,*APT] #ae 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,WILLIAM ,GODW9 

,TEXT 3 

,*,A,P,T,] ,X,V4 

  

,MY M9D WAS OCCUPI$ 9 !SE & SIMIL> REV]IES = SEV]AL WEEKS AFT] ! DEA? ( ! /RANG]4 ,MY WIFE & *ILDR5 HAD HOP$1 AFT] ?AT EV5T1 ?AT ,I %\LD HAVE RETURN$ TO ! HABITS :I* HAD P]VAD$ ! LA/ SIX YE>S ( MY EXI/5CE1 & :I* !Y HAD FELT SO EM95TLY PRODUCTIVE ( GRATIFICATION & DELI<T4 ,9 ?IS HOPE !Y F\ND !MSELVES DECEIV$4 ,MY DOME/IC *>ACT] WAS1 = ! PRES5T AT LEA/1 :OLLY DE/ROY$4 ,I HAD A SUBJECT ( CONTEMPLATION ?AT DID NOT ADMIT ( A P>TAK]1 & FROM ?IS SUBJECT ,I C\LD NOT )DRAW MY ?\<TS1 SO MU* AS = AN 9/ANT4 ,I HAD NO PLEASURE BUT 9 ?AT RETIREM5T1 :]E ,I C\LD BE UNSE5 & UNHE>D BY ANY HUMAN EYE OR E>4 ,IF AT ANY TIME ,I WAS COMPELL$ TO JO9 ! DOME/IC CIRCLE1 ,I DISPAT*$ ! OCCASION ?AT BR\<T ME !RE AS SPE$ILY AS POSSIBLE2 & EV5 :ILE ,I REMA9$ 9 IT1 WAS SIL5T & ABS5T1 5GROSS$ ) MY [N CONTEMPLATIONS1 & HE$LESS & UNOBS]VANT ( EV]Y ?+ >\ND ME4 

,MY AB/RACTION WAS NOT H[EV] SO 5TIRE AS TO PREV5T ME FROM SOMETIMES /EAL+1 9 A SORT ( MOM5T>Y 9T]REGNUM ( ?\<T1 9 ?AT PAUSE :]E ! M9D RE/S UPON ! *A9 ALREADY PASS$ OV]1 & SEEMS PASSIVELY TO WAIT = ! SEQUEL1 A GLANCE AT MY FAMILY4 ,I LOOK$ AT !M )\T KN[+ :AT IT WAS ?AT ,I DID1 & )\T ! 9T5TION TO NOTICE :AT ,I SAW4 ,YET1 EV5 9 ?IS /ATE ( M5TAL AB/RACTION1 VISIBLE OBJECTS WILL SOMETIMES SUCCE$ 9 MAK+ !IR IMPRESSION4 ,I P]CEIV$ ?AT MY WIFE & *ILDR5 SUFF]$ FROM MY BEHAVIOR4 ,I REM>K$ A G5]AL AIR ( DISCONSOLAT5ESS1 & A MILD UNEXPO/ULAT+ SUBMISSION1 TO :AT NEV]!LESS ! HE>T DEEPLY DEPLOR$4 ,!Y DID NOT PRESUME TO 9T]RUPT ME2 !Y DID NOT BY PRY+ & 9QUISITIVE SPEE*ES ATTEMPT TO EXTORT FROM ME ! SECRET ( ! ALT]ATION !Y SAW2 BUT IT WAS MANIFE/ !Y CONCEIV$ SOME GREAT & RADICAL CALAMITY HAD POISON$ ! HE>T ( \R DOME/IC JOY4 

,IT WAS !SE SYMPTOMS ?US REM>K$ BY ME1 ?AT FIR/ R\S$ ME FROM ! 9EBRIATION ( MY NEW CONDITION4 ,I WAS COMPELL$ TO SUSPECT ?AT1 :ILE ,I REVEL$ 9 VISIONS ( FUTURE 5JOYM5T1 ,I WAS 9FLICT+ SEV]E & UNM]IT$ PA9S ON ?OSE ,I LOV$4 ,IT WAS NECESS>Y1 IF ,I VALU$ !IR HAPP9ESS1 ?AT ,I %\LD DESC5D FROM ! CL\DS ( SPECULATION & FANCY1 & 5T] UPON ! WORLD ( REALITIES4 

,BUT H]E ,I FIR/ F\ND A DIFFICULTY TO :I*1 DUR+ ! REIGN ( MY 9TOXICATION1 ,I HAD BE5 UTT]LY 9S5SIBLE4 ,I WAS RI*2 ,I C\LD RAISE MY FAMILY1 AS F> AS ! P[] ( MONEY EXT5D$1--MONEY1 :I* MAY 9 SOME S5SE BE /YL$ ! EMPRESS ( ! WORLD1--TO :AT HEI<TS ,I PLEAS$4 ,I HAD HI!RTO COMMITT$ ! FAULT1 SO COMMON TO PROJECTORS1 ( LOOK+ ONLY TO ULTIMATE OBJECTS & GREAT RE/+ PLACES1 & NEGLECT+ TO CONSID] ! /EPS BETWE54 ,?IS WAS AN OMISSION ( HI< IMPORTANCE4 ,EV]Y ?+ 9 ! WORLD IS CONDUCT$ BY GRADUAL PROCESS4 ,?IS SEEMS TO BE ! GREAT PR9CIPLE ( H>MONY 9 ! UNIV]SE4 ,NO?+ IS ABRUPT2 ONE ?+ IS SO BL5D$ & S(T5$ 9TO ANO!R1 ?AT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY :]E ! =M] 5DS & ! LATT] BEG9S4 

