,VOLUME #b1 ,*APT] #$ 

#aicaaica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,TEXT 3 

  

,PHOTO BY ,&REY ,KOR*AG91,C,C ,B,Y-,S,A ,LIC5SE ,LIV+ ,MY ,LIFE 

  

BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

  

,VOLUME TWO 

  

,NEW ,YORK3 ,ALFR$ ,A ,KNOPF ,9C41 #a#i#c#a4 

  

,*APT] #$ 

,AT ! ,G]MAN BORD] ,I FELL RI<T 9TO ! LOV+ >MS ( TWO /ALW>T ,PRUSSIAN (FICIALS :OSE ,KAIS] ,WILHELM MU/A*ES HAD LO/ NO?+ ( PRIDE BY ! IGNOM9I\S RETREAT ( !IR NAMESAKE4 ,QUICKLY !Y L$ ME 9TO A PRIVATE (FICE4 ,I WAS CONFRONT$ ) A DOSSI] COMPRIS+ ALL ! EV5TS ( MY LIFE1 ALMO/ FROM MY CRADLE DAYS1 :]EUPON !Y BEGAN GRILL+ ME = AN H\R4 ,I CONGRATULAT$ !M ON !IR ,G]MAN ?OR\<NESS 9 HAV+ KEPT SU* A COMPLETE RECORD ?AT !RE WAS NO?+ ,I C\LD ADD4 ,:AT W]E MY 9T5TIONS 9 ,G]MANY8 ,HONORABLE1 ( C\RSE3 TO F9D A MILLIONAIRE OLD BA*ELOR 9 SE>* ( A H&SOME Y\NG WIFE4 ,AT ! EXPIRATION ( MY VISA ,I W\LD PROCE$ TO ,CZE*OSLOVAKIA ON ! SAME QUE/4 0,E9 V]FLIXTES ,FRAU5ZIMM]0 !Y RO>$1 & AFT] A FUR!R EX*ANGE ( COMPLIM5TS ,I WAS ESCORT$ BACK TO ! TRA94 

,FIVE MON?S AFT] \R COMRADES HAD BEGUN ! CAMPAIGN TO 5ABLE ME TO 5T] ,G]MANY1 ,I L&$ 9 ,B]L91 ) NO MORE HOPE ?AT ,I %\LD BE MORE SUCCESSFUL ?AN !Y 9 SECUR+ A LONG] /AY4 ,I ACCEPT$ ,CZE*OSLOVAKIA AS A LA/ RESORT --- A PLACE ( EXILE4 ,I HAD NO CONNECTIONS OR FRI5DS !RE2 ! COMRADE :O HAD HELP$ TO SECURE MY VISA WAS AB\T TO LEAVE ! C\NTRY4 ,I KNEW ,I %\LD BE CUT (F FROM EV]YBODY ,I C>$ AB\T4 ,MOREOV]1 ! CO/ ( LIV+ WAS HI<4 ,BUT 9 ,G]MANY ,I WAS ON FAMILI> GR\ND3 ITS LANGUAGE WAS MY MO!R TONGUE4 ,:ATEV] S*OOL+ ,I HAD RECEIV$ WAS 9 ?AT C\NTRY1 & MY E>LY 9FLU5CES W]E ,G]MAN4 ,MO/ IMPORTANT1 !RE WAS A /RONG AN>*I/ & AN>*O-SYNDICALI/ MOVEM5T 9 :I* ,I MI<T TAKE ROOT4 ,MY FRI5DS ,MILLY & ,RUDOLF ,ROCK] & MANY O!R DE> COMRADES W]E ALSO 9 ,B]L94 ,I W\LD TRY MY LUCK !RE1 &1 %\LD ,I HAVE TO LEAVE1 IT W\LD NOT BE )\T A FI<T6 

,MU* TO EV]YBODY'S SURPRISE1 ! ,=EIGN ,(FICE MADE NO DIFFICULTIES AB\T GRANT+ ME A MON?'S /AY4 ,AT ITS EXPIRATION ,I WAS 9=M$ ?AT TWO MORE MON?S HAD BE5 SECUR$ = ME1 & ?AT ,I WAS TO CALL AT ! ,=EIGN ,(FICE4 ,I F\ND ! ,SECRET>Y 5GAG$ ) A MAN :O LOOK$ LIKE A ,RUSSIAN4 ,! LATT] WAS EVID5TLY LEAV+ = HIS NATIVE L&2 ! ,SECRET>Y WAS SEE+ HIM TO ! DOOR & IMPRESS+ UPON HIS VISITOR NOT TO =GET TO BR+ BACK CAVI> & E9 ,PELZ4 ,!N ! (FICIAL TURN$ ON ME ) GOOD OLD ,PRUSSIAN POLIT5ESS4 ,:AT DID ,I MEAN BY COM+ BACK1 HE %\T$1 AFT] HE HAD TOLD ME ,I %\LD HAVE TO LEAVE AT ! 5D ( ! MON?8 ,MY TIME W\LD BE UP TOMORR[1 HE SAID1 & ,I'D HAVE TO GO OR ,I %\LD BE =CIBLY PUT ACROSS ! BORD]4 ,HIS *ANG$ MANN] MADE ME ?9K ?AT ,MOSC[ & ITS ,B]L9 SATRAPS W]E AGA9 AT MY HEELS4 ,! MAN :O HAD JU/ LEFT WAS PROBABLY A ,*EKI/4 

,H[EV]1 ,I C\LD NOT AF=D TO LOSE MY TEMP]4 ,I EXPLA9$ 9 AS LADYLIKE A TONE AS ,I C\LD UND] ! CIRCUM/ANCES ?AT ANO!R TWO MON?S HAD BE5 GRANT$ ME & ?AT ,I CAME TO HAVE MY PASSPORT /AMP$ = ?AT4 ,HE KNEW NO?+ AB\T IT & HE W\LD NOT GIVE ME ! EXT5SION IF HE DID KN[1 HE DECL>$4 ,I HAD BETT] LEAVE ! C\NTRY QUIETLY OR BE KICK$ \T4 ,9 ?AT CASE1 ,I REPLI$1 HE W\LD HAVE TO S5D SEV]AL M5 TO C>RY ME \T4 ,I LEFT HIM CONF\ND$ BY MY ,FRE*HEIT & W5T TO ! ,REI*/AG 9 SE>* ( MY SPONSORS4 ,!Y KEPT ME WAIT+ ?REE H\RS1 TOO BUSY ) AFFAIRS ( ,/ATE TO SEE ME4 ,I WAS 9 A DI/URB$ /ATE ( M9D1 BUT SOON ,I =GOT MY TR\BLES 9 WAT*+ ! ANTICS ( :AT ,JOHANN ,MO/ US$ TO CALL 0! ,H\SE ( ,M>IONETTES40 

,JUDG+ BY ! CONT9U\S /REAM ( DEPUTIES TO ! REFRE%M5T ROOMS1 ! LATT] SEEM$ TO BE ! REAL SEAT ( ! AUGU/ BODY4 ,!RE1 AMID QUANTITIES ( ,/ULL51 ,SEIDELS ( BE]1 & GU/S ( CIG>-SMOKE1 ! WEAL & WOE ( ! ,G]MAN MASSES WAS BE+ DECID$4 ,9 ! LEGISLATIVE HALL SOMEONE WAS TALK+ AGA9/ TIME1 NO D\BT TO HOLD ! =T TILL HIS POLITICAL GR\P %\LD HAVE REC\P$ !MSELVES SUFFICI5TLY TO KNOCK ! O!R ON ! HEAD4 ,IT WAS AN 5T]TA9M5T ,I %\LD HAVE BE5 SORRY TO MISS4 

,! DAY'S H>D WORK OV]1 MY SPONSORS TURN$ TO ME4 ,AFT] LI/5+ TO MY ACC\NT ( ! 9T]VIEW AT ! ,=EIGN ,(FICE1 !Y TOOK UP ! TELEPHONE4 ,A RA!R W>M >GUM5T FOLL[$1 9 ! C\RSE ( :I* ! P>TY AT ! O!R 5D WAS TOLD ?AT HE W\LD BE REPORT$ TO HIS *IEF = 0SUPPRESS+ ! EXT5SION ISSU$ TO ,FRAU ,E4 ,G4 ,K]S*N]40 ,! ?REAT SEEM$ TO BE EFFECTIVE AS 9DICAT$ BY 0,WELL1 !N --- WE KNEW Y\'D BE S5SIBLE40 ,! FOLL[+ MORN+ MY PASSPORT WAS /AMP$ = ANO!R TWO MON?S' /AY4 

,) ?IS RESPITE1 ,I DECID$ ON A LITTLE AP>TM5T4 ,I HAD BE5 DRIV5 AB\T SO MU* ?AT ,I FELT BRUIS$ 9 EV]Y BONE & ,I WAS 9 NE$ ( A RE/ UND] MY [N RO(4 ,I WANT$ SOME PEACE TO COLLECT MY ?\<TS BE=E BEG9N+ MY BOOK ON ,RUSSIA4 ,I LONG$ = MY FLAX5-HAIR$1 BLUE-EY$ ,SW$I% BOY1 :OSE T5D] DEVOTION HAD BE5 MY MA9/AY 9 ! ?REE & A HALF MON?S ( MY EXI/5CE 9 ,/OCKHOLM4 ,I'D S5D = HIM & HAVE TWO MON?S ( P]SONAL LIFE 9 A LIFETIME ?AT HAD NEV] BE5 MY [N4 ,VA9 HOPE ,I ,I REALIZ$ IT ! MOM5T ,I MET MY FRI5D AT ! /ATION4 ,HIS F9E EYES HAD NOT LO/ !IR FRI5DL9ESS1 BUT ! GL[ ?AT HAD REK9DL$ MY S\L WAS NO LONG] !RE4 ,!Y HAD COME TO SEE :AT ,I HAD KN[N FROM ! />T1 YET DID NOT WI% TO REALIZE --- ?AT HE WAS TW5TY-N9E & ,I FIFTY-?REE4 

,W\LD ?AT ! ADV5TURE HAD 5D$ AT ITS HEI<T1 A GOLD5 MEMORY ON MY ?ORNY ROAD6 ,BUT HIS EAG]NESS TO REJO9 ME1 & MY [N HE>T-HUNG] HAD BE5 H>D TO RESI/4 0,B]L9 SOON60 HAD BE5 \R P>T+ WORD4 ,ONLY F\R WEEKS HAD PASS$ S9CE1 & HIS FLAME HAD BURN$ \T4 ,I WAS TOO /AGG]$ BY ! UNEXPECT$ BL[ TO ?9K CLE>LY & ,I CLUNG TO ! /RAW ?AT ,I MI<T REAWAK5 ! LOVE ?AT HAD BE5 M9E4 

,!RE W]E V>I\S REASONS :Y ,I C\LD NOT TELL HIM TO GO4 ,HE HAD AVOID$ CONSCRIPTION & HE HAD >\S$ ! SUSPICION ( ! ,/OCKHOLM POLICE BECAUSE ( HIS ATTEMPT TO HELP ,SA%A ) SOME PAP]S4 ,HE HAD NO MEANS & HE W\LD NOT BE P]MITT$ TO WORK 9 ,G]MANY4 ,I FELT ,I C\LD NOT S5D HIM AWAY4 ,:AT IF HIS LOVE HAD DI$8 ,\R FRI5D%IP W\LD /ILL BE SWEET --- MY AFFECTION = HIM /RONG 5\< TO BE CONT5T ) ?AT1 ,I REASON$4 ,! RE/ & JOY ,I HAD HOP$ = W]E TURN$ 9TO EI<T MON?S ( PURGATORY4 

,MY MIS]Y WAS 9CREAS$ BY ,SA%A'S LACK ( SYMPA?Y ) MY /RUGGLE1 ! MORE SURPRIS+ BECAUSE HE HAD BE5 K9D & SOLICIT\S :5 ,I F\<T AGA9/ ! GR[+ 9FATUATION = MY FRI5D4 ,HE HAD RIDICUL$ ! SILLY CONV5TIONS REG>D+ DIFF]5CE 9 AGE1 & ADVIS$ ME TO FOLL[ MY DESIRE = ! Y\? :O HAD COME 9TO MY LIFE4 ,SA%A WAS FOND ( ! BOY1 & AS = ! LATT]1 HE WOR%IP$ MY OLD *UM4 ,BUT MY Y\NG ,SW$E'S >RIVAL 9 ,B]L9 & HIS PRES5CE 9 ! SAME AP>TM5T SOMEH[ *ANG$ !IR =M] F9E COMRADE%IP 9TO SIL5T ANTAGONISM4 ,I KNEW !Y DID NOT MEAN TO HURT ME1 & YET 9 !IR MALE %ORT-SI<T$NESS !Y DID NO?+ ELSE4 

