SUDD5LY RECOV]$ COMPLICITY1 BUT ALSO TO V]IFY ! FACT ?AT \R TIES /ILL HELD & 
?AT IT WAS MY PRIVILEGE ALONE TO TI<T5 !M4 ,SOMETIMES ,I W5T SO F> AS TO MAKE !M SWE> NOT 
TO GIVE !MSELVES TO ANY O!R MAN1 9 ORD] TO QUIET MY WORRIES ONCE & = ALL ON ?AT SCORE4 ,MY 
HE>T1 H[EV]1 PLAY$ NO P>T 9 ?AT WORRY1 NOR EV5 MY IMAG9ATION4 ,A C]TA9 TYPE ( PRET5SION 
WAS 9 FACT SO P]SONIFI$ 9 ME ?AT IT WAS H>D = ME TO IMAG9E1 DESPITE ! FACTS1 ?AT A WOMAN 
:O HAD ONCE BE5 M9E C\LD EV] BELONG TO ANO!R4 ,BUT ! OA? !Y SWORE TO ME LIB]AT$ ME 
:ILE IT B\ND !M4 ,AS SOON AS ,I KNEW !Y W\LD NEV] BELONG TO ANYONE1 ,I C\LD MAKE UP MY 
M9D TO BREAK (F--:I* O!RWISE WAS ALMO/ ALWAYS IMPOSSIBLE = ME4 ,AS F> AS !Y W]E 
CONC]N$1 ,I HAD PROV$ MY PO9T ONCE & = ALL & ASSUR$ MY P[] = A LONG TIME4 

,/RANGE1 ISN'T IT8 ,BUT ?AT'S ! WAY IT WAS1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE4 ,SOME CRY3 0,LOVE ME60 ,O!RS3 0,DON'T 
LOVE ME60 ,BUT A C]TA9 G5US1 ! WOR/ & MO/ UNHAPPY1 CRIES3 0,DON'T LOVE ME & BE FAI?FUL TO 
ME60 

,EXCEPT ?AT ! PRO( IS NEV] DEF9ITIVE1 AFT] ALL2 ONE HAS TO BEG9 AGA9 ) EA* NEW P]SON4 

,AS A RESULT ( BEG9N+ OV] & OV] AGA91 ONE GETS 9 ! HABIT4 ,SOON ! SPEE* COMES )\T 
?9K+ & ! REFLEX FOLL[S2 & ONE DAY Y\ F9D Y\RSELF TAK+ )\T REALLY DESIR+4 ,BELIEVE 
ME1 = C]TA9 M5 AT LEA/1 NOT TAK+ :AT ONE DOESN'T DESIRE IS ! H>DE/ ?+ 9 ! WORLD4 

,?IS IS :AT HAPP5$ EV5TUALLY & !RE'S NO PO9T 9 TELL+ Y\ :O %E WAS EXCEPT ?AT1 
)\T REALLY /IRR+ ME1 %E HAD ATTRACT$ ME BY H] PASSIVE1 AVID MANN]4 ,FRANKLY1 IT WAS A %ABBY 
EXP]I5CE1 AS ,I %\LD HAVE EXPECT$4 ,BUT ,I NEV] HAD ANY COMPLEXES & SOON =GOT ! P]SON1 
:OM ,I DIDN'T SEE AGA94 ,I ?\<T %E HADN'T NOTIC$ ANY?+ & DIDN'T EV5 IMAG9E %E C\LD 
HAVE AN OP9ION4 ,BESIDES1 9 MY EYES H] PASSIVE MANN] CUT H] (F FROM ! WORLD4 ,A FEW WEEKS 
 LAT]1 H[EV]1 ,I LE>N$ ?AT %E HAD RELAT$ MY DEFICI5CIES TO A ?IRD P]SON4 ,AT ONCE ,I FELT AS 
IF ,I HAD BE5 SOME:AT DECEIV$2 %E WASN'T SO PASSIVE AS ,I HAD ?\<T & %E DIDN'T LACK 
JUDGM5T4 ,!N ,I %RUGG$ MY %\LD]S & PRET5D$ TO LAU<4 ,I EV5 LAU<$ \TRI<T2 CLE>LY 
! 9CID5T WAS UNIMPORTANT4 ,IF !RE IS ANY REALM 9 :I* MODE/Y \<T TO BE ! RULE1 ISN'T IT SEX 
) ALL ! UN=ESEEABLE !RE IS 9 IT8 ,BUT NO1 EA* ( US TRIES TO %[ UP TO ADVANTAGE1 EV5 9 
SOLITUDE4 ,DESPITE HAV+ %RUGG$ MY %\LD]S1 :AT WAS MY BEHAVIOR 9 FACT8 ,I SAW ?AT WOMAN 
AGA9 A LITTLE LAT] & DID EV]Y?+ NECESS>Y TO *>M H] & REALLY TAKE H] BACK4 ,IT WAS NOT V]Y 
DIFFICULT1 = !Y DON'T LIKE EI!R TO 5D ON A FAILURE4 ,FROM ?AT MOM5T ONW>D1 )\T REALLY 
9T5D+ IT1 ,I BEGAN1 9 FACT1 TO MORTIFY H] 9 EV]Y WAY4 ,I W\LD GIVE H] UP & TAKE H] BACK1 
=CE H] TO GIVE H]SELF AT 9APPROPRIATE TIMES & 9 9APPROPRIATE PLACES1 TREAT H] SO BRUTALLY1 9 
EV]Y REG>D1 ?AT EV5TUALLY ,I ATTA*$ MYSELF TO H] AS ,I IMAG9E ! JAIL] IS B\ND TO HIS PRISON]4 

,& ?IS KEPT UP TILL ! DAY :51 9 ! VIOL5T DISORD] ( PA9FUL & CON/RA9$ PLEASURE1 %E 
PAID A TRIBUTE AL\D TO :AT WAS 5SLAV+ H]4 ,?AT V]Y DAY ,I BEGAN TO MOVE AWAY FROM H]4 ,I 
HAVE =GOTT5 H] S9CE4 ,I'LL AGREE ) Y\1 DESPITE Y\R POLITE SIL5CE1 ?AT ?AT ADV5TURE IS NOT 
V]Y PRETTY4 ,BUT JU/ ?9K ( Y\R LIFE1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE6 ,SE>* Y\R MEMORY & P]HAPS Y\ WILL 
F9D SOME SIMIL> /ORY ?AT Y\'LL TELL ME LAT] ON4 ,9 MY CASE1 :5 ?AT BUS9ESS CAME TO M9D1 ,I 
AGA9 BEGAN TO LAU<4 ,BUT IT WAS ANO!R K9D ( LAU<1 RA!R LIKE ! ONE ,I HAD HE>D ON ! ,PONT 
DES ,>TS4 ,I WAS LAU<+ AT MY SPEE*ES & MY PLEAD+S 9 C\RT4 ,EV5 MORE AT MY C\RT PLEAD+ 
?AN AT MY SPEE*ES TO WOM54 ,TO !M1 AT LEA/1 ,I DID NOT LIE MU*4 ,9/9CT SPOKE CLE>LY1 )\T 
SUBT]FUGES1 9 MY ATTITUDE4 ,! ACT ( LOVE1 = 9/ANCE1 IS A CONFESSION4 ,SELFI%NESS SCREAMS AL\D1 
VANITY %[S (F1 OR ELSE TRUE G5]OSITY REVEALS ITSELF4 ,ULTIMATELY 9 ?AT REGRETTABLE /ORY1 EV5 MORE 
?AN 9 MY O!R AFFAIRS1 ,I HAD BE5 MORE \TSPOK5 ?AN ,I ?\<T2 ,I HAD DECL>$ :O ,I WAS & 
H[ ,I C\LD LIVE4 ,DESPITE APPE>ANCES1 ,I WAS !RE=E MORE WOR?Y 9 MY PRIVATE LIFE--EV5 :5 
7ONE MI<T SAY3 ESPECIALLY :57 ,I BEHAV$ AS ,I HAVE TOLD Y\--?AN 9 MY GREAT PR(ESSIONAL FLI<TS 
AB\T 9NOC5CE & JU/ICE4 ,AT LEA/1 SEE+ MYSELF ACT ) O!RS1 ,I C\LDN'T DECEIVE MYSELF AS 
TO ! TRU? ( MY NATURE4 ,NO MAN IS A HYPOCRITE 9 HIS PLEASURES--HAVE ,I READ ?AT OR DID ,I ?9K IT 
MYSELF1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE8 

,:5 ,I EXAM9$ ?US ! TR\BLE ,I HAD 9 SEP>AT+ DEF9ITIVELY FROM A WOMAN--A TR\BLE 
:I* US$ TO 9VOLVE ME 9 SO MANY SIMULTANE\S LIAISONS--,I DIDN'T BLAME MY S(T-HE>T$NESS4 

,?AT WAS NOT :AT IMPELL$ ME :5 ONE ( MY MI/RESSES TIR$ ( WAIT+ = ! ,AU/]LITZ ( \R 
PASSION & SPOKE ( LEAV+ ME4 ,AT ONCE ,I WAS ! ONE :O MADE A /EP =W>D1 :O YIELD$1 :O 
BECAME ELOQU5T4 ,AS = AFFECTION & S(T-HE>T$NESS1 ,I >\S$ !M 9 WOM51 EXP]I5C+ 
M]ELY ! APPE>ANCE ( !M MYSELF--SIMPLY A LITTLE EXCIT$ BY ?IS REFUSAL1 AL>M$ ALSO BY ! 
POSSIBLE LOSS ( SOMEONE'S AFFECTION4 ,AT TIMES ,I TRULY ?\<T ,I WAS SUFF]+1 TO BE SURE4 ,BUT ! 
REBELLI\S FEMALE HAD M]ELY TO LEAVE 9 FACT = ME TO =GET H] )\T EF=T1 AS ,I =GOT H] 
PRES5CE :51 ON ! CONTR>Y1 %E HAD DECID$ TO RETURN4 ,NO1 IT WAS NOT LOVE OR G5]OSITY ?AT 
AWAK5$ ME :5 ,I WAS 9 DANG] ( BE+ =SAK51 BUT M]ELY ! DESIRE TO BE LOV$ & TO 
RECEIVE :AT 9 MY OP9ION WAS DUE ME4 ,! MOM5T ,I WAS LOV$ & MY P>TN] AGA9 =GOTT51 ,I 
%ONE1 ,I WAS AT ! TOP ( MY =M1 ,I BECAME LIKABLE4 

,BE IT SAID1 MOREOV]1 ?AT AS SOON AS ,I HAD RE-WON ?AT AFFECTION ,I BECAME AW>E ( ITS WEI<T4 ,9 
MY MOM5TS ( IRRITATION ,I TOLD MYSELF ?AT ! IDEAL SOLUTION W\LD HAVE BE5 ! DEA? ( ! 
P]SON ,I WAS 9T]E/$ 94 ,H] DEA? W\LD1 ON ! ONE H&1 HAVE DEF9ITIVELY FIX$ \R 
RELATION%IP &1 ON ! O!R1 REMOV$ ITS COMPULSION4 ,BUT ONE CANNOT LONG = ! DEA? ( 
EV]YONE OR1 9 ! EXTREME1 DEPOPULATE ! PLANET 9 ORD] TO 5JOY A FRE$OM ?AT CANNOT BE 
IMAG9$ O!RWISE4 ,MY S5SIBILITY WAS OPPOS$ TO ?IS1 & MY LOVE ( MANK9D4 

,! ONLY DEEP EMOTION ,I OCCASIONALLY FELT 9 !SE AFFAIRS WAS GRATITUDE1 :5 ALL WAS GO+ WELL 
& ,I WAS LEFT1 NOT ONLY PEACE1 BUT FRE$OM TO COME & GO--NEV] K9D] & GAY] ) ONE 
WOMAN ?AN :5 ,I HAD JU/ LEFT ANO!R'S B$1 AS IF ,I EXT5D$ TO ALL O!RS ! DEBT ,I HAD JU/ 
CONTRACT$ T[>D ONE ( !M4 ,9 ANY CASE1 H[EV] APP>5TLY CONFUS$ MY FEEL+S W]E1 ! 
RESULT ,I A*IEV$ WAS CLE>3 ,I KEPT ALL MY AFFECTIONS )9 REA* TO MAKE USE ( !M :5 ,I 
WANT$4 ,ON MY [N ADMISSION1 ,I C\LD LIVE HAPPILY ONLY ON CONDITION ?AT ALL ! 9DIVIDUALS ON 
E>?1 OR ! GREATE/ POSSIBLE NUMB]1 W]E TURN$ T[>D ME1 ET]NALLY 9 SUSP5SE1 DEVOID ( 
9DEP5D5T LIFE & READY TO ANSW] MY CALL AT ANY MOM5T1 DOOM$ 9 %ORT TO /]ILITY UNTIL ! 
DAY ,I %\LD DEIGN TO FAVOR !M4 ,9 %ORT1 = ME TO LIVE HAPPILY IT WAS ESS5TIAL = ! CREATURES ,I 
*OSE NOT TO LIVE AT ALL4 ,!Y MU/ RECEIVE !IR LIFE1 SPORADICALLY1 ONLY AT MY BIDD+4 

,OH1 ,I DON'T FEEL ANY SELF-SATISFACTION1 BELIEVE ME1 9 TELL+ Y\ ?IS4 ,UPON ?9K+ ( ?AT TIME 
:5 ,I US$ TO ASK = EV]Y?+ )\T PAY+ ANY?+ MYSELF1 :5 ,I US$ TO MOBILIZE SO MANY 
PEOPLE 9 MY S]VICE1 :5 ,I US$ TO PUT !M 9 ! REFRIG]ATOR1 SO TO SPEAK1 9 ORD] TO HAVE !M 
AT H& SOME DAY :5 IT W\LD SUIT ME1 ,I DON'T KN[ H[ TO NAME ! ODD FEEL+ ?AT COMES OV] 
ME4 ,ISN'T IT %AME1 P]HAPS8 ,TELL ME1 MON *] COMPATRIOTE1 DOESN'T %AME /+ A LITTLE8 ,IT DOES8 ,WELL1 
IT'S PROBABLY %AME1 !N1 OR ONE ( ?OSE SILLY EMOTIONS ?AT HAVE TO DO ) HONOR4 ,IT SEEMS TO 
ME 9 ANY CASE ?AT ?AT FEEL+ HAS NEV] LEFT ME S9CE ! ADV5TURE ,I F\ND AT ! HE>T ( MY 
MEMORY1 :I* ,I CANNOT ANY LONG] PUT (F RELAT+1 DESPITE MY DIGRESSIONS & ! 9V5TIVE EF=TS 
= :I*1 ,I HOPE1 Y\ GIVE ME CR$IT4 

,LOOK1 ! RA9 HAS /OPP$6 ,BE K9D 5\< TO WALK HOME ) ME4 ,I AM /RANGELY TIR$1 NOT FROM 
HAV+ TALK$ SO MU* BUT AT ! M]E ?\<T ( :AT ,I /ILL HAVE TO SAY4 ,OH1 WELL1 A FEW WORDS WILL 
SUFFICE TO RELATE MY ESS5TIAL DISCOV]Y4 ,:AT'S ! USE ( SAY+ MORE1 ANYWAY8 ,= ! /ATUE TO 
/& B>E1 ! F9E SPEE*ES MU/ TAKE FLI<T LIKE PIGEONS4 ,SO H]E GOES4 ,?AT P>TICUL> NI<T 9 
,NOVEMB]1 TWO OR ?REE YE>S BE=E ! EV5+ :5 ,I ?\<T ,I HE>D LAU<T] BEH9D ME1 ,I WAS 
RETURN+ TO ! ,LEFT ,BANK & MY HOME BY WAY ( ! ,PONT ,ROYAL4 ,IT WAS AN H\R PA/ MIDNI<T1 A 
F9E RA9 WAS FALL+1 A DRIZZLE RA!R1 ?AT SCATT]$ ! FEW PEOPLE ON ! /REETS4 ,I HAD JU/ LEFT A 
MI/RESS1 :O WAS SURELY ALREADY ASLEEP4 ,I WAS 5JOY+ ?AT WALK1 A LITTLE NUMB$1 MY BODY CALM$ 
& IRRIGAT$ BY A FL[ ( BLOOD G5TLE AS ! FALL+ RA94 ,ON ! BRIDGE ,I PASS$ BEH9D A FIGURE 
LEAN+ OV] ! RAIL+ & SEEM+ TO />E AT ! RIV]4 ,ON CLOS] VIEW1 ,I MADE \T A SLIM 
Y\NG WOMAN DRESS$ 9 BLACK4 ,! BACK ( H] NECK1 COOL & DAMP BETWE5 H] D>K HAIR & 
COAT COLL>1 /IRR$ ME4 ,BUT ,I W5T ON AFT] A MOM5T'S HESITATION4 ,AT ! 5D ( ! BRIDGE ,I 
FOLL[$ ! GUYS T[>D ,SA9T-,MI*EL1 :]E ,I LIV$4 ,I HAD ALREADY GONE SOME FIFTY Y>DS :5 ,I 
HE>D ! S\ND--:I*1 DESPITE ! DI/ANCE1 SEEM$ DREADFULLY L\D 9 ! MIDNI<T SIL5CE--( A 
BODY /RIK+ ! WAT]4 ,I /OPP$ %ORT1 BUT )\T TURN+ >\ND4 ,ALMO/ AT ONCE ,I HE>D A CRY1 
REPEAT$ SEV]AL TIMES1 :I* WAS GO+ D[N/REAM2 !N IT SUDD5LY CEAS$4 ,! SIL5CE ?AT 
FOLL[$1 AS ! NI<T SUDD5LY /OOD /ILL1 SEEM$ 9T]M9ABLE4 ,I WANT$ TO RUN & YET DIDN'T /IR4 ,I 
WAS TREMBL+1 ,I BELIEVE FROM COLD & %OCK4 ,I TOLD MYSELF ?AT ,I HAD TO BE QUICK & ,I FELT AN 
IRRESI/IBLE WEAKNESS /EAL OV] ME4 ,I HAVE =GOTT5 :AT ,I ?\<T !N4 0,TOO LATE1 TOO F> 4440 OR 
SOME?+ ( ! SORT4 ,I WAS /ILL LI/5+ AS ,I /OOD MOTIONLESS4 ,!N1 SL[LY UND] ! RA91 ,I W5T 
AWAY4 ,I 9=M$ NO ONE4 

,BUT H]E WE >E2 H]E'S MY H\SE1 MY %ELT]6 ,TOMORR[8 ,YES1 IF Y\ WI%4 ,I'D LIKE TO TAKE Y\ TO 
! ISL& ( ,M>K5 SO Y\ CAN SEE ! ,ZUID] ,ZEE4 ,LET'S MEET AT ELEV5 AT ,MEXICO ,CITY4 ,:AT8 

,?AT WOMAN8 ,OH1 ,I DON'T KN[4 ,REALLY ,I DON'T KN[4 ,! NEXT DAY1 & ! DAYS FOLL[+1 ,I DIDN'T 
READ ! PAP]S4 

O ,*APT] #d 
,I,V 

,A ,D,O,L,L',S VILLAGE1 ISN'T IT8 ,NO %ORTAGE ( QUA9TNESS H]E6 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T BR+ Y\ TO ?IS ISL& 
= QUA9TNESS1 *] AMI4 ,ANYONE CAN %[ Y\ PEASANT HEADDRESSES1 WOOD5 %OES1 & ORNAM5T$ 
H\SES ) FI%]M5 SMOK+ *OICE TOBACCO SURR\ND$ BY ! SMELL ( FURNITURE WAX4 ,I AM ONE 
( ! FEW PEOPLE1 ON ! O!R H&1 :O CAN %[ Y\ :AT REALLY MATT]S H]E4 

,WE >E REA*+ ! DIKE4 ,WE'LL HAVE TO FOLL[ IT TO GET AS F> AS POSSIBLE FROM !SE TOO *>M+ 
H\SES4 ,PLEASE1 LET'S SIT D[N4 ,WELL1 :AT DO Y\ ?9K ( IT8 ,ISN'T IT ! MO/ BEAUTIFUL NEGATIVE 
L&SCAPE8 ,JU/ SEE ON ! LEFT ?AT PILE ( A%ES !Y CALL A DUNE H]E1 ! GRAY DIKE ON ! RI<T1 ! 
LIVID BEA* AT \R FEET1 & 9 FRONT ( US1 ! SEA ! COLOR ( A WEAK LYE-SOLUTION ) ! VA/ SKY 
REFLECT+ ! COLORLESS WAT]S4 ,A SOGGY HELL1 9DE$6 ,EV]Y?+ HORIZONTAL1 NO RELIEF2 SPACE IS 
COLORLESS1 & LIFE DEAD4 ,IS IT NOT UNIV]SAL OBLIT]ATION1 EV]LA/+ NO?+NESS MADE VISIBLE8 ,NO HU- 
MAN BE+S1 ABOVE ALL1 NO HUMAN BE+S6 ,Y\ & ,I ALONE FAC+ ! PLANET AT LA/ DES]T$6 ,! 
SKY IS ALIVE8 ,Y\ >E RI<T1 *] AMI4 ,IT ?ICK5S1 BECOMES CONCAVE1 OP5S UP AIR %AFTS & DOSES 
CL\DY DOORS4 ,?OSE >E ! DOVES4 ,HAV5'T Y\ NOTIC$ ?AT ! SKY ( ,HOLL& IS FILL$ ) 
MILLIONS ( DOVES1 9VISIBLE BECAUSE ( !IR ALTITUDE1 :I* FLAP !IR W+S1 RISE OR FALL 9 UNISON1 
FILL+ ! HEAV5LY SPACE ) D5SE MULTITUDES ( GRAYI% FEA!RS C>RI$ HI!R & ?I!R BY ! 
W9D8 ,! DOVES WAIT UP !RE ALL YE> R\ND4 ,!Y :EEL ABOVE ! E>?1 LOOK D[N1 & W\LD 
LIKE TO COME D[N4 ,BUT !RE IS NO?+ BUT ! SEA & ! CANALS1 RO(S COV]$ ) %OP SIGNS1 
& NEV] A HEAD ON :I* TO LI<T4 

