,*APT] #i 

#ahhfahhf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,HIS WIFE RETURN$ LATE AT NI<T4  ,%E CAME 9 ON TIPTOE1 BUT HE HE>D H]1 OP5$ HIS EYES1 & MADE HA/E TO CLOSE !M AGA94  ,%E WI%$ TO S5D ,G]ASIM AWAY & TO SIT ) HIM H]SELF1 BUT HE OP5$ HIS EYES & SAID3  0,NO1 GO AWAY40  

0,>E Y\ 9 GREAT PA980  

0,ALWAYS ! SAME40  

0,TAKE SOME OPIUM40  

,HE AGRE$ & TOOK SOME4  ,%E W5T AWAY4  

,TILL AB\T ?REE 9 ! MORN+ HE WAS 9 A /ATE ( /UPEFI$ MIS]Y4  ,IT SEEM$ TO HIM ?AT HE & HIS PA9 W]E BE+ ?RU/ 9TO A N>R[1 DEEP BLACK SACK1 BUT ?\< !Y W]E PU%$ FUR!R & FUR!R 9 !Y C\LD NOT BE PU%$ TO ! BOTTOM4  ,& ?IS1 T]RIBLE 5\< 9 ITSELF1 WAS ACCOMPANI$ BY SUFF]+4  ,HE WAS FRI<T5$ YET WANT$ TO FALL ?R\< ! SACK1 HE /RUGGL$ BUT YET CO-OP]AT$4  ,& SUDD5LY HE BROKE ?R\<1 FELL1 & REGA9$ CONSCI\SNESS4  ,G]ASIM WAS SITT+ AT ! FOOT ( ! B$ DOZ+ QUIETLY & PATI5TLY1 :ILE HE HIMSELF LAY ) HIS EMACIAT$ /OCK+$ LEGS RE/+ ON ,G]ASIM'S %\LD]S2 ! SAME %AD$ C&LE WAS !RE & ! SAME UNCEAS+ PA94  

0,GO AWAY1 ,G]ASIM10 HE :ISP]$4  

0,IT'S ALL RI<T1 SIR4  ,I'LL /AY A :ILE40  

0,NO4  ,GO AWAY40  

,HE REMOV$ HIS LEGS FROM ,G]ASIM'S %\LD]S1 TURN$ SIDEWAYS ONTO HIS >M1 & FELT SORRY = HIMSELF4  ,HE ONLY WAIT$ TILL ,G]ASIM HAD GONE 9TO ! NEXT ROOM & !N RE/RA9$ HIMSELF NO LONG] BUT WEPT LIKE A *ILD4  ,HE WEPT ON ACC\NT ( HIS HELPLESSNESS1 HIS T]RIBLE LONEL9ESS1 ! CRUELTY ( MAN1 ! CRUELTY ( ,GOD1 & ! ABS5CE ( ,GOD4  

0,:Y HA/ ,?\ DONE ALL ?IS8  ,:Y HA/ ,?\ BR\<T ME H]E8  ,:Y1 :Y DO/ ,?\ TORM5T ME SO T]RIBLY80  

,HE DID NOT EXPECT AN ANSW] & YET WEPT BECAUSE !RE WAS NO ANSW] & C\LD BE NONE4  ,! PA9 AGA9 GREW MORE ACUTE1 BUT HE DID NOT /IR & DID NOT CALL4  ,HE SAID TO HIMSELF3  0,GO ON6  ,/RIKE ME6  ,BUT :AT IS IT =8  ,:AT HAVE ,I DONE TO ,!E8  ,:AT IS IT =80  

,!N HE GREW QUIET & NOT ONLY CEAS$ WEEP+ BUT EV5 HELD HIS BREA? & BECAME ALL ATT5TION4  ,IT WAS AS ?\< HE W]E LI/5+ NOT TO AN AUDIBLE VOICE BUT TO ! VOICE ( HIS S\L1 TO ! CURR5T ( ?\<TS >IS+ )9 HIM4  

0,:AT IS IT Y\ WANT80 WAS ! FIR/ CLE> CONCEPTION CAPABLE ( EXPRESSION 9 WORDS1 ?AT HE HE>D4  

0,:AT DO Y\ WANT8  ,:AT DO Y\ WANT80 HE REPEAT$ TO HIMSELF4  

0,:AT DO ,I WANT8  ,TO LIVE & NOT TO SUFF]10 HE ANSW]$4  

,& AGA9 HE LI/5$ ) SU* CONC5TRAT$ ATT5TION ?AT EV5 HIS PA9 DID NOT DI/RACT HIM4  

0,TO LIVE8  ,H[80 ASK$ HIS 9N] VOICE4  

0,:Y1 TO LIVE AS ,I US$ TO -- WELL & PLEASANTLY40  

0,AS Y\ LIV$ BE=E1 WELL & PLEASANTLY80 ! VOICE REPEAT$4  

,& 9 IMAG9ATION HE BEGAN TO RECALL ! BE/ MOM5TS ( HIS PLEASANT LIFE4  ,BUT /RANGE TO SAY NONE ( ?OSE BE/ MOM5TS ( HIS PLEASANT LIFE N[ SEEM$ AT ALL :AT !Y HAD !N SEEM$ -- NONE ( !M EXCEPT ! FIR/ RECOLLECTIONS ( *ILDHOOD4  ,!RE1 9 *ILDHOOD1 !RE HAD BE5 SOME?+ REALLY PLEASANT ) :I* IT W\LD BE POSSIBLE TO LIVE IF IT C\LD RETURN4  ,BUT ! *ILD :O HAD EXP]I5C$ ?AT HAPP9ESS EXI/$ NO LONG]1 IT WAS LIKE A REM9ISC5CE ( SOMEBODY ELSE4  