,I WAS 9 NO /ATE ( M9D = WRIT+ A BOOK ON ,RUSSIA4 ,! ?\<T ( ?AT UN=TUNATE C\NTRY & ( ITS POLITICAL M>TYRS WAS EV] PRES5T ) ME & ,I FELT ,I WAS BETRAY+ !IR TRU/4 ,I WAS DO+ NO?+ TO MAKE !IR CONDITION & ! EV5 MORE POIGNANT DRAMA ( 0,OCTOB]0 KN[N4 ,I TRI$ TO SALVE MY CONSCI5CE BY A CONTRIBUTION ,I MADE FROM ! SUMS E>N$ BY MY >TICLES & FROM ! BRO*URE ! ,LONDON GR\P HAD PUBLI%$ AT MY EXP5SE4 ,SA%A WAS DO+ SPL5DID WORK1 WRIT+ >TICLES & ISSU+ PAMPHLETS ON ,! ,RUSSIAN ,TRAG$Y1 ,! ,COMMUNI/ ,P>TY1 ,KRON/ADT1 & RELAT$ SUBJECTS4 ,\R ,TAGANKA DEPORTEES W]E N[ ALSO 9 ,G]MANY & !Y W]E MAK+ !MSELVES HE>D 9 ! AN>*I/ PRESS & ON ! PLAT=M REG>D+ ! ,SOVIET REALITY4 ,& EV5 BE=E \R VOICES W]E RAIS$1 \R ABLE COMRADES ,RUDOLF ,ROCK] & ,AUGU/9 ,S\*Y HAD BE5 5LI<T5+ ! ,G]MAN WORK]S ON ! TRUE CONDITIONS 9 ,RUSSIA4 

,?R\< ,H]B]T ,SWOPE1 ( ! ,NEW ,YORK ,WORLD1 & ,ALB]T ,BONI1 ,CL9TON ,P4 ,BRA9>D1 !N PRESID5T ( ,H>P]'S1 BECAME 9T]E/$ 9 MY PLANN$ WORK ON ,RUSSIA4 ,HE PROV$ A JOVIAL OLD MAN1 A BREEZY ,WE/]N]1 EXPANSIVE 9 MANN] & CONV]SATION2 BUT HE DID NOT SEEM TO HAVE ! SLI<TE/ IDEA ( BOOKS & !IR RELATION TO !IR AU?ORS4 0,SIX MON?S = A BOOK ON ! ,SOVIETS60 HE EXCLAIM$4 0,NONS5SE6 ,Y\ \<T TO BE ABLE TO DICTATE IT RI<T (F ! BAT 9 A MON?40 0,Y\R NAME & ! SUBJECT WILL MAKE ! BOOK1 NOT ITS LIT]>Y QUALITY10 HE ASS]T$4 ,HE W\LD BET ANY?+ ?AT A VOLUME BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN ON ! ,BOL%EVIKI1 ) AN 9TRODUCTION BY ,H]B]T ,HOOV]1 W\LD PROVE ! GREATE/ ?RILL] ( ! DAY4 0,:Y1 IT MEANS A =TUNE = Y\6 ,DID Y\ EV] EXPECT ?AT1 ,E4,G480 0,NO1 NEV] 9 ALL MY LIFE10 ,I ADMITT$1 WOND]+ :E!R HE WAS JOK+ OR SO 9CR$IBLY IGNORANT ( MY LIFE1 MY IDEAS1 ! IMPORTANCE ( ,RUSSIA TO ME1 OR :Y ,I WANT$ TO WRITE AB\T IT4 ,I FELT ?AT ,MR4 ,BRA9>D WAS SO NAIVE1 SO LIKE ! AV]AGE ,AM]ICAN M9D1 ?AT ,I C\LD NOT TAKE (F5SE AT HIS SUGGE/ION ( ,MR4 ,HOOV]1 ANO!R P]FECT AV]AGE ,AM]ICAN1 TO 9TRODUCE MY POOR BOOK TO ! WORLD4 

,I EXPRESS$ SURPRISE TO ,ALB]T ,BONI ?AT ANYONE SO LIMIT$ AS ! PRESID5T ( ,H>P]'S %\LD BE AT ! HEAD ( A PUBLI%+ H\SE ( QUALITY & REPUTATION4 ,HE EXPLA9$ ?AT ,MR4 ,BRA9>D'S DOMA9 WAS BUS9ESS & NOT ! LIT]>Y DEP>TM5T1 :I* WAS SOME RELIEF4 

,I HAD HAD NO EXP]I5CE ) PUBLI%]S1 \R BOOKS 9 ,AM]ICA HAV+ ALWAYS BE5 ISSU$ BY \RSELVES ?R\< ! ,MO!R ,E>? ,PUBLI%+ ,ASSOCIATION4 ,ALB]T ,BONI1 REPRES5T+ ,BRA9>D & ! ,MC,CLURE ,NEWSPAP] ,SYNDICATE1 DID NOT F9D IT NECESS>Y TO 5LI<T5 ME ON !IR COMM]CIAL ME?ODS4 ,! RESULT WAS ?AT ,I SOLD TO ,MR4 ,BRA9>D ! WORLD RI<TS TO MY BOOK ON ,RUSSIA = @s#a1#g#e ADVANCE AGA9/ ! USUAL ROYALTIES & FIFTY P] C5T = ! S]IAL RI<TS4 ,IT SEEM$ A V]Y SATISFACTORY >RANGEM5T TO ME1 ! MO/ GRATIFY+ PROVISION 9 ! AGREEM5T BE+ ?AT NO?+ C\LD BE *ANG$ 9 MY MANUSCRIPT )\T MY KN[L$GE & CONS5T4 

,MY VISA WAS R5EW$ = ANO!R TWO MON?S & ! HOPE HELD \T ?AT ,I C\LD HAVE FUR!R EXT5SIONS4 ,MY LIV+-EXP5SES W]E N[ ALSO SECUR$4 ,I C\LD PROCE$ ) MY BOOK4 ,I HAD LIV$ ) IT S9CE ,KRON/ADT & HAD WORK$ IT \T 9 ALL ITS ASPECTS4 ,BUT :5 ,I CAME TO WRITE IT1 ,I WAS OV]:ELM$ BY ! MAGNITUDE ( MY SUBJECT4 ,! ,RUSSIAN ,REVOLUTION1 GREAT] & MORE PR(\ND ?AN ! ,FR5*1 AS ,PET] HAD RI<TLY SAID --- C\LD ,I DO IT JU/ICE 9 ONE VOLUME & 9 ! LIMIT$ TIME SET8 ,YE>S W]E NE$$ = SU* A WORK1 & A F> ABL] P5 ?AN M9E TO MAKE ! /ORY AS VIVID & MOV+ AS ITS REALITY4 ,HAD ,I GA9$ ! NECESS>Y P]SPECTIVE & DETA*M5T TO WRITE )\T P]SONAL GRIEVANCE OR RANCOR AGA9/ ! M5 AT ! HELM ( ! DICTATOR%IP8 ,!SE D\BTS ASSAIL$ ME AT MY DESK1 GA9+ MOM5TUM ! MORE ,I TRI$ TO CONC5TRATE ON MY TASK4 

,MY IMM$IATE SURR\ND+S W]E ANY?+ BUT HELPFUL4 ,MY Y\NG FRI5D HAD GOT 9TO ! SAME SL\< AS ,I4 ,HE HAD NOT ! /R5G? TO LEAVE1 NOR ,I TO S5D HIM AWAY4 ,LONEL9ESS1 ! YE>N+ TO BE C>$ = 9 AN 9TIMATE S5SE1 MADE ME CL+ TO ! BOY4 ,HE ADMIR$ ME AS A REBEL & AS A FI<T]2 AS A FRI5D & COMPANION ,I HAD AWAK5$ HIS SPIRIT & HAD OP5$ TO HIM A NEW WORLD ( IDEAS1 BOOKS1 MUSIC1 >T4 ,HE DID NOT WANT TO LIVE AWAY FROM ME & HE NE$$ ! FELL[%IP & UND]/&+ ?AT HE F\ND 9 \R RELATION%IP1 HE SAID4 ,BUT ! DIFF]5CE1 ! EV] PRES5T DIFF]5CE ( TW5TY-F\R YE>S1 HE C\LD NOT =GET4 

,MY FRI5DS ,RUDOLF & ,MILLY ,ROCK] S5S$ ! PHYSICAL & M5TAL /RESS ,I WAS GO+ ?R\<4 ,I HAD NOT SE5 !M S9CE #a#i#g1 :5 WE HAD KN[N EA* O!R ONLY AS COMRADES4 ,DUR+ MY /AY 9 ,B]L9 ,I CAME TO APPRECIATE & LOVE !IR BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT4 ,RUDOLF WAS V]Y MU* LIKE MY OLD COMPANION ,MAX1 AS UND]/&+1 T5D]1 & G5]\S1 & NOT GIV5 SO MU* TO P>ALYZ+ 9TROSPECTION4 ,9TELLECTUALLY BRILLIANT & ) A PRODIGI\S CAPACITY = WORK1 HE WAS A =CE 9 ! ,G]MAN AN>*I/ MOVEM5T & AN 9SPIRATION TO EV]YONE :O CAME 9 CONTACT ) HIM4 ,MILLY WAS ALSO S5SITIVELY ATTUN$ TO HUMAN SUFF]+ & UN/9T$ 9 H] SYMPA?Y & AFFECTION4 ,!Y W]E A SOO?+ HELP 9 ! BATTLE ,I WAS FI<T+ TO GET CONTROL ( MYSELF4 ,I DESP]ATELY NE$$ TO BEG9 MY BOOK4 

,! >RIVAL ( MY BELOV$ ,/ELLA & ,IAN1 MY BABY ALMO/ AS MU* AS H]S1 SOME:AT DULL$ MY GNAW+ PA94 ,I HAD NOT SE5 !M = ?REE YE>S & ,I HAD LONG$ = !IR COM+4 ,ONE WEEK W5T BY 9 SWEET H>MONY ) MY [N1 9 REM9ISC5CES ( ! PA/1 ) ALL ITS JOY & TRAVAIL1 ( :AT IS ADMIRABLE & :AT IS HATEFUL 9 MY ADOPT$ L&4 

,A DISSONANT NOTE SOON DI/URB$ \R IDYLL4 ,/ELLA HAD ALWAYS KEPT ME ON A P$E/AL4 ,%E C\LD NOT BE> TO SEE MY FEET ( CLAY4 ,%E HAD SUFF]$ ?R\< MY RELATION TO ,B51 & N[ AGA9 MY DE> ONE RES5T$ ?AT H] ADOR$ ,TANTE %\LD 0?R[ H]SELF AWAY40 ,MY Y\NG ,SW$E WAS QUICK TO S5SE ! DISDA9 ( MY NIECE4 ,HE BECAME MORE CONTR>Y & W5T \T ( HIS WAY TO BE P>TICUL>LY DISAGREEABLE TO H]4 

,IAN1 A BEAUTIFUL Y\NG/] ( SIX1 WILD & UNBRIDL$ AS A Y\NG COLT1 F\ND \R AP>TM5T TOO SMALL = HIS 5]GIES4 ,HE KNEW NO ,G]MAN & HE C\LD NOT UND]/& :Y EV]YBODY %\LD WALK AS ON GLASS BECAUSE 0GRANNY'S0 N]VES W]E ON $GE4 ,!RE WAS WISDOM FROM ! M\? ( A *ILD4 ,EV5 \R BABY HAD LE>N$ TO GO BY YE>S1 &1 FOOL ?AT ,I WAS1 ,I /ILL FELT Y\NG1 REA*+ \T HUNGRILY = ! FIRE ( Y\?4 ,=TUNATELY MY S5SE ( ! RIDICUL\S HAD NOT 5TIRELY =SAK5 ME4 ,I C\LD /ILL LAU< AT MY [N FOLLY4 ,BUT ,I C\LD NOT WRITE1 OR DO AS MY ,SW$E --- RUN AWAY6 

