,SOPHIA'S ,N9? ,LETT] 

#aigfaigf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,FR$Y ,P]LMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,SOPHIA'S N9? LETT] 

  
  

,DE> ,Y>O/AN1  
  

,OR %\LD ,I ADDRESS MY LETT] TO 0,POOR ,Y>O/AN08 ,AS ,I READ Y\R LETT] ,I DIDN'T KN[ :E!R TO LAU< OR CRY4 ,I'M C]TA9LY NOT ! ONE :O HAS ANY RI<T TO PASS JUDGM5T ON Y\4 ,?ANK Y\ = NOT WAIT+ TWO WEEKS TO WRITE ME4 ,9 TWO WEEKS Y\ W\LD HAVE FIGUR$ EV]Y?+ \T1 Y\ W\LD HAVE SEEM$ SO SURE ( Y\RSELF1 & ,I W\LDN'T HAVE HAD A *ANCE TO SEE Y\ AS ,I'VE NEV] SE5 Y\ BE=E3 LO/1 CONFUS$1 UNSURE ( Y\RSELF4 ,I FELT MU* CLOS] TO Y\ ?AN ,I EV] HAD BE=E4 ,= ! FIR/ TIME S9CE WE'VE WRITT5 TO EA* O!R Y\ W]5'T MY LIFE'S H]O BUT SOMEONE LIKE ME1 SOMEONE :O IS DRIFT+ & WAIT+1 :O ISN'T QUITE 9CLUD$ 9 ! ACTIVITIES ( ?OSE CLOSE/ TO HIM4 ,I SEE N[ ?AT IT MAKES S5SE = Y\ & ME TO BE WRIT+ TO EA* O!R2 WE HAVE MU* MORE 9 COMMON ) EA* O!R ?AN EI!R ( US DO ) ,MIRNA OR ,SAB9A4 

,A FEW WEEKS AGO WE W]E SO CLOSE TO SOME?+1 YET NEI!R ( US KNEW :AT IT WAS4 ,N[ WE'RE BO? TRY+ TO F9D \T :AT WE REALLY WANT$1 & IT ISN'T EASY1 IS IT8 ,I DON'T ?9K Y\ DID V]Y WELL 9 Y\R CONFRONTATION ) ,TITUS ,ZABRAN4 ,I HAD A SIMIL> CONFRONTATION ) ,LUISA ONLY ?REE DAYS AGO1 & ,I ?9K ,I DID MU* BETT] ?AN Y\ 9 COM+ TO T]MS ) H] & ) MY [N PA/4 ,%E'S BE5 AT LEA/ AS MU* TO ME AS %E & ,TITUS W]E TO Y\4 ,H] 9DEP5D5CE1 H] REFUSAL TO SUBMIT TO EXT]NALLY IMPOS$ AU?ORITY1 & ESPECIALLY ! UNITY BETWE5 H] BELIEFS & H] BEHAVIOR HAVE BE5 MY LIFE'S MODEL4 ,MY PROBLEM WASN'T SO MU* TO FREE MYSELF ( MY MODEL AS TO LE>N :Y1 ) SU* A MODEL BE=E ME S9CE MY BIR?1 ,I SP5T MY LIFE DRIFT+4 ,! FAULT LAY 9 ME AS MU* AS 9 H]4 ,& ?AT'S :AT Y\'RE LE>N+ ONLY N[4 ,DUR+ Y\R SECOND PRISON T]M Y\ REEVALUAT$ ,LUISA'S /ORIES 9 ! LI<T ( ,MANUEL'S & Y\ REEXAM9$ H] EXP]I5CES 9 ! LI<T ( Y\R TWO PRISON T]MS4 ,BUT Y\ NEV] REEVALUAT$ :AT Y\ HAD BECOME ALONG ! WAY ?ANKS TO ,LUISA & ,TITUS4 ,Y\ /OPP$ Y\R CRITIQUE BE=E IT WAS COMPLETE4 ,Y\ APP>5TLY REJECT$ ,LUISA'S CONTRIBUTION TO Y\R LIFE BUT RETA9$ ,TITUS'1 & Y\R UNCONV9C+ & APOLOGETIC DEF5SE ( ,TITUS %[S ?AT Y\'RE NOT WILL+ TO C>RY Y\R CRITIQUE TO ITS CONCLUSION4 

,I'M SOME:AT SURPRIS$ & DISAPPO9T$ BY Y\R ATTITUDE TO ,TITUS4 ,SAB9A SAYS Y\ & ,JASNA >E WILLFULLY BL9D+ Y\RSELVES AB\T HIM ! SAME WAY ,LUISA DID4 ,Y\ SEEM IMPRESS$ BY HIS ADMISSION ?AT ! POPUL> >MY WAS A 0MI/AKE40 ,BUT HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ADMITT+ ANY MI/AKES4 ,HE TOLD Y\ IT WASN'T ?AT >MY 0AS SU*0 ?AT WAS A MI/AKE1 BUT ! CIRCUM/ANCES 9 :I* IT >OSE1 & WORK+ PEOPLE LIKE ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA W]E AMONG ?OSE CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,9 O!R WORDS1 IT WASN'T HIS POPUL> >MY BUT ! WORK+ POPULATION ?AT WAS A MI/AKE4 ,HIS ATTITUDE IS ALMO/ ID5TICAL TO ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS' ATTITUDE3 ! POPULATION CONSI/$ ( HO!ADS1 HOODLUMS 9CAPABLE ( 9DU/RIALIZ+ !MSELVES4 ,! ONLY DIFF]5CE ,SAB9A OR ,I CAN SEE BETWE5 !M IS ?AT ,ALB]TS SPECIAL FIELD WAS TE*NOLOGY :]EAS ,ZABRAN'S WAS POLITICS4 ,?AT'S :Y ,ALB]TS *>ACT]IZ$ ! 0REACTION>Y POPULATION0 AS SABOTEURS & HOOLIGANS :O 5DANG]$ ! ECONOMY1 :]EAS ,ZABRAN *>ACT]IZ$ !M AS BE+ ANIMAT$ BY 09/9CT 9/EAD ( POLITICAL !ORY0 & ?US ( BE+ DANG]\S TO ! ALL-IMPORTANT POLITICAL ORGANIZATION4 

,SAB9A & ,I >E BO? ANXI\S TO LE>N :AT PRANK ,MIRNA & ,Y>A HAVE 9 /ORE = Y\ & ,JASNA4 ,SAB9A TOLD ME %E'S LE>N+ FROM !M :AT ,M>G>ITA ,NA*ALO MI<T HAVE BE5 LIKE IF %E HAD LIV$4 ,SAB9A SAID ?AT 0,Y>O/AN'S VIRTUE0 IS ?AT Y\ NEV] LE>N$ :AT ,LUISA TRI$ TO TEA* Y\1 Y\ NEV] TRI$ TO 0TAMP]0 ) ,MIRNA'S & ,Y>A'S LIVES ! WAY ,LUISA DID ) ,NA*ALO'S & ) Y\RS4 ,Y\R 0VIRTUE0 IS ?AT Y\ NEV] BECAME ! ORGANIZ] ,LUISA TRI$ TO TURN Y\ 9TO4 ,CONSEQU5TLY IT'S ALL ! MORE SURPRIS+ ?AT Y\'RE SO UNCRITICAL ( ,TITUS4 ,9 Y\R SECOND LETT] TO ME Y\ ATTACK$ ME = MY ATTA*M5T TO MY 0KEY EXP]I5CE0 & MY 0ORIG9AL COMMUNITY10 = SPEAK+ ( OPPORTUNI/S & MANIPULATORS AS 0\R FELL[ REVOLUTION>IES40 ,YET :AT >E Y\ & ,JASNA DO+ N[8 ,APP>5TLY BO? ( Y\ DID LE>N SOME?+ FROM ,LUISA1 & Y\ SEEM UNABLE TO UNDO ! EFFECTS ( ! LESSON4 ,= BO? ( Y\1 AS = ,LUISA1 ,TITUS /ILL EXPRESSES ! IDEAS ( 0\T MOVEM5T0 & HE'S !RE=E 0\R COMRADE10 & WE DON'T APPLY ! SAME CRITICAL /&>DS TO HIM AS WE DO TO 05EMIES10 DO WE8 

,SAB9A & ,I DISCUSS$ V]Y FEW ( ! QUE/IONS Y\ RAIS$ 9 Y\R LETT]4 ,ONE ( ?OSE QUE/IONS HAD TO DO ) ,ALB]TS4 ,AT ONE PO9T ,TITUS TOLD Y\ ?AT1 AT ! TIME ( \R >RE/ TW5TY YE>S AGO1 ! POLICE %\LD NOT HAVE >RE/$ ! 5TIRE PRODUCTION CREW ( ! C>TON PLANT2 9/EAD !Y %\LD HAVE 0ISOLAT$0 ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS' 0POSITION40 

0,READ ?AT AGA9 & TELL ME :AT S5SE IT MAKES10 ,SAB9A TOLD ME4 0,AS IF ,ALB]TS' VIEWS HAD ANY?+ AT ALL TO DO ) ! PRODUCTION CREW ( ! C>TON PLANT6 ,H[ CAN ,Y>O/AN BE SO UNCRITICAL8 ,! FIR/ CONNECTION BETWE5 ,ALB]TS' VIEWS & ! PRODUCTION CREW ( ! C>TON PLANT TOOK PLACE AFT] ! >RE/S1 :5 ! POLICE ACCUS$ ,Y>O/AN & ! O!RS ( BE+ CONF$]ATES 9 ,ALB]TS' SPY R+60 

,SAB9A CONV9C$ ME !RE WAS SOME?+ EXTREMELY BIZ>RE AB\T ,TITUS' :OLE EXPLANATION ( ! C>TON PLANT >RE/S4 ,!RE WAS NO E>?LY REASON = HIM TO 9TRODUCE 0,ALB]TS' POSITION0 9TO ?AT EXPLANATION1 BECAUSE !RE WAS NO WAY HIS VIEWS C\LD HAVE AFFECT$ ANYONE 9 ! C>TON PLANT4 

0,DUR+ ! E>LY P>T ( ! W> ,ALB]TS APP>5TLY WORK$ ) ! UND]GR\ND RESI/ANCE ORGANIZATION10 ,SAB9A TOLD ME4 0,HE LOCK$ HIMSELF 9TO HIS ROOM ) PAP]S2 HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL EI!R ,LUISA OR Y\ OR ANYONE ELSE AB\T HIS COM+ HOME ) PAP]S4 ,HE MAY HAVE BE5 HELP+ SMUGGLE PEOPLE ABROAD1 OR HE MAY ALREADY !N HAVE BE5 5GAG$ 9 SCI5TIFIC ESPIONAGE = ! ALLI$ MILIT>Y4 ,I OBVI\SLY DIDN'T FIGURE \T :AT IT WAS S9CE ,I WAS ONLY SEV51 BUT ,I DO KN[ ! ONLY P]SON :O C\LD HAVE KN[N AB\T ?IS ACTIVITY WAS ,ZABRAN4 ,A YE> & A HALF BE=E ! W> 5D$ ,ALB]TS TOLD ME HE HAD BE5 GIV5 AN ASSIGNM5T ABROAD1 & ,I LAT] LE>N$ ?IS ASSIGNM5T HAD SOME?+ TO DO ) ! DEVELOPM5T ( ! ATOMIC BOMB1 ?\< HE NEV] TOLD ME ANY DETAILS4 ,NO ONE 9 ! C>TON PLANT KNEW ANY?+ AB\T IT EXCEPT ,ZABRAN4 ,LUISA DIDN'T LE>N A ?+ AB\T HIS ACTIVITIES UNTIL HE RETURN$ AFT] ! W>4 ,! PRODUCTION CREW ?AT WAS >RE/$ ?REE YE>S AFT] ! W> W]E ALL HIR$ :5 ,ALB]TS WAS ABROAD -- EXCEPT ,TITUS & ,JASNA1 & ,JASNA NEV] MET ,ALB]TS1 NOR WAS %E 9 ANY WAY 9FLU5C$ BY HIS VIEWS4 ,I ?9K ,ZABRAN IS DO+ EXACTLY ! SAME ?+ ! POLICE DID3 HE'S MAK+ A SCAPEGOAT \T ( ,ALB]TS4 ,HE CAN'T ACCEPT ! FACT ?AT HIS ,PYGMALION1 ,Y>O/AN1 SIMPLY DIDN'T FUNCTION1 & HE CAN'T ACCEPT ! FACT ?AT ,JAN ,S$LAK4 A P]SON ,ZABRAN CONSID]$ AN IGNORANT PEASANT1 MADE MORE ( AN IMPRESSION ON ,Y>O/AN ?AN ,ZABRAN'S !ORETICAL WISDOM4 ,HE'S TRY+ TO CONV9CE HIMSELF ?AT ONLY A !ORETICIAN1 AN 9TELLECTUAL LIKE HIMSELF1 C\LD HAVE MESS$ UP HIS PLANS1 NOT A PEASANT LIKE ,JAN1 & OBVI\SLY NOT ,Y>O/AN1 AN ANTI-9TELLECTUAL UNDISCIPL9$ LUMP51 ON HIS [N4 ,HE'D EXPECT$ ,Y>O/AN TO BE DISCIPL9$ BY A FEW YE>S ( WORK 9 ! C>TON PLANT2 HE'D ?\<T ,LUISA'S 9FLU5CE W\LD TURN ,Y>O/AN 9TO AN ORGANIZ]1 A CADRE1 ) A SMATT]+ ( !ORY4 ,Y>O/AN'S 'COMBATIVITY' WAS ?US TO BE *ANNEL$ 9TO :AT HE CALLS ! 0SELF-ACTIVITY' ( ! PROLET>IAT REALIZ+ ITS [N HI/ORICAL TASK2 ,Y>O/AN WAS TO BE SOME?+ LIKE A CONTROLL$ ,NA*ALO4 ,BUT :5 ! BIG MOM5T CAME1 ,Y>O/AN DIDN'T FUNCTION2 9/EAD ( PULL+ '! BASE' 9 ,ZABRAN'S DIRECTION1 HE PULL$ ,JASNA AS WELL AS ,V]A & ,ADRIAN 9 ,JAN'S DIRECTION4 ,9 O!R WORDS ! PROLET>IAT DIDN'T MOVE ! WAY IT WAS '9EVITABLY' SUPPOS$ TO MOVE4 ,H[ WAS ,ZABRAN TO EXPLA9 ?IS8 ,C]TA9LY NOT 9 T]MS ( ! FACT ?AT ,Y>O/AN HAD REMA9$ HIS [N P]SON1 C]TA9LY NOT 9 T]MS ( ! FACT ?AT ,JAN MADE MORE S5SE TO ,Y>O/AN ?AN ,ZABRAN DID4 ,!RE HAD TO BE AN \TSIDE 9FLU5CE3 ,ALB]TS4 ,IF HIS VIEWS HAD BE5 ISOLAT$ 9 TIME1 ! PRODUCTION CREW W\LDN'T HAVE BE5 9FLU5C$ BY !M4 ,:AT HE FAIL$ TO TELL ,Y>O/AN WAS H[ & :5 ,ALB]TS' VIEWS 9FLU5C$ ! PRODUCTION CREW1 & ,I W\LD HAVE EXPECT$ ,Y>O/AN TO HAVE ! S5SE TO ASK40 

0,HE DID SAY HIS HEAD SWAM AS HE LI/5$ TO SOME ( ,TITUS' EXPLANATIONS10 ,I REM9D$ H]4 

0,I'M NOT TRY+ TO TE> 9TO ,Y>O/AN10 %E TOLD ME4 0,MY HEAD'S BE5 SWIMM+ TOO4 ,! IRONY ( IT IS ?AT ,Y>O/AN HELP$ ME CLE> UP ?+S HE SEEMS UNABLE TO CLE> UP = HIMSELF4 ,IT WAS ,Y>O/AN :O MADE ME SEE ! 9COMPATIBILITY ( MY FRI5D%IP ) ,JAN ) MY COMMITM5T TO ,ALB]TS' PROJECT4 ,IT WAS HE :O HELP$ ME UND]/& ! CONTRADICTION BETWE5 MY REBELLION AGA9/ AN 9HUMAN SOCIAL ORD] & MY DESIRE TO BUILD AN 9HUMAN SOCIAL ORD] ) ! L[E/ /RATA ( SOCIETY4 ,YET HE SEEMS SO MULE-HEAD$ AB\T HIS [N CONTRADICTIONS -- AS IF HE'D SUDD5LY GONE DEAF & BL9D4 ,BUT !N ,I SUPPOSE IT'S ?AT V]Y MULE-HEAD$NESS ?AT MADE HIM SU* A MIS]ABLE DISCIPLE & TOOL40 

,I'M AS BO!R$ AS ,SAB9A BY Y\R 0MULE-HEAD$NESS10 & ,I'D LIKE TO KN[ :AT IT IS ?AT Y\'RE DEF5D+1 & :Y4 ,AS ,I TOLD Y\ :5 ,I />T$ ?IS LETT]1 ,Y>O/AN1 ,I'M NOT 9T]E/$ 9 JUDG+ Y\2 ,I DON'T HAVE A VANTAGE PO9T FROM :I* TO DO ?AT4 ,I'M TRY+ DESP]ATELY TO UND]/& :AT'S HAPP5$ TO US1 :Y WE'RE AGA9 SO /RANGE TO EA* O!R4 ,ONLY A FEW WEEKS AGO Y\ WROTE AB\T ! POSSIBILITY ( Y\R VOYAG+ H]E ) ,MIRNA2 Y\ EV5 LET A T5D] FEEL+ T[>D ME SLIP 9TO Y\R LETT]4 ,YET N[ Y\ SEEM SO CLOS$1 SO DEF5SIVE1 SO MU* LIKE :AT ,I'M TRY+ TO /OP BE+4 ,Y\ SEEM TO BE NO /RONG] ?AN ,I AM4 ,I SUPPOSE :AT UPSETS ME AB\T ?AT IS MY REALIZATION ?AT ,I CAN NO LONG] LEAN ON Y\4 ,APP>5TLY ,I /ILL FEEL ! NE$ TO4 

,SOME?+ V]Y /RANGE HAS HAPP5$ S9CE ,I LA/ WROTE Y\4 ,T$ & ,I HAVE BECOME V]Y CLOSE FRI5DS4 ,HE'S /AY+ ) ,SAB9A & ME4 ,T9A & ,PAT /ILL HAV5'T TURN$ UP4 ,T$ HAS MOV$ 9TO ,T9A'S ROOM4 ,IT SEEMS SO /RANGE1 AFT] ! HORRID ?+S ,I ?\<T & SAID AB\T HIM1 = ,T$ TO BE SLEEP+ 9 ,T9A'S ROOM4 ,& /ILL MORE /RANGE3 ,I ?9K ,I LOVE ,T$ 9 A WAY ,I'VE NEV] LOV$ ANYONE BE=E4 

,A FEW DAYS AFT] ,I S5T MY PREVI\S LETT] ,M9NIE TELEPHON$ TO >RANGE = A TIME :5 WE C\LD GET TOGE!R2 %E'D PROMIS$ TO VISIT ME ON ! DAY :5 %E'D HELP$ ME GET \T ( JAIL4 ,I TOLD H] ,T$ WAS 9 JAIL & ASK$ H] HELP 9 GETT+ HIM \T4 ,T$ WAS RELEAS$ ALMO/ AS SOON AS ,M9NIE 9VE/IGAT$ ! CASE4 ,%E LE>N$ ?AT ! ONLY *>GE AGA9/ HIM WAS 0LOIT]+10 & ?AT *>GE WAS DROPP$ :5 %E PRES5T$ H]SELF AS HIS DEF5SE LAWY]4 ,SAB9A WAIT$ = HIM :5 HE WAS RELEAS$1 & !Y TOOK A TAXI TO HIS PLACE4 ,! PR9T %OP LOOK$ AS IF A TORNADO HAD GONE ?R\< IT1 & ,SAB9A 9SI/$ ,T$'S LIFE W\LD BE 9 DANG] IF HE RETURN$ !RE2 %E'S SURE ! POLICE 9T5D TO 0F9I% (F0 ! PR9T] :OSE EQUIPM5T WAS US$ = ! PRODUCTION ( SO MANY ( ! RADICAL PUBLICATIONS ( ! /RIK]S4 ,%E DIDN'T EV5 LET HIM GO UP/AIRS = HIS P]SONAL ?+S2 %E SIMPLY BR\<T HIM DIRECTLY TO \R H\SE4 

,I HADN'T SE5 ,T$ S9CE HE'D DRIV5 ,PAT & ME BACK TO ! UNIV]SITY AFT] \R VISIT TO ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,I MU/ HAVE LOOK$ %OCK$ :5 ,SAB9A WALK$ 9TO ! H\SE ) HIM4 

0,DO Y\ M9D MY COM+ H]E80 WAS ! FIR/ ?+ HE ASK$1 /&+ 9 ! DOORWAY4 

,I GRABB$ HIS H& & PULL$ HIM 9TO ! H\SE4 0,( C\RSE ,I DON'T M9D1 ,T$4 ,I HOPE Y\ DON'T M9D MY BE+ H]E40 

,HE SMIL$ SADLY & TOLD ME HAD HAD NO:]E ELSE TO GO & NO O!R FRI5DS 9 ! WORLD1 S9CE BO? ,T9A & ,TISSIE HAD DISAPPE>$4 

,T$ QUICKLY LE>N$ ?AT ,TISSIE WAS BACK 9 ! PRISON HOSPITAL4 ,SAB9A HAD ( C\RSE SUSPECT$ ?IS1 BUT %E HADN'T PICK$ UP ! PHONE TO CONFIRM ! FACT4 ,! DAY AFT] HE MOV$ 9 ) US1 ,T$ W5T TO VISIT ,TISSIE2 HE WAS T]RIBLY DEPRESS$ :5 HE RETURN$4 ,HE TOLD US ,TISSIE WAS CONV9C$ %E W\LDN'T EV] BE RELEAS$ AGA92 %E'D SPOK5 TO HIM ( DY+ 9 ! HOSPITAL1 0AMONG MY ONLY FRI5DS40 ,SAB9A W5T TO H] ROOM & %UT H] DOOR2 %E DIDN'T WANT TO LE>N :AT ,TISSIE HAD DONE AFT] !Y'D GOTT5 SEP>AT$ AT ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,AFT] ! POLICE HAD CLE>$ EV]YONE \T ( ! RESE>* C5T]1 ,TISSIE HAD GOTT5 A RIDE TO ! UNIV]SITY4 ,%E W5T TO ! PR9T %OP & F\ND IT WRECK$4 ,!RE WAS NO SIGN ( ,T9A OR ,T$ OR ME4 0,MY M9D W5T BLANK10 %E TOLD HIM4 ,%E W&]$ AWAY FROM ! CAMPUS & W5T FROM B> TO B>1 UNTIL %E F9ALLY F\ND A H]O9 DEAL]4 ,%E SP5T ! NI<T SLEEP+ ON A /REET UNTIL %E WAS PICK$ UP BY ! POLICE4 ,T$ CRI$ :ILE TELL+ ME ?IS4 ,I WAS PR(\NDLY MOV$ BY HIS ATTA*M5T TO ! BEAUTIFUL1 SPITEFUL UR*9 :O NEV] HAD & NEV] W\LD RECIPROCATE HIS LOVE = H]4 ,I FELT SO SORRY = HIM1 SO GUILTY T[>D HIM4 ,= TWO :OLE DAYS ,I DID NO?+ BUT TRY TO MAKE UP TO HIM = MY HORRID BEHAVIOR 9 ! G>AGE4 ,I WAS REALLY A BL9D NITWIT :5 ,I RAN FROM ! UNIV]SITY CO-OP TO ! G>AGE TWELVE YE>S AGO4 ,I WAS SU* A /UPEFI$ T\RI/2 IT WAS ALL SO EXOTIC TO ME4 ,IF ,I'D BE5 MORE S5SITIVE TO ! PEOPLE ,I HAD MOV$ 9 )1 MY PA/ TWELVE YE>S MI<T NOT HAVE BE5 AS EMPTY AS !Y'VE BE54 

