,SOPHIA'S SECOND ,LETT] 

#aigfaigf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,FR$Y ,P]LMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,SOPHIA'S SECOND LETT] 

  
  

,DE> ,Y>O/AN1  
  

,Y\R LETT] WAS CRUEL4 ,Y\ W]E OBVI\SLY AW>E ( ?AT4 ,IT DOESN'T CALL = AN ANSW]4 ,IT'S ! LA/ WORD4 ,VICTIMS DON'T %>E !IR EXP]I5CES ) !IR EXECUTION]S4 ,?AT'S CLE>4 ,:Y %\LD !Y8 ,S9CE Y\'VE DEF9$ ME ?AT WAY1 ,I'M SURPRIS$ Y\R LETT] WAS SO LONG6 ,:Y DIDN'T Y\ COMMUNICATE EXACTLY ! SAME MESSAGE BY NOT ANSW]+ ME AT ALL8 ,:Y DID Y\ FEEL Y\ [$ AN EXPLANATION TO ?AT TYPE ( P]SON8 

,Y\ CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAG9E :AT A SAD EXP]I5CE Y\R SECOND LETT] WAS = ME4 ,IF Y\ CAN !N Y\'RE EV5 CRUEL] ?AN Y\R LETT]4 ,= C\NTLESS YE>S ,I DREAM$ ( F9D+ Y\1 ( %>+ A PROJECT ) Y\ ONCE AGA91 ( TELL+ Y\ :AT ,I'D EXP]I5C$ S9CE ,I WAS ) Y\1 ( COMP>+ IT ) :AT Y\ EXP]I5C$2 IF ,I FAIL$ TO SEE Y\ AGA9 ,I HOP$ ,I'D AT LEA/ REA* Y\ ) ONE AFT] ANO!R LETT]1 EA* CROSS+ AT LEA/ ONE ( Y\RS1 EA* AS LONG & FULL ( DETAIL AS Y\R LA/ LETT]4 ,?AT DREAM WAS />T+ TO COME TRUE2 AT LEA/ ONE ( ! LONG+S ( MY LIFE WAS BE+ FULFILL$4 ,BUT ,I NEV] DREAM$ ,I'D GET A LETT] FROM Y\ ) ?AT CONT5T1 A LETT] :I* SO CRUELLY 5D$ ! CORRESPOND5CE :5 IT HAD B>ELY BEGUN4 

,I CAN'T SAY ,I NEV] DREAM$ ( SU* A CONT5T4 ,I DID 9 FACT DREAM ( IT -- 9 A NI<TM>E4 ,IT WAS MY GREATE/ FE>4 ,IT DID PASS ?R\< MY M9D ?AT ! LONG SEP>ATION & ! DIFF]5T EXP]I5CES W\LD CREATE A WALL BETWE5 US1 ?AT WE W\LD NO LONG] HAVE ANY?+ TO SAY TO EA* O!R1 ?AT WE W\LD BE M]ELY POLITE1 COLD & /RANGE TO EA* O!R4 ,BUT NOT EV5 9 A NI<TM>E DID ,I DREAM ?AT Y\'D EV] SEE ME AS Y\R 5EMY6 

,! SAME LETT] W\LDN'T HAVE BE5 SO CRUEL IF Y\'D S5T IT FROM JAIL4 ,I W\LD HAVE UND]/OOD Y\R ANG]1 Y\R DESIRE TO DE/ROY MY FRAME ( REF]5CE4 ,I W\LD HAVE UND]/OOD IT AS RES5TM5T AGA9/ SOMEONE :O IS NOT 9 JAIL4 ,BUT Y\ DIDN'T WRITE FROM JAIL4 ,Y\ WROTE FROM A SITUATION ?AT'S F> HAPPI] ?AN M9E4 ,Y\ DESCRIB$ A WORLD :I* IS AGA9 9 F]M5T1 A SOCIAL CONTEXT :I* IS ALIVE ) HOPES & POSSIBILITIES4 ,Y\ DESCRIB$ EXACTLY ! EXP]I5CE ,I LONG$ TO LE>N AB\T & %>E1 ! EXP]I5CE ?AT W\LD HEAL ! OP5 W\ND ,I'VE C>RI$ 9 MY BE+ S9CE ,I WAS TORN FROM Y\4 ,& Y\ EXCLUD$ ME FROM ?AT EXP]I5CE4 ,Y\RS WASN'T A LETT] FROM ONE 9 JAIL BUT FROM ONE BECOM+ FREE & IT WAS S5T TO ONE :O IS /ILL 9 JAIL4 ,9/EAD ( %>+ ! JOY1 ! PROMISE ( NEW LIFE1 Y\ SPAT ON ME1 PU%$ ME ASIDE1 DISC>D$ ME4 ,:Y8 

,I RECOGNIZE ! PA9 & SUFF]+ Y\'VE UND]GONE4 ,I SAY 0RECOGNIZE0 BECAUSE 9 Y\R DESCRIPTION ,I SAW MY [N PA9 & SUFF]+4 ,! =MS W]E DIFF]5T1 ?\< SOMETIMES NOT SO DIFF]5T2 ! PA9 WAS COMMUNICAT$ BY Y\R LETT] BECAUSE ,I HAD FELT IT TOO4 ,I ALSO RECOGNIZ$ ! BITT]NESS1 A BITT]NESS ,I HAD FELT T[>D ?OSE :O 9FLICT$ ! PA91 NEV] T[>D O!RS :O SUFF]$ FROM IT4 ,! COLD1 CALCULAT$ CRUELTY IS :AT ,I CAN'T UND]/&1 A CRUELTY AIM$ AT 0A FELL[ HUMAN BE+0 ASK+ = HELP 9 0?IS BIZ>RE WORLD10 AS Y\ SAID ) SU* A DIFF]5T SPIRIT 9 Y\R FIR/ LETT]4 

,DO Y\ ACTUALLY ?9K ! SUFF]+ EXCUSES & JU/IFIES ?AT CRUELTY1 ?AT 9HUMANITY T[>D ME8 ,9HUMANITY4 ,I CAN'T F9D A BETT] WORD4 ,A COMPLETE LACK ( HUMAN W>M?1 UND]/&+S SYMPA?Y1 COMRADE%IP4 ,A COLD1 DISPASSIONATE DISSECTION ( AN ANIMAL4 ,UND] ! GUISE ( UNMASK+ :AT Y\ CALL MY ILLUSIONS1 Y\ TE> AP>T MY PA/ EXP]I5CES1 MY COMMITM5TS1 MY FEW ACCOMPLI%M5TS & ALL MY DREAMS4 

,W\LDN'T SIL5CE BE ! MO/ APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO Y\R LETT]8 ,?AT MI<T BE :AT Y\ EXPECT4 ,Y\ W\LD HAVE SEV]$ ME FROM Y\R LIFE = GOOD1 & MY SIL5CE W\LD CONFIRM ! TRU? ( Y\R ANALYSIS4 ,BUT ,I WON'T KEEP SIL5T6 ,I WON'T LET \R CORRESPOND5CE 5D :]E Y\ 5D$ IT4 ,BECAUSE Y\'RE WRONG4 ,Y\'RE WRONG AB\T ME1 AB\T ! FRI5D%IPS & EXP]I5CES ,I %>$ ) Y\1 AB\T Y\RSELF4 ,Y\R CRUELTY IS BL9D & UNJU/4 ,I WON'T BE SIL5T UNTIL ,I %[ Y\ H[ WRONG Y\ >E4 ,& IF Y\ ?R[ MY LETT] 9TO ! G>BAGE UNREAD1 Y\ WON'T HAVE CONFIRM$ ! TRU? ( Y\R ANALYSIS BUT ITS COMPLETE FALSITY & ITS CRUELTY4 

,UN=TUNATELY ,I CAN'T REFUTE Y\ PO9T BY PO9T1 ,I CAN'T EXPOSE EV]Y FALSE DETAIL & ]RONE\S JUDGM5T 9 Y\R LETT] BECAUSE ,I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO READ Y\R LETT] YET ANO!R TIME4 ,I'VE ALREADY DR5*$ IT ) TE>S TWICE4 ,TE>S ( %AME & HUMILIATION4 ,?IS WASN'T ! ONLY TIME ,I WAS EXCLUD$ FROM MY WORLD BY MY COMRADES4 ,IT'S PROBABLY NOT ! LA/4 ,BUT ?IS EXCLUSION PU%ES ME \T ( ! ONE WORLD ,I ?\<T WAS M9E2 Y\'RE ! S+LE FRI5D :O1 ,I ?\<T1 W\LD NEV] PU% ME AWAY4 

,Y\ CAN'T SIMPLY TURN MY [N EXP]I5CE UPSIDE D[N & TELL ME ,I REMEMB]$ IT WRONG4 ,Y\'RE ! ONE :O IS WRONG4 ,IF ,I C>RI$ A SIGN ?AT SAID1 0,! FACTORIES TO ! WORK]S60 ,I DIDN'T MEAN 0,I SUPPORT MY NEW BOSS60 ,IF ?IS WAS :AT Y\ MEANT !N Y\ W]E A HYPOCRITE & Y\R LETT] IS A CONFESSION ( Y\R [N HYPOCRISY4 ,BUT Y\ KN[ P]FECTLY WELL ?AT NEI!R Y\ NOR ANY ( \R FRI5DS ANTICIPAT$ ! E/ABLI%M5T ( NEW BOSSES1 ! RE9=CEM5T ( PRISONS OR ! 5L>GEM5T ( ! POLITICAL POLICE4 ,H[ CAN Y\ BE SO ABSURD8 ,H[ CAN Y\R IMAG9ATION EV5 =MULATE ! BIZ>RE VISION ( ?\S&S ( PEOPLE JOYFULLY & 5?USIA/ICALLY ANTICIPAT+ !IR [N 9C>C]ATION8 

,I ?9K IT'S NOT ,LUISA OR ,I :O HAVE LO/ T\* ) REALITY1 BUT Y\4 ,I ?9K Y\R M9D IS FOGG$ BY A T]RIBLE CONFUSION4 ,Y\R FIR/ LETT] ALREADY CONTA9$ H9TS ( IT1 :5 Y\ TREAT$ 9MATES & GU>DS AS 9T]*ANGEABLE4 ,Y\ SEEM TO HAVE LO/ Y\R ABILITY TO DI/+UI% VICTORY FROM DEFEAT1 EXECUTION] FROM VICTIM4 ,\R ACTIVITY WAS FOLL[$ BY \R IMPRISONM5T4 ,Y\R CONFUSION BEG9S :5 Y\ MODIFY ?IS S5T5CE EV] SO SLI<TLY & SAY3 \R ACTIVITY L$ TO \R IMPRISONM5T4 ,HAV+ PUT IT ?IS WAY Y\ CONCLUDE ?AT \R ACTIVITY WAS ! CAUSE ( \R IMPRISONM5T & ?AT WE W]E \R [N JUDGES & GU>DS1 & ! BUILD]S ( \R [N PRISONS4 

,IF \R /RUGGLE WAS FOLL[$ BY ! RE9/ATEM5T ( FACTORY BOSSES & PRISON GU>DS1 !N ?IS MEANS \R /RUGGLE CAME TO NO?+4 ,WE W]E DEFEAT$4 ,\R 9T5TIONS W]E ?W>T$4 ,9 NO WAY DOES IT MEAN ?AT ! BOSSES & GU>DS >E ! FRUIT ( \R VICTORY & ! REALIZATION ( \R 9T5TIONS4 ,! BOSSES & GU>DS >E :AT WE F\<T AGA9/4 ,& !Y WON4 ,NOT BECAUSE ( US BUT 9 SPITE ( US4 ,TO CEM5T !IR VICTORY !Y HAD TO JAIL US4 ,?IS IS SO OBVI\S6 

,! WORLD Y\ WALK$ 9TO :5 Y\ W]E RELEAS$ FROM PRISON WASN'T ! WORLD ,I F\<T =1 NO MATT] H[ (T5 Y\ SAY ,I HELP$ BUILD IT4 ,DOES IT %[ A S+LE TRACE ( MY COMMITM5T1 Y\RS1 ,LUISA'S8 ,:]E >E ! DE/ROY$ PRISONS8 ,:]E'S ! RUBBLE ( =M] GOV]NM5T BUILD+S8 ,:]E >E ! HUMAN BE+S 5GAG$ 9 PROJECTS *OS5 BY !MSELVES1 )\T SUP]VISORS OR GU>DS8 ,! WORLD Y\ DESCRIBE HASN'T A TRACE ( ! WORLD ,I F\<T =4 ,:AT Y\ DESCRIBE IS ! V]Y WORLD ,I F\<T TO DE/ROY4 ,DON'T Y\ RECOGNIZE IT8 ,Y\ %\LD4 ,Y\R DESCRIPTIONS ( IT W]E VIVID 5\<4 ,IT'S ! WORLD ( WAGE LABOR & CAPITAL1 ! WORLD ( 9MATES & JAIL]S4 ,IT'S ! WORLD Y\ & ,I W]E BORN 9TO4 ,WE C\LDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE HELP$ BUILD ?IS WORLD3 IT WAS BUILT BE=E WE W]E BORN4 

,IF Y\ CLAIM ?IS WORLD WAS ! \TCOME ( \R /RUGGLE1 Y\ HAVE TO ADMIT IT'S BE5 ! \TCOME ( EV]Y /RUGGLE4 ,SO F> !RE'S BE5 NO O!R \TCOME 9 HI/ORY4 ,IT'S ! \TCOME ( /RUGGLES 9 :I* ?OSE :O F\<T AGA9/ IT LO/4 ,!Y W]E DEFEAT$1 AS WE W]E4 ,Y\ BUILD Y\R :OLE >GUM5T BY OMITT+ ?IS SMALL DETAIL3 ! DEFEAT4 ,IT'S ?IS OMISSION ?AT 5ABLES Y\ TO SAY ?AT ! WORLD ( BOSSES & JAIL]S WAS REBUILT1 NOT BY ?OSE :O F\<T TO RE9/ATE IT & WON1 BUT BY ?OSE :O F\<T TO DE/ROY IT & LO/4 

,IF ?IS IS :AT Y\ LE>N$ 9 PRISON1 !N PRISON IS NOT ! GREAT S*OOL ,TOL/OY SAID IT WAS4 ,OR ELSE Y\ LE>N$ Y\R LESSONS V]Y BADLY4 ,CAN Y\ REALLY BE SAY+ ?AT 9SURG5TS ONLY RISE AGA9/ ! RUL+ ORD] SO AS TO REIMPOSE IT8 ,CAN Y\ REALLY BE SAY+ ?AT ! ONLY DREAMS ( REBELS >E DREAMS ( AU?ORITY & SUBMISSION8 ,Y\ EV5 ACCUSE ME ( HAV+ HELP$ DE=M DREAMS & DE/ROY POSSIBILITIES4 ,:AT DREAMS W]E DE=M$1 SUPPRESS$1 DE/ROY$8 ,CLE>LY NOT ! DREAMS ( REIMPOS+ AU?ORITY BUT ! DREAMS ( DE/ROY+ IT4 ,Y\ ADMIT ?AT 9SURG5TS F\<T TO DE/ROY ! WORLD ( JAIL]S4 ,YET Y\ SAY !Y REIMPOS$ ?AT V]Y WORLD4 ,H[8 ,BY FI<T+ AGA9/ IT1 BY FI<T+ TO REALIZE !IR DREAM ( A WORLD )\T JAIL]S8 ,IS ?IS P>ADOX ! ULTIMATE WISDOM ( A PRISON $UCATION8 

,I DON'T REALLY UND]/& Y\R LETT]4 ,P>TS ( IT >E SO FULL ( RES5TM5T1 ALL ( IT AIM$ AGA9/ ,LUISA & ME4 ,O!R P>TS >E SO FULL ( COMPASSION1 ESPECIALLY Y\R DESCRIPTIONS ( ,MIRNA4 ,Y\ SAID ,JAN MOV$ \T ( ! H\SE :5 Y\ & ,MIRNA W]E M>RI$4 ,HE FELT LIKE AN \TSID] TO Y\R HAPP9ESS4 ,IF Y\ BEGAN TO TREAT HIM ! WAY Y\R LETT] TREATS ME1 ,I CAN UND]/& P]FECTLY :Y HE LEFT4 ,Y\ DROVE HIM \T1 JU/ AS Y\'RE DRIV+ ME \T ( Y\R LIFE4 ,I'M SURE HE DIDN'T FEEL JEAL\S OR RES5TFUL1 JU/ CONFUS$ & /UNN$4 ,UNTIL ! DAY BE=E YE/]DAY HE'D BE5 Y\R BE/ FRI5D2 SUDD5LY HE WAS A /RANG]4 ,Y\ WROTE ! FIR/ LETT] TO ONE :O HAD ONCE BE5 A FRI5D1 A COMRADE1 & MORE3 SOMEONE Y\ HAD LOV$4 ,:Y %\LDN'T ,I REM9D Y\8 ,Y\'VE OBVI\SLY =GOTT52 9 Y\R FIR/ LETT] Y\ EV5 SAID Y\ H>DLY REMEMB]$ ME6 ,WELL1 ,I HAV5'T =GOTT54 ,I CAN UND]/& H[ ,I MI<T BECOME A /RANG] TO Y\ OV] SO MANY YE>S2 ,I CAN EV5 UND]/& ?AT WE MI<T HAVE BECOME 5EMIES4 ,:AT ,I CAN'T UND]/& IS H[ Y\ CAN TREAT ME AS IF ,I'D BE5 Y\R 5EMY !N1 PRECISELY DUR+ ! MOM5T :5 WE LOV$ EA* O!R4 ,& WE DID LOVE EA* O!R4 ,PASSIONATELY4 ,Y\ CAN'T DISC>D ?AT4 ,IT'S ALREADY 9SCRIB$ 9 TIME4 ,Y\ CAN'T TAKE ?AT LOVE FROM ME NO MATT] H[ (T5 Y\ ACCUSE ME1 EXCLUDE ME OR 9SULT ME4 ,BECAUSE ! P]SON ,I LOV$ IS NOT ! P]SON :O WROTE ?OSE ACCUSATIONS4 ,! P]SON ,I LOV$ WAS PRES5T 9 Y\R LETT]1 NOT 9 Y\R /ATEM5TS AB\T ME BUT 9 Y\R DESCRIPTIONS ( ,MIRNA4 ,I RECOGNIZ$ Y\R LOVE = ME 9 Y\R LOVE = ,MIRNA4 ,I RECOGNIZ$ ! EV5+ WALKS1 ! CONV]SATIONS1 EV5 ! EXPECTATION ?AT WORK+ PEOPLE W\LD SOON JO9 US1 EMBRACE US & DANCE ) US 9 ! /REET4 ,IF Y\ TRI$ TO PRES5T Y\RSELF TO ME AS A COMPLETELY DIFF]5T P]SON FROM ! ONE ,I ONCE KNEW1 Y\ FAIL$4 ,Y\ MADE ME WANT TO BE ,MIRNA4 ,NOT 9 SPITE ( Y\R BITT]NESS T[>D ME BUT BECAUSE ( IT4 ,! ,SOPHIA 9 Y\R LETT] IS A TREA*]\S WRET* :O CAUS$ Y\ ONLY PA9 & SUFF]+1 :]EAS ,MIRNA IS A WOND]FUL1 UNSPOIL$ CREATURE :O BR+S Y\ HAPP9ESS4 ,C\LD ANY CONCEIVABLE READ] ( Y\R LETT] WANT TO BE ,SOPHIA8 ,I DON'T4 ,I WANT TO BE ! ONE :O %>ES ! EMBRACE AS WELL AS ! HAPP9ESS2 ,I WANT TO BE ON ! /REET ) Y\ :5 ! DANC+ BEG9S4 ,EV5 TO ! PO9T ( CONS5T+ TO M>RIAGE8 ,OH1 BUT Y\'VE DISPOS$ ( ?AT QUE/ION ALTOGE!R4 ,YES1 UND] ! CIRCUM/ANCES3 IF ,I'M A %EPH]DESS1 A VILLAGE GIRL1 YES4 ,TO %>E ! HAPP9ESS4 ,I DON'T WANT TO BE AN \TSID] TO ?AT HAPP9ESS4 ,I DON'T WANT TO BE EXCLUD$4 ,:Y CAN'T Y\ %>E IT ) ME8 ,I DON'T BEGRUDGE Y\R MOM5TS ( HAPP9ESS ) ,MIRNA4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 ,I F\ND JOY 9 Y\R DESCRIPTIONS ( !M BECAUSE ,I F\ND MYSELF4 ,H[ C\LD ,I HELP IT8 ,I WAS EXACTLY ! SAME AGE :5 ,I KNEW Y\ AS ,MIRNA WAS :5 Y\ MET H]4 ,Y\ W]E Y\NG] = ME1 BUT = ME Y\ HAV5'T AG$4 ,& ! JOY Y\ DESCRIB$ WAS RECOGNIZABLE TO ME BECAUSE ,I1 TOO1 HAD EXP]I5C$ IT ONCE1 ?\< ONLY ONCE 9 MY LIFE -- ) Y\4 

,PA9 & SUFF]+ PR$OM9AT$ 9 Y\R LIFE4 ,DOES ?AT JU/IFY ! PA9 Y\R LETT] 9FLICTS ON ME8 ,PA9 PR$OM9AT$ 9 MY LIFE TOO2 IT WAS UND\BT$LY LESS 9T5SE ?AN Y\RS1 BUT MY MOM5TS ( HAPP9ESS W]E ALSO LESS 9T5SE & FEW] ?AN ! ONES Y\'VE DESCRIB$4 ,MY RELATION%IP TO Y\1 MY P>TICIPATION 9 ! PROJECT WE %>$ ) O!RS1 ACC\NT = ! HAPPIE/ MOM5TS ( MY LIFE4 ,:Y DO Y\ WANT TO TAKE ?AT AWAY FROM ME N[8 ,DON'T Y\ SEE ?AT Y\R >GUM5T PUTS ! GUILT ON ,LUISA & ME BECAUSE Y\ SP5T TWELVE YE>S ( Y\R LIFE 9 PRISON & WE DIDN'T8 ,CAN'T Y\ SEE ! ABSURDITY ( ACCUS+ SLAVES ( 5SLAV+ !MSELVES ?R\< ! V]Y ACT ( TRY+ TO FREE !MSELVES8 ,CAN'T Y\ REMEMB] ?AT MY PROJECT WAS TO DE/ROY ! WORLD ?AT CAUS$ Y\R SUFF]+1 NOT TO REIMPOSE IT8 

,CAN'T Y\ RECOGNIZE MY PROJECT 9 ! AGITATION TAK+ PLACE >\ND Y\ :ILE Y\ WROTE ME8 ,! PEOPLE TE>+ D[N ! SIGNS1 ! TAPE/RIES -- :]E DID !Y COME FROM8 ,DID !Y DROP FROM ! SKY8 ,Y\ ADMIT !Y DIDN'T4 ,Y\ ADMIT !Y'RE ! SAME 9DIVIDUALS :O W]E NO?+ BUT MOV+ CORPSES ONLY YE/]DAY4 ,TODAY EMPTY %ELLS >E SUDD5LY BECOM+ FULL ( LIFE1 IMAG9ATION & POT5TIALITY4 ,DREAMS >E ONCE AGA9 BECOM+ REALIZABLE4 ,:]E DID ?AT LIFE & ?OSE DREAMS COME FROM8 ,Y\ DON'T SAY4 ,BUT ,I KN[ ?OSE DREAMS DIDN'T SUDD5LY DROP FROM ! SKY ANY MORE ?AN ! PEOPLE DID4 ,!Y'RE DREAMS ?AT HAVE BE5 SUPPRESS$1 DREAMS ?AT W]E HELD 9SIDE UNTIL ! DAY :5 !Y C\LD AGA9 BE EXPRESS$4 ,!Y'RE MY DREAMS & ,LUISA'S & Y\RS4 ,:AT Y\'RE DESCRIB+ IS ! REBIR? ( \R /RUGGLE1 \R PROJECT1 \R HOPES4 ,:Y >E Y\ SO 9T5T ON EXCLUD+ US -- ALL ( US3 ,V]A1 ,M>C1 ,JASNA1 ,TITUS1 ,ADRIAN & ,CLAUDE8 ,W]E WE SO CRIM9AL = HAV+ TRI$ & FAIL$ :]E NO ONE ELSE HAS YET SUCCE$$8 

,! WALLS ?AT >E CRUMBL+ >\ND Y\ TODAY W]E ! PRISONS ?AT SUPPRESS$ \R /RUGGLE4 ,:Y >E Y\ TRY+ TO PROVE ?AT WE \RSELVES IMPRISON$ \R [N HOPES1 ?AT WE W]E ! TOMBS ( \R DREAMS8 ,I DON'T UND]/&6 ,)\T ?AT /RUGGLE1 )\T ?AT PROJECT WE'RE NO?+4 ,Y\R LETT] AB\NDS 9 IMAG]Y ?AT %[S H[ WELL Y\ UND]/& ?IS3 )\T ?OSE DREAMS WE'RE CORPSES1 %ELLS1 HUSKS1 9/RUM5TS1 MA*9ES4 ,IF Y\ RAZE ! RE/ ( US TO ! GR\ND Y\ MAY F9D Y\RSELF /&+ V]Y HI<1 ,Y>O/AN1 BUT NOT 9 A HUMAN COMMUNITY4 

,Y\ %ATT] MY DREAMS1 REVISE MY PA/1 & !N TELL ME ,I'VE DE=M$ BO?4 ,Y\'RE ! ONE :O DE=MS4 ,I %\LDN'T HAVE TOLD Y\ ,I HAD A POOR MEMORY4 ,MAYBE Y\ ?\<T ,I'D LET Y\R REVISION /& UN*ALL5G$1 OR EV5 ?AT ,I'D BELIEVE Y\4 ,BUT Y\'RE TELL+ ME AB\T MY [N PA/6 ,& ,LUISA'S FANTASY1 AS Y\ *OOSE TO CALL IT1 HAPP5S TO CO9CIDE ) A L>GE P>T ( MY [N LIFE1 SO ?AT ,I HAVE SOME FAMILI>ITY ) ?AT AS WELL4 

,Y\ MADE A CRYPTIC REF]5CE TO A C]TA9 ,MANUEL Y\ MET 9 PRISON4 ,HE HELP$ Y\ SEE EV]Y?+ CLE>LY4 ,HE PROVID$ ! MISS+ FACTS4 ,HE COMPLET$ A PICTURE ?AT UNTIL !N WAS 9COMPLETE4 ,& ! COMPLETE PICTURE %[S ,LUISA & H] COMRADES /ABB+ EA* O!R 9 ! BACK4 ,I DON'T KN[ :]E ,MANUEL'S FACTS COME FROM BUT ,I KN[ ?AT M9E COME FROM SEV]AL 9DIVIDUALS :O ACTUALLY LIV$ !M4 ,! REASON ,I REMEMB] !M IS BECAUSE !Y HAPP5 TO BE P>T ( MY [N LIFE4 ,NA*ALO1 ,LUISA'S FIR/ COMPANION 7& MY FA!R7 IS ! FIR/ FACT ?AT DOESN'T FIT Y\R PICTURE1 & HIS :OLE LIFE UND]M9ES :AT Y\ LE>N$ FROM ,MANUEL4 ,I WAS ONLY TWO YE>S OLD :5 HE WAS KILL$1 BUT ,I LE>N$ AB\T HIM EV] S9CE !N1 NOT ONLY FROM ,LUISA1 :OSE V]ACITY Y\ DISC\NT1 BUT ALSO FROM ,ALB]TS1 :O NEV] HAD ANY ILLUSIONS 7OR DREAMS74 ,NA*ALO WAS A PEASANT1 LIKE ! ,S$LAKS1 BUT :5 HE MET ,LUISA HE HAD ALREADY DIVORC$ HIMSELF FROM ALL ! VILLAGE TRADITIONS1 TABOOS & C]EMONIES4 ,HE WAS CONSID]ABLY OLD] ?AN ,LUISA4 ,:5 !Y MET HE HAD ALREADY EXP]I5C$ A REVOLUTION>Y PEASANT UPRIS+ :I* HAD BE5 DEFEAT$ BY /ATI/S P>AD+ AS REVOLUTION>IES4 ,HE HAD SE5 HIS VILLAGE DE/ROY$1 HIS FRI5DS & HIS WIFE KILL$ BY A GANG ( MURD]]S :O CALL$ !MSELVES A WORK]S' >MY4 ,HE FL$ ) A NEWBORN BABY1 TOGE!R ) A H&FUL ( HIS COMRADES4 ,HE LAT] LE>N$ ?AT NONE ( ! 9SURG5T PEASANTS :O /AY$ BEH9D BECAME JAIL]S OR EXECUTION]S BECAUSE EV]Y S+LE ONE ( !M WAS KILL$4 ,9 EXILE HE WORK$ AT ODD JOBS & DRANK4 ,HIS DAU<T]1 :OM HE NAM$ ,M>G>ITA1 GREW UP AS A /REET UR*93 RAGG$1 HUNGRY & ILLIT]ATE6 ,ON ONE ( HIS JOBS HE MET ,LUISA1 A GIRL :O WAS ONLY ?REE OR F\R YE>S OLD] ?AN ,M>G>ITA4 ,LUISA1 9 H] [N WORDS1 S$UC$ HIM4 ,%E WAS FASC9AT$1 EV5 HYPNOTIZ$ BY ,NA*ALO1 NOT ONLY BY ! MAN BUT ALSO BY HIS EXP]I5CES4 ,H] MO!R HAD DI$ :5 %E WAS A GIRL2 H] FA!R HAD BE5 %OT BY ! POLICE 9 A /RIKE4 ,BE=E %E MET ,NA*ALO %E HAD BE5 ACTIVELY 9VOLV$ 9 UNION ACTIVITIES4 ,NA*ALO BR\<T H] A TOTALLY NEW P]SPECTIVE1 NEW HOPES & POSSIBILITIES4 ,H]E WAS A MAN :O HADN'T ONLY F\<T LOS+ DEF5SIVE BATTLES AGA9/ ! OPPRESSORS BUT :O HAD ACTUALLY GONE ON ! (F5SIVE1 R\T$ ! EXPLOIT]S1 & HELD ! GR\ND = A P]IOD ( YE>S4 ,%E C\LDN'T HE> 5\< FROM HIM4 ,%E FOLL[$ HIM AFT] WORK1 TO ! B>S1 & !N TO HIS MIS]ABLE ROOM4 ,%E TOOK ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA TO UNION MEET+S & 9TRODUC$ !M TO MILITANT COMRADES4 ,IT WAS AT ONE ( !SE MEET+S ?AT ! ?REE ( !M MET ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS4 

