,SOPHIA'S ,LA/ ,LETT] 

#aigfaigf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,FR$Y ,P]LMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,SOPHIA'S LA/ LETT] 

  
  

,DE> ,Y>O/AN1  
  

,I GAGG$ AS ,I READ AB\T ,ZABRAN'S SELF-EXPOSURE & SUICIDE4 ,ON ! SURFACE SOME K9D ( MON/] DI$1 A MON/] ?AT LEFT SO MANY CORPSES 9 ITS TRA94 ,I WAS HORRIFI$ :5 ,I RECOGNIZ$ ! MON/] 9 MYSELF & 9 ?OSE CLOSE/ TO ME1 ?OSE :O GAVE MY LIFE ITS ONLY MEAN+ & GOAL1 ?OSE :O HELP$ DEF9E MY LIFE'S SE>*4 ,MY V]Y DREAMS W]E CONTAM9AT$ BY ! MON/ROSITY HE /OOD =3 ! WILL TO IMPOSE M5TAL CON/RUCTS ON LIV+ PEOPLE -- :I* AS ,ZD5EK SO P]CEPTIVELY PO9T$ \T CAN ONLY BE DONE BY MEANS ( 0HI/ORICALLY AVAILABLE0 9/RUM5TS3 GUNS1 TANKS1 POLICE & >MIES4 

,Y\ ONCE PO9T$ TO A SPLIT 9 MY LIFE1 ! SPLIT BETWE5 MY 0ACADEMIC & J\RNALI/IC WORLD0 & ! 0WORLD ( ,SAB9A & ! G>AGE40 ,Y\ 9CLUD$ Y\RSELF 9 ! LATT] WORLD4 ,I ?9K ! L9E Y\ DREW HAS TO BE RE-DRAWN4 ,I ?9K ! SPLIT WAS BETWE5 ! WORLD ( ?OSE :O1 LIKE ,T$1 ,JAN & ,MIRNA1 S\<T TO REALIZE !IR [N POT5TIALITIES AMONG O!RS REALIZ+ !IRS1 & ! WORLD ( ?OSE :O1 LIKE ,LUISA & ,DAMAN & ,TITUS ,ZABRAN1 S\<T TO FIT HUMAN BE+S 9TO :AT ,SAB9A CALL$ A CRY/AL PALACE1 :I* 9 PRACTICE WAS ALWAYS ! SAME REGIM5T$ B>RACKS1 ! HIVE Y\'VE REJECT$4 ,LIKE ,SAB9A1 & LIKE ME1 Y\ HAD A FOOT 9 BO? WORLDS4 ,DON'T TELL Y\RSELF Y\'RE ! ONLY ONE :OSE PA/ COMMITM5TS W]E CL>IFI$ BY ! EXPOSURE & ! SUICIDE4 ,MY LIFE PROJECT1 MY 0COMMUNITY10 ALSO DI$ 9 ?AT MODE/1 B>ELY FURNI%$ ROOM4 

,I RESPOND$ TO Y\R LETT] ! SAME WAY ,I HAD RESPOND$ TO \R EMIGRATION TW5TY YE>S AGO4 ,I />$ AT ! WALLS ( MY ROOM4 ,BUT !RE'S A DIFF]5CE4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I /ILL HAD MY ILLUSIONS3 ! COMMUNITY ,LUISA HAD EXP]I5C$ ) ,NA*ALO & ON ! B>RICADES1 ! COMMUNITY ?AT ,I HAD MYSELF EXP]I5C$ ) Y\4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I SAW SOME?+ :5 ,I LOOK$ AT ! BLANK WALLS2 :5 ,I LEFT MY ROOM ,I HAD SOME?+ TO LOOK = & ,I F\ND IT1 PR AT LEA/ APPROXIMATIONS TO IT1 ) ,RON1 ON ! NEWSPAP] /AFF1 9 ,HU<'S PROJECT H\SE4 ,Y\ W]5'T ABLE TO CONV9CE ME ?AT MY COMMITM5T RE/$ ON ROT1 ?AT MY 0COMMUNITY0 HAD BE5 ! OPPOSITE ( COMMUNITY AT ITS V]Y ORIG91 ?AT MY ADORATION ( Y\ WAS AN ALIBI = MY 9ACTIVITY4 

,I'M WRIT+ ?IS LETT] AS MU* = MYSELF AS = Y\2 ,I DON'T REALLY EXPECT IT TO REA* Y\4 ,I READ AB\T ! TANKS 9 ! NEWSPAP]S1 TWO OR ?REE DAYS BE=E Y\R LETT] CAME4 ,SOME?+ SNAPP$ 9SIDE ME4 ,I KNEW1 EV5 BE=E Y\R LETT] CAME1 ?AT ,I HAD A CONNECTION ) ?OSE TANKS4 ,P>T ( MY LIFE1 TOO1 HAD BE5 DEVOT$ TO ! S]VICE ( A 0HI/ORICAL CLASS0 ?AT WAS GO+ TO REALIZE A GREAT 0PURPOSE40 ,ZD5EK IS SO RI<T4 ,I NEV] ASK$ MYSELF :AT 9/RUM5TS W]E GO+ TO REALIZE MY GOAL4 ,I TOLD MYSELF WE1 ALL ( US1 BY \RSELVES & ON \R [N1 W]E GO+ TO REALIZE IT4 ,BUT ,I OBVI\SLY DIDN'T BELIEVE ?AT1 NOT 9 PRACTICE1 S9CE ,I NEV] DID ANY?+ BY MYSELF & ON MY [N4 ,MY GOAL WASN'T SOME?+ ,I DID BUT SOME?+ ,I S]V$1 & 9 ?AT S5SE ,I WAS ,TITUS ,ZABRAN'S DAU<T] & ! SI/] ( ! TANK DRIV]S4 ,:O & :AT C>RI$ MY PROJECT S9CE ,I & ?OSE >\ND ME OBVI\SLY DIDN'T8 ,:]E WAS ! P[] TO REALIZE IT S9CE IT WASN'T 9 ME8 ,I NEV] DREAM$ ( IMPOS+ MY GOAL ) A TANK OR A GUN1 BUT APP>5TLY ,TITUS DIDN'T EI!R4 ,& S9CE ! GREAT TASK ( HI/ORY REQUIR$ ! ELIM9ATION ( FETT]S1 HEADS OBVI\SLY HAD TO ROLL1 CATEGORIES ( HUMAN BE+S HAD TO BE LIQUIDAT$4 ,HE HAD ! C\RAGE TO KILL HIMSELF4 ,I WOND] IF HE F9ALLY KNEW :AT IT HAD ALL L$ TO3 ! 5DLESS CORRIDORS ) ROOMS FULL ( BREA?+ MUMMIES1 ! PAV$ HI<WAYS ) SPE$+ VEHICLES :OSE PASS5G]S' POT5TIALITIES C\LD NO LONG] BE DI/+UI%$ FROM ?OSE ( !IR VEHICLES4 

,I TREMBL$ ! DAY ,I WALK$ HOME ) ! NEWSPAP] ANN\NC+ ! 9VASION 9 5ORM\S HEADL9ES4 ,! PEOPLE ,I PASS$ 9 ! /REET1 EV5 ?OSE ) NEWSPAP]S UND] !IR >MS1 WALK$ BY ME CALMLY1 AS IF NO?+ WAS WRONG1 AS IF NO?+ HAD HAPP5$1 AS IF EV]Y?+ WAS EXACTLY AS IT %\LD BE4 ,& ,I SAW MYSELF 9 ?OSE PEOPLE4 ,IF ,I HADN'T BE5 EX*ANG+ LETT]S ) Y\ = ! PA/ MON?S1 ,I W\LD HAVE REACT$ TO ?OSE HEADL9ES ! SAME WAY !Y DID4 ,& ,I REALIZ$ !RE'S NO SU* 5TITY AS A HUMAN SPECIES1 OR RA!R ?AT IT DOESN'T RECOGNIZE ITSELF AS SU*2 IT POSSESSES NO FACULTY ( COMMUNITY4 ,EI!R IT NEV] HAD SU* A FACULTY OR IT LO/ IT4 ,! BE+S ,I WAS AMONG1 9CLUD+ ME1 W]E NOT SPECIES-BE+S BUT CLOS$ COMP>TM5TS4 ,MAYBE :AT WE'VE JU/ EXP]I5C$ ON BO? SIDES ( ! WORLD %[S ?AT ! FACULTY ( SPECIES-BE+ IS SOME?+ /ILL TO BE CREAT$1 & ?AT IT'S NOT ! AB/RACT 0COMMUNITY0 ,I'VE ALWAYS 5VISION$ BUT SOME?+ V]Y CONCRETE1 AS CONCRETE AS ,MIRNA'S 0EXCURSIONS40 ,MAYBE IT'S NO?+ BUT ! WILL+NESS TO T\*1 FEEL1 LOOK AT & LI/5 TO EA* O!R4 ,MAYBE !RE SIMPLY W]5'T 5\< PEOPLE ON EXCURSIONS1 !RE W]5'T 5\< TO REA* ! WORK]S 9 ! TANKS4 ,MAYBE ?AT'S :Y ! WORK]S 9 ! TANKS C\LDN'T KN[ ?AT ! PEOPLE AT :OM !Y AIM$ !IR GUNS W]E ! SAME AS !MSELVES1 OR HAD BE5 ! SAME UNTIL !Y BEGAN TO TAKE EXCURSIONS4 ,! WORK]S 9 ! TANKS W]E 9 NO WAY DIFF]5T FROM ! PEOPLE ,I PASS$ 9 ! /REET1 FROM Y\ & ME DUR+ 0NORMAL0 TIMES3 !Y W]E M]ELY WORK]S DO+ !IR JOBS1 EA* ) HIS [N REPRESS$ 0DEMON10 EA* ) ! SAME REASON TO REBEL AS ! PEOPLE !Y REPRESS$4 ,& NO D\BT EA* ( !M HAD REBELL$ AT ONE OR ANO!R TIME1 & EA* HAD BE5 REPRESS$1 ALWAYS BY O!RS :O HAD ALSO REBELL$ AT SOME O!R TIME4 ,I WAS ALWAYS ONE ( ?OSE O!RS4 ,H[EV] 9SIGNIFICANT MY CONTRIBUTIONS1 !Y W]E NO LESS SIGNIFICANT ?AN ! CONTRIBUTIONS ( A S+LE SOLDI]4 ,I HAD RESPOND$ ) RI<TE\S 9DIGNATION TO Y\R FIR/ LETT]1 TO Y\R SUGGE/ION ?AT PRISON]S HAD ANY?+ 9 COMMON ) !IR GU>DS4 ,I NO LONG] HAVE TR\BLE IMAG9+ MYSELF1 IF NOT AS A SOLDI] 9 A TANK1 AT LEA/ AS A TEA*] :O HELP$ %APE ! 9TELLECTUAL HORIZON ( PEOPLE :O BECAME SOLDI]S 9 TANKS4 ,ALL ,I HAVE TO DO IS TO ASK MYSELF :AT ,I WAS DO+ :5 O!RS1 ELSE:]E1 W]E REBELL+ & :5 !Y W]E REPRESS$4 ,ALL ,I HAVE TO DO IS ASK MYSELF :AT ,I'M DO+ RI<T N[1 :5 ,MIRNA & ,Y>A >E CONFRONT+ TANKS ) !IR B>E H&S6 

,AT LEA/ ,I ?9K ,I'M NO LONG] ON ! SIDE ( ! TANKS1 ! SIDE ( ?OSE :O W\LD GUIDE !IR COMRADES T[>D ! REVEAL$ OR 0SCI5TIFIC0 GOAL ( HI/ORY4 ,AT LEA/ ,I'VE LE>N$ ?AT HUMANITY'S 0HI/ORICAL GOALS0 >E ! FANTASIES ( MEGALOMANIACS1 ?AT ! PROLET>IAT'S 0ORGANIZATIONS0 >E TRA9S DRIV5 BY W\LD-BE DIRECTORS1 & ?AT WEAPONS >E HI/ORY'S ONLY MEANS = IMPOS+ SU* 0PROJECTS0 ON LIV+ HUMAN 9DIVIDUALS4 ,?OSE >E ! 0LESSONS0 ,I'VE DRAWN FROM MY CORRESPOND5CE ) Y\1 & !Y'RE AWFUL LESSONS4 ,MY MO!R WAS ! AG5T ( MY FA!R'S MURD]]S4 ,WAS IT TO SP>E MY S5SITIVITY ONE MORE TIME ?AT Y\ DIDN'T DRAW ?AT KNOT8 ,SAB9A & I DREW IT AS SOON AS Y\R LETT] >RIV$4 

,RI<T AFT] WE READ Y\R LETT] ,SAB9A HAD ME R]EAD ! LETT]S 9 :I* Y\ HAD TOLD ME :AT Y\ HAD LE>N$ FROM ,MANUEL DUR+ Y\R FIR/ PRISON T]M4 ,:5 %E HAD TOLD ME ?AT ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA HAD TO BE DEAD BE=E !Y C\LD BE MADE USEFUL TO ,LUISA'S ORGANIZATION1 %E HAD BE5 MU* CLOS] TO ! TRU? ?AN EV5 %E HAD SUSPECT$4 ,%E COMB9$ ,MANUEL'S ACC\NTS ) EV]Y?+ %E HAD LE>N$ FROM ,ALB]TS2 H] RECON/RUCTION ( ! SEQU5CE ( EV5TS IS ALMO/ BEYOND BELIEF4 

,ON ! DAY ( ! B>RICADES ! FASCI/ >MY WAS DEF9ITIVELY DEFEAT$ 9 ! CITY4 ,IT !N MADE SOME ADVANCES 9 RURAL REGIONS2 ONE ( ! PLACES :]E IT MET RESI/ANCE WAS ! VILLAGE ,MANUEL DESCRIB$4 0,?IS VILLAGE BECAME '! FRONT' = ,LUISA & ! RE/ ( ! UNION APP>ATUS1 & ALSO TO FI<T]S LIKE ,MANUEL & ,NA*ALO10 ,SAB9A SUGGE/$4 0,= ,NA*ALO & ,MANUEL IT WAS AN EXT5SION ( ! BATTLE ON ! B>RICADES1 & !Y W5T !RE1 NOT AS A SEP>ATE >M$ =CE1 BUT AS AN EXT5SION ( ! >M$ POPULATION ?AT HAD F\<T ON ! B>RICADES4 ,BUT TO ! APP>ATUS ?IS 'FRONT' IMM$IATELY HAD A DIFF]5T MEAN+4 ,FIR/ ( ALL IT WAS F> AWAY FROM ! CITY & QUICKLY BECAME ALMO/ A MY?ICAL PLACE4 ,& SECONDLY1 AS F> AS ! UNION APP>ATUS WAS CONC]N$ ! REVOLUTION WAS OV] 9 ! /REETS ( ! CITY & 9 ! FACTORIES4 ,! UNION HAD TAK5 OV] PRODUCTION1 TRANSPORTATION & DI/RIBUTION1 & ?AT WAS ?AT2 IT WAS TIME TO RESUME ! NORMAL ACTIVITY ( DAILY LIFE4 ,! FRONT WAS = ?OSE :OSE BLOOD WAS /ILL HOT & :OSE ORGANS W]E /ILL UNGRATIFI$1 & IT WAS F> AWAY FROM ! CITY4 ,TO ! NEW MANAG]S ( PRODUCTION1 !SE FI<T]S W]E ONLY 9 ! WAY2 !Y W]E 9F9ITELY MORE USEFUL AS DEAD H]OES :O HAD DI$ = ! GLORY ( ! LIV+ UNION BOSSES ?AN AS LIV+ SABOTEURS1 AGITATORS & T]RORI/S4 ,! UNION LEAD]S W]E RELIEV$ TO S5D !M (F TO FI<T '! REVOLUTION' ) (FICIAL FLAG-WAV+4 ,ALB]TS1 :O WASN'T AN AGITATOR BUT WAS %AM$ BY ,M>G>ITA'S PREMATURE DEA?1 WAS DRAWN TO ! MY?ICAL FRONT ONLY :5 IT BECAME SOME?+ HE C\LD UND]/&3 ! C5TRAL FOCUS ( A /ATE APP>ATUS & AN (FICIAL W> MA*9E4 ,HE HAD COME TO (F] ! REVOLUTION EV]Y?+ SCI5CE C\LD PROVIDE1 & HE UND]/OOD ?AT !SE (F]+S C\LD BE EFFICI5TLY US$ ONLY 9 T]MS ( !IR [N RULES3 LOGICALLY1 HI]>*ICALLY1 MILIT>ILY4 ,HE RI<TLY RECOGNIZ$ ,ZABRAN AS ! EMBODIM5T ( APPLI$ SCI5CE & WAS DRAWN TO 5LI/ 9 ?AT REPLACEM5T ( ! POPULATION'S >M$ MI<T1 ! POPUL> >MY40 

