,*APT] #aa 
,I ,TRAVEL 9 ,SUSP5D]S1 ,A,D #aica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,ALAN ,MOORE 

,AU?OR 3 ,NEIL ,RI*>D ,MAC,K9NON ,GAIMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,I ,TRAVEL 9 ,SUSP5D]S1 ,A,D #aica 

,I TRAVEL 9 SUSP5D]S4 ,SELL+ 'EM1 ?AT IS1 NOT WE>+ 'EM4 ,?AT ALWAYS GETS A LAU<4 ,Y\'LL (T5 F9D A LAU< WILL KICK ?+S (F BETT] ?AN ANY?+1 :E!R Y\'RE TALK+ TO A CLI5T1 OR Y\NG LADY4 ,OR = ?AT MATT] A CON/ABLE4 ,DO Y\ KN[1 V]Y (T5 9 ! MOTOR ?AT C>RIES ME BACK & =? FROM ,ANGEL ,LANE TO ! ASSIZES ,I'LL MAKE SOME REM>K1 Y\ KN[4 ,JU/ KIDD+ !M ALONG1 LIKE1 AS Y\ DO4 ,! O!R DAY WE PASS$ BY ?IS Y\NG WOMAN 9 ! /REET & HONE/LY1 ! FACE ON H]1 ,I'VE NEV] SE5 ONE LIKE IT4 ,I PO9T$ H] \T TO ! Y\NG *AP ?AT ,I WAS H&CUFF$ TO4 ,I SAID1 ',AH WELL1 !RE'S NO S5SE LOOK+ AT ! MANTEL :5 ! FIRE WANTS POK+4' ,AS Y\ MI<T SUPPOSE1 ?AT RAIS$ A SMILE4 ,!Y'RE HUMAN JU/ LIKE EV]YBODY ELSE4 

,I'VE NOTIC$ ON ! CORN] JU/ ACROSS ! /REET FROM ! ASSIZES !RE'S A ,WOM5'S ,W,C ?AT BACKS ON TO ! BIG *UR* 9 ! MIDDLE !RE1 ,ALL ,SA9TS4 ,IT'S D[N SOME /EPS & Y\ CAN ONLY SEE ! /AIRCASE CURV+ D[N & R\ND AWAY FROM Y\1 ) :ITE TILES HALFWAY UP ! WALL4 ,I'D LIKE TO KN[ :AT GOES ON D[N !RE1 ,I CAN TELL Y\4 ,JU/ IMAG9E1 EH1 IF Y\ C\LD HAVE A LOOK8 ,I CLOSE MY EYES & ,I CAN SEE IT1 ) !M PULL+ UP !IR PANTS ACROSS !IR GREAT BIG BUMS4 ,I HAD DREAMS ONCE1 Y\ KN[1 :5 ,I WAS LITTLE1 AB\T BE+ 9 ! ,LADIES' TOILETS4 ,I WAS QUITE A *EEKY LITTLE MONKEY EV5 !N1 Y\ CAN IMAG9E4 ,!RE'D BE ?AT GRE5 MUCK GR[+ BETWE5 ! TILES & ,HEAV5 ONLY KN[S H[ IT W\LD SMELL4 ,LIKE EV]Y FANNY 9 ! WORLD AT ONCE1 ,I'LL BET4 ,N[ !RE'S A ?\<T4 ,I'LL BET Y\ C\LDN'T F9D A MAN :O HADN'T 5T]TA9$ IT ONCE OR TWICE IF HE W]E HONE/4 

,!RE'S A LOT ( WOM5 COME TO C\RT SAT 9 ! GALL]Y4 ,Y\'D BE SURPRIS$1 SOME ( ! LOOKS ,I GET4 ,I %\LDN'T SAY MYSELF BUT ,I'VE GOT QUITE A FOLL[+ AS IF ,I W]E A BLOOM+ ,PICTURE ,IDOL1 NOT ?AT ,I'M BAD-LOOK+ 9 ! NATURAL WAY ( ?+S4 ,( C\RSE1 ,I MU/N'T DO MU* TO 5C\RAGE !M ) ,LILLIAN SITT+ !RE BE=E ! DOCK EA* DAY & MOON+ UP AT ME4 ,IT W\LDN'T LOOK GOOD1 W\LD IT1 IF ,I W]E TO BE SE5 MAK+ EYES AT SOME LASS 9 ! BACK R[ ) MY [N WIFE LOOK+ ON8 ,NOT AFT] ?AT COMMOTION ) ! PAP]S PR9T+ :AT ,I SAID TO ! POLICE1 AB\T H[ MY H>EM KEEPS ME AWAY FROM HOME4 

,MY LAWY] ,MR ,F9NEMORE RECKONS ,I PUT MY FOOT 9 IT ) ?AT ONE1 BUT !N HE'S NOT :AT Y\'D CALL A WORLDLY MAN4 ,TO MY M9D1 = ! GREAT] P>T ! G5]AL PUBLIC HAVE A S(T SPOT = A DA%+ ROGUE1 & SECRETLY ADMIRE A GREAT PHIL&]]4 ,IF !Y'D HAD HALF ! FUN ?AT ,I'VE HAD !Y'D BE GLAD4 ,/ILL1 IT WON'T DO = ,LILY TO SEEM TOO MU* ( A M>TYR SO ,I MU/ TAKE C>E & NOT BE CAU<T \T1 FLIRT+ FROM ! DOCK4 ,!RE'S A BRUNET GIRL1 BU/Y LITTLE ?+1 ?AT SOMETIMES COMES 9 ON H] D9N] BREAK & /&S !RE UP ONE CORN] LOOK+ AT ME4 ,I %\LD LIKE IT IF %E HAD SUSP5D]S ON MADE BY ! FIRM ,I REPRES5T1 & S9CE !Y'RE NOT F> (F 9 ,LEICE/] !RE'S A GOOD *ANCE ?AT %E DOES4 ,Y\ ?9K AB\T IT ONE WAY1 ,I'M AS GOOD AS UP H] SKIRT ALREADY4 ,H[ AB\T ?AT8 

,LILLIAN'S ALREADY HAD A LOT ( SYMPA?Y & HAS BE5 GIV5 WORK D[N AT A %OP 9 ,BRIDGE ,/REET H]E SO %E CAN KEEP H]SELF :ILE %E ATT5DS ! TRIAL4 ,! /ATION :]E ,I'M KEPT 9 ,ANGEL ,LANE RUNS RI<T (F ,BRIDGE ,/REET SO WE DRIVE UP PA/ ! %OP EA* MORN+ ON MY WAY TO C\RT4 ,A LITTLE SWEET%OP AS IT HAPP5S1 SO IT'S JU/ ! PLACE = A SWEET GIRL LIKE H]4 ,HEAD OV] HEELS = ME %E IS & ALWAYS HAS BE54 ,NEV] LIKES TO SIT UPON MY KNEE1 :I* IS MY FAVORITE WAY TO HOLD A WOMAN1 BUT 9 ALL P>TICUL>S AP>T FROM ?AT %E'S ! BE/ WIFE ,I'VE GOT4 

,IF ,I %\LD ?9K1 ,I'LL HAVE H] BR+ ME UP A QU>T] P\ND ( ,M5?OL ,EUCALYPTUS SWEETS TO SEE IF !Y CAN EASE MY ?ROAT A BIT4 ,ALL ( ?IS GIV+ EVID5CE IS MAK+ IT PLAY UP4 ,IF ,I'M NOT C>EFUL ,I %ALL HAVE NO VOICE AT ALL BE=E !Y'RE DONE ) ME1 & !N :]E %\LD ,I BE8 ,!RE'S A GREAT MANY PEOPLE ?9K ME QUITE ! BE/ AMATEUR B>ITONE TO S+ D[N AT ! ,FRI]N ,B>NET ,SOCIAL ,CLUB 9 ,F9*LEY1 :]E MY ',TRUMPET] ,:AT ,>E ,Y\ ,S\ND+ ,N[' ALWAYS GOES D[N A TREAT4 ,I'VE GOT A V]Y DEC5T SET ( PIPES ON ME & %\LDN'T WANT A ?+ LIKE ?IS TO MUCK !M UP4 ,I KN[ ?AT M5 9 G5]AL (T5 TAKE AGA9/ A *AP :O HAS ! LI<T] TYPE ( VOICE1 BUT LADIES BY & L>GE SEEM TO PREF] IT4 ,W\LDN'T DO TO TALK MYSELF HO>SE 9 ! DOCK & SPOIL ALL ?AT N[1 W\LD IT8 

,HE WAS ?RA%+ LIKE A MACK]EL1 BANG+ ON ! W9D%IELD ( MY ,MORRIS4 ,NOT AT ALL A PLEASANT ?+ TO LOOK AT ,I CAN TELL Y\1 & ! NOISE4 ,Y\ TALK AB\T A SCALD$ CAT4 ,Y\'D ?9K HE'D BE \T COLD & NOT KN[ ANY?+ AB\T IT1 BUT IT WAS ! FIRE4 ,IT WOKE HIM UP4 ,I'LL BE QUITE HONE/1 ,I CAN HE> IT N[4 ,IT WASN'T EV5 ANY WORDS Y\'D TAKE = ,5GLI% IT WAS SU* AN AWFUL RACKET4 ,ONCE HE KICK$ ! SIDE DOOR OP5 & ,I ?\<T1 ',WELL1 ?AT'S IT1 ,ALF4 ,Y\'VE BE5 & GONE & DONE IT N[4' ,ONLY BY !N ( C\RSE ! SMOKE & FLAMES W]E D[N HIM & HE'D HAD HIS LOT4 ,HE FELL D[N =W>D OV] ! FRONT SEAT ) ONE LEG \T ! C>1 & ?AT WAS IT4 ,( C\RSE1 ,JOE ,SOAP H]E /OOD D[NW9D & DIDN'T HAVE ! S5SE TO MOVE UNTIL MY EYES W]E /REAM+4 ,:AT A SI<T WE MU/ HAVE BE51 ! PAIR ( US4 

,I SAW ! PICTURE ( MY ,MORRIS ,M9OR ?AT !Y PR9T$ 9 ! ,DAILY ,SKET* & C\LD HAVE WEPT4 ,BABY SALOON IT WAS1 & NOT ?AT OLD4 ,I HAD ! ?+ 9SUR$ = ONE HUNDR$ & FIFTY P\NDS BUT DON'T EXPECT TO SEE A BIG RETURN FROM IT1 ?+S BE+ :AT !Y >E4 ,JUDG+ FROM :AT IT LOOK$ LIKE 9 ! PHOTOGRAPH !RE WASN'T MU* LEFT ( ! BLESS$ ?+4 ,! MUD-GU>DS W]E ALL ?R[N AB\T LIKE RIBS & Y\ C\LD SEE :]E ALL ! RUBB] HAD P\R$ (F ! :EELS TO LEAVE ! RIMS B>E4 ,IF ,I EV] CAT* !M *APS ?AT /OLE IT1 BUT !N NO1 HANG ON1 ?AT WASN'T TRUE1 WAS IT8 ,I MADE ?AT UP4 ,IT'S SU* A JOB SOMETIMES1 JU/ KEEP+ TRACK ( EV]Y?+4 

,?AT WAS ! WOR/ ?+ AB\T KEEP+ UP TWO WIVES AT ONCE1 AP>T FROM ALL ! CO/ 9VOLV$4 ,IT WAS A /RA9 REMEMB]+ MY /ORY SOMETIMES1 ,I CAN TELL Y\4 ,ALL ! FIDDL+ LITTLE DETAILS4 ,:I* ONE ,I'D TOLD :AT4 ,) ,LILLIAN IT WASN'T QUITE SO BAD BECAUSE %E'S RA!R VAGUE BY NATURE & NOT SO 9CL9$ TO NOTICE IF ,I %\LD SLIP UP1 BUT ,IVY N[1 WELL4 ,?AT'S A DIFF]5T MATT]4 ,IT'S NOT SIX MON?S S9CE ,I M>RI$ H] & %E'S ALREADY QUICK TO P\NCE UPON ! SMALLE/ ?+4 

