,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #ab 

#aicaaica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,TEXT 3 

  

,PHOTO BY ,DANNY ,HAMMONTREE1,C,C ,B,Y-,N,C-,N,D ,LIC5SE ,LIV+ ,MY ,LIFE 

BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,VOLUME ,ONE 

,NEW ,YORK3 ,ALFR$ ,A ,KNOPF ,9C41 #a#i#c#a4 

,*APT] #ab 

,I WAS CALL$ BE=E ! HEAD MATRON1 A TALL WOMAN ) ,A /OLID FACE4 ,%E BEGAN TAK+ MY P$IGREE4 0,:AT RELIGION80 WAS H] FIR/ QUE/ION4 0,NONE1 ,I AM AN A!I/444444 ,A!ISM IS PROHIBIT$ H]E4 ,Y\ WILL HAVE TO GO TO *UR*40 ,I REPLI$ ?AT ,I W\LD DO NO?+1 ( ! K9D4 ,I DID NOT BELIEVE 9 ANY?+ ! ,*UR* /OOD = &1 NOT BE+ A HYPOCRITE1 ,I W\LD NOT ATT5D4 ,BESIDES1 ,I CAME FROM ,JEWI% PEOPLE4 ,WAS !RE A SYNAGOGUE8 

,%E SAID CURTLY ?AT !RE W]E S]VICES = ! ,JEWI% CONVICTS ON ,SATURDAY AFT]NOON1 BUT AS ,I WAS ! ONLY ,JEWI% FEMALE PRISON]1 %E C\LD NOT P]MIT ME TO GO AMONG SO MANY M54 

,AFT] A BA? & A *ANGE 9TO ! PRISON UNI=M ,I WAS S5T TO MY CELL & LOCK$ 94 

,I KNEW FROM :AT ,MO/ HAD RELAT$ TO ME AB\T ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL& ?AT ! PRISON WAS OLD & DAMP1 ! CELLS SMALL1 )\T LI<T OR WAT]4 ,I WAS !RE=E PREP>$ = :AT WAS AWAIT+ ME4 ,BUT ! MOM5T ! DOOR WAS LOCK$ ON ME1 ,I BEGAN TO EXP]I5CE A FEEL+ ( SUFFOCATION4 ,9 ! D>K ,I GROP$ = SOME?+ TO SIT ON & F\ND A N>R[ IRON COT4 ,SUDD5 EXHAU/ION OV]P[]$ ME & ,I FELL SLEEP4 

,I BECAME AW>E ( A %>P BURN+ 9 MY EYES1 & ,I JUMP$ UP 9 FRI<T4 ,A LAMP WAS BE+ HELD CLOSE TO ! B>S4 0,:AT IS IT80 ,I CRI$1 =GETT+ :]E ,I WAS4 ,! LAMP WAS L[]$ & ,I SAW A ?91 ASCETIC FACE GAZ+ AT ME4 ,A S(T VOICE CONGRATULAT$ ME ON MY S\ND SLEEP4 ,IT WAS ! EV5+ MATRON ON H] REGUL> R\NDS4 ,%E TOLD ME TO UNDRESS & LEFT ME4 

,BUT !RE WAS NO MORE SLEEP = ME ?AT NI<T4 ,! IRRITAT+ FEEL ( ! CO>SE BLANKET1 ! %AD[S CREEP+ PA/ ! B>S1 KEPT ME AWAKE UNTIL ! S\ND ( A GONG AGA9 BR\<T ME TO MY FEET4 ,! CELLS W]E BE+ UNLOCK$1 ! DOOR HEAVILY ?R[N OP54 ,BLUE & :ITE /RIP$ FIGURES SL\*$ BY1 AUTOMATICALLY =M+ 9TO A L9E1 MYSELF A P>T ( IT4 0,M>*60 & ! L9E BEGAN TO MOVE ALONG ! CORRIDOR D[N ! /EPS T[>DS A CORN] CONTA9+ WA%-/&S & T[ELS4 ,AGA9 ! COMM&3 0,WA%60 & EV]YBODY BEGAN CLAMOR+ = A T[EL1 ALREADY SOIL$ & WET4 ,BE=E ,I HAD TIME TO SPLA% SOME WAT] ON MY H&S & FACE & WIPE MYSELF HALF-DRY1 ! ORD] WAS GIV5 TO M>* BACK4 

,!N BREAKFA/3 A SLICE ( BREAD & A T9 CUP ( W>M BR[NI% WAT]4 ,AGA9 ! L9E =M$1 & ! /RIP$ HUMANITY WAS BROK5 UP 9 SECTIONS & S5T TO ITS DAILY TASKS4 ,) A GR\P ( O!R WOM5 ,I WAS TAK5 TO ! SEW+-ROOM4 

,! PROC$URE ( =M+ L9ES -- 0,=W>D1 M>*60 -- WAS REPEAT$ ?REE TIMES A DAY1 SEV5 DAYS A WEEK4 ,AFT] EA* MEAL T5 M9UTES W]E ALL[$ = TALK4 ,A TORR5T ( WORDS W\LD !N BREAK =? FROM ! P5T-UP BE+S4 ,EA* PRECI\S SECOND 9CREAS$ ! RO> ( S\NDS2 & !N SUDD5 SIL5CE4 

,! SEW+-ROOM WAS L>GE & LI<T1 ! SUN (T5 /REAM+ ?R\< ! HI< W9D[S1 ITS RAYS 9T5SIFY+ ! :IT5ESS ( ! WALLS & ! MONOTONY ( ! REGULATION DRESS4 ,9 ! %>P LI<T ! FIGURES 9 BAGGY & UNGA9LY ATTIRE APPE>$ MORE HIDE\S4 ,/ILL1 ! %OP WAS A WELCOME RELIEF FROM ! CELL4 ,M9E1 ON ! GR\ND FLOOR1 WAS GRAY & DAMP EV5 9 ! DAY-TIME2 ! CELLS ON ! UPP] FLOORS W]E SOME:AT BRI<T]4 ,CLOSE TO ! B>R$ DOOR ONE C\LD EV5 READ BY ! HELP ( ! LI<T COM+ FROM ! CORRIDOR W9D[S4 

,! LOCK+ ( ! CELLS = ! NI<T WAS ! WOR/ EXP]I5CE ( ! DAY4 ,! CONVICTS W]E M>*$ ALONG ! TI]S 9 ! USUAL L9E4 ,ON REA*+ H] CELL EA* LEFT ! L9E1 /EPP$ 9SIDE1 H&S ON ! IRON DOOR1 & AWAIT$ ! COMM&4 0,CLOSE60 & ) A CRA% ! SEV5TY DOORS %UT1 EA* PRISON] AUTOMATICALLY LOCK+ H]SELF 94 ,MORE H>R[+ /ILL WAS ! DAILY DEGRADATION ( BE+ =C$ TO M>* 9 LOCK-/EP TO ! RIV]1 C>RY+ ! BUCKET ( EXCREM5T ACCUMULAT$ DUR+ TW5TY-F\R H\RS4 

,I WAS PUT 9 *>GE ( ! SEW+-%OP4 ,MY TASK CONSI/$ 9 CUTT+ ! CLO? & PREP>+ WORK = ! TWO DOZ5 WOM5 EMPLOY$4 ,9 ADDITION ,I HAD TO KEEP ACC\NT ( ! 9COM+ MAT]IAL & ! \TGO+ BUNDLES4 ,I WELCOM$ ! WORK4 ,IT HELP$ ME TO =GET ! DRE>Y EXI/5CE )9 ! PRISON4 ,BUT ! EV5+S W]E TORTUR\S4 ,! FIR/ FEW WEEKS ,I W\LD FALL ASLEEP AS SOON AS ,I T\*$ ! PILL[4 ,SOON1 H[EV]1 ! NI<TS F\ND ME RE/LESSLY TOSS+ AB\T1 SEEK+ SLEEP 9 VA94 ,! APPALL+ NI<TS -- EV5 IF ,I %\LD GET ! CU/OM>Y TWO MON?S' COMMUTATION TIME1 ,I /ILL HAD NE>LY TWO HUNDR$ & N9ETY ( !M4 ,TWO HUNDR$ & N9ETY -- & ,SA%A8 ,I US$ TO LIE AWAKE & M5TALLY FIGURE 9 ! D>K ! NUMB] ( DAYS & NI<TS BE=E HIM4 ,EV5 IF HE C\LD COME \T AFT] HIS FIR/ S5T5CE ( SEV5 YE>S1 HE W\LD /ILL HAVE MORE ?AN TW5TY-FIVE HUNDR$ NI<TS6 ,DREAD OV]CAME ME ?AT ,SA%A C\LD NOT SURVIVE !M4 ,NO?+ WAS SO LIKELY TO DRIVE PEOPLE TO MADNESS1 ,I FELT1 AS SLEEPLESS NI<TS 9 PRISON4 ,BETT] DEAD1 ,I ?\<T4 ,DEAD8 ,FRICK WAS NOT DEAD1 & ,SA%A'S GLORI\S Y\?1 HIS LIFE1 ! ?+S HE MI<T HAVE ACCOMPLI%$ - ALL W]E BE+ SACRIFIC$ -- P]HAPS = NO?+4 ,BUT -- WAS ,SA%A'S ,ATT5TAT 9 VA98 ,WAS MY REVOLUTION>Y FAI? A M]E E*O ( :AT O!RS HAD SAID OR TAU<T ME8 0,NO1 NOT 9 VA960 SOME?+ )9 ME 9SI/$4 0,NO SACRIFICE IS LO/ = A GREAT IDEAL40 