,AFT] ,I WAS BORN4 ,NA*ALO1 ,LUISA & ,M>G>ITA MOV$ TO A L>G] & CLEAN] AP>TM5T4 ,IT WAS SO L>GE ?AT !IR COMRADES US$ IT TO HOLD MEET+S4 ,ALB]TS WAS ! MO/ REGUL> VISITOR2 HE & ,M>G>ITA BECAME 9SEP>ABLE4 

,:5 ! >MY ATTACK$ ! CITY1 ,NA*ALO WAS AMONG ! FIR/ WORK]S 9 ! NEI<BORHOOD TO RUN \T >M$ & BEG9 BUILD+ B>RICADES4 ,LUISA RAN AFT] HIM4 ,M>G>ITA JO9$ !M AL?\< %E WAS PREGNANT1 & %E REFUS$ TO RETURN HOME UNTIL A BULLET GRAZ$ H] >M4 ,%E DI$ :ILE GIV+ BIR? TO ,SAB9A4 ,NA*ALO DI$ TWO OR ?REE MON?S LAT]1 :ILE FI<T+ AGA9/ ! COMB9$ =CES ( ! >MY1 ! L&[N]S & ! *UR*4 

,I'M NOT ASK+ Y\ = TE>S OR EV5 SYMPA?Y4 ,ALL ?IS HAPP5$ V]Y LONG AGO1 & ,I'VE ALREADY %$ ALL ! TE>S ,I'LL EV] %$ OV] IT4 ,ALL ,I'M ASK+ IS :Y Y\ S5T ME SU* A LETT]4 ,H[ CAN Y\ TELL ME ?AT A C]TA9 ,MANUEL SAID ,NA*ALO1 ,LUISA1 ,M>G>ITA & ALL !IR DEAD & W\ND$ COMRADES F\<T ONLY TO REIMPOSE ! L&LORDS1 ! /ATE & ! *UR*8 ,:AT HAVE ,I BECOME TO Y\8 ,:Y8 

,Y\ PROCE$ TO REVISE MY EQUALLY ILLUSORY PICTURE ( ! RESI/ANCE4 ,IT SO HAPP5S ?AT ,I WAS !RE AS WELL1 & ,I WAS CONSID]ABLY OLD]2 ,I EV5 REMEMB] SOME EV5TS ON MY [N1 NOT JU/ FROM ! /ORIES TOLD TO ME BY O!RS4 ,:AT Y\ TELL ME IS ?AT ! WORK]S ( ! CITY1 SOME ( :OM ,I KNEW P]SONALLY1 F\<T TO LIB]ATE !MSELVES FROM A MILIT>Y DICTATOR%IP ONLY TO MAKE ROOM = ANO!R4 ,I F\ND Y\R ACC\NT ( Y\R [N ACTIVITY DUR+ ! W> FASC9AT+2 Y\ HAD NEV] SPOK5 AB\T ?AT4 ,BUT Y\R NEW 9SI<T1 Y\R EXPOSURE ( ! TRUE NATURE ( ! EV5T1 IS NEI!R 9SI<TFUL NOR TRUE4 ,DO Y\ REALLY EXPECT ME TO PURGE MY MEMORY ( :AT Y\ CALL ,LUISA'S FANTASY 9 ORD] TO REPLACE IT ) Y\RS8 ,IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT ,I'D !N BE EV5 WORSE (F ?AN ! WORK]S 9 Y\R FABRICAT$ RESI/ANCE FI<T+ 9 AN ALREADY LIB]AT$ CITY TO MAKE ROOM = A MILIT>Y DICTATOR%IP4 

,Y\ DESCRIBE MY ACTIVITY ) Y\ AS A PUPPET %[4 ,Y\R DESCRIPTION CORRESPONDS NEI!R TO ! EV5TS ,I EXP]I5C$ AT ! TIME NOR TO EV5TS ,I EXP]I5C$ LAT]4 ,I'M NOT MISREAD+ Y\R LETT]4 ,I ?9K ,I UND]/& P]FECTLY WELL :AT Y\'RE SAY+4 ,WE ?\<T WE W]E ACT+ FREELY :ILE 9 FACT WE W]E BE+ MANIPULAT$4 ,!RE=E WE W]E PUPPETS4 ,S9CE WE'RE NOT 9 FACT PUPPETS BUT PEOPLE1 WE MU/ HAVE TURN$ \RSELVES 9TO PUPPETS4 ,!RE=E WE MANIPULAT$ \RSELVES4 

,Y\R CONCLUSIONS DON'T FOLL[ FROM Y\R PREMISES4 ,I'LL %[ Y\4 ,I WON'T REF] TO MY EXP]I5CE ) Y\ TO ILLU/RATE MY >GUM5T1 S9CE ?AT EXP]I5CE HAS BECOME SO F\L TO Y\4 ,I'LL REF] TO A SIMIL> EXP]I5CE :I* HAD NO?+ TO DO ) Y\R IMPRISONM5T4 ,TWO YE>S AGO ,I GOT A LOB TEA*+ A UNIV]SITY CLASS4 ,! FIR/ ?+ ,I NOTIC$ WAS ?AT /UD5TS1 ESPECIALLY ! M51 W]E NOT ! SAME PEOPLE ,I HAD GONE TO S*OOL )4 ,MY CONTEMPOR>IES HAD BE5 %ORT-HAIR$ AUTOMATONS :O APPLAUD$ 9 MOVIE H\SES :5EV] A BOMB DE/ROY$ A VILLAGE4 ,! NEW /UD5TS W]E ALMO/ A DIFF]5T SPECIES4 ,9/EAD ( CONSID]+ ! 0UNIV]SITY A TRA9+ GR\ND :I* W\LD MAGNIFY !IR P[] TO KILL1 MANY ?\<T ( S*OOL AS A WAY ( AVOID+ OR PO/PON+ GO+ TO W>4 ,!Y NO LONG] APPLAUD$ MASS KILL+S4 ,MO/ ( !M DIDN'T WANT TO BECOME PR(ESSIONAL MURD]]S1 & NONE ( !M WANT$ TO DIE = ! FLAG4 ,WAYS TO AVOID KILL+ & DY+ CON/ITUT$ ! MA9 TOPIC ( !IR CONV]SATIONS4 ,SOME MON?S AFT] ! BEG9N+ ( ! S*OOL YE> ,I WAS VISIT$ BY TWO Y\NG PEOPLE :O W]5'T /UD5TS4 ,!Y CALL$ !MSELVES REVOLUTION>Y ORGANIZ]S4 ,!Y 9TRODUC$ !MSELVES TO /UD5TS :O PUBLI%$ ! RADICAL NEWSPAP]1 TO \TSPOK5 /UD5TS & TO :AT !Y CALL$ RADICAL FACULTY MEMB]S LIKE ME4 ,!Y ANN\NC$ A MEET+ 9 ! S*OOL'S L>GE/ AUDITORIUM2 !Y HAD MADE PREVI\S >RANGEM5TS ) /UD5TS :O W]E TO BE ! LOCAL HO/S ( ! EV5T1 & ,I AGRE$ TO BE ! FACULTY SPONSOR4 ,!SE TWO ORGANIZ]S W]E NO LONG]1 SUBJECT TO ! MILIT>Y DRAFT4 ,!Y SAW ! DRAFT AS A LEV]1 AN 0ISSUE0 >\ND :I* TO ORGANIZE A FOLL[+4 ,!Y SAW ! PROTE/+ /UD5TS AS A POT5TIAL 0BASE0 = !IR ORGANIZATION4 ,9 O!R WORDS !Y W]E PR(ESSIONAL POLITICIANS4 ,OV] TWO HUNDR$ /UD5TS CAME TO ! MEET+4 ,IT WAS ! L>GE/ POLITICAL GA!R+ ?AT HAD TAK5 PLACE AT ?IS UNIV]SITY = SEV]AL DECADES4 ,/UD5TS CAME ) ! HOPE ( COMMUNICAT+ ) !IR LIKES1 AS Y\ PUT IT2 !Y CAME TO LE>N :AT O!RS HAD LE>N$1 TO HELP & BE HELP$4 ,ALL !IR HOPES W]E ?W>T$4 ,!Y W]E SUBJECT$ TO SEV]AL H\RS ( POLITICAL H>ANGUES ?AT W]E F> LESS 9SPIR$ ?AN MO/ ( !IR DAILY LECTURES4 ,! ORGANIZ]S HAD PICK$ ! SPEAK]S1 AMONG :OM !Y HAD 9CLUD$ !MSELVES2 !Y HAD DEF9$ ! TOPICS ( ! H>ANGUES2 !Y HAD EV5 PLANT$ PEOPLE 9 ! AUDI5CE TO ASK QUE/IONS AT ! 5D4 ,MO/ ( ! TWO HUNDR$ PEOPLE :O HAD ORIG9ALLY COME TO ! MEET+ LEFT BE=E IT WAS OV]4 ,AT ! 5D !RE W]E ONLY EI<T LEFT BESIDES ! ORGANIZ]S4 ,I /AY$ 9 ! BACK ( ! AUDITORIUM UNTIL ! 5D4 ,?OSE EI<T /UD5TS ELECT$ !MSELVES TO BE ! LOCAL *APT] ( ! ORGANIZATION4 ,I LAT] LE>N$ ?AT SEV5 ( !M HAD ALREADY ELECT$ !MSELVES TO ?IS (FICE E>LI]4 ,= ! REMA9D] ( ! YE> !SE EI<T /UD5TS BECAME REPRES5TATIVES & SPOKESM51 NOT ONLY ( ! TWO HUNDR$ /UD5TS :O HAD COME TO ! MEET+1 BUT ( ALL ! /UD5TS 9 ! UNIV]SITY4 

,9 T]MS ( Y\R ANALYSIS1 ! /UD5TS :O ORIG9ALLY CAME TO ! MEET+ %ACKL$ !MSELVES1 AS WELL AS ALL O!R /UD5TS1 ) !SE POLITICAL BUREAUCRATS4 ,!Y W]E MANIPULAT$ 9TO LEGITIMAT+ ! P[] ( !SE POLITICIANS4 ,BUT ?AT'S ABSURD4 ,!Y ALL LEFT AS SOON AS !Y REALIZ$ ! SPEE*ES CAME FROM T9 CANS4 ,ONLY ONE \T ( TWO HUNDR$ WAS TAK5 9 BY ! POLITICAL M>MALADE DI%$ \T BY ?OSE POLITICAL BOSSES :O DIFF]$ FROM PR(ESSORS & FACTORY MANAG]S ONLY 9 AGE4 ,( C\RSE Y\'LL SAY ?AT BY ! TIME !Y REALIZ$ ! PROGRAM WAS CANN$ IT WAS TOO LATE4 ,!IR M]E PRES5CE AT ! MEET+ HAD ALREADY VALIDAT$ ! POLITICIANS' CLAIM TO BE ! SPOKESM5 ( ! MASS ( /UD5TS4 ,AFT] ?AT S+LE ACT !Y C\LD NO LONG] MEET PUBLICLY ) EA* O!R )\T HAV+ ! POLITICIANS PRESIDE OV] !M 7:I* WAS 9 FACT :AT HAPP5$74 ,!RE=E M]ELY BY ATT5D+ ! MEET+ !Y HAD MUZZL$ !MSELVES1 B\ND !MSELVES TO NEW BOSSES :O W]E MORE 9SIDI\S ?AN ! OLD BOSSES BECAUSE !Y CAME FROM AMONG !MSELVES4 ,!RE=E ! /UD5TS HAD BE5 PUPPETS1 9]T ?+S1 OBJECTS MOV$ BY =CES \TSIDE !MSELVES1 DOLLS MANIPULAT$ BY PUPPETE]S4 

,Y\R ANALYSIS R$UCES A TWO-DIM5SIONAL PICTURE TO A S+LE DIM5SION1 IT R$UCES TWO SIDES TO ONE4 ,! PROTE/+ /UD5TS W]E ON ONE SIDE1 ! POLITICIANS & ALL O!R (FICIALS W]E ON ! O!R4 ,! FACT ?AT ! UNIV]SITY (FICIALS ACCEPT$ ! /UD5T POLITICIANS AS ! SPOKESM5 ( PROTE/+ /UD5TS DOESN'T MEAN ?AT ANY ( ! PROTE/+ /UD5TS ACCEPT$ !M AS !IR SPOKESM54 ,IT M]ELY MEANS ?AT (FICIALS RECOGNIZ$ & EMBRAC$ O!R (FICIALS & MOM5T>ILY DISREG>D$ !IR CLUB'S AGE REQUIREM5TS4 ,BY OMITT+ ! SECOND SIDE Y\ LOSE SI<T ( ! RELATION BETWE5 ! TWO SIDES4 ,Y\ LEAVE \T :AT WE US$ TO CALL ! /RUGGLE BETWE5 ! RUL+ CLASS & ! REPRESS$ CLASS1 ! CLASS /RUGGLE4 ,! FACT ?AT ! RUL]S RECRUIT !IR AG5TS FROM AMONG ! REPRESS$ DOESN'T MEAN ?AT ! REPRESS$ >E ! AG5TS ( !IR [N REPRESSION4 

,Y\ DON'T ONLY OMIT ! FACT ( /RUGGLE4 ,9 ONE P>T ( Y\R LETT] Y\ EV5 MAKE FUN ( ,LUISA'S DESCRIPTION ( ! EXT]NAL =CES ?AT SUPPRESS$ REVOLUTION>Y WORK]S & PEASANTS :O HAD NOT BECOME PUPPETS4 ,ACCORD+ TO Y\ !RE W]E NO EXT]NAL =CES4 ,! ROT IS ALWAYS )94 ,:ATEV] HAPP5S TO ME IS MY [N FAULT4 ,Y\R PR(\ND NEW 9SI<T IS NO MORE ?AN ! ANCI5T DOCTR9E ( ORIG9AL S94 ,Y\ MISUND]/& ,CASSIUS' OBS]VATION1 0,! FAULT1 DE> ,BRUTUS1 IS NOT 9 \R />S1 BUT 9 \RSELVES1 ?AT WE >E UND]L+S40 ,9 Y\R V]SION1 ! BULLETS1 DE> ,SOPHIA1 >E NOT 9 !IR GUNS1 BUT 9 \R BRA9S1 ?AT MAKE US UND]L+S4 

,?OSE :O >RE/$ Y\ & ME W]E NOT IMAG9>Y BE+S1 NOR WAS ,I >RE/$ BY MYSELF4 ,MY MEMORY DID 9 FACT FREEZE C]TA9 FACTS1 & !Y'VE BE5 P]FECTLY PRES]V$4 ,ONE ( !SE FACTS IS ?AT ,I WAS >RE/$ BY POLICE AG5TS4 ,ANO!R FACT IS ?AT ,I WAS TAK5 TO A POLICE /ATION & A JAIL :I* ,I HAD NOT HELP$ BUILD3 BO? W]E MU* OLD] ?AN ,I WAS4 ,A ?IRD FACT IS ?AT ! /ATEM5TS ON MY PO/]S & ! WORDS ON MY LIPS W]E NOT SECRET 9/RUCTIONS TO ! POLICE = Y\R >RE/4 ,! POLICE RECEIV$ !IR 9/RUCTIONS FROM !IR SUP]IORS1 ULTIMATELY FROM ! POLITICIANS 9 ! /ATE APP>ATUS1 & NOT FROM ! LIKES ( Y\ OR ME4 ,IF Y\ ?9K ,I WAS A PUPPET DISPLAY+ ! W>RANT = MY [N >RE/1 Y\'RE HALLUC9AT+1 NOT ,LUISA OR ,I4 

,IT WAS ABSURD ( ME TO TELL ,T9A WE W]E >RE/$ BECAUSE WE W]E ,ALB]TS' RELATIVES1 S9CE EI<T OR N9E ( US W]E >RE/$ & ONLY TWO ( US W]E RELAT$ TO ,ALB]TS4 ,FUR!RMORE ,ALB]TS WASN'T >RE/$4 ,I SUPPOSE IT'S ?IS RIDICUL\S SLIP ( MY MEMORY ?AT CONFIRMS Y\R /ATEM5TS AB\T MY 9ABILITY TO REMEMB] MY [N REAL PA/4 ,?IS SLIP EMB>RASSES ME1 IT MAKES ME WI% ,I HAD A MORE TRU/WOR?Y MEMORY1 BUT IT DOESN'T CONV9CE ME ?AT ,I'VE SY/EMATICALLY FALSIFI$ MY PA/1 IT DOESN'T CONV9CE ME ?AT MY MODE/ EXT]IOR H\SES AN OGRE :O1 AFT] EXT]M9AT+ H] VICTIMS1 MAKES !M VANI% TO OBLIVION4 

,I DO REMEMB] ?AT ,ALB]TS HAD NO?+ TO DO ) \R >RE/1 BUT ,I DON'T REMEMB] ?AT ,I HELP$ PA9T SIGNS & TAPE/RIES :I* W]E HUNG 9 FRONT ( PRISON WALLS2 ,I DON'T REMEMB] ?AT ,I HELP$ BURY A HUMAN COMMUNITY & DR[N ! S\ND ( HUMAN VOICES4 ,MY [N LIFE HAS BE5 SURR\ND$ BY ?OSE V]Y SIGNS & TAPE/RIES1 BY ?OSE V]Y WALLS1 BY ?AT V]Y SIL5CE & LACK ( COMMUNITY4 ,ALL MY LIFE ,I'VE LONG$ = NO?+ MORE ?AN TO COMMUNICATE ) MY LIKES ON A FIELD )\T SIGNS OR WALLS4 ,H[ CAN ,I PROVE ?IS TO Y\8 ,Y\ REA*$ \T TO ME & ,I RESPOND$4 ,I W\LD HAVE TRI$ TO REA* Y\ ! DAY AFT] MY RELEASE FROM JAIL & EV]Y DAY AFT] ?AT IF ,I HAD ?\<T MY LETT]S W\LD BE DELIV]$4 ,BUT Y\ KN[ P]FECTLY WELL ?AT LETT]S W]E BE+ RETURN$ )\T ANY EXPLANATIONS4 

,I HAD MY FIR/ REAL *ANCE TO REA* Y\ ONLY TWELVE YE>S AGO4 ,A FRI5D ( M9E1 ,LEM ,ICEL1 WAS GO+ TO BE NE> Y\ ON HIS WAY TO SOME 9T]NATIONAL CONF]5CE4 ,I FRANTICALLY WROTE LETT]S TO ALL ( Y\4 ,I WAS T]RIBLY SAD :5 NO?+ CAME 9 RESPONSE TO ?OSE LETT]S4 ,I DIDN'T SEE ,LEM AGA9 UNTIL SEV]AL YE>S LAT]4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HAD BE5 >RE/$ BECAUSE HE'D BE5 C>RY+ MY LETT]S4 ,HE PROCE$$ TO LI/ ! HORRORS HE HAD UND]GONE 9 PRISONS & CAMPS & CONCLUD$ BY TELL+ ME AB\T HIS REC5T CONV]SION TO AN ANCI5T ,EGYPTIAN RELIGION4 ,I H>DLY LI/5$ TO :AT HE TOLD ME & ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE ANY ( IT4 ,I CONCLUD$ HE HAD LO/ MY LETT]S & HAD MADE UP ! /ONES AB\T ! IMPRISONM5T & ! TORTURES4 ,I ?\<T HE WAS COV]+ UP HIS GUILT BY PRET5D+ ,I WAS GUILTY ( HIS IMPRISONM5T4 ,N[ Y\ TELL ME ?AT ONE ( MY LETT]S DID REA* ITS DE/9ATION1 ?\< Y\ NEV] SAW IT4 ,LEM DIDN'T LOSE ! LETT]S AFT] ALL4 ,?IS MEANS ?AT ! RE/ ( HIS /ORY MAY ALSO HAVE BE5 TRUE4 ,I MI<T HAVE CAUS$ ,LEM'S >RE/4 ,& ACCORD+ TO ,MIRNA ,I ALSO CAUS$ Y\RS4 ,?IS MAKES ME A DANG]\S S*IZOPHR5IC3 MILD & WELL-9T5TION$ DUR+ ! DAY :ILE AT NI<T ,I PLOT ! >RE/1 IMPRISONM5T & TORTURE ( MY FRI5DS4 

,I CAN'T /& SEE+ MYSELF :]E Y\R LETT] LEAVES ME4 ,CAN'T Y\ SEE !RE'S SOME?+ RIDICUL\S AB\T !SE 9S9UATIONS & ACCUSATIONS8 ,:5 ,I WROTE Y\ TWELVE YE>S AGO1 & :5 ,I WROTE Y\ LA/ TIME 9 ANSW] TO Y\R W>M & COMRADELY FIR/ LETT]1 ,I WAS DESP]ATELY REA*+ = UND]/&+1 SYMPA?Y1 HUMAN COMMUNICATION4 ,Y\R LA/ LETT] R$UCES BO? MY GE/URES TO T]RIBLE CRIMES4 ,Y\1 ,LEM & ,MIRNA SUGGE/ ,I'VE DONE NO?+ 9 MY LIFE EXCEPT S5D 9/RUCTIONS TO ! POLICE4 ,?\< ,I DON'T FEEL LIKE LAU<+1 ,I'M CONV9C$ SOME?+ FUNNY IS GO+ ON4 ,I'M NO MORE S*IZOPHR5IC ?AN ! RE/ ( MY CONTEMPOR>IES & MY P>ANOIA IS G5]ALLY L[] ?AN ! AV]AGE4 ,I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE ?AT MY LETT] HAD ANY?+ TO DO ) ,LEM'S >RE/ OR ) Y\RS4 ,I HAVE NO IDEA :AT ,LEM WAS DO+ !RE BESIDES DELIV]+ MY LETT]S1 BUT ,I DO KN[ ?AT MY LETT]S DIDN'T CONTA9 9/RUCTIONS TO ! POLICE4 ,!Y W]E PRIVATE1 P]SONAL LETT]S4 ,!Y REF]R$ SOLELY TO MY [N 9SIGNIFICANT EXP]I5CES & DIDN'T CONTA9 A S+LE REF]5CE TO POLITICS OR POLITICIANS4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ :AT ! PRESID5T'S NAME WAS OR EV5 IF !RE WAS A PRESID5T4 ,DO ! POLICE >RE/1 IMPRISON & TORTURE PEOPLE = C>RY+ SU* LETT]S8 ,DOES ?AT POLICE REALLY HAVE NO?+ ELSE TO DO8 ,>E !Y MADM58 ,DOESN'T ?IS S\ND AWFULLY SILLY & T]RIBLY P>ANOID8 

,I HAD KN[N ,LEM = MANY YE>S & ,I KNEW ?AT P>ANOIA WASN'T \T ( ! QUE/ION AS F> AS HE WAS CONC]N$4 ,P>ANOIA WAS ! ROOT ( HIS CONCEIT2 IT CONFIRM$ HIS IMPORTANCE & HIS POLITICAL EFFECTIV5ESS4 ,HE ALWAYS SAW HIMSELF AS P]SECUT$4 ,:5 HE CALL$ HIMSELF A REVOLUTION>Y HE CONV9C$ HIMSELF HIS PHONE WAS TAPP$2 HE WAS =EV] BE+ FOLL[$ & WAT*$4 ,ALL ! ATT5TION HE GOT PROV$ H[ REVOLUTION>Y HE WAS4 ,:5 HE LAT] BECAME A MY/IC HE CONV9C$ HIMSELF ?AT OBJECTS P]SECUT$ HIM4 ,C\LD ,I BELIEVE SU* A P]SON :5 HE TOLD ME MY LETT]S CAUS$ HIS >RE/8 

,I DON'T KN[ :AT TO SAY AB\T ,MIRNA'S SUSPICIONS4 ,DOES %E1 TOO1 HAVE TRACES ( P>ANOIA8 ,Y\ C]TA9LY SUGGE/ AS MU* :5 Y\ TELL ME Y\ DON'T CONSID] MY LETT] ! CAUSE ( Y\R >RE/4 ,I OBVI\SLY CAN'T PROVE ANY?+ S9CE ,I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO ! POLICE FILES4 ,ALL ,I CAN SAY IS ?AT ! ACCUSATION S\NDS SILLY4 

,I'M GO+ TO ADMIT SOME?+ ELSE1 BECAUSE SUDD5LY ,I NO LONG] C>E :AT Y\ MAKE ( ?IS ADMISSION4 ,I HAV5'T TOLD Y\ ALL MY REASONS = ?9K+ ?AT ,LEM WAS LY+ TO ME :5 HE TOLD ME AB\T HIS >RE/ & IMPRISONM5T4 ,IT WASN'T ONLY BECAUSE ,I WAS FAMILI> ) ,LEM'S P]SECUTION MANIA ?AT ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE HIM4 ,! /ORY ITSELF S\ND$ PHONY TO ME4 ,I DIDN'T PAY ANY ATT5TION TO HIM4 ,! SEQU5CE ( HORRORS DIDN'T ONLY SEEM T]RIBLY EXAGG]AT$ BUT WAS ALSO SIMIL>1 D[N TO DETAILS1 TO ! PICTURES DRAWN BY (FICIAL PROPAG&I/S4 ,I WAS SURE HE HAD READ ! :OLE /ORY 9 A NEWSPAP]4 ,& AT ?AT TIME ,I WAS CONV9C$ ?AT ?OSE /ORIES W]E PURE FABRICATIONS1 FICTIONAL FROM ! FIR/ WORD TO ! LA/4 ,NO1 ,I WASN'T TAK5 9 BY ! OPPOSITE PROPAG&A4 ,I KNEW AB\T ! PRISONS & CAMPS1 ! POLITICAL PURGES1 ! /ATE-RUN UNIONS1 ! SPE$-UPS & PRODUCTIVITY CAMPAIGNS4 ,:AT ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE W]E ! /OCK /ORIES AB\T ! PRIE/S1 NUNS & ITTY-BITTY *ILDR5 TORTUR$ 9 M$IEVAL DUNGEONS1 S9CE !SE /ONES W]E OBVI\SLY J\RNALI/IC FICTIONS PULL$ \T ( DU/Y W>-HY/]IA FILES1 ) NAMES & DATES *ANG$ = EV]Y OCCASION4 ,I RECOGNIZ$ !SE NEWSPAP] >TICLES 9 ,LEM'S ACC\NT2 ,I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE A S+LE ELEM5T ( A WORLD :I* %\LD HAVE BE5 FAMILI> TO ME BECAUSE1 AS Y\ SO CRUDELY PUT IT1 ,I'D HELP$ BUILD IT4 ,HE WAS1 AFT] ALL1 TALK+ AB\T A PLACE :]E ,I HAD ONCE KN[N SEV]AL WORK]S :O W]E NOT UNLIKE ?\S&S ( O!R WORK]S4 ,HE WAS TELL+ ME ?AT ALL ! PEOPLE ,I HAD LIV$ ) & WORK$ )1 & ALL O!RS LIKE !M1 HAD SIMPLY VANI%$ 9TO ?9 AIR & HAD BE5 REPLAC$ BY *A9S1 GATES & HORRIFY+ 9/RUM5TS ( TORTURE4 ,HE WAS TELL+ ME ?AT ALL ?OSE WORK]S HAD EI!R ALL[$ ?OSE HORRORS TO TAKE PLACE OR ELSE ?AT !Y'D ALL BE5 IMPRISON$ & EXECUT$ & ?AT ! ONLY PEOPLE LEFT W]E APES OR %EEP4 ,I C\LDN'T BELIEVE ANY ( ?AT4 ,I C\LDN'T BELIEVE ALL ?OSE PEOPLE HAD VANI%$1 ALL ! DREAMS ,I HAD F\<T = HAD DISAPPE>$ )\T LEAV+ A TRACE4 ,I C\LDN'T ACCEPT A VISION SIMIL> TO ! ONE Y\ EXPRESS$ 9 Y\R LETT]2 ,I C\LDN'T BELIEVE ! LA/ HUMAN BE+S W]E DY+ 9 PRISONS :ILE SELF-REPRESS$ BE+S HAD REPLAC$ !M \TSIDE4 

,I NURS$ MY ILLUSION4 ,I DELUD$ MYSELF4 ,PUT IT ANY WAY Y\ WANT4 ,IF ,I HAD BELIEV$ ,LEM ,I W\LD EI!R HAVE GONE /RAI<T TO A M5TAL HOSPITAL OR ,I W\LD HAVE KILL$ MYSELF4 ,I BELIEV$ !RE W]E PEOPLE LIKE ME OV] !RE1 ?AT !Y HAD RETA9$ !IR DREAMS & HOPES1 ?AT !Y W]E /ILL /RUGGL+4 ,I TRI$ TO REA* !M4 ,DOES ?AT MAKE ME A CRIM9AL8 ,IS IT CRIM9AL TO HAVE HOPES & DREAMS :I* REALITY MI<T 9VALIDATE8 ,>E A PRISON]'S DREAMS AB\T HIS PROJECTS AFT] RELEASE ILLUSIONS BECAUSE HE MI<T DIE 9 PRISON8 ,S9CE WE ALL KN[ WE'LL EV5TUALLY DIE1 S9CE ANY ( US MI<T DIE TOMORR[1 >E ALL \R HOPES & DREAMS ILLUSIONS8 ,>E WE CRIM9ALS :5 WE FAIL TO REALIZE !M8 