,I M>RI$ ,LIL ,NOVEMB] #a#i#a#d1 SO ?AT'S MORE ?AN SIXTE5 YE> BACK N[4 ,9 ALL ?AT TIME1 IF %E'S HAD A SUSPICI\S ?\<T %E'S KEPT IT TO H]SELF4 ,EV5 :5 EVID5CE WAS PUT 9 FRONT ( H]1 SU* AS :5 ,I BR\<T H] M9E & LITTLE ,HEL5'S BABY TO LOOK AFT] -- NOT ! ONE ?AT DI$1 ! SECOND ONE1 \R LITTLE ,>?UR -- EV5 !N %E TOOK IT QUIET] ?AN A M\SE & SAID ?AT %E'D =GIVE ME :5 ,I HADN'T EV5 ASK$ H] TO4 ,Y\NG ,>?UR'S NE>LY SIX N[ & ,I'LL SAY ?IS = \R ,LILLIAN1 %E'S BR\<T HIM UP AS IF HE W]E H] [N4 ,%E'S NEV] %[N HIM ANY SIDE1 NOT TO MY KN[L$GE4 ,LIKE ,I SAY1 HEAD OV] HEELS = ME1 %E IS4 ,NO QUE/IONS ASK$4 ,H>D TO BELIEVE IT'S SIXTE5 YE>S4 ,I MISS$ \R ANNIV]S>Y ?IS LA/ ,NOVEMB] :AT ) ALL ! SET-TO ?AT WE HAD4 ,I'LL HAVE ONE ( ! COPP]S POP & GET H] SOME?+1 IF ,I HAPP5 TO REMEMB]4 ,BETT] LATE ?AN NEV]1 ?AT'S :AT ,I SAY4 

,AS = ,IVY1 ,I DON'T KN[ IF IT WILL LA/ = SIXTE5 MON?S1 LET ALONE SIXTE5 YE>S4 ,IT SEEM$ A GOOD IDEA :5 WE W]E W$ 9 ,JUNE AT ,GELLYGA]1 ?\< :5 ,I SAY A GOOD IDEA ,I MEAN ?AT %E WAS F\R MON?S UP ! SP\T BY !N & %[+ L>GE ALREADY1 AS ! SK9NY ONES SO (T5 DO4 ,GOD1 ?\<1 ! TITS !Y GET ON !M4 ,IT'S ALMO/ WOR? IT1 HAV+ ONE MORE M\? TO FE$ SO LONG AS Y\ GET LOVELY TITS LIKE ?AT TO /UFF 9 Y\RS4 ,!RE N[1 Y\ SEE8 ,ANO!R LAU<4 ,IT'S LIKE ,I SAY ) LAU<T]1 IT'S ! BE/ ?+ ?AT !RE IS TO BREAK ! ICE4 ,EV]YONE FEELS ?AT MU* MORE COM=TABLE4 

,BUT TO BE S]I\S1 ) ,IVY SOME?+ TOLD ME ,I WAS MAK+ A MI/AKE FROM ! WORD GO4 ,NOT ?AT !RE'S ANY?+ AB\T H] ,I DON'T LIKE1 BUT JU/ ?AT Y\ C\LD TELL SOMEH[ !RE'D BE A LOT ( FUSS 9VOLV$4 ,Y\ TAKE ! LA/ TIME ?AT ,I SAW H]1 :5 ,I W5T ACROSS TO ,WALES ?AT NI<T DIRECTLY AFT] MY 'FUNNY FIVE M9UTES' \T AT ,H>D+/ONE4 ,N[1 AS Y\ MI<T IMAG9E1 ,I WAS 9 A DREADFUL TIZZY1 HAV+ LO/ ! C>4 ,I'D COME \T ( ,H>D+/ONE ,LANE & /OOD FAFF+ AB\T !RE BY ! 5D & PE]+ BACK ALONG ! PA? TO WAT* ! TWO M5 :O HAD SE5 ME LEAVE ! FIELD4 ,I C\LDN'T SPOT !M 9 ! D>K1 AL?\< MY ,MORRIS WAS /ILL BLAZ+1 \T ACROSS ! H$G][S4 

,Y\ KN[ H[ IT IS AT TIMES LIKE ?AT4 ,Y\ FEEL ?AT EV]Y?+ Y\ DO MU/ LOOK SUSPICI\S1 AL?\< HALF ! TIME Y\'LL F9D NOBODY NOTICES4 ,I W5T & /OOD BESIDE ! ,LONDON ,ROAD UP NE> ! OLD /ONE CROSS !Y'VE GOT !RE1 :]E ,QUE5 ,ELEANOR WAS SET D[N ON H] FUN]AL PROCESSION BACK TO ,LONDON1 & IT WASN'T LONG BE=E ,I'D ?UMB$ A LORRY D[N1 ON ITS WAY TO ?AT V]Y PLACE4 ,I SPUN A Y>N AB\T A LIFT ,I'D MISS$ FROM SOME WELL-(F OLD *UM :O DROVE A ,B5TLEY1 & ! LORRY DRIV] WAS SOON TAK5 94 ,HE DROVE ME TO ,TALLY ,HO ,CORN] ON ! ,B>NET ,ROAD & WE >RIV$ !RE AB\T SIX AS IT WAS GETT+ LI<T4 

,I TOLD A FELL[ AT ! ,TRANSPORT ,(FICE !RE ?AT MY [N C> HAD BE5 P9*$ FROM \TSIDE A C(FEE /ALL BECAUSE TO TELL ! TRU? BY !N ,I WAS QUITE DOZY & =GOT ?AT ROT ,I'D SAID AB\T ! ,B5TLEY4 ,/ILL1 ,I'VE GOT A WAY ) PEOPLE1 !RE'S A LOT ( FOLK HAVE SAID IT1 & ?IS BLOKE WAS NO EXCEPTION4 ,PUT ME ON A COA*1 ! N9E-FIFTE5 = ,C>DIFF1 SO ?AT ,I >RIV$ !RE 9 ! AFT]NOON & CAU<T ANO!R BUS TO ,P5YBRYN4 ,I C\LD WALK FROM !RE TO ,IVY'S H\SE AT ,GELLYGA] & GOT 9 AB\T EI<T ?AT NI<T4 

,WELL1 AS ,I SAY1 !RE'S ALWAYS FUSS ) ,IVY4 ,NOT ?AT IT'S H] FAULT1 IT'S JU/ !RE ALWAYS IS1 & ?AT NI<T WAS NO DIFF]5T4 ,FIR/ ( ALL ,I HAD H] FA!R1 OLD MAN ,J5K9S1 BUTTONHOLE ME 9 ! PASSAGEWAY & ASK :Y IT HAD TAK5 ME SO LONG TO GET !RE ) HIS ,IVY AT DEA?'S DOOR ) ILLNESS & MY BABY ON ! WAY4 ,Y\ KN[ H[ ,TAFFY ,WEL%MAN LIKES HIS BIT ( MELODRAMA N[ & !N1 & HE HAD ,IVY S\ND+ MORE LIKE ,LITTLE ,NELL ?AN ANY?+ BE=E HE'D DONE ) ME4 ,I TOLD HIM H[ ,I'D HAD MY C> P9*$ 9 ,NOR?AMPTON :I* ,I D>E SAY ,I BELIEV$ MYSELF BY !N1 ,I'D HAD TO REEL IT \T ?AT (T54 ,IT'S A FUNNY ?+1 BUT ON MY OA?1 /OOD 9 HIS PASSAGE AT ?AT MOM5T ,I'D =GOTT5 EV]Y?+ AB\T ?AT O!R POOR *AP & ! FIRE4 

,AFT] ,I'D GOTT5 PA/ ! DAD ,I HAD ! DAU<T] TO CONT5D )4 ,IVY WAS PROPP$ UP ON PILL[S 9 H] ROOM & %E LOOK$ V]Y BAD4 ,! BABY WAS DUE ALMO/ ANY TIME4 ,NO SOON] HAD ,I SAT D[N ON ! B$ ?AN %E WAS ASK+ :5 WE %\LD MOVE 9TO \R NEW H\SE 9 ,SURREY4 ,TO BE FRANK1 IT CAU<T ME (F-GU>D & ,I LOOK$ AT H] GONE \T4 ,I'D QUITE =GOTT5 ALL ! BUS9ESS AB\T ,K+/ON-ON-,?AMES ?AT ,I'D TOLD H] & H] DAD :5 ,I WAS TIPSY AT \R W$D+ DO4 ,BE=E ,I C\LD COME UP ) SOME?+ GOOD %E WAS 9 FLOODS ( TE>S & TELL+ ME ,I DIDN'T LOVE H]1 & H[ %E WAS SURE ?AT ,I WAS SEE+ SOMEONE ELSE4 ,:Y WAS ,I SP5D+ ALL !SE NI<TS AWAY & SO ON4 ,Y\ CAN GUESS ! GREAT] P>T ( IT4 

,!Y DON'T CONSID] :AT Y\ MI<T HAVE GONE ?R\<1 DO !Y8 ,BUY ME ?IS & BUY ME ?AT & LET'S LIVE SOME:]E ELSE4 ,FIVE HUNDR$ P\NDS A YE> ,I'M E>N+ N[ FROM ,LEICE/] ,BRACE @& ,G>T] & Y\ MI<T ?9K ,I'D BE WELL-TO-DO1 BUT NOT A BIT ( IT4 ,ALL ( IT'S GONE ON KIDS OR WOM5 LONG BE=E ,I SEE A P5NY ( IT4 ,IT'S ! SAME OLD /ORY4 

,AS IT /OOD1 AL?\< ,I HADN'T M5TION$ IT TO ,LILLIAN1 ,I'D PLANN$ TO SELL ! H\SE & FURNITURE WE HAD AT ,BUXT$ ,ROAD 9 ,F9*LEY SO ?AT ,I C\LD USE ! CA% TO GET SET UP ) ,IVY & ! NIPP] :5 IT CAME4 ,N[1 Y\ CAN CALL ME :AT Y\ LIKE1 BUT ,I'VE ALWAYS BE5 S(T] ?AN ,I %\LD BE :5 IT COMES TO KIDS4 ,I'D MAKE A SETTLEM5T TO ,LILY & Y\NG ,>?UR1 NATURALLY4 

,( C\RSE1 ,I C\LDN'T SAY ALL ?IS TO ,IVY )\T HAV+ H] FALL WISE TO ,LILY & MY ,F9*LEY SET-UP1 SO ,I ACT$ ALL (F5D$ & MADE QUITE A FUSS AB\T HAV+ MY C> P9*$ FROM \TSIDE ! C(FEE %OP SO ?AT IT TOOK ME EI<TE5 H\RS TO GET TO ,GELLYGA]4 ,I F9D IT (T5 WORKS IF SOMEONE GETS UPSET TO ACT AS IF Y\'RE MORE UPSET ?AN !Y >E 9 RETURN4 ,:5 Y\'RE A SM>T *AP LIKE MYSELF IT NEV] FAILS1 & ,IVY WAS SOON TELL+ ME ?AT %E WAS SORRY ?AT %E'D HAD A GO AT ME1 & IT WAS JU/ H] N]VES1 :AT ) ! BABY DUE & H] SO POORLY4 ,I SAID1 ',!RE N[1 ,CLIMB+ ,IVY1 Y\ CAN CL+ TO ME1' & :5 %E DID ,I PUT MY H& 9SIDE H] NI<TIE-TOP & HAD A FEEL4 ,H] TIT WAS H>D & HEAVY ) ! 5D P>T /OOD \T LIKE A FOOTBALL /UD4 ,I SLEPT 9 !IR SP>E ROOM ?AT NI<T & ,I WAS ON ! BONE JU/ ?9K+ ( IT1 EV5 AFT] ALL ! UPSET ,I HAD DUR+ SUPP]1 ) ?AT NEI<BOR & H] BLOODY PAP]4 

,IF ,I'M TRU?FUL IT'S MY BIGGE/ FAULT1 ! SEX4 ,I'LL TELL Y\1 HALF ! TIME ,I ?9K ( NO?+ ELSE1 & :5 Y\'RE ON Y\R [N A LOT LIKE ME1 DRIV+ FROM PLACE TO PLACE1 IT MAKES IT WORSE4 ,Y\ SP5D A LOT ( TIME ) DAYDREAMS :5 Y\'RE UP & D[N ! ROAD4 ,SOMETIMES ,I'LL HAVE TO PULL 9 AT A LAY-BY = A FIDDLE JU/ SO ,I CAN ?9K ( SOME?+ ELSE BUT FANNY = AN H\R OR TWO4 ,I'VE GOT A CATALOG ,I C>RY ) ME 9 ! C> ) PHOTOGRAPHS ( MODELS 9 ! COMPANY RANGE4 ,!Y'RE ONLY LITTLE PICTURES ) F\R ( !M TO A PAGE1 & Y\ CAN ONLY SEE ! WOM5 FROM !IR TUMMIES TO ! TOP P>T ( !IR LEGS4 ,Y\'LL ?9K ,I'M CRACK]S BUT TO ME !Y'VE ALL GOT DIFF]5T *>ACT]S1 & ?+S AB\T ! WAY !Y /& SO Y\ CAN TELL :AT SORT ( GIRLS !Y >E4 ,SOME ( !M1 !Y'RE ! TYPE Y\ KN[ ?AT Y\'D GET ON )1 & ?AT !Y'D HAVE DEC5T P]SONALITIES4 