,ONE DAY ,I WAS TOLD BY ! HEAD MATRON ?AT ,I W\LD HAVE TO GET BETT] RESULTS FROM ! WOM54 ,!Y W]E NOT DO+ SO MU* WORK1 %E SAID1 AS UND] ! PRISON] :O HAD HAD *>GE ( ! SEW+-%OP BE=E ME4 ,I RES5T$ ! SUGGE/ION ?AT ,I BECOME A SLAVE-DRIV]4 ,IT WAS BECAUSE ,I HAT$ SLAVES AS WELL AS !IR DRIV]S1 ,I 9=M$ ! MATRON1 ?AT ,I HAD BE5 S5T TO PRISON4 ,I CONSID]$ MYSELF ONE ( ! 9MATES1 NOT ABOVE !M4 ,I WAS DET]M9$ NOT TO DO ANY?+ ?AT W\LD 9VOLVE A D5IAL ( MY IDEALS4 ,I PREF]R$ PUNI%M5T4 ,ONE ( ! ME?ODS ( TREAT+ (F5D]S CONSI/$ 9 PLAC+ !M 9 A CORN] FAC+ A BLACKBO>D & COMPELL+ !M TO /AY = H\RS 9 ?AT POSITION1 CON/ANTLY BE=E ! MATRON'S VIGILANT EYES4 ,?IS SEEM$ TO ME PETTY & 9SULT+4 ,I DECID$ ?AT IF ,I WAS (F]$ SU* AN 9DIGNITY1 ,I W\LD 9CREASE MY (F5SE & TAKE ! DUNGEON4 ,BUT ! DAYS PASS$ & ,I WAS NOT PUNI%$4 

,NEWS 9 PRISON TRAVELS ) AMAZ+ RAPIDITY4 ,)9 TW5TY-F\R H\RS ALL ! WOM5 KNEW ?AT ,I HAD REFUS$ TO ACT AS A SLAVE-DRIV]4 ,!Y HAD NOT BE5 UNK9D TO ME1 BUT !Y HAD KEPT ALO(4 ,!Y HAD BE5 TOLD ?AT ,I WAS A T]RIBLE 0AN>*I/0 & ?AT ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE 9 ,GOD4 ,!Y HAD NEV] SE5 ME 9 *UR* & ,I DID NOT P>TICIPATE 9 !IR T5-M9UTE GU% ( TALK4 ,I WAS A FREAK 9 !IR EYES4 ,BUT :5 !Y LE>N$ ?AT ,I HAD REFUS$ TO PLAY ! BOSS OV] !M1 !IR RES]VE BROKE D[N4 ,SUNDAYS AFT] *UR* ! CELLS W\LD BE OP5$ TO P]MIT ! WOM5 AN H\R'S VISIT ) ONE ANO!R4 ,! NEXT ,SUNDAY ,I RECEIV$ VISITS FROM EV]Y 9MATE ON MY TI]4 ,!Y FELT ,I WAS !IR FRI5D1 !Y ASSUR$ ME1 & !Y W\LD DO ANY?+ = ME4 ,GIRLS WORK+ 9 ! LAUNDRY (F]$ TO WA% MY CLO!S1 O!RS TO D>N MY /OCK+S4 ,EV]YONE WAS ANXI\S TO DO SOME S]VICE4 ,I WAS DEEPLY MOV$4 ,!SE POOR CREATURES SO HUNG]$ = K9DNESS ?AT ! LEA/ SIGN ( IT LOOM$ HI< ON !IR LIMIT$ HORIZONS4 ,AFT] ?AT !Y W\LD (T5 COME TO ME ) !IR TR\BLES1 !IR HATR$ ( ! HEAD MATRON1 !IR CONFID5CES AB\T !IR 9FATUATIONS ) ! MALE CONVICTS4 ,!IR +5UITY 9 C>RY+ ON FLIRTATIONS UND] ! V]Y EYES ( ! (FICIALS WAS AMAZ+4 

,MY ?REE WEEKS 9 ! ,TOMBS HAD GIV5 ME AMPLE PRO( ?AT ! REVOLUTION>Y CONT5TION ?AT CRIME IS ! RESULT ( POV]TY IS BAS$ ON FACT4 ,MO/ ( ! DEF5DANTS :O W]E AWAIT+ TRIAL CAME FROM ! L[E/ /RATA ( SOCIETY1 M5 & WOM5 )\T FRI5DS1 (T5 EV5 )\T A HOME4 ,UN=TUNATE1 IGNORANT CREATURES !Y W]E1 BUT /ILL ) HOPE 9 !IR HE>TS1 BECAUSE !Y HAD NOT YET BE5 CONVICT$4 ,9 ! P5IT5TI>Y DESPAIR POSSESS$ ALMO/ ALL ( ! PRISON]S4 ,IT S]V$ TO UNVEIL ! M5TAL D>KNESS1 FE>1 & SUP]/ITION :I* HELD !M 9 BONDAGE4 ,AMONG ! SEV5TY 9MATES1 !RE W]E NO MORE ?AN HALF A DOZ5 :O %[$ ANY 9TELLIG5CE :ATEV]4 ,! RE/ W]E \TCA/S )\T ! LEA/ SOCIAL CONSCI\SNESS4 ,!IR P]SONAL MIS=TUNES FILL$ !IR ?\<TS2 !Y C\LD NOT UND]/& ?AT !Y W]E VICTIMS1 L9KS 9 AN 5DLESS *A9 ( 9JU/ICE & 9EQUALITY4 ,FROM E>LY *ILDHOOD !Y HAD KN[N NO?+ BUT POV]TY1 SQUALOR1 & WANT1 & ! SAME CONDITIONS W]E AWAIT+ !M ON !IR RELEASE4 ,YET !Y W]E CAPABLE ( SYMPA?Y & DEVOTION1 ( G5]\S IMPULSES4 ,I SOON HAD OCCASION TO CONV9CE MYSELF ( IT :5 ,I WAS TAK5 ILL4 

,! DAMPNESS ( MY CELL & ! *ILL ( ! LATE ,DECEMB] DAYS HAD BR\<T ON AN ATTACK ( MY OLD COMPLA9T1 RHEUMATISM4 ,= SOME DAYS ! HEAD MATRON OPPOS$ MY BE+ TAK5 TO ! HOSPITAL1 BUT %E WAS F9ALLY COMPELL$ TO SUBMIT TO ! ORD] ( ! VISIT+ PHYSICIAN4 

,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL& ,P5IT5TI>Y WAS =TUNATE 9 ! ABS5CE ( A 0/EADY0 PHYSICIAN4 ,! 9MATES W]E RECEIV+ M$ICAL ATT5DANCE FROM ! ,*>ITY ,HOSPITAL1 :I* WAS SITUAT$ NE> BY4 ,?AT 9/ITUTION HAD SIX WEEKS' PO/-GRADUATE C\RSES1 :I* MEANT FREQU5T *ANGES 9 ! /AFF4 ,!Y W]E UND] ! DIRECT SUP]VISION ( A VISIT+ PHYSICIAN FROM ,NEW ,YORK ,CITY1 ,DR4 ,:ITE1 A HUMANE & K9DLY MAN4 ,! TREATM5T GIV5 ! PRISON]S WAS AS GOOD AS PATI5TS RECEIV$ 9 ANY ,NEW ,YORK HOSPITAL4 

,! SICK-W>D WAS ! L>GE/ & BRI<TE/ ROOM 9 ! BUILD+4 ,ITS SPACI\S W9D[S LOOK$ \T UPON A WIDE LAWN 9 FRONT ( ! PRISON &1 F>!R ON1 ! ,EA/ ,RIV]4 ,9 F9E WEA!R ! SUN /REAM$ 9 G5]\SLY4 ,A MON?'S RE/1 ! K9DL9ESS ( ! PHYSICIAN1 & ! ?\<TFUL ATT5TION ( MY FELL[ PRISON]S RELIEV$ ME ( MY PA9 & 5ABL$ ME TO GET AB\T AGA94 