,Y\ DON'T UND]/& :AT ,I MEAN8 ,I'LL ADMIT MY FATIGUE4 ,I LOSE ! ?READ ( :AT ,I AM SAY+2 
,I'VE LO/ ?AT LUCIDITY TO :I* MY FRI5DS US$ TO 5JOY PAY+ RESPECTS4 ,I SAY 0MY FRI5DS10 
MOREOV]1 AS A CONV5TION4 ,I HAVE NO MORE FRI5DS2 ,I HAVE NO?+ BUT ACCOMPLICES4 ,TO MAKE UP = 
?IS1 !IR NUMB] HAS 9CREAS$2 !Y >E ! :OLE HUMAN RACE4 ,& )9 ! HUMAN RACE1 Y\ 
FIR/ ( ALL4 ,:OEV] IS AT H& IS ALWAYS ! FIR/4 ,H[ DO ,I KN[ ,I HAVE NO FRI5DS8 ,IT'S V]Y EASY3 ,I 
 DISCOV]$ IT ! DAY ,I ?\<T ( KILL+ MYSELF TO PLAY A TRICK ON !M1 TO PUNI% !M1 9 A 
WAY4 ,BUT PUNI% :OM8 ,SOME W\LD BE SURPRIS$1 & NO ONE W\LD FEEL PUNI%$4 ,I REALIZ$ ,I HAD 
NO FRI5DS4 ,BESIDES1 EV5 IF ,I HAD HAD1 ,I %\LDN'T BE ANY BETT] (F4 ,IF ,I HAD BE5 ABLE TO COMMIT 
SUICIDE & !N SEE !IR REACTION1 :Y1 !N ! GAME W\LD HAVE BE5 WOR? ! C&LE4 ,BUT ! 
E>? IS D>K1 *] AMI1 ! C(F9 ?ICK1 & ! %R\D OPAQUE1 ,! EYES ( ! S\L--TO BE SURE--IF 
!RE IS A S\L & IT HAS EYES6 ,BUT Y\ SEE1 WE'RE NOT SURE1 WE CAN'T BE SURE4 ,O!RWISE1 !RE W\LD 
BE A SOLUTION2 AT LEA/ ONE C\LD GET ONESELF TAK5 S]I\SLY4 ,M5 >E NEV] CONV9C$ ( Y\R 
REASONS1 ( Y\R S9C]ITY1 ( ! S]I\SNESS ( Y\R SUFF]+S1 EXCEPT BY Y\R DEA?4 ,SO LONG AS Y\ 
>E ALIVE1 Y\R CASE IS D\BTFUL2 Y\ HAVE A RI<T ONLY TO !IR SKEPTICISM4 ,SO IF !RE W]E ! LEA/ 
C]TA9TY ?AT ONE C\LD 5JOY ! %[1 IT W\LD BE WOR? PROV+ TO !M :AT !Y >E UNWILL+ 
TO BELIEVE & ?US AMAZ+ !M4 ,BUT Y\ KILL Y\RSELF & :AT DOES IT MATT] :E!R OR NOT !Y 
BELIEVE Y\8 ,Y\ >E NOT !RE TO SEE !IR AMAZEM5T & !IR CONTRITION 7FLEET+ AT BE/71 TO 
WITNESS1 ACCORD+ TO EV]Y MAN'S DREAM1 Y\R [N FUN]AL4 ,9 ORD] TO CEASE BE+ A D\BTFUL CASE1 
ONE HAS TO CEASE BE+1 ?AT'S ALL4 

,BESIDES1 ISN'T IT BETT] ?US8 ,WE'D SUFF] TOO MU* FROM !IR 9DIFF]5CE4 0,Y\'LL PAY = ?IS60 A 
DAU<T] SAID TO H] FA!R :O HAD PREV5T$ H] FROM M>RY+ A TOO WELL GROOM$ SUITOR4 ,& 
%E KILL$ H]SELF4 ,BUT ! FA!R PAID = NO?+4 ,HE LOV$ FLY-CA/+4 ,?REE ,SUNDAYS LAT] HE W5T 
BACK TO ! RIV]--TO =GET1 AS HE SAID4 ,HE WAS RI<T2 HE =GOT4 ,TO TELL ! TRU?1 ! CONTR>Y W\LD 
HAVE BE5 SURPRIS+4 ,Y\ ?9K Y\ >E DY+ TO PUNI% Y\R WIFE & ACTUALLY Y\ >E FREE+ H]4 

,IT'S BETT] NOT TO SEE ?AT4 ,BESIDES ! FACT ?AT Y\ MI<T HE> ! REASONS !Y GIVE = Y\R ACTION4 

,AS F> AS ,I AM CONC]N$1 ,I CAN HE> !M N[3 0,HE KILL$ HIMSELF BECAUSE HE C\LDN'T BE> 4440 ,AH1 
*] AMI1 H[ POOR 9 9V5TION M5 >E6 ,!Y ALWAYS ?9K ONE COMMITS SUICIDE = A REASON4 ,BUT 
IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE TO COMMIT SUICIDE = TWO REASONS4 ,NO1 ?AT NEV] OCCURS TO !M4 ,SO :AT'S ! 
GOOD ( DY+ 9T5TIONALLY1 ( SACRIFIC+ Y\RSELF TO ! IDEA Y\ WANT PEOPLE TO HAVE ( Y\8 ,ONCE 
Y\ >E DEAD1 !Y WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE ( IT TO ATTRIBUTE IDIOTIC OR VULG> MOTIVES TO Y\R ACTION4 

,M>TYRS1 *] AMI1 MU/ *OOSE BETWE5 BE+ =GOTT51 MOCK$1 OR MADE USE (4 ,AS = BE+ 
UND]/OOD--NEV]6 

,BESIDES1 LET'S NOT BEAT AB\T ! BU%2 ,I LOVE LIFE--?AT'S MY REAL WEAKNESS4 ,I LOVE IT SO MU* ?AT 
,I AM 9CAPABLE ( IMAG9+ :AT IS NOT LIFE4 ,SU* AVIDITY HAS SOME?+ PLEBEIAN AB\T IT1 DON'T Y\ 
?9K8 ,>I/OCRACY CANNOT IMAG9E ITSELF )\T A LITTLE DI/ANCE SURR\ND+ ITSELF & ITS LIFE4 ,ONE 
DIES IF NECESS>Y1 ONE BREAKS RA!R ?AN B5D+4 ,BUT ,I B5D1 BECAUSE ,I CONT9UE TO LOVE MYSELF4 ,= 
EXAMPLE1 AFT] ALL ,I HAVE TOLD Y\1 :AT DO Y\ ?9K ,I DEVELOP$8 ,AN AV]SION = MYSELF8 ,COME1 
COME1 IT WAS ESPECIALLY ) O!RS ?AT ,I WAS F$ UP4 ,TO BE SURE1 ,I KNEW MY FAIL+S & REGRETT$ 
!M4 ,YET ,I CONT9U$ TO =GET !M ) A RA!R M]ITORI\S OB/9ACY4 ,! PROSECUTION ( 
O!RS1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 W5T ON CON/ANTLY 9 MY HE>T4 ,( C\RSE--DOES ?AT %OCK Y\8 ,MAYBE 
Y\ ?9K IT'S NOT LOGICAL8 ,BUT ! QUE/ION IS NOT TO REMA9 LOGICAL4 ,! QUE/ION IS TO SLIP ?R\< 
&1 ABOVE ALL--YES1 ABOVE ALL1 ! QUE/ION IS TO ELUDE JUDGM5T4 ,I'M NOT SAY+ TO AVOID 
PUNI%M5T1 = PUNI%M5T )\T JUDGM5T IS BE>ABLE4 ,IT HAS A NAME1 BESIDES1 ?AT GU>ANTEES 
\R 9NOC5CE3 IT IS CALL$ MIS=TUNE4 ,NO1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT'S A MATT] ( DODG+ JUDGM5T1 ( 
AVOID+ BE+ =EV] JUDG$ )\T EV] HAV+ A S5T5CE PRON\NC$4 

,BUT ONE CAN'T DODGE IT SO EASILY4 ,TODAY WE >E ALWAYS READY TO JUDGE AS WE >E TO =NICATE4 ,) 
?IS DIFF]5CE1 ?AT !RE >E NO 9ADEQUACIES TO FE>4 ,IF Y\ D\BT ?IS1 JU/ LI/5 TO ! TABLE 
CONV]SATION DUR+ ,AUGU/ 9 ?OSE SUMM] HOTELS :]E \R *>ITABLE FELL[ CITIZ5S TAKE ! 
BOR$OM CURE4 ,IF Y\ /ILL HESITATE TO CONCLUDE1 READ ! WRIT+S ( \R GREAT M5 ( ! MOM5T4 

,OR ELSE OBS]VE Y\R [N FAMILY & Y\ WILL BE $IFI$4 ,MON *] AMI1 LET'S NOT GIVE !M ANY 
PRETEXT1 NO MATT] H[ SMALL1 = JUDG+ US6 ,O!RWISE1 WE'LL BE LEFT 9 %R$S4 ,WE >E =C$ TO TAKE 
! SAME PRECAUTIONS AS ! ANIMAL TAM]4 ,IF1 BE=E GO+ 9TO ! CAGE1 HE HAS ! MIS=TUNE TO 
CUT HIMSELF :ILE %AV+1 :AT A FEA/ = ! WILD ANIMALS6 ,I REALIZ$ ?IS ALL AT ONCE ! MOM5T ,I 
HAD ! SUSPICION ?AT MAYBE ,I WASN'T SO ADMIRABLE4 ,FROM !N ON1 ,I BECAME DI/RU/FUL4 ,S9CE ,I 
WAS BLE$+ SLI<TLY1 !RE WAS NO ESCAPE = ME2 !Y W\LD DEV\R ME4 

,MY RELATIONS ) MY CONTEMPOR>IES W]E APP>5TLY ! SAME & YET SUBTLY \T ( TUNE4 ,MY 
FRI5DS HADN'T *ANG$4 ,ON OCCASION1 !Y /ILL EXTOLL$ ! H>MONY & SECURITY !Y F\ND 9 MY 
COMPANY4 ,BUT ,I WAS AW>E ONLY ( ! DISSONANCES & DISORD] ?AT FILL$ ME2 ,I FELT VULN]ABLE & 
OP5 TO PUBLIC ACCUSATION4 ,9 MY EYES MY FELL[S CEAS$ TO BE ! RESPECTFUL PUBLIC TO :I* ,I WAS 
ACCU/OM$4 ,! CIRCLE ( :I* ,I WAS ! C5T] BROKE & !Y L9$ UP 9 A R[ AS ON ! JUDGE'S 
B5*4 ,9 %ORT1 ! MOM5T ,I GRASP$ ?AT !RE WAS SOME?+ TO JUDGE 9 ME1 ,I REALIZ$ ?AT !RE 
WAS 9 !M AN IRRESI/IBLE VOCATION = JUDGM5T4 ,YES1 !Y W]E !RE AS BE=E1 BUT !Y W]E 
LAU<+4 ,OR RA!R IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT EV]Y ONE ,I 5C\NT]$ WAS LOOK+ AT ME ) A HIDD5 
SMILE4 ,I EV5 HAD ! IMPRESSION1 AT ?AT TIME1 ?AT PEOPLE W]E TRIPP+ ME UP4 ,TWO OR ?REE TIMES1 
9 FACT1 ,I /UMBL$ AS ,I 5T]$ PUBLIC PLACES4 ,ONCE1 EV51 ,I W5T SPRAWL+ ON ! FLOOR4 ,! 
,C>TESIAN ,FR5*MAN 9 ME DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO CAT* HOLD ( HIMSELF & ATTRIBUTE ?OSE 
ACCID5TS TO ! ONLY REASONABLE DIV9ITY--?AT IS1 *ANCE4 ,NONE!LESS1 MY DI/RU/ REMA9$4 

,ONCE MY ATT5TION WAS >\S$1 IT WAS NOT H>D = ME TO DISCOV] ?AT ,I HAD 5EMIES4 ,9 MY 
PR(ESSION1 TO BEG9 )1 & ALSO 9 MY SOCIAL LIFE4 ,SOME AMONG !M ,I HAD OBLIG$4 ,O!RS ,I 
%\LD HAVE OBLIG$4 ,ALL ?AT1 AFT] ALL1 WAS NATURAL1 & ,I DISCOV]$ IT )\T TOO MU* GRIEF4 ,IT WAS 
H>D] & MORE PA9FUL1 ON ! O!R H&1 TO ADMIT ?AT ,I HAD 5EMIES AMONG PEOPLE ,I H>DLY 
KNEW OR DIDN'T KN[ AT ALL4 ,I HAD ALWAYS ?\<T1 ) ! +5U\SNESS ,I HAVE ALREADY ILLU/RAT$ TO 
Y\1 ?AT ?OSE :O DIDN'T KN[ ME C\LDN'T RESI/ LIK+ ME IF !Y CAME TO KN[ ME4 ,NOT AT ALL6 ,I 
5C\NT]$ HO/ILITY ESPECIALLY AMONG ?OSE :O KNEW ME ONLY AT A DI/ANCE )\T MY KN[+ 
!M MYSELF4 ,D\BTLESS !Y SUSPECT$ ME ( LIV+ FULLY1 GIV5 UP COMPLETELY TO HAPP9ESS2 & ?AT 
CANNOT BE =GIV54 ,! LOOK ( SUCCESS1 :5 IT IS WORN 9 A C]TA9 WAY1 W\LD 9FURIATE A JACKASS4 

,!N AGA91 MY LIFE WAS FULL TO BUR/+1 & = LACK ( TIME1 ,I US$ TO REFUSE MANY ADVANCES4 ,!N ,I 
W\LD =GET MY REFUSALS1 = ! SAME REASON4 ,BUT ?OSE ADVANCES HAD BE5 MADE ME BY PEOPLE 
:OSE LIVES W]E NOT FULL & :O1 = ?AT V]Y REASON1 W\LD REMEMB] MY REFUSALS4 

,?US IT IS ?AT 9 ! 5D1 TO TAKE BUT ONE EXAMPLE1 WOM5 CO/ ME DE>4 ,! TIME ,I US$ TO 
DEVOTE TO !M ,I C\LDN'T GIVE TO M51 :O DIDN'T ALWAYS =GIVE ME ?IS4 ,IS !RE ANY WAY \T8 

,Y\R SUCCESSES & HAPP9ESS >E =GIV5 Y\ ONLY IF Y\ G5]\SLY CONS5T TO %>E !M4 ,BUT TO 
BE HAPPY IT IS ESS5TIAL NOT TO BE TOO CONC]N$ ) O!RS4 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 !RE IS NO ESCAPE4 

,HAPPY & JUDG$1 OR ABSOLV$ & WRET*$4 ,AS = ME1 ! 9JU/ICE WAS EV5 GREAT]3 ,I WAS 
CONDEMN$ = PA/ SUCCESSES4 ,= A LONG TIME ,I HAD LIV$ 9 ! ILLUSION ( A G5]AL AGREEM5T1 
:]EAS1 FROM ALL SIDES1 JUDGM5TS1 >R[S1 MOCK]IES RA9$ UPON ME1 9ATT5TIVE & SMIL+4 ,! 
DAY ,I WAS AL]T$ ,I BECAME LUCID2 ,I RECEIV$ ALL ! W\NDS AT ! SAME TIME & LO/ MY /R5G? ALL 
AT ONCE4 ,! :OLE UNIV]SE !N BEGAN TO LAU< AT ME4 

,?AT IS :AT NO MAN 7EXCEPT ?OSE :O >E NOT REALLY ALIVE--9 O!R WORDS1 WISE M57 CAN 
5DURE4 ,SPITEFULNESS IS ! ONLY POSSIBLE O/5TATION4 ,PEOPLE HA/5 TO JUDGE 9 ORD] NOT TO BE 
JUDG$ !MSELVES4 ,:AT DO Y\ EXPECT8 ,! IDEA ?AT COMES MO/ NATURALLY TO MAN1 AS IF FROM 
HIS V]Y NATURE1 IS ! IDEA ( HIS 9NOC5CE4 ,FROM ?IS PO9T ( VIEW1 WE >E ALL LIKE ?AT LITTLE 
,FR5*MAN AT ,BU*5WALD :O 9SI/$ ON REGI/]+ A COMPLA9T ) ! CL]K1 HIMSELF A PRISON]1 
:O WAS RECORD+ HIS >RIVAL4 ,A COMPLA9T8 ,! CL]K & HIS COMRADES LAU<$3 0,USELESS1 OLD MAN4 

,Y\ DON'T LODGE A COMPLA9T H]E40 0,BUT Y\ SEE1 SIR10 SAID ! LITTLE ,FR5*MAN1 0MY CASE IS 
EXCEPTIONAL ,I AM 9NOC5T60 
,WE >E ALL EXCEPTIONAL CASES4 ,WE ALL WANT TO APPEAL AGA9/ SOME?+6 ,EA* ( US 9SI/S ON BE+ 
9NOC5T AT ALL CO/1 EV5 IF HE HAS TO ACCUSE ! :OLE HUMAN RACE & HEAV5 ITSELF4 ,Y\ WON'T 
DELI<T A MAN BY COMPLIM5T+ HIM ON ! EF=TS BY :I* HE HAS BECOME 9TELLIG5T OR G5]\S4 

,ON ! O!R H&1 HE WILL BEAM IF Y\ ADMIRE HIS NATURAL G5]OSITY4 ,9V]SELY1 IF Y\ TELL A CRIM9AL 
?AT HIS CRIME IS NOT DUE TO HIS NATURE OR HIS *>ACT] BUT TO UN=TUNATE CIRCUM/ANCES1 HE WILL BE 
EXTRAVAGANTLY GRATEFUL TO Y\4 ,DUR+ ! C\NSEL'S SPEE*1 ?IS IS ! MOM5T HE WILL *OOSE TO 
WEEP4 ,YET !RE IS NO CR$IT 9 BE+ HONE/ OR 9TELLIG5T BY BIR?4 ,JU/ AS ONE IS SURELY NO MORE 
RESPONSIBLE = BE+ A CRIM9AL BY NATURE ?AN = BE+ A CRIM9AL BY CIRCUM/ANCE4 ,BUT ?OSE 
RASCALS WANT GRACE1 ?AT IS1 IRRESPONSIBILITY1 & !Y %AMELESSLY ALLEGE ! JU/IFICATIONS ( NATURE OR 
! EXCUSES ( CIRCUM/ANCES1 EV5 IF !Y >E CONTRADICTORY4 ,! ESS5TIAL ?+ IS ?AT !Y %\LD 
BE 9NOC5T1 ?AT !IR VIRTUES1 BY GRACE ( BIR?1 %\LD NOT BE QUE/ION$ & ?AT !IR MISDE$S1 
BORN ( A MOM5T>Y MIS=TUNE1 %\LD NEV] BE MORE ?AN PROVISIONAL4 ,AS ,I TOLD Y\1 IT'S A MATT] 
( DODG+ JUDGM5T4 ,S9CE IT IS H>D TO DODGE IT1 TRICKY TO GET ONE'S NATURE SIMULTANE\SLY ADMIR$ 
& EXCUS$1 !Y ALL /RIVE TO BE RI*4 ,:Y8 ,DID Y\ EV] ASK Y\RSELF8 ,= P[]1 ( C\RSE4 ,BUT 
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE WEAL? %IELDS FROM IMM$IATE JUDGM5T1 TAKES Y\ \T ( ! SUBWAY CR[D TO 
5CLOSE Y\ 9 A *ROMIUM-PLAT$ AUTOMOBILE1 ISOLATES Y\ 9 HUGE PROTECT$ LAWNS1 ,PULLMANS1 FIR/- 
CLASS CAB9S4 ,WEAL?1 *] AMI1 IS NOT QUITE ACQUITTAL1 BUT REPRIEVE1 & ?AT'S ALWAYS WOR? TAK+4 

,ABOVE ALL1 DON'T BELIEVE Y\R FRI5DS :5 !Y ASK Y\ TO BE S9C]E ) !M4 ,!Y M]ELY 
HOPE Y\ WILL 5C\RAGE !M 9 ! GOOD OP9ION !Y HAVE ( !MSELVES BY PROVID+ !M 
) ! ADDITIONAL ASSURANCE !Y WILL F9D 9 Y\R PROMISE ( S9C]ITY4 ,H[ C\LD S9C]ITY BE A 
CONDITION ( FRI5D%IP8 ,A LIK+ = TRU? AT ANY CO/ IS A PASSION ?AT SP>ES NO?+ & ?AT 
NO?+ RESI/S4 ,IT'S A VICE1 AT TIMES A COM=T1 OR A SELFI%NESS4 ,!RE=E1 IF Y\ >E 9 ?AT SITUATION1 
DON'T HESITATE3 PROMISE TO TELL ! TRU? & !N LIE AS BE/ Y\ CAN4 ,Y\ WILL SATISFY !IR HIDD5 
DESIRE & D\BLY PROVE Y\R AFFECTION4 

,?IS IS SO TRUE ?AT WE R>ELY CONFIDE 9 ?OSE :O >E BETT] ?AN WE4 ,RA!R1 WE >E MORE 9- 
CL9$ TO FLEE !IR SOCIETY4 ,MO/ (T51 ON ! O!R H&1 WE CONFESS TO ?OSE :O >E LIKE US & 
:O %>E \R WEAKNESSES4 ,H5CE WE DON'T WANT TO IMPROVE \RSELVES OR BE BETT]$1 = WE %\LD 
FIR/ HAVE TO BE JUDG$ 9 DEFAULT4 ,WE M]ELY WI% TO BE PITI$ & 5C\RAG$ 9 ! C\RSE WE HAVE 
*OS54 ,9 %ORT1 WE %\LD LIKE1 AT ! SAME TIME1 TO CEASE BE+ GUILTY & YET NOT TO MAKE ! 
EF=T ( CLEANS+ \RSELVES4 ,NOT 5\< CYNICISM & NOT 5\< VIRTUE4 ,WE LACK ! 5]GY ( 
EVIL AS WELL AS ! 5]GY ( GOOD4 ,DO Y\ KN[ ,DANTE8 ,REALLY8 ,! DEVIL Y\ SAY6 ,!N Y\ KN[ 
?AT ,DANTE ACCEPTS ! IDEA ( NEUTRAL ANGELS 9 ! QU>REL BETWE5 ,GOD & ,SATAN4 ,& HE 
PUTS !M 9 ,LIMBO1 A SORT ( VE/IBULE ( HIS ,HELL4 ,WE >E 9 ! VE/IBULE1 *] AMI4 

,PATI5CE8 ,Y\ >E PROBABLY RI<T4 ,IT W\LD TAKE PATI5CE TO WAIT = ! ,LA/ ,JUDGM5T4 ,BUT ?AT'S 
IT1 WE'RE 9 A HURRY4 ,SO MU* 9 A HURRY1 9 DE$1 ?AT ,I WAS OBLIG$ TO MAKE MYSELF A JUDGE-P5IT5T4 