,!RE'S ONE ?AT ,I CALL ,MONICA4 ,IF Y\ LOOK CLOSE UP AT ! PHOTOGRAPH Y\ CAN SEE A LI<T SORT ( FUZZ UPON H] LEGS1 SO ,I IMAG9E H] AS BLOND4 ,! SORT ( GIRL Y\ MI<T F9D WORK+ AT ! C\NT] 9 A ,PO/ ,(FICE1 WE>+ H] HAIR ! WAY !Y HAVE IT N[1 ALL /RAI<T ON TOP & CURL$ UP R\ND ! BACK4 ,%E'D LOOK NICE 9 LI<T BLUE4 ,H] BELLY BUTTON IS ! K9D ?AT'S MORE UPRI<T ?AN WIDE1 SO ?AT IT'S LIKE A LITTLE KEYHOLE 9 A PEA*4 ,%E'S GOT ONE ( ! NEW] LONG-L9E CORSETS ON ?AT SEEM TO FLATT] WOM5 ) MORE SL5D] HIPS1 :I* TO MY M9D SEEMS A WISE *OICE & %[S %E'S MORE ! ?\<TFUL TYPE :O TAKES A LOT ( C>E AB\T H] CLO!S4 ,Y\ CAN TELL JU/ BY LOOK+ AT H] SK9 ?AT %E CAN'T BE MU* MORE ?AN TW5TY4 

,?AT'S ! AGE1 ,I'LL TELL Y\1 :5 !Y'RE FAGG$ \T & F$ UP ) Y\NG] LADS & />T TO SEE ! OLD] FELL[ AS ROMANTIC4 ,IF ,I C\LD HAVE ,MONICA JU/ HE> ME DO ',! ,COBBL]'S ,SONG' FROM ,*U ,*9 ,*[ !N ,I C\LD HAVE H] DRAW]S D[N QUICK AS ?AT4 ,( ALL MY H>EM1 DO Y\ KN[ ?AT SOMETIMES ,I ?9K ,I LIKE ,MONICA ! BE/8 ,%E DOESN'T CO/ ME ANY?+ OR GET ME 9TO TR\BLE4 ,I JU/ %OOT (F 9 MY HANKIE1 CLOSE ! CATALOG & DRIVE AWAY4 

,I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE ?IS1 ) ! WOM54 ,ASK MY ,LILY & %E'LL TELL Y\3 :5 %E KNEW ME BACK BE=E ! ,W> IT WAS AS MU* AS ,I C\LD BR+ MYSELF TO DO TO GIVE A KISS GOODNI<T1 ,I WAS ?AT %Y4 ,IT WASN'T UNTIL ,I'D 5LI/$ 9 ! #b#d? ,QUE5'S ,T]RITORIALS ,I HAD ! N]VE TO GO UP TO A GIRL & ASK H] \T4 ,! UNI=M1 Y\ SEE4 ,IT MADE A DIFF]5CE1 Y\ CAN LAU< N[1 BUT IT'S TRUE4 ,I'VE HE>D WOM5 GO ON & ON AB\T H[ T]RIBLE IT IS ! WAY M5 FI<T1 BUT ONCE !Y SEE ! BOOTS & BUTTONS !Y'RE ALL OV] Y\4 ,!Y WAVE Y\ (F !N /AY AT HOME & S5D :ITE FEA!RS TO ! CON%IES4 ,HALF ! FELL[S 9 ?OSE TR5*ES W\LDN'T BE !RE IF NOT = ! WAY !IR GIRLFRI5DS LOOK AT !M :5 !Y'RE DRESS$ UP = W>4 ,D5Y IT IF Y\ CAN4 

,TO BE QUITE HONE/1 ,LILY WAS ! FIR/ GIRL ,I'D BE5 \T )1 AL?\< ,I WAS GETT+ ON = TW5TY4 ,:5 %E FIR/ GOT ME TO B$ ,I WAS ?AT GRE5 ,I LAY ON TOP ( H] ) MY LEGS OP5 = A TIME BE=E ,I REALIZ$ :AT ,I %\LD BE DO+4 ,9 ALL HONE/Y IT WASN'T ?AT SUCCESSFUL4 ,WELL1 ,I C\LDN'T GET IT 9 & 5D$ UP FEEL+ ?AT SICK AB\T MYSELF1 & :5 ,LIL SAID IT DIDN'T MATT] ?AT WAS WORSE4 ,WE NEV] DID IT RI<T UNTIL AB\T A WEEK AFT] WE W$4 ,I MEAN1 WE'D RUBB$ EA* O!R (F & KISS$1 BUT ?AT WAS ALL1 & :5 WE DID F9ALLY MANAGE IT1 IT WAS ALL OV] 9 A FLA%1 ?\< ?AT GOT BETT] AS TIME PASS$4 ,ALL TOLD1 ?\< ,I WAS NO GREAT %AKES 9 B$1 ,I ?9K WE W]E HAPPI] !N1 ME & MY ,LILLIAN4 ,IT WAS A %AME ?AT WE W]E NEV] BLESS$ ) KIDS1 AL?\< ,I'VE MADE UP = IT S9CE4 

,F\R MON?S TOGE!R1 ME & ,LILY HAD1 & BY ! 5D ( IT ! ,H['S-,Y\R-,FA!R1 IT WAS SMA%+4 ,WE W]E ?AT 9 LOVE1 & !N1 COME ,M>* 9 #a#i#a#e1 ,I WAS BUNDL$ (F TO ,FRANCE4 ,MY ,GOD1 ?AT WAS A T]ROR4 ,Y\ DON'T KN[ UNTIL Y\'VE BE5 9 ONE4 ,Y\ LIVE 9 MUD & ALL >\ND !RE'S LADS NO OLD] ?AN Y\RSELF ) HALF !IR JAW BL[N (F1 & Y\ GIVE UP ON EV]Y?+ B> DO+ :AT Y\'RE TOLD4 ,I'VE SE5 A HORSE ?AT HAD NO LEGS LIE %UDD]+ 9 ! MUCKPIT LIKE A BLOODY SEAL4 ,I'VE SE5 M5 BURN4 

,I'D ONLY BE5 9 ,FRANCE TWO MON?S BE=E ,I CAU<T ! %RAPNEL AT ,GIV5*Y4 ,HEAD & LEG4 ,! HEAD WAS WOR/1 APP>5TLY1 ?\< ,MUGG9S H]E CAN'T BR+ TO M9D A BLESS$ ?+ AB\T IT4 ,NOT ! MOM5T ?AT IT HAPP5$ OR ! MORN+ ?AT ,I'D HAD BE=E1 & NOT MU* AFT]4 ,GONE4 ,CLEAN AS A :I/LE4 ,FIR/ ?+ ,I KNEW AFT]W>DS WAS BE+ HALFWAY ?R\< A PLATE ( D9N] AT ! HOSPITAL4 ,I LIFT$ UP A SPOON ( /R+Y MA% & LOOK$ AT IT1 & ,I REMEMB]$ ?AT ,I WAS ,ALF ,R\SE4 ,IT WAS ! MO/ PECULI> S5SATION1 ,I CAN TELL Y\4 

,I DON'T HAVE ! $UCATION TO EXPLA9 IT BUT ! WORLD SEEM$ DIFF]5T TO ME AFT] ?AT4 ,I DON'T MEAN ?AT ! ,W> HAD OP5$ UP MY EYES1 LIKE ,I'VE HE>D O!R FELL[S SAY4 ,I MEAN ! WORLD SEEM$ DIFF]5T1 LIKE AS IF IT WAS A DIFF]5T WORLD1 A /&-9 = ! REAL ONE4 ,H[ CAN ,I EXPLA9 IT8 ,EV]Y?+ LOOK$ WRONG4 ,NOT WRONG1 BUT PUT TOGE!R 9 A HURRY AS ?\< IT C\LD FALL AP>T AT ANY TIME4 ,! BE/ WAY ,I CAN SAY IT IS LIKE :5 Y\'RE DO+ >T 9 S*OOL1 & ,MISS GIVES Y\ A %EET ( PAP] FIR/ :]E Y\ CAN TRY ?+S \T & MAKE A MESS1 BECAUSE IT'S NOT ! PROP] PICTURE & IT DOESN'T MATT]4 ,:5 ,I WOKE UP 9 ?AT HOSPITAL IT WAS LIKE WAK+ UP 9SIDE ! PRACTICE SCRIBBLE1 NOT ! PICTURE4 ,NO?+ MATT]$4 ,Y\ C\LD RUB IT \T & />T ALL OV]4 ,:5 ,I ?9K AB\T IT1 ,I SUPPOSE ,I'VE PRETTY MU* FELT ?AT WAY EV] S9CE1 ?\< N[ ,I'M US$ TO IT4 

,?AT WAS ! PO9T :]E ,I FIR/ GOT MY '?+' AB\T ! WEAK] SEX4 ,( C\RSE1 = ONE ?+ !RE WAS OPPORTUNITY1 :AT ) ! NURSES !Y HAD OV] !RE4 ,Y\ W\LDN'T ?9K TO LOOK AT SOME ( !M1 BUT !RE WAS MORE ( ?AT W5T ON ?AN Y\'D SUPPOSE4 ,Y\ SEE1 TO ALL 9T5TS & PURPOSES !Y W]E ! ONLY WOM5 OV] !RE & !Y C\LD HAVE !IR PICK4 ,Y\ W\LDN'T ?9K !Y'D FEEL MU* LIKE IT :AT ) SEE+ *APS HALF BL[N TO BITS ALL DAY1 BUT ,I C\LD TELL A TALE OR TWO1 BELIEVE ME4 ,WELL1 ( C\RSE1 ,I HAD A TW+E ( GUILT FROM TIME TO TIME REG>D+ ,LILLIAN1 BUT NO?+ ?AT W\LD B[L ME OV]4 ,LIKE ,I SAY1 BY !N ?+S HAD ALL SORT ( FLATT5$ \T1 & NO?+ ?AT ,I ?\<T OR DID SEEM$ TO AM\NT TO V]Y MU*4 ,I MEAN1 ,I KN[ !RE'S RI<T & WRONG1 BUT Y\ COME TO A PO9T :]E1 HONE/LY1 Y\'RE NOT MU* BO!R$4 

,ONCE ,I HAD ?IS *UBBY LITTLE ,R,S,N :O SUCK$ ME (F :ILE !RE WAS SOME POOR FELL[ ) NO H&S LAY RAV+ (F HIS *UMP 9 ! COT NEXT TO M9E4 ,I PLAY$ ALONG1 BUT FRANKLY WASN'T V]Y /RUCK UPON IT1 IF Y\ CAN BELIEVE ?AT4 ,!RE WAS SOME?+ FUNNY ) ?IS NURSE ?AT PUT ME (F1 ! WAY %E ACT$4 ,GONE A BIT MAD1 BY ! LOOK ( H]4 ,Y\ GOT A LOT LIKE ?AT4 

,:5 ,I WAS P5SION$ \T ! FOLL[+ YE> & CAME BACK HOME1 IT DIDN'T EASE UP ON ! FEMALE FRONT ONE BIT4 ,IF ANY?+1 IT JU/ MADE MATT]S WORSE4 ,?AT WAS ! W\ND1 Y\ SEE1 DID ?AT4 ,?AT'S :AT ATTRACT$ !M4 ,MY 9JURY4 ,:AT ,I JU/ SAID1 AB\T GIRLS BE+ DAFT = *APS 9 UNI=M1 WELL1 ?AT WAS NO?+ TO ! WAY !Y W]E IF Y\ W]E HURT OR WORE A B&AGE4 ,EV5 :5 ! B&AGES W]E (F1 IF Y\ JU/ TALK$ AB\T H[ Y\ W]E W\ND$ TO 'EM1 ?AT W\LD DO ! TRICK4 ,I'D PULL MY HAIR TO ONE SIDE SO ?AT !Y C\LD SEE ! SC> UP BY MY P>T+1 & ,I'D LET 'EM T\* IT IF !Y WANT$ TO4 ,I'LL TELL Y\1 T5 M9UTES ( ?AT & ,I WAS UP 'EM4 ,!Y W]E GASP+ = IT4 ,!Y'RE SOME FUNNY WOND]S1 WOM54 ,I CAN'T MAKE !M \T1 NOT AFT] ALL ! ONES ,I'VE HAD4 ,IT MU/ BE GETT+ ON = SEV5TY OR EI<TY ( !M ?AT ,I'VE DONE IT ) S9CE ,I TOOK UP COMM]CIAL TRAVEL+ :5 ,I CAME \T ! >MY1 BUT !Y'RE /ILL A MY/]Y TO ME4 ,I EXPECT !Y ALWAYS WILL BE1 N[4 

