,P>T #b1 ,*APT] #dc 
0,PASS+ ,! ,LOVE ,( ,A ,WOMAN0 

#aiabaiab 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,ALEX&] ,B]KMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,! PRES5CE ( MY OLD FRI5D IS A S\RCE ( MU* PLEASURE4 ,GEORGE IS AN 9TELLIG5T MAN2 ! LONG YE>S ( 9C>C]ATION HAVE NOT CIRCUMSCRIB$ HIS 9TELLECTUAL HORIZON4 ,! APPROA* ( RELEASE IS 9T5SIFY+ HIS 9T]E/ 9 ! LIFE BEYOND ! GATES1 & WE PASS ! IDLE H\RS CONV]S+ OV] SUBJECTS ( MUTUAL 9T]E/1 DISCUSS+ SOCIAL !ORIES & PROBLEMS ( ! DAY4 ,HE HAS A BROAD GRASP ( AFFAIRS1 BUT HIS TEMP]AM5T & ,CA?OLIC TRADITIONS >E ANTAGONI/IC TO ! IDEAS DE> TO ME4 ,YET HIS ATTITUDE IS FREE FROM P]SONALITIES & N>R[ PREJUDICE1 & \R TALKS >E CONDUCT$ ALONG SCI5TIFIC & PHILOSOPHICAL L9ES4 ,! REC5T DEA? ( ,LIEBKNE*T & ! ,AM]ICAN LECTURE T\R ( ,PET] ,KROPOTK9 AF=D OPPORTUNITY = ! DISCUSSION ( MOD]N SOCIAL QUE/IONS4 ,!RE >E MANY SUBJECTS ( MUTUAL 9T]E/1 & MY FRI5D1 :OSE GREAT-GR&FA!R WAS AMONG ! SIGN]S ( ! ,DECL>ATION1 WAXES ELOQU5T 9 D5UNCIATION ( HIS C\NTRY'S POLICY ( EXT]M9ATION 9 ! ,PHILIPP9ES & ! GR[+ IMP]IALI/IC T5D5CIES ( ! ,REPUBLIC4 ,A ,DEMOCRAT ( ! ,JEFF]SONIAN TYPE1 HE IS VIRUL5T AGA9/ ! OLD ,W>D5 ON ACC\NT ( HIS FAVORITISM1 & DISCRIM9ATION4 ,HIS PRISON EXP]I5CE1 HE 9=MS ME1 HAS CONSID]ABLY ALT]$ ! VIEWS ( DEMOCRACY HE ONCE 5T]TA9$4 

0,:Y1 ,ALECK1 !RE IS NO JU/ICE10 HE SAYS VEHEM5TLY2 0NO1 NOT EV5 9 ! BE/ DEMOCRACY4 ,T5 YE>S AGO ,I W\LD HAVE /AK$ MY LIFE ON ! C\RTS4 ,TO-DAY ,I KN[ !Y >E A FAILURE2 \R :OLE JURISPRUD5CE IS WRONG4 ,Y\ SEE1 ,I HAVE BE5 H]E N9E YE>S4 ,I HAVE MET & MADE FRI5DS ) HUNDR$S CRIM9ALS4 ,SOME W]E PRETTY DESP]ATE1 & MANY ( !M2 SC\NDRELS4 ,BUT ,I HAVE TO MEET ONE YET 9 :OM ,I C\LDN'T DISCOV] SOME GOOD QUALITY1 IF HE'S SCRAT*$ RI<T4 ,LOOK AT ?AT FELL[ !RE1 HE PO9TS TO A Y\NG PRISON] SCRUBB+ AN UPP] RANGE1 0?AT'S ',JOHNNY ! ,HUNK4' ,HE'S 9 = MURD]4 ,N[ :AT DID ! JUDGE & JURY KN[ AB\T HIM8 ,JU/ ?IS3 HE WAS A H>D-WORK+ BOY 9 ! MILLS4 ,ONE ,SATURDAY HE ATT5D$ A W$D+1 ) A *UM ( HIS4 ,!Y W]E BO? DRUNK :5 !Y W5T \T 9TO ! /REET4 ,!Y W]E BOI/]\S1 & A POLICEMAN TRI$ TO >RE/ !M4 ,JOHNNY'S *UM RESI/$4 ,! COP MU/ HAVE LO/ HIS HEAD -- HE %OT ! FELL[ DEAD4 ,IT WAS RI<T NE> ,JOHNNY'S HOME1 & HE RAN 9 & GOT A PI/OL1 & KILL$ ! POLICEMAN4 ,MU/ HAVE BE5 CRAZY ) DR9K4 ,WELL1 !Y W]E GO+ TO HANG HIM1 BUT HE WAS ONLY A KID1 H>DLY SIXTE54 ,!Y GAVE HIM FIFTE5 YE>S4 ,N[ HE'S ALL 9 -- !Y'VE JU/ RU9$ ! BOY'S LIFE4 ,& :AT K9D ( A BOY IS HE1 DO Y\ KN[8 ,GUESS :AT HE DID4 ,IT WAS ONLY A FEW MON?S AGO4 ,SOME SCREW TOLD HIM ?AT ! WID[ ( ! COP HE %OT IS H>D UP2 %E HAS ?REE *ILDR51 & TAKES 9 WA%+4 ,DO Y\ KN[ :AT ,JOHNNY DID8 ,HE W5T >\ND AMONG ! CONS1 & GOT TOGE!R FIFTY DOLL>S ON ! FANCY PAP]-WORK HE IS MAK+2 HE'S AN >TI/ AT IT4 ,HE S5T ! WOMAN ! MONEY1 & BEGG$ H] TO =GIVE HIM40 