,H[EV]1 ,I FIR/ HAD TO MAKE %IFT ) MY DISCOV]IES & PUT MYSELF RI<T ) MY CONTEMPOR>IES' 
LAU<T]4 ,FROM ! EV5+ :5 ,I WAS CALL$--= ,I WAS REALLY CALL$--,I HAD TO ANSW] OR AT LEA/ 
SEEK AN ANSW]4 ,IT WASN'T EASY2 = SOME TIME ,I FL\ND]$4 ,TO BEG9 )1 ?AT P]PETUAL LAU< & 
! LAU<]S HAD TO TEA* ME TO SEE CLE>LY )9 ME & TO DISCOV] AT LA/ ?AT ,I WAS NOT SIMPLE4 

,DON'T SMILE2 ?AT TRU? IS NOT SO BASIC AS IT SEEMS4 ,:AT WE CALL BASIC TRU?S >E SIMPLY ! ONES WE 
DISCOV] AFT] ALL ! O!RS4 

,H[EV] ?AT MAY BE1 AFT] PROLONG$ RESE>* ON MYSELF1 ,I BR\<T \T ! FUNDAM5TAL 
DUPLICITY ( ! HUMAN BE+4 ,!N ,I REALIZ$1 AS A RESULT ( DELV+ 9 MY MEMORY1 ?AT MODE/Y 
HELP$ ME TO %9E1 HUMILITY TO CONQU]1 & VIRTUE TO OPPRESS4 ,I US$ TO WAGE W> BY PEACEFUL 
MEANS & EV5TUALLY US$ TO A*IEVE1 ?R\< DIS9T]E/$ MEANS1 EV]Y?+ ,I DESIR$4 ,= 
9/ANCE1 ,I NEV] COMPLA9$ ?AT MY BIR?DAY WAS OV]LOOK$2 PEOPLE W]E EV5 SURPRIS$1 ) A 
T\* ( ADMIRATION1 BY MY DISCRETION ON ?IS SUBJECT4 ,BUT ! REASON = MY DIS9T]E/$NESS WAS 
EV5 MORE DISCREET3 ,I LONG$ TO BE =GOTT5 9 ORD] TO BE ABLE TO COMPLA9 TO MYSELF4 ,SEV]AL DAYS 
BE=E ! FAM\S DATE 7:I* ,I KNEW V]Y WELL7 ,I WAS ON ! AL]T1 EAG] TO LET NO?+ SLIP ?AT 
MI<T >\SE ! ATT5TION & MEMORY ( ?OSE ON :OSE LAPSE ,I WAS C\NT+ 7DIDN'T ,I ONCE GO SO 
F> AS TO CONTEMPLATE FALSIFY+ A FRI5D'S CAL5D>874 ,ONCE MY SOLITUDE WAS ?OR\<LY PROV$1 ,I 
C\LD SURR5D] TO ! *>MS ( A VIRILE SELF-PITY4 

,?US ! SURFACE ( ALL MY VIRTUES HAD A LESS IMPOS+ REV]SE SIDE4 ,IT IS TRUE ?AT1 9 ANO!R 
S5SE1 MY %ORTCOM+S TURN$ TO MY ADVANTAGE4 ,= EXAMPLE1 ! OBLIGATION ,I FELT TO CONCEAL ! 
VICI\S P>T ( MY LIFE GAVE ME A COLD LOOK ?AT WAS CONFUS$ ) ! LOOK ( VIRTUE2 MY 
9DIFF]5CE MADE ME LOV$2 MY SELFI%NESS W\ND UP 9 MY G5]OSITIES4 ,I /OP !RE1 = TOO GREAT 
A SYMMETRY W\LD UPSET MY >GUM5T4 ,BUT AFT] ALL1 ,I PRES5T$ A H>% EXT]IOR & YET C\LD 
NEV] RESI/ ! (F] ( A GLASS OR ( A WOMAN6 ,I WAS CONSID]$ ACTIVE1 5]GETIC1 & MY K+DOM 
WAS ! B$4 ,I US$ TO ADV]TISE MY LOYALTY & ,I DON'T BELIEVE !RE IS A S+LE P]SON ,I LOV$ ?AT ,I 
DIDN'T EV5TUALLY BETRAY4 ,( C\RSE1 MY BETRAYALS DIDN'T /& 9 ! WAY ( MY FIDELITY2 ,I US$ TO 
KNOCK (F A CONSID]ABLE PILE ( WORK ?R\< SUCCESSIVE P]IODS ( IDL5ESS2 & ,I HAD NEV] CEAS$ 
AID+ MY NEI<BOR1 ?ANKS TO MY 5JOYM5T 9 DO+ SO4 ,BUT H[EV] MU* ,I REPEAT$ SU* FACTS 
TO MYSELF1 !Y GAVE ME BUT SUP]FICIAL CONSOLATIONS4 ,C]TA9 MORN+S1 ,I W\LD GET UP ! CASE 
AGA9/ MYSELF MO/ ?OR\<LY1 COM+ TO ! CONCLUSION ?AT ,I EXCELL$ ABOVE ALL 9 SCORN4 ,! 
V]Y PEOPLE ,I HELP$ MO/ (T5 W]E ! MO/ SCORN$4 ,C\RTE\SLY1 ) A SOLID>ITY *>G$ ) 
EMOTION1 ,I US$ TO SPIT DAILY 9 ! FACE ( ALL ! BL9D4 

,TELL ME FRANKLY1 IS !RE ANY EXCUSE = ?AT8 ,!RE IS ONE1 BUT SO WRET*$ ?AT ,I CANNOT DREAM 
( ADVANC+ IT4 ,9 ANY CASE1 H]E IT IS3 ,I HAVE NEV] BE5 REALLY ABLE TO BELIEVE ?AT HUMAN AFFAIRS 
W]E S]I\S MATT]S4 ,I HAD NO IDEA :]E ! S]I\S MI<T LIE1 EXCEPT ?AT IT WAS NOT 9 ALL ?IS ,I 
SAW >\ND ME--:I* SEEM$ TO ME M]ELY AN AMUS+ GAME1 OR TIRESOME4 ,!RE >E REALLY EF=TS 
& CONVICTIONS ,I HAVE NEV] BE5 ABLE TO UND]/&4 ,I ALWAYS LOOK$ ) AMAZEM5T1 & A 
C]TA9 SUSPICION1 ON ?OSE /RANGE CREATURES :O DI$ = MONEY1 FELL 9TO DESPAIR OV] ! LOSS ( A 
0POSITION10 OR SACRIFIC$ !MSELVES ) A HI< & MI<TY MANN] = ! PROSP]ITY ( !IR 
FAMILY4 ,I C\LD BETT] UND]/& ?AT FRI5D :O HAD MADE UP HIS M9D TO /OP SMOK+ & 
?R\< %E] WILL P[] HAD SUCCE$$4 ,ONE MORN+ HE OP5$ ! PAP]1 READ ?AT ! FIR/ ,H- 
BOMB HAD BE5 EXPLOD$1 LE>N$ AB\T ITS WOND]FUL EFFECTS1 & HA/5$ TO A TOBACCO %OP4 

,TO BE SURE1 ,I OCCASIONALLY PRET5D$ TO TAKE LIFE S]I\SLY4 ,BUT V]Y SOON ! FRIVOLITY ( S]I\S- 
NESS /RUCK ME & ,I M]ELY W5T ON PLAY+ MY ROLE AS WELL AS ,I C\LD4 ,I PLAY$ AT BE+ EFFICI5T1 
9TELLIG5T1 VIRTU\S1 CIVIC-M9D$1 %OCK$1 9DULG5T1 FELL[-SPIRIT$1 $IFY+ 444 ,9 %ORT1 !RE'S NO 
NE$ ( GO+ ON1 Y\ HAVE ALREADY GRASP$ ?AT ,I WAS LIKE MY ,DUT*M5 :O >E H]E )\T 
BE+ H]E3 ,I WAS ABS5T AT ! MOM5T :5 ,I TOOK UP ! MO/ SPACE4 ,I HAVE NEV] BE5 REALLY 
S9C]E & 5?USIA/IC EXCEPT :5 ,I US$ TO 9DULGE 9 SPORTS1 & 9 ! >MY1 :5 ,I US$ TO ACT 
9 PLAYS WE PUT ON = \R [N AMUSEM5T4 ,9 BO? CASES !RE WAS A RULE ( ! GAME1 :I* WAS 
NOT S]I\S BUT :I* WE 5JOY$ TAK+ AS IF IT W]E4 ,EV5 N[1 ! ,SUNDAY MAT*ES 9 AN OV]- 
FL[+ /ADIUM1 & ! !AT]1 :I* ,I LOV$ ) ! GREATE/ PASSION1 >E ! ONLY PLACES 9 ! 
WORLD :]E ,I FEEL 9NOC5T4 

,BUT :O W\LD CONSID] SU* AN ATTITUDE LEGITIMATE 9 ! FACE ( LOVE1 DEA?1 & ! WAGES ( 
! POOR8 ,YET :AT CAN BE DONE AB\T IT8 ,I C\LD IMAG9E ! LOVE ( ,ISOLDE ONLY 9 NOVELS OR ON ! 
/AGE4 ,AT TIMES PEOPLE ON !IR DEA?B$ SEEM$ TO ME CONV9C$ ( !IR ROLES4 ,! L9ES SPOK5 BY 
MY POOR CLI5TS ALWAYS /RUCK ME AS FITT+ ! SAME PATT]N4 ,:5CE1 LIV+ AMONG M5 )\T 
%>+ !IR 9T]E/S1 ,I C\LD NOT MANAGE TO BELIEVE 9 ! COMMITM5TS ,I MADE4 ,I WAS C\RTE\S 
& 9DOL5T 5\< TO LIVE UP TO :AT WAS EXPECT$ ( ME 9 MY PR(ESSION1 MY FAMILY1 OR MY CIVIC 
LIFE1 BUT EA* TIME ) A SORT ( 9DIFF]5CE ?AT SPOIL$ EV]Y?+4 ,I LIV$ MY :OLE LIFE UND] A 
D\BLE CODE1 & MY MO/ S]I\S ACTS W]E (T5 ! ONES 9 :I* ,I WAS ! LEA/ 9VOLV$4 

,WASN'T ?AT AFT] ALL ! REASON ?AT1 ADD$ TO MY BLUND]S1 ,I C\LD NOT =GIVE MYSELF1 ?AT MADE ME 
REVOLT MO/ VIOL5TLY AGA9/ ! JUDGM5T ,I FELT =M+1 9 ME & >\ND ME1 & ?AT =C$ ME 
TO SEEK AN ESCAPE8 

,= SOME TIME1 MY LIFE CONT9U$ \TW>DLY AS IF NO?+ HAD *ANG$ ,I WAS ON RAILS & SPE$- 
+ AHEAD ,AS IF PURPOSELY1 PEOPLE'S PRAISES 9CREAS$4 ,& ?AT'S JU/ :]E ! TR\BLE CAME FROM4 

,Y\ REMEMB] ! REM>K3 0,WOE TO Y\ :5 ALL M5 SPEAK WELL ( Y\60 ,AH1 ! ONE :O SAID 
?AT SPOKE WORDS ( WISDOM6 ,WOE TO ME6 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 ! 5G9E BEGAN TO HAVE :IMS1 
9EXPLICABLE BREAKD[NS4 

,!N IT WAS ?AT ! ?\<T ( DEA? BUR/ 9TO MY DAILY LIFE4 ,I W\LD MEASURE ! YE>S 
SEP>AT+ ME FROM MY 5D ,I W\LD LOOK = EXAMPLES ( M5 ( MY AGE :O W]E ALREADY DEAD4 

,& ,I WAS TORM5T$ BY ! ?\<T ?AT ,I MI<T NOT HAVE TIME TO ACCOMPLI% MY TASK4 ,:AT TASK8 ,I 
HAD NO IDEA4 ,FRANKLY1 WAS :AT ,I WAS DO+ WOR? CONT9U+8 ,BUT ?AT WAS NOT QUITE IT4 ,A RIDICUL\S 
FE> PURSU$ ME1 9 FACT3 ONE C\LD NOT DIE )\T HAV+ CONFESS$ ALL ONE'S LIES4 ,NOT TO ,GOD 
OR TO ONE ( HIS REPRES5TATIVES2 ,I WAS ABOVE ?AT1 AS Y\ WELL IMAG9E4 ,NO1 IT WAS A MATT] ( 
CONFESS+ TO M51 TO A FRI5D1 TO A BELOV$ WOMAN1 = EXAMPLE4 ,O!RWISE1 W]E !RE BUT ONE LIE 
HIDD5 9 A LIFE1 DEA? MADE IT DEF9ITIVE4 ,NO ONE1 EV] AGA91 W\LD KN[ ! TRU? ON ?IS PO9T1 
S9CE ! ONLY ONE TO KN[ IT WAS PRECISELY ! DEAD MAN SLEEP+ ON HIS SECRET4 ,?AT ABSOLUTE 
MURD] ( A TRU? US$ TO MAKE ME DIZZY4 ,TODAY1 LET ME 9T]JECT1 IT W\LD CAUSE ME1 9/EAD1 SUBTLE 
JOYS4 ,! IDEA1 = 9/ANCE1 ?AT ,I AM ! ONLY ONE TO KN[ :AT EV]YONE IS LOOK+ = & ?AT ,I 
HAVE AT HOME AN OBJECT :I* KEPT ! POLICE ( ?REE C\NTRIES ON ! RUN IS A %E] DELI<T4 ,BUT 
LET'S NOT GO 9TO ?AT4 ,AT ! TIME1 ,I HAD NOT YET F\ND ! RECIPE & ,I WAS FRETT+4 

,I PULL$ MYSELF TOGE!R1 ( C\RSE4 ,:AT DID ONE MAN'S LIE MATT] 9 ! HI/ORY ( G5]ATIONS8 

,& :AT PRET5SION TO WANT TO DRAG \T 9TO ! FULL LI<T ( TRU? A PALTRY FRAUD1 LO/ 9 ! SEA ( 
AGES LIKE A GRA9 ( S& 9 ! OCEAN6 ,I ALSO TOLD MYSELF ?AT ! BODY'S DEA?1 TO JUDGE FROM ?OSE ,I 
HAD SE51 WAS 9 ITSELF SUFFICI5T PUNI%M5T ?AT ABSOLV$ ALL4 ,SALVATION WAS WON 7?AT IS1 ! 
RI<T TO DISAPPE> DEF9ITIVELY7 9 ! SWEAT ( ! DEA? AGONY4 ,NONE!LESS ! DISCOM=T GREW2 
DEA? WAS FAI?FUL AT MY B$SIDE2 ,I US$ TO GET UP ) IT EV]Y MORN+1 & COMPLIM5TS BECAME 
MORE & MORE UNBE>ABLE TO ME4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ! FALSEHOOD 9CREAS$ ) !M SO 
9ORD9ATELY ?AT NEV] AGA9 C\LD ,I PUT MYSELF RI<T4 

,A DAY CAME :5 ,I C\LD BE> IT NO LONG]4 ,MY FIR/ REACTION WAS EXCESSIVE4 ,S9CE ,I WAS A LI>1 ,I 
W\LD REVEAL ?IS & HURL MY DUPLICITY 9 ! FACE ( ALL ?OSE IMBECILES1 EV5 BE=E !Y DISCOV- 
]$ IT4 ,PROVOK$ TO TRU?1 ,I W\LD ACCEPT ! *ALL5GE4 ,9 ORD] TO =E/ALL ! LAU<T]1 ,I DREAM$ 
( HURL+ MYSELF 9TO ! G5]AL D]ISION4 ,9 %ORT1 IT WAS /ILL A QUE/ION ( DODG+ JUDGM5T4 ,I 
WANT$ TO PUT ! LAU<]S ON MY SIDE1 OR AT LEA/ TO PUT MYSELF ON !IR SIDE4 ,I CONTEMPLAT$1 = 9- 
/ANCE1 JO/L+ ! BL9D ON ! /REET2 & FROM ! SECRET1 UNEXPECT$ JOY ?IS GAVE ME ,I RECOGNIZ$ 
H[ MU* A P>T ( MY S\L LOA!D !M2 ,I PLANN$ TO PUNCTURE ! TIRES ( 9VALIDS' VEHICLES1 TO GO 
& %\T 0,L\SY PROLET>IAN0 UND] ! SCAFFOLD+S ON :I* LABOR]S W]E WORK+1 TO SLAP 
9FANTS 9 ! SUBWAY4 ,I DREAM$ ( ALL ?AT & DID NONE ( IT1 OR IF ,I DID SOME?+ ( ! SORT1 
,I HAVE =GOTT5 IT4 ,9 ANY CASE1 ! V]Y WORD 0JU/ICE0 GAVE ME /RANGE FITS ( RAGE4 ,I CONT9U$1 ( 
NECESSITY1 TO USE IT 9 MY SPEE*ES TO ! C\RT4 ,BUT ,I TOOK MY REV5GE BY PUBLICLY 9VEI<+ AGA9/ 
! HUMANIT>IAN SPIRIT2 ,I ANN\NC$ ! PUBLICATION ( A MANIFE/O EXPOS+ ! OPPRESSION ?AT ! 
OPPRESS$ 9FLICT ON DEC5T PEOPLE4 ,ONE DAY :ILE ,I WAS EAT+ LOB/] AT A SIDEWALK RE/AURANT & A 
BEGG> BO!R$ ME1 ,I CALL$ ! PROPRIETOR TO DRIVE HIM AWAY & L\DLY APPROV$ ! WORDS ( ?AT 
ADM9I/RATOR ( JU/ICE3 0,Y\ >E EMB>RASS+ PEOPLE10 HE SAID4 0,JU/ PUT Y\RSELF 9 ! PLACE ( 
!SE LADIES & G5TS1 AFT] ALL60 ,F9ALLY1 ,I US$ TO EXPRESS1 TO :OEV] W\LD LI/51 MY REGRET ?AT IT 
WAS NO LONG] POSSIBLE TO ACT LIKE A C]TA9 ,RUSSIAN L&[N] :OSE *>ACT] ,I ADMIR$4 ,HE W\LD 
HAVE A BEAT+ ADM9I/]$ BO? TO HIS PEASANTS :O B[$ TO HIM & TO ?OSE :O DIDN'T B[ TO 
HIM 9 ORD] TO PUNI% A BOLDNESS HE CONSID]$ EQUALLY IMPUD5T 9 BO? CASES4 

,H[EV]1 ,I RECALL MORE S]I\S EXCESSES4 ,I BEGAN TO WRITE AN 0,ODE TO ! ,POLICE0 & AN 
0,APO!OSIS ( ! ,GUILLOT9E40 ,ABOVE ALL1 ,I US$ TO =CE MYSELF TO VISIT REGUL>LY ! SPECIAL CAFES 
:]E \R PR(ESSIONAL HUMANIT>IAN FREE ?9K]S GA!R$4 ,MY GOOD PA/ RECORD ASSUR$ ME ( A 
WELCOME4 ,!RE1 )\T SEEM+ TO1 ,I W\LD LET FLY A =BIDD5 EXPRESSION3 0,?ANK ,GOD 4440 ,I 
W\LD SAY1 OR MORE SIMPLY3 0,MY ,GOD 4440 ,Y\ KN[ :AT %Y LITTLE *ILDR5 \R CAFE A!I/S >E4 ,A 
MOM5T ( AMAZEM5T W\LD FOLL[ ?AT \TRAGE\S EXPRESSION1 !Y W\LD LOOK AT ONE ANO!R 
DUMBF\ND$1 !N ! TUMULT W\LD BUR/ =?4 ,SOME W\LD FLEE ! CAFE1 O!RS W\LD GABBLE 
9DIGNANTLY )\T LI/5+ TO ANY?+1 & ALL W\LD WRI! 9 CONVULSIONS LIKE ! DEVIL 9 HOLY 
WAT]4 

,Y\ MU/ LOOK ON ?AT AS *ILDI%4 ,YET MAYBE !RE WAS A MORE S]I\S REASON = ?OSE LITTLE 
JOKES4 ,I WANT$ TO UPSET ! GAME & ABOVE ALL TO DE/ROY ?AT FLATT]+ REPUTATION1 ! ?\<T ( 
:I* ?REW ME 9TO A RAGE4 0,A MAN LIKE Y\ 4440 PEOPLE W\LD SAY SWEETLY1 & ,I W\LD BLAN*4 ,I 
DIDN'T WANT !IR E/EEM BECAUSE IT WASN'T G5]AL1 & H[ C\LD IT BE G5]AL1 S9CE ,I C\LDN'T %>E 
IT8 ,H5CE IT WAS BETT] TO COV] EV]Y?+1 JUDGM5T & E/EEM1 ) A CLOAK ( RIDICULE4 ,I HAD TO 
 LIB]ATE AT ALL CO/ ! FEEL+ ?AT WAS /IFL+ ME4 ,9 ORD] TO REVEAL TO ALL EYES :AT HE WAS 
MADE (1 ,I WANT$ TO BREAK OP5 ! H&SOME WAG-FIGURE ,I PRES5T$ EV]Y:]E4 ,= 9/ANCE1 ,I 
RECALL AN 9=MAL LECTURE ,I HAD TO GIVE TO A GR\P ( Y\NG FL$GL+ LAWY]S4 ,IRRITAT$ BY ! 
FANTA/IC PRAISES ( ! PRESID5T ( ! B>1 :O HAD 9TRODUC$ ME1 ,I C\LDN'T RESI/ LONG4 ,I HAD 
BEGUN ) ! 5?USIASM & EMOTION EXPECT$ ( ME1 :I* ,I HAD NO TR\BLE SUMMON+ UP ON 
ORD]4 ,BUT ,I SUDD5LY BEGAN TO ADVISE ALLIANCE AS A SY/EM ( DEF5SE4 ,NOT1 ,I SAID1 ?AT ALLIANCE 
P]FECT$ BY MOD]N 9QUISITIONS :I* JUDGE SIMULTANE\SLY A ?IEF & AN HONE/ MAN 9 ORD] TO 
CRU% ! SECOND UND] ! CRIMES ( ! FIR/4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I MEANT TO DEF5D ! ?IEF BY 
EXPOS+ ! CRIMES ( ! HONE/ MAN1 ! LAWY] 9 ?IS 9/ANCE4 ,I EXPLA9$ MYSELF V]Y CLE>LY ON 
?IS PO9T3 

0,LET US SUPPOSE ?AT ,I HAVE ACCEPT$ ! DEF5SE ( SOME T\*+ CITIZ51 A MURD]] ?R\< 
JEAL\SY4 ,G5TLEM5 ( ! JURY1 CONSID]1 ,I %\LD SAY1 H[ V5IAL IT IS TO GET ANGRY :5 ONE SEES 
ONE'S NATURAL GOODNESS PUT TO ! TE/ BY ! MALIGNITY ( ! FAIR SEX4 ,IS IT NOT MORE S]I\S1 ON ! 
 CONTR>Y1 TO BE BY *ANCE ON ?IS SIDE ( ! B>1 ON MY [N B5*1 )\T EV] HAV+ BE5 
GOOD OR SUFF]$ FROM BE+ DUP$8 ,I AM FREE1 %IELD$ FROM Y\R SEV]ITIES1 YET :O AM ,I8 ,A ,L\IS 
,X,I,V 9 PRIDE1 A BILLY GOAT = LU/1 A ,PH>AOH = WRA?1 A K+ ( LAZ9ESS4 ,I HAV5'T KILL$ ANYONE8 

