,*APT] #ae #ahiaahia ,PEOPLE 3 ,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY ,TRANSLATOR 3 ,ISABEL ,FLOR5CE ,HAPGOOD ,TEXT 3 0,YES1 JEAL\SY1 ?AT IS ANO!R ( ! SECRETS ( M>RIAGE KN[N TO ALL & CONCEAL$ BY ALL4 ,BESIDES ! G5]AL CAUSE ( ! MUTUAL HATR$ ( HUSB&S & WIVES RESULT+ FROM COMPLICITY 9 ! POLLUTION ( A HUMAN BE+1 & ALSO FROM O!R CAUSES1 ! 9EXHAU/IBLE S\RCE ( M>ITAL W\NDS IS JEAL\SY4 ,BUT BY TACIT CONS5T IT IS DET]M9$ TO CONCEAL !M FROM ALL1 & WE CONCEAL !M4 ,KN[+ !M1 EA* ONE SUPPOSES 9 HIMSELF ?AT IT IS AN UN=TUNATE PECULI>ITY1 & NOT A COMMON DE/9Y4 ,SO IT WAS ) ME1 & IT HAD TO BE SO4 ,!RE CANNOT FAIL TO BE JEAL\SY BETWE5 HUSB&S & WIVES :O LIVE IMMORALLY4 ,IF !Y CANNOT SACRIFICE !IR PLEASURES = ! WELF>E ( !IR *ILD1 !Y CONCLUDE !REFROM1 & TRULY1 ?AT !Y WILL NOT SACRIFICE !IR PLEASURES =1 ,I WILL NOT SAY HAPP9ESS & TRANQUILITY 7S9CE ONE MAY S9 9 SECRET71 BUT EV5 = ! SAKE ( CONSCI5CE4 ,EA* ONE KN[S V]Y WELL ?AT NEI!R ADMITS ANY HI< MORAL REASONS = NOT BETRAY+ ! O!R1 S9CE 9 !IR MUTUAL RELATIONS !Y FAIL 9 ! REQUIREM5TS ( MORALITY1 & FROM ?AT TIME DI/RU/ & WAT* EA* O!R4 0,OH1 :AT A FRIRIAGE1 & :I*1 HAV+ NO CAUSE1 HAS NO 5D4 ,?IS JEAL\SY IS FRIE TO ?9K ( H]1 TO ?9K ( ! POSSIBILITY ( A ROMANCE ) H]8 ,& H[ CAN %E1 SEE+ ?IS1 TOL]ATE HIM8 ,NOT ONLY DOES %E TOL]ATE HIM1 BUT %E SEEMS PLEAS$4 ,I EV5 SEE ?AT %E PUTS H]SELF TO TR\BLE ON HIS ACC\NT4 ,& 9 MY S\L !RE RISES SU* A HATR$ = H] ?AT EA* ( H] WORDS1 EA* GE/URE1 DISGU/S ME4 ,%E NOTICES IT1 %E KN[S NOT :AT TO DO1 & H[ ASSUME AN AIR ( 9DIFF]5T ANIMATION8 ,AH6 ,I SUFF]6 ,?AT MAKES H] GAY1 %E IS CONT5T4 ,& MY HATR$ 9CREASES T5FOLD1 BUT ,I DO NOT D>E TO GIVE IT FREE =CE1 BECAUSE AT ! BOTTOM ( MY S\L ,I KN[ ?AT !RE >E NO REAL REASONS = IT1 & ,I REMA9 9 MY SEAT1 FEIGN+ 9DIFF]5CE1 & EXAGG]AT+ MY ATT5TION & C\RTESY TO ,H,I,M4 0,!N ,I GET ANGRY ) MYSELF4 ,I DESIRE TO LEAVE ! ROOM1 TO LEAVE !M ALONE1 & ,I DO1 9 FACT1 GO \T2 BUT SC>CELY AM ,I \TSIDE :5 ,I AM 9VAD$ BY A FE> ( :AT IS TAK+ PLACE )9 MY ABS5CE4 ,I GO 9 AGA91 9V5T+ SOME PRETEXT4 ,OR SOMETIMES ,I DO NOT GO 92 ,I REMA9 NE> ! DOOR1 & LI/54 ,H[ CAN %E