,*APT] #c 
,DREAMS 

#ahegaheg 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

0,TODAY ,I WILL MAKE MY CONFESSION & PURGE MYSELF ( EV]Y S910 ,I ?\<T TO MYSELF4 0,NOR WILL ,I EV] COMMIT ANO!R ONE40 ,AT ?IS PO9T ,I RECALL$ ALL ! PECCADILLOES :I* MO/ TR\BL$ MY CONSCI5CE4 0,I WILL GO TO *UR* REGUL>LY EV]Y ,SUNDAY1 AS WELL AS READ ! ,GOSPEL AT ! CLOSE ( EV]Y H\R ?R\<\T ! DAY4 ,:AT IS MORE1 ,I WILL SET ASIDE1 \T ( ! *ECK :I* ,I %ALL RECEIVE EA* MON? AFT] ,I HAVE GONE TO ! ,UNIV]SITY1 TWO-&-A-HALF RUBLES0 7A T5? ( MY MON?LY ALL[ANCE7 0= PEOPLE :O >E POOR BUT NOT EXACTLY BEGG>S1 YET )\T LETT+ ANY ONE KN[ ANY?+ AB\T IT4 ,YES1 ,I WILL BEG9 TO LOOK \T = PEOPLE LIKE ?AT--ORPHANS OR OLD WOM5--AT ONCE1 YET NEV] TELL A S\L :AT ,I AM DO+ = !M4 

0,ALSO1 ,I WILL HAVE A ROOM H]E ( MY V]Y [N 7,/4 ,J]OME'S1 PROBABLY71 & LOOK AFT] IT MYSELF1 & KEEP IT P]FECTLY CLEAN4 ,I WILL NEV] LET ANY ONE DO ANY?+ = ME1 = EV]Y ONE IS JU/ A HUMAN BE+ LIKE MYSELF4 ,LIKEWISE ,I WILL WALK EV]Y DAY1 NOT DRIVE1 TO ! ,UNIV]SITY4 ,EV5 IF SOME ONE GIVES ME A DROZHKI .<,RUSSIAN PHAETON4.> ,I WILL SELL IT1 & DEVOTE ! MONEY TO ! POOR4 ,EV]Y?+ ,I WILL DO EXACTLY & ALWAYS0 7:AT ?AT 0ALWAYS0 MEANT ,I C\LD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE SAID1 BUT AT LEA/ ,I HAD A VIVID CONSCI\SNESS ( ITS CONNOT+ SOME K9D ( PRUD5T1 MORAL1 & IRREPROA*ABLE LIFE74 0,I WILL GET UP ALL MY LECTURES ?OR\<LY1 & GO OV] ALL ! SUBJECTS BE=EH&1 SO ?AT AT ! 5D ( MY FIR/ C\RSE ,I MAY COME \T TOP & WRITE A !SIS4 ,DUR+ MY SECOND C\RSE ALSO ,I WILL GET UP EV]Y?+ BE=EH&1 SO ?AT ,I MAY SOON BE TRANSF]R$ TO ! ?IRD C\RSE1 & AT EI<TE5 COME \T TOP 9 ! EXAM9ATIONS1 & RECEIVE TWO GOLD M$ALS1 & GO ON TO BE ,MA/] ( ,>TS1 & ,DOCTOR1 & ! FIR/ S*OL> 9 ,EUROPE4 ,YES1 9 ALL ,EUROPE ,I MEAN TO BE ! FIR/ S*OL>4--,WELL1 :AT NEXT80 ,I ASK$ MYSELF AT ?IS PO9T4 ,SUDD5LY IT /RUCK ME ?AT DREAMS ( ?IS SORT W]E A =M ( PRIDE--A S9 :I* ,I %\LD HAVE TO CONFESS TO ! PRIE/ ?AT V]Y EV5+1 SO ,I RETURN$ TO ! ORIG9AL ?READ ( MY M$ITATIONS4 0,:5 GETT+ UP MY LECTURES ,I WILL GO TO ! ,VOROBIEVI ,GORI1 .