,*APT] #ah 
,! ,VALAKH9 ,FAMILY 

#ahegaheg 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,ACCORD+LY ,I SET (F ALONE4 ,MY FIR/ CALL ON ! R\TE LAY AT ! ,VALAKH9 MANSION4 ,IT WAS N[ ?REE YE>S S9CE ,I HAD SE5 ,SONET*KA1 & MY LOVE = H] HAD LONG BECOME A ?+ ( ! PA/1 YET !RE /ILL L+]$ 9 MY HE>T A SORT ( CLE>1 T\*+ RECOLLECTION ( \R BYGONE *ILDI% AFFECTION4 ,AT 9T]VALS1 ALSO1 DUR+ ?OSE ?REE YE>S1 ,I HAD F\ND MYSELF RECALL+ H] MEMORY ) SU* =CE & VIVIDNESS ?AT ,I HAD ACTUALLY %$ TE>S1 & IMAG9$ MYSELF TO BE 9 LOVE ) H] AGA91 BUT ?OSE OCCASIONS HAD NOT LA/$ MORE ?AN A FEW M9UTES AT A TIME1 & HAD BE5 LONG 9 RECURR+4 

,I KNEW ?AT ,SONET*KA & H] MO!R HAD BE5 ABROAD--?AT1 9 FACT1 !Y HAD BE5 SO = ! LA/ TWO YE>S4 ,ALSO1 ,I HAD HE>D ?AT !Y HAD BE5 9 A C>RIAGE ACCID5T1 & ?AT ,SONET*KA'S FACE HAD BE5 SO BADLY CUT ) ! BROK5 GLASS ?AT H] BEAUTY WAS M>R$4 ,AS ,I DROVE TO !IR H\SE1 ,I KEPT RECALL+ ! OLD ,SONET*KA TO MY M9D1 & WOND]+ :AT %E W\LD LOOK LIKE :5 ,I MET H]4 ,SOMEH[ ,I IMAG9$ ?AT1 AFT] H] TWO YE>S' SOJ\RN ABROAD1 %E W\LD LOOK V]Y TALL1 ) A BEAUTIFUL WAI/1 &1 ?\< S$ATE & IMPOS+1 EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE4 ,SOMEH[1 ALSO1 MY IMAG9ATION REFUS$ TO PICTURE H] ) H] FACE DISFIGUR$ ) SC>S1 BUT1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 S9CE ,I HAD READ SOME:]E ( A LOV] :O REMA9$ TRUE TO HIS ADOR$ ONE 9 SPITE ( H] DISFIGUREM5T ) SMALLPOX1 /ROVE TO IMAG9E ?AT ,I WAS 9 LOVE ) ,SONET*KA1 = ! PURPOSE ( PRID+ MYSELF ON HOLD+ TO MY TRO? 9 SPITE ( H] SC>S--,YET1 AS A MATT] ( FACT1 ,I WAS NOT REALLY 9 LOVE ) H] DUR+ ?AT DRIVE1 BUT HAV+ ONCE /IRR$ UP 9 MYSELF OLD ,M,E,M,O,R,I,E,S ( LOVE1 FELT ,P,R,E,P,>,$ TO FALL 9TO ?AT CONDITION1 & ! MORE SO BECAUSE1 ( LATE1 MY CONSCI5CE HAD (T5 BE5 PRICK+ ME = HAV+ DISC>D$ SO MANY ( MY OLD FLAMES4 

,! ,VALAKH9S LIV$ 9 A NEAT LITTLE WOOD5 MANSION APPROA*$ BY A C\RTY>D4 ,I GA9$ ADMITTANCE BY R++ A BELL 7!N A R>ITY 9 ,MOSC[71 & WAS RECEIV$ BY A M9C+1 SM>TLY-ATTIR$ PAGE4 ,HE EI!R C\LD NOT OR MADE NO ATTEMPT TO 9=M ME :E!R !RE WAS ANY ONE AT HOME1 BUT1 LEAV+ ME ALONE 9 ! D>K HALL1 RAN (F D[N A /ILL D>K] CORRIDOR4 ,= A LONG TIME ,I WAIT$ 9 SOLITUDE 9 ?IS GLOOMY PLACE1 \T ( :I*1 9 ADDITION TO ! FRONT DOOR & ! CORRIDOR1 !RE ONLY OP5$ A DOOR :I* AT ! MOM5T WAS CLOS$4 ,RA!R SURPRIS$ AT ! DISMAL APPE>ANCE ( ! H\SE1 ,I CAME TO ! CONCLUSION ?AT ! REASON WAS ?AT ITS 9MATES W]E /ILL ABROAD4 ,AFT] FIVE M9UTES1 H[EV]1 ! DOOR LEAD+ 9TO ! SALON WAS OP5$ BY ! PAGE BOY1 :O !N CONDUCT$ ME 9TO A NEAT1 BUT NOT RI*LY FURNI%$1 DRAW+-ROOM1 :]E PRES5TLY ,I WAS JO9$ BY ,SONET*KA4 