,NOT YET1 TO BE SURE6 ,BUT HAVE ,I NOT LET DES]V+ CREATURES DIE8 ,MAYBE4 ,& MAYBE ,I AM READY TO DO 
SO AGA94 ,:]EAS ?IS MAN--JU/ LOOK AT HIM--WILL NOT DO SO AGA94 ,HE IS /ILL QUITE AMAZ$ TO HAVE 
ACCOMPLI%$ :AT HE HAS40 ,?IS SPEE* RA!R UPSET MY Y\NG COLLEAGUES4 ,AFT] A MOM5T1 !Y 
MADE UP !IR M9DS TO LAU< AT IT4 ,!Y BECAME COMPLETELY REASSUR$ :5 ,I GOT TO MY CONCLUSION1 
9 :I* ,I 9VOK$ ! HUMAN 9DIVIDUAL & HIS SUPPOS$ RI<TS4 ,?AT DAY1 HABIT WON \T4 

,BY REPEAT+ !SE PLEASANT 9DISCRETIONS1 ,I M]ELY SUCCE$$ 9 DISCONC]T+ OP9ION SOME:AT4 

,NOT 9 DIS>M+ IT1 OR ABOVE ALL 9 DIS>M+ MYSELF4 ,! AMAZEM5T ,I G5]ALLY 5C\NT]$ 9 MY 
LI/5]S1 !IR RA!R RETIC5T EMB>RASSM5T1 SOME:AT LIKE :AT Y\ >E %[+--NO1 DON'T 
PROTE/--DID NOT CALM ME AT ALL4 ,Y\ SEE1 IT IS NOT 5\< TO ACCUSE Y\RSELF 9 ORD] TO CLE> 
Y\RSELF2 O!RWISE1 ,I'D BE AS 9NOC5T AS A LAMB4 ,ONE MU/ ACCUSE ONESELF 9 A C]TA9 WAY1 :I* IT 
TOOK ME CONSID]ABLE TIME TO P]FECT4 ,I DID NOT DISCOV] IT UNTIL ,I FELL 9TO ! MO/ UTT]LY =LORN 
/ATE4 ,UNTIL !N1 ! LAU<T] CONT9U$ TO DRIFT MY WAY1 )\T MY R&OM EF=TS SUCCE$+ 9 
DIVE/+ IT ( ITS B5EVOL5T1 ALMO/ T5D] QUALITY ?AT HURT ME4 

,BUT ! SEA IS RIS+1 IT SEEMS TO ME4 ,IT WON'T BE LONG BE=E \R BOAT LEAVES2 ! DAY IS 5D+4 

,LOOK1 ! DOVES >E GA!R+ UP !RE4 ,!Y >E CR[D+ AGA9/ ONE ANO!R1 H>DLY /IRR+1 & 
! LI<T IS WAN+4 ,DON'T Y\ ?9K WE %\LD BE SIL5T TO 5JOY ?IS RA!R S9I/] MOM5T8 ,NO1 ,I 
9T]E/ Y\8 ,Y\ >E V]Y POLITE4 ,MOREOV]1 ,I N[ RUN ! RISK ( REALLY 9T]E/+ Y\4 ,BE=E EX- 
PLA9+ MYSELF ON ! SUBJECT ( JUDGES-P5IT5T1 ,I MU/ TALK TO Y\ ( DEBAU*]Y & ( ! LITTLE- 
EASE4 

O ,*APT] #e 
,V 

,Y\ >E WRONG1 *]1 ! BOAT IS GO+ AT TOP SPE$4 ,BUT ! ,ZUID] ,ZEE IS A DEAD SEA1 OR ALMO/4 

,) ITS FLAT %ORES1 LO/ 9 ! FOG1 !RE'S NO SAY+ :]E IT BEG9S OR 5DS4 ,SO WE >E /EAM+ 
ALONG )\T ANY L&M>K2 WE CAN'T GAUGE \R SPE$ ,WE >E MAK+ PROGRESS & YET NO?+ IS 
*ANG+4 ,IT'S NOT NAVIGATION BUT DREAM+4 

,9 ! ,GREEK >*IPELAGO ,I HAD ! CONTR>Y FEEL+4 ,CON/ANTLY NEW ISL&S W\LD APPE> ON ! 
HORIZON4 ,!IR TREELESS BACKBONE M>K$ ! LIMIT ( ! SKY & !IR ROCKY %ORE CONTRA/$ 
%>PLY ) ! SEA4 ,NO CONFUSION POSSIBLE2 9 ! %>P LI<T EV]Y?+ WAS A L&M>K4 ,& FROM 
ONE ISL& TO ANO!R1 CEASELESSLY ON \R LITTLE BOAT1 :I* WAS NEV]!LESS DAWDL+1 ,I FELT AS IF WE 
W]E SCUDD+ ALONG1 NI<T & DAY1 ON ! CRE/ ( ! %ORT1 COOL WAVES 9 A RACE FULL ( SPRAY & 
LAU<T]4 ,S9CE !N1 ,GREECE ITSELF DRIFTS SOME:]E )9 ME1 ON ! $GE ( MY MEMORY1 TIRELESSLY 
444 ,HOLD ON1 ,I1 TOO1 AM DRIFT+2 ,I AM BECOM+ LYRICAL6 ,/OP ME1 *]1 ,I BEG Y\4 

 ,BY ! WAY1 DO Y\ KN[ ,GREECE8 ,NO8 ,SO MU* ! BETT]4 ,:AT %\LD WE DO !RE1 ,I ASK 
Y\8 ,!RE ONE HAS TO BE PURE 9 HE>T4 ,DO Y\ KN[ ?AT !RE MALE FRI5DS WALK ALONG ! /REET 9 
PAIRS HOLD+ H&S8 ,YES1 ! WOM5 /AY HOME & Y\ (T5 SEE A MIDDLE-AG$1 RESPECTABLE MAN1 
SPORT+ MU/A*ES1 GRAVELY /RID+ ALONG ! SIDEWALKS1 HIS F+]S LOCK$ 9 ?OSE ( HIS FRI5D4 ,9 
! ,ORI5T LIKEWISE1 AT TIMES8 ,ALL RI<T4 ,BUT TELL ME1 W\LD Y\ TAKE MY H& 9 ! /REETS ( ,P>IS8 

,OH1 ,I'M JOK+4 ,WE HAVE A S5SE ( DECORUM2 SCUM MAKES US /ILT$4 ,BE=E APPE>+ 9 ! ,GREEK 
ISL&S1 WE %\LD HAVE TO WA% AT L5G?4 ,!RE ! AIR IS *A/E & S5SUAL 5JOYM5T AS 
TRANSP>5T AS ! SEA4 ,& WE 444 

,LET'S SIT D[N ON !SE /EAM] *AIRS4 ,:AT A FOG6 ,I 9T]RUPT$ MYSELF1 ,I BELIEVE1 ON ! WAY TO 
! LITTLE-EASE4 ,YES1 ,I'LL TELL Y\ :AT ,I MEAN4 ,AFT] HAV+ /RUGGL$1 AFT] HAV+ US$ UP ALL MY 9- 
SOL5T AIRS1 DISC\RAG$ BY ! USELESSNESS ( MY EF=TS1 ,I MADE UP MY M9D TO LEAVE ! SOCIETY ( 
M54 ,NO1 NO1 ,I DIDN'T LOOK = A DES]T ISL&2 !RE >E NO MORE4 ,I SIMPLY TOOK REFUGE AMONG 
WOM54 ,AS Y\ KN[1 !Y DON'T REALLY CONDEMN ANY WEAKNESS2 !Y W\LD BE MORE 9CL9$ TO 
TRY TO HUMILIATE OR DIS>M \R /R5G?4 ,?IS IS :Y WOMAN IS ! REW>D1 NOT ( ! W>RIOR1 BUT ( 
! CRIM9AL4 ,%E IS HIS H>BOR1 HIS HAV52 IT IS 9 A WOMAN'S B$ ?AT HE IS G5]ALLY >RE/$4 ,IS %E 
NOT ALL ?AT REMA9S TO US ( E>?LY P>ADISE8 ,9 DI/RESS1 ,I HA/5$ TO MY NATURAL H>BOR4 ,BUT ,I NO 
LONG] 9DULG$ 9 PRETTY SPEE*ES4 ,I /ILL GAMBL$ A LITTLE1 \T ( HABIT2 BUT 9V5TION WAS LACK+4 ,I 
HESITATE TO ADMIT IT = FE> ( US+ A FEW MORE NAU<TY WORDS3 IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT AT ?AT TIME ,I FELT 
! NE$ ( LOVE4 ,OBSC5E1 ISN'T IT8 ,9 ANY CASE1 ,I EXP]I5C$ A SECRET SUFF]+1 A SORT ( PRIVATION 
?AT MADE ME EMPTI] & ALL[$ ME1 P>TLY ?R\< OBLIGATION & P>TLY \T ( CURIOSITY1 TO MAKE 
A FEW COMMITM5TS4 ,9ASMU* AS ,I NE$$ TO LOVE & BE LOV$1 ,I ?\<T ,I WAS 9 LOVE4 ,9 O!R 
WORDS1 ,I ACT$ ! FOOL4 

,I (T5 CAU<T MYSELF ASK+ A QUE/ION :I*1 AS A MAN ( EXP]I5CE1 ,I HAD ALWAYS PREVI\SLY 
AVOID$4 ,I W\LD HE> MYSELF ASK+3 0,DO Y\ LOVE ME80 ,Y\ KN[ ?AT IT IS CU/OM>Y TO ANSW] 9 
SU* CASES3 0,& Y\80 ,IF ,I ANSW]$ YES1 ,I F\ND MYSELF COMMITT$ BEYOND MY REAL FEEL+S4 ,IF ,I 
 D>$ TO SAY NO1 ,I RAN ! RISK ( CEAS+ TO BE LOV$1 & ,I W\LD SUFF] !RE=4 ,! GREAT] 
! ?REAT TO ! FEEL+ 9 :I* ,I HAD HOP$ TO F9D CALM1 ! MORE ,I DEM&$ ?AT FEEL+ ( MY 
P>TN]4 ,H5CE ,I WAS L$ TO EV] MORE EXPLICIT PROMISES & CAME TO EXPECT ( MY HE>T AN EV] 
MORE SWEEP+ FEEL+4 ,?US ,I DEVELOP$ A DECEPTIVE PASSION = A *>M+ FOOL ( A WOMAN :O 
HAD SO ?OR\<LY READ 0TRUE LOVE0 /ORIES ?AT %E SPOKE ( LOVE ) ! ASSURANCE & CONVICTION 
( AN 9TELLECTUAL ANN\NC+ ! CLASSLESS SOCIETY4 ,SU* CONVICTION1 AS Y\ MU/ KN[1 IS CONTAGI\S4 

,I TRI$ MYSELF \T AT TALLY+ LIKEWISE ( LOVE & EV5TUALLY CONV9C$ MYSELF4 ,AT LEA/ UNTIL %E 
BECAME MY MI/RESS & ,I REALIZ$ ?AT ! 0TRUE LOVE0 /ORIES1 ?\< !Y TAU<T H[ TO TALK ( 
LOVE1 DID NOT TEA* H[ TO MAKE LOVE4 ,AFT] HAV+ LOV$ A P>ROT1 ,I HAD TO GO TO B$ ) A S]P5T4 

,SO ,I LOOK$ ELSE:]E = ! LOVE PROMIS$ BY BOOKS1 :I* ,I HAD NEV] 5C\NT]$ 9 LIFE4 

,BUT ,I LACK$ PRACTICE4 ,= MORE ?AN ?IRTY YE>S ,I HAD BE5 9 LOVE EXCLUSIVELY ) MYSELF4 ,:AT 
HOPE WAS !RE ( LOS+ SU* A HABIT8 ,I DIDN'T LOSE IT & REMA9$ A TRIFL] 9 PASSION4 ,I MULTIPLI$ 
 ! PROMISES4 ,I CONTRACT$ SIMULTANE\S LOVES AS1 AT AN E>LI] P]IOD1 ,I HAD MULTIPLE LIAISONS4 ,9 
?IS WAY ,I PIL$ UP MORE MIS=TUNES1 = O!RS1 ?AN AT ! TIME ( MY F9E 9DIFF]5CE4 ,HAVE ,I 
TOLD Y\ ?AT 9 DESPAIR MY P>ROT WANT$ TO LET H]SELF DIE ( HUNG]8 ,=TUNATELY ,I >RIV$ 9 TIME 
& SUBMITT$ TO HOLD+ H] H& UNTIL %E MET1 ON HIS RETURN FROM A J\RNEY TO ,BALI1 ! 5G9E] 
) GRAY+ TEMPLES :O HAD ALREADY BE5 DESCRIB$ TO H] BY H] FAVORITE WEEKLY4 ,9 ANY CASE1 F> 
FROM F9D+ MYSELF TRANSPORT$ & ABSOLV$ 9 ! :IRLW9D--AS ! SAY+ GOES--( PASSION1 ,I 
ADD$ EV5 MORE TO ! WEI<T ( MY CRIMES & TO MY DEVIATION FROM VIRTUE4 ,AS A RESULT1 ,I 
CONCEIV$ SU* A LOA?+ = LOVE ?AT = YE>S ,I C\LD NOT HE> 0,LA ,VIE 5 ROSE0 OR ! 0,LIEBE/OD0 
)\T GRITT+ MY TEE?4 ,I TRI$ ACCORD+LY TO GIVE UP WOM51 9 A C]TA9 WAY1 & TO LIVE 9 A 
/ATE ( *A/ITY4 ,AFT] ALL1 !IR FRI5D%IP \<T TO SATISFY ME4 ,BUT ?IS WAS TANTAM\NT TO GIV+ UP 
GAMBL+4 ,)\T DESIRE1 WOM5 BOR$ ME BEYOND ALL EXPECTATION1 & OBVI\SLY ,I BOR$ !M TOO4 

,NO MORE GAMBL+ & NO MORE !AT]--,I WAS PROBABLY 9 ! REALM ( TRU?4 ,BUT TRU?1 *] AMI1 
IS A COLOSSAL BORE4 

 ,DESPAIR+ ( LOVE & ( *A/ITY1 ,I AT LA/ BE?\<T MYSELF ( DEBAU*]Y1 A SUB/ITUTE = 
LOVE1 :I* QUIETS ! LAU<T]1 RE/ORES SIL5CE1 & ABOVE ALL1 CONF]S IMMORTALITY4 ,AT A C]TA9 
DEGREE ( LUCID 9TOXICATION1 LY+ LATE AT NI<T BETWE5 TWO PRO/ITUTES & DRA9$ ( ALL DESIRE1 
HOPE CEASES TO BE A TORTURE1 Y\ SEE2 ! M9D DOM9ATES ! :OLE PA/1 & ! PA9 ( LIV+ IS 
OV] =EV]4 ,9 A S5SE1 ,I HAD ALWAYS LIV$ 9 DEBAU*]Y1 NEV] HAV+ CEAS$ WANT+ TO BE 
IMMORTAL4 ,WASN'T ?IS ! KEY TO MY NATURE & ALSO A RESULT ( ! GREAT SELF-LOVE ,I HAVE TOLD Y\ 
AB\T8 ,YES1 ,I WAS BUR/+ ) A LONG+ TO BE IMMORTAL4 ,I WAS TOO MU* 9 LOVE ) MYSELF NOT TO 
WANT ! PRECI\S OBJECT ( MY LOVE NEV] TO DISAPPE>4 ,S9CE1 9 ! WAK+ /ATE & ) A LITTLE 
SELF-KN[L$GE1 ONE CAN SEE NO REASON :Y IMMORTALITY %\LD BE CONF]R$ ON A SALACI\S MONKEY1 
ONE HAS TO OBTA9 SUB/ITUTES = ?AT IMMORTALITY4 ,BECAUSE ,I LONG$ = ET]NAL LIFE1 ,I W5T TO B$ 
) H>LOTS & DRANK = NI<TS ON 5D4 ,9 ! MORN+1 TO BE SURE1 MY M\? WAS FILL$ ) ! 
BITT] TA/E ( ! MORTAL /ATE4 ,BUT1 = H\RS ON 5D1 ,I HAD SO>$ 9 BLISS4 ,D>E ,I ADMIT IT TO Y\8 ,I 
/ILL REMEMB] ) AFFECTION C]TA9 NI<TS :5 ,I US$ TO GO TO A SORDID NI<T CLUB TO MEET A 
QUICK-*ANGE DANC] :O HONOR$ ME ) H] FAVORS & = :OSE REPUTATION ,I EV5 F\<T ONE 
EV5+ ) A BE>D$ BRAGG>T4 ,EV]Y NI<T ,I W\LD /RUT AT ! B>1 9 ! R$ LI<T & DU/ ( 
?AT E>?LY P>ADISE1 LY+ FANTA/ICALLY & DR9K+ AT L5G?4 ,I W\LD WAIT = DAWN & AT LA/ 5D 
UP 9 ! ALWAYS UNMADE B$ ( MY PR9CESS1 :O W\LD 9DULGE ME*ANICALLY 9 SEX & !N SLEEP 
)\T TRANSITION4 ,DAY W\LD COME S(TLY TO ?R[ LI<T ON ?IS DISA/] & ,I W\LD GET UP & 
/& MOTIONLESS 9 A DAWN ( GLORY4 

,ALCOHOL & WOM5 PROVID$ ME1 ,I ADMIT1 ! ONLY SOLACE ( :I* ,I WAS WOR?Y4 ,I'LL REVEAL ?IS 
SECRET TO Y\1 *] AMI1 DON'T FE> TO MAKE USE ( IT4 ,!N Y\'LL SEE ?AT TRUE DEBAU*]Y IS LIB]AT+ 
BECAUSE IT CREATES NO OBLIGATIONS4 ,9 IT Y\ POSSESS ONLY Y\RSELF2 H5CE IT REMA9S ! FAVORITE 
PA/IME ( ! GREAT LOV]S ( !IR [N P]SON4 ,IT IS A JUNGLE )\T PA/ OR FUTURE1 )\T ANY 
PROMISE ABOVE ALL1 NOR ANY IMM$IATE P5ALTY4 ,! PLACES :]E IT IS PRACTIC$ >E SEP>AT$ FROM 
! WORLD4 ,ON 5T]+1 ONE LEAVES BEH9D FE> & HOPE4 ,CONV]SATION IS NOT OBLIGATORY !RE2 :AT 
ONE COMES = CAN BE HAD )\T WORDS1 & (T5 9DE$ )\T MONEY4 ,AH1 ,I BEG Y\1 LET 
ME PAY HONOR TO ! UNKN[N & =GOTT5 WOM5 :O HELP$ ME !N6 ,EV5 TODAY1 MY 
RECOLLECTION ( !M CONTA9S SOME?+ RESEMBL+ RESPECT4 

,9 ANY CASE1 ,I FREELY TOOK ADVANTAGE ( ?AT LIB]ATION4 ,I WAS EV5 SE5 9 A HOTEL D$ICAT$ TO 
:AT IS CALL$ S91 LIV+ SIMULTANE\SLY ) A MATURE PRO/ITUTE & AN UNM>RI$ GIRL ( ! BE/ 
SOCIETY4 ,I PLAY$ ! GALLANT ) ! FIR/ & GAVE ! SECOND AN OPPORTUNITY TO LE>N ! REALITIES4 

,UN=TUNATELY ! PRO/ITUTE HAD A MO/ MIDDLE-CLASS NATURE2 %E S9CE CONS5T$ TO WRITE H] 
MEMOIRS = A CONFESSIONS MAGAZ9E QUITE OP5 TO MOD]N IDEAS4 ,! GIRL1 = H] P>T1 GOT M>RI$ 
TO SATISFY H] UNBRIDL$ 9/9CTS & MAKE USE ( H] REM>KABLE GIFTS4 ,I AM NOT A LITTLE PR\D 
LIKEWISE TO HAVE BE5 ADMITT$ AS AN EQUAL1 AT ?AT TIME1 BY A MASCUL9E GUILD TOO (T5 REVIL$4 ,BUT 
,I'LL NOT 9SI/ ON ?AT3 Y\ KN[ ?AT EV5 V]Y 9TELLIG5T PEOPLE GLORY 9 BE+ ABLE TO EMPTY ONE 
BOTTLE MORE ?AN ! NEXT MAN4 ,I MI<T ULTIMATELY HAVE F\ND PEACE & RELEASE 9 ?AT HAPPY 
DISSIPATION4 ,BUT1 !RE TOO1 ,I 5C\NT]$ AN OB/ACLE 9 MYSELF4 ,?IS TIME IT WAS MY LIV]1 & A 
FATIGUE SO DREADFUL ?AT IT HASN'T YET LEFT ME4 ,ONE PLAYS AT BE+ IMMORTAL & AFT] A FEW WEEKS ONE 
DOESN'T EV5 KN[ :E!R OR NOT ONE CAN HANG ON TILL ! NEXT DAY4 

,! SOLE B5EFIT ( ?AT EXP]I5CE1 :5 ,I HAD GIV5 UP MY NOCTURNAL EXPLOITS1 WAS ?AT LIFE BECAME LESS PA9FUL = ME4 ,! FATIGUE ?AT WAS GNAW+ AT MY BODY HAD SIMULTANE\SLY CAUT]IZ$ 
MANY RAW SPOTS 9 ME4 ,EA* EXCESS DECREASES VITALITY1 H5CE SUFF]+4 ,!RE IS NO?+ FR5ZI$ 
AB\T DEBAU*]Y1 CONTR>Y TO :AT IS ?\<T4 ,IT IS BUT A LONG SLEEP4 ,Y\ MU/ HAVE NOTIC$ ?AT 
M5 :O REALLY SUFF] FROM JEAL\SY HAVE NO MORE URG5T DESIRE ?AN TO GO TO B$ ) ! WOMAN 
!Y NEV]!LESS ?9K HAS BETRAY$ !M4 ,( C\RSE1 !Y WANT TO ASSURE !MSELVES ONCE MORE 
?AT !IR DE> TREASURE /ILL BELONGS TO !M4 ,!Y WANT TO POSSESS IT1 AS ! SAY+ GOES4 ,BUT !RE IS 
ALSO ! FACT ?AT IMM$IATELY AFT]W>DS !Y >E LESS JEAL\S4 ,PHYSICAL JEAL\SY IS A RESULT ( ! 
IMAG9ATION AT ! SAME TIME ?AT IT IS A SELF-JUDGM5T4 ,ONE ATTRIBUTES TO ! RIVAL ! NA/Y ?\<TS 
ONE HAD ONESELF 9 ! SAME CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,=TUNATELY EXCESS ( S5SUAL SATISFACTION WEAK5S BO? 
IMAG9ATION & JUDGM5T4 ,! SUFF]+ !N LIES DORMANT AS LONG AS VIRILITY DOES4 ,= ! 
SAME REASONS ADOLESC5TS LOSE !IR METAPHYSICAL UNRE/ ) !IR FIR/ MI/RESS2 & C]TA9 
M>RIAGES1 :I* >E M]ELY =MALIZ$ DEBAU*ES1 BECOME ! MONOTON\S HE>SES ( D>+ & 
9V5TION4 ,YES1 *] AMI1 B\RGEOIS M>RIAGE HAS PUT \R C\NTRY 9TO SLIPP]S & WILL SOON LEAD IT TO ! GATES ( DEA?4 