,DUR+ ! TWO DAYS AFT] HE JO9$ US ,I LE>N$ MORE AB\T ,T$ ?AN ,I'D LE>N$ DUR+ ALL ! MON?S ,I HAD LIV$ 9 ! G>AGE4 ,SAB9A HAD TOLD ME SOME ?+S AB\T HIM1 BUT ,I HAD NEV] BE5 ABLE TO PIECE ! FRAGM5TS TOGE!R 9TO A PICTURE ?AT MADE S5SE TO ME4 ,HIS *ILDHOOD WAS ALMO/ ID5TICAL TO ,TISSIE'S4 ,HE DIDN'T KN[ :O HIS FA!R WAS4 ,HIS MO!R BR\<T A DIFF]5T MAN HOME DAILY4 ,T$ SP5T ALL HIS DAYS & MO/ ( HIS NI<TS 9 ! /REET4 ,:5 HE WAS ELEV5 HE />T$ HANG+ >\ND A G>AGE :]E /OL5 C>S W]E REPAIR$4 ,ONE NI<T HE WAS BEAT51 = NO REASON1 BY ONE ( HIS MO!R'S BOYFRI5DS1 & HE MANAG$ TO SLIP 9TO ! G>AGE & SP5D ! NI<T !RE1 PROBABLY MU* ! SAME WAY Y\ F\ND Y\R WAY 9TO ! C>TON PLANT4 7,YES1 IT'S ! SAME G>AGE 9 :I* ,I JO9$ HIM1 ,T9A & ,SAB9A YE>S LAT]47 ,:5 ! PROPRIETOR F\ND HIM !RE ! FOLL[+ MORN+1 ,T$ BEGG$ TO /AY 9 ! G>AGE P]MAN5TLY4 ,! PROPRIETOR ACCEPT$ HIM1 NOT AS A P]SON = :OM HE FELT COMPASSION1 BUT AS A POT5TIAL TOOL2 HE TAU<T ,T$ TO OP5 C> LOCKS1 TO HOT-WIRE C>S1 TO DISMANTLE !M4 ,BY ! TIME HE WAS ?IRTE5 ,T$ WAS AN EXP]I5C$ C> ?IEF & DRIV]1 AL?\< HE OBVI\SLY DIDN'T HAVE A LIC5SE4 ,HIS BOSS W\LD MAKE HIM BREAK 9TO ! C> & />T IT2 ! BOSS C\LD FLEE IF ! POLICE >RIV$ & ,T$ W\LD BE ! ONE :O GOT CAU<T2 :ILE TELL+ ME ?IS1 ,T$ EXPLA9$ ?AT HE W\LD 0ONLY0 HAVE GONE TO RE=M S*OOL :]EAS ! BOSS W\LD HAVE GONE TO PRISON4 ,?IS WAS :5 HE MET ,TISSIE4 ,%E WAS T51 FA!RLESS1 & EQUALLY HOMELESS2 H] MO!R WAS P]PETUALLY DRUNK & HAD NO USE = H]4 ,T$ (F]$ H] :AT HIS BOSS HAD (F]$ HIM3 A PLACE TO /AY1 & AN ACTIVITY2 HE ALSO %>$ HIS MEAG] 9COME ) HIS NEW FRI5D4 ,AL?\< ,T$ DIDN'T QUITE SAY IT1 ,I GA!R$ ?AT ,TISSIE WAS BOR$ :ILE HE WORK$4 ,%E RESI/$ LE>N+ :AT HE WANT$ TO TEA* H]1 & AFT] A FEW DAYS ) HIM %E SP5T ONLY H] NI<TS 9 ! G>AGE1 RETURN+ TO PLAY 9 ! /REETS DUR+ DAYS4 ,HE TRI$ TO /IMULATE H] 9T]E/ 9 HIS ACTIVITY BY 9VIT+ H] TO JO9 HIM ON HIS FIR/ ATTEMPT TO /EAL A C> BY HIMSELF & 9 BROAD DAYLI<T4 ,ONE MORN+ HE & ,TISSIE TOOK A BUS TO A WEAL?Y SUBURB & ,T$ BROKE 9TO & DROVE (F ) AN EXP5SIVE SPORTS C>4 ,BO? W]E IMM5SELY PR\D AS HE *AUFFEUR$ ,TISSIE ALL OV] ! CITY 9 A VEHICLE :I* PROBABLY BELONG$ TO A CORPORATION [N]'S SON4 ,?IS WAS ! ESCAPADE ,RON HAD WANT$ TO TELL ME AB\T :5 HE & ,SAB9A HAD COME TO VISIT ME AFT] HIS RELEASE FROM RE=M S*OOL4 ,( C\RSE ! 9EVITABLE POLICE SIR5 /OPP$ ! PAIR ( <ETTO *ILDR51 ONE ?IRTE51 ! O!R T51 & BO? W]E S5T TO RE=M S*OOL4 ,T$ = TWO YE>S1 ,TISSIE = HALF A YE>4 ,T$ MET ,RON 9 RE=M S*OOL3 !Y BECAME FRI5DS IMM$IATELY4 ,RON1 SON ( ! 0CLASS-CONSCI\S0 ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS1 PATI5TLY EXPLA9$ TO ,T$ ?AT HE WAS BE+ EXPLOIT$ BY HIS BOSS4 ,! IDEA ( />T+ A COOP]ATIVE1 NON-EXPLOITATIVE G>AGE WAS ,RON'S4 ,! PROJECT ,RON DESCRIB$ TO ,T$ 9 RE=M S*OOL 9CLUD$ ?REE O!R PEOPLE3 OBVI\SLY ,T$ 9CLUD$ ,TISSIE1 & ,RON M5TION$ ONLY ,JOSE & ME6 ,SAB9A HAD TOLD ME ?IS LONG AGO1 BUT ,I C\LDN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT2 ,I /ILL CAN'T4 ,I WAS TO TAKE C>E ( 0! BOOKS AS WELL AS ! ?9K+40 ,T$ WAS RELEAS$ LONG BE=E ,RON1 & HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ANY?+ W\LD COME ( ,RON'S PLANS4 ,:5 HE RETURN$ TO ! G>AGE HE F\ND IT CLOS$ D[N4 ,HIS BOSS HAD APP>5TLY BECOME SO DEP5D5T ON ,T$ ?AT :5 HE'D BE5 LEFT ON HIS [N HE'D GOTT5 CAU<T & S5T TO PRISON = A YE>4 ,T$ F\ND HIM :5 HE GOT \T & LE>N$ HE WAS GIV+ UP ! G>AGE4 ,T$'S =M] BOSS (F]$ TO R5T ! G>AGE TO ,T$ = AN EXORBITANT SUM4 & ,T$ ACCEPT$2 HE WASN'T ABLE TO B>GA94 ,:5 HE ASK$ HIS BOSS :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO ,TISSIE1 ! MAN TOLD ,T$1 0,GET Y\RSELF ANO!R GIRLFRI5D1 KID2 ?AT ONE A9'T = Y\40 ,T$ DIDN'T UND]/&2 HE SP5T H\RS WALK+ >\ND ! NEI<BORHOOD HOP+ TO F9D H]4 ,HE B\<T HIMSELF A SUIT & A HAT1 & HE DID ALL HIS /EAL+ AT NI<T1 MA9LY FROM ! SECTION ( ! CITY :]E ,RON HAD WRECK$ HIS FA!R'S C>4 

0,ONE NI<T ,I GOT BACK ) A NEW C> & !RE WAS A LADY AT ! G>AGE DOOR1 A WOMAN ) A FANCY DRESS1 HEELS1 A HAIR-DO1 R+S & BRACELETS4 ,I JU/ C\LDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS ,TISSIE4 ,%E'D BE5 JU/ A KID TWO YE>S E>LI]4 ,%E SAID %E'D HE>D ! PLACE WAS MY [N4 ,NO1 ,I TOLD H]1 ,I'M JU/ R5T+4 ,!N %E ASK$3 ',GOT ROOM = ME8' ,I C\LDN'T BELIEVE %E ACTUALLY WANT$ TO /AY 9 ! G>AGE4 ',WELL ,I A9'T GOT NO O!R HOME1' %E TOLD ME40 

,T$ MADE NO DEM&S :ATEV] ON ,TISSIE4 ,H] PRES5CE 9 ! G>AGE PROBABLY EXCIT$ HIM1 BUT HE SEEMS TO HAVE MADE NO ADVANCES TO H]4 ,HE MADE IT CLE> TO ME ?AT HIS IDEA ( SEXUAL RELATIONS WAS :AT HE'D SE5 BETWE5 HIS MO!R & ! M5 %E BR\<T HOME2 TO ,T$ IT WAS EQUIVAL5T TO VIOL5CE1 & HE FE>$ EV]Y =M ( VIOL5CE4 ,TISSIE W5T \T ALMO/ EV]Y EV5+ & %E RETURN$ LONG AFT] MIDNI<T4 ,%E TOLD HIM %E'D TAK5 UP A TRADE %E HAD LE>N$ FROM A GIRL %E'D MET 9 RE=M S*OOL4 ,T$ HAD NO IDEA :AT K9D ( TRADE ,TISSIE HAD LE>N$ 9 RE=M S*OOL1 BUT HE DIDN'T ASK4 ,LATE ONE NI<T1 %ORTLY AFT] ,TISSIE HAD RETURN$ = ! NI<T1 !RE WAS A L\D KNOCK+ ON ! G>AGE DOOR4 ,T$ OP5$ ! DOOR & A WEAL?Y-LOOK+ OLD] WOMAN BUR/ 91 F\ND ,TISSIE1 & RAN TO H] %\T+1 0,:Y DID Y\ RUN AWAY FROM ME1 BABY8 ,DON'T ,I PAY Y\ 5\<8 ,I'LL PAY Y\ :ATEV] Y\ ASK1 BABY6 ,JU/ SAY H[ MU*60 ,TISSIE HID BEH9D ,T$ & BEGG$ HIM TO GET ! WOMAN \T ( ! G>AGE4 ,?AT WAS H[ ,T$ LE>N$ AB\T ,TISSIE'S TRADE1 & ALSO AB\T ,TISSIE'S SEXUAL 9T]E/S4 ,SOME DAYS LAT] HE ASK$ ,TISSIE1 0,W\LD Y\ QUIT Y\R WORK IF ,I HAD LOTS MORE MONEY80 ,%E TOLD HIM1 0,YES6 ,I WI% ,I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT = MONEY60 0,) O!R WOM580 ,T$ ASK$ H]4 0,I SURE AS HELL W\LDN'T DO IT FREE ) M560 %E TOLD HIM4 ,:ILE TELL+ ME ?IS1 ,T$ EXPRESS$ NEI!R %OCK NOR 9DIGNATION4 ,?AT WAS H[ ,TISSIE WAS1 & ?AT WAS H[ HE LE>N$ AB\T H]1 ?AT'S ALL4 ,IT WASN'T LONG AFT] ?IS EPISODE ?AT ,RON WAS RELEAS$ FROM RE=M S*OOL2 HE & ,SAB9A VISIT$ ,T$ IMM$IATELY AFT] !IR VISIT TO ME4 

0,I ASK$ IF ,SAB9A WAS ! GIRL ,RON HAD TOLD ME AB\T 9 RE=M S*OOL10 ,T$ TOLD ME4 0,RON SAID NO1 ?AT GIRL WAS MILES AWAY4 ,:5 ,I TOLD HIM ,I WAS R5T+ ! G>AGE1 HE SCOLD$ ME = GETT+ MYSELF EXPLOIT$ WORSE ?AN BE=E4 ,N[ ! BOSS DOES NO?+ AT ALL & GETS PAID1 HE TOLD ME4 ,!N HE TOLD ME AB\T ,JOSE1 & AB\T ?IS FRI5D ( ,JOSE'S :O C\LD BUY ! :OLE G>AGE4 ,I ASK$ :Y ?IS GUY W\LD BUY ! G>AGE & :Y HE'D LET US USE IT ! WAY ,RON SAW US US+ IT1 COOP]ATIVELY4 ,HE TOLD ME AB\T ,SE? SELL+ DOPE & NE$+ A /EADY PLACE4 ,RON TRI$ TO MAKE IT S\ND BETT] BY TELL+ ME HE W\LDN'T SELL DOPE FROM ! G>AGE2 HE JU/ NE$$ A PLACE = MAK+ CONTACTS4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T WANT ANY?+ TO DO ) ?AT4 ,?AT'S :5 ,SAB9A TURN$ ME 9SIDE \T4 ,%E SAID !RE'S NO DIFF]5CE BETWE5 /EAL+ C>S & SELL+ DOPE BECAUSE Y\ GET LOCK$ UP = BO?4 ,%E KN[S ! DIFF]5CE N[ BUT %E DIDN'T !N4 ,WE W]E /ILL >GU+ AB\T IT :5 ,TISSIE CAME HOME >\ND MIDNI<T4 ,%E LIK$ ,SAB9A AS SOON AS %E SAW H]1 & ,I GUESS IT WAS ,TISSIE :O PULL$ ME 9TO GO+ 9TO IT ) !M4 ,%E TOLD ME %E'D QUIT WORK+ IF ,I DID :AT ,SAB9A WANT$40 

,TISSIE BLACKMAIL$ HIM ! WAY %E WAS GO+ TO BLACKMAIL ,SAB9A LAT]4 ,9 ! BEG9N+ ,T$ ?\<T HE'D BE5 WRONG4 ,! PROJECT SEEM$ TO BE A SUCCESS4 ,HE LIK$ & TRU/$ ,JOSE4 ,!Y ALL WORK$ 5?USIA/ICALLY ON ! TRANS=MATION ( ! H\SE BEH9D ! G>AGE1 & = SEV]AL MON?S ,T$ WORK$ ) ,SAB9A4 

,HE REMEMB]$ ?OSE MON?S FONDLY4 0,SAB9A & ,I /OLE TOGE!R1 WE DISMANTL$ TOGE!R1 WE BUILT MO/ ( ! 9SIDE ( ! H\SE4 ,%E'S ! BE/ P]SON ,I EV] WORK$ ) EXCEPT ,T9A4 ,%E LE>N$ FA/1 & %E TOLD ME ALL K9DS ( ?+S AB\T MA*9ES ,I DIDN'T KN[4 ,IT WAS DUR+ ?OSE MON?S ?AT ,SAB9A & ,I BUILT ! MA*9E %OP 9 ! BASEM5T & ! L(TS UP/AIRS4 ,:5 ,I DID A PA9T+ %E LIK$ IT SO MU* ?AT ,I SP5T H\RS EV]Y DAY PA9T+ EV] S9CE !N4 ,BUT %E HAD A BL9D SPOT4 ,%E C\LDN'T SEE ! :OLE ?+ WAS NO GOOD4 ,IT WASN'T BUILT BY \R [N H&S BUT BY DOPE4 ,SE? DID HIS DEAL+ RI<T 9 ! G>AGE4 ,TISSIE BECAME A DOPE ADDICT4 ,! G>AGE BECAME A FRONT4 ,& ,I BECAME A BOSS & EXPLOIT$ KIDS ! WAY ,RON HAD TOLD ME ,I WAS EXPLOIT$ :5 ,I WORK$ = A BOSS4 ,?OSE MON?S DIDN'T LA/4 ,RON GOT HIMSELF KILL$ 9 ! W>4 ,TISSIE MI<T AS WELL HAVE GOTT5 H]SELF KILL$4 ,%E BECAME LIKE A DEAD P]SON1 A ?+2 %E BECAME ,SE?'S TOOL1 ,JOSE KNEW ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 H]O9 & /EAL+1 BUT LOSE C\LDN'T >GUE ) ,SAB9A4 ,NO ONE C\LD4 ,JOSE GOT SUCK$ 9TO ! IDEA ( ! B> BECAUSE HE ?\<T ! B> W\LD GET ! H]O9 \T ( ! H\SE & ! G>AGE4 ,BUT ! B> MADE EV]Y?+ WORSE4 ,TISSIE TOOK UP H] TRADE AGA91 ?IS TIME ) M5 AS WELL AS WOM54 ,ALL H] MONEY W5T TO ,SE?4 ,& ,SAB9A /AY$ BL9D4 

,AFT] %E BR\<T ,T9A1 ,SE? WANT$ ,TISSIE TO TAKE ,T9A TO ! B>4 ,TISSIE WANT$ TO TEA* ,T9A :AT %E'D LE>N$ 9 RE=M S*OOL4 ,I C\LDN'T TAKE ?AT4 ,T9A LIK$ ! G>AGE WORK1 %E LIK$ TO PA9T & TO MAKE ?+S2 ,I PUT MYSELF 9 ,TISSIE'S WAY4 ,?AT'S :5 ,TISSIE4 MY FIR/ & MY BE/ FRI5D1 />T$ TO HATE ME4 ,SAB9A DIDN'T SEE ANY ( ?AT4 ,I C\LDN'T TALK TO ANYONE !RE4 ,:5 ! B> />T$1 ,SAB9A CONV9C$ ,JOSE IT HAD SOLV$ ALL ! PROBLEMS4 ,?AT'S :5 Y\ CAME1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I WAS SURE Y\'D BE A FRI5D ?AT FIR/ NI<T :5 Y\ RETURN$ FROM ! B> & TOLD US Y\ GOT SC>$ & RAN AWAY4 ,BUT Y\ CONFUS$ ME ! NEXT MORN+ :5 Y\ TOLD ,TISSIE H[ Y\'D LOV$ :AT Y\'D DONE ! NI<T BE=E2 ,I C\LDN'T KN[ Y\ W]E A%AM$ TO TELL ,TISSIE Y\ HADN'T DONE ANY?+4 ,Y\ />T$ TO ACT FUNNY4 ,! NI<T Y\ W5T TO ,TISSIE'S ROOM ,I WAS SURE Y\ W]E ON AN ]R& ,SE? S5T Y\ ON2 ,I WAS SURE Y\ & ,TISSIE W]E GO+ TO TAKE ,T9A TO ! B> ?AT NI<T4 ,I'M SORRY1 ,SOPHIE4 ,JOSE ?\<T ! SAME ?+ ,I DID4 ,IT WAS H>D TO ?9K ANY?+ ELSE40 

0,I KN[1 ,T$4 ,IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAG9E H[ ABYSMALLY /UPID ,I WAS TO BE SO SURPRIS$ BY ,TISSIE1 TO KN[ NO?+ AT ALL AB\T ,SAB9A10 ,I ADMITT$4 0,BUT ,I DID LE>N ONE DETAIL FROM ,TISSIE DUR+ ! DAY ,I SP5T ) H] AT ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,?AT NI<T Y\ ?\<T WE W]E ACT+ AS ,SE?'S AG5TS & PLOTT+ AGA9/ ,T9A -- ?AT NI<T ,TISSIE WASN'T ,SE?'S AG5T1 & %E WASN'T 9T]E/$ 9 ,T9A4 ,TISSIE LOV$ ME40 

,( C\RSE ,T$ C\LDN'T HAVE KN[N ?AT EI!R4 ,BY ?AT NI<T HE DI/RU/$ EV]YONE 9 ! G>AGE EXCEPT ,T9A4 0,IT WAS ONLY :5 ,ALEC MOV$ 9TO ! G>AGE ?AT ,I HAD ANY FRI5DS BESIDES ,T9A10 HE TOLD ME4 0,ALEC UND]/OOD ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 DOPE DEAL+ & ALL ! O!R ?+S WE DID4 ,ALL Y\R FRI5DS UND]/OOD ! DIFF]5CE1 & ,I GUESS !Y MADE Y\ SEE IT TOO ! LA/ TIME !Y CAME4 ,!Y OP5$ ,JOSE'S EYES TOO4 ,NOT ?AT HE WAS EV] BL9D1 BUT HE C\LDN'T MAKE HIMSELF GO AGA9/ ,SAB9A4 ,JOSE & ,I BECAME FRI5DS AFT] Y\ LEFT4 ,WE TALK$ AB\T LEAV+1 BUT WE C\LDN'T LEAVE )\T ,T9A1 ,TISSIE OR ,SAB9A1 & ,SAB9A'S :OLE LIFE WAS 9 ?AT B> & G>AGE4 ,I GUESS ?AT'S :Y ,JOSE GOT HIMSELF >RE/$2 HE DIDN'T KN[ H[ ELSE TO GET \T ( IT4 ,) ,JOSE GONE1 ,SE? ?\<T HIS *ANCE HAD COME TO GET ,T9A 9TO ! B> & EV5 ON H]O94 ,JOSE & ,I TOGE!R C\LD HAVE /OPP$ HIM1 BUT ,I DIDN'T SEE H[ ,I C\LD DO IT ALONE UNTIL ,SE? HIMSELF %[$ ME H[4 ,SE? GOT ! IDEA ?AT ,SAB9A WAS TRY+ TO TAKE OV]1 & :5 HE ASK$ ME AB\T ?AT ,I TOLD HIM IT WAS TRUE4 ,I EV5 TOLD HIM %E HAD PLANS TO GET RID ( HIM4 ,SE? WAS AFRAID ( ,SAB9A2 HE HADN'T EV] DEALT ) H] EXCEPT ?R\< ,JOSE4 ,:5 HE GOT CONV9C$ ,SAB9A WANT$ TO GET HIM \T ( ! :OLE ?+1 HE GOT SO FURI\S HE C\LDN'T SEE /RAI<T4 ,HE DIDN'T EV5 TALK TO H]2 HE JU/ PO9T$ HIS GUN AT H] & TOLD H] TO GET \T & TAKE ,T9A ) H]4 ,?AT WAS :AT ,I'D WANT$ = YE>S4 ,I W\LD HAVE MOV$ 9TO ?IS H\SE ) Y\ IF Y\ HADN'T FELT AB\T ME ! WAY Y\ DID1 & IF ,TISSIE HAD LEFT ! G>AGE TOO4 ,BUT ,I C\LDN'T LEAVE ,TISSIE TO ,SE?4 ,TO ME %E WAS /ILL ! KID :O'D ASK$ IF ,I HAD ROOM = H] 9 ! G>AGE4 ,%E'D TRU/$ ME4 ,Y\ DON'T ?R[ SOMEONE :O TRU/S Y\ D[N A SEW]1 NO MATT] H[ MANY EXCUSES Y\'VE GOT4 ,BUT ,TISSIE WAS 9 BAD %APE AFT] ,SAB9A LEFT4 ,%E BLAM$ ME = GETT+ RID ( ,SAB9A & ,T9A1 & %E WAS RI<T4 ,%E REALLY HAT$ ME = ?AT4 ,= SOME REASON %E ALSO BLAM$ ,JOSE4 ,%E MADE H]SELF BELIEVE ,JOSE WASN'T 9 PRISON BUT HAD GOTT5 Y\ \T ( ! G>AGE & !N ,SAB9A & ,T9A4 ,BE=E ,JOSE WAS RELEAS$ ,I R5T$ A PLACE1 ! SAME ONE :]E ,T9A & ,I LAT] />T$ ! PR9T %OP4 ,I KEPT HOP+ ,TISSIE W\LD *ANGE1 ,I KEPT ?9K+ %E'D WANT TO MOVE TO ! NEW PLACE :5 ,JOSE WAS RELEAS$1 OR ?AT %E'D WANT TO MOVE ) Y\ & ,T9A & ,SAB9A4 ,BUT ,TISSIE GOT WORSE ALL ! TIME2 %E />T$ TALK+ AB\T KILL+ ME & AB\T KILL+ ,JOSE :5 HE GOT BACK1 & ,I WASN'T JU/ SURE %E C\LDN'T DO IT4 ,JOSE CAME RI<T TO ! G>AGE ! DAY HE WAS RELEAS$1 GOT HIS ?+S1 & WE BO? DROVE TO ! NEW PLACE ,I'D R5T$4 ,HE TALK$ AB\T Y\ A LOT1 ,SOPHIE1 ,HE'D *ANG$ A LOT TOO4 ,WE W5T UP/AIRS4 ,!N HE W5T \T TO ! C> TO GET MORE ( HIS ?+S & HE NEV] CAME BACK40 

,I HAD LE>N$ ! RE/ FROM ,SAB9A A FEW WEEKS AGO1 & ,I DIDN'T LET ,T$ TELL ME AB\T ,JOSE'S DEA? ALL OV] AGA94 ,H[ IRONIC ?AT IT %\LD HAVE BE5 ,I & MY 0ACADEMIC FRI5DS10 P>TICUL>LY ,HU<1 :O HAD F9ALLY TURN$ ,JOSE AGA9/ ,SAB9A4 ,H[ IRONIC ?AT ,JOSE %\LD HAVE />T$ TO DEF9E HIS /RUGGLE AN T]MS ID5TICAL TO ,NA*ALO'S & ,M>G>ITA'S 9 RESPONSE TO BOOKS ,I HAD C>RI$ TO HIM 9 PRISON4 ,H[ IRONIC ?AT ,JOSE %\LD HAVE ?\<T HE HAD TO PROVE HIMSELF AS A GU]RILLA 9 ORD] TO LIVE UP TO ME4 

,ONLY A DAY OR TWO AFT] MY LONG TALKS ) ,T$1 FROM AN ALTOGE!R UNEXPECT$ S\RCE1 ,I LE>N$ YET MORE AB\T ! G>AGE1 & AB\T YET ANO!R 0GU]RILLA FI<T]0 :O OCCUPI$ A PLACE 9 MY [N LIFE4 ,M9NIE CAME TO SEE ME A FEW DAYS AFT] %E HELP$ GET ,T$ \T ( JAIL4 ,LAWY] OR NO LAWY]1 ,I C\LDN'T KEEP MYSELF FROM ?R[+ MY >MS >\ND H] :5 %E WALK$ 9TO \R H\SE4 ,I HAD ALWAYS LIK$ ,M9NIE A LOT4 ,T$ & ,SAB9A W]E BO? \T :5 %E CAME4 

0,:AT HAVE Y\ BE5 DO+ LATELY BESIDES GETT+ >RE/$80 %E ASK$ ME4 0,DAMAN TOLD ME ?IS WAS ! SECOND TIME Y\'D BE5 9 JAIL DUR+ ! PA/ TWO MON?S40 

0,ISN'T ?AT 5\< = A COMMITT$ REVOLUTION>Y80 ,I ASK$4 

0,I CAN'T TELL Y\ H[ GLAD ,I AM ?AT Y\ CAN /ILL TOL]ATE ME1 ,SOPHIE4 ,Y\'VE ALWAYS FASC9AT$ ME4 ,MY LIFE SEEMS SO DRAB1 SO UNI=M1 COMP>$ TO Y\RS4 ,:5 ,I LEFT Y\ 9 FRONT ( ! G>AGE T5 YE>S AGO Y\ HAD GONE AS L[ AS ,I C\LD IMAG9E A P]SON GO+4 ,!N ,I LE>N$ FROM ,DAMAN ?AT Y\ W]E TEA*+ UNIV]SITY C\RSES2 SUDD5LY Y\ TURN UP FI<T+ HUNDR$S ( POLICE 9 A FACTORY Y>D4 ,Y\'RE AN ABSOLUTE WOND]40 

0,I'LL BE GRATEFUL TO Y\ =EV] = SAY+ ?AT1 ,M9NIE1 BUT ,I KN[ P]FECTLY WELL Y\ W\LDN'T SAY IT IF Y\'D KEPT CLOS] WAT*4 ,IF Y\ KNEW H[ UNDECID$1 H[ FICKLE1 H[ DEP5D5T ,I WAS --0 

0,?AT'S PRECISELY MY PO9T1 ,SOPHIE2 ,I DO KN[ Y\1 MU* BETT] ?AN Y\ ?9K4 ,I'M ALMO/ Y\R NEGATIVE2 ,I'M DECISIVE1 CONSI/5T1 9DEP5D5T -- & DRAB1 DULL1 R\T9E1 A DEADLY BORE4 ,! MO/ EXCIT+ MOM5TS 9 MY LIFE W]E ?OSE ,I SP5T ) A P]SON :O HAD EV]Y?+ 9 COMMON ) Y\1 :O C\LD HAVE BE5 Y\R TW9 --0 

0,NAMELY :O80 

0,NONE O!R ?AN ,ALEC4 ,HE C\LD NO MORE FUNCTION )\T 'HIS WOMAN' ?AN Y\ C\LD )\T 2Y\R MAN' --0 

,I WAS /UNN$4 0,>E Y\ BE+ S>CA/IC1 ,M9NIE80 

0,ON ! CONTR>Y4 ,I 5VY Y\1 BO? ( Y\1 BO? EQUALLY UNDECISIVE1 BO? DEP5D5T1 BO? SO FICKLE Y\ CONT9UALLY L&$ 9 ! MO/ T]RIBLE ISOLATION1 YET BO? ! MO/ FABUL\S PEOPLE 9 MY LIFE4 ,I WAS WILDLY 9 LOVE ) HIM1 ,SOPHIE2 ,I REMA9$ CLOSE TO HIM UNTIL HE WAS KILL$4 ,I'M NOT BE+ S>CA/IC4 ,I'M FASC9AT$1 AW$ BY SOME?+ ,I DON'T UND]/&40 

