,*APT] #f 

#ahhfahhf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,IVAN ,ILY* SAW ?AT HE WAS DY+1 & HE WAS 9 CONT9UAL DESPAIR4  

,9 ! DEP? ( HIS HE>T HE KNEW HE WAS DY+1 BUT NOT ONLY WAS HE NOT ACCU/OM$ TO ! ?\<T1 HE SIMPLY DID NOT & C\LD NOT GRASP IT4  

,! SYLLOGISM HE HAD LE>N$ FROM ,KIESEWETT]'S ,LOGIC3  0,CAIUS IS A MAN1 M5 >E MORTAL1 !RE=E ,CAIUS IS MORTAL10 HAD ALWAYS SEEM$ TO HIM CORRECT AS APPLI$ TO ,CAIUS1 BUT C]TA9LY NOT AS APPLI$ TO HIMSELF4  ,?AT ,CAIUS -- MAN 9 ! AB/RACT -- WAS MORTAL1 WAS P]FECTLY CORRECT1 BUT HE WAS NOT ,CAIUS1 NOT AN AB/RACT MAN1 BUT A CREATURE QUITE1 QUITE SEP>ATE FROM ALL O!RS4  ,HE HAD BE5 LITTLE ,VANYA1 ) A MAMA & A PAPA1 ) ,MITYA & ,VOLODYA1 ) ! TOYS1 A COA*MAN & A NURSE1 AFT]W>DS ) ,KAT5KA & WILL ALL ! JOYS1 GRIEFS1 & DELI<TS ( *ILDHOOD1 BOYHOOD1 & Y\?4  ,:AT DID ,CAIUS KN[ ( ! SMELL ( ?AT /RIP$ LEA!R BALL ,VANYA HAD BE5 SO FOND (8  ,HAD ,CAIUS KISS$ HIS MO!R'S H& LIKE ?AT1 & DID ! SILK ( H] DRESS RU/LE SO = ,CAIUS8  ,HAD HE RIOT$ LIKE ?AT AT S*OOL :5 ! PA/RY WAS BAD8  ,HAD ,CAIUS BE5 9 LOVE LIKE ?AT8  ,C\LD ,CAIUS PRESIDE AT A SESSION AS HE DID8  0,CAIUS REALLY WAS MORTAL1 & IT WAS RI<T = HIM TO DIE2 BUT = ME1 LITTLE ,VANYA1 ,IVAN ,ILY*1 ) ALL MY ?\<TS & EMOTIONS1 IT'S ALTOGE!R A DIFF]5T MATT]4  ,IT CANNOT BE ?AT ,I \<T TO DIE4  ,?AT W\LD BE TOO T]RIBLE40  

,SU* WAS HIS FEEL+4  

0,IF ,I HAD TO DIE LIKE ,CAIUS ,I W\LD HAVE KN[N IT WAS SO4  ,AN 9N] VOICE W\LD HAVE TOLD ME SO1 BUT !RE WAS NO?+ ( ! SORT 9 ME & ,I & ALL MY FRI5DS FELT ?AT \R CASE WAS QUITE DIFF]5T FROM ?AT ( ,CAIUS4  & N[ H]E IT IS60 HE SAID TO HIMSELF4  0,IT CAN'T BE4  ,IT'S IMPOSSIBLE6  ,BUT H]E IT IS4  ,H[ IS ?IS8  ,H[ IS ONE TO UND]/& IT80  

,HE C\LD NOT UND]/& IT1 & TRI$ TO DRIVE ?IS FALSE1 9CORRECT1 MORBID ?\<T AWAY & TO REPLACE IT BY O!R PROP] & HEAL?Y ?\<TS4  ,BUT ?AT ?\<T1 & NOT ! ?\<T ONLY BUT ! REALITY ITSELF1 SEEM$ TO COME & CONFRONT HIM4  