,HE W\LD GO TO ! SEA%ORE = A FEW DAYS1 SO ?AT ,/ELLA & ,I C\LD BE ) EA* O!R UNDI/URB$1 HE SAID4 ,I DID NOT PROTE/2 ,I FELT RA!R RELIEV$4 ,! TWO DAYS L5G!N$ 9TO A WEEK )\T A WORD TO REASSURE ME ?AT ALL WAS WELL ) HIM4 ,MY ANXIETY GREW 9TO AN OBSESSION ?AT HE HAD TAK5 OR LO/ HIS LIFE4 ,TO ESCAPE ! TORTUR+ ?\<T ,I TRI$ ONCE MORE TO />T MY BOOK4 ,AS IF BY MAGIC ! LOAD ,I HAD C>RI$ = MON?S WAS LIFT$2 ! H>R[+ %AD[S DISAPPE>$ TOGE!R ) ! BOY & MY FRU/RATIONS4 ,I MYSELF BECAME DISSOLV$ 9TO ! PICTURE ?AT WAS TAK+ =M ON ! PAP] BE=E ME4 

,A /ORM BEGAN 9 ! LATE AFT]NOON & CONT9U$ ?R\<\T ! NI<T4 ,?UND] & LI<TN+1 FOLL[$ BY W9D & RA91 BEAT AGA9/ ! W9D[S ( MY ROOM4 ,I WROTE ON1 OBLIVI\S ( EV]Y?+ EXCEPT ! /ORM 9 MY [N S\L4 ,I F\ND RELEASE AT LA/4 

,! /ORM \TSIDE HAD /OPP$4 ,! AIR WAS /ILL1 ! SUN SL[LY RIS+ & SPREAD+ ITS R$ & GOLD OV] ! SKY 9 GREET+ ( ! NEW DAY4 ,I WEPT1 CONSCI\S ( ! ET]NAL REBIR? 9 NATURE1 9 ! DREAMS ( MAN1 9 HIS QUE/ = FRE$OM & BEAUTY1 9 ! /RUGGLE ( HUMANITY TO GREAT] HEI<TS4 ,I FELT ! REBIR? ( MY [N LIFE1 TO BL5D ONCE MORE ) ! UNIV]SAL1 ( :I* ,I WAS BUT AN 9F9ITESIMAL P>T4 

,! ,SW$E RETURN$ HALE & S\ND4 ,HE HAD NOT WRITT5 BECAUSE HE WAS TRY+ TO MU/] UP C\RAGE TO GO HIS [N WAY4 ,HE FAIL$4 ,HE WAS DRAWN BACK BY HIS NE$ ( ME4 ,W\LD ,I ACCEPT HIM AGA98 ,I DID1 C]TA9 ?AT HE C\LD NOT CONSUME ME AS BE=E4 ,I WAS BACK 9 ,RUSSIA N[1 9 H] TRIUMPH & DEFEAT1 MY EV]Y FIB] 9T5T ON RECREAT+ ! TREM5D\S PANORAMA ,I HAD WITNESS$ = TW5TY-ONE MON?S4 

,MY DE> OLD PAL ,SA%A1 ?\< R>ELY SYMPA!TIC ) MY AFFAIRS ( ! HE>T1 NEV] FAIL$ ME 9 \R COMMON ACTIVITIES OR 9 HIS COOP]ATION ) MY LIT]>Y EF=TS4 ,JU/ AS SOON AS HE SAW ME WORK+ 9 E>NE/1 HE CAME BACK ) HIS OLD EAG]NESS TO HELP4 ,I %\LD HAVE MADE CONSID]ABLE PROGRESS N[ BUT = A NEW DI/URBANCE4 

,Y\NG PEOPLE >E R>ELY G5]\S TO EA* O!R1 NOR HAVE !Y PATI5CE ) EA* O!R'S %ORTCOM+S4 ,MY SECRET>Y1 AN 9TELLIG5T & EFFICI5T ,JEWI%-,AM]ICAN GIRL1 & MY Y\NG ,SW$E C\LD APP>5TLY NOT GET ON4 ,!Y >GU$ VIOL5TLY & QU>REL$ OV] EV]Y TRIVIAL MATT]4 ,! /RA9 WAS AGGRAVAT$ :5 ! GIRL MOV$ 9TO \R AP>TM5T4 ,IT WAS L>GE 5\<1 & EA* ( US HAD HIS [N ROOM4 ,BUT ! TWO Y\NG ?+S GL>$ & FUM$ AT EA* O!R EV]Y MOM5T !Y W]E TOGE!R4 

,SOON ,I DISCOV]$ ! TRU? ( ! ,G]MAN SAY+3 ,WAS LIEBT SI*1 DAS NECKT SI*4 ,! TWO Y\NG PEOPLE HAD FALL5 9 LOVE ) EA* O!R & W]E FI<T+ TO DI/RACT MY ATT5TION FROM !IR REAL FEEL+S4 ,!Y W]E TOO UNSOPHI/ICAT$ TO BE GUILTY ( DELIB]ATE DECEPTION4 ,!Y SIMPLY LACK$ ! C\RAGE TO SPEAK & W]E P]HAPS AFRAID TO HURT ME4 ,AS IF !IR FRANKNESS C\LD HAVE BE5 MORE LAC]AT+ ?AN MY REALIZATION ?AT !IR %[ ( 9DIFF]5CE WAS ONLY A %IELD6 ,AT HE>T ,I HAD NOT CEAS$ TO BELIEVE ?AT MY LOVE W\LD REK9DLE HIS AFFECTION1 SO RI* & ABUNDANT DUR+ \R MON?S 9 ,/OCKHOLM4 

,I C\LD NOT 5DURE ! SILLY HIDE-&-GO-SEEK GO+ ON BE=E MY EYES4 ,I ASSUR$ !M ?AT NO?+ W\LD *ANGE MY AFFECTION = !M1 & ?AT ,I WANT$ ! GIRL TO CONT9UE ) ME UNTIL ! MANUSCRIPT WAS TYP$1 BUT ,I W\LD ASK !M TO F9D QU>T]S ( !IR [N4 ,IT W\LD BE LESS WE>+ = ! ?REE ( US4 

,!Y MOV$ \T4 ,! GIRL CONT9U$ TO DO MY SECRET>IAL WORK1 BUT H] ATTITUDE T[>DS ME HAD *ANG$4 ,! Y\NG ,SW$E KEPT COM+ TO SEE ME1 G5]ALLY 9 ! EV5+1 :5 HIS SWEE!>T WAS NOT PRES5T4 ,%E C\LD NOT BE> TO SEE HIM ) ME1 HE SAID1 OR TO BE MADE TO FEEL ?AT ,I WAS HIS 9SPIRATION4 ,I W\LD ALWAYS REMA9 ?AT1 HE REIT]AT$4 ,IT WAS SOME?+ ( A CONSOLATION2 /ILL1 IT W\LD BE BE/ IF HE /AY$ AWAY ALTOGE!R1 ,I TOLD HIM4 ,I WAS PA/ M9D+4 ,!IR LOVE WAS Y\NG1 & IT WAS UNK9D TO CAUSE IT PA94 ,HE TOOK MY ADVICE & HE DID NOT COME AGA9 UNTIL %ORTLY BE=E HE LEFT ) ! GIRL = ,AM]ICA1 & !N ONLY TO SAY GOOD-BYE4 

,I /ILL HAD ! H>DE/ P>T ( MY BOOK TO DO --- AN ,AFT]WORD ?AT WAS TO SET =? ! LESSONS ( ! ,RUSSIAN ,REVOLUTION :I* \R COMRADES & ! MILITANT MASSES WILL HAVE TO LE>N IF FUTURE REVOLUTIONS >E NOT TO BE FAILURES4 ,I HAD COME TO REALIZE ?AT ) ALL ! ,BOL%EVIK MANIA = P[] !Y C\LD NEV] HAVE SO COMPLETELY T]RORIZ$ ! ,RUSSIAN PEOPLE IF IT W]E NOT 9H]5T 9 MASS PSY*OLOGY TO BE EASILY SWAY$4 ,I WAS ALSO CONV9C$ ?AT ! CONCEPTION ( REVOLUTION 9 \R [N RANKS WAS TOO ROMANTIC1 & ?AT MIRACLES CANNOT BE EXPECT$ EV5 AFT] CAPITALISM %ALL HAVE BE5 ABOLI%$ & ! B\RGEOISIE ELIM9AT$4 ,I KNEW BETT] N[ & ,I WANT$ TO HELP MY COMRADES TO A CLE>] UND]/&+4 

,I FELT ?AT = AN ADEQUATE TREATM5T ( ! CON/RUCTIVE SIDE ( REVOLUTION ,I MYSELF HAD TO GET AWAY FROM ! PHANTOM ( ! ,COMMUNI/ ,/ATE F> 5\< = OBJECTIVE WRIT+4 ,I DID NOT WANT MY BOOK TO GO \T 9TO ! WORLD )\T SOME DEF9ITE CONCLUSIONS4 ,YET 9 MY /ATE ( M9D ,I F\ND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GO 9TO ! COMPLEX PROBLEMS ( ! SUBJECT4 ,AFT] WEEKS ( CONFLICT ,I DECID$ TO JOT D[N A FEW ?\<TS1 SOME FRAGM5TS ?AT MI<T S]VE AS A SKET* = A L>G] WORK ON ! VITAL SUBJECT4 ,SA%A AGRE$ ?AT 9 ! LI<T ( ! ,RUSSIAN EV5TS A ?OR\< REVISION ( ! OLD CONCEPTION ( REVOLUTION HAD BECOME IMP]ATIVE4 ,HE OR ,I OR BO? ( US MI<T UND]TAKE IT LAT]4 ,!RE WAS NO NE$ TO FRET AB\T ! MATT] N[4 ,A BOOK ( IMPRESSIONS1 SU* AS M9E1 WAS NO PLACE = AN ANALYSIS ( !ORIES & IDEAS4 ,RUDOLF ALSO HELD ?IS VIEW4 ,AS A RESULT ( ! ADVICE ( MY TWO FRI5DS1 :OSE JUDGM5T 9 SU* QUE/IONS R>ELY ]R$1 & BECAUSE ( MY [N FEEL+ AB\T IT1 ,I WROTE A CLOS+ *APT] SUGGE/+ 9 G5]AL \TL9E ! PRACTICAL1 CON/RUCTIVE EF=TS DUR+ REVOLUTION4 

,I HAD REASONS = A D\BLE CELEBRATION4 ,I HAD REGA9$ MY EMOTIONAL SANITY & ,I HAD COMPLET$ ! MANUSCRIPT ( 0,MY ,TWO ,YE>S 9 ,RUSSIA40 ,SA%A ALSO HAD CAUSE TO BE EXCE$+LY GLAD4 ,! PRECI\S DI>Y HE HAD KEPT 9 ,RUSSIA1 :I* HAD ESCAP$ ! ,*EKI/S :O RANSACK$ HIS ROOM BECAUSE ,I HAD IT HIDD5 9 M9E1 HAD BE5 LO/ AFT] IT WAS SMUGGL$ \T ( ,RUSSIA4 ,:ILE ,SA%A WAS 9 ,M9SK1 A FRI5D HAD TAK5 HIS NOTE-BOOKS TO ,G]MANY1 PROMIS+ TO DELIV] !M TO ! ,ROCK]S4 ,GREAT WAS \R %OCK ON LE>N+ ?AT \R ,B]L9 FRI5DS HAD FAIL$ TO RECEIVE ! PRECI\S PACKAGE4 ,NO?+ C\LD REPLACE ! DAY-BY-DAY RECORD ,SA%A HAD KEPT ( EV]Y 9CID5T & EV5T DUR+ \R /AY 9 ,RUSSIA4 ,LUCKILY ! PRICELESS DI>Y WAS DISCOV]$ AFT] MANY AN ANXI\S WEEK4 