0,PLEASE TELL ME AB\T HIM1 ,M9NIE4 ,TELL ME AB\T Y\RSELF TOO4 ,I WAS SO US$ TO L9K+ ',DAMAN & ,M9NIE1' ,I HAVE A H>D TIME EV5 IMAG9+ Y\ ) ,ALEC4 ,:AT AB\T Y\R POLITICAL GR\P8 ,:5 DID Y\ GIVE ?AT UP80 

0,I'VE MANAG$ TO COMB9E IT ALL1 ,SOPHIE4 ,LAW S*OOL1 POLITICS & ,ALEC ALL PASS$ ?R\< MY LIFE :ILE ,I REMA9$ UN*ANG$40 

0,DID ,ALEC TURN TO Y\ AFT] HE LEFT ! G>AGE80 

0,E>LI]1 ,SOPHIE4 ,HE TURN$ TO ME BE=E HE EV] MOV$ 9TO ! G>AGE4 ,HE CALL$ ME ! DAY HE LE>N$ Y\ HAD DISAPPE>$ FROM ! COOP]ATIVE DORM4 ,HE WAS ABSOLUTELY FRANTIC4 ,HE WAS SURE Y\ HAD DISAPPE>$ 9 ORD] TO %OCK ! PEOPLE :O HAD KEPT US (F ! ,OMISSIONS /AFF4 ,I TOLD HIM Y\'D BE5 EVICT$ FROM ! DORM PRECISELY BECAUSE Y\'D HELP$ DI/RIBUTE ?AT PAP]1 & ! FRAT]NITY BOYS HAD MADE A FUSS AB\T IT & GOTT5 US >RE/$4 ,HE APP>5TLY EXPECT$ ME TO WALK ALL OV] ! CITY ) HIM LOOK+ = Y\4 ,I SUGGE/$ CALL+ Y\R RELATIVES4 ,?AT WAS EASY4 ,!RE WAS ONLY ONE ,NA*ALO 9 ! PHONE BOOK4 ,BUT :5 Y\R MO!R TOLD US %E HADN'T HE>D FROM Y\ EI!R1 ,I BECAME AS FRANTIC AS ,ALEC4 ,WE VISIT$ Y\R MO!R4 ,%E WAS AWFULLY NICE TO US1 BUT %E WASN'T AT ALL CONC]N$ AB\T Y\R DISAPPE>ANCE2 %E WAS MU* MORE CONC]N$ ?AT WE KEPT REF]R+ TO H] AS Y\R MO!R4 ,:5 WE LEFT H] H\SE ,ALEC ASK$ ME IF ,I'D GO \T ) HIM ?AT WEEK5D4 ,HE KNEW ?AT ,I WAS AB\T TO BREAK UP ) ,DAMAN4 ,HU<1 ,DAMAN & ,I HAD ALL GRADUAT$2 ,HU< & ,DAMAN 9T5D$ TO GO DIRECTLY TO GRADUATE S*OOL4 ,I DECID$ TO GET A TEMPOR>Y TEA*+ JOB 9 A HI< S*OOL 9/EAD ( GO+ ON4 ,WE HAD A BIG >GUM5T AB\T ?AT4 ,BUT !RE'S NO NE$ TO GO 9TO ?AT4 ,I DIDN'T ACCEPT ,ALEC'S 9VITATION2 ,I KNEW ,I'D BE HURT4 ,& ,I WAS RI<T4 ,IT WAS ON ?AT WEEK5D Y\ TELEPHON$ HIM1 & HE =GOT ALL AB\T ME & RU%$ TO ! G>AGE TO SEE Y\4 ,HE WAS T]RIBLY FICKLE1 BUT ,I ?9K HE NEV] /OPP$ LOV+ Y\1 ,SOPHIE4 ,HE CALL$ ME AGA9 RI<T AFT] HIS FIR/ VISIT TO Y\4 ,HE TOLD ME EXCIT$LY ?AT Y\ HAD REJO9$ ! WORK+ CLASS1 & HE WANT$ ME TO GO TO HIS ROOM TO LE>N ALL ! GOOD NEWS4 ,I NAIVELY CALL$ ,DAMAN & ,HU< TO TELL !M Y\'D BE5 F\ND1 & ALL ?REE ( US W5T TO ,ALEC'S4 ,AS SOON AS WE WALK$ 9 ,I KNEW HE HAD EXPECT$ ME TO COME ALONE4 ,HE PULL$ ME TO HIS KIT*5 & ASK$ JEAL\SLY IF ,DAMAN & ,I W]E TOGE!R AGA94 ,I LI$ & TOLD HIM WE W]E4 ,I S5S$ HIS JEAL\SY2 SOME?+ 9SIDE ME />T$ TO /IR1 BUT ,I DIDN'T LET IT4 ,I REJECT$ HIS ADVANCES1 NOT \T ( ANY CONSID]ATION = Y\1 BUT BECAUSE ,I DIDN'T WANT TO BE Y\R SECOND2 ,I WAS MU* TOO POSSESSIVE4 ,SO ,ALEC TOLD ALL ?REE ( US AB\T :AT HE CALL$ Y\R 'BOOT/RAP' OP]ATION4 ,HU< WAS IMM5SELY IMPRESS$4 ,I ?9K IT WAS ,ALEC'S ACC\NT ( :AT Y\ W]E DO+ 9 ?AT G>AGE ?AT MADE ,HU< *ANGE HIS M9D AB\T 5ROLL+ 9 GRADUATE S*OOL4 ,AFT] ?AT MEET+1 ,ALEC DIDN'T CALL = SEV]AL WEEKS4 ,DUR+ ?OSE WEEKS ,I WAIT$ = HIM TO CALL4 ,I HAD NEV] BE5 WANT$ ?AT WAY1 ,SOPHIE4 ,:5 HE F9ALLY DID CALL MY HE>T JUMP$4 ,BUT ?AT TIME HE DIDN'T WANT ME4 ,HE WANT$ ! F\R ( US TO VISIT Y\ 9 ! G>AGE4 ,ON ?AT FIR/ VISIT TO Y\ ,I WAS SURE ,I'D NEV] BE ANY?+ MORE TO ,ALEC ?AN Y\R SECOND1 & ,I WAS RELIEV$ ,I HADN'T LET ANY?+ />T4 ,I C\LDN'T MAKE ANY S5SE \T ( :AT Y\ W]E DO+1 BUT ,ALEC WAS FULL ( 5?USIASM = ALL ( IT4 ,HE QUIT HIS JOB & MOV$ TO ! G>AGE4 ,I ?\<T HE HAD MOV$ 9 ) Y\ & HAD DEF9ITIVELY WALK$ \T ( MY LIFE4 ,I PLUNG$ BACK 9TO ! POLITICAL ACTIVITIES ( MY ORGANIZATION2 ,I EV5 SAW ,DAMAN TWO OR ?REE TIMES \TSIDE ( ORGANIZATION MEET+S4 ,& !N1 SEV]AL WEEKS AFT] \R FIR/ VISIT1 ,ALEC CALL$ FROM ! G>AGE4 ,HE SAID HE HAD TO SEE ME & HE SEEM$ AWFULLY UPSET4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HADN'T T\*$ Y\ S9CE HE'D BE5 9 ! G>AGE1 & ?AT HE WAS LONELI] ?AN HE'D EV] BE5 9 HIS LIFE4 ,AS SOON AS HE WAS 9 MY AP>TM5T HE KISS$ ME AS IF WE'D BE5 LOV]S = YE>S1 & BE=E SAY+ ANY?+ HE />T$ MAK+ LOVE TO ME4 ,I HAD DREAM$ ( ?AT HAPP5+ TO ME EV] S9CE ,I HAD S5S$ ?AT HE WANT$ ME4 ,I />T$ TO LET MYSELF GO UNTIL HE /IRR$ UP MY JEAL\SY ) SOME?+ HE SAID4 ',OH ,JESUS1 ,M9NIE1 WE %\LD HAVE DONE ?IS YE>S AGO1' HE TOLD ME4 ,I ANGRILY ASK$ HIM1 ',:51 ,ALEC8 ,:5 Y\ W]E AN ]R& BOY = ,RHEA & H] ORGANIZATION8 ,:5 Y\ W]E RUNN+ AFT] ,SOPHIE8' ,I TOLD HIM ,I HAD BE5 DEEPLY HURT :5 MY BE/ FRI5DS HAD BANN$ ME FROM ! ,OMISSIONS /AFF1 & ,I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HURT AGA9 SO SOON BY ,ALEC1 :O'D HAD NO?+ TO DO ) ?AT /UPID EXCLUSION2 ,I WANT$ TO HAVE AT LEA/ ONE FRI5D :O HADN'T BE5 A BA/>D T[>D ME4 ,HE LET GO ( ME RI<T AWAY4 ,HE ACT$ AS IF ,I HAD UNRAVEL$ A PUZZLE = HIM1 & ,I WAS ONCE AGA9 RELIEV$ ,I HADN'T LET MYSELF GO2 ,I SAW ?AT Y\ W]E ALL HE HAD ON HIS M9D4 ,I WAS NO?+ BUT A TEMPOR>Y CONSOLATION4 ',SO ?AT'S IT1 ! ,OMISSIONS /AFF6 ,SOPHIE IS OV]REACT+ AGA96' HE EXCLAIM$ AS IF EV]Y?+ W]E SUDD5LY CLE> TO HIM2 %E'S EXPRESS+ H] SPITE AGA9/ H] =M] FRI5DS ! SAME WAY %E EXPRESS$ IT E>LI] AGA9/ ,LEM & ,RHEA BY DAT+ ?AT REACTION>Y AS%OLE ,RAK%AS6' ,HE'D BE5 ?9K+ AB\T Y\ ALL ! TIME HIS >MS HAD BE5 WRAPP$ >\ND ME2 ,I WAS GRE5 ) 5VY4 ,HE SP5T ! :OLE RE/ ( ! EV5+ TRY+ TO CONV9CE ME TO VISIT ! G>AGE AGA94 ,I REFUS$ AT FIR/1 BUT HE DREW SU* AN AWFUL PICTURE = ME4 ,HE TOLD ME ?AT 69 RESPONSE TO Y\R EXCLUSION FROM ,OMISSIONS' Y\ HAD ?R[N Y\RSELF 9TO A SITUATION 9 :I* Y\ C\LDN'T SURVIVE4 ,HE TOLD ME ALL AB\T ! H]O9 & ! PRO/ITUTION4 ,HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CONV9CE ME Y\ W]E TOO FRAIL TO SURVIVE ?AT K9D ( LIFE = V]Y LONG4 ,HE SUGGE/$ ?AT ,HU<1 ,DAMAN & ,I DROP 9 ON Y\1 CASUALLY AS IT W]E1 TO TRY TO MAKE Y\ GRASP :AT Y\ W]E DO+ TO Y\RSELF1 TO 6SAVE' Y\4 ,?AT'S H[ WE W]E DRAWN 9TO ?AT T]RIBLE CONFRONTATION4 ,I ?\<T Y\R SI/] SU* AN UNSCRUPUL\S BEA/1 ,SOPHIE2 ,I'M GLAD ?AT EV5 %E F9ALLY FIGUR$ \T :AT Y\ W]E ALL DO+ TO Y\RSELVES4 ,ALL MY JEAL\SY LEFT ME1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I FELT SO SORRY = Y\4 ,:5 Y\ LAY ON ! FLOOR BEGG+ ,HU< TO C>RY Y\ AWAY1 ,I WAS SURE Y\ W]E GONE4 ,& ONCE \TSIDE Y\ %\T$ AT ME TO GET AWAY FROM Y\4 ,Y\ DIDN'T EV5 RECOGNIZE ME4 ,I WALK$ AWAY CRY+4 ,I DIDN'T WALK F>4 ,I WAS SURE Y\'D RETURN TO ! G>AGE1 & ,I WAIT$ = ,ALEC4 ,I SUPPOSE MY JEAL\SY RETURN$ :5 ,I SAW Y\ WALK+ AWAY FROM ! G>AGE1 ) ,ALEC TAGG+ BEH9D Y\4 ,ALL MY 5VY RETURN$ :5 ,I REA*$ MY AP>TM5T1 ALONE1 & IT /AY$ ) ME & TORTUR$ ME = ! FOLL[+ TWO YE>S4 ,I WAIT$ & WAIT$ = ,ALEC TO CALL1 BUT HE NEV] DID2 ,I HAD SAV$ Y\ = HIM4 ,I HOPE !Y W]E HAPPY YE>S = Y\1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I SP5T ALMO/ TWO YE>S ) HIM AFT] ?AT1 & ?OSE W]E ! HAPPIE/ YE>S 9 MY LIFE40 

0,M9NIE1 :O TOLD Y\ ,I SP5T ?OSE TWO YE>S ) ,ALEC80 ,I ASK$ H]4 

0,Y\ DON'T HAVE TO SP>E MY FEEL+S N[1 ,SOPHIE2 ,I'M OBVI\SLY NOT JEAL\S N[6 ,:5 HE LEFT Y\4 ,ALEC CAME TO ME2 WE LOV$ EA* O!R --0 

0,I SAW ,ALEC ONCE1 AT A DI/ANCE1 A FEW DAYS AFT] ,I LEFT ! G>AGE1 ,M9NIE1 & ,I NEV] SAW HIM AGA940 

0,?AT'S IMPOSSIBLE1 ,SOPHIE6 ,HE WAS LIV+ AT Y\R H\SE :5 HE />T$ SEE+ ME AGA940 

0,MY H\SE6 ,I WAS /AY+ 9 A D+Y D[NT[N HOTEL1 ,M9NIE6 ,I HAD A JOB 9 A FIB]GLASS FACTORY4 ,I NEV] SAW ,ALEC AGA92 ,I HAT$ HIM :5 ,I LEFT ! G>AGE4 ,DID HE TELL Y\ HE WAS ) ME DUR+ ?OSE TWO YE>S80 

0,OH MY ,GOD1 ,SOPHIE6 ,NO1 HE NEV] TALK$ AB\T Y\1 & ,I NEV] ASK$4 ,HE ONLY TALK$ AB\T Y\R MO!R --0 

,I />T$ LAU<+ HY/]ICALLY4 0,M9NIE6 ,ALEC MU/ HAVE LIV$ ) ,LUISA = TWO YE>S6 ,& ,I HAD ?\<T --0 

,%E 9T]RUPT$ ME4 0,DO Y\ MEAN TO TELL ME Y\ DIDN'T KN[80 

0,HONE/LY1 ,M9NIE6 ,I MOV$ TO A HOTEL1 & LAT] ,I CAME TO ?IS H\SE ) ,SAB9A & ,T9A4 ,I DIDN'T SEE ,LUISA AGA9 UNTIL LA/ YE>1 & %E HASN'T TOLD ME ANY?+ --0 

0,I %\LD HAVE GUESS$60 ,M9NIE EXCLAIM$4 0,%E WAS SO UPSET :5 WE SPOKE ( Y\ AS H] DAU<T] ?AT TIME ,ALEC & ,I VISIT$ H]4 ,I C\LD SEE :Y4 ,%E LOOK$ Y\NG 5\< TO BE Y\R SI/]1 & %E WAS T]RIBLY 9T]E/$ 9 ,ALEC40 

0,ALREADY !N1 ,M9NIE8 ,RI<T AFT] ,I WAS EVICT$ FROM ! CO-OP80 

0,?AT WAS ! ONLY TIME ,I EV] VISIT$ H]4 ,IT WASN'T ,I :O NOTIC$1 ,SOPHIE2 ,I'M NOT ?AT P]CEPTIVE4 ,IT WAS ,ALEC :O NOTIC$4 ,HE B[$ TO H]1 KISS$ H] H&1 PRAIS$ H] H\SE & MADE A COMPLETE ASS \T ( HIMSELF4 ,TO ME %E WAS Y\R MO!R6 ,I C\LDN'T HAVE IMAG9$ ,ALEC WAS GO+ TO LIVE ) H] = TWO YE>S6 ,SO IT WASN'T BECAUSE ( Y\ ?AT ,I SP5T ALL ?AT TIME WAIT+60 

0,IS ?AT ALL Y\ DID1 ,M9NIE3 WAIT8 ,?OSE YE>S MU/ HAVE BE5 SIMIL> TO M9E2 ,I WAIT$ = ,JOSE'S RELEASE FROM PRISON40 

0,I BROKE UP ) ,DAMAN ONCE & = ALL40 

0,:Y JU/ !N1 ,M9NIE8 ,WASN'T IT !N ?AT ,DAMAN F9ALLY GOT A JOB 9 A FACTORY8 ,WASN'T ?AT :AT Y\ HAD WANT$ HIM TO DO AFT] Y\ BO? GRADUAT$80 

0,I WAS SURPRIS$ :5 ,I LE>N$ Y\ W]E CLOSE TO HIM1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I HOPE ?IS DOESN'T (F5D Y\4 BUT IT TOOK ME ALL ?OSE YE>S TO FIGURE \T ?AT ,DAMAN WAS A J]K4 ,YES1 HE GOT A FACTORY JOB1 AFT] HE GOT HIS DOCTORATE 9 PHILOSOPHY4 ,& AS SOON AS HE />T$ WORK+ HE CAUS$ A SPLIT 9 ! ORGANIZATION4 ,HE SUDD5LY BECAME ! WORLD'S GREATE/ AU?ORITY ON ! WORK+ CLASS4 ,HIS =M] COMRADES1 9CLUD+ ME1 W]E SUDD5LY B\RGEOIS 9TELLECTUALS ) NO ROOTS 9 ! WORK+ CLASS4 ,HE />T$ BR++ HIS ONE RECRUIT TO ! MEET+S1 A COMPLETE IGNORAMUS :O GOT HIS POLITICS FROM TELEVISION SPORTS ANN\NC]S4 ,DAMAN 9SI/$ ON ABSOLUTE SIL5CE :5EV] HIS BASEBALL EXP]T FELT LIKE MAK+ A COMM5T4 ,! MEET+S BECAME WEEKLY LECTURES ON BATT+ AV]AGES1 BUT NOT = LONG4 ,!RE HAD BE5 EI<T ( US2 ?REE PEOPLE QUIT POLITICS ALTOGE!R2 F\R ( US />T$ GETT+ TOGE!R AT MY AP>TM5T2 ,DAMAN & HIS RECRUIT APP>5TLY CONT9U$ TO HOLD WEEKLY MEET+S2 ,I WASN'T EV5 9T]E/$ 5\< TO F9D \T :AT HAPP5$ TO \R =M] MEET+ PLACE4 ,ALEC />T$ ATT5D+ ! MEET+S AT MY AP>TM5T4 ,HE WAS LIKE A BOMB4 ,HE F9I%$ (F :AT WAS LEFT ( ! ORGANIZATION40 

0,ALEC LEFT ,LUISA BECAUSE HE BECAME 9T]E/$ 9 Y\R ORGANIZATION80 ,I ASK$4 

0,WELL 9 FACT YES & NO1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I RAN 9TO HIM BY *ANCE AT A MAJOR POLITICAL RALLY4 ,I HADN'T SE5 HIM = TWO YE>S4 ,I SAW PEOPLE !RE :OM ,I HADN'T SE5 = EV5 LONG]4 ,LEM ,ICEL WAS !RE TOO4 ,I EV5 LOOK$ = Y\4 ,LEM & ,ALEC HAD APP>5TLY JU/ SE5 EA* O!R :5 ,I SAW ! TWO ( !M4 ,ALEC WAS 9TRODUC+ ,LEM TO Y\R MO!R4 ,I GREET$ ALL ?REE ( !M AS OLD ACQUA9TANCES1 & ?AT WAS ?AT4 ,ALEC ASK$ ME :AT ,DAMAN & ,I W]E DO+1 & ,I TOLD HIM ,I WAS V]Y 9VOLV$ 9 ! ACTIVITY ( A NEW POLITICAL T5D5CY & NO LONG] SAW ,DAMAN4 ,A FEW DAYS LAT] HE CALL$4 ,HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE = HAV+ DROPP$ ME SO COMPLETELY TWO YE>S E>LI]4 ,HE DIDN'T EXPRESS 9T]E/ 9 ME BUT 9 ! ORGANIZATION ,I HAD BRIEFLY M5TION$4 ,HE TOLD ME HE WAS READY TO BECOME S]I\SLY 9VOLV$ 9 POLITICAL ACTIVITIES2 HE WANT$ TO DO MORE ?AN ATT5D RALLIES4 ,HE TOLD ME HE'D BE5 READ+ AB\T ! ?IRD WORLD & AB\T ! <ETTO1 & ?AT HE WAS SICK ( JU/ READ+ AB\T IT4 ,I TOLD HIM :5 \R GR\P MET4 ,I ALSO TOLD HIM ,I DIDN'T C>E TO HAVE ANY?+ TO DO ) HIM \TSIDE ! POLITICAL MEET+S4 ,& ,I MEANT IT4 ,I WAS SURE HIS SUDD5 POLITICAL COMMITM5T WAS NO?+ BUT AN ACT1 & ,I WAS FURI\S4 ,HE />T$ COM+ REGUL>LY TO \R MEET+S4 ,HE WAS BY F> ! MO/ DYNAMIC MEMB] ( ! GR\P4 ,I ?\<T Y\ HAD SOMEH[ TRANS=M$ HIM4 ,I HAD NEV] SE5 HIM SO CONC5TRAT$1 SO LOGICAL OR SO ELOQU5T4 ,HE CAME TO F\R OR FIVE MEET+S & MADE NO ADVANCES T[>D ME4 ,BUT ONE NI<T HE /AY$ AFT] EV]YONE ELSE LEFT4 ,HE TOLD ME HE WANT$ TO CL>IFY SOME POLITICAL QUE/IONS ?AT W]E BO!R+ HIM4 ,I LO/ MY HEAD1 ,SOPHIE4 ,ALEC HAD BE5 ON MY M9D EV] S9CE ?AT EV5+ 9 HIS KIT*51 :5 ,I'D LE>N$ HE WANT$ ME4 ,I DON'T REMEMB] :AT IT WAS HE WANT$ TO KN[2 ,I DON'T ?9K ,I KNEW EV5 !N4 ,I HAD TO CONSUMMATE :AT ,I'D 9T]RUPT$ TWO YE>S E>LI]4 ,I ASK$ HIM TO /AY LONG]4 ,I TALK$ TO HIM AB\T ANY?+ ?AT COME 9TO MY M9D4 ,I WANT$ TO F9D \T IF HE WAS /ILL LOYAL TO Y\1 IF HE'D SP5D A FEW H\RS AWAY FROM Y\4 ,I HOP$ HE WAS /ILL FICKLE2 ,I NO LONG] C>$ :E!R OR NOT ,I WAS Y\R SECOND4 ,HE /AY$4 ,WE TALK$ AB\T ,OMISSIONS1 AB\T ! G>AGE1 AB\T H]O91 AB\T Y\R MO!R1 AB\T EV]Y?+ & EV]YONE EXCEPT Y\4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HAD RETA9$ CONTACT ) ,T$ AFT] HE'D LEFT ! G>AGE1 ?AT ,T$ AS WELL AS ,JOSE HAD TURN$ AGA9/ ! H]O9 PU%]1 & ?AT ,JOSE HAD BE5 >RE/$4 ,HE ALSO TOLD ME H[ 9TELLIG5T & WELL-READ Y\R MO!R WAS2 HE SEEM$ SURPRIS$ ?AT SOMEONE :O HAD SP5T H] LIFE WORK+ KNEW SO MU* AB\T SO MANY ?+S4 ,IT GOT V]Y LATE1 & ,ALEC ASK$ IF HE C\LD /AY YET LONG]4 ,I HAD BE5 WAIT+ = ?AT QUE/ION = YE>S4 ,I TOLD HIM ,I ONLY HAD ONE B$4 ,I HAD ALWAYS IMAG9$ ?AT Y\R LOVE AFFAIRS W]E FILL$ ) ANIMAL PASSION1 & ,I HAD ALWAYS 5VI$ Y\ ,SOPHIE4 ,ALEC MOV$ 9 ) ME2 \R LOVE LA/$ = ALMO/ TWO YE>S4 ,?OSE YE>S W]E SEXUALLY ! FULLE/ YE>S ( MY LIFE4 ,UNTIL TODAY ,I HAD ?\<T ,ALEC HAD LEFT Y\ :5 HE'D MOV$ 9 ) ME1 & SAY+ !SE ?+S TO Y\ FILLS ME ) EXCITEM5T4 ,PLEASE =GIVE ME1 ,SOPHIE --0 