,I WON'T SAY LITTLE ,HEL5 WAS ! FIR/ GIRL ?AT ,I TOOK TO B$ :ILE ON MY TRAVELS4 ,AFT] ALL1 ,I'D HAD FIVE YE> ( IT BY !N1 BUT IT WAS ,HEL5 :O ,I CAME TO C>E AB\T ! MO/4 ,I WANT$ TO LOOK AFT] H]4 ,%E WAS A *ILD1 :5 ALL WAS SAID & DONE1 & SO %E NE$$ LOOK+ AFT]4 ,ANYONE W\LD DO ! SAME1 ?AT HAD A HE>T4 

,A LITTLE ,SCOTTI% GIRL1 WAS ,HEL54 ,LITTLE S]VANT GIRL4 ,I US$ TO HAVE H] 9 ! BACK SEAT ( ! ,MORRIS4 ,!RE W]E LOTS ( MEMORIES 9 ?AT BACK SEAT4 ,I'M SORRY ?AT IT'S GONE4 ,I SUPPOSE ?AT :5 Y\ ?9K AB\T IT1 %E WAS ON ! Y\NG SIDE1 ,HEL54 ,ONLY F\RTE51 BUT Y\ KN[ ! GIRLS !SE DAYS4 ,V]Y MATURE & WELL DEVELOP$4 ,IF !Y'RE OLD 5\< TO BLE$1 !Y'RE OLD 5\< TO BUT*]1 ?AT'S :AT ,I SAY4 ,GOOD ONE1 EH8 ,I HE>D ?AT FIR/ :5 ,I WAS 9 ! S]VICES1 & ?\<T ?AT IT WAS PROP] COMICAL4 

,I GOT H] PREGNANT1 BUT IT DI$ SOON AFT] IT WAS BORN1 :I* WAS AN UPSET AT ! TIME4 ,IT'S LIKE ,I SAY1 ,I'M V]Y FOND ( *ILDR54 ,ANYWAY1 ,I KEPT ON SEE+ H] & TWO YE>S LAT]1 BY ! TIME %E WAS SIXTE51 %E'D FALL5 ) ANO!R ONE4 ,N[1 ,HEL51 %E WAS ONLY Y\NG1 BUT %E C\LD BE 9SI/5T1 & ?IS TIME %E PUT H] FOOT D[N4 ,SAID WE MU/ BE M>RI$ = ! KIDDY'S SAKE1 & !RE WASN'T MU* ?AT ,I C\LD SAY TO ?AT4 ,I'D TOLD H] ME & ,LILY W]E DIVORC$1 Y\ SEE1 SO C\LDN'T USE ! FACT ,I WAS ALREADY W$ TO GET ME \T ( IT4 ,IT WAS A PICKLE1 ,I CAN TELL Y\4 

,AS IT TURN$ \T1 :AT ,I DID WAS GO ?R\< A %AM W$D+ ) H]1 JU/ TO KEEP H] HAPPY1 !N ,I SET H] & BABY UP AT ?IS NICE FLAT 9 ,ISL+TON :]E WE C\LD LIVE AS MAN & WIFE4 ,I TOLD H] ,I'D BE ON ! ROAD A LOT AWAY FROM HOME4 ,( C\RSE1 ,I'D TOLD ,LILY ! SAME ?+ BACK 9 ,F9*LEY1 SO IT ALL WORK$ \T QUITE NICELY = A TIME4 ,/ILL1 %E WASN'T DAFT1 & 9 ! 5D %E GOT SUSPICI\S ,I WAS HAV+ AN AFFAIR \TSIDE ( M>RIAGE4 ,:AT %E DIDN'T KN[ ( C\RSE IS ?AT ,I WAS & %E WAS IT4 

,IT ALL CAME \T EV5TUALLY1 & MY ,GOD1 BUT Y\ %\LD HAVE HE>D ! UPRO>4 ,I DON'T KN[ QUITE :]E ,I %\LD HAVE BE5 IF ,LILY HADN'T BE5 SO UND]/&+4 ,%E'S SAID ALL ALONG IT'S NOT MY FAULT1 ME BE+ A SEX MANIAC1 & ?AT IT'S ONLY HAPP5$ S9CE ! ,W>4 ,!Y BO? AGRE$ TO MEET1 DID H] & ,HEL51 AFT] ?+S CALM$ D[N1 & SORT$ IT ALL \T ACROSS ! ,FR5* SPONGE AT A ,JOE ,LYONS' CORN] H\SE4 ,!Y BO? ?\<T IT WAS BE/ IF ,HEL5'S BABY1 LITTLE ,>?UR1 %\LD HAVE SOME:]E DEC5T TO GR[ UP1 SO ME & ,LILY TOOK HIM 9 TO LIVE ) US AT ,BUXT$ ,ROAD4 ,Y\ CAN SAY :AT Y\ LIKE1 !RE'S NOT A LOT ( WOM5 AS W\LD DO ?AT = !IR *AP1 N[ IS !RE8 ,TAKE ANO!R WOMAN'S BABY 9 & FE$ IT8 

,%E'S ONE 9 A MILLION1 IS MY ,LILY4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT LA/ NI<T BE=E ?IS ALL BLEW UP1 ! LA/ TIME ,I SAW ,BUXT$ ,ROAD4 ,WE'D SAT !RE 9 \R FRONT ROOM ) ! LI<TS \T1 ME & ,LILLIAN & LITTLE ,>?UR1 WAT*+ ALL ! ROCKETS & ! ,ROMAN C&LES GO+ (F JU/ UP ! ROAD1 IT BE+ ,BONFIRE ,NI<T4 ,I'D TOLD H] ,I'D GOT BUS9ESS UP 9 ,LEICE/] ) ! BRACES & SUSP5D]S PEOPLE1 SO %E DIDN'T M9D :5 ,I SET \T JU/ AFT] SEV5 TO HEAD UP ! ,GREAT ,NOR? ,ROAD T[>DS ! ,MIDL&S4 ,I LET H] HAVE ONE ( MY EXTRA SPECIAL KISSES BY WAY ( F>EWELL1 S9CE ,I WAS FEEL+ BAD AB\T ! WAY ?+S W]E BETWE5 US & ,I MEANT TO LEAVE H]4 

,PULL+ \T ( ,BUXT$ ,ROAD2 ,I W5T /RAI<T R\ND TO ,NELLIE ,TUCK]'S4 ,I'M A%AM$ TO SAY ,I'D NOT BE5 R\ND !RE S9CE %E'D HAD ! BABY JU/ ! WEEK BE=E1 SO Y\ C\LD SAY ?AT ,I WAS OV]DUE4 ,I CAN'T REMEMB]1 DID ,I M5TION ,NELLIE8 ,I TOOK UP ) H] 9 #a#i#b#e1 DUR+ ! TR\BL$ PAT* ) ,HEL5 & \R ,LILY4 ,I WAS UND] A GREAT DEAL ( PRESSURE AT ! TIME1 AS Y\ MI<T WELL IMAG9E1 & ,I TURN$ TO ,NELLIE SO ?AT ,I'D HAVE SOMEONE ,I C\LD TALK AB\T IT TO1 AS MU* AS ANY?+4 ,NATURALLY1 ONE ?+ LEAD+ TO ANO!R H[ IT DOES1 IT WASN'T LONG BE=E WE'D GOT A BABY4 ,LILY W\LD HAVE KILL$ ME1 SO ,I KEPT IT QUIET & PAID FIVE P\NDS TO ,NELLY EV]Y MON? = MA9T5ANCE4 ,?AT WAS ALL RI<T UNTIL %E FELL AGA91 ?IS LA/ TIME4 ,HAD IT ! 5D ( ,OCTOB]1 ON ! #b#i? AS ,I REMEMB]4 

,I W5T R\ND TO SEE H] AFT] LEAV+ ,LIL ?AT NI<T & GOT R\ND !RE A LITTLE AFT] SEV54 ,BO? ! ELDE/ & ! BABY W]E 9 B$ BY !N1 SO WE C\LD HAVE A QUICK ONE ON ! C\*4 ,I FELT A BIT BLUE AFT]W>DS1 ! WAY Y\ SOMETIMES DO1 & />T$ P\R+ \T MY TR\BLES TO H]1 TELL+ H] AB\T ALL ( ! DEBT ?AT ,I WAS 94 ,%E'S A GOOD LI/5] IS ,NELLIE4 ,ALWAYS HAS BE54 

,H[ IT IS ) ME1 ,I SUPPOSE IT'S LIKE ?AT FILM ,A ,GIRL 9 ,EV]Y ,PORT4 ,VICTOR ,MC,LAGLAN4 ,DO Y\ KN[ ?AT ONE8 ,?AT WAS A SMA%]4 ,W5T LA/ YE> TO SEE IT ) \R ,LILY1 & ! WOM5 ?AT W]E 9 IT1 WELL1 :AT A SELECTION4 ,MYRNA ,LOY1 %E'S NICE4 ,& ,L\ISE ,BROOKS1 AL?\< TO BE QUITE HONE/ ,I'M NOT HALF SO KE5 ON H]1 H] HAIR LIKE ?AT4 ,IT LOOKS TOO LESBIAN1 IF Y\ KN[ :AT ,I MEAN4 ,! REAL />1 ?\<1 TO MY M9D1 IT WAS ,SALLY ,R&4 ,Y\ MU/ KN[ ,SALLY ,R&4 ',! ,BUBBLES ,GIRL'8 ,%E DANC$ ) FANS & !SE BIG BUBBLES1 & ,I HAVE TO SAY ?AT !RE'S A LOT ( >T 9 :AT %E DOES4 ,%E DOESN'T WE> A /IT* B5EA? ?OSE BUBBLES1 YET Y\ NEV] SEE A ?+4 ,H] SONG WAS ',I'M ,=EV] ,BL[+ ,BUBBLES'1 NATURALLY 5\<4 ,A LOVELY GIRL4 

,I /AY$ AT ,NELLIE'S = AB\T AN H\R & LEFT JU/ AFT] EI<T4 ,I %\LD HAVE HAD A PEE BE=E ,I LEFT BUT ANYWAY ,I DIDN'T1 & SO BY ! TIME ,I GOT PA/ ,5FIELD1 HEAD+ \T ,/ ,ALBAN'S WAY1 ,I WAS NE> BUR/+4 ,I SAW ?IS PUB JU/ SET BACK FROM ! ROAD A BIT & ?\<T1 ',WELL1 ,I'VE GOT TIME = ONE TO BRACE ME = ! J\RNEY4' ,ALSO1 ,I C\LD USE !IR ,G5TS4 ,IT'S FUNNY1 ,I'VE BE5 \T ?AT WAY BE=E & ?\< ,I KN[ MO/ ( ! PUBS UP !RE1 ?IS ONE WAS NEW TO ME4 ,I ?9K IT'S H[ Y\ COME UPON IT1 R\ND A B5D4 ,! FIR/ SI<T ?AT ,I HAD ( IT WAS :5 MY HEADLI<TS SWUNG ACROSS & CAU<T IT1 & AT FIR/ IT LOOK$ HALF D]ELICT4 ,!Y \<T TO DO IT UP A BIT1 9 MY OP9ION4 ,IT'D BE MONEY WELL SP5T1 BECAUSE SET BACK !RE FROM ! ROAD ,I'LL BET ?AT MO/ FOLK OV]LOOK IT4 ,HAD A FUNNY NAME1 AS ,I RECALL1 AL?\< ,I CAN'T ?9K :AT AT PRES5T4 ,IT'LL COME TO ME1 ,I'M SURE4 