<,SP>R[ ,HILLS--A PUBLIC P>K NE> ,MOSC[4.> & *OOSE SOME SPOT UND] A TREE1 & READ MY LECTURES OV] !RE4 ,SOMETIMES ,I WILL TAKE ) ME SOME?+ TO EAT--*EESE OR A PIE FROM ,P$OTTI'S1 OR SOME?+ ( ! K9D4 ,AFT] ?AT ,I WILL SLEEP A LITTLE1 & !N READ SOME GOOD BOOK OR O!R1 OR ELSE DRAW PICTURES OR PLAY ON SOME 9/RUM5T 7C]TA9LY ,I MU/ LE>N TO PLAY ! FLUTE74 ,P]HAPS ,%,E TOO WILL BE WALK+ ON ! ,VOROBIEVI ,GORI1 & WILL APPROA* ME ONE DAY & SAY1 ',:O >E Y\8' & ,I %ALL LOOK AT H]1 OH1 SO SADLY1 & SAY ?AT ,I AM ! SON ( A PRIE/1 & ?AT ,I AM HAPPY ONLY :5 ,I AM !RE ALONE1 QUITE ALONE4 ,!N %E WILL GIVE ME H] H&1 & SAY SOME?+ TO ME1 & SIT D[N BESIDE ME4 ,SO EV]Y DAY WE %ALL GO TO ! SAME SPOT1 & BE FRI5DS TOGE!R1 & ,I %ALL KISS H]4 ,BUT NO6 ,?AT W\LD NOT BE RI<T6 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 FROM ?IS DAY =W>D ,I NEV] MEAN TO LOOK AT A WOMAN AGA94 ,NEV]1 NEV] AGA9 DO ,I MEAN TO WALK ) A GIRL1 NOR EV5 TO GO NE> ONE IF ,I CAN HELP IT4 ,YET1 ( C\RSE1 9 ?REE YE>S' TIME1 :5 ,I HAVE COME ( AGE1 ,I %ALL M>RY4 ,ALSO1 ,I MEAN TO TAKE AS MU* EX]CISE AS EV] ,I CAN1 & TO DO GYMNA/ICS EV]Y DAY1 SO ?AT1 :5 ,I HAVE TURN$ TW5TY-FIVE1 ,I %ALL BE /RONG] EV5 ?AN ,RAPPO4 ,ON MY FIR/ DAY'S TRA9+ ,I MEAN TO HOLD \T HALF A POOD .<,! ,POOD "7 #d ,RUSSIAN P\NDS4.> AT >M'S L5G? = FIVE M9UTES1 & ! NEXT DAY TW5TY-ONE P\NDS1 & ! ?IRD DAY TW5TY-TWO P\NDS1 & SO ON1 UNTIL AT LA/ ,I CAN HOLD \T F\R POODS 9 EA* H&1 & BE /RONG] EV5 ?AN A PORT]4 ,!N1 IF EV] ANY ONE %\LD TRY TO 9SULT ME OR %\LD BEG9 TO SPEAK DISRESPECTFULLY ( ,H,]1 ,I %ALL TAKE HIM SO1 BY ! FRONT ( HIS COAT1 & LIFT HIM UP AN >%9 .<,! >%9 "7 #b FEET #c 9*ES4.> OR TWO ) ONE H&1 & JU/ HOLD HIM !RE1 SO ?AT HE MAY FEEL MY /R5G? & CEASE FROM HIS CONDUCT4 ,YET ?AT TOO W\LD NOT BE RI<T4 ,NO1 NO1 IT W\LD NOT MATT]2 ,I %\LD NOT HURT HIM1 M]ELY %[ HIM ?AT ,I--0 