0,IS ?AT TRUE1 ,DOCTOR80 

0,EV]Y WORD4 ,I W5T TO ,MILLIGAN'S (FICE ON SOME BUS9ESS1 & ! BOY HAD JU/ S5T ! MONEY TO ! WOMAN4 ,! ,*APLA9 WAS SO MU* MOV$ BY IT1 HE TOLD ME ! :OLE /ORY4 ,BUT WAIT1 ?AT ISN'T ALL4 ,Y\ KN[ :AT ?AT WOMAN DID80 

0,:AT80 

0,%E WROTE TO ,JOHNNY ?AT HE WAS A DIRTY MURD]]1 & ?AT IF HE EV] GOES UP = A P>DON1 %E WILL OPPOSE IT4 ,%E DIDN'T WANT ANY?+ TO DO ) HIM1 %E WROTE4 ,BUT %E KEPT ! MONEY4 

0,H[ DID ,JOHNNY TAKE IT80 

0,IT'S REALLY WOND]FUL AB\T HUMAN NATURE4 ,! BOY CRI$ OV] ! LETT]1 & TOLD ! ,*APLA9 ?AT HE W\LDN'T WRITE TO H] AGA94 ,BUT EV]Y M9UTE HE CAN SP>E HE WORKS ON ?AT FANCY WORK1 & EV]Y MON? HE S5DS H] MONEY4 ,?AT'S ! CRIM9AL ! JUDGE S5T5C$ TO FIFTE5 YE>S 9 ?IS HELL60 

,MY FRI5D IS FIRMLY CONV9C$ ?AT ! LAW IS 5TIRELY IMPOT5T TO DEAL ) \R SOCIAL ILLS4 0,:Y1 LOOK AT ! C\RTS60 HE EXCLAIMS1 0!Y DON'T CONC]N !MSELVES ) CRIME4 ,!Y M]ELY PUNI% ! CRIM9AL1 ABSOLUTELY 9DIFF]5T TO HIS ANTEC$5TS & 5VIRONM5T1 & ! PR$ISPOS+ CAUSES40 

0,BUT1 ,GEORGE10 ,I REJO91 0IT IS ! ECONOMIC SY/EM ( EXPLOITATION1 ! DEP5D5CE UPON A MA/] = Y\R LIVELIHOOD1 WANT & ! FE> ( WANT1 :I* >E RESPONSIBLE = MO/ CRIMES4 

0,ONLY P>TLY SO1 ,ALECK4 ,IF IT WASN'T = ! CORRUPTION 9 \R PUBLIC LIFE1 & ! COMM]CIAL SC\RGE ?AT HOLDS EV]Y?+ = SALE1 & ! SPIRIT ( MAT]IALISM :I* HAS *EAP5$ HUMAN LIFE1 !RE W\LD NOT BE SO MU* VIOL5CE & CRIME1 EV5 UND] :AT Y\ CALL ! CAPITALI/ SY/EM4 ,AT ANY RATE1 !RE IS NO D\BT ! LAW IS AN ABSOLUTE FAILURE 9 DEAL+ ) CRIME4 ,! CRIM9AL BELONGS TO ! SPH]E ( !RAPEUTICS4 ,GIVE HIM TO ! DOCTOR 9/EAD ( ! JAIL]40 