,I P>K$ ! WAGON R\ND ! BACK & W5T 9SIDE1 & IT WAS FIR/ /OP ,G5TLEM5'S4 ,GOD1 TALK AB\T ,RELIEF ( ,MAFEK+4 ,IT WAS ONE ( ?OSE :]E ! /REAM SEEMS TO GO ON = H\RS4 ,WELL1 ,I'M EXAGG]AT+1 BUT Y\ GET ! GI/4 ,I CAME \T ( ! ,W4,C4 9TO ! B>1 & !RE WAS H>DLY ANYBODY 9 AT ALL4 ,DEAD AS A DOORNAIL4 

,LABOR ,9 ,VA94 ,!RE1 :AT DID ,I JU/ SAY8 ,I KNEW IT HAD A FUNNY NAME4 ,PROPP$ UP AGA9/ ! B> WAS ?IS OLD T9K] ) A FUNNY /&UP HAT4 ,QUITE HONE/LY1 HE LOOK$ HALF-%>P1 SO ,I /E]$ CLE> ( HIM4 ,I GOT ! GIRL BEH9D ! B> TO S]VE ME ) A BR&Y1 !N ,I LOOK$ AB\T TO F9D A PLACE :]E ,I C\LD SIT4 ,UP 9 ONE CORN] WAS A SCRUFFY LOOK+ *AP1 SAT TALK+ TO ?IS LITTLE LAD ( T5 OR SO4 ,I ?\<T IT WAS HIS SON AT FIR/1 BUT !N ! BOY SAID SOME?+ TO ! MAN & LEFT ! B>4 ,HE DIDN'T COME BACK1 SO P]HAPS HE DIDN'T KN[ ?IS O!R BLOKE AT ALL2 JU/ HAPP5$ TO BE SITT+ ) HIM :5 ,I LOOK$4 ,I FANCI$ *ATT+ ) ANO!R *AP TO PASS FIVE M9UTES AFT] HAV+ WOM5 RABBIT ON AT ME ALL DAY1 SO :5 ! LITTLE LAD GOT UP & LEFT ,I W5T & SAT AT ! NEXT TABLE TO ! SCRUFFY ITEM4 

,WE /RUCK UP A CONV]SATION BE=E LONG1 & ,I C\LD SEE HE WAS IMPRESS$ :5 ,I %[$ HIM MY BUS9ESS C>D4 ,IT TURN$ \T HE WAS HEAD+ NOR? AS WELL4 ,HE'D COME FROM ,D]BY%IRE ORIG9ALLY1 HE SAID1 :I* WASN'T A SURPRISE GIV5 H[ ?ICK HIS ACC5T WAS4 ,HE TOLD ME H[ HE'D HAD A JOB UP AT ! PITS !RE1 BUT HE'D ?\<T ?AT HE MI<T MAKE A GO ( IT 9 ,LONDON1 AS SO MANY DO1 & HEAD$ S\?4 ,Y\ WON'T BE %OCK$ TO HE> IT HADN'T WORK$ \T H[ HE'D PLANN$1 SO N[ HE WAS ON HIS WAY BACK TO ,D]BY1 HOP+ = HIS OLD WORK AT ! PIT4 

,!Y'VE ASK$ ME :Y ,I (F]$ HIM A LIFT1 AS IF ,I HAD SOME MOTIVE = IT1 & !Y WON'T BELIEVE ME :5 ,I SAY ?AT BACK !N AT ! />T ,I'D NO IDEA :AT ,I WAS GO+ TO DO4 ,I SAID ,I'D TAKE HIM UP AS F> AS ,LEICE/] BECAUSE ,I FELT G5U9ELY SORRY = ! *AP1 & ?AT'S ! LONG & %ORT ( IT4 ,HE MADE A FUSS AB\T GETT+ ME 9 ANO!R DR9K BE=E WE LEFT1 BY WAY ( GRATITUDE1 & HE HAD ONE HIMSELF :I*1 TO BE FRANK1 WAS ONE TOO MANY4 ,FROM ! /ATE ( HIM1 HE'D HAD A FEW BE=E ,I'D GOT !RE1 & ONCE WE W]E 9 ! C> ,I DIDN'T GET A LOT ( S5SE FROM HIM4 ,MO/ ( ! TIME HE WAS ASLEEP & SNOR+4 

,IT MI<T HAVE BE5 A DIFF]5T /ORY IF ,I'D HAD A BIT ( CONV]SATION LIKE ,I WANT$1 JU/ TO TAKE MY M9D (F MY TR\BLES4 ,AS IT WAS1 ! ONLY COMPANY ,I HAD WAS F> TOO SLO%$ = CONV]SATION1 SO ,I'D NO?+ ELSE TO DO BUT DRIVE ALONG & BROOD ON ?+S1 ) HIM BEH9D ME RASP+ LIKE A SAW-MILL4 ,I GOT MADD] ) HIM AS WE W5T ALONG4 ,I MEAN1 !RE ,I WAS 9 ! MID/ ( ALL MY TR\BLES1 ,NELLIE'S BABY BORN A WEEK BE=E & ,IVY'S NE>LY DUE1 & MEAN:ILE !RE WAS HIM SNOR+ LIKE A C>?ORSE1 SLOBB]+ ON MY UPHOL/]Y4 ,I'M NOT SAY+ ?AT ,I FEEL ANY ANIMOSITY T[>DS HIM N[1 ( C\RSE NOT1 BUT IT'S H[ ,I FELT AB\T IT !N4 

,WE DROVE ON UP ! ,ROMAN ROAD T[>DS ,NOR?AMPTON%IRE1 :I* WE CAME 9 BY WAY ( ,T[CE/]4 ,IT'S A FUNNY ?+1 :AT Y\ REMEMB]1 BUT ,I CAN RECALL :AT ,I WAS ?9K+ :5 WE PASS$ ,GRE5S ,NORTON *UR* SPIRE ON \R LEFT4 ,I DON'T KN[ :Y1 BUT ,I WAS ?9K+ BACK TO :5 ,I WAS A LITTLE LAD & WE LIV$ ON ,H]NE ,HILL1 JU/ UP ! ROAD !RE FROM ! ,HALF ,MOON ,9N4 ,:5 ,I WAS Y\NG] ,I WAS ?AT 9QUISITIVE1 H[ *ILDR5 >E4 ,I WANT$ TO KN[ EV]Y?+4 ,ONE DAY1 ,I C\LDN'T HAVE BE5 MORE ?AN SEV51 ,I REMEMB] ASK+ ,MAM AB\T ,H]NE ,HILL & :Y !Y CALL$ IT ?AT4 ,%E SAID %E DIDN'T KN[1 BUT IF ,I WAS ?AT BO!R$ ,I C\LD LOOK IT UP 9 ,PE>'S ,5CYCLOP$IA1 SO ,I DID4 

,I DON'T KN[ IF Y\ EV] OP5$ UP A BOOK1 BACK :5 Y\ W]E A NIPP]1 & Y\ SAW A PICTURE ?AT WAS JU/ SO FRI<T5+ Y\ SLAMM$ ! BOOK & NEV] D>$ TO LOOK AT IT AGA98 ,WELL1 ?AT WAS H[ IT WAS ) ME4 ,I OP5$ ! 5CYCLOP$IA TO ! PAGE ,I WANT$1 UND] ,H1 & !RE WAS ?IS OLD L9E 5GRAV+ ( ?IS BLOKE1 & HE HAD ANTL]S LIKE A DE] GR[+ \T FROM HIS HEAD4 ,I KN[ IT DOESN'T S\ND MU* N[ BUT ,I WAS T]RIFI$4 ,I'D NEV] SE5 A PICTURE 9 MY LIFE UNTIL ?AT PO9T ?AT HAD UPSET ME HALF SO MU*1 ,I CAN'T SAY :Y4 

,I %UT ! BOOK & W5T & HID IT UND]NEA? ! W>DROBE 9 MY P>5TS' ROOM1 B5EA? SOME COPIES ( ,REVEILLE ?AT HAD 5D$ UP !RE4 ,I WANT$ TO BURY IT1 Y\ SEE1 ,I WAS ?AT SC>$ ( IT4 ,:Y ,I %\LD ?9K ( ?AT *AP ) ANTL]S AS ,I PASS$ ,GRE5S ,NORTON *UR* ,I'VE NO IDEA1 BUT !RE Y\ >E4 ,! M9D'S A FUNNY ?+4 ,Y\ DON'T KN[ :Y Y\ DO ?+S HALF ! TIME1 OR AT LEA/ ,I DON'T4 

,Y\ TAKE :AT ,I SAID ?AT EV5+ :5 ,I GOT TO ,IVY'S H\SE 9 ,WALES1 JU/ AFT] ,I'D BE5 9 H] ROOM & T\*$ H] UP4 ,H] P>5TS HAD BE5 K9D 5\< TO (F] ME A NICE BIT ( BOIL$ BACON & POTATO = MY SUPP] :I* ,I WAS HALFWAY ?R\< EAT+ :5 !RE CAME A KNOCK UPON ! DOOR4 ,! ,J5K9S HAD A NEI<BOR ?REE DOORS D[N :O SEEM$ TO KN[ ALL ( !IR BUS9ESS1 :I* 9CLUD$ ME & ,IVY1 & IT TURN$ \T IT WAS H] /OOD ON !IR DOOR/EP ) A COPY ( ! LOCAL PAP]4 ,HAD WE SE51 %E SAID1 ! PICTURE ( A C> F\ND 9 ,NOR?AMPTON8 ,N[1 ?AT'S H[ IT IS 9 VILLAGES1 Y\ SEE1 ) EV]YBODY KN[+ EV]YBODY ELSE'S BUS9ESS4 ,I'D NOT BE5 9 ,GELLYGA] MORE ?AN AN H\R OR TWO1 & H]E WAS SOMEBODY HAD HE>D ALREADY :AT ,I'D SAID TO ,IVY'S DAD AB\T MY MOTOR GETT+ P9*$4 ,AS IT TURN$ \T1 ,I /ILL HAD WORSE TO COME4 

,!Y ASK$ H] 9 & LET H] %[ ?IS PAP] R\ND TO EV]YONE1 & :5 ,I SAW IT ,I WAS 9 ! MIDDLE ( A M\?FUL ( BOIL$ HAM4 ,I'LL TELL Y\1 IT'S A WOND] ?AT ,I DIDN'T *OKE4 ,!RE WAS A PICTURE ( MY ,MORRIS ,M9OR /&+ BURN$ \T 9 ! FIELD AT ,H>D+/ONE4 ,!RE WAS A P>AGRAPH BESIDE IT SAID A HUMAN BODY HAD BE5 F\ND 9SIDE ! WRECKAGE4 ,WELL1 IT'S LIKE ,I SAID1 Y\ DON'T KN[ :Y Y\ DO OR SAY ?+S HALF ! TIME1 BUT :5 ,I LOOK$ AT ?AT ,I BLURT$ /RAI<T \T1 )\T ?9K+ TWICE1 ',?AT'S NOT MY C>4' ,I FOLL[$ ?AT BY MUMBL+ SOME?+ AB\T H[ ,I'D NOT ?\<T !RE'D BE SU* A FUSS MADE 9 ! PAP]S OV] ?+S4 

,IT WAS A BLOODY /UPID ?+ TO SAY1 ,I ?9K N[ LOOK+ BACK ON IT4 ,I MEAN1 IT WAS MY C>1 !RE WASN'T ANY D\BT AB\T IT4 ,Y\ C\LD READ ! LIC5SE PLATE1 ,M,U #a#d#f#h1 AS PLA9 AS ANY?+4 ,IT WAS AB\T ! ONLY BIT ?AT WASN'T BURN$ AWAY4 ,ALL ,I DID BY MAK+ \T IT WASN'T M9E WAS MAKE MYSELF LOOK FI%Y & GET EV]YONE'S SUSPICIONS UP4 ,I GOT \T ( IT BE/ ,I C\LD BY CLAIM+ ,I WAS TIR$ & MAK+ (F TO B$ 9 ! SP>E ROOM1 :]E ,I ?\<T AB\T ,IVY'S TITS & HAD A QUICK ONE (F ! WRI/ TO TAKE ME M9D (F ?+S4 

,N[ USUALLY1 NO SOON] HAVE ,I BR\<T MYSELF (F ?AN ,I'M FA/ ASLEEP1 BUT NOT ?AT NI<T4 ,OH NO4 ,I DIDN'T SLEEP A W9K EXCEPT = BITS :]E ,I'D DOZE (F & HAVE !SE HORRID LITTLE DREAMS ?AT WOKE ME UP ALMO/ BE=E !Y'D />T$4 ,!Y W]E VIVID AT ! TIME1 BUT N[ ,I CAN'T REMEMB] ANY?+ AB\T !M1 ONLY ?AT !Y PUT ! W9D UP ME SO ?AT ,I LAY AWAKE UNTIL ! FIR/ LI<T CREPT ACROSS ! LILY-PATT]N$ PAP] ON ! 5D WALL4 

