,SOPHIA'S ,EI<? ,LETT] 

#aigfaigf 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,FR$Y ,P]LMAN 

,TEXT 3 

,SOPHIA'S EI<? LETT] 

  
  

,DE> ,Y>O/AN1  
  

,I DON'T KN[ H[ TO BEG94 ,I CAN'T BR+ MYSELF TO TELL Y\ :AT HAPP5$ H]E1 I CAN'T EV5 MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE IT4 

,IT'S OV]6 ,EV]Y?+ IS OV]4 ,! SUN WE SAW ON ! HORIZON DIDN'T RISE6 ,IT'S AS IF EV]Y?+ ?AT HAPP5$ DUR+ ! PA/ FEW WEEKS WAS A DREAM1 AS IF NO?+ AT ALL HAD HAPP5$4 ,IT'S WORSE ?AN ?AT4 ,IT'S AS IF WE W]E ALL DEAD & HAD COME TO LIFE ONLY LONG 5\< TO DREAM WE W]E ALIVE4 

,I'M HOME ) ,SAB9A 9 A WORLD ?AT HASN'T *ANG$4 ,WE HAV5'T BE5 ABLE TO F9D ,T9A4 ,PAT OR ,TISSIE4 ,T$ IS 9 JAIL4 ,& ,I CAN'T CONT9UE WRIT+ ?IS LETT] BECAUSE MY EYES >E SO FULL ( TE>S ,I CAN'T SEE4 

,I'M TRY+ AGA9 A DAY LAT]4 ,Y\R LETT] HAS BE5 ) US = A WEEK4 ,SAB9A & ,I DISCUSS$ EV]Y?+ 9 IT SEV]AL TIMES4 ,BUT I SIMPLY C\LDN'T BR+ MYSELF TO TELL Y\ :AT WE'VE EXP]I5C$ S9CE ,I LA/ WROTE Y\4 ,I EV5 ASK$ ,SAB9A TO WRITE Y\1 & TO TELL Y\ ,I WAS TOO SICK TO WRITE4 ,%E TOLD ME %E C\LDN'T POSSIBLY REPLACE ME BECAUSE 0Y\R LETT]S >E LOVE LETT]S1 ,SOPHIA2 ,I'D LIKE V]Y MU* TO COMMUNICATE ) ,MIRNA AGA91 BUT NOT BY LETT]40 ,SO W\LD ,I4 ,Y>O/AN -- ) Y\ & ,MIRNA & ,Y>A & ALL ( Y\4 ,DUR+ ! :OLE PA/ WEEK ,I WI%$ ,I W]E AMONG Y\ 9/EAD ( H]E4 

,I'M AFRAID ,MIRNA'S EXCURSIONS CAN NO LONG] 9CLUDE ALL ! >EAS :]E HUMAN BE+S LIVE4 ,?IS >EA IS BACK TO 0NORMAL40 ,! DE/RUCTION ( LIMITS1 ! BIR? ( POSSIBILITIES -- >E NO LONG] TAK+ PLACE H]E4 ,PEOPLE HAVE RETURN$ TO ! LABORS ?AT RE/RICT !IR FRONTI]S & DE/ROY !IR POSSIBILITIES4 ,! POLICE >RE/$ HUNDR$S ( PEOPLE AT ,LUISA'S FACTORY & OCCUPI$ ! PLANT4 ,AT O!R PLANTS ! UNION ANN\NC$ A 0VICTORY0 & WORK]S RETURN$ TO !IR JOBS4 ,! POLICE ATTACK$ ! OCCUPI$ UNIV]SITY4 ,T$'S PR9T %OP WAS ATTACK$ BY ! POLICE :5 IT WAS BE+ US$ DAY & NI<T BY HUNDR$S ( PEOPLE4 ,PO/AL & TRANSPORTATION WORK]S RETURN$ TO !IR JOBS AFT] !IR UNIONS ANN\NC$ 0VICTORIES40 ,AT ONE L>GE ASSEMBLY PLANT ! UNION HAD WORK]S VOTE ON A LI/ ( DEM&S BE=E 0CALL+ (F0 ! /RIKE4 ,I HAD A H>D TIME TAK+ IT ALL 91 & ,I /ILL CAN'T BELIEVE SO MU* ACTIVITY C\LD HAVE BE5 REPRESS$ SO QUICKLY4 ,I DON'T HAVE ANY EXPLANATIONS4 ,I DON'T WANT TO BE ! 0G5IUS0 :O N[ 0UND]/&S0 ?AT SO MANY PEOPLE FAIL$ TO REALIZE !IR DESIRES BECAUSE ( 0,ONE1 TWO1 ?REE1 ,BANG -- ! KEY1 :I* HAPP5S TO BE RI<T H]E 9 MY POCKET40 ,I N[ KN[ ?AT ! POLITICAL /RATEGI/S :O 0UND]/&0 :Y SO MANY PEOPLE DIDN'T REALIZE !IR V>IEGAT$2 CONTRADICTORY & UNPR$ICTABLE DESIRES1 9 REALITY UND]/& NO?+ EXCEPT !IR [N MIS]ABLE DESIRE TO 0LEAD40 

,A WEEK ( DISCUSSIONS ) ,SAB9A HAVE CONV9C$ ME ?AT ,I DON'T HAVE ANY 0KEYS40 ,I HAVE LESS ( A RI<T ?AN ANYONE TO MAKE A CRITIQUE ( O!RS' PRACTICE4 ,Y\ & ,SAB9A MAY HAVE FALL5 9TO TRAPS4 ,I WAS NEV] \T ( A TRAP4 ,EXCEPT = AN 9/ANT :I* ,I FAIL$ TO PROLONG1 MY ONLY DESIRE HAS BE5 TO BE L$ BY ! NOSE4 ,!RE WAS NEV] ANY REASON TO REPRESS ANY?+ ,I WAS DO+4 ,I'VE NEV] BE5 FREE4 ,FREE HUMAN BE+S CAN'T BE REPRESS$2 !Y HAVE TO BE DE/ROY$4 

,SAB9A & ,I DIDN'T SP5D ALL WEEK DISCUSS+ ME4 ,WE MA9LY TALK$ AB\T Y\R LETT]S4 ,NOT ONLY ! LETT] ?AT CAME A WEEK AGO1 BUT ALSO ! TWO ,DAMAN HAD BR\<T TO ! SO-CALL$ 0C\NCIL (FICE10 :I* SEEMS SO UNREAL N[4 ,IT WAS ONLY A WEEK AGO ?AT ,SAB9A LE>N$ AB\T ! /RIKE AT ,MIRNA'S PLANT1 & AB\T Y\R 0CONFESSION40 ,( C\RSE ! FIR/ ?+ ,I ASK$ H] WAS IF %E HAD KN[N Y\ & ,LUISA HAD BE5 LOV]S4 