,DUR+ ONE ( HIS R\NDS ,DR4 ,:ITE PICK$ UP ! C>D HANG+ AT ! FOOT ( MY B$ GIV+ MY CRIME & P$IGREE4 0,9CIT+ TO RIOT10 HE READ4 0,PIFFLE6 ,I DON'T BELIEVE Y\ C\LD HURT A FLY4 ,A F9E 9CIT] Y\ W\LD MAKE60 HE *UCKL$1 !N ASK$ ME IF ,I %\LD NOT LIKE TO REMA9 9 ! HOSPITAL TO TAKE C>E ( ! SICK4 0,I %\LD1 9DE$10 ,I REPLI$1 0BUT ,I KN[ NO?+ AB\T NURS+40 ,HE ASSUR$ ME ?AT NEI!R DID ANYONE ELSE 9 ! PRISON4 ,HE HAD TRI$ = SOME TIME TO 9DUCE ! CITY TO PUT A TRA9$ NURSE 9 *>GE ( ! W>D1 BUT HE HAD NOT SUCCE$$4 ,= OP]ATIONS & GRAVE CASES HE HAD TO BR+ A NURSE FROM ! ,*>ITY ,HOSPITAL4 ,I C\LD EASILY PICK UP ! ELEM5T>Y ?+S AB\T T5D+ ! SICK4 ,HE W\LD TEA* ME TO TAKE ! PULSE & TEMP]ATURE & TO P]=M SIMIL> S]VICES4 ,HE W\LD SPEAK TO ! ,W>D5 & ! HEAD MATRON IF ,I WANT$ TO REMA94 

,SOON ,I TOOK UP MY NEW WORK4 ,! W>D CONTA9$ SIXTE5 B$S1 MO/ ( !M ALWAYS FILL$4 ,! V>I\S DISEASES W]E TREAT$ 9 ! SAME ROOM1 FROM GRAVE OP]ATIONS TO TUB]CULOSIS1 PNEUMONIA1 & *ILDBIR?4 ,MY H\RS W]E LONG & /R5U\S1 ! GROANS ( ! PATI5TS N]VE-RACK+2 BUT ,I LOV$ MY JOB4 ,IT GAVE ME OPPORTUNITY TO COME CLOSE TO ! SICK WOM5 & BR+ A LITTLE *E] 9TO !IR LIVES4 ,I WAS SO MU* RI*] ?AN !Y3 ,I HAD LOVE & FRI5DS1 RECEIV$ MANY LETT]S & DAILY MESSAGES FROM ,$4 ,SOME ,AU/RIAN AN>*I/S1 [N]S ( A RE/AURANT1 S5T ME D9N]S EV]Y DAY1 :I* ,$ HIMSELF BR\<T TO ! BOAT4 ,F$YA SUPPLI$ FRUIT & DELICACIES WEEKLY4 ,I HAD SO MU* TO GIVE2 IT WAS A JOY TO %>E ) MY SI/]S :O HAD NEI!R FRI5DS NOR ATT5TION4 ,!RE W]E A FEW EXCEPTIONS1 ( C\RSE2 BUT ! MAJORITY HAD NO?+4 ,!Y NEV] HAD HAD ANY?+ BE=E & !Y W\LD HAVE NO?+ ON !IR RELEASE4 ,!Y W]E D]ELICTS ON ! SOCIAL DUNG-HEAP4 

,I WAS GRADUALLY GIV5 5TIRE *>GE ( ! HOSPITAL W>D1 P>T ( MY DUTIES BE+ TO DIVIDE ! SPECIAL RATIONS ALL[$ ! SICK PRISON]S4 ,!Y CONSI/$ ( A QU>T ( MILK1 A CUP ( BEEF TEA1 TWO EGGS1 TWO CRACK]S1 & TWO LUMPS ( SUG> = EA* 9VALID4 ,ON SEV]AL OCCASIONS MILK & EGGS W]E MISS+ & ,I REPORT$ ! MATT] TO A DAY MATRON4 ,LAT] %E 9=M$ ME ?AT A HEAD MATRON HAD SAID ?AT IT DID NOT MATT] & ?AT C]TA9 PATI5TS W]E /RONG 5\< TO DO )\T !IR EXTRA RATIONS4 ,I HAD HAD CONSID]ABLE OPPORTUNITY TO /UDY ?IS HEAD MATRON1 :O FELT A VIOL5T DISLIKE ( EV]YONE NOT ,ANGLO-,SAXON4 ,H] SPECIAL T>GETS W]E ! ,IRI% & ! ,JEWS1 AGA9/ :OM %E DISCRIM9AT$ HABITUALLY4 ,I WAS !RE=E NOT SURPRIS$ TO GET SU* A MESSAGE FROM H]4 

,A FEW DAYS LAT] ,I WAS TOLD BY ! PRISON] :O BR\<T ! HOSPITAL RATIONS ?AT ! MISS+ PORTIONS HAD BE5 GIV5 BY ?IS HEAD MATRON TO TWO HUSKY ,NEGRO PRISON]S4 ,?AT ALSO DID NOT SURPRISE ME4 ,I KNEW %E HAD A SPECIAL FONDNESS = ! COLOR$ 9MATES4 ,%E R>ELY PUNI%$ !M & (T5 GAVE !M UNUSUAL PRIVILEGES4 ,9 RETURN H] FAVORITES W\LD SPY ON ! O!R PRISON]S1 EV5 ON ?OSE ( !IR [N COLOR :O W]E TOO DEC5T TO BE BRIB$4 ,I MYSELF NEV] HAD ANY PREJUDICE AGA9/ COLOR$ PEOPLE2 9 FACT1 ,I FELT DEEPLY = !M BECAUSE !Y W]E BE+ TREAT$ LIKE SLAVES 9 ,AM]ICA4 ,BUT ,I HAT$ DISCRIM9ATION4 ,! IDEA ?AT SICK PEOPLE1 :ITE OR COLOR$1 %\LD BE ROBB$ ( !IR RATIONS TO FE$ HEAL?Y P]SONS \TRAG$ MY S5SE ( JU/ICE1 BUT ,I WAS P[]LESS TO DO ANY?+ 9 ! MATT]4 

,AFT] MY FIR/ CLA%ES ) ?IS WOMAN %E LEFT ME SEV]ELY ALONE4 ,ONCE %E BECAME 5RAG$ BECAUSE ,I REFUS$ TO TRANSLATE A ,RUSSIAN LETT] ?AT HAD >RIV$ = ONE ( ! PRISON]S4 ,%E HAD CALL$ ME 9TO H] (FICE TO READ ! LETT] & TELL H] ITS CONT5TS4 ,:5 ,I SAW ?AT ! LETT] WAS NOT = ME1 ,I 9=M$ H] ?AT ,I WAS NOT EMPLOY$ BY ! PRISON AS A TRANSLATOR4 ,IT WAS BAD 5\< = ! (FICIALS TO PRY 9TO ! P]SONAL MAIL ( HELPLESS HUMAN BE+S1 BUT ,I W\LD NOT DO IT4 ,%E SAID ?AT IT WAS /UPID ( ME NOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE ( H] GOOD-WILL4 ,%E C\LD PUT ME BACK 9 MY CELL1 DEPRIVE ME ( MY COMMUTATION TIME = GOOD BEHAVIOR1 & MAKE ! RE/ ( MY /AY V]Y H>D4 ,%E C\LD DO AS %E PLEAS$1 ,I TOLD H]1 BUT ,I W\LD NOT READ ! PRIVATE LETT]S ( MY UN=TUNATE SI/]S1 MU* LESS TRANSLATE !M TO H]4 

,!N CAME ! MATT] ( ! MISS+ RATIONS4 ,! SICK WOM5 BEGAN TO SUSPECT ?AT !Y W]E NOT GETT+ !IR FULL %>E & COMPLA9$ TO ! DOCTOR4 ,CONFRONT$ ) A DIRECT QUE/ION FROM HIM1 ,I HAD TO TELL ! TRU?4 ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT HE SAID TO ! (F5D+ MATRON1 BUT ! FULL RATIONS BEGAN TO >RIVE AGA94 ,TWO DAYS LAT] ,I WAS CALL$ D[N/AIRS & LOCK$ UP 9 ! DUNGEON4 

,I HAD REPEAT$LY SE5 ! EFFECT ( A DUNGEON EXP]I5CE ON O!R WOM5 PRISON]S4 ,ONE 9MATE HAD BE5 KEPT !RE = TW5TY-EI<T DAYS ON BREAD & WAT]1 AL?\< ! REGULATIONS PROHIBIT$ A LONG] /AY ?AN =TY-EI<T H\RS4 ,%E HAD TO BE C>RI$ \T ON A /RET*]2 H] H&S & LEGS W]E SWOLL51 H] BODY COV]$ ) A RA%4 ,! DESCRIPTIONS ! POOR CREATURE & O!RS HAD GIV5 ME US$ TO MAKE ME ILL4 ,BUT NO?+ ,I HAD HE>D COMP>$ ) ! REALITY4 ,! CELL WAS B>R52 ONE HAD TO SIT OR LIE D[N ON ! COLD /ONE FLOOR4 ,! DAMPNESS ( ! WALLS MADE ! DUNGEON A <A/LY PLACE4 ,WORSE YET WAS ! COMPLETE %UTT+ \T ( LI<T & AIR1 ! IMP5ETRABLE BLACKNESS1 SO ?ICK ?AT ONE C\LD NOT SEE ! H& BE=E ONE'S FACE4 ,IT GAVE ME ! S5SATION ( S9K+ 9TO A DEV\R+ PIT4 0,! ,SPANI% ,9QUISITION COME TO LIFE 9 ,AM]ICA ,I ?\<T ( ,MO/'S DESCRIPTION4 ,HE HAD NOT EXAGG]AT$4 