,?IS REM>K IS FULLY APPLICABLE TO ! SITUATION :I* WAS N[ BE=E ME4 ,YE/]DAY ,I WAS POOR2 TO-DAY ,I WAS POSSESSOR ( TREASURES 9EXHAU/IBLE4 ,H[ WAS ?IS ALT]ATION TO BE ANN\NC$8 ,TO DISSIPATE ! REV5UES ( PR9CES1 TO PUR*ASE IMM5SE E/ATES1 TO LAUN* 9TO CO/LY E/ABLI%M5TS1 >E TASKS TO :I* ! MO/ VULG> M9D IS EQUAL4 ,BUT NO MAN /&S ALONE 9 ! WORLD1 )\T ALL TRACE ( :AT HE HAS BE51 & ) NO ONE NE>1 ?AT ?9KS HIMSELF 5TITL$ TO SCRUT9IZE HIS PROCE$+S & HIS CONDITION4 ,LEA/ ( ALL WAS ?IS MY CASE4 ,I WAS B\ND TO C]TA9 O!R P]SONS BY ! MO/ SACR$ OBLIGATIONS2 ,I C\LD NOT SEP>ATE MYSELF FROM !M2 ,I C\LD NOT R5D] MYSELF A M]E 5IGMA 9 !IR EYES2 ?\<1 9 ! LANGUAGE ( ! WORLD1 ! HEAD ( MY FAMILY1 !Y W]E MY NATURAL C5SORS & JUDGES4 ,I WAS ACC\NTABLE TO !M = MY CONDUCT2 IT WAS MY DUTY1 P>AM\NT TO ALL O!R DUTIES1 TO /& AS A FAIR1 UPRI<T1 & HONORABLE *>ACT] 9 !IR E/IMATION4 

,IF !SE REM>KS BE TRUE TAK5 9 A G5]AL VIEW1 !Y >E MU* MORE SO :5 APPLI$ TO MY P>TICUL> CASE4 ,!RE >E M5 :O LIVE 9 ! MID/ ( !IR FAMILIES LIKE AN EA/]N DESPOT SURR\ND$ ) HIS SUBJECTS4 ,!Y >E SOME?+ TOO SACR$ TO BE APPROA*$2 !IR CONDUCT IS NOT TO BE REASON$ UPON2 ! AM\NT ( !IR RECEIPTS & DISBURSEM5TS IS NOT TO BE 9SPECT$2 !IR RES\RCES >E UNKN[N2 NO ONE MU/ SAY TO !M1 ,:AT DO/ ?\8 OR1 :Y HA/ ?\ ?US CONDUCT$ ?YSELF8 ,EV5 !SE P]SONS WILL NOT ESCAPE ! TAX TO :I* ALL M5 >E LIABLE4 ,!Y CANNOT KILL ! G5]AL SPIRIT ( 9QUIRY2 ! MY/]Y 9 :I* !Y WRAP !MSELVES WILL (T5 S]VE AS AN ADDITIONAL /IMULUS2 !Y WILL F9ALLY 5C\NT] ! JUDGM5T & V]DICT ( ALL4 ,= MYSELF1 ,I HAD LIV$ 9 ! MID/ ( MY FAMILY UPON A SY/EM ( PAT]NAL & AMICABLE COMM]CE4 ,I HAD SUFF]$ TOO DEEPLY FROM A MOM5T>Y SEASON ( SEP>ATION & MY/]Y1 NOT TO HAVE BE5 9DUC$ TO R5\NCE IT DECISIVELY & = EV]4 

,FIRM1 H[EV]1 AS ,I HAD IMAG9$ MY R5UNCIATION TO HAVE BE51 ,I WAS N[ ?R[N BACK UPON :AT ,I HAD MO/ AVOID$4 ,I HAD A SECRET S\RCE ( ADVANTAGE1 ! EFFECTS ( :I* W]E TO BE P>TICIPAT$ BY ?OSE ,I LOV$1 :ILE ! SPR+ WAS TO REMA9 = EV] UNKN[N4 ,:AT ,I MO/ S\<T UPON ?IS OCCASION1 WAS1 ?AT MY FAMILY %\LD %>E MY GOOD =TUNE1 & AT ! SAME TIME BE PREV5T$ FROM SO MU* AS SUSPECT+ ?AT !RE WAS ANY ?+ MY/]I\S CONNECT$ ) IT4 ,TO EFFECT ?IS1 ,I PRES5TLY CONCEIV$ ?AT IT W\LD BE NECESS>Y TO SACRIFICE ! SUDD5 & 9/ANTANE\S PROSP]ITY ,I HAD PROPOS$ TO MYSELF1 & 9TRODUCE ! REV]SE ( \R CONDITION BY SL[1 &1 AS F> AS POSSIBLE1 9S5SIBLE DEGREES4 

,ONE ?+ ON :I* ,I DET]M9$1 PREP>ATORY TO ! O!R MEASURES ,I HAD 9 VIEW1 WAS TO REMOVE FROM MY PRES5T HABITATION1 & TAKE UP MY RESID5CE = A TIME 9 ! CITY ( ,CON/ANCE4 ,9 ! COTTAGE ( ! M\NTA9S IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE ANY MAT]IAL ALT]ATION 9 MY E/ABLI%M5T4 ,MY PROP]TY WAS ( ! N>R[E/ EXT5T2 NOR W\LD IT BE EASILY PRACTICABLE 9 A C\NTRY1 ! 9HABITANTS ( :I* W]E ACCU/OM$ TO A HUMBLE ALLOTM5T1 CONSID]ABLY TO 5L>GE IT4 ,MY H\SE WAS FRUGAL1 IF NOT MEAN2 &1 UNLESS IT W]E FIR/ PULL$ D[N & BUILT OV] AGA91 ! IDEA ( 9TRODUC+ S]VANTS1 EQUIPAGE1 OR SPL5DOR 9TO IT1 W\LD BE ABSURD4 ,MY DESIGN WAS NOT TO MAKE A LONG ABODE :]E ,I N[ WAS2 BUT1 AS SOON AS MY FAMILY %\LD BE SUFFICI5TLY PREP>$ = ! TRANSITION1 TO RETURN TO MY NATIVE C\NTRY4 ,I BELIEV$ 9 ! MEAN TIME1 ?AT1 9 ! CAPITAL ( ! BI%OPRIC1 :]E MY NAME WAS SC>CELY REMEMB]$ BY A S+LE 9DIVIDUAL1 ,I %\LD BE MORE AT LIB]TY TO PROCE$ AS CIRCUM/ANCES SUGGE/$1 ?AN 9 MY PRES5T RURAL SITUATION1 :]E EV]Y NEI<BOR REG>D$ HIMSELF AS VE/$ ) A SORT ( 9QUISITORIAL P[] OV] ALL >\ND HIM4 