,SAB9A & ,I FIGUR$ \T ?AT APP>5TLY ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN ACTUALLY DID 0JO9 ,NA*ALO0 AT ! FRONT1 AS ,LUISA TOLD ME4 ,ALB]TS HAD TOLD ,SAB9A HE HAD S]V$ 9 ! FIR+ SQUAD ?AT MURD]$ EI<T 09FILTRATORS10 & ,ZABRAN TOLD Y\ !Y W]E TOGE!R FROM ! MOM5T ,ALB]TS 5LI/$4 ,JU/ BE=E ! 09FILTRATORS0 W]E KILL$1 ONE ( !M %\T$1 0,NEXT TIME ! PEOPLE RISE !Y'LL TURN ON ! R$ BUT*]S FIR/40 ,ZABRAN TOLD Y\ HE NEV] 0MET0 ,NA*ALO4 ,APP>5TLY ,ALB]TS TOLD HIM :O HAD %\T$ ?AT /ATEM5T AFT] ,NA*ALO WAS DEAD4 ,:5 ,ALB]TS RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT1 HE TOLD ,LUISA ?AT ,NA*ALO HAD BE5 A 0DEFECTOR0 BECAUSE HE HAD CALL$ HIS 0COMRADES0 R$ BUT*]S BE=E !Y MURD]$ HIM4 ,LUISA & ,ZABRAN !N PROCE$$ TO MAKE ! MURD]$ MAN USEFUL TO !IR 0MOVEM5T40 ,ZABRAN 05LI/$0 ! DEAD MAN TO HIS CAUSE2 ! MURD]] JU/IFI$ HIS CRIME WE>+ HIS VICTIM'S MANTLE4 ,! ,*UR* BURN$ PEOPLE & LAT] MADE !M SA9TS1 COV]+ ITS REPRESSIVE DE$S ) ! REBELS' [N MANTLES4 ,LUISA & H] UNION PLAC$ ! CAPE ( H] DEAD LOV] ON HIS MURD]] & 5LI/$ ! DEAD MAN'S COMRADES TO HIS MURD]]S' CAUSE1 HELP+ ! MURD]] %9E ) ! LIFE & DE$S ( HIS VICTIM1 TRANS=M+ AN ASSASS9 9TO A 0REVOLUTION>Y40 

,SAB9A ALSO FIGUR$ \T ,GLAVNI WAS WRONG :5 HE ASSUM$ ?AT ,ZABRAN'S LAT] 0PACIFISM0 WAS SOME K9D ( MORAL ATTITUDE4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT GREW \T ( HIS 0SCI5TIFIC0 \TLOOK4 ,! DEA? ( ,NA*ALO DID NOT PUT AN 5D TO ,NA*ALO'S 9FLU5CE4 ,!RE=E ! FIR+ SQUAD IS NOT AN EFFECTIVE 9/RUM5T = DEAL+ ) QUE/IONS ( CONSCI\SNESS2 IT WIPES \T ! PATI5T )\T WIP+ \T ! DISEASE4 ,& S9CE ! PROLET>IAT'S ONLY QUALITY WAS ITS 0HI/ORICAL 9T]E/10 ! QUALITIES ,JAN ,S$LAK POSSESS$ MU/ HAVE COME 0FROM ABROAD40 ,!Y W]E A VIRUS :I* ,LUISA C>RI$ 9 SPITE ( H]SELF1 & ) :I* %E 9FECT$ ,JAN & Y\1 & ?R\< BO? ( Y\ ! 5TIRE PRODUCTION GR\P1 & PRESUMABLY ALSO ,MIRNA1 :O !N 9FECT$ ,Y>A4 0,BUT HIS UND]/&+ HAD A GROSS FLAW AT ITS CORE10 ,SAB9A SAID4 0,HE DIDN'T UND]/& :AT ,MIRNA & ,Y>A UND]/&4 ,! NEGAT+ SPIRIT ISN'T IMPORT$2 ! DESIRE = FRE$OM DOESN'T COME FROM ABROAD4 ,IT ISN'T C>RI$ OR TRANSMITT$4 ,IT'S 9H]5T 9 BE+ HUMAN4 ,IT'S ALREADY !RE4 ,:AT IS C>RI$ & IMPORT$ IS ! REPRESSION ( ?AT DESIRE4 ,! ONLY 'C>RI]S' 9 ! C>TON PLANT W]E ,TITUS & ,LUISA4 ,IT WASN'T ,NA*ALO ?AT H\ND$ ,ZABRAN TO HIS DEA?1 BUT ,ZABRAN'S [N GROSS ]ROR40 ,SAB9A WAS REF]R+ TO ! OP]A ,ZABRAN APP>5TLY LI/5$ TO BE=E HE %OT HIMSELF4 ,:5 Y\ REPEAT$ ,NA*ALO'S LA/ /ATEM5T TO HIM1 HE MU/ HAVE ?\<T MY DEAD FA!R'S SPIRIT HAD COME TO ,JASNA'S CELEBRATION TO H\ND HIS MURD]]4 

,Y\R LETT] CAME ?REE WEEKS AGO BUT ,I PO/PON$ ANSW]+ IT4 ,I SUPPOSE ! C5SOR%IP HAS BE5 REIMPOS$ TOGE!R ) ! RE/ ( ! POLICE APP>ATUS1 & ,I DON'T WANT TO SET (F ANO!R SEQU5CE ( EV5TS SIMIL> TO ! ONE SET (F BY ! LETT] ,I S5T AT ! TIME ( ! ,MAG>NA RIS+4 ,SAB9A REM9D$ ME ?AT IT WASN'T MY LETT] ITSELF1 BUT ! 0HI/ORICALLY 9=M$0 9T]V5TION ( ,TITUS ,ZABRAN1 ?AT CAUS$ Y\R E>LI] >RE/S1 & %E D\BTS IF ANYONE WILL ANALYZE :AT IS 0HI/ORICALLY PROGRESSIVE0 & :AT 0DANG]\S0 9 ! CONT5T ( MY PRES5T LETT]4 ,BUT ,I C\LDN'T HAVE IMAG9$ ANYONE W\LD HAVE DONE ?AT TO MY E>LI] LETT] EI!R4 ,9ITIALLY ,I ?\<T ( WRIT+ Y\ A %ORT1 9NOCU\S NOTE1 JU/ TO F9D \T IF Y\ & Y\R COMRADES W]E WELL1 BUT ,I WASN'T ABLE TO COMPOSE SU* A NOTE4 ,& ! ?\<T ( RECEIV+ A SIMIL> NOTE FROM Y\1 ! ?\<T ( BO? ( US WRIT+ NO LONG] = EA* O!R BUT = A C5SOR1 REPELL$ ME SO MU* ?AT ,I DROPP$ ! IDEA4 ,IF WE CAN NO LONG] COMMUNICATE \R LIVES1 \R 9N]MO/ ?\<TS & \R DESIRES TO EA* O!R1 ,I ?9K ,I'D PREF] NOT TO CONT9UE \R CORRESPOND5CE2 ?AT SORT ( COMMUNICATION W\LD BE UNBE>ABLE TO ME4 ,IT W\LD BE LIKE A CONV]SATION ) AN 9TIMATE FRI5D :O'D HAD P>T ( HIS BRA9 SURGICALLY REMOV$2 ,I W\LD 9F9ITELY PREF] SIL5CE TO LETT]S 9 :I* Y\ TOLD ME AB\T YE/]DAY'S WEA!R4 ,SO ,I DECID$ TO WRITE Y\ AS UN9HIBIT$LY AS ,I W\LD HAVE IF ! TANKS HADN'T 9VAD$4 ,!RE'S SO MU* ,I WANT TO TELL Y\1 NOT ONLY AB\T :AT WE %>$1 BUT AB\T ALL ?AT'S HAPP5$ TO ME S9CE ,I LA/ WROTE Y\1 & AB\T :AT ,SAB9A & ,I LE>N$ DUR+ ! PA/ FEW WEEKS4 

,DUR+ ! WEEK AFT] MY >GUM5T ) ,LUISA1 ,T$ GOT HIS C> \T ( ! POLICE P\ND1 & HE WANT$ TO RETURN TO ! PR9T %OP & TO HIS AP>TM5T TO CLEAN UP ! MESS4 ,HE WAS UPSET ?AT ,T9A /ILL HADN'T TURN$ UP2 HE TOLD ME AGA9 H[ IMPOSSIBLE ! PR9T %OP W\LD HAVE BE5 )\T ,T9A4 ,I OBVI\SLY WASN'T UP TO DO+ :AT ,T9A HAD DONE !RE2 ,I ALSO %>$ ,SAB9A'S FE> ?AT ,T$ W\LD BE %OT BY ! POLICE IF HE RETURN$ TO ! PR9T %OP4 ,I CONV9C$ HIM TO /AY AWAY FROM !RE1 BUT HE BECAME 9CREAS+LY RE/LESS4 ,I SUGGE/$ ! ?REE ( US EXPLORE ! POSSIBILITY ( LAUN*+ A PROJECT BUT ! ONLY ACTIVITY ?AT 9T]E/$ HIM AT ALL WAS TO 0HELP \T0 ) ?AT PRESS ,LUISA HAD %[$ HIM AT ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE (FICE4 ,SO ! ,SUNDAY AFT] MY CONFRONTATION ) ,LUISA1 ,I W5T BACK TO ?AT (FICE ) ,T$4 ,I DISREG>D$ EV]Y?+ & EV]YONE 9 ! COMMITTEE (FICE & ACCOMPANI$ ,T$ DIRECTLY TO ! 0PRESS ROOM40 ,I BECAME ,T$'S APPR5TICE4 ,WE LE>N$ :5 ! (FICE W\LD BE OP5 ON WEEKDAYS ! FOLL[+ WEEK1 & WE W5T BACK EV]Y DAY4 ,T$ GOT ! PRESS REPAIR$ & HE1 OR RA!R WE1 />T$ PR9T+4 ,I F\ND IT EXTREMELY *ALL5G+2 ,T$ LET ME DO EV]Y OP]ATION AS SOON AS ,I LE>N$ H[4 

,I WASN'T ONLY ,T$'S APPR5TICE4 ,I REALIZ$ ?AT ! JEAL\SY ,I'D FELT :5 ,I SAW ,LUISA B5T OV] HIM WAS REAL4 ,AT FIR/ ,I ?\<T ,I FELT GUILTY T[>D ,T$ BECAUSE ( H[ GROSSLY ,I HAD TREAT$ HIM AT ! G>AGE4 ,BUT :5 ,I BECAME HIS APPR5TICE1 & !N HIS 0FELL[ PR9T]10 ,I KNEW ?AT MY FEEL+ T[>D HIM WAS NEI!R GUILT NOR PITY4 ,!RE'S SOME?+ ( ,RON 9 ,T$ -- SOME?+ ,ZABRAN HAD IMM$IATELY RECOGNIZ$ 9 ?AT LETT] ,I S5T Y\ TWELVE YE>S AGO4 ,IT'S ?AT 09/9CTIVE0 REJECTION ( ALL (FICIAL ACTIVITY4 ,!RE'S ALSO SOME?+ 9 ,T$ ?AT ,I'VE NEV] 5C\NT]$ BE=E3 A C]TA9 MODE/Y ?AT SEEMS TO BORD] ON AN 09F]IORITY FEEL+10 ?\< ?AT T]M BO!RS ME4 ,HE'S ALMO/ GRATEFUL TO ?OSE :O TREAT HIM AS AN EQUAL4 ,HE HAS PRIDE 9 HIS WORK1 9 HIS DE$S1 BUT NOT 9 HIS P]SON2 HE EXPECTS O!RS TO RESPOND TO HIM SOLELY ON ! BASIS ( :AT HE CONTRIBUTES1 NOT ON ! BASIS ( M]ELY BE+ !RE2 HE DOESN'T ?9K HIMSELF WOND]FUL4 

,A CONFRONTATION ) ,>T ,S9I* PUT AN 5D TO \R ACTIVITY 9 ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE4 ,IT WAS A V]Y BRIEF CONFRONTATION4 ,>T CAME 9TO ! PRESS ROOM :ILE ,T$ WAS RUNN+ SOME =MS (F ! PRESS4 ,>T PATT$ ,T$ ON ! BACK & TOLD HIM1 0,Y\ PEOPLE >E REALLY ! SALT ( ! E>?60 

,T$ EXCLAIM$1 0,%IT60 ,HE TURN$ (F ! PRESS & TOLD ,>T ANGRILY1 0,:AT DO Y\ MEAN 'Y\ PEOPLE1' MI/]8 ,!RE >E JU/ TWO PEOPLE AT ?IS PRESS1 JU/ ,SOPHIE & ME60 

0,Y\ RACI/ BIGOT60 ,I %\T$ AT ,>T4 0,Y\ FASCI/6 ,DON'T Y\ KN[ :AT Y\R M\? IS FULL (80 

,>T DIDN'T %[ ! SLI<TE/ AW>5ESS ?AT HE KNEW4 ,T$ & ,I WALK$ \T4 ,AT HOME ,T$ TOLD ME1 0,IT'S NO GOOD1 ,SOPHIE4 ,IT'S NOT JU/ ,>T2 IT'S ALL OV] !IR WALLS & 9 !IR LEAFLETS4 ,ALL !Y 'RE 9TO IS SK9 COLOR4 ,NOT ,LUISA1 BUT MO/ ( ! O!RS4 ,SK9 COLOR IS ALL !Y SEE4 ,I'VE NEV] WORK$ NE> SOMEONE :O LOOK$ AT ME AS A COLOR4 ,I DON'T LIKE IT4 ,HE KN[S ALL AB\T ME BE=E ,I EV] />T DO+ ANY?+4 ,I'M Y\ PEOPLE'2 ,I'M LIKE A T9 CAN ) A LABEL1 & ,I'M ! SAME AS ALL ! CANS ) ?AT LABEL40 

,T$ WAS ALSO ANGRY AT ME :5 HE SAID ?IS1 & HE WAS RI<T4 ,HE HAD TRU/$ ME NOT TO 9TRODUCE HIM 9TO ?AT TYPE ( 5VIRONM5T1 OR AT LEA/ TO W>N HIM4 ,BUT ,I HADN'T RECOGNIZ$ IT1 & ,I HAD NEV] IMAG9$ ,LUISA OR ,DAMAN W\LD EV] COLLABORATE ) RACI/S4 ,T$ DIDN'T REMA9 ANGRY ) ME2 HE KN[S ?AT MY LIFE HAS BE5 AS %IELD$ AS HIS4 ,SOMEH[ BO? ( US & ALL ! PEOPLE WE'VE KN[N HAVE R>ELY HAD CONTACT ) ANY =M ( RACISM 9 A SOCIETY :]E CANN+ & LABEL+ IS ! C5TRAL ACTIVITY4 ,>T HAD EXPOS$ HIMSELF TO ME BE=E1 BUT ,I HADN'T RESPOND$4 ,AS SOON AS ,T$ RESPOND$1 ,I WAS A%AM$ ,I'D EV] HAD ANY?+ TO DO ) ,>T4 ,H[ SICK5+LY IRONIC IT IS ?AT ! MO/ REVOLT+ TRAIT ( ?IS SOCIETY %\LD TURN UP AS ! 0POLITICAL PROGRAM0 ( SELF-/YL$ 0RADICALS40 ,I'VE NEV] BE5 NE> ANYONE LIKE ,>T EI!R4 ,EV5 ! CU/OM]S 9 ,TISSIE'S & ,SAB9A'S B> DIDN'T EXPRESS SU* ATTITUDES4 ,>T HAD MADE HIMSELF P]FECTLY CLE> TO ME ! LA/ TIME ,I'D TALK$ TO HIM1 :5 ,I'D TREAT$ HIM TO LUN*2 HE HAD MADE IT CLE> ?AT HUMAN BE+S DIDN'T EXI/ = HIM2 ONLY CANS ) LABELS4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! HORROR ,I'D FELT :5 HE'D DESCRIB$ H[ HE SAW ! FUNCTION ( HIS GR\P3 0,WE AIM TO COORD9ATE ! ACTIVITIES ( ORGANIZATIONS EXPRESS+ ! WILL ( NATIONAL & RACIAL M9ORITIES40 ,I %UDD]$4 ,T$ & ,I HAV5'T EV] RETURN$ TO ! REPRESSION (FICE4 

,I WAS EV5 MORE UPSET BY SOME?+ ?AT HAPP5$ A FEW DAYS AFT] \R LA/ VISIT TO ! REPRESSION COMMITTEE4 ,I ANSW]$ ! PHONE4 ,IT WAS ,T9A4 ,I GOT ALL EXCIT$4 0,T9A1 :]E >E Y\8 ,:AT HAPP5$ TO Y\80 ,I %\T$4 

,T9A SAID TO ME4 9 ! VOICE ( A ROBOT1 0,I'M ) FRI5DS4 ,I'D LIKE TO TALK TO ,T$40 

,I TOLD H]1 0,WE'VE ALL BE5 N]V\S AB\T Y\4 ,:5 WE SAW ! PR9T %OP WRECK$1 WE ?\<T ! WOR/ ?+S MI<T HAVE HAPP5$ TO Y\4 ,>E Y\ ) ,PAT80 

0,NEI!R ( US W]E 9 ! PR9T %OP :5 IT WAS ATTACK$10 %E TOLD ME4 0,\R GR\P )DREW BE=E ! ATTACK1 :5 ! PR9T %OP WAS TAK5 OV] BY C\NT]-REVOLUTION>Y AG5TS4 ,I'D LIKE TO TALK TO ,T$40 

