Chapter 7 : 
Modesty Comprehensively Considered And Not As A Sexual Virtue
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17921792

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Author : Mary Wollstonecraft

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Modesty!  Sacred offspring of sensibility and reason! true delicacy
of mind! may I unblamed presume to investigate thy nature, and
trace to its covert the mild charm, that mellowing each harsh
feature of a character, renders what would otherwise only inspire
cold admiration—lovely!  Thou that smoothest the wrinkles of
wisdom, and softenest the tone of the more sublime virtues till
they all melt into humanity! thou that spreadest the ethereal cloud
that surrounding love heightens every beauty, it half shades,
breathing those coy sweets that steal into the heart, and charm the
senses—modulate for me the language of persuasive reason, till I
rouse my sex from the flowery bed, on which they supinely sleep
life away!

In speaking of the association of our ideas, I have noticed two
distinct modes; and in defining modesty, it appears to me equally
proper to discriminate that purity of mind, which is the effect of
chastity, from a simplicity of character that leads us to form a
just opinion of ourselves, equally distant from vanity or
presumption, though by no means incompatible with a lofty
consciousness of our own dignity.  Modesty in the latter
signification of the term, is that soberness of mind which teaches
a man not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think,
and should be distinguished from humility, because humility is a
kind of self-abasement.  A modest man often conceives a great plan,
and tenaciously adheres to it, conscious of his own strength, till
success gives it a sanction that determines its character.  Milton
was not arrogant when he suffered a suggestion of judgment to
escape him that proved a prophesy; nor was General Washington when
he accepted of the command of the American forces.  The latter has
always been characterized as a modest man; but had he been merely
humble, he would probably have shrunk back irresolute, afraid of
trusting to himself the direction of an enterprise on which so much
depended.

A modest man is steady, an humble man timid, and a vain one
presumptuous; this is the judgment, which the observation of many
characters, has led me to form.  Jesus Christ was modest, Moses was
humble, and Peter vain.

Thus discriminating modesty from humility in one case, I do not
mean to confound it with bashfulness in the other.  Bashfulness, in
fact, is so distinct from modesty, that the most bashful lass, or
raw country lout, often becomes the most impudent; for their
bashfulness being merely the instinctive timidity of ignorance,
custom soon changes it into assurance.*

(*Footnote.  "Such is the country-maiden's fright,

When first a red-coat is in sight;

Behind the door she hides her face,

Next time at distance eyes the lace:

She now can all his terrors stand,

Nor from his squeeze withdraws her hand,

She plays familiar in his arms,

And every soldier hath his charms;

>From tent to tent she spreads her flame;

For custom conquers fear and shame.")

The shameless behavior of the prostitutes who infest the streets
of London, raising alternate emotions of pity and disgust, may
serve to illustrate this remark.  They trample on virgin
bashfulness with a sort of bravado, and glorying in their shame,
become more audaciously lewd than men, however depraved, to whom
the sexual quality has not been gratuitously granted, ever appear
to be.  But these poor ignorant wretches never had any modesty to
lose, when they consigned themselves to infamy; for modesty is a
virtue not a quality.  No, they were only bashful, shame-faced
innocents; and losing their innocence, their shame-facedness was
rudely brushed off; a virtue would have left some vestiges in the
mind, had it been sacrificed to passion, to make us respect the
grand ruin.

Purity of mind, or that genuine delicacy, which is the only
virtuous support of chastity, is near a-kin to that refinement of
humanity, which never resides in any but cultivated minds.  It is
something nobler than innocence; it is the delicacy of reflection,
and not the coyness of ignorance.  The reserve of reason, which
like habitual cleanliness, is seldom seen in any great degree,
unless the soul is active, may easily be distinguished from rustic
shyness or wanton skittishness; and so far from being incompatible
with knowledge, it is its fairest fruit.  What a gross idea of
modesty had the writer of the following remark!  "The lady who
asked the question whether women may be instructed in the modern
system of botany, consistently with female delicacy?" was accused
of ridiculous prudery:  nevertheless, if she had proposed the
question to me, I should certainly have answered—They cannot."
Thus is the fair book of knowledge to be shut with an everlasting
seal!  On reading similar passages I have reverentially lifted up
my eyes and heart to Him who liveth for ever and ever, and said, O
my Father, hast Thou by the very constitution of her nature forbid
Thy child to seek Thee in the fair forms of truth?  And, can her
soul be sullied by the knowledge that awfully calls her to Thee?