,TO ACC\NT = ?IS MEASURE TO MY FAMILY1 ,I FELT IT 9CUMB5T ON ME TO CONFESS TO !M A C]TA9 PECUNI>Y ACQUISITION4 ,! /ORY ?AT MO/ READILY SUGGE/$ ITSELF1 WAS ?AT ( ! /RANG] HAV+ LEFT BEH9D HIM A C]TA9 SUM ( :I* HE MADE A DONATION TO ME4 ,?IS1 ?\< 9 ! PLA9 & DIRECT S5SE ( ! T]MS IT W]E FALSE1 YET 9 ITS SPIRIT BORE A C]TA9 RESEMBLANCE TO ! TRU?2 &1 ) ?AT RESEMBLANCE1 9 SPITE ( ! RIGID ADH]5CE TO V]ACITY1 ?AT FIR/ ORNAM5T ( A G5TLEMAN1 ?AT MO/ ESS5TIAL PR]EQUISITE TO ! REG>D & AFFECTION ( O!RS1 :I* ,I HAD HI!RTO MA9TA9$1 ,I WAS 9DUC$ TO CONT5T MYSELF4 ,:AT C\LD ,I DO8 ,I WAS COMPELL$ TO ACC\NT = APPE>ANCES2 ,I WAS =BIDD5 BY ! MO/ SOLEMN 9JUNCTIONS TO UNFOLD ! TRU?4 ,I %\LD 9DE$ HAVE FELT LITTLE COMPLAC5CE 9 ! DISCLOSURE2 ,I %\LD HAVE BE5 RELUCTANT TO ANN\NCE A CIRCUM/ANCE :I*1 AS ,I BEGAN TO FEEL1 9TRODUC$ A P]MAN5T DIFF]5CE & SEP>ATION BETWE5 ME & MY FAMILY4 

,! SUM AT :I* ,I FIX$ ! LEGACY ( ! /RANG] WAS ?REE ?\S& CR[NS4 ,I WAS NOT 9ATT5TIVE TO ! FUTURE2 ,I %\LD HAVE BE5 GLAD1 BY MY PRES5T ACC\NT1 TO HAVE FURNI%$ A MORE AMPLE SOLUTION = CIRCUM/ANCES :I* MI<T OCCUR H]EAFT]4 ,BUT SOME REG>D WAS DUE TO PROBABILITY4 ,AN UNKN[N1 A SOLIT>Y MAN1 BROK5 ) AGE1 :O >RIV$ ON FOOT1 & :O DECL9$ ALL AID & ATT5DANCE1 MU/ NOT BE REPRES5T$ AS POSSESS+ M9ES ( TREASURE4 

,IT WAS SOME TIME BE=E ,I C\LD PREVAIL ON MYSELF TO BREAK MY /ORY TO ! 9HABITANTS ( MY COTTAGE4 ,AS ! TIME APPROA*$ :5 ,I WAS TO BID AN EV]LA/+ F>EWELL TO RURAL OBSCURITY & A HUMBLE /ATION1 !Y SEEM$ TO ADORN !MSELVES 9 NEW *>MS4 ,I WAS LIKE ! SON ( A K+1 :O HAD HI!RTO BE5 TOLD BY HIS ATT5DANTS ?AT HE WAS A M]E VILLAG]1 & :O1 :ILE HIS Y\?FUL IMAG9ATION IS DAZZL$ BY ! SPL5DOR ?AT AWAITS HIM1 YET LOOKS BACK ) A WI/FUL EYE UPON HIS MIR?FUL SPORTS1 HIS =M] COMPANIONS1 & ! SIMPLE *>MS ( H] :O FIR/ OBTA9$ HIS GUILELESS LOVE4 ,I ANN\NC$ MY ACQUISITION & MY PURPOSE ) A FALT]+ TONGUE & A BEAT+ HE>T4 