0,I'M GLAD ,I F\ND Y\ AGA91 ,M9NIE4 ,PLEASE DON'T /OP40 

0,I REALLY CAN'T GO ON1 ,SOPHIE1 ,9 A WAY ,I CAN UND]/& :Y Y\ W5T FROM ,ALEC TO ,DAMAN4 ,9 SPITE ( HIS RIGIDITY1 ,DAMAN WAS ALWAYS SO CONSID]ATE1 SO G5TLE1 & ABOVE ALL SO SCRUPUL\SLY FAIR4 ,ALEC WAS A MON/]4 ,HE TOOK EV]Y?+ \T ( ME1 LEFT ME COMPLETELY DRA9$4 ,I DON'T JU/ MEAN SEXUALLY4 ,POLITICALLY TOO4 ,SOME?+ HAD HAPP5$ TO HIM DUR+ ! TWO YE>S BE=E HE MOV$ 9 ) ME4 ,HE KEPT TELL+ ME ?AT ! TURN+ PO9T 9 HIS LIFE HAD BE5 ! CONFRONTATION HE'D HAD ) ,SAB9A ! FIR/ TIME HE'D VISIT$ Y\ 9 ! G>AGE4 ,%E HAD *>ACT]IZ$ HIM AS A SLAVE TO ANY CAPITALI/ :O B\<T HIM4 ,IT OBVI\SLY WASN'T ! ?\<T ?AT WAS NEW TO HIM1 BUT ! BEA/LY WAY 9 :I* %E MU/ HAVE SAID IT TO HIM4 ,HE TOLD ME IT WAS BECAUSE ( ,SAB9A'S *>ACT]IZATION ?AT HE'D QUIT HIS JOB & MOV$ 9TO ! G>AGE4 ,& IT CONT9U$ BO!R+ HIM AFT] HE SAW ?R\< ,SAB9A & H] 'BOOT/RAP OP]ATION4' ,HE APP>5TLY DECID$ ?AT ! ONLY MEAN+FUL HUMAN ACTIVITY WAS ! TOTAL DE/RUCTION ( ! CAPITALI/ CLASS 9 ALL ITS MANIFE/ATIONS1 9 ! COLONIES AS WELL AS ! <ETTOS4 ,?AT ATTITUDE CO9CID$ P]FECTLY ) \R T5D5CY'S POLITICAL PROGRAM4 ,! FACT IS ?AT :5 HE'D />T$ COM+ TO ! MEET+S1 HE HAD BE5 DRAWN TO ! ORGANIZATION MORE ?AN TO ME4 ,?AT'S IRONIC TOO1 ISN'T IT8 ,HE WAS ! ONLY ONE ( ! N9E PEOPLE 9 ! GR\P :O HAD NO JOB4 ,HE SP5T ALL HIS TIME READ+ & ATT5D+ MEET+S4 ,( C\RSE HE AUTOMATICALLY BECAME ! $ITOR & DI/RIBUTOR ( ! T5D5CY'S NEWSPAP]4 ,BE=E LONG IT WAS ,ALEC'S ORGANIZATION4 ,ALEC /OPP$ CONSULT+ ! O!R MEMB]S BE=E HE MADE MAJOR DECISIONS1 & ?IS CAUS$ ANO!R SPLIT -- OR RA!R1 ! MAJORITY ( ! GR\P 3 PURG$' ,ALEC = MAK+ HIMSELF A 'DICTATOR4' ,ONLY ?REE ( ! N9E /UCK ) ,ALEC3 ,I1 ,]IC1 :O IS /ILL A FRI5D ( M9E1 & A SIXTE5-YE> OLD GIRL1 ,C>M51 :O WAS CONNECT$ ) A GR\P ?AT EV5TUALLY DE/ROY$ ! LITTLE ?AT WAS LEFT4 ,HE HAD MET ,C>M5 :ILE DI/RIBUT+ ! T5D5CY NEWSPAP]4 ,H] BRO!R WAS ONE ( ?REE REBELS :O TRI$ TO />T A RADICAL BOOK%OP 9 ! HE>T ( ! <ETTO4 ,!Y W]E CONT9UALLY H>ASS$ BY ! POLICE4 ,ALEC LE>N$ ?AT ONE ( ! ?REE DEALT 9 DOPE4 ,HE MADE A SC5E AB\T IT1 >GU+ ?AT ! RADICALIZ+ EFFECT ( ! BOOKS WAS NEGAT$ BY ! DOPE4 ,C>M5 AGRE$ ) ,ALEC IMM$IATELY1 & H] BRO!R WAV]$4 ,!Y W]E DIRECTLY AFFECT$1 S9CE !Y LIV$ RI<T ABOVE ! BOOK%OP4 ,C>M5 />T$ TO ATT5D ORGANIZATION MEET+S4 ,ALEC WALK$ H] HOME AFT] ! MEET+S1 & HE ALWAYS RETURN$ TO MY AP>TM5T4 ,BUT ,I HAD TO MAKE A /UPID SC5E4 ,I KNEW MY TWO YE>S W]E UP4 ,I BLEW UP AS SOON AS HE RETURN$ ONE NI<T4 ,I TOLD HIM ,I C\LD SUPPORT HIM ) MY TEA*+ JOB1 BUT ,I C\LDN'T POSSIBLY SUPPORT HIS FRI5DS4 ,I JU/ W5T SILLY4 ,C>M5 & H] GR\P W]E COMPLETELY SELF-SUPPORT+1 & ! FACT ?AT ,I %>$ MY B$ & MY MEALS ) ,ALEC HAD NEV] BE5 A BURD5 TO ME4 ,ALEC RI<TLY 9T]PRET$ MY \TBUR/ AS A DEF5SE ( WAGE LABOR1 & HE MADE ?AT A P]FECT PRETEXT = 5D+ \R RELATION%IP4 ,HE CALMLY TOLD ME HE HAD EXP]I5C$ SIMIL> \TBUR/S BE=E -- FROM HIS FA!R1 :OM HE'D HAT$ S9CE HIS BOYHOOD4 ,HE ACT$ AS IF ,I'D EVICT$ HIM4 ,HE PACK$ HIS LITTLE BAG RI<TE\SLY & WALK$ \T ( MY LIFE AS IF WE W]E 5EMIES40 

0,POOR ,M9NIE6 ,HE DID TO Y\ :AT ,I HAD DONE TO HIM ! NI<T ,I LEFT ! G>AGE4 ,I SPAT ON HIM & ?REW A BOTTLE AT HIM4 ,DID Y\ EV] SEE HIM AGA980 

0,I NEV] RID MYSELF ( HIM1 ,SOPHIE1 ANY MORE ?AN HE EV] RID HIMSELF ( Y\4 ,I ?9K ! RADICAL BOOK%OP1 ! CAMPAIGN AGA9/ H]O9 & EV5 ,C>M5 H]SELF W]E ALL CONNECT$ 9 HIS M9D ) Y\4 ,HE MOV$ 9 ) ,C>M5 ABOVE ! BOOK%OP1 & HE & ,C>M5 CONT9U$ TO ATT5D ! ORGANIZATION MEET+S4 ,ALEC TOOK AN 9T]E/ 9 ! BOOK%OP & HE SUCCE$$ 9 GETT+ ! H]O9 DEAL] \T ( IT4 ,ONE NI<T ,C>M5 CALL$ ME FROM JAIL4 ,%E1 H] BRO!R & ,ALEC HAD BE5 >RE/$ & *>G$ ) BE+ H]O9 DEAL]S4 ,I W5T TO ! TRIAL4 ,AL?\< ,I KNEW NO?+ AT ALL AB\T LAW !N1 ,I KNEW ?AT TRIAL WAS AN ABSOLUTE SC&AL4 ,!Y W]E DEF5D$ BY A C\RT-APPO9T$ LAWY]4 ,NO?+ AT ALL WAS F\ND UP/AIRS OR D[N/AIRS4 ,ONE WITNESS TE/IFI$ HE HAD ONCE B\<T A JO9T 9 ! BOOK%OP4 ,BUT ! PROSECUTOR RANT$ & RAV$ AB\T ! RADICAL BOOKS2 HE LI/$ ONE AFT] ANO!R TITLE2 HE READ LONG EXC]PTS AB\T PEASANTS COLLECTIVELY BEAT+ OR HANG+ L&LORDS1 POLICEM5 & 9=M]S4 ,! DEF5SE LAWY] RAIS$ NO OBJECTIONS4 ,ALL ?REE W]E S5T5C$ TO SIX MON?S )\T A %R$ ( EVID5CE4 ,:5 ! ?REE ( !M W]E RELEAS$1 !Y ATT5D$ ONLY ONE MORE MEET+ ( ! ORGANIZATION4 ,!Y HAD PREP>$ A SKIT BE=E COM+4 ,C>M5 ANN\NC$ DRAMATICALLY ?AT ! TIME TO TALK HAD 5D$ & ! TIME = ACTION HAD COME4 ,ALEC SAID ACTION MEANT >M$ ACTION1 & ,C>M5'S BRO!R OP5$ ! BOX !Y HAD BR\<T & GAVE A RIFLE TO EV]Y ONE 9 ! ROOM6 ,I CALL$ !M A 'SUICIDE SQUAD' & RAN TO MY ROOM CRY+4 ,]IC JO9$ !M1 ,:AT W\LD Y\ HAVE DONE80 

0,I W\LD HAVE RUN TO MY ROOM CRY+1 ,M9NIE4 ,DO Y\ EV5 HAVE TO ASK80 

0,I HAD NEV] BE5 SO ALONE 9 MY :OLE LIFE1 ,SOPHIE4 ,= ! FIR/ TIME S9CE ,I'D />T$ COLLEGE ,I WAS )\T AN ORGANIZATION1 )\T FRI5DS1 )\T ANY ACTIVITY EXCEPT ?AT /UPID TEA*+ JOB4 ,I SP5T MY DAYS POLIC+ KIDS & GOT HOME EXHAU/$ & DISGU/$ ) MYSELF4 ,I C\LDN'T /& :AT ,I WAS BECOM+4 ,?AT WAS :5 ,I DECID$ TO 5ROLL 9 LAW S*OOL4 ,I KN[ EXACTLY :AT Y\ ?9K ( LAWY]S1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I AGREE COMPLETELY4 ,I AGRE$ !N TOO40 

0,I CAN'T JUDGE Y\1 ,M9NIE1 NOT ANY MORE4 ,I WAS DRIFT+ BACK TO S*OOL >\ND ! TIME Y\ />T$ LAW S*OOL1 & ,I DRIFT$ ) MANY LESS SCRUPLES ?AN Y\ MU/ HAVE HAD --0 

0,!Y W]5'T EXACTLY SCRUPLES1 ,SOPHIE1 BUT SOME?+ LESS4 ,I /ILL AGRE$ ) ,ALEC1 ,I /ILL ?\<T ! ONLY WOR?:ILE ACTIVITY WAS TO DE/ROY CAPITALISM 9 ANY WAY POSSIBLE1 BUT ,I DIDN'T TRANSLATE ?AT TO A PRACTICE ( *AS+ D[N & %OOT+ DOPE DEAL]S OR FI<T+ COPS 9 ! /REET2 ?AT K9D ( ACTIVITY SEEM$ TOO MU* LIKE SWATT+ FLIES (F G>BAGE CANS )\T REMOV+ ! G>BAGE4 ,BUT ! FACT IS ?AT ,I DIDN'T KN[ H[ TO TRANSLATE MY POLITICAL IDEAS 9TO ANY K9D ( PRACTICE --0 

0,I HAD ALMO/ ! SAME EXP]I5CE ) ,JOSE4 ,MAYBE ! SUICIDE SQUAD WAS ! ONLY WAY \R COMMITM5TS C\LD BE TRANSLAT$ 9TO PRACTICE --0 

0,IF SO1 !N ,I'VE BECOME AS MU* ( A RE=MI/ AS ,DAMAN4 ,I NEV] WANT$ TO BELIEVE ?AT1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I HAD ALWAYS ?\<T SOME K9D ( POLITICAL ACTIVITY O!R ?AN SUICIDE1 ORGANIZ$ ACTIVITY1 C\LD BE MEAN+FUL & G5U9ELY RADICAL4 ,I NEV] %>$ ,DAMAN'S ILLUSION ?AT ONE C\LD FUNCTION MEAN+FULLY )9 ! SY/EM1 PREA*+ TO FUTURE BOSSES AB\T ! REVOLUTION AT ! PO9T ( PRODUCTION4 ,BUT ,I CAN'T EV5 SAY ?AT HONE/LY4 ,I HAD SOME ILLUSIONS :5 ,I />T$ LAW S*OOL4 ,I WAS SICK ( POLIC+ KIDS4 ,I HAD BE5 5ORM\SLY IMPRESS$ BY ! F\L TREATM5T ,ALEC1 ,C>M5 & H] BRO!R HAD RECEIV$ 9 C\RT4 ,I TOLD MYSELF MY FUNCTION C\LD BE LESS EXPLICITLY A POLICE FUNCTION1 MY TIME C\LD BE MORE MY [N --0 

0,& IS IT LESS ( A POLICE FUNCTION80 

0,Y\ KN[ DAMN WELL IT ISN'T1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I'M P>T ( AN 5ORM\S APP>ATUS4 ,I MOVE BY ITS RULES1 NOT IT BY M9E4 ,MY TIME IS LESS MY [N N[ ?AN IT EV] WAS BE=E4 ,I />T$ PRACTIC+ A YE> & A HALF AGO1 AB\T SIX MON?S BE=E ! RIOT4 ,DUR+ ! RIOT ,I DEF5D$ VICTIMS ( POLICE H>ASSM5T1 ILLEGAL 5TRY1 ILLEGAL >RE/1 BEAT+S4 ,I F\ND O!R SO-CALL$ RADICAL LAWY]S & JO9$ ! COOP]ATIVE ,I'M /ILL )4 ,WE WORK$ ) A GR\P ?AT CALL$ ITSELF A COMMITTEE AGA9/ REPRESSION --0 

0,LUISA WAS ON ?AT COMMITTEE60 

0,REALLY8 ,I NEV] RAN 9TO H]4 ,I HAD JU/ B>ELY />T$ ?AT WORK :5 ,I WAS /RUCK BY A BL[ ?AT 9CAPACITAT$ ME = MON?S4 ,I DON'T ?9K ,I CAN TELL IT )\T BREAK+ D[N2 IT WAS SO AWFUL --0 

0,IS IT AB\T ,ALEC8 ,Y\ DON'T HAVE TO --0 

0,I DO HAVE TO1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I CAN'T GO ON KEEP+ IT LOCK$ UP 9SIDE ME1 & Y\'RE ! ONLY P]SON 9 ! WORLD ,I CAN %>E ! PA9 )40 

0,DON'T MAKE ME CRY BE=E Y\ EV5 />T1 ,M9NIE4 ,BUT PLEASE TELL ME4 ,I WANT TO KN[40 

0,AFT] ! MEET+ :5 ,ALEC1 ,C>M5 & H] BRO!R BROKE UP ! ORGANIZATION1 ,]IC MOV$ 9 ) !M ABOVE ! BOOK%OP4 ,]IC WAS ! ONLY ONE ( ! GR\P :O VISIT$ ME P]IODICALLY4 ,!Y DID EXACTLY :AT !Y ADVOCAT$4 ,!Y CON/ITUT$ !MSELVES 9TO AN >M$ SELF-DEF5SE GR\P4 ,NEXT TIME ! POLICE W\LD RAID ! BOOK%OP !Y'D HAVE TO %OOT IT \T ) 'URBAN GU]RILLAS1' AS ! F\R CALL$ !MSELVES4 ,!Y SP5T A :OLE YE> TRY+ TO CONV9CE PEOPLE 9 !IR NEI<BORHOOD TO >M !MSELVES AGA9/ :AT ,ALEC CALL$ '! OCCUPATION =CES1' BY :I* HE MEANT ! POLICE4 ,ACCORD+ TO ,]IC1 ,ALEC ALSO KEPT TRACK ( ALL ! H]O9 DEAL]S 9 ! NEI<BORHOOD1 & HE PAID SPECIFIC ATT5TION TO ONE DEAL] :O SUPPOS$LY 'S]VIC$' ! 5TIRE REGION FROM A B> PROTECT$ BY ! POLICE4 ,!Y SPOKE ( H]O9 DEAL]S AS RATS4 ,:5 ! RIOT BROKE \T ,ALEC ANN\NC$ ! TIME HAD COME TO RID ! NEI<BORHOOD ( ALL ! RATS4 ,! BOOK%OP WAS NE> ! HE>T ( ! RIOT >EA & WAS LEFT COMPLETELY UNH>M$ BY ! CR[DS ?AT LOOT$ & BURN$ ALL ! %OPS ON BO? SIDES ( IT4 ,ALL F\R ( !M HAD ! IMPRESSION ! REVOLUTION HAD BROK5 \T1 & !Y W]E EAG] TO TAKE P>T 9 IT2 !Y SP5T A LONG TIME >GU+ AB\T ! =M !IR P>TICIPATION %\LD TAKE4 ,ALEC SETTL$ ! >GUM5T BY GRABB+ A H&GUN & %\T+1 ',?IS IS H[ ,I'M P>TICIPAT+2 ,I'M GO+ TO GET HIM6' ,C>M5'S BRO!R HESITAT$2 HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO HURT 9NOC5T PEOPLE4 ,C>M5 /UFF$ A GUN 9TO H] PURSE1 PULL$ ,ALEC \T ( !IR AP>TM5T & %\T$ AT ! O!R TWO1 ',Y\'RE ALREADY TOO LATE1 & !RE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME6' ,C>M5 & ,ALEC WALK$ ?R\< EXCIT$ CR[DS T[>D ! B> :]E ! REGIONAL H]O9 DEAL] DID HIS BUS9ESS4 ,]IC & ,C>M5'S BRO!R FOLL[$ !M4 ,!RE W]E NO POLICE PROTECTORS NE> ! B>2 ?AT DAY !Y W]E BUSY ELSE:]E1 & ! HE>T ( ! RIOT >EA WAS NOT ! SAFE/ PLACE = !M4 ,ALEC & ,C>M5 MOV$ T[>D ! B> %\T+1 ',GET ! DOPE PU%]S6' & ',CLE> \T ! RATS6' ,AT ! B> 5TRANCE !Y BO? PULL$ \T !IR GUNS & %\T$1 ,?IS IS ! ORIG9 ( ALL ! H]O9' & 'H]E'S ! BIGGE/ RAT 9 ! COMMUNITY4' ,AN 5ORM\S CR[D GA!R$ 9 FRONT ( ! B>4 ,SOME PEOPLE %\T$ 5C\RAGEM5T2 MO/ PEOPLE />$ CURI\SLY4 ,ALEC & ,C>M5 5T]$ ! B> WAV+ !IR GUNS4 ,BUT ! CR[D ATTRACT$ ! ATT5TION ( ! =CES ( LAW & ORD]4 ,A TANK & A NATIONAL GU>D UNIT W]E PROVOK$ BY IT4 ,! TANK AIM$ ITS GUN AT ! HE>T ( ! CR[D1 & ! SOLDI]S />T$ BEAT+ PEOPLE1 =C+ !M TO DISP]SE4 ,]IC WAS SEP>AT$ FROM ,C>M5'S BRO!R BUT KEPT HIS EYES GLU$ TO ! 5TRANCE ( ! B>4 ,HE SAW ,ALEC & ,C>M5 COME \T GR9N+ VICTORI\SLY1 /ILL WAV+ !IR GUNS4 ,]IC %\T$ AS L\DLY AS HE C\LD TO !M1 PO9TLESSLY4 ,ALEC & ,C>M5 TURN$ & />T$ TO RUN BACK 9TO ! B>4 ,!Y W]E %OT D[N BY MA*9E GUNS40 

0,M9NIE1 ?AT'S AWFUL --0 

0,]IC /ILL HAS NI<TM>ES AB\T IT4 ,?AT WAS AN AWFUL ?+ TO SEE4 ,C>M5'S BRO!R COMMITT$ SUICIDE A FEW DAYS LAT]40 

,M9NIE WAS %AK+4 ,I HELP$ H] LIE D[N ON ! C\* & PUT A BLANKET OV] H]4 ,I WAS CRY+4 

0,I %OOK ?IS WAY = DAYS :5 ,]IC TOLD ME AB\T IT1 & ,I /ILL %AKE :5EV] ,I ?9K AB\T IT4 ,I HAD OPPOS$ ,ALEC'S VIGILANTE T]RORISM FROM ITS ORIG9S1 BUT ,I DIS9TEGRAT$ :5 ,]IC TOLD ME H[ ,ALEC & ,C>M5 DI$4 ,MAYBE Y\'RE RI<T2 MAYBE ?AT WAS ! ONLY WAY TO TRANSLATE \R COMMITM5T 9TO PRACTICE4 ,I CAN'T HELP ADMIR+ !IR C\RAGE4 ,FICKLE AS HE WAS1 ,ALEC REMA9$ TRUE TO ! ONE GOAL HE SET HIMSELF4 ,EV] S9CE HIS 5C\NT] ) ,SAB9A HE HAD CONV9C$ HIMSELF HE C\LDN'T COEXI/ ) ! RUL+ ORD]1 & HE LIV$ & DI$ = ?AT CONVICTION4 ,]IC WANT$ TO COMMIT SUICIDE TOO4 ,HE FELT HE HAD NO RI<T TO BE ! ONLY ONE ALIVE4 ,HE HAD PL$G$ HIMSELF TO ! GR\P1 & HE FELT HE HAD BETRAY$ ,ALEC & ,C>M5 BY LETT+ !M V5TURE \T BY !MSELVES4 ,HE KNEW ?AT IF HE & ,C>M5'S BRO!R HAD /OOD GU>D \TSIDE ! B>1 !Y W\LD HAVE KN[N AB\T ! >RIVAL ( ! NATIONAL GU>D1 & !Y'D HAVE W>N$ ,ALEC & ,C>M5 9 TIME2 !Y C\LD ALL HAVE ESCAP$ BY ! B>'S RE> 5TRANCE4 ,9/EAD !Y HAD LET ,ALEC & ,C>M5 EM]GE PR\DLY 9TO :AT !Y EXPECT$ TO BE A *E]+ & WELCOM+ CR[D1 ! GRATEFUL COMMUNITY4 ,]IC TORTUR$ HIMSELF ) GUILT2 HE KNEW ?AT ! SAME ?\<TS HAD L$ ,C>M5'S BRO!R TO KILL HIMSELF40 

,I REVIV$ ,M9NIE SOME:AT ) A DR9K & ASK$1 0,:]E'S ,]IC N[80 

0,]IC & ,I LIVE TOGE!R10 %E TOLD ME4 0,WE HAVE S9CE ! RIOT4 ,HE WORKS 9 AN AUTO PLANT1 & HE'S ONE ( ! FIVE PEOPLE 9 ! NEW POLITICAL T5D5CY WE />T$ SEV]AL MON?S AGO4 ,HE'S A V]Y G5TLE & CONSID]ATE P]SON1 & V]Y SCRUPUL\S AB\T %>+ ! WORK AS WELL AS ! BURD5S4 ,I'M SURE Y\'LL LIKE HIM40 

,BE=E ,M9NIE LEFT ,I ASK$ H] IF %E KNEW :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO ! O!R PEOPLE WE HAD KN[N DUR+ \R UNIV]SITY DAYS1 & ,I TOLD H] ALL ,I KNEW AB\T ,LEM1 ,RHEA AS WELL AS ,DAMAN4 

0,I NEV] HE>D ( ,?UR/ON OR ,BESS AGA910 %E TOLD ME4 0,I READ AB\T ,HU< 9 A NEWSPAP] SOMETIME REC5TLY4 ,HE'S SOME K9D ( AU?ORITY 9 ONE ( ! SCI5CES2 ,I ?9K ! >TICLE WAS AB\T A LECTURE HE WAS TO DELIV] AT A SUBURBAN COLLEGE --0 

0,HU<' -- A LECTUR]80 

0,I'LL TRY TO LOOK HIM UP1 ,SOPHIE4 ,IF ,I F9D HIM & HE'S NE>BY1 %\LD ,I ASK IF HE C\LD GET TOGE!R ) US80 

0,I'D LOVE ?AT1 ,M9NIE60 

,I TRI$ NOT TO CRY ANY MORE UNTIL ,M9NIE LEFT4 ,H] ACC\NT ( ,ALEC'S LIFE & HIS HORRID DEA? /IRR$ UP A GREAT DEAL 9 MY LIFE TOO4 ,I HAD BE5 SO VICI\S TO HIM4 ,9 ! 5D ,ALEC1 LIKE ,JOSE1 HAD TRI$ TO ACT \T1 AT LEA/ 9 SOME PRACTICAL =M1 ! PROJECT ,I HAD ONLY DREAM$ AB\T4 ,9 HIS [N WAY ,ALEC HAD BE5 A ,NA*ALO & HAD DI$ LIKE HIM4 ,:5 ,M9NIE & ,I P>T$1 WE BO? KNEW WE W]E GO+ TO BE SEE+ A LOT ( EA* O!R FROM N[ ON4 

,Y\R LETT] >RIV$ TWO DAYS AFT] ,M9NIE'S VISIT & ,DAMAN TELEPHON$ LAT] ?AT DAY4 ,AS ,I'VE LE>N$ TO EXPECT1 ,DAMAN =GOT EV]Y?+ ?AT'S HAPP5$ REC5TLY EXCEPT ! FACT ?AT ,I'M \T ( A JOB4 0,IT'S AN OP5+ ?AT DOESN'T CALL = ANY HI<] CR$5TIALS ?AN A MA/]'S DEGREE2 ,I ?\<T Y\ MI<T BE 9T]E/$1 9 CASE Y\'RE /ILL \T ( A JOB40 

0,I'M \T ( A JOB4 ,DAMAN1 & \T ( A PROJECT1 BUT ,I'M NOT 9T]E/$ 9 ANO!R TEA*+ JOB4 ,H[ AB\T COM+ OV] JU/ TO TALK1 AB\T OLD TIMES1 AB\T ,ALEC = 9/ANCE80 

0,I CAN'T1 ,SOPHIE10 HE TOLD ME4 0,I'VE SUDD5LY GOT MORE ?+S TO DO ?AN ,I HAVE TIME4 ,I ?\<T ,I HAD RECRUIT$ ,LUISA1 BUT IT TURNS \T %E RECRUIT$ ME TO ?AT COMMITTEE ( H]S --0 

0,! REPRESSION COMMITTEE80 ,I ASK$4 0,IF Y\ WON'T COME OV] TO TALK1 !N H[ AB\T GIV+ ,T$ & ME A RIDE TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE8 ,HE /ILL HASN'T GOTT5 HIS C> BACK2 IT WAS IMP\ND$ BY ! POLICE4 ,& HE'D LOVE TO SEE Y\ AGA94 ,HE WAS SO IMPRESS$ BY Y\ T5 YE>S AGO1 HE /ILL REMEMB]S Y\ --0 

,EXCEPT = AN EXCURSION HE'D TAK5 ) ,SAB9A TO TRY TO GET HIS C> BACK1 ,T$ HAD BE5 SP5D+ HIS DAYS ! SAME WAY ,I HAD3 MOP+ >\ND ! H\SE ) NO?+ TO DO4 ,T$ HAD 9 FACT TOLD ME HE'D LIKE TO SEE ! PEOPLE :O HAD VISIT$ ME 9 ! G>AGE2 HE HAD LIK$ ,ALEC A GREAT DEAL1 & HE'D ?\<T !Y W]E ALL LIKE ,ALEC4 ,BUT ,T$ MU/ HAVE BE5 DISAPPO9T$4 ,DAMAN CAME1 %OOK ,T$'S H& %[+ NO SIGN HE HAD EV] SE5 ,T$ BE=E1 & TOLD HIM1 0,NICE SEE+ Y\ AGA92 H[ MANY YE>S W]E Y\ 9 JAIL BECAUSE ( ?AT H]O9 BUS9ESS80 ,T$ & ,DAMAN HAD NO?+ MORE TO SAY TO EA* O!R ON ! WAY TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE4 