,AFT] ! DOOR %UT BEH9D ME1 ,I /OOD /ILL1 AFRAID TO SIT D[N OR TO LEAN AGA9/ ! WALL4 ,!N ,I GROP$ = ! DOOR4 ,GRADUALLY ! BLACKNESS PAL$4 ,I CAU<T A FA9T S\ND SL[LY APPROA*+2 ,I HE>D A KEY TURN 9 ! LOCK4 ,A MATRON APPE>$4 ,I RECOGNIZ$ ,MISS ,JOHNSON1 ! ONE :O HAD FRI<T5$ ME \T ( MY SLEEP ON MY FIR/ NI<T 9 ! P5IT5TI>Y4 ,I HAD COME TO KN[ & APPRECIATE H] AS A BEAUTIFUL P]SONALITY4 ,H] K9DNESS TO ! PRISON]S WAS ! ONE RAY ( LI<T 9 !IR DRE>Y EXI/5CE4 ,%E HAD TAK5 ME TO H] BOSOM ALMO/ FROM ! FIR/1 & 9 MANY 9DIRECT WAYS %E HAD %[N ME H] AFFECTION4 ,(T5 AT NI<T1 :5 ALL W]E ASLEEP1 & QUIET HAD FALL5 ON ! PRISON1 ,MISS ,JOHNSON W\LD 5T] ! HOSPITAL W>D1 PUT MY HEAD 9 H] LAP1 & T5D]LY /ROKE MY HAIR4 ,%E W\LD TELL ME ! NEWS 9 ! PAP]S TO DI/RACT ME & TRY TO *E] MY DEPRESS$ MOOD4 ,I KNEW ,I HAD F\ND A FRI5D 9 ! WOMAN1 :O H]SELF WAS A LONELY S\L1 NEV] HAV+ KN[N ! LOVE ( MAN OR *ILD4 

,%E CAME 9TO ! DUNGEON C>RY+ A CAMP-*AIR & A BLANKET4 0,Y\ CAN SIT ON ?AT10 %E SAID1 0& WRAP Y\RSELF UP4 ,I'LL LEAVE ! DOOR OP5 A BIT TO LET 9 SOME AIR4 ,I'LL BR+ Y\ HOT C(FEE LAT]4 ,IT WILL HELP TO PASS ! NI<T40 ,%E TOLD ME H[ PA9FUL IT WAS = H] TO SEE ! PRISON]S LOCK$ UP 9 ! DREADFUL HOLE1 BUT %E C\LD DO NO?+ = !M BECAUSE MO/ ( !M C\LD NOT BE TRU/$4 ,IT WAS DIFF]5T ) ME1 %E WAS SURE4 

,AT FIVE 9 ! MORN+ MY FRI5D HAD TO TAKE BACK ! *AIR & BLANKET & LOCK ME 94 ,I NO LONG] WAS OPPRESS$ BY ! DUNGEON4 ,! HUMANITY ( ,MISS ,JOHNSON HAD DISSOLV$ ! BLACKNESS4 

,:5 ,I WAS TAK5 \T ( ! DUNGEON & S5T BACK TO ! HOSPITAL1 ,I SAW ?AT IT WAS ALMO/ NOON4 ,I RESUM$ MY DUTIES4 ,LAT] ,I LE>N$ ?AT ,DR4 ,:ITE HAD ASK$ = ME1 & UPON BE+ 9=M$ ?AT ,I WAS 9 PUNI%M5T HE HAD CATEGORICALLY DEM&$ MY RELEASE4 

,NO VISITORS W]E ALL[$ 9 ! P5IT5TI>Y UNTIL AFT] ONE MON? HAD BE5 S]V$4 ,EV] S9CE MY 5TRY ,I HAD BE5 LONG+ = ,$1 YET AT ! SAME TIME ,I DREAD$ HIS COM+4 ,I REMEMB]$ MY T]RIBLE VISIT ) ,SA%A4 ,BUT IT WAS NOT QUITE SO APPALL+ 9 ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL&4 ,I MET ,$ 9 A ROOM :]E O!R PRISON]S W]E HAV+ !IR RELATIVES & FRI5DS TO SEE !M4 ,!RE WAS NO GU>D BETWE5 US4 ,EV]YONE WAS SO ABSORB$ 9 HIS [N VISITOR ?AT NO ONE PAID ANY ATT5TION TO US4 ,/ILL WE FELT CON/RA9$4 ,) CLASP$ H&S WE TALK$ ( G5]AL ?+S4 

,MY SECOND VISIT TOOK PLACE 9 ! HOSPITAL1 ,MISS ,JOHNSON BE+ ON DUTY4 ,%E ?\<TFULLY PUT A SCRE5 TO %UT US \T FROM ! VIEW ( ! O!R PATI5TS1 %E H]SELF KEEP+ AT A DI/ANCE4 ,$ TOOK ME 9 HIS >MS4 ,IT WAS BLISS TO FEEL AGA9 ! W>M? ( HIS BODY1 TO HE> HIS BEAT+ HE>T1 TO CL+ HUNGRILY TO HIS LIPS4 ,BUT HIS DEP>TURE LEFT ME 9 AN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL1 CONSUM$ BY A PASSIONATE NE$ = MY LOV]4 ,DUR+ ! DAY ,I /ROVE TO SUBDUE ! HOT DESIRE SURG+ ?R\< MY VE9S1 BUT AT NI<T ! CRAV+ HELD ME 9 ITS P[]4 ,SLEEP W\LD COME F9ALLY1 SLEEP DI/URB$ BY DREAMS & IMAGES ( 9TOXICAT+ NI<TS ) ,$4 ,! ORDEAL WAS TOO TORTUR+ & TOO EXHAU/+4 ,I WAS GLAD :5 HE BR\<T ,F$YA & O!R FRI5DS ALONG4 

,ONCE ,$ CAME ACCOMPANI$ BY ,VOLTAIR9E DE ,CLEYRE1 ,%E HAD BE5 9VIT$ BY ,NEW ,YORK FRI5DS TO ADDRESS A MEET+ >RANG$ 9 MY BEHALF4 ,:5 ,I HAD VISIT$ H] 9 ,PHILADELPHIA1 %E HAD BE5 TOO ILL TO SPEAK4 ,I WAS GLAD ( ! OPPORTUNITY TO COME CLOS] TO H] N[4 ,WE TALK$ AB\T ?+S NE>E/ TO \R HE>TS - ,SA%A1 ! MOVEM5T4 ,VOLTAIR9E PROMIS$ TO JO9 ME1 ON MY RELEASE1 9 A NEW EF=T = ,SA%A4 ,MEAN:ILE %E W\LD WRITE TO HIM1 %E SAID4 ,$1 TOO1 WAS 9 T\* ) HIM4 

,MY VISITORS W]E ALWAYS S5T UP TO ! HOSPITAL4 ,I WAS !RE=E SURPRIS$ ONE DAY TO BE CALL$ TO ! ,W>D5'S (FICE TO SEE SOMEONE4 ,IT PROV$ TO BE ,JOHN ,SW9TON & HIS WIFE4 ,SW9TON WAS A NATIONALLY KN[N FIGURE2 HE HAD WORK$ ) ! ABOLITIONI/S & HAD F\<T 9 ! ,CIVIL ,W>4 ,AS $ITOR-9-*IEF ( ! ,NEW ,YORK ,SUN HE HAD PLEAD$ = ! ,EUROPEAN REFUGEES :O CAME TO F9D ASYLUM 9 ! ,UNIT$ ,/ATES4 ,HE WAS ! FRI5D & ADVIS] ( Y\NG LIT]>Y ASPIRANTS1 & HE HAD BE5 ONE ( ! FIR/ TO DEF5D ,WAIT ,:ITMAN AGA9/ ! MISREPRES5TATIONS ( ! PURI/S4 ,TALL1 ]ECT1 ) BEAUTIFUL FEATURES1 ,JOHN ,SW9TON WAS AN IMPRESSIVE FIGURE4 