,MON?S PASS$ AFT] MY MANUSCRIPT HAD BE5 MAIL$ TO ! ,MC,CLURE ,NEWSPAP] ,SYNDICATE1 BUT NO WORD CAME AB\T ITS RECEIPT4 ,I WROTE ) EV]Y SAIL+ & SP5T A LITTLE =TUNE ON CABLES1 BUT !RE WAS NO REPLY4 ,/ELLA & ,FITZI1 :OM ,I HAD ASK$ TO SEE ,BRA9>D AB\T IT1 REPORT$ ?AT !Y HAD BE5 TOLD ?AT ! MAN HAD NOT APPE>$ 9 HIS (FICE S9CE HIS RETURN FROM ,G]MANY1 & NO ONE AT ! ,SYNDICATE KNEW ANY?+ AB\T MY MANUSCRIPT4 ,I !N CABL$ ,MR4 ,SWOPE1 ( ! ,NEW ,YORK ,WORLD1 BEGG+ HIM TO GO AFT] ! PRESID5T ( ,H>P]'S4 ,I SAW ,G>ET ,G>RETT1 ( ! ,TRIBUNE1 :ILE HE WAS 9 ,B]L9 & ASK$ HIM TO HELP ME LOCATE ! MANUSCRIPT4 ,I GAVE ,ALB]T ,BONI NO PEACE4 ,ALL !SE FRANTIC EF=TS BR\<T NO RESULTS4 ,UNABLE TO 5DURE ! WORRY AB\T MY BOOK ANY LONG]1 ,I TURN$ ! MATT] OV] TO MY OLD FRI5D & C\NSELOR ,H>RY ,WE9B]G]4 ,I WAS CONFID5T HE W\LD SUCCE$ 9 MAK+ ! ,MC,CLURE PEOPLE OR ,BRA9>D GIVE ME AN ACC\NT4 

,9 ADDITION TO ?IS ANXIETY CAME ! NEWS ( ! FRI<TFUL CALAMITY ?AT HAD HAPP5$ TO MY ,/ELLA4 ,%E HAD LO/ ! SI<T ( H] RI<T EYE4 ,SPECIALI/S :O HAD TREAT$ H] NE>LY BR\<T H] TO ! GRAVE BY !IR EXP]IM5TS4 ,ONE ( !M DISMISS$ H] CASE AS A DETA*$ RET9A ?AT C\LD NOT BE CUR$1 & H9T$ AT COMPLETE BL9DNESS4 ,G]MANY IS FAM\S = ITS EYE SPECIALI/S & ,I WAS 5TIRELY FREE N[ TO DEVOTE MYSELF TO MY NIECE4 ,I URG$ H] TO COME TO ME AT ONCE4 ,%E CAME1 A %AD[ ( ! RADIANT GIRL ?AT HAD VISIT$ ME ! PREVI\S YE>4 ,A SPECIALI/ DIAGNOS$ H] CASE AS TUB]CULOSIS ( ! EYES & HELD \T NO HOPE = RECOV]Y4 

,DR4 ,MAGNUS ,HIRS*FELD1 :OM ,I KNEW = HIS PIONE] WORK 9 SEX PSY*OLOGY1 CAME TO \R RESCUE4 ,HE SUGGE/$ ,DR4 ,C\NT ,WIS]1 ( ,BAD ,LIEB5/E91 9 ,?UR+54 ,HE WAS A REM>KABLE MAN1 ,DR4 ,HIRS*FELD SAID1 A GREAT DIAGNO/ICIAN & AN 9NOVATOR 9 ! TREATM5T ( EYE AFFECTIONS4 ,! DOCTOR ADD$ ?AT ,I %\LD BE P>TICUL>LY 9T]E/$ 9 ,WIS] BECAUSE HE HAD BE5 PROSCRIB$ & P]SECUT$ BY ! PR(ESSION1 AS ,I HAD BE5 9 ! POLITICAL FIELD & HE HIMSELF 9 HIS HUMANIT>IAN & SOCIAL PROPHYLACTIC WORK4 ,I SMIL$ AT ! IDEA ?AT AN >I/OCRAT %\LD MEET ) ! SAME OPPOSITION AS A SOCIAL REBEL OR EV5 AS ,DR4 ,HIRS*FELD1 A ,JEW WORK+ TO CLE> AWAY ! SEXUAL PREJUDICES ( ! ,G]MAN ,MI*EL4 ,H[EV]1 WE W]E WILL+ TO TRY ,C\NT ,WIS]4 

,?\< WE HAD BE5 9=M$ AB\T ! ATTITUDE ( ! M$ICAL PR(ESSION T[>DS ,DR4 ,WIS]1 WE W]E RA!R DISMAY$ BY ! CIRCUL> H&$ US 9 HIS (FICE :5 WE >RIV$ = A CONSULTATION4 ,IT WAS AN APPEAL TO ! ,M$ICAL ,DEP>TM5T ( ! ,W> ,M9I/RY TO HAVE ,DR4 ,GRAF ,WIS] SUPPRESS$ ON GR\NDS ( PR(ESSIONAL 9COMPET5CE1 QUACK]Y1 & DI%ONE/Y1 & IT WAS SIGN$ BY TW5TY-TWO ( ! =EMO/ EYE SPECIALI/S ( ,G]MANY4 ,= A MOM5T ! ?\<T CAME TO ME ?AT !RE MU/ BE SOME?+ WRONG ) ,DR4 ,WIS] TO HAVE CALL$ =? ! 5MITY ( HIS ILLU/RI\S COLLEAGUES4 ,\R UNPLEASANT IMPRESSION WAS SOME:AT MITIGAT$ BY ! FACT ?AT ,WIS] DID NOT HESITATE TO LET HIS PATI5TS KN[ ! PR(ESSIONAL ATTITUDE AGA9/ HIM4 ,HE C\LD NOT UND]TAKE TO TREAT ANY P]SON1 HE /AT$ 9 A FOOT-NOTE1 UNLESS ASSUR$ ( CONFID5CE 9 HIS ME?OD4 ,?IS RAIS$ HIM CONSID]ABLY 9 MY E/IMATION & RESPECT4 

,MY FIR/ P]SONAL MEET+ ) ! PROSCRIB$ DOCTOR FRE$ ME 5TIRELY FROM ! LA/ D\BT RAIS$ BY ! CIRCUL>4 ,HIS 5TIRE DEMEANOR BELI$ ! ACCUSATION AGA9/ HIM4 ,HIS SIMPLICITY & S9C]ITY W]E EVID5T 9 EV]Y WORD4 ,?\< HE HAD A L9E ( PEOPLE WAIT+1 HE TOOK AN H\R & A HALF TO EXAM9E ,/ELLA & !N DECL9$ TO =M A DEF9ITE OP9ION AB\T H] CONDITION4 ,HE WAS C]TA91 H[EV]1 ?AT %E HAD NEI!R A DETA*$ RET9A NOR TUB]CULOSIS4 ,HE EXPRESS$ ! VIEW ?AT PROBABLE OV]/RA9 HAD RESULT$ 9 EXCESSIVE BLOOD-PRESSURE1 CAUS+ A HEMORRHAGE ?AT =M$ A BLOOD CLOT OV] ! OPTIC N]VE4 ,HE HOP$ HE C\LD TREAT IT 9 SU* A MANN] ?AT IT W\LD BE ABSORB$ 9 H] SY/EM4 ,TIME & C>E W\LD TELL4 ,MU* W\LD DEP5D ON ! PATI5T H]SELF4 ,HIS TREATM5T WAS RA!R RIGOR\S1 & 0,! PATI5CE ( AN ANGEL IS REQUIR$ TO KEEP IT UP10 ! DOCTOR REM>K$1 ) A SMILE ?AT LIT UP HIS F9E FEATURES4 ,SIX H\RS OR MORE ( DAILY EX]CISES ) V>I\S L5SES WAS A /R5U\S PROCESS ?AT CALL$ = COMPLETE RE/ & RELAXATION AFT] ! ORDEAL4 ,HIS *>M & HUMAN 9T]E/ CONV9C$ ME ?AT !RE WAS A BEAUTIFUL P]SONALITY B5EA? ! PHYSICIAN :O LOV$ HIS PR(ESSION4 ,EV]Y DAY /R5G!N$ MY FIR/ IMPRESSION ( ,DR4 ,WIS]4 

,\R PRES5CE 9 ,LIEB5/E9 BR\<T TO US MANY ( \R FRI5DS FROM ,AM]ICA4 ,FITZI & ,PAULA1 :OM WE HAD NOT SE5 S9CE \R DEPORTATION1 CAME = A /AY4 ,ELL5 ,K5NAN1 \R OLD ,D5V] FRI5D1 ,MI*AEL ,COHN & HIS NEW WIFE1 ,H5RY ,ALSB]G1 ,RUDOLF & ,MILLY ,ROCK]1 ,AGNES ,SM$LEY1 ,*ATTO & COMRADES FROM ,5GL&4 ,MY LIFE HAD NOT BE5 SO REPLETE ) FRI5D%IP & AFFECTION 9 MANY YE>S4 ,JOY OV] ,/ELLA'S IMPROVEM5T FILL$ MY CUP ( HAPP9ESS TO ! BRIM4 0,QUE5 ,E4,G4 & H] C\RT10 TEAS$ ,H5RY AT ! LOVELY SURPRISE P>TY MY FAMILY >RANG$ = MY FIFTY-F\R? BIR?DAY4 ,?IS MU*1 LIFE HAD GIV5 ME3 FRI5DS :OSE LOVE NEI!R FALT]$ NOR *ANG$ ) ! YE>S1 A TREASURE FEW POSSESS4 

,AMONG ! MANY BIR?DAY GIFTS & MESSAGES ,I RECEIV$ WAS ALSO ONE FROM MY FAI?FUL FRI5D & C\NSELOR1 ,H>RY ,WE9B]G]4 ,IT BR\<T ! GOOD NEWS ?AT MY MANUSCRIPT HAD BE5 SOLD BY ,BRA9>D TO ,D\BL$AY1 ,PAGE & ,COMPANY & ?AT ! BOOK W\LD BE \T 9 ,OCTOB] ( ?AT YE> 7#a#i#b#c74 ,I CABL$ ?AT PAGE PRO(S BE S5T TO ME4 ,! PUBLI%]S REPLI$ ?AT IT W\LD DELAY ! ISSUE ( MY BOOK & ASSUR$ ME ?AT !Y W\LD KEEP /RICTLY TO ! MANUSCRIPT4 

,AFT] ?REE MON?S' TREATM5T BY ,DR4 ,WIS]1 ,/ELLA REGA9$ P>TIAL SI<T ( H] BL9D EYE4 ,NOR WAS ?AT ! ONLY A*IEVEM5T ( 0\R ,GRAF10 AS WE BEGAN TO CALL HIM4 ,EV]Y DAY 9 HIS PRIVATE CL9IC ,I HAD OCCASION TO /UDY V>I\S CASES1 AFFLICTIONS SIMIL> TO ,/ELLA'S1 ?AT HAD BE5 GIV5 UP AS HOPELESS & ?AT ,DR4 ,WIS] SUCCE$$ 9 CUR+1 P>TIALLY OR COMPLETELY4 ,I ?\<T IT 9CR$IBLE ?AT ANYONE SO SKILL$ & EAG] TO GIVE RELIEF %\LD HAVE BE5 PUT 9 ! PILLORY4 

,FROM MY TALKS ) ,DR4 ,WIS]'S PATI5TS1 SOME ( :OM HAD KN[N HIM = YE>S1 ,I LE>N$ ( ! MO/ AMAZ+ CONSPIRACY ,I HAD EV] HE>D ( 9 ! PR(ESSIONAL WORLD4 ,! /ATEM5T S5T TO ! ,W> ,M9I/RY BY ! GR\P ( EYE SPECIALI/S WAS ONLY A M9OR P>T ( ! DOSSI] MANUFACTUR$ AGA9/ ! ,GRAF4 ,!Y HAD EV5 GONE TO ! EXT5T ( S5D+ ONE ( !IR WOR?IES TO SPY ON HIM4 ,AMONG ! ACCUSATIONS AGA9/ HIM WAS ?AT HE WAS M]C5>Y4 ,I NEV] KNEW ANYONE LESS CONC]N$ ) MONEY ?AN ,WIS]4 ,:5 ! VALUE ( ! M>K WAS GO+ D[N FIVE TIMES A DAY1 HE NEV] ASK$ A PF5NIG FROM HIS PATI5TS UNTIL !Y HAD F9I%$ !IR TREATM5T4 ,?IS 9VOLV$ LOSSES ?AT CAUS$ HIM TO CLOSE HIS PUBLIC CL9IC1 :]E ! POORE/ W]E GIV5 ! SAME TREATM5T & ATT5TION AS ?OSE :O C\LD AF=D TO PAY4 ,SIXTY-?REE YE>S ( AGE1 9 DELICATE HEAL?1 ,DR4 ,WIS] WORK$ TWELVE H\RS A DAY1 SEV5 DAYS A WEEK1 & ?\< HE HAD SCORES ( PATI5TS1 HE & HIS WIFE LIV$ 9 ! UTMO/ FRUGALITY4 ,AT ! SAME TIME HE FREELY HELP$ EV]YBODY :O CAME TO HIM1 NOT ONLY PR(ESSIONALLY1 BUT FROM HIS LIMIT$ MEANS AS WELL4 