,BY ! TIME ,I WAS UP1 ! MORN+ PAP] HAD >RIV$4 ,IT WAS ! ,DAILY ,SKET*4 ,!Y'D PR9T$ ! SAME PHOTO ( MY BURN$-\T ,MORRIS1 ONLY ?IS TIME !Y GAVE \T MY NAME AS WELL1 :I* ,I ?\<T WAS A BLESS$ *EEK4 ,( C\RSE1 ?AT REALLY TORE IT ) REG>DS TO ,IVY'S P>5TS4 ,ALL ?AT ,I C\LD ?9K TO SAY IS ?AT !RE MU/ HAVE BE5 A DREADFUL MIX-UP SOME:]E & ?AT ,I WAS GO+ BACK TO ,LONDON UNTIL IT WAS SORT$ \T4 ,! ,J5K9S HAD ANO!R NEI<BOR1 NAME ( ,BR[NHILL1 RAN A LITTLE MOTOR BUS9ESS D[N 9 ,C>DIFF4 ,HE PIP$ UP & VOLUNTE]$ TO RUN ME BACK !RE ON HIS WAY TO WORK SO ,I C\LD GET A COA* TO ,HAMM]SMI?4 ,I C\LDN'T V]Y WELL SAY NO1 SO ,I MADE MY GOODBYES TO ,IVY & SAID :AT %E WANT$ ME TO SAY AB\T H[ WE %\LD BO? SOON LIVE TOGE!R 9 ,K+/ON-ON-,?AMES4 ,H] FA!R %OOK MY H&1 ?\< NOT )\T SOME PROMPT+ ON ! P>T ( ,IVY'S MAM1 & !N WE DROVE AWAY4 

,IT WAS A LONG DRIVE D[N TO ,C>DIFF & ,I DON'T KN[ IF IT PLAY$ UPON MY N]VES1 BUT = ONE REASON OR ANO!R ,I F\ND ?AT ,I C\LDN'T = ! LIFE ( ME /OP TALK+4 ,I KEPT ON & ON AB\T MY C> & H[ IT HAD BE5 /OL5 FROM \TSIDE A C(FEE %OP1 & ?IS *AP ,BR[NHILL JU/ KEPT />+ AT ! ROAD 9 FRONT ( HIM & EV]Y N[ & !N HE'D SAY1 ',OH YES8' OR ',IS ?AT RI<T8' BUT O!R ?AN ?AT IT WAS BLOOD \T ( A /ONE TO GET A WORD FROM HIM4 ,:5 WE >RIV$ 9 ,C>DIFF HE 9SI/$ ON ACCOMPANY+ ME D[N TO ! /ATION1 :]E HE SAW ME ON ! COA* = ,HAMM]SMI?4 

,( C\RSE1 ,I'VE BE5 TOLD S9CE ?AT :AT HE DID WAS GET /RAI<T ON TO ! POLICE AS SOON AS HE'D MADE SURE ?AT ,I WAS ON ! COA*4 ,HE TOLD !M ,I WAS ON MY WAY & ?AT SOME ?+S ,I'D SAID TO HIM HAD BE5 SUSPICI\S4 ,IF Y\ ASK ME1 HE JU/ WANT$ TO BE 9 ON ! EXCITEM5T4 ,IT'S ! SAME ) ALL !M VILLAGE TYPES1 !RE'S NO?+ !Y LOVE BETT] ?AN A BIT ( SC&AL4 ,/ILL1 ,I'VE WOND]$ IF IT MI<T BE ,IVY'S FA!R PUT HIM UP TO IT1 >RANG+ ME A LIFT TO ,C>DIFF ) ?AT V]Y ?+ 9 M9D4 ,IT ISN'T V]Y NICE1 TO ?9K HE'D DO ?AT1 BUT ,I W\LDN'T PUT IT PA/ HIM4 ,NEV] HAS BE5 V]Y FOND ( ME1 HAS ,IVY'S DAD4 ,HE TOOK ! ATTITUDE %E'D GIV5 UP A GOOD C>E] 9 NURS+ = A *AP HE ?\<T B5EA? H] /ATION1 AS ?\< ANYONE 9 ,GELLYGA] EV] E>N$ FIVE HUNDR$ P\NDS A YE>4 

,I SUPPOSE IF ,I'M COMPLETELY C&ID ) MYSELF1 IT WAS ! NURSE'S UNI=M AS MU* AS ANY?+ ATTRACT$ ME TO ,IVY 9 ! FIR/ PLACE4 ,IT'S A 'K9K' ,I'VE GOT1 & ONCE MORE ,I CAN ONLY ?9K ?AT IT MI<T BE CONNECT$ TO ! ,W> 9 SOME WAY4 ,HOSPITALS & ?AT4 ,SOMETIMES1 EV5 ! SMELL ( ,G]MOL5E OR ( SURGICAL SPIRIT1 IT WILL GET ME GO+ QUICK] ?AN A GOOD RUDE BOOK4 ,%E LOOK$ A LITTLE CRACK]1 ,IVY DID1 :AT ) ?AT LITTLE HAT & ?OSE BLACK WOOL5 /OCK+S4 ,IT'S A PITY1 BUT %E'S NOT BE5 ABLE TO GET 9TO H] NURSE'S \TFIT S9CE %E PASS$ ! FIVE MON?S M>K1 & ?AT WAS QUITE SOME TIME BACK N[4 

,I'LL TELL Y\ :AT1 IT'S V]Y COLD 9 H]E = ,JANU>Y1 DON'T Y\ ?9K SO8 ,ANGEL ,LANE4 ,I'LL TELL Y\ ?IS1 ,I'VE NOT SE5 MANY ANGELS >\ND H]E ?IS LA/ TWO MON?S1 ONLY A LOAD ( BOBBIES ALL ) FACES LIKE ! RE> 5D ( A BUS4 ,NOT ?AT ,I'D KN[ AN ANGEL IF ,I SAW ONE4 ,NAK$ WOM51 ?AT'S :AT ,I IMAG9E ANGELS >E4 ,N[ ?AT'D BE A ?+ TO HAVE FLUTT]+ R\ND Y\ :5 Y\ KICK (F1 W\LDN'T IT8 ,A LOT ( NUDES8 ,?AT'S H[ ,I'D LIKE TO GO4 ,!RE'S WAYS A GOOD SI<T WORSE ?AN ?AT1 BELIEVE Y\ ME4 

,HE WAS /ILL FA/ ASLEEP :5 ,I SAW ! FIR/ SIGN = ,H>D+/ONE1 ! *AP :ATEV]-HIS-NAME-WAS ,I'D PICK$ UP 9 ! PUB \TSIDE ,/ ,ALBANS4 ,BILL4 ,I ?9K HE SAID HIS NAME WAS ,BILL4 ,HE WAS /ILL SNOR+1 & = MY P>T HALF ( ME WAS 9 A PANIC OV] H[ ,I'D COPE ) ALL !SE BILLS & WIVES & *ILDR5 :ILE ! O!R HALF KEPT ?9K+ ( ?AT FELL[ ) ! RE9DE] ANTL]S 9 ! ,PE>'S ,5CYCLOP$IA4 ,NO IDEA :Y4 ,IT'S LIKE ,I SAY1 ! M9D CAN BE A CURIOSITY AT TIMES4 

,SOME:]E AMONG ALL ?IS1 ,I FIR/ HIT ON ! NOTION ,I %\LD TAKE ! TURN ALONG ! LANE TO ,H>D+/ONE :5 IT >RIV$4 ,:AT HAPP5$ AFT] ?AT ,I'M 9 A MUDDLE OV] /ILL4 ,I'VE TOLD SO MANY /ORIES ,I CAN'T TELL MYSELF :I* ONES >E TRUE & :I* ONES ,I'VE 9V5T$4 ,DO Y\ EV] GET ?AT8 ,NO8 

,I MADE A /ATEM5T AB\T EV]Y?+ ?AT HAPP5$ TO ! G5TLEM5 FROM ,HAMM]SMI? POLICE /ATION :O'D BE5 !RE WAIT+ = MY COA* :5 IT >RIV$ FROM ,C>DIFF1 ?ANKS TO ,MR ,BR[NHILL /ICK+ 9 HIS O>4 ,TO TELL ! TRU?1 ,I MADE A PROP] ,*>LY ( MYSELF :5 ,I GOT (F ! BUS & F\ND !M WAIT+ = ME1 ?REE ( !M4 ,I'D NOT EXPECT$ IT1 ,I SUPPOSE ,I %\LD HAVE1 BUT ,I'D NOT4 ,I WAS SO TAK5 BACK1 ,I SAID ! FIR/ ?+ ?AT CAME 9TO MY HEAD4 ,I SAID ,I WAS GLAD IT WAS ALL OV]1 & ,I TOLD !M ?AT ,I'D NOT HAD ANY SLEEP4 ,I SAID ?AT ,I WAS ON MY WAY TO ,SCOTL& ,Y>D ?AT 9/ANT4 ,?AT'S ALL FAIR 5\<1 BUT BE=E ,I C\LD /OP MYSELF ,I W5T & SAID ,I WAS RESPONSIBLE4 ,I DIDN'T SAY = :AT1 BUT ALL ! SAME !Y GAVE ME QUITE A LOOK4 ,I C\LD HAVE KICK$ MYSELF1 ! TR\BLE ?AT ,I'VE HAD AB\T IT S9CE4 

,I DON'T KN[ IF ,I TOLD Y\1 BUT !Y TRI$ TO TRIP ME UP ON ?AT 9 ,C\RT TODAY1 EXCEPT ,I WAS TOO CLEV] = !M4 ,!RE'S A SAY+1 BACK 9 ,F9*LEY1 ?AT Y\ HAVE TO GET UP E>LY ( A MORN+ TO CAT* ,ALFIE ,R\SE4 ,! PROSECUT+ C\NSEL1 ,MR ,BIRKETT1 HE WAS ASK+ ME :Y IT HAD TAK5 NE>LY TWO DAYS = ME TO REPORT :AT HAD GONE ON TO ! POLICE1 :I* ?REW ME = A M9UTE1 BUT ,I SOON RECOV]$4 

',WELL1' ,I SAID1 ',I'VE V]Y LITTLE FAI? 9 VILLAGE CON/ABLES SU* AS Y\'LL F9D AT ! MORE LOCAL1 SMALL] /ATION1 SO ,I ?\<T ,I'D GO /RAI<T TO ! TOP4 ,DIDN'T ,I SAY ?AT ,I WAS ON MY WAY TO ,SCOTL& ,Y>D :5 ,I GOT /OPP$ 9 ,HAMM]SMI?8' 

,HE DIDN'T LIKE ?AT1 ,I C\LD TELL1 ! WAY ,I W\LDN'T LET HIM P9 ME D[N1 SO :AT HE SAYS NEXT IS1 ',OH YUSS8 ,DIDN'T Y\ ALSO SAY Y\ W]E RESPONSIBLE8 ,:AT DID Y\ MEAN BY ?AT1 MY GOOD MAN8' ,H[ !Y TALK1 Y\ KN[4 

,N[1 ,I WAS FEEL+ PRETTY COCKY BY ?AT TIME1 SO ,I CAME BACK SM>T AS A :IP & SAID1 ',WELL1 9 ! EYES ( ! POLICE1 ,I ?\<T ! [N] WAS RESPONSIBLE = ANY?+ ?AT HAPP5$ 9 HIS C>4 ,CORRECT ME IF ,I'M WRONG4' 

,I RAIS$ ONE EYEBR[ :5 ,I SAID ?AT LA/ BIT1 ?AT ',CORRECT ME IF ,I'M WRONG'1 SO ?AT ! JURY & ! GIRLS UP 9 ! PUBLIC GALL]Y C\LD SEE ?AT ,I WAS PLAY+ ) HIM1 & ,I ?\<T ,I HE>D A C\PLE ( !M *UCKLE UNLESS IT WAS MY IMAG9ATION4 ,!Y'RE ON MY SIDE1 Y\ CAN TELL4 ,A FAIR PROPORTION ( ! JURY'S WOM51 SO ,I'M B\ND TO BE ALL RI<T4 ,I'VE CAU<T ! EYE ( ONE OR TWO ( !M1 & ,I'VE A GOOD IDEA :I* ONES HAVE GOT A ?+ = ME4 ,IF ,I JU/ /ICK TO :AT ,I'VE SAID1 !RE'LL BE NO UPSETS4 