0,DID ,I KN[6 ,Y>O/AN WAGG$ AS IF HE W]E ,LUISA'S TAIL6 ,H[ CAN ,Y>O/AN DESCRIBE ?AT AFFAIR SO NAIVELY8 ,HE WAS BE+ %AP$1 LIKE D\< --0 ,SAB9A EV5 REMEMB]S ! DAY :5 ,TITUS FIR/ BR\<T Y\ TO \R H\SE SOON AFT] ! W>4 0,ZABRAN WAS AS PR\D AS IF HE W]E DISPLAY+ A PR9CESS HE'D SAV$ FROM DRAGONS4 ,& ,LUISA 9TRODUC$ H] NEW FELL[ WORK] TO US AS SOMEONE :O'D BE5 A ?IEF & HAD SLEPT 9 ALLEYS UNTIL ,TITUS RECRUIT$ HIM TO ! RESI/ANCE ORGANIZATION & TRANS=M$ HIM 9TO ! MO/ ADMIRABLE ( KILL]S4 ,LUISA WANT$ HIM ON ?AT V]Y DAY4 ',A SECOND ,NA*ALO6' %E TOLD US4 ',RI<T (F ! /REETS6 ,ISN'T HE BEAUTIFUL8' ,LUISA WAS DET]M9$ TO DO ) ,Y>O/AN :AT %E'D FAIL$ TO DO ) ,NA*ALO4 ,%E WAS DET]M9$ TO %APE HIM 9TO A S]VANT ( A PROJECT ?AT WASN'T HIS [N4 ,%E TRI$ TO MAKE HIM AN ORGANIZ]1 A MAGNET4 ,BUT AL?\< %E PUT ALL ( H] M9D AS WELL AS H] BODY 9TO H] TASK1 %E FAIL$ MIS]ABLY4 ,APP>5TLY HE DID BECOME SOME?+ ( A MAGNET TO ,JASNA & SOME ( ! O!RS1 BUT ! PROJECT HE C>RI$ WASN'T ,LUISA'S2 IT WAS ,JAN'S4 ,Y>O/AN C\LD NO MORE BE MADE TO S]VE ! ORGANIZATION ?AN ,NA*ALO4 ,LUISA TRI$ TO TEA* HIM :AT %E'D TRI$ TO TEA* ,NA*ALO4 ,BUT ?ANKS TO HIS FRI5D%IP ) ,JAN1 ,Y>O/AN DIDN'T LE>N :AT %E'D TRI$ TO TEA* ,NA*ALO BUT :AT %E'D LE>N$ FROM HIM4 ,HE DID BECOME A LITTLE BIT ( A SECOND ,NA*ALO4 ,?AT'S :Y ,LUISA AB&ON$ HIM 9 ! HEAT ( ! /RUGGLE = A HUNK ( MORE FLEXIBLE D\<40 

,I REM9D H]1 0,Y>O/AN HAD ! IMPRESSION ,LUISA SUCCE$$ 9 COMMUNICAT+ H] POLITICAL IDEAS TO HIM4 ,HE SAYS HE DIDN'T REJECT ,LUISA'S POSITIONS UNTIL HIS SECOND PRISON T]M40 

0,Y>O/AN ALSO HAD ! IMPRESSION ?AT ,LUISA'S H\SE EMBODI$ ',SAB9A'S \TLOOK'10 %E CONT9UES S>CA/ICALLY2 0HE HAD ! IMPRESSION ?AT ALL RELATIONS W]E OP51 NO?+ WAS LEFT UNSAID1 !RE W]E NO TABOOS1 NO?+ WAS =BIDD51 & :ILE HE WAS HAV+ ?AT IMPRESSION HE WAS BE+ MANIPULAT$1 %AP$ 9TO SOME?+ HE WAS GO+ TO HATE3 A POLITICIAN1 A SO-CALL$ RANK-&-FILE LEAD]4 ,HIS :OLE TRA9+ WAS UND]H&$4 ,NO?+ WAS SAID4 ,Y>O/AN ?9KS HE TREAT$ Y\ AS A TOY6 ,IF SO1 HE LE>N$ FROM H]1 BECAUSE HE WAS H] TOY1 & EV]YONE KNEW EXCEPT Y\ & HE4 ,Y>O/AN WAS A HOODLUM TO H]1 & HE NEV] BECAME ANY?+ MORE40 

,I OBJECT TO ?AT4 0,Y\'RE EXAGG]AT+4 ,LUISA DIDN'T %>E ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS' PREJUDICES UNTIL AFT] WE EMIGRAT$2 %E'D NEV] CALL$ ANYONE A HOODLUM UNTIL ,I BR\<T ,RON HOME --0 

0,! PREJUDICES W]E !RE ALREADY !N10 ,SAB9A 9SI/S1 0& %E DIDN'T GET ?OSE PREJUDICES FROM ,ALB]TS4 ,IT'S OBVI\S :]E ,ALB]TS GOT !M4 ,DUR+ ! W> HE HAD ASSOCIAT$ ) AN ALTOGE!R DIFF]5T CLASS ( PEOPLE FROM ! PROLET>IANS & ORGANIZ]S HE'D KN[N BE=E4 ,:5 HE RETURN$ TO HIS 'FAMILY' AFT] ! W>1 HE WAS A SUCCESSFUL PHYSICI/1 & ,LUISA'S FRI5DS SEEM$ LIKE SO MU* 'TRA%' TO HIM4 ,I KN[ ,LUISA C\LDN'T /OMA* HIM4 ,%E P>AD$ ,Y>O/AN 9 & \T ( ! B$ROOM SO AS TO 9FURIATE ,ALB]TS4 ,& %E KNEW ,ALB]TS W\LD BE FURI\S PRECISELY BECAUSE ,Y>O/AN WAS 'TRA%' TO HIM4 ,%E UND]/OOD ,ALB]TS' SOCIAL 'TA/ES' BECAUSE H] [N W]E ALREADY V]Y SIMIL> TO HIS4 ,LUISA WAS NO LONG] ! ORGANIZ] :O HAD PICK$ ,NA*ALO UP 9 ! /REET4 ,S9CE ?AT DAY %E HAD ASSOCIAT$ ) (FIC]S 9 ! 'POPUL> >MY1' ) UNION FUNCTION>IES :O BECAME GOV]NM5T (FICIALS1 %E HAD MOV$ 9 CIRCLES ( EM95TLY RESPECTABLE PEOPLE4 ,!Y W]E ! 'COMRADES' %E HAD 9 M9D :5 %E SPOKE ( D[NTRODD5 PROLET>IANS2 IT WAS TO ?IS LEVEL ( RESPECTABILITY ?AT %E WANT$ TO RAISE ,Y>O/AN4 ,& UNTIL %E RAIS$ HIM1 HE WAS TRA% TO H]4 ,BUT Y\'RE RI<T4 ,%E DIDN'T EXPRESS ?IS CONTEMPT = H] LOV] DIRECTLY4 ,%E DID USE ! WORD HOODLUM ALREADY !N1 BUT NOT TO *>ACT]IZE ,Y>O/AN4 ,DON'T Y\ EV5 REMEMB] A FRAGM5T ( ! CONV]SATIONS ,LUISA HAD ) ,TITUS ,ZABRAN80 