,& TO REPLACE ?AT ?\<T HE CALL$ UP A SUCCESSION ( O!RS1 HOP+ TO F9D 9 !M SOME SUPPORT4  ,HE TRI$ TO GET BACK 9TO ! =M] CURR5T ( ?\<TS ?AT HAD ONCE SCRE5$ ! ?\<T ( DEA? FROM HIM4  ,BUT /RANGE TO SAY1 ALL ?AT HAD =M]LY %UT (F1 HIDD51 & DE/ROY$ HIS CONSCI\SNESS ( DEA?1 NO LONG] HAD ?AT EFFECT4  ,IVAN ,ILY* N[ SP5T MO/ ( HIS TIME 9 ATTEMPT+ TO REE/ABLI% ?AT OLD CURR5T4  ,HE W\LD SAY TO HIMSELF3  0,I WILL TAKE UP MY DUTIES AGA9 -- AFT] ALL ,I US$ TO LIVE BY !M40  ,& BANI%+ ALL D\BTS HE W\LD GO TO ! LAW C\RTS1 5T] 9TO CONV]SATION ) HIS COLLEAGUES1 & SIT C>ELESSLY AS WAS HIS WONT1 SCANN+ ! CR[D ) A ?\<TFUL LOOK & LEAN+ BO? HIS EMACIAT$ >MS ON ! >MS ( HIS OAK *AIR2 B5D+ OV] AS USUAL TO A COLLEAGUE & DRAW+ HIS PAP]S NE>] HE W\LD 9T]*ANGE :ISP]S ) HIM1 & !N SUDD5LY RAIS+ HIS EYES & SITT+ ]ECT W\LD PRON\NCE C]TA9 WORDS & OP5 ! PROCE$+S4  ,BUT SUDD5LY 9 ! MID/ ( ?OSE PROCE$+S ! PA9 9 HIS SIDE1 REG>DLESS ( ! /AGE ! PROCE$+S HAD REA*$1 W\LD BEG9 ITS [N GNAW+ WORK4  ,IVAN ,ILY* W\LD TURN HIS ATT5TION TO IT & TRY TO DRIVE ! ?\<T ( IT AWAY1 BUT )\T SUCCESS4  "9,IT"9 W\LD COME & /& BE=E HIM & LOOK AT HIM1 & HE W\LD BE PETRIFI$ & ! LI<T W\LD DIE \T ( HIS EYES1 & HE W\LD AGA9 BEG9 ASK+ HIMSELF :E!R "9,IT"9 ALONE WAS TRUE4  ,& HIS COLLEAGUES & SUBORD9ATES W\LD SEE ) SURPRISE & DI/RESS ?AT HE1 ! BRILLIANT & SUBTLE JUDGE1 WAS BECOM+ CONFUS$ & MAK+ MI/AKES4  ,HE W\LD %AKE HIMSELF1 TRY TO PULL HIMSELF TOGE!R1 MANAGE SOMEH[ TO BR+ ! SITT+ TO A CLOSE1 & RETURN HOME ) ! SORR[FUL CONSCI\SNESS ?AT HIS JUDICIAL LABORS C\LD NOT AS =M]LY HIDE FROM HIM :AT HE WANT$ !M TO HIDE1 & C\LD NOT DELIV] HIM FROM "9,IT"94  ,& :AT WAS WOR/ ( ALL WAS ?AT "9,IT"9 DREW HIS ATT5TION TO ITSELF NOT 9 ORD] TO MAKE HIM TAKE SOME ACTION BUT ONLY ?AT HE %\LD LOOK AT "9,IT"91 LOOK IT /RAI<T 9 ! FACE3  LOOK AT IT & )\T DO+ ANY?+1 SUFF] 9EXPRESSIBLY4  

,& TO SAVE HIMSELF FROM ?IS CONDITION ,IVAN ,ILY* LOOK$ = CONSOLATIONS -- NEW SCRE5S -- & NEW SCRE5S W]E F\ND & = A :ILE SEEM$ TO SAVE HIM1 BUT !N !Y IMM$IATELY FELL TO PIECES OR RA!R BECAME TRANSP>5T1 AS IF "9,IT"9 P5ETRAT$ !M & NO?+ C\LD VEIL "9,IT"94    