,Y\ CONTRADICT Y\R MA9 >GUM5T4 ,Y\ TELL ME ?AT1 9 SPITE ( ! UNC]TA9TY ( Y\R RELEASE1 Y\ MADE PLANS 9 PRISON4 ,9 EV]Y O!R P>AGRAPH Y\ SPEAK ( PROJECTS1 DREAMS & HOPES4 ,Y\ WRITE POETRY AB\T ! UN%ACKL$ IMAG9ATION1 AB\T ! POSSIBILITY ( CREAT+ \R WORLD 9 ! LI<T ( \R DREAMS4 ,Y\'RE 9S9C]E4 ,I ?9K Y\ W]E EQUALLY 9S9C]E :5 Y\ TOLD ,MIRNA & H] P>5TS ?AT Y\ W]E OPPOS$ TO M>RY+ H]4 ,Y\R >GUM5TS AGA9/ M>RIAGE SEEM$ AS HOLL[ AS Y\R >GUM5TS AB\T MY ILLUSIONS4 ,AT NO PO9T 9 Y\R N>RATIVE DID ,I FEEL Y\ HAD ! SLI<TE/ D\BT ?AT Y\2D M>RY ,MIRNA4 ,:5 Y\ TOLD ME H[ C]TA9 !Y ALL W]E ?AT ! EV5T W\LD TAKE PLACE ,I FELT Y\ W]E EV]Y BIT AS C]TA9 FROM BEG9N+ TO 5D4 ,& :5 Y\ TELL ME AB\T MY ILLUSIONS ,I'M CONV9C$ Y\ %>E EV]Y LA/ ONE ( !M4 ,IF Y\ DIDN'T %>E ?OSE ILLUSIONS Y\ W\LDN'T BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE ! F]M5T SURR\ND+ Y\ TODAY2 Y\ W\LDN'T EV5 BE ABLE TO SEE IT4 ,IF ?OSE 9 F]M5T TODAY DIDN'T %>E :AT Y\ CALL MY ILLUSIONS !RE W\LD BE NO F]M5T >\ND Y\ TODAY4 ,PEOPLE )\T SU* HOPES & DREAMS >E NOT HUMAN BE+S1 & ONLY HUMAN BE+S CAN GIVE RISE TO A F]M5T ( ! TYPE Y\ DESCRIBE4 ,Y\'RE 9S9C]E1 & Y\'RE APPLY+ A D\BLE /&>D4 ,:5 ,I EXPRESS ! HOPE ?AT WE'LL TE> D[N ! WALLS ?AT IMPRISON US1 ?AT HOPE IS AN ILLUSION2 :5 Y\ EXPRESS ! SAME HOPE1 IT BECOMES AN 9T5TION1 A PROJECT1 A MOTIVE = COMMUNICATION1 COMRADE%IP & /RUGGLE4 ,I REMEMB] MY PA/ ONLY 9 ORD] TO HALLUC9ATE :]EAS Y\ REMEMB] Y\R PA/ 9 ORD] TO UND]/& Y\R PRES5T4 

,BELIEVE IT OR NOT4 ,I USE MY PA/ EXACTLY ! SAME WAY Y\ USE Y\RS4 ,I DON'T USE IT AS A SUBJECT = ADMIRATION1 DI/ORTION OR HALLUC9ATION1 BUT AS A P]SPECTIVE FROM :I* TO VIEW MY PRES5T4 ,EXACTLY AS Y\ DO6 ,IF ,I HADN'T ONCE 9 MY LIFE BE5 ) PEOPLE :O HAD MOM5T>ILY /OPP$ BE+ WAGE WORK]S1 ,I W\LD HAVE BE5 P]FECTLY SATISFI$ TO REMA9 A WAGE WORK] ! FIR/ TIME ,I GOT A JOB4 ,JU/ AS Y\ W\LD /ILL BE DRIV+ ?AT 9F]NAL BUS DELIV]+ HUMAN EXCREM5T TO ! CITY'S SEW]S4 ,I QUIT MY FIR/ JOB1 AS WELL AS MY SECOND1 BECAUSE ,I HAD KN[N HUMAN BE+S :O HAD BE5 MORE1 MU* MORE1 ?AN WAGE WORK]S4 ,IF ,I HADN'T ONCE HAD A G5U9E LE>N+ EXP]I5CE ,I W\LD HAVE ACCEPT$ MY YE>S 9 HI< S*OOL & COLLEGE AS A LE>N+ EXP]I5CE2 ,I C\LDN'T HAVE IMAG9$ $UCATION 9 ANY O!R =M4 ,MY PA/ EXP]I5CE HELP$ ME SEE ?R\<1 EXPOSE & REBEL AGA9/ MY PRES5T EXP]I5CE2 IT HELP$ ME SEE ?R\< ! SY/EMATIC /UNT+ & 9CAPACITATION :I* PASSES AS $UCATION4 ,IF ,I HADN'T ONCE EXP]I5C$ FRI5D%IP1 SOLID>ITY & COMMUNICATION ,I W\LD NEV] HAVE BE5 ABLE TO GUESS :AT WAS WRONG ) ALL ! ,MR4 ,N9OVOS :O POPULATE ! WORLD1 & NO?+ 9 MY LIFE W\LD HAVE KEPT ME FROM BECOM+ ONE ( !M4 

,! PEOPLE Y\ & ,I ONCE KNEW1 ! HOPES WE %>$ ) !M1 ! PROJECTS WE UND]TOOK TOGE!R1 HAVE S]V$ ME AS A /&>D ( COMP>ISON4 ,P]HAPS IMAG9>Y PEOPLE & PROJECTS W\LD HAVE S]V$ AS WELL4 ,ISN'T ?AT ! S5SIBLE MEAN+ ( UTOPIA3 A /&>D AGA9/ :I* TO MEASURE ! PRES5T8 ,MY UTOPIA WAS SLI<TLY MORE VIVID ?AN MO/ PEOPLE'S BECAUSE ,I HAD ACTUALLY EXP]I5C$ MOM5TS ( IT4 ,?IS IS :Y ALL Y\R ACCUSATIONS MISS !IR M>K4 ,I'M NOT4 AFT] ALL1 COMPET+ 9 A MEMORY CONTE/1 NOR WRIT+ A HI/ORY1 NOR AM ,I 5GAG$ 9 S*OL>LY RESE>* 9TO MY PA/4 ,IF ,I W]E1 Y\ W\LD HAVE DEVA/AT$ MY PROJECT AS 9EPT1 9ACCURATE & TOTALLY UNTRU/WOR?Y4 ,S9CE ,I'M ONLY TRY+ TO DET]M9E :O ,I AM & :AT ,I'M DO+ Y\ FAIL TO MAKE A PO9T & Y\ PUN* HOLES 9 AN IMAG9>Y BALLOON4 ,F> FROM TRY+ TO RECON/RUCT ! ACTUAL SEQU5CE ( PA/ EV5TS1 ,I'M ONLY US+ MY [N & TO SOME EXT5T ,LUISA'S & ,NA*ALO'S PA/ AS A /&>D ( COMP>ISON & GUIDE = PRES5T DECISIONS & ACTIONS4 ,Y\'VE BE5 MY LIFELONG GUIDE JU/ AS ,LUISA WAS Y\RS4 ,& Y\'RE WRONG TO UPROOT H] FROM Y\R MEMORY1 TO DISC>D H]4 ,Y\'RE ONLY IMPOV]I%+ Y\RSELF4 ,BY ELIM9AT+ ?IS /&>D Y\'RE LEFT ) NO?+ BUT ! WORLD AS IT IS4 ,IF Y\ DEPRIVE Y\RSELF ( ! ABILITY TO SEE :AT PEOPLE CAN BE & :AT LIFE CAN BE Y\'LL ONLY BE ABLE TO SEE :AT !Y >E & Y\'LL CONCLUDE ?AT'S ALL !Y CAN BE4 

,YET EV5 :ILE Y\ UPROOT ,LUISA FROM Y\R MEMORY1 Y\ REJECT ! WORLD 9TO :I* Y\'VE BE5 RELEAS$4 ,EV5 :ILE Y\'RE DISC>D+ Y\R /&>D ( COMP>ISON Y\'RE COMP>+ & MEASUR+4 ,BY :AT /&>D CAN Y\ DEF9E A P]SON AS A /UNT$ HUMAN BE+ IF ALL CONCEPTIONS ( FULLY DEVELOP$ HUMAN BE+S >E ILLUSIONS8 ,H[ ON E>? CAN Y\ EV5 KN[ Y\'RE 9 PRISON IF Y\ CAN'T IMAG9E !RE >E HUMAN BE+S \T ( PRISON8 

,IF ,I FROZE ! MEMORY ( MY EXP]I5CE ) Y\1 ,I DIDN'T DO ?IS TO GLORIFY ! \TCOME ( ?AT EXP]I5CE 1 S9CE IT HAD NO \TCOME1 BUT TO TRANSPORT ?AT EXP]I5CE TO A NEW T]RA94 ,IF ,I PRES]V$ ! HOPES & DREAMS ,I %>$ ) Y\1 IT WASN'T BECAUSE ,I ?\<T Y\ & ,I HAD REALIZ$ !M BUT BECAUSE ,I WANT$ TO GO ON /RUGGL+ TO REALIZE !M4 ,I BR\<T ?OSE HOPES & DREAMS TO A WORLD ?AT LACK$ !M1 A WORLD ?AT UPROOT$ & KILL$ SU* HOPES & DREAMS4 ,IF ?OSE DREAMS N[ SEEM /UNT$ TO Y\ IT'S BECAUSE ?IS WORLD TO :I* ,I WAS BR\<T DIDN'T CONTA9 ! SOIL 9 :I* !Y C\LD GR[4 ,ACCUSE ME ( HAV+ DRAGG$ ?OSE DREAMS 9TO AN 5VIRONM5T UNFAVORABLE TO !M1 ACCUSE ME ( HAV+ FAIL$ TO REALIZE !M1 BUT DON'T 9 ! SAME BREA? ACCUSE ME ( HAV+ SUPPRESS$ !M4 

,I'M SORRY Y\ DIDN'T READ MY LA/ LETT] 9 ! SPIRIT 9 :I* ,I WROTE IT4 ,I'M SORRY BECAUSE \R LIVES W]E NOT SO DIFF]5T AFT] WE W]E >RE/$ & SEP>AT$4 ,I UND]/OOD P]FECTLY ! DESP]ATION Y\ FELT RI<T AFT] Y\R RELEASE FROM PRISON4 ,I UND]/OOD :Y Y\ CONSID]$ ?OSE FEW DAYS BLEAK] ?AN ALL Y\R YE>S 9 PRISON4 ,I UND]/OOD BECAUSE1 :5 ,I WROTE Y\ TWELVE YE>S AGO1 ,I CONSID]$ ! EI<T YE>S AFT] MY RELEASE BLEAK] ?AN IMPRISONM5T4 ,I APOLOGIZE = ! WAY ?IS S\NDS4 ,:5 ,I S5T ?AT LETT] ,I HAD NO IDEA Y\ HAD SP5T F\R YE>S 9 PRISON4 ,LUISA & ,I W]E RELEAS$ AFT] TWO DAYS 9 JAIL & = SOME REASON ,I'D ?\<T Y\ HAD BE5 RELEAS$ %ORTLY AFT] US4 ,YET EV5 IF ,I'D KN[N Y\ HAD SP5T HALF ?OSE YE>S 9 JAIL ,I W\LD HAVE PREF]R$ TO SP5D ?OSE EI<T YE>S AS Y\ SP5T !M4 ,I W\LD AT LEA/ HAVE BE5 9 PRISON = ACTS ,I HAD KN[N ,I'D COMMITT$4 ,& ON RELEASE ,I W\LD ONCE AGA9 HAVE BE5 9 A WORLD ?AT WAS FAMILI> TO ME ) PEOPLE :O W]E FRI5DS4 ,PLEASE DON'T MISUND]/& ME AGA94 ,I'M NOT GLORIFY+ ! BUREAUCRACY & ! POLICE :O 9/ALL$ !MSELVES AS RUL]S4 ,I DON'T KN[ MU* AB\T !M BUT EV]Y?+ ,I DO KN[ S5DS %IV]S D[N MY BACK4 ,?AT'S NOT AT ALL :AT ,I'M WRIT+ AB\T4 ,I'M TRY+ TO TELL Y\ ?AT ALL MY LIFE H]E ,I'VE WI%$ ,I HAD NEV]-LEFT Y\1 ?AT MY EMIGRATION WAS NO?+ BUT A BIG MI/AKE1 ?AT H]E ,I WASN'T ABLE TO BECOME MORE ?AN ,I ALREADY WAS :5 Y\ KNEW ME4 ,I HOPE ?IS TIME ,I'M MAK+ MYSELF CLE>4 ,Y\ TOLD ME ! WORLD Y\ F\ND AFT] Y\R RELEASE WASN'T P>ADISE4 ,I NEV] ?\<T IT WAS4 ,I'M TRY+ TO TELL Y\ SOME?+ SIMIL> AB\T MYSELF4 ,! WORLD ,I CAME TO WASN'T P>ADISE EI!R2 IT WASN'T EV5 AS CLOSE TO P>ADISE AS MY EXP]I5CE ) Y\4 

,! WORLD TO :I* ,I WAS BR\<T WAS PUBLICLY CONSID]$ HUMANITY'S FIR/ E>?LY P>ADISE1 ! MO/ P]FECT COMMUNITY ( HAPPY HUMAN BE+S4 ,IT TOOK ME ONLY A FEW M9UTES TO LE>N ?AT ! HAPPY HUMAN BE+S W]E IMAGES ON SIGNS & TAPE/RIES ID5TICAL TO ?OSE Y\ DESCRIB$1 ?AT ! MILK & HONEY W]E SPILL$ WILLY-NILLY ON A DES]T ?AT CONTA9$ NEI!R COMMUNITY NOR COMRADE%IP NOR HUMAN W>M?4 ,I HAD BE5 BR\<T TO ?IS ,UTOPIA ( OBJECTS = NO REASON AT ALL4 ,I WAS IMPRISON$ H]E1 NOT BECAUSE ( ACTS ,I HAD COMMITT$1 BUT BECAUSE SOMEONE ?\<T HE WAS DO+ ME A FAVOR BY BR++ ME H]E4 ,& 9 ?IS DES]T P>ADISE !RE'S NO HOPE ( RELEASE4 ,?IS IS ! APEX ( EV]Y?+ ?AT CAN BE DESIR$1 ?\< NOT BY HUMAN BE+S4 ,ALL ROADS LEAD+ FROM ! APEX >E /EEP DESC5TS4 ,FROM H]E ,I CAN ONLY GO D[N2 FROM H]E ,I CAN ONLY BE RELEAS$ 9TO ! PRISONS 9 :I* Y\'VE SP5T HALF Y\R LIFE4 

,I WI% ,I KNEW :AT Y\ HE>D ME SAY+4 ,H[ FRU/RAT+ IT IS TO COMMUNICATE ACROSS SU* A GREAT DI/ANCE4 ,SURELY Y\ DON'T AGA9 HE> ME SAY+ ?AT Y\R IMPRISONM5T WAS ! REALIZATION ( MY DREAMS6 ,IF ,I REF] TO MY EXP]I5CES ) Y\ :ILE DESCRIB+ ! WORLD ,I WAS BR\<T TO1 IT'S BECAUSE ?OSE W]E ! ONLY EXP]I5CES ,I'D HAD BE=E COM+ H]E2 !Y W]E ! VANTAGE PO9T FROM :I* ,I SAW :]E ,I WAS4 ,Y\ DESCRIB$ ,VESNA AS BE+ BORN 9TO A CAGE FROM :I* %E NEV] EM]G$4 ,I SUPPOSE Y\ MEAN %E HAD NEV] KN[N LIFE \TSIDE ! CAGE S9CE H] E>LIE/ MEMORIES W]E MEMORIES ( ! CAGE4 ,%E HAD NO O!R MEMORIES1 NOT EV5 FROZ5 ONES1 TO COMP>E & CONTRA/ ) H] EXP]I5CES 9 ! CAGE4 ,CONSEQU5TLY %E C\LDN'T KN[ ?AT %E WAS 9 A CAGE4 ,I DO HAVE MEMORIES & IT'S ?ANKS TO !M ?AT ,I'M ABLE TO DESCRIBE ?IS P>ADISE AS A CAGE4 ,& SO DO Y\6 ,IF Y\ DIDN'T H[ W\LD Y\ KN[ ,VESNA WAS BORN 9 A CAGE8 ,IF Y\ DIDN'T REMEMB] A MOM5T ( LIFE \TSIDE ! CAGE1 NO MATT] H[ BRIEF1 Y\1 LIKE ,VESNA1 W\LD ?9K ( ! CAGE AS ! WORLD1 ! ONLY POSSIBLE WORLD1 P]HAPS EV5 ! BE/ ( ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS4 

,I REMEMB] MY RELEASE FROM JAIL & MY J\RNEY H]E AS A T]RIBLE TRIP ?R\< A V]Y LONG TUNNEL4 ,MY LIFE WAS AT ! OP5+ ,I WAS MOV+ AWAY FROM & ,I EXPECT$ TO F9D NO?+ AT ! O!R 5D4 ,RELEAS$ AFT] TWO DAYS 9 JAIL1 ,I ?\<T ,LUISA & ,I W\LD RETURN TO \R FRI5DS1 ,I ?\<T WE W\LD CONT9UE ! WORK WE HADN'T F9I%$2 ,I ?\<T ! /RUGGLE HAD ONLY BEGUN4 ,I EXPECT$ TO F9D Y\ & ALL \R O!R FRI5DS 5GAG$ 9 ! ACTIVITIES FROM :I* ,I HAD SUDD5LY BE5 CUT (F4 0,WE'RE LEAV+60 ,LUISA SAID4 ,LEAV+ :AT8 ,\R FRI5DS8 ,\R PROJECT8 ,BUT \R PROJECT WASN'T YET (F ! GR\ND2 ! NEW WORLD WASN'T YET BUILT4 ,WAS EV]YONE LEAV+8 ,W]E WE GO+ TO CONT9UE \R /RUGGLE ELSE:]E8 ,WAS \R WORLD ALREADY BUILT SOME:]E ELSE8 ,IF NOT1 :Y W]E WE LEAV+ & :]E W]E WE GO+8 

,I DIDN'T UND]/&4 ,I WAS FRU/RAT$ & %OCK$4 ,I FROZE EV]Y DETAIL ( ?AT PROJECT & ?OSE FRI5DS AS WELL AS EV]Y HOPE ,I HAD %>$ ) !M4 ,I FIX$ MY EXP]I5CE 9 MY MEMORY AS IF ,I KNEW ALREADY !N ?AT ,I WAS BE+ TAK5 TO A CAGE FROM :I* ,I W\LD NEV] EM]GE4 ,IF ,I HADN'T FROZ5 ?OSE MEMORIES1 IF ,I HAD =GOTT5 MY EXP]I5CES & MY FRI5DS1 !N LIKE ,VESNA ,I W\LD ONLY HAVE KN[N ! CAGE4 ,I W\LD HAVE GR[N UP LIKE ?OSE >\ND ME :O DON'T KN[ ANY LIFE \TSIDE4 ,I W\LD HAVE ACCEPT$ MY CAGE COMPANIONS AS ! ONLY POSSIBLE HUMAN BE+S & MY CAGE EXP]I5CES AS ! ONLY POSSIBLE HUMAN EXP]I5CES4 ,I C\LDN'T HAVE COMP>$ MY LIFE 9 ! CAGE TO ! LIFE ,I'D HAD BE=E ,I WAS CAG$4 ,IF ,I'D =GOTT5 Y\ ,I C\LDN'T HAVE WRITT5 Y\ TWELVE YE>S AGO & ,I'D HAVE NO REASON 9 ! WORLD TO WRITE Y\ N[4 ,I W\LDN'T HAVE RESPOND$ TO Y\R FIR/ LETT] BECAUSE ,I W\LD HAVE ?\<T Y\ ALI5 & BIZ>RE4 ,I W\LD HAVE BE5 A BIRD ( P>ADISE :O C\LDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE UND]/OOD A LETT] FROM A =EIGN] & EV5 IF ,I'D READ IT ,I W\LDN'T HAVE S5T A WORD ( M9E TO AN 9SURG5T :O WAS A JAILBIRD TO BOOT4 

,LUISA LAT] TOLD ME ,I WAS SICK DUR+ ! 5TIRE J\RNEY1 ?AT ,I BROKE D[N4 ,I WAS EXTREMELY HO/ILE TO ,ALB]TS1 & UNGRATEFUL4 ,I DIDN'T %[ ! SLI<TE/ APPRECIATION = ! FAVOR HE WAS DO+ US4 ,I WAS AS RUDE TO HIM AS ,I HAD BE5 TO MY JAIL]4 ,LUISA ACT$ GRATEFUL4 ,I REMEMB] ?AT4 ,?IS WAS P>TLY :AT MADE ME SICK4 ,AS ?+S TURN$ \T LAT] %E HAD BE5 WRONG4 ,H] GRATITUDE ONLY LA/$ A FEW MON?S4 ,I CLUNG TO ,LUISA BUT = ! FIR/ TIME 9 MY LIFE ,I DIDN'T TRU/ H]4 ,I SUSPECT$ %E DIDN'T KN[ :]E WE W]E GO+1 :Y WE W]E GO+ OR :AT WE W\LD DO :5 WE GOT !RE4 ,& ,I WAS RI<T4 ,SAB9A WAS ! ONLY ONE ( US :O KNEW EXACTLY :]E %E WAS GO+ & :AT %E W\LD DO !RE4 ,ALB]TS HAD TOLD H] %E WAS GO+ TO ! L& ( GIGANTIC OBJECTS & MON/R\S TOYS4 7,HE WAS RI<T47 ,%E BUBBL$ OV] ) 5?USIASM & C\LDN'T WAIT TO GET !RE4 ,%E JUMP$ >\ND LIKE A MONKEY RELEAS$ FROM ITS CAGE4 ,I HAT$ H] = ?AT 5?USIASM2 ,I DID EV]Y?+ ,I C\LD TO BLOCK \T ! NOISE %E MADE4 ,I SAW H] AS A *ICK5 RUNN+ >\ND A Y>D CACKL+ DUR+ ! FEW M9UTES BE=E H] HEAD IS *OPP$ (F4 

,SAB9A'S WI%ES W]E FULFILL$4 ,?IS ,EL ,DORADO WAS EV]Y?+ ,ALB]TS HAD PROMIS$4 ,! ORIG9AL ,EL ,DORADO1 :]E /REETS HAD BE5 PAV$ ) NUGGETS ( GOLD & :]E PEOPLE HAD WALK$ ON ! GOLD & RESPECT$ EA* O!R1 HAD DISAPPE>$ LONG AGO2 ITS 9HABITANTS HAD ALL BE5 EXT]M9AT$4 ,9 ITS PLACE HAD GR[N UP ANO!R ,EL ,DORADO1 :]E GOLD IS /OR$ 9 UND]GR\ND VAULTS & ! /REETS >E PAV$ ) FLE%1 :]E OBJECTS WALK ON PEOPLE & RESPECT EA* O!R4 ,IT IS 9DE$ ! L& ( GIGANTIC TOYS4 ,! TOYS HAVE DEFEAT$ ! PEOPLE4 ,OBJECTS RULE CITY /REETS1 C\NTRY HI<WAYS1 BRIDGES & UND]PASSES2 OBJECTS >E H\S$1 F$ & NURS$2 OBJECTS >E DISPLAY$1 PRAIS$1 HONOR$ & WOR%IP$4 ,! PEOPLE >E SMALL & FE>FUL2 !Y'RE M]E ATT5DANTS TO ! NE$S ( ! OBJECTS4 ,:5 !Y'RE NOT NURS+ OBJECTS1 ! PEOPLE >E NO?+ MORE ?AN OB/ACLES ON ! PA?S ( RU%+ OBJECTS4 ,EV]Y COLLISION BETWE5 A P]SON & AN OBJECT DE/ROYS ! P]SON :ILE LEAV+ ! OBJECT 9TACT4 ,ONLY ! OBJECTS HAVE PURPOSES & DIRECTIONS4 ,:5 PEOPLE >5'T T5D+ OBJECTS !Y DRIFT4 ,!Y DON'T RE/2 ON ! CONTR>Y1 !Y'RE ALWAYS ON ! AL]T2 !Y KEEP !IR EYES ON ! OBJECTS SO AS TO AVOID COLLID+ ) !M4 ,!Y DON'T EV5 DREAM AB\T COMMUNICAT+ ) EA* O!R4 ,!Y DON'T HAVE ! TIME4 ,!Y KN[ ?AT 9 ! TIME IT TOOK TO E/ABLI% CONTACT ) ONE ( !IR LIKES !Y'D BE CRU%$4 ,!Y EAVESDROP ON CONV]SATIONS AMONG OBJECTS4 ,)\T COMMUNICATION !Y CAN'T LAUN* COMMON PROJECTS & !Y NO LONG] EV5 IMAG9E !M4 

,:]E DID ,I F9D ! LANGUAGE & IMAG]Y ) :I* TO UND]/& & DESCRIBE ?IS WORLD8 ,Y\ KN[ EXACTLY :]E3 9 ! C>TON PLANT TW5TY YE>S AGO1 :5 ,I WAS AMONG FE>LESS1 UN9TIMIDAT$ HUMAN BE+S COMMUNICAT+ ) EA* O!R1 5GAG$ 9 A COMMON PROJECT1 AMONG 9DIVIDUALS :O WALK$ ON OBJECTS & RESPECT$ EA* O!R4 ,?AT WAS MY UTOPIA1 MY ,EL ,DORADO4 ,HAV5'T Y\ BE5 C>RY+ A SIMIL> PICTURE = AT LEA/ AS MANY YE>S8 ,:AT >E ?OSE B>RICADES :I* EXI/$ SO BRIEFLY & !N ONLY 9 SITUATIONS ( CRISIS BUT :I* NEV]!LESS REVEAL$ A P]MAN5T HUMAN POSSIBILITY8 ,?AT'S :AT MY PICTURE %[S ME3 A P]MAN5T HUMAN POSSIBILITY4 ,BY %[+ ME :AT PEOPLE CAN BE IT HELPS ME UND]/& :AT ?OSE >\ND ME HAVE BECOME4 ,BY %[+ ME PEOPLE 5GAG$ 9 COMMON PROJECTS IT 9=MS ME ?AT DRIFT IS NOT ! ONLY POSSIBLE CONT5T ( HUMAN LIFE4 

,NO1 ,I HAV5'T BE5 A H]MIT = ! PA/ TW5TY YE>S4 ,I HAV5'T REMA9$ TOTALLY ISOLAT$ FROM ! PEOPLE >\ND ME4 ,I HAV5'T SAT 9 MY ROOM CONTEMPLAT+ ! PICTURE ( MY ONE TIME FRI5DS4 ,MY BREAKD[N DIDN'T LA/ FROM !N UNTIL N[4 ,I MET 9NUM]ABLE PEOPLE4 ,I WORK$ ) MANY ( !M4 ,I'M TRY+ TO DESCRIBE H[ ,I EXP]I5C$ !M4 ,I'M TRY+ TO TELL Y\ :O !Y W]E & :AT !Y W]E BY CONTRA/+ !M ) :AT !Y W]5'T4 ,I'M TRY+ TO DESCRIBE A CAGE AS ! CAGE ,I EXP]I5C$ IT TO BE & NOT AS ! P>ADISE ITS O!R 9MATES IMAG9E IT TO BE4 ,I CAN ONLY DO ?IS FROM A VANTAGE PO9T \TSIDE ! CAGE1 FROM ! VANTAGE PO9T ( ! EXP]I5CE ,I %>$ ) Y\1 FROM ! VANTAGE PO9T ( ?AT PICTURE ,I KEPT = ALL ?OSE YE>S4 

,BY TE>+ MY PICTURE TO %R$S AS Y\ TORE Y\R PICTURE ( ,LUISA1 Y\ TE> MY LIFE AS WELL4 ,! POSSIBILITIES ,I REA*$ = 9 EV]Y 5C\NT] & EV]Y EV5T W]E ! ONLY LIVE ELEM5TS ( MY EXP]I5CES4 ,PLEASE DON'T ROB ME ( ! PEOPLE :O 9=M$ ME ( ?OSE POSSIBILITIES4 ,!Y'RE AMONG ! FEW PEOPLE ,I KNEW :O W]5'T PUPPETS4 ,!Y'RE ! ONLY HUMAN COMMUNITY ,I EV] EXP]I5C$4 ,!Y W]5'T P]FECT4 ,!Y W]5'T GODS4 ,!Y W]E FLAW$ & HUMAN1 ID5TICAL TO MILLIONS ( O!RS4 ,?AT'S :Y !Y REVEAL$ A HUMAN POSSIBILITY4 ,YET Y\ MAKE !IR V]Y HUMANITY APPE> 9HUMAN4 ,IT'S Y\ :O >E LOOK+ = GODS4 ,I'M ONLY LOOK+ = MORE ,V]AS1 MORE ,ADRIANS1 ,M>CS1 ,CLAUDES4 

,I REMEMB] A ,V]A :O TALK$1 BUT NOT LIKE A RADIO4 ,! RADIO IS AN 9/RUM5T :I* KILLS COMMUNICATION2 IT ROBS PEOPLE ( !IR TONGUES2 IT BROADCA/S ! VOICE ( A S+LE 9DIVIDUAL TO MILLIONS ( LI/5]S1 R$UC+ !M TO PASSIVE RECEPTACLES4 ,IF COMMUNICATION HAS ! SAME ROOT AS COMMON & COMMUNITY1 ! RADIO IS AN 9/RUM5T = UPROOT+ ALL ?REE4 ,! ,V]A ,I REMEMB] HAD ! UNMAGNIFI$ VOICE ( A S+LE 9DIVIDUAL AMONG ?\S&S ( O!R 9DIVIDUALS2 %E WAS ONE ( ! ?\S&S :O W]E TURN+ (F ! RADIOS & REGA9+ !IR [N VOICES4 ,TO ME %E'S ! V]Y OPPOSITE ( ! C\NTLESS POLITICIANS ,I'VE MET S9CE :O DREAM$ ONLY ( ! DAY :5 !IR VOICES W\LD BE ! ONLY S\ND 9 A SEA ( SIL5T LI/5]S4 