,I AM EXAGG]AT+8 ,NO1 BUT ,I AM /RAY+ FROM ! SUBJECT4 ,I M]ELY WANT$ TO TELL Y\ ! ADVANTAGE ,I D]IV$ FROM ?OSE MON?S ( ORGY4 ,I LIV$ 9 A SORT ( FOG 9 :I* ! LAU<T] BECAME SO 
MUFFL$ ?AT EV5TUALLY ,I CEAS$ TO NOTICE IT4 ,! 9DIFF]5CE ?AT ALREADY HAD SU* A HOLD OV] ME 
N[ 5C\NT]$ NO RESI/ANCE & EXT5D$ ITS SCL]OSIS4 ,NO MORE EMOTIONS6 ,AN EV5 TEMP]1 OR 
RA!R NO TEMP] AT ALL4 ,TUB]CUL> LUNGS >E CUR$ BY DRY+ UP & GRADUALLY ASPHYXIATE !IR HAPPY 
[N]4 ,SO IT WAS ) ME AS ,I PEACEFULLY DI$ ( MY CURE4 ,I WAS /ILL LIV+ ON MY WORK1 AL?\< MY 
REPUTATION WAS S]I\SLY DAMAG$ BY MY FLI<TS ( LANGUAGE & ! REGUL> EX]CISE ( MY PR(ESSION COMPROMIS$ BY ! DISORD] ( MY LIFE4 ,IT IS NOTEWOR?Y1 H[EV]1 ?AT ,I >\S$ LESS 
RES5TM5T BY MY NOCTURNAL EXCESSES ?AN BY MY V]BAL PROVOCATIONS4 ,! REF]5CE1 PURELY 
V]BAL1 ?AT ,I (T5 MADE TO ,GOD 9 MY SPEE*ES BE=E ! C\RT AWAK5$ MI/RU/ 9 MY CLI5TS4 

,!Y PROBABLY FE>$ ?AT HEAV5 C\LD NOT REPRES5T !IR 9T]E/S AS WELL AS A LAWY] 9V9CIBLE 
:5 IT CAME TO ! CODE ( LAW4 ,:5CE IT WAS BUT A /EP TO CONCLUDE ?AT ,I 9VOK$ ! DIV9ITY 9 
PROPORTION TO MY IGNORANCE4 ,MY CLI5TS TOOK ?AT /EP & BECAME SC>CE4 ,N[ & !N ,I /ILL 
>GU$ A CASE4 ,AT TIMES EV51 =GETT+ ?AT ,I NO LONG] BELIEV$ 9 :AT ,I WAS SAY+1 ,I WAS A GOOD 
ADVOCATE4 ,MY [N VOICE W\LD LEAD ME ON & ,I W\LD FOLL[ IT2 )\T REALLY SO>+1 AS ,I ONCE 
DID1 ,I AT LEA/ GOT (F ! GR\ND & DID A LITTLE H$GEHOPP+4 ,\TSIDE ( MY PR(ESSION1 ,I SAW BUT 
FEW PEOPLE & PA9FULLY KEPT ALIVE ONE OR TWO TIR$ LIAISONS4 ,IT EV5 HAPP5$ ?AT ,I W\LD SP5D 
PURELY FRI5DLY EV5+S1 )\T ANY ELEM5T ( DESIRE1 YET ) ! DIFF]5CE ?AT1 RESIGN$ TO 
BOR$OM1 ,I SC>CELY LI/5$ TO :AT WAS BE+ SAID4 ,I BECAME A LITTLE FATT] & AT LA/ WAS ABLE TO 
BELIEVE ?AT ! CRISIS WAS OV]4 ,NO?+ REMA9$ BUT TO GR[ OLD]4 

,ONE DAY1 H[EV]1 DUR+ A TRIP' TO :I* ,I WAS TREAT+ A FRI5D )\T TELL+ H] ,I WAS 
DO+ SO TO CELEBRATE MY CURE1 ,I WAS ABO>D AN OCEAN L9]--ON ! UPP] DECK1 ( C\RSE4 ,SUDD5LY1 
F> (F AT SEA1 ,I P]CEIV$ A BLACK SPECK ON ! /EEL-GRAY OCEAN4 ,I TURN$ AWAY AT ONCE & MY HE>T 
BEGAN TO BEAT WILDLY4 ,:5 ,I =C$ MYSELF TO LOOK1 ! BLACK SPECK HAD DISAPPE>$4 ,I WAS ON ! 
PO9T ( %\T+1 ( /UPIDLY CALL+ = HELP1 :5 ,I SAW IT AGA94 ,IT WAS ONE ( ?OSE BITS ( REFUSE 
?AT %IPS LEAVE BEH9D !M4 ,YET ,I HAD NOT BE5 ABLE TO 5DURE WAT*+ IT2 = ,I HAD ?\<T AT ONCE ( A DR[N+ P]SON4 ,!N ,I REALIZ$1 CALMLY AS Y\ RESIGN Y\RSELF TO AN IDEA ! TRU? ( 
:I* Y\ HAVE LONG KN[N1 ?AT ?AT CRY :I* HAD S\ND$ OV] ! ,SE9E BEH9D ME YE>S BE=E 
HAD NEV] CEAS$1 C>RI$ BY ! RIV] TO ! WAT]S ( ! ,*ANNEL1 TO TRAVEL ?R\<\T ! WORLD1 
ACROSS ! LIMITLESS EXPANSE ( ! OCEAN1 & ?AT IT HAD WAIT$ = ME !RE UNTIL ! DAY ,I HAD 
5C\NT]$ IT4 ,I REALIZ$ LIKEWISE ?AT IT W\LD CONT9UE TO AWAIT ME ON SEAS & RIV]S1 EV]Y:]E1 
9 %ORT1 :]E LIES ! BITT] WAT] ( MY BAPTISM4 ,H]E1 TOO1 BY ! WAY1 >5'T WE ON ! WAT]8 

,ON ?IS FLAT1 MONOTON\S1 9T]M9ABLE WAT] :OSE LIMITS >E 9DI/+UI%ABLE FROM ?OSE ( 
! L&8 ,IS IT CR$IBLE ?AT WE %ALL EV] REA* ,AM/]DAM8 ,WE %ALL NEV] GET \T ( ?IS IMM5SE 
HOLY-WAT] F\NT4 ,LI/54 ,DON'T Y\ HE> ! CRIES ( 9VISIBLE GULLS8 ,IF !Y >E CRY+ 9 \R 
DIRECTION1 TO :AT >E !Y CALL+ US8 

,BUT !Y >E ! SAME GULLS ?AT W]E CRY+1 ?AT W]E ALREADY CALL+ OV] ! ,ATLANTIC ! DAY ,I 
REALIZ$ DEF9ITIVELY ?AT ,I WAS NOT CUR$1 ?AT ,I WAS /ILL CORN]$ & ?AT ,I HAD TO MAKE %IFT ) IT4 

,5D$ ! GLORI\S LIFE1 BUT 5D$ ALSO ! FR5ZY & ! CONVULSIONS4 ,I HAD TO SUBMIT & ADMIT 
MY GUILT4 ,I HAD TO LIVE 9 ! LITTLE-EASE4 ,TO BE SURE1 Y\ >E NOT FAMILI> ) ?AT DUNGEON CELL ?AT 
WAS CALL$ ! LITTLE-EASE 9 ! ,MIDDLE ,AGES4 ,9 G5]AL1 ONE WAS =GOTT5 !RE = LIFE4 ,?AT CELL 
WAS DI/+UI%$ FROM O!RS BY +5I\S DIM5SIONS4 ,IT WAS NOT HI< 5\< TO /& UP 9 NOR 
YET WIDE 5\< TO LIE D[N 94 ,ONE HAD TO TAKE ON AN AWKW>D MANN] & LIVE ON ! DIAGONAL2 
SLEEP WAS A COLLAPSE1 & WAK+ A SQUATT+4 ,MON *]1 !RE WAS G5IUS--& ,I AM WEI<+ MY 
WORDS--9 ?AT SO SIMPLE 9V5TION4 ,EV]Y DAY ?R\< ! UN*ANG+ RE/RICTION ?AT /IFF5$ HIS 
BODY1 ! CONDEMN$ MAN LE>N$ ?AT HE WAS GUILTY & ?AT 9NOC5CE CONSI/S 9 /RET*+ 
JOY\SLY4 ,CAN Y\ IMAG9E 9 ?AT CELL A FREQU5T] ( SUMMITS & UPP] DECKS8 ,:AT8 ,ONE C\LD 
LIVE 9 ?OSE CELLS & /ILL BE 9NOC5T8 ,IMPROBABLE6 ,HI<LY IMPROBABLE6 ,OR ELSE MY REASON+ W\LD 
COLLAPSE4 ,?AT 9NOC5CE %\LD BE R$UC$ TO LIV+ HUN*BACK$--,I REFUSE TO 5T]TA9 = A 
SECOND SU* A HYPO!SIS4 ,MOREOV]1 WE CANNOT ASS]T ! 9NOC5CE ( ANYONE1 :]EAS WE CAN 
/ATE ) C]TA9TY ! GUILT ( ALL4 ,EV]Y MAN TE/IFIES TO ! CRIME ( ALL ! O!RS--?AT IS MY FAI? 
& MY HOPE4 

,BELIEVE ME1 RELIGIONS >E ON ! WRONG TRACK ! MOM5T !Y MORALIZE & FULM9ATE 
COMM&M5TS4 ,GOD IS NOT NE$$ TO CREATE GUILT OR TO PUNI%4 ,\R FELL[ M5 SUFFICE1 AID$ BY 
\RSELVES4 ,Y\ W]E SPEAK+ ( ! ,LA/ ,JUDGM5T4 ,ALL[ ME TO LAU< RESPECTFULLY4 ,I %ALL WAIT = IT 
RESOLUTELY1 = ,I HAVE KN[N :AT IS WORSE1 ! JUDGM5T ( M54 ,= !M1 NO EXT5UAT+ 
CIRCUM/ANCES2 EV5 ! GOOD 9T5TION IS ASCRIB$ TO CRIME4 ,HAVE Y\ AT LEA/ HE>D ( ! SPITT+- 
CELL1 :I* A NATION REC5TLY ?\<T UP TO PROVE ITSELF ! GREATE/ ON E>?8 ,A WALL$-UP BOX 9 
:I* ! PRISON] CAN /& )\T MOV+4 ,! SOLID DOOR ?AT LOCKS HIM 9 HIS CEM5T 
%ELL /OPS AT *9 LEVEL4 ,H5CE ONLY HIS FACE IS VISIBLE1 & EV]Y PASS+ JAIL] SPITS COPI\SLY ON IT4 

,! PRISON]1 W$G$ 9TO HIS CELL1 CANNOT WIPE HIS FACE1 ?\< HE IS ALL[$1 IT IS TRUE1 TO CLOSE HIS 
EYES4 ,WELL1 ?AT1 MON *]1 IS A HUMAN 9V5TION4 ,!Y DIDN'T NE$ ,GOD = ?AT LITTLE MA/]PIECE4 

,:AT ( IT8 ,WELL1 ,GOD'S SOLE USEFULNESS W\LD BE TO GU>ANTEE 9NOC5CE1 & ,I AM 9CL9$ TO 
SEE RELIGION RA!R AS A HUGE LAUND]+ V5TURE--AS IT WAS ONCE BUT BRIEFLY1 = EXACTLY ?REE YE>S1 
& IT WASN'T CALL$ RELIGION4 ,S9CE !N1 SOAP HAS BE5 LACK+1 \R FACES >E DIRTY1 & WE WIPE ONE 
ANO!R'S NOSES4 ,ALL DUNCES1 ALL PUNI%$1 LET'S ALL SPIT ON ONE ANO!R &--HURRY6 TO ! LITTLE-EASE6 

,EA* TRIES TO SPIT FIR/1 ?AT'S ALL4 ,I'LL TELL Y\ A BIG SECRET1 MON *]4 ,DON'T WAIT = ! ,LA/ ,JUDGM5T4 

,IT TAKES PLACE EV]Y DAY4 

,NO1 IT'S NO?+2 ,I'M M]ELY %IV]+ A LITTLE 9 ?IS DAMN$ HUMIDITY4 ,WE'RE L&+ ANYWAY4 

,H]E WE >E4 ,AFT] Y\4 ,BUT /AY A LITTLE1 ,I BEG Y\1 & WALK HOME ) ME4 ,I HAV5'T F9I%$2 ,I 
MU/ GO ON4 ,CONT9U+ IS :AT IS H>D4 ,SAY1 DO Y\ KN[ :Y HE WAS CRUCIFI$--! ONE Y\ >E 
P]HAPS ?9K+ ( AT ?IS MOM5T8 ,WELL1 !RE W]E HEAPS ( REASONS = ?AT4 ,!RE >E 
ALWAYS REASONS = MURD]+ A MAN4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO JU/IFY HIS LIV+4 ,?AT'S :Y 
CRIME ALWAYS F9DS LAWY]S1 & 9NOC5CE ONLY R>ELY4 ,BUT1 BESIDE ! REASONS ?AT HAVE BE5 V]Y 
WELL EXPLA9$ TO US = ! PA/ TWO ?\S& YE>S1 !RE WAS A MAJOR ONE = ?AT T]RIBLE AGONY1 
& ,I DON'T KN[ :Y IT HAS BE5 SO C>EFULLY HIDD54 ,! REAL REASON IS ?AT HE KNEW HE WAS NOT 
ALTOGE!R 9NOC5T4 ,IF HE DID NOT BE> ! WEI<T ( ! CRIME HE WAS ACCUS$ (1 HE HAD COMMITT$ 
O!RS--EV5 ?\< HE DIDN'T KN[ :I* ONES4 ,DID HE REALLY NOT KN[ !M8 ,HE WAS AT ! 
S\RCE1 AFT] ALL2 HE MU/ HAVE HE>D ( A C]TA9 ,SLAU<T] ( ! ,9NOC5TS4 ,! *ILDR5 ( ,JUDEA 
MASSACR$ :ILE HIS P>5TS W]E TAK+ HIM TO A SAFE PLACE--:Y DID !Y DIE IF NOT BECAUSE ( 
HIM8 ,?OSE BLOOD-SPATT]$ SOLDI]S1 ?OSE 9FANTS CUT 9 TWO FILL$ HIM ) HORROR4 ,BUT GIV5 ! 
MAN HE WAS1 ,I AM SURE HE C\LD NOT =GET !M4 ,& AS = ?AT SADNESS ?AT CAN BE FELT 9 HIS EV]Y 
ACT1 WASN'T IT ! 9CURABLE MELAN*OLY ( A MAN :O HE>D NI<T AFT] NI<T ! VOICE ( ,RA*EL 
WEEP+ = H] *ILDR5 & REFUS+ ALL COM=T8 ,! LAM5TATION W\LD R5D ! NI<T1 
,RA*EL W\LD CALL H] *ILDR5 :O HAD BE5 KILL$ = HIM1 & HE WAS /ILL ALIVE6 

,KN[+ :AT HE KNEW1 FAMILI> ) EV]Y?+ AB\T MAN--AH1 :O W\LD HAVE BELIEV$ ?AT 
CRIME CONSI/S LESS 9 MAK+ O!RS DIE ?AN 9 NOT DY+ ONESELF6--BR\<T FACE TO FACE DAY & 
NI<T ) HIS 9NOC5T CRIME1 HE F\ND IT TOO H>D = HIM TO HOLD ON & CONT9UE4 ,IT WAS BETT] TO 
HAVE DONE ) IT1 NOT TO DEF5D HIMSELF1 TO DIE1 9 ORD] NOT TO BE ! ONLY ONE TO LIVE1 & TO GO 
ELSE:]E :]E P]HAPS HE W\LD BE UPHELD4 ,HE WAS NOT UPHELD1 HE COMPLA9$1 & AS A LA/ 
/RAW1 HE WAS C5SOR$4 ,YES1 IT WAS ! ?IRD EVANGELI/1 ,I BELIEVE1 :O FIR/ SUPPRESS$ HIS COMPLA9T4 

0,:Y HA/ ?\ =SAK5 ME80--IT WAS A S$ITI\S CRY1 WASN'T IT8 ,WELL1 !N1 ! SCISSORS6 ,M9D Y\1 
IF ,LUKE HAD SUPPRESS$ NO?+1 ! MATT] W\LD H>DLY HAVE BE5 NOTIC$2 9 ANY CASE1 IT W\LD 
NOT HAVE ASSUM$ SU* IMPORTANCE4 ,?US ! C5SOR %\TS AL\D :AT HE PROSCRIBES4 ,! WORLD'S 
ORD] LIKEWISE IS AMBIGU\S4 

,NONE!LESS1 ! C5SOR$ ONE WAS UNABLE TO C>RY ON4 ,& ,I KN[1 *]1 :]E( ,I SPEAK4 ,!RE 
WAS A TIME :5 ,I DIDN'T AT ANY M9UTE HAVE ! SLI<TE/ IDEA H[ ,I C\LD REA* ! NEXT ONE4 

,YES1 ONE CAN WAGE W> 9 ?IS WORLD1 APE LOVE1 TORTURE ONE'S FELL[ MAN1 OR M]ELY SAY EVIL ( ONE'S 
NEI<BOR :ILE KNITT+4 ,BUT1 9 C]TA9 CASES1 C>RY+ ON1 M]ELY CONT9U+1 IS SUP]HUMAN4 ,& HE 
WAS NOT SUP]HUMAN1 Y\ CAN TAKE MY WORD = IT4 ,HE CRI$ AL\D HIS AGONY & ?AT'S :Y ,I LOVE 
HIM1 MY FRI5D :O DI$ )\T KN[+4 

,! UN=TUNATE ?+ IS ?AT HE LEFT US ALONE1 TO C>RY ON1 :ATEV] HAPP5S1 EV5 :5 WE >E 
LODG$ 9 ! LITTLE-EASE1 KN[+ 9 TURN :AT HE KNEW1 BUT 9CAPABLE ( DO+ :AT HE DID & ( 
DY+ LIKE HIM4 ,PEOPLE NATURALLY TRI$ TO GET SOME HELP FROM HIS DEA?4 ,AFT] ALL1 IT WAS A /ROKE ( 
G5IUS TO TELL US3 0,Y\'RE NOT A V]Y PRETTY SI<T1 ?AT'S C]TA96 ,WELL1 WE WON'T GO 9TO ! DETAILS6 

,WE'LL JU/ LIQUIDATE IT ALL AT ONCE1 ON ! CROSS60 ,BUT TOO MANY PEOPLE N[ CLIMB ONTO ! CROSS 
M]ELY TO BE SE5 FROM A GREAT] DI/ANCE1 EV5 IF !Y HAVE TO TRAMPLE SOME:AT ON ! ONE :O 
HAS BE5 !RE SO LONG4 ,TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE DECID$ TO DO )\T G5]OSITY 9 ORD] TO PRACTICE 
*>ITY4 ,OH1 ! 9JU/ICE1 ! RANK 9JU/ICE ?AT HAS BE5 DONE HIM6 ,IT WR+S MY HE>T6 

 ,GOOD HEAV5S1 ! HABIT HAS SEIZ$ ME AGA9 & ,I'M ON ! PO9T ( MAK+ A SPEE* TO 
! C\RT4 ,=GIVE ME & REALIZE ?AT ,I HAVE MY REASONS4 ,:Y1 A FEW /REETS FROM H]E !RE IS A 
MUSEUM CALL$ ,\R ,LORD 9 ! ,ATTIC4 ,AT ! TIME1 !Y HAD ! CATACOMBS 9 ! ATTIC4 ,AFT] ALL1 ! 
CELL>S >E FLOOD$ H]E4 ,BUT TODAY--SET Y\R M9D AT RE/--!IR ,LORD IS NEI!R 9 ! ATTIC NOR 9 
! CELL>4 ,!Y HAVE HOI/$ HIM ONTO A JUDGE'S B5*1 9 ! SECRET ( !IR HE>TS1 & !Y SMITE1 
!Y JUDGE ABOVE ALL1 !Y JUDGE 9 HIS NAME4 ,HE SPOKE S(TLY TO ! ADULT]ESS3 0,NEI!R DO ,I 
CONDEMN !E60 BUT ?AT DOESN'T MATT]2 !Y CONDEMN )\T ABSOLV+ ANYONE4 ,9 ! NAME ( 
! ,LORD1 H]E IS :AT Y\ DES]VE4 ,LORD8 ,HE1 MY FRI5D1 DIDN'T EXPECT SO MU*4 ,HE SIMPLY WANT$ 
TO BE LOV$1 NO?+ MORE4 ,( C\RSE1 !RE >E ?OSE :O LOVE HIM1 EV5 AMONG ,*RI/IANS4 ,BUT 
!Y >E NOT NUM]\S4 ,HE HAD =ESE5 ?AT TOO2 HE HAD A S5SE ( HUMOR4 ,PET]1 Y\ KN[1 ! 
C[>D1 ,PET] D5I$ HIM3 0,I KN[ NOT ! MAN 444 ,I KN[ NOT :AT ?\ SAYE/ 444 ETC40 ,REALLY1 HE 
W5T TOO F>6 ,& MY FRI5D MAKES A PLAY ON WORDS3 0,?\ >T ,PET]1 & UPON ?IS ROCK ,I WILL BUILD 
MY *UR*40 ,IRONY C\LD GO NO FUR!R1 DON'T Y\ ?9K8 ,BUT NO1 !Y /ILL TRIUMPH6 0,Y\ SEE1 HE HAD SAID IT60 ,HE HAD SAID IT 9DE$2 HE KNEW ! QUE/ION ?OR\<LY4 ,& !N HE LEFT =EV]1 
LEAV+ !M TO JUDGE & CONDEMN1 ) P>DON ON !IR LIPS & ! S5T5CE 9 !IR HE>TS4 