0,NOT ONE FRAGM5T1 ,SAB9A6 ,?AT WAS OV] TW5TY YE>S AGO6 ,Y\'RE ! ONE :O IS ODD = REMEMB]+1 NOT ,I = =GETT+60 

0,I W\LDN'T FEEL BAD = HAV+ A BAD MEMORY1 ,SOPHIA1 BUT = HAV+ TO TAKE ,SOMEONE ELSE'S WORD AB\T AN EV5T ,I HAD EXP]I5C$4 ,H[ CAN Y\ LET EV]Y?+ 9 Y\R HEAD JU/ LIE :]E IT FALLS1 )\T EV] MOV+ IT >\ND8 ,!RE'S NO SU* ?+ AS A BAD MEMORY2 Y\'RE JU/ LAZY6 ,LUISA US$ ! WORD 'HOODLUM' DAILY4 ,BUT Y\'RE RI<T1 %E DIDN'T CALL ,Y>O/AN A HOODLUM -- NOT DIRECTLY4 ,%E RES]V$ ! T]M = ,Y>O/AN'S BE/ FRI5D4 ,EV]Y TIME ,ZABRAN CAME OV] !Y'D GROAN TO EA* O!R AB\T ,JAN ,S$LAK'S 'DEPLORABLE' 9FLU5CE ON ,Y>O/AN1 AB\T ,JAN'S TOTAL LACK ( SELF-DISCIPL9E1 AB\T ! 9COH]5CE ( ,JAN'S POLITICAL \TLOOK4 ,!Y CALL$ HIM A LUMP5 ELEM5T1 A HOOLIGAN1 A HOODLUM -- ALL ( :I* WAS TABOO1 =BIDD5 9 ,LUISA'S H\SE4 ,!Y SAID SU* HORRIBLE ?+S AB\T ,JAN ?AT ,I C\LDN'T WAIT TO MEET HIM4 ,I DIDN'T GET MY *ANCE UNTIL ! FIR/ DAY ( ! /RIKE4 ,ON ?AT DAY ,I WAT*$ !IR PROTEGE1 ,Y>O/AN1 MESS UP ALL !IR PLANS4 ,I DIDN'T UND]/& ! POLITICS !N2 ,I /ILL DON'T4 ,BUT ,I KNEW FROM ,ZABRAN'S & ,LUISA'S FACES ?AT SOME?+ HAD FALL5 AP>T = !M1 & DUR+ ! DAY ,I LE>N$ ?AT IT WAS !IR ,PYGMALION1 ,Y>O/AN4 ,ACTUALLY ! S*EME WAS SIMPLE 5\<1 & ,I ?9K ,I UND]/OOD IT EV5 !N4 ,9 !ORY ! WORK]S W]E SUPPOS$ TO BE SEIZ+ P[] OV] ! PRODUCTIVE =CES1 BUT 9 PRACTICE1 AS ,Y>O/AN TOLD US 9 HIS SECOND LETT]1 ! 'WORK]S' ORGANIZATION' WAS GO+ TO REPLACE ! CAPITALI/ CLASS AS ! MANAG] ( PRODUCTION4 ,WORK]S W]E SUPPOS$ TO EXP]I5CE ?IS FEAT AS !IR VICTORY1 ! WAY !Y DID H]E LA/ WEEK4 ,! TASK ( ,Y>O/AN1 ! RANK-&-FILE MILITANT1 WAS TO PRET5D HE DESIR$ SU* A 'VICTORY1' & TO P>ADE ?IS DESIRE 9 FRONT ( O!R WORK]S :O DIDN'T YET KN[ ?IS WAS :AT ALL WORK]S WANT$4 ,! 'DEEPE/ LAY]S ( ! PROLET>IAT ITSELF' HAD TO BE ! ONES :O DEF9$ ! 'HI/ORICAL TASKS ( ! PROLET>IAT4' ,BUT ,Y>O/AN SAT & DAYDREAM$4 ,LUISA & ,ZABRAN1 AT ! RISK ( BE+ CALL$ MANIPULATORS1 HAD TO DEF9E ! HI/ORICAL TASKS2 ,V]A & ,M>C IMM$IATELY BACK$ !M UP4 ,BUT !N ,JAN ?REW A WR5* 9TO !IR APP>ATUS4 ,HE />T$ %\T+ ?AT ! WORK]S REAL /RUGGLE W\LDN'T BEG9 UNTIL WORK]S TORE D[N ! FACTORIES1 DISMANTL$ ! MA*9ES & BURN$ ! PRODUCTIVE =CES4 ,I %\T$ BRAVO1 ,JASNA APPLAUD$4 ,& ,Y>O/AN LAU<$6 ,LUISA & ,ZABRAN W]E FURI\S40 

0,:Y W]E Y\ SO 5?USIA/IC AB\T :AT ,JAN SAID80 ,I ASK H]4 0,?AT 5?USIASM SEEMS TO CONFLICT ) Y\R :OLE LIFE'S COMMITM5T4 ,Y>O/AN REF]R$ TO ?AT CONTRADICTION 9 HIS NEWE/ LETT] --0 

