,*APT] #a 

#ahhfahhf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,ANO!R =TNI<T PASS$4  ,IVAN ,ILY* N[ NO LONG] LEFT HIS S(A4  ,HE W\LD NOT LIE 9 B$ BUT LAY ON ! S(A1 FAC+ ! WALL NE>LY ALL ! TIME4  ,HE SUFF]$ EV] ! SAME UNCEAS+ AGONIES & 9 HIS LONEL9ESS POND]$ ALWAYS ON ! SAME 9SOLUBLE QUE/ION3  0,:AT IS ?IS8  ,CAN IT BE ?AT IT IS ,DEA?80  ,& ! 9N] VOICE ANSW]$3  0,YES1 IT IS ,DEA?40  

0,:Y !SE SUFF]+S80  ,& ! VOICE ANSW]$1 0,= NO REASON -- !Y JU/ >E SO40  ,BEYOND & BESIDES ?IS !RE WAS NO?+4  

,FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+ ( HIS ILLNESS1 EV] S9CE HE HAD FIR/ BE5 TO SEE ! DOCTOR1 ,IVAN ,ILY*'S LIFE HAD BE5 DIVID$ BETWE5 TWO CONTR>Y & ALT]NAT+ MOODS3  N[ IT WAS DESPAIR & ! EXPECTATION ( ?IS UNCOMPREH5D$ & T]RIBLE DEA?1 & N[ HOPE & AN 9T5TLY 9T]E/$ OBS]VATION ( ! FUNCTION+ ( HIS ORGANS4  ,N[ BE=E HIS EYES !RE WAS ONLY A KIDNEY OR AN 9TE/9E ?AT TEMPOR>ILY EVAD$ ITS DUTY1 & N[ ONLY ?AT 9COMPREH5SIBLE & DREADFUL DEA? FROM :I* IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO ESCAPE4  

,!SE TWO /ATES ( M9D HAD ALT]NAT$ FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+ ( HIS ILLNESS1 BUT ! FUR!R IT PROGRESS$ ! MORE D\BTFUL & FANTA/IC BECAME ! CONCEPTION ( ! KIDNEY1 & ! MORE REAL ! S5SE ( IMP5D+ DEA?4  

,HE HAD BUT TO CALL TO M9D :AT HE HAD BE5 ?REE MON?S BE=E & :AT HE WAS N[1 TO CALL TO M9D ) :AT REGUL>ITY HE HAD BE5 GO+ D[NHILL1 = EV]Y POSSIBILITY ( HOPE TO BE %ATT]$4  

,LATT]LY DUR+ ! LONEL9ESS 9 :I* HE F\ND HIMSELF AS HE LAY FAC+ ! BACK ( ! S(A1 A LONEL9ESS 9 ! MID/ ( A POPUL\S T[N & SURR\ND$ BY NUM]\S ACQUA9TANCES & RELATIONS BUT ?AT YET C\LD NOT HAVE BE5 MORE COMPLETE ANY:]E - - EI!R AT ! BOTTOM ( ! SEA OR UND] ! E>? -- DUR+ ?AT T]RIBLE LONEL9ESS ,IVAN ILY* HAD LIV$ ONLY 9 MEMORIES ( ! PA/4  ,PICTURES ( HIS PA/ ROSE BE=E HIM ONE AFT] ANO!R4  !Y ALWAYS BEGAN ) :AT WAS NE>E/ 9 TIME & !N W5T BACK TO :AT WAS MO/ REMOTE -- TO HIS *ILDHOOD -- & RE/$ !RE4  ,IF HE ?\<T ( ! /EW$ PRUNES ?AT HAD BE5 (F]$ HIM ?AT DAY1 HIS M9D W5T BACK TO ! RAW %RIVEL$ ,FR5* PLUMS ( HIS *ILDHOOD1 !IR PECULI> FLAVOR & ! FL[ ( SALIVA :5 HE SUCK$ !IR /ONES1 & ALONG ) ! MEMORY ( ?AT TA/E CAME A :OLE S]IES ( MEMORIES ( ?OSE DAYS3 HIS NURSE1 HIS BRO!R1 & !IR TOYS4  0,NO1 ,I MU/N'T ?+ ( ?AT4444,IT IS TOO PA9FUL10 ,IVAN ,ILY* SAID TO HIMSELF1 & BR\<T HIMSELF BACK TO ! PRES5T -- TO ! BUTTON ON ! BACK ( ! S(A & ! CREASES 9 ITS MOROCCO4  0,MOROCCO IS EXP5SIVE1 BUT IT DOES NOT WE> WELL3  !RE HAD BE5 A QU>REL AB\T IT4  ,IT WAS A DIFF]5T K9D ( QU>REL & A DIFF]5T K9D ( MOROCCO ?AT TIME :5 WE TORE FA!R'S PORTFOLIO & W]E PUNI%$1 & MAMA BR\<T US SOME T>TS44440  ,& AGA9 HIS ?\<TS DWELT ON HIS *ILDHOOD1 & AGA9 IT WAS PA9FUL & HE TRI$ TO BANI% !M & FIX HIS M9D ON SOME?+ ELSE4  