,HE GREET$ ME W>MLY1 REM>K+ ?AT HE HAD JU/ BE5 SAY+ TO ,W>D5 ,PILLSBURY ?AT HE HIMSELF HAD MADE MORE VIOL5T SPEE*ES DUR+ ! ABOLITION DAYS ?AN ANY?+ ,I SAID AT ,UNION ,SQU>E4 ,YET HE HAD NOT BE5 >RE/$4 ,HE HAD TOLD ! ,W>D5 ?AT HE \<T TO BE A%AM$ ( HIMSELF TO KEEP 0A LITTLE GIRL LIKE ?AT0 LOCK$ UP4 0,& :AT DO Y\ SUPPOSE HE SAID8 ,HE SAID HE HAD NO *OICE -- HE WAS ONLY DO+ HIS DUTY4 ,ALL WEAKL+S SAY ?AT1 C[>DS :O ALWAYS PUT ! BLAME ON O!RS40 ,JU/ !N ! ,W>D5 APPROA*$ US4 ,HE ASSUR$ ,SW9TON ?AT ,I WAS A MODEL PRISON] & ?AT ,I HAD BECOME AN EFFICI5T NURSE 9 ! %ORT TIME4 ,9 FACT1 ,I WAS DO+ SU* GOOD WORK ?AT HE WI%$ ,I HAD BE5 GIV5 FIVE YE>S4 0,G5]\S CUSS1 >5'T Y\80 ,SW9TON LAU<$4 0,P]HAPS Y\'LL GIVE H] A PAID JOB :5 H] TIME IS UP80 0,I W\LD1 9DE$10 ,PILLSBURY REPLI$4 0,WELL1 Y\'D BE A DAMN FOOL4 ,DON'T Y\ KN[ %E DOESN'T BELIEVE 9 PRISONS8 ,SURE AS Y\ LIVE1 %E'D LET !M ALL ESCAPE1 & :AT W\LD BECOME ( Y\ !N80 ,! POOR MAN WAS EMB>RASS$1 BUT HE JO9$ 9 ! BANT]4 ,BE=E MY VISITOR TOOK LEAVE1 HE TURN$ ONCE MORE TO ! ,W>D51 CAUTION+ HIM TO 0TAKE GOOD C>E ( HIS LITTLE FRI5D10 ELSE HE W\LD 0TAKE IT \T ( HIS HIDE40 

,! VISIT ( ! ,SW9TONS COMPLETELY *ANG$ ! ATTITUDE ( ! HEAD MATRON T[>DS ME4 ,! ,W>D5 HAD ALWAYS BE5 QUITE DEC5T1 & %E N[ BEGAN %[]+ PRIVILEGES ON ME3 FOOD FROM H] [N TABLE1 FRUIT1 C(FEE1 & WALKS ON ! ISL&4 ,I REFUS$ H] FAVORS EXCEPT ! WALKS2 IT WAS MY FIR/ OPPORTUNITY 9 SIX MON?S TO GO \T 9 ! OP5 & 9HALE ! SPR+ AIR )\T IRON B>S TO *ECK ME4 

,9 ,M>* #ahid WE RECEIV$ A L>GE 9FLUX ( WOM5 PRISON]S4 ,!Y W]E NE>LY ALL PRO/ITUTES R\ND$ UP DUR+ REC5T RAIDS4 ,! CITY HAD BE5 BLESS$ BY A NEW VISE CRUSADE4 ,! ,LEX[ ,COMMITTEE1 ) ! ,REV]5D ,DR4 ,P>KHUR/ AT ITS HEAD1 WIELD$ ! BROOM :I* WAS TO SWEEP ,NEW ,YORK CLEAN ( ! FE>FUL SC\RGE4 ,! M5 F\ND 9 ! PUBLIC H\SES W]E ALL[$ TO GO FREE1 BUT ! WOM5 W]E >RE/$ & S5T5C$ TO ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL&4 

,MO/ ( ! UN=TUNATES CAME 9 A DEPLORABLE CONDITION4 ,!Y W]E SUDD5LY CUT (F FROM ! N>COTICS :I* ALMO/ ALL ( !M HAD BE5 HABITUALLY US+4 ,! SI<T ( !IR SUFF]+ WAS HE>T-BREAK+4 ,) ! /R5G? ( GIANTS ! FRAIL CREATURES W\LD %AKE ! IRON B>S1 CURSE1 & SCREAM = DOPE & CIG>ETTES4 ,!N !Y W\LD FALL EXHAU/$ TO ! GR\ND1 PITIFULLY MOAN+ ?R\< ! NI<T4 

,! MIS]Y ( ! POOR CREATURES BR\<T BACK MY [N H>D /RUGGLE TO DO )\T ! SOO?+ EFFECT ( CIG>ETTES4 ,EXCEPT = ! T5 WEEKS ( MY ILLNESS 9 ,RO*E/]1 ,I HAD SMOK$ = YE>S1 SOMETIMES AS MANY AS =TY CIG>ETTES A DAY4 ,:5 WE W]E V]Y H>D PRESS$ = MONEY1 & IT WAS A TOSS-UP BETWE5 BREAD & CIG>ETTES1 WE W\LD G5]ALLY DECIDE TO BUY ! LATT]4 ,WE SIMPLY C\LD NOT GO = V]Y LONG )\T SMOK+4 ,BE+ CUT (F FROM ! SATISFACTION ( ! HABIT :5 ,I CAME TO ! P5IT5TI>Y1 ,I F\ND ! TORTURE ALMO/ BEYOND 5DURANCE4 ,! NI<TS 9 ! CELL BECAME D\BLY HIDE\S4 ,! ONLY WAY TO GET TOBACCO 9 PRISON WAS BY MEANS ( BRIB]Y4 ,I KNEW ?AT IF ANY ( ! 9MATES W]E CAU<T BR++ ME CIG>ETTES1 !Y W\LD BE PUNI%$4 ,I C\LD NOT EXPOSE !M TO ! RISK4 ,SNUFF TOBACCO WAS ALL[$1 BUT ,I C\LD NEV] TAKE TO IT4 ,!RE WAS NO?+ TO BE DONE BUT TO GET US$ TO ! DEPRIVATION4 ,I HAD RESI/+ P[] & ,I C\LD =GET MY CRAV+ 9 READ+4 

,NOT SO ! NEW >RIVALS4 ,:5 !Y LE>N$ ?AT ,I WAS 9 *>GE ( ! M$IC9E *E/1 !Y PURSU$ ME ) (F]S ( MONEY2 WORSE /ILL1 ) PITIFUL APPEALS TO MY HUMANITY4 0,JU/ A :IFF ( DOPE1 = ! LOVE ( ,*RI/60 ,I REBELL$ AGA9/ ! ,*RI/IAN HYPOCRISY :I* ALL[$ ! M5 TO GO FREE & S5T ! POOR WOM5 TO PRISON = HAV+ M9I/]$ TO ! SEXUAL DEM&S ( ?OSE M54 ,SUDD5LY CUTT+ (F ! VICTIMS FROM ! N>COTICS !Y HAD US$ = YE>S SEEM$ RU?LESS4 ,I W\LD HAVE GLADLY GIV5 ! ADDICTS :AT !Y CRAV$ SO T]RIBLY4 ,IT WAS NOT FE> ( PUNI%M5T :I* KEPT ME FROM BR++ !M RELIEF2 IT WAS ,DR4 ,:ITE'S FAI? 9 ME4 ,HE HAD TRU/$ ME ) ! M$IC9ES1 HE HAD BE5 K9D & G5]\S -- ,I C\LD NOT FAIL HIM4 ,! SCREAMS ( ! WOM5 W\LD UNN]VE ME = DAYS1 BUT ,I /UCK TO MY RESPONSIBILITY4 

,ONE DAY A Y\NG ,IRI% GIRL WAS BR\<T TO ! HOSPITAL = AN OP]ATION4 ,9 VIEW ( ! S]I\SNESS ( ! CASE ,DR4 ,:ITE CALL$ 9 TWO TRA9$ NURSES4 ,! OP]ATION LA/$ UNTIL LATE 9 ! EV5+1 & !N ! PATI5T WAS LEFT 9 MY *>GE4 ,%E WAS V]Y ILL FROM ! EFFECT ( ! E!R1 VOMIT$ VIOL5TLY1 & BUR/ ! /IT*ES ( H] W\ND1 :I* RESULT$ 9 A SEV]E HEMORRHAGE4 ,I S5T A HURRY CALL TO ! ,*>ITY ,HOSPITAL4 ,IT SEEM$ H\RS BE=E ! DOCTOR & HIS /AFF >RIV$4 ,!RE W]E NO NURSES ?IS TIME & ,I HAD TO TAKE !IR PLACE4 