,I REMEMB] AN ,ADRIAN :O MOV$ ) ! TIDE4 ,:5 ! PEOPLE >\ND HIM BEGAN TO ?R[ (F ! MUCK ( AGES1 HE WAS 9FECT$ BY !IR SPIRIT & DID HIS BE/ TO LIB]ATE HIMSELF4 ,IF ! SPIRIT ( LIB]ATION C\LD SPREAD TO ,ADRIAN IT C\LD SPREAD TO ALL4 ,HE WAS LIV+ PRO( ( :AT WAS POSSIBLE4 ,I'VE MET MANY CON=MI/S S9CE BUT NONE ( !M W]E EV] 9FECT$ BY A SPIRIT ( LIB]ATION OR BY ANY SPIRIT AT ALL3 !Y ALL MOV$ )9 ! RIGID CONF9ES ( (FICIAL R\T9E4 

,I REMEMB] A ,CLAUDE :O WAS AN OAF1 BUT ,I ALSO REMEMB] ?AT AT LEA/ = AN 9/ANT HE WAS US+ HIS BULK TO DEF5D HIMSELF & HIS COMRADES4 ,Y\ EXPRESS$ 9T5SE DISLIKE = HIM4 ,TO ME HE WAS A SYMBOL ( ! WORK+ CLASS1 WAK+ UP FROM ! /UPOR ( WAGE LABOR1 AT LA/ TURN+ ITS BULK AGA9/ CAPITAL4 ,! BULLIES ,I'VE KN[N S9CE HAVE US$ !IR WEI<T TO DEF5D !IR MA/]S & OPPRESS !IR PE]S4 

,Y\ DESCRIBE ,M>C AS A SELF-/YL$ EXP]T4 ,I ?\<T HE WAS A WORK] LIKE ! O!RS4 ,I REMEMB] HIM AS A DREAM]4 ,HE LET HIS IMAG9ATION W&] FREELY OV] ! FIELD ( POSSIBILITIES 7! EXPRESSION IS Y\RS74 ,HE GAVE ME A GLIMPSE ( :AT ! WORLD MI<T BE LIKE IF EV]YONE'S IMAG9ATION W&]$ SO FREELY4 ,I'VE MET MANY PEOPLE :O ?\<T !MSELVES EXP]TS1 BUT ,I NEV] WI%$ = A WORLD :I* CONTA9$ MORE ( !M4 

,ACCORD+ TO Y\ !SE PEOPLE :OSE EMOTIONS & PROJECTS W]E !IR [N EXI/$ ONLY 9 MY PRIVATE IMAG9ATION4 ,Y\ HAVE GOOD WORDS ONLY = ,JASNA1 ,JAN & ,TITUS1 PRECISELY ! ?REE :OM ,I DIDN'T CONSID] MODELS OR GUIDES4 ,I WAS NEV] ABLE TO CONSID] ,TITUS A COMRADE BECAUSE AFT] ,NA*ALO'S DEA? BO? HE & ,ALB]TS ACT$ AS FA!RS T[>D ME4 ,BUT HAVE IT Y\R WAY4 ,SAY ! WORK]S ,I REMEMB] >E IMAG9>Y4 ,SAY ! EXP]I5CE ,I %>$ ) !M NEV] TOOK PLACE4 ,IT DOESN'T REALLY MATT]4 ,EV5 IF ,I NEV] LIV$ SU* AN EXP]I5CE1 ,I CAN /ILL SAY ?AT MY IMAG9ATION ONCE GLIMPS$ ! POSSIBILITY ( G5U9E SOCIAL ACTIVITY :I* WAS NEI!R TRIVIAL NOR M>G9AL4 ,EV5 IF ,I NEV] KNEW ?OSE PEOPLE1 ,I IMAG9$ 9SURG5TS :O /RUGGL$ TO %AKE (F !IR *A9S & NOT TO %ACKLE O!RS ) !M4 ,IMAG9>Y OR NOT1 ?AT EXP]I5CE & ?OSE PEOPLE 9=M$ ALL MY S5SES FROM ! FIR/ MOM5T AFT] MY RELEASE4 ,IT'S BECAUSE ( !M & BECAUSE ( Y\ ?AT ,I EXP]I5C$ MY RELEASE FROM JAIL & MY EMIGRATION AS A DESC5T TO HELL4 ,9/EAD ( BE+ OV]JOY$ ,I WAS MOROSE4 ,9/EAD ( BE+ GRATEFUL TO ,ALB]TS ,I ?\<T HE HAD CUT ME (F FROM ! LIV+4 ,I DIDN'T ACCEPT EV5TS ! WAY ,MIRNA'S MO!R ACCEPT$ !M1 AS ! UNW9D+ ( FATE4 ,MY REAL OR IMAG9$ EXP]I5CE HAD MADE ME A CRITIC4 

,ALB]TS ALREADY HAD A JOB :5 WE CAME H]E4 ,?IS HAD BE5 >RANG$ BY PEOPLE HE HAD WORK$ ) DUR+ ! W>2 ,I NEV] KNEW !M NOR :AT HE HAD DONE ) !M4 ,HE TAU<T NATURAL SCI5CE 9 HI< S*OOL1 AL?\< Y\R IMAG]Y DESCRIBES HIS ACTIVITY MU* MORE ACCURATELY3 HE PAC$ 9 FRONT ( ?IRTY OR =TY TE5-AG]S FROM N9E TO ?REE :ILE EXCREM5T DRIPP$ FROM HIM4 ,I KN[ BECAUSE A YE> AFT] WE CAME ,I WAT*$ HIM DRIP = A :OLE SEME/]4 ,?ANKS TO Y\ ,I KN[ :AT A TEA*] IS4 

,:5 WE >RIV$ WE W]E GREET$ -- ,I %\LD SAY FAWN$ OV] -- BY A SELF-APPO9T$ RECEPTION COMMITTEE4 ,!Y TOLD US ?AT FRE$OM WAS ! NICKNAME ( !IR FLAG1 ?AT ! MORTAL DANG] ( CROSS+ ! /REET WAS PRO( ( A HI< /&>D ( LIV+1 & ?AT WE W\LD BE HAPPY :5 WE LE>N$ TO LIVE LIKE !M4 ,!Y W]E J+OES1 W> HAWKS4 ,!Y F\ND US A PLACE2 !Y CALL$ IT A HOME1 ! LOCAL EUPHEMISM = ! WALLS ?AT SEP>ATE PEOPLE FROM !IR NEI<BORS4 ,!Y TOLD US !Y W\LD GLADLY HELP US SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS WE MI<T HAVE1 BUT !Y LEFT US NEI!R NAMES NOR PHONE NUMB]S & WE NEV] SAW ANY ( !M AGA94 

,I HAD MY [N ROOM 9 \R HOME4 ,I HAD NEV] HAD ONE BE=E4 ,IT WASN'T DAMP OR COLD & IT HAD NO ROA*ES1 MICE OR RATS4 ,!RE WAS A B$ & !RE W]E WALLS4 ,IT WASN'T LIKE A PRISON CELL BECAUSE ,I C\LD LEAVE :5EV] ,I PLEAS$4 ,= SEV]AL DAYS ,I SAT ON ! B$ & />$ AT ! WALLS & !N IT WAS JU/ LIKE A PRISON CELL4 ,IT SEP>AT$ ME FROM MY FRI5DS & FROM MY ACTIVITIES4 ,MY LIFE WAS ELSE:]E1 \TSIDE1 F> AWAY4 ,I WAS A PRISON]4 ,LUISA BR\<T ME MY MEALS4 ,AT TIMES %E WAS ! OLD ,LUISA3 %E UND]/OOD1 %E SYMPA?IZ$1 %E REGRETT$ ! J\RNEY & HAT$ ! HOME1 ! RECEPTION COMMITTEE & ,ALB]TS4 ,BUT AT O!R TIMES %E WAS A NEW ,LUISA1 ! ,LUISA :O HAD BE5 GRATEFUL TO ,ALB]TS & POLITE TO ! RECEPTION COMMITTEE1 :O CALL$ ME A /UBBORN GOOSE & 9SI/$ ,I'D F9D NEW FRI5DS & =GET MY OLD ONES4 

,NEI<BORS CAME TO VISIT4 ,I WANT$ TO GO \T & />E AT !M BUT ,I /AY$ 9 MY ROOM & LI/5$4 ,!Y SAID !Y WANT$ TO 9TRODUCE !MSELVES1 BUT 9 FACT !Y HAD COME TO SNOOP4 ,!Y ASK$ ,LUISA H[ OLD H] TWO DAU<T]S W]E4 ,!Y MU/ HAVE C\NT$ US :5 WE MOV$ 94 ,I HADN'T ONCE LEFT MY ROOM S9CE ?AT DAY4 ,!Y ASK$ ,LUISA :Y WE W]5'T 9 S*OOL4 ,LUISA TOLD !M WE W]E LE>N+ ! LANGUAGE4 ,?AT WASN'T TRUE4 ,SAB9A WAS ALREADY FLU5T1 ?ANKS TO ,ALB]TS1 & ,I C\LD UND]/& MO/ ( :AT WAS SAID4 ,LUISA ALSO TOLD !M ! TRIP HAD BE5 A %OCK TO BO? ( US & WE W]E RECOV]+4 ,?AT WASN'T TRUE ( ,SAB9A & ! NEI<BORS MU/ HAVE KN[N ,LUISA WAS LY+4 ,SAB9A HAD ALREADY RUN ALL >\ND ! NEI<BORHOOD & NO ONE C\LD HAVE ?\<T H] SICK4 ,SAB9A SIMPLY REFUS$ TO GO TO S*OOL4 ,%E >GU$ ?AT NEI!R %E NOR ,LUISA NOR ,I HAD COME H]E TO GO TO S*OOL2 ONLY ,ALB]TS HAD4 

,A FEW DAYS AFT] \R NEI<BORS' ?\<TFUL VISIT1 TWO (FICIALS CAME4 ,!Y TOO ASK$ ,LUISA :Y H] DAU<T]S W]5'T 9 S*OOL4 ,Y\'RE NOT ! ONLY ONE :O HAS ,MR4 ,N9OVO = A NEI<BOR4 ,LUISA WAS 9TIMIDAT$4 ,%E PROMIS$ TO PACK BO? ( US (F TO S*OOL ! FOLL[+ MORN+4 7,Y\ AIM Y\R CRITIQUE AT ! ,LUISA :O F\<T BRAVELY 9 A REVOLUTION4 ,Y\ DON'T EV5 SEEM AW>E ( ?IS SECOND ,LUISA1 ! ONE :O RAN AWAY FROM H] FRI5DS & PROJECTS TWICE1 ! ONE :O WAS AFRAID & 9TIMIDAT$4 ,Y\'RE DISILLUSION$ ) ! WRONG ,LUISA47 

,LUISA BEGG$ ME TO GO TO S*OOL1 & ,I WAS DISILLUSION$4 ,BUT ,I FELT SORRY = H] & GAVE 91 S9CE ,I HAD NEV] 9T5D$ TO SP5D ! RE/ ( MY LIFE 9 ?AT ROOM4 ,SAB9A WAS MORE PR9CIPL$ ?AN ,I1 & ,ALB]TS WAS LESS SLAVI% ?AN ,LUISA4 ,HE TELEPHON$ SOMEONE HE KNEW & HAD ,SAB9A 5ROLL$ 9 A PRIVATE S*OOL :I* %E NEV] ATT5D$4 ,SAB9A WAS SIMPLY TOLD TO /AY \T ( ! NEI<BORS' SI<T DUR+ S*OOL H\RS1 :I* %E MANAG$ TO DO QUITE SUCCESSFULLY UNTIL %E & ,ALB]TS MOV$ \T SEV]AL MON?S LAT]4 ,%E DIDN'T SP5D A S+LE DAY 9 S*OOL4 

,H[ SICK5+LY ADAPTABLE PEOPLE >E6 ,DUR+ MY FIR/ FEW DAYS 9 S*OOL ,I WAS REVOLT$1 %OCK$ & 9DIGNANT4 ,LIVELY Y\NG PEOPLE SAT LIKE TRA9$ POODLES & LET IGNORANT FUNCTION>IES /UFF !IR HEADS ) G>BAGE1 ,I TRI$ TO ?9K ( WAYS TO EXPOSE & UND]M9E ! POODLE-TRA9+ SESSIONS4 ,BUT ALL ,I EV] ?\<T ( DO+ WAS TO REFUSE TO ANSW] QUE/IONS ON ! GR\ND ?AT !Y W]E BIAS$ OR TRIVIAL4 ,9/EAD ( TAK+ NOTES AB\T ! LECTURES ,I TOOK NOTES AB\T ! TEA*]S & ! /UD5TS4 ,I 9T5D$ TO USE ?OSE NOTES :5 ,I WROTE LETT]S TO MY =M] COMRADES4 ,I WAS GO+ TO DESCRIBE TO Y\ :AT HAPP5$ TO HUMAN BE+S IF !Y LO/ ! /RUGGLE WE HAD F\<T4 ,I /ILL HAVE ?OSE NOTES4 ,I R]EAD SOME ( !M BE=E ,I />T$ ?IS LETT]2 ,I WANT$ TO SEE TO :AT EXT5T MY MEMORY CONTA9$ ONLY EXP]I5CES ,I HAD 9V5T$4 ,I F\ND MYSELF 9NOC5T ( Y\R *>GE4 ,I NEV] WROTE ! LETT]S ?OSE NOTES W]E 9T5D$ =4 ,YET ,I CONT9U$ TO TAKE NOTES4 ,LAT] ,I RE>RANG$ !M2 ,I WAS GO+ TO WRITE A NOVEL COMP>+ MY PA/ ) MY PRES5T4 ,GRADUALLY MY %OCK1 MY 9DIGNATION1 MY DESIRE TO EXPOSE ! F>CE CALL$ $UCATION W]E CONF9$ TO MY NOTES4 ,MY LIFE WAS CONF9$ TO MY NOTEBOOK4 ,I DRAGG$ MYSELF TO S*OOL ME*ANICALLY1 ABS5TLY1 AS IF ,I W]E TAK+ A G>BAGE BAG TO A DUMP4 ,I ADAPT$4 ,I BECAME LIKE ! O!RS4 ,ONLY MY NOTEBOOK CONT9U$ TO REBEL1 & ,I NEV] %[$ ?OSE NOTES TO ANYONE4 ,!Y W]E 9T5D$ = Y\4 ,YET N[ ?AT ,I'M F9ALLY %[+ !M TO Y\ ,I'M EMB>RASS$2 Y\R LETT] MAKES ME DEF5SIVE AB\T !M4 ,I HAD ALWAYS BE5 SURE Y\'D UND]/&4 ,Y\R LETT] MAKES ME SUSPECT ,I DID HAVE ONE ILLUSION AFT] ALL3 ! ILLUSION ?AT Y\'D UND]/&4 ,9 ANY CASE Y\R LETT] WASN'T A LETT] FROM A COMPLETE /RANG]4 ,I RECOGNIZ$ Y\ EV]Y TIME Y\ /OPP$ TALK+ AB\T ME2 ! PASSAGES :]E Y\ DESCRIB$ Y\RSELF & ! PEOPLE >\ND Y\ W]E ! PASSAGES 9 :I* ,I RECOGNIZ$ MY [N EXP]I5CE & IT'S BECAUSE ( !M ?AT ,I ?9K Y\'LL UND]/& M9E4 

,I UND]/OOD Y\R ANG] & FRU/RATION :5 Y\ LEAF$ ?R\< ,MIRNA'S HI/ORY BOOK4 ,MY HI/ORY BOOK WAS SIMIL> TO ,MIRNA'S2 IT CONTA9$ ! SAME ACC\NTS ( ! RISE ( BUREAUCRATS TO GOV]NM5T (FICES4 ,?\< ,I LIV$ 9 AN 5VIRONM5T :]E EV]Y S+LE HUMAN ATTRIBUTE & EV]Y FACET ( NATURE HAD BE5 TRANS=M$ 9TO WAGE LABOR & CAPITAL1 ! TEXTBOOK HI/ORY ( ?AT 5VIRONM5T DIDN'T M5TION WAGE LABOR OR CAPITAL4 ,?\<4 ,I LIV$ 9 A CITY :]E ! SY/EMATIC DESPOLIATION & OPPRESSION ( HUMAN BE+S HAD REA*$ A LEVEL UNKN[N TO ANY PREVI\S HUMAN BE+S1 ! TEXTBOOK HI/ORY SPOKE ONLY ( EQUALITY & FRE$OM4 ,! /UD5TS DIDN'T SEEM TO PAY A :OLE LOT ( ATT5TION1 BUT ! LIES NEV]!LESS GOT ?R\< TO !M1 BY OSMOSIS4 ,ONE ( ! FIR/ /UD5TS :O TALK$ TO ME WAS ANO!R =EIGN]4 ,HE TOLD ME HIS FA!R HAD WORK$ 9 A /EEL PLANT = TWO YE>S2 HE HAD LIFT$ A LOAD ?AT WAS TOO HEAVY = HIM & HAD 9JUR$ HIS BACK2 :5 HE FAIL$ TO RECOV] & RETURN TO WORK1 HE WAS FIR$4 ,! BOY'S MO!R HAD GONE TO WORK TO SUPPORT HIM & HIS SICK FA!R4 ,! BOY ASK$ ME3 0,! PLACE :]E Y\ COME FROM -- IS IT P>T ( ! FREE WORLD TOO80 

,! LANGUAGE TEA*] SP5T SIX MON?S READ+ A S+LE NOVEL TO ! CLASS4 ,CAN Y\ IMAG9E ?AT8 ,S9CE ,I HAD ALREADY READ ! BOOK ,I SP5T MY TIME ELABORAT+ MY NOTES4 ,!RE WAS EV5 A CLASS 9 COOK+ :I* ,I SIMPLY REFUS$ TO ATT5D4 ,AS SOON AS ,I REFUS$1 ,I WAS TOLD ,I WAS FREE TO TAKE A CLASS 9 WOOD-TURN+ & C>P5TRY4 ,I WAS ! ONLY GIRL !RE2 APP>5TLY NO O!R GIRL REFUS$ TO TAKE ! COOK+ CLASS & CONSEQU5TLY NO O!R GIRL HAD LE>N$ %E WAS FREE NOT TO TAKE IT4 

,Y\ DESCRIB$ H[ \T ( PLACE ,MIRNA'S S*OOLBOOKS SEEM$ TO BE 9 H] H\SE4 ,BOOKS SEEM$ AT LEA/ AS MISPLAC$ 9 ! H&S ( SOME ( MY TEA*]S1 P>TICUL>LY MY MA!MATICS TEA*]4 ,9 ADDITION TO BE+ ! MA? TEA*] ?IS MAN WAS ! S*OOL'S SPORTS EXP]T4 ,HE WAS ONE ( ! FEW TEA*]S 9 ! S*OOL :O POSSESS$ ! HI<E/ ACADEMIC DEGREE4 ,HE WAS CALL$ A DOCTOR & IT WAS SAID HE HAD FRAM$ HIS DIPLOMA & HUNG IT 9 HIS LIV+ ROOM4 ,IT WAS ALSO SAID ! !SIS = :I* HE HAD BE5 GRANT$ ?IS DEGREE DEALT ) BASKETBALL DRIBBL+4 ,I ?9K BO? /ORIES W]E TRUE4 ,HE MAY 9 FACT HAVE BE5 V]Y GOOD AT WRIT+ AB\T DRIBBL+ A BASKETBALL1 BUT HE C\LDN'T DIVIDE FRACTIONS & ,I SUSPECT$ HE HAD NEV] LE>N$ TO SOLVE SIMPLE ALGEBRAIC EQUATIONS4 ,HE W\LD SOLVE ON ! BLACKBO>D PRECISELY ?OSE PROBLEMS ?AT W]E SOLV$ 9 ! BOOK4 ,ONE DAY HE MADE A MI/AKE COPY+4 ,9 ORD] TO GO TO ! NEXT /EP HE HAD TO DIVIDE ! SAME QUANTITY \T ( BO? SIDES ( ! EQUATION4 ,HE DIVID$ EA* SIDE BY A DIFF]5T QUANTITY & NON*ALANTLY CONT9U$ COPY+4 ,I WAS FURI\S4 0,HEY1 Y\ CAN'T DO ?AT60 6 %\T$4 0,Y\ W\LDN'T HAVE TO DO IT IF Y\ HAD COPI$ ! RI<T NUMB]S \T ( ! BOOK60 

,HE TURN$ R$ AS A BEET4 0,Y\ ,BOL%IES >E TOO SM>T = Y\R [N GOOD60 HE %\T$4 ,! A?LETE !N WALK$ RI<T UP TO ME & SLAPP$ ME4 ,I SCREAM$ & HE BECAME AS RIGID AS A BO>D4 ,SOME /UD5TS *E]$ HIM & %\T$1 0,Y\ %[ ']1 COA*60 

,?OSE /UD5TS *E]$ HIM BECAUSE !Y CONSID]$ HIM ! REBEL4 ,I WAS 9 A WORLD :]E EV]Y?+ FAMILI> TO ME /OOD ON ITS HEAD4 ,! ROLES W]E 9V]T$4 ,! BULLY+ TEA*] WAS SE5 AS A REBEL & ! REBELLI\S /UD5T AS A REPRES5TATIVE ( AU?ORITY4 ,! POLICE W]E EXP]I5C$ AS AG5TS ( FRE$OM & 9SURG5TS AS AG5TS ( REPRESSION4 ,AU?ORIT>IAN CON=MI/S CONSID]$ !MSELVES 9DIVIDUALI/S & REVOLUTION>IES W]E CALL$ ,BOL%IES & ,COMMISS>S4 ,! GREATE/ 9V]SION ( ALL WAS ?AT ! MO/ AU?ORIT>IAN ( ! AU?ORIT>IANS1 ?OSE :O GLORIFI$ ! /ATE & DREAM$ ( BECOM+ OMNIPOT5T POLICE *IEFS1 ?\<T ( !MSELVES AS REVOLUTION>IES4 ,MY FRI5D ,LEM ,ICEL1 ! ONE :O LAT] C>RI$ MY LETT] TO Y\1 WAS ONE ( !SE4 

,I MET ,LEM ! DAY ! DRIBBL+ EXP]T SLAPP$ ME4 ,LEM RAN AFT] ME :5 S*OOL WAS OV]1 9 HIS SUIT & TIE1 WE>+ GLASSES1 C>RY+ HIS LEA!R BAG4 

0,I ?9K Y\ W]E RI<T10 HE TOLD ME4 

0,:AT DO Y\ MEAN Y\ ?9K ,I WAS RI<T8 ,I KN[ ,I WAS60 ,I %\T$4 0,LOOK 9TO Y\R BOOK60 

0,YES ,I KN[10 HE SAID4 0,I HAD ! BOOK OP5 TOO4 ,:AT ,I WANT$ TO ASK Y\ WAS AB\T ?AT NAME HE CALL$ Y\40 

0,Y\ MEAN ,BOL%IE8 ,?AT'S NOT MY NAME60 

0,I KN[ IT'S NOT Y\R NAME4 ,:AT ,I MEAN IS1 IS IT TRUE8 ,>E Y\8 ,DO Y\ BELIEVE 9 T5D5CIES & ?+S80 ,HE ASK$ ?IS LA/ QUE/ION 9 ! SAME TONE 9 :I* SOMEONE MI<T HAVE ASK$1 0,DO Y\ BELIEVE ! SUN IS GO+ TO FALL 9TO ! LAKE ! DAY AFT] TOMORR[ & ! WORLD IS GO+ TO 5D80 OR 0,DO Y\ BELIEVE EV]Y /ATUE ( ,JESUS BLE$S EV]Y NI<T80 ,& ,I KNEW HE WAS DY+ TO RELIEVE HIMSELF BY TELL+ ME1 0,SO DO ,I,I0 

0,T5D5CIES & ?+S6 ,:AT ON E>? DO Y\ MEAN80 ,I ASK$4 

0,OH1 Y\ CAN TELL ME4 ,I'M A ,COMRADE4 ,I'M NO /OOL PIGEON60 ,HE :ISP]$ ALL ?IS4 

,I %\T$1 0,:AT >E Y\ TALK+ AB\T8 ,:AT DO Y\ WANT80 

0,%H4 ,Y\ KN[ :AT ,I MEAN4 ,T5D5CIES4 ,=CES4 ,! ,DIALECTIC60 ,YES1 UN=TUNATELY ,I KNEW :AT HE MEANT4 ,IT WAS NO?+ V]Y EXCIT+2 IT WASN'T EV5 ALTOGE!R ALIVE4 ,BUT IT WAS SOME?+4 ,IT WAS ! =M REBELLION TOOK 9 ?IS 5VIRONM5T1 & ,I WAS EXTREMELY LONELY4 ,I'M REM9D$ ( ! PEOPLE Y\ DESCRIB$ :O ATE B>K4 ,LEM WAS A DISGU/+ CL[N1 A TIDY BUREAUCRAT :O MI<T SOM$AY TRANSMIT ! ORD] TO EXT]M9ATE ?\S&S ( WORK]S1 A /UFFY /ATE AG5T :O WAS OLD LONG BE=E HIS TIME4 ,BUT ,I HADN'T HAD A CONV]SATION ) ANYONE EXCEPT ,LUISA S9CE WE'D COME H]E1 & AFT] ,I'D />T$ GO+ TO S*OOL ,I HAD AVOID$ ,LUISA4 ,I C\LDN'T KEEP MYSELF FROM REA*+ \T TO ,LEM4 

0,T5D5CIES10 ,I SAID1 HESITAT+1 AS IF ,I W]E REMEMB]+ SOME?+4 0,:Y YES1 ( C\RSE6 ,T5D5CIES60 ,I =GOT TO ADD1 0,& ?+S40 

0,I KNEW Y\ W]E ONE ( US AS SOON AS ! COA* CALL$ Y\ A ,BOL%IE60 ,& ,I KNEW :AT ,LEM WAS GO+ TO SAY LONG BE=E HE SAID IT4 

0,& DID ,I CONFIRM1 :AT Y\ ALREADY KNEW80 

0,Y\ SURE DID6 ,WE CAN KEEP IT A SECRET FROM !M1 BUT NOT FROM EA* O!R60 ,HE WAS OBVI\SLY A NOVICE 9 ! CONSPIRATORIAL PR(ESSION1 & HAD AS YET LE>N$ NO?+ AB\T SECURITY1 

0,DOES NO ONE ELSE KN[ Y\'RE ONE ( !M -- ,I MEAN ( US80 ,I ASK$4 

0,I'VE KEPT IT A SECRET FROM EV]YONE4 ,EV5 FROM MY P>5TS10 HE PR\DLY BOA/$4 

0,MY6 ,IMAG9E ?AT60 ,I DIDN'T EV5 TRY TO HIDE MY ADMIRATION = HIS ABILITY TO KEEP SECRETS4 0,NOT EV5 Y\R P>5TS6 ,Y\ MU/ BE V]Y C\RAGE\S60 

0,I ?\<T IT W\LD BE H>D1 BUT IT ISN'T REALLY10 HE EXPLA9$4 0,MY /UDY GR\P MEETS EV]Y ,FRIDAY NI<T & ,I TELL MY P>5TS ,I GO TO MOVIES4 ,I US$ TO GO TO MOVIES A LOT ON ,FRIDAY NI<TS4 ,I ALWAYS MAKE SURE ,I KN[ :AT'S ON AT ONE ( ! !AT]S1 ?\< !Y HAV5'T YET ASK$ :AT ,I'D SE540 

0,& ! /UDY GR\P10 ,I V5TUR$1 0IT MU/ BE EV5 BETT] ?AN \R CLASSES 9 S*OOL40 

0,OH YES1 IT'S MU* MORE DISCIPL9$10 HE SAID PR$ICTABLY4 0,ANYONE :O DID :AT Y\ DID TODAY W\LD BE EXPELL$ RI<T AWAY40 

0,H[ M>VEL\S60 

0,>E Y\ MAK+ FUN ( ME80 

0,OH NO60 

0,( C\RSE NONE ( ! LECTUR]S 9 ! /UDY GR\P W\LD EV] BE CAU<T MAK+ SU* A DUMB MI/AKE60 

0,CAN Y\ TELL ME Y\R NAME80 ,I ASK$ TO *ANGE ! SUBJECT2 ,I HAD HE>D 5\< AB\T ! /UDY GR\P4 0,OR IS ?AT A SECRET80 ,I FELT SILLY = ADD+ ?IS QUE/ION1 & ,I HOP$ HE W\LDN'T SPOIL MY FUN BY REMEMB]+ ?AT ,I'D LE>N HIS NAME TIRE NEXT TIME ! TEA*] REVEAL$ ?IS SECRET 9 CLASS4 

0,OH NO1 ,I CAN TELL Y\ MY NAME60 HE SAID EAG]LY & OBLIG+LY4 0,IT'S ,LEM4 ,LEM ,ICEL4 ,IT COMES FROM ! ,GREEK GOD ,ICELUS4 ,MY GR&FA!R %ORT5$ IT40 

0,I'M ,SOPHIA40 

0,YES ,I KN[4 ,SOPHIA ,NA*ALO4 ,I SAW IT WRITT5 ON Y\R NOTEBOOK40 

0,Y\ PRON\NC$ IT RI<T60 ,MY NAME WAS ! ONLY ?+ HE HAD SAID ?AT PLEAS$ ME4 

0,DOES IT BO!R Y\ :5 ?AT JOCK PRON\NCES IT ,NATURAL80 

0,HIS PRONUNCIATION IS HIS PROBLEM1 NOT M9E40 

0,IT'S OBVI\SLY NO BETT] ?AN HIS MA?10 ,LEM SAID4 

0,DO Y\ WANT ME TO GET SLAPP$ = CORRECT+ HIS PRONUNCIATION AS WELL8 ,:Y DON'T Y\ CORRECT HIM80 

,LEM BLU%$4 ,HE C\LD AT LEA/ HAVE CORRECT$ ! A?LETE'S MA?1 S9CE HE'D HAD ! BOOK OP5 TOO4 0,OBJECTIVE CONDITIONS40 HE ANSW]$ HESITANTLY4 0,Y\ KN[ :AT ,I MEAN80 