I have then philosophically pursued these reflections till I
inferred, that those women who have most improved their reason must
have the most modesty —though a dignified sedateness of deportment
may have succeeded the playful, bewitching bashfulness of youth.*

(*Footnote.  Modesty, is the graceful calm virtue of maturity;
bashfulness, the charm of vivacious youth.)

And thus have I argued.  To render chastity the virtue from which
unsophisticated modesty will naturally flow, the attention should
be called away from employments, which only exercise the
sensibility; and the heart made to beat time to humanity, rather
than to throb with love.  The woman who has dedicated a
considerable portion of her time to pursuits purely intellectual,
and whose affections have been exercised by humane plans of
usefulness, must have more purity of mind, as a natural
consequence, than the ignorant beings whose time and thoughts have
been occupied by gay pleasures or schemes to conquer hearts.  The
regulation of the behavior is not modesty, though those who study
rules of decorum, are, in general termed modest women.  Make the
heart clean, let it expand and feel for all that is human, instead
of being narrowed by selfish passions; and let the mind frequently
contemplate subjects that exercise the understanding, without
heating the imagination, and artless modesty will give the
finishing touches to the picture.

She who can discern the dawn of immortality, in the streaks that
shoot athwart the misty night of ignorance, promising a clearer
day, will respect, as a sacred temple, the body that enshrines such
an improvable soul.  True love, likewise, spreads this kind of
mysterious sanctity round the beloved object, making the lover most
modest when in her presence.  So reserved is affection, that,
receiving or returning personal endearments, it wishes, not only to
shun the human eye, as a kind of profanation; but to diffuse an
encircling cloudy obscurity to shut out even the saucy sparkling
sunbeams.  Yet, that affection does not deserve the epithet of
chaste which does not receive a sublime gloom of tender melancholy,
that allows the mind for a moment to stand still and enjoy the
present satisfaction, when a consciousness of the Divine presence
is felt—for this must ever be the food of joy!

As I have always been fond of tracing to its source in nature any
prevailing custom, I have frequently thought that it was a
sentiment of affection for whatever had touched the person of an
absent or lost friend, which gave birth to that respect for relics,
so much abused by selfish priests.  Devotion, or love, may be
allowed to hallow the garments as well as the person; for the lover
must want fancy, who has not a sort of sacred respect for the glove
or slipper of his mistress.  He could not confound them with vulgar
things of the same kind.

This fine sentiment, perhaps, would not bear to be analyzed by the
experimental philosopher—but of such stuff is human rapture made
up!— A shadowy phantom glides before us, obscuring every other
object; yet when the soft cloud is grasped, the form melts into
common air, leaving a solitary void, or sweet perfume, stolen from
the violet, that memory long holds dear.  But, I have tripped
unawares on fairy ground, feeling the balmy gale of spring stealing
on me, though November frowns.

As a sex, women are more chaste than men, and as modesty is the
effect of chastity, they may deserve to have this virtue ascribed
to them in rather an appropriated sense; yet, I must be allowed to
add an hesitating if:— for I doubt, whether chastity will produce
modesty, though it may propriety of conduct, when it is merely a
respect for the opinion of the world, and when coquetry and the
lovelorn tales of novelists employ the thoughts.  Nay, from
experience, and reason, I should be lead to expect to meet with
more modesty among men than women, simply because men exercise
their understandings more than women.

But, with respect to propriety of behavior, excepting one class of
females, women have evidently the advantage.  What can be more
disgusting than that impudent dross of gallantry, thought so manly,
which makes many men stare insultingly at every female they meet?
Is this respect for the sex?  This loose behavior shows such
habitual depravity, such weakness of mind, that it is vain to
expect much public or private virtue, till both men and women grow
more modest—till men, curbing a sensual fondness for the sex, or
an affectation of manly assurance, more properly speaking,
impudence, treat each other with respect—unless appetite or
passion gives the tone, peculiar to it, to their behavior.  I mean
even personal respect—the modest respect of humanity, and
fellow-feeling; not the libidinous mockery of gallantry, nor the
insolent condescension of protectorship.

To carry the observation still further, modesty must heartily
disclaim, and refuse to dwell with that debauchery of mind, which
leads a man coolly to bring forward, without a blush, indecent
allusions, or obscene witticisms, in the presence of a fellow
creature; women are now out of the question, for then it is
brutality.  Respect for man, as man is the foundation of every
noble sentiment.  How much more modest is the libertine who obeys
the call of appetite or fancy, than the lewd joker who sets the
table in a roar.