,DR4 ,WIS]'S GREATE/ (F5SE 9 ! EYES ( HIS DETRACTORS1 AP>T FROM ! FACT ?AT HE A*IEV$ RESULTS :]E !Y HAD FAIL$1 WAS HIS RELUCTANCE TO RETURN SOLDI]S TO ! FRONT :O HAD HAD !IR SI<T IMPAIR$4 ,9 ONE ( ! MANY 9T]VIEWS ,I HAD ) HIM1 HE REM>K$3 0,I KN[ NO?+ AB\T POLITICS & ,I C>E LITTLE AB\T IT4 ,I ONLY KN[ SUFF]+ HUMANITY1 ! FL[] ( ! L& %OT TO PIECES BY S5SELESS HATE4 ,MY AIM1 MY SOLE 9T]E/1 IS TO HELP !M & 9/ILL 9 !M NEW FAI? 9 LIFE40 

,/ELLA1 HAV+ BEGUN TO %[ SIGNS ( /RA9 FROM ! ?REE MON?S ( DAILY APPLICATION1 ,DR4 ,WIS] ORD]$ H] TO TAKE A COMPLETE RE/4 ,IT WAS P>T ( HIS G5]AL SY/EM TO HAVE HIS PATI5TS RECUP]ATE FROM TIME TO TIME BE=E CONT9U+ ! TREATM5T4 ,%E WAS PLANN+ TO VISIT ,MUNI* = ! APPROA*+ ,WAGN]-,/RAUSS FE/IVAL1 ) ! LATT] CONDUCT+ HIS [N OP]AS4 ,SA%A1 ,FITZI1 ,PAULA1 & ,ELL5 W]E ALSO GO+ & !Y ALL URG$ ME TO JO9 !M4 

,BAV>IA BE+ ! /RON<OLD ( ,G]MAN J+OISM1 ,I WAS DUBI\S AB\T ! SUGGE/ION1 BUT ! GIRLS 9SI/$ & ,I ACCOMPANI$ !M4 ,=TY-EI<T H\RS AFT] REA*+ ,MUNI* CAME AGA9 ! FAMILI> KNOCK ON MY DOOR4 ,?REE M5 9VIT$ ME TO ACCOMPANY !M TO ! ,POLIZEI ,PRESIDIUM4 ,!Y W]E NOT NE>LY SO POLITE AS MY E>LY CALL]S 9 ,B]L91 BUT !Y CONS5T$ TO WAIT LONG 5\< TO 5ABLE ME TO APPRIZE MY FRI5DS ( MY >RE/4 

,! DOSSI] 9 ! ,MUNI* ROGUES' GALL]Y WAS AS COMPLETE AS ! ONE ON ! ,G]MAN BORD]4 ,IT CONTA9$ MAT]IAL DAT+ BACK TO #ahib --- NE>LY EV]Y?+ ,I HAD EV] WRITT5 OR SAID --- ALL AB\T ,SA%A'S ACTIVITIES & M9E1 & A COMPLETE COLLECTION ( PHOTOGRAPHS4 ,! MO/ SURPRIS+ EXHIBIT WAS A PICTURE TAK5 9 ,NEW ,YORK BY MY UNCLE1 A PHOTOGRAPH]1 9 #a#h#h#i4 ,MY VANITY FLATT]$ AT SEE+ MYSELF SO Y\NG & ATTRACTIVE1 ,I (F]$ TO BUY A COPY4 ,! POLICE GREW QUITE ANGRY AT SU* 0FLI<T9ESS0 9 ! FACE ( MY >RE/ & C]TA9 DEPORTATION4 ,AFT] SEV]AL H\RS 9QUISITION ,I WAS P]MITT$ TO RETURN TO MY HOTEL = LUN* ON CONDITION ?AT ,I COME BACK AGA94 ,I WAS GRATEFUL = ! H\R ) MY FAMILY4 ,MY ONE REGRET WAS ?AT ,I HAD HE>D ONLY ,TRI/AN & ,ISOLDE & ,ELECTRA1 & ?AT MY SUBSCRIPTION TO ! RE/ ( ! CYCLE W\LD BE LO/4 

,AMONG ! *>GES AGA9/ ME WAS ?AT ,I HAD BE5 9 ,BAV>IA 9 ! ,FALL ( #ahic ON A SECRET MISSION4 ,I D5I$ ! ALLEGATION BECAUSE ,I HAD !N BE5 0O!RWISE 5GAG$40 0,:AT WAS IT80 !Y DEM&$4 0,I WAS TAK+ A RE/-CURE AT ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL& ,P5IT5TI>Y 9 ,NEW ,YORK40 ,& ,I HAD ! EFFRONT]Y TO ADMIT IT8 ,:Y NOT8 ,I HAD NOT BE5 !RE = /EAL+ SILV] SPOONS OR SILK H&K]*IEFS4 ,I WAS !RE = MY SOCIAL IDEAS1 = ! V]Y ONES = :I* !Y W]E AB\T TO EXPEL ME4 0,WE KN[ ?OSE IDEAS10 !Y RO>$1 0PLOTT+ CONSPIRACIES1 BOMBS1 KILL+ ( RUL]S40 ,W]E !Y /ILL AFRAID ( SU* TRIFLES AFT] ! WORLD SLAU<T] !Y & !IR ,GOV]NM5T HAD HELP$ TO LAUN*8 ,OH1 ?AT WAS = ! PROTECTION ( ! ,FA!RL&1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT BE EXPECT$ TO UND]/& SU* HOLY MOTIVES4 ,I *E]FULLY ADMITT$ MY LIMITATIONS4 

,9 ! LATE AFT]NOON ,I WAS S5T BACK TO ! HOTEL ) A BODYGU>D & ORD]$ TO LEAVE ON ! EV5+ TRA94 ,H[ TO GET ,SA%A AWAY WAS MY MA9 PROBLEM4 ,MY Y\NG POLICE ESCORT UNWITT+LY SUGGE/$ A WAY4 ,HE COMPLA9$ ?AT HE HAD BE5 ON DUTY S9CE E>LY MORN+ & N[ HE W\LD BE UNABLE TO GET BACK TO HIS WIFE & *ILD UNTIL HE SAW ME LEAVE ,MUNI*4 ,I REM>K$ ?AT HE C\LD JU/ AS WELL TURN ME OV] TO ! HOTEL PORT]1 :O W\LD TAKE ME TO ! /ATION4 ,HE HESITAT$ ONLY LONG 5\< TO SEE ME PULL \T A FIVE-DOLL> BILL4 ,! MATT] C\LD BE >RANG$1 HE SAID1 IF ,I W\LD PROMISE NOT TO JUMP \T ( ! TRA9 AFT] IT LEFT ! /ATION4 ,REASSUR$ ?AT ,I HAD NO 9T5TION ( COMMITT+ SUICIDE1 HE W5T HIS WAY4 

,9 ! HOTEL ,I HELD A HURRI$ CONF]5CE ) ! MEMB]S ( \R P>TY4 ,WE AGRE$ ?AT ,SA%A MU/ GET \T ( ,MUNI* AT ONCE1 = IT WAS C]TA9 ?AT ! POLICE W\LD F9D HIM IF HE REMA9$ ANO!R DAY4 ,FITZI1 LOOK+ V]Y LADYLIKE 9 SPITE ( H] MANY 0PLOTS0 :ILE %E HAD BE5 ) US 9 ,AM]ICA1 SAW ,SA%A TO ! /ATION4 ,WE MET ON ! TRA9 :5 IT WAS WELL \T ( ,BAV>IA4 

,! POLICE RETURN$ TO ! HOTEL ! NEXT MORN+ 9 SE>* ( ,ALEX&] ,B]KMAN1 & ! SAME DAY ,/ELLA WAS EXPELL$ FROM ! C\NTRY BECAUSE %E WAS ! NIECE ( ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN4 ,!Y DID NOT BO!R ! O!R GIRLS1 BUT ! LATT] DECID$ ?AT !Y HAD HAD 5\< ( ,BAV>IAN HOSPITALITY4 

,/ELLA W5T BACK TO ,WIS] & ,I REMA9$ 9 ,B]L9 TILL ,FITZI'S SAIL+4 ,I PLANN$ TO JO9 MY NIECE AS SOON AS DE> ,FITZI %\LD HAVE DEP>T$4 ,IT BECAME UNNECESS>Y1 BECAUSE ,/ELLA C\LD NOT LONG] /& ! SEP>ATION FROM H] SON & HIS FA!R4 ,MOREOV]1 ,DR4 ,WIS] FELT ANXI\S AB\T H] BECAUSE ( ! ?REAT5+ POLITICAL SITUATION 9 ,G]MANY4 ,HE KNEW ! TEMP] ( ! REACTION>IES 9 HIS C\NTRY & HE W\LD NOT EXPOSE HIS =EIGN PATI5TS TO IT4 ,HE ADVIS$ ,/ELLA TO RETURN TO ,AM]ICA1 IMPRESS+ UPON H] ! NECESSITY ( ! UTMO/ PRECAUTION AGA9/ EXPOS+ H] SICK EYE4 ,HE ALSO MAPP$ \T A SY/EM ( TREATM5T ?AT %E C\LD CONT9UE H]SELF UNTIL ! SPR+1 :5 HE EXPECT$ H] TO COME BACK4 ,I F\<T AGA9/ H] LEAV+4 ,I DREAD$ SOME MI%AP --- A COLD1 SOME?+ UN=ESE51 ?AT MI<T ?R[ H] BACK4 ,BUT !RE WAS NO HOLD+ ,/ELLA ANY LONG]1 & ! REASSURANCE ( \R ,GRAF QUIET$ MY FE>S4 

,/ELLA HAD H>DLY LEFT :5 ,I RECEIV$ A BL[ ?AT /AGG]$ ME4 ,A COPY ( MY BOOK >RIV$ ) ! LA/ TWELVE *APT]S MISS+ & ) AN 5TIRELY WRONG TITLE4 ,AS PR9T$1 ! VOLUME WAS AN UNF9I%$ WORK1 BECAUSE ! LA/ *APT]S & P>TICUL>LY MY ,AFT]WORD1 :I* REPRES5T$ ! CULM9AT+ ESS5CE ( ! :OLE1 W]E LEFT \T4 ,! UNAU?ORIZ$ NAME WAS FE>FULLY MISLEAD+3 ,MY ,DISILLUSIONM5T 9 ,RUSSIA WAS SURE TO CONVEY TO ! READ] ?AT IT WAS ! ,REVOLUTION ?AT HAD DISILLUSION$ ME RA!R ?AN ! PSEUDO-REVOLUTION>Y ME?ODS ( ! ,COMMUNI/ ,/ATE4 ,! TITLE ,I HAD GIV5 MY WORK WAS SIMPLY 0,MY ,TWO ,YE>S 9 ,RUSSIA40 ,! SPURI\S TITLE WAS A V]ITABLE MISFIT4 ,I WROTE A /ATEM5T = ! PRESS1 :I* ,I S5T TO ,/ELLA1 EXPLA9+ ?AT MY MANUSCRIPT HAD BE5 AMPUTAT$1 & ,I CABL$ ,H>RY ,WE9B]G] TO DEM& ( ! PUBLI%]S AN EXPLANATION4 ,I WANT$ ! SALES /OPP$ TILL ! MATT] %\LD BE /RAI<T5$ \T4 