,I GAVE ,T$ ! RECEIV]4 ,9 ANSW] TO ONE ( ,T9A'S QUE/IONS1 HE TOLD H] HE 9T5D$ TO />T PR9T+ AGA9 -- ) ME4 ,HIS SUMM>Y ( ! RE/ ( ! CONV]SATION MADE IT SEEM AWFUL4 0,SOME?+ MU/ HAVE HAPP5$ TO H]10 HE TOLD ,SAB9A & ME2 0%E NEV] S\ND$ LIKE ?AT BE=E4 ,%E & ,PAT & !IR FRI5DS WANT TO VISIT US 9 A FEW DAYS4 ,%E TALK$ AB\T H] GR\P AS IF IT WAS A SECRET GANG ( SOME SORT4 ,%E ASK$ ME SOME?+ AB\T 'CONT9U+ ! COH]5T PRACTICE 9 :I* Y\ W]E 5GAG$ BE=E 9COH]5T AG5TS ( REPRESSION RECUP]AT$ Y\40 ,!N %E ASK$ IF ,I WAS WILL+ TO SEP>ATE MYSELF FROM IDEOLOGUES :OSE P]SPECTIVES Y\ DON'T %>E4' ,I ?9K IT'S TIME WE OP5$ UP ?AT PR9T %OP AGA91 BUT ! WAY ,T9A S\ND$1 ,I DON'T KN[2 ,I'M WORRI$4 ,I DON'T WANT TO BECOME P>T ( SOME?+ ,I DON'T UND]/&4 ,I ?9K ,T9A HAS BECOME A TOOL1 ! WAY ,TISSIE BECAME ,SE?'S TOOL40 

,SAB9A EMPHATICALLY /AT$1 0,IT'S IMPOSSIBLE = ,T9A TO HAVE BECOME A TOOL40 

,! DAY AFT] ,T9A'S CALL1 ,T$ WAS RE/LESS AGA94 ,HE TOLD ME1 0,I ?9K ,SAB9A IS WRONG2 ,I DON'T ?9K ! COPS >E \T !RE WAIT+ = ME4 ,BUT ,I DON'T KN[ IF ,I CAN GET ?AT PLACE GO+ AGA9 )\T ,T9A4 ,IT'S H] PR9T %OP1 NOT M9E40 

,I TOLD HIM1 0,Y\'RE TOO MODE/1 ,T$4 ,Y\'VE TOLD ME ?AT BE=E1 BUT ,I SAW ?AT IT WASN'T QUITE TRUE40 

,HE 9SI/$1 0,IT'S %E :O REALLY GOT ! PLACE TOGE!R2 %E BR\<T MAT]IAL & EV5 SOME EQUIPM5T FROM O!R %OPS1 %E TAU<T ME H[ TO USE IT ALL1 OR AT LEA/ H[ !Y US$ IT 9 ! %OPS :]E %E WORK$4 ,SURE1 ,I CAN USE IT ALL N[1 BUT )\T ,T9A ! PO9T SEEMS TO BE GONE40 

0,C\LDN'T ,I DO SOME ( ! ?+S ,T9A DID80 ,I ASK$ HIM4 

0,Y\ MEAN Y\'D ACTUALLY GO !RE & SP5D TIME LE>N+ --0 

0,I'D LIKE TO V]Y MU*1 IF Y\'D LET ME10 ,I TOLD HIM4 0,I 5JOY$ ! FEW DAYS WE WORK$ TOGE!R LA/ WEEK MORE ?AN ,I'VE 5JOY$ ANY?+ S9CE ,I WAS ,T9A'S APPR5TICE 9 ! G>AGE40 

0,Y\ W]5'T DO+ ?AT JU/ BECAUSE Y\ FELT SORRY = ME80 HE ASK$4 

,I BLU%$ & ASK$ HIM1 0,DID Y\ SP5D ALL ?OSE DAYS %[+ ME H[ TO RUN A PRESS ONLY BECAUSE Y\ PITI$ MY ABYSMAL IGNORANCE AB\T MA*9ES8 ,DON'T Y\ CONSID] ME /UPID = HAV+ =GOTT5 EV]Y?+ ,T9A TAU<T ME80 

0,:5 DO Y\ WANT TO />T80 HE ASK$ ME4 

,I SUGGE/$ WE WAIT UNTIL ,T9A'S VISIT1 TO SEE IF ,T9A MI<T BE WILL+ TO RETURN TO ! PR9T %OP 9 SPITE ( H] NEW COMMITM5TS4 ,& 9 ANY CASE ,I 9T5D$ TO SP5D ! FOLL[+ DAY ) ,M9NIE4 

,M9NIE HAD CALL$ ME SEV]AL DAYS E>LI] TO TELL ME %E HAD LOCAT$ ,HU<4 0,HE'S TEA*+ AT A SUBURBAN COLLEGE40 %E'D TOLD ME1 0& GUESS :AT8 ,HE'S M>RI$ TO ,BESS6 ,CAN Y\ IMAG9E80 ,BESS HAD BE5 HIS MANAG+ $ITOR ON ! UNIV]SITY NEWSPAP] /AFF2 ,I'VE ALWAYS REMEMB]$ H] = ! C[>DLY $ITORIAL %E WROTE AFT] WE W]E ?R[N (F ! PAP]1 & = ! FACT ?AT %E HAD COLLABORAT$ ) ! UNIV]SITY-APPO9T$ /AFF4 0,HU< WAS V]Y CURT ON ! PHONE10 ,M9NIE HAD TOLD ME4 0,= A SECOND ,I ?\<T HE DIDN'T REMEMB] EI!R ( US4 ,:5 ,I ASK$ IF WE C\LD GET TOGE!R ) HIM1 HE TOLD ME HE WAS EXTREMELY BUSY4 ',I HAVE A FREE H\R BETWE5 TWO & ?REE NEXT ,?URSDAY1' WAS ! WAY HE 9VIT$ US4 ,I HOPE Y\'RE NOT MAD AT ME = ACCEPT+ SU* A HALF-HE>T$ 9VITATION40 ,I ASSUR$ H] ,I WASN'T MAD4 

,SAB9A OP5$ ! DOOR :5 ,M9NIE CAME = ME4 ,SAB9A AMAZ$ ME BY H] C\RTESY4 0,I WAS DEEPLY MOV$ :5 ,SOPHIA TOLD ME H[ ,ALEC DI$10 %E TOLD ,M9NIE4 0,I WAS SURPRIS$ TO LE>N ,I HAD PLAY$ SU* A SIGNIFICANT ROLE 9 HIS LIFE4 ,I HONE/LY REGRET ! FACT ?AT MY W9N+' ?AT >GUM5T CO/ ,ALEC HIS LIFE2 :5 ,I LE>N$ ?AT4 ,I FELT LIKE ,DEA? AS %E'S DEPICT$ 9 M$IEVAL PA9T+S40 

,M9NIE WAS EQUALLY C\RTE\S4 0,Y\'RE A REM>KABLE WOMAN1 ,SAB9A4 ,Y\ MADE AT LEA/ AS GREAT AN IMPRESSION ON ME AS Y\ DID ON ,ALEC40 

,:ILE ,M9NIE DROVE ME TO ! SUBURB :]E ! COLLEGE IS LOCAT$1 WE TALK$ AB\T ,HU<4 ,M9NIE HADN'T SE5 HIM S9CE HE'D C>RI$ ME \T ( ! G>AGE ! DAY ,SE? HAD PO9T$ HIS GUN AT !M4 ,I HADN'T SE5 HIM S9CE ! NI<T :5 ,I'D F9ALLY F\ND HIM1 AT ! 0PROJECT H\SE10 ! NI<T :5 HE BEGG$ ME NOT TO BURD5 HIS NEW FRI5DS ) MY 0ROT40 ,NEI!R ( US HAD SE5 ,BESS S9CE ! LA/ MEET+ ( ! NEWSPAP] /AFF1 ! DAY BE=E ! FUN]AL PROCESSION1 & NEI!R ( US HAD KN[N :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO H] AFT] ! SEME/] %E'D SP5T ON ! ADM9I/RATION /AFF4 

,WE DROVE UP TO A SUBURBAN MANSION4 ,TWO C>S W]E P>K$ 9 ! DRIVEWAY1 BO? NEW2 !RE W]E TOYS 9 ! FRONT Y>D4 ,I HAD SE5 SU* H\SES BE=E1 BUT ,I HAD NEV] BE5 9SIDE ONE4 

,BESS ANSW]$ ! DOOR4 ,IF ,I HADN'T BE5 EXPECT+ TO SEE H]1 ,I'D NEV] HAVE RECOGNIZ$ H]4 ,APP>5TLY %E ?\<T ! SAME ?+ AB\T US4 ,%E EV5 TREAT$ US AS PEOPLE %E'D NEV] KN[N4 0,PLEASE COME 94 ,MY HUSB& WILL BE RI<T ) Y\4 ,HE'S ON ! PHONE40 

,I ALMO/ LAU<$ :5 ,I ASK$1 0,BESS1 DON'T Y\ RECOGNIZE US80 

,MY DESIRE TO LAU< VANI%$ :5 %E SAID1 0,YES1 ,I RECOGNIZE Y\1 ,MISS ,NA*ALO10 & LEFT ! ROOM4 

,M9NIE :ISP]$ TO ME1 0,IT LOOKS LIKE %E WAS UPSET BY HIS 9VIT+ US H]E40 

,M9NIE & ,I SAT D[N AWKW>DLY ON A CLO?-COV]$ S(A 9 AN EXP5SIVELY FURNI%$ LIV+ ROOM4 ,WE HE>D *ILDR5 PLAY+ UP/AIRS2 !Y HAD APP>5TLY BE5 TOLD NOT TO LOOK 9 ON ! DISREPUTABLE GUE/S4 ,M9NIE LOOK$ AT H] WAT* & :ISP]$1 0,I WOND] IF HE C\NTS HIS PHONE CONV]SATION AS P>T ( ! H\R80 

,HU< F9ALLY 5T]$4 ,M9NIE & ,I BO? ROSE2 WE'D NEV] HAVE RIS5 = A UNIV]SITY PRESID5T4 ,HU< WAS DRESS$ 9 AN EXP5SIVE 0SPORT0 SUIT2 HE LOOK$ & ACT$ V]Y IMPORTANT2 HE %OOK H&S ) EA* ( US 9 A BUS9ESSLIKE MANN]4 0,WELL1 :AT A SURPRISE6 ,M9NIE & ,SOPHIE6 ,MAY ,I ASK ! PURPOSE ( Y\R VISIT80 

,I C\LDN'T BELIEVE HIS MANN]1 OR HIS WORDS2 ,I WAS ALMO/ 9 TE>S4 0,JU/ TO SEE Y\60 ,I TOLD HIM4 

0,:Y YES1 ( C\RSE10 HE SAID4 0,W\LD Y\ BO? LIKE SOME?+ TO DR9K80 

,M9NIE TOLD HIM1 0,JU/ C(FEE40 ,I NODD$4 

,HU< WALK$ T[>D ! DOOR ?R\< :I* ,BESS HAD LEFT & SAID1 0,HONEY1 W\LD Y\ M9D PREP>+ SOME C(FEE = \R GUE/S80 ,! PHONE RANG4 ,HE TOLD US1 0,PLEASE EXCUSE ME10 & LEFT ?R\< ! DOOR HE HAD COME 9 FROM4 

,BESS CAME 9 ) A TRAY ?AT HAD TWO CUPS ( C(FEE ON IT1 AS WELL AS SPOONS1 CREAM & SUG>4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! DAY :5 ! UNIV]SITY PRESID5T HAD BR\<T ,ALEC & ME C(FEE1 BUT HADN'T BR\<T ANY = HIMSELF4 ,BESS SET ! TRAY D[N & LEFT4 ,I C\LDN'T HOLD BACK MY TE>S4 

,HU< RETURN$ & APOLOGIZ$ = ! 9T]RUPTION4 

0,IT'S A GORGE\S H\SE10 ,M9NIE TOLD HIM4 0,HAVE Y\ LIV$ H]E LONG80 

,HU< ANSW]$1 0,YES1 EV] S9CE ,I />T$ TEA*+ -- ?AT'LL BE SIX YE>S N[40 ,I CALCULAT$ ?AT IF HE'D SP5T ?REE YE>S 9 GRADUATE S*OOL BE=E HE />T$ TO TEA*1 !N HE MU/ HAVE 5ROLL$ ONLY A FEW WEEKS AFT] ,I HAD SE5 HIM 9 ! 0PROJECT H\SE40 

,M9NIE ASK$1 0,H[ OLD >E Y\R *ILDR580 

0,! OLDE/ IS SEV51 ! Y\NGE/ IS FIVE10 HE TOLD H]4 ,SO ! OLDE/ WAS BORN ONLY TWO YE>S AFT] ,I HAD ?\<T HE HAD COMMITT$ HIS LIFE TO 0! PEOPLE RIS+ FROM BEL[10 ONLY TWO YE>S AFT] ,I HAD ?\<T ,I HAD F\ND SOMEONE :O RESEMBL$ Y\4 ,HE DIDN'T ASK EI!R ( US ANY QUE/IONS4 ,HE SEEM$ TO BE WAIT+ = US TO GO BACK \T ( HIS SUBURBAN LIFE4 

,M9NIE ASK$1 0,HU< -- MAY ,I CALL Y\ ?AT8 -- :Y IS ,BESS SO HO/ILE T[>D US80 

,HU< CLE>$ HIS ?ROAT2 HE SEEM$ EMB>RASS$4 0,MY WIFE IS CONV9C$ ?AT Y\R VISIT IS MOTIVAT$ --0 

,I ALMO/ *OK$ AS ,I ASK$1 0,Y\R WIFE1 ,HU<8 ,DON'T Y\ REMEMB] WE KNEW H]1 WE WORK$ TOGE!R80 

,HE SEEM$ UNEASY4 0,:Y YES1 ( C\RSE4 ,BESS & ,I HAD A SLI<T DISAGREEM5T4 ,MY WIFE WAS -- ,BESS WAS CONV9C$ Y\R VISIT HAD AN ULT]IOR MOTIVE1 SU* AS RAIS+ MONEY = ONE OR ANO!R POLITICAL CAUSE4 ,NATURALLY ,I MADE NO ASSUMPTIONS --0 ,! PHONE RANG AGA94 ,HE ALMO/ SEEM$ RELIEV$ AS HE ,TAN \T SAY+1 0,PLEASE EXCUSE ME --0 

,I FELT VOMIT RU%+ TO MY M\?4 ,I COV]$ MY M\? ) MY H& & PULL$ ,M9NIE \T ( ! 0GORGE\S0 LIV+ ROOM1 \T ( ! SUBURBAN H\SE TO ! /REET1 :]E ,I VOMIT$4 ,M9NIE HELD ME TO KEEP ME FROM FALL+4 ,NO ONE CAME \T ( ! H\SE4 ,! FRONT DOOR CLOS$4 

,M9NIE />T$ TO PULL ME BACK T[>D ! H\SE SO ,I C\LD LIE D[N4 ,I %OOK MY HEAD & PULL$ ,M9NIE T[>D H] C>4 ,M9NIE SAID ANGRILY1 0,!Y'LL AT LEA/ GIVE Y\ A WET T[EL SO Y\ CAN WIPE Y\RSELF60 

,I BEGG$1 0,PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY FROM H]E1 ,M9NIE40 ,I BUR/ \T CRY+ 9SIDE ! C>4 ,I LAY D[N ACROSS ! FRONT SEAT ) MY HEAD ON ,M9NIE'S LAP4 

,M9NIE DROVE AWAY FROM ,HU<'S H\SE & P>K$ NE> A GAS /ATION A FEW BLOCKS AWAY4 ,%E PATT$ MY HEAD CONSOL+LY & TOLD ME1 0,I DON'T UND]/&1 ,SOPHIE4 ,HE'S NEI!R ! FIR/ NOR ! LA/ TO GO ?AT WAY4 ,AFT] ALL1 ?IS IS :AT !Y CALL ',MAK+ GOOD4' ,IT'S :AT ?IS SOCIETY IS ALL AB\T4 ,I ADMIT HE WAS T]RIBLY RUDE1 & ,BESS WAS NO?+ LESS ?AN A BEA/4 ,BUT !Y NEV] W]E ! W>ME/ ( PEOPLE1 EI!R ( !M4 ,:AT DID Y\ EXPECT TO F9D \T H]E8 ,I WASN'T SURPRIS$ BY :AT WE SAW3 ! HAPPY TWO-C> FAMILY ) TWO & A HALF *ILDR5 & ! RE/ ( IT4 ,H[ WELL DID Y\ KN[ HIM1 ANYWAY80 

0,I DIDN'T KN[ HIM AT ALL10 ,I ADMITT$4 ,I SAT UP & WORK$ MYSELF 9TO A FURY :5 ,>T'S ABYSMALLY /UPID COMM5T AB\T ! 0SALT ( ! E>?0 FLA%$ ?R\< MY M9D4 ,I TOLD ,M9NIE1 0,I SAW HIM = A FEW SECONDS 9 ?AT PROJECT H\SE' NE> ! G>AGE4 ,HE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL !N1 ,M9NIE6 ,! P]SON WE JU/ SAW WASN'T ANYONE ,I EV] KNEW60 