This is one of the many instances in which the sexual distinction
respecting modesty has proved fatal to virtue and happiness.  It
is, however, carried still further, and woman, weak woman! made by
her education the slave of sensibility, is required, on the most
trying occasions, to resist that sensibility.  "Can any thing,"
says Knox, be more absurd than keeping women in a state of
ignorance, and yet so vehemently to insist on their resisting
temptation?  Thus when virtue or honor make it proper to check a
passion, the burden is thrown on the weaker shoulders, contrary to
reason and true modesty, which, at least, should render the
self-denial mutual, to say nothing of the generosity of bravery,
supposed to be a manly virtue.

In the same strain runs Rousseau's and Dr. Gregory's advice
respecting modesty, strangely miscalled! for they both desire a
wife to leave it in doubt, whether sensibility or weakness led her
to her husband's arms.  The woman is immodest who can let the
shadow of such a doubt remain on her husband's mind a moment.

But to state the subject in a different light.  The want of
modesty, which I principally deplore as subversive of morality,
arises from the state of warfare so strenuously supported by
voluptuous men as the very essence of modesty, though, in fact, its
bane; because it is a refinement on sensual desire, that men fall
into who have not sufficient virtue to relish the innocent
pleasures of love.  A man of delicacy carries his notions of
modesty still further, for neither weakness nor sensibility will
gratify him—he looks for affection.

Again; men boast of their triumphs over women, what do they boast
of? Truly the creature of sensibility was surprised by her
sensibility into folly—into vice;* and the dreadful reckoning
falls heavily on her own weak head, when reason wakes.  For where
art thou to find comfort, forlorn and disconsolate one?  He who
ought to have directed thy reason, and supported thy weakness, has
betrayed thee!  In a dream of passion thou consentedst to wander
through flowery lawns, and heedlessly stepping over the precipice
to which thy guide, instead of guarding, lured thee, thou startest
from thy dream only to face a sneering, frowning world, and to find
thyself alone in a waste, for he that triumphed in thy weakness is
now pursuing new conquests; but for thee—there is no redemption on
this side the grave!  And what resource hast thou in an enervated
mind to raise a sinking heart?

(*Footnote.  The poor moth fluttering round a candle, burns its
wings.)

But, if the sexes be really to live in a state of warfare, if
nature has pointed it out, let men act nobly, or let pride whisper
to them, that the victory is mean when they merely vanquish
sensibility.  The real conquest is that over affection not taken by
surprise—when, like Heloisa, a woman gives up all the world,
deliberately, for love.  I do not now consider the wisdom or virtue
of such a sacrifice, I only contend that it was a sacrifice to
affection, and not merely to sensibility, though she had her share.
And I must be allowed to call her a modest woman, before I dismiss
this part of the subject, by saying, that till men are more chaste,
women will be immodest.  Where, indeed, could modest women find
husbands from whom they would not continually turn with disgust?
Modesty must be equally cultivated by both sexes, or it will ever
remain a sickly hot-house plant, whilst the affectation of it, the
fig leaf borrowed by wantonness, may give a zest to voluptuous
enjoyments.)

Men will probably still insist that woman ought to have more
modesty than man; but it is not dispassionate reasoners who will
most earnestly oppose my opinion.  No, they are the men of fancy,
the favorites of the sex, who outwardly respect, and inwardly
despise the weak creatures whom they thus sport with.  They cannot
submit to resign the highest sensual gratification, nor even to
relish the epicurism of virtue—self-denial.

To take another view of the subject, confining my remarks to women.

The ridiculous falsities which are told to children, from mistaken
notions of modesty, tend very early to inflame their imaginations
and set their little minds to work, respecting subjects, which
nature never intended they should think of, till the body arrived
at some degree of maturity; then the passions naturally begin to
take place of the senses, as instruments to unfold the
understanding, and form the moral character.

In nurseries, and boarding schools, I fear, girls are first
spoiled; particularly in the latter.  A number of girls sleep in
the same room, and wash together.  And, though I should be sorry to
contaminate an innocent creature's mind by instilling false
delicacy, or those indecent prudish notions, which early cautions
respecting the other sex naturally engender, I should be very
anxious to prevent their acquiring indelicate, or immodest habits;
and as many girls have learned very indelicate tricks, from
ignorant servants, the mixing them thus indiscriminately together,
is very improper.