,9 ! C> ,I ASK$ ,DAMAN IF HE KNEW H[ ,ALEC HAD DI$4 

0,( C\RSE10 HE TOLD ME4 0,HE WAS GUNN$ D[N 9 LA/ YE>'S NOT40 

0,:Y DIDN'T Y\ TELL ME80 

0,I'M SORRY1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I LE>N$ AB\T IT AB\T A MON? AFT] IT HAPP5$1 & ,I DIDN'T SEE Y\ = ALMO/ A YE> AFT] ?AT4 ,I GUESS ,I =GOT --0 

0,BUT Y\ NEV] =GET TO TELL ME AB\T OP5+S = COLLEGE 9/RUCTORS60 

0,I SAID ,I WAS SORRY1 ,SOPHIE6 ,& :AT'S SO ODD AB\T MY TELL+ Y\ AB\T JOB OP5+S :5 ,I KN[ Y\ NE$ A JOB80 

0,NO?+1 ,DAMAN1 ABSOLUTELY NO?+6 ,Y\ HAVE A P]FECT S5SE ( TIM+60 ,I WAS REF]R+ TO SOME?+ HE'D TOLD ME A YE> AGO1 RI<T AFT] ,I'D BE5 FIR$ FROM ! FIR/ JOB HE'D HELP$ ME F9D4 ,HE DIDN'T SEEM TO RECOGNIZE ! REF]5CE4 

,DAMAN IS SU* A BIZ>RE P]SON4 ,HE SEEMS TO HAVE A DIFF]5T SET ( /&>DS & PATT]N ( BEHAVIOR = EA* ( ! COMP>TM5TS 9 :I* HE LIVES HIS LIFE4 ,I TRI$ TO GET CLOSE TO HIM DUR+ MY YE> 9 GRADUATE S*OOL4 ,I FELT V]Y LONELY AMONG /UD5TS :O W]E T5 YE>S Y\NG] ?AN ,I4 ,!IR CONC]NS & 9T]E/S HAD LITTLE 9 COMMON ) M9E1 ,I'VE NEV] BE5 SPONTANE\SLY SOCIABLE1 & UNTIL A FEW WEEKS AGO ! POSSIBILITY ( =M+ A LIAISON ) A LOV] T5 YE>S Y\NG] ?AN ,I NEV] CROSS$ MY M9D4 ,DAMAN TOLD ME AB\T 9T]E/+ POLITICAL EV5TS2 HE *ATT$ BRIEFLY AFT]W>DS1 BUT HE DIDN'T ONCE PICK ME UP OR TAKE ME HOME4 ,HE DIDN'T BECOME A FRI5D UNTIL ,I GOT MY DEGREE ?REE YE>S AGO1 :5 HE HELP$ ME GET MY FIR/ TEA*+ JOB4 ,I BECAME HIS 0COLLEAGUE0 & !RE=E ALSO HIS FRI5D A YE> & A HALF AFT] ,I FIR/ 5ROLL$ 9 HIS C\RSE4 ,I WAS HIR$ TO TEA* ONE C\RSE4 ,HIS TEA*+ DAY BEGAN AT NOON1 & ,I TAU<T MY C\RSE ON ,TUESDAYS & ,?URSDAYS1 9 ! AFT]NOON4 ,FROM ! FIR/ DAY ( CLASSES HE PICK$ ME UP & DROVE ME TO S*OOL2 ,I READ ON ! GRASS OR 9 ! LIBR>Y UNTIL HIS TEA*+ DAY 5D$1 & !N HE DROVE ME BACK HOME4 ,ONE ,TUESDAY AFT]NOON HE 9VIT$ ME TO D9N] AT HIS AP>TM5T4 ,I LE>N$ :AT IT WAS ?AT ,M9NIE1 & LAT] ,LUISA1 LIK$ AB\T HIM4 ,9 ! PRIVACY ( HIS AP>TM5T HE WAS AN ALTOGE!R TRANS=M$ ,DAMAN4 ,ALL HIS P]SONAL & POLITICAL RIGIDITY W]E GONE4 ,HE WAS ! MO/ ?\<TFUL & CONSID]ATE MAN ,I'VE EV] BE5 CLOSE TO4 ,I LE>N$ ?AT HE ALWAYS COOK$ SUPP] = HIMSELF1 NOT TO SAVE MONEY1 BUT BECAUSE HE PREF]R$ HIS [N MEALS TO ANY?+ HE C\LD ORD] 9 RE/AURANTS4 ,& ! MEAL HE PREP>$ = ME REALLY WAS SPL5DID2 ,LUISA IS A GOOD COOK1 BUT NOT COMP>$ TO ,DAMAN4 ,HE WA%$ ALL ! DI%ES AS SOON AS WE W]E DONE EAT+1 & ?AT FIR/ NI<T HE DIDN'T EV5 LET ME DRY !M4 ,AFT] C(FEE & A BRIEF *AT HE VOLUNTE]$ TO DRIVE ME HOME1 0,UNLESS Y\'D LIKE TO GO \T ON ! T[N0 -- :I* ( C\RSE ,I DID4 ,WE W5T TO A MOVIE ?AT WAS %[N 9 A UNIV]SITY AUDITORIUM4 ,:5 WE CAME \T ,I PUT MY H& 9 HIS & HAD HIM RETRACE ! WALK WE HAD TAK5 EXACTLY T5 YE>S E>LI]1 :5 WE'D C>RI$ ! C(F9 ( ! DEAD UNIV]SITY NEWSPAP]4 ,HE DIDN'T REALIZE WE HAD RETRAC$ ! PA? ( ?AT MOCK FUN]AL UNTIL ! V]Y 5D1 :5 WE /OPP$ BE=E ! CLOS$ 5TRANCE ( ! BUILD+ 9 :I* ! NEWSPAP] (FICE WAS LOCAT$4 ,HE LOOK$ AT ME SADLY4 0,I KN[ H[ MU* ?AT MEANT TO Y\1 ,SOPHIE2 IT MEANT A LOT TO ME TOO40 ,I ASK$ HIM1 0,W\LD Y\ M9D TAK+ ME BACK TO Y\R AP>TM5T80 ,I HAD FALL5 9 LOVE ) ,DAMAN'S AP>TM5T & ) ,DAMAN'S BEHAVIOR 9SIDE IT4 ,HIS AP>TM5T WAS CLEAN & MODE/ YET EXTREMELY COM=TABLE2 IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE CONTRA/ TO ,>T'S FIL?Y LITTLE READ+ ROOM ) AN UNMADE B$4 ,DAMAN DID ALL HIS WORK 9 HIS (FICE 9 ! UNIV]SITY4 ,HE US$ HIS AP>TM5T = COOK+1 EAT+1 READ+ & SLEEP+1 & EV]Y?+ 9 HIS AP>TM5T WAS P]FECTLY >RANG$ TO MAKE !SE ACTIVITIES AS 5JOYABLE AS !Y C\LD BE4 ,HE HAD A D\BLE B$1 BUT ,I DIDN'T ASK IF ANYONE HAD %>$ IT ) HIM BE=E ME4 ,HE HAD BROK5 UP ) ,M9NIE LONG BE=E HE HAD BE5 ABLE TO AF=D ?AT AP>TM5T4 ,S9CE ALL HIS ACQUA9TANCES W]E POLITICAL1 & S9CE HE DIDN'T MIX POLITICS ) HIS PRIVATE LIFE1 ,I DIDN'T SEE H[ HE C\LD HAVE HAD A SEXUAL RELATION%IP ) ANY O!R WOMAN1 UNLESS %E HAD 9VIT$ H]SELF AS ,I HAD4 ,DAMAN'S COMP>TM5TS W]E SO MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE ?AT HE DIDN'T KEEP ANY POLITICAL OR PHILOSOPHICAL BOOKS 9 HIS AP>TM5T4 ,HIS S+LE %ELF CONTA9$ ONLY LIT]>Y CLASSICS &1 ( ALL ?+S1 BOOKS ( POETRY4 ,I HAD NEV] IMAG9$ ,DAMAN SITT+ 9 HIS AP>TM5T READ+ POETRY1 BUT ,I HAD NEV] IMAG9$ ! RE/ ( HIS 0PRIVATE0 LIFE EI!R4 ,= SLI<TLY LESS ?AN A YE> 7,I WAS FIR$ BE=E ! 5D ( ! S*OOL YE>7 ,I 0LIV$0 ) ,DAMAN TWO DAYS \T ( EV]Y WEEK1 FROM ,TUESDAY AT NOON1 :5 HE PICK$ ME UP = MY FIR/ CLASS1 TO ,?URSDAY AFT]NOON1 :5 HE DROVE ME BACK AFT] MY LA/4 ,I REMEMB] ?OSE DAYS ) A C]TA9 NO/ALGIA4 ,UNLIKE ,>T1 ,DAMAN TOOK NO?+ = GRANT$4 ,EV]Y ,TUESDAY AFT]NOON1 BE=E DRIV+ TO HIS AP>TM5T1 HE SCRUPUL\SLY ASK$1 0,:]E TO80 ,HE SOMETIMES LET ME HELP COOK1 BUT ,I DIDN'T ONCE COOK ALONE1 & ,I NEV] DID ! %OPP+4 ,I WA%$ DI%ES ONLY :5 HE WASN'T HOME = D9N]1 :I* HAPP5$ V]Y R>ELY1 & ON ?OSE OCCASIONS HE LEFT A PREP>$ MEAL = ME 9 ! REFRIG]ATOR6 ,UNLIKE ANY O!R MAN ,I'VE KN[N 7,I'VE NEV] LIV$ ) Y\71 ,DAMAN UND]/OOD ?AT NOT KN[+ H[ TO COOK OR CLEAN OR WA% DI%ES PRESUPPOS$ ! EXI/5CE ( 0PROLET>IANS0 -- WOM5 PROLET>IANS -- :O KNEW H[ TO DO ALL !SE ?+S4 ,HE DID ALL ?IS = HIMSELF1 NOT O/5TATI\SLY BUT QUIETLY & MATT]-(-FACTLY4 ,HIS 5TIRE AP>TM5T WAS SPOTLESS :5EV] ,I /EPP$ 9TO IT4 ,I NEV] ONCE EV5 HAD A *ANCE TO MAKE ! B$2 HE HURRI$LY DID ?AT :ILE ,I BRU%$ MY TEE?4 ,9 HIS AP>TM5T HE WAS ! MO/ DEC5T & ?\<TFUL P]SON ,I'VE KN[N4 ,BUT AS SOON AS HIS 0SOCIAL ROLE0 WAS 9 QUE/ION1 OR :AT HE TOOK TO BE M9E1 HE BECAME 9SUPPORTABLE4 

,ON ! JOB HE HELP$ ME F9D ?REE YE>S AGO ,I WAS SUPPOS$ TO TEA* A CONV5TIONAL C\RSE 9 9TRODUCTORY SOCIOLOGY4 ,I IMM$IATELY TURN$ IT 9TO ! ONLY /UDY ( SOCIETY ?AT 9T]E/$ ME3 ! /UDY ( ITS OV]?R[4 ,I HAD BE5 TOLD TO USE ONE ( TWO 0/&>D0 TEXTBOOKS1 BUT ,I DIDN'T READ OR ASSIGN OR DISCUSS EI!R TEXTBOOK4 ,I GAVE \T A LI/ ( BOOKS CONTA9+ MO/ ( ! TITLES ,I HAD TAK5 TO ,JOSE 9 PRISON4 ,! CLASSROOM SESSIONS W]E POLITICAL >GUM5TS AB\T REVOLUTIONS & LIB]ATION MOVEM5TS4 ,9 ! RECORD BOOKS ,I GAVE ALL /UD5TS ! HI<E/ M>K :E!R OR NOT ,I HAD EV] SE5 !M4 ,I QUICKLY GA9$ A REPUTATION AS A 0FACULTY RADICAL10 & /UD5TS NOT 5ROLL$ 9 MY CLASS />T$ TO ATT5D 9 ORD] TO 5GAGE 9 POLITICAL >GUM5TS4 ,MEMB]S ( /UD5T POLITICAL GR\PS ASK$ _*E TO BE ! FACULTY 0SPONSOR0 ( !IR ORGANIZATIONS1 A =MALLY :I* WAS NE$$ = !M TO HAVE ACCESS TO UNIV]SITY FACILITIES4 ,I ALSO ATT5D$ SOME ( ! MEET+S ( ! GR\PS ,I 0SPONSOR$10 & ,I LE>N$ SOME?+ AB\T ! UNROMANTIC SIDE ( ! 0/UD5T MOVEM5T40 ,I SAW ! POLITICIANS & MANIPULATORS TRANS=M+ REBELLI\S /UD5TS 9TO PASSIVE TOOLS2 ,I SAW :AT Y\'VE CALL$ ! GR& PUPPET %[4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T G5]ALIZE FROM SU* 9SI<TS & EXP]I5CES4 ,I VAGUELY AGRE$ ) ,DAMAN ?AT ! G5U9E REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T W\LD 9 ANY CASE NOT BEG9 AMONG /UD5TS BUT 9 ! FACTORIES1 0AT ! PO9T ( PRODUCTION40 ,I HAD LE>N$ ?AT FROM ,LUISA4 ,I DIDN'T FIGURE \T ?AT ! 0ORGANIZATION0 ( ! WORK+ CLASS :I* WAS GO+ TO MAKE ?AT REVOLUTION POSSIBLE1 ! UNION 9 ALL ITS V>I\S %APES & =MS1 PLAY$ ! SAME ROLE 9 ! FACTORIES AS ! POLITICIANS ,MID MANIPULATORS PLAY$ AMONG ! REBELLI\S /UD5TS4 ,I ONLY LE>N$ ?AT V]Y REC5TLY1 & L>GELY FROM Y\1 AL?\< LA/ YE>'S RIOT GAVE ME SOME CLUES4 ,EV]Y?+ ?AT WAS 0ORGANIZ$10 FROM ! ,/ATE TO ! T9IE/ 0RADICAL0 SECT1 WAS OPPOS$ TO ! SPONTANE\S C>NIVAL ATMOSPH]E ?AT SUDD5LY TOOK HOLD ( ?IS CITY4 ,! RIOT BROKE \T :5 MY SECOND TEA*+ T]M WAS HALF OV]4 ,I ?\<T :AT ,I'D ALWAYS WAIT$ = WAS AT LA/ HAPP5+4 ,MASSIVE REBELLION BROKE \T 9 ! /REETS2 :OLE BLOCKS ( BUILD+S BURN$2 C>EFULLY PRIC$ COMMODITIES CIRCULAT$ AS FREELY AS CONFETTI4 ,I WANT$ TO BE P>T ( IT ALL & DRIFT$ 9TO IT 9 MY USUAL /YLE4 ,A MAN TRY+ TO RUN ) TWO TELEVISION SETS %\T$ TO ME TO GRAB ONE ( !M4 ,I RAN HOME ) IT AS PR\DLY AS IF ,I'D C>RI$ \T A REVOLUTION>Y ACT4 ,:5 ,I NEXT MET ) MY CLASS ,I WAS ALMO/ ANGRY AT /UD5TS :O HADN'T TAK5 P>T 9 ! LOOT+4 ,AS ,I TOLD Y\ 9 ONE ( MY FIR/ LETT]S1 ,I WAS PROMPTLY FIR$4 ,& :5 ,I LO/ MY JOB1 MY RELATION%IP ) ,DAMAN 5D$ 9 A BITT] >GUM5T4 ,I WASN'T P>TICUL>LY UPSET AB\T LOS+ ! LOB1 S9CE ! PAY WAS SC&AL\SLY L[ & ,I HAT$ BE+ P>T ( ! ACADEMIC BUREAUCRACY4 ,BUT ,DAMAN WAS FLU%$ ) ANG]4 0,A CLASSROOM ISN'T ! BE/ PLACE TO C>RY PICKET SIGNS60 HE %\T$ AT ME :5 ,I TOLD HIM :Y ,I'D BE5 FIR$4 ,I TOLD HIM ANGRILY1 0,I WASN'T C>RY+ PICKET SIGNS6 ,I WAS 5C\RAG+ /UD5TS TO LOOT1 RIOT & /EAL 9/EAD ( SITT+ 9 ?AT /UFFY ROOM LI/5+ TO AN IDIOT LIKE ME60 ,HE RETORT$1 0,! REVOLUTION ISN'T GO+ TO BREAK \T 9 A UNIV]SITY CLASSROOM60 ,I TOLD HIM ,I DIDN'T EXPECT ANY?+ AT ALL TO HAPP5 9 A UNIV]SITY CLASSROOM4 ,?AT WAS :5 HE TOLD ME1 0,Y\ HAVE A BAD S5SE ( TIM+1 ,SOPHIE60 ,I BLEW UP4 0,TOTALLY UNLIKE Y\1 ,DAMAN6 ,Y\ HAVE A P]FECT S5SE = TIM+ & PLAC+ & CATALOG+6 ,Y\ HAVE A DIFF]5T MASK = EV]Y CUBBY HOLE Y\ MOVE ?R\<3 ANG] = POLITICAL MEET+S1 CONDESC5SION = CLASSROOMS1 C\RAGE = /RIKES1 SUBMISSIV5ESS = MEET+S ) SUP]IORS1 K9DNESS = ANIMALS & DEC5CY ONLY 9 ! PRIVACY ( Y\R AP>TM5T4 ,Y\'RE NOT A HUMAN BE+ BUT A FIL+ CAB9ET60 ,HE TRI$ TO RESPOND PATI5TLY1 NAMELY CONDESC5D+LY1 0,SOPHIE1 IF Y\'RE GO+ TO KEEP A TEA*+ JOB --0 ,I BROKE 91 CRY+ ) FRU/RAT$ ANG]1 0,DON'T Y\ UND]/& :AT ! NOT MEANT8 ,PEOPLE EXPRESS$ 9 ACTS JU/ H[ !Y FEEL AB\T ! PRECI\S 9/ITUTIONS Y\ S]VE6 ,!Y HATE ?OSE 9/ITUTIONS1 !Y FEEL OPPRESS$ BY !M1 !Y'D LIKE NO?+ BETT] ?AN TO BURN !M ALL TO ! GR\ND4 ,DON'T Y\ FEEL ! SLI<TE/ BIT A%AM$ TO P>ADE 9 FRONT ( ?AT CLASSROOM EX]CIS+ AU?ORITY GIV5 TO Y\ BY ! /ATE80 ,HE WALK$ AWAY FROM ME2 HIS FACE EXPRESS$ %OCK$ DISBELIEF4 ,I CALL$ HIM AB\T A MON? LAT] TO APOLOGIZE = MY \TBUR/ & TO ?ANK HIM = ALL HE HAD DONE = ME4 ,I DIDN'T HE> FROM HIM AGA9 = OV] A YE>4 

,:5 ,DAMAN HAD CALL$ F\R DAYS AGO TO TELL ME AB\T YET ANO!R JOB OP5+ ,I HAD TOLD HIM ,I WANT$ TO TALK TO HIM1 & ?AT ,T$ WAS EAG] TO SEE HIM AGA94 ,BUT NEI!R ,T$ NOR ,I SAID ANY?+ TO HIM = ! RE/ ( \R TRIP TO ! BUILD+ :]E ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE HAS ITS (FICES4 ,IT WAS ONLY :5 WE W]E 9SIDE ! BUILD+ ?AT IT OCCURR$ TO ME TO ASK1 0,:Y DID ,LUISA RECRUIT Y\ 9TO ?IS COMMITTEE1 ,DAMAN8 ,:AT 9 ! WORLD DO Y\ DO H]E8 ,/UFF 5VELOPES80 

,HE TOLD ME1 0,LUISA FEELS ! COMMITTEE'S WORK LACKS POLITICAL DIRECTION4 ,%E ?9KS ,I CAN HELP PROVIDE A C]TA9 AM\NT ( COH]5CE BY TAK+ P>T 9 SOME ( ! ACTIVITIES1 = 9/ANCE BY CONTRIBUT+ A C]TA9 AM\NT ( RESE>* & SIMPLY BY 5GAG+ 9 SOME ( ! DISCUSSIONS40 

,I COMM5T$ S>CA/ICALLY1 0,SO Y\'RE SORT ( AN IDEOLOGICAL DIRECTOR ( ! 5T]PRISE40 

,DAMAN SNICK]$ BUT MISS$ MY S>CASM ALTOGE!R4 0,I SUPPOSE Y\ C\LD CALL IT ?AT40 

0,SOME?+ LIKE ! M9I/] ( ! COMMITTEE'S IDEOLOGICAL DEP>TM5T10 ,I W5T ON4 

,HE SAID1 ALMO/ ) PRIDE1 0,I W\LDN'T GO QUITE ?AT F> --0 

0,NO4 ,I SUPPOSE Y\ DON'T EXPECT TO REA* ! /AGE ( GOV]NM5T PORTFOLIOS UNTIL AFT] ! REVOLUTION40 

0,IT'S NOT A QUE/ION ( REVOLUTION H]E BUT ( REPRESSION10 HE TOLD ME1 ADD+ ! EXPECT$1 0,! QUE/ION ( REVOLUTION IS GO+ TO BE RESOLV$ ON ! %OP FLOOR --0 

0,:AT >E Y\ DO+ H]E !N80 ,I ASK$ HIM4 0,I ?\<T ! ONLY TASK ( A REVOLUTION>Y WAS TO --0 

,DAMAN DIDN'T RESPOND4 ,WE HAD BO? HE>D EA* O!R'S >GUM5TS BE=E4 ,HE ESCORT$ ,T$ & ME TO A ROOM FULL ( PEOPLE1 ! ROOM ,I HAD WALK$ 9TO AFT] LA/ YE>'S RIOT4 ,LUISA CAME RU%+ T[>D ,DAMAN4 0,?IS IS ,T$1 ! PR9T]10 ,DAMAN TOLD H]4 

,)\T EV5 LOOK+ AT ME1 ,LUISA %OOK ,T$'S H& EAG]LY & TOLD HIM1 0,I REALLY 5JOY$ MY LESSON 9 PR9T+1 & ,I CAN'T TELL Y\ H[ GLAD ,I AM ?AT Y\ CAME H]E4 ,! COMMITTEE ACQUIR$ A PR9T+ PRESS A FEW DAYS AGO1 BUT NO ONE H]E IS ABLE TO GET IT GO+40 ,%E WAS CALL$ AWAY TO ! TELEPHONE4 ,:ILE TALK+ ON ! PHONE %E ASK$ ,DAMAN IF HE HAD F9I%$ AN >TICLE4 ,HE H&$ IT TO H]2 %E GLANC$ AT IT CONT9U+ H] PHONE CONV]SATION1 & !N H&$ IT TO A Y\NG WOMAN :O WAS TYP+4 ,:5 %E GOT (F ! PHONE %E ASK$ ,T$1 0,W\LD Y\ M9D HAV+ A LOOK AT ?AT PR9T+ MA*9E80 

,I HAD R>ELY SE5 ,LUISA 0AT WORK40 ,I WOND]$ IF ?IS WAS ! ,LUISA Y\ HAD KN[N 9 ! C>TON PLANT1 IF ?IS WAS ! ,LUISA :O HAD RECRUIT$ ,NA*ALO 9TO ! 0G5U9E WORK]S' ORGANIZATION40 ,%E SEEM$ JU/ LIKE A POLITICAL BOSS4 ,! ACTIVITY 9 ?AT ROOM WAS ID5TICAL TO ! ACTIVITY ?AT HAD F9ALLY REPELL$ ME YE>S AGO4 :5 ,I HAD TRI$ TO ESCAPE FROM ! DRUDG]Y ( MY JOB 9 ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY4 ,YET ,LUISA DIDN'T SEEM AT ALL BOR$4 ,I SUPPOSE ! FACT ?AT %E'S HELD ! SAME FACTORY JOB = TW5TY YE>S 9DICATES ?AT H] TOL]ANCE = BOR$OM IS 9F9ITELY HI<] ?AN M9E4 ,BUT %E DIDN'T SEEM M]ELY TO TOL]ATE ! BOR$OM4 ,%E SEEM$ TO 5JOY IT1 TO BE FULFILL$ BY IT1 ! WAY MONKS & NUNS SEEM FULFILL$ :ILE P]=M+ DULL TASKS4 ,! GRATIFICATION DOESN'T COME FROM !IR S5SES1 BUT FROM ! KN[L$GE ?AT EV]Y MOM5T ( DRUDG]Y IS YET ANO!R S]VICE P]=M$ = ! ,LORD1 OR 9 ,LUISA'S CASE1 = ! ,ORGANIZATION4 ,IT /RUCK ME ?AT ! ROOM ,I WAS LOOK+ AT WAS SOME?+ LIKE A MICROCOSM ( ALL ( ,LUISA'S 0ORGANIZATIONS40 ,! ACTIVITY 9 & ( ITSELF IS ! DULLE/1 MO/ REPETITI\S ACTIVITY P]=M$ 9 ! BUREAUCRATIC SOCIETY4 ,BUT ?IS ACTIVITY IS TRANS=M$ 9TO SOME?+ GRATIFY+ & 5JOYABLE ! MOM5T A ,DAMAN1 AN ,ALB]TS OR A ,ZABRAN DEF9E ITS 0POLITICAL DIRECTION40 ,! PURPOSE ( H] ORGANIZ+ HAS BE5 TO PROVIDE ! POLITICAL DIRECTORS ) /AFFS ( FLUNKIES4 ,H[ LUDICR\S IT IS ?AT ,DAMAN1 ?AT C>ICATURE ( A FRAGM5T$ HUMAN BE+1 HIMSELF A PAT*WORK ( CONTRADICTIONS1 HIMSELF UNABLE TO CONNECT HIS POLITICS ) ! O!R CLOS$ COMP>TM5TS ?AT COMPOSE HIS LIFE1 %\LD BE ! ONE TO PROVIDE 0POLITICAL DIRECTION0 TO O!RS6 ,& H[ SC&AL\S ?AT ,LUISA %\LD HAVE SACRIFIC$ H] [N LIFE TO ! TASK ( RECRUIT+ 9DEP5D5T SPIRITS TO ! S]VICE ( SU* GODS4 