HUMILIATE H]SELF & HUMILIATE ME BY PLAC+ ME 9 ?IS C[>DLY SITUATION ( SUSPICION & ESPIONAGE8 ,OH1 ABOM9ATION6 ,OH1 ! WICK$ ANIMAL6 ,& HE TOO1 :AT DOES HE ?9K ( Y\8 ,BUT HE IS LIKE ALL M54 ,HE IS :AT ,I WAS BE=E MY M>RIAGE4 ,IT GIVES HIM PLEASURE4 ,HE EV5 SMILES :5 HE LOOKS AT ME1 AS MU* AS TO SAY3 ',:AT HAVE Y\ TO DO ) ?IS8 ,IT IS MY TURN N[4' 0,?IS FEEL+ IS HORRIBLE4 ,ITS BURN IS UN5DURABLE4 ,TO 5T]TA9 ?IS FEEL+ T[>D ANY ONE1 TO ONCE SUSPECT A MAN ( LU/+ AFT] MY WIFE1 WAS 5\< TO SPOIL ?IS MAN =EV] 9 MY EYES1 AS IF HE HAD BE5 SPR9KL$ ) VITRIOL4 ,LET ME ONCE BECOME JEAL\S ( A BE+1 & NEV]MORE C\LD ,I REE/ABLI% ) HIM SIMPLE HUMAN RELATIONS1 & MY EYES FLA%$ :5 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM4 0,AS = MY WIFE1 SO MANY TIMES HAD ,I 5VELOP$ H] ) ?IS MORAL VITRIOL1 ) ?IS JEAL\S HATR$1 ?AT %E WAS DEGRAD$ !REBY4 ,9 ! P]IODS ( ?IS CAUSELESS HATR$ ,I GRADUALLY UNCR[N$ H]4 ,I COV]$ H] ) %AME 9 MY IMAG9ATION4 0,I 9V5T$ IMPOSSIBLE KNAV]IES4 ,I SUSPECT$1 ,I AM A%AM$ TO SAY1 ?AT %E1 ?IS QUE5 ( ',! ,?\S& & ,ONE ,NIE LIV+ MORE OR LESS TRANQUILLY4 ,I AM EV5 GAY & CONT5T$4 ,SUDD5LY WE />T A CONV]SATION ON SOME MO/ COMMONPLACE SUBJECT1 & DIRECTLY %E F9DS H]SELF DISAGREE+ ) ME UPON MATT]S CONC]N+ :I* WE HAVE BE5 G5]ALLY 9 ACCORD4 ,& FUR!RMORE ,I SEE ?AT1 )\T ANY NECESSITY !RE=1 %E IS BECOM+ IRRITAT$4 ,I ?9K ?AT %E HAS A N]V\S ATTACK1 OR ELSE ?AT ! SUBJECT ( CONV]SATION IS REALLY DISAGREEABLE TO H]4 ,WE TALK ( SOME?+ ELSE1 & ?AT BEG9S AGA94 ,AGA9 %E TORM5TS ME1 & BECOMES IRRITAT$4 ,I AM A/ONI%$ & LOOK = A REASON4 ,:Y8 ,= :AT8 ,%E KEEPS SIL5CE1 ANSW]S ME ) MONOSYLLABLES1 EVID5TLY MAK+ ALLUSIONS TO SOME?+4 ,I BEG9 TO DIV9E ?AT ! REASON ( ALL ?IS IS ?AT ,I HAVE TAK5 A FEW WALKS 9 ! G>D5 ) H] C\S91 TO :OM ,I DID NOT GIVE EV5 A ?\KS1 TO ! MO/ 9EXPLICABLE EXPLOSIONS ( SPITE4 0,SOMETIMES ,I AM PATI5T1 BUT AT O!R TIMES ,I BREAK \T ) ANG]4 ,!N H] [N IRRITATION IS LAUN*$ =? 9 A FLOOD ( 9SULTS1 9 *>GES ( IMAG9>Y CRIMES & ALL C>RI$ TO ! HIS1 & RETREATS ?R\< ! H\SE TO ! MO/ IMPROBABLE SPOTS4 ,I GO TO LOOK = H]4 ,I AM A%AM$ BE=E PEOPLE1 BE=E ! *ILDR51 BUT !RE IS NO?