,9 REPLY1 ,D\BL$AY1 ,PAGE & ,COMPANY CABL$ ?AT !Y HAD B\<T FROM ! ,MC,CLURE ,SYNDICATE ! WORLD RI<TS TO ! TW5TY F\R *APT]S 9 ! BELIEF ?AT !Y COMPRIS$ MY COMPLETE /ORY4 ,!Y HAD ALSO BE5 AU?ORIZ$ TO USE !IR [N TITLE4 ,!Y HAD KN[N NO?+ AB\T ! EXI/5CE ( ! O!R *APT]S4 

,5]GETIC ,H>RY ,WE9B]G] W\LD NOT GIVE UP4 ,HE SUCCE$$ 9 9DUC+ ,D\BL$AY1 ,PAGE & ,COMPANY TO PUBLI% ! MISS+ *APT]S 9 A SEP>ATE VOLUME1 ! CO/ ( PR9T+ TO BE GU>ANTE$ BY US4 ,I APPEAL$ TO \R COMRADE ,MI*AEL ,A4 ,COHN TO EXT5D ! LOAN1 :I* HE DID )\T DELAY4 

,MEAN:ILE ,/ELLA HAD SUFF]$ A RELAPSE4 ,9 CROSS+ ! ,ATLANTIC %E HAD DONE ! V]Y ?+ ! ,GRAF HAD W>N$ H] AGA9/4 ,%E REMA9$ ON DECK DUR+ A /ORM )\T ! PRESCRIB$ B&AGE TO PROTECT H] EYE4 ,ON L&+ %E WAS CAU<T 9 ! VORTEX ( FAMILY WORRIES1 :I* HELP$ TO AGGRAVATE H] CONDITION4 ,%E REGRETT$ BITT]LY NOT HAV+ REMA9$ 9 ,WIS]'S C>E1 & ,I REPROA*$ MYSELF = P]MITT+ H] TO LEAVE :5 %E WAS MAK+ SU* PROGRESS4 

,I HAD WRITT5 A /ORY ON ,WIS]'S WORK & PLANN$ TO S5D IT TO ! ,NEW ,YORK ,WORLD4 ,BUT IT WAS \T ( ! QUE/ION N[4 ,MY READ]S C\LD NOT BE EXPECT$ TO TAKE MY WORD ?AT ,DR4 ,WIS] WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE = ,/ELLA'S RELAPSE4 ,I DECID$ TO )HOLD MY >TICLE UNTIL %E C\LD AGA9 COME UND] HIS C>E4 ,H[EV]1 ! /ORY APPE>$ AFT] ALL1 9 ! ,NEW ,REVIEW1 A MAGAZ9E PUBLI%$ 9 ,CALCUTTA 9 ! ,5GLI% LANGUAGE4 ,AGNES ,SM$LEY & ,*ATTO1 ! LATT] HAV+ ALSO BE5 TREAT$ BY ! ,GRAF1 BELIEV$ 9 ! SUCCESS ( HIS NEW ME?OD & !Y WANT$ TO MAKE HIM KN[N 9 ,9DIA4 ,ITS PUBLICATION RESULT$ 9 A NUMB] ( ,H9DUS' COM+ TO ,DR4 ,WIS] AS PATI5TS4 ,IT WAS ! ONLY COM=T 9 MY GRIEF OV] ,/ELLA'S CONDITION4 

,! REVIEWS ( ,MY ,DISILLUSIONM5T 9 ,RUSSIA %[$ AS MU* DISC]NM5T AS ! REPRES5TATIVE ( ,D\BL$AY1 ,PAGE & ,COMPANY :O HAD B\<T ?REE-QU>T]S ( A MANUSCRIPT AS A COMPLETE WORK4 ,AMONG ! SCORES ( REVIEW]S ONLY ONE GUESS$ ?AT ! BOOK WAS AN ABORTION4 ,IT WAS A ,BUFFALO LIBR>IAN1 :O PO9T$ \T 9 ! ,J\RNAL ?AT ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN'S N>RATIVE 5D$ ) ,KIEV1 #a#i#b1 :ILE 9 H] ,PREFACE %E /AT$ ?AT %E HAD LEFT ,RUSSIA 9 ,DECEMB] #a#i#b#a4 ,HAD NO?+ HAPP5$ 9 ALL ! 9T]V5+ TIME TO IMPRESS ! AU?OR8 ,! MAN'S P]SPICACITY /RIK+LY REFLECT$ ON ! DULLNESS ( ! 0CRITICS0 :O PRESUME TO PASS LIT]>Y JUDGM5T 9 ! ,UNIT$ ,/ATES4 

,! ,COMMUNI/ RESPONSE TO MY VOLUME ON ,RUSSIA C\LD HAVE BE5 =ESE51 ( C\RSE4 ,WILLIAM ,Z4 ,FO/]'S 0REVIEW0 WAS TO ! EFFECT ?AT EV]YBODY 9 ,MOSC[ WAS AW>E ?AT ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN WAS RECEIV+ SUPPORT FROM ! ,AM]ICAN ,SECRET ,S]VICE ,DEP>TM5T4 ,MR4 ,FO/] KNEW ?AT ,I %\LD NOT HAVE LA/$ A DAY 9 ,RUSSIA IF ! ,*EKA HAD BELIEV$ SU* A ?+4 ,O!R ,COMMUNI/S1 :O WROTE AS K9DLY AS ,MR4 ,FO/]1 ALSO KNEW ?AT ,I HAD NOT BE5 B\<T4 ,!RE WAS ONLY ONE :O HAD ! C\RAGE TO SAY SO3 ,R5E ,M>*&1 ( ! ,FR5* GR\P 9 ,MOSC[1 :O /AT$ 9 HIS REVIEW ?AT1 ?\< HE REGRETT$ MY MISGUID$ JUDGM5T1 HE C\LD NOT BELIEVE ?AT MY /& AGA9/ ,SOVIET ,RUSSIA WAS MOTIVAT$ BY MAT]IAL REASONS4 ,I APPRECIAT$ HIS GIV+ ME CR$IT = MY REVOLUTION>Y 9TEGRITY1 & ,I WI%$ HE W]E BRAVE 5\< TO ADMIT ?AT HE WAS UNABLE TO RECONCILE HIMSELF TO SOME ( ! ME?ODS ! ,BOL%EVIKI PRACTIC$ 9 ! NAME ( ! ,REVOLUTION4 ,COMM&E]$ TO WORK 9 ! ,*EKA1 ,R5E ,M>*& HAD SE5 5\< TO PLEAD = HIS REMOVAL1 AS O!RWISE HE W\LD BE COMPELL$ TO LEAVE ! ,COMMUNI/ ,P>TY4 ,LIKE MANY O!R S9C]E ,COMMUNI/S HE DID NOT UND]/& ! ,REVOLUTION 9 T]MS ( ! ,*EKA4 

,NOT SO ,BILL ,HAYWOOD4 ,AS ,SA%A HAD =ESE51 HE EASILY TOOK ! ,BOL%EVIK BAIT4 ,?REE WEEKS AFT] HIS >RIVAL 9 ,RUSSIA HE WROTE TO ,AM]ICA ?AT ! WORK]S W]E 9 FULL CONTROL & ?AT PRO/ITUTION & DRUNK5NESS HAD BE5 ABOLI%$4 ,L5D+ HIMSELF TO SU* OBVI\S FALSEHOODS1 :Y %\LD ,BILL NOT ALSO CR$IT ME ) MOTIVES HE KNEW W]E ABSURD8 0,EMMA ,GOLDMAN DID NOT GET ! S(T JOBS %E WAS LOOK+ =2 ?AT WAS :Y %E WROTE AGA9/ ! ,DICTATOR%IP ( ! ,PROLET>IAT40 ,POOR ,BILL6 ,HE BEGAN ROLL+ D[N ! PRECIPICE :5 HE RAN AWAY TO SAVE HIMSELF FROM ! BURN+ H\SE ( ! ,I4,W4,W4 ,HE C\LD NOT /OP HIMSELF 9 HIS FALL4 

,MY ,COMMUNI/ ACCUS]S W]E NOT ! ONLY ONES TO CRY 0,CRUCIFY60 ,!RE W]E ALSO SOME AN>*I/ VOICES 9 ! *ORUS4 ,!Y W]E ! V]Y PEOPLE :O HAD F\<T ME ON ,ELLIS ,ISL&1 ON ! ,BU=D1 & ! FIR/ YE> 9 ,RUSSIA BECAUSE ,I HAD REFUS$ TO CONDEMN ! ,BOL%EVIKI BE=E ,I HAD A *ANCE TO TE/ !IR S*EME4 

,DAILY ! NEWS FROM ,RUSSIA AB\T ! CONT9U$ POLITICAL P]SECUTION /R5G!N$ EV]Y FACT ,I HAD DESCRIB$ 9 MY >TICLES & 9 MY BOOK4 ,IT WAS UND]/&ABLE ?AT ,COMMUNI/S %\LD CLOSE !IR EYES TO ! REALITY1 BUT IT WAS REPREH5SIBLE ON ! P>T ( PEOPLE :O CALL$ !MSELVES AN>*I/S TO DO SO1 ESPECIALLY AFT] ! TREATM5T ,MOLLIE ,/EIM] HAD RECEIV$ 9 ,RUSSIA AFT] HAV+ VALIANTLY F\<T 9 ,AM]ICA = ! ,SOVIET REGIME4 

,= H] ACTIVITIES 9 BEHALF ( ,SOVIET ,RUSSIA & AGA9/ 9T]V5TION ,MOLLIE ,/EIM] HAD BE5 RAILROAD$ BY AN ,AM]ICAN C\RT TO FIFTE5 YE>S 9 PRISON4 ,BE=E %E HAD BEGUN H] S5T5CE 9 ! ,MISS\RI ,/ATE ,PRISON1 %E HAD 5DUR$ 9CR$IBLE CRUELTY = SIX MON?S 9 ! ,NEW ,YORK WORKH\SE4 ,AFT] EI<TE5 MON?S 9 ! ,JEFF]SON ,CITY ,P5IT5TI>Y ,MOLLIE1 TOGE!R ) ?REE O!R MEMB]S ( H] GR\P1 HAD BE5 RELEAS$ TO BE DEPORT$ TO ,RUSSIA4 ,SURELY !SE Y\NG PEOPLE DES]V$ WELL ( ! ,COMMUNI/ ,/ATE4 ,! BOYS1 MORE ADAPTABLE TO ! NEW WRONGS1 MANAG$ TO MOVE SAFELY AMONG ! CLIFFS ( ! DICTATOR%IP4 ,NOT SO ,MOLLIE1 :O WAS ( DIFF]5T FIB]4 ,%E F\ND ! ,SOVIET JAILS FILL$ ) H] COMRADES1 &1 :ILE %E C\LD NOT MAKE H] PROTE/ HE>D AS %E HAD AGA9/ ! CRIMES 9 ! ,UNIT$ ,/ATES1 %E UND]TOOK TO RAISE FUNDS TO SUPPLY FOOD TO ! 9C>C]AT$ AN>*I/S 9 ! ,PETROGRAD JAILS4 ,SU* C\NT]-REVOLUTION>Y WORK C\LD NOT BE TOL]AT$ ON ,SOVIET SOIL4 

,ELEV5 MON?S AFT] ,MOLLIE HAD COME TO ,RUSSIA1 %E WAS >RE/$1 *>G$ ) ! HE9\S (F5SE ( FE$+ H] IMPRISON$ COMRADES & CORRESPOND+ ) ,ALEX&] ,B]KMAN & ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN4 ,A PROTRACT$ HUNG]-/RIKE & ! VIGOR\S PROTE/ ( ! ,AN>*O-,SYNDICALI/ DELEGATES TO ! ,CONGRESS ( ! ,R$ ,TRADE ,UNION ,9T]NATIONAL BR\<T AB\T ,MOLLIE'S RELEASE1 BUT NOT FRE$OM ( MOVEM5T4 ,%E WAS =BIDD5 TO LEAVE ,PETROGRAD1 PLAC$ UND] ,*EKA SURVEILLANCE1 & ORD]$ TO REPORT EV]Y =TY-EI<T H\RS4 ,SIX MON?S LAT] ,MOLLIE'S ROOM WAS RAID$ & %E WAS AGA9 >RE/$4 ,9 ! ,*EKA ,MOLLIE WAS GRILL$1 KEPT 9 A FIL?Y CELL1 & ONCE MORE COMPELL$ TO HUNG]-/RIKE4 