AS SOON AS ! P]IOD BEGAN :I* HAD PRODUC$ ! PRES5T ,IVAN ,ILY*1 ALL ?AT HAD !N SEEM$ JOYS N[ MELT$ BE=E HIS SI<T & TURN$ 9TO SOME?+ TRIVIAL & (T5 NA/Y4  

,& ! FUR!R HE DEP>T$ FROM *ILDHOOD & ! NE>] HE CAME TO ! PRES5T ! MORE WOR?LESS & D\BTFUL W]E ! JOYS4  ,?IS BEGAN ) ! ,S*OOL ( ,LAW4  ,A LITTLE ?AT WAS REALLY GOOD WAS /ILL F\ND !RE -- !RE WAS LI<!>T$NESS1 FRI5D%IP1 & HOPE4  ,BUT 9 ! UPP] CLASSES !RE HAD ALREADY BE5 FEW] ( SU* GOOD MOM5TS4  ,!N DUR+ ! FIR/ YE>S ( HIS (FICIAL C>E]1 :5 HE WAS 9 ! S]VICE ( ! GOV]NOR1 SOME PLEASANT MOM5TS AGA9 OCCURR$3  !Y W]E ! MEMORIES ( LOVE = A WOMAN4  ,!N ALL BECAME CONFUS$ & !RE WAS /ILL LESS ( :AT WAS GOOD2 LAT] ON AGA9 !RE WAS /ILL LESS ?AT WAS GOOD1 & ! FUR!R HE W5T ! LESS !RE WAS4  ,HIS M>RIAGE1 A M]E ACCID5T1 !N ! DIS5*ANTM5T ?AT FOLL[$ IT1 HIS WIFE'S BAD BREA? & ! S5SUALITY & HYPOCRISY3  !N ?AT DEADLY (FICIAL LIFE & ?OSE PREOCCUPATIONS AB\T MONEY1 A YE> ( IT1 & TWO1 & T51 & TW5TY1 & ALWAYS ! SAME ?+4  ,& ! LONG] IT LA/$ ! MORE DEADLY IT BECAME4  0,IT IS AS IF ,I HAD BE5 GO+ D[NHILL :ILE ,I IMAG9$ ,I WAS GO+ UP4  ,& ?AT IS REALLY :AT IT WAS4  ,I WAS GO+ UP 9 PUBLIC OP9ION1 BUT TO ! SAME EXT5T LIFE WAS EBB+ AWAY FROM ME4  ,& N[ IT IS ALL DONE & !RE IS ONLY DEA?4  

0,!N :AT DOES IT MEAN8  ,:Y8  ,IT CAN'T BE ?AT LIFE IS SO S5SELESS & HORRIBLE4  ,BUT IF IT REALLY HAS BE5 SO HORRIBLE & S5SELESS1 :Y MU/ ,I DIE & DIE 9 AGONY8  ,!RE IS SOME?+ WRONG6  

0,MAYBE ,I DID NOT LIVE AS ,I \<T TO HAVE DONE10 IT SUDD5LY OCCURR$ TO HIM4  0,BUT H[ C\LD ?AT BE1 :5 ,I DID EV]Y?+ PROP]LY80 HE REPLI$1 & IMM$IATELY DISMISS$ FROM HIS M9D ?IS1 ! SOLE SOLUTION ( ALL ! RIDDLES ( LIFE & DEA?1 AS SOME?+ QUITE IMPOSSIBLE4  

0,!N :AT DO Y\ WANT N[8  ,TO LIVE8  ,LIVE H[8  ,LIVE AS Y\ LIV$ 9 ! LAW C\RTS :5 ! U%] PROCLAIM$ ',! JUDGE IS COM+6'  ,! JUDGE IS COM+1 ! JUDGE60  HE REPEAT$ TO HIMSELF4  0,H]E HE IS1 ! JUDGE4  ,BUT ,I AM NOT GUILTY60 HE EXCLAIM$ ANGRILY4  0,:AT IS IT =80  ,& HE CEAS$ CRY+1 BUT TURN+ HIS FACE TO ! WALL CONT9U$ TO POND] ON ! SAME QUE/ION3  ,:Y1 & = :AT PURPOSE1 IS !RE ALL ?IS HORROR8  ,BUT H[EV] MU* HE POND]$ HE F\ND NO ANSW]4  ,& :5EV] ! ?\<T OCCURR$ TO HIM1 AS IT (T5 DID1 ?AT IT ALL RESULT$ FROM HIS NOT HAV+ LIV$ AS HE \<T TO HAVE DONE1 HE AT ONCE RECALL$ ! CORRECTNESS ( HIS :OLE LIFE & DISMISS$ SO /RANGE AN IDEA4  

                             

,FROM 3 ,CLASSICAL,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhe 3 ,*APT] #i -- ,PUBLICATION4 

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