,LET NO ONE BLAME ME BECAUSE ! DREAMS ( MY Y\? W]E AS FOOLI% AS ?OSE ( MY *ILDHOOD & BOYHOOD4 ,I AM SURE ?AT1 EV5 IF IT BE MY FATE TO LIVE TO EXTREME OLD AGE & TO CONT9UE MY /ORY ) ! YE>S1 ,I1 AN OLD MAN ( SEV5TY1 %ALL BE F\ND DREAM+ DREAMS JU/ AS IMPOSSIBLE & *ILDI% AS ?OSE ,I AM DREAM+ N[4 ,I %ALL BE DREAM+ ( SOME LOVELY ,M>IA :O LOVES ME1 ! TOO?LESS OLD MAN1 AS %E MI<T LOVE A ,MAZEPPA2 ( SOME IMBECILE SON :O1 ?R\< SOME EXTRAORD9>Y *ANCE1 HAS SUDD5LY BECOME A M9I/] ( /ATE2 ( MY SUDD5LY RECEIV+ A W9DFALL ( A MILLION ( RUBLES4 ,I AM SURE ?AT !RE EXI/S NO HUMAN BE+1 NO HUMAN AGE1 TO :OM OR TO :I* ?AT GRACI\S1 CONSOLATORY P[] ( DREAM+ IS TOTALLY A /RANG]4 ,YET1 SAVE = ! ONE G5]AL FEATURE ( MAGIC & IMPOSSIBILITY1 ! DREAMS ( EA* HUMAN BE+1 ( EA* AGE ( MAN1 HAVE !IR [N DI/+UI%+ *>ACT]I/ICS4 ,AT ! P]IOD UPON :I* ,I LOOK AS HAV+ M>K$ ! CLOSE ( MY BOYHOOD & ! BEG9N+ ( MY Y\?1 F\R LEAD+ S5TIM5TS =M$ ! BASIS ( MY DREAMS4 ,! FIR/ ( ?OSE S5TIM5TS WAS LOVE = ,H,]--= AN IMAG9>Y WOMAN :OM ,I ALWAYS PICTUR$ ! SAME 9 MY DREAMS1 & :OM ,I SOMEH[ EXPECT$ TO MEET SOME DAY & SOME:]E4 ,?IS %E ( M9E HAD A LITTLE ( ,SONET*KA 9 H]1 A LITTLE ( ,MA%A AS ,MA%A C\LD LOOK :5 %E /OOD WA%+ L95 OV] ! CLO!S-TUB1 & A LITTLE ( A C]TA9 WOMAN ) PE>LS R\ND H] FAIR :ITE NECK :OM ,I HAD ONCE SE5 LONG1 LONG AGO AT A !AT]1 9 A BOX BEL[ \R [N4 ,MY SECOND S5TIM5T WAS A CRAV+ = LOVE4 ,I WANT$ EV]Y ONE TO KN[ ME & TO LOVE ME4 ,I WANT$ TO BE ABLE TO UTT] MY NAME--,NICOLA ,IRT5IEFF--& AT ONCE TO SEE EV]Y ONE ?UND]/RUCK AT IT1 & COME CR[D+ R\ND ME & ?ANK+ ME = SOME?+ OR ANO!R1 ,I H>DLY KNEW :AT4 ,MY ?IRD S5TIM5T WAS ! EXPECTATION ( SOME EXTRAORD9>Y1 GLORI\S HAPP9ESS ?AT WAS IMP5D+--SOME HAPP9ESS SO /RONG & ASSUR$ AS TO V]GE UPON EC/ASY4 ,9DE$1 SO FIRMLY P]SUAD$ WAS ,I ?AT V]Y1 V]Y SOON SOME UNEXPECT$ *ANCE W\LD SUDD5LY MAKE ME ! RI*E/ & MO/ FAM\S MAN 9 ! WORLD ?AT ,I LIV$ 9 CON/ANT1 TREMUL\S EXPECTATION ( ?IS MAGIC GOOD =TUNE BEFALL+ ME4 ,I WAS ALWAYS ?9K+ TO MYSELF ?AT 0,I,T IS BEG9N+10 & ?AT ,I %\LD GO ON !REAFT] TO ATTA9 EV]Y?+ ?AT A MAN C\LD WI% =4 ,CONSEQU5TLY1 ,I WAS = EV] HURRY+ FROM PLACE TO PLACE1 9 ! BELIEF ?AT 0,I,T0 MU/ BE 0BEG9N+0 JU/ :]E ,I HAPP5$ NOT TO BE4 ,LA/LY1 MY F\R? & PR9CIPAL S5TIM5T ( ALL WAS ABHORR5CE ( MYSELF1 M+L$ ) REGRET--YET A REGRET SO BL5D$ ) ! C]TA9 EXPECTATION ( HAPP9ESS TO :I* ,I HAVE REF]R$ ?AT IT HAD 9 IT NO?+ ( SORR[4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT IT W\LD BE SO EASY & NATURAL = ME TO TE> MYSELF AWAY FROM MY PA/ & TO REMAKE IT--TO =GET ALL ?AT HAD BE51 & TO BEG9 MY LIFE1 ) ALL ITS RELATIONS1 ANEW--?AT ! PA/ NEV] TR\BL$ ME1 NEV] CLUNG TO ME AT ALL4 ,I EV5 F\ND A C]TA9 PLEASURE 9 DETE/+ ! PA/1 & 9 SEE+ IT 9 A D>K] LI<T ?AN ! TRUE ONE4 ,?IS NOTE ( REGRET & ( A CURI\S LONG+ = P]FECTION W]E ! *IEF M5TAL IMPRESSIONS :I* ,I GA!R$ FROM ?AT NEW /AGE ( MY GR[?--IMPRESSIONS :I* IMP>T$ NEW PR9CIPLES TO MY VIEW ( MYSELF1 ( M51 & ( ,GOD'S WORLD4 ,O GOOD & CONSOL+ VOICE1 :I* 9 LAT] DAYS1 9 SORR[FUL DAYS :5 MY S\L YIELD$ SIL5TLY TO ! SWAY ( LIFE'S FALS5ESS & DEPRAVITY1 SO (T5 RAIS$ A SUDD51 BOLD PROTE/ AGA9/ ALL 9IQUITY1 AS WELL AS M]CILESSLY EXPOS$ ! PA/1 COMM&$1 NAY1 COMPELL$1 ME TO LOVE ONLY ! PURE VI/A ( ! PRES5T1 & PROMIS$ ME ALL ?AT WAS FAIR & HAPPY 9 ! FUTURE6 ,O GOOD & CONSOL+ VOICE6 ,SURELY ! DAY WILL NEV] COME :5 Y\ >E SIL5T8 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahef 3 ,*APT] #c -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JUNE #b1 #bba 3 ,*APT] #c -- ,ADD$4 

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