,!N AGA9 TOGE!R ) ?AT *A9 ( MEMORIES ANO!R S]IES PASS$ ?R\< HIS M9D -- ( H[ HIS ILLNESS HAD PROGRESS$ & GR[N WORSE4  ,!RE ALSO ! FUR!R BACK HE LOOK$ ! MORE LIFE !RE HAD BE54  ,!RE HAD BE5 MORE ( :AT WAS GOOD 9 LIFE & MORE ( LIFE ITSELF4 ,! TWO M]G$ TOGE!R4  0,JU/ AS ! PA9 W5T ON GETT+ WORSE & WORSE1 SO MY LIFE GREW WORSE & WORSE10 HE ?\<T4  0,!RE IS ONE BRI<T SPOT !RE AT ! BACK1 AT ! BEG9N+ ( LIFE1 & AFT]W>DS ALL BECOMES BLACK] & BLACK] & PROCE$S MORE & MORE RAPIDLY -- 9 9V]SE RATION TO ! SQU>E ( ! DI/ANCE FROM DEA?10 ?\<T ,IVAN ,ILY*4  ,& ! EXAMPLE ( A /ONE FALL+ D[NW>D ) 9CREAS+ VELOCITY 5T]$ HIS M9D4  ,LIFE1 A S]IES ( 9CREAS+ SUFF]+S1 FLIES FUR!R & FUR!R T[>DS ITS 5D -- ! MO/ T]RIBLE SUFF]+4  0,I AM FLY+44440  ,HE %UDD]$1 %IFT$ HIMSELF1 & TRI$ TO RESI/1 BUT WAS ALREADY AW>E ?AT RESI/ANCE WAS IMPOSSIBLE1 & AGA9 ) EYES WE>Y ( GAZ+ BUT UNABLE TO CEASE SEE+ :AT WAS BE=E !M1 HE />$ AT ! BACK ( ! S(A & WAIT$ -- AWAIT+ ?AT DREADFUL FALL & %OCK & DE/RUCTION4  

0,RESI/ANCE IS IMPOSSIBLE60 HE SAID TO HIMSELF4  0,IF ,I C\LD ONLY UND]/& :AT IT IS ALL =6  ,BUT ?AT TOO IS IMPOSSIBLE4  ,AN EXPLANATION W\LD BE POSSIBLE IF IT C\LD BE SAID ?AT ,I HAVE NOT LIV$ AS ,I \<T TO4  ,BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY ?AT10 & HE REMEMB]$ ALL ! LEGALITY1 CORRECTITUDE1 & PROPRIETY ( HIS LIFE4  0,?AT AT ANY RATE CAN C]TA9LY NOT BE ADMITT$10 HE ?\<T1 & HIS LIPS SMIL$ IRONICALLY AS IF SOMEONE C\LD SEE ?AT SMILE & BE TAK5 9 BY IT4  0,!RE IS NO EXPLANATION6  ,AGONY1 DEA?4444,:AT =80  

                            

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhe 3 ,*APT] #a -- ,PUBLICATION4 

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