0,! PROJECT H\SE60 %E %\T$4 0,Y\'RE A REAL NUT1 Y\ KN[ ?AT ,SOPHIE8 ,Y\ W\LD BE ! ONE TO ADMIRE HIS PROJECT H\SE6 ,IT WAS DIRECTLY 9SPIR$ BY Y\60 ,!N %E GOT \T ( ! C> SAY+1 0,COME ON1 ,I'LL WALK Y\ TO ! /ATION SO Y\ CAN WA% UP40 

,I ASK$ H]1 0,:AT DO Y\ MEAN ?AT ,I 9SPIR$ HIM80 

,%E TOLD ME1 0,HU< WAS ALL CONC]N :5 Y\ DISAPPE>$ FROM ! CO-OP DORM1 AFT] ?OSE FRAT BOYS SCATT]$ ! ,OMISSIONS WE W]E DI/RIBUT+4 ,I ?9K ,I'M ! ONE :O SET (F A *A9 REACTION4 ,I CALL$ ,HU< & TOLD HIM Y\'D BE5 EVICT$ FROM ! CO-OP BECAUSE Y\'D HELP$ DI/RIBUTE ,OMISSIONS1 & ,I GOT EXACTLY ! RESPONSE ,I WANT$1 ,I GOT MY REV5GE = \R EXCLUSION4 ,HU< BECAME SO CONC]N$ = Y\4 ,SO DID ,DAMAN4 ,!Y W]E ALL CONC]N & GUILT4 ,GUILT AB\T Y\R EXCLUSION1 GUILT AB\T GETT+ Y\ & ME PULL$ 9TO ! POLICE /ATION1 GUILT AB\T Y\R EVICTION1 GUILT AB\T ! FACT ?AT Y\ W]E ! ONE :O'D GOTT5 9TO MO/ TR\BLE = ,OMISSIONS )\T EV5 BE+ A FULL P>TICIPANT40 

,:5 ,I RETURN$ FROM ! GAS /ATION WA%ROOM1 ,M9NIE WAS HAV+ ! ATT5DANTS *ANGE ! OIL 9 H] C>4 0,I HOPE Y\ DON'T M9D IF ,I HAVE ?IS DONE N[10 %E TOLD ME2 0,I ALWAYS HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG 9 ! CITY40 ,:ILE ?AT WAS BE+ DONE1 WE WALK$ A BLOCK AWAY FROM ! GAS /ATION & SAT D[N ON A SUBURBAN LAWN4 ,%E CONT9U$ ! /ORY %E'D />T$ TELL+ ME4 0,! ?REE ( US HAD REGUL> MEET+S1 & EI!R ,DAMAN OR ,HU< CON/ANTLY CALL$ ,ALEC TO GET NEWS AB\T Y\4 ,HU<'S 9T]E/ 9 ! PROJECT H\SE BEGAN AFT] ,ALEC'S FIR/ VISIT TO ! G>AGE4 ,ALEC TOLD GLORI\S /ORIES ( Y\R HAV+ JO9$ ! UND]CLASS1 AB\T PEOPLE PULL+ !MSELVES UP BY ! BOOT/RAPS4 ,HU< & ,DAMAN W]E BO? GETT+ READY TO />T GRADUATE S*OOL1 & ,ALEC %AM$ !M2 HE ALREADY HAD A FACTORY JOB2 ,I WAS LOOK+ = A JOB AT ?AT TIME4 ,\T ( HIS S5SE ( GUILT1 ,HU< DROPP$ ALL HIS PLANS = GRADUATE S*OOL & TOOK ! GREAT LEAP4 ,HE FLEW O/5TATI\SLY PA/ ,ALEC & ME TO A COMMITM5T AS PURE AS Y\RS SEEM$ TO BE4 ,HE WAS A GREAT ADMIR] ( ,LEO ,TOL/OY --0 

0,HU< ADMIR$ ,TOL/OY80 ,I ASK$4 

0,I ?\<T EV]YONE KNEW ?AT60 ,M9NIE EXCLAIM$4 0,HIS LEAP CORRESPOND$ TO GIV+ HIS L&S TO HIS S]FS & MOV+ 9 AMONG !M4 ,BUT ! FIR/ TIME ! F\R ( US VISIT$ Y\ 9 ! G>AGE1 HE HAD ALREADY HE>D SOME?+ TO ! EFFECT ?AT Y\R SELFLESS ACTIVITY WAS SOMEH[ CONNECT$ ) N>COTICS & PRO/ITUTION4 ,IT WAS RI<T AFT] ?AT :5 HE ?REW HIMSELF 9TO ?AT SO-CALL$ PROJECT H\SE4 ,I DON'T KN[ H[ MU* Y\ KNEW AB\T IT1 BUT SU* 9/ITUTIONS W]E BE+ />T$ 9 ?OSE YE>S BY WELL-MEAN+ PEOPLE :O ?\<T ! L[] CLASSES1 IF PLAC$ 9 A PROP] 5VIRONM5T1 W\LD ACQUIRE ! MANN]S ( ! MIDDLE CLASS4 ,BE=E LONG CORPORATIONS FUND$ SU* PLACES1 & EV5TUALLY ! LOCAL POLICE RAN !M SO AS TO KEEP 5]GETIC Y\? (F ! /REET4 ,= ,HU< ! PROJECT H\SE WAS MA9LY A ME?OD = LE>N+ :AT ROLE ! G>AGE & ! B> PLAY$ 9 ?AT COMMUNITY4 ,BY ! TIME WE VISIT$ Y\ 9 ! G>AGE ! SECOND TIME HE'D HAD HIS FILL ( ! L[] CLASSES1 ( LIFE AMONG ! S]FS1 & ( Y\4 ,& HE ?REW IT ALL 9 Y\R FACE6 ,BUT Y\ BEGG$ HIM TO C>RY Y\ \T ( ! G>AGE6 ,W]E Y\ ON DRUGS80 

,I WAS CRY+ AGA94 ,I HUGG$ ,M9NIE & TOLD H]1 0,:5 ,I FIR/ LE>N$ Y\ W]E A LAWY]1 MY ?\<TS W]E3 ,TURNCOAT6 ,OPPORTUNI/6 ,PLEASE =GIVE ME = ?9K+ ?AT1 ,M9NIE60 

0,Y\ REALLY >E A NUT1 ,SOPHIE10 %E TOLD ME4 ,& ,I FELT SOME:AT PR\D ( MYSELF :5 %E TOLD ME ?AT4 ,I MAY NOT HAVE FILL$ MY LIFE 9 A WAY ,I CAN CONSID] SATISFACTORY1 BUT ! (FICIAL MODEL ( 0FULFILLM5T0 AS EXEMPLIFI$ BY ,HU< REVOLT$ ME4 ,?AT TRIP TO ! SUBURBS ) ,M9NIE WAS ACTUALLY MY ONLY VISIT TO ! 0(FICIAL WORLD0 Y\ ONCE ACCUS$ ME ( 9HABIT+4 ,DAMAN HAS HIS FLAWS1 BUT HE'S POSITIVELY A REBEL COMP>$ TO ?AT P]SON WE VISIT$ & HIS 0WIFE40 ,HU< IS 9DI/+UI%ABLE FROM HIS ROLE4 ,I ADMIR$ HIM ONCE4 ,BUT N[ ,I HAVE TO ADMIT HE HAS A LOT 9 COMMON ) ,TITUS ,ZABRAN3 BO? DEVOT$ !IR LIVES TO HI/ORY & SCI5CE BY S]V+ !MSELVES & ! ,/ATE4 ,TO S]VE ! ,/ATE !Y HAD TO SUPPRESS !IR [N HUMANITY2 !Y !N REPRESS$ 9 ! WORLD ! HUMANITY !Y HAD SUPPRESS$ 9 !MSELVES4 ,I DIDN'T LE>N JU/ :AT K9D ( *EMI/RY ,HU< IS 9VOLV$ )1 BUT ,I'M SURE ,ZD5EK'S ANALYSIS ( ,ZABRAN FITS ,HU< LIKE A GLOVE4 ,I ALSO FAIL$ TO LE>N :AT NOBLE CAUSE ,HU< CLAIMS TO S]VE :ILE DEVELOP+ LIFE-DE/ROY+ *EMICALS1 BUT HAV+ KN[N ,HU< ,I SUSPECT ?AT ! CAUSE HE S]VES IS AT LEA/ AS NOBLE AS ! PROLET>IAT'S HI/ORICAL PROJECT4 ,& IF ,ZABRAN'S !ORETICAL DISCOV]IES >E CONT9UALLY MISUS$ BECAUSE ! SOCIAL MEANS = US+ !M CORRECTLY HAV5'T YET BE5 DEVELOP$1 ,I'M SURE ,HU<'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO HUMAN HAPP9ESS DE/ROY EV5 MORE LIVES = EXACTLY ! SAME REASON4 ,I SUSPECT ,ALEC WAS RI<T3 ! ONLY MEAN+FUL HUMAN ACTIVITY IS TO DE/ROY CAPITALISM 9 ALL ITS MANIFE/ATIONS1 9 EV]Y WAY POSSIBLE4 ,Y\'VE C]TA9LY TAK5 ,ALEC'S ATTITUDE -- ALL ( Y\ EXCEPT ,ZD5EK4 ,I CAN ONLY ADMIRE Y\2 ,I CAN'T SAY ,I 5VY Y\2 ,I'M TOO MU* ( A C[>D4 

,! SAME DAY ,M9NIE & ,I W5T ON \R 0\T+0 TO ! SUBURBS1 ,T$ HAD GONE TO VISIT ,TISSIE 9 ! PRISON HOSPITAL4 ,?AT NI<T HE WAS EV5 MORE DEPRESS$ FROM HIS VISIT ?AN ,I WAS FROM M9E4 ,TISSIE TOLD HIM !Y W]5'T CUR+ H] BUT TORTUR+ H] ) 0CURES40 ,BUT %E DIDN'T WANT ,T$ TO SEE IF %E C\LD BE TRANSF]R$ ELSE:]E BECAUSE %E HAS FRI5DS 9 ?AT HOSPITAL4 ,%E TOLD HIM %E ?\<T %E WAS DY+ & %E WANT$ TO SEE ,SAB9A & ME BE=E %E DI$4 

,! ?REE ( US W5T TO ?AT T]RIBLE HOSPITAL TWO DAYS LAT]4 ,TISSIE />T$ CRY+ ! MOM5T %E WAS BR\<T 9TO ! VISIT+ ROOM4 ,%E LOOK$ T]RIBLE -- NOT QUITE AS SICKLY AS %E'D LOOK$ N9E YE>S AGO :5 ,I'D LA/ SE5 H] 9 ! G>AGE1 BUT ALMO/ LIKE ! CORPSE ( ! P]SON ,I HAD BE5 ) AT ! RESE>* C5T] SLI<TLY OV] A MON? AGO4 0,I WON'T EV] GET \T ( H]E AGA910 %E TOLD US4 0,!Y'VE GOT IT 9 = ME ?IS TIME4 ,I HAD TO TELL Y\1 ALL ?REE ( Y\1 SOME ?+S ,I KEPT 9SIDE DUR+ ! %ORT HAPPY MOM5T ,I JU/ SP5T ) Y\4 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL MY LIFE'S ONLY HAPPY MOM5T4 ,BUT ,I DON'T HAVE ANY REASON TO KEEP IT 9SIDE ANY MORE1 NOT 9 ?IS MIS]Y4 ,I'M ! ONE ?AT'S RESPONSIBLE = ! G>AGE & ! B> FALL+ AP>T1 & ALSO = ,JOSE'S >RE/ & HIS DEA? --0 

,SAB9A TOLD H]1 0,Y\'RE JU/ TORTUR+ Y\RSELF1 ,TISSIE --0 

0,I TORTURE MYSELF MORE BY KEEP+ IT ALL 9SIDE1 ,SAB9A10 ,TISSIE SAID4 0,I'VE TORTUR$ MYSELF ) IT LONG 5\<4 ,I ?9K ,I PAID = :AT ,I DID4 ,REMEMB] :5 ,I TOOK Y\ TO ! B>1 ,SOPHIE8 ,?AT FIR/ NI<T Y\ /AY$ ) US8 ,SE? ASK$ ME :O Y\ W]E1 & HE TOLD ME TO GET Y\ WORK+ RI<T AWAY4 ,HE WAS AFRAID IF Y\ GOT US$ TO /AY+ >\ND ! G>AGE Y\ W\LDN'T EV] WANT TO WORK4 ,I TRI$ TO TAKE ,T9A TOO2 ,T$ REMEMB]S ?AT4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T C>E AB\T Y\ NOT WANT+ TO GO AGA92 ,I TRI$ & ?AT WAS ALL ,I C\LD DO = ,SE?4 ,I GOT TO LIKE Y\1 ,SOPHIE4 ,:5 ,I SAW Y\ 9 ,SAB9A'S B$ ,I WAS SURE Y\ W]E LIKE ,SAB9A & ME4 ,I WAS NEV] HURT SO BAD AS ?AT NI<T :5 Y\ PU%$ ME AWAY FROM Y\4 ,I WAS SURE ,JOSE HAD PUT Y\ UP TO ?AT1 OR ,JOSE & ,T$ TOGE!R4 ,I WAS SURE ,I WAS RI<T :5 Y\ MOV$ 9 ) ,JOSE4 ,HE'D ALWAYS HAT$ ME1 & HE HAT$ ! H]O9 AS MU* AS ,T$ DID4 ,I PROMIS$ ,SE? ,I'D GET Y\ & ,T9A TO ! B> IF HE GOT RID ( ,JOSE & ,T$4 ,BUT EV]Y?+ ,I DID BACKFIR$4 ,:5 Y\R FRI5DS CAME1 !Y 9SULT$ ,JOSE & GOT HIM TO SIDE ) ,SE?1 & ,SE? WAS SURE !Y'D COME TO HELP ,T$ GET RID ( ,VIC & ,SE?4 ,SO HE GOT RID ( !M ALL & Y\ W5T ) !M1 & 9/EAD ( HAV+ Y\ & ,T9A & ,SAB9A TO MYSELF1 ,I WAS /UCK ) ,SE? AGA94 ,I WAS F> GONE :5 Y\ LEFT1 ,SOPHIE4 ,I ?\<T ,JOSE HAD PLANN$ ?AT :OLE ?+ ) Y\R FRI5DS1 & ?AT HIS FI<T ) ,ALEC HAD BE5 A FAKE4 ,ALL ,I C\LD ?9K ( WAS GETT+ ,JOSE \T ( !RE4 ,I TOLD ,SE? ,I'D HE>D ,T$ & ,JOSE TALK+ AB\T KILL+ HIM4 ,I TOLD HIM AFT] ,SE? HAD PULL$ A GUN ON !IR FRI5DS1 !Y KNEW ?AT WAS ! ONLY WAY !Y C\LD TALK TO ,SE?4 ,I KNEW ,T$ C\LD NEV] EV5 HOLD A GUN 9 HIS H&1 BUT ,SE? DIDN'T KN[4 ,HE BELIEV$ ME4 ,BUT HE TOLD ME HE WAS 9 A JAM4 ,HE C\LDN'T GET RID ( BO? BECAUSE !N !RE W\LDN'T BE ANYONE LEFT TO KEEP ! G>AGE & ! B> GO+4 ,BUT HE C\LDN'T JU/ GET RID ( ,T$ BECAUSE ,JOSE W\LDN'T EV] /& = ?AT1 & HE'D FIGURE \T :O'D GOTT5 RID ( HIM4 ,BUT IF HE GOT RID ( ,JOSE1 HE SAID1 ,T$ W\LDN'T EV] KN[1 & HE C\LD GET ,T$ TO DO ,JOSE'S CONTACT+4 ',& ,I KN[ JU/ H[ TO GET ?AT SON(ABIT*1' ,SE? TOLD ME4 ,HE GOT ,JOSE >RE/$ BY ! /ATE POLICE2 HE KNEW ! CITY POLICE W\LD NEV] >RE/ HIM BECAUSE !Y W]E PAID (F BY ,JOSE HIMSELF2 !Y W]E ! MA9 CONTACT HE DEALT ) --0 

,SAB9A ASK$1 0,JOSE DEALT DIRECTLY ) ! POLICE80 

,T$ TOLD ,SAB9A1 0,FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+2 HE EV5 MADE ! R\NDS ) ME ONCE2 JU/ 9 CASE1 HE SAID4 ,BUT ! MA9 ?+ HE TOLD ME WAS1 ',DON'T EV] TELL ,SAB9A2 %E'D HAVE A FIT IF %E KNEW WE B\<T PROTECTION4'0 