To say the truth, women are, in general, too familiar with each
other, which leads to that gross degree of familiarity that so
frequently renders the marriage state unhappy.  Why in the name of
decency are sisters, female intimates, or ladies and their waiting
women, to be so grossly familiar as to forget the respect which one
human creature owes to another?  That squeamish delicacy which
shrinks from the most disgusting offices when affection or humanity
lead us to watch at a sick pillow, is despicable.  But, why women
in health should be more familiar with each other than men are,
when they boast of their superiour delicacy, is a solecism in
manners which I could never solve.

In order to preserve health and beauty, I should earnestly
recommend frequent ablutions, to dignify my advice that it may not
offend the fastidious ear; and, by example, girls ought to be
taught to wash and dress alone, without any distinction of rank;
and if custom should make them require some little assistance, let
them not require it till that part of the business is over which
ought never to be done before a fellow-creature; because it is an
insult to the majesty of human nature.  Not on the score of
modesty, but decency; for the care which some modest women take,
making at the same time a display of that care, not to let their
legs be seen, is as childish as immodest.*

(*Footnote.  I remember to have met with a sentence, in a book of
education that made me smile.  "It would be needless to caution you
against putting your hand, by chance, under your neck-handkerchief;
for a modest woman never did so!")

I could proceed still further, till I animadverted on some still
more indelicate customs, which men never fall into.  Secrets are
told—where silence ought to reign; and that regard to cleanliness,
which some religious sects have, perhaps, carried too far,
especially the Essenes, among the Jews, by making that an insult
to God which is only an insult to humanity, is violated in a brutal
manner.  How can DELICATE women obtrude on notice that part of the
animal economy, which is so very disgusting?  And is it not very
rational to conclude, that the women who have not been taught to
respect the human nature of their own sex, in these particulars,
will not long respect the mere difference of sex, in their
husbands?  After their maidenish bashfulness is once lost, I, in
fact, have generally observed, that women fall into old habits; and
treat their husbands as they did their sisters or female
acquaintance.

Besides, women from necessity, because their minds are not
cultivated, have recourse very often, to what I familiarly term
bodily wit; and their intimacies are of the same kind.  In short,
with respect to both mind and body, they are too intimate.  That
decent personal reserve, which is the foundation of dignity of
character, must be kept up between women, or their minds will never
gain strength or modesty.

On this account also, I object to many females being shut up
together in nurseries, schools, or convents.  I cannot recollect
without indignation, the jokes and hoiden tricks, which knots of
young women indulged themselves in, when in my youth accident threw
me, an awkward rustic, in their way.  They were almost on a par
with the double meanings, which shake the convivial table when the
glass has circulated freely.  But it is vain to attempt to keep the
heart pure, unless the head is furnished with ideas, and set to
work to compare them, in order, to acquire judgment, by
generalizing simple ones; and modesty by making the understanding
damp the sensibility.

It may be thought that I lay too great a stress on personal
reserve; but it is ever the hand-maid of modesty.  So that were I
to name the graces that ought to adorn beauty, I should instantly
exclaim, cleanliness, neatness, and personal reserve.  It is
obvious, I suppose, that the reserve I mean, has nothing sexual in
it, and that I think it EQUALLY necessary in both sexes.  So
necessary indeed, is that reserve and cleanliness which indolent
women too often neglect, that I will venture to affirm, that when
two or three women live in the same house, the one will be most
respected by the male part of the family, who reside with them,
leaving love entirely out of the question, who pays this kind of
habitual respect to her person.

When domestic friends meet in a morning, there will naturally
prevail an affectionate seriousness, especially, if each look
forward to the discharge of daily duties; and it may be reckoned
fanciful, but this sentiment has frequently risen spontaneously in
my mind.  I have been pleased after breathing the sweet bracing
morning air, to see the same kind of freshness in the countenances
I particularly loved; I was glad to see them braced, as it were,
for the day, and ready to run their course with the sun.  The
greetings of affection in the morning are by these means more
respectful, than the familiar tenderness which frequently prolongs
the evening talk.  Nay, I have often felt hurt, not to say
disgusted, when a friend has appeared, whom I parted with full
dressed the evening before, with her clothes huddled on, because
she chose to indulge herself in bed till the last moment.