+ TO BE DONE4 ,%E IS 9 A CONDITION :]E ,I FEEL ?AT %E IS READY = ANY?+4 ,I RUN1 & F9ALLY F9D H]4 ,NIRIAGE NEV] DID ,I CEASE TO FEEL IT & TO SUFF] FROM IT4 ,!RE W]E TWO P]IODS 9 :I* ,I SUFF]$ MO/ 9T5SELY4 ,! FIR/ TIME WAS AFT] ! BIR? ( \R FIR/ *ILD1 :5 ! DOCTORS HAD =BIDD5 MY WIFE TO NURSE IT4 ,I WAS P>TICUL>LY JEAL\S1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 BECAUSE MY WIFE FELT ?AT RE/LESSNESS PECULI> TO ANIMAL MATT] :5 ! REGUL> C\RSE ( LIFE IS 9T]RUPT$ )\T OCCASION4 ,BUT ESPECIALLY WAS ,I JEAL\S BECAUSE1 HAV+ SE5 ) :AT FACILITY %E HAD ?R[N (F H] MORAL DUTIES AS A MO!R1 ,I CONCLUD$ RI DOCTORS1 %E NURS$ H] FOLL[+ *ILDR51 & EV5 V]Y WELL40 0,I SEE ?AT Y\ HAVE NO LOVE = ! DOCTORS10 SAID ,I1 HAV+ NOTIC$ ,POSDNI*EFF'S EXTRAORD9>ILY SPITEFUL EXPRESSION ( FACE & TONE ( VOICE :5EV] HE SPOKE ( !M4 0,IT IS NOT A QUE/ION ( LOV+ !M OR ( NOT LOV+ !M4 ,!Y HAVE RU9$ MY LIFE1 AS !Y HAVE RU9$ ! LIVES ( ?\S&S ( BE+S BE=E ME1 & ,I CANNOT HELP CONNECT+ ! CONSEQU5CE ) ! CAUSE4 ,I CONCEIVE ?AT !Y DESIRE1 LIKE ! LAWY]S & ! RE/1 TO MAKE MONEY4 ,I W\LD WILL+LY HAVE GIV5 !M HALF ( MY 9COME--& ANY ONE W\LD HAVE DONE IT 9 MY PLACE1 UND]/&+ :AT !Y DO--IF !Y HAD CONS5T$ NOT TO M$DLE 9 MY CONJUGAL LIFE1 & TO KEEP !MSELVES AT A DI/ANCE4 ,I HAVE COMPIL$ NO /ATI/ICS1 BUT ,I KN[ SCORES ( CASES--9 REALITY1 !Y >E 9NUM]ABLE--:]E !Y HAVE KILL$1 N[ A *ILD 9 ITS MO!R'S WOMB1 ASS]T+ POSITIVELY ?AT ! MO!R C\LD NOT GIVE BIR? TO IT 7:5 ! MO!R C\LD GIVE BIR? TO IT V]Y WELL71 N[ MO!RS1 UND] ! PRETEXT ( A SO-CALL$ OP]ATION4 ,NO ONE HAS C\NT$ !SE MURD]S1 JU/ AS NO ONE C\NT$ ! MURD]S ( ! ,9QUISITION1 BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOS$ ?AT !Y W]E COMMITT$ = ! B5EFIT ( HUMANITY4 ,9NUM]ABLE >E ! CRIMES ( ! DOCTORS6 ,BUT ALL !SE CRIMES >E NO?+ COMP>$ ) ! MAT]IALI/IC DEMORALIZATION :I* !Y 9TRODUCE 9TO ! WORLD ?R\< WOM54 ,I SAY NO?+ ( ! FACT ?AT1 IF IT W]E TO FOLL[ !IR ADVICE1--?ANKS TO ! MICROBE :I* !Y SEE EV]Y:]E1--HUMANITY1 9/EAD ( T5D+ TO UNION1 W\LD PROCE$ /RAI1 & IT IS NECESS>Y TO GO TO CONSULT !M1 & !Y WILL PRESCRIBE = Y\ ?IRTY-FIVE KOPECKS' WOR? ( REM$IES TO BE B\