,TISSIE CONT9U$1 0,:5 ,JOSE WAS GONE -- ?AT WAS :5 ,I ?\<T Y\ & ,I C\LD GO IT ALONE1 ,SAB9A4 ,I'D HAVE QUIT TAK+ H]O9 IF Y\'D GOTT5 RID ( ALL ! RE/ ( !M EXCEPT ,T9A4 ,MAYBE ,VIC OV]HE>D ME TALK+ TO Y\ AB\T ?AT4 ,H[EV] HE LE>N$ AB\T IT1 ,SE? ACT$ ON MY IDEA MU* FA/] ?AN Y\ DID1 & HE GOT RID ( Y\ & ,T9A4 ,I WANT$ TO GO ) Y\1 BUT ,SE? WAS GO+ TO /OP SUPPLY+ ME IF ,I MOV$ \T4 ',Y\ %\LD HAVE ?\<T ( ?AT :5 Y\ WANT$ WOM5 TO RUN ?IS PLACE2 IT'S ,SAB9A OR H]O91' HE TOLD ME4 ,I /AY$ ) ! H]O94 ,:5 Y\ W]E GONE1 ,SE? & ,VIC LAU<$ AT ME2 'WOM5 RUNN+ ?IS PLACE W\LD HAVE RUN IT /RAI<T 9TO ! GR\ND1' !Y SAID4 ,RI<T AFT] ?AT ,SE? & ,VIC RAN IT /RAI<T 9TO ! GR\ND4 ,IT'S BECAUSE ( ME ?AT ,SE? GOT RID ( Y\ & ,T9A --0 

0,NO IT'S NOT1 ,TISSIE10 ,T$ OBJECT$4 0,I'M ! ONE :O GOT ,SE? TO GET RID ( ,SAB9A2 ,I WANT$ ,T9A \T ( !RE BE=E ,SE? C\LD DO ANY?+ TO H]4 ,I ?\<T :5 ,JOSE RETURN$ Y\'D WANT TO LEAVE TOO --0 

0,I KNEW Y\ W]E JU/ WAIT+ = ,JOSE TO RETURN2 ,I ?\<T Y\ & ,JOSE HAD MADE ALL MY PLANS BACKFIRE ON ME4 ,SAB9A1 AFT] Y\ & ,T9A LEFT1 ,I FELL AP>T COMPLETELY4 ,EV]Y DAY WAS A NI<TM>E FROM :I* ,I NEV] WOKE4 ,T$ KEPT SAY+1 ',IT'LL ALL BE BETT] :5 ,JOSE RETURNS1' BUT ALL MY HATR$ GOT CONC5TRAT$ ON ,JOSE4 ,I BLAM$ HIM = EV]Y?+ ,SE? HAD DONE4 ,ON ! DAY ,JOSE WAS RELEAS$1 ,T$ TOLD ME HE WAS DRIV+ TO ! /ATE PRISON TO PICK HIM UP4 ,!Y BO? CAME BACK TO ! B> & >GU$ ) ME2 ,I ?\<T !Y W]E TRY+ TO SEP>ATE ME FROM ! H]O94 ,I LEFT !M 9 ! B> & WALK$ BACK TO ! H\SE4 ,I CALL$ ! /ATE POLICE1 TOLD !M AB\T ?IS DOPE H\SE & GAVE !M ! ADDRESS4 ,!N ,I W5T TO SLEEP4 ,NEXT ?+ ,I KNEW ,SE? WAS RUNN+ ALL OV] ! H\SE SCREAM+1 ',:]E >E Y\1 Y\ SON(ABIT*8' ,HE %OOK ME & ASK$ ME :]E ,JOSE WAS4 ,I TOLD HIM ,JOSE WAS BACK 9 PRISON4 ,HE BEAT ME & CALL$ ME A LI>4 ,HE SAID HE & ,VIC SAW ,JOSE & ,T$ LEAVE ! B>4 ,SE? & ,VIC W5T 9 TO SEE IF ,JOSE HAD DONE ANY?+ 9 !RE2 ,SE? ?\<T MAYBE ,JOSE KNEW :O'D GOT HIM 9 JAIL4 ,!Y W]5'T 9 !RE FIVE M9UTES BE=E ! POLICE RU%$ 9 & />T$ WRECK+2 ,SE? GOT \T BY ! BACK DOOR1 BUT !Y >RE/$ ,VIC4 ,!N ,SE? ?\<T = SURE ,JOSE KNEW :AT HAD GOT HIM 9 JAIL1 & HE ?\<T ,JOSE WAS DO+ ! SAME ?+ TO HIM1 HE ?\<T ,JOSE HAD CALL$ ! POLICE4 ,AFT] HE BEAT ME1 HE FIGUR$ \T ,JOSE MU/ HAVE GONE ) ,T$2 ,SE? KNEW AB\T ,T$'S PLACE BECAUSE HE'D HAD ,VIC FOLL[ ,T$ !RE4 ,T$1 Y\ TOLD ME ,JOSE W5T D[N TO ! C> TO GET MORE ( HIS ?+S4 ,I BET ?AT'S :5 ,SE? %OT HIM4 ,?AT WAS :5 !Y GOT ME TOO4 ,VIC MU/ HAVE GIV5 !M ! ADDRESS ( ! G>AGE1 BECAUSE ,SE? HADN'T BE5 GONE = FIVE M9UTES BE=E ! POLICE W]E WRECK+ ! G>AGE LOOK+ = DOPE & DRAGG+ ME \T4 ,I KNEW EXACTLY H[ ,JOSE DI$ AS SOON AS !Y QUE/ION$ ME AB\T IT4 ,BUT LA/ YE>1 :5 Y\ GOT ME RELEAS$1 ,T$1 ,I LE>N$ = SURE ?AT IT WAS ,SE? :O KILL$ ,JOSE40 

0,DID Y\ RUN 9TO SOMEONE :O SAW HIM DO IT80 ,T$ ASK$ H]4 

0,NO1 ,T$4 ,I RAN 9TO ,SE?10 ,TISSIE TOLD ,T$4 ,!N %E TOLD ME1 0,T$ GOT ME RELEAS$ LA/ YE>1 JU/ = A FEW WEEKS4 ,I WAS GETT+ A LOT BETT]2 ,I LIK$ WORK+ >\ND ! PR9T %OP ) ,T$ & ,T9A1 & BE/ ( ALL ,I LIK$ ,SAB9A'S VISITS4 ,I EV5 W5T \T ALONE TWICE TO VISIT GIRLS ,I'D WORK$ ) 9 ! B>4 ,I WANT$ TO SEE Y\ TOO1 ,SOPHIE1 BUT NOT :5 ,T9A & ,SAB9A TOLD ME Y\ W]E HAV+ AN AFFAIR ) ?IS PR(ESSOR4 ,!N ! NOT BROKE \T A FEW BLOCKS FROM ,T$'S H\SE4 ,I HE>D AB\T IT OV] ! ,T4,V4 ,T$ WASN'T HOME1 & ,SAB9A & ,T9A HADN'T COME OV] YET4 ,I W5T \T & RAN 9TO A GIRL FRI5D ,I'D KN[N AT ! B>4 ,WE TOOK P>T 9 ! LOOT+ & LOV$ IT2 WE WALK$ TO ,T$'S PLACE ) >MFULS ( PRES5TS = ,SAB9A & ,T9A1 BUT !RE /ILL WASN'T ANYONE !RE4 ,?IS WAS SOME?+ ,I WANT$ TO %>E ) ,SAB9A4 ,! TWO ( US W5T \T AGA9 & RAN 9TO POLICE & SOLDI]S4 ,SOMEONE TOLD US !Y W]E %OOT+ PEOPLE AS IF !Y W]E DOGS ) RABIES4 ,WE WAT*$ SOME COPS BEAT A C\PLE ( KIDS1 JU/ KEPT BEAT+ & KICK+ !M UNTIL !Y BL$4 ,I GOT SICK ALL OV]1 ,I C\LDN'T TAKE IT1 MY :OLE BODY WAS %AK+1 ,I ?\<T ,I WAS DY+4 ,! WOMAN ,I WAS ) KNEW :]E ,SE? WAS4 ,HE WAS DEAL+ FROM A B> RI<T 9 ! MIDDLE ( ! RIOT SECTION4 ,I W5T BACK TO ,T$'S & TOOK ALL ! MONEY ,I C\LD F9D D[N/AIRS & UP/AIRS4 ,%E DIDN'T WANT TO COME1 SO ,I W5T TO ?AT B> BY MYSELF4 ,! PROPRIETOR W\LDN'T LET ME 94 ,I %\T$ ,SE?'S NAME1 BUT ! MAN SAID !RE WAS NO ,SE? !RE4 ,IT TURN$ \T HE'D *ANG$ HIS NAME4 ,BUT HE RECOGNIZ$ ME & LET ME 94 ,I LAY D[N ON ! FLOOR & BEGG$ HIM = A %OT1 BUT HE W\LDN'T GIVE ME ONE4 ,I %[$ HIM ALL ,T$'S MONEY1 BUT HE /ILL REFUS$4 ,HE WAS TRY+ TO HIDE EV]Y?+ UND] FALSE FLOORS2 HE KNEW ! PLACE WAS AB\T TO BE RAID$4 ,I KNEW H[ ,I C\LD ?REAT5 HIM4 ,I TOLD HIM1 ',9 PRISON !Y ASK$ ME :O KILL$ ,JOSE4' ,?AT MADE HIM MAD4 ',%UT Y\R GOD DAMN$ M\?1' HE TOLD ME4 ',JOSE SQUEAL$1 HE GOT !M TO CLOSE EV]Y?+ D[N1 BO>D$ UP1 DE/ROY$2 HE GOT Y\ & ,VIC 9 JAIL4 ,I C\LD KILL Y\ N[1 ,TISSIE1 & NO ONE W\LD EV] KN[ Y\ W]5'T %OT BY ! POLICE2 !Y'LL BE H]E ANY M9UTE4' ,BUT !N HE TOOK ! MONEY & GAVE ME ! H]O94 ,I DIDN'T TELL HIM IT WASN'T ,JOSE BUT ME :O SQUEAL$1 :O GOT ! B> & G>AGE BO>D$ UP4 ,I LEFT ! B> & !RE WAS ?IS HUGE CR[D \TSIDE %\T+ AB\T RATS ?AT EXPLOIT$ ! COMMUNITY4 ,I TRI$ TO %OVE MY WAY ?R\< BUT ,I PROBABLY FA9T$ BECAUSE SOMEONE C>RI$ ME TO AN ALLEY4 ,MAYBE ,I DIDN'T FA9T2 ?AT :OLE CR[D SEEM$ TO DISAPPE> & !RE WAS AN AWFUL SIL5CE4 ,I HE>D :AT S\ND$ LIKE MA*9E GUNS2 ,I WAS SURE !Y GOT ,SE? --0 

0,TISSIE1 ?AT WAS ,ALEC60 ,I %\T$ HY/]ICALLY4 ,I TOLD H] ,ALEC & HIS FRI5D ,C>M5 MU/ HAVE KILL$ ,SE? JU/ BE=E !Y BO? GOT GUNN$ D[N4 ,TISSIE DIDN'T KN[ :AT ,I WAS TALK+ AB\T1 S9CE ,I C\LDN'T HAVE KN[N ANY?+ AB\T ?AT2 ,I WAS HAV+ AN AFFAIR ) A PR(ESSOR4 ,& %E WAS RI<T4 ,I WAS WORLDS AWAY FROM ,TISSIE :5 ALL ?AT HAPP5$4 ,SAB9A & ,T9A HAD BO? KN[N !RE HADN'T BE5 ANY PO9T 9 TELL+ ME ,TISSIE HAD BE5 RELEAS$ & WAS AT ,T$'S2 !Y'D BO? KN[N ,I WAS /ILL REACT+ TO ,T$ & ! G>AGE AS A TRAUMA4 ,TISSIE'S RELEASE W\LD HAVE HAD NO MORE MEAN+ TO ME ?AN ,ALEC'S 9T5TION TO RID ! COMMUNITY ( 0RATS40 ,UNTIL ! RIOT ,I HAD BE5 /AY+ 9 ,DAMAN'S AP>TM5T TWO DAYS A WEEK4 ,RI<T AFT] ! RIOT ,I WAS BUSY GETT+ FIR$ FROM MY ACADEMIC PO/ & BREAK+ UP ) ,DAMAN4 ,TISSIE & ,I W\LD HAVE BE5 AS USELESS TO EA* O!R !N AS WE W]E 9 ! GUE/ ROOM ( ?AT PRISON HOSPITAL4 ,WE W]E TOO MU* LIKE EA* O!R4 ,WE W]E EQUALLY DEP5D5T ON O!RS TO GIVE DIRECTION TO \R LIVES1 & WE C\LDN'T HAVE FILL$ EA* O!R'S GAPS BECAUSE EA* CRAV$ = :AT ! O!R C\LDN'T (F]4 ,TISSIE WANT$ A WOMAN'S TOTAL LOVE & C>E2 ,I WANT$ A READY-MADE PROJECT 9TO :I* ,I C\LD PASSIVELY 9S]T MYSELF4 ,I HAD LE>N$ ?AT :5 ,I'D LA9 ) ,TISSIE 9 ! =E/ TO :I* %E'D TAK5 ME FROM ! RESE>* C5T]2 ,I HAD LOOK$ 9TO H] EYES AS 9TO A MIRROR2 9 ?OSE EYES ,I HADN'T SE5 A LOV$ ONE1 BUT A V>IANT ( MYSELF2 ,I KNEW !N ,I HAD NO?+ TO GIVE ,TISSIE4 ,I KNEW WE W]E BO? EQUALLY UNWILL+ TO DO :AT ,SAB9A1 ,T9A & ,T$ DID SO EASILY3 DEF9E & LAUN* \R [N PROJECTS1 JO9 O!RS AS ACTIVE1 PROJECT+ 9DIVIDUALS & NOT AS PASSIVE \TSID]S4 ,! LACK ( A SELF-DEF9$ PROJECT LEFT A VACUUM 9 BO? ( US2 ,TISSIE FILL$ IT ) H]O92 ,I FILL$ IT BY />+ AT 0BLANK WALLS4 ,AL?\< SURR\ND$ = MO/ ( \R LIVES BY PEOPLE :O'VE DEF9$ ! CONT5T ( !IR LIVES ON !IR [N1 WE'VE BO? SUBMITT$ TO ! DEGRADATION ( LETT+ ?OSE :O B\<T US DEF9E US1 ,TISSIE AS A PRO/ITUTE & ,I AS A COLLEGE TEA*]4 ,DUR+ ! YE> AFT] ! RIOT ,I NO LONG] HAD AN ALIBI = MY LACK ( A PROJECT4 ,I DIDN'T HAVE A JOB2 ,I WASN'T WAIT+ = ANYONE TO BE RELEAS$ FROM PRISON4 ,I HAD A LOT ( 5]GY1 BUT ,I DRIFT$4 ,I DON'T WANT TO 9SULT ,JASNA1 BUT BOOKS W]E MY H]O94 ,ON COLD OR RA9Y DAYS ,I /AY$ HOME & READ2 ON SUNNY DAYS ,I TOOK WALKS & READ4 ,I DID HAVE SOME?+ ,TISSIE HADN'T EV] PICK$ UP4 ,?AT WAS MY 0POLITICAL RADICALISM10 ! DREAMS ?AT HAVE TURN$ \T TO BE SU* GR& ILLUSIONS4 ,IT DIDN'T AM\NT TO MU* 9 ANY CASE1 S9CE IT WAS COMPLETELY LOCK$ UP SOME:]E 9 MY M9D4 ,I WASN'T ABLE TO USE IT TO DEF9E A PROJECT1 TO DEF9E MY ACTIVITY3 MY 0CONSCI\SNESS0 & MY BEHAVIOR HAD ABSOLUTELY NO?+ TO DO ) EA* O!R4 ,MY FIR/ PROJECT DUR+ ?AT 5TIRE YE> WAS TO =MULATE AN ANSW] TO Y\R FIR/ LETT]4 ,I WAS PULL$ \T ( MY 9]TIA BY Y\1 OR ,I %\LD SAY BY 0,Y>O/AN10 ) :OM ,I HAD %>$ ! ACTIVITY ?AT BECAME ! PROTOTYPE = ALL ! PROJECTS ,I S\<T LAT]4 ,IRONICALLY1 Y\ =C$ ME TO DEF5D MY 0FIR/ PROJECT0 FROM Y\R [N ATTACKS4 ,& )\T MY BE+ ALTOGE!R AW>E ( IT1 Y\ ?US REVIV$ ! ONLY PROJECT ?AT HAD EV] BE5 ALTOGE!R MY [N3 MY UNF9I%$ NOVEL AB\T ! COMMUNITY ( 9DEP5D5T HUMAN BE+S LIKE ! ONES 9 ,LUISA'S /ORIES & LIKE ! ONES ,I HAD KN[N DUR+ ! DAYS ,I SP5T ) Y\4 ,I PULL$ \T MANUSCRIPTS ?AT HAD BE5 9 A DRAW] = T5 YE>S & ,I R]EAD !M4 ,I />T$ DO+ :AT ,I ?9K ,SAB9A HAS BE5 DO+ S9CE ,JOSE DI$4 ,I />T$ REEVALUAT+ ! SIGNIFICANCE ( MY [N LIFE1 OR RA!R DISCOV]+ IT = ! FIR/ TIME4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T GET V]Y F> BE=E ,I ACQUIR$ A NEW ALIBI4 ,ONLY F\R OR FIVE DAYS AFT] Y\R FIR/ LETT] CAME1 ,I GOT A CALL FROM ,DAMAN2 ,I HADN'T HE>D FROM HIM = ALMO/ A YE>4 ,!RE WAS AN OP5+ 9 A 0COMMUNITY COLLEGE0 -- ?9K ( ?AT6 -- 0COMMUNITY0 WAS PRECISELY :AT ,I HAD BE5 SEEK+ = TW5TY YE>S6 ,IT WAS ONLY A P>T-TIME JOB2 ,I TAU<T AN EV5+ C\RSE2 BUT IT WAS 5\< ( AN ACADEMIC POSITION TO MAKE ME ,DAMAN'S 0COLLEAGUE0 AGA94 ,HE BECAME POSITIVELY FRI5DLY & =GOT ALL AB\T MY FAULTY 0S5SE ( TIM+10 BUT ,I C\LDN'T DREAM ( PAT*+ UP ! RELATION%IP ?AT HAD 5D$ ) ! RIOT1 & ,DAMAN UND\BT$LY C\LDN'T EI!R4 ,AFT] ! WAY ,I'D BE5 FIR$ & ! WAY ,DAMAN HAD RESPOND$ TO IT1 ,I C\LDN'T C\NT ON HIS SUPPORT ANY MORE ?AN HE C\LD C\NT ON MY 0GOOD S5SE40 ,AFT] A FEW MON?S ON MY NEW JOB ,I CONV9C$ ,DAMAN ?AT ,I DIDN'T ONLY HAVE A MIS]ABLE S5SE ( TIM+1 BUT ?AT ,I HAD NO S5SE ( 0REALITY0 :ATEV]2 ,I WAS AN \TRI<T PSY*OPA?4 ,EV] S9CE !N ,DAMAN HAS BE5 0HELP+0 ME1 & ,I'M MOV$ BY HIS ATTA*M5T TO ME2 TO ,DAMAN ,I BECAME A P]SON :O NE$$ 0HELP10 BUT :AT ,I NE$$ WASN'T ANY?+ HE WAS ABLE TO PROVIDE4 