,I C\LD P]CEIVE ?AT MY TALE PRODUC$ FEW EMOTIONS ( PLEASURE 9 ?OSE :O HE>D IT4 ,JULIA & H] MO!R1 ESPECIALLY1 W]E W>MLY ATTA*$ TO !IR RETIREM5T2 & ! SC5ES :I* HAD WITNESS$ SO MANY PLEASURABLE 9CID5TS & EMOTIONS4 ,*AGR91 9 SPITE ( !MSELVES1 MADE A TRANSI5T ABODE UPON !IR C\NT5ANCES2 BUT ! UNRESI/+ MILDNESS ( ! ONE1 & ! CONSID]ATE ATTA*M5T ( ! O!R1 PREV5T$1 = ! PRES5T1 !IR S5SATIONS FROM BREAK+ \T 9TO WORDS4 ,! FEEL+S1 H[EV]1 ?AT !Y CONSIGN$ TO SIL5CE1 DID NOT 5TIRELY ESCAPE ! NOTICE ( ! LIVELY LITTLE ,M>GU]ITE4 ,%E SYMPA?IZ$ ) !M1 PROBABLY )\T BE+ AW>E ?AT !Y W]E SAD4 ,%E CAME T[>DS ME1 &1 ) MU* ANXIETY 9 H] 9QUIR+ FACE1 ASK$ :Y WE MU/ GO AWAY FROM ! COTTAGE8 ,IF ,I HAD GOT SOME MONEY ,I MI<T GO TO ! T[N1 & BUY SWEETMEATS1 & RIB&S1 & NEW CLO!S1 & A HUNDR$ MORE PRETTY ?+S1 & BR+ !M HOME4 ,= H] P>T1 %E %\LD BE BETT] PLEAS$ TO PUT ON H] F9]Y1 & MAKE H] FEA/ 9 ! PRETTY OLD SUMM]-H\SE1 N[ %E WAS AGA9 P]MITT$ TO GO & PLAY 9 IT1 ?AN 9 A PALACE ALL /UCK OV] ) EM]ALDS & RUBIES4 ,H] MO!R WIP$ AWAY A TE> AT ! 9NOC5T SPEE* ( H] D>L+1 KISS$ H]1 & BID H] GO & FE$ ! H5 & H] *ICK5S4 ,*>LES WAS ! ONLY ONE 9 :OM ,I C\LD OBS]VE ANY PLEASURE AT MY 9TELLIG5CE4 ,HE WAS NOT AS YET SKILLFUL 5\< TO CALCULATE ! ADVANTAGES ?AT ?REE ?\S& CR[NS C\LD PUR*ASE4 ,BUT ,I C\LD SEE JOY SP>KLE 9 HIS EYES1 AS ,I ANN\NC$ MY 9T5TION ( BIDD+ ADIEU TO RETIREM5T1 & TAK+ UP MY RE/ 9 ! CAPITAL ( ! DI/RICT4 ,HIS VE9S SWELL$ ) ! BLOOD ( HIS ANCE/ORS2 HIS M9D WAS 9UR$ TO ! CONTEMPLATION ( !IR PR[ESS4 ,ALREADY SIXTE5 YE>S ( AGE1 HE HAD SECRETLY BURN$ TO GO =? 9TO ! WORLD1 TO BEHOLD ! MANN]S ( HIS SPECIES1 & TO E/ABLI% = HIMSELF A CLAIM TO SOME RANK 9 !IR E/IMATION4 ,HE HAD P9$ 9 ?\<T AT ! M$IOCRITY ( \R CIRCUM/ANCES1 & ! APP>5T IMPOSSIBILITY ( EM]G+2 = HE REG>D$ ! DUTY ( CONTRIBUT+ HIS LABOR TO ! SUBSI/5CE ( ! FAMILY1 AS ! FIR/ ( ALL OBLIGATIONS2 & ! MORE ! B5T ( HIS SPIRIT /RUGGL$ AGA9/ IT1 ! MORE RESOLUTELY HE SET HIMSELF TO COMPLY4 

,! RE/ ( ! FAMILY W]E NO SOON] RETIR$1 ?AN ,M>GU]ITE1 F9D+ 9 :AT ,I HAD JU/ ANN\NC$ TO ALL1 AN OCCASION FROM ! USE ( :I* %E C\LD NOT EXCUSE H]SELF1 TOOK ?IS OPPORTUNITY ( UNBUR!N+ ! GRIEF :I* HAD LONG BE5 ACCUMULAT+ 9 H] M9D4 

0,/4 ,LEON10 SAID %E1 0LI/5 K9DLY TO :AT ,I AM GO+ TO SAY TO Y\1 & ASSURE Y\RSELF ?AT ,I AM ACTUAT$ BY NO SPLE51 RES5TM5T1 OR ILL-HUMOR1 BUT BY ! TRUE/ AFFECTION4 ,I P]CEIVE ,I HAVE LO/1 9 Y\R APPREH5SION1 ! RI<T ( ADVIS+ Y\4 ,I AM NO LONG] ! P>TN] ( Y\R C\NSELS2 ,I AM NO LONG] ! CONFID5T ( Y\R ?\<TS4 ,Y\ COMMUNICATE NO?+ BUT :AT Y\ CANNOT SUPPRESS2 & ?AT Y\ COMMUNICATE TO Y\R :OLE FAMILY ASSEMBL$4 ,HEAV5 KN[S H[ DE> TO ME IS EV]Y 9DIVIDUAL ( ?AT FAMILY6 BUT MY LOVE = !M DOES NOT HIDE FROM ME :AT IS DUE TO MYSELF4 ,I KN[ ?AT A HUSB&1 :O FELT AS A HUSB& \<T1 &1 GIVE ME LEAVE TO SAY1 AS ,I HAVE DES]V$ Y\ %\LD FEEL T[>DS ME1 C\LD NOT ACT AS Y\ HAVE ACT$ TO-NI<T4 

0,Y\ MU/ EXCUSE MY REM9D+ Y\ ( SOME ?+S :I* Y\ SEEM TO HAVE =GOTT54 ,I W\LD NOT M5TION !M1 IF !Y HAD NOT BE5 =GOTT5 :5 !Y \<T TO HAVE BE5 REMEMB]$4 ,I HAVE LIV$ SEV5TE5 YE>S ) Y\2 MY :OLE /UDY HAD BE5 Y\R ADVANTAGE & PLEASURE4 ,HAVE Y\ ANY ?+ TO REPROA* ME )8 ,PO9T \T TO ME1 IF 9 ANY ?+ ,I C\LD HAVE ADD$ TO Y\R PLEASURE1 & HAVE NEGLECT$ IT6 ,:AT ,I HAVE DONE1 HAS NOT BE5 ! C]EMONI\S DIS*>GE ( A DUTY2 IT HAS BE5 ! PURE EMANATION ( AN ATTA*M5T ?AT KNEW NO B\NDS4 ,I HAVE PASS$ ) Y\ ?R\< GOOD =TUNE & ILL =TUNE4 ,:5 WE W]E RI*1 ,I 5T]$ ) MY :OLE HE>T 9TO Y\R PLEASURES1 BECAUSE !Y W]E Y\RS4 ,:5 WE W]E POOR1 ,I 5DUR$ EV]Y H>D%IP )\T A MURMUR2 ,I WAT*$ BY Y\1 ,I CONSOL$ Y\1 ,I RECONCIL$ Y\ TO Y\RSELF4 ,I DO NOT MEAN TO MAKE A M]IT ( ALL ?IS3 NO6 ,REG9ALD6 ,I C\LD NOT HAVE ACT$ O!RWISE IF ,I W\LD4 