0,BECAUSE ,I WAS A S*IZOPHR5IC ALREADY !N60 ,SAB9A EXCLAIMS4 0,OR MAYBE ?AT WAS :5 MY S*IZOPHR5IA BEGAN4 ,I APPLAUD$ BECAUSE ,JAN HAD ?R[N A WR5* 9TO ,LUISA'S & ,ZABRAN'S MA*9]Y1 & ALSO BECAUSE :AT HE SAID MADE A LOT ( S5SE TO ME1 & /ILL DOES4 ,I EV5 UND]/OOD SOME ( ! IMPLICATIONS ( :AT HE SAID4 ,DUR+ ! DAYS ?AT FOLL[$ HE TOLD ME ?AT AS A BOY HE HAD LIV$ AMONG /REAMS1 =E/S & FIELDS & HAD LOV$ TO EXPLORE !IR SECRETS2 EV] S9CE HE'D BECOME A WORK] HE'D BE5 R$UC$ TO AN APP5DAGE ( A MA*9E4 ,HE TOLD ME IF REVOLUTION & FRE$OM MEANT ANY?+1 !Y C]TA9LY C\LDN'T MEAN A /RUGGLE = ! FRE$OM TO /& AT ! V]Y SAME MA*9E EV]Y LIV+ DAY4 ,TO ,JAN REVOLUTION MEANT A NEW />T4 ,IT MEANT TAK+ UP AGA9 :]E HE'D LEFT (F 9 HIS BOYHOOD4 ,I ?\<T ,I AGRE$ ) HIM1 BUT ,I DIDN'T UND]/& HIS POSITION AS A REJECTION ( TE*NOLOGY4 ,I COMB9$ ,ALB]TS' POSITION ) ,JAN'S & GOT :AT ,I ?\<T WAS A P]FECT SYN!SIS4 ,:AT ,I HAD 9 M9D WAS ! DISP]SAL ( ! TE*NOLOGY 9 ! =E/S & FIELDS1 & ,I ?\<T PEOPLE W\LD RELATE TO IT ! SAME WAY !Y RELAT$ TO ! TREES & ! /REAMS1 NOT = MUTILATION & 5SLAVEM5T1 BUT = ADV5TURE1 EXPLORATION1 TRAVEL & 5JOYM5T4 ,MY SYN!SIS WAS OV]/RET*$2 IT DIDN'T WORK4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T F9D ?AT \T UNTIL LA/ WEEK4 ,9 ! C>TON PLANT ,I WASN'T EV5 AW>E ( A CONTRADICTION1 & 9 MY GUTS ,I SUPPORT$ EV]Y /& ,JAN TOOK4 ,I SUPPOSE Y\ DON'T REMEMB] ! DISCUSSION ( ! SLOGANS EI!R4 ,?AT TOOK PLACE ON ! SECOND DAY ( ! /RIKE4 ,I DIDN'T UND]/& ! POLITICAL SIGNIFICANCE ( ! DISCUSSION1 BUT ,I HELP$ ,JAN MESS UP ! UNIT$ FRONT ,LUISA & ,ZABRAN HAD LOOK$ =W>D TO4 ,! C>TON PLANT WAS TO CONTRIBUTE TO ! G5]AL EF=T BY PR9T+ SLOGANS ON PO/]S :I* W]E TO BE US$ 9 DEMON/RATIONS4 ,LUISA & ,ZABRAN HAD M9OR DISAGREEM5TS AB\T ! SLOGANS ?AT %\LD GO ON ! PO/]S4 ,SUDD5LY ,JAN OBJECT$ TO ! V]Y IDEA ( DEMON/RATIONS ) PO/]S4 ,HE SAID WE %\LD TALK TO \R FELL[ WORK]S ) \R M\?S1 NOT ) PO/]S BLOCK+ US FROM EA* O!R4 ,I CAU<T ON RI<T AWAY & ASK$ :AT \R DISCUSSIONS W\LD BE LIKE IF EA* ( US SAT BEH9D A PLAC>D ) A SLOGAN ON IT1 & IF WE WAIT$ = ! PLAC>DS TO TALK TO EA* O!R4 ,?AT'S :5 EV]Y?+ W5T HAYWIRE4 ,Y>O/AN WAS SUPPOS$ TO GUIDE ! GR\P BACK TO ! TASKS AT H&1 BUT HE ONLY NODD$ AT ,JAN'S & MY COMM5TS4 ,! UNIT$ FRONT FELL AP>T4 ,JASNA CONSID]$ ,JAN'S COMM5TS AS REASONABLE AS ,LUISA'S4 ,ZABRAN & ,LUISA W]E ALMO/ ISOLAT$2 ONLY ,CLAUDE ,TAMNI* & ,M>C ,GLAVNI /OOD BY !M4 ,EV5 ,V]A ,NEIS VACILLAT$4 ,JASNA IS RI<T AB\T ,V]A2 %E WAS AN OPPORTUNI/4 ,%E BECAME ,LUISA'S DISCIPLE BECAUSE %E WANT$ TO BE :AT ,Y>O/AN WAS SUPPOS$ TO HAVE BECOME3 ! TRIBUNE1 ! RANK-&-FILE LEAD]4 ,BUT AS SOON AS ,LUISA WAS ISOLAT$1 ,V]A AB&ON$ H]1 & ( C\RSE %E TOOK ,ADRIAN1 H] FLUNKY1 ) H]40 

0,Y\ MAKE !M ALL S\ND SO PETTY & MANIPULATIVE4 ,>E Y\ SURE Y\'RE NOT DESCRIB+ ,V]A 9 ! LI<T ( :AT ,Y>O/AN TOLD US %E BECAME MU* LAT]80 ,I ASK ,SAB9A4 ,I'M /ILL TRY+ TO DEF5D ! 9TEGRITY ( MY 0ORIG9AL COMMUNITY40 

0,I'M DESCRIB+ !M 9 ! LI<T ( :AT !Y DID1 ,SOPHIA10 %E 9SI/S4 0,9 FACT1 :AT ,V]A DID LAT] DOESN'T EV5 MAKE A :OLE LOT ( S5SE TO ME4 ,H] ANTICS ) ?AT HUSB& & LOV] DON'T QUITE FIT ) ! ,V]A ,I KNEW TW5TY YE>S AGO4 ,I MI<T AS WELL TELL Y\ AB\T MY EXP]I5CE ) ,V]A ,NEIS4 ,Y\ FIGURE \T H[ IT FITS ) :AT %E BECAME LAT]4 ,%E DIDN'T SWIT* SIDES ONLY BECAUSE ,LUISA WAS ISOLAT$ BUT ALSO BECAUSE ( ME40 