0,OH YES1 ( C\RSE6 ,!Y W]5'T RIPE40 

0,W[6 ,Y\ KN[ A LOT60 ,HE WAS G5U9ELY IMPRESS$4 0,I ONLY LE>N$ AB\T ?AT A C\PLE ( WEEKS AGO60 

0,>5'T Y\ TIR$ ( LE>N+ BY ! 5D ( ! WEEK1 & W\LDN'T Y\ RA!R GO TO MOVIES ON ,FRIDAY NI<TS80 

0,HAV5'T Y\ EV] BE5 TO /UDY GR\PS80 HE ASK$4 

,I DIDN'T ANSW]4 ,I WAS ALREADY TIR$ ( MY GAME1 & ( ,LEM4 

0,! /UDY GR\P IS COMPLETELY DIFF]5T10 HE EXPLA9$ AS ,I WALK$ AWAY FROM HIM4 0,H]E EV]Y?+ !Y TELL Y\ IS A LIE4 ,!RE ,I LE>N AB\T T5D5CIES & =CES4 ,Y\ KN[1 ! TRU? AB\T ?+S4 ,Y\ & ,I \<T TO TALK MORE4 ,Y\ KN[4 ,WE \<T TO BECOME FRI5DS1 S9CE WE'RE ALREADY COMRADES40 

,MY FIR/ FRI5D WAS AN ADMIR] ( ?OSE :O HAD BETRAY$ ,LUISA1 >RE/$ ME1 IMPRISON$ Y\4 ,! MORE ,I LE>N$ AB\T HIM ! LESS LIKABLE HE BECAME4 ,LEM WAS ONE ( ! WEAL?I] /UD5TS 9 ! S*OOL4 ,HIS FA!R WAS ! MANAG] ( A DEP>TM5T /ORE4 ,O!R PEOPLE ( HIS SOCIAL CLASS W]E S5T TO PRIVATE S*OOLS1 BUT ,LEM'S FA!R WANT$ TO GIVE HIS SON :AT HE CONSID]$ A TA/E ( REALITY4 ,LEM'S NEWLY ACQUIR$ POLITICAL RELIGION PROVID$ HIM ) A NEW WAY ( EXPRESS+ HIS SOCIAL /ATUS1 & NO?+ MORE4 ,HE CONSID]$ HIMSELF SUP]IOR TO ! WORK+ CLASS /UD5TS BECAUSE ( HIS SOCIAL CLASS4 ,HE ?\<T HIMSELF MORE 9TELLIG5T AS WELL1 S9CE HE HAD BE5 TRA9$ TO MEMORIZE & OBEY FROM *ILDHOOD ON4 ,& :5 ONE ( ! TEA*]S 9TRODUC$ HIM TO ! WORLD ( T5D5CIES & =CES1 HE BECAME A GIANT :O T[]$ ABOVE ! O!RS1 BE+ ! ONLY /UD5T 9 S*OOL :O HAD BE5 9ITIAT$ 9TO ! DIALECTICAL TRU? AB\T ?+S4 ,HE WAS AS MU* A MEMB] ( ! RUL+ CLASS AFT] HIS POLITICAL CONV]SION AS HE HAD BE5 BE=E4 

,I LET HIM WALK ME HOME SEV]AL DAYS A WEEK4 ,WE FREQU5TLY W5T TO MOVIES TOGE!R1 & ONCE ,I 9VIT$ HIM TO A DANCE4 ,AL?\< HE 9SI/$ ,I ACCOMPANY HIM TO HIS /UDY GR\P1 ,I DIDN'T ONCE GO4 ,I DON'T ?9K WE TALK$ A GREAT DEAL AFT] \R FIR/ 5C\NT]2 AT LEA/ ,I DIDN'T RECORD ANY O!R CONV]SATIONS4 ,& BECAUSE HE HAD BE5 FRI5DLY TO ME :5 ,I HAD BE5 COMPLETELY ALONE1 ?IS TRAVE/Y ( A REBEL1 ?IS POMP\S LEE* WAS TO CL+ TO ME = MU* ( ! RE/ ( MY LIFE4 

,I DON'T KN[ IF ,I NE$ TO M5TION ?IS OR IF ,I'M BE+ CLE> ?IS TIME3 IF ,I HADN'T KN[N Y\ ,I W\LDN'T HAVE SE5 ?R\< ,LEM4 ,I MI<T HAVE SE5 HIM AS HE SAW HIMSELF & AS ! (FICIAL MY?OLOGY DEF9$ HIM3 AS A REBEL1 AN 9SURG5T4 ,LEM OBVI\SLY DIDN'T FILL ! GAP ,I'D FELT S9CE MY RELEASE4 

,UNLIKE Y\ ,I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRI5DS H]E2 !RE WAS NO ,JAN ,S$LAK ,I C\LD RUN TO4 ,:5 ,I F9ALLY DID F9D A G5U9E FRI5D1 IT WAS SOMEONE :O HAD SOME?+ 9 COMMON ) ! ,S$LAKS4 ,LIKE !M HE MOV$ ON ! FR+ES4 ,HE WASN'T A PEASANT BUT HE WAS JU/ AS MU* ( AN \TSID]4 ,HIS NAME WAS ,RON ,MAT!WS1 ,I HAD SE5 HIM WALK ?R\< ! HALLS ( ! S*OOL ) HIS ?REE COMPANIONS1 ALL 9 LEA!R JACKETS1 LONG BE=E ,I MET ,LEM4 ,I HAD SE5 HIM DUR+ LUN* H\RS1 HEAD+ T[>D A WALL BEH9D ! P>K+ LOT TO SMOKE ) HIS COMPANIONS4 ,O!R /UD5TS AS WELL AS MO/ ( ! TEA*]S W]E AFRAID ( !M1 ?\< ,I HAD NEV] SE5 ANY ( !M RAISE A H& AGA9/ ANYONE4 ,LEM CALL$ !M 0! LUMP540 ,!Y MODEL$ !MSELVES AFT] GANG/]S 9 MOVIES & COMIC BOOKS4 ,RON1 ! TALLE/ & /RONGE/ ( ! F\R1 WAS ! LEAD]4 ,BEH9D HIS BACK /UD5TS CALL$ HIM 0,! ,COMMISS>10 A NICKNAME HE WAS KN[N TO DISLIKE4 ,HIS MO!R TAU<T AT ! S*OOL & IT WAS SAID %E WAS A SUBV]SIVE4 ,%E WAS 9 FACT FIR$ SOMETIME LAT] = H] POLITICAL BELIEFS4 ,IT WAS %E :O CONV]T$ ,LEM2 ,I DIDN'T MEET H] UNTIL YE>S LAT]4 ,RON WAS REPEAT+ ! FIR/ YE> ( HI< S*OOL = ! ?IRD TIME4 ,HE HAD LEFT ELEM5T>Y S*OOL ONLY BECAUSE ! S*OOL'S PR9CIPAL HAD BE5 AFRAID ( HIM4 ,HIS ?REE COMPANIONS W]E SUPPOS$ TO BE HIS BODYGU>D1 BUT 9 T]MS ( SIZE & /R5G? HE WAS OBVI\SLY !IRS2 ON !IR [N !Y W\LDN'T HAVE MADE MU* ( AN IMPRESSION4 

,I BEGAN TO LOOK =W>D TO ! LUN* H\R4 ,BOR$OM1 LONEL9ESS & CURIOSITY DROVE ME FUR!R & FUR!R 9TO ! P>K+ LOT1 CLOS] TO ! WALL4 ,ONE DAY ,I WALK$ TO ! O!R SIDE ( ! WALL4 ,ONE ( ! LIEUT5ANTS NUDG$ ,RON1 :O TURN$ TO LOOK AT ME4 

0,WELL1 WELL1 :AT HAVE WE GOT OV] H]E8 ,COME A LITTLE CLOS]1 BABY1 SO WE CAN HAVE A BETT] LOOK AT Y\4 ,Y\ WANT A SMOKE80 ,:ILE ,RON SPOKE ! O!R ?REE GR9N$ /UPIDLY4 

0,I'M NOT A BABY & ,I HAVE A NAME60 

0,LET'S SEE4 ,SOAP-FEE ,NATURAL4 ,IS ?AT A NAME1 BOYS80 

,ALL ?REE NODD$4 

0,OKAY1 ,NATURAL4 ,W\LD Y\ LIKE TO JO9 US 9 ! PLEASURE ( SMOK+ A CIG>ETTE80 ,HE H&$ ME HIS PACK4 

0,?ANK Y\1 ,T>ZAN4 ,PLEASURE IS EXACTLY :AT ,I CAME =40 ,I WASN'T SURE EXACTLY :AT ROLE ,I WANT$ TO PLAY1 NOR H[ F> ,I WANT$ TO PLAY IT4 

0,HEY1 WE'VE BE5 WOND]+ AB\T Y\4 ,IF Y\'RE SM>T 5\< TO ACE \T ?AT WISE-ASS$ COA*1 :Y D'YA LET HIM SOCK Y\80 

0,BECAUSE Y\ W]5'T !RE TO PROTECT ME1 ,SUP]MAN60 

,SO F> SO GOOD1 BUT !N ,I TRIPP$4 ,I BUR/ \T C\<+ :5 HE LIT MY CIG>ETTE1 & IT BECAME OBVI\S TO ALL F\R ?AT ,I HAD NEV] SMOK$ BE=E4 

,ROIL TOOK UP ! (F5SIVE AGA94 0,N[ LOOK :AT WE'RE DO+ BOYS1 DRAGG+ ?IS NICE GIRL ACROSS ! /ATE L9E4 ,WE'RE COMMITT+ ! ,MANN ,ACT40 

0,DON'T FLATT] Y\RSELF1 MUSCLES2 ,I WALK$ H]E BY MYSELF40 

0,:AT'LL Y\R BOY FRI5D SAY AB\T ?AT8 ,HE'LL SAY WE COMMITT$ ! ,MANN ,ACT4 ,:ILE WE'RE ON ! BOY FRI5D1 TELL US :AT A NICE GIRL LIKE Y\ WANTS ) ?AT %IT-ON-A-/ICK PR(ESSOR40 

0,IF ,I'D KN[N !RE W]E COMMISS>S LIKE Y\ >\ND1 ,I W\LDN'T EV] HAVE NOTIC$ ?AT ONE40 

0,Y\'VE GOT A %>P TONGUE4 ,MISS ,NOT-SO-L[4 ,IF Y\ DON'T WAT* \T !Y'LL CLIP IT RI<T \T ( Y\R M\?40 

0,!Y W\LDN'T D>E IF Y\ F\R /RONG M5 PROTECT$ ME40 

,RON LAU<$2 HIS ?REE CRONIES JU/ CONT9U$ TO GR94 ,HE TURN$ TO !M & SAID1 0,Y\ MEA!ADS HE> ?AT8 ,%E'S JU/ CONTRACT$ US AS PRIVATE DICKS40 

,?AT ANG]$ ME & ,I />T$ TO WALK AWAY4 0,GOODBYE4 ,T>ZAN4 ,?ANKS = ! CIG>ETTE40 

0,DON'T LEAVE YET1 BABY4 ,WE DIDN'T MEAN ?AT ! WAY IT S\ND$1 DID WE BOYS8 ,WE A9'T EV5 GOT HALF ACQUA9T$ YET40 

0,I DIDN'T HE> :AT Y\ MEANT1 ,T>ZAN1 & IT S\ND$ LIKE GOODBYE40 ,I CONT9U$ BACK+ AWAY FROM !M4 

0,NOT SO L[1 BABY4 ,Y\ GET SORE TOO EASY40 

0,I'M NOT SORE60 

0,PROVE IT1 ,NATURAL6 ,H['S AB\T MEET+ ME H]E >\ND MIDNI<T TONI<T80 

0,Y\'RE TOO MU*1 ,T>ZAN6 ,DO Y\ ?9K ,I'D TRU/ MY BODY TO SOMEONE :O BUT*]S MY NAME80 

,! ?REE BODY GU>DS RESPOND$ = ! FIR/ TIME3 !Y LAU<$ AT ,RON4 ,I R\ND$ ! WALL & />T$ BACK ACROSS ! P>K+ LOT4 ,RON FOLL[$ ME TO ! P>K+ LOT & %\T$1 0,I GET IT6 ,A NICE GIRL LIKE Y\ W\LDN'T WANT TO BE /UCK 9 AN EMPTY LOT ) A CRAZY APE ?AT'LL RAPE H] & !N KNIFE H]6 ,Y\ W\LDN'T WANT TO GET /UCK AT NI<T1 BUT Y\ WANT TO SEE :AT ! APE LOOKS LIKE 9 BROAD DAYLI<T4 ,RI<T80 

0,?AT'S RI<T10 ,I %\T$ BACK4 0,I'VE NEV] SE5 AN APE BE=E40 

,= AN 9/ANT BE=E HE TURN$ HIS BACK TO ME1 ,RON LOOK$ LIKE AN 9JUR$ *ILD :O WAS GO+ TO CRY4 0,Y\ BIT*60 HE :ISP]$1 KICK+ ! DIRT AS HE DISAPPE>$ BEH9D ! WALL4 ,I REGRETT$ MY LA/ COMM5T4 ,I LIK$ HIM4 ,UND] ! MASK ( ! DUNCE :O FAIL$ ALL HIS C\RSES ,I SAW A LIVELY 9TELLIG5CE :I* REFUS$ TO SUBMIT TO ! S*OOL R\T9E4 ,UND] ! LEA!R JACKET & ! GANG LEAD]'S POSE ,I ?\<T ,I RECOGNIZ$ A G5U9E REBEL1 ! FIR/ ONE ,I'D MET H]E4 

,I WAS HUNGRY = ACTIVITY ?AT WAS NOT P>T ( ! (FICIAL R\T9E4 ,I WAS HUNGRY = ! COMPANION :O HAD NOT BE5 CA/ 9 ONE ( ! /&>D MOLDS4 ,I LONG$ = Y\1 = ! COMRADES 

& PROJECTS ,I HAD LEFT BEH9D4 ,I ?\<T !RE WAS A /RONG RESEMBLANCE2 ! =M WAS ALTOGE!R DIFF]5T2 ! CONT5T SEEM$ ! SAME4 

,I CROSS$ ! S*OOL Y>D AGA9 ! FOLL[+ DAY4 ,) HIS BACK T[>D ME1 ,RON SAID QUIETLY1 AS IF HE W]E PLEAD+ ) ME3 0,LOOK1 LADY6 ,DO US ! FAVOR ( LETT+ US 5JOY \R PRIVACY ON \R [N GR\NDS1 BY :I* WE MEAN WE W\LD LIKE = Y\ TO REMOVE Y\RSELF FROM ?IS T]RITORY40 

0,I APOLOGIZE1 ,RON40 

0,WE W\LD LIKE = Y\ TO GET \T ( H]E10 HE SAID1 /ILL QUIETLY4 

0,I DIDN'T MEAN :AT ,I SAID YE/]DAY10 ,I TOLD HIM4 

,HE TURN$ T[>D ME2 HIS FACE WAS FLU%$4 ,! ANG] M\NT$ 9 HIS VOICE AS HE SAID1 0,WE DON'T ACCEPT APOLOGIES FROM ! LIKES ( Y\1 LADY6 ,N[ K9DLY DO US ! FAVOR ( GETT+ ! HELL \T ( H]E60 

0,IT WAS Y\ :O PUT ?OSE WORDS 9 MY M\?1 ,RON10 ,I PLEAD$4 

,ALL F\R W]E />+ AT ME N[4 ,RON TURN$ TO ! O!R ?REE & %\T$1 0,LOOKS LIKE ! LADY IS DEAF1 BOYS60 

0,I'LL MEET Y\ H]E ANY TIME --0 

,HE /EPP$ BACKW>D & ALMO/ FELL4 0,Y\'LL :AT80 

0 -- ( DAY OR NI<T10 ,I CONT9U$1 ALMO/ :ISP]+4 

0,LADY1 W\LD Y\ PLEASE REPEAT ?AT80 ,ALL HIS ANG] WAS GONE4 

0,:AT'S MY NAME80 ,I ASK$1 /ILL :ISP]+4 ,I WAS AFRAID4 

0,SOPHIE ,NA*ALO10 HE %\T$4 ,HAD HE KN[N IT ALL ALONG OR HAD HE LE>N$ IT S9CE ! PREVI\S DAY8 

0,SET ! TIME40 ,MY KNEES W]E TREMBL+4 ,I ?\<T ,I'D />T CRY+4 

0,DO Y\ MEAN ?AT Y\1 ,SOPHIE ,NA*ALO1 >E GO+ TO TRU/ ME --0 

,I DIDN'T LET HIM F9I%2 ,I C\LD NO LONG] HIDE MY N]V\SNESS4 0,RI<T H]E80 ,I ASK$1 />T+ TO RUN (F4 0,AT MIDNI<T8 ,TONI<T80 ,I RAN AS FA/ AS ,I C\LD4 

,I %OOK = H\RS4 ,I ?\<T ,I'D GET SICK4 ,MY FE> DIDN'T LEAVE ME UNTIL MIDNI<T ?AT NI<T4 ,RON WAS ALREADY !RE1 SITT+ UP AGA9/ ! P>T ( ! WALL CLOSE/ TO ! /REET LAMP1 SMOK+4 ,HE DIDN'T LOOK UP4 ,I SAT D[N AN >M'S L5G? AWAY FROM HIM4 ,HE DIDN'T MOVE4 ,I SUDD5LY REALIZ$ ?AT HE WAS AS N]V\S AS ,I HAD BE54 ,IT WAS ,I :O ASK$1 0,Y\'RE NOT AFRAID ( ME1 >E Y\80 

,HE LOOK$ AT ME4 ,HE SEEM$ SO SAD4 0,I WAS GO+ TO WAIT H]E ALL NI<T4 ,BUT ,I NEV] ?\<T Y\'D COME40 ,HE TURN$ TO LOOK AT ! GR\ND AGA9 & PUFF$ ON HIS CIG>ETTE4 ,I SAW ?AT HE HAD %AV$ & COMB$ HIS HAIR4 ,BY HIMSELF HE WAS ONLY A BOY3 %Y1 N]V\S & LONELY4 

0,I ?\<T Y\ MET GIRLS H]E EV]Y NI<T10 ,I SAID1 AL?\< ,I DIDN'T REALLY ?9K ?AT4 

0,>E Y\ KIDD+80 HE ASK$1 SOME:AT BITT]LY4 

0,HAV5'T Y\ EV] BE5 ) A GIRL AT NI<T80 

0,YEA1 SURE10 HE SAID1 ) GR[+ BITT]NESS4 0,I'VE SP5T LOTS ( NI<TS ) TWO-BIT :ORES4 ,! O!RS TALK A LOT1 BUT ?AT'S ALL !Y EV] DO4 ,& ?AT'S RI<T1 TOO4 ,Y\ %\LDN'T HAVE COME \T H]E1 ,SOPHIE4 ,NO DEC5T GIRL GOES \T AT NI<T LOOK+ = AN APE40 

0,I'M SORRY10 ,I SAID1 REA*+ = HIS H&4 

,HE TOOK MY H& & SQUEEZ$ IT4 0,YEA1 ,I KN[4 ,I PUT ! WORDS 9 Y\R M\?40 

,WE SAT LIKE ?AT = AT LEA/ HALF AN H\R1 ,I WAS RELIEV$ TO LE>N HE WAS H>MLESS1 BUT HALF AN H\R ( SITT+ ON CONCRETE IS AWFULLY LONG2 ,I GOT BOR$ & EXTREMELY UNCOM=TABLE4 0,IS ?IS ALL ?AT'S GO+ TO HAPP580 ,I ASK$4 

,HE JUMP$ UP AS IF ,I'D WOK5 HIM4 0,W\LD ! LADY LIKE TO HAVE A GUID$ T\R ( ! CITY AT NI<T80 

0,:Y YES6 ,?AT'S EXACTLY :AT ! LADY W\LD LIKE60 ,I SAID EAG]LY1 SQUEEZ+ HIS H& ) BO? ( M9E :5 HE HELP$ ME GET UP4 ,MY EAG]NESS WAS G5U9E2 ,I HADN'T YET SE5 ! CITY EV5 9 DAYTIME4 

,! CITY ,RON %[$ ME MU/ HAVE BE5 V]Y SIMIL> TO ! CITY Y\ KNEW DUR+ ! W>4 ,IT CONSI/$ ( HIDE\TS1 DANG] ZONES1 PLACES TO 9VE/IGATE & PLACES TO AVOID4 ,IT WAS ,RON'S P]SONAL1 PRIVATE WORLD2 HE HAD NEV] %[N IT TO ANYONE ELSE2 HE LET ME %>E IT4 

0,SOM$AY ,I'LL %[ Y\ :]E ! O!R HALF LIVES10 HE SAID AS WE WALK$ ALONG ONE AFT] ANO!R /REET L9$ ) ALMO/ ID5TICAL TWO-/ORI$ H\SES4 0,?IS IS :]E ! ANTS LIVE4 ,SOMETIMES ,I COME H]E BE=E S*OOL />TS1 AB\T SIX OR SEV5 9 ! MORN+4 ,I WAT* !M ALL FILE \T ( !IR H\SES ) !IR LUN* BOXES1 LIKE KIDS COM+ \T ( JOHNS2 !Y ALL PILE 9TO !IR C>S AT ! SAME TIME & !N !Y ALL SIT ON ! HI<WAY BL[+ !IR BRA9S \T BECAUSE ! TRAFFIC CAN'T MOVE4 ,! ONES :O LIVE H]E DRIVE TO A PLANT ON ! O!R SIDE ( T[N1 & ?OSE :O LIVE !RE DRIVE ALL ! WAY OV] H]E4 ,IF !Y'RE NOT DEAF :5 !Y GET !RE1 ! NOISE 9 ! PLANT F9I%ES !M (F4 ,BUT !Y HONK !IR BRA9S \T ALL ! WAY BACK HOME BECAUSE !Y'RE ALL ON ! ROAD AGA940 

0,IT'S NOT !IR FAULT1 IS IT80 ,I V5TUR$4 

0,Y\ DON'T KN[ :AT Y\'RE TALK+ AB\T4 0,SOME ( ?OSE GUYS DRIVE BULLDOZ]S4 ,!Y C\LD PU% ! FACTORIES /RAI<T 9TO ! RIV] IF !Y WANT$ TO40 

,WE WALK$ ON4 ,HE L$ ME ?R\< QU>T]S ?AT LOOK$ LIKE =E/S ?AT HAD BURN$4 ,PO9T+ TO AN IMM5SE LOT ?AT LOOK$ LIKE ! CITY'S G>BAGE DUMP1 HE SAID1 0,?AT'S :AT !Y SP5D ALL !IR TIME MAK+ 9 ?IS T[N40 ,AS WE GOT CLOS] ,I NOTIC$ ?AT IT WAS A DUMP = WRECK$ C>S4 ,BEYOND ! LOT !RE W]E TWO-/ORI$ H\SES ?AT W]E MORE RUN D[N ?AN ! ONES WE TAD PASS$ E>LI]4 ,PO9T+ TO ONE ( !M HE SAID1 0,! GUY :O LIVES !RE MAKES IT )\T GO+ TO ! PLANTS4 ,HE TAKES BATT]IES \T ( C>S & RESELLS !M 9 A /ORE HE RUNS4 ,ONCE ,I WAT*$ HIM & ANO!R GUY CLEAN \T ALL ! BATT]IES 9 A P>K+ LOT4 ,IT'S H>D FUCK+ WORK ?\<10 

,WE SAT D[N ON ! SIDEWALK4 0,I KN[ ! KID NEXT DOOR TOO10 ,RON CONT9U$4 0,HIS OLD MAN'S A COP4 ,Y\'D ?9K HE'D BE ON TO ! BATT]IES BY N[1 BUT ?AT'S NOT HIS JOB4 ,HE SP5DS HIS TIME PATROLL+ ?IS :OREH\SE ON ! O!R SIDE ( T[N3 D[N/AIRS !RE'S A B> :]E LOTS ( DOPE IS SOLD4 ,HE MAKES TWICE AS MU* FROM ! B> AS HE GETS FROM HIS JOB & !Y GO ON A BIG TRIP EV]Y YE>4 ,BUT %IT1 :O WANTS TO BE A COP80 

,WE SAT D[N & SMOK$4 ,I ASK$ ,RON H[ HE KNEW !SE PEOPLE4 ,HE SAID HE HAD LIV$ H]E BE=E MOV+ NE> ! S*OOL4 0,I KN[ ?IS O!R GUY D[N ! /REET10 HE SAID4 0,HIS OLD MAN BUILDS MOTORS4 ,HE WORKS 9 A MA*9E %OP & EV]Y DAY HE TAKES HOME A SMALL P>T 9 ! FALSE BOTTOM ( HIS LUN* BOX4 ,EV]Y SIX OR SEV5 MON?S HE'S GOT A :OLE MOTOR PUT TOGE!R4 ,!N HE SELLS IT TO ?IS PLACE ?AT DEALS 9 MOTORS4 ,I US$ TO ?9K ?AT WAS NEAT4 ,BUT N[ ,I ?9K HE MU/ HAVE HIS BRA9S UP HIS ASS3 HE C\LD HAVE />T$ HIS [N MA*9E %OP TW5TY YE>S AGO & HE'D HAVE IT MADE BY N[40 

,WE GOT UP & WALK$ ON4 ,! /RUCTURE ON ! CORN] LOOK$ LIKE AN AB&ON$ RAILWAY C>4 ,?AT'S :AT IT WAS4 ,ON TOP WAS A SIGN ?AT SAID1 0,D9]40 

0,?AT'S :]E MY OLD MAN HANGS \T10 ,RON TOLD ME4 

0,Y\ MEAN HE EATS !RE80 

0,NO1 HE RUNS IT4 ,HE FLIPS ! EGGS & BUTT]S ! TOA/1 FROM EI<T 9 ! MORN+ 'TIL EI<T AT NI<T1 SIX DAYS A WEEK4 ,HE SAV$ = YE>S TO BUY ?IS DUMP4 ,HE ?\<T IT W\LD MAKE HIM A BUS9ESSMAN4 ,ME & MY BUDDIES SKIP AFT]NOON CLASSES LOTS ( TIMES JU/ SO AS TO GET H]E >\ND NOON4 ,?AT'S :5 IT'S BUSY AS HELL H]E2 EV]YONE'S HOLL]+ AT HIM1 LOTS ( 2EM >E EAT+ /&+4 ,AS SOON AS WE GO ?R\< ! DOOR ! HOLL]+ /OPS & EV]YONE LOOKS AT US LIKE WE'RE DIGNIT>IES OR SOME?+4 ,MY OLD MAN GETS MAD AS HELL BUT HE DOESN'T LET ON HE'S EV] SE5 ME BE=E4 ,HE SKIPS EV]YONE ELSE & ASKS :AT WE WANT1 & NO ONE OBJECTS2 IT'S LIKE !Y'D ALL AGRE$ ?AT WE GET S]V$ FIR/1 & HE SURE AS HELL DOESN'T WANT US /&+ >\ND WAIT+4 ,WE REALLY GET ON HIS ASS4 ,EI<T EGGS1 ,I TELL HIM1 SUNNY SIDE UP1 ON ! D\BLE1 WE A9'T GOT ALL DAY4 ,Y\ %\LD SEE HIM RUN6 ,HE MOVES SO FA/ Y\'D ?9K ! EGGS FELL FROM ! CEIL+4 ,JU/ LIKE A FLUNKY GETT+ AN ORD] 9 ! >MY4 ,! ONLY ?+ HE DOESN'T DO IS SAY ,YESSIR6 ,SOME BUS9ESSMAN6 ,HE HOLDS IT ALL 9 'TIL HE GETS HOME1 & !N HE GOES (F LIKE A TIME BOMB4 ,I ASK HIM :Y ! HELL HE'S SO MAD2 ,I WAS JU/ BR++ HIM SOME BUS9ESS2 ?AT'S :AT HE'S 9 !RE =1 ISN'T IT8 ,DIDN'T WE PAY = \R EGGS LIKE EV]YONE ELSE8 ,IS HE GO+ TO PUT UP A SIGN ?AT SAYS ,NO HOODS1 DOGS OR RELATIVES ALL[$80 

,WE WALK$ BY ! H\SE :]E ,RON US$ TO LIVE4 0,DON'T KN[ :O LIVES H]E N[4 ,MU/ BE A G>D5]40 ,!RE W]E FL[]S ON ! FRONT LAWN4 ,I ASK$ ,RON AB\T HIS MO!R4 

0,%E'S A COMMIE10 HE SAID1 AS MATT]-(-FACTLY AS IF HE W]E SAY+1 0,%E'S TALL40 ,HE HAD CONSID]$ & REJECT$ ?IS POSSIBILITY AS WELL4 0,%E />T$ BE+ ONE DUR+ ! DEPRESSION4 ,%E LIKES TO TALK AB\T IT1 BUT ,I NEV] UND]/OOD ANY ( ?AT %IT AB\T WORK]S WANT+ COMMIES TO RUN ! UNIONS & FACTORIES4 ,I NEV] MET ANY :O WANT$ ?AT4 ,BUT %E ?\<T ?AT'S :AT !Y WANT$ & ! UNION PAID H] TO ORGANIZE WORK]S TO WANT ?AT4 ,AFT] ! W> ! UNION ?REW H] \T ON H] ASS & NOT ONE WORK] /OOD UP = H]4 ,%E /ILL ?9KS ?AT'S :AT EV]YONE WANTS4 ,%E'S LIKE ?IS RELIGI\S NUT ,I KN[ :O ?9KS EV]YONE WANTS TO DIE SO AS TO SEE ,JESUS 9 ! SKY4 ,N[ ! S*OOL'S GETT+ READY TO ?R[ H] \T ON H] ASS AGA91 & ?OSE CRAZY BA/>DS'LL DO IT TOO4 ,I DON'T UND]/& ANY ( ?AT %IT EI!R4 ,:5 ! COMMIES HAD A *ANCE1 BE=E ! W>1 !Y LEFT !M ALONE4 ,N[ ?AT !RE >E H>DLY ANY ( !M LEFT & !Y DON'T HAVE A *ANCE1 EV]YONE'S JUMP+ ON !M LIKE A GANG ( P]V]TS RAP+ A KID4 ,%IT60 HE CONCLUD$1 FL++ HIS CIG>ETTE 9TO ! GUTT]2 0?OSE >E ! BA/>DS :O SAY ,I'M ! ONE ?AT'S DANG]\S60 