,:5 !Y MET ME (F ! COA* AT ,HAMM]SMI? ,BRIDGE ,ROAD1 !Y TOOK ME TO ! LOCAL /ATION :]E ,I TOLD !M :AT HAD HAPP5$ E>LY ON ?AT MORN+ ( ! SIX?1 AS BE/ ,I C\LD4 ,I SAID ,I'D PICK$ ! *AP UP ON ! ,GREAT ,NOR? ,ROAD1 \TSIDE ,/ ,ALBANS1 :I* WAS TRUE 5\<1 & ?AT AS WE'D GOT CLOSE TO ,H>D+/ONE ,I'D ?\<T ,I SAW HIS H& UPON MY SAMPLE CASE1 :I* ,I KEEP 9 ! BACK SEAT ( ! C> :]E HE WAS SITT+4 ,LAT] ON1 ,I />T$ TO NOD AT ! :EEL A BIT1 & LAT] /ILL ,I HE>D ! 5G9E SPLUTT]+ & PLAY+ UP LIKE ,I WAS RUNN+ L[ ON PETROL1 SO ,I ?\<T ,I'D PULL 9TO A FIELD JU/ (F ! MA9 ROAD !RE & D[N ! LANE A BIT4 ,ALSO1 ,I NE$$ TO RELIEVE MYSELF1 IT HAV+ BE5 A LONG DRIVE FROM ,/ ,ALBANS4 

,HE WOKE UP AS ,I PULL$ 9 ! FIELD1 & ,I TOLD HIM ?AT ,I WAS GO+ TO REFRE% MYSELF4 ,I SAID ?AT IF HE WANT$ TO BE USEFUL HE C\LD TAKE ! PETROL CAN FROM ! BACK SEAT & TOP ! TANK UP1 S9CE IT SEEM$ ?AT WE W]E RUNN+ L[4 ,I LIFT$ UP ! BONNET & ,I %[$ HIM :]E TO PUT IT1 !N HE ASK$ ME IF ,I'D GOT A FAG ?AT HE C\LD CADGE4 ,I'D GIV5 HIM QUITE A FEW ALREADY SO ,I SAID ,I HADN'T1 & !N WALK$ (F FROM ! C> A /RET* SO ?AT ,I C\LD RELIEVE MYSELF 9 PRIVATE4 ,I'D GONE SOME WAY FROM ! ROAD & HAD MY TR\S]S D[N :5 ,I HE>D ?IS BIG NOISE & SAW ! FIRELI<T COM+ FROM BEH9D ME4 ,I PULL$ UP MY TR\S]S & ,I RAN T[>DS ! C> BUT ,I WAS TOO LATE4 ,I C\LD SEE HIM !RE 9SIDE1 BUT !RE WAS NO?+ ,I C\LD DO4 ,! SILLY BUGG] MU/ HAVE LIT HIS CIG>ETTE :ILE SITT+ ) ! PETROL CAN4 ,! ?+S SOME PEOPLE DO4 

,!Y SAW ,I'D GOT MY CASE ) ME & ASK$ IF ,I'D GONE BACK TO GET IT \T ( ! BURN+ C>1 BUT ,I WAS READY = ?AT ONE4 ,I'D SE5 HIS H& UPON ! CASE & HAD AN IDEA HE MI<T /EAL IT1 SO ,I TOOK IT ) ME :5 ,I LEFT ! MOTOR4 ,I TOLD !M ,I W5T 9TO A PANIC :5 ,I SAW ! C> GO UP1 AS WELL Y\ MI<T1 & RAN T[>DS ! ROAD :]E ?OSE TWO Y\NG R\<S SAW ME COM+ ?R\< ! H$GE4 ,I SAID ?AT ,I'D BE5 AT MY WITS' 5D EV] S9CE1 & NOT KN[N :AT TO DO1 :I* WAS NO MORE ?AN ! UNV>NI%$ TRU?4 

,LAT]1 POLICEM5 FROM ,NOR?AMPTON%IRE >RIV$ 9 ,HAMM]SMI? TO TALK TO ME1 !N BR\<T ME BACK ) !M TO ,ANGEL ,LANE H]E4 ,I ASK$ IF ,I C\LD SEE ,LILLIAN1 & :5 !Y SAID ?AT ,I C\LD SEE H] A BIT LAT] ,I'M A%AM$ TO SAY ,I RA!R LET MY FEEL+S RUN AWAY ) ME1 :AT ) BE+ SO TIR$1 & TOLD !M :AT A WOMAN ,LILY WAS1 & H[ %E WAS TOO GOOD = ME & ALWAYS MADE A FUSS ( ME & EV]Y?+4 ,I M5TION$ H[ %E W\LDN'T SIT UPON MY KNEE1 BUT H[ AP>T FROM ?AT ONE DRAWBACK %E WAS ALL A MAN MI<T WI% =4 

,IF ,I'D /OPP$ !RE ,I'D HAVE BE5 ALL RI<T1 BUT ,I WAS 9 ! MOOD = %[+ (F & ANXI\S TO IMPRESS1 SO ,I W5T ON TO TELL !M H[ ,I HAD A LOT ( LADYFRI5DS >\ND ! C\NTRY1 & H[ MY H>EM TOOK ME TO SEV]AL PLACES SO ?AT ,I WAS SELDOM HOME4 ,SOMEH[ ?AT GOT BACK TO ! PAP]S1 ?\< AS ,I'VE REM>K$1 ,I FEEL IT WILL WORK = ME RA!R ?AN AGA9/1 DESPITE :AT ,MR ,F9NEMORE MI<T ?9K4 ,HE'S JU/ A B>RI/]4 ,HE DOESN'T KN[ ! FIR/ ?+ AB\T WOM54 

,?AT POOR *AP4 ,I CAN SEE HIM AS WE PULL$ 9TO ?AT FIELD1 SAT 9 ! BACK SEAT FA/ ASLEEP4 ,ALL ,I C\LD ?9K AB\T WAS BILLS & BABIES & H[ EV]Y?+ WAS COM+ D[N >\ND ME4 ,I GOT \T ( ! C> AS QUIETLY AS ,I C\LD & W5T R\ND TO ! BOOT TO SEE IF ,I C\LD F9D ! MALLET ?AT ,I'VE KEPT !RE EV] S9CE ME & ,LIL W5T TO ,DEVON CAMP+ SEV]AL YE>S BACK4 ,I SUPPOSE ,I KEEP IT ) ME = PROTECTION3 :5 Y\'RE ON ! ROAD A LOT LIKE ,I AM Y\ CAN MEET SOME FUNNY PEOPLE4 ,I WAS RUMMAG+ AB\T BACK !RE & ,I SUPPOSE ,I MU/ HAVE MADE A BIT ( CLATT]1 :I* IS PROBABLY :AT WOKE HIM4 

,ANYROAD1 ! NEXT ?+ ?AT ,I KN[ ,I HE> ! C> DOOR OP5 AT ! BACK !RE & HIM GETT+ \T4 ,I LEAN >\ND ! OP5 BOOT TO LOOK & !RE HE IS /OOD ) HIS BACK TO ME1 TRY+ TO GET HIS TR\S]S UNDONE BY ! LOOK ( ?+S1 SO HE C\LD HAVE A ,JIMMY ,RIDDLE UP AGA9/ MY TIRE4 ,I ?\<T AB\T ,LIL & ! BOY 9 ,F9*LEY1 H[ !Y'D TAKE IT :5 ,I SOLD ! H\SE & FURNITURE1 & ,NELLIE ) ANO!R BABY N[ TO FE$1 & ,IVY & ,K+/ON-ON-BLOODY-,?AMES & H[ MY LIFE WAS LIKE A NI<TM>E1 WORSE ?AN ANY PICTURE 9 A BOOK4 ,I WI%$ IT HAD BE5 SOME?+ 9 A BOOK1 !N ,I C\LD SLAM IT %UT & NEV] HAVE TO ?9K AB\T IT ANY MORE4 ,AT SOME PO9T :ILE ALL ?IS WAS RUNN+ ?R\< MY M9D ,I MU/ HAVE F9ALLY LAID H&S UPON ! MALLET4 

,ACTUALLY1 !Y LOOK QUITE NICE1 ! FIELDS \T !RE 9 ,H>D+/ONE4 ,I DIDN'T SEE TOO MU* ( !M ?AT NI<T1 :AT ) IT BE+ D>K1 BUT FROM ! PHOTO 9 ! ,SKET* !Y LOOK$ LIKE PROP] C\NTRY FIELDS SU* AS !Y US$ TO HAVE R\ND ,LONDON :5 \R DAD WAS LITTLE4 ,SORT ( WILD & OV]GR[N A BIT >\ND ! $GES1 NOT LIKE P>KS AT ALL4 ,) P>KS1 IT'S ALL A LOT ( BORD]S1 =MS & FL[] B$S4 ,!RE'S NO ADV5TURE TO IT & TO MY M9D IT'S EFFEM9ATE4 ,N[ :AT A LAD WANTS IS TO GO (F CRAWL+ 9 ! BU%ES LIKE AN ,9DIAN1 OR F9D A LITTLE D5 OR SOME?+ 9 ! RE$S :]E HE C\LD JU/ SIT BY HIMSELF & NOT COME \T 'TIL HE WAS CALL$4 

,HE TURN$ T[>DS ME JU/ AS ,I WAS BR++ D[N ! MALLET SO ?AT RA!R ?AN JU/ TAP HIS HEAD !RE AT ! BACK AS ,I'D 9T5D$1 ,I CAU<T HIM ABOVE ! E> & HE W5T SIDEWAYS LIKE A POLE-AX$ C[4 ,HE FELL AGA9/ ! ,MORRIS & SLID D[N IT UNTIL HE WAS FACE FIR/ ON ! GRASS4 ,HE MADE A NOISE1 JU/ ONE S\ND ON ITS [N HE SPOKE 9TO ! MUD1 BUT DIDN'T MOVE4 ,I /OOD !RE />+ D[N AT HIM ,I DON'T KN[ H[ LONG1 BREA?+ LIKE Y\ DO :5 Y\'VE JU/ HAD ONE4 ,I'D NOT REALLY ?\<T AB\T :AT ,I WAS GO+ TO DO1 UP TO ?AT PO9T4 ,I MEAN1 ! IDEA HADN'T COME TO ME AT ALL BE=E WE GOT TO ,T[CE/]4 ,I LOOK$ D[N AT HIM1 PEGG$ \T !RE 9 :AT LI<T !RE WAS COM+ FROM 9SIDE ! C>1 ! LITTLE OV]-HEAD1 & KNEW ,I'D BETT] ?9K ( SOME?+ QUICK4 

,N[1 AS A SALESMAN1 OR COMM]CIAL TRAVEL] AS ,I PREF] TO CALL MYSELF1 ,I'M AT A GREAT ADVANTAGE 9 ! ?9K+ /AKES4 ,MY L9E ( WORK REQUIRES A MAN :O'S US$ TO ?9K+ ON HIS FEET4 ,I'LL GIVE Y\ AN EXAMPLE4 ,!RE'S A FIRM UP NOR? ,I VISIT ONCE A QU>T] :]E ,I'VE KN[N ! BUY] YE>S1 A NICE OLD *AP :O'S P>TIAL TO ! Y\NG] WOMAN & HAS CA% 5\< TO SP5D UPON A /R+ ( GIRLFRI5DS4 ,I'VE BUTT]$ HIM UP1 ACROSS ! YE>S1 BY BR++ HIM SOME ( ! RACI] SUSP5D]S N[ & !N ?AT HAVE A LOT ( FRILLS1 JU/ AS A PRES5T HE CAN PASS ON TO HIS FAVORITE Y\NG LADY4 ,ANYWAY1 ,I GET !RE ONE DAY1 M>* 9TO HIS (FICE ) A H&FUL ( ! *EEKIE/ SUSP5D]S ?AT Y\ EV] SAW1 AS IF ,I'D DONE ! TIDY+ AT A BRO!L4 