0,Y\ MEAN1 ,GEORGE1 ?AT ! CRIM9AL IS TO BE CONSID]$ A PRODUCT ( AN?ROPOLOGICAL & PHYSICAL FACTORS4 ,BUT DON'T Y\ SEE ?AT Y\ MU/ ALSO EXAM9E SOCIETY1 TO DET]M9E TO :AT EXT5T SOCIAL CONDITIONS >E RESPONSIBLE = CRIM9AL ACTIONS8 ,& IF ?AT W]E DONE1 ,I BELIEVE MO/ CRIMES W\LD BE F\ND TO BE MISDIRECT$ 5]GY -- MISDIRECT$ BECAUSE ( ! FALSE /&>DS1 WRONG 5VIRONM5T1 & UN5LI<T5$ SELF-9T]E/40 

0,WELL1 ,I HAV5'T GIV5 MU* ?\<T TO ?AT PHASE ( ! QUE/ION4 ,BUT ASIDE ( SOCIAL CONDITIONS1 SEE :AT A BOT* ! P5AL 9/ITUTIONS >E MAK+ ( IT4 ,= ONE ?+1 ! PROMISCU\S M+L+ ( Y\NG & OLD1 )\T REG>D TO RELATIVE DEPRAVITY & CRIM9ALITY1 IS CONV]T+ PRISONS 9TO V]ITABLE S*OOLS ( CRIME & VISE4 ,! BLACKJACK & ! DUNGEON >E SURELY NOT ! PROP] MEANS ( RECLAMATION1 NO MATT] :AT ! SOCIAL CAUSES ( CRIME4 ,RE/RA9T & P5AL ME?ODS CAN'T RE=M4 ,! V]Y IDEA ( PUNI%M5T PRECLUDES BETT]M5T4 ,TRUE RE=MATION CAN EMANATE ONLY FROM VOLUNT>Y IMPULSE1 9SPIR$ & CULTIVAT$ BY 9TELLIG5T ADVICE & K9D TREATM5T4 ,BUT RE=MATION :I* IS ! RESULT ( FE>1 LACKS ! V]Y ESS5TIALS ( ITS OBJECT1 & WILL VANI% LIKE SMOKE ! MOM5T FE> ABATES4 ,& Y\ KN[1 ,ALECK1 ! RE=MATORIES >E EV5 WORSE ?AN ! PRISONS4 ,LOOK AT ! FELL[S H]E FROM ! V>I\S RE=M S*OOLS4 ,:Y1 IT'S A DISGRACE6 ,! BOYS :O COME FROM ! \TSIDE >E DEC5T FELL[S4 ,BUT ?OSE KIDS FROM ! RE=MATORIES -- ONE-?IRD ( ! CONS H]E HAVE GRADUAT$ !RE -- !Y >E T]RIBLE4 ,Y\ CAN SPOT !M BY LOOK+ AT !M4 ,!Y >E WORSE ?AN /REET PRO/ITUTES40 