0,DO ME ! JU/ICE TO RECOLLECT1 ?AT ,I HAVE NOT BE5 A COMPLA9+ OR IRRITABLE COMPANION4 ,9 ALL \R ADV]SITIES1 9 ! LOSS ( =TUNE1 & ! BITT] CONSEQU5CES ( ?AT LOSS1 ,I NEV] UTT]$ A REPROA*FUL WORD4 ,:AT POV]TY1 SORR[1 HUNG] & FAM9E NEV] EXTORT$ FROM ME1 Y\ HAVE AT L5G? WRUNG FROM MY BLE$+ HE>T4 ,/4 ,LEON6 ,I HAVE KN[N Y\R BOSOM-?\<TS4 ,9 NO =M] 9/ANCE HAS Y\R AFFECTION OR Y\R CONFID5CE BE5 ALI5AT$ FROM ME2 & ?AT CONSOL$ ME = ALL ! RE/4 ,BUT N[1 = ?REE MON?S1 ! CASE HAS BE5 5TIRELY ALT]$4 ,Y\ HAVE DUR+ ALL ?AT TIME BE5 BUSY1 P5SIVE1 & AGITAT$2 BUT ,I HAVE BE5 AS MU* A /RANG] TO Y\R M$ITATIONS AS IF ,I HAD NEV] BE5 ACCU/OM$ TO BE !IR DEPOSITORY4 ,Y\ HAVE NOT SCRUPL$ TO 9FLICT A W\ND UPON ME ?AT NO SUBSEQU5T *ANGE WILL EV] BE ABLE TO CICATRIZE4 ,NOR 9DE$ DO ,I SEE ANY LIKELIHOOD ( A *ANGE4 ,Y\ ANN\NCE \R REMOVAL TO ,CON/ANCE2 :AT WE >E TO DO NEXT1 ) :AT VIEWS1 OR = :AT PURPOSE1 ,I AM IGNORANT4 

0,I HAVE MADE MY ELECTION4 ,MY HE>T IS =M$ = AFFECTION1 & MU/ ALWAYS FEEL AN UNEASY VOID & DESOLATION )\T IT4 ,IF Y\ HAD ?US ROBB$ ME ( Y\R ATTA*M5T 9 AN E>LY P]IOD ( \R 9T]C\RSE1 ,I KN[ NOT UPON :AT EXTREMITY MY DISAPPO9TM5T & ANGUI% MI<T HAVE DRIV5 ME4 ,!Y >E H>D] TO BE> N[2 BUT ,I SUBMIT4 ,IT IS TOO LATE EI!R = RELIEF OR REM$Y4 ,:AT REMA9S ( MY P[]S & MY /R5G? ,I [E TO MY *ILDR54 ,I WILL NOT S$UCE !M FROM !IR FA!R4 ,!Y MAY BE B5EFIT$ BY HIS PURSE OR HIS UND]/&+1 ?\<1 LIKE ME1 !Y %\LD BE DEPRIV$ ( HIS AFFECTION4 ,Y\ MAY BE !IR FRI5D :5 ,I AM NO MORE4 ,I FEEL ?AT ?IS WILL NOT LA/ LONG4 ,I FEEL ?AT ! MA9 L9K ?AT B\ND ME TO EXI/5CE CANNOT BE SNAPP$1 & ?US SNAPP$ BY UNK9DNESS WORSE ?AN DEA?1 )\T PROMIS+ SOON TO PUT A P]IOD TO MY MIS]IES4 ,I %ALL BE Y\R VICTIM 9 DEA?1 AFT] HAV+ DEVOT$ MY LIFE TO Y\1 9 A WAY 9 :I* FEW WOM5 W]E EV] DEVOT$ TO !IR HUSB&S4 

0,BUT ?IS IS NOT :AT ,I PURPOS$ *IEFLY TO SAY4 ,?IS IS :AT MY SITUATION & MY FEEL+S HAVE UNWILL+LY WRUNG FROM ME4 ,?\< Y\ HAVE 9JUR$ ME 9 ! T5D]E/ PO9T1 ,I /ILL RECOLLECT :AT Y\ W]E TO ME4 ,I /ILL FEEL DEEPLY 9T]E/$ 9 Y\R WELF>E1 & ! FAIR FAME Y\ >E TO TRANSMIT TO Y\R *ILDR54 ,I 5TREAT Y\ !N TO REFLECT DEEPLY1 BE=E Y\ PROCE$ FUR!R4 ,Y\ SEEM TO ME TO /& UPON A PRECIPICE2 NOR DO ! ALT]ATION ?AT HAS TAK5 PLACE 9 Y\R MANN]S1 & ! REVOLUTION ( Y\R HE>T1 LEAD ME TO AUGUR FAVORABLY ( ! PLANS Y\ HAVE =M$4 ,:AT IS ?IS /RANG]8 ,:5CE CAME HE8 ,:Y DID HE HIDE HIMSELF1 & :Y WAS HE PURSU$ BY ! (FIC]S ( JU/ICE8 ,HAD HE NO RELATIONS8 ,WAS HIS BEQUE/ ( ! SUM HE HAD AB\T HIM HIS [N ACT1 & :O IS ! WITNESS TO ITS DELIB]AT5ESS OR ITS FRE$OM8 ,Y\ MU/ NOT ?9K ?AT ! WORLD IS 9ATT5TIVE TO ! ACTIONS ( M5 OR !IR CIRCUM/ANCES2 IF IT W]E1 ! FAME WE PRIZE W\LD BE AN EMPTY BAUBLE4 ,NO1 SIR1 A FAIR FAME CAN ONLY BE SECUR$ BY UNEQUIVOCAL PROCE$+S4 ,:AT WILL1 :AT CAN1 BE ?\<T ( Y\R GIV+ %ELT] TO AN UNKN[N1 A MAN ACCUS$ ( CRIMES1 A MAN NEV] BEHELD EV5 BY AN 9DIVIDUAL ( Y\R [N FAMILY1 & UPON ! /R5G? ( :OSE ALLEG$ BEQUE/ Y\ >E AB\T TO *ANGE ! :OLE MODE ( Y\R LIFE8 