,IT WAS />T+ TO GET LI<T \T :5 ,RON WALK$ ME TO MY H\SE4 ,HE SQUEEZ$ MY H& & ASK$ ME TO TAKE A BIKE TRIP ) HIM ! FOLL[+ WEEK5D4 ,I ACCEPT$4 ,I WAS HAPPY4 ,I HAD F\ND A FRI5D4 ,! NEXT DAY ,I DOZ$ DUR+ ALL MY CLASSES4 ,I LOOK$ =W>D TO ! WEEK5D4 ,I WAS 9 LOVE = ! SECOND TIME 9 MY LIFE1 YET ,I IMAG9$ ,I WAS CONT9U+ MY FIR/ LOVE4 ,9 MY DAYDREAMS ,I IMAG9$ MYSELF RID+ ) LEAFLETS UND] MY >M & Y\ W]E ON ! BICYCLE NEXT TO ME4 

,I WAS \T ( PRACTICE & WE DIDN'T GET F>1 ?\< WE DID GET \T ( ! CITY4 ,WE LEFT \R BIKES 9 A CORN FIELD & WALK$ UNTIL WE REA*$ A POND4 ,WE W]E COMPLETELY ALONE4 ,! ROAD & ! NE>E/ F>MH\SE W]E AT LEA/ A MILE AWAY4 ,RON TOLD ME ! [N] SOMETIMES FI%$ 9 ! POND BUT ONLY E>LY 9 ! MORN+2 HE'D BE5 !RE BE=E4 ,AL?\< ! SUN HAD GONE D[N & IT HADN'T BE5 A W>M DAY1 WE W]E BO? SWEAT+ FROM ! RIDE & ! WALK4 ,RON REMOV$ HIS CLO!S & SLIPP$ 9TO ! POND4 ,I FOLL[$ HIM4 ,:5 WE CAME \T WE MADE LOVE ON ! GRASSY BANK4 ,?AT NI<T A FULL MOON MADE ! MI/ ON ! POND LOOK LIKE /EAM2 ! POND SEEM$ TO BE EVAPORAT+4 ,I FELT AS IF ,I W]E SP5D+ ! NI<T 9 A ,DUT* L&SCAPE PA9T+4 ,BUT ,I C\LDN'T SLEEP4 ,I HAD NEV] BE=E EXP]I5C$ SU* SIL5CE2 ,I MISS$ ! CITY NOISES ,I'D GR[N SO US$ TO BLOCK+ \T1 & ,I CONC5TRAT$ ON ! FEW S\NDS !RE W]E1 S\NDS ?AT W]E COMPLETELY UNFAMILI> TO ME2 RU/L+ LEAVES1 CRICKETS1 & ,RON'S BREA?+4 ,I WAT*$ ! MOON FALL 9TO A FIELD ON ! O!R SIDE ( ! POND1 & :5 IT GOT COMPLETELY D>K ,I />T$ WORRY+ ?AT ! F>M] W\LD *OOSE ! NEXT MORN+ TO COME FI%+4 ,I HE>D ! F>M] COM+ -- ,I IMAG9$ HIM COM+ ) A RIFLE & NOT A FI%+ POLE -- :5EV] A SQUIRREL OR A BIRD /IRR$ ON A BRAN* ( A NE>BY TREE4 ,:5 ! SKY />T$ TO GET LI<T ,I WOKE ,RON & TOLD HIM ,I'D HE>D SOMEONE COM+4 ,HE JUMP$ UP & WE PUT \R CLO!S ON2 WE'D US$ !M AS BLANKETS4 ,AS SOON AS HE WAS DRESS$ HE /OOD /ILL & LI/5$4 

0,OH %IT1 ,SOPHIE10 HE SAID1 ANNOY$ & SOME:AT ANGRY2 0?AT'S ! CRICKETS Y\ HE>D6 ,?OSE PEOPLE DON'T FI% ON ,SUNDAY MORN+6 ,!Y GO TO *UR*60 ,BUT :5 ,I YAWN$ & HE SAW H[ TIR$ ,I MU/ HAVE LOOK$ HE PUT HIS >MS >\ND ME & :ISP]$1 0,I %\LD HAVE TURN$ ?OSE CRICKETS (F BE=E GO+ TO SLEEP SO !Y W\LDN'T KEEP Y\ AWAKE4 ,I HE>D !M ALL NI<T ONCE TOO4 ,Y\ SORRY Y\ CAME80 

0,NO1 ,I'M HAPPY10 ,I :ISP]$1 & TO PROVE IT ,I />T$ CRY+1 PROBABLY BECAUSE ,I WAS EXHAU/$4 0,I'D LIKE TO COME EV]Y WEEK5D40 

,WE DID GO !RE TWO MORE TIMES1 BUT ,I NEV] AGA9 SAW ! /EAM RISE FROM ! POND1 NOR DID ,I LI/5 TO ! CRICKETS & LEAVES ALL NI<T1 & WE DIDN'T ONCE MEET ! FI%]MAN F>M]4 

,! FOLL[+ WEEK5D WE SET \T ON TWO COMPLETELY DIFF]5T BIKES4 ,I LE>N$ ?AT ,RON HAD SOLD ! PREVI\S TWO BICYCLES & /OL5 ! NEW ONES4 0,H[ DO Y\ ?9K ,I GET MY SP5D+ MONEY -- FROM MY OLD MAN80 HE ASK$4 0,I'VE BE5 /EAL+ !M S9CE ELEM5T>Y S*OOL4 ,IT'S EASY4 ,Y\ TAKE A POCKET-SIZ$ SAW TO ! BACK ( ANY MOVIE H\SE & Y\ CAN SELECT :I*EV] ONE Y\ WANT4 ,I ONLY TAKE ! *A9$ ONES4 ,I FIGURE IF A KID IS SO POOR HE CAN'T BUY A *A9 HE W\LDN'T WANT TO LOSE HIS BIKE4 ,I PUNCTURE A TIRE & TAKE IT D[N TO ! BASEM5T & ,I TELL MY MOM ?AT KIDS PAY ME TO FIX & PA9T !IR BIKES4 ,%E ACTUALLY ?9KS ?AT'S :AT ,I DO4 ,! OLD MAN ?9KS ,I /EAL !M BUT !N HE ?9KS ,I ROBB$ A BANK EV]Y TIME ,I /AY$ \T ALL NI<T SO HE DOESN'T BO!R MAK+ A FUSS AB\T LITTLE ?+S LIKE BIKES4 ,HE C\LDN'T PROVE MU* ANYWAY UNLESS HE CAU<T ME DO+ IT1 :I* HE'D LOVE TO DO1 BUT HE LOVES TO FLIP HIS EGGS EV5 MORE4 ,A LITTLE SPRAY PA9T TAKES C>E ( ! BODY1 S&PAP] & A LITTLE SOLD] TAKES C>E ( ! NUMB] & A LITTLE /ICK] TAKES C>E ( ! REGI/RATION4 ,NO SWEAT1 & IT'S LIKE NEW2 ,I LE>N$ IT ALL FROM MY HALF-BRO!R4 ,ALL Y\ HAVE TO WAT* IS ?AT Y\ DON'T DANGLE ! SAW$-(F *A9 9 FRONT ( A COP1 LIKE ONE KID ,I KN[ :O GOT S5T TO RE=M S*OOL40 

,IT S\ND$ EASY 5\< BUT ,I DIDN'T VOLUNTE] TO JO9 ,RON 9 ?IS ACTIVITY1 AS ,SAB9A DID SOMETIME LAT]4 ,I ONLY 5JOY$ ! FRUIT ( ,RON'S LABORS4 ,= ! SAKE ( \R WEEK5D TRIPS HE />T$ SPECIALIZ+ 9 BICYCLES ?AT W]E LI<T] & BETT] SUIT$ = LONG J\RNEYS1 & BY \R ?IRD OR F\R? EXCURSION ,I C\LD RIDE AS F> & AS LONG AS HE4 ,TWO OR ?REE TIMES WE RAN 9TO /ORMS & ONCE WE SP5T AN AFT]NOON & NI<T 9 A B>N ) HORSES4 

,9 ADDITION TO \R S&WI*ES ,I FREQU5TLY TOOK MY NOTEBOOK ) ME ON ! EXCURSIONS1 ESPECIALLY :5 WE DECID$ AHEAD ( TIME NOT TO SP5D ! :OLE WEEK5D RID+4 ,I LOV$ TO SIT UND] A TREE 9 A FIELD1 OR ON A ROCK BY A LAKE1 JOTT+ D[N MY OBS]VATIONS AB\T MYSELF & AB\T ,RON4 ,MU* ( ?IS LETT] IS TAK5 DIRECTLY \T ( ?AT V]Y NOTEBOOK4 ,I TOLD ,RON ?AT SOM$AY ,I'D WRITE A NOVEL AB\T HIM4 ,HE ASSUR$ ME HE'D NEV] READ IT1 SO ,I C\LD WRITE AB\T HIM IF ,I SAW A PO9T 9 ?AT1 BUT ,I %\LDN'T BO!R WRIT+ IT = HIM4 ,I TOLD HIM HIS NAME W\LD BE ,Y>O/AN4 ,HE SAID ! NAME ALONE W\LD KEEP HIM FROM RECOGNIZ+ HIMSELF4 ,I DID 9 FACT 9T5D TO WRITE A NOVEL AB\T ,Y>O/AN2 HE WAS GO+ TO BE A COMPOSITE ( Y\ & ,RON4 ,BUT ,I NEV] GOT FUR!R ?AN TO JOT D[N SOME ( MY EXP]I5CES & CONV]SATIONS ) ,RON4 ,! BETT] ,I GOT TO KN[ HIM ! LESS SUITABLE HE BECAME = ! /ORY ,I HAD 9 M9D4 ,! *>ACT] 9 MY /ORY1 COMPOS$ ( ! TWO ( Y\1 WAS GO+ TO EXPRESS MY [N FEEL+S1 MY [N OBS]VATIONS1 MY [N *OICES4 ,I GRADUALLY1 & SADLY1 REALIZ$ ?AT ,RON WAS NOT ! SAME AS ,I AT ALL4 

,RON BECAME AW>E ( ?IS DIFF]5CE MU* SOON] ?AN ,I4 ,! V]Y FIR/ TIME ,I OP5$ MY NOTEBOOK1 :5 WE HAD JU/ SAT D[N BY A TREE ON TOP ( A HILL1 HE GOT UP & SAID HE WAS GO+ = A WALK4 ,HE WASN'T JEAL\S ( ! NOTEBOOK2 HE DIDN'T CONSID] IT AN 9TRUD] OR AN OB/ACLE ?AT CAME BETWE5 US2 HE DIDN'T EV5 M9D :5 ,I WANT$ TO WRITE 9/EAD ( ACCOMPANY+ HIM = A WALK4 ,! NOTEBOOK 9/ANTANE\SLY DEF9$ ME AS A P]SON :O W\LD ONE DAY BE V]Y F> AWAY FROM HIM1 A P]SON HE W\LD NOT RECOGNIZE & PROBABLY W\LDN'T EV5 REMEMB] AS A ONE-TIME FRI5D4 ,! FIR/ TIME ,I OP5$ MY NOTEBOOK HE KNEW \R RELATION%IP W\LD BE %ORT4 ,HE PROBABLY ?\<T HE W\LD BE ! ONE TO 5D IT4 ,IF SO1 HE WAS WRONG ONLY AB\T ?AT2 ,I WAS ! ONE :O 5D$ IT1 & = ! V]Y REASON HE ?\<T IT W\LD 5D4 ,BUT BE=E IT 5D$ ,I DID HAVE A *ANCE TO UND]GO TWO ADV5TURES :I* COMP>E ) NO?+ ,I EXP]I5C$ BE=E OR S9CE4 

,ONE ,SUNDAY WE RETURN$ FROM \R WEEK5D V]Y LATE AT NI<T4 ,WE HAD SP5T MO/ ( ! DAY SLEEP+ ON A LAKESIDE BEA* & BO? ( US W]E WIDE AWAKE4 ,WE RODE TO ,RON'S H\SE & HE ASK$ ME TO ACCOMPANY HIM TO HIS ROOM4 ,I AGRE$1 P>TLY BECAUSE ,I WANT$ TO PLAY1 BUT MA9LY BECAUSE ,I WANT$ TO SEE :AT HIS ROOM WAS LIKE4 ,AS WE W]E TIPTOE+ 9 ! D>K UP ! /AIRS FROM ! BASEM5T1 ! LI<T SUDD5LY CAME ON & A VOICE ?UND]$3 0,:]E ! HELL DO Y\ ?9K Y\'RE GO+80 

,A TALL1 ?91 VICI\S-LOOK+ MAN WE>+ PAJAMAS & AN OV]COAT GL>$ D[N AT US FROM ! TOP ( ! /AIRS4 ,IT WAS ,RON'S FA!R4 ,I WAS \T ( MY WITS ) FRI<T4 

0,OH %IT60 ,RON SAID4 0,:Y DON'T Y\ GO TO B$ & M9D Y\R [N FUCK+ BUS9ESS60 

0,Y\ PUNK60 ! MAN %\T$4 0,Y\'RE NOT BR++ ANY BROADS 9TO MY H\SE60 

,A WOMAN'S VOICE1 ,RON'S MO!R1 %\T$1 0,COME BACK TO B$1 ,TOM1 & LEAVE ! KID ALONE = *RISSAKE60 

0,HE'S BR++ A WOMAN 9TO ! H\SE60 ,TOM ,MAT!WS %\T$4 

0,SO :AT1 Y\ JACKASS6 ,HAV5'T Y\ EV] HE>D ( ?AT80 %E %\T$ BACK4 

0,Y\ HE>D H]1 POP10 ,RON SAID1 /ILL CALM4 0,N[ GO BACK TO B$ & LEAVE US ALONE40 

0,I'M NOT GO+ ANY:]E UNTIL Y\ GET ?AT :ORE \T ( H]E60 ! MAN SAID4 ,I />T$ TREMBL+4 

0,DON'T Y\ CALL H] ?AT1 POP10 SAID ,RON1 RAIS+ HIS VOICE4 

0,I'M CALL+ H] A :ORE & ,I'M TELL+ Y\ TO TAKE H] BACK TO ! :OREH\SE60 

,I C\LD FEEL ,RON />T+ TO %AKE2 HE WAV$ HIS FI/1 TOOK A /EP T[>D ! MAN & %\T$1 0,CALL H] ?AT ONE MORE TIME & ,I'LL --0 

0,Y\'LL :AT1 SONNY BOY8 ,KILL ME8 ,Y\'D LOVE TO DO ?AT1 W\LDN'T Y\8 ,DON'T Y\ ?9K ,I'VE BE5 WAIT+ = ?AT EV]Y DAY = YE>S8 ,Y\ DON'T ?9K ,I W5T \T & B\<T ?IS ?+ SO AS TO KEEP SOMEONE FROM TAK+ TWELVE DOLL>S \T ( MY CA% REGI/]1 DO Y\8 ,I B\<T IT JU/ TO KEEP Y\ & Y\R :ORE FROM BREAK+ 9TO MY H\SE60 

,I HE>D ,RON'S /UNN$ VOICE SAY+ SL[LY3 0,Y\ CRAZY BA/>D60 ,BUT ,I HE>D IT AS 9 A DREAM4 ,I MU/ HAVE FA9T$4 ,ALL ,I REMEMB]$ WAS ! GUN PO9T+ AT US & ?AT VOICE1 :I* ,I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS EVIL4 

,I DIDN'T KN[ H[ WE'D GOTT5 !RE1 BUT SUDD5LY ,RON & ,I W]E 9 ! /REET4 ,HE HELD ME2 ,I WAS TREMBL+ LIKE A LEAF4 ,I C\LDN'T WALK4 ,I ASK$ HIM TO TAKE ME TO MY H\SE2 HE ALMO/ C>RI$ ME4 ,:5 ,I OP5$ ! DOOR1 ,I BEGG$ HIM TO /AY ) ME1 NOT TO GO BACK TO HIS H\SE4 

0,WON'T Y\R FA!R BL[ MY HEAD (F80 ,HE DIDN'T KN[ :O ,ALB]TS WAS2 HE HADN'T ONCE ASK$ ME ANY?+ AB\T MYSELF4 

0,NO ONE'S GO+ TO %OOT Y\ H]E4 ,I'LL 9TRODUCE Y\ 9 ! MORN+40 

,! FOLL[+ MORN+ WE ALL HAD BREAKFA/ TOGE!R4 ,AS WE TOLD ! /ORY ( \R PREVI\S NI<T'S ESCAPADE1 ,SAB9A LAU<$ & ,LUISA GASP$4 ,ALB]TS PAID NO ATT5TION TO ! /ORY OR TO ,RON1 AL?\< :5 HE SAW ,RON REA* 9TO ! POCKET ( HIS LEA!R JACKET & PULL \T AN EMPTY CIG>ETTE PACK HE (F]$ ,RON A CIG>ETTE & LIT IT = HIM4 ,LUISA VISIBLY DIDN'T LIKE ,RON2 %E MADE NO EF=T TO HIDE H] FE> ( HIM4 ,SAB9A WAS DRAWN TO HIM LIKE A NE$LE TO A MAGNET4 

,RON /AY$ ) US1 9 MY ROOM1 = A WEEK4 ,HE DIDN'T GO TO S*OOL1 & HE LEFT ! H\SE ONLY ONCE1 DUR+ S*OOL H\RS1 :5 NEI!R HIS FA!R NOR HIS MO!R W]E AT HOME2 HE BR\<T BACK ?REE BICYCLES4 ,?AT WEEK5D1 AL?\< BO? ( !M ACT$ AS IF ,RON & ,I W]E M>RI$1 ,SAB9A & ,RON BECAME GOOD FRI5DS1 LIFETIME FRI5DS2 !IR RELATION%IP LA/$ UNTIL ,RON WAS KILL$4 ,WE RODE TO A =E/4 ,AT NI<T ,I SLEPT ) ,SAB9A2 ,RON SLEPT BY HIMSELF4 ,! PREVI\S NI<T HAD BE5 \R LA/ NI<T ALONE TOGE!R4 

,:5 WE GOT BACK ,RON TELEPHON$ HIS MO!R 7H] NAME IS ,DEBBIE74 ,%E CRI$ ALL ! TIME %E TALK$ TO HIM1 TELL+ HIM %E'D ?\<T HE HAD LEFT = GOOD4 ,%E HAD COME \T ( H] ROOM BE=E WE HAD LEFT ! H\SE & HAD SE5 ,MAT!WS PO9T+ ! GUN AT US4 ,%E HAD GRABB$ ! GUN1 HY/]ICALLY SLAPP$ HIS FACE ) IT1 & TOLD HIM TO GET \T ( ! H\SE & NEV] COME BACK4 ,MAT!WS HAD RETURN$ TWO DAYS LAT] ) A GIFT1 BEGG$ H] =GIV5ESS & EV5 PROMIS$ TO APOLOGIZE TO ,RON4 ,DEBBIE BEGG$ ,RON TO RETURN1 & TOLD HIM ! GUN HAD BE5 TAK5 AWAY ) ! G>BAGE4 ,RON DECID$ TO GO HOME4 

,I EXP]I5C$ MY LA/ ESCAPADE ) ,RON %ORTLY AFT] ?AT4 ,HE CAME OV] ON A WEEK NI<T & ASK$ US TO GO RID+4 ,WE W5T \T EXPECT+ TO F9D BIKES4 ,HE HAD A C>4 

0,IT'S ! OLD MAN'S10 HE EXPLA9$4 0,HE'S ALL S(T ON ME N[4 ,HE H&S ME ! KEYS & SAYS1 ,H]E1 PUNK1 Y\ WANT TO TAKE Y\R BROAD = A RIDE80 ,HIS IMITATION WAS P]FECT2 ,I BELIEV$ HIM4 

0,:]E >E Y\ GO+ TO TAKE US80 ,I ASK$4 

0,:]E W\LD Y\ LIKE TO GO80 HE ASK$4 

0,TO ! BEA*60 ,SAB9A ANSW]$4 

,RON DROVE US TO ! LAKE4 ,! ?REE ( US W]E ALONE ON ! 5ORM\S S&Y BEA*4 ,IT WAS A MOONLESS NI<T4 ,RON REMOV$ HIS CLO!S & RAN TO ! WAT]4 ,SAB9A RAN AFT] HIM4 0,HEY ,SOPHIE10 HE CALL$4 0,Y\ COM+80 

0,I'M COLD10 ,I YELL$ BACK4 0,HAVE FUN 9 !RE40 

,I HE>D !M SPLA%+1 %\T+1 LAU<+4 ,I LOOK$ UP AT ! />S4 ,AFT] A :ILE ,I NO LONG] HE>D !M4 ,! ONLY S\ND CAME FROM ! WAT] HITT+ ! %ORE4 

,I DON'T KN[ H[ LONG WE W]E !RE4 ,:5 ,I WOKE UP ,RON WAS C>RY+ ME 9 HIS >MS4 ,!Y W]E BO? DRESS$4 ,HE LET ME D[N :5 ,I OBJECT$ TO BE+ C>RI$4 

,SAB9A G5TLY PU%$ ME 9TO ! FRONT SEAT ( ! C> BE=E GO+ 91 SO ?AT ,I SAT BETWE5 !M4 ,I WAS SURE !Y HAD MADE LOVE4 ,NEI!R ( !M SAID ANY?+4 ,MAK+ A SUDD5 TURN (F ! MA9 ROAD ,RON ASK$1 AS IF HE'D JU/ ?\<T ( IT1 0,HEY ,SOPHIE1 Y\ REMEMB] ?AT FIR/ NI<T :5 ,I TOLD Y\ ,I'D %[ Y\ H[ ! O!R HALF LIVES8 ,WELL FEA/ Y\R EYES 'CAUSE ?IS IS :]E !Y LIVE40 

,I />$ BLANKLY AT 5ORM\S MANSIONS SURR\ND$ BY F\NTA9S & G>D5S4 ,! ONLY PLACES LIKE IT ,I'D SE5 BE=E BAD BE5 MUSEUMS OR PUBLIC MONUM5TS2 H]E WE DROVE PA/ ONE AFT] ANO!R MANSION1 EA* ) ITS [N BEA* & DOCK4 ,BUT ! LA/ DAY ( MY T\R CAME TO AN ABRUPT & UNPLEASANT 5D4 ,?REE BOYS 9 A SPORTS C> DROVE UP TO US & CRUIS$ NEXT TO US4 ,!Y W]E OBVI\SLY RESID5TS ( ! MANSIONS4 ,RON SAID1 0,OH %IT1 LET'S GET \T ( H]E4 ,?OSE CREEPS'LL GET ! COPS ON ME & ,I DON'T HAVE A LIC5SE40 

,ONE ( ! BOYS %\T$1 IMITAT+ 9N]-CITY SLANG1 0,HEY HOOD6 ,:AT *A DO9 )A SP>E BROAD80 

0,I'M NOT EAT+ %IT FROM A SILV] SPOON LIKE Y\4 ,BOZO60 ,RON ANSW]$1 ,HE PULL$ 9TO A DRIVEWAY1 TURN$ ! C> >\ND & HEAD$ BACK T[>D ! HI<WAY4 ,!Y CAU<T UP TO US AT ! LI<T4 

0,:]E DID Y\ /EAL ?AT LIM\S9E1 BOY80 %\T$ ANO!R ONE4 

,SAB9A /RET*$ H]SELF TO ! W9D[ & %\T$1 0,:Y >5'T Y\ 9 Y\R BABY C>RIAGE1 MAMA'S BOY80 TO :I* ,RON ADD$1 0,GET ?AT CAN (F ! ROAD BE=E ,I TE> IT UP ) MY CAN OP5]60 

,RON PULL$ AWAY AT ! LI<T1 BUT :5 ! ONCOM+ TRAFFIC HAD PASS$ !Y PULL$ UP ALONGSIDE US1 DRIV+ ON ! WRONG SIDE ( ! ROAD4 ,ONE ( !M %\T$1 0,?IEVES & :ORES >5'T P]MITT$ ON ?IS HI<WAY10 & ANO!R ADD$1 0,YEA1 WE SAW Y\R PICTURE 9 ! PO/ (FICE & !RE'S A POSSE \T LOOK+ = Y\40 

,SAB9A1 :O KNEW AS MU* AB\T C>S AS ,I DID1 URG$ ,RON TO DRIVE FA/]4 ,HE PRESS$ ! GAS P$AL TO ! FLOOR BUT !Y /AY$ ALONGSIDE US %\T+1 0,GIVE '] ALL %E'S GOT1 BOY60 & 0,!Y'LL SIGN Y\ UP 9 ! KIDDY C> RACES40 ,!N !Y FLEW AHEAD ( US1 SW]V+ TO AVOID AN ONCOM+ C> & JU/ B>ELY MISS+ ,RON'S C>4 

0,?OSE RI* BA/>DS DON'T GIVE A %IT IF !Y PILE UP ?OSE S\P$ UP C>S2 !Y GO ?R\< !M LIKE TOYS10 ,RON MUTT]$4 ,I1 *>ACT]I/ICALLY1 />T$ TO TREMBLE4 

0,RON1 SL[ D[N60 ,I PLEAD$4 0,LET'S JU/ CLOSE ! W9D[S & IGNORE !M4 ,!Y'LL GET BOR$40 

,SAB9A OBJECT$1 0,CAT* UP TO !M6 ,RUN 9TO !M60 ,%E WAS OBVI\SLY AS UNCONC]N$ AB\T ! ,MAT!WS' C> AS ! RI* BOYS W]E AB\T !IRS4 

,:5 !Y W]E ALONGSIDE AGA91 ONE ( !M %\T$4 0,Y\'LL NEV] GET ANY:]E ?AT WAY1 BOY4 ,LET ! GIRLS GET \T & PU%60 

,RON YELL$ BACK1 0,?IS A9'T NO C>1 KIDDO2 IT'S A BULLDOZ]40 

,SAB9A %\T$1 0,WE'LL FLATT5 Y\ \T & USE Y\ AS RUGS60 

,I %\T$ TO ,SAB9A1 0,Y\'RE CRAZY6 ,TELL HIM TO SL[ D[N60 

,SAB9A %\T$ TO ME1 0,C[>D6 ,Y\'RE JU/ LIKE Y\R MO!R60 

,SUDD5LY WE W]E BL9D$ BY ! BRI<T LI<TS ( AN ONCOM+ C>4 ,! SPORTS C> BUMP$ US & APP>5TLY MOV$ US TO ! EXTREME RI<T SIDE ( ! ROAD1 BECAUSE WE W]E HEAD+ /RAI<T 9TO A P>K$ C>4 ,RON SLAMM$ ON ! BRAKES1 BUT WE PIL$ 9TO ! C>'S TRUNK4 ,WE HE>D ! SPORTS C> SPE$ >\ND A CORN]2 !Y DISAPPE>$4 

,RON GOT \T4 ,HE KICK$ ! F5D] & SAID1 0,%IT6 ,IT'S WRECK$6 ,& ! COPS'LL BE H]E ANY M9UTE40 ,SUDD5LY HE RU%$ 9TO ! C>1 GRABB$ ! KEY1 & SAID ) URG5CY1 0,COME ON6 ,LET'S GET \T ( H]E60 

,I GOT \T4 ,RON & ,SAB9A RU%$ >\ND A CORN] BUT ,I WALK$ ALONG ! HI<WAY4 ,RON CAME UP BEH9D ME & GRABB$ MY >M4 0,COME ON1 ,SOPHIE6 ,Y\'RE MAK+ IT EASY = ! POLICE40 

,I %OOK MYSELF LOOSE & CONT9U$ WALK+4 ,I LET ! TE>S RUN FREELY D[N MY FACE & C\LD B>ELY SEE :]E ,I WAS GO+4 ,TOO MANY ?+S HAD HAPP5$ ?AT NI<T4 ,I WAS ALONE AGA94 ,I WAS HURT & HUMILIAT$4 ,I KEPT REPEAT+ ,SAB9A'S LA/ COMM5T BE=E ! CRA%4 ,?AT CAUS$ ME GREAT] PA9 ?AN EV]Y?+ ELSE ?AT HAD HAPP5$4 ,%E MI<T SAY IT TODAY1 NOT 9 ANG] BUT COLDLY & ANALYTICALLY4 ,IT'S OBVI\SLY TRUE4 

,I MU/ HAVE BE5 WALK+ = AT LEA/ AN H\R :5 ,RON & ,SAB9A RODE UP TO ME ON BICYCLES4 0,GET ON ! B>1 ,SOPHIE60 ,RON SAID1 HALF PLEAD+1 HALF ORD]+4 

,I IGNOR$ !M & WALK$ ON4 

0,COME ON1 SM>T ASS6 ,Y\'VE /ILL GOT ALMO/ T5 MILES TO GO60 

,I DIDN'T C>E IF ,I HAD A HUNDR$4 ,! LA/ ?+ ,I HE>D HIM SAY WAS1 0,OH %IT60 ,HE WAS PROBABLY WAIT+ TO SEE IF ,I'D HESITATE4 ,I DIDN'T4 ,I WALK$ & SOBB$4 ,I KNEW ,I WASN'T GO+ TO SP5D ANY MORE WEEK5DS BICYCL+ ) ,RON4 ,I ALSO KNEW ,I WASN'T EV] GO+ TO WRITE MY NOVEL AB\T HIM4 