,%E WAS N[ SEV5TE5 YE>S OLD1 & V]Y SMALL & ?91 AS WELL AS ( AN UNHEAL?Y PALLOR ( FACE4 ,NO SC>S AT ALL W]E VISIBLE1 H[EV]1 & ! BEAUTIFUL1 PROM95T EYES & BRI<T1 *E]FUL SMILE W]E ! SAME AS ,I HAD KN[N & LOV$ 9 MY *ILDHOOD4 ,I HAD NOT EXPECT$ H] TO LOOK AT ALL LIKE ?IS1 & !RE=E C\LD NOT AT ONCE LAVI% UPON H] ! S5TIM5T :I* ,I HAD BE5 PREP>+ ON ! WAY4 ,%E GAVE ME H] H& 9 ! ,5GLI% FA%ION 7:I* WAS !N AS MU* A NOVELTY AS A DOOR-BELL71 &1 BE/[+ UPON M9E A FRANK SQUEEZE1 SAT D[N ON ! S(A BY MY SIDE4 

0,AH6 H[ GLAD ,I AM TO SEE Y\1 MY DE> ,NICOLAS60 %E SAID AS %E LOOK$ ME 9 ! FACE ) AN EXPRESSION ( PLEASURE SO S9C]E ?AT 9 ! WORDS 0MY DE> ,NICOLAS0 ,I CAU<T ! PURELY FRI5DLY RA!R ?AN ! PATRONIZ+ NOTE4 ,TO MY SURPRISE %E SEEM$ TO ME SIMPL]1 K9D]1 & MORE SI/]LY AFT] H] =EIGN T\R ?AN %E HAD BE5 BE=E IT4 ,TRUE1 ,I C\LD N[ SEE ?AT %E HAD TWO SMALL SC>S BETWE5 H] NOSE & TEMPLES1 BUT H] WOND]FUL EYES & SMILE FITT$ 9 EXACTLY ) MY RECOLLECTIONS1 & %ONE AS ( OLD4 

0,BUT H[ GREATLY Y\ HAVE *ANG$60 %E W5T ON4 0,Y\ >E QUITE GR[N-UP N[4 ,& ,I-,I-WELL1 :AT DO Y\ ?9K ( ME80 

0,I %\LD NEV] HAVE KN[N Y\10 ,I REPLI$1 DESPITE ! FACT ?AT AT ! MOM5T ,I WAS ?9K+ ?AT ,I %\LD HAVE KN[N H] ANY:]E & ALWAYS4 

0,:Y8 ,AM ,I GR[N SO UGLY80 %E 9QUIR$ ) A MOVEM5T ( H] HEAD4 

0,OH1 NO1 DECID$LY NOT60 ,I HA/5$ TO REPLY4 0,BUT Y\ HAVE GR[N TALL] & OLD]4 ,AS = BE+ UGLI]1 :Y1 Y\ >E EV5-- 

0,YES1 YES2 NEV] M9D4 ,DO Y\ REMEMB] \R DANCES & GAMES1 & ,/4 ,J]OME1 & ,MADAME ,DORAT80 7,AS A MATT] ( FACT1 ,I C\LD NOT RECOLLECT ANY ,MADAME ,DORAT1 BUT SAW ?AT ,SONET*KA WAS BE+ L$ AWAY BY ! JOY ( H] *ILDI% RECOLLECTIONS1 & MIX+ !M UP A LITTLE74 0,AH6 :AT A LOVELY TIME IT WAS60 %E W5T ON--& ONCE MORE !RE %ONE BE=E ME ! SAME EYES & SMILE AS ,I HAD ALWAYS C>RI$ 9 MY MEMORY4 ,:ILE %E HAD BE5 SPEAK+1 ,I HAD BE5 ?9K+ OV] MY POSITION AT ! PRES5T MOM5T1 & HAD COME TO ! CONCLUSION ?AT ,I WAS 9 LOVE ) H]4 ,! 9/ANT1 H[EV]1 ?AT ,I >RIV$ AT ?AT RESULT MY C>ELESS1 HAPPY MOOD VANI%$1 A MI/ SEEM$ TO >ISE BE=E ME :I* CONCEAL$ EV5 H] EYES & SMILE1 &1 BLU%+ HOTLY1 ,I BECAME TONGUE-TI$ & ILL-AT-EASE4 