0,Y\ MEAN Y\ CONV9C$ H] ,JAN WAS RI<T80 

0,Y\ CAN PUT IT ?AT WAY1 BUT ,I DIDN'T CONV9CE H] ) WORDS4 ,V]A C\LDN'T /& ,JAN1 & %E'D NEV] HAVE SWIT*$ SIDES IF ,I HADN'T BE5 !RE4 ,IT WAS MY PRES5CE ?AT CONV9C$ H]4 ,! FIR/ TIME ,I SPOKE %E TOOK ME ASIDE & TOLD ME1 ',:AT A WITTY1 9TELLIG5T1 FI]Y GIRL Y\ >E6' ,%E C\LDN'T BELIEVE ,I WAS ONLY ?IRTE54 ',Y\'RE A SIR51 %E TOLD ME1 'PRET5D+ TO BE A GYPSY GIRL6' ,?AT WAS :AT CONV9C$ H]4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ IT RI<T !N1 BUT %E WAS C\RT+ ME AS OP5LY AS ! CIRCUM/ANCES & H] [N 9HIBITIONS W\LD ALL[4 ,%E F\ND ! SAME TREASURE BEH9D ! LONG BLACK HAIR ?AT ,ZABRAN HAD F\ND 9 ,Y>O/AN3 A GEM BURI$ 9 S&4 ,I S5S$ H] PASSION & WAS EXCIT$ BY IT )\T UND]/&+ IT4 ,I PLAY$ ) IT4 ,I SAT BY H]1 :ISP]$ 9 H] E>1 LAU<$ ) H]1 T\*$ H]4 ,I WASN'T AW>E ?AT ! PALE1 PRETTY WOMAN :OSE *E/ HEAV$ & :OSE FACE GREW R$ :5EV] ,I T\*$ H] WANT$ TO FL+ ME TO ! FLOOR !N & !RE1 9 ! MID/ ( ! MEET+4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ :AT A FIRE ,I WAS /IRR+ UP 9 H] :5EV] ,I :ISP]$ TO H]2 UNTIL !N ,I HAD PLAY$ 9 ! P>K BEH9D ! S*OOL & HAD TAK5 FRI5DS HOME ) ME1 BUT ,I HAD NEV] HAD CONTACT ) PURE LU/1 ) BL9D DESIRE4 ,IT WAS ONLY ON ! FOLL[+ DAY1 ! ?IRD DAY ( ! /RIKE1 ?AT ,I REALIZ$ :AT WAS HAPP5+4 ,ZABRAN OP5$ ?AT DAY'S MEET+ BY GROAN+ AB\T ! FACT ?AT NO?+ HAD GOTT5 DONE DUR+ ! FIR/ TWO DAYS ( ! /RIKE4 ,!N HE SAID ! PRES5CE ( \TSID]S :O W]E NOT PRODUCTION WORK]S1 DISRUPTIVE 9DIVIDUALI/IC ELEM5TS1 WAS RESPONSIBLE = ?IS4 ,V]A KNEW HE WAS REF]R+ TO MY PRES5CE4 ,%E SLIPP$ H] H& OV] MY FI/1 AS IF TO LET ME KN[ %E'D KEEP ME FROM BE+ ?R[N \T4 ,GRADUALLY %E TI<T5$ H] HOLD1 DUG H] F+]NAILS 9TO ! PALM ( MY H&4 ,I C\LD SEE H] EYES W]E R$ FROM LACK ( SLEEP1 H] TEE? BIT H] LIPS4 ,I :ISP]$ ?AT %E WAS HURT+ ME1 BUT H] GRIP ONLY TI<T5$4 ,I BECAME AFRAID ( SOME?+ ,I DIDN'T !N UND]/&4 ,I WAS AB\T TO BE OV]P[]$ & MAYBE EV5 DE/ROY$ BY SOME?+ ,I C\LDN'T CONTROL OR RE/RA94 ,V]A WAS DRIV5 BY A BL9D DESIRE TO DOM9ATE ME1 TO [N ME1 TO 5?RALL$ ME1 )\T ANY TRACE ( LOVE OR MUTUALITY OR EQUALITY40 

0,GO%1 ,SAB9A1 ,I NEV] IMAG9$ --0 

0,I DON'T ?9K ANYONE ELSE DID EI!R1 ,SOPHIA1 BECAUSE NO?+ ACTUALLY HAPP5$4 ,IT WAS ,Y>O/AN :O SAV$ ME FROM BE+ RAVAG$ BY ,V]A & ALSO FROM BE+ ?R[N \T BY ,ZABRAN4 ,Y>O/AN DREAMILY PROPOS$ AN 0ACTION' SOME:]E BETWE5 PR9T+ PO/]S & DE/ROY+ MA*9ES -- HE TOO WAS GOOD AT MAK+ SYN!SES BETWE5 DIAMETRICAL OPPOSITES4 ,:5 ,ZABRAN BR\<T UP ! PRES5CE ( \TSID]S1 ,Y>O/AN BR\<T UP ! PRES5CE ( ! [N]1 ,MR4 ,ZAGAD4 ,Y>O/AN IS EXCESSIVELY MODE/4 ,IT'S TRUE ?AT ,CLAUDE MADE ! ACTION CONCRETE BY SUGGE/+ ,ZAGAD BE \/$1 BUT ?AT SUGGE/ION WAS NO?+ BUT ! LOGICAL /EP ?AT FOLL[$ FROM ,Y>O/AN'S OBS]VATION4 ,JAN JUMP$ UP1 READY TO IMPLEM5T ! SUGGE/ION ON ! SPOT1 & ,I LEAP$ \T ( ! FIRE ,I HAD UN9T5TIONALLY F$ & ?REW MY >MS >\ND ,JAN & ,Y>O/AN4 ,! :OLE PLAN WAS ,Y>O/AN'S --0 

0,?AT WAS :AT ,I ?\<T TOO1 BUT ,Y>O/AN WROTE ?AT ,CLAUDE DIDN'T ONLY MAKE HIS SUGGE/ION CONCRETE1 BUT WAS ALSO ! ONE :O F9ALLY IMPLEM5T$1 IT40 