0,NOR1 ,REG9ALD1 MU/ Y\ ?9K ME CR$UL\S 5\< TO IMAG9E ?AT Y\ HAVE N[ DISCLOS$ ! :OLE OR ! PRECISE TRU?4 ,?REE ?\S& CR[NS IS NOT A SUM SUFFICI5T TO ACC\NT = :AT Y\ PROPOSE1 = ! LONG AGITATION ( Y\R ?\<TS1 OR = ! *ANGE ( *>ACT] Y\ HAVE SU/A9$4 ,Y\ MU/ EI!R BE TOTALLY DEPRIV$ ( RATIONAL JUDGM5T1 OR !RE MU/ BE SOME?+ BEH9D1 ?AT Y\ HAVE NOT COMMUNICAT$4 ,:AT DO Y\ PURPOSE 9 GO+ TO RESIDE 9 ! MID/ ( A CITY =EIGN TO ! MANN]S ( A ,FR5*MAN1 DI/RACT$ ) 9T]NAL BROILS1 & EMBITT]$ TO US BY ! RECOLLECTION ( ! EXTREMITIES WE P]SONALLY SUFF]$ 9 IT8 ,IS Y\R AMBITION SUNK SO L[1 ?AT IT CAN BE GRATIFI$ BY SU* A TRANSITION8 ,NO2 Y\ MEAN MORE ?AN Y\ HAVE ANN\NC$2 Y\ MEAN SOME?+ Y\ >E UNWILL+ TO DECL>E4 ,CONSID] ?AT MEAN+ WELL6 ,PUT ME \T ( ! QUE/ION6 ,I AM NO?+1 & NO LONG] DESIRE TO BE ANY ?+4 ,BUT DO NOT 9VOLVE Y\RSELF 9 9DELIBLE DISGRACE1 OR 5TAIL UPON Y\R MEMORY ! CURSES ( Y\R *ILDR560 

,:AT A DI/RESS WAS M9E1 :O1 9 RETURN TO SO G5]\S & NOBLE AN EXPO/ULATION1 C\LD IMP>T NO CONFID5CE1 & 9DULGE NO S9C]ITY6 ,I FELT A MIS]Y1 ( :I*1 TILL ?IS H\R1 ,I HAD BE5 UNABLE TO =M A CONCEPTION4 ,FOOL ?AT ,I WAS1 ,I HAD IMAG9$ ?AT1 :5 5D[$ ) ! BEQUE/S ( ! /RANG]1 NO FUR!R EVIL C\LD APPROA* ME6 ,I HAD1 9 MY VISION>Y MOOD1 CREAT$ CA/LES & PALACES1 & EXPATIAT$ 9 ! MO/ DI/ANT FUTURITY6 & H]E ,I WAS1 /OPP$ & DISAPPO9T$ AT ! ?RE%OLD1 9 ! V]Y FIR/ /EP ( MY PROCE$+S4 ,:AT ,I C\LD H[EV] ,I DID2 ,I P\R$ =? TO ,M>GU]ITE1 NOT ! SECRETS ( MY UND]/&+1 BUT ! OV]P[]+ EMOTIONS ( MY S\L4 

0,BE/1 MO/ ADORABLE ( WOM560 CRI$ ,I1 0H[ Y\ R5D MY HE>T ) ! NOBL5ESS ( Y\R REMON/RANCES6 ,NEV] WAS MAN BLESS$ ) A P>TN] SO ACCOMPLI%$ & EXEMPL>Y AS ,I HAVE BE56 ,DO Y\ ?9K Y\R M]ITS CAN EV] BE OBLIT]AT$ FROM MY MEMORY8 ,DO Y\ ?9K ! FEEL+S ( GRATITUDE & ADMIRATION CAN EV] BE WEAK5$ 9 MY BOSOM1 OR ?AT ! /R5G? & S+L5ESS ( MY ATTA*M5T CAN SUFF] DECAY8 ,BE> ME WITNESS1 ,HEAV56 ,I KN[ NO CREATURE ON ! FACE ( ! E>? ?AT CAN 5T] 9TO COMPETITION ) Y\2 !RE IS NOT ! ?+ 9 NATURE ?AT ,I PRIZE 9 COMP>ISON4 ,I LOVE Y\ A ?\S& TIMES BETT] ?AN MYSELF1 & W\LD DIE ) JOY TO PUR*ASE Y\R EASE & SATISFACTION4 ,I CAN NEV] REPAY ! B5EFITS Y\ HAVE CONF]R$ ON ME2 ,I CAN NEV] RISE TO AN EQUALITY ) Y\4 

0,:AT ANGUI% !N DO Y\ 9FLICT UPON ME1 :5 Y\ TALK ( BECOM+ ! VICTIM ( MY UNK9DNESS8 ,BELIEVE Y\ ,I CAN 5DURE1 AFT] HAV+ DISSIPAT$ Y\R PATRIMONY & DRAWN Y\ ) ME 9TO EXILE1 AFT] HAV+ EXP]I5C$ FROM Y\ A T5D]NESS SU* AS MAN NEV] 9 ANY O!R 9/ANCE OBTA9$ FROM WOMAN1 TO 5T]TA9 ! IDEA ( EMBITT]+ ! REMA9D] ( Y\R LIFE1 & %ORT5+ Y\R EXI/5CE8 ,I %\LD REG>D MYSELF AS ! MO/ EXECRABLE ( MON/]S4 ,I C\LD NOT LIVE UND] ! RECOLLECTION ( SO UNHE>D-( A GUILT4 ,IF Y\ W\LD NOT HAVE ME ABHOR MYSELF & CURSE EXI/5CE1 LIVE1 CONFIDE 9 ME1 & BE HAPPY6 