,:5 ,I HAD ASK$ ,DAMAN TO TAKE ,T$ & ME TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE1 ,I HAD =GOTT5 ?AT ,>T ,S9I* MI<T BE !RE3 IT WAS 9 ?AT V]Y ROOM ?AT ,I'D SE5 ,>T AFT] LA/ YE>'S RIOT4 ,& ( C\RSE ,>T WAS !RE1 & HE RU%$ OV] TO ME AS SOON AS HE SAW ME4 ,I WASN'T GLAD TO SEE HIM1 BUT ,I %OOK HIS H& & ASK$ IF HE HAD TIME TO ACCOMPANY ME TO A NE>BY C(FEE %OP = A *AT4 ,I WANT$ TO LE>N JU/ H[ ,>T HAD COME TO BE LIV+ 9 MY ROOM AT ,LUISA'S H\SE UNTIL A FEW WEEKS AGO4 

,I 5D$ UP TREAT+ ,>T TO LUN* & SEV]AL CUPS ( C(FEE4 ,IT TURN$ \T ?AT ,>T'S LIFE WAS F> MORE 9T]TW9$ ) M9E ?AN ,I HAD EV] IMAG9$4 ,I LE>N$ YET ANO!R TIME ?AT ! 0RADICAL COMMUNITY0 9 ?IS CITY ) MILLIONS ( PEOPLE IS LIKE A CLOS$1 9CE/U\S FAMILY1 & BY N[ ,I PROBABLY KN[ EV]Y MEMB] ( IT2 ,I ALSO GOT A VIEW ( YET ANO!R UGLY UND]SIDE ( ?AT 0COMMUNITY40 

,>T HAD MET ,LUISA LONG BE=E ,I HAD EV] WALK$ 9TO ! PEACE MOVEM5T BUILD+4 ,:5 ,I SAW !M BO? 9 ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE LA/ YE> ,I ?\<T !Y HAD MET !RE2 ,I DIDN'T IMAG9E !Y HAD KN[N EA* O!R DUR+ ! YE>S :5 ,I HADN'T SE5 ,LUISA4 ,>T MET ,LEM ,ICEL AS LONG AS SEV5 YE>S AGO4 ,LEM HAD JU/ RETURN$ FROM HIS H>R[+ PRISON EXP]I5CE AFT] TRY+ TO DELIV] MY LETT]S1 & WAS LIV+ ) ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS4 ,>T WAS ALREADY 9VOLV$ 9 PEACE MOVEM5T ACTIVITY :5 ,LEM FIR/ WALK$ 9TO ! PEACE C5T]4 0,I MET ,LUISA AT A ?IRD WORLD RALLY10 ,>T TOLD ME4 0,LEM 9TRODUC$ ME TO A UNIV]SITY FRI5D ( HIS1 & ,LUISA WAS ) ?IS FRI5D40 ,?AT FRI5D1 ( C\RSE WAS ,ALEC4 ,EV]YONE ,I KNEW MU/ HAVE BE5 AT ?AT RALLY2 ,I WAS 9 ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY :5 IT TOOK PLACE4 0,IT'S FUNNY ! ?REE ( Y\ DIDN'T RUN 9TO EA* O!R :5 Y\ CAME TO ! PEACE C5T]10 HE SAID4 0,I MU/ HAVE SE5 ,LEM AT LEA/ F\R OR FIVE TIMES DUR+ ! WEEKS :5 Y\ CAME TO ! PEACE C5T]4 ,BUT ,LEM DIDN'T BR+ ,LUISA !RE UNTIL AFT] Y\ DID ME ! FAVOR ( LOOK+ UP ! MAID S]VICE PHONE NUMB] = ME4 ,HE 9TRODUC$ ME TO ,LUISA AGA91 AL?\< ,I REMEMB]$ H] FROM ! RALLY4 ,( C\RSE ,LEM DIDN'T KN[ ,I KNEW Y\1 & ,I C\LDN'T KN[ ,LUISA WAS Y\R MO!R4 ,EV5TUALLY ,LEM DROPP$ \T ( PEACE MOVEM5T ACTIVITIES ALTOGE!R1 BUT ,LUISA GOT MORE & MORE 9VOLV$4 ,LUISA & ,I F\ND ?AT WE UND]/OOD EA* O!R MU* BETT] ?AN %E & ,LEM EV] HAD4 ,HE />T$ TO LOOK = WAYS TO ESCAPE FROM RESPONSIBILITIES ?AT WE CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM1 BUT NEI!R ( US C\LD HELP HIM UND]/& ?AT4 ,HE WANT$ TO BE A H]MIT1 & S9CE ONE ( MY RELATIVES [N$ AN AB&ON$ E/ATE1 ,LUISA & ,I TOOK HIM TO ! TYPE ( 5VIRONM5T HE SAID HE WANT$4 ,LUISA WAS G5]\S 5\< TO 9VITE ME TO REPLACE ,LEM 9 H] H\SE4 ,EV5 !N ,I DIDN'T KN[ ,I WAS 9 Y\R H\SE1 ,SOPHIE2 

!RE WASN'T A S+LE PHOTOGRAPH ( Y\ 9 IT4 ,%E HELP$ ME UND]/& A LOT ( ?+S CORRECTLY1 BUT %E C\LDN'T GET ME TO UND]/& ?AT ! PEOPLE %E CALL$ WORK]S1 PEOPLE :O FILL$ !IR H\SES ) MAT]IAL ?+S1 C\LD BE CALL$ OPPRESS$4 ,I DIDN'T REALLY UND]/& ! MEAN+ ( OPPRESSION UNTIL AFT] LA/ YE>'S RIOT1 :5 ?IS COMMITTEE GOT />T$4 ,:5 ,I SAW Y\ LA/ YE> ,I HAD JU/ LEFT ! PEACE MOVEM5T AFT] ALMO/ T5 YE>S ( 9VOLVEM5T40 

,:5 ,I SAW ,>T LA/ YE> ,I HAD JU/ BE5 FIR$ FROM MY FIR/ TEA*+ JOB4 ,! MONEY ,I HAD SAV$ :5 ,I'D WORK$ 9 ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY HAD RUN \T DUR+ MY YE> 9 GRADUATE S*OOL1 & ,I HADN'T BE5 ABLE TO SAVE ANY ( ! MONEY ,I HAD E>N$ FROM MY TEA*+ JOB4 ,I WASN'T WORRI$ AB\T />V+ TO DEA?1 BUT ,I DIDN'T WANT ,SAB9A OR ,T9A TO PAY MY BILLS4 ,SO ,I TOOK ADVANTAGE ( ONE ( ! 9DIRECT B5EFITS BR\<T AB\T BY ! NOT4 ,IMM$IATELY AFT] ! RIOT1 /ATE 9/ITUTIONS :I* DISP5S$ RELIEF TO ! POOR 7IRONICALLY CALL$ 0WELF>E07 BECAME TEMPOR>ILY FLEXIBLE AS WELL AS 0G5]\S40 ,I HAD DRAWN A SMALL AM\NT ( UNEMPLOYM5T COMP5SATION AFT] ,I'D BE5 FIR$ FROM ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY1 BUT BE+ FIR$ FROM A TEA*+ JOB DIDN'T 0QUALIFY0 ME = ?AT TYPE ( SUBSIDY4 ,SO ,I W5T ON 0WELF>E40 ,& IT WAS 9 A WELF>E (FICE ?AT ,I RECEIV$ A LEAFLET ANN\NC+ A DEMON/RATION SPONSOR$ BY ! 0,COMMITTEE ,AGA9/ ,REPRESSION4 ,9C40 ,!RE W]E MANY /RANGE ?+S AB\T ! LEAFLET BESIDES ! NAME ( ! SPONSOR1 BUT IT DID CONDEMN ! WANTON KILL+S C>RI$ \T BY ! POLICE1 & IT RI<TLY PO9T$ \T ?AT ! POLICE W]E ! ONLY ONES :O HAD RIOT$ DUR+ ! 0RIOT40 ,?IS HAD BE5 P]FECTLY CLE> TO ME2 ! R$I/RIBUTION ( CONSUM] GOODS HAD BE5 C>RI$ \T 9 A V]Y ORD]LY & COOP]ATIVE MANN]1 9 ! SPIRIT ( A FEA/ OR A C>NIVAL1 C]TA9LY NOT A RIOT2 YET ALL ! NEWSPAP]S HAD DESCRIB$ ! EV5TS ) WORDS ?AT SUGGE/$ UN9T]RUPT$ & LIMITLESS VIOL5CE4 ,!RE W]E MANY FIRES1 BUT !Y W]E SY/EMATICALLY LIMIT$ TO 5T]PRISES ?AT W]E KN[N TO PRACTICE ! WOR/ EXPLOITATION & EXTORTION4 ,I W5T TO ! DEMON/RATION ON ! DATE ANN\NC$ ON ! LEAFLET4 ,! EV5T ATTRACT$ ?IRTY DEMON/RATORS1 IF ?AT MANY4 ,! GR\P TOOK A TWO-H\R WALK ALONG CITY SIDEWALKS C>RY+ SIGNS ) T]RIBLY4 UNIMAG9ATIVE SLOGANS2 MORE ?AN HALF ! DEMON/RATORS LEFT ALONG ! WAY4 ,I /AY$ ) ! GR\P1 MORE \T ( CURIOSITY 1 ?AN CONVICTION4 ,IMAG9E MY SURPRISE :5 SOMEONE BEH9D ME GRABB$ MY >M1 & ,I TURN$ & SAW ,LUISA4 ,I HADN'T SE5 H] S9CE ! NI<T :5 ,I'D RETURN$ HOME AFT] HUNT+ = ,HU< & DISCOV]$ H] ON ! LIV+ ROOM C\* ) ,ALEC4 0,9 ANO!R SEV5 YE>S ,I W\LDN'T HAVE RECOGNIZ$ Y\60 %E TOLD ME4 ,%E 9VIT$ ME TO VISIT ! GR\P'S (FICE1 & PR\DLY GAVE ME A T\R >\ND ! 5VELOPES1 ! ADDRESS+ MA*9E & ! /ACKS ( MIMEOGRAPH$ LEAFLETS M>K$ 0PRESS RELEASE02 IT WAS SIMIL> TO ! 5VELOPE-/UFF+ ROOM AT ! PEACE C5T]4 ,I IMAG9$ ?AT ! ADV]TIS+ (FICES FROM :I* ! RUL+ CLASS MANIPULATES ! SOCIETY ( CONSUM]S MU/ ALSO BE SIMIL>1 ONLY A LOT LESS MESSY & ) SWEPT FLOORS1 S9CE !Y C\LD AF=D TO PAY !IR PROLET>IANS4 ,WE W]5'T V]Y FRI5DLY TO EA* O!R1 WE BO? REMEMB]$ H[ WE'D P>T$1 & WE BO? REMEMB]$ ! BRIEF PHONE CONV]SATION WE'D HAD %ORTLY AFT] WE P>T$1 :5 NEI!R ( US HAD EXPRESS$ ANY 9T]E/ 9 SEE+ EA* O!R AGA94 ,I ASK$ S>CA/ICALLY :5 %E HAD GRADUAT$ FROM %OPFLOOR ORGANIZ+ TO WORK+ ) A 0,COMMITTEE ,9CORPORAT$40 ,%E TOLD ME %E HAD BECOME POLITICALLY ACTIVE AGA9 TWO YE>S AFT] ,I HAD LEFT H]1 :5 0A Y\NG MAN BY ! NAME ( ,LEM0 9TRODUC$ H] TO ! PEACE MOVEM5T4 0,BUT ! POLITICS ( ?OSE PEOPLE W]E ATROCI\S1 & ?IS COMMITTEE'S WORK IS MU* MORE LIKE ! WORK ,I'D LIKE TO DO40 ,I ASK$ H] :AT %E'D DONE DUR+ ! RIOT1 & ! VEHEM5CE ) :I* %E OPPOS$ IT AMAZ$ ME4 ,AMONG O!R ?+S1 %E %\T$1 0,WANTON ATTACKS ON ! PRODUCTIVE =CES >E NOT A REVOLUTION6 ,! WORK]S ,I F\<T ) AIM$ TO APPROPRIATE ! PRODUCTIVE =CES1 NOT TO DE/ROY !M60 ,%E HAD /AY$ HOME DUR+ ! RIOT LI/5+ TO H] RADIO4 0,IT S\ND$ AWFUL10 %E TOLD ME2 0A VA/ RELEASE ( P5T-UP FRU/RATION )\T ANY POLITICAL DIRECTION OR PROGRAM40 ,%E'D GOTT5 9T]E/$ ONLY :5 ! REPRESSIVE =CES ( ! /ATE HAD TRANS=M$ ! 0RIOT0 9TO A REAL RIOT4 0,WE'RE EXPOS+ ! FACT ?AT PROP]TY IS VALU$ F> HI<] ?AN HUMAN LIFE10 %E />T$ TO TELL ME4 BUT SOMEONE CALL$ H] AWAY TO ! PHONE1 TELL+ H]1 0,?IS IS Y\R DEP>TM5T1 ,LUISA2 SOME RADICAL UNION CAUCUS40 ,%E EXCUS$ H]SELF & PICK$ UP ! PHONE4 ,I SMIL$ TO H] COLDLY1 9DIFF]5TLY1 AS ,I BACK$ \T ( ! ,COMMITTEE ,AGA9/ ,REPRESSION ,9CORPORAT$1 \T ( ! BUILD+ & \T TO ! /REET4 ,JU/ AS ,I REA*$ ! FRE% AIR ,I RAN 9TO ,>T ,S9I* ON HIS WAY 9TO ! SAME BUILD+4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I DIDN'T CONNECT HIM ) ,LEM OR ) ,LUISA & ,I DIDN'T ASK HIM H[ OR :5 HE HAD MOV$ FROM ! PEACE MOVEM5T TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE4 ,WE /OOD BY ! BUILD+ 5TRANCE & *ATT$ BRIEFLY4 ,HE WANT$ TO 9VITE ME BACK UP TO ! 0(FICE10 BUT ,I TOLD HIM ,I HAD ALREADY SE5 IT4 ,NEI!R HE NOR ,I KNEW ?AT ! B$ 9 :I* HE SP5T HIS NI<TS HAD ONCE BE5 M9E4 

,I WAS MU* MORE CURI\S AB\T ,>T :5 ,I 9VIT$ HIM TO C(FEE F\R DAYS AGO4 ,I ASK$ HIM H[ HE HAD MANAG$ TO RECONCILE HIS PEACE PHILOSOPHY ) ! SIGNIFICANTLY DIFF]5T \TLOOK ( ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE4 

0,I /ILL DON'T CONDONE VIOL5CE10 HE TOLD ME4 0,BUT ,LUISA HELP$ ME UND]/& ?AT ! VIOL5CE ( ! OPPRESS$ ISN'T ! SAME AS ! VIOL5CE ( ! OPPRESSOR4 ,%E HELP$ ME UND]/& ?AT LIB]ATION CAN ONLY BE A*IEV$ ?R\< ORGANIZATION4 ,! ,COMMITTEE IS DEVOT$ TO ! BELIEF ?AT OPPRESS$ RACES C>RY ! SE$S ( LIB]ATION --0 

0,Y\ LE>N$ ?AT FROM ,LUISA80 ,I ASK$ ) DISBELIEF4 

0,LUISA DOESN'T AGREE ) EV]Y ONE ( ! ORGANIZATION'S POSITIONS10 HE TOLD ME4 

,I WAS RELIEV$ TO LE>N ?AT4 ,I ASK$ HIM H[ ,LUISA'S POSITIONS DIFF]$ FROM ! ORGANIZATION'S4 ,HE LAUN*$ 9TO A TIRADE ?AT MADE MY HEAD SWIM4 

0,EV] S9CE %E ASK$ ME TO LEAVE H] H\SE %E'S BE5 ACT+ FUNNY T[>D ME & T[>D ! RE/ ( ! COMMITTEE10 HE TOLD ME4 0,%E CLAIMS TO BR+ ?AT POLITICS PR(ESSOR TO ! COMMITTEE 9 ORD] TO GIVE ! COMMITTEE POLITICAL DIRECTION1 BUT 9 MY OP9ION %E'S TRY+ TO WRECK ! COMMITTEE4 ,IT'S BECOM+ CLE> TO ME ?AT %E DOESN'T REALLY UND]/& ! PROBLEM ( OPPRESSION4 ,%E DOESN'T UND]/& ?AT EV]Y RACE ( PEOPLE MU/ /RUGGLE = !IR SURVIVAL & FRE$OM4 ,& %E DOESN'T UND]/& ! REAL PURPOSE ( ! COMMITTEE4 ,%E & H] PR(ESSOR FRI5D SEEM TO BE /UCK ON ! OLD BELIEF ?AT ! KEY TO REVOLUTION IS SOME K9D ( MASS MOVEM5T4 ,!Y DON'T KN[ ?AT ! KEY TO REVOLUTION TODAY IS RACE1 RACIAL MOVEM5TS4 ,!Y DON'T SEE ?AT WE WON'T EV] BECOME A MASS MOVEM5T4 ,WE SEEK TO MAXIMIZE ! P[] & 9FLU5CE WE CAN EX]T AS AN ORGANIZ$ M9ORITY4 ,WE S]VE ! NE$S ( O!R ORGANIZATIONS & WE S]VE TO $UCATE ! PUBLIC AT L>GE4 ,WE AIM TO COORD9ATE ! ACTIVITIES ( ORGANIZATIONS EXPRESS+ ! WILL ( NATIONAL & RACIAL M9ORITIES --0 

,I HURRI$LY PAID ! BILL & RU%$ \T ( ! C(FEE %OP4 ,! HODGEPODGE ?AT CON/ITUT$ ,>T'S NEW PHILOSOPHY HAD A FAMILI>1 UGLY R+ TO IT4 

,I RETURN$ TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE & LOOK$ = ,T$4 ,I HAD A HEADA*E & WANT$ TO GO HOME ) HIM4 ,I W5T TO ! 0PRESS ROOM0 BEH9D ! (FICE TO LOOK = HIM4 ,SUDD5LY ,I FROZE 9 MY TRACKS4 ,:AT ,I FELT MU/ HAVE BE5 SIMIL> TO :AT Y\ FELT TW5TY YE>S AGO :5 Y\ /OPP$ BEH9D A PILL> & WAT*$ ,LUISA WALK \T ( ! C>TON PLANT ) H] >M 9 ,M>C ,GLAVNI'S4 ,T$ WAS B5D+ OV] ! PRESS1 TI<T5+ OR LOOS5+ SOME?+ ) A WR5*4 ,LUISA WAS 0LE>N+0 BY HOLD+ ON TO ,T$'S WAI/ ) H] LEFT H&1 H] :OLE BODY LEAN+ OV] ,T$'S1 H] *EEK ALMO/ RUBB+ AGA9/ HIS4 ,YES1 ( C\RSE ,I WAS JEAL\S2 9T5SELY SO4 ,BUT IT WASN'T ONLY JEAL\SY ?AT 9FURIAT$ ME4 ,I SUDD5LY SAW ,LUISA'S 5TIRE LIFE PROJECT1 ,I SUDD5LY UND]/OOD ,LUISA'S 0UNION10 ,I SUDD5LY GRASP$ H[ & :Y ,LUISA HAD SO SUCCESSFULLY COMB9$ H] SEXUAL ) H] POLITICAL ACTIVITY4 ,DAMAN ! RESE>*]1 ,DAMAN ! SPOKESMAN ( \R MOVEM5T1 ,DAMAN ! %EPH]D1 WAS 9 ! O!R ROOM PROVID+ 0POLITICAL DIRECTION40 ,BUT SOME ( ! %EEP1 NAMELY ,>T & HIS FRI5DS1 W]E ALREADY UND] ! TUTELAGE ( A DIFF]5T %EPH]D1 & ! POLITICAL DIRECTOR WAS ON ! V]GE ( BE+ LEFT )\T FOLL[]S4 ,! %EPH]D'S DOG WAS US+ H] 5TIRE BODY TO RECRUIT A NEW %EEP 9TO ! FLOCK1 TO PROVIDE H] POLITICAL DIRECTOR ) A NEW FOLL[]4 ,?IS WAS ,LUISA'S REV5GE = ! SC5E ,I HAD MADE ) ,PAT4 ,I TREMBL$ ) FURY AS ,I MOV$ T[>D !M4 

,LUISA TURN$ H] BACK TO ME AS SOON AS %E SAW ME4 ,%E TOLD ,T$1 0,WE C\LD SURE USE ! TAL5TS ( AN EXP]I5C$ PR9T] >\ND H]E4 ,W\LD Y\ BE WILL+ TO CONT9UE MY LESSON SOME O!R TIME1 & TO %[ ! RE/ ( ! /AFF H[ ?IS MA*9E WORKS80 

,T$ ACQUIESC$4 0,SURE4 ,I DON'T HAVE MANY O!R ?+S TO DO RI<T N[40 

,LUISA />T$ TO WALK PA/ ME \T ( ! ROOM4 ,I GRABB$ H] >M & TOLD H]1 0,IF Y\ ?9K Y\'RE ! ONE :O HAS A GRIPE AGA9/1 ME1 ,LUISA1 GET IT \T ( Y\R HEAD ?IS M9UTE --0 

,%E %OOK H]SELF \T ( MY GRASP & PULL$ ME ?R\< ! (FICE & \T TO ! HALL4 0,ALL RI<T1 ,SOPHIA6 ,LET'S HAVE IT \T ONCE & = ALL6 ,:Y DID Y\ RU9 MY RELATION%IP ) ,DAMAN80 

0,I ONLY WI% ,I HAD RU9$ IT60 ,I %\T$4 0,BUT ,I OBVI\SLY FAIL$ TO RU9 Y\R RELATION%IP TO Y\R AU?ORITY1 Y\R GOD6 ,I JU/ CAU<T Y\ 9 ! ACT ( SACRIFIC+ ANO!R VICTIM TO HIM60 

,LUISA PULL$ ME ALL ! WAY \T TO ! /REET1 :]E %E %\T$10,WE'RE GO+ TO HAVE IT \T1 Y\ & ,I1 BUT Y\'RE NOT GO+ TO EMB>RASS ME ONE MORE TIME60 ,%E HAIL$ A CAB1 PULL$ ME 9SIDE1 & TOLD ! DRIV] TO TAKE US TO H] H\SE4 0,ALL RI<T1 N[ HOLL] ALL Y\ WANT60 %E TOLD ME 9 ! BACK ( ! CAB1 RELEAS+ ME4 

0,DON'T Y\ ACCUSE ME ( DE/ROY+ ANY?+1 ,LUISA6 ,Y\'VE DEV\R$ C\NTLESS HUMAN LIVES = ! SAKE ( ?OSE BELOV$ AU?ORITIES ( Y\RS1 ?OSE PR(ESSORS ) ! WORK+ CLASS PROJECT 9 !IR HEADS6 ,LEAVE ,T$ ALONE1 W\LD Y\8 ,DIDN'T Y\ HAVE Y\R FILL ) ,NA*ALO & ,Y>O/AN & ,ALEC --0 

0,Y\'RE FEV]I% ) JEAL\SY1 ,SOPHIA6 ,Y\'RE ! MO/ CONV5TIONAL1 SPITEFUL1 N>R[ --0 

0,I US$ TO ?9K Y\ LOV$ ,NA*ALO4 ,I ADMIR$ Y\ = ?AT LOVE4 ,BUT Y\ DE/ROY$ HIM6 ,Y\'VE DRAGG$ EV]Y?+ HE /OOD = ?R\< MUD60 

0,/ICK TO Y\R PRES5T JEAL\SY1 Y\ IDIOT1 & DON'T TALK AB\T ?+S Y\ DON'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T60 %E %\T$4 ,%E PAID = ! CAB & ,I FOLL[$ H] 9TO H] H\SE4 

0,H[ LONG DID Y\ EXPECT ME TO GO ON KN[+ NO?+ AB\T ,NA*ALO80 ,I ASK$ H]4 ,WE BO? SAT D[N 9 ! LIV+ ROOM :]E ,I HAD SO REC5TLY FLAUNT$ MY 9DEP5D5CE FROM H]4 0,I KN[ ?AT ,T$ IS ANO!R ,NA*ALO TO Y\4 ,SAB9A TOLD ME ALL AB\T :AT ,NA*ALO /OOD =1 & ,I N[ KN[ HE HAD NO?+ 9 COMMON ) ?AT ORGANIZATION Y\ S]V$1 OR ITS SO- CALL$ POPUL> >MY4 ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS TOLD H] --0 

0,:ATEV] ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS TOLD H] WAS A LIE60 %E %\T$1 0,HE SP5T HIS LIFE JU/IFY+ HIS BETRAYAL ( HIS COMRADES AT ! FRONT40 

0,:5 DID Y\ DECIDE ,ALB]TS WAS LY+80 ,I ASK$ H]4 0,:5 ,TITUS ,ZABRAN RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT & TOLD Y\ ,NA*ALO HAD DI$ LIKE A H]O FI<T+ ALONGSIDE ,ZABRAN & ,ALB]TS 9 ! POPUL> >MY8 ,?AT CONFLICT$ ) :AT ,ALB]TS TOLD Y\1 DIDN'T IT8 ,ALB]TS TOLD Y\ HE & ,ZABRAN HAD F\<T AGA9/ PEOPLE LIKE ,NA*ALO1 DIDN'T HE80 

0,Y\'RE RAV+ AB\T ?+S Y\ CAN'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,ALB]TS C\LDN'T HAVE TOLD ,SAB9A ANY?+ UNTIL T5 YE>S AFT] ! EV5T6 ,& HE C\LDN'T HAVE REMEMB]$ ANY?+4 ,:5 HE RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT1 HE WAS DELIRI\S2 ,I ?\<T HIS M9D HAD BE5 AFFECT$4 ,HE RANT$ S5SELESSLY AB\T A FIR+ SQUAD1 & AB\T HAV+ %OT 9TO ! AIR4 ,AS = ,TITUS3 ,I DIDN'T VISIT HIM UNTIL SEV]AL WEEKS AFT] ,GEORGE RETURN$4 ,I KNEW ,GEORGE WAS LY+ -- HALLUC9AT+1 IF Y\ PREF] -- ! MOM5T HE GOT BACK FROM ! FRONT4 ,! ONLY ?+ ,I DID BELIEVE WAS ?AT HE'D %OT 9TO ! AIR4 ,I WAS SURE HE HAD DES]T$1 & HIS LIES W]E DESIGN$ TO COV] UP HIS C[>DICE4 ,HE HAD BE5 ! ONE :O HAD /AY$ HOME :5 ! RE/ ( US HAD GONE \T ON ! B>RICADES SEV]AL MON?S E>LI]4 ,9 HIS RAV+S1 HE CALL$ ,NA*ALO A REACTION>Y2 HE CALL$ HIM EV]Y?+ %ORT ( A DEFECTOR4 ,HE SAID HE & ,TITUS HAD RUN 9TO ,NA*ALO AT ! FRONT1 & ,NA*ALO HADN'T GREET$ HIS =M] FRI5DS AS COMRADES1 BUT AS 'R$ BUT*]S4' ,HE ACT$ AS IF ,NA*ALO W]E ! 5EMY --0 