,! DAY HAD BE5 AN UNUSUALLY H>D ONE & ,I HAD HAD V]Y LITTLE /EEP4 ,I FELT EXHAU/$ & HAD TO HOLD ON TO ! OP]AT+-TABLE ) MY LEFT H& :ILE PASS+ ) MY RI<T 9/RUM5TS & SPONGES4 ,SUDD5LY ! OP]AT+-TABLE GAVE WAY1 & MY >M WAS CAU<T4 ,I SCREAM$ ) PA94 ,DR4 ,:ITE WAS SO ABSORB$ 9 HIS MANIPULATIONS ?AT = A MOM5T HE DID NOT REALIZE :AT HAD HAPP5$4 ,:5 HE AT LA/ HAD ! TABLE RAIS$ & MY >M WAS LIFT$ \T1 IT LOOK$ AS IF EV]Y BONE HAD BE5 BROK54 ,! PA9 WAS EXCRUCIAT+ & HE ORD]$ A %OT ( MORPH9E4 0,WE'LL SET ! >M LAT]4 ,?IS HAS GOT TO COME FIR/40 0,NO MORPH9E10 ,I BEGG$4 ,I /ILL REMEMB]$ ! EFFECT ( MORPH9E ON ME :5 ,DR4 ,JULIUS ,H(FMANN HAD GIV5 ME A DOSE AGA9/ 9SOMNIA4 ,IT HAD PUT ME TO SLEEP1 BUT DUR+ ! NI<T ,I HAD TRI$ TO ?R[ MYSELF \T ( ! W9D[1 & IT HAD REQUIR$ ALL ( ,SA%A'S /R5G? TO PULL ME BACK4 ,! MORPH9E HAD CRAZ$ ME1 N[ ,I W\LD HAVE NONE ( IT4 

,ONE ( ! PHYSICIANS GAVE ME SOME?+ ?AT HAD A SOO?+1 EFFECT4 ,AFT] ! PATI5T ON ! OP]AT+-TABLE HAD BE5 RETURN$ TO !IR B$1 ,DR4 ,:ITE EXAM9$ MY >M4 0,Y\'RE NICE & *UBBY10 HE SAID2 0?AT HAS SAV$ Y\R BONES4 ,NO?+ HAS BE5 BROK5 -- JU/ FLATT5$ A BIT40 ,MY >M WAS PUT 9 A SPL9T4 ,! DOCTOR WANT$ ME TO GO TO B$1 BUT !RE WAS NO ONE ELSE TO SIT UP ) ! PATI5T4 ,IT MI<T BE H] LA/ NI<T3 H] TISSUES W]E SO BADLY 9FECT$ ?AT !Y W\LD NOT HOLD ! /IT*ES1 & ANO!R HEMORRHAGE W\LD PROVE FATAL4 ,I DECID$ TO REMA9 AT H] B$SIDE4 ,I KNEW ,I C\LD NOT SLEEP ) ! CASE AS S]I\S AS IT WAS4 

,ALL NI<T ,I WAT*$ H] /RUGGLE = LIFE4 ,9 ! MORN+ ,I S5T = ! PRIE/4 ,EV]YONE WAS SURPRIS$ AT MY ACTION1 P>TICUL>LY ! HEAD MATRON4 ,H[ C\LD ,I1 AN A!I/1 DO SU* A ?+1 %E WOND]$1 & *OOSE A PRIE/1 AT ?AT6 ,I HAD DECL9$ TO SEE ! MISSION>IES AS WELL AS ! RABBI4 ,%E HAD NOTIC$ H[ FRI5DLY ,I HAD BECOME ) ! TWO ,CA?OLIC SI/]S :O (T5 VISIT$ US ON ,SUNDAY4 ,I HAD EV5 MADE C(FEE = !M4 ,DIDN'T ,I ?9K ?AT ! ,CA?OLIC ,*UR* HAD ALWAYS BE5 ! 5EMY ( PROGRESS & ?AT IT BAD P]SECUT$ & TORTUR$ ! ,JEWS8 ,H[ C\LD ,I BE SO 9CONSI/5T8 ,( C\RSE1 ,I ?\<T SO1 ,I ASSUR$ H]4 ,I WAS JU/ AS OPPOS$ TO ! ,CA?OLIC AS TO ! O!R ,*UR*ES4 ,I CONSID]$ !M ALL ALIKE1 5EMIES ( ! PEOPLE4 ,!Y PREA*$ SUBMISSION1 & !IR ,GOD WAS ! ,GOD ( ! RI* & ! MI<TY4 ,I HAT$ !IR ,GOD & W\LD NEV] MAKE PEACE ) HIM4 ,BUT IF ,I C\LD BELIEVE 9 ANY RELIGION AT ALL1 ,I %\LD PREF] ! ,CA?OLIC ,*UR*4 0,IT IS LESS HYPOCRITICAL10 ,I SAID TO H]2 0IT MAKES ALL[ANCE = HUMAN FRAILTIES & IT HAS A S5SE ( BEAUTY40 ,! ,CA?OLIC SI/]S & ! PRIE/ HAD NOT TRI$ TO PREA* TO ME LIKE ! MISSION>IES1 ! M9I/]1 & ! VULG> RABBI4 ,!Y LEFT MY S\L TO ITS [N FATE2 !Y TALK$ TO ME AB\T HUMAN ?+S1 ESPECIALLY ! PRIE/1 :O WAS A CULTUR$ MAN4 ,MY POOR PATI5T HAD REA*$ ! 5D ( A LIFE ?AT HAD BE5 TOO H>D = H]4 ,! PRIE/ MI<T GIVE H] A FEW MOM5TS ( PEACE & K9DNESS2 :Y %\LD ,I NOT HAVE S5T = HIM8 ,BUT ! MATRON WAS TOO DULL TO FOLL[ MY >GUM5T OR UND]/& MY MOTIVES4 ,I REMA9$ A 0QUE] ONE10 9 H] E/IMATION4 

,BE=E MY PATI5T DI$1 %E BEGG$ ME TO LAY H] \T4 ,I HAD BE5 K9D] TO H]1 %E SAID1 ?AN H] [N MO!R4 ,%E WANT$ TO KN[ ?AT IT W\LD BE MY H& ?AT W\LD GET H] READY = ! LA/ J\RNEY4 ,I W\LD MAKE H] BEAUTIFUL2 %E WANT$ TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL TO MEET ,MO!R ,M>Y & ! ,LORD ,JESUS4 ,IT REQUIR$ LITTLE EF=T TO MAKE H] AS LOVELY 9 DEA? AS %E HAD BE5 9 LIFE4 ,H] BLACK CURLS MADE H] ALABA/] FACE MORE DELICATE ?AN ! >TIFICIAL ME?ODS %E HAD US$ TO 5HANCE H] LOOKS4 ,H] LUM9\S EYES W]E CLOS$ N[2 ,I HAD CLOS$ !M ) MY [N H&S4 ,BUT H] *ISEL$ EYEBR[S & LONG1 BLACK LA%ES W]E REM9DFUL ( ! RADIANCE ?AT HAD BE5 H]S4 ,H[ %E MU/ HAVE FASC9AT$ M56 ,& !Y DE/ROY$ H]4 ,N[ %E WAS BEYOND !IR REA*4 ,DEA? HAD SMOO!D H] SUFF]+4 ,%E LOOK$ S]5E 9 H] M>BLE :IT5ESS N[4 

,DUR+ ! ,JEWI% ,EA/] HOLIDAYS ,I WAS AGA9 CALL$ TO ! ,W>D5'S (FICE4 ,I F\ND MY GR&MO!R !RE4 ,%E HAD REPEAT$LY BEGG$ ,$ TO TAKE H] TO SEE ME1 BUT HE HAD DECL9$ 9 ORD] TO SP>E H] ! PA9FUL EXP]I5CE4 ,! DEVOT$ S\L C\LD NOT BE /OPP$4 ,) H] BROK5 ,5GLI% %E HAD MADE H] WAY TO ! ,COMMISSION] ( ,CORRECTIONS1 PROCUR$ A PASS1 & COME TO ! P5IT5TI>Y4 ,%E H&$ ME A L>GE :ITE H&K]*IEF CONTA9+ MATZO?1 GEFULLTE FI%1 & SOME ,EA/] CAKE ( H] [N BAK+4 ,%E TRI$ TO EXPLA9 TO ! ,W>D5 :AT A GOOD ,JEWI% DAU<T] H] ,*AVELE WAS2 9 FACT1 BETT] ?AN ANY RABBI'S WIFE1 BECAUSE %E GAVE EV]Y?+ TO ! POOR4 ,%E WAS FE>FULLY WR\<T UP :5 ! MOM5T ( DEP>TURE CAME1 & ,I TRI$ TO SOO! H]1 BEGG+ H] NOT TO BREAK D[N BE=E ! ,W>D54 ,%E BRAVELY DRI$ H] TE>S & WALK$ \T /RAI<T & PR\D1 BUT ,I KNEW %E W\LD WEEP BITT]LY AS SOON AS %E GOT \T ( SI<T4 ,NO D\BT %E ALSO PRAY$ TO H] ,GOD = H] ,*AVELE4 