Domestic affection can only be kept alive by these neglected
attentions; yet if men and women took half as much pains to dress
habitually neat, as they do to ornament, or rather to disfigure
their persons, much would be done towards the attainment of purity
of mind.  But women only dress to gratify men of gallantry; for the
lover is always best pleased with the simple garb that sits close
to the shape.  There is an impertinence in ornaments that rebuffs
affection; because love always clings round the idea of home.

As a sex, women are habitually indolent; and every thing tends to
make them so.  I do not forget the starts of activity which
sensibility produces; but as these flights of feeling only increase
the evil, they are not to be confounded with the slow, orderly walk
of reason.  So great, in reality, is their mental and bodily
indolence, that till their body be strengthened and their
understanding enlarged by active exertions, there is little reason
to expect that modesty will take place of bashfulness.  They may
find it prudent to assume its semblance; but the fair veil will
only be worn on gala days.

Perhaps there is not a virtue that mixes so kindly with every other
as modesty.  It is the pale moon-beam that renders more interesting
every virtue it softens, giving mild grandeur to the contracted
horizon.  Nothing can be more beautiful than the poetical fiction,
which makes Diana with her silver crescent, the goddess of
chastity.  I have sometimes thought, that wandering with sedate
step in some lonely recess, a modest dame of antiquity must have
felt a glow of conscious dignity, when, after contemplating the
soft shadowy landscape, she has invited with placid fervor the
mild reflection of her sister's beams to turn to her chaste bosom.

A Christian has still nobler motives to incite her to preserve her
chastity and acquire modesty, for her body has been called the
Temple of the living God; of that God who requires more than
modesty of mien.  His eye searcheth the heart; and let her
remember, that if she hopeth to find favor in the sight of purity
itself, her chastity must be founded on modesty, and not on worldly
prudence; or verily a good reputation will be her only reward; for
that awful intercourse, that sacred communion, which virtue
establishes between man and his Maker, must give rise to the wish
of being pure as he is pure!

After the foregoing remarks, it is almost superfluous to add, that
I consider all those feminine airs of maturity, which succeed
bashfulness, to which truth is sacrificed, to secure the heart of a
husband, or rather to force him to be still a lover when nature
would, had she not been interrupted in her operations, have made
love give place to friendship, as immodest.  The tenderness which a
man will feel for the mother of his children is an excellent
substitute for the ardor of unsatisfied passion; but to prolong
that ardor it is indelicate, not to say immodest, for women to
feign an unnatural coldness of constitution.  Women as well as men
ought to have the common appetites and passions of their nature,
they are only brutal when unchecked by reason:  but the obligation
to check them is the duty of mankind, not a sexual duty.  Nature,
in these respects, may safely be left to herself; let women only
acquire knowledge and humanity, and love will teach them modesty.
There is no need of falsehoods, disgusting as futile, for studied
rules of behavior only impose on shallow observers; a man of sense
soon sees through, and despises the affectation.

The behavior of young people, to each other, as men and women, is
the last thing that should be thought of in education.  In fact,
behavior in most circumstances is now so much thought of, that
simplicity of character is rarely to be seen;  yet, if men were
only anxious to cultivate each virtue, and let it take root firmly
in the mind, the grace resulting from it, its natural exteriour
mark, would soon strip affectation of its flaunting plumes;
because, fallacious as unstable, is the conduct that is not founded
upon truth!

(Footnote.  The behavior of many newly married women has often
disgusted me.  They seem anxious never to let their husbands forget
the privilege of marriage, and to find no pleasure in his society
unless he is acting the lover.  Short, indeed, must be the reign of
love, when the flame is thus constantly blown up, without its
receiving any solid fuel.)

Would ye, O my sisters, really possess modesty, ye must remember
that the possession of virtue, of any denomination, is incompatible
with ignorance and vanity! ye must acquire that soberness of mind,
which the exercise of duties, and the pursuit of knowledge, alone
inspire, or ye will still remain in a doubtful dependent situation,
and only be loved whilst ye are fair! the downcast eye, the rosy
blush, the retiring grace, are all proper in their season; but
modesty, being the child of reason, cannot long exist with the
sensibility that is not tempered by reflection.  Besides, when
love, even innocent love, is the whole employ of your lives, your
hearts will be too soft to afford modesty that tranquil retreat,
where she delights to dwell, in close union with humanity.


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     Chapter 7 -- Publication : November 30, 1791

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