,MY FRI5D IS V]Y BITT] AGA9/ ! PRISON ELEM5T V>I\SLY KN[N AS 0! GIRLS10 0,SALLIES10 & 0PUNKS10 :O = GA9 TRAFFIC 9 SEXUAL GRATIFICATION4 ,BUT HE TAKES A BROAD VIEW ( ! MORAL ASPECT ( HOMOSEXUALITY2 HIS D5UNCIATION IS AGA9/ ! COMM]CE 9 C>NAL DESIRES4 ,AS A M$ICAL MAN1 & A /UD5T1 HE IS DEEPLY 9T]E/$ 9 ! MANIFE/ATIONS ( SUPPRESS$ SEX4 ,HE SPEAKS ) PR(\ND SYMPA?Y ( ! BRILLIANT ,5GLI% MAN-(-,IETT]S1 :OM ! WORLD ( CANT & /UPIDITY HAS DRIV5 TO PRISON & TO DEA? BECAUSE HIS SEX LIFE DID NOT CON=M TO ! ACCEPT$ /&>DS4 ,9 DETAIL1 MY FRI5D TRACES ! V>I\S PHASES ( HIS PSY*IC DEVELOPM5T S9CE HIS IMPRISONM5T1 & ,I W>M T[>D HIM ) A S5SE ( 9T5SE HUMANITY1 AS HE REVEALS ! 9TIMATE EMOTIONS ( HIS BE+4 ,A G5]AL M$ICAL PRACTITION]1 HE HAD NOT COME 9 P]SONAL CONTACT ) CASES ( HOMOSEXUALITY4 ,HE HAD HE>D ( P$]A/Y2 BUT LIKE ! MAJORITY ( HIS COLLEAGUES1 HE HAD NEI!R UND]/&+ = NOR SYMPA?Y ) ! SEX PRACTICES HE CONSID]$ ABNORMAL & VICI\S4 ,9 PRISON HE WAS HORRIFI$ AT ! P]V]SION ?AT FREQU5TLY CAME UND] HIS OBS]VATION4 ,= TWO YE>S ! V]Y ?\<T ( SU* MATT]S FILL$ HIM ) DISGU/2 HE EV5 REFUS$ TO SPEAK TO ! M5 & BOYS KN[N TO BE HOMOSEXUAL1 UNCONDITIONALLY CONDEMN+ !M -- 0) MY PREJUDICES RA!R ?AN MY REASON10 HE REM>KS4 ,BUT ! =CES ( SUPPRESSION W]E AT WORK4 0,N[1 ?IS IS 9 CONFID5CE1 ,ALECK10 HE CAUTIONS ME4 0,I KN[ Y\ WILL UND]/&4 ,PROBABLY Y\ Y\RSELF HAVE EXP]I5C$ ! SAME ?+4 ,I'M GLAD ,I CAN TALK TO SOME ONE AB\T IT2 ! O!R FELL[S H]E W\LDN'T UND]/& IT4 ,IT MAKES ME SICK TO SEE H[ !Y ALL GR[ 9DIGNANT OV] A FELL[ :O IS CAU<T4 ,& ! (FIC]S1 TOO1 ?\< Y\ KN[ AS WELL AS ,I ?AT QUITE A NUMB] ( !M >E ADDICT$ TO !SE PRACTICES4 ,WELL1 ,I'LL TELL Y\4 ,I SUPPOSE IT'S ! SAME /ORY ) EV]Y ONE H]E1 ESPECIALLY ! LONG-TIM]S4 ,I WAS T]RIBLY DEJECT$ & HOPELESS :5 ,I CAME4 ,SIXTE5 YE>S -- ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE = A MOM5T ,I C\LD LIVE ?R\< IT4 ,I WAS ABUS+ MYSELF PRETTY BADLY4 ,/ILL1 AFT] A :ILE1 :5 ,I GOT WORK & BEGAN TO TAKE AN 9T]E/ 9 ?IS LIFE1 ,I GOT OV] IT4 ,BUT AS TIME W5T1 ! SEX 9/9CT AWAK5$4 ,I WAS Y\NG3 AB\T TW5TY-FIVE1 /RONG & HEAL?Y4 ,SOMETIMES ,I ?\<T ,I'D GET CRAZY ) PASSION4 ,Y\ REMEMB] :5 WE W]E CELL+ TOGE!R ON ?AT UPP] RANGE1 ON ,R2 Y\ W]E 9 ! /OCK+ %OP !N1 W]5'T Y\8 ,DON'T Y\ REMEMB]80 

0F C\RSE ,I REMEMB]1 ,GEORGE4 ,Y\ W]E 9 ! CELL NEXT M9E4 ,WE C\LD SEE \T ON ! RIV]4 ,IT WAS 9 ! SUMM]3 WE C\LD HE> ! EXCURSION BOATS1 & ! GIRLS S++ & DANC+40 

0,?AT1 TOO1 HELP$ TO TURN ME BACK TO ONANISM4 ,I REALLY BELIEVE ! :OLE BLESS$ RANGE US$ TO '9DULGE' !N4 ,?9K ( ! PRECI\S MAT]IAL F$ TO ! FI%ES10 HE SMILES2 0! PRIVIES1 Y\ KN[1 EMPTY 9TO ! RIV]40 