,F9ALLY ,MOLLIE WAS DEPORT$ BY ! ,RUSSIAN ,SOCIALI/ ,F$]AT$ ,SOVIET ,REPUBLIC :I* %E HAD SO /AUN*LY *AMPION$ 9 ,AM]ICA & = :I* %E HAD WILL+LY TAK5 FIFTE5 YE>S' IMPRISONM5T4 ,C\LD ANY?+ EXPRESS MORE =CIBLY ! DEG5]ATION ( ! ,KREML9 RUL]S1 ONCE REVOLUTIONI/S !MSELVES8 ,YET SOME AN>*I/S C5SUR$ ME BECAUSE ,I HAD REFUS$ TO H&LE ! ,BOL%EVIK FETI% ) KID GLOVES4 ,! CASE ( ,MOLLIE & ( H] FRI5D ,FLE%91 BO? ( :OM HAD GONE ?R\< ! SAME P]SECUTION & SUFF]+1 W\LD HAVE BE5 5\< = ME TO BR& ! ,MOSC[ \TFIT4 ,!Y CAME /RAI<T TO US 9 ,B]L9 --- />V$1 ILL1 P5NILESS1 )\T A POSSIBILITY ( F9D+ WORK 9 ,G]MANY OR ( BE+ ADMITT$ TO ANY O!R C\NTRY4 ,YET !IR SPIRIT WAS UNDAUNT$ NONE ! LESS4 ,!Y HAD ESCAP$ ! ,BOL%EVIK 9F]NO4 ,NOT SO ?\S&S ( O!R TRUE REBELS :O REMA9$ 9 ! ,COMMUNI/ P>ADISE4 ,:AT MATT]$ TO ME ! CONDEMNATION & ATTACKS ( ! ZEALOTS 9 COMP>ISON ) MY 9ABILITY TO HELP ! ,MOLLIES & ! ?\S&S ( O!RS 9 PRISON & EXILE8 ,I HAD DONE NO?+ = !M S9CE MY >RIVAL 9 ,G]MANY4 

,! ,G]MAN ,REVOLUTION WAS ONLY SK9-DEEP1 BUT IT SUCCE$$ 9 E/ABLI%+ C]TA9 POLITICAL LIB]TIES4 ,\R COMRADES C\LD PUBLI% !IR PAP]S1 ISSUE BOOKS1 & HOLD MEET+S4 ,! ,COMMUNI/S C>RI$ ON !IR PROPAG&A ) LITTLE MOLE/ATION1 CONDEMN+ 9 ,G]MANY ! ABUSES !Y DEF5D$ 9 ,RUSSIA4 ,! REACTION>Y NATIONALI/ ELEM5TS W]E ALSO NOT 9T]F]$ )4 ,!IR >ROGANCE KNEW NO B\NDS1 EQUAL+ ?AT ( ! MILIT>I/S ( ! OLD ,PRUSSIAN REGIME4 ,) TWO SU* ,I HAD AN 5C\NT] 9 A SUBWAY TRA94 ,!Y W]E RAIL+ AGA9/ ! V]DAMMTE ,JUD5 AS IDLE VAMPIRES & ! CAUSE ( ! RU9 ( ! ,FA!RL&4 ,I LI/5$ = A :ILE & !N REM>K$ ?AT !Y W]E TALK+ NONS5SE4 ,I HAD LIV$ 9 A L& :]E !RE W]E MILLIONS ( ,JEWI% WORK+M51 ,I TOLD !M1 & MANY ( !M BRAVE FI<T]S = ! BETT]M5T ( HUMANITY4 0,:]E IS ?AT80 !Y DEM&$4 0,9 ,AM]ICA10 ,I REPLI$4 ,IT DREW A VOLLEY ( ABUSE FROM !M4 ,AM]ICA HAD TRICK$ ,G]MANY \T ( VICTORY1 !Y CRI$4 ,AS ! TRA9 REA*$ MY /ATION & ,I ALI<T$1 !Y %\T$ AFT] ME3 0,WAIT TILL ?+S *ANGE & WE'LL FIX SU* AS Y\ JU/ AS WE DID ,ROSA ,LUXEMBURG40 

,?\< 9 A DESP]ATE ECONOMIC SITUATION1 ,G]MANY 5JOY$ CONSID]ABLE POLITICAL FRE$OM4 ,?AT IS TO SAY1 ! NATIVES4 ,BUT ,I WAS NOT A ,G]MAN & CONSEQU5TLY ,I HAD NO RI<T TO EXPRESS OP9IONS4 ,IT WAS NOT A MATT] ( M]E >RE/3 IT MEANT EXPULSION4 ,!RE WAS APP>5TLY NO O!R C\NTRY WILL+ TO LET ME 91 BUT ,I ?\<T ,I MI<T TRY ,AU/RIA AGA94 ,LIKE HIS TRIBE 9 O!R L&S1 ! ,AU/RIAN ,M9I/] = ,=EIGN ,AFFAIRS SIGNIFI$ HIS READ9ESS TO ADMIT ME1 BUT ON CONDITION ?AT ,I AB/A9 FROM ALL POLITICAL ACTIVITY4 ,NATURALLY ,I REFUS$4 

,MY FRI5DS ,RUDOLF & ,MILLY ,ROCK] FAVOR$ ONE ( ! TWO WAYS \T ( MY DILEMMA3 ! LEGALIZATION 9 ,G]MANY BY M>RIAGE1 OR ,5GL&4 ,! FIR/ ME?OD HAD BE5 A FREQU5T PRACTICE AMONG ! ,RUSSIAN 9TELLIG5TSIA & REVOLUTIONI/S 9 ! DAYS :5 WOM5 HAD NO POLITICAL /ATUS AP>T FROM !IR HUSB&S OR FA!RS4 ,9 ,G]MANY ,ROSA ,LUXEMBURG HAD CONTRACT$ SU* A NOM9AL M>RIAGE TO 5ABLE H] TO REMA9 9 ! C\NTRY & FOLL[ H] WORK4 ,:Y C\LDN'T ,I DO ! SAME8 ,I1 !Y SAID1 %\LD GO ?R\< ) ! RIDICUL\S C]EMONY & 5D MY TR\BLES4 ,SU* A /EP HAD LONG BE=E BE5 SUGGE/$ 9 ,AM]ICA4 ,SEV]AL COMRADES HAD BE5 WILL+ TO SACRIFICE !MSELVES = ! CAUSE1 AMONG !M MY OLD FRI5D ,H>RY ,KELLY4 ,IT W\LD HAVE PREV5T$ ! ,UNIT$ ,/ATES FROM DEPORT+ ME1 ,MILLY REIT]AT$4 ,BUT ,I HAD BE5 UNABLE TO DO ! LUDICR\S & 9CONSI/5T ?+1 HAV+ OPPOS$ ! 9/ITUTION ( M>RIAGE ALL MY LIFE4 ,MOREOV]1 !RE HAD BE5 ! LURE ( ,RUSSIA1 ! GL[+ DREAM4 ,?AT TOO WAS DEAD N[1 TOGE!R ) ! NOTION ?AT ONE C\LD REMA9 ON E>? )\T MAK+ COMPROMISES4 

,MY DIFFICULTIES 9 ,SW$5 & O!R C\NTRIES MADE ME AM5ABLE TO ! SUGGE/ION ( M>RIAGE 9 ORD] TO GA9 A FOO?OLD N[ 9 SOME CORN] ( ! WORLD4 ,H>RY ,KELLY WAS /ILL READY TO KEEP HIS PROMISE4 ,ON HIS VISIT TO ,SW$5 HE HAD AGA9 (F]$ TO TAKE ME BACK TO ,AM]ICA AS HIS BRIDE4 ,GOOD OLD SC\T6 ,HE HAD BE5 UNAW>E ( ! NEW LAW BY :I* AN ,AM]ICAN HUSB& WAS NO LONG] A PROTECTION = HIS =EIGN-BORN WIFE4 

,NO SU* LAW EXI/$ 9 ,G]MANY1 ,RUDOLF 9=M$ ME1 & ,I MI<T AS WELL GIVE SOME MAN A *ANCE TO MAKE A 0RESPECTABLE WOMAN0 ( ME6 ,IF NOT ?AT1 !N ,I %\LD GO TO ,GREAT ,BRITA94 ,IT WAS /ILL POLITICALLY ! FREE/ C\NTRY4 ,HE HIMSELF W\LD GO BACK !RE IF HE C\LD4 ,HE HAD DEEP] ROOTS 9 ,5GL& ?AN 9 HIS NATIVE L&1 HAV+ LIV$ & WORK$ 9 ?AT C\NTRY NE>LY AS LONG AS ,SA%A & ,I HAD 9 ,AM]ICA4 ,HE C\LD UND]/& :Y ,I FELT ALI5 EV]Y:]E & :Y ,I DID NOT WANT TO BE B\ND TO ,G]MANY4 ,I W\LD PROBABLY NEV] BE CONT5T ANY:]E1 CUT (F FROM MY OLD MOOR+S4 ,! NEXT BE/ WAS ,5GL&4 

,I WAS DUBI\S4 ,IT DID NOT SEEM POSSIBLE ?AT ,GREAT ,BRITA9 HAD ESCAP$ ! REACTION FOLL[+ UPON ! W> ANY MORE ?AN HAD O!R C\NTRIES2 /ILL1 IT MI<T BE WOR? TRY+4 ,MY PRES5T POSITION WAS 9SUPPORTABLE4 ,! ONLY PUBLIC MEET+ ,I HAD ADDRESS$ 9 BEHALF ( ! ,RUSSIAN POLITICALS BR\<T ME AN (FICIAL W>N+ AGA9/ EXPRESS+ ANY FUR!R CRITICISM ( ! ,SOVIET ,REPUBLIC4 

,ANO!R DIFFICULTY WAS H[ TO E>N MY LIV+ BY MY P54 ,! ,G]MAN PRESS WAS \T ( ! QUE/ION2 TOO MANY NATIVE WRIT]S W]E />V+4 ,AT ! SAME TIME ,AM]ICA'S HATR$ ( ,G]MANY WAS /ILL /RONG4 ,TWO >TICLES ,I HAD S5T ! ,NEW ,YORK ,WORLD W]E REFUS$4 ,ONE TREAT$ ( ,G]H>T ,HAUPTMANN 9 CONNECTION ) HIS SIXTIE? ANNIV]S>Y1 CELEBRAT$ ON A NATIONAL SCALE4 ,! ,WORLD HAD CABL$ ITS CONS5T TO MY GO+ TO ,BRESLAU1 :]E ! MA9 FE/IVITIES W]E TAK+ PLACE1 BUT DECL9$ MY >TICLE ON ! GR\ND ?AT IT WAS 0TOO HI<-BR[40 ,MY SECOND ESSAY WAS ON ! ,RUHR OCCUPATION1 ) ITS RESULT+ BITT]NESS & SUFF]+4 ,A ?IRD >TICLE1 ON ! EXP]IM5TAL NEW S*OOLS 9 ,G]MANY1 & A F\R? ON ! =EMO/ WOM5 9 ,G]MAN >T1 LETT]S1 & LABOR1 W]E RETURN$ BY A DOZ5 MAGAZ9ES ,I HAD NOT ! LEA/ *ANCE ( E>N+ MY SALT BY WRIT+ ON ,G]MAN TOPICS4 ,FROM ,BRA9>D1 :O HAD BROK5 \R AGREEM5T & BOT*$ MY BOOK1 !RE WAS NO HOPE ( ANY 9COME4 

