,P>T #h 

#ahhbahhb 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,ALL !SE D\BTS1 :I* ,I AM N[ ABLE TO EXPRESS MORE OR LESS 
SY/EMATICALLY1 ,I C\LD NOT !N HAVE EXPRESS$4 ,I !N ONLY FELT 
?AT H[EV] LOGICALLY 9EVITABLE W]E MY CONCLUSIONS CONC]N+ 
! VANITY ( LIFE1 CONFIRM$ AS !Y W]E BY ! GREATE/ 
?9K]S1 !RE WAS SOME?+ NOT RI<T AB\T !M4 ,:E!R IT WAS 
9 ! REASON+ ITSELF OR 9 ! /ATEM5T ( ! QUE/ION ,I DID 
NOT KN[ - ,I ONLY FELT ?AT ! CONCLUSION WAS RATIONALLY 
CONV9C+1 BUT ?AT ?AT WAS 9SUFFICI5T4 ,ALL !SE CONCLUSIONS 
C\LD NOT SO CONV9CE ME AS TO MAKE ME DO :AT FOLL[$ FROM MY 
REASON+1 ?AT IS TO SAY1 KILL MYSELF4 ,& ,I %\LD HAVE TOLD AN 
UNTRU? HAD ,I1 )\T KILL+ MYSELF1 SAID ?AT REASON HAD BR\<T 
ME TO ! PO9T ,I HAD REA*$4 ,REASON WORK$1 BUT SOME?+ ELSE 
WAS ALSO WORK+ :I* ,I CAN ONLY CALL A CONSCI\SNESS ( LIFE4 ,A 
=CE WAS WORK+ :I* COMPELL$ ME TO TURN MY ATT5TION TO ?IS 
& NOT TO ?AT2 & IT WAS ?IS =CE :I* EXTRICAT$ ME FROM MY 
DESP]ATE SITUATION & TURN$ MY M9D 9 QUITE ANO!R DIRECTION4  
,?IS =CE COMPELL$ ME TO TURN MY ATT5TION TO ! FACT ?AT ,I & 
A FEW HUNDR$ SIMIL> PEOPLE >E NOT ! :OLE ( MANK9D1 & ?AT 
,I DID NOT YET KN[ ! LIFE ( MANK9D4 

,LOOK+ AT ! N>R[ CIRCLE ( MY EQUALS1 ,I SAW ONLY PEOPLE 
:O HAD NOT UND]/OOD ! QUE/ION1 OR :O HAD UND]/OOD IT & 
DR[N$ IT 9 LIFE'S 9TOXICATION1 OR HAD UND]/OOD IT & 5D$ 
!IR LIVES1 OR HAD UND]/OOD IT & YET FROM WEAKNESS W]E LIV+ 
\T !IR DESP]ATE LIFE4 ,& ,I SAW NO O!RS4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME 
?AT ?AT N>R[ CIRCLE ( RI*1 LE>N$1 & LEISUR$ PEOPLE TO 
:I* ,I BELONG$ =M$ ! :OLE ( HUMANITY1 & ?AT ?OSE 
MILLI>DS ( O!RS :O HAVE LIV$ & >E LIV+ W]E CATTLE ( 
SOME SORT - NOT REAL PEOPLE4 

,/RANGE1 9CR$IBLY 9COMPREH5SIBLE AS IT N[ SEEMS TO ME 
?AT ,I C\LD1 :ILE REASON+ AB\T LIFE1 OV]LOOK ! :OLE LIFE 
( MANK9D ?AT SURR\ND$ ME ON ALL SIDES2 ?AT ,I C\LD TO SU* A 
DEGREE BLUND] SO ABSURDLY AS TO ?9K ?AT MY LIFE1 & ,SOLOMON'S 
& ,S*OP5HAU]'S1 IS ! REAL1 NORMAL LIFE1 & ?AT ! LIFE ( 
! MILLI>DS IS A CIRCUM/ANCE UNDES]V+ ( ATT5TION - /RANGE 
AS ?IS N[ IS TO ME1 ,I SEE ?AT SO IT WAS4 ,9 ! DELUSION ( MY 
PRIDE ( 9TELLECT IT SEEM$ TO ME SO 9DUBITABLE ?AT ,I & 
,SOLOMON & ,S*OP5HAU] HAD /AT$ ! QUE/ION SO TRULY & 
EXACTLY ?AT NO?+ ELSE WAS POSSIBLE - SO 9DUBITABLE DID IT 
SEEM ?AT ALL ?OSE MILLI>DS CONSI/$ ( M5 :O HAD NOT YET 
>RIV$ AT AN APPREH5SION ( ALL ! PR(UNDITY ( ! QUE/ION - 
?AT ,I S\<T = ! MEAN+ ( MY LIFE )\T IT ONCE OCCURR+ 
TO ME TO ASK3 0,BUT :AT MEAN+ IS & HAS BE5 GIV5 TO !IR 
LIVES BY ALL ! MILLI>DS ( COMMON FOLK :O LIVE & HAVE LIV$ 
9 ! WORLD80 