0,BUT TIMES >E DIFF]5T N[10 %E W5T ON ) A SI< & A LITTLE LIFT+ ( H] EYEBR[S4 0,EV]Y?+ SEEMS WORSE ?AN IT US$ TO BE1 & \RSELVES TOO4 ,IS IT NOT SO1 ,NICOLAS80 

,I C\LD RETURN H] NO ANSW]1 BUT SAT SIL5TLY LOOK+ AT H]4 

0,:]E >E ?OSE ,IW9S & ,KORNAK(FS N[8 ,DO Y\ REMEMB] !M80 %E CONT9U$1 LOOK+1 ,I ?9K1 ) SOME CURIOSITY AT MY BLU%+1 D[NCA/ C\NT5ANCE4 0,:AT SPL5DID TIMES WE US$ TO HAVE60 

,/ILL ,I C\LD NOT ANSW] H]4 

,! NEXT MOM5T1 ,I WAS RELIEV$ FROM ?IS AWKW>D POSITION BY ! 5TRY ( OLD ,MADAME ,VALAKH9 9TO ! ROOM4 ,RIS+1 ,I B[$1 & /RAI<TWAY RECOV]$ MY FACULTY ( SPEE*4 ,ON ! O!R H&1 AN EXTRAORD9>Y *ANGE N[ TOOK PLACE 9 ,SONET*KA4 ,ALL H] GAIETY & BONHOMIE DISAPPE>$1 H] SMILE BECAME QUITE A DIFF]5T ONE1 &1 EXCEPT = ! PO9T ( H] %ORTNESS ( /ATURE1 %E BECAME JU/ ! LADY FROM ABROAD :OM ,I HAD EXPECT$ TO F9D 9 H]4 ,YET = ?IS *ANGE !RE WAS NO APP>5T REASON1 S9CE H] MO!R SMIL$ EV]Y :IT AS PLEASANTLY1 & EXPRESS$ 9 H] EV]Y MOVEM5T JU/ ! SAME B5IGNITY1 AS ( OLD4 ,SEAT+ H]SELF 9 H] >M-*AIR1 ! OLD LADY SIGN$ TO ME TO COME & SIT BESIDE H]2 AFT] :I* %E SAID SOME?+ TO H] DAU<T] 9 ,5GLI%1 & ,SONET*KA LEFT ! ROOM--A FACT :I* /ILL FUR!R HELP$ TO RELIEVE ME4 ,MADAME !N 9QUIR$ AFT] MY FA!R & BRO!R1 & PASS$ ON TO SPEAK ( H] GREAT B]EAVEM5T--! LOSS ( H] HUSB&4 ,PRES5TLY1 H[EV]1 %E SEEM$ TO BECOME S5SIBLE ( ! FACT ?AT ,I WAS NOT HELP+ MU* 9 ! CONV]SATION1 = %E GAVE ME A LOOK AS MU* AS TO SAY3 0,IF1 N[1 MY DE> BOY1 Y\ W]E TO GET UP1 TO TAKE Y\R LEAVE1 & TO DEP>T1 IT W\LD BE WELL40 ,BUT A CURI\S CIRCUM/ANCE HAD OV]TAK5 ME4 ,:ILE %E HAD BE5 SPEAK+ ( H] B]EAVEM5T1 ,I HAD RECALL$ TO MYSELF1 NOT ONLY ! FACT ?AT ,I WAS 9 LOVE1 BUT ! PROBABILITY ?AT ! MO!R KNEW ( IT3 :]EUPON SU* A FIT ( BA%FULNESS HAD COME UPON ME ?AT ,I FELT P[]LESS TO PUT ANY MEMB] ( MY BODY TO ITS LEGITIMATE USE4 ,I KNEW ?AT IF ,I W]E TO RISE & WALK ,I %\LD HAVE TO ?9K :]E TO PLANT EA* FOOT1 :AT TO DO ) MY HEAD1 :AT ) MY H&S1 & SO ON4 ,9 A WORD1 ,I =ESAW ?AT ,I %\LD BE V]Y MU* AS ,I HAD BE5 ON ! NI<T :5 ,I P>TOOK TOO FREELY ( *AMPAGNE1 & !RE=E1 S9CE ,I FELT UNC]TA9 ( BE+ ABLE TO MANAGE MYSELF IF ,I ,D,I,D RISE1 ,I 5D$ BY FEEL+ ,U,N,A,B,L,E TO RISE4 ,MEAN:ILE1 ,I %\LD SAY1 ,SONET*KA HAD RETURN$ TO ! ROOM ) H] WORK1 & SEAT$ H]SELF 9 A F> CORN]--A CORN] :5CE1 AS ,I WAS NEV]!LESS S5SIBLE1 %E C\LD OBS]VE ME4 ,MADAME MU/ HAVE FELT SOME SURPRISE AS %E GAZ$ AT MY CRIMSON FACE & NOT$ MY COMPLETE IMMOBILITY1 BUT ,I DECID$ ?AT IT WAS BETT] TO CONT9UE SITT+ 9 ?AT ABSURD POSITION ?AN TO RISK SOME?+ UNPLEASANT BY GETT+ UP & WALK+4 ,?US ,I SAT ON & ON1 9 ! HOPE ?AT SOME UN=ESE5 *ANCE W\LD DELIV] ME FROM MY PR$ICAM5T4 ,?AT UN=ESE5 *ANCE AT L5G? PRES5T$ ITSELF 9 ! P]SON ( AN UN=ESE5 Y\NG MAN1 :O 5T]$ ! ROOM ) AN AIR ( BE+ ONE ( ! H\SEHOLD1 & B[$ TO ME POLITELY AS HE DID SO3 :]EUPON ,MADAME ROSE1 EXCUS$ H]SELF TO ME = HAV+ TO SPEAK ) H] 0HOMME D'AFFAIRES10 & F9ALLY GAVE ME A GLANCE :I* SAID3 0,WELL1 IF Y\ ,D,O MEAN TO GO ON SITT+ !RE = EV]1 AT LEA/ ,I CAN'T DRIVE Y\ AWAY40 ,ACCORD+LY1 ) A GREAT EF=T ,I ALSO ROSE1 BUT1 F9D+ IT IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ANY LEAVE-TAK+1 MOV$ AWAY T[>DS ! DOOR1 FOLL[$ BY ! PITY+ GLANCES ( MO!R & DAU<T]4 ,ALL AT ONCE ,I /UMBL$ OV] A *AIR1 AL?\< IT WAS LY+ QUITE \T ( MY R\TE3 ! REASON = MY /UMBL+ BE+ ?AT MY :OLE ATT5TION WAS C5T]$ UPON NOT TRIPP+ OV] ! C>PET4 ,DRIV+ ?R\< ! FRE% AIR1 H[EV]--:]E AT FIR/ ,I MUTT]$ & FIDGET$ AB\T SO MU* ?AT ,KUZMA1 MY COA*MAN1 ASK$ ME :AT WAS ! MATT]--,I SOON F\ND ?IS FEEL+ PASS AWAY1 & BEGAN TO M$ITATE QUIETLY CONC]N+ MY LOVE = ,SONET*KA & H] RELATIONS ) H] MO!R1 :I* HAD APPE>$ TO ME RA!R /RANGE4 ,:51 AFT]W>DS1 ,I TOLD MY FA!R ?AT MO!R & DAU<T] HAD NOT SEEM$ ON ! BE/ ( T]MS ) ONE ANO!R1 HE SAID3 