,JUNE SAW MANY PRISON]S DIS*>G$ FROM ! SICK-W>D1 ONLY A FEW B$S REMA9+ OCCUPI$4 ,= ! FIR/ TIME S9CE COM+ TO ! HOSPITAL ,I HAD SOME LEISURE1 5ABL+ ME TO READ MORE SY/EMATICALLY4 ,I HAD ACCUMULAT$ A L>GE LIBR>Y2 ,JOHN ,SW9TON HAD S5T ME MANY BOOKS1 AS DID ALSO O!R FRI5DS2 BUT MO/ ( !M W]E FROM ,JU/US ,S*WAB4 ,HE HAD NEV] COME TO SEE ME2 HE HAD ASK$ ,$ TO TELL ME ?AT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE = HIM TO VISIT ME4 ,HE HAT$ PRISON SO MU* ?AT HE W\LD NOT BE ABLE TO LEAVE ME BEH9D4 ,IF HE %\LD COME1 HE W\LD BE TEMPT$ TO USE =CE TO TAKE ME BACK ) HIM1 & IT W\LD ONLY CAUSE TR\BLE4 ,9/EAD HE S5T ME /ACKS ( BOOKS4 ,WALT ,:ITMAN1 ,EM]SON1 ,?OREAU1 ,HAW?ORNE1 ,SP5C]1 ,JOHN ,/U>T ,MILL1 & MANY O!R ,5GLI% & ,AM]ICAN AU?ORS ,I LE>N$ TO KN[ & LOVE ?R\< ! FRI5D%IP ( ,JU/US4 ,AT ! SAME TIME O!R ELEM5TS ALSO BECAME 9T]E/$ 9 MY SALVATION -- SPIRITUALI/S & METAPHYSICAL R$EEM]S ( V>I\S K9DS4 ,I TRI$ HONE/LY TO GET AT !IR MEAN+1 BUT ,I WAS NO D\BT TOO MU* ( ! E>? TO FOLL[ !IR %AD[S 9 ! CL\DS4 

,AMONG ! BOOKS ,I RECEIV$ WAS ! ,LIFE ( ,ALB]T ,BRISBANE1 WRITT5 BY HIS WID[4 ,! FLY-LEAF HAD AN APPRECIATIVE D$ICATION TO ME4 ,! BOOK CAME ) A CORDIAL LETT] FROM H] SON1 ,>?UR ,BRISBANE1 :O EXPRESS$ HIS ADMIRATION & ! HOPE ?AT ON MY RELEASE ,I W\LD ALL[ HIM TO >RANGE AN EV5+ = ME4 ,! BIOGRAPHY ( ,BRISBANE BR\<T ME 9 T\* ) ,F\RI] & O!R PIONE]S ( SOCIALI/ ?\<T4 

,! PRISON LIBR>Y HAD SOME GOOD LIT]ATURE1 9CLUD+ ! WORKS ( ,GEORGE ,S&1 ,GEORGE ,ELIOT1 & ,\IDA4 ,! LIBR>IAN 9 *>GE WAS AN $UCAT$ ,5GLI%MAN S]V+ A FIVE-YE> S5T5CE = =G]Y4 ,! BOOKS HE H&$ \T TO ME SOON BEGAN TO CONTA9 LOVE NOTES FRAM$ 9 MO/ AFFECTIONATE T]MS1 & PRES5TLY !Y FLAM$ ) PASSION4 ,HE HAD ALREADY PUT 9 F\R YE>S 9 PRISON1 ONE ( HIS NOTES READ1 & HE WAS />V$ = ! LOVE ( WOMAN & COMPANION%IP4 ,HE BEGG$ ME AT LEA/ TO GIVE HIM ! COMPANION%IP4 ,W\LD ,I WRITE HIM OCCASIONALLY AB\T ! BOOKS ,I WAS READ+8 ,I DISLIK$ BECOM+ 9VOLV$ 9 A SILLY PRISON FLIRTATION1 YET ! NE$ = FREE1 UNC5SOR$ EXPRESSION WAS TOO COMPELL+ TO RESI/4 ,WE EX*ANG$ MANY NOTES1 (T5 ( A V]Y >D5T NATURE4 

,MY ADMIR] WAS A SPL5DID MUSICIAN & PLAY$ ! ORGAN 9 ! *APEL4 ,I %\LD HAVE LOV$ TO ATT5D1 TO BE ABLE TO HE> HIM & FEEL HIM NE>1 BUT ! SI<T ( ! MALE PRISON]S 9 /RIPES1 SOME ( !M H&CUFF$1 & /ILL FUR!R DEGRAD$ & 9SULT$ BY ! LIP-S]VICE ( ! M9I/]1 WAS TOO APPALL+ TO ME4 ,I HAD SE5 IT ONCE ON ! F\R? ( ,JULY1 :5 SOME POLITICIAN HAD COME OV] TO SPEAK TO ! 9MATES AB\T ! GLORIES ( ,AM]ICAN LIB]TY4 ,I HAD TO PASS ?R\< ! MALE W+ ON AN ]R& TO ! ,W>D51 & ,I HE>D ! POMP\S PATRIOT SP\T+ ( FRE$OM & 9DEP5D5CE TO ! M5TAL & PHYSICAL WRECKS4 ,ONE CONVICT HAD BE5 PUT 9 IRONS BECAUSE ( AN ATTEMPT$ ESCAPE4 ,I C\LD HE> ! CLANK+ ( HIS *A9S ) HIS EV]Y MOVEM5T4 ,I C\LD NOT BE> TO GO TO *UR*4 

,! *APEL WAS UND]NEA? ! HOSPITAL W>D4 ,TWICE ON ,SUNDAYS ,I C\LD LI/5 ON ! /AIRWAY TO MY PRISON FLAME PLAY+ ! ORGAN4 ,SUNDAY WAS QUITE A HOLIDAY3 ! HEAD MATRON WAS (F DUTY1 & WE W]E FREE FROM ! IRRITATION ( H] H>% VOICE4 ,SOMETIMES ! TWO ,CA?OLIC SI/]S W\LD COME ON ?AT DAY4 ,I WAS *>M$ ) ! Y\NG] ONE1 /ILL 9 H] TE5S1 V]Y LOVELY & FULL ( LIFE4 ,ONCE ,I ASK$ H] :AT HAD 9DUC$ H] TO TAKE ! VEIL4 ,TURN+ H] L>GE EYES UPW>DS1 %E SAID3 0,! PRIE/ WAS Y\NG & SO BEAUTIFUL60 ,! 0BABY NUN10 AS ,I CALL$ H]1 W\LD PRATTLE = H\RS 9 H] *E]Y Y\NG VOICE1 TELL+ ME ! NEWS & GOSSIP4 ,IT WAS A RELIEF FROM ! PRISON GRAYNESS4 

,( ! FRI5DS ,I MADE ON ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL& ! PRIE/ WAS ! MO/ 9T]E/+4 ,AT FIR/ ,I FELT ANTAGONI/IC TO HIM4 ,I ?\<T HE WAS LIKE ! RE/ ( ! RELIGI\S BUSYBODIES1 BUT ,I SOON F\ND ?AT HE WANT$ TO TALK ONLY AB\T BOOKS4 ,HE HAD /UDI$ 9 ,COLOGNE & HAD READ MU*4 ,HE KNEW ,I HAD MANY BOOKS & HE ASK$ ME TO EX*ANGE SOME ( !M ) HIM4 ,I WAS AMAZ$ & WOND]$ :AT K9D ( BOOKS HE W\LD BR+ ME1 EXPECT+ ! ,NEW ,TE/AM5T OR ! ,CATE*ISM4 ,BUT HE CAME ) WORKS ( POETRY & MUSIC4 ,HE HAD FREE ACCESS TO ! PRISON AT ANY TIME1 & (T5 HE W\LD COME TO ! W>D AT N9E 9 ! EV5+ & REMA9 TILL AFT] MIDNI<T4 ,WE W\LD DISCUSS HIS FAVORITE COMPOS]S -- ,BA*1 ,BEE?OV51 & ,BRAHMS -- & COMP>E \R VIEWS ON POETRY & SOCIAL IDEAS4 ,HE PRES5T$ ME ) AN ,5GLI%4 ,LAT9 DICTION>Y AS A GIFT1 9SCRIB$3 0,) ! HI<E/ RESPECT1 TO ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN40 

,ON ONE OCCASION ,I ASK$ HIM :Y HE NEV] GAVE ME ! ,BIBLE4 0,BECAUSE NO ONE CAN UND]/& OR LOVE IT IF HE IS =C$ TO READ IT10 HE REPLI$4 ,?AT APPEAL$ TO ME & ,I ASK$ HIM = IT4 ,ITS SIMPLICITY ( LANGUAGE & LEG5DRY FASC9AT$ ME4 ,!RE WAS NO MAKE-BELIEVE AB\T MY Y\NG FRI5D4 ,HE WAS DEV\T1 5TIRELY CONSECRAT$4 ,HE OBS]V$ EV]Y FA/ & HE W\LD LOSE HIMSELF 9 PRAY] = H\RS4 ,ONCE HE ASK$ ME TO HELP HIM DECORATE ! *APEL4 ,:5 ,I CAME D[N1 ,I F\ND ! FRAIL1 EMACIAT$ FIGURE 9 SIL5T PRAY]1 OBLIVI\S ( HIS SURR\ND+S4 ,MY [N IDEAL1 MY FAI?1 WAS AT ! OPPOSITE POLE FROM HIS1 BUT ,I KNEW HE WAS AS >D5TLY S9C]E AS ,I4 ,\R F]V5T WAS \R MEET+-GR\ND4 