0,Y>O/AN IS WRONG10 ,SAB9A SAYS EMPHATICALLY4 0,TODAY HE'D LIKE TO MAKE HIMSELF BELIEVE HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY?+ TO DO ) ?OSE EV5TS4 ,CLAUDE ADD$ NO?+ BUT HIS USUAL CONTRIBUTIONS3 WE %\LD \/ ,ZAGAD ) CLUBS & GUNS1 LIKE ! POLICE W\LD DO IT4 ,Y>O/AN ASK$ :Y WE C\LDN'T JU/ ASK ,ZAGAD TO LEAVE4 ,& 9 ! 5D IT WAS ,CLAUDE :O IMPLEM5T$ ,Y>O/AN'S '/RATEGY'4 ,WE W5T PEACEFULLY TO ,ZAGAD'S (FICE & ,CLAUDE ASK$ HIM TO LEAVE4 ,?AT EV5T WAS IMPORTANT TO ME4 ,I ?\<T IT WAS ! BEG9N+ ( ,JAN'S REVOLUTION4 ,I ?\<T ! FIR/ /EP W\LD BE FOLL[$ BY O!RS1 WORK]S W\LD />T TE>+ D[N FACTORY WALLS & PU%+ MA*9ES 9TO FIELDS & =E/S4 ,I WAS OV]JOY$ :5 ,ZAGAD LEFT HIS (FICE4 ,I ?REW MY >MS >\ND ,JAN1 & HE ASK$ ME TO SP5D ! NI<T ) HIM4 ,?AT WAS :5 MY REVOLUTION BEGAN4 ,JAN WAS ! ONLY MAN ,I GAVE MYSELF TO COMPLETELY4 ,HE WAS MY TW94 ,HE REJECT$ ALL CON/RA9TS1 HE WAS OP5 TO EV]Y CONCEIVABLE EXP]I5CE1 HE REFUS$ TO BE /UNT$4 ,HE WAS ,M>G>ITA ,NA*ALO 9 ! %APE ( A MAN40 

0,:Y DID ,JAN TAKE Y\ TO ,Y>O/AN'S ROOM 9/EAD ( HIS [N80 ,I ASK H]4 0,Y>O/AN SAID !Y EX*ANG$ KEYS --0 

0,Y>O/AN />T$ ?AT LETT] BY TELL+ Y\ H[ HONE/ & COMPLETE HE WAS GO+ TO BE4 ,HE'S A HYPOCRITE4 ,HE /ILL DOESN'T APPROVE ( HIS BE/ FRI5D'S MORALS4 ,MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT ,MIRNA TO KN[4 ,I'D ?9K %E'D BE FLATT]$4 ,I ASK$ ,JAN ! SAME QUE/ION & HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE ME TO HIS ROOM BECAUSE HE %>$ HIS B$ ) HIS SI/]40 

0,Y\ MEAN ,MIRNA LIV$ 9 HIS ROOM80 ,I ASK4 

0,?AT WAS :AT ,I ?\<T10 ,SAB9A GOES ON4 0,I WAS FASC9AT$ BEYOND WORDS4 ,HE TOLD ME HIS SI/] WAS TWO YE>S Y\NG] ?AN ,I WAS4 ,HE WAS SURPRIS$ ,I WASN'T %OCK$4 ,BUT MY :OLE BODY FILL$ ) CURIOSITY4 ,I LONG$ TO MEET ! ELEV5-YE> OLD GIRL :O %>$ H] B$ ) H] BRO!R4 ,I 9SI/$ ON GO+ TO HIS ROOM 9/EAD ( ,Y>O/AN'S4 ,I FLEW 9TO A RAGE :5 HE REFUS$ TO TAKE ME !RE4 ,HE TOLD ME HIS SI/] WAS WILDLY JEAL\S & W\LD SCRAT* MY EYES \T1 BUT ?AT ONLY >\S$ MY CURI\SITY ALL ! MORE4 ,I ?REAT5$ TO LEAVE HIM IF HE DIDN'T TAKE ME TO H]1 SO HE F9ALLY TOLD ME ! GIRL 9 HIS ROOM WAS HIS SI/] ONLY 9 AGE4 ,HE TOLD ME HE DID LOVE HIS REAL SI/]1 BUT HAD BE5 SEP>AT$ FROM H] BY A RELIGI\S VAMPIRE :O HAD POLIC$ !IR LOVE4 ,! GIRL 9 HIS ROOM WAS A HOMELESS UR*92 %E HAD RUN TO ,JAN 9 ! /REET & BEGG$ HIM TO HIDE H] FROM ! POLICE1 :O W]E *AS+ H] = /EAL+4 ,HE HAD HIDD5 H]1 & %E HAD /AY$ ON ) HIM2 HE CONSID]$ H] HIS MAKE-BELIEVE SI/]4 ,Y>O/AN WAS APP>5TLY %OCK$4 ,I /OPP$ 9SI/+ ON GO+ TO ,JAN'S ROOM1 BUT ,I C\LDN'T /OP BE+ FASC9AT$ BY HIS REAL SI/]4 ,I ASK$ HIM H] NAME1 :AT %E LOOK$ LIKE1 & :AT %E HAD DONE ) H] BRO!R UND] ! V]Y NOSE ( MORALITY & ! *UR*4 ,:5 HE PULL$ ME TO B$1 ,I REFUS$ TO UNDRESS UNTIL HE AGRE$ TO PRET5D TO BE HIS SI/] & TO %[ ME H[ HIS SI/] MADE LOVE TO H] BRO!R4 ,JAN AGRE$4 ,MIRNA UND]E/IMATES HIM4 ,HE WAS FULL ( PRANKS4 ,= ,JAN LIB]AT$ LIFE WAS2 GO+ TO BE A GAME1 A LOVE GAME1 PLAY$ 9T5SELY1 ) EV]Y LIMB & PORE4 ,HE AGRE$ TO BE ,MIRNA = ME4 ,& :ILE HE P]=M$1 ,I MADE LOVE TO ! SI/] HE WAS PRET5D+ TO BE1 ,I FELL 9 LOVE ) H]1 ,I LO/ MYSELF 9 AN EC/ASY MAT*$ BY ONLY ONE O!R EXP]I5CE 9 MY LIFE1 ! FOLL[+ NI<T'S EXP]I5CE ) ! REAL ,MIRNA3 ,JAN'S 5JOYM5T WAS AS GREAT AS M9E2 HE CONT9UALLY TOLD ME1 ',ALL LIFE %\LD CONSI/ ( MOM5TS LIKE !SE1 9T]RUPT$ ONLY BY P]IODS ( RE/4' ,IT WAS \T ( GRATITUDE ?AT1 E>LY ! FOLL[+ MORN+1 HE TOLD ME HE'D TAKE ME TO MEET HIS SI/] ?AT V]Y DAY4 ,BUT FIR/ WE HAD TO ?9K ( A WAY ( GETT+ ! RELIGI\S MO!R \T ( ! H\SE4 ,JAN KNEW ,I HAD FALL5 9 LOVE1 NOT ) HIM BUT ) HIS SI/]1 & HE UND]/OOD MY PASSION1 HE FANN$ IT1 HE LOV$ ME = IT4 ,! GU>DIANS ( ! SOCIAL ORD] HAD TO KILL ,JAN2 !RE WAS NO WAY = !M & HIM TO COEXI/2 9 HIS HE>T ,JAN C>RI$ ! DISSOLUTION ( EV]Y ORD]2 HE'D ALWAYS BREAK ?R\< IT ) ACTS ( PASSION UNIMAG9ABLE UNTIL !N4 ,Y>O/AN RETURN$ TO HIS ROOM AT DAYBREAK4 ,HE OBVI\SLY HADN'T SLEPT A W9K4 ,HE DIDN'T DESCRIBE HIS NI<T ) ,JAN'S ROOMMATE4 ,WE DIDN'T ASK4 ,HIS NI<T HADN'T BE5 A HAPPY ONE4 ,HE SEEM$ ABSOLUTELY WORN \T1 MIS]ABLE1 LONELY1 P]HAPS A%AM$4 ,BO? ( US KNEW HE WAS P9+ = ,LUISA4 ,MIRNA IS WRONG AB\T ! PLOT TO S$UCE ! ,QUE5 ( ! ,PEASANTS4 ,IT WAS ,JAN'S IDEA FROM BEG9N+ TO 5D4 ,AS SOON AS ,Y>O/AN KNOCK$ AT SUNRISE1 ,JAN KNEW :AT TO DO ) ! OLD VAMPIRE4 ,IF ONLY ,Y>O/AN W\LD RESUME ) ,JAN'S MO!R :]E HE'D LEFT (F ) ,LUISA1 ,MIRNA W\LD BE FREE & ,JAN & ,I W\LD \TDO EA* O!R C\RT+ H] )\T ANY RULES OR TIME LIMITS1 )\T ANY /&>DS ( RI<T & WRONG2 ! REVOLUTION W\LD BEG9 :5 ALL ( US />T$ DO+ :AT WE PLEAS$4 ,BUT ,Y>O/AN DIDN'T WANT TO CONTRIBUTE ANY MORE TO \R PLAN ?AN HE'D CONTRIBUT$ TO ,ZABRAN'S & ,LUISA'S4 ,WE B>ELY SUCCE$$ 9 GETT+ HIM TO GO ) US4 ,AS SOON AS HE SAW ! QUE51 ! OBJECT ( HIS PASSION1 HE YAWN$4 ,NEXT TIME HE SAW H] HE VOMIT$4 ,HE SP5T ! 5TIRE AFT]NOON & NI<T S\ND ASLEEP4 ,WE MI<T AS WELL HAVE ?R[N A DEAD ANIMAL AT ! OLD WOMAN40 