,9 !SE LATT] DAYS HE W\LD GO 9TO ! DRAW+-ROOM HE HAD >RANG$ -- ?AT DRAW+-ROOM :]E HE HAD FALL5 & = ! SAKE ( :I* 7H[ BITT]LY RIDICUL\S IT SEEM$7 HE HAD SACRIFIC$ HIS LIFE -- = HE KNEW ?AT HIS ILLNESS ORIG9AT$ ) ?AT KNOCK4  ,HE W\LD 5T] & SEE ?AT SOME?+ HAD SCRAT*$ ! POLI%$ TABLE4  ,HE W\LD LOOK = ! CAUSE ( ?IS & F9D ?AT IT WAS ! BRONZE ORNAM5TATION ( AN ALBUM1 ?AT HAD GOT B5T4  ,HE W\LD TAKE UP ! EXP5SIVE ALBUM :I* HE HAD LOV+LY >RANG$1 & FEEL VEX$ ) HIS DAU<T] & H] FRI5DS = !IR UNTID9ESS - - = ! ALBUM WAS TORN H]E & !RE & SOME ( ! PHOTOGRAPHS TURN$ UPSIDE D[N4  ,HE W\LD PUT IT C>EFULLY 9 ORD] & B5D ! ORNAM5TATION BACK 9TO POSITION4  ,!N IT W\LD OCCUR TO HIM TO PLACE ALL ?OSE ?+S 9 ANO!R CORN] ( ! ROOM1 NE> ! PLANTS4  ,HE W\LD CALL ! FOOTMAN1 BUT HIS DAU<T] OR WIFE W\LD COME TO HELP HIM4  ,!Y W\LD NOT AGREE1 & HIS WIFE W\LD CONTRADICT HIM1 & HE W\LD DISPUTE & GR[ ANGRY4 ,BUT ?AT WAS ALL RI<T1 = !N HE DID NOT ?9K AB\T "9,IT"94  "9,IT"9 WAS 9VISIBLE4  

,BUT !N1 :5 HE WAS MOV+ SOME?+ HIMSELF1 HIS WIFE W\LD SAY3  0,LET ! S]VANTS DO IT4  ,Y\ WILL HURT Y\RSELF AGA940  ,& SUDD5LY "9,IT"9 W\LD FLA% ?R\< ! SCRE5 & HE W\LD SEE IT4  ,IT WAS JU/ A FLA%1 & HE HOP$ IT W\LD DISAPPE>1 BUT HE W\LD 9VOLUNT>ILY PAY ATT5TION TO HIS SIDE4  0,IT SITS !RE AS BE=E1 GNAW+ JU/ ! SAME60  ,& HE C\LD NO LONG] =GET "9,IT"91 BUT C\LD DI/9CTLY SEE IT LOOK+ AT HIM FROM BEH9D ! FL[]S4  0,:AT IS IT ALL =80  

0,IT REALLY IS SO6  ,I LO/ MY LIFE OV] ?AT CURTA9 AS ,I MI<T HAVE DONE :5 /ORM+ A =T4  ,IS ?AT POSSIBLE8  ,H[ T]RIBLE & H[ /UPID4  ,IT CAN'T BE TRUE6  ,IT CAN'T1 BUT IT IS40  

,HE W\LD GO TO HIS /UDY1 LIE D[N1 & AGA9 BE ALONE ) "9,IT"93 FACE TO FACE ) "9,IT"94  ,& NO?+ C\LD BE DONE ) "9,IT"9 EXCEPT TO LOOK AT IT & %UDD]4  

                            

,FROM 3 ,CLASSICAL,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhe 3 ,*APT] #f -- ,PUBLICATION4 

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