0,OH1 ,M>GU]ITE6 H[ WRET*$ & PITIABLE IS MY SITUATION6 ,MAKE SOME ALL[ANCE = ME6 ,I HAVE A SECRET ?AT ,I W\LD GIVE WORLDS TO UTT]1 BUT D>E NOT4 ,DO NOT IMAG9E ?AT !RE IS1 OR CAN BE1 ANY DECAY 9 MY AFFECTION6 ,CONFIDE 9 ME6 ,ALL[ TO NECESSITY1 :AT NEV]1 NEV] C\LD BE ! RESULT ( *OICE6 ,9 ALL ?+S ELSE1 Y\ %ALL KN[ MY 9MO/ HE>T1 AS Y\ POSSESS ! B\NDLESS & UNALT]ABLE AFFECTIONS ( MY S\L40 

,M>GU]ITE WAS SOME:AT1 BUT NOT :OLLY1 SOO!D BY ! E>NE/NESS ( MY PROTE/ATIONS4 ,%E SAW1 = ! PRESCI5CE ( ! HE>T IS NEV] DECEIV$1 ?AT A BL[ WAS GIV5 TO ! 5TIR5ESS ( \R AFFECTION1 FROM :I* IT W\LD NEV] RECOV]4 ,%E FELT1 = 9 TRU? & DELICACY ( S5TIM5T %E WAS MU* MY SUP]IOR1 ?AT ! RES]VE1 9 :I* ,I P]SI/$1 & = :I* ,I DEPRECAT$ EXCUSE1 MI<T BE SUFFICI5TLY CONSI/5T ) A VULG> ATTA*M5T1 BUT W\LD TOTALLY *ANGE ! NATURE ( \RS4 ,%E WAS AW>E ?AT IT RELAT$ TO NO ORD9>Y PO9T1 ?AT IT =M$ ! POLE-/> ( MY CONDUCT1 ?AT IT MU/ PRES5T ITSELF AFRE% FROM DAY TO DAY1 & ?AT 9 ITS OP]ATION IT AM\NT$ TO A DIVORCE ( ! HE>T4 ,%E SUBMITT$ H[EV]1 & 5DEAVOR$ TO APPE> *E]FUL4 ,?\< %E FELT ! WORM ( SORR[ GNAW+ H] VITALS1 %E WAS UNWILL+ TO OCCASION ME AN UNEAS9ESS IT WAS 9 H] P[] TO )HOLD4 ,%E WAS /RUCK ) ! CONSI/5CY & DET]M9ATION ( MY RESI/ANCE1 & EXPO/ULAT$ NO MORE4 

,WE W5T TO ,CON/ANCE4 ,WE BADE ADIEU TO ! SC5E ( A SIX YE>S' HAPP9ESS1 SU* AS ! E>? HAS SELDOM WITNESS$4 ,I ALONE HAD OCCASION$ SOME IMP]FECTION 9 ?AT HAPP9ESS4 ,!RE W]E TIMES 9DE$ :51 SITT+ 9 AFFECTIONATE COMMUNION ) MY WIFE1 & SURR\ND$ BY MY *ILDR51 MY S5SATIONS HAD BE5 AS DELICI\S AS ! /ATE ( HUMAN EXI/5CE EV] HAD TO BOA/4 ,I FELT MY HE>T EXP&2 ,I WAS CONSCI\S TO ! UNRES]V$ UNION ?AT SUBSI/$ AMONG US2 ,I FELT MYSELF ID5TIFI$ ) ALL ?AT ,I LOV$1 & ALL = :OM MY HE>T WAS ANXI\S4 ,BUT ! CURSE 5TAIL$ UPON ME FROM ! E>LIE/ P]IOD TO :I* MY MEMORY CAN REA*1 OP]AT$ EV5 9 ! COTTAGE ( ! LAKE4 ,I WAS NOT =M$ TO 5JOY A SC5E ( PA/ORAL SIMPLICITY4 ,AMBITION /ILL HAUNT$ ME2 AN UNEAS9ESS1 SC>CELY DEF9$ 9 ITS OBJECT1 FROM TIME TO TIME RECURR$ TO MY M9D4 ,IF ,I ?\<T ,I WANT$ NO?+ = MYSELF1 ,I DEEM$ A C>E] ( HONOR DUE TO MY *ILDR54 ,AGA91 :5 ,I REG>D$ HONOR AS AN EMPTY PHANTOM1 & P]SUAD$ MYSELF ?AT ALL CONDITIONS ( LIFE W]E 9TR9SICALLY EQUAL1 ,I RECOLLECT$ ! FE>FUL SC5E :]E HUNG] & DE/RUCTION HAD HUNG OV] US 9 ,CON/ANCE1 & 9 IMAG9ATION (T5 PICTUR$ TO MYSELF ?AT SC5E AS ON ! PO9T ( BE+ R5EW$4 ,! SWORD ( ! DEMON1 FAM9E1 SEEM$ TO MY DI/URB$ APPREH5SION TO BE SUSP5D$ OV] US BY A HAIR4 ,SU* HAD BE5 ! DRAFT ( BITT]NESS ?AT OCCASIONALLY DETRACT$ FROM ?IS MO/ 5VIABLE1 AS 9 RETROSPECT ,I AM WILL+ TO D5OM9ATE IT1 P]IOD ( MY EXI/5CE4 