0,SOME G5IUSES MAY HAVE BE5 LO/ TO ! WORLD 9 ?OSE ORGIES40 

0,YES1 ORGIES2 ?AT'S JU/ :AT !Y W]E4 ,AS A MATT] ( FACT1 ,I DON'T BELIEVE !RE IS A S+LE MAN 9 ! PRISON :O DOESN'T ABUSE HIMSELF1 AT ONE TIME OR ANO!R40 

0,IF !RE IS1 HE'S A MI<TY EXCEPTION4 ,I HAVE KN[N SOME M5 TO MA/URBATE F\R & FIVE TIMES A DAY4 ,KEPT IT UP = MON?S1 TOO40 

0,YES1 & !Y EI!R GET ! CON1 OR GO BUGS4 ,AS A M$ICAL MAN ,I ?9K ?AT SELF-ABUSE1 IF PRACTIC$ NO MORE FREQU5TLY ?AN ORD9>Y COITION1 W\LD BE NO MORE 9JURI\S ?AN ! LATT]1 BUT IT CAN'T BE DONE4 ,IT GR[S ON Y\ T]RIBLY4 ,& ! SECOND /AGE IS MORE DANG]\S ?AN ! FIR/40 

0,:AT DO Y\ CALL ! SECOND80 

0,WELL1 ! FIR/ IS ! DEJECTION /AGE4 ,HOPELESS & DESPOND5T1 Y\ SEEK =GETFULNESS 9 ONANISM4 ,Y\ DON'T C>E :AT HAPP5S4 ,IT,OS :AT ,I MI<T CALL ME*ANICAL SELF-ABUSE1 NOT 9DUC$ BY ACTUAL SEX DESIRE4 ,?IS /AGE PASSES ) Y\R DEJECTION1 AS SOON AS Y\ BEG9 TO TAKE AN 9T]E/ 9 ! NEW LIFE1 AS ALL ( US >E =C$ TO DO1 BE=E LONG4 ,! SECOND /AGE IS ! PSY*IC & M5TAL4 ,IT IS NOT ! RESULT ( DEJECTION4 ,) ! GRADUAL ADAPTATION TO ! NEW CONDITIONS1 A COMP>ATIVELY NORMAL LIFE BEG9S1 MANIFE/+ SEXUAL DESIRES4 ,AT ?IS /AGE Y\R SELF-ABUSE IS 9DUC$ BY ACTUAL NE$4 ,IT IS ! MORE DANG]\S PHASE1 BECAUSE ! FREQU5CY ( ! PRACTICE GR[S ) ! RECURR+ ?\<T ( HOME1 Y\R WIFE OR SWEE!>T4 ,:ILE ! FIR/ WAS ME*ANICAL1 GIV+ NO SPECIAL PLEASURE1 & RESULT+ ONLY 9 9CREAS+ LASSITUDE1 ! SECOND /AGE REVOLVES AB\T ! *>MS ( SOME LOV$ WOMAN1 OR ONE DESIR$1 & AF=DS 9T5SE JOY4 ,!RE9 IS ITS ALLUREM5T & DANG]2 & ?AT'S :Y ! HABIT GA9S 9 /R5G?4 ,! MORE MIS]ABLE ! LIFE1 ! MORE FREQU5TLY Y\ WILL FALL BACK UPON Y\R SOLE S\RCE ( PLEASURE4 ,MANY BECOME HELPLESS VICTIMS4 ,I HAVE NOTIC$ ?AT PRISON]S ( L[] 9TELLIG5CE >E ! WOR/ 9 ?IS RESPECT40 

0,I HAVE HAD ! SAME EXP]I5CE4 ,! N>R[] Y\R M5TAL HORIZON1 ! MORE Y\ DWELL UPON Y\R P]SONAL TR\BLES & WRONGS4 ,?AT IS PROBABLY ! REASON :Y ! MORE ILLIT]ATE GO 9SANE ) CONF9EM5T40 

0,NO D\BT ( IT4 ,Y\ HAVE HAD EXCEPTIONAL OPPORTUNITIES = OBS]VATION ( ! SOLIT>IES & ! NEW M54 ,:AT DID Y\ NOTICE1 ,ALECK80 