0,!N Y\ ADMIT ?AT ! APP>ATUS ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN & Y\ S]V$ WAS OPPOS$ TO :AT ,NA*ALO & HIS COMRADES 9 ! MILITIA W]E FI<T+ = --0 

0,I ADMIT NO?+ ( ! SORT1 ,SOPHIA6 ,! SO-CALL$ CONFLICT BETWE5 ! MILITIA & ! POPUL> >MY WAS A LIE SPREAD BY ! FASCI/S4 ,!Y W]E BO? 9 ONE & ! SAME >MY1 ! UNION'S >MY1 ! >M$ WORK+ CLASS1 ! MO/ DEVOT$1 MO/ REVOLUTION>Y WORK]S4 ,EV]Y?+ WE DID 9 ! RE>1 EV5 MY ACTIVITY AS A TRANSPORTATION DELEGATE & TRAM DRIV]1 WAS A CONTRIBUTION TO ! POPUL> >MY'S VICTORY1 ! UNION'S VICTORY1 ,NA*ALO'S VICTORY1 :I* W]E ALL ONE & ! SAME VICTORY4 ,! MILITIA WAS NO?+ BUT ! FIR/ DETA*M5TS ( ! POPUL> >MY40 

0,?AT'S NOT TRUE1 ,LUISA6 ,! POPUL> >MY ABSORB$ ! MILITIA 9TO ITSELF ! SAME WAY Y\ ABSORB$ ,NA*ALO 9TO ! UNION1 & IT DE/ROY$ ALL ?OSE IT C\LDN'T ABSORB4 ,?AT'S :Y ,NA*ALO CALL$ ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN 'R$ BUT*]S'40 

0,Y\ KNEW MORE AB\T IT :5 Y\ W]E T5 YE>S OLD6 ',R$ BUT*]S' IS :AT ! FASCI/S CALL$ ! 5TIRE WORK+ CLASS6 ,GEORGE LE>N$ ! T]M FROM ! FASCI/S & HE US$ IT TO EXCUSE HIS DES]TION4 ,I W5T TO SEE ,TITUS 9 ! HOSPITAL AS SOON AS HE WAS ALL[$ VISITORS4 ,HE TOLD ME NEI!R HE NOR ,GEORGE C\LD HAVE HAD A CONV]SATION ) ,NA*ALO AT ! FRONT4 ,TITUS ALSO TOLD ME HE HAD LE>N$ FROM ,NA*ALO'S COMRADES ?AT ,NA*ALO HAD DI$ BRAVELY1 H]OICALLY1 FI<T+ ! FASCI/S2 HE DI$ EXACTLY AS HE HAD LIV$4 ,! UNIT WAS DEFEAT$ BECAUSE ( OV]:ELM+ ODDS AGA9/ !M1 BECAUSE ( FASCI/ SABOTAGE 9 ! RE>1 & ALSO BECAUSE ( SOME DEFECTIONS4 ,ALL HE SAID AB\T ,GEORGE WAS ?AT HE HAD DONE ! BE/ HE KNEW H[ TO DO1 BUT ,I ALREADY KNEW :AT ,GEORGE C\LD & C\LDN'T DO1 SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL ME MORE4 ,:5 ,I TOLD HIM :AT RUMORS ,GEORGE WAS SPREAD+ AMONG ,NA*ALO'S FRI5DS1 ,TITUS GREW AL>M$4 ,HE ?\<T1 & ,I AGRE$1 ?AT SU* RUMORS C\LD DE/ROY ! MORALE ( FI<T+ WORK]S & DO UNTOLD H>M4 ,AS SOON AS HE CAME \T ( ! HOSPITAL1 ,TITUS & ,I >RANG$ A MEMORIAL MEET+ = ,NA*ALO4 ,IT WAS ! LA/ UNION MEET+ HELD 9 MY AP>TM5T4 ,ALL ( ,NA*ALO'S & ,M>G>ITA'S COMRADES :O HAD REMA9$ 9 ! RE> ATT5D$ ! MEET+2 NONE RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT4 ,TITUS GAVE ! MA9 ORATION4 ,HE ADMITT$ HE HAD NEV] MET ,NA*ALO1 BUT HE TOLD EV]Y?+ HE HAD LE>N$ FROM ,NA*ALO'S COMRADES4 ,NA*ALO HAD DI$ LIKE A WORK+ CLASS H]O1 FI<T+ ALONGSIDE HIS COMRADES4 ,! VICTORY ( ! POPUL> >MY HAD BE5 HIS FIR/ PRIORITY1 & HE HAD URG$ SACRIFIC+ EV]Y?+ = ! SAKE ( ?AT VICTORY4 ,HE WAS DET]M9$ TO DIE BE=E ALL[+ A S+LE FASCI/ SOLDI] TO 5CROA* ON ! ACCOMPLI%M5TS ( ! WORK]S4 ,ALB]TS SAID NO?+ DUR+ ! 5TIRE MEET+4 ,HE NEV] AGA9 REPEAT$ ?OSE RUMORS AB\T ,NA*ALO4 ,I'M AMAZ$ HE WAS SO %AMELESS AS TO REPEAT ?OSE RUMORS TO ,SAB9A YE>S LAT]40 

0,Y\'RE ! ONE :O'S %AMELESS1 ,LUISA6 ,Y\'RE LY+6 ,Y\'VE BE5 LY+ TO Y\RSELF = ?IRTY YE>S4 ,Y>O/AN ASK$ ,TITUS AB\T ! POPUL> >MY ONLY A FEW DAYS AGO4 ,TITUS CALL$ IT A MI/AKE1 A BIG MI/AKE6 ,:AT ,TITUS TOLD ,Y>O/AN DIDN'T CONFLICT ) :AT ,ALB]TS TOLD ,SAB9A4 ,IT CONFLICT$ ) EV]Y?+ Y\'RE TELL+ ME6 ,! POPUL> >MY WAS A MON/] ?AT DEV\R$ REVOLUTION>IES2 IT TURN$ AGA9/ ! V]Y WORK]S :O 9ITIAT$ ?AT /RUGGLE1 JU/ LIKE ! UNION --0 

0,I DON'T KN[ :AT Y\'RE TALK+ AB\T ,SOPHIA1 & ,I'M LOS+ 9T]E/4 ,Y\R LIFELONG FRI5D%IP ) ,SAB9A HASN'T MADE Y\ V]Y BRI<T4 ,:5 ,I FIR/ MET ,NA*ALO HE WAS AN ISOLAT$ 9DIVIDUALI/IC T]RORI/4 ,I KN[ ,SAB9A ADMIRES ?AT TYPE ( P]SON1 BUT ,I DIDN'T KN[ Y\ DID4 ,IT WAS ?ANKS TO ME ?AT ,NA*ALO BECAME A DEVOT$ UNION MILITANT ADMIR$ BY ?\S&S ( HIS FELL[ WORK]S4 ,HE BECAME A VIRTUAL MY? TO !M1 ! V]Y SYMBOL ( ! COLLECTIVI/ WORK] UNIT$ ) HIS COMRADES 9 ! UNCOMPROMIS+ /RUGGLE ( ! CLASS = ITS LIB]ATION4 ,I CAN'T IMAG9E :AT ,TITUS MI<T HAVE TOLD ,Y>O/AN4 ,I'M NOT SURPRIS$ ?AT IT CONFLICT$ ) :AT ,I'M SAY+4 ,TITUS & ,I DISAGRE$ AB\T MANY TIL+S1 ESPECIALLY AB\T ! =M ?AT ! UNITY ( ! WORK+ CLASS %\LD TAKE4 ,I EMPHASIZ$ ! UNION2 HE EMPHASIZ$ C\NCILS & O!R POLITICAL =MS4 ,BUT !RE WAS ONE ?+ WE DIDN'T DISAGREE AB\T1 & ?AT WAS ! NE$ = ORGANIZATION4 ,WE W]E BO? COLLECTIVI/S FIR/ ( ALL2 WE BO? KNEW ?AT ! /RUGGLE WAS A CLASS /RUGGLE1 NOT AN 9DIVIDUAL'S /RUGGLE40 

0,SO Y\ LUR$ ,NA*ALO 9TO AN APP>ATUS ?AT TURN$ AGA9/ HIS /RUGGLE1 AN APP>ATUS ?AT ULTIMATELY DE/ROY$ HIM4 ,Y\ LUR$ HIM ) Y\R BODY1 BUT Y\ DIDN'T DO IT = Y\RSELF1 = Y\R [N GRATIFICATION2 Y\ DIDN'T DO IT \T ( ANY LOVE = HIM4 ,NA*ALO WAS NO MORE TO Y\ ?AN ,Y>O/AN WAS1 ?AN ,T$ IS4 ,Y\ TOOK ,Y>O/AN TO ! /OCKROOM & !N TO Y\R B$ROOM = ! SAKE ( ! ORGANIZATION60 

,LUISA1 FLU%$ ) ANG]1 JUMP$ AT ME1 P9N$ ME BACK AGA9/ ! C\*1 & HISS$ AT ME1 0,Y\'RE ASK+ = IT1 ,SOPHIA1 & Y\'RE GO+ TO GET IT6 ,IF Y\ />E LIKE A DEAF MUTE1 OR IF ,I SEE A TE> 9 Y\R EYE1 ,I'M GO+ TO S5D Y\ FLY+ \T ?AT DOOR = GOOD6 ,Y\'RE SO GRE5 ) JEAL\SY Y\ CAN'T EV5 KEEP Y\R TOPIC /RAI<T4 ,HYPOCRITE6 ,Y\'RE NOT ! ONE TO LECTURE TO ME AB\T DRAW+ A L9E BETWE5 LOVE & POLITICS6 ,Y\'RE ! ONE :O DRAWS ?AT L9E1 NOT ,I6 ,Y\ W]E A POLITICAL BUREAUCRAT ALREADY BE=E Y\ LO/ Y\R FIR/ TEE?6 ,IF ,I HAD Y\R LIFE'S EXP]I5CE BEH9D ME1 ,I W\LDN'T HAVE ! N]VE TO LECTURE AB\T ! DIVISION BETWE5 PRIVATE & POLITICAL LIFE4 ,I'VE NEV] 9 MY LIFE DRAWN SU* A L9E6 ,YES1 ,I WANT$ ,NA*ALO = HIS POLITICAL POT5TIALITIES1 & ,I SIMULTANE\SLY WANT$ HIM 9 B$1 JU/ AS ,I WANT$ ,Y>O/AN 9 ! /OCKROOM OR :]EV] ,I FELT LIKE IT6 ,I WAS A FREE & 9DEP5D5T P]SON 9 POLITICAL & UNION MATT]S2 ,I WAS ALSO FREE & 9DEP5D5T 9 SEXUAL MATT]S4 ,I WAS NO ONE'S WIFE1 WOMAN OR S]VANT4 ,:5 SOME PEOPLE CONSID]$ ME ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS' WIFE1 ,I MADE IT P]FECTLY CLE> ) ,Y>O/AN JU/ :AT ,I ?\<T ( WIF]Y4 ,:5 ,I BECAME DISGU/$ ) ,Y>O/AN'S LUMP5 POLITICS ,I GOT SIMULTANE\SLY DISGU/$ ) HIS LOVEMAK+1 & ,I LEFT HIM AS FREELY AS ,I HAD GONE TO HIM4 ,& ?AT'S :AT Y\ CAN'T /&1 ,SOPHIA3 ! FRE$OM1 ! 9DEP5D5CE4 ,Y\'VE />T$ ! WRONG >GUM5T ) ME1 ,JOSE'S ,WOMAN6 ,I KN[ TOO DAMN MU* AB\T Y\1 & ,I NO LONG] HAVE ANY REASON TO KEEP IT 9SIDE ME4 ,I DON'T KN[ :]E ! HELL Y\ CAME FROM4 ,DON'T Y\ LECTURE TO ME AB\T ,NA*ALO6 ,Y\'VE NEV] EV5 WANT$ TO TA/E FRE$OM & 9DEP5D5CE4 ,Y\'RE COMPLETELY %AMELESS TO BR+ UP ,Y>O/AN4 ,= AT LEA/ A YE> ,I DIDN'T T\* HIM2 ,I LEFT HIM COMPLETELY ALONE4 ,HE WAS AT \R H\SE AT LEA/ TWICE A WEEK1 & ,I C\LD SEE Y\R :OLE BODY %AK+ ) DESIRE2 Y\ MU/ HAVE BE5 LIKE JELLY 9SIDE4 ,BUT Y\ DIDN'T MAKE A MOVE ON Y\R [N4 ,Y\ JU/ />$ ) ?AT C[>DLY1 LONG+1 ABS5T LOOK1 LIKE A DOG BEGG+ TO BE F$1 LIKE A SLAVE WAIT+ TO BE C>RI$ (F1 LIKE A SP9ELESS ?+ WAIT+ TO BECOME ,Y>O/AN'S ,WOMAN4 ,DON'T 9T]RUPT UNTIL ,I'M F9I%$6 ,IT SO HAPP5S ?AT Y\R FRI5DS KEPT ME 9=M$ ( ! FACT ?AT Y\ NEV] *ANG$1 Y\ REMA9$ A SP9ELESS C[>D4 ,LEM GAVE ME A COMPLETE PICTURE ( Y\R D>+ AFFAIR ) ?AT HI< S*OOL HOODLUM ,RON4 ,! D>+ WAS ALL EXHAU/$ 9 HIS PETTY !FTS & ANTICS4 ,Y\ W]E ,RON'S ,GIRL1 A PLIANT ?+1 HIS %AD[1 ! WOMAN BEH9D ! HE-MAN4 ,ALEC COMPLET$ A PICTURE ,I HADN'T WANT$ TO BELIEVE :5 ,I'D FIR/ SE5 IT4 ,I CAN'T TELL Y\ :AT 9T5SE %AME ,I FELT :5 ,I LE>N$ ?AT MY DAU<T]1 ,NA*ALO'S DAU<T]1 HAD BECOME ,JOSE'S WOMAN1 ,JOSE'S SLAVE1 ,JOSE'S RAG4 ,DON'T Y\ TALK TO ME AB\T LIV+ UP TO :AT ,NA*ALO /OOD =6 ,H[ DEPRAV$ C\LD Y\ GET8 ,NO?+ 9 Y\R LIFE =C$ Y\ TO NEGATE Y\R FRE$OM1 Y\R SELF-RESPECT1 Y\R 9DEP5D5CE SO COMPLETELY4 ,YET Y\ TALK AB\T DRAW+ L9ES6 ,Y\1 :O DEGRAD$ Y\RSELF SO DESPICABLY = Y\R B$FELL[S1 TURN$ 9TO A PASSIONLESS PRUDE = Y\R POLITICAL COMRADES4 ,JOSE'S ,WOMAN1 ! SEX-BOMB1 WAS ALL WIT & SEXLESS 9TELLECT ) ,DAMAN & ,ALEC4 ,YES1 ,ALEC TOLD ME1 & EV5 IF HE HADN'T ,I W\LD HAVE GUESS$ IT FROM ,DAMAN'S UNBELIEV+ %OCK AT Y\R DISPLAY ( SEXUALITY ) Y\R NEWE/ TAM]1 ?AT BOY --0 

,I BIT MY LIP DUR+ ! 5TIRE TIRADE2 ! DESIRE TO RESPOND BY CRY+ LEFT ME BE=E ,LUISA WAS ?R\<4 0,Y\'RE ABSOLUTELY RI<T4 ,I GAVE MYSELF TO ,JOSE1 COMPLETELY1 ALL ( ME4 ,I DESIR$ HIM = MYSELF1 MY 9SIDES LONG$ = HIM FROM MORN+ TO NI<T -- = MYSELF1 ,LUISA1 NOT = MY PROJECT1 MY POLITICS1 MY ORGANIZATION6 ,I'D BE HAPPY TO BE ,JOSE'S WOMAN TODAY60 

0,I'D DIE ( %AME BE=E ,I ADMITT$ HAV+ ANY SU* DESIRE60 %E HISS$4 

0,BECAUSE Y\'VE NEV] HAD ANY REAL DESIRES60 ,I %\T$ AS ,I MOV$ ACROSS ! ROOM FROM H]4 0,ALL Y\'VE EV] HAD 9SIDE Y\ WAS ! ORGANIZATION6 ,I ADMIT MY DESIRE & ,I ADMIT IT PR\DLY1 ,LUISA4 ,I DIDN'T BECOME 9DEP5D5T ( Y\ UNTIL ,I ADMITT$ HAV+ MY K9D ( DESIRE1 MY K9D ( LOVE4 ,DON'T %OVE Y\R TYPE ( 9DEP5D5CE 9 MY FACE ANY MORE BECAUSE ,I NO LONG] WANT IT4 ,I KILL$ ,JOSE BY TRANS=M+ MY K9D ( LOVE 9TO Y\RS1 BY REPLAC+ MY PASSION ) POLITICS1 BY FEEL+ A%AM$ ( BE+ ,JOSE'S ,WOMAN1 BY DRAGG+ ,JOSE 9TO BATTLES ,I WASN'T ABLE TO FI<T JU/ AS Y\ DRAGG$ ,NA*ALO --0 

0,Y\ CAN'T HIDE Y\R DEPRAVITY ) SU* VICI\S ATTACKS1 ,SOPHIA2 !Y ALL MISS !IR M>K60 

0,Y\'RE ! ONE :O'S DEPRAV$1 ,LUISA6 ,I C\LDN'T BECOME 9DEP5D5T UNTIL ,I FIGUR$ ?AT \T4 ,Y\ PICK$ ,NA*ALO & ,Y>O/AN (F ! /REET4 ,LUMP51 Y\ CALL$ !M2 9DIVIDUALI/IC T]RORI/S6 ,& Y\ FIX$ !M UP4 ,Y\ FUNNEL$ !M 9TO Y\R ORGANIZATION1 Y\R SO-CALL$ UNION1 ?AT ?+ Y\ S]V$ ?AT WAS GREAT] ?AN Y\R [N LIFE4 ,Y\ DIDN'T LOVE !M BUT IT2 Y\R ONLY DESIRE WAS TO MAKE !M S]VE IT4 ,I DIDN'T S]VE ,JOSE & ,I DIDN'T MAKE HIM S]VE4 ,I LOV$ ,JOSE6 ,Y\ NEV] LOV$ ANY?+ BUT AN AB/RACTION 9 ! M\? ( A ,DAMAN1 AN ,ALB]TS1 A ,ZABRAN --0 

0,Y\'RE M>VEL\S AT PLAY+ ) WORDS1 ,SOPHIA6 ,?AT'S ALL Y\'VE EV] BE5 GOOD AT60 

0,I'VE NEV] \TDONE Y\ AT PLAY+ ) WORDS1 ,LUISA6 ,Y\'RE ! ORGANIZ]1 NOT ,I6 ,Y\'RE ! ONE :O MY/IFI$ LANGUAGE = ME AS F> BACK AS ,I CAN REMEMB]6 ,Y\ ALWAYS SPOKE ( WORK+ PEOPLE & Y\ MADE ME ?9K Y\ ACTUALLY HAD WORK+ PEOPLE 9 M9D4 ,BUT Y\ NEV] HAD REAL PEOPLE III M9D AT ALL1 BUT SOME?+ AB/RACT1 SOME?+ RELIGI\S PEOPLE CALL GOD6 ,SAB9A & ,M>G>ITA CALL$ Y\ A PRIE/ESS1 & ,I WAS ALWAYS TOO D5SE TO UND]/& :AT !Y MEANT4 ,I F9ALLY UND]/&1 ,LUISA6 ,I F9ALLY GRASP ! MEAN+ ( ?OSE WORDS Y\ PLAY$ )1 WORDS LIKE WORK+ PEOPLE & UNION & WE \RSELVES & LABOR MOVEM5T4 ,TO Y\ !Y W]E ALL SYNONYMS = ! ULTIMATE AU?ORITY4 ,Y\R FRE$OM & 9DEP5D5CE W]E SYNONYMS ) SLAV]Y1 ) SUBMISSION TO ! ULTIMATE AU?ORITY4 ,9 PRACTICE Y\ US$ ! WORD UNION TO MEAN SUBMISSION TO ! SPOKESM5 ( ! UNION1 ! C>RI]S ( ! IDEA ( ! WORK]S1 SUBMISSION TO BUREAUCRATS LIKE ,TITUS ,ZABRAN & ,DAMAN ,HESP]1 SUBMISSION TO TE*NOCRATS LIKE ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS & --0 

0,Y\R MALICI\S DI/ORTIONS CAN'T JU/IFY Y\R SUBMISSION TO A ,JOSE1 Y\R TOTAL & %AMELESS SELF-AB&ONM5T TO A PETTY TYRANT --0 

0,Y\ HAVE TO USE ! WORD PETTY1 DON'T Y\ ,LUISA8 ,BECAUSE ! TYRANTS Y\ S]V$ W]5'T PETTY TYRANTS2 !Y W]E JU/ TYRANTS ) A BIG ,T4 ,!Y W]E 9/ITUTIONAL TYRANTS1 PEOPLE :OSE SOCIAL SLOTS GAVE !M ! P[] TO MANIPULATE & DE/ROY HUMAN LIVES4 ,IT'S NOT H>D = ME TO IMAG9E :AT ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN W\LD BE TODAY IF !IR POPUL> >MY HAD BE5 VICTORI\S1 & IT CAN'T BE V]Y H>D = Y\4 ,ONE ( Y\R AU?ORITIES ACTUALLY MADE IT TO ! TOP4 ,Y\ MU/ HAVE S5S$ AS F> BACK AS TW5TY YE>S AGO ?AT Y\ HAD COME ACROSS ANO!R HI< PRIE/ :5 Y\ REA*$ \T = ,M>C ,GLAVNI --0 

0,I OBVI\SLY KNEW HE WASN'T GO+ TO SP5D HIS LIFE WORK+ 9 ?AT PLANT1 ,SOPHIA --0 

0,Y\ SAID IT1 MO!R6 ,& ?AT'S :AT APPEAL$ TO Y\ AB\T HIM6 ,Y\ KNEW HE WAS MOV+ /RAI<T TO ! TOP1 & ! TOP IS :AT Y\'VE ALWAYS WOR%IP$ & S]V$60 

0,ALEC TOLD ME H[ IRRATIONAL Y\ C\LD BECOME1 ,SOPHIA2 HE EV5 TOLD ME Y\ TRI$ TO KILL HIM ) A BOTTLE ONCE4 ,I DIDN'T BELIEVE HIM6 ,ALEC WAS RI<T6 ,Y\'RE A RAV+ MANIAC60 

0,I WAS JU/ COM+ TO ,ALEC6 ,H[ DUMB ,I WAS6 ,I ?\<T HE WAS TAK+ ADVANTAGE ( Y\ JU/ TO SPITE ME1 & ,I FELT SORRY = Y\6 ,IT'S TAK5 ME ALL !SE YE>S TO SEE :O Y\ >E6 ,:AT WAS ,ALEC TO Y\1 ,LUISA8 ,WAS HE A ,NA*ALO OR AN ,ALB]TS8 ,WAS HE A LUMP5 TO ORGANIZE1 OR AN AU?ORITY = :OSE SAKE Y\ ORGANIZ$80 

,LUISA PUT H] H&S TO H] E>S & %\T$1 0,/OP ?IS IDIOCY1 ,SOPHIA6 ,!RE'S NEI!R REASON NOR LOGIC 9 ANY?+ Y\'RE SAY+4 ,I HONE/LY DIDN'T KN[ Y\ W]E /ILL ATTA*$ TO ,ALEC :5 Y\ MADE Y\R DRAMATIC EXIT T5 YE>S AGO60 

,I %\T$1 0,Y\ DIDN'T TAKE ,ALEC AWAY FROM ME6 ,Y\ TOOK HIM FROM ,M9NIE4 ,Y\ MU/ REMEMB] ,M9NIE4 ,%E'S ! LAWY] :O GOT Y\ \T ( JAIL4 ,%E CAME H]E ONCE ) ,ALEC1 & Y\ TOLD ME LAT] :AT NICE PEOPLE MY FRI5DS W]E4 ,M9NIE LOV$ ,ALEC ! WAY Y\ NEV] LOV$ ANYONE4 ,:AT DID Y\ WANT ) ,ALEC8 ,:AT W]E Y\R PLANS --0 

,LUISA1 /ILL HOLD+ H] H&S TO H] E>S1 GOT UP & RAN TO H] B$ROOM2 ,I ?\<T ,I SAW TE>S 9 H] EYES4 ,I RAN AFT] H] %\T+1 0,ANSW] ME6 ,:AT PURPOSE C\LD ,ALEC HAVE S]V$ 9 Y\R APP>ATUS80 

,LUISA LAY ON H] B$ SOBB+1 H] FACE BURI$ 9 H]1 PILL[4 ,I FELT TE>S RU%+ TO MY EYES4 ,ALL MY T5SION SUDD5LY SNAPP$1 MY FURY SEEM$ TO FL[ \T ( ME4 ,I SAT D[N NEXT TO H] & FELT SORRY = H]4 

,LUISA MUMBL$ 9TO ! PILL[4 0,I'M AFRAID ( Y\1 ,SOPHIA40 - 

,I C\LDN'T HOLD MY TE>S BACK ANY MORE4 0,H[ DO Y\ EXPECT ME4 TO REACT TO ?AT80 ,I ASK$ H]4 0,?AT'S SO UNFAIR1 ,LUISA4 ,Y\ WANT$ ME NOT TO />E OR CRY4 ,= ONCE 9 MY LIFE ,I DIDN'T -- ONLY TO BE TOLD Y\'RE AFRAID ( ME4 ,I DIDN'T =CE MYSELF ON Y\1 ,LUISA2 Y\ PULL$ ME H]E40 