,WE QUITT$ \R RURAL RETREAT1 & TOOK UP \R ABODE 9 A PROSP]\S M]CANTILE CITY4 ,I HIR$ COMMODI\S AP>TM5TS 9 ONE ( ! GR& SQU>ES1 NOT F> FROM ! SPOT :]E ! FAIRS >E USUALLY HELD4 ,UND\BT$LY !RE WAS NO?+ 9 ?IS RESID5CE V]Y CONG5IAL TO ! B5T ( MY DISPOSITION1 OR ! PROJECTS ?AT F]M5T$ 9 MY M9D4 ,I HAD M]ELY *OS5 IT BY WAY ( 9T]VAL1 & TO S(T5 ! TRANSITION FROM :AT ,I HAD BE51 TO :AT ,I PURPOS$ TO BE4 ,9 ! MULTITUDE ( IRRESOLUTE ?\<TS ) :I* ,I LABOR$1 ! SMALL DI/ANCE ( ,CON/ANCE FROM ! COTTAGE ( ! LAKE1 MADE ME FEEL AS IF ! REMOVAL ?I!R WAS ONE ( ! G5TLE/ & MO/ MOD]ATE MEASURES TO :I* ,I C\LD HAVE REC\RSE4 

,I HAD NEV] BE5 LESS HAPPY & AT PEACE ) MYSELF ?AN ,I WAS N[4 ,FROM G5]AL SOCIETY & ! ORD9>Y 9T]C\RSE ( ACQUA9TANCE ,I HAD LONG BE5 E/RANG$1 & IT WAS 9 VA9 ?AT ,I 5DEAVOR$ TO RETURN TO HABITS ( ?AT SORT4 ,! SOCIETY :I* ! CITY ( ,CON/ANCE AF=D$ HAD FEW *>MS = ME4 ,IT HAD NO PRET5SIONS TO ! POLIT5ESS1 ! ELEGANCE1 ! LE>N+ OR ! G5IUS1 AN 9T]C\RSE ) :I* HAD ONCE BE5 FAMILI> TO ME4 ,IT SC>CELY CONTA9$ )9 ITS WALLS ANY BUT SU* AS W]E OCCUPI$ 9 M]*&ISE OR MANUFACTURE4 ,! ATT5TION ( ITS 9HABITANTS W]E DIVID$ BETWE5 !SE OBJECTS1 & ! 5CROA*M5TS :I* W]E MAK+ UPON ! ANCI5T RELIGION BY ! ,CONFESSION ( ,AUGSBURG & ! DOGMAS ( ,CALV94 ,! MAJORITY ( ! 9HABITANTS W]E PROTE/ANTS2 &1 A FEW YE>S BE=E1 !Y HAD EXPELL$ !IR BI%OP & ! CANONS ( !IR CA!DRAL4 ,HAV+ H[EV] MISC>RI$ 9 A RELIGI\S W> 9TO :I* !Y HAD 5T]$1 !SE DIGNIT>IES HAD BE5 RE9/ALL$ 9 !IR FUNCTIONS & EMOLUM5TS4 ,! SITUATION ?US PRODUC$ WAS AN UNNATURAL ONE2 & A /ORM WAS EVID5TLY BREW+ MORE VIOL5T ?AN ANY :I* ! CITY HAD YET SU/A9$4 ,! GLOOMY TEMP] & MELAN*OLY AU/]ITY ( ! RE=M]S W]E AS LITTLE CONG5IAL TO MY TEMP]1 AS ! SORDID IGNORANCE & SELFI%NESS ( ! TRAD+ SPIRIT ( ! COMMUNITY4 

,I !RE=E LIV$ 9 A /ATE ( SECLUSION4 ,I 5DEAVOR$ TO SEEK AMUSEM5T 9 SU* NOVELTIES & OCCUPATIONS AS MI<T PRES5T !MSELVES TO A P]SON DIS5GAG$ FROM ! G5]AL VORTEX4 ,BUT1 IF ! DI/+UI%$ SPH]E 9 :I* ,I HAD ONCE MOV$ DISQUALIFI$ ME = TAK+ AN 9T]E/ 9 !SE PU]ILITIES1 ! ANTICIPATIONS 9 :I* ,I 9DULG$ ( ! FUTURE DISQUALIFI$ ME /ILL MORE4 ,MY DOME/IC SC5E TOO NO LONG] AF=D$ ME ! CONSOLATION & RELIEF ,I HAD BE5 ACCU/OM$ TO D]IVE FROM IT4 ,M>GU]ITE EX]T$ H]SELF TO APPE> *E]FUL & CONT5T$2 BUT IT WAS AN EX]TION4 ,I BEGAN TO FE> ?AT ! >R[ ( DISAPPO9TM5T HAD 9DE$ /RUCK H] TO ! HE>T4 ,I WAS ANXI\SLY OCCUPI$ 9 CONSID]+ :AT ,I WAS TO DO NEXT4 ,I HOP$ ?AT \R NEXT /EP MI<T OP]ATE TO REVIVE H] GAIETY1 & BY ADDITIONAL SPL5DOR AMUSE H] SOLICITUDE4 ,I BEGAN TO FE> ?AT ,I HAD TAK5 A WRONG ME?OD1 & 5T]$ ! C>E] ( A BETT] =TUNE ) TOO MU* CAUTION & TIMIDITY4 ,AT ALL EV5TS ,I FELT ?AT WE NO LONG] LIV$ TOGE!R AS WE HAD DONE4 ,!RE WAS NO MORE OP5+ ( ! HE>T BETWE5 US1 NO MORE 9FANT9E GUILELESSNESS & S9C]ITY1 NO MORE ( ?AT UNAPPREH5SIVE EXPOSURE ( EV]Y ?\<T ( ! S\L1 ?AT ADDS ! PURE/ ZE/ TO ! PLEASURES ( DOME/IC LIFE4 ,WE /OOD 9 AWE ( EA* O!R2 EA* WAS TO ! O!R 9 SOME DEGREE AN 9TRUSIVE & UNWELCOME SPY UPON :AT WAS SECRETLY PASS+ 9 ! M9D4 ,!RE MAY BE P]SONS :O REG>D ?IS AS AN EVIL V]Y CAPABLE ( BE+ 5DUR$2 BUT !Y MU/ BE SU* AS NEV] KNEW ! DOME/IC JOYS ,I ONCE EXP]I5C$4 ,! FALL FROM ONE ( !SE CONDITIONS ( LIFE TO ! O!R WAS TOO BITT]4 

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