Book 1, Chapter 13
--------------------------------------------------------------------

18991899

People :
----------------------------------

Author : Leo Tolstoy

Text :
----------------------------------


For three years afterwards Nekhludoff did not see
Katiousha. But when, as staff-officer, he was on his way
to his army post, he paid a short visit to his aunts, but an
entirely different man. Three years ago he was an honest,
self-denying youth, ready to devote himself to every good
cause; now he was a corrupt and refined egotist, given
over to personal enjoyment. Then, the world appeared to
him as a mystery which he joyfully and enthusiastically
tried to solve; now, everything in this world was plain
and simple, and was determined by those conditions of
life in which he found himself. Then, it was necessary
and important to hold communion with nature and with
those people who lived, thought and felt before him
(philosophers, poets); now, human institutions were the
only things necessary and important, and communion he
held with his comrades. Woman, then, appeared to him a
mysterious and charming creature; now, he looked on
woman, on every woman, except nearest relations and
wives of friends, as a means of gratifying now tried pleasures.
Then, he needed no money, and wanted not a third
part what his mother gave him, disclaimed title to his
father's land, distributing it among the peasants; now, the
fifteen hundred rubles' monthly allowance he received
from his mother did not suffice for his needs, and he often
made it the cause of unpleasant conversation with her.
His true self he then considered his spiritual being; now,
his healthy, vigorous, animal self was his true ego.

And all this terrible transformation took place in him
only because he ceased to have faith in himself, and began
to believe in others. To live according to the faith that
was in him was burdensome; every question would have
to be decided almost always against his animal ego, which
was seeking light pleasures; but reposing his faith in
others, there remained nothing to decide, everything having
been decided, and decided always against the spiritual
and in favor of the animal ego. Besides, following his
inner faith, he was always subject to the censure of people;
in the other case he received the approval of the people
that surrounded him.

Thus, when Nekhludoff was thinking, reading, speaking
of God, of truth, of wealth, of poverty, everybody
considered it out of place and somewhat queer, while his
mother and aunt, with good-natured irony, called him
noter cher philosophe. When, however, he was reading
novels, relating indecent anecdotes or seeing droll
vaudevilles in the French theater, and afterwards
merrily repeated them, everybody praised and encouraged
him. When he considered it necessary to curtail his
needs, wore an old coat and gave up wine-drinking, everybody
considered it eccentric and vain originality; but
when he spent large sums in organizing a chase, or building
an unusual, luxurious cabinet, everybody praised his
taste and sent him valuable gifts. When he was chaste,
and wished to preserve his chastity till marriage, his relatives
were anxious about his health, and his mother, so
far from being mortified, rather rejoiced when she learned
that he had become a real man, and had enticed the French
mistress of some friend of his. As to the Katiousha episode—that
the thought might occur to him of marrying
her, she could not even think of without horror.

Similarly, when Nekhludoff, on reaching his majority,
distributed the estate he inherited from his father among
the peasants, because he considered the ownership of land
unjust, this act of his horrified his mother and relatives,
who constantly reproached and ridiculed him for it. He
was told unceasingly that so far from enriching it only
impoverished the peasants, who opened three liquor stores
and stopped working entirely. When, however, Nekhludoff
joined the Guards, and spent and gambled away so
much money that Elena Ivanovna had to draw from her
capital, she scarcely grieved, considering it quite natural
and even beneficial to be thus inoculated when young and
in good society.

Nekhludoff at first struggled, but the struggle was very
hard, for whatever he did, following the faith that was in
him, was considered wrong by others, and, contrariwise,
whatever he considered wrong was approved of by his
relatives. The result was that Nekhludoff ceased to have
faith in himself and began to follow others. At first this
renunciation of self was unpleasant, but it was short lived,
and Nekhludoff, who now began to smoke and drink wine,
soon ceased to experience this unpleasant feeling, and was
even greatly relieved.

Passionate by nature, Nekhludoff gave himself up entirely
to this new life, approved of by all those that surrounded
him, and completely stifled in himself that voice
which demanded something different. It commenced
with his removal to St. Petersburg, and ended with his
entry upon active service.

During this period of his life Nekhludoff felt the ecstasy
of freedom from all those moral impediments which
he had formerly placed before himself, and continued in
a chronic condition of insane egotism.

He was in this condition when, three years afterwards,
he visited his aunts.

(Source: The Awakening by graf Leo Tolstoy, Translated by Smith, William E., AKA: The Resurrection. Text from Gutenberg.org.)


     From : Gutenberg.org

Events :
----------------------------------

     Book 1, Chapter 13 -- Publication : November 30, 1898

     Book 1, Chapter 13 -- Added : February 11, 2017

About This Textfile :
----------------------------------

     Text file generated from : 
http://revoltlib.com/