0,W\LD Y\ LIKE HIM BETT] IF HE'D BECOME Y\R TOOL80 

0,NO1 ,SOPHIA1 ,I W\LD HAVE LIK$ HIM LESS4 ,& 9 ANY CASE1 IT WASN'T MY FUN HE SPOIL$ BUT ,JAN'S4 ,! OLD WOMAN CONC5TRAT$ ALL H] 5]GY ON KEEP+ ,JAN \T ( ! GAME4 ,) FABUL\S RESULTS6 ,?OSE RESULTS W]E SUMM>IZ$ = US BY ! UNT\*$ VIRG9 H]SELF1 TW5TY YE>S LAT]6 ,I SUSPECT ! OLD WOMAN EV5 HAD AN 9KL+ ( :Y ,JAN HAD BR\<T ,Y>O/AN4 ,H] 5DLESS CROSSES & WAILS & PRAY]S SUGGE/$ %E HAD TR\BLE KEEP+ ! ?\<T FROM PASS+ ?R\< H] [N M9D4 ,! DEVIL MU/ HAVE TRI$ TO SLIP 9TO H] CONSCI\SNESS :ILE ! RE/ ( US W]E \T PICK+ B]RIES4 ,:AT %E DIDN'T HAVE ANY 9KL+ AB\T WAS ! 9F9ITY ( =MS ! DEVIL C\LD TAKE4 ,?AT NI<T %E ?\<T ! DEVILS W]E ALL SAFELY PUT AWAY 9 ,JAN'S B$ROOM AT ! O!R 5D ( ! H\SE2 %E EXPECT$ TO HE> ! FIR/ /EP ! DEVIL TOOK T[>D ! ROOM CONTA9+ ! TWO *A/E VIRG9S4 ,MEAN:ILE ALL ( H] WOR/ FE>S W]E BE+ ACT$ \T BY ! VIRG9S !MSELVES1 UNAID$ BY ANY VISIT+ DEMONS40 

0,9 ONE ( !IR DISCUSSIONS1 ,MIRNA TOLD ,Y>O/AN %E ?\<T Y\ HADN'T BE5 HONE/ ) H]40 ,I REM9D H]4 

0,I KN[1 & %E HURT ME BY SAY+ ?AT4 ,%E DIDN'T DESCRIBE TO ,Y>O/AN ! GAME WE ACTUALLY PLAY$4 ,%E TRANS=M$ IT1 & ,I CAN'T UND]/& :Y4 ,IS %E A%AM$ ( ! ROLE %E PLAY$8 ,I D\BT IT2 ,MIRNA HAD NO %AME1 NOT !N40 