,I DID SEE ,RON AGA91 TWICE3 ,I SAW HIM MORE ?AN A YE> AFT] ! C> WRECK1 9 A C\RTROOM1 :5 HE WAS ON TRIAL = A ROBB]Y4 ,& ,I SAW HIM AGA91 = ! LA/ TIME1 AFT] HE WAS RELEAS$ FROM RE=M S*OOL4 ,BUT ON BO? ( ?OSE OCCASIONS ,I SAW A COMPLETELY DIFF]5T P]SON4 ,AS ,I WALK$ AWAY FROM HIS FA!R'S WRECK$ C> ,I KNEW ?AT ! ,RON ,I HAD KN[N1 ! ,RON ,I HAD LOV$1 HAD BE5 AN ILLUSION4 ,RON MAY 9 FACT HAVE BE5 A REBEL BUT HIS REBELLION WASN'T ONE ,I UND]/OOD2 HIS LIFE'S PROJECT WASN'T M9E4 ,I HAD NEV] KN[N ,RON4 ,AS ,I WALK$ HOME SOBB+ ,I KNEW ,I'D NEV] USE ?OSE NOTES ,I HAD SCRIBBL$ AB\T HIM4 ,HE WAS AS \T ( PLACE 9 MY LIFE'S PROJECT AS ,I WAS 9 HIS4 

,I LE>N$ LONG AFT] ! EV5T ?AT ,TOM ,MAT!WS HAD NOT 9 FACT L5T ,RON ! KEYS TO ! C>2 ,RON HAD TAK5 !M FROM HIS FA!R'S PANTS POCKET4 ,AFT] ! COLLISION1 :5 HE HAD RU%$ 9TO ! C> & GRABB$ ! KEYS1 ,RON HAD ALREADY PLANN$ A /RATEGY1 :I* SUCCE$$ UP TO A PO9T4 ,HE & ,SAB9A RODE TWO BICYCLES /RAI<T \T ( A LUXURI\S G>AGE & RU%$ TO ,RON'S H\SE AFT] !Y'D CONV9C$ !MSELVES ,I W\LDN'T GO ALONG4 ,RON SLIPP$ ! KEYS BACK 9TO ,TOM'S PANTS POCKET4 ,9 ! MORN+ ,RON & ,SAB9A JO9$ ,TOM & ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS AT BREAKFA/4 ,RON 9TRODUC$ ,SAB9A & ,TOM WAS EXTREMELY FRI5DLY T[>D H] S9CE HE TOOK H] TO BE ! 0BROAD0 HE HAD ALMO/ %OT4 ,!N ,RON E/ABLI%$ HIS ALIBI4 0,HOPE WE DIDN'T WAKE Y\ :5 WE CAME 9 AT ONE4 ,SURE WAS A QUIET NI<T2 NO FIRE 5G9ES OR ANY?+40 ,HE HOP$ !Y HADN'T BE5 AWAKE AT ONE & ?AT !RE HAD 9 FACT BE5 NO NE>BY FIRES4 ,HE HAD GUESS$ CORRECTLY1 & HAD ALMO/ C>RI$ \T HIS /RATEGY4 ,MAT!WS PR$ICTABLY RETURN$ TO ! H\SE RI<T AFT] HE'D LEFT4 0,! C>'S GONE60 ,?AT'S :5 ,RON ALMO/ RU9$ HIS :OLE PLAN4 0,JESUS ,*RI/ ?AT'S T]RIBLE1 POP6 ,WE \<T TO CALL ! POLICE RI<T AWAY60 ,HIS CONC]N WAS SO EXCESSIVE & SO UN*>ACT]I/IC ?AT ,TOM BECAME SUSPICI\S IMM$IATELY & GRADUALLY CONV9C$ HIMSELF IT WAS ,RON :O HAD WRECK$ ! C>4 ,*>ACT]I/ICALLY ,RON W\LD HAVE SAID1 0,:AT ! HELL DID Y\ EXPECT80 OR 0,IT WAS B\ND TO HAPP5 SOON] OR LAT]40 ,TO EXPRESS CONC]N HE W\LD AT MO/ HAVE SAID1 0,OH %IT60 ,MAT!WS' SUSPICIONS W]E CONFIRM$ BY ! POLICE 9VE/IGATORS1 :O 9SI/$ ! ?IEF MU/ HAVE HAD A KEY S9CE !RE WAS NO SIGN ! C> HAD BE5 BROK5 9TO4 ,NONE ( ?IS PROV$ ,RON HAD /OL5 IT S9CE MANY C> ?IEVES HAVE UNIV]SAL KEYS & ! POLICE DON'T ALWAYS FIGURE \T JU/ H[ A C> IS /OL54 ,DEBBIE WAS UN%AKABLY CONV9C$ ?AT ,RON WAS 9NOC5T2 %E FIRMLY BELIEV$ ,RON HAD COME HOME AT ONE & HAD SP5T A QUIET NI<T ) ,SAB9A4 ,BUT ,TOM WAS FIRMLY CONV9C$ ,RON HAD /OL5 & WRECK$ HIS C>4 ,HE KNEW HE C\LDN'T PROVE ANY?+2 HIS ANG] SIMM]$ = OV] A YE>1 :5 HE F9ALLY F\ND A BIZ>RE WAY TO GET EV5 ) HIS HAT$ SON4 

,?IS EPISODE CO9CID$ ) AN UPRO> ?AT TOOK PLACE AT MY H\SE1 AB\T :I* ,I KN[ NO?+ AT ALL1 /RANGE AS ?IS MAY SEEM4 ,A FEW NI<TS AFT] ! C> WRECK1 :5 ,I RETURN$ TO MY H\SE FROM A LONELY WALK1 ,I F\ND ,SAB9A & ,ALB]TS PACK+ SUITCASES4 ,I ASK$ :AT WAS GO+ ON BUT NEI!R ( !M W\LD SAY A WORD TO ME4 ,I CONCLUD$ ?AT MY BEHAVIOR AFT] ! C> WRECK WAS AT ! ROOT ( IT & ,I BECAME HY/]ICAL4 ,I GRABB$ ,SAB9A1 %OOK H] & SCREE*$ AT H]3 0,IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE C[>DS ?AT Y\'RE LEAV+ US6 ,Y\'RE NOT A C[>D6 ,Y\ WANT$ TO GET US ALL KILL$60 ,SAB9A %OOK H]SELF LOOSE & TURN$ TO ME ) A LOOK ( FI]CE HATR$1 SAY+ ONLY1 0,M9D Y\R [N BUS9ESS4 ,SOPHIA60 ,I RAN TO MY ROOM & BAWL$4 ,!Y SLAMM$ ! DOOR :5 !Y LEFT4 ,:5 ,LUISA CAME 9 SEV]AL H\RS LAT] ,I WAS /ILL BAWL+4 ,%E MU/ HAVE HE>D ME BUT %E W5T /RAI<T TO H] ROOM & CLOS$ ! DOOR ,IRAN TO H] ROOM & ?REW ! DOOR OP54 ,I C\LD SEE %E HAD BE5 CRY+ TOO4 0,:AT'S ! MATT] ) Y\80 ,I SCREE*$4 0,GO TO B$1 ,SOPHIA2 ?IS HAS NO?+ TO DO ) Y\10 WAS ALL %E SAID1 & ?AT'S ALL ,I EV] LE>N$ AB\T :AT HAD HAPP5$4 ,I NEV] SAW ,ALB]TS AGA94 ,HE & ,SAB9A MOV$ 9TO ANO!R H\SE1 NOT F> FROM \RS4 ,I LAT] LE>N$ ?AT ,RON MOV$ 9 ) !M4 ',HIS FA!R'S SUSPICIONS HAD MADE ,RON FEEL UNSAFE 9 HIS [N H\SE4 ,?IS P]MAN5T DEP>TURE OBVI\SLY TURN$ HIS FA!R'S SUSPICION 9TO C]TA9TY4 ,RON NO LONG] CAME TO VISIT \R H\SE4 ,= A %ORT TIME ,I HAD GLIMPSES ( HIM 9 S*OOL1 BUT ,I AVOID$ HIM4 ,:5 HIS MO!R WAS FIR$ HE QUIT S*OOL & ,I NO LONG] SAW HIM !RE EI!R4 

,LUISA & ,I W]E ALONE & ,I HAT$ IT4 ,I HAT$ BE+ :]E ,I WAS4 ,I HAD BECOME NO?+ & HAD DONE NO?+4 ,ALL ,I C\LD SEE AHEAD ( ME WAS AN 5DLESS DES]T & AN 9N] VOID4 ,I %UFFL$ TO S*OOL & BACK AS 9DIFF]5TLY1 AS ME*ANICALLY AS ,I HAD DUR+ MY FIR/ DAYS H]E4 ,BUT ,I NO LONG] TOOK NOTES & ,I NO LONG] LOOK$ = PEOPLE :O RESEMBL$ ?OSE ,I HAD ONCE KN[N4 ,I DON'T KN[ H[ FAIR IT IS TO PUT IT ?IS WAY2 ,I BECAME :AT Y\R LETT] SEEMS TO ADVOCATE4 ,I LO/ MY ILLUSIONS4 ,I /OPP$ TRY+ TO 9T]PRET MY EXP]I5CE1 TO COMP>E IT1 TO GRASP ITS MEAN+4 ,I SIMPLY UND]W5T A MEAN+LESS R\T9E PASSIVELY & 9DIFF]5TLY4 ,I BECAME AN OBJECT4 ,MY PRES5T FRI5DS TELL ME ,I /ILL FREQU5TLY LAPSE 9TO ! POSE ,I ACQUIR$ DUR+ ?OSE DAYS3 ,I /OP PAY+ ATT5TION1 />E BLANKLY & MOVE LIKE A ROBOT2 !Y FLATT]+LY ASSUME ,I'M LO/ 9 ?\<T BUT ,I'M NOT2 MY M9D IS A COMPLETE BLANK4 ,I DON'T UND]/& Y\R LETT] BECAUSE = ME ?OSE MOM5TS )\T ILLUSIONS >E NOT MOM5TS :5 ,I EXP]I5CE REALITY4 ,!Y'RE MOM5TS :5 ,I DON'T EXP]I5CE ANY?+ AT ALL1 MOM5TS :I* ,I IMAG9E >E V]Y SIMIL> TO DEA?4 

,MY ONLY CRUT* DUR+ ?OSE LA/ MON?S 9 HI< S*OOL WAS ,LUISA4 ,%E NEV] AB&ON$ H] DREAMS1 %E NEV] LET H]SELF BE R$UC$ TO AN 9]T ?+4 ,IF %E SOMETIMES BECAME DESP]ATE IT WASN'T BECAUSE %E LO/ H] GRIP ON H] PA/ BUT BECAUSE ! PRES5T FAIL$ TO LIVE UP TO IT4 

,I LEAN$ ON ,LUISA AGA9 AFT] ,I READ Y\R LETT]4 ,YES1 ,I %[$ H] Y\R LETT]1 9 SPITE ( ALL ! PA9 IT CAUS$ ME & 9 SPITE ( Y\R W>N+4 ,IT WAS 9 FACT ,LUISA :O =MULAT$ MY >GUM5TS AGA9/ Y\R PHILOSOPHY ( UNIV]SAL GUILT4 ,IF ,I HADN'T %>$ Y\R LETT] ) H] ,I W\LDN'T HAVE BE5 ABLE TO ANSW] IT4 ,I W\LD ONLY HAVE CRI$ UNTIL IT REC$$ 9 MY MEMORY AS YET ANO!R BAD EXP]I5CE1 UNTIL ,I SUPPRESS$ IT4 

,I CALL$ ,LUISA A FEW DAYS AFT] Y\R LETT] CAME4 ,I TRI$ TO W>N H] BE=E %E READ IT4 ,I TOLD H] Y\ HAD *ANG$ V]Y MU* AS A RESULT ( Y\R IMPRISONM5T4 ,%E C\LD ALSO READ ON MY FACE ?AT ,I HADN'T RECEIV$ A JOYFUL LETT]4 ,BUT %E DIDN'T READ IT AS ,I HAD4 ,%E DIDN'T CRY2 %E WASN'T TORN BY IT4 ,%E BECAME 9CREAS+LY 5RAG$4 ,Y\ W]E WRONG AB\T ! EFFECT Y\R LETT] MI<T HAVE ON H]2 Y\R REVIS$ PORTRAIT ( H] CAN'T BE MORE ACCURATE ?AN ! ONE Y\'VE SUPPRESS$4 

,LUISA DIDN'T READ Y\R LETT] AS AN ATTACK AIM$ AT H]1 BUT AS A CONFESSION AB\T Y\RSELF4 0,HE C]TA9LY HAS *ANG$10 %E SAID4 0,!SE >5'T ! >GUM5TS ( A COMRADE :O IS /ILL COMMITT$ TO ! /RUGGLE4 ,!Y'RE ! >GUM5TS ( A =M] COMRADE :O HAS BECOME A REACTION>Y4 ,HE'S CONFESS+ ?AT HE N[ ?9KS ! /RUGGLE WAS NO?+ BUT A TRICK ( HIS MEMORY & A Y\?FUL ILLUSION40 

,EV5 IF ,LUISA DIDN'T SEE Y\R LETT] AS AN ATTACK1 %E MU/ HAVE FELT ATTACK$ BY IT S9CE ALL H] REACTIONS TO IT W]E DEF5SIVE4 ,I LAT*$ ON TO EV]Y ONE ( H] DEF5SIVE REACTIONS BECAUSE %E WAS DEF5D+ ME AS WELL4 ,%E DISMISS$ Y\R TREATM5T ( \R REVOLUTION>Y EXP]I5CE AS ILLUSORY3 0,?AT'S NO?+ BUT A ?9LY DISGUIS$ JU/IFICATION = ! /ATUS QUO3 ! PRES5T IS REAL2 OPPOSITION TO IT IS ILLUSORY40 ,%E REM9D$ ME ?AT %E HAD SPOTT$ ONE ( Y\R *>ACT]I/IC >GUM5TS ALREADY 9 Y\R FIR/ LETT]3 0,?AT ,*RI/IAN PROPOSITION ?AT WE'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE = \R [N CONDITION1 ?AT S]FS >E RESPONSIBLE = FEUDALISM & WORK]S = CAPITALISM4 ,HE TALKS AS IF HI/ORICAL SY/EMS IMPOS$ ON PEOPLE BY =CE W]E ! \TCOME ( !IR /RUGGLES AGA9/ !M40 ,%E DIDN'T EV5 COMM5T ON Y\R DESCRIPTIONS ( H] PA/ EXP]I5CES & SIMPLY DISMISS$ ALL ( !M AS REACTION>Y >GUM5TS BOL/]$ BY FABRICAT$ FACTS4 0,HE OBVI\SLY DIDN'T MEET ANY ,MANUEL :ILE HE WAS 9 PRISON4 ,MANUEL IS NO?+ BUT A NAME HE GAVE TO HIS REACTION>Y >GUM5TS4 ,9 HIS NEXT LETT] HE'LL TELL US HE MET ,JESUS 9 PRISON4 ,Y>O/AN HAD A H>D LIFE4 ,HAV5'T WE ALL8 ,BUT NOT ALL ( US HAVE US$ ?AT AS AN EXCUSE = D5Y+ \R EXP]I5CES & TURN+ \R BACKS ON \R COMRADES40 

,I DIDN'T READ Y\R LETT] AS ! CONFESSIONS ( AN 9SURG5T :O HAD TURN$ REACTION>Y4 ,I KNEW Y\ HADN'T R5\NC$ \R /RUGGLE = A HUMAN COMMUNITY2 ,I KNEW Y\ HADN'T TURN$ AGA9/ ! DREAMS WE HAD %>$4 ,?AT'S :Y ,I WAS SO HURT BY Y\R LETT]4 ,BUT ,LUISA NEV]!LESS COMMUNICAT$ H] ANG] TO ME & 9 FACT /IMULAT$ ME TO =MULATE >GUM5TS AGA9/ ! P>TS ( Y\R LETT] ,I F\ND (F5SIVE4 ,! MO/ (F5SIVE >E PRECISELY ! SECTIONS :I* DEAL ) ,LUISA1 ! SECTIONS :I* CONTRA/ H] SUPPOS$ ILLUSIONS ) SOME SUPPOS$ REALITY4 ,I'M CONV9C$ ?AT 9 ?OSE PASSAGES Y\ SIMPLY DON'T KN[ :AT Y\'RE TALK+ AB\T4 

,LUISA'S EXP]I5CES AFT] H] RELEASE W]E NO MORE $IFY+ ?AN M9E4 ,! REALITY TO :I* %E CAME WAS NOT MORE REAL1 MEAN+FUL OR HUMAN ?AN :AT Y\ CALL H] ILLUSORY PA/ EXP]I5CES4 ,! %$D+ ( ILLUSIONS :I* Y\ SEEM TO ADVOCATE W\LD NOT HAVE SET ,LUISA ON H] FEET4 ,)\T ?OSE DREAMS BAS$ ON PA/ EXP]I5CES %E W\LD SIMPLY HAVE BE5 A CAG$ BIRD )\T HOPE ( RELEASE1 AS Y\ DESCRIB$ ,VESNA4 ,! ONLY MY/]Y TO ME IS :Y %E EV] CONS5T$ TO COM+ H]E1 :Y %E LET ,ALB]TS TAKE H] AWAY FROM H] /RUGGLE & H] COMRADES4 ,DID %E ACTUALLY HOPE TO F9D A MORE MEAN+FUL /RUGGLE H]E8 ,OR WAS ,SAB9A'S EXPLANATION COMPLETE8 ,DID ,LUISA CONS5T TO ?AT FLI<T ONLY BECAUSE ( C[>DICE1 BECAUSE %E FE>$ LONG IMPRISONM5T8 ,IF SO1 %E MADE A TRAGIC MI/AKE2 %E ESCAP$ FROM A CELL ONLY TO L& 9 A TOMB4 ,%E L&$ 9 AN 5VIRONM5T :]E %E P]MAN5TLY REMA9$ A =EIGN]1 AN 5VIRONM5T ?AT DID NOT CONTA9 MORE MEAN+FUL /RUGGLES NOR MORE HUMAN COMRADES4 ,:AT'S SURPRIS+ IS NOT ?AT %E FROZE H] MEMORIES ( E>LI] EXP]I5CES1 BUT ?AT %E RETA9$ !M AT ALL2 H] NEW WORLD DIDN'T CONTA9 ANY?+ ?AT REM9D$ H] ( ?OSE EXP]I5CES4 ,AFT] A LIFETIME ( AGITATION ) FELL[ WORK]S1 AFT] ! EXP]I5CE ( SEV]AL SOCIAL DRAMAS 9 :I* ! F\NDATION ( ! RUL+ ORD] WAS %AK51 %E F\ND H]SELF 9 A WORLD :]E ! RUL+ ORD] HAD NEV] EV5 BE5 *ALL5G$4 

,LUISA GOT A JOB %ORTLY AFT] ,ALB]TS & ,SAB9A LEFT \R H\SE4 ,%E />T$ WORK+ ON AN ASSEMBLY L9E 9 AN AUTO PLANT4 ,%E /ILL HAS ! SAME JOB TODAY4 ,FROM ! V]Y FIR/ DAY %E TRI$ TO COMMUNICATE ) ! PEOPLE AT WORK4 ,%E MET PEOPLE :O W]E EXP]TS 9 WAT*+ BASEBALL GAMES1 PEOPLE :O HAD MEMORIZ$ UNBELIEVABLE LI/S ( TRIVIA FROM ! SPORTS PAGES ( NEWSPAP]S1 PEOPLE :O KNEW NO?+ AT ALL AB\T ! EV5TS %E HAD EXP]I5C$4 ,!Y W]E NOT ONLY IGNORANT ( ALL ! /RUGGLES 9 :I* WORK]S HAD F\<T = !MSELVES1 BUT PR\D ( !IR IGNORANCE4 ,!Y W]E WORK]S :O HAD BECOME :AT !Y >E = CAPITAL3 LABOR TIME1 ! EX*ANGEABLE & EXP5DABLE 5TITY Y\ COMP>$ TO EXCREM5T4 ,!Y W]E DEAD AS HUMAN BE+S4 ,LUISA'S HOPES ROSE :5 %E WAS ACCEPT$ 9TO ! UNION4 ,%E C\LDN'T WAIT TO ATT5D H] FIR/ UNION MEET+4 ,%E ?\<T %E'D F9D A COMRADE1 P]HAPS EV5 MORE ?AN ONE4 ,9/EAD ( COMRADES %E F\ND COMIC BOOK HE-M5 :OSE MODEL WAS ! UNI=M$ KILL] 9 ! W>-H]O MOVIES4 ,A FRI5D ( M9E -- ,DAMAN 7,I'LL TELL Y\ MORE AB\T HIM LAT]7 -- CLAIMS ?AT ! PO/W> G5]ATION ( WORK]S ,LUISA MET :5 %E />T$ WORK+ WAS EV]Y BIT AS MILITANT AS EV]Y O!R G5]ATION4 ,IF HE'S RI<T1 !N WORK]S H]E >E A DIFF]5T BRE$ FROM ?OSE ,I US$ TO KN[ OR ELSE :AT HE MEANS BY MILITANCY IS V]Y /RANGE4 ,9 ANY CASE1 ,DAMAN D]IVES HIS FACTS FROM HIS POLITICAL IDEOLOGY4 ,! WORK]S ,LUISA MET ASPIR$ PRECISELY TO ?OSE ?+S CAPITAL (F]$ !M3 ! H\SE FILL$ ) COMMODITIES1 ! GROTESQUE HUNK ( METAL ON :EELS ?AT HAS TO BE REPLAC$ EV]Y YE>1 ! /&>DIZ$ UNIV]SAL H\SEHOLD APPLIANCE KN[N AS A WIFE1 & TWO & A HALF LITTLE ONES TO REPL5I% ! LABOR M>KET4 ,! POLITICAL COMMITM5T ( !SE WORK]S CONSI/$ ( ADMIRATION = ! >MY & ! POLICE3 !IR MA9 POLITICAL OBS]VATION WAS3 0,WE'LL SMA% !M10 & BY 0WE0 !Y MEANT 0\R >MY & \R POLICE40 ,NEV] BE=E HAVE WORK]S BE5 SO COMPLETELY DESPOIL$ ( !IR HUMAN *>ACT]I/ICS4 ,! UNION MEET+S ,LUISA ATT5D$ C\LDN'T HAVE BE5 V]Y DIFF]5T FROM ?OSE ( ! /ATE-RUN UNION Y\'VE BECOME FAMILI> )4 ,ONLY A H&FUL ( WORK]S ATT5D$1 ALL ( !M M54 ,!SE M5 HAD NEV] DREAM$ ( MEET+ ) EA* O!R TO DISCUSS /RATEGIES = TAK+ OV] ! PLANTS4 ,!Y DIDN'T EV5 DISCUSS /RATEGIES = ELIM9AT+ HEAL? & SAFETY HAZ>DS OR = SL[+ D[N ! PACE ( ! WORK4 ,! FACT IS ?AT !Y DIDN'T EV5 HAVE /RATEGIES = FI<T+ = WAGE RAISES4 ,?IS WAS ! ROLE ( ! GANGS ( RACKETE]S :O CAPITALIZ$ ON ! PRICE ( WAGE LABOR4 ,AT ONE MEET+ ! UNION MEMB]S DISCUSS$ A PICNIC1 A ,SUNDAY \T+ :I* WAS ALSO TO BE ATT5D$ BY ! WIVES & ! *ILDR54 ,:AT !Y DISCUSS$ WAS :O W\LD BR+ ! PUN* & ! SILV]W>E4 ,= !SE M5 ! UNION MEET+ S]V$ ! SAME FUNCTION *UR* MEET+S S]V$ = O!RS4 ,LUISA WAS AS \T ( PLACE AT ! UNION MEET+ AS %E W\LD HAVE BE5 9 A M5'S TOILET4 ,SEV]AL M5 MADE CRUDE JOKES AB\T WOM52 ! BIGGE/ JOKE ( ALL WAS H] PRES5CE AT ! MEET+4 ,!SE UNION MEET+S W]E P>T ( :AT ,LUISA CALL$ ! WORK]S' MOVEM5T4 ,! M5 C\LD SEE NO REASON = ,LUISA'S PRES5CE AT ! MEET+ & ?\<T %E HAD GONE !RE 9 QUE/ ( A HE-MAN LIKE EA* ( !M4 ,! WORK]S' MOVEM5T WAS DEAD4 ,IF !RE HAD ONCE BE5 ONE H]E !N ?IS WAS ITS CORPSE & ! AIR W\LD HAVE /UNK LESS IF ! CORPSE HAD BE5 BURI$ 9/EAD ( BE+ LEFT EXPOS$2 IT HAD BECOME PUTRID4 

,:AT DID ,LUISA HAVE 9 ?IS WORLD EXCEPT :AT Y\ CALL H] ILLUSIONS8 ,IF %E HAD %$ ?OSE ILLUSIONS W\LD %E HAVE BE5 MORE LIKE ! ,LUISA Y\ REMEMB]$ & DISC>D$1 OR W\LD %E HAVE BE5 NO MORE ?AN ! DEFEAT$ WORK]S ON ?AT BUS Y\ DROVE8 ,%\LD %E HAVE ACCEPT$ H]SELF AS A WAGE-E>N+ MA*9E1 DECORAT$ H] H\SE1 B\<T A C>1 US$ UP H] LIFE EX*ANG+ IT = OBJECTS1 & =GOTT5 ?AT %E HAD ONCE EXP]I5C$ HUMAN LIFE AS SOME?+ ALTOGE!R DIFF]5T8 ,%E DID 9 FACT USE UP MO/ ( H] LIFE EX*ANG+ IT = A WAGE1 BUT %E DIDN'T ]ASE H] PA/ EXP]I5CES FROM H] MEMORY1 & %E DIDN'T /OP TRY+ TO REALIZE ! DREAMS %E HAD FAIL$ TO REALIZE 9 ! PA/4 ,9 TIME ,LUISA DID F9D COMRADES ) :OM %E WAS ABLE TO COMMUNICATE2 9 TIME %E EV5 TOOK P>T 9 EV5TS :I* HAD SOME SEMBLANCE ( SOCIAL SIGNIFICANCE1 :I* 9 SOME SMALL WAY RESEMBL$ ! L>GE EV5TS %E HAD EXP]I5C$ 9 ! PA/4 ,)\T H] DREAMS1 )\T ?OSE ILLUSIONS Y\ N[ F9D SO OBJECTIONABLE1 %E W\LDN'T HAVE LOOK$ = COMRADES :O DIFF]$ FROM ! PR(ESSIONAL ADMIR]S ( BASEBALL PIT*]S & %E W\LDN'T HAVE RECOGNIZ$ !M IF %E HAD MET !M4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT IF ,LUISA HAD FOLL[$ Y\R ADVICE & %$ H] ILLUSIONS %E W\LD HAVE CONFRONT$ ! SAME HOPELESS SITUATION Y\ FAC$ DUR+ ! DAYS AFT] Y\R RELEASE4 ,IF %E'D HAD TO *OOSE BETWE5 GIV+ UP ! DREAMS = :I* %E HAD F\<T OR COMMITT+ SUICIDE ,I SUSPECT %E W\LD ULTIMATELY HAVE *OS5 SUICIDE1 9 SPITE ( ! C[>DICE ,SAB9A TAKES TO BE ,LUISA'S MA9 QUALITY4 ,TURN+ H] BACK ON EV]Y?+ %E HAD F\<T = & YET REMA9+ ALIVE AS A M]E QUANTITY ( LABOR-TIME EX*ANGEABLE = MONEY W\LD HAVE MEANT REMA9+ ALIVE AS A CORPSE1 AN 5TITY ?AT NO LONG] HAS ANY LIFE 9 IT4 

,! ONLY ONE ( US :O LIV$ UP TO ! /&>DS Y\R LETT] SETS UP IS ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS4 ,HE %$ ALL HIS ILLUSIONS4 ,BUT ,I DON'T REALLY ?9K Y\ W\LD HOLD HIM UP AS ANY SORT ( MODEL 9 SPITE ( ! FACT ?AT Y\ MI<T FEEL APOLOGETIC BECAUSE Y\ W]E ONCE SUSPICI\S ( HIM4 ,I CAN'T SAY :5 IT WAS ?AT ,ALB]TS SUPPRESS$ HIS DREAMS OR IF HE EV] HAD ANY4 ,I WAS NEV] CLOSE TO HIM4 ,I DON'T KN[ H[ DEEP HIS COMMITM5T WAS :5 HE F\<T ALONGSIDE ,NA*ALO1 ,LUISA & ,TITUS ,ZABRAN2 ,I ONLY KN[ ?AT HE & ,TITUS HELP$ ,LUISA ESCAPE FROM ?AT /RUGGLE :5 ,I WAS ONLY TWO4 ,TWELVE YE>S LAT] HE HELP$ ,LUISA ESCAPE AGA91 PULL+ ME AWAY FROM Y\4 ,& ,I KN[ ?AT HE HAD NEI!R DREAMS NOR ILLUSIONS :5 WE SETTL$ H]E2 HE HAD NEI!R PR9CIPLES NOR SCRUPLES4 