,W>D5 ,PILLSBURY (T5 CAME TO ! HOSPITAL4 ,HE WAS AN UNUSUAL MAN = HIS SURR\ND+S4 ,HIS GR&FA!R HAD BE5 A JAIL]1 & BO? HIS FA!R & HIMSELF HAD BE5 BORN 9 ! PRISON4 ,HE UND]/OOD HIS W>DS & ! SOCIAL =CES ?AT HAD CREAT$ !M4 ,ONCE HE REM>K$ TO ME ?AT HE C\LD NOT BE> 0/OOL-PIGEONS02 HE PREF]R$ ! PRISON] :O HAD PRIDE & :O W\LD NOT /OOP TO MEAN ACTS AGA9/ HIS FELL[ CONVICTS 9 ORD] TO GA9 PRIVILEGES = HIMSELF4 ,IF AN 9MATE ASSEV]AT$ ?AT HE W\LD RE=M & NEV] AGA9 COMMIT A CRIME1 ! ,W>D5 FELT SURE HE WAS LY+4 ,HE KNEW ?AT NO ONE C\LD />T A NEW LIFE AFT] YE>S ( PRISON & ) ! :OLE WORLD AGA9/ HIM UNLESS HE HAD \TSIDE FRI5DS TO HELP HIM4 ,HE US$ TO SAY ?AT ! ,/ATE DID NOT EV5 SUPPLY A RELEAS$ MAN ) 5\< MONEY = HIS FIR/ WEEK'S MEALS4 ,H[1 !N1 C\LD HE BE EXPECT$ TO 0MAKE GOOD80 ,HE W\LD RELATE ! /ORY ( ! MAN :O ON ! MORN+ ( HIS RELEASE TOLD HIM3 0,PILLSBURY1 ! NEXT WAT* & *A9 ,I /EAL ,I'LL S5D TO Y\ AS A PRES5T40 0,?AT'S MY MAN10 ! ,W>D5 W\LD LAU<4 

,PILLSBURY WAS 9 A POSITION TO DO MU* GOOD = ! UN=TUNATES 9 HIS *>GE1 BUT HE WAS CON/ANTLY HAMP]$4 ,HE HAD TO ALL[ PRISON]S TO DO COOK+1 WA%+1 & CLEAN+ = O!RS ?AN !MSELVES4 ,IF ! TABLE DAMASK WAS NOT PROP]LY ROLL$ BE=E IRON+1 ! LAUNDRESS /OOD 9 DANG] ( CONF9EM5T TO ! DUNGEON4 ,! :OLE PRISON WAS DEMORALIZ$ BY FAVORITISM4 ,CONVICTS W]E DEPRIV$ ( FOOD = ! SLI<TE/ 9FRACTION1 BUT ,PILLSBURY1 :O WAS AN OLD MAN1 WAS P[]LESS TO DO MU* AB\T IT4 ,BESIDES1 HE WAS EAG] TO AVOID A SC&AL4 

,! NE>] ! DAY ( MY LIB]ATION APPROA*$1 ! MORE UNBE>ABLE LIFE 9 PRISON BECAME4 ,! DAYS DRAGG$ & ,I GREW RE/LESS & IRRITABLE ) IMPATI5CE4 ,EV5 READ+ BECAME IMPOSSIBLE4 ,I W\LD SIT = H\RS LO/ 9 REM9ISC5CES4 ,I ?\<T ( ! COMRADES 9 ! ,ILL9OIS P5IT5TI>Y BR\<T BACK TO LIFE BY ! P>DON ( ,GOV]NOR ,ALTGELD4 ,S9CE ,I HAD COME TO PRISON1 ,I REALIZ$ H[ MU* ! RELEASE ( ! ?REE M51 ,NEEBE1 ,FIELD51 & ,S*WAB1 HAD DONE = ! CAUSE = :I* !IR COMRADES 9 ,*ICAGO HAD BE5 HANG$4 ,! V5OM ( ! PRESS AGA9/ ,ALTGELD = HIS GE/URE ( JU/ICE PROV$ H[ DEEPLY HE HAD /RUCK ! VE/$ 9T]E/S1 P>TICUL>LY BY HIS ANALYSIS ( ! TRIAL & HIS CLE> DEMON/RATION ?AT ! EXECUT$ AN>*I/S HAD BE5 JUDICIALLY KILL$ 9 SPITE ( !IR PROV$ 9NOC5CE ( ! CRIME *>G$ AGA9/ !M4 ,EV]Y DETAIL ( ! MOM5T\S DAYS ( #ahhg /OOD \T 9 /RONG RELIEF BE=E ME4 ,!N ,SA%A1 \R LIFE TOGE!R1 HIS ACT1 HIS M>TYRDOM -- EV]Y MOM5T ( ! FIVE YE>S S9CE ,I HAD FIR/ MET HIM ,I N[ RELIV$ ) POIGNANT REALITY4 ,:Y WAS IT1 ,I MUS$1 ?AT ,SA%A WAS /ILL SO DEEPLY ROOT$ 9 MY BE+8 ,WAS NOT MY LOVE = ,$ MORE EC/ATIC1 MORE 5RI*+8 ,P]HAPS IT WAS HIS ACT ?AT HAD B\ND ME TO HIM ) SU* P[]FUL CORDS4 ,H[ 9SIGNIFICANT WAS MY [N PRISON EXP]I5CE COMP>$ ) :AT ,SA%A WAS SUFF]+ 9 ! ,ALLE<5Y PURGATORY6 ,I N[ FELT A%AM$ ?AT1 EV5 = A MOM5T1 ,I C\LD HAVE F\ND MY 9C>C]ATION H>D4 ,NOT ONE FRI5DLY FACE 9 ! C\RT-ROOM TO BE NE> ,SA%A & COM=T HIM -- SOLIT>Y CONF9EM5T & COMPLETE ISOLATION1 = NO MORE VISITS HAD BE5 ALL[$ HIM4 ,! ,9SPECTOR HAD KEPT HIS PROMISE2 S9CE MY VISIT 9 ,NOVEMB] #a#h#i#b1 ,SA%A HAD NOT AGA9 BE5 P]MITT$ TO SEE ANYONE4 ,H[ HE MU/ HAVE CRAV$ ! SI<T & T\* ( A K9DR$ SPIRIT1 H[ HE MU/ BE YE>N+ = IT6 

,MY ?\<TS RU%$ ON4 ,F$YA1 ! LOV] ( BEAUTY1 SO F9E & S5SITIVE6 ,& ,$4 ,$ -- HE HAD KISS$ TO LIFE SO MANY MY/]I\S LONG+S1 HAD OP5$ SU* SPIRITUAL S\RCES ( WEAL? TO ME6 ,I [$ MY DEVELOPM5T TO ,$1 TI$ TO ! O!RS1 TOO1 :O HAD BE5 9 MY LIFE4 ,& YET1 MORE ?AN ALL ELSE1 IT WAS ! PRISON ?AT BAD PROV$ ! BE/ S*OOL4 ,A MORE PA9FUL1 BUT A MORE VITAL1 S*OOL4 ,H]E ,I BAD BE5 BR\<T CLOSE TO ! DEP?S & COMPLEXITIES ( ! HUMAN S\L2 H]E ,I HAD F\ND UGL9ESS & BEAUTY1 MEANNESS & G5]OSITY4 ,H]E1 TOO1 ,I HAD LE>N$ TO SEE LIFE ?R\< MY [N EYES & NOT ?R\< ?OSE ( ,SA%A1 ,MO/1 OR ,$4 ,! PRISON HAD BE5 ! CRUCIBLE ?AT TE/$ MY FAI?4 ,IT HAD HELP$ ME TO DISCOV] /R5G? 9 MY [N BE+1 ! /R5G? TO /& ALONE1 ! /R5G? TO LIVE MY LIFE & FI<T = MY IDEALS1 AGA9/ ! :OLE WORLD IF NE$ BE4 ,! ,/ATE ( ,NEW ,YORK C\LD HAVE R5D]$ ME NO GREAT] S]VICE ?AN BY S5D+ ME TO ,BLACKWELL'S ,ISL& ,P5IT5TI>Y6  

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,DECEMB] #c#a1 #aic 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #ab -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #b#c1 #bag 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #ab -- ,ADD$4 

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