0,YES1 ,MADAME LEADS ! POOR GIRL AN AWFUL LIFE ) H] MEANNESS4 ,YET10 ADD$ MY FA!R ) A GREAT] DISPLAY ( FEEL+ ?AN A MAN MI<T NATURALLY CONCEIVE = A M]E RELATIVE1 0%E US$ TO BE SU* AN ORIG9AL1 DE>1 *>M+ WOMAN6 ,I CANNOT ?9K :AT HAS MADE H] *ANGE SO MU*4 ,BY ! WAY1 Y\ DIDN'T NOTICE A SECRET>Y FELL[ AB\T1 DID Y\8 ,FANCY A ,RUSSIAN LADY HAV+ AN AFFAIRE ) A SECRET>Y60 

0,YES1 ,I SAW HIM10 ,I REPLI$4 

0,& WAS HE AT LEA/ GOOD-LOOK+80 

0,NO1 NOT AT ALL40 

0,IT IS EXTRAORD9>Y60 CONCLUD$ ,PAPA1 ) A C\< & AN IRRITABLE HOI/ ( HIS %\LD]4 

0,WELL1 ,I AM 9 LOVE60 WAS MY SECRET ?\<T TO MYSELF AS ,I DROVE ALONG 9 MY DROZHKI4 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahef 3 ,*APT] #ah -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JUNE #d1 #bba 3 ,*APT] #ah -- ,ADD$4 

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