,ON \R WAY HOME FROM ! PRISON HOSPITAL 9 ,T$'S C>1 ,SAB9A SAT BETWE5 ,T$ & ME4 ,%E />$ DIRECTLY 9 FRONT ( H] AS IF %E W]E FROZ51 TE>S RAN D[N H] *EEK4 ,%E WAS PROBABLY WEI<+ H] RESPONSIBILITY = ,JOSE1 = ,TISSIE1 = ,ALEC4 ,I BIT MY F+] TO KEEP FROM BUR/+ \T CRY+4 ,I WANT$ TO TELL H]1 0,CRY ON ME1 LITTLE GYPSY2 IT'S ALL ! HELP ,I CAN GIVE Y\40 ,BUT ,SAB9A DOESN'T NE$ ?AT K9D ( HELP FROM ME4 ,BY ! TIME WE GOT HOME H] EYES W]E DRY & %E WAS READY TO PLUNGE ! REMA9+ KNIVES 9TO H] BOSOM4 ,%E DUG 9TO ,T$ AS SOON AS ! FRONT DOOR WAS CLOS$4 0,JU/ EXACTLY :AT WAS IT ?AT Y\ W]5'T EV] SUPPOS$ TO TELL ,SAB9A80 

,T$ />T$ TO WALK AWAY1 TELL+ H] SADLY1 0,I %\LDN'T EV] HAVE BR\<T IT UP4 ,I ?\<T ,TISSIE WAS GO+ TO TELL IT ALL & MAKE IT S\ND T5 TIMES WORSE ?AN IT WAS4 ,JOSE ASK$ ME NEV] TO TELL Y\1 & ,I KEPT MY WORD --0 

,SAB9A GRABB$ ,T$'S >M & ASK$ ANGRILY1 0,:AT WAS IT ?AT WAS GO+ TO GIVE ,SAB9A A FIT IF %E EV] LE>N$ AB\T IT8 ,DID ,JOSE TELL Y\ HE WAS NO?+ BUT AN ]R& BOY = ,SE? FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+80 

,T$ LOOK$ D[N AT ! GR\ND AS HE SAID1 0,I CAN'T TELL Y\1 ,SAB9A2 ,I'D RA!R MOVE \T --0 

,SAB9A P]SI/$1 0,ON :AT T]MS DID ,SE? GIVE US ! MONEY TO BUY ! G>AGE8 ,:AT DID ,JOSE TELL Y\ AB\T ?AT80 

,T$ DIDN'T ANSW]2 TE>S />T$ TO RUN \T ( HIS EYES4 

,SAB9A %OOK HIM FURI\SLY4 0,SE? WASN'T JU/ BUY+ A G>AGE1 WAS HE8 ,HE WAS BUY+ US1 WASN'T HE8 ,! G>AGE WAS GO+ TO BE A FRONT = HIS H]O9 FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+1 & Y\ KNEW IT1 DIDN'T Y\8 ,JOSE LI$ TO ME & ,I TRI$ TO MAKE Y\ SWALL[ ! LIE6 ,SE? HADN'T EV] BE5 ,JOSE'S FRI5D1 HAD HE8 ,HE'D ALWAYS BE5 ,JOSE'S BOSS6 ,& HIS MONEY B\<T ! RE/ ( US6 ,JOSE WAS HIR$ TO PAY (F ! COPS1 ! RE/ ( US W]E HIR$ TO DRUM UP ! BUS9ESS1 & ?AT'S ALL !RE EV] WAS TO IT6 ,ALL MY TALK AB\T MASSES RIS+ FROM BEL[ 9 A WORLD-*ANG+ PROCESS WAS JU/ SO MU* HOT AIR6 ,MY HOT AIR WAS NO?+ BUT A PACK ( LIES :I* COV]$ UP ! FACT ?AT WE W]E NEV] ANY?+ MORE ?AN ,SE?'S EMPLOYES1 WE W]E NO?+ BUT H&S 9 A CAPITALI/ 5T]PRISE6 ,:AT ELSE DID ,JOSE TELL Y\80 

,TRY+ TO PULL AWAY FROM ,SAB9A1 ,T$ SAID TO H]1 0,?AT'S ALL OV] N[1 ,SAB9A1 & HE NEV] TOLD ME ?AT MU* --0 

,%E %\T$1 0,NO1 ,I SUPPOSE HE DIDN'T NE$ TO TELL Y\ ?AT MU* BECAUSE Y\ KNEW ALL ALONG6 ,I WAS ! ONLY ONE :O DIDN'T KN[6 ,TISSIE KNEW ALL ALONG TOO4 ,I ?\<T %E WAS D5SE = NOT UND]/&+ MY L(TY AIMS2 ,I ?\<T %E C\LDN'T SNAP \T ( ! ?\<T HABITS ( ?IS FUCK$ UP SOCIETY6 ,I WAS ! ONE :O WAS D5SE6 ,%E KNEW WE W]E NO?+ BUT ,SE?'S EMPLOYES1 & %E WANT$ ME TO BE ! BIG BOSS 9/EAD ( ,SE?2 IT WAS ALWAYS AS SIMPLE AS ?AT6 ,EV5 ,JOSE F9ALLY FIGUR$ IT ALL \T :5 ,ALEC & ,SOPHIA'S FRI5DS =C$ HIM TO SEE HIMSELF AS A DOPE DEAL]'S ]R& BOY1 AS A CAPITALI/'S FLUNKY6 ,& TO ME IT ALL REMA9$ A WORLD-*ANG+ PROCESS AFT] ,SE? TOLD ME TO CLE> \T6 ,:AT ELSE DID HE TELL Y\80 

,T$ TRI$ TO PULL ,SAB9A'S H& AWAY FROM HIS >M4 0,Y\'RE =C+ ME TO LEAVE1 ,SAB9A --0 

,I RAN BETWE5 !M & BEGG$ HY/]ICALLY1 0,/OP IT1 ,SAB9A60 ,I ?REW MY >MS >\ND ,T$ & BEGG$ HIM1 0,PLEASE DON'T EV] LEAVE1 US1 ,T$60 

,SAB9A WALK$ ANGRILY TO H] ROOM4 ,T$ TRI$ TO HIDE HIS TE>S FROM ME AS HE WALK$ T[>D HIS ROOM1 =M]LY ,T9A'S4 ,I FELL ON ! LIV+ ROOM C\* & CRI$4 ,!N ,I DRAGG$ MYSELF TO ,T$'S ROOM & KNEEL$ BY HIS B$2 HE WAS AWAKE1 />+ AT ! CEIL+4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! LA/ TIME ,I HAD BE5 BY ,T$'S B$SIDE3 ,I HAD TRI$ TO SCRAT* HIS EYES \T4 ,I PULL$ HIS HEAD T[>D ME1 PUT MY LIPS TO HIS & BEGG$1 0,IF Y\ LEAVE1 ,T$1 PLEASE TAKE ME ) Y\4 ,BUT PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LEAVE ,SAB9A40 

,T$ PULL$ HIS HEAD AWAY FROM ME4 0,?AT'S ALL OV]1 ,SOPHIE1 & !RE'S NO USE GO+ OV] IT ALL ! TIME4 ,WE'VE ALL GOT TO />T AGA9 SOME:]E4 ,I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE EI!R ( Y\1 ,SOPHIE2 Y\'RE ALL ,I'VE GOT N[40 

,I WALK$ \T ( ,T$'S ROOM 9 A DAZE4 ,T$ WAS RI<T4 ,?AT WAS ALL OV]4 ,SE? WAS DEAD4 ,SO W]E ,RON1 ,JOSE & ,ALEC4 ,I'D HAD SOME?+ TO DO ) ?OSE DEA?S4 ,SO HAD ,SAB9A4 ,BUT ?AT WAS ALL OV]4 ,! ?REE ( US HAD TO />T AGA91 SOME:]E4 ,! FOLL[+ DAY ,I SAW ! HEADL9ES ?AT ANN\NC$ ! 9VASION & DESCRIB$ ! TANKS4 ,I REALIZ$ ,I W\LD HAVE TO />T AGA9 ) V]Y FEW FRI5DS4 ,! V]Y SAME DAY :5 ,I WALK$ HOME ) ?AT NEWSPAP]1 ! DAY AFT] \R VISIT TO ,TISSIE1 ,I LO/ TWO MORE FRI5DS4 

,T9A & ,PAT GRAC$ US ) !IR VISIT ON ?AT DAY4 ,!Y CAME ) TWO O!R Y\NG M5 :OM !Y DIDN'T DEIGN TO 9TRODUCE TO US4 ,I OP5$ ! DOOR & LET ! F\R ( !M 94 ,T9A ACT$ LIKE A COMPLETE /RANG] TO ! H\SE4 ,PAT ACT$ AS IF HE'D NEV] MET ,SAB9A OR ME4 ,!IR TWO FRI5DS PLAC$ !MSELVES AGA9/ A WALL & /OOD !RE RIGIDLY1 LIKE COPS4 ,T$ & ,SAB9A CAME TO ! LIV+ ROOM TO GREET ! GUE/S4 

,T9A ADDRESS$ H] FIR/ COMM5T TO ,SAB9A & ME4 0,I'D LIKE TO MAKE MY P]SPECTIVE CLE> TO BO? ( Y\1 BUT ,I DON'T HAVE ! TIME N[4 ,! F\R ( US CAME TO COMMUNICATE ) ,T$1 & ONLY ) ,T$4 ,Y\ TWO CAN /AY1 OR LEAVE1 AS Y\ PLEASE2 IT'S Y\R H\SE40 ,T9A C\LDN'T HAVE F\ND A BETT] WAY TO >\SE \R SUSPICION AS WELL AS \R CURIOSITY4 

,T$ ASK$ ,T9A1 0,:AT'S HAPP5$ TO Y\80 

,T9A TOLD HIM1 0,WE'VE COME TO F9D \T :AT HAPP5$ TO Y\40 

,I ASK$ H] IMPATI5TLY1 0,:]E W]E Y\ DUR+ ! REPRESSION1 ,T9A8 ,& Y\1 ,PAT8 ,DAMN Y\ BO?1 DON'T Y\ ?9K ,I MI<T WORRY AB\T Y\80 

,9 A HIDE\SLY AU?ORIT>IAN TONE1 ,T9A SAID TO ME1 0,APP>5TLY ,I FAIL$ TO MAKE MYSELF CLE>1 ,SOPHIA4 ,WE CAME H]E TO TALK TO ,T$60 

,I %\T$ AT ,T9A & ,PAT1 0,:AT ! HELL IS WRONG ) Y\ TWO80 

,SAB9A SAID S>CA/ICALLY1 0,I HAVE A GUN 9 MY ROOM4 ,DO Y\ WANT ONE ( Y\R GU>DS TO HOLD IT & TO %OOT 9 CASE EI!R ( US OP5S H] M\?80 

,T9A TURN$ TO H] FRI5DS & TOLD !M1 0,WE OBVI\SLY CAN'T TALK TO HIM H]E40 ,!N %E ASK$ ,T$1 0,>E Y\ WILL+ TO ACCOMPANY US TO \R QU>T]S80 

0,& HAVE US MISS ! !ATRICS80 ,SAB9A ASK$4 0,DON'T Y\ D>E1 ,T$60 

,T$ TOLD ,T9A1 0,I'M /AY+ H]E1 SO SAY :AT Y\'VE GOT TO SAY OR DON'T SAY IT --0 

0,LET'S SEE Y\R ACT1 ,T9A10 ,SAB9A TOLD H]4 

,T9A1 CLE>LY 9TIMIDAT$ BY ,SAB9A1 SAID NO?+2 H] FRI5DS SEEM$ MOM5T>ILY UNSURE ( !MSELVES4 ,PAT CAME TO !IR RESCUE4 ,HE TOLD ,T$1 0,WE'VE COME TO CL>IFY ! POSSIBILITY ( C>RY+ ON A COMMON PRACTICE1 SPECIFICALLY ! POSSIBILITY ( REHABILITAT+ ! PR9T+ PLANT --0 

,T$ TOLD ,PAT & ,T9A1 0,I'D LIKE NO?+ BETT]4 ,SOPHIE & ,I HAVE BE5 WAIT+ = Y\1 ,T9A1 9 ORD] TO DO JU/ ?AT4 ,IT SEEM$ IMPOSSIBLE TO GO AHEAD )\T Y\4 ,IF Y\ WANT Y\R FRI5DS ALONG1 !Y'D BE WELCOME AS F> AS ,I'M CONC]N$ --0 

,PAT 9T]RUPT$1 0,WE W\LD ALSO LIKE TO DISCUSS ! P]SPECTIVES ON :I* ?IS COMMON PRACTICE IS TO BE BAS$ --0 

,T$ MISUND]/OOD ?AT OBS]VATION & TOLD ,PAT1 0,I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE ! POLICE >E 9T]E/$ 9 ?AT %OP ANY MORE --0 

,T9A SNAPP$ AT ,T$1 0,?AT'S NOT :AT WE MEAN6 ,BY P]SPECTIVES WE MEAN ! !ORY ON :I* \R PRACTICE IS TO BE BAS$4 ,!ORY IS :AT ALL[S ONE TO CONSCI\SLY DOM9ATE ONE'S SITUATION AS WELL AS !4 MAT]IAL MEANS = TRANS=M+ ?AT SITUATION4 ,WE 5GAG$ 9 A PRACTICE ( APPROPRIAT+ MEANS ( PRODUCTION )\T HAV+ A COH]5T CRITIQUE --0 

,PAT TOOK UP ,T9A'S REFRA91 0,= US ! PROBLEM ( GR\P ORGANIZATION IS ! PROBLEM ( ! COH]5T ORGANIZATION ( \R [N PRACTICE1 \R COMMON WILL & EF=T TO CL>IFY & RESOLVE ALL CONTRADICTIONS BETWE5 \R PRACTICAL ACTIVITY & \R REVOLUTION>Y !ORY4 ,\R AIM IS TO APPLY ! RADICAL CRITIQUE TO ! REAL WORLD1 \R [N PRACTICE 9CLUD$ --0 

0,:AT DOES ANY ( ?IS HAVE TO DO ) REOP5+ ! PR9T %OP80 ,T$ ASK$4 

,T9A ANSW]$1 0,REVOLUTION>Y !ORY ISN'T ONLY A CRITIQUE ( ! WORLD2 IT DEM&S A CRITICAL ATTITUDE T[>D ! ACTIVITIES ( EV]Y 9DIVIDUAL :O CLAIMS TO BE 5GAG$ 9 REVOLUTION>Y PRACTICE60 

,T$ TOLD H]1 0,I NEV] MADE ANY CLAIMS AB\T MY PR9T+ EXCEPT ?AT IT WAS WELL DONE1 & NEI!R DID Y\1 ,T9A60 

0,?AT'S NOT TRUE60 ,T9A %\T$4 0,Y\ ACT AS IF \R PROJECT HAD NEV] BE5 ANY?+ MORE ?AN AN >TSY-F>TSY CRAFT %OP ON ! FR+ES ( CAPITALI/ SOCIETY6 ,Y\ KN[ P]FECTLY WELL ?AT \R PRACTICE ALWAYS AIM$ TO OV]?R[ ! RUL+ SOCIETY --0 

0,! IMPRESSION ,I GOT C]TA9LY CONFIRMS ,T9A'S OBS]VATION10 ,PAT TOLD ,T$4 0,:5 ,I >RIV$1 ! PRACTICE 9 ! PR9T %OP WAS CONSI/5T ) ! HI<E/ LEVELS REA*$ BY ! REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T1 NAMELY ) C\NCILI/ ORGANIZATION4 ,BY ORGANIZ+ 9 C\NCILS PROLET>IANS HAVE ?R\<\T HI/ORY LA9 ! PRACTICAL F\NDATION = !IR APPROPRIATION ( ! WORLD --0 