,I LONG LIV$ 9 ?IS /ATE ( LUNACY1 :I*1 9 FACT IF NOT 9 
WORDS1 IS P>TICUL>LY *>ACT]I/IC ( US V]Y LIB]AL & 
LE>N$ PEOPLE4 ,BUT ?ANKS EI!R TO ! /RANGE PHYSICAL 
AFFECTION ,I HAVE = ! REAL LABOR+ PEOPLE1 :I* COMPELL$ ME 
TO UND]/& !M & TO SEE ?AT !Y >E NOT SO /UPID AS WE 
SUPPOSE1 OR ?ANKS TO ! S9C]ITY ( MY CONVICTION ?AT ,I C\LD 
KN[ NO?+ BEYOND ! FACT ?AT ! BE/ ,I C\LD DO WAS TO HANG 
MYSELF1 AT ANY RATE ,I 9/9CTIVELY FELT ?AT IF ,I WI%$ TO LIVE 
& UND]/& ! MEAN+ ( LIFE1 ,I MU/ SEEK ?IS MEAN+ NOT 
AMONG ?OSE :O HAVE LO/ IT & WI% TO KILL !MSELVES1 BUT AMONG 
?OSE MILLI>DS ( ! PA/ & ! PRES5T :O MAKE LIFE & :O 
SUPPORT ! BURD5 ( !IR [N LIVES & ( \RS ALSO4 ,& ,I 
CONSID]$ ! 5ORM\S MASSES ( ?OSE SIMPLE1 UNLE>N$1 & POOR 
PEOPLE :O HAVE LIV$ & >E LIV+ & ,I SAW SOME?+ QUITE 
DIFF]5T4 ,I SAW ?AT1 ) R>E EXCEPTIONS1 ALL ?OSE MILLI>DS 
:O HAVE LIV$ & >E LIV+ DO NOT FIT 9TO MY DIVISIONS1 & 
?AT ,I C\LD NOT CLASS !M AS NOT UND]/&+ ! QUE/ION1 = 
!Y !MSELVES /ATE IT & REPLY TO IT ) EXTRAORD9>Y 
CLE>NESS4 ,NOR C\LD ,I CONSID] !M EPICUREANS1 = !IR LIFE 
CONSI/S MORE ( PRIVATIONS & SUFF]+S ?AN ( 5JOYM5TS4  
,/ILL LESS C\LD ,I CONSID] !M AS IRRATIONALLY DRAGG+ ON A 
MEAN+LESS EXI/5CE1 = EV]Y ACT ( !IR LIFE1 AS WELL AS 
DEA? ITSELF1 IS EXPLA9$ BY !M4 ,TO KILL !MSELVES !Y 
CONSID] ! GREATE/ EVIL4 ,IT APPE>$ ?AT ALL MANK9D HAD A 
KN[L$GE1 UNACKN[L$G$ & DESPIS$ BY ME1 ( ! MEAN+ ( 
LIFE4 ,IT APPE>$ ?AT REASONABLE KN[L$GE DOES NOT GIVE ! 
MEAN+ ( LIFE1 BUT EXCLUDES LIFE3 :ILE ! MEAN+ ATTRIBUT$ TO 
LIFE BY MILLI>DS ( PEOPLE1 BY ALL HUMANITY1 RE/S ON SOME 
DESPIS$ PSEUDO-KN[L$GE4 

,RATIONAL KN[L$GE PRES5T$ BY ! LE>N$ & WISE1 D5IES 
! MEAN+ ( LIFE1 BUT ! 5ORM\S MASSES ( M51 ! :OLE ( 
MANK9D RECEIVE ?AT MEAN+ 9 IRRATIONAL KN[L$GE4 ,& ?AT 
IRRATIONAL KN[L$GE IS FAI?1 ?AT V]Y ?+ :I* ,I C\LD NOT 
BUT REJECT4 ,IT IS ,GOD1 ,ONE 9 ,?REE2 ! CREATION 9 SIX DAYS2 ! 
DEVILS & ANGELS1 & ALL ! RE/ ?AT ,I CANNOT ACCEPT AS LONG AS 
,I RETA9 MY REASON4 

,MY POSITION WAS T]RIBLE4 ,I KNEW ,I C\LD F9D NO?+ ALONG 
! PA? ( REASONABLE KN[L$GE EXCEPT A D5IAL ( LIFE2 & !RE 
- 9 FAI? - WAS NO?+ BUT A D5IAL ( REASON1 :I* WAS YET 
MORE IMPOSSIBLE = ME ?AN A D5IAL ( LIFE4 ,FROM RATIONAL 
KN[L$GE IT APPE>$ ?AT LIFE IS AN EVIL1 PEOPLE KN[ ?IS & IT 
IS 9 !IR P[] TO 5D LIFE2 YET !Y LIV$ & /ILL LIVE1 & 
,I MYSELF LIVE1 ?\< ,I HAVE LONG KN[N ?AT LIFE IS S5SELESS & 
AN EVIL4 ,BY FAI? IT APPE>S ?AT 9 ORD] TO UND]/& ! 
MEAN+ ( LIFE ,I MU/ R5\NCE MY REASON1 ! V]Y ?+ = :I* 
ALONE A MEAN+ IS REQUIR$4 

7,S\RCE3 ,A ,CONFESSION1 BY ,LEV ,NIKOLAYEVI* ,TOL/OY1 ,DI/RIBUT$ BY ! ,TOL/OY ,LIBR>Y ,ONL9E1 ,FIR/ DI/RIBUT$ 9 ,RUSSIA 9 #a#h#h#b1 FIR/ PUBLI%$ 9 #a#h#h#d47 

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
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