0,WELL1 9 SOME RESPECTS ! EXI/5CE ( A PRISON] IS LIKE ! LIFE ( A FACTORY WORK]4 ,AS A RULE1 M5 US$ TO \TDOOR LIFE SUFF] MO/ FROM SOLIT>Y4 ,!Y >E LESS ABLE TO ADAPT !MSELVES TO ! CLOSE QU>T]S1 & ! F\L AIR QUICKLY ATTACKS !IR LUNGS4 ,BESIDES1 ?OSE :O HAVE NO 9T]E/S BEYOND !IR P]SONAL LIFE1 SOON BECOME VICTIMS ( 9SANITY4 ,I'VE ALWAYS ADVIS$ NEW M5 TO 9T]E/ !MSELVES 9 SOME /UDY OR FANCY WORK1 -- IT'S !IR ONLY SALVATION40 

0,IF Y\ Y\RSELF HAVE SURVIV$1 IT'S BECAUSE Y\ LIV$ 9 Y\R !ORIES & IDEALS2 ,I'M SURE ( IT4 ,& ,I CONT9U$ MY M$ICAL /UDIES1 & S\<T TO ABSORB MYSELF 9 SCI5TIFIC SUBJECTS40 

,= A MOM5T ,GEORGE PAUSES4 ,! VE9S ( HIS =EHEAD PROTRUDE1 AS IF HE IS UND]GO+ A SEV]E M5TAL /RUGGLE4 ,PRES5TLY HE SAYS3 0,ALECK1 ,I'M GO+ TO SPEAK V]Y FRANKLY TO Y\1 ,I'M MU* 9T]E/$ 9 ! SUBJECT4 ,I'LL GIVE Y\ MY 9TIMATE EXP]I5CES1 & ,I WANT Y\ TO BE JU/ AS FRANK ) ME4 ,I ?9K IT'S ONE ( ! MO/ IMPORTANT ?+S1 & ,I WANT TO LE>N ALL ,I CAN AB\T IT4 ,V]Y LITTLE IS KN[N AB\T IT1 & MU* LESS UND]/OOD40 