,= IT CANNOT BE SAID !RE IS NO MORE PITY2 NO1 GOOD ,LORD1 WE NEV] /OP TALK+ ( IT4 ,SIMPLY1 NO 
ONE IS EV] ACQUITT$ ANY MORE4 ,ON DEAD 9NOC5CE ! JUDGES SW>M1 ! JUDGES ( ALL SPECIES1 ?OSE 
( ,*RI/ & ?OSE ( ! ,ANTI*RI/1 :O >E ! SAME ANYWAY1 RECONCIL$ 9 ! LITTLE-EASE4 ,= ONE 
MU/N'T BLAME EV]Y?+ EXCLUSIVELY ON ! ,*RI/IANS4 ,! O!RS >E 9VOLV$ TOO4 ,DO Y\ KN[ 
:AT HAS BECOME ( ONE ( ! H\SES 9 ?IS CITY ?AT %ELT]$ ,DESC>TES8 ,A LUNATIC ASYLUM4 ,YES1 
G5]AL DELIRIUM & P]SECUTION4 ,WE1 TOO1 NATURALLY1 >E OBLIG$ TO COME TO IT4 ,Y\ HAVE HAD A 
*ANCE TO OBS]VE ?AT ,I SP>E NO?+1 & AS = Y\1 ,I KN[ ?AT Y\ AGREE 9 ?\<T4 ,:]E=E1 
S9CE WE >E ALL JUDGES1 WE >E ALL GUILTY BE=E ONE ANO!R1 ALL ,*RI/S 9 \R MEAN MANN]1 ONE BY 
ONE CRUCIFI$1 ALWAYS )\T KN[+4 ,WE %\LD BE AT LEA/ IF ,I1 ,CLAM5CE1 HAD NOT F\ND A 
WAY \T1 ! ONLY SOLUTION1 TRU? AT LA/ 444 

,NO1 ,I AM /OPP+1 *] AMI1 FE> NO?+6 ,BESIDES1 ,I'M GO+ TO LEAVE Y\1 = WE >E AT MY DOOR4 

,9 SOLITUDE & :5 FATIGU$1 ONE IS AFT] ALL 9CL9$ TO TAKE ONESELF = A PROPHET4 ,:5 ALL IS SAID 
& DONE1 ?AT'S REALLY :AT ,I AM1 HAV+ TAK5 REFUGE 9 A DES]T ( /ONES1 FOGS1 & /AGNANT 
WAT]S--AN EMPTY PROPHET = %ABBY TIMES1 ,ELIJAH )\T A MESSIAH1 *OK$ ) FEV] & 
ALCOHOL1 MY BACK UP AGA9/ ?IS MOLDY DOOR1 MY F+] RAIS$ T[>D A ?REAT5+ SKY1 %[]+ 
IMPRECATIONS ON LAWLESS M5 :O CANNOT 5DURE ANY JUDGM5T4 ,= !Y CAN'T 5DURE IT1 TRES *]1 
& ?AT'S ! :OLE QUE/ION4 ,HE :O CL+S TO A LAW DOES NOT FE> ! JUDGM5T ?AT RE9/ATES HIM 
9 AN ORD] HE BELIEVES 94 ,BUT ! KE5E/ ( HUMAN TORM5TS IS TO BE JUDG$ )\T A LAW4 ,YET WE 
>E 9 ?AT TORM5T4 ,DEPRIV$ ( !IR NATURAL CURB1 ! JUDGES1 LOOS$ AT R&OM1 >E RAC+ ?R\< 
!IR JOB4 ,H5CE WE HAVE TO TRY TO GO FA/] ?AN !Y1 DON'T WE8 ,& IT'S A REAL MADH\SE4 ,PROPHETS 
& QUACKS MULTIPLY2 !Y HA/5 TO GET !RE ) A GOOD LAW OR A FLAWLESS ORGANIZATION BE=E 
! WORLD IS DES]T$ ,=TUNATELY1 ,I >RIV$6 ,I AM ! 5D & ! BEG9N+2 ,I ANN\NCE ! LAW4 ,9 
%ORT1 ,I AM A JUDGE-P5IT5T4 

,YES1 YES1 ,I'LL TELL Y\ TOMORR[ :AT ?IS NOBLE PR(ESSION CONSI/S (4 ,Y\ >E LEAV+ ! DAY 
AFT] TOMORR[1 SO WE >E 9 A HURRY4 ,COME TO MY PLACE1 WILL Y\8 ,JU/ R+ ?REE TIMES4 ,Y\ >E 
GO+ BACK TO ,P>IS8 ,P>IS IS F>2 ,P>IS IS BEAUTIFUL2 ,I HAV5'T =GOTT5 IT4 ,I REMEMB] ITS TWILI<TS AT 
AB\T ?IS SAME SEASON4 ,EV5+ FALLS1 DRY & RU/L+1 OV] ! RO(S BLUE ) SMOKE1 ! CITY 
RUMBLES1 ! RIV] SEEMS TO FL[ BACKW>D4 ,!N ,I US$ TO W&] 9 ! /REETS4 ,!Y W&] N[ 
TOO1 ,I KN[6 ,!Y W&]1 PRET5D+ TO HA/5 T[>D ! TIR$ WIFE1 ! =BIDD+ HOME 444 ,AH1 MON AMI1 DO Y\ KN[ :AT ! SOLIT>Y CREATURE IS LIKE AS HE W&]S 9 BIG CITIES8 444 

O ,*APT] #f 
,V,I 

,I',M ,E,M,B,>,A,S,S,$ TO BE 9 B$ :5 Y\ >RIVE4 ,IT'S NO?+1 JU/ A LITTLE FEV] ?AT ,I'M 
TREAT+ ) G94 ,I'M ACCU/OM$ TO !SE ATTACKS4 ,MAL>IA1 ,I ?9K1 ?AT ,I CAU<T AT ! TIME ,I WAS 
POPE4 ,NO1 ,I'M ONLY HALF JOK+4 ,I KN[ :AT Y\'RE ?9K+3 IT'S V]Y H>D TO DIS5TANGLE ! TRUE 
FROM ! FALSE 9 :AT ,I'M SAY+4 ,I ADMIT Y\ >E RI<T4 ,I MYSELF 444 ,Y\ SEE1 A P]SON ,I KNEW US$ TO 
DIVIDE HUMAN BE+S 9TO ?REE CATEGORIES3 ?OSE :O PREF] HAV+ NO?+ TO HIDE RA!R ?AN 
BE+ OBLIG$ TO LIE1 ?OSE :O PREF] LY+ TO HAV+ NO?+ TO HIDE1 & F9ALLY ?OSE :O LIKE 
BO? LY+ & ! HIDD54 ,I'LL LET Y\ *OOSE ! PIGEONHOLE ?AT SUITS ME4 

,BUT :AT DO ,I C>E8 ,DON'T LIES EV5TUALLY LEAD TO ! TRU?8 ,& DON'T ALL MY /ORIES1 TRUE OR FALSE1 
T5D T[>D ! SAME CONCLUSION8 ,DON'T !Y ALL HAVE ! SAME MEAN+8 ,SO :AT DOES IT MATT] 
:E!R !Y >E TRUE OR FALSE IF1 9 BO? CASES1 !Y >E SIGNIFICANT ( :AT ,I HAVE BE5 & ( :AT ,I 
AM8 ,SOMETIMES IT IS EASI] TO SEE CLE>LY 9TO ! LI> ?AN 9TO ! MAN :O TELLS ! TRU?4 

,TRU?1 LIKE LI<T1 BL9DS4 ,FALSEHOOD1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IS A BEAUTIFUL TWILI<T ?AT 5HANCES EV]Y OBJECT4 

,WELL1 MAKE ( IT :AT Y\ WILL1 BUT ,I WAS NAM$ POPE 9 A PRISON CAMP4 ,SIT D[N1 PLEASE4 ,Y\ >E 
EXAM9+ ?IS ROOM4 ,BA]1 TO BE SURE1 BUT CLEAN4 ,A ,V]ME]1 )\T FURNITURE OR COPP] POTS4 

,)\T BOOKS EI!R1 = ,I GAVE UP READ+ SOME TIME AGO4 ,AT ONE TIME1 MY H\SE WAS FULL ( HALF- 
READ BOOKS4 ,?AT'S JU/ AS DISGU/+ AS ?OSE PEOPLE :O CUT A PIECE (F A FOIE GRAS & HAVE ! RE/ 
?R[N \T4 ,ANYWAY1 ,I HAVE CEAS$ TO LIKE ANY?+ BUT CONFESSIONS1 & AU?ORS ( CONFESSIONS 
WRITE ESPECIALLY TO AVOID CONFESS+1 TO TELL NO?+ ( :AT !Y KN[4 ,:5 !Y CLAIM TO GET TO ! 
PA9FUL ADMISSIONS1 Y\ HAVE TO WAT* \T1 = !Y >E AB\T TO DRESS ! CORPSE4 ,BELIEVE ME1 ,I 
KN[ :AT ,I'M TALK+ AB\T4 ,SO ,I PUT A /OP TO IT4 ,NO MORE BOOKS1 NO MORE USELESS OBJECTS EI!R2 
! B>E NECESSITIES1 CLEAN & POLI%$ LIKE A C(F94 ,BESIDES1 !SE ,DUT* B$S1 SO H>D & ) 
!IR IMMACULATE %EETS--ONE DIES 9 !M AS IF ALREADY WRAPP$ 9 A %R\D1 EMBALM$ 9 PURITY4 

,Y\ >E CURI\S TO KN[ MY PONTIFICAL ADV5TURES8 ,NO?+ \T ( ! ORD9>Y1 Y\ KN[4 

,%ALL ,I HAVE ! /R5G? TO TELL Y\ ( !M8 ,YES1 ! FEV] IS GO+ D[N4 ,IT WAS ALL SO LONG AGO4 ,IT 
WAS 9 ,AFRICA :]E1 ?ANKS TO A C]TA9 ,ROMMEL1 W> WAS RAG+4 ,I WASN'T 9VOLV$ 9 IT--NO1 DON'T 
WORRY4 ,I HAD ALREADY DODG$ ! ONE 9 ,EUROPE4 ,MOBILIZ$ ( C\RSE1 BUT ,I NEV] SAW ACTION4 ,9 A 
WAY1 ,I REGRET IT4 ,MAYBE ?AT W\LD HAVE *ANG$ MANY ?+S8 ,! ,FR5* >MY DIDN'T NE$ ME ON 
! FRONT2 IT M]ELY ASK$ ME TO TAKE P>T 9 ! RETREAT4 ,A LITTLE LAT] ,I GOT BACK TO ,P>IS1 & ! 
,G]MANS4 ,I WAS TEMPT$ BY ! ,RESI/ANCE1 AB\T :I* PEOPLE W]E BEG9N+ TO TALK JU/ AB\T ! 
TIME ,I DISCOV]$ ?AT ,I WAS PATRIOTIC4 ,Y\ >E SMIL+8 ,Y\ >E WRONG4 ,I MADE MY DISCOV]Y ON A 
SUBWAY PLAT=M1 AT ! ,*ATELET /ATION4 ,A DOG HAD /RAY$ 9TO ! LABYR9? ( PASSAGEWAYS4 ,BIG1 
WIRY-HAIR$1 ONE E> COCK$1 EYES LAU<+1 HE WAS CAVORT+ & SNIFF+ ! PASS+ LEGS4 ,I HAVE A 
V]Y OLD & V]Y FAI?FUL ATTA*M5T = DOGS4 ,I LIKE !M BECAUSE !Y ALWAYS =GIVE4 ,I CALL$ ?IS 
ONE1 :O HESITAT$1 OBVI\SLY WON OV]1 WAGG+ HIS TAIL 5?USIA/ICALLY A FEW Y>DS AHEAD ( ME4 

,JU/ !N1 A Y\NG ,G]MAN SOLDI]1 :O WAS WALK+ BRISKLY1 PASS$ ME4 ,HAV+ REA*$ ! 
DOG1 HE C>ESS$ ! %AGGY HEAD4 ,)\T HESITAT+1 ! ANIMAL FELL 9 /EP ) ! SAME 
5?USIASM & DISAPPE>$ ) HIM4 ,FROM ! RES5TM5T & ! SORT ( RAGE ,I FELT AGA9/ ! 
,G]MAN SOLDI]1 IT WAS DE> TO ME ?AT MY REACTION WAS PATRIOTIC4 ,IF ! DOG HAD FOLL[$ A ,FR5* 
CIVILIAN1 ,I'D NOT EV5 HAVE ?\<T ( IT4 ,BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I IMAG9$ ?AT FRI5DLY DOG AS ! 
MASCOT ( A ,G]MAN REGIM5T & ?AT MADE ME FLY 9TO A RAGE4 ,H5CE ! TE/ WAS CONV9C+4 

,I REA*$ ! ,S\!RN ,ZONE ) ! 9T5TION ( F9D+ \T AB\T ! ,RESI/ANCE4 ,BUT ONCE 
!RE & HAV+ F\ND \T1 ,I HESITAT$4 ,! UND] TAK+ /RUCK ME AS A LITTLE MAD &1 9 A WORD1 
ROMANTIC4 ,I ?9K ESPECIALLY ?AT UND]GR\ND ACTION SUIT$ NEI!R MY TEMP]AM5T NOR MY 
PREF]5CE = EXPOS$ HEI<TS4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ,I WAS BE+ ASK$ TO DO SOME WEAV+ 9 A 
CELL>1 = DAYS & NI<TS ON 5D1 UNTIL SOME BRUTES %\LD COME TO HAUL ME FROM HID+1 UNDO MY WEAV+1 & !N DRAG ME TO ANO!R CELL> TO BEAT ME TO DEA?4 ,I ADMIR$ ?OSE :O 9DULG$ 9 SU* H]OISM ( ! DEP?S1 BUT C\LDN'T IMITATE !M4 

 ,SO ,I CROSS$ OV] TO ,NOR? ,AFRICA ) ! VAGUE 9T5TION ( GETT+ TO ,LONDON4 ,BUT 9 
,AFRICA ! SITUATION WAS NOT CLE>2 ! OPPOS+ P>TIES SEEM$ TO BE EQUALLY RI<T & ,I /OOD ALO(4 

,I CAN SEE FROM Y\R MANN] ?AT ,I AM SKIPP+ RA!R FA/1 9 Y\R OP9ION1 OV] !SE DETAILS :I* 
HAVE A C]TA9 SIGNIFICANCE4 ,WELL1 LET'S SAY ?AT1 HAV+ JUDG$ Y\ AT Y\R TRUE VALUE1 ,I AM SKIPP+ 
OV] !M SO ?AT Y\ WILL NOTICE !M ! BETT]4 ,9 ANY CASE1 ,I EV5TUALLY REA*$ ,TUNISIA1 :]E A 
FOND FRI5D GAVE ME WORK4 ,?AT FRI5D WAS A V]Y 9TELLIG5T WOMAN :O WAS 9VOLV$ 9 ! 
MOVIES4 ,I FOLL[$ H] TO ,TUNIS & DIDN'T DISCOV] H] REAL BUS9ESS UNTIL ! DAYS FOLL[+ ! 
,ALLI$ L&+ 9 ,ALG]IA4 ,%E WAS >RE/$ ?AT DAY BY ! ,G]MANS & ,I1 TOO1 BUT )\T HAV+ 
9T5D$ IT4 ,I DON'T KN[ :AT BECAME ( H]4 ,AS = ME1 NO H>M WAS DONE ME & ,I REALIZ$1 AFT] 
CONSID]ABLE ANGUI%1 ?AT IT WAS *IEFLY AS A SECURITY MEASURE4 ,I WAS 9T]N$ NE> ,TRIPOLI 9 A CAMP 
:]E WE SUFF]$ FROM ?IR/ & DE/ITUTION MORE ?AN FROM BRUTALITY4 ,I'LL NOT DESCRIBE IT TO Y\4 

,WE *ILDR5 ( ! MID-C5TURY DON'T NE$ A DIAGRAM TO IMAG9E SU* PLACES4 ,A HUNDR$ & FIFTY 
YE>S AGO1 PEOPLE BECAME S5TIM5TAL AB\T LAKES & =E/S4 ,TODAY WE HAVE ! LYRICISM ( 
! PRISON CELL4 ,H5CE1 ,I'LL LEAVE IT TO Y\4 ,Y\ NE$ ADD BUT A FEW DETAILS3 ! HEAT1 ! V]TICAL SUN1 
! FLIES1 ! S&1 ! LACK ( WAT]4 

,!RE WAS A Y\NG ,FR5*MAN ) ME :O HAD FAI?4 ,YES1 IT'S DECID$LY A FAIRY TALE6 ,! ,DU 
,GUESCL9 TYPE1 IF Y\ WILL4 ,HE HAD CROSS$ OV] FROM ,FRANCE 9TO ,SPA9 TO GO & FI<T4 ,! ,CA?OLIC 
G5]AL HAD 9T]N$ HIM1 & HAV+ SE5 ?AT 9 ! ,FRANCO CAMPS ! *ICK-PEAS W]E1 IF ,I MAY SAY 
SO1 BLESS$ BY ,ROME1 HE HAD DEVELOP$ A PR(\ND MELAN*OLY4 ,NEI!R ! SKY ( ,AFRICA1 :]E HE 
HAD NEXT L&$1 NOR ! LEISURES ( ! CAMP HAD DI/RACT$ HIM FROM ?AT MELAN*OLY4 ,BUT HIS 
REFLECTIONS1 & ! SUN1 TOO1 HAD SOME:AT UNH+$ HIM4 ,ONE DAY :51 UND] A T5T ?AT SEEM$ 
TO DRIP MOLT5 LEAD1 ! T5 OR SO ( US W]E PANT+ AMONG ! FLIES1 HE REPEAT$ HIS DIATRIBES 
AGA9/ ! ,ROMAN1 AS HE CALL$ HIM4 ,HE LOOK$ AT US ) A WILD />E1 HIS FACE UN%AV5 = DAYS4 

,BA] TO ! WAI/ & COV]$ ) SWEAT1 HE DRUMM$ ) HIS H&S ON ! VISIBLE KEYBO>D ( HIS 
RIBS4 ,HE DECL>$ TO US ! NE$ = A NEW POPE :O %\LD LIVE AMONG ! WRET*$ 9/EAD 
( PRAY+ ON A ?RONE1 & ! SOON] ! BETT]4 ,HE />$ ) WILD EYES AS HE %OOK HIS HEAD4 

0,YES10 HE REPEAT$1 0AS SOON AS POSSIBLE60 ,!N HE CALM$ D[N SUDD5LY & 9 A DULL VOICE SAID 
?AT WE MU/ *OOSE HIM AMONG US1 PICK A COMPLETE MAN ) HIS VICES & VIRTUES & SWE> 
ALLEGIANCE TO HIM1 ON ! SOLE CONDITION ?AT HE %\LD AGREE TO KEEP ALIVE1 9 HIMSELF & 9 O!RS1 
! COMMUNITY ( \R SUFF]+S4 0,:O AMONG US10 HE ASK$1 0HAS ! MO/ FAIL+S80 ,AS A JOKE1 ,I 
RAIS$ MY H& & WAS ! ONLY ONE TO DO SO4 0,O4,K41 ,JEAN-,BAPTI/E WILL DO40 ,NO1 HE DIDN'T SAY JU/ 
?AT BECAUSE ,I HAD ANO!R NAME !N4 ,HE DECL>$ AT LEA/ ?AT NOM9AT+ ONESELF AS ,I HAD DONE 
PRESUPPOS$ ALSO ! GREATE/ VIRTUE & PROPOS$ ELECT+ ME4 ,! O!RS AGRE$1 9 FUN1 BUT ) A 
TRACE ( S]I\SNESS ALL ! SAME4 ,! TRU? IS ?AT ,DU ,GUESCL9 HAD IMPRESS$ US4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME 
?AT EV5 ,I WAS NOT ALTOGE!R LAU<+4 ,TO BEG9 )1 ,I CONSID]$ ?AT MY LITTLE PROPHET WAS RI<T2 
& !N ) ! SUN1 ! EXHAU/+ LABOR1 ! /RUGGLE = WAT]1 WE W]E NOT UP TO SNUFF4 ,9 ANY 
CASE1 ,I EX]CIS$ MY PONTIFICATE = SEV]AL WEEKS1 ) 9CREAS+ S]I\SNESS4 
 ,( :AT DID IT CONSI/8 ,WELL1 ,I WAS SOME?+ LIKE A GR\P LEAD] OR ! SECRET>Y ( A CELL4 

,! O!RS1 9 ANY CASE1 & EV5 ?OSE :O LACK$ FAI?1 GOT 9TO ! HABIT ( OBEY+ ME4 ,DU 
,GUESCL9 WAS SUFF]+2 ,I ADM9I/]$ HIS SUFF]+4 ,I DISCOV]$ !N ?AT IT WAS NOT SO EASY AS ,I 
?\<T TO BE A POPE1 & ,I REMEMB]$ ?IS JU/ YE/]DAY AFT] HAV+ GIV5 Y\ SU* A SCORNFUL 
SPEE* ON JUDGES1 \R BRO!RS4 ,! BIG PROBLEM 9 ! CAMP WAS ! WAT] ALLOTM5T4 ,O!R 
GR\PS1 POLITICAL OR SECT>IAN1 HAD =M$1 & EA* PRISON] FAVOR$ HIS COMRADES4 ,I WAS 
CONSEQU5TLY L$ TO FAVOR M9E1 & ?IS WAS A LITTLE CONCESSION TO BEG9 )4 ,EV5 AMONG US1 ,I 
C\LD NOT MA9TA9 COMPLETE EQUALITY4 ,ACCORD+ TO MY COMRADES' CONDITION1 OR ! WORK !Y HAD 
TO DO1 ,I GAVE AN ADVANTAGE TO ?IS OR ?AT ONE4 ,SU* DI/9CTIONS >E F>-REA*+1 Y\ CAN TAKE MY 
WORD = IT4 ,BUT DECID$LY ,I AM TIR$ & NO LONG] WANT TO ?9K ( ?AT P]IOD4 ,LET'S JU/ SAY ?AT ,I 
CLOS$ ! CIRCLE ! DAY ,I DRANK ! WAT] ( A DY+ COMRADE4 ,NO1 NO1 IT WASN'T ,DU ,GUESCL92 HE 
WAS ALREADY DEAD1 ,I BELIEVE1 = HE /9T$ HIMSELF TOO MU*4 ,BESIDES1 HAD HE BE5 !RE1 \T ( LOVE 
= HIM ,I'D HAVE RESI/$ LONG]1 = ,I LOV$ HIM--YES1 ,I LOV$ HIM1 OR SO IT SEEMS TO ME4 ,BUT ,I 
DRANK ! WAT]1 ?AT'S C]TA91 :ILE CONV9C+ MYSELF ?AT ! O!RS NE$$ ME MORE ?AN ?IS 
FELL[ :O WAS GO+ TO DIE ANYWAY & ?AT ,I HAD A DUTY TO KEEP MYSELF ALIVE = !M4 ,?US1 *]1 
EMPIRES & *UR*ES >E BORN UND] ! SUN ( DEA?4 ,& 9 ORD] TO CORRECT SOME:AT :AT ,I 
SAID YE/]DAY1 ,I AM GO+ TO TELL Y\ ! GREAT IDEA ?AT HAS COME TO ME :ILE TELL+ ALL ?IS1 
:I*--,I'M NOT SURE N[--,I MAY HAVE LIV$ OR ONLY DREAM$4 ,MY GREAT IDEA IS ?AT ONE MU/ 
=GIVE ! POPE4 ,TO BEG9 )1 HE NE$S IT MORE ?AN ANYONE ELSE4 ,SECONDLY1 ?AT'S ! ONLY WAY TO 
SET ONESELF ABOVE HIM 444 