,ALB]TS CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE BE5 ! UNSCRUPUL\S P]SON ,I KNEW1 S9CE ,LUISA RESPECT$ HIM ONCE & CONSID]$ HIM A COMRADE4 ,& ,SAB9A1 :O IS ANY?+ BUT UNCRITICAL1 US$ TO ADORE HIM2 %E CONSID]$ HIM A GOD1 NOT ONLY :5 %E WAS A *ILD1 BUT UNTIL H] LATE TE5S1 LONG AFT] %E HAD CEAS$ TO DEP5D ON HIM F9ANCIALLY4 ,YE>S AFT] %E & ,ALB]TS LEFT \R H\SE ,SAB9A MY/]I\SLY LEFT HIM2 %E HASN'T SE5 HIM S9CE4 ,I DON'T KN[ IF HE SUDD5LY *ANG$ OR IF ,SAB9A SUDD5LY SAW HIM AS ,I HAD ALWAYS SE5 HIM4 ,MO/ ( :AT ,I KN[ AB\T ,ALB]TS ,I LE>N$ DUR+ ! BRIEF P]IOD :5 HE LIV$ ) US AFT] WE GOT H]E4 ,HE TRANSPORT$ ,LUISA & ME LIKE C\NTRY RELATIVES1 LIKE BAGGAGE HE HAD LEFT BEH9D4 ,HE DISPOS$ ( US AS IF HE W]E ! ONE :O WAS RESPONSIBLE = \R LIVES4 ,HE LODG$ US 9 ! H\SE AS IF WE W]E FURNITURE OR EXOTIC ANIMALS4 ,HE WAS \R KEEP]2 HIS ROLE WAS TO H\SE1 CLO! & FE$ US4 ,\R ROLE WAS TO CEASE TO BE EXOTIC1 TO LE>N TO BEHAVE LIKE ! FURNITURE 9 ALL ! O!R LITTLE H\SES4 ,LUISA BECAME AW>E ( ! NATURE ( H] RELATION%IP TO HIM ALMO/ AS SOON AS WE GOT H]E4 ,!Y NEV] T\*$ EA* O!R2 ,I DON'T REMEMB] ?AT !Y EV] TALK$ TO EA* O!R4 ,I REALLY CAN'T IMAG9E H[ !Y HAD RELAT$ TO EA* O!R E>LI]4 

,AL?\< ,LUISA IS AS UNWILL+ TO TALK AB\T HIM AS ,SAB9A1 ,I ?9K ! REASON %E ASK$ HIM TO LEAVE \R H\SE IS ?AT %E KNEW :AT A DESPICABLE ROLE HE HAD PLAY$ 9 AN EV5T ,I ONLY LE>N$ AB\T YE>S LAT] & ONLY BY *ANCE4 ,ALB]TS HAD BEGUN HIS TEA*+ C>E] H]E DUR+ A P]IOD ( REACTION4 ,9DIVIDUALS :O W]E NONCON=MI/S1 OR :O HAD 9 ! PA/ DIV]G$ FROM ! (FICIAL MODEL1 W]E BE+ FIR$ FROM !IR JOBS4 ,\R C5TURY SEEMS TO HAVE \TRUN ALL PREVI\S EPO*S 9 HY/]ICAL WIT*HUNTS4 ,SUBV]SIVE TEA*]S W]E A *OICE T>GET = 9QUISITIONS4 ,9 MY S*OOL ONE RUMOR FOLL[$ ON ! TAIL ( ANO!R2 EV]Y TEA*] 9 ! S*OOL WAS AT ONE OR ANO!R TIME ACCUS$ ( BE+ A SUBV]SIVE4 ,I HAD KN[N ONLY ! \TCOME3 ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS & TWO O!RS-W]E FIR$2 ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS CONT9U$ TO TEA*4 ,YE>S LAT] ,I LE>N$ ?AT ,ALB]TS HAD BE5 ON FRI5DLY T]MS ) ! ?REE FIR$ TEA*]S2 HE HAD 9TRODUC$ HIMSELF TO !M1 CONT9UALLY 5GAG$ !M 9 DISCUSSIONS & ACT$ AS IF HE HAD BE5 !IR FRI5D = YE>S4 ,YET :5 ! (FICIAL 9QUISITION BEGAN HE *>ACT]IZ$ EA* ( !M 9 COLORFUL DETAIL & ) DOSSI]S ( DOCUM5TATION AS A P]SON :O HAD DAILY 9T]C\RSE ) ! DEVIL1 AS A PI$ PIP] :O WAS PULL+ S*OOL*ILDR5 /RAI<T D[N TO HELL4 ,HE BECAME A ,MR4 ,N9OVO1 A /ATE AG5T4 ,HE %$ ALL ?OSE QUALITIES Y\ CALL ILLUSIONS3 SOLID>ITY1 COMRADE%IP1 EV5 %E] DEC5CY4 ,HE ACTUALLY DID TO SEV]AL PEOPLE :AT Y\ SAY ,CLAUDE HAD ONCE WANT$ TO DO TO HIM1 ONLY ,CLAUDE FAIL$ :]E ,ALB]TS SUCCE$$4 

,Y\ TELL ME ,CLAUDE & ,ADRIAN W]E SUSPICI\S ( ,ALB]TS & !N Y\ BECAME SUSPICI\S TOO4 ,Y\ PRET5D ?AT SOME?+ WAS WRONG ) ! ?REE ( Y\ :ILE NO?+ AB\T ,ALB]TS WAS /RANGE4 ,Y\ EXAGG]ATE4 ,I WAS SUSPICI\S ( ,TITUS ,ZABRAN & ( ,ALB]TS AS WELL4 ,!Y W]E NOT AMONG ! PEOPLE ,I CONSID]$ MY COMRADES4 ,BUT ?IS DOESN'T MEAN ,I WANT$ TO JAIL !M6 ,I NEV] 9 MY LIFE DREAM$ ( A SITUATION :]E ,I'D HAVE ! P[] TO DO ?AT6 

,:ILE ,LUISA WAS READ+ Y\R LETT] %E MADE A CRUDE COMM5T AB\T Y\4 ,I DIDN'T CONSID] IT RELEVANT AT ! TIME BUT N[ ,I ?9K IT REVEALS SOME?+ ELSE AB\T ,ALB]TS4 ,%E SAID1 0,GEORGE CONSID]$ HIM A HOOLIGAN4 ,HE WAS RI<T4 ,Y>O/AN MOVES FROM ABSOLUTE DE/RUCTION TO ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE4 ,! TWO EXTREMES MEET BECAUSE HE'S MOV+ ALONG ! CIRCUMF]5CE ( A CIRCLE )\T EV] /EPP+ 9SIDE2 HE'S ALWAYS REJECT$ REAL /RUGGLES40 

,I DON'T ACCEPT ,LUISA'S ANALYSIS BECAUSE ,I DON'T ?9K Y\R LETT] 9DICATES ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE4 ,:AT 9T]E/S ME IS ?AT ,ALB]TS CONSID]$ Y\ A DE/RUCTIVE HOOLIGAN4 ,?AT'S REVEAL+ BECAUSE ?AT'S EXACTLY :AT \R JAIL]S CALL$ US4 ,Y\ ?9K ,CLAUDE HAD NO REASON AT ALL TO BE SUSPICI\S ( ,ALB]TS8 ,I D\BT ?AT4 ,I SUSPECT ?AT ,CLAUDE KNEW SOME?+ AB\T ,ALB]TS 9VOLVEM5T ) ?OSE :O >RE/$ US4 ,I SUSPECT ?AT ,ALB]TS WAS ALREADY !N SAV+ HIS SK9 BY RANT+ & RAV+ AB\T SUBV]SIVES & HOOLIGANS4 ,I SUSPECT ?AT ,ALB]TS HAD ALREADY !N %$ HIS ILLUSIONS & ACCOMMODAT$ HIMSELF TO ! REALITIES4 ,W\LD Y\ LIKE ,LUISA BETT] IF %E HAD DONE ?AT8 ,I SUSPECT NOT1 S9CE Y\R PORTRAITS ( ,MR4 ,N9OVO >E NOT DRAWN ) ANY GREAT SYMPA?Y = ?AT TYPE ( P]SON4 

,EV5 IF Y\'RE RI<T1 IF ,CLAUDE'S SUSPICION WAS GR\NDLESS1 IF ,ALB]TS WAS AT ?AT TIME SELFLESSLY DEVOT$ TO HIS COMRADES1 :AT W\LD ?IS PROVE8 ,?AT ,CLAUDE'S & Y\R SUSPICION ( ,ALB]TS 9DICATE A M5TALITY SIMIL> TO ?AT ( ! POLICE8 ,?AT'S RIDICUL\S6 ,MY LACK ( TRU/ 9 SOMEONE SIMPLY MEANT ,I PREF]R$ NOT TO WORK ) HIM4 ,IT C\LDN'T POSSIBLY MEAN ?AT ,I WANT$ HIM JAIL$ S9CE MY 5TIRE LIFE'S PROJECT AIM$ AT ! ABOLITION ( JAILS & JAIL]S4 ,\R PROJECT WAS TO COMMUNICATE1 NOT EXCOMMUNICATE4 

,BY ?IS PO9T ,I'VE CONV9C$ MYSELF ?AT Y\ DIDN'T MEAN HALF ( :AT Y\ SAID 9 Y\R LETT]4 ,!RE >E TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS4 ,Y\ MU/ HAVE LET Y\RSELF BE C>RI$ AWAY BY Y\R [N RHETORIC4 ,! ONLY P]SON ,I KN[ :O SEEMS TO HAVE LIV$ UP TO Y\R DEM& ?AT WE %$ \R ILLUSIONS IS ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS1 & HE'S OBVI\SLY NOT Y\R MODEL ( A FULLY DEVELOP$ HUMAN BE+4 ,EV5 IF HE W]E1 NEI!R ,LUISA NOR ,I C\LD HAVE FOLL[$ ,ALB]TS' PA?2 NEI!R %E NOR ,I C\LD HAVE SAV$ \R SK9S BY SELL+ OR REPRESS+ \R 9SIDES4 ,:Y W\LD Y\ HAVE WRITT5 ME 9 ! FIR/ PLACE IF Y\ HAD ?\<T ,I HAD SUPPRESS$ MY WANTS & HAD BECOME A COMMODITY ?AT WALKS & SPEAKS8 

,ISN'T IT 5\< ?AT ! WORLD ,I LIVE 9 MOBILIZES ALL ITS =CES TO SUPPRESS MY WANTS & DREAMS8 ,:Y %\LD ,I LET MY [N WILL BE RECRUIT$ ALONGSIDE ?OSE =CES8 ,:Y %\LD ,I LET MYSELF BECOME A M]E FUNCTION ( MY 5VIRONM5T8 ,& :Y W\LD Y\ WANT TO EX*ANGE LETT]S ) SU* A FUNCTION8 ,! FUNCTIONS >E AS PR$ICTABLE AS !Y >E DULL4 ,%$D+ \R ILLUSIONS1 REPRESS+ \R WANTS1 =GETT+ \R POSSIBILITIES3 !SE >E ! SLOGANS ( ! RUL+ ORD]2 COM+ FROM Y\ !Y S\ND BIZ>RE4 

,I BECAME A FUNCTION AGA9 A FEW WEEKS AGO4 ,AFT] ALL1 SELF-REPRESSION1 EV5 IF ONLY TEMPOR>Y1 IS /ILL ! CONDITION = SURVIVAL 9 ?IS SOCIETY4 ,YET ,I DON'T COMPLETELY REPRESS MY DESIRES EV5 :5 MY SURVIVAL DEP5DS ON IT4 ,9 MY FIR/ LETT] ,I TOLD Y\ H[ ,I LO/ MY LA/ JOB1 DUR+ LA/ YE>'S RIOTS4 ,I 5JOY$ BE+ UNEMPLOY$ S9CE !N BUT ,I DON'T WANT ,T9A TO SUPPORT ME SO ,I SOLD MYSELF AGA94 ,DAMAN ,HESP]1 A COLLEGE FRI5D :O IS N[ A UNIV]SITY PR(ESSOR1 TOLD ME AB\T AN OP5+ = SOME?+ CALL$ A SOCIOLOGY 9/RUCTOR 9 SOME?+ CALL$ A COMMUNITY COLLEGE4 ,MY JOB !RE IS TO LECTURE TO WORK]S ?REE EV5+S A WEEK4 ,! :OLE ?+ IS DESIGN$ TO GIVE SOME PEOPLE ! ILLUSION !Y'RE MOV+ :ILE 9 FACT !Y'RE /&+ /ILL2 IT'S LIKE A SIMULAT$ RAILWAY C> :]E ! MOV+ SC5]Y IS ACTUALLY A PROJECTION ON A SCRE54 ,FIR/ ( ALL ,I'VE NO IDEA :AT SOCIOLOGY IS & ,I'M CONV9C$ IT'S NO?+ MORE ?AN A JOB CLASSIFICATION3 SOMEONE IS A SOCIOLOGI/ ! SAME WAY SOMEONE IS A DIRECTOR OR A SECRET>Y4 ,SECONDLY ! COMMUNITY COLLEGE DES]VES EV]Y ATTRIBUTE EXCEPT 0COMMUNITY10 :I* IS NOT M]ELY LACK+1 BUT IS NEGAT$ BY ?IS V]Y 9/ITUTION4 ,?IRDLY ! WORK]S :O ATT5D MY C\RSE >E PRECISELY ?OSE WORK]S :OSE AIM 9 LIFE IS TO OPPRESS O!R WORK]S4 ,9 FACT1 ! SOLE PURPOSE ( ?IS ACTIVITY EUPHEMI/ICALLY CALL$ ADULT $UCATION IS TO PROVIDE CR$5TIALS TO ASPIR+ =EM51 UNION BOSSES & EV5 MANAG]S4 ,! ROLE ( ! CR$5TIALS IS TO GIVE !SE PEOPLE AN APPE>ANCE ( LEGITIMACY AS ORD]-GIV]S4 ,! /UD5TS EXP]I5CE !SE EV5+ C\RSES AS ONE ( ,H]CULES' LABORS3 ?IS IS ONE ( ! MANY >BITR>Y RITES :I* >E P]=M$ AS P>T ( ! 9ITIATION TO A HI<] RUNG ON AN 5DLESS LADD]4 ,F\R?LY ,I DON'T GIVE ANY LECTURES4 ,?AT'S MY [N 9NOVATION4 ,! FIR/ DAY ,I SIMPLY SAT D[N & WAIT$1 LIKE EV]YONE ELSE4 ,:5 ONE ( ! /UD5TS GOT UP TO LEAVE ,I ASK$ HIM IF HE'D /AY IF SOMEONE 9 ! ROOM TURN$ \T TO BE ! 9/RUCTOR4 ,HE DIDN'T ANSW] BUT HE /AY$4 ,I WAS ( C\RSE SUSPECT NUMB] ONE4 ,SOMEONE ELSE !N GOT UP TO LEAVE4 ,HE WAS QUITE DET]M9$ & QUITE ANGRY4 ,HE SAID HE WAS GO+ HOME S9CE ! TEA*]1 EV5 ,IF PRES5T1 OBVI\SLY WASN'T DO+ H] JOB4 ,I SUGGE/$ ?AT 9/EAD ( GO+ HOME HE %\LD REPORT SU* A TEA*] TO ! S*OOL AU?ORITIES1 S9CE HE HAD PAID HIS FEE & WASN'T GETT+ ANY?+ 9 RETURN4 ,EV]YONE SEEM$ TO AGREE SO ,I ADD$3 0,:5EV] Y\ SEE SOMEONE :O ISN'T DO+ HIS JOB Y\ %\LD REPORT HIM TO ! AU?ORITIES40 ,AT ?IS PO9T HE LO/ HIS DET]M9ATION & RETURN$ TO HIS SEAT4 ,( C\RSE AT ?IS PO9T ,I HAD GIV5 MYSELF AWAY4 ,I WAS ASK$ IF ,I 9T5D$ TO CONT9UE NOT DO+ MY JOB & ,I SAID ,I DID4 ,AN >GUM5T BEGAN4 ,SOME DIDN'T LIKE TO BE *EAT$2 :5 !Y DROP A CO9 9TO A CIG>ETTE MA*9E !Y WANT EI!R ! CIG>ETTES OR ! CO9 RETURN$4 ,O!RS DIDN'T ?9K IT WAS RI<T TO BE 9=M]S4 ,! >GUM5T CONT9U$ = HALF AN H\R AFT] ! CLASS WAS S*$UL$ TO 5D4 ,IT WAS ,I :O GOT UP & PUT ON MY COAT4 ,I WAS ASK$ IF ,I'D BE !RE AGA9 NEXT TIME & ,I SAID ,I W\LD4 ,I %\LD PROBABLY HAVE SAID ,I DIDN'T KN[4 ,EV]Y S+LE /UD5T RETURN$ = ! NEXT SESSION4 ,!Y TALK$ ALMO/ EXCLUSIVELY TO EA* O!R DUR+ ! 5TIRE SESSION4 ,YET IF !Y HAD KN[N ,I WASN'T GO+ TO BE !RE NONE ( !M W\LD HAVE COME BACK4 ,ISN'T ?AT FUNNY8 ,IF DOGS W]E (FICIALLY C]TIFI$ AS SOCIOLOGY 9/RUCTORS A ROOMFUL ( PEOPLE SUPPLI$ ) ! RI<T DOG W\LD QUALIFY AS A SOCIOLOGY CLASS4 ,YET SOME ( MY SO-CALL$ COLLEAGUES ?9K ! /UD5TS COME TO BE 5NOBL$ BY ! PRECI\S WORDS :I* DROP LIKE DIAMONDS FROM !IR M\?S4 ,DUR+ AN >GUM5T AB\T SABOTAGE -- MO/LY AB\T H[ TO /OP IT1 UN=TUNATELY -- ONE ( ! /UD5TS TRIUMPHANTLY %\T$1 0,BUT ?IS IS SOCIOLOGY1 = *RISSAKE6 ,I NEV] KNEW IT WAS SO 9T]E/+40 ,EV]YONE SEEM$ TO AGREE ) ?AT COMM5T EXCEPT ME1 AL?\< ,I *>ACT]I/ICALLY SAID NO?+4 ,I DISAGRE$ BECAUSE IT WASN'T SOCIO-ANY?+2 IT WAS PURE TIME-S]V+ = ! SAKE ( FUTURE REW>DS4 ,MY REMUN]ATION IS IMM$IATE1 !IRS IS DEF]R$2 ! SLOGAN ?AT DESCRIBES ! ACTIVITY 9 ITS 5TIRETY IS 0$UCATION PAYS40 ,IF EV]YONE AGRE$ ?AT !SE SESSIONS W]E 9T]E/+ Y\ CAN IMAG9E :AT ! O!R C\RSES >E LIKE1 ! ONES :]E LECTUR]S IMP>T WISDOM TO IGNORANT & ATT5TIVE LI/5]S4 ,! FACT IS ?AT ! SESSIONS >E NOT 9T]E/+4 ,! LANGUAGE1 ! CONCEPTS & EV5 ! EXP]I5CES ?AT >E DISCUSS$ >E H>DLY EV] AN 9DIVIDUAL'S [N2 !Y'RE ALMO/ ALWAYS ! /OCK T]MS1 ! TRIVIAL IDEAS & ! /]EOTYP$ EXP]I5CES REPEAT$ DAILY BY ! PROPAG&A APP>ATUS2 !SE PEOPLE SPEAK ! LANGUAGE & ?9K ! IMAGES ON ! SIGNS Y\ DESCRIB$4 ,!SE SESSIONS >E NO?+ MORE ?AN =MS ( ADAPT+ TO BOR$OM4 ,!Y RE9=CE CLOS$ M9DS & NEGATE ! V]Y POSSIBILITY ( LE>N+4 ,! ANTICIPATION1 EXPLORATION & ADV5TURE 9VOLV$ 9 EV]Y EXP]I5CE ( LE>N+ >E LACK+2 !RE'S NO FEEL+ ( DISCOV]Y2 EV]Y?+ ?AT'S DISCUSS$ IS PR$ICTABLE2 EV]Y 9SI<T IS ALREADY KN[N4 ,IF ?IS IS 9T]E/+ :AT MU/ ! RE/ ( !IR LIVES BE LIKE8 

,I'LL OBVI\SLY BE FIR$ SOON] OR LAT] BUT BY !N ,I'LL HAVE SAV$ UP SOME MONEY AGA9 & WON'T HAVE TO DEP5D ON ,T9A4 ,IF ,I'M NOT FIR$ SOON 5\< ,I'LL QUIT4 ,:Y8 ,BECAUSE ,I EXP]I5C$ LE>N+1 COMRADE%IP & COMMUNITY 9 ?AT EV5T Y\ TRI$ SO H>D TO SME> & DI/ORT & !RE=E ,I REFUSE TO ACCEPT ?IS ACTIVITY AS ANY?+ BUT A DEGRAD+ %AM4 ,I DECID$ DUR+ MY FIR/ TEA*+ JOB ?AT ,I WASN'T GO+ TO LET MYSELF BE R$UC$ TO A MEANS ( PRODUCTION = ! PRODUCTION ( MEANS ( PRODUCTION4 ,IT'S TRUE ?AT M]ELY BY ACCEPT+ ?IS JOB ,I PLAY A ROLE SIMIL> TO ! ONE Y\ PLAY$ :5 Y\ DROVE Y\R BUS1 BUT ,I DON'T DO ANY ( ! DRIV+4 ,! ONLY DISCUSSION 9 :I* ,I TOOK ANY P>T AT ALL WAS ! DISCUSSION AB\T SABOTAGE4 ,ONLY ONE ( ! /UD5TS HAD ANY?+ GOOD TO SAY AB\T SABOTAGE3 0,IT MI<T BE NECESS>Y 9 SOME CIRCUM/ANCES40 ,I EAG]LY ASK$ HIM :AT TYPES ( SABOTAGE HE WAS P]SONALLY FAMILI> )4 ,AL?\< HIS ACC\NTS W]E TAME & HE LUMP$ SIMPLE GE/URES ( SOLID>ITY TOGE!R ) SABOTAGE1 ?AT WAS ! ONLY TIME ,I FELT ,I WAS COMMUNICAT+ ) SOMEONE1 ! ONLY TIME WE TALK$ AB\T \R ACTIVITY 9 ! LI<T ( A DIFF]5T1 UNREALIZ$ YET POSSIBLE ACTIVITY4 ,HE WAS MILDLY 9T]E/$ :5 ,I TOLD HIM ,I HAD KN[N WORK]S :O HAD LOCK$ UP ! [N]S & HAD RUN ! PLANT ON !IR [N4 ,BUT AS F> AS ALL ! O!R /UD5TS W]E CONC]N$1 ,I HAD />T$ TO TALK 9 A =EIGN LANGUAGE4 

,I'VE TRI$ TO %[ Y\4 ?AT MY :OLE LIFE HAS REVOLV$ >\ND ! EXP]I5CE ,I %>$ ) Y\ & ?AT ALL MY LIFE ,I'VE S\<T TO COMMUNICATE ) Y\4 ,I HOPE ,I'VE CL>IFI$ :AT ,I MEAN4 ,)\T ?AT EXP]I5CE MY LIFE IS R$UC$ TO ! LIFE ( A LIFELESS OBJECT3 IT BECOMES ! P]IOD ( TIME DUR+ :I* ! OBJECT IS CONSUM$1 A TRIVIAL EPISODE 9 ! LIFE ( CAPITAL4 ,ON MY WAY TO MY JOB ,I TAKE A BUS ?R\< ! P>T ( ! CITY :]E ! CITY'S 0LIFE0 TAKES PLACE1 & ,I PASS ?R\< !RE DUR+ ! H\RS :5 ! CITY'S 9HABITANTS DO !IR 0LIV+40 ,! CITY'S LIFE CONSI/S ( A DISPLAY ( COMMODITIES3 BEH9D GLASS1 BEH9D CONCRETE WALLS1 ON SCRE5S4 0,LIFE0 IS A PROLIF]ATION ( ITEMS = SALE3 EV]Y?+ FROM TOILET B[LS TO HUMAN BE+S HAS A PRICE TAG4 ,ALL >T1 PHILOSOPHY1 SCI5CE & HI/ORY1 ! 5TIRE PA/ & PRES5T ( HUMANITY >E 5JOY$1 NOT-BY 9DIVIDUALS1 BUT BY MONEY4 0,LIFE0 DOESN'T CONSI/ ( PROJECTION1 COMMUNICATION OR CREATION1 BUT ( A WALLET ) BILLS 9SIDE4 ,! ACT ( 0LIV+0 CONSI/S ( SP5D+ ! MONEY = :I* LIV+ TIME IS EX*ANG$ DUR+ ! WORK+ DAY4 ,! ONLY %R$ ( HUMAN LIFE 9 ?IS DANCE ( OBJECTS ) CORPSES IS ! /RUGGLE TO DE/ROY ! DEHUMANIZ+ GAME2 ! ONLY %R$ ( HUMANITY 9 ME IS ! MEMORY ( ?AT /RUGGLE4 

,I ?9K Y\'RE WRONG :5 Y\ SAY MY MEMORY ( \R /RUGGLE IS FROZ54 ,I ?9K ! FACT ?AT IT 9=MS EV]Y MOM5T ( MY PRES5T LIFE MEANS ?AT IT'S V]Y MU* ALIVE4 ,I DO KN[ SOMEONE 9 :OM SIMIL> PA/ EXP]I5CES & HOPES >E FROZ54 ,?AT'S MY FRI5D ,DAMAN1 ! ONE :O HELP$ ME F9D MY JOB4 ,HIS ONE-TIME COMMITM5T HAS BECOME HIS PR(ESSION4 ,HIS PA/ EXP]I5CE IS ! SUBJECT ( HIS LECTURE NOTES4 ,HE'S BE5 TEA*+ = ?REE OR F\R YE>S N[4 ,HE HAS 5ACT$ ! SAME REVOLUTION 9 HIS CLASSROOM YE> AFT] YE>2 HE'S BROK5 IT D[N 9TO ASSIGNM5TS & TE/ QUE/IONS4 ,HE FROZE & PACKAG$ HIS LIFE'S DREAMS & SOLD !M TO HIS EMPLOY]S2 HE HAS BE5 ?AW+ & S]V+ !M 9 SAUCES TO CU/OM]S :O SIMPLY SWALL[ !M ALONG ) ! O!R +R$I5TS 9 ! SAUCE4 ,I HAV5'T DONE ?AT TO MY PA/4 

,:E!R OR NOT Y\ 9T5D$ IT1 Y\'VE VALIDAT$ ! V]Y DREAMS Y\R >GUM5TS DISMISS$ AS ILLUSIONS4 ,Y\ TOLD ME ?AT PEOPLE :O HAD SEEM$ TO BE NO MORE ?AN 9]T OBJECTS W]E TURN+ 9TO HUMAN BE+S4 ,Y\ TOLD ME ?AT HUMAN VOICES C\LD AGA9 BE HE>D 9 A SPACE :]E HUMAN VOICES HAD SEEM$ =EV] DR[N$ BY ! S\NDS ( ELECTRICAL CONTRIVANCES4 ,Y\ TOLD ME ?AT MY HOPES & ,LUISA'S HOPES W]E COM+ BACK TO LIFE4 ,YET Y\ 9SI/ ?AT NEI!R ,LUISA NOR ,I EV] %>$ ?OSE HOPES4 ,LUISA WAS OBVI\SLY WRONG :5 %E SAID Y\ HAD BECOME A REACTION>Y2 IF Y\ HAD Y\ W\LDN'T BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE :AT'S HAPP5+ >\ND Y\4 ,BUT :Y DO Y\ 9SI/ ,LUISA & ,I W]E REACTION>IES ALL ALONG8 ,IF ?AT W]E TRUE1 WE W\LDN'T UND]/& Y\R DESCRIPTIONS1 WE C\LDN'T BEG9 TO GRASP :AT YON MEANT BY A NEW BIR? ( DREAMS1 ( PROJECTS1 ( COMMUNICATION4 

,:AT'S ALIVE 9 MY MEMORY1 :AT Y\ CLAIM ,I FROZE1 IS PRECISELY :AT CAUSES Y\R 5?USIASM AB\T ! EV5TS Y\ DESCRIBE4 ,COMMUNICATION AB\T SU* EV5TS IS :AT ,I'VE MISS$ EV] S9CE ,I'VE BE5 H]E4 ,Y\R LETT] BR+S ME SO CLOSE TO REALIZ+ ?IS COMMUNICATION -- & !N SLAMS ! DOOR 9 MY FACE4 

,I'M BEGG+4 ,I KN[ IT4 ,I REALLY DON'T ?9K ,I DES]V$ Y\R LETT]4 ,I WASN'T Y\R JAIL]4 ,Y\ W]5'T >RE/$ EI!R BECAUSE ( MY RELATION TO ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS OR BECAUSE ( ! LETT] ,I S5T Y\ BY WAY ( ,LEM4 ,NEI!R ,LUISA NOR ,I %ACKL$ Y\ ) A DI/ORT$ VIEW ( ! PA/4 ,LUISA WASN'T Y\R NURSE :5 Y\ W]E TOO Y\NG TO =MULATE Y\R [N ?\<TS & %E WASN'T A HYPNOTI/ :O 9S9UAT$ H]SELF 9TO Y\R CONSCI\SNESS :ILE Y\ W]E 9 A TRANCE4 ,! MO/ SIGNIFICANT MOM5TS ( MY LIFE W]E NOT MOM5TS DUR+ :I* ,I DE=M$ Y\R DREAMS & DE/ROY$ Y\R POSSIBILITIES4 ,MY PREVI\S LETT] WAS NOT A GLORIFICATION ( Y\R IMPRISONM5T BUT A CALL = W>M?1 COMRADE%IP & UND]/&+4 

,PLEASE DON'T LEAVE \R RELATION%IP :]E Y\R LA/ LETT] LEFT IT4 ,Y\ W\LD BE KILL+ SOME?+ ,I'VE KEPT ALIVE 9 AN 5VIRONM5T :I* TRI$ REPEAT$LY TO KILL IT & FAIL$4 ,PLEASE DON'T DRIVE ME \T ( ! S+LE CONTEXT 9 :I* ,I HAV5'T FELT LIKE AN \TSID]4 ,PLEASE DON'T PUT AN 5D TO ! ONLY REAL FRI5D%IP ,I'VE SUCCE$$ 9 =M+4  
  

,APPREH5SIVELY1 ) LOVE1 Y\R1  

,SOPHIA4  

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aige 3 ,SOPHIA'S SECOND ,LETT] -- ,PUBLICATION4 
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