0,AB\T :AT1 ,GEORGE80 

0,AB\T HOMOSEXUALITY4 ,I HAVE SPOK5 ( ! SECOND PHASE ( ONANISM4 ,) A /RONG EF=T ,I OV]CAME IT4 ,NOT 5TIRELY1 ( C\RSE4 ,BUT ,I HAVE SUCCE$$ 9 REGULAT+ ! PRACTICE1 9DULG+ 9 IT AT C]TA9 9T]VALS4 ,BUT AS ! MON?S & YE>S PASS$1 MY EMOTIONS MANIFE/$ !MSELVES4 ,IT WAS LIKE A PSY*IC AWAK5+4 ,! DESIRE TO LOVE SOME?+ WAS /RONG UPON ME4 ,ONCE ,I CAU<T A LITTLE M\SE 9 MY CELL1 & TAM$ IT A BIT4 ,IT W\LD EAT \T ( MY H&1 & COME >\ND AT MEAL TIMES1 & BY & BY IT W\LD /AY ALL EV5+ TO PLAY ) ME4 ,I LE>N$ TO LOVE IT4 ,HONE/LY1 ,ALECK1 ,I CRI$ :5 IT DI$444 !N1 = A LONG TIME1 ,I FELT AS IF !RE WAS A VOID 9 MY HE>T1 ,I WANT$ SOME?+ TO LOVE4 ,IT JU/ SWEPT ME ) A WILD CRAV+ = AFFECTION4 ,SOMEH[ ! ?\<T ( WOMAN GRADUALLY FAD$ FROM MY M9D4 ,:5 ,I SAW MY WIFE1 IT WAS JU/ LIKE A DE> FRI5D4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T FEEL T[>D H] SEXUALLY4 ,ONE DAY1 AS ,I WAS PASS+ 9 ! HALL1 ,I NOTIC$ A Y\NG BOY4 ,HE HAD BE5 9 ONLY A %ORT TIME1 & HE WAS ROSY-*ECK$1 ) A SMOO? LITTLE FACE & SWEET LIPS -- HE REM9D$ ME ( A GIRL ,I US$ TO C\RT BE=E ,I M>RI$4 ,AFT] ?AT ,I FREQU5TLY SURPRIS$ MYSELF ?9K+ ( ! LAD4 ,I FELT NO DESIRE T[>D HIM1 EXCEPT JU/ TO KN[ HIM & GET FRI5DLY4 ,I BECAME ACQUA9T$ ) HIM1 & :5 HE HE>D ,I WAS A M$ICAL MAN1 HE W\LD (T5 CALL TO CONSULT ME AB\T ! /OMA* TR\BLE HE SUFF]$4 ,! DOCTOR H]E P]SI/$ 9 GIV+ ! POOR KID SALTS & PHYSICS ALL ! TIME4 ,WELL1 ,ALECK1 ,I C\LD H>DLY BELIEVE IT MYSELF1 BUT ,I GREW SO FOND ( ! BOY1 ,I WAS MIS]ABLE :5 A DAY PASS$ )\T MY SEE+ HIM4 ,I W\LD TAKE BIG *ANCES TO GET NE> HIM4 ,I WAS RANGEMAN !N1 & HE WAS ASSI/ANT ON A TOP TI]4 ,WE (T5 HAD OPPORTUNITIES TO TALK4 ,I GOT HIM 9T]E/$ 9 LIT]ATURE1 & ADVIS$ HIM :AT TO READ1 = HE DIDN'T KN[ :AT TO DO ) HIS TIME4 ,HE HAD A F9E *>ACT]1 ?AT BOY1 & HE WAS BRI<T & 9TELLIG5T4 ,AT FIR/ IT WAS ONLY A LIK+ = HIM1 BUT IT 9CREAS$ ALL ! TIME1 TILL ,I C\LDN'T ?9K ( ANY WOMAN4 ,BUT DON'T MISUND]/& ME1 ,ALECK2 IT WASN'T ?AT ,I WANT$ A 'KID4' ,I SWE> TO Y\1 ! O!R Y\?S HAD NO ATTRACTION = ME :ATEV]2 BUT ?IS BOY -- HIS NAME WAS ,FLOYD -- HE BECAME SO DE> TO ME1 :Y1 ,I US$ TO GIVE HIM EV]Y?+ ,I C\LD GET4 ,I HAD A FRI5DLY GU>D1 & HE'D BR+ ME FRUIT & ?+S4 ,SOMETIMES ,I'D JU/ DIE TO EAT IT1 BUT ,I ALWAYS GAVE IT TO ,FLOYD4 ,&1 ,ALECK -- Y\ REMEMB] :5 ,I WAS D[N 9 ! DUNGEON SIX DAYS8 ,WELL1 IT WAS = ! SAKE ( ?AT BOY4 ,HE DID SOME?+1 & ,I TOOK ! BLAME ON MYSELF4 ,& ! LA/ TIME -- !Y KEPT ME N9E DAYS *A9$ UP -- ,I HIT A FELL[ = ABUS+ ,FLOYD3 HE WAS SMALL & C\LDN'T DEF5D HIMSELF4 ,I DID NOT REALIZE IT AT ! TIME1 ,ALECK1 BUT ,I KN[ N[ ?AT ,I WAS SIMPLY 9 LOVE ) ! BOY2 WILDLY1 MADLY 9 LOVE4 ,IT CAME V]Y GRADUALLY4 ,= TWO YE>S ,I LOV$ HIM )\T ! LEA/ TA9T ( SEX DESIRE4 ,IT WAS ! PURE/ AFFECTION ,I EV] FELT 9 MY LIFE4 ,IT WAS ALL-ABSORB+1 & ,I W\LD HAVE SACRIFIC$ MY LIFE = HIM IF HE HAD ASK$ IT4 ,BUT BY DEGREES ! PSY*IC /AGE BEGAN TO MANIFE/ ALL ! EXPRESSIONS ( LOVE BETWE5 ! OPPOSITE SEXES4 ,I REMEMB] ! FIR/ TIME HE KISS$ ME4 ,IT WAS E>LY 9 ! MORN+2 ONLY ! RANGEM5 W]E \T1 & ,I /OLE UP TO HIS CELL TO GIVE HIM A DELICACY4 ,HE PUT BO? H&S BETWE5 ! B>S1 & PRESS$ HIS LIPS TO M9E4 ,ALECK1 ,I TELL Y\1 NEV] 9 MY LIFE HAD ,I EXP]I5C$ SU* BLISS AS AT ?AT MOM5T4 ,IT'S FIVE YE>S AGO1 BUT IT ?RILLS ME EV]Y TIME ,I ?9K ( IT4 ,IT CAME SUDD5LY2 ,I DIDN'T EXPECT IT4 ,IT WAS 5TIRELY SPONTANE\S3 \R EYES MET1 & IT SEEM$ AS IF SOME?+ DREW US TOGE!R4 ,HE TOLD ME HE WAS V]Y FOND ( ME4 ,FROM !N ON WE BECAME LOV]S4 ,I US$ TO NEGLECT MY WORK1 & RISK GREAT DANG] TO GET A *ANCE TO KISS & EMBRACE HIM4 ,I GREW T]RIBLY JEAL\S1 TOO1 ?\< ,I HAD NO CAUSE4 ,I PASS$ ?R\< EV]Y PHASE ( A PASSIONATE LOVE4 ,) ?IS DIFF]5CE1 ?\< -- ,I FELT A T\* ( ! OLD DISGU/ AT ! ?\<T ( ACTUAL SEX CONTACT4 ,?AT ,I DIDN'T DO4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME A DESECRATION ( ! BOY1 & ( MY LOVE = HIM4 ,BUT AFT] A :ILE ?AT FEEL+ ALSO WORE (F1 & ,I DESIR$ SEXUAL RELATION ) HIM4 ,HE SAID HE LOV$ ME 5\< TO DO EV5 ?AT = ME1 ?\< HE HAD NEV] DONE IT BE=E4 ,HE HADN'T BE5 9 ANY RE=MATORY Y\ KN[4 ,& YET1 SOMEH[ ,I C\LDN'T BR+ MYSELF TO DO IT2 ,I LOV$ ! LAD TOO MU* = IT4 ,P]HAPS Y\ WILL SMILE1 ,ALECK1 BUT IT WAS REAL1 TRUE LOVE4 ,:5 ,FLOYD WAS UNEXPECT$LY TRANSF]R$ TO ! O!R BLOCK1 ,I FELT ?AT ,I W\LD BE ! HAPPIE/ MAN IF ,I C\LD ONLY T\* HIS H& AGA91 OR GET ONE MORE KISS4 ,Y\ -- Y\'RE LAU<+80 HE ASKS ABRUPTLY1 A T\* ( ANXIETY HIS VOICE4 