,DID Y\ CLOSE ! DOOR ?OR\<LY8 ,YES8 ,MAKE SURE1 PLEASE4 ,=GIVE ME1 ,I HAVE ! BOLT COMPLEX4 

,ON ! PO9T ( GO+ TO SLEEP1 ,I CAN NEV] REMEMB] :E!R OR NOT ,I PU%$ ! BOLT4 ,& EV]Y 
NI<T ,I MU/ GET UP TO V]IFY4 ,ONE CAN BE SURE ( NO?+1 AS ,I'VE TOLD Y\4 ,DON'T ?9K ?AT ?IS 
WORRY AB\T ! BOLT IS ! REACTION ( A FRI<T5$ POSSESSOR4 ,=M]LY ,I DIDN'T LOCK MY AP>TM5T 
OR MY C>4 ,I DIDN'T LOCK UP MY MONEY2 ,I DIDN'T CL+ TO :AT ,I [N$4 ,TO TELL ! TRU?1 ,I WAS A LITTLE 
 A%AM$ TO [N ANY?+4 ,DIDN'T ,I OCCASIONALLY1 9 MY SOCIAL REM>KS1 EXCLAIM ) CONVICTION3 

0,PROP]TY1 G5TLEM51 IS MURD]60 ,NOT BE+ SUFFICI5TLY BIG-HE>T$ TO %>E MY WEAL? ) A 
DES]V+ POOR MAN1 ,I LEFT IT AT ! DISPOSAL ( POSSIBLE ?IEVES1 HOP+ ?US TO CORRECT 9JU/ICE BY 
*ANCE4 ,TODAY1 MOREOV]1 ,I POSSESS NO?+4 ,H5CE ,I AM NOT WORRI$ AB\T MY SAFETY1 BUT AB\T 
MYSELF & MY PRES5CE ( M9D ,I AM ALSO EAG] TO BLOCK ! DOOR ( ! CLOS$ LITTLE UNIV]SE ( 
:I* ,I AM ! K+1 ! POPE1 & ! JUDGE4 

,BY ! WAY1 WILL Y\ PLEASE OP5 ?AT CUPBO>D8 ,YES1 LOOK AT ?AT PA9T+4 ,DON'T Y\ RECOGNIZE 
IT8 ,IT IS 0,! ,JU/ ,JUDGES40 ,?AT DOESN'T MAKE Y\ JUMP8 ,CAN IT BE ?AT Y\R CULTURE HAS GAPS8 ,YET IF 
Y\ READ ! PAP]S1 Y\ W\LD RECALL ! !FT 9 #aicd M ! ,/4 ,BAVON ,CA!DRAL ( ,<5T1 ( ONE 
( ! PANELS ( ! FAM\S VAN ,EYCK ALT>PIECE1 0,! ,ADORATION ( ! ,LAMB40 ,?AT PANEL WAS 
CALL$ 0,! ,JU/ ,JUDGES40 ,IT REPRES5T$ JUDGES ON HORSEBACK COM+ TO ADORE ! SACR$ ANIMAL4 ,IT 
WAS REPLAC$ BY AN EXCELL5T COPY1 = ! ORIG9AL WAS NEV] F\ND4 ,WELL1 H]E IT IS4 ,NO1 ,I HAD 
NO?+ TO DO ) IT4 ,A FREQU5T] ( ,MEXICO ,CITY --Y\ HAD A GLIMPSE ( HIM ! O!R 
EV5+--SOLD IT TO ! APE = A BOTTLE1 ONE DRUNK5 EV5+4 ,I FIR/ ADVIS$ \R FRI5D TO HANG IT 9 
A PLACE ( HONOR1 & = A LONG TIME1 :ILE !Y W]E BE+ LOOK$ = ?R\<\T ! WORLD1 \R 
DEV\T JUDGES SAT 5?RON$ AT ,MEXICO ,CITY ABOVE ! DRUNKS & PIMPS4 ,!N ! APE1 AT MY 
REQUE/1 PUT IT 9 CU/ODY H]E4 ,HE BALK$ A LITTLE AT DO+ SO1 BUT HE GOT A FRI<T :5 ,I EXPLA9$ ! 
MATT] TO HIM4 ,S9CE !N1 !SE E/IMABLE MAGI/RATES =M MY SOLE COMPANY4 ,AT ,MEXICO ,CITY1 ABOVE 
! B>1 Y\ SAW :AT A VOID !Y LEFT4 

,:Y ,I DID NOT RETURN ! PANEL8 ,AH6 ,AH6 ,Y\ HAVE A POLICEMAN'S REFLEX1 Y\ DO6 ,WELL1 ,I'LL ANSW] 
Y\ AS ,I W\LD ! /ATE'S ATTORNEY1 IF IT C\LD EV] OCCUR TO ANYONE ?AT ?IS PA9T+ HAD W\ND UP 
9 MY ROOM4 ,FIR/1 BECAUSE IT BELONGS NOT TO ME BUT TO ! PROPRIETOR ( ,MEXICO ,CITY1 :O DES]VES IT 
AS MU* AS ! ,>*BI%OP ( ,<5T4 ,SECONDLY1 BECAUSE AMONG ALL ?OSE :O FILE BY 0,! 
,ADORATION4 ( ! ,LAMB0 NO ONE C\LD DI/+UI% ! COPY FROM ! ORIG9AL & H5CE NO ONE IS 
WRONG$ BY MY MISCONDUCT4 ,?IRDLY1 BECAUSE 9 ?IS WAY ,I DOM9ATE4 ,FALSE JUDGES >E HELD UP TO ! 
WORLD'S ADMIRATION & ,I ALONE KN[ ! TRUE ONES4 ,F\R?1 BECAUSE ,I ?US HAVE A *ANCE ( 
BE+ S5T TO PRISON--AN ATTRACTIVE IDEA 9 A WAY4 ,FIF?1 BECAUSE ?OSE JUDGES >E ON !IR WAY TO 
MEET ! ,LAMB1 BECAUSE !RE IS NO MORE LAMB OR 9NOC5CE1 & BECAUSE ! CLEV] RASCAL :O /OLE 
! PANEL WAS AN 9/RUM5T ( ! UNKN[N JU/ICE ?AT ONE \<T NOT TO ?W>T4 ,F9ALLY1 BECAUSE 
?IS WAY EV]Y?+ IS 9 H>MONY4 ,JU/ICE BE+ DEF9ITIVELY SEP>AT$ FROM 9NOC5CE--! LATT] ON 
! CROSS & ! =M] 9 ! CUPBO>D--,I HAVE ! WAY CLE> TO WORK ACCORD+ TO MY 
CONVICTIONS4 ,) A CLE> CONSCI5CE ,I CAN PRACTICE ! DIFFICULT PR(ESSION ( JUDGE-P5IT5T1 9 :I* ,I HAVE SET MYSELF UP AFT] SO MANY BLI<T$ HOPES & CONTRADICTIONS2 & N[ IT IS TIME1 S9CE Y\ >E LEAV+1 = ME TO TELL Y\ :AT IT IS4 

,ALL[ ME FIR/ TO SIT UP SO ,I CAN BREA! MORE EASILY4 ,OH1 H[ WEAK ,I AM6 ,LOCK UP MY JUDGES1 
PLEASE4 ,AS = ! PR(ESSION ( JUDGE-P5IT5T1 ,I AM PRACTIC+ IT AT PRES5T4 ,ORD9>ILY1 MY (FICES 
>E AT ,MEXICO ,CITY4 ,BUT REAL VOCATIONS >E C>RI$ BEYOND ! PLACE ( WORK4 ,EV5 9 B$1 EV5 ) 
 A FEV]1 ,I AM FUNCTION+4 ,BESIDES1 ONE DOESN'T PRACTICE ?IS PR(ESSION1 ONE BREA!S IT 
CON/ANTLY4 ,DON'T GET ! IDEA ?AT ,I HAVE TALK$ TO Y\ AT SU* L5G? = FIVE DAYS JU/ = ! FUN ( 
IT4 ,NO1 ,I US$ TO TALK ?R\< MY HAT QUITE 5\< 9 ! PA/4 ,N[ MY WORDS HAVE A PURPOSE4 ,!Y 
HAVE ! PURPOSE1 OBVI\SLY1 ( SIL5C+ ! LAU<T]1 ( AVOID+ JUDGM5T P]SONALLY1 ?\< !RE 
IS APP>5TLY NO ESCAPE4 ,IS NOT ! GREAT ?+ ?AT /&S 9 ! WAY ( \R ESCAP+ IT ! FACT ?AT 
WE >E ! FIR/ TO CONDEMN \RSELVES8 ,!RE=E IT IS ESS5TIAL TO BEG9 BY EXT5D+ ! CONDEMNATION TO ALL1 )\T DI/9CTION1 9 ORD] TO ?9 IT \T AT ! />T4 

,NO EXCUSES EV]1 = ANYONE2 ?AT'S MY PR9CIPLE AT ! \TSET4 ,I D5Y ! GOOD 9T5TION1 ! 
RESPECTABLE MI/AKE1 ! 9DISCRETION1 ! EXT5UAT+ CIRCUM/ANCE4 ,) ME !RE IS NO GIV+ ( 
ABSOLUTION OR BLESS+4 ,EV]Y?+ IS SIMPLY TOTT$ UP1 & !N3 0,IT COMES TO SO MU*4 ,Y\ >E AN 
EVILDO]1 A SATYR1 A CONG5ITAL LI>1 A HOMOSEXUAL1 AN >TI/1 ETC40 ,JU/ LIKE ?AT4 ,JU/ AS FLATLY4 ,9 PHILOSOPHY AS 9 POLITICS1 ,I AM = ANY !ORY ?AT REFUSES TO GRANT MAN 9NOC5CE & = ANY 
PRACTICE ?AT TREATS HIM AS GUILTY4 ,Y\ SEE 9 ME1 TRES *]1 AN 5LI<T5$ ADVOCATE ( SLAV]Y4 

,)\T SLAV]Y1 AS A MATT] ( FACT1 !RE IS NO DEF9ITIVE SOLUTION4 ,I V]Y SOON REALIZ$ ?AT4 ,ONCE 
UPON A TIME1 ,I WAS ALWAYS TALK+ ( FRE$OM4 ,AT BREAKFA/ ,I US$ TO SPREAD IT ON MY TOA/1 ,I US$ TO 
*EW IT ALL DAY LONG1 & 9 COMPANY MY BREA? WAS DELI<TFULLY R$OL5T ( FRE$OM4 ,) ?AT KEY 
WORD ,I W\LD BLUDGEON :OEV] CONTRADICT$ ME2 ,I MADE IT S]VE MY DESIRES & MY P[]4 ,I US$ 
TO :ISP] IT 9 B$ 9 ! E> ( MY SLEEP+ MATES & IT HELP$ ME TO DROP !M ,I W\LD SLIP IT 444 

,T*K6 ,T*K6 ,I AM GETT+ EXCIT$ & LOS+ ALL S5SE ( PROPORTION4 ,AFT] ALL1 ,I DID ON OCCASION MAKE 
A MORE DIS9T]E/$ USE ( FRE$OM & EV5--JU/ IMAG9E MY NAIVETE--DEF5D$ IT TWO OR ?REE 
TIMES )\T ( C\RSE GO+ SO F> AS TO DIE = IT1 BUT NEV]!LESS TAK+ A FEW RISKS4 ,I MU/ BE 
=GIV5 SU* RA% ACTS2 ,I DIDN'T KN[ :AT ,I WAS DO+4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ?AT FRE$OM IS NOT A REW>D 
OR A DECORATION ?AT IS CELEBRAT$ ) *AMPAGNE4 ,NOR YET A GIFT1 A BOX ( DA9TIES DESIGN$ TO MAKE 
Y\ LICK Y\R *OPS4 ,OH1 NO6 ,IT'S A *ORE1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 & A LONG-DI/ANCE RACE1 QUITE 
SOLIT>Y & V]Y EXHAU/+4 ,NO *AMPAGNE1 NO FRI5DS RAIS+ !IR GLASSES AS !Y LOOK AT Y\ 
AFFECTIONATELY4 ,ALONE 9 A =BIDD+ ROOM1 ALONE 9 ! PRISON]'S BOG BE=E ! JUDGES1 & ALONE 
TO DECIDE 9 FACE ( ONESELF OR 9 ! FACE ( O!RS' JUDGM5T4 ,AT ! 5D ( ALL FRE$OM IS A C\RT 
S5T5CE2 ?AT'S :Y FRE$OM IS TOO HEAVY TO BE>1 ESPECIALLY :5 Y\'RE D[N ) A FEV]1 OR >E 
DI/RESS$1 OR LOVE NOBODY4 

,AH1 MON *]1 = ANYONE :O IS ALONE1 )\T ,GOD & )\T A MA/]1 ! WEI<T ( DAYS IS 
DREADFUL4 ,H5CE ONE MU/ *OOSE A MA/]1 ,GOD BE+ \T ( /YLE4 ,BESIDES1 ?AT WORD HAS LO/ ITS 
MEAN+2 IT'S NOT WOR? ! RISK ( %OCK+ ANYONE4 ,TAKE \R MORAL PHILOSOPH]S1 = 9/ANCE1 SO 
S]I\S1 LOV+ !IR NEI<BOR & ALL ! RE/--NO?+ DI/+UI%ES !M FROM ,*RI/IANS1 EXCEPT 
?AT !Y DON'T PREA* 9 *UR*ES4 ,:AT1 9 Y\R OP9ION1 KEEPS !M FROM BECOM+ CONV]T$8 

,RESPECT P]HAPS1 RESPECT = M52 YES1 HUMAN RESPECT4 ,!Y DON'T WANT TO />T A SC&AL1 SO !Y 
KEEP !IR FEEL+S TO !MSELVES4 ,= EXAMPLE1 ,I KNEW AN A!I/IC NOVELI/ :O US$ TO PRAY EV]Y 
 NI<T4 ,?AT DIDN'T /OP ANY?+3 H[ HE GAVE IT TO ,GOD 9 HIS BOOKS6 ,:AT A DU/+ (F1 AS 
SOMEONE OR O!R W\LD SAY4 ,A MILITANT FREE?9K] TO :OM ,I SPOKE ( ?IS RAIS$ HIS H&S--) 
NO EVIL 9T5TION1 ,I ASSURE Y\--TO HEAV53 0,Y\'RE TELL+ ME NO?+ NEW10 ?AT APO/LE SI<$1 
0!Y >E ALL LIKE ?AT40 ,ACCORD+ TO HIM1 EI<TY P] C5T ( \R WRIT]S1 IF ONLY !Y C\LD AVOID 
SIGN+1 W\LD WRITE & HAIL ! NAME ( ,GOD4 ,BUT !Y SIGN1 ACCORD+ TO HIM1 BECAUSE !Y LOVE 
!MSELVES1 & !Y HAIL NO?+ AT ALL BECAUSE !Y LOA! !MSELVES4 ,S9CE1 NEV]!LESS1 !Y 
CANNOT KEEP !MSELVES FROM JUDG+1 !Y MAKE UP = IT BY MORALIZ+4 ,9 %ORT1 !IR ,SATANISM IS VIRTU\S4 ,AN ODD EPO*1 9DE$6 ,IT'S NOT AT ALL SURPRIS+ ?AT M9DS >E CONFUS$ & ?AT ONE ( MY 
FRI5DS1 AN A!I/ :5 HE WAS A MODEL HUSB&1 GOT CONV]T$ :5 HE BECAME AN ADULT]]6 

,AH1 ! LITTLE SNEAKS1 PLAY ACTORS1 HYPOCRITES--& YET SO T\*+6 ,BELIEVE ME1 !Y ALL >E1 EV5 
:5 !Y SET FIRE TO HEAV54 ,:E!R !Y >E A!I/S OR *UR*GO]S1 ,MUSCOVITES OR ,BO/ONIANS1 
ALL ,*RI/IANS FROM FA!R TO SON4 ,BUT IT SO HAPP5S ?AT !RE IS NO MORE FA!R1 NO MORE RULE6 
,!Y >E FREE & H5CE HAVE TO %IFT = !MSELVES2 & S9CE !Y DON'T WANT FRE$OM OR ITS 
JUDGM5TS1 !Y ASK TO BE RAPP$ ON ! KNUCKLES1 !Y 9V5T DREADFUL RULES1 !Y RU% \T TO BUILD 
PILES ( FAGOTS TO REPLACE *UR*ES4 ,SAVON>OLAS1 ,I TELL Y\4 ,BUT !Y BELIEVE SOLELY 9 S91 NEV] 9 
GRACE4 ,!Y ?9K ( IT1 TO BE SURE4 ,GRACE IS :AT !Y WANT--ACCEPTANCE1 SURR5D]1 HAPP9ESS1 & 
MAYBE1 = !Y >E S5TIM5TAL TOO1 BETRO?AL1 ! VIRG9AL BRIDE1 ! UPRI<T MAN1 ! ORGAN MUSIC4 

,TAKE ME1 = EXAMPLE1 & ,I AM NOT S5TIM5TAL--DO Y\ KN[ :AT ,I US$ TO DREAM (8 ,A TOTAL 
LOVE ( ! :OLE HE>T & BODY1 DAY & NI<T1 9 AN UN9T]RUPT$ EMBRACE1 S5SUAL 5JOYM5T 
& M5TAL EXCITEM5T--ALL LA/+ FIVE YE>S & 5D+ 9 DEA?4 ,ALAS6 

,SO1 AFT] ALL1 = WANT ( BETRO?AL OR UN9T]RUPT$ LOVE1 IT WILL BE M>RIAGE1 BRUTAL M>RIAGE1 ) 
P[] & ! :IP4 ,! ESS5TIAL IS ?AT EV]Y?+ %\LD BECOME SIMPLE1 AS = ! *ILD1 ?AT 
EV]Y ACT %\LD BE ORD]$1 ?AT GOOD & EVIL %\LD BE >BITR>ILY1 H5CE OBVI\SLY1 PO9T$ \T4 

,& ,I AGREE1 H[EV] ,SICILIAN & ,JAVANESE ,I MAY BE & NOT AT ALL ,*RI/IAN1 ?\< ,I FEEL 
FRI5D%IP = ! FIR/ ,*RI/IAN ( ALL4 ,BUT ON ! BRIDGES ( ,P>IS ,I1 TOO1 LE>N$ ?AT ,I WAS AFRAID ( 
FRE$OM4 ,SO HURRAH = ! MA/]1 :OEV] HE MAY BE1 TO TAKE ! PLACE ( HEAV5'S LAW4 0,\R 
,FA!R :O >T PROVISIONALLY H]E 444 ,\R GUIDES1 \R DELI<TFULLY SEV]E MA/]S1 ,O CRUEL & BELOV$ 
LEAD]S 4440 ,9 %ORT1 Y\ SEE1 ! ESS5TIAL IS TO CEASE BE+ FREE & TO OBEY1 9 REP5TANCE1 A GREAT] 
ROGUE ?AN ONESELF4 ,:5 WE >E ALL GUILTY1 ?AT WILL BE DEMOCRACY4 ,)\T C\NT+1 *] AMI1 ?AT 
WE MU/ TAKE REV5GE = HAV+ TO DIE ALONE4 ,DEA? IS SOLIT>Y1 :]EAS SLAV]Y IS COLLECTIVE4 ,! 
O!RS GET !IRS1 TOO1 & AT ! SAME TIME AS WE--?AT'S :AT C\NTS4 ,ALL TOGE!R AT LA/1 BUT ON 
\R KNEES & HEADS B[$4 

,ISN'T IT GOOD LIKEWISE TO LIVE LIKE ! RE/ ( ! WORLD1 & = ?AT DOESN'T ! RE/ ( ! WORLD 
HAVE TO BE LIKE ME8 ,?REAT1 DI%ONOR1 POLICE >E ! SACRAM5TS ( ?AT RESEMBLANCE4 ,SCORN$1 
HUNT$ D[N1 COMPELL$1 ,I CAN !N %[ :AT ,I AM WOR?1 5JOY :AT ,I AM1 BE NATURAL AT LA/4 ,?IS 
IS :Y1 TRES *]1 AFT] HAV+ SOLEMNLY PAID MY RESPECTS TO FRE$OM1 ,I DECID$ ON ! SLY ?AT IT HAD TO 
BE H&$ OV] )\T DELAY TO ANYONE :O COMES ALONG4 ,& EV]Y TIME ,I CAN1 ,I PREA* 9 
MY *UR* ( ,MEXICO ,CITY1 ,I 9VITE ! GOOD PEOPLE TO SUBMIT TO AU?ORITY & HUMBLY TO SOLICIT ! 
COM=TS ( SLAV]Y1 EV5 IF ,I HAVE TO PRES5T IT AS TRUE FRE$OM4 

,BUT ,I'M NOT BE+ CRAZY2 ,I'M WELL AW>E ?AT SLAV]Y IS NOT IMM$IATELY REALIZABLE4 ,IT WILL BE ONE ( 
! BLESS+S ( ! FUTURE1 ?AT'S ALL4 ,9 ! MEANTIME1 ,I MU/ GET ALONG ) ! PRES5T & SEEK AT 
LEA/ A PROVISIONAL SOLUTION4 ,H5CE ,I HAD TO F9D ANO!R MEANS ( EXT5D+ JUDGM5T TO EV]YBODY 
9 ORD] TO MAKE IT WEI< LESS HEAVILY ON MY [N %\LD]S4 ,I F\ND ! MEANS4 ,OP5 ! W9D[ A 
LITTLE1 PLEASE2 IT'S FRI<TFULLY HOT4 ,NOT TOO MU*1 = ,I AM COLD ALSO4 ,MY IDEA IS BO? SIMPLE & F]TILE4 