,LUISA SAT UP NEXT TO ME & WIP$ ! TE>S FROM H] EYES4 0,Y\'RE RI<T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I BR\<T Y\ H]E4 ,I ALWAYS WANT$ Y\ TO BE PR\D & DEFIANT4 ,BUT ,I GUESS ,I CAN'T TAKE ! DEFIANCE :5 IT'S AIM$ AGA9/ ME4 ,Y\ HURT ME1 ,SOPHIA1 F> MORE ?AN Y\ SEEM TO ?9K4 ,ALEC WAS ( NO USE TO ME OR TO MY POLITICS OR TO MY ORGANIZATION4 ,I LOV$ HIM4 ,IT WAS AS SIMPLE AS ?AT4 ,I HAD NO ,MA*IAVELLIAN MOTIVES4 ,I ONLY WANT$ TO BE LOV$ BY HIM40 

0,BUT HE RU%$ 9TO ?IS H\SE LOOK+ = ME --0 

0,ONLY ! FIR/ TIME1 ,SOPHIA1 :5 HE & ,M9NIE CAME TO TELL ME Y\ HAD4 DISAPPE>$ FROM ! UNIV]SITY DORMITORY4 ,ALEC WANT$ TO CALL ! POLICE1 BUT ,I BEGG$ HIM NOT TO2 ,I TOLD HIM !Y'D HAVE CALL$ ME IF SOME?+ HAD HAPP5$ TO Y\4 ,Y\R FRI5DS ?\<T ,I WAS T]RIBLY NON*ALANT :5 ,I TOLD !M Y\'D TURN UP EV5TUALLY2 ,I OBVI\SLY SUSPECT$ Y\'D GONE BACK TO Y\R HI< S*OOL FRI5DS4 ,ALEC CAME AGA9 TWO WEEKS LAT]1 ON A ,SUNDAY4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HAD F\ND Y\1 & ?AT Y\ W\LD TELEPHONE ME4 ,HE LOOK$ ME UP & D[N4 ,I WASN'T US$ TO IT & ,I WAS FLATT]$2 ,I DIDN'T KN[ !N ?AT HE LOOK$ EV]Y WOMAN UP & D[N4 ,I ASK$ HIM 94 ,HE TOLD ME AB\T ! NEWSPAP] WORK Y\ HAD BO? DONE4 ,I ASK$ HIM TO COME AGA94 ,HE CALL$ ME A WEEK LAT] & TOLD ME HE WANT$ TO TALK TO ME1 HE WANT$ TO LE>N ALL AB\T ME4 ,IT HAD BE5 SO MANY YE>S S9CE ANYONE HAD WANT$ TO KN[ ANY?+ AT ALL AB\T ME4 ,I 9VIT$ HIM TO D9N]4 ,I SP5T ?AT :OLE ,SATURDAY PREP>+ = HIS VISIT4 ,WE ATE BY C&LELI<T4 ,HE TOLD ME Y\ HAD JO9$ ,SAB9A & H] FRI5DS4 ,I ?\<T Y\R PAL ,RON WAS /ILL AMONG !M1 & ,I SPOIL$ ?AT EV5+ = MYSELF BY TELL+ ,ALEC ?AT ,RON HAD BE5 Y\R BOYFRI5D 9 HI< S*OOL4 ,ALEC ?\<T ,I MEANT ,JOSE & HE BECAME 9T5SELY JEAL\S4 ,HE LEFT BE=E HE EV5 F9I%$ ! MEAL4 ,I BEGG$ HIM TO /AY2 ,I CRI$2 ,I FELT OLD & AB&ON$40 

,I WIP$ TE>S AWAY FROM ,LUISA'S *EEKS & TOLD H]1 0,I'M SORRY ,I 9CLUD$ ,ALEC2 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T Y\R RELATION%IP ) HIM2 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ?AT Y\ C\LD LOVE SOMEONE 9 ?AT WAY40 

0,I NEV] REA*$ ! PO9T ( WANT+ TO BE ,ALEC'S WOMAN10 %E SAID )\T HO/ILITY4 0,BUT ,I'M NOT BE+ HONE/ AB\T ?AT EI!R4 ,I WANT$ TO BE DESIR$2 ,I CRAV$ ,ALEC'S LOVE1 EV5 MORE ?AN ,NA*ALO'S4 ,MAYBE ,ALEC CAME H]E LOOK+ = Y\4 ,MAYBE HE EV5 CAME TO ME SO AS TO SPITE Y\4 ,BUT HE F\ND ME1 ,SOPHIA1 & HE LOV$ ME1 = TWO WOND]FUL YE>S4 ,HE PHON$ ME TWO OR ?REE TIMES DUR+ ! WEEK :5 Y\ HAD DECID$ TO MOVE BACK 9TO Y\R ROOM4 ,HE ASK$ AB\T Y\1 BUT HE NEV] ASK$ TO TALK TO Y\4 ,I 9VIT$ HIM TO D9N] AGA94 ,I TOLD Y\ ,I WAS EXPECT+ A VISITOR ON ?AT ,SATURDAY NI<T4 ,Y\ TOLD ME Y\ W]E GO+ TO A MOVIE & MI<T NOT BE BACK ALL NI<T4 ,AS SOON AS ,ALEC KNOCK$ ,I />T$ %AK+ ) PASSION4 ,WE EMBRAC$ 9 ! DOORWAY4 ,I ASK$ IF HE WASN'T HUNGRY4 ',/>V+6' HE TOLD ME4 ,SO WAS ,I4 ,AS SOON AS WE W]E DONE EAT+ ,I TOLD HIM HE C\LD LE>N EV]Y?+ AB\T ME HE WANT$ TO KN[4 ,HE WAS V]Y CONC]N$ ?AT Y\ MI<T RETURN4 ,I TOLD HIM1 ',I DON'T 9T]F]E ) H] LIFE & ,I SUPPOSE %E FEELS ! SAME WAY AB\T M9E2 AFT] ALL1 ?IS IS MY H\SE TOO6' ,HE TOLD ME ,I LOOK$ & ACT$ LIKE Y\R Y\NG] SI/]4 ,& HE MEANT IT6 ,I HADN'T BE5 LOV$ S9CE WE'D MOV$ 9TO ?IS H\SE4 ,I LET ,ALEC LE>N EV]Y?+ HE WANT$ TO1 ON ! LIV+ ROOM C\*4 ,I DIDN'T EXPECT Y\ TO REAPPE> SO SUDD5LY1 NOR TO />E AT US SO /UPIDLY ) Y\R H& ON ! DOORKNOB4 ,Y\ MADE US BO? FEEL SO 9DEC5T4 ,BUT Y\ DIDN'T SPOIL MY NI<T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,?AT WAS MY MO/ WOND]FUL NI<T S9CE MY FIR/ NI<T ) ,NA*ALO4 ,! FOLL[+ MORN+ Y\ W]E GONE4 ,:AT C\LD ,I CALL Y\ EXCEPT A PURITAN & A HYPOCRITE8 ,! FACT IS1 ,I WAS RELIEV$1 & ,I ?9K ,ALEC WAS TOO4 ,WE SP5T ?AT ,SUNDAY \TDOORS1 PICNICK+ & RUNN+ ?R\< A P>K4 ,I LE>N$ ?AT ,ALEC HAD LO/ HIS JOB & HAD NO PLACE TO /AY4 ',?IS IS AN IMM5SE H\SE1 & IT'LL BE EMPTY AGA91' ,I TOLD HIM4 ,HE ASK$4 ',DON'T Y\ EXPECT H] TO COME BACK8' ',EV5TUALLY1 9 ?REE OR F\R YE>S1' ,I TOLD HIM4 ',DON'T Y\ C>E8' HE ASK$4 ,I TOLD HIM1 ',I C>E V]Y MU*2 ,I C>E MO/ = H] SUDD5 >RIVALS & DEP>TURES2 !Y'RE ! ONLY SIGN ?AT %E HAS ANY?+ 9 COMMON ) ME4' ,HE /AY$1 NOT 9 Y\R ROOM BUT 9 M9E4 ,MAYBE Y\'RE RI<T AB\T MY O!R RELATION%IPS4 ,I KN[ ?AT MY RELATION%IP ) ,ALEC WAS DIFF]5T FROM ALL ! O!RS4 ,I SUPPOSE Y\ C\LD CALL IT PURE LOVE1 OR PURE SEX2 !RE WAS NO?+ POLITICAL 9 IT4 ,I HADN'T 5GAG$ 9 ANY POLITICAL ACTIVITIES S9CE WE'D EMIGRAT$4 ,& MAYBE Y\'RE NOT ALTOGE!R WRONG AB\T MY COMB9ATIONS ( LOVE ) POLITICS4 ,I KN[ ?AT AS SOON AS POLITICS 5T]$ 9TO \R RELATION%IP1 \R LOVE WAS OV]4 ,ALEC READ ALL ! BOOKS ,I HAD1 EV5 ! ONES ,I'D BR\<T OV]2 ?AT WAS HIS FIR/ LANGUAGE TOO1 Y\ KN[4 ,T[>D ! 5D ( HIS SECOND YE> H]E HE />T$ ASK+ AB\T ,NA*ALO & ! POPUL> >MY & ! B>RICADES2 HE ALSO BECAME V]Y TALKATIVE AB\T HIMSELF2 ?AT WAS :5 HE TOLD ME AB\T Y\ & ,JOSE1 & AB\T ,SAB9A'S 5T]PRISE4 ,! MORE HE READ & TALK$1 ! MORE IMPATI5T HE BECAME TO ?R[ HIMSELF 9TO SOME K9D ( POLITICAL ACTIVITY4 ,I NO LONG] HAD ANY?+ TO (F] HIM2 MY POLITICS SEEM$ S5TIM5TAL & >*AIC TO HIM4 ,HE LE>N$ AB\T AN ANTI-IMP]IALI/ RALLY & ASK$ ME TO GO !RE ) HIM4 ,ALEC RAN 9TO SEV]AL ( HIS UNIV]SITY FRI5DS AT ?AT RALLY2 IT WAS !RE ?AT HE 9TRODUC$ ME TO ,LEM4 ,?AT RALLY ONLY 9CREAS$ ,ALEC'S DESIRE TO ?R[ HIMSELF 9TO POLITICAL ACTIVITY4 ,DUR+ HIS LA/ WEEKS H]E HE'D SP5D H\RS PAC+4 ,HE WAS LIKE A CAG$ ANIMAL4 ,HE SAID ALL HE WANT$ WAS TO HELP MAKE A REVOLUTION1 ) HIS GUN 9 HIS H&1 & NOT TO TALK AB\T IT OR READ AB\T IT OR SUPPORT IT AT RALLIES OR DEMON/RATIONS4 ,HE APP>5TLY MET PEOPLE ) SIMIL> VIEWS1 & HE />T$ GO+ (F TO POLITICAL MEET+S4 ,ONE DAY HE SIMPLY FAIL$ TO RETURN4 ,I MADE NO ATTEMPT TO F9D HIM2 WE W]E FREE 9DIVIDUALS4 ,BUT MY HE>T BROKE4 ,MAYBE IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE ,I FELT MYSELF GR[+ OLD2 ,I REALLY DON'T KN[ :Y2 BUT ,I NEV] LOV$ ANYONE SO MU*4 ,EV] S9CE HE LEFT ME ,I HAV5'T BE5 ABLE TO LIVE ALONE2 ,I HAD TO HAVE SOMEONE'S LOVE1 NO MATT] H[ MODE/ OR FLAW$4 ,LA/ YE>1 9 ! COMMITTEE (FICE1 ,I CAME ACROSS ,ALEC'S NAME ON A LI/ ( PEOPLE KILL$ DUR+ ! RIOT4 ,I C\LDN'T BE> IT1 ,SOPHIA4 ,Y\ MU/ KN[ H[ ,I FELT2 Y\ LOV$ HIM ONCE TOO --0 

0,I DIDN'T LOVE ,ALEC UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO1 :5 ,M9NIE TOLD ME H[ HE DI$40 ,I SUMM>IZ$ :AT ,I HAD SO REC5TLY LE>N$ FROM ,M9NIE4 0,HE WAS %OT D[N BY MA*9E GUNS :5 HE TRI$ TO RUN BACK 9TO ! B>40 

,LUISA PUT H] HEAD 9 MY LAP & CRI$4 0,I KN[ :AT Y\'RE ?9K+1 ,SOPHIA1 BUT ?IS TIME Y\'RE F> AWAY FROM ! TRU?4 ,I DIDN'T 5C\RAGE ,ALEC TO LIVE OR DIE LIKE ?AT2 ,I DIDN'T ORGANIZE HIM OR $UCATE HIM2 ! K9D ( POLITICS HE & ,I TALK$ AB\T HAD NO?+ ILL COMMON ) ?AT40 

0,I KN[1 ,LUISA4 ,HE DI$ = ! K9D ( POLITICS ,I TALK$ TO HIM AB\T1 ALMO/ EXACTLY ! SAME WAY ,JOSE DI$ TWO YE>S E>LI]4 ,I'D LIKE TO ?9K ,I WAS 9 ,ALEC'S HE>T ! DAY HE DI$1 BUT ,I DON'T ?9K ,I WAS4 ,Y\'RE RI<T AB\T ! L9E ,I'VE DRAWN4 ,ALEC WAS NEV] MORE TO ME ?AN A POLITICAL COMRADE1 A COLLEAGUE ON ! NEWSPAP] /AFF4 ,WE ALMO/ BECAME HUSB& & WIFE ONCE1 BUT WE C\LD NEV] HAVE BE5 LOV]S --0 

0,Y\'RE />+1 ,SOPHIA -- BUT DON'T /OP6 ,I'M GO+ TO ADMIT SOME?+ TO Y\4 ,I LOVE Y\ JU/ A SLI<T BIT MORE ?AN ,I HATE Y\1 EV5 :5 Y\ />E4 ,I'LL ADMIT SOME?+ ELSE4 ,:5 ,I SAW ,ALEC'S NAME ON ?AT LI/ LA/ YE>1 ,I />$ = WEEKS2 ,I />$ AT WORK1 ,I />$ AT ! WALLS ( ?IS H\SE & ! WALLS ( MY EMPTY B$ROOM1 & ,I CRI$ MY EYES \T4 ,I HADN'T CRI$ SO H>D S9CE ,GEORGE HAD RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT & TOLD ME ,NA*ALO HAD DI$ AFT] CALL+ HIS COMRADES 'R$ BUT*]S4' ,& ,I'LL EV5 ADMIT ONE MORE ?+4 ,AFT] ,TITUS' MEMORIAL ORATION = ,NA*ALO1 ,I TURN$ MYSELF 9TO ,NA*ALO'S WOMAN4 ,I SUPPOSE ,I C\LD HAVE TURN$ MYSELF 9TO ,ALEC'S WOMAN4 ,Y\ 9FURIAT$ ME BE=E & ,I LI$ TO Y\4 ,I DON'T ?9K IT WAS MY PR9CIPLES1 MY COMMITM5T TO 9DEP5D5CE1 ?AT /OPP$ ME1 ,:AT BO!R$ ME AB\T ,ALEC WAS ! SOCIAL CLASS FROM :I* HE CAME --0 

0,I KNEW HE WAS BORN 9 ONE ( ! NEO-COLONIES2 HE /ILL SPOKE ) A SLI<T ACC5T :5 ,I FIR/ MET HIM4 ,:AT BO!R$ Y\ AB\T ?AT80 ,I ASK$4 

0,I SUPPOSE HE W\LDN'T HAVE TOLD Y\2 HE WASN'T PR\D ( HIS CLASS ORIG9S4 ,HE CAME FROM A FAMILY ( WEAL?Y L&[N]S4 ,HIS FA!R WORK$ AS AN >MY DOCTOR DUR+ ! W>1 & AFT]W>DS />T$ A SUCCESSFUL PRACTICE H]E2 !N ,ALEC & HIS MO!R SETTL$ H]E4 ,ALEC ATT5D$ HI< S*OOL AT A PRIVATE BO>D+ S*OOL4 ,IT WAS !RE ?AT HE WAS 9TRODUC$ TO POLITICS BY ! DAU<T] ( ONE ( ! WEAL?IE/ LAWY]S 9 ?IS CITY1 A GIRL CALL$ ,RHEA4 ,IT WAS = LOVE ( H] ?AT ,ALEC />T$ TO TURN AGA9/ HIS CLASS1 & HE APP>5TLY CONT9U$ MOV+ 9 ! SAME DIRECTION UNTIL ! DAY HE DI$2 ,I WAS NO MORE ?AN A /ATION ALONG ! WAY --0 

0,IF ,ALEC'S CLASS ORIG9S BO!R$ Y\1 H[ C\LD Y\ POSSIBLY /& ,LEM ,ICEL AFT] ,ALEC LEFT Y\801 ,I ASK$4 0,LEM'S CLASS ORIG9S W]E ! SAME AS ,ALEC'S1 & ,LEM'S P]SONALITY WAS SO REVOLT+6 ,I F\ND HIM 9SUPPORTABLE ALREADY 9 HI< S*OOL40 

0,I WAS F> LONELI] AFT] ,ALEC LEFT ME ?AN ,I HAD EV] BE5 BE=E HE'D COME H]E4 ,BUT ?AT WASN'T ! ONLY REASON4 ,SOPHIA4 ,AT FIR/ ,I F\ND ,LEM 9T]E/+4 ,& 9 ! 5D ,I DID EXACTLY :AT Y\ ?REW 9 MY FACE2 ,I TRI$ TO MAKE SOME?+ \T ( HIM1 SOME?+ POLITICAL4 ,ALEC 9TRODUC$ ME TO ,LEM AT ?AT RALLY HE TOOK ME TO4 ,SOME WEEKS AFT] ,ALEC LEFT ME1 ,LEM KNOCK$ ON ! DOOR4 ,HE 9TRODUC$ HIMSELF AS ,ALEC'S FRI5D & Y\R ONE-TIME UNIV]SITY FRI5D1 & />T$ ASK+ ME ALL K9DS ( QUE/IONS3 HAD ,I KN[N ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS1 DID ,I KN[ ,ALB]TS WAS A SPY1 DID ,I KN[ Y\ HAD BE5 RESPONSIBLE = ,LEM'S IMPRISONM5T & NE>LY HIS DEA?8 ,I WAS /UNN$ & 9VIT$ HIM 94 ,!N HE TOLD ME A HORR5D\S /ORY AB\T A LETT] Y\ HAD S5T ) HIM :I* HAD CAUS$ HIS IMPRISONM5T4 ,I IMAG9$ Y\ HAD TRI$ TO S5D A NOTE TO ONE ( Y\R =M] COMRADES & ! POLICE HAD 9T]CEPT$ IT2 ,I KNEW H[ HY/]ICAL ?AT POLICE WAS AB\T COMMUNICATION FROM EMIGRES4 ,I TOLD HIM ,I'D HAD NO?+ TO DO ) ,ALB]TS = OV] T5 YE>S1 & TRI$ TO TELL HIM Y\ C\LDN'T HAVE 9T5D$ TO H>M HIM ) Y\R NOTE4 ,BUT HE SEEM$ CONV9C$ ?AT Y\ AS WELL AS HIS O!R =M] COMRADES HAD TURN$ AGA9/ HIM1 BETRAY$ HIM2 HE SPOKE ALREADY !N AB\T WANT+ TO ESCAPE FROM :AT HE CALL$ CIVILIZATION4 ,I FELT SORRY = HIM & ASK$ HIM TO VISIT ME AGA94 ,HE CAME ! V]Y NEXT DAY & 9VIT$ ME TO JO9 HIM AT AN EV5T HE CALL$ A 'WITNESS4' ,WE /OOD = SEV]AL H\RS 9 FREEZ+ COLD WEA!R4 ,I MISS$ ! PO9T4 ,I BR\<T ,LEM HOME TO ASK HIM AB\T ! PEACE MOVEM5T4 ,I LE>N$ HIS FA!R HAD COMPLETELY DIS[N$ HIM4 ,I TOLD HIM Y\R ROOM WAS FREE & HE MOV$ 94 ,9 Y\R FURY Y\ PLAC$ Y\R F+] 9TO AN OP5 SORE1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I KN[ H[ REVOLT+ ,LEM WAS4 ,I MOV$ 9TO Y\R ROOM ) HIM1 & ,I %>$ Y\R ROOM ) HIM = OV] A YE>4 ,I DIDN'T LOVE ,LEM4 ,AT FIR/ ,I FELT SORRY = HIM4 ,LAT] ,I DESPIS$ HIM4 ,BUT /ILL ,I W5T TO HIM4 ,I ?\<T ,I WAS HELP+ HIM2 ,I ?\<T ,I WAS MAK+ HIM USEFUL TO ! MOVEM5T1 ! PEACE MOVEM5T S9CE NO?+ ELSE WAS AVAILABLE AT ?AT TIME4 ,I ?\<T ,I WAS 5C\RAG+ HIM TO REMA9 POLITICALLY ACTIVE4 ,BUT Y\'RE WRONG IF Y\ ?9K ?AT BY US+ MY BODY ,I ALWAYS SUCCE$$4 ,LEM NEV] BECAME USEFUL TO ANYONE OR ANY?+4 ,HE BECAME 9CREAS+LY IRRATIONAL1 MY/ICAL4 ,HE HALLUC9AT$ AB\T RU/IC SOLITUDE4 ,HE /OPP$ TAK+ P>T 9 ANY ( ! PEACE MOVEM5T ACTIVITIES4 ,HE JU/ SAT ) HIS LEG ON ! KIT*5 TABLE & CALL$ ME HIS JAIL]4 ,I />T$ ATT5D+ PEACE MOVEM5T ACTIVITIES )\T HIM2 ,I GOT TO KN[ ,>T4440 

,IT WAS LONG PA/ MIDNI<T4 ,I CALL$ ,T$ TO LE>N H[ HE'D GOTT5 HOME FROM ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE1 & TO TELL HIM ,I WAS SP5D+ ! NI<T AT ,LUISA'S4 

0,SO Y\ ?\<T ,I WANT$ TO TAKE ,T$ FROM Y\10 ,LUISA COMM5T$4 0,I DIDN'T KN[ Y\ LOV$ HIM4 ,NOT ?AT ,I C>$4 ,I WAS /ILL FUM+ AB\T ! SC5E Y\'D MADE 9 FRONT ( ,DAMAN40 

0,I US$ TO HATE ,T$10 ,I TOLD H]4 0,WE %>E A H\SE1 BUT NOT A B$4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ,I LOV$ HIM UNTIL ,I SAW Y\ B5T OV] HIM40 

,LUISA & ,I HAD BREAKFA/ ! FOLL[+ MORN+ BE=E %E LEFT = H] JOB4 ,I TOOK A TAXI HOME4 ,I APOLOGIZ$ TO ,T$ = HAV+ LEFT HIM /R&$ 9 ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE (FICE4 ,HE TOLD ME HE'D GOTT5 A RIDE HOME ) ,DAMAN4 ,HE ASK$ :Y ,I HAD ?\<T IT NECESS>Y TO CALL HIM ! PREVI\S NI<T4 

0,DO Y\ REMEMB] :AT Y\ ?\<T ,I 9T5D$ TO DO TO ,T9A ! NI<T ,I RAN NAK$ FROM ,TISSIE'S ROOM80 ,I ASK$ HIM4 

0,I DON'T UND]/&10 HE SAID SADLY4 

0,YE/]DAY ,I WAS CONV9C$ ,LUISA WANT$ TO DO ! SAME ?+ TO Y\1 ,T$4 ,BUT Y\'RE NOT SEV51 & ,I DIDN'T FEEL ANY ,URGE TO PROTECT Y\4 ,:AT ,I FELT WAS JEAL\SY1 9T5SE JEAL\SY4 ,I ?\<T ,LUISA WAS GO+ TO RAVAGE A P]SON ,I LOV$ V]Y MU*40 

,T$ />$ AT ME ) TE>S 9 HIS EYES4 0,NO ONE EV] SAID ANY?+ LIKE ?AT TO ME1 ,SOPHIE40 

,I ?9K ,I LOVE ,T$1 BUT ,I'M NOT SURE ,I CAN DI/+UI% MY LOVE FROM GUILT & PITY4 ,I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE ,I HAD ?\<T HIM SEV5-YE> OLD ,T9A'S LOV]1 & EV5 MORE BECAUSE ,I HAD ?\<T MYSELF RESPONSIBLE = KEEP+ !M AP>T4 ,I'VE FELT PITY T[>D HIM EV] S9CE ,I LE>N$ ( HIS LIFE-LONG UNRECIPROCAT$ DEVOTION TO ,TISSIE4 ,MY LIFE W\LD HAVE BE5 V]Y DIFF]5T IF ,I HAD BECOME ,T$'S FRI5D 9 ! G>AGE TWELVE YE>S AGO1 ! FRI5D HE S\<T SO DESP]ATELY4 ,I CAN'T DESCRIBE HIM BETT] ?AN ,SAB9A DESCRIB$ HIM TO ME !N4 ,HE'S LUCIDLY AW>E ( ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 PEOPLE & ?+S4 ,HE'S SATISFI$ :5 HE'S %AP+ HIS 5VIRONM5T ) HIS COMPANIONS1 & HAS NO DESIRE TO %APE HIS COMPANIONS OR BE %AP$ BY !M4 ,I DON'T WANT TO BE EI!R HIS 0M5TOR0 OR HIS 0WOMAN10 BUT ,I HAV5'T LE>N$ TO BE ANY?+ ELSE4 ,! 0LIB]AT+ POLITICS0 Y\ & ,I LE>N$ DIDN'T LEAVE EI!R ( US V]Y LIB]AT$4 ,PLEASE LET ME KN[ :AT ,MIRNA & ,Y>A DO TO MAKE Y\ AW>E ( ?AT FACT4 ,I'M ON !IR SIDE1 ,Y>O/AN1 BUT ONLY BECAUSE ,I'M F> AWAY2 FROM H]E IT'S EASY TO BE ON !IR SIDE4 ,I /ILL LOVE Y\1 BUT NO LONG] AS A GOD4 ,I FEEL JU/ A LITTLE BIT SORRY = Y\4  
  

,Y\R  

 ,SOPHIA4  

,FROM 3 ,!,AN>*I/,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aige 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,N9? ,LETT] -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,APRIL #b#f1 #bb 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,N9? ,LETT] -- ,ADD$4 

 FILE G5]AT$ FROM 3  
HTTP3_/_/REVOLTLIB4COM_/