0,NO1 ,GEORGE4 ,I AM GRATEFUL = Y\R CONFID5CE4 ,I ?9K IT IS A WOND]FUL ?+2 &1 ,GEORGE -- ,I HAD FELT ! SAME HORROR & DISGU/ AT !SE ?+S1 AS Y\ DID4 ,BUT N[ ,I ?9K QUITE DIFF]5TLY AB\T !M40 

0,REALLY1 ,ALECK8 ,I'M GLAD Y\ SAY SO4 ,(T5 ,I WAS TR\BL$ -- IS IT VICI\SNESS OR :AT1 ,I WOND]$2 BUT ,I C\LD NEV] TALK TO ANYONE AB\T IT4 ,!Y TAKE EV]Y?+ H]E 9 SU* A FIL?Y S5SE4 ,YET ,I KNEW 9 MY HE>T ?AT IT WAS A TRUE1 HONE/ EMOTION40 

0,GEORGE1 ,I ?9K IT A V]Y BEAUTIFUL EMOTION4 ,JU/ AS BEAUTIFUL AS LOVE = A WOMAN4 ,I HAD A FRI5D H]E2 HIS NAME WAS ,RUSSELL2 P]HAPS Y\ REMEMB] HIM4 ,I FELT NO PHYSICAL PASSION T[>D HIM1 BUT ,I ?9K ,I LOV$ HIM ) ALL MY HE>T4 ,HIS DEA? WAS A MO/ T]RIBLE %OCK TO ME4 ,IT ALMO/ DROVE ME 9SANE40 

,SIL5TLY ,GEORGE HOLDS \T HIS H&4 

7,S\RCE3 ,B]KMAN1 ,ALEX&] 7#a#i#a#b7 ,PRISON ,MEMOIRS ( AN ,AN>*I/1 ,MO!R ,E>? ,PRESS47 

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aiaa 3 ,P>T #b1 ,*APT] #dc -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,FEBRU>Y #c1 #bag 3 ,P>T #b1 ,*APT] #dc -- ,ADD$4 

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