,H[ TO GET EV]YONE 9VOLV$ 9 ORD] TO HAVE ! RI<T TO SIT CALMLY ON ! \TSIDE MYSELF8 ,%\LD 
,I CLIMB UP TO ! PULPIT1 LIKE MANY ( MY ILLU/RI\S CONTEMPOR>IES1 & CURSE HUMANITY8 ,V]Y 
DANG]\S1 ?AT IS6 ,ONE DAY1 OR ONE NI<T1 LAU<T] BUR/S \T )\T A W>N+4 ,! JUDGM5T Y\ 
>E PASS+ ON O!RS EV5TUALLY SNAPS BACK 9 Y\R FACE1 CAUS+ SOME DAMAGE4 ,& SO :AT8 Y\ 
ASK4 ,WELL1 H]E'S ! /ROKE ( G5IUS4 ,I DISCOV]$ ?AT :ILE WAIT+ = ! MA/]S ) !IR 
RODS1 WE %\LD1 LIKE ,COP]NICUS1 REV]SE ! REASON+ TO W9 \T4 ,9ASMU* AS ONE C\LDN'T 
CONDEMN O!RS )\T IMM$IATELY JUDG+ ONESELF1 ONE HAD TO OV]:ELM ONESELF TO HAVE ! 
RI<T TO JUDGE O!RS4 ,9ASMU* AS EV]Y JUDGE SOME DAY 5DS UP AS A P5IT5T1 ONE HAD TO TRAVEL ! 
ROAD 9 ! OPPOSITE DIRECTION & PRACTICE ! PR(ESSION ( P5IT5T TO BE ABLE TO 5D UP AS A JUDGE4 

,Y\ FOLL[ ME8 ,GOOD4 ,BUT TO MAKE MYSELF EV5 CLE>]1 ,I'LL TELL Y\ H[ ,I OP]ATE4 

,FIR/ ,I CLOS$ MY LAW (FICE1 LEFT ,P>IS1 TRAVEL$4 ,I AIM$ TO SET UP UND] ANO!R NAME 9 SOME 
PLACE :]E ,I %\LDN'T LACK = A PRACTICE4 ,!RE >E MANY 9 ! WORLD1 BUT *ANCE1 CONV5I5CE1 
IRONY1 & ALSO ! NECESSITY = A C]TA9 MORTIFICATION MADE ME *OOSE A CAPITAL ( WAT]S & FOGS1 
GIRDL$ BY CANALS1 P>TICUL>LY CR[D$1 & VISIT$ BY M5 FROM ALL CORN]S ( ! E>?4 ,I SET UP MY 
(FICE 9 A B> 9 ! SAILORS' QU>T]4 ,! CLI5TELE ( A PORT-T[N IS V>I$4 ,! POOR DON'T GO 9TO 
! LUXURY DI/RICTS1 :]EAS EV5TUALLY ! G5TLEFOLK ALWAYS W9D UP AT LEA/ ONCE1 AS Y\ HAVE SE51 
9 ! DISREPUTABLE PLACES4 ,I LIE 9 WAIT P>TICUL>LY = ! B\RGEOIS1 & ! /RAY+ B\RGEOIS 
AT ?AT2 IT'S ) HIM ?AT ,I GET MY BE/ RESULTS4 ,LIKE A VIRTUOSO ) A R>E VIOL91 ,I DRAW MY SUBTLE/ 
S\NDS FROM HIM4 

,SO ,I HAVE BE5 PRACTIC+ MY USEFUL PR(ESSION AT ,MEXICO ,CITY = SOME TIME4 ,IT CONSI/S TO BEG9 
)1 AS Y\ KN[ FROM EXP]I5CE1 9 9DULG+ 9 PUBLIC CONFESSION AS (T5 AS POSSIBLE4 ,I ACCUSE 
MYSELF UP & D[N4 ,IT'S NOT H>D1 = ,I N[ HAVE ACQUIR$ A MEMORY4 ,BUT LET ME PO9T \T ?AT ,I 
DON'T ACCUSE MYSELF CRUDELY1 BEAT+ MY BREA/4 ,NO1 ,I NAVIGATE SKILLFULLY1 MULTIPLY+ DI/9CTIONS & 
DIGRESSIONS1 TOO--9 %ORT1 ,I ADAPT MY WORDS TO MY LI/5] & LEAD HIM TO GO ME ONE BETT]4 ,I 
M+LE :AT CONC]NS ME & :AT CONC]NS O!RS4 ,I *OOSE ! FEATURES WE HAVE 9 COMMON1 ! 
EXP]I5CES WE HAVE 5DUR$ TOGE!R1 ! FAIL+S WE %>E--GOOD =M1 9 O!R WORDS1 ! MAN 
( ! H\R AS HE IS RIFE 9 ME & 9 O!RS4 ,) ALL ?AT ,I CON/RUCT A PORTRAIT :I* IS ! IMAGE ( 
ALL & ( NO ONE4 ,A MASK1 9 %ORT1 RA!R LIKE ?OSE C>NIVAL MASKS :I* >E BO? LIFELIKE & 
/YLIZ$1 SO ?AT !Y MAKE PEOPLE SAY3 0,:Y1 SURELY ,I'VE MET HIM60 ,:5 ! PORTRAIT IS F9I%$1 AS 
IT IS ?IS 
 EV5+1 ,I %[ IT ) GREAT SORR[3 0,?IS1 ALAS1 IS :AT ,I AM60 ,! PROSECUTOR'S 
*>GE IS F9I%$4 ,BUT AT ! SAME TIME ! PORTRAIT ,I HOLD \T TO MY CONTEMPOR>IES BECOMES A 
MIRROR4 

,COV]$ ) A%ES1 TE>+ MY HAIR1 MY FACE SCOR$ BY CLAW+1 BUT ) PI]C+ EYES1 ,I /& 
BE=E ALL HUMANITY RECAPITULAT+ MY %AMES )\T LOS+ SI<T ( ! EFFECT ,I AM PRODUC+1 & 
SAY+3 0,I WAS ! L[E/ ( ! L[40 ,!N IMP]CEPTIBLY ,I PASS FROM ! 0,I0 TO ! 0WE40 ,:5 ,I 
GET TO 0,?IS IS :AT WE >E10 ! TRICK HAS BE5 PLAY$ & ,I CAN TELL !M (F4 ,I AM LIKE !M1 TO BE 
SURE2 WE >E 9 ! S\P TOGE!R4 ,H[EV]1 ,I HAVE A SUP]IORITY 9 ?AT ,I KN[ IT & ?IS GIVES ME 
! RI<T TO SPEAK4 ,Y\ SEE ! ADVANTAGE1 ,I AM SURE4 ,! MORE ,I ACCUSE MYSELF1 ! MORE ,I HAVE A 
RI<T TO JUDGE Y\4 ,EV5 BETT]1 ,I PROVOKE Y\ 9TO JUDG+ Y\RSELF1 & ?IS RELIEVES ME ( ?AT 
MU* ( ! BURD54 ,AH1 MON *]1 WE >E ODD1 WRET*$ CREATURES1 & IF WE M]ELY LOOK BACK OV] 
\R LIVES1 !RE'S NO LACK ( OCCASIONS TO AMAZE & HORRIFY \RSELVES4 ,JU/ TRY4 ,I %ALL LI/51 Y\ MAY 
BE SURE1 TO Y\R [N CONFESSION ) A GREAT FEEL+ ( FRAT]NITY4 

 ,DON'T LAU<6 ,YES1 Y\ >E A DIFFICULT CLI5T2 ,I SAW ?AT AT ONCE4 ,BUT Y\'LL COME TO IT 
9EVITABLY4 ,MO/ ( ! O!RS >E MORE S5TIM5TAL ?AN 9TELLIG5T2 !Y >E DISCONC]T$ AT ONCE4 

,) ! 9TELLIG5T ONES IT TAKES TIME4 ,IT IS 5\< TO EXPLA9 ! ME?OD FULLY TO !M4 ,!Y DON'T 
=GET IT2 !Y REFLECT4 ,SOON] OR LAT]1 HALF AS A GAME & HALF \T ( EMOTIONAL UPSET1 !Y GIVE UP 
& TELL ALL4 ,Y\ >E NOT ONLY 9TELLIG5T1 Y\ LOOK POLI%$ BY USE4 ,ADMIT1 H[EV]1 ?AT TODAY Y\ 
FEEL LESS PLEAS$ ) Y\RSELF ?AN Y\ FELT FIVE DAYS AGO8 ,N[ ,I %ALL WAIT = Y\ TO WRITE ME OR 
COME BACK4 ,= Y\ WILL COME BACK1 ,I AM SURE6 ,Y\'LL F9D ME UN*ANG$4 ,& :Y %\LD ,I *ANGE1 
S9CE ,I HAVE F\ND ! HAPP9ESS ?AT SUITS ME8 ,I HAVE ACCEPT$ DUPLICITY 9/EAD ( BE+ UPSET 
AB\T IT4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I HAVE SETTL$ 9TO IT & F\ND !RE ! COM=T ,I WAS LOOK+ = 
?R\<\T LIFE4 ,I WAS WRONG1 AFT] ALL1 TO TELL Y\ ?AT ! ESS5TIAL WAS TO AVOID JUDGM5T4 ,! ESS5TIAL IS BE+ ABLE TO P]MIT ONESELF EV]Y?+1 EV5 IF1 FROM TIME TO TIME1 ONE HAS TO PR(ESS VOCIF]\SLY ONE'S [N 9FAMY4 ,I P]MIT MYSELF EV]Y?+ AGA91 & )\T ! LAU<T] ?IS TIME4 

 ,I HAV5'T *ANG$ MY WAY ( LIFE2 ,I CONT9UE TO LOVE MYSELF & TO MAKE USE ( O!RS4 ,ONLY1 
! CONFESSION ( MY CRIMES ALL[S ME TO BEG9 AGA9 LI<T] 9 HE>T & TO TA/E A D\BLE 
5JOYM5T1 FIR/ ( MY NATURE & SECONDLY ( A *>M+ REP5TANCE4 

,S9CE F9D+ MY SOLUTION1 ,I YIELD TO EV]Y?+1 TO WOM51 TO PRIDE1 TO BOR$OM1 TO RES5TM5T1 
& EV5 TO ! FEV] ?AT ,I FEEL DELI<TFULLY RIS+ AT ?IS MOM5T4 ,I DOM9ATE AT LA/1 BUT =EV]4 

,ONCE MORE ,I HAVE F\ND A HEI<T TO :I* ,I AM ! ONLY ONE TO CLIMB & FROM :I* ,I CAN JUDGE 
EV]YBODY4 ,AT LONG 9T]VALS1 ON A REALLY BEAUTIFUL NI<T ,I OCCASIONALLY HE> A DI/ANT LAU< & AGA9 ,I 
D\BT4 ,BUT QUICKLY ,I CRU% EV]Y?+1 PEOPLE & ?+S1 UND] ! WEI<T ( MY [N 9FIRMITY1 & 
AT ONCE ,I P]K UP4 

,SO ,I %ALL AWAIT Y\R RESPECTS AT ,MEXICO ,CITY AS LONG AS NECESS>Y4 ,BUT REMOVE ?IS BLANKET2 ,I WANT 
TO BREA!4 ,Y\ WILL COME1 WON'T Y\8 ,I'LL %[ Y\ ! DETAILS ( MY TE*NIQUE1 = ,I FEEL A SORT ( 
AFFECTION = Y\4 ,Y\ WILL SEE ME TEA*+ !M NI<T AFT] NI<T ?AT !Y >E VILE4 ,?IS V]Y 
EV5+1 MOREOV]1 ,I %ALL RESUME4 ,I CAN'T DO )\T IT OR D5Y MYSELF ?OSE MOM5TS :5 
ONE ( !M COLLAPSES1 ) ! HELP ( ALCOHOL1 & BEATS HIS BREA/4 ,!N ,I GR[ TALL]1 TRES *]1 ,I GR[ TALL]1 ,I BREA! FREELY1 ,I AM ON ! M\NTA91 ! PLA9 /RET*ES BE=E MY EYES4 ,H[ 9TOXICAT+ TO FEEL LIKE ,GOD ! ,FA!R & TO H& \T DEF9ITIVE TE/IMONIALS ( BAD *>ACT] & 
HABITS4 ,I SIT 5?RON$ AMONG MY BAD ANGELS AT ! SUMMIT ( ! ,DUT* HEAV5 & ,I WAT* 
ASC5D+ T[>D ME1 AS !Y ISSUE FROM ! FOGS & ! WAT]1 ! MULTITUDE ( ! ,LA/ ,JUDGM5T4 

,!Y RISE SL[LY2 ,I ALREADY SEE ! FIR/ ( !M >RIV+4 ,ON HIS BEWILD]$ FACE1 HALF HIDD5 BY HIS 
H&1 ,I READ ! MELAN*OLY ( ! COMMON CONDITION & ! DESPAIR ( NOT BE+ ABLE TO ESCAPE IT4 

,& AS = ME1 ,I PITY )\T ABSOLV+1 ,I UND]/& )\T =GIV+1 & ABOVE ALL1 ,I FEEL AT LA/ 
?AT ,I AM BE+ ADOR$6 

,YES1 ,I AM MOV+ AB\T4 ,H[ C\LD ,I REMA9 9 B$ LIKE A GOOD PATI5T8 ,I MU/ BE HI<] ?AN 
Y\1 & MY ?\<TS LIFT ME UP4 ,SU* NI<TS1 OR SU* MORN+S RA!R 7= ! FALL OCCURS AT DAWN71 ,I 
GO \T & WALK BRISKLY ALONG ! CANALS4 ,9 ! LIVID SKY ! LAY]S ( FEA!RS BECOME ?9N]1 ! 
 DOVES MOVE A LITTLE HI<]1 & ABOVE ! RO(S A ROSY LI<T ANN\NCES A NEW DAY ( MY 
CREATION4 ,ON ! ,DAMRAK ! FIR/ /REETC> S\NDS ITS BELL 9 ! DAMP AIR & M>KS ! AWAK5+ 
( LIFE AT ! EXTREMITY ( ?IS ,EUROPE :]E1 AT ! SAME MOM5T1 HUNDR$S ( MILLIONS ( M51 MY 
SUBJECTS1 PA9FULLY SLIP \T ( B$1 A BITT] TA/E 9 !IR M\?S1 TO GO TO A JOYLESS WORK4 ,!N1 
SO>+ OV] ?IS :OLE CONT95T :I* IS UND] MY SWAY )\T KN[+ IT1 DR9K+ 9 ! 
ABS9!-COLOR$ LI<T ( BREAK+ DAY1 9TOXICAT$ ) EVIL WORDS1 ,I AM HAPPY--,I AM HAPPY1 ,I TELL Y\1 ,I WON'T LET Y\ ?9K ,I'M NOT HAPPY1 ,I AM HAPPY UNTO DEA?6 ,OH1 SUN1 BEA*ES1 & ! ISL&S 9 ! PA? ( ! TRADE W9DS1 Y\? :OSE MEMORY DRIVES ONE TO DESPAIR6 

,I'M GO+ BACK TO B$2 =GIVE ME4 ,I FE> ,I GOT WORK$ UP2 YET ,I'M NOT WEEP+4 ,AT TIMES ONE 
W&]S1 D\BT+ ! FACTS1 EV5 :5 ONE HAS DISCOV]$ ! SECRETS ( ! GOOD LIFE4 ,TO BE SURE1 
MY SOLUTION IS NOT ! IDEAL4 ,BUT :5 Y\ DON'T LIKE Y\R [N LIFE1 :5 Y\ KN[ ?AT Y\ MU/ 
*ANGE LIVES1 Y\ DON'T HAVE ANY *OICE1 DO Y\8 ,:AT CAN ONE DO TO BECOME ANO!R8 ,IMPOSSIBLE4 
,ONE W\LD HAVE TO CEASE BE+ ANYONE1 =GET ONESELF = SOMEONE ELSE1 AT LEA/ ONCE4 ,BUT 
H[8 ,DON'T BE> D[N TOO H>D ON ME4 ,I'M LIKE ?AT OLD BEGG> :O W\LDN'T LET GO ( MY H& 
ONE DAY ON A CAFE T]RACE3 0,OH1 SIR10 HE SAID1 0IT'S NOT JU/ ?AT ,I'M NO GOOD1 BUT Y\ LOSE TRACK ( ! LI<T40 ,YES1 WE HAVE LO/ TRACK ( ! LI<T1 ! MORN+S1 ! HOLY 9NOC5CE ( ?OSE :O =GIVE !MSELVES4 

,LOOK1 IT'S SN[+6 ,OH1 ,I MU/ GO \T6 ,AM/]DAM ASLEEP 9 ! :ITE NI<T1 ! D>K JADE CANALS 
UND] ! LITTLE SN[-COV]$ BRIDGES1 ! EMPTY /REETS1 MY MUT$ /EPS--!RE WILL BE PURITY1 EV5 IF FLEET+1 BE=E TOMORR['S MUD4 ,SEE ! HUGE FLAKES DRIFT+ AGA9/ ! W9D[PANES4 ,IT MU/ BE ! DOVES1 SURELY4 ,!Y F9ALLY MAKE UP !IR M9DS TO COME D[N1 ! LITTLE DE>S2 !Y >E COV]+ ! WAT]S & ! RO(S ) A ?ICK LAY] ( FEA!RS2 !Y >E FLUTT]+ AT EV]Y W9D[4 ,:AT AN 9VASION6 ,LET'S HOPE !Y >E BR++ GOOD NEWS4 ,EV]YONE WILL BE SAV$1 EH8--& NOT ONLY ! ELECT4 ,POSSESSIONS & H>D%IPS WILL BE %>$ & Y\1 = EXAMPLE1 FROM TODAY ON Y\ WILL SLEEP EV]Y NI<T ON ! GR\ND = ME4 ,! :OLE %OOT+ MAT*1 EH8 ,COME N[1 ADMIT ?AT Y\ W\LD BE FLABB]GA/$ IF A *>IOT CAME D[N FROM HEAV5 TO C>RY ME (F1 OR IF ! SN[ SUDD5LY CAU<T FIRE4 ,Y\ DON'T BELIEVE IT8 ,NOR DO ,I4 ,BUT /ILL ,I MU/ GO \T4 

,ALL RI<T1 ALL RI<T1 ,I'LL BE QUIET2 DON'T GET UPSET6 ,DON'T TAKE MY EMOTIONAL \TBUR/S OR MY RAV+S TOO S]I\SLY4 ,!Y >E CONTROLL$4 ,SAY1 N[ ?AT Y\ >E GO+ TO TALK TO ME AB\T Y\RSELF1 ,I %ALL F9D \T :E!R OR NOT ONE ( ! OBJECTIVES ( MY ABSORB+ CONFESSION IS A*IEV$4 ,I ALWAYS HOPE1 9 FACT1 ?AT MY 9T]LOCUTOR WILL BE A POLICEMAN & ?AT HE WILL >RE/ ME = ! !FT ( 0,! ,JU/ ,JUDGES40 ,= ! RE/--AM ,I RI<T8--NO ONE CAN >RE/ ME4 ,BUT AS = ?AT !FT1 IT FALLS )9 ! PROVISIONS ( ! LAW & ,I HAVE >RANG$ EV]Y?+ SO AS TO MAKE MYSELF AN ACCOMPLICE3 ,I AM H>BOR+ ?AT PA9T+ & %[+ IT TO :OEV] WANTS TO SEE IT4 ,Y\ W\LD >RE/ ME !N2 ?AT W\LD BE A GOOD BEG9N+4 ,P]HAPS ! RE/ W\LD BE TAK5 C>E ( SUBSEQU5TLY2 ,I W\LD BE 
DECAPITAT$1 = 9/ANCE1 & ,I'D HAVE NO MORE FE> ( DEA?2 ,I'D BE SAV$4 ,ABOVE ! GA!R$ 
CR[D1 Y\ W\LD HOLD UP MY /ILL W>M HEAD1 SO ?AT !Y C\LD RECOGNIZE !MSELVES 9 IT & ,I 
C\LD AGA9 DOM9ATE--AN EXEMPL>4 ,ALL W\LD BE CONSUMMAT$2 ,I %\LD HAVE BR\<T TO A 
CLOSE1 UNSE5 & UNKN[N1 MY C>E] AS A FALSE PROPHET CRY+ 9 ! WILD]NESS & REFUS+ TO 
COME =?4 

,BUT ( C\RSE Y\ >E NOT A POLICEMAN2 ?AT W\LD BE TOO EASY4 ,:AT8 ,AH1 ,I SUSPECT$ AS MU*1 
Y\ SEE4 ,?AT /RANGE AFFECTION ,I FELT = Y\ HAD S5SE TO IT !N4 ,9 ,P>IS Y\ PRACTICE ! NOBLE PR(ESSION ( LAWY]6 ,I S5S$ ?AT WE W]E ( ! SAME SPECIES4 ,>E WE NOT ALL ALIKE1 CON/ANTLY TALK+ & TO NO ONE1 =EV] UP AGA9/ ! SAME QUE/IONS AL?\< WE KN[ ! ANSW]S 9 ADVANCE8 

,!N PLEASE TELL ME :AT HAPP5$ TO Y\ ONE NI<T ON ! QUAYS ( ! ,SE9E & H[ Y\ MANAG$ NEV] TO RISK Y\R LIFE4 ,Y\ Y\RSELF UTT] ! WORDS ?AT = YE>S HAVE NEV] CEAS$ E*O+ ?R\< MY NI<TS & ?AT ,I %ALL AT LA/ SAY ?R\< Y\R M\?3 0,O Y\NG WOMAN1 ?R[ Y\RSELF 9TO ! WAT] AGA9 SO ?AT ,I MAY A SECOND TIME HAVE ! *ANCE ( SAV+ BO? ( US60 ,A SECOND TIME1 EH1 :AT A RISKY SUGGE/ION6 ,JU/ SUPPOSE1 *] MAITRE1 ?AT WE %\LD BE TAK5 LIT]ALLY8 ,WE'D HAVE TO GO ?R\< ) IT4 ,BRR 4446 ,! WAT]'S SO COLD6 ,BUT LET'S NOT WORRY6 ,IT'S TOO LATE N[4 ,IT WILL ALWAYS BE TOO LATE4 ,=TUNATELY6 

 ,! ,5,D4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,JANU>Y #b#d1 #bba 3 ,! ,FALL -- ,ADD$4 
,JANU>Y #f1 #bbb 3 ,! ,FALL -- ,UPDAT$4 

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