,SAB9A ASK$1 0,AS ILLU/RAT$ LA/ MON?80 

,PAT SAID ANGRILY1 0,IT IS BECAUSE ( LACK ( CONSCI\SNESS ?AT ! PRACTICAL MOVEM5T APPROPRIAT+ ! WORLD ALL[$ BUREAUCRATS & P>TIES TO APPROPRIATE ITS P[]4 ,A GR\P :I* PRET5DS TO BE REVOLUTION>Y CANNOT FUNCTION BEL[ ! LEVEL REA*$ BY ! REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T4 ,SU* A GR\P MU/ BE ABLE TO DEF9E ! PRACTICAL TASKS :I* WILL ALL[ IT TO 9/ALL EV]Y:]E ! CONDITIONS = ! E/ABLI%M5T ( ! P[] ( ! PROLET>IANS60 

0,I'VE HE>D ?AT BE=E10 ,SAB9A TOLD HIM4 ,WE ALSO HE>D IT AGA9 A FEW DAYS LAT] :5 WE GOT ! LETT] DESCRIB+1 9 GRUESOME DETAIL1 ! NATURE ( ,TITUS ,ZABRAN'S NOBLE COMMITM5T4 

,T$ SAID TO ,T9A1 0,I ?\<T Y\ CAME TO TALK AB\T ! PR9T %OP40 

0,?AT'S PRECISELY :Y WE DID COME10 ,T9A TOLD HIM4 0,BUT ! ONLY BASIS = 5GAG+ 9 A COMMON PRACTICE IS ! EXI/5CE ( COMMON P]SPECTIVES PURSU$ ) EQUAL ABILITY & EF=T40 

,T$ OBJECT$1 0,I ?\<T ! BASIS = KEEP+ ! PR9T %OP GO+ WAS :E!R OR NOT A P]SON CLEAN$ UP AFT] US+ A MA*9E1 :E!R OR NOT ! EQUIPM5T WAS LEFT 9 FUNCTION+ ORD] = ! NEXT P]SON4 ,I DON'T UND]/& Y\R GAME1 ,T9A4 ,Y\'RE MIX+ UP PR9T+ ) REVOLUTION4 ,:AT WE DID TOGE!R WAS DRAW1 PHOTOGRAPH1 PR9T --0 

0,IF Y\ CONSID] ?IS DISCUSSION A GAME10 ,T9A %\T$1 0IF Y\ ?9K WE'RE MUDDL+ SOME?+ ?AT WAS CLE> BE=E1 !N ?IS MEANS ,I NO LONG] DEF9E MY PRACTICE ! SAME WAY Y\ DO4 ,IT'S 9 NO ONE'S 9T]E/ = ?AT CONFUSION TO CONT9UE TO EXI/4 ,I ADMIT WE PR9T$ TOGE!R4 ,BUT BY VIRTUE ( \R COMMON PRACTICE WE CON/ITUT$ A GR\P1 AN ORGANIZATION1 DESPITE ! FACT ?AT WE DIDN'T DEF9E \RSELVES 9 ?OSE T]MS40 

,T$ TOLD H]1 0,IF ORGANIZATION MEANS M\?+ :AT Y\R FRI5DS WANT TO HE>1 ,T9A1 !N WE W]E NEV] AN ORGANIZATION4 ,WE JU/ PR9T$ TOGE!R10 

,T9A RETORT$1 0,= Y\ IT WASN'T AN ORGANIZATION1 ,T$1 BUT ONLY A PR9T %OP1 BECAUSE = Y\ ! QUE/ION ( ORGANIZATION IS APP>5TLY A NON-QUE/ION4 ,I F9D ?AT ODD = SOMEONE :O CONFRONTS EV]Y PRACTICAL PROBLEM BY FIR/ DEF9+ :AT Y\ CALL$ A /RATEGY4 ,I REALIZE ONLY N[ ?AT Y\ W]E NEV] CLE> AB\T ! OV]ALL /RATEGY6 ,YET ?IS IS PRECISELY ! KEY QUE/ION1 ?IS IS :AT WAS UNCLE> AB\T ! NATURE ( \R PA/ COLLABORATION6 ,SU* LACK ( LUCIDITY & SU* RELATIONS ( NON- CRITIQUE LEAD TO 9COH]5T GR\P PRACTICE1 :I* IS :AT DE/ROY$ ! PR9T %OP60 

,T$ TOLD H]1 0,IT'S ! POLICE ?AT DE/ROY$ IT40 

0,?AT'S ONLY SUP]FICIALLY TRUE10 ,PAT SAID TO HIM4 0,! FACT IS ?AT 9 ! PR9T %OP WE NEV] DEF9$ /RATEGY CORRECTLY1 WE NEV] DEF9$ H[ \R GR\P ACTIVITY 9S]T$ ITSELF 9TO ! REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T :I* WAS DEVELOP+ EV]Y:]E 9 ! WORLD40 ,PAT'S COMM5T MADE ME UNEASY4 ,IT'S C]TA9LY TRUE ?AT ,I NEV] CONNECT$ MY ACTIVITY 9 ! OCCUPI$ UNIV]SITY ) :AT ANY ( Y\ W]E DO+ AT ?AT TIME2 ,MIRNA MADE A SIMIL> OBS]VATION 9 Y\R PREVI\S LETT]4 ,BUT ,PAT'S WAY ( 0CONNECT+0 \R ACTIVITIES APPALL$ ME4 

,T$ TOLD ,PAT1 0,! ONLY /RATEGY ,I EV] HAD 9 VIEW WAS AB\T ! CONCRETE PROBLEM ,I WAS FAC+3 REPAIR+ A MA*9E1 DESIGN+ A PO/]1 LAY+ \T A PAMPHLET4 ,T9A \<T TO KN[ ,I NEV] DEF9$ /RATEGIES = O!RS --0 

,T9A TOLD ,T$ ANGRILY1 0,9 ?AT CASE ,PAT & ,I >E ! ONLY ONES :O REG>D \R ACTIVITY 9 ! PR9T %OP AS GR\P PRACTICE 9 :I* WE P>TICIPAT$1 & !RE=E WE *>GE \RSELVES ) ! TASK ( CL>IFY+ \R PA/ & PRES5T PRACTICE4 ,Y\R ATTITUDE PROVES ?AT Y\ DON'T RECOGNIZE EI!R ! PROBLEMS WE'RE POS+ NOR \R P]SPECTIVE T[>D !M --0 

0,I DON'T UND]/& Y\R TONE10 ,T$ TOLD H]4 0,?IS ISN'T H[ FRI5DS TALK TO EA* O!R1 ,T9A1 FRI5DS :O WORK$ TOGE!R = YE>S1 :O NEV] DID EA* O!R ANY H>M --0 

,T9A CUT 91 0,?AT SO-CALL$ FRI5D%IP IS :AT CAUS$ US TO HOLD ON TO \R ILLUSIONS = SO LONG6 ,! REMA9S ( A FRI5D%IP ?AT HAD NEV] UND]/OOD ITS REASONS CAUS$ US TO TAKE POSITIONS F> BEL[ ! LEVEL REA*$ BY ! WORLD REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T4 ,\R FRI5D%IP ORIG9AT$ 9 A COMMON PRACTICE1 & IT %\LD NOT HAVE SURVIV$ AFT] ?AT PRACTICE DET]IORAT$40 

,SAB9A GOT UP & WALK$ TO H] ROOM2 H] FACE WAS A MASK ( FRU/RATION4 ,%E HAD BE5 READY TO CONGRATULATE ,T9A = H] 0ACT40 BUT ! 0ACT0 REA*$ LEVELS ( 9HUMANITY ,SAB9A H]SELF HAD NEV] EXPLOR$4 

,I TOLD ,T9A1 0,I NEV] IMAG9$ Y\ CAPABLE ( SU* COLD1 PREM$ITAT$ CRUELTY4 ,Y\'RE JU/ LIKE A --0 

,PAT 9T]RUPT$ ME & SAID TO ,T$1 PATI5TLY1 P$AGOGICALLY1 0,!RE'S NO SU* ?+ AS AB/RACT FRI5D%IP1 ,T$1 FRI5D%IP :I* EXI/S 9DEP5D5TLY ( ITS ORIG94 ,)\T A COMMON PROJECT1 )\T %>$ P]SPECTIVES1 !RE IS NO FRI5D%IP40 

,T$ SADLY ASK$ ,T9A1 0,:Y DID Y\ & Y\R FRI5DS COME H]E80 

,T9A TOLD HIM1 0,TO CL>IFY AN UNCLE> SITUATION ?AT HAS EXI/$ = YE>S & ?AT URG5TLY NE$$ CL>IFICATION SIX WEEKS AGO --0 

0,SIX WEEKS AGO80 ,T$ ASK$4 0,:5 O!RS BEGAN TO COOP]ATE 9 US+ ! EQUIPM5T8 ,WASN'T ?AT ! SITUATION WE HAD LOOK$ =W>D TO = YE>S1 ,T9A80 

0,I'M TALK+ AB\T SIX WEEKS AGO :5 ! PR9T %OP DIS9TEGRAT$ BECAUSE ! P>TICIPANTS W]E UNABLE TO ORGANIZE !IR ACTIVITIES ON ! BASIS ( A COMMON P]SPECTIVE10 %E TOLD HIM4 

0,! PR9T %OP WAS OP5 TO PEOPLE ) ALL K9DS ( P]SPECTIVES10 ,T$ REM9D$ H]4 

0,?AT'S EXACTLY :AT ,I'M TALK+ AB\T60 ,T9A %\T$4 0,IT WAS OP5 TO UNION ORGANIZ] ,LUISA ,NA*ALO1 P>TY HACK ,PR(ESSOR ,DAMAN ,HESP]1 NOT TO SPEAK ( ! HUNDR$S ( PETTY BUREAUCRATS :O ONLY SPREAD CONFUSION1 :O TRANS=M$ RADICAL !ORY 9TO IDEOLOGY60 

0,>E Y\ TELL+ ME WE %\LD HAVE READ ! M9DS ( EV]YONE :O CAME TO ! PR9T %OP & !N DECID$ :E!R OR NOT TO LET !M USE ! EQUIPM5T80 ,T$ ASK$4 

,T9A ANSW]$1 0,ONLY BY POS+ !-PROBLEMS ( ORGANIZATION4 AUTONOMY & COH]5CE WILL ! REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T GIVE ITSELF ! ORGANIZ$ MEANS = REALIZ+ ITS PROJECT6 ,EV]YONE :OSE PRACTICE FALLS %ORT ( ! LEVEL REA*$ BY ! 9T]NATIONAL MOVEM5T IS \TSIDE ?AT MOVEM5T4 ,! IDEOLOGICAL HODGEPODGE :I* MIX$ RADICAL !ORY ) A PRACTICE ?AT NEGAT$ IT %\LD NOT HAVE EXI/$ & %\LD HAVE BE5 D5\NC$60 

,I FELT NAUSEAT$4 0,Y\ S\ND JU/ LIKE ! POLICE ,Y>O/AN HAS BE5 DESCRIB+ 9 HIS LETT]S10 ,I TOLD H]4 

,T$ SAID1 0,SOPHIA IS RI<T1 ,T9A4 ,! PROJECT WE %>$ WAS PR9T+4 ,:AT Y\'RE TALK+ AB\T N[ IS POLIC+4 ,I ?9K ALL ?OSE :O US$ ! PR9T %OP W]E 9 SOME S5SE P>TICIPANTS --0 

,T9A %\T$1 0,Y\'RE DEF9ITIVELY CONFIRM+ Y\R POSITION ( SEP>AT+ :AT CANNOT BE SEP>AT$1 NAMELY !ORY FROM PRACTICE6 ,?IS SEP>ATION IS :AT 5ABL$ Y\ TO 5GAGE 9 P>TIAL PROJECTS ) P>TIAL IDEOLOGIES1 & EXEMPT$ Y\ FROM TAK+ A CRITICAL ATTITUDE T[>DS ! ACTIVITY ( O!RS TO ! PO9T ( LEAD+ Y\ TO ACTIVELY COLLABORATE 9 ! PROJECTS ( IDEOLOGUES4 ,Y\ CLAIM$ A PLACE 9 ! REAL REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T )\T ASSUR+ ! M9IMUM ( PRACTICAL COH]5CE ?AT ?IS PRESUPPOSES40 

,PAT SAID TO ,T$1 9 !4SAME CONDESC5D+1 PR(ESSORIAL TONE HE HAD US$ E>LI]1 0,?IS WAS A S]I\S PROBLEM1 ,T$4 ,! ROLE ( ! V>I\S RADICAL GR\PS HAD TO BE DEF9$ AT ! V]Y \TSET4 ,AMONG ?OSE Y\ CALL P>TICIPANTS1 IT WAS NECESS>Y TO RECOGNIZE & D5\NCE ! BUREAUCRATIC CANAILLE4 ,IT WAS A MI/AKE TO ATTRIBUTE TO !SE GR\PS ROLES !Y DIDN'T PLAY4 ,NOT ONE ( ! GR\PS 9 ! PR9T %OP PLAY$ ! ROLE Y\ ATTRIBUTE TO !M4 ,?IS IS :Y \R GR\P1 PRACTICE WAS NOT 9 L9E ,) ! 9T]NATIONAL REVOLUTION>Y PROJECT4 ,COH]5T GR\PS ) CONCRETE /RATEGIES = ! APPROPRIATION ( ! PRODUCTIVE =CES >E /ILL TO BE CREAT$4 ,IT IS ! EVASION ( ?IS 7QUE/ION ?AT ALL[$ US TO 5GAGE 9 PRACTICAL ACTIVITY ) PEOPLE :OSE P]SPECTIVES WE DID NOT %>E40 ,PAT LOOK$ AT ME AS HE SAID ?IS4 0,SU* PRACTICE CONTRADICTS ! P]SPECTIVES ( A RADICAL GR\P & WORKS AGA9/ ! POSSIBILITIES ( ! 5TIRE REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T4 ,IT IS NO?+ LESS ?AN A PRACTICAL NEGATION ( ! RADICAL CRITIQUE --0 

0,& ! ONLY WAY TO DEAL ) SU* DANG]\S PRACTICE IS TO ACQUIRE ! P[] TO LIQUIDATE ! 9COH]5T60 ,I %\T$ HY/]ICALLY4 ,T$ REA*$ = MY H& TO CALM ME1 & ALSO 0TO DEMON/RATE HIS SOLID>ITY ) ME4 

,T9A %\T$ AT ,T$ BUT H] COMM5TS W]E AIM$ AT ME4 0,A /RATEGY = APPROPRIAT+ ! MEANS ( PRODUCTION IS PRECISELY :AT Y\'VE ALWAYS LACK$1 ,T$6 ,?AT'S :Y Y\'VE ALWAYS COLLABORAT$ ) Y\R 5EMIES3 FIR/ ) ,SAB9A1 !N ) AN AN?ILL ( PETTY BUREAUCRATS1 N[ ) A NEW BORDELLO ( NO/ALGIC S5TIM5TALISM & ECLECTIC1 HALF-DIGE/$ PLATITUDES60 

0,IF ?AT'S H[ Y\ & Y\R FRI5DS SEE ME10 ,T$ TOLD H]1 0!RE'S NO REASON = Y\ TO TALK TO ME4 ,I'LL CONT9UE TO BE ! ONE :O DECIDES :O MY FRI5DS >E40 

,PAT SAID TO ,T$1 ) ?AT SAME TONE ( ! SELF-RI<TE\S MISSION>Y CONV]T+ AN IGNORANT SAVAGE1 0,Y\R ATTITUDE T[>D US /EMS FROM Y\R DECISION TO COLLABORATE ) ?OSE :OSE P]SPECTIVES Y\ DON'T %>E1 ,T$4 ,Y\'RE TURN+ AGA9/ ?OSE ) :OM Y\ SEEM$ TO AGREE BECAUSE !Y REJECT Y\R SEP>ATION BETWE5 !ORY & PRACTICE4 ,Y\R DECISION TO COLLABORATE ) Y\R 5EMIES & REFUSE COLLABORATION ) Y\R FRI5DS CONTRADICTS Y\R [N PA/ PRACTICE40 

,T9A %\T$1 )\T ANY ( H] COLLEAGUE'S PATI5CE1 0,! ONLY BASIS = MY FUTURE COLLABORATION ) Y\ IS Y\R SUP]SESSION ( Y\R PA/ CONTRADICTIONS6 ,WE CAN MA9TA9 NEI!R AN ORGANIZATIONAL NOR ANY =M ( AB/RACT RELATION%IP ) Y\ UNLESS & UNTIL Y\ ADMIT Y\R 9COH]5CE & CL>IFY Y\R PRACTICE1 & WE'RE H]E SOLELY TO 9=M Y\ ( ?IS60 

0,GET \T ( ?IS H\SE & TAKE Y\R POLICE ) Y\ ?IS M9UTE1 ,T9A60 ,I %\T$1 UNJU/LY1 ,I KN[1 S9CE ?IS IS ,T9A'S H\SE AT LEA/ AS MU* AS IT IS M9E4 ,I ADD$1 0,I'M NOT 9 ! HABIT ( 5T]TA9+ 9QUISITORS & ASPIR+ MURD]]S60 