,:AT ,I DIDN'T KN[ WAS HE'D BE5 SACK$ A MON? AFT] ,I SAW HIM LA/ = FIDDL+ ! TILL1 & SAT !RE 9 HIS PLACE WAS ?IS OLD BAGGAGE ) A FACE LIKE V9EG> :O'D NOT SEE FIFTY-FIVE AGA91 ) TITS LIKE TWO PIGS 9 A HAMMOCK4 ,I /OPP$ DEAD & LOOK$ AT H]1 !N AT ! BUN* ( SCANTIES 9 MY H&4 ,QUICK AS A FLA%1 IT CAME TO ME4 ,I LOOK$ H] 9 ! EYE1 !N MADE A BIG DISPLAY ( DUMP+ T5 BOB'S WOR? ( BE/ SUSP5D]S 9 ! (FICE PAP] BASKET ) ! TORN-UP 5VELOPES & SU*4 ,%E LOOK$ AT ME LIKE ,I'D GONE MAD4 ,I PUT MY BE/ VOICE ON & TOLD H]1 ',MADAM1 ,I APOLOGIZE4 ,I'D HE>D A LADY WAS 9 *>GE ( ?IS DEP>TM5T & ,I'D ?\<T TO GRATIFY MYSELF TO H] BY (F]+ H] G>M5TS ?AT MI<T MAKE H] MORE ALLUR+1 BUT ,I SEE N[ ?AT ?IS W\LD BE QUITE UNNECESS>Y4' 

,I MI<T JU/ AS WELL HAVE SAID ?AT ,I C\LD SEE ?IS W\LD BE QUITE IMPOSSIBLE1 BUT KEPT A CIVIL TONGUE AB\T ME & IT PAID (F AS ,I KNEW IT W\LD4 ,ONE ( MY BETT] CLI5TS AFT] ?AT1 %E WAS4 ,! PO9T ,I'M TRY+ TO MAKE IS ?AT IT'S ALL A P>T ( LIFE = A COMM]CIAL TRAVEL]1 COM+ UP ) IDEAS AT A MOM5T'S NOTICE4 

,I B5T D[N & REA*$ B5EA? HIS BELLY SO ?AT ,I C\LD PICK HIM UP1 & TRI$ TO GET HIM R\ND T[>DS ! FRONT 5D ( ! C>4 ,MY IDEA WAS1 Y\ SEE1 TO GET HIM 9 ! DRIV]'S SEAT OR !REAB\TS4 ,I DIDN'T FANCY TRY+ TO MANEUV] HIM 9 PA/ ! /E]+ :EEL & SO ,I HAUL$ HIM ALL >\ND ! C>'S FRONT TO ! O!R DOOR1 :I* MEANT ,I PULL$ HIM ?R\< ! HEADLI<TS ?AT W]E /ILL SWIT*$ ON4 ,BY ,GOD HE LOOK$ A SI<T1 DRAGG$ ?R\< ! BEAMS LIKE ?AT4 ,HE HAD BLOOD COM+ \T ( ONE E> BY N[1 & FROM ! LOOK ( IT ,I'D SMA%$ HIS *EEKBONE :]E ,I'D CAU<T HIM ) ! MALLET4 ,I'LL BE HONE/ ) Y\1 ,I ?\<T HE WAS DEAD4 

,Y\'D ?9K ,I'D KN[ ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 SOMEBODY ALIVE & SOMEONE DEAD1 BUT H[ ?+S >E = Y\NG] *APS1 IT'S NOT ! SAME AS :5 Y\'VE F\<T A W>4 ,IT ALL GETS RA!R BLURR$ 9 MY OP9ION1 ! DI/9CTION BETWE5 LIVE & DEAD4 ,Y\ SEE A FELL[ FACE D[N 9 ! MUCK ) ONLY HALF AN >M1 & YES1 ,I SUPPOSE HE MI<T WELL BE ALIVE1 BUT IF HE'S NOT DEAD !N HE WILL BE 9 AN H\R OR TWO1 SO1 REALLY1 :AT'S ! PO9T8 ,IT S\NDS H>%1 BUT LIKE A GOOD MANY ?+S1 IT'S SOME?+ Y\ GET US$ TO4 ,I DID4 ,I WAS A ,W> ,H]O1 ,I WAS4 ,HAD A M$AL & A SC>1 UP NE> MY P>T+4 ,DID ,I %[ Y\8 

,HAD TO PUT ! BLI<T] D[N SO ,I C\LD REA* ACROSS 9SIDE ! C> & OP5 UP ! PASS5G]-SIDE DOOR :I*1 BE+ WORRI$ AB\T C> ?IEVES1 ,I KEEP LOCK$ UP AS A RULE4 ,HAV+ DONE ?IS ,I W5T BACK R\ND & %UNT$ HIM AB\T AGA9 UNTIL ,I'D GOT HIM FACE D[N 9 ! FRONT SEAT1 AL?\< HE LOOK$ V]Y AWKW>D1 ) ONE LEG ALL SQUA%$ UP UND] HIM4 ,I ?\<T TO TAKE MY SAMPLE CASE \T ( ! C> FROM :]E IT WAS D[N BY ! DRIV]'S SEAT4 ,IT HAD ! CATALOG 9SIDE1 Y\ SEE4 ,I'D NOT WANT ,MONICA TO 5D UP 9 A BAD WAY4 

,NEXT ,I FUMBL$ 9 ! BACK SEAT = ! PETROL CAN ,I KEEP !RE & BEGAN TO SPLA% IT R\ND 9SIDE ! C>1 ) QUITE A LOT ( IT FALL+ UPON ! ?+ !RE 9 ! FRONT4 ,I WAS JU/ DO+ ?IS & WOND]+ :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO ! MALLET1 :I* ,I C\LDN'T ?9K :]E ,I'D PUT D[N1 :5 SUDD5LY HE MADE A NOISE4 ,HE SEEM$ TO MUTT] SOME?+1 BUT IT WASN'T ANY LANGUAGE ?AT ,I'VE EV] HE>D4 ,IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS1 ,I CAN TELL Y\4 ,I %UT ALL ! DOORS AFT] RUNN+ A PETROL TRAIL BACK FROM ! C>1 & !N ,I ?\<T TO HAVE A %UFTY UND]NEA? ! BONNET SO ?AT ,I C\LD LOOS5 UP ! PETROL UNION JO9T & TAKE ! TOP FROM (F ! C>BURETTOR4 ,I KN[ C>S1 Y\ SEE1 MY L9E ( WORK & ALL4 ,A CLEV] LITTLE T\*1 WAS ?AT1 SO ?AT IT MI<T LOOK AS IF IT HAD BE5 AN ACCID5T4 

,I LOOK$ >\ND A BIT BUT C\LDN'T F9D ! MALLET1 SO ,I W5T BACK :]E ,I'D LEFT ! PETROL CAN TO M>K ! 5D+ ( MY TRAIL1 !N /RUCK A MAT*4 ,! FLAMES RAN (F ACROSS ! GRASS LIKE LITTLE ANTS ?AT M>* 9 FILE1 & !N !RE WAS ?AT NOISE LIKE A GREAT SI< & !Y W]E EV]Y:]E ACROSS ! C>4 ,MY LITTLE ,MORRIS ,M9OR4 

,?AT'S AB\T ! TIME ?AT HE WOKE UP & />T$ SCREAM+ & TWIT*+ AB\T UNTIL HE KICK$ ! C> DOOR OP51 BUT BY !N1 AS ,I SAID E>LI]1 HE'D HAD HIS *IPS4 ,I'LL TELL Y\ :AT WAS BAD3 HE HAD ONE LEG /UCK \T ( ! C> & ,I DON'T KN[ H[ LONG ,I MU/ HAVE /OOD !RE />+1 BUT IT BURN$ RI<T ?R\<4 ,IT JU/ FELL (F & LAY !RE ON ! GRASS1 ?IS BURN+ LEG4 ,TO BE QUITE FRANK ,I'VE NEV] SE5 A PICTURE LIKE IT4 

,9 ! /RICTE/ CONFID5CE1 ! ?+ ?AT EV]YBODY ?9KS IS CLEV]E/ AB\T ! OP]ATION WAS A ?+ ,I HADN'T EV5 ?\<T ( = MYSELF UNTIL ! DE$ WAS DONE4 ,TO HE> ! PAP]S TALK1 ! IDEA IS ,I DID IT ALL ON ,GUY ,FAWKES' ,NI<T SO ?AT ! FIRE W\LD BE SURE NOT TO DRAW ATT5TION1 :I* ,I MU/ ADMIT IS V]Y SM>T 9DE$4 ,I WI% ,I'D ?\<T ( IT BE=E ! FACT4 ,! TRU? IS1 ?AT'S JU/ :5 ! IDEA CAME UPON ME1 ON ?AT NI<T1 !RE 9 ?AT FIELD4 ,CAME TO ME 9 A FLA%1 FROM \T ( NO:]E4 ,?AT'S JU/ H[ IT HAPP5S SOMETIMES1 ,I SUPPOSE4 ,IT WASN'T UNTIL LAT] AS ,I />$ 9TO ! FLAMES ,I ?\<T AB\T IT BE+ ,BONFIRE ,NI<T4 ,I ?\<T1 ',WELL1 ?AT'S APPROPRIATE4' 

,AFT] ,I'D /OOD !RE QUITE A :ILE & MADE MY EYES RUN ) ! SMOKE1 IT CAME TO ME ,I'D BE/ BE MOV+ ON4 ,I WALK$ ACROSS ! FIELDS TO :]E A GAP CUT ?R\< ! H$GE L$ \T ON TO ! ,H>D+/ONE ,LANE4 ,AS LUCK HAD IT1 JU/ AS ,I CAME \T ON TO ! PA? ,I RAN /RAI<T 9TO !SE TWO *APS1 BO? SOZZL$ FROM ! LOOK ( !M1 & COM+ HOME FROM SOME ,GUY ,FAWKES' TO-DO D[N AT ! LOCAL ,PALAIS4 ,! ,SALON DE ,DANSE1 ,I ?9K ,I'VE HE>D IT CALL$4 ,AS ,I APPROA*$1 ,I REALIZ$ ?AT !Y C\LD BO? SEE ! C> ON FIRE ACROSS ! FIELD1 & ?\<T ,I HE>D !M M5TION IT4 

,I ?\<T IT BE/ TO PUT ON A BOLD FACE & BLUFF IT \T1 & SO ,I SAID1 ',LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S HAD A BONFIRE' OR SOME WORDS TO ?AT EFFECT1 ! ,GUY ,FAWKES NOTION HAV+ COME TO ME BY N[4 ,!Y BO? />$ AT ME & SAID NO?+1 SO ,I HURRI$ ON T[>DS ! MA9 ROAD UP AHEAD4 

,IT WAS A CLE> NI<T4 ,PROP] CRISP4 ,! MOON WAS \T & %[$ UP V]Y BRI<T UPON ! DEAD ,QUE5'S CROSS !RE BY ! ,LONDON ,ROAD4 ,EV]Y?+ SMELL$ EXCIT+1 FRI<T5+1 FULL ( SMOKE & GUNP[D] & LIKE A W>4 ,MY SC> WAS IT*+ SO ,I /OOD !RE SCRAT*+ AT MY HEAD AS IF ,I WAS SOMEBODY GONE \T4 ,I HAD A SUITCASE ( UNM5TIONABLES 9 ONE H& & A BOX ( ,5GL&'S ,GLORY MAT*ES 9 ! O!R4 ,I WAS SOMEONE ELSE1 ) !IR :OLE LIFE 9 FRONT ( !M1 & ,I WAS SC>$ TO DEA? BUT IT FELT GR&4 

,I CAN'T WAIT TO GET \T ( H]E4 ,I'M GO+ TO CELEBRATE4 ,I'M GO+ TO FILL ! WORLD ) BABIES1 SONGS & LOVELY UND]?+S4 ,I'LL TREAT MY ,LILY TO A HAT & GO TO B$ ) PLA9 GIRLS TO BE K9D4 ,I'M NOT A BAD SORT UND]NEA?1 & ,I BELIEVE ! JURY KN[ ?AT4 ,OH1 A RASCAL SOMETIMES1 TO BE SURE1 %>P AS Y\ LIKE ) NO FLIES ON HIM1 BUT A *>ACT]1 A MAN ) A ROMANTIC HE>T ?AT LEADS HIM 9TO TR\BLE4 ,I LOOK D[N AT !M FROM \T ! DOCK & KN[ ,I'VE ONE FOOT 9 ! DOOR ALREADY ) !M1 H[ !Y LOOK AT ME4 ,IT'S JU/ AN 9/9CT4 ,Y\ CAN ALWAYS TELL1 Y\ KN[1 :5 !Y LOOK HESITANT4 

,!Y'RE BUY+ IT4 

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