,5GL& DID NOT APPE> V]Y 5TIC+4 ,/ILL1 IT MI<T AF=D ME ASYLUM ) COMP>ATIVE POLITICAL FRE$OM1 & P]HAPS ALSO AN OPPORTUNITY TO E>N MY LIVELIHOOD ?R\< LECTURES & >TICLES4 ,FRANK ,H>RIS WAS 9 ,B]L91 KEEP+ OP5 H\SE4 ,HIS 9T]E/ & K9DNESS1 AS :5 ,I WAS 9 ! ,MISS\RI PRISON1 HAD NOT *ANG$4 ,IT W\LD BE QUITE EASY TO GET ME TO ,5GL&1 HE SAID4 ,HE KNEW ALMO/ EV]YONE 9 ! ,LABOR ,GOV]NM5T & HE W\LD TRY = A VISA = ME4 ,SOON AFT]1 ,FRANK LEFT = ,FRANCE1 & SEV]AL MON?S PASS$ BE=E ,I HE>D FROM HIM AGA94 ,HE 9=M$ ME ?AT ! ,HOME ,(FICE HAD ASK$ NO QUE/IONS AB\T MY POLITICAL VIEWS OR 9T5TIONS4 ,IT HAD M]ELY 9QUIR$ :E!R ,I HAD MEANS ( SUPPORT4 ,FRANK HAD REPLI$ ?AT ,I WAS AN ABLE WRIT] :O E>N$ MY LIV+ BY MY P54 ,MOREOV]1 HE C\LD NAME A DOZ5 P]SONS :O W\LD CONSID] IT A PRIVILEGE TO SUPPORT HIS FRI5D & HE WAS ONE ( !M4 ,%ORTLY AFT]W>DS ,I WAS NOTIFI$ BY ! ,BRITI% ,CONSULATE 9 ,B]L9 ?AT A VISA HAD BE5 GRANT$ ME4 

,EXCEPT = ! P>T+ FROM ,SA%A & FROM ! O!R FRI5DS :O HAD 5DE>$ !MSELVES TO ME1 ,I HAD NO REGRETS ON LEAV+ ,G]MANY4 ,VICISSITUDES ( MANY K9DS1 NOT ! LEA/ ! DEA? ( MY MO!R 9 ,AM]ICA1 HAD NOT BR\<T ME *E] & JOY4 ,5=C$ 9ACTIVITY EMBITT]$ EV5 ! OCCASIONAL H\RS ( TRANQUILITY DUR+ MY /AY ( TW5TY-SEV5 MON?S4 ,SA%A HAD F9I%$ HIS ,! ,BOL%EVIK ,MY?2 HE WAS 9 GOOD HEAL?1 HAD ACQUIR$ A CIRCLE ( FRI5DS1 & WAS DEVOT+ HIMSELF TO ! WORK ( AID = ! REVOLUTION>Y POLITICALS 9 PRISON & EXILE 9 ,RUSSIA4 ,= ! RE/1 ,I WAS GLAD TO GET AWAY4 ,5GL& MI<T LET ME TAKE ROOT1 (F] AN \TLET = MY 5]GIES1 RESPOND TO AN APPEAL = ! DOOM$ & DAMN$ 9 ! ,SOVIET L&4 ,?AT WAS WOR? GO+ TO ,5GL& =2 IT WAS A NEW HOPE TO CL+ TO4 

,) ?IS ?\<T TO GIVE ME C\RAGE1 ,I LEFT ,G]MANY ON ,JULY #b#d1 #a#i#b#d1 VIA ,HOLL& & ,FRANCE1 = ,5GL&4 

,MY ,DUT* VISA P]MITT$ A /AY ( ONLY ?REE DAYS1 YET LONG 5\< TO ADDRESS ! TW5TIE? ANNIV]S>Y CELEBRATION ( ! ,ANTI-,MILIT>I/ ,SOCIETY1 ORGANIZ$ BY \R GR& *AMPION ( PEACE1 \R OLD COMRADE1 ,DOMELA ,NIEUW5HUIS4 ,DUT* SECRET-S]VICE M5 WAT*$ ! H\SE ( MY HO/1 DE ,LIGT4 ,!Y FOLL[$ US TO ! /ATION & WAIT$ UNTIL MY TRA9 PULL$ \T4 ,AT ! SAME TIME ! ,DUT* ,GOV]NM5T WAS 5T]TA9+ ANO!R VISITOR1 A ,SOVIET REPRES5TATIVE4 ,NO LIMIT WAS PUT ON HIS /AY1 NOR W]E HIS MOVEM5TS %AD[$4 ,:5 ,I EXPRESS$ SURPRISE ?AT A REACTION>Y GOV]NM5T LIKE ?AT ( ,HOLL& %\LD (F] HOSPITALITY TO AN EMISS>Y ( ! ,COMMUNI/ ,/ATE1 MY FRI5DS SMIL$4 0,RUSSIA IS A :EAT-PRODUC+ C\NTRY & ,ROTT]DAM A GOOD C5T] = ! DI/RIBUTION ( H] EXPORTS10 !Y EXPLA9$4 

,MY ,FR5* TRANSIT VISA WAS = TWO WEEKS4 ,! 9SPECTOR AT ! BORD] 9SI/$ ?AT IT DID NOT P]MIT ME TO /OP & ORD]$ ME TO CONNECT IMM$IATELY ) ! BOAT TRA9 = ,5GL&4 ,I REFUS$ TO BUDGE4 ,AFT] A LONG P>LEY1 GREAS$ BY ,AM]ICAN CA%1 ,I WAS ALL[$ TO PROCE$4 

,! TWO WEEKS 9 ,P>IS1 ! CITY ,I LOVE BE/ 9 ,EUROPE1 W]E 5JOYABLE 9 ! COMPANY ( FRI5DS FROM ,AM]ICA4 ,!RE W]E ,PAULA1 :O HAD COME FROM ,B]L91 ,H>RY ,WE9B]G]1 LITTLE ,DORO?Y ,MILL]1 ,FRANK & ,NELLIE ,H>RIS1 & MANY O!RS1 SOME ( :OM ,I HAD NOT SE5 9 FIVE YE>S4 

0,TWO WEEKS60 OBJECT$ ,WE9B]G]2 0,I'LL GET Y\ AN EXT5SION = A MON? AT LEA/40 

0,H[ CAN Y\ --- AN UNKN[N P]SON H]E80 ,I RETORT$4 

0,UNKN[N --- ME8 ,& COM+ /RAI<T FROM ! ,LAWY]S' ,CONGRESS1 RECEIV$ BY ! ,K+ ( ,5GL&1 & PRES5T$ TO ! ,PRESID5T ( ! ,FR5* ,REPUBLIC80 ,H>RY PROTE/$ 9DIGNANTLY4 0,Y\ WAIT & SEE40 

,DRESS$ 9 MORN+ CLO!S1 WE>+ A TOP HAT1 ) RIBBONS ON HIS COAT1 ,H>RY PRES5T$ HIMSELF ) ME AT ,QUAI D',ORSAY4 ,HIS CLI5T1 ,MADAME ,K]S*N]1 HAD COME FROM ,G]MANY1 HE ANN\NC$1 TO CONF] ) HIM ON IMPORTANT BUS9ESS MATT]S ?AT W\LD TAKE AT LEA/ A MON?4 ,ONE LOOK AT ,H>RY'S REGALIA1 & ! EXT5SION WAS GRANT$4 

0,UNKN[N80 SAID ,H>RY TRIUMPHANTLY4 0,SAY IT AGA9 IF Y\ D>E40 ,I WAS AS MEEK AS A LAMB4 

,9 APPRECIATION ,I (F]$ TO *AP]ON HIM ?R\< ,P>IS4 ,9 ! SAME GR\P ) MY FRI5D W]E SEV]AL ( HIS COLLEAGUES4 ,! ONE ,I LIK$ BE/ WAS ,>?UR ,LEON>D ,ROSS4 ,HE WAS ( ! R>E TYPE ?AT ONE GETS TO CONSID] 9 A %ORT TIME AS A GOOD FRI5D4 

,MY DE> OLD FRI5DS W]E ?9N+ \T4 ,I HAD BE5 MORE =TUNATE 9 MY FRI5D%IPS ?AN MO/ PEOPLE1 & ,I GA9$ NEW ONES1 AMONG !M ,NELLIE ,H>RIS1 ,FRANK'S WIFE4 ,I HAD NEV] MET H] BE=E2 IT WAS LOVE AT FIR/ SI<T ON MY P>T1 & ,NELLIE SEEM$ TO LIKE ME ALSO4 ,FRANK CONT9U$ TO BE ET]NALLY Y\NG2 AT SIXTY-EI<T HE C\LD /ILL RUN TWELVE BLOCKS = EX]CISE AFT] AN ELABORATE MEAL & 5\< DR9K TO MAKE MO/ M5 UN/EADY4 ,W9E ONLY MADE HIM MORE WITTY & SP>KL+4 ,:AT IF HE LOOM$ L>GE/ 9 HIS [N E/IMATION8 ,SO DO MO/ PEOPLE :OSE GIFTS >E NOT NE>LY SO BRILLIANT AS HIS4 ,HE WAS EXTREMELY 5T]TA9+ ) ! /ORIES ( ! PEOPLE HE HAD KN[N 9 EV]Y CLIME & /ATION 9 LIFE1 FROM BRICKLAY]S1 C[BOYS1 & /ATESM5 TO ! G5IUSES ( >T & LETT]S4 ,FRANK WAS AN EXTREMI/ 9 HIS LOVES & HATES4 ,IF HE C>$ = Y\1 NO PRAISE WAS TOO G5]\S2 IF HE DISLIK$ Y\1 HE SAW Y\ ALL BLACK4 ,HIS 5EMIES1 REAL OR IMAG9>Y1 HAD NO R$EEM+ QUALITIES4 ,(T5 HE WAS UNFAIR & UNJU/ & WE GAVE & TOOK MANY V]BAL BL[S FROM EA* O!R4 

,MY /AY 9 ,P>IS S]V$ TO 9CREASE MY AV]SION TO GO+ TO ,LONDON4 ,I DREAD$ ITS FOGS1 BLEAKNESS & *ILL4 ,FRANK URG$ ME TO DELAY NO LONG]4 ,HE EXPECT$ ! ,LABOR ,GOV]NM5T TO BE DEFEAT$ 9 ! COM+ ELECTIONS2 ! ,TORIES W\LD PROBABLY IGNORE MY VISA4 ,TO 5C\RAGE ME HE 5L>G$ ON ! MANY 9T]E/+ PEOPLE ,I %\LD MEET !RE :O W\LD WELCOME ME & HELP 9 MY CONTEMPLAT$ CAMPAIGN 9 BEHALF ( ! ,RUSSIAN POLITICALS1 AS WELL AS 9 MY LECTURES ON ! DRAMA & LIT]ATURE4 

,HELPFUL AS EV] WAS ,FRANK1 BUT HE C\LD NOT MAKE ,LONDON'S AUTUMN & W9T] ATTRACTIVE TO ME4 ,P]HAPS IF ,I C\LD SECURE A RETURN VISA TO ,FRANCE1 ,I MI<T F9D ,5GL& LESS IRKSOME4 ,H>RY ,WE9B]G] HAD SAIL$ & MO/ ( ! PEOPLE ,I KNEW 9 ,P>IS LACK$ ! NECESS>Y CONNECTIONS TO HELP ME TO A RETURN VISA4 

,MY MEET+ ) ,]NE/ ,HEM+WAY HELD \T SOME HOPE4 ,IT WAS AT A P>TY GIV5 BY ,=D ,MADOX ,=D4 ,! AFFAIR MI<T HAVE BE5 DULL] HAD NOT ,HEM+WAY BE5 !RE4 ,HE REM9D$ ME ( BO? ,JACK ,LONDON & ,JOHN ,RE$ BECAUSE ( HIS SIMPLICITY & EXUB]ANCE ( SPIRIT4 ,HE 9VIT$ ME TO D9N] TOGE!R ) A NEWSPAP] FRI5D ( HIS :O1 ,HEM+WAY BELIEV$1 C\LD SECURE A ,FR5* VISA = ME4 ,]NE/1 9 HIS ROLE AS PR\D FA!R ( A BUXOM BABY1 LOOK$ Y\NG] & WAS GAY] 9 HIS HOME SETT+4 ,HIS J\RNALI/ FRI5D DID NOT IMPRESS ME1 NOR C\LD HE DO ANY?+ AB\T A VISA1 ?\< HE HAD PROMIS$ MU*4 ,9/EAD HE WROTE A SILLY /ORY AB\T ME1 PURPORT+ TO BE AN 9T]VIEW ON ,RUSSIA1 NOT ONE WORD ( :I* WAS TRUE4 

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,DECEMB] #c#a1 #aic 3 ,VOLUME #b1 ,*APT] #$ -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #b#c1 #bag 3 ,VOLUME #b1 ,*APT] #$ -- ,ADD$4 

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