,T9A LOOK$ AT ! O!R ?REE2 %E & ,PAT ROSE & ALL F\R ( !M WALK$ T[>D ! DOOR4 0,IS ?AT Y\R LA/ WORD1 ,T$80 %E ASK$4 ,T$ DIDN'T ANSW]4 

,PAT /ILL HADN'T GIV5 UP4 ,HE TOLD ,T$1 0,WE HAD HOP$ TO REA* AN UND]/&+ & TO CL>IFY ! BASIS ( ?AT UND]/&+4 ,?9K AB\T IT1 ,T$4 ,WE'LL CALL 9 ?REE DAYS = Y\R F9AL ANSW]40 

,T9A TOLD HIM1 0,I HOPE WE'VE MADE IT CLE> ?AT !RE CAN BE NO P>TIAL COOP]ATION BETWE5 US1 & ?AT FUTURE COOP]ATION WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE UNLESS ALL PA/ ]RORS >E CORRECT$1 UNLESS !RE IS COMPLETE !ORETICAL & PRACTICAL AGREEM5T BETWE5 US40 

0,GET \T ( H]E60 ,I SCREAM$ AT H]4 

,T9A /ILL W5T ON1 0,IF Y\ CAN'T GIVE Y\R PRACTICAL ACTIVITY ! SAME CONT5T & P]SPECTIVES WE GIVE TO IT1 NO FUTURE COLLABORATION IS POSSIBLE BETWE5 US1 DO Y\ UND]/& ?AT1 ,T$8 ,HALF MEASURES >5'T POSSIBLE ANY LONG] --0 

0,GOOD-BYE1 ,T9A10 ,T$ TOLD H]1 TURN+ HIS BACK TO H] & HEAD+ T[>D ,T9A'S =M] ROOM4 

,PAT ,CLESEC DID CALL ?REE DAYS LAT] TO ASK IF ,T$ HAD REA*$ A DECISION4 ,T$ TOLD HIM HE WAS ALREADY />T+ TO CLEAN UP ! PR9T %OP ) ME1 & ?AT ,PAT1 ,T9A & ALL !IR FRI5DS W]E MORE ?AN WELCOME TO HELP US ) ! CLEAN-UP4 ,PAT HUNG UP4 ,NEI!R HE NOR ,T9A NOR ANY ( !IR FRI5DS HAVE COME TO HELP US4 

,T$ & ,I W5T TO ! PR9T %OP ! DAY AFT] ,T9A & ,PAT PRES5T$ HIM ) !IR 0ULTIMATUM40 ,ON ! FIR/ DAY WE MADE A LI/ ( ALL ! ?+S ?AT NE$$ TO BE DONE TO GET EV]Y?+ BACK 9 OP]ATION4 ,!N Y\R LETT] >RIV$4 ,I SP5T TWO DAYS HOME1 DEPRESS$1 SPECULAT+ ) ,SAB9A AB\T :AT MI<T HAPP5 TO ALL ( Y\4 ,I CAN'T TELL Y\ H[ MU* WE BO? LOVE EV]Y ONE ( Y\1 & H[ SAD Y\R LETT] MADE US1 ALL ?REE ( US4 ,T$ NEV] KNEW ANY ( Y\ BUT HE CRI$ TOO4 

,S9CE !N ,T$ & ,I HAVE BE5 GO+ TO ! PR9T %OP ALMO/ EV]Y DAY4 ,SAB9A W5T ) US SEV]AL TIMES4 ,WE /ILL DON'T HAVE EV]Y?+ ON \R LI/ *ECK$ (F1 & WE'VE HAD TO ADD SOME MORE 0TASKS0 TO ! LI/1 BUT ! PLACE ALREADY LOOKS NEAT] ?AN IT DID :5 ,I FIR/ SAW IT4 ,I'VE BECOME FAMILI> ) :AT ?+S >E & :AT !Y'RE US$ =1 & ,I'VE LOV$ EV]Y M9UTE ( IT4 ,! PA/ ?REE WEEKS HAVE BE5 LIKE A COMB9ATION ( ! T\R Y\ GAVE ME ( ! C>TON PLANT1 ! T\R ,RON GAVE ME ( ?IS CITY1 PLUS :AT ,I IMAG9$ TOOK PLACE 9 ,HU<'S 0PROJECT H\SE40 ,WE HAV5'T ACTUALLY DONE ANY PR9T+ YET1 & ! FEW DISCUSSIONS WE 'VE HAD AB\T :AT WE'LL DO ) ALL ?AT EQUIPM5T HAVE BE5 VAGUE1 BUT ,I F\ND !M 5ORM\SLY /IMULAT+4 ,EV5 ,SAB9A SEEM$ EXCIT$ BY SOME ( ! PROSPECTS4 

,T$ IS OPPOS$ TO DO+ ANY COMM]CIAL PR9T+ ( :ATEV] NATURE4 ,HE & ,T9A HAD DONE SOME BE=E4 ,HE SPECULAT$1 0,MAYBE ?AT'S :AT ,T9A MEANT TO SAY AB\T \R E>LI] PRACTICE4 ,%E WAS RI<T AB\T ?AT4 ,IT'S NO DIFF]5T FROM :AT ,SE? DID4 ,WE'LL HAVE TO SUPPORT ! PLACE SOME O!R WAY40 ,WE DON'T YET KN[ H[ WE'RE GO+ TO DO ?AT4 

,WE'VE TALK$ AB\T PUTT+ TOGE!R & PR9T+ A CRITICAL ANALYSIS ( ! REC5T REVOLUTION>Y EV5TS WE ALL EXP]I5C$1 0IF POSSIBLE A COH]5T ONE10 ,SAB9A COMM5T$ SEMI-S>CA/ICALLY4 ,WE'VE ALSO TALK$ AB\T %>+ \R MODE/ MEANS ( EXPRESSION ) O!RS :O WANT TO USE !M4 ,SAB9A & ,I AGREE ) ,T$'S DESIRE NOT TO PRODUCE COMMODITIES = ANY M>KETS2 WE ALSO AGREE TO TRY TO DO WORK ( A QUALITY ?AT 0%[S RESPECT = \R READ]S10 :OM WE DON'T YET KN[1 BUT :O WE ASSUME WILL BE FRI5DS ( \RS4 

,T$ IS /ILL /AY+ ) ,SAB9A & ME4 ,WE'VE TALK$ AB\T US+ HIS =M] LIV+ QU>T]S ABOVE ! PR9T %OP AS A SPACE = DO+ TYPESETT+ & LAY\T2 ,T$ ALSO HAS HIS 0PA9T+ /UDIO0 UP !RE4 ,I'VE ALREADY DECORAT$ \R H\SE ) SEV]AL ( HIS AS WELL AS ONE ( ,T9A'S PA9T+S4 ,ONE NI<T LA/ WEEK :5 WE RETURN$ FROM ! PR9T %OP V]Y LATE HE TOLD ME1 0,I 5JOY WORK+ ) Y\ A LOT1 ,SOPHIE -- MORE ?AN ) LITTLE ,T9A 9 ! G>AGE DAYS4 ,I C\LDN'T EV] LIKE ,TISSIE ! WAY ,I LIKE Y\40 ,I PULL$ HIM TO MY B$ROOM1 KISS+ HIM1 CRY+4 ,I TOLD HIM1 0,I LOVE Y\ MORE ?AN ,I LOVE ANYONE 9 ! WORLD40 & ,I MEANT IT4 

,MY WEEK-LONG LOVE = ,T$ HASN'T BE5 LIKE MY LOVE = ,JOSE OR MY MOM5T ( PASSION ) ,PAT4 ,IT'S NOT ! TOTAL SELF-AB&ONM5T1 ! SELF-ANNIHILATION ,LUISA ACCUS$ ME ( WANT+4 ,I HAV5'T FELT ANY DESIRE TO BE 0,T$'S WOMAN10 TO BE 0POSSESS$0 BY ,T$4 ,MAYBE WE HAV5'T REA*$ ! PEAKS ( PASSION ,MIRNA S\<T TO REA*1 BUT ,I DON'T HAVE ,MIRNA'S /R5G?2 ,I'M NOT ABLE TO CLIMB TO SU* HEI<TS )\T LOS+ MYSELF4 ,BUT MY LOVE ALSO HASN'T HAD ANY?+ 9 COMMON ) ! 0POLITICAL LOVE0 BY :I* ,LUISA TRI$ TO 5TICE 9DEP5D5T SPIRITS 9TO 0HI/ORY'S0 >MOR$ TRA94 ,I DID EXP]I5CE ?AT TYPE ( LOVE ONCE1 IRONICALLY ) ,JOSE -- ! *ANG$1 IMPRISON$ ,JOSE ) :OM ,I %>$ MY BOOKS1 ! ,JOSE :O F9ALLY FLEW PA/ ME BY TAK+ MY BOOKS S]I\SLY4 ,I'VE BE5 NEI!R ,T$'S GUIDE NOR HIS SLAVE1 & ,I'VE GOTT5 UP EV]Y MORN+ LOOK+ =W>D TO MY DAY'S ACTIVITIES & LOOK+ =W>D TO \R COM+ DAYS TOGE!R4 ,)\T ! ACTIVITY ,I'VE %>$ ) ,T$1 )\T HIS APPRECIATIVE HUGS & G5TLE C>ESSES4 ,I C\LDN'T HAVE RIS5 FROM B$ ! MORN+ AFT] Y\R LETT] CAME4 ,I W\LD HAVE />$ AT ! WALLS ( MY ROOM EXACTLY ! SAME WAY ,I DID AFT] WE EMIGRAT$ TW5TY YE>S AGO2 IF ,I'D LEFT ! H\SE1 ,I W\LD HAVE DRIFT$ AMONG /RANG]S ALONG CR[D$ OR EMPTY SIDEWALKS1 A LONELY T\RI/ :O HAD LO/ ALL 9T]E/ 9 CONT9U+ H] J\RNEY2 ,I MI<T HAVE TRI$ TO BURY MYSELF 9 A SUICIDAL JOB LIKE ! ONE ,I HAD 9 ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY4 ,I ?9K ,T$ IS MAK+ IT POSSIBLE = ME TO ORI5T MY LIFE 9 A DIRECTION CONSI/5T ) :AT ,I'VE LE>N$ FROM MY REC5T EXP]I5CES & FROM Y\R LETT]S4 ,9 AN E>LI] LETT] Y\ PO9T$ \T TO ME ?AT DUR+ ! G5]AL /RIKE1 :5 O!RS W]E TRY+ TO EXPLORE & REALIZE !IR CREATIVE POT5TIALITIES1 ,I WAS BUSY PLAY+ ! BUREAUCRAT1 ! COORD9ATOR ( O!R PEOPLE'S ACTIVITIES1 ! 0C\NCILI/ (FICIAL40 ,:AT ,I N[ %>E ) ,T$ HAS NO?+ TO DO ) COORD9AT+ ! ACTIVITY ( A ?IRD P]SON4 ,:AT ,I %>E ) HIM IS ! ACTIVITY ITSELF3 ! GE/URE1 ! MOTION1 ! CREATIVE ACT1 ! DISCOV]Y -- ! POSSIBILITY ( CREAT+ BEAUTIFUL OBJECTS TO %>E ) FRI5DS1 & ULTIMATELY ! PROSPECT ( A WORLD :]E NONE ACCEPT ANY CON/RA9TS TO ! FREE SELF-EXPRESSION ( ! :OLE BE+1 :]E ALL DEVELOP EA* POT5TIALITY BECAUSE EA* DEVELOPS ALL POT5TIALITIES4 

,BUT EV5 AS ,I WRITE ?IS ,I'M NOT SURE4 ,MY LOVE = ,T$ HAS LITTLE 9 COMMON ) MY PASSIONATE LOVE = ,JOSE OR ,LUISA'S POLITICAL LOVE = ,NA*ALO1 BUT IT DOES HAVE SOME?+ 9 COMMON ) MY TW5TY-YE> LONG LOVE = Y\1 ,Y>O/AN4 ,I'VE ALREADY1 M5TION$ ?AT MY ACTIVITY 9 !4 PR9T %OP REM9DS ME V]Y MU* ( ! DAYS ,I SP5T ) Y\ 9 ! C>TON PLANT4 ,HE DOESN'T FEEL T[>D ME ! WAY Y\ DID1 BUT ,I SUSPECT ,I FEEL T[>D HIM ! WAY ,I FELT T[>D Y\4 ,T$ IS MY TEA*]1 MY GUIDE4 ,I'M HIS APPR5TICE4 ,( C\RSE IT'S POSSIBLE = AN APPR5TICE TO REMA9 9DEP5D5T4 ,BUT ,I KN[ MYSELF TOO WELL TO MAKE ANY CLAIMS AB\T MY 9DEP5D5CE2 ,I DIDN'T EV5 REG>D MYSELF AS ,T9A'S EQUAL :5 ,I WAS H] APPR5TICE 9 ! G>AGE T5 YE>S AGO4 ,I'M NOT SO SURE ?AT ,I'M NOT REPEAT+ A NOT-SO-NEW DEP5D5CE4 ,T$ DOESN'T ONLY PROVIDE ME ) FRI5D%IP2 HE ALSO PROVIDES ME ) A READY-MADE PROJECT1 ) ACTIVITY ?AT ,I DIDN'T DEF9E OR CREATE4 ,& EV5 ! ACTIVITY ITSELF ISN'T V]Y F> REMOV$ FROM SOME?+ YON CRITICIZ$ 9 V]Y UNAMBIGU\S T]MS4 ,WE HAVE ALL ! EQUIPM5T ?AT'S NE$$ TO PR9T BOOKS1 & TWO PEOPLE CAN PR9T A BOOK ON IT 9 A F9ITE P]IOD ( TIME4 ,:5 ,T$ EXPLA9$ ?IS TO ME ,I WAS V]Y EXCIT$4 ,BE+ A BOOK LOV]1 ,I CAN ?9K ( NO BETT] WAY1 GIV5 ! *OICES PRES5TLY AVAILABLE1 ( EXPRESS+ MYSELF CREATIVELY4 ,BUT W\LD ?IS BE A BREAK ) MY PA/1 ) ,LUISA1 ) ! EXP]I5CE ,I %>$ ) Y\8 ,! PR9T+ ( BOOKS IS T]RIBLY SIMIL> TO ! ACTIVITY ,I W&]$ 9TO :5 ,I JO9$ Y\ TW5TY YE>S AGO3 :AT Y\ TAU<T ME WAS TO PR9T1 IF ONLY SLOGANS ON PO/]S4 ,:AT'S A BOOK8 ,IS IT A SELF-REALIZATION ( AN 9DIVIDUAL'S LIFE 9 ! CONTEXT ( LIV+ O!RS8 ,OR IS IT SELF-REALIZATION AS A CLOS$ COMP>TM5T1 = EXAMPLE AN 09SURG5T10 A CATEGORY ?AT REMA9S SEP>ATE FROM ALL ! O!R SEP>ATE CATEGORIES8 

,I'M HAPPY ) MY PRES5T ACTIVITY ) ,T$1 BUT ,I'M UNEASY & ,I'M TRY+ TO LOCATE ! ROOT ( MY UNEAS9ESS4 ,! COMM5TS ,I JU/ MADE MAY BE TRUE1 BUT ,I DON'T ?9K !Y'RE ON ! RI<T TRACK4 ,9 ONE ( MY FIR/ LETT]S ,I TOLD Y\ ,I FELT CUT (F FROM Y\ BY WALLS :I* ,I WASN'T ABLE TO CLIMB4 ,I /ILL CAN'T CLIMB ?OSE WALLS4 ,I KN[ ?IS LETT] WON'T REA* Y\1 & ,I DON'T KN[ :AT TO DO AB\T ?AT4 ,MY PRES5T HAPP9ESS IS A MIS]ABLE ?+4 ,IT'S A CLOSE RELATIVE ( ,TITUS ,ZABRAN'S COMMITM5T4 ,IT'S DEF9$1 %AP$ & CUT TO SIZE BY ! 0HI/ORICALLY AVAILABLE 9/RUM5TS40 ,I SUSPECT ?AT SOME?+ WAS FRI<TFULLY RI<T AB\T ,ALEC'S & ,C>M5'S F9AL COMMITM5T4 ,EV5 ,ZABRAN MU/ HAVE KN[N ?AT 9 ! 5D4 ,MAYBE ,ZABRAN DID TO ,NA*ALO :AT ,MIRNA'S MO!R DID TO ,MIRNA'S 0DEVIL03 GAVE HIM A NAME & LOCAT$ HIM \TSIDE ! 9DIVIDUAL4 ,SAB9A IS CONV9C$ ?AT :AT ,ZABRAN CALL$ 0,NA*ALO0 IS AT ! ROOT ( EV]Y LIV+ 9DIVIDUAL4 ,MAYBE 0,NA*ALO0 IS 0! DEVIL40 ,BUT Y\ DON'T NE$ ME TO TELL Y\ ?AT4  
  

,LOVE1 

,SOPHIA4  

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aige 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,LA/ ,LETT] -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,APRIL #b#f1 #bb 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,LA/ ,LETT] -- ,ADD$4 

 FILE G5]AT$ FROM 3  
HTTP3_/_/REVOLTLIB4COM_/