0,Y\'RE TW9S 9 ?AT RESPECT1 >5'T Y\80 

0,MORE ?AN TW9S1 ,SOPHIA2 WE'RE P]MAN5TLY EMB$D$ 9 EA* O!R'S HE>TS4 ,?AT'S :Y ,I WAS HURT :5 ,MIRNA 9V]T$ A KEY DETAIL & MADE ME SEEM SO MANIPULATIVE4 ,DON'T LOOK AT ME SO /RANGELY1 ,SOPHIA6 ,DON'T =GET ,I WASN'T ?IRTY-TWO !N6 ,MIRNA & ,I W]E ONLY TWO YE>S AP>T1 & ,I DIDN'T PLAY ! DOM9ANT ROLE4 ,! S$UCTION WAS AS MUTUAL AS ! MO/ RECIPROCAL LOVE DEPICT$ 9 ANY POETRY4 ,! MUTUALITY ( \R LOVE CONDEMN$ ! UGL9ESS ( ALL ! BRUTALIZ+ ONE-SID$ RELATION%IPS 9 ! MID/ ( :I* IT TOOK PLACE1 & FIR/ ( ALL ,LUISA'S RELATION%IP TO ,Y>O/AN1 :I* WAS NO?+ BUT %E] MANIPULATION2 NEXT ,Y>O/AN'S RELATION%IP ) Y\1 ,V]A'S T[>D ,ADRIAN & ME1 ,ZABRAN'S T[>D ,Y>O/AN1 ,ALB]TS' T[>D ,LUISA1 & F9ALLY ,JASNA'S PA!TIC & UNRECOGNIZ$ DESIRE = ,ZABRAN & ,Y>O/AN4 ,\R LOVE HAD NO?+ 9 COMMON ) ANY ( ?OSE4 ,IT HAD NO BLEMI%ES4 ,! DETAIL ,MIRNA *ANG$ IS PRECISELY :AT MADE ?AT NI<T SO 9COMP>ABLY BEAUTIFUL1 SO UNIQUE 9 MY :OLE LIFE'S EXP]I5CE40 

0,WELL1 :AT DID %E *ANGE80 ,I ASK IMPATI5TLY4 0,%E WAS ANGRY AT Y\ = PRET5D+ TO BE H] BRO!R & R\S+ H] PASSION = Y\R [N SELFI% GRATIFICATION4 ,DON'T TELL ME Y\ DID IT = H]2 ,I KN[ Y\ TOO WELL --0 

0,I'M NOT D5Y+ MY SELFI%NESS1 ,SOPHIA4 ,NOR ,MIRNA'S4 ,%E'S RI<T AB\T :Y ,I DID IT1 BUT %E'S WRONG AB\T :AT ,I DID4 ,I DIDN'T PRET5D TO BE ,JAN ?AT NI<T4 ,I'M DISAPPO9T$ ?AT ,MIRNA =GOT ?AT4 ,IT WAS A R>E1 UN=GETTABLE NI<T4 ,MOONLI<T /REAM$ 9 ?R\< ! W9D[2 ,IT WAS QUIET] 9 ?AT C\NTRY H\SE ?AN ANY:]E ,I'D BE5 BE=E4 ,MIRNA ASK$ ME IF ,I WAS ,Y>O/AN'S GIRL OR ,JAN'S4 ,I REMEMB]$ ,JAN'S TELL+ ME %E'D SCRAT* MY EYES \T FROM JEAL\SY >ID ,I TRI$ TO PROVOKE ?AT JEAL\SY4 ,I TOLD H] ,JAN & ,I W]E PASSIONATELY 9 LOVE ) EA* O!R1 ?AT \R LOVE KNEW NO B\NDS4 ,BUT ?AT HAD BE5 ,JAN'S 9V]SION4 ,!RE WAS NO JEAL\SY 9 ,MIRNA4 ,%E PUT H] H& ON MY FACE & TOLD ME1 ',IF ,I W]E ,JAN ,I'D LOVE Y\ PASSIONATELY & )\T B\NDS2 Y\'RE BEAUTIFUL4' ,I ALMO/ CRI$4 ,I TOLD H]1 ',JAN SAYS HE LOVES ME ONLY BECAUSE ,I REM9D HIM ( ! ONE P]SON HE REALLY LOVES 9 ! :OLE WORLD4' ,MIRNA 9SI/$ ,I FELL H] ?AT P]SON'S NAME4 ,I TOLD H]1 ',HE DIDN'T LOVE ME AT ALL UNTIL HE TAU<T ME TO ACT LIKE H] & BE LIKE H]1 BECAUSE HE DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME AT ALL1 HE LOVES ONLY H]2 & H] NAME IS ,MIRNA4' ,%E WAS QUIET = A LONG TIME4 ,I REA*$ = H] FACE & FELT TE>S RUNN+ D[N H] *EEKS4 ,I ASK$ IF ,I HAD (F5D$ H]4 ,!N %E ASK$ ME1 ',DID HE %[ Y\ H[ HE SP5T HIS NI<TS ,) ,MIRNA1 H[ HE SLEPT ) H]8' ,I TOLD H] HE %[$ ME EV]Y?+4 ,%E SAID1 ',?IS ,WAS ! B$ 9 :I* HE SLEPT ) ,MIRNA UNTIL MO!R MADE HIM LEAVE4' ,%E SOBB$ & KISS$ MY H&1 TELL+ ME1 ',I /ILL CRY SOMETIMES :5 ,I REMEMB]4 ,I WAS SO HAPPY EV]Y6 NI<T1 & ,I WAS HAPPY DUR+ ! DAY BECAUSE ,I WAIT$' = NI<T TO DOME4' ,:Y DID ,MIRNA 9V]T :AT HAPP5$ NEXT :5 %E TOLD ,Y>O/AN AB\T IT8 ,I DID NOT ASK H]1 ',W\LD Y\ LIKE ME TO PRET5D TO BE ,JAN4' ,H[ T]RIBLY BANAL1 & H[ MANIPULATIVE6 ,YET %E WORKS H]SELF 9TO A FURY TW5TY YE>S LAT]1 9DIGNANT AT ! CREATURE %E'S 9V5T$ DUR+ ! 9T]V5+ YE>S4 ,! FACT IS ?AT MY 9ITIATIVE 5D$ ) MY TELL+ H] ,JAN LOV$ H]4 ,FROM ?AT PO9T ON ! 9ITIATIVE WAS H]S1 & IT REMA9$ H]S UNTIL ! 5D ( ?AT GLORI\S NI<T4 ,IT WAS ,MIRNA :O ASK$ ME1 ',%[ ME :AT ,JAN %[$ Y\4 ,PLEASE BE ,MIRNA = ME1 JU/ = AN 9/ANT4' ,I AGRE$ TO BE ,MIRNA4 ,I LAY QUIETLY NEXT TO H]2 \R SIDES T\*$4 ,%E SAID1 ',FIR/ ,JAN TOOK ,MIRNA'S H& TO HIS LIPS & :ISP]$1 ,I LOVE Y\1 MY LITTLE SI/]1 MORE ?AN ,I'LL EV] LOVE ANYONE ELSE 9 ! :OLE WIDE WORLD4' ,?AT WAS H[ IT BEGAN4 ,& IT WAS ,MIRNA H]SELF :O W5T ON1 /EP BY /EP1 TO AN EC/ATIC CLIMAX1 SL[LY UNCOV]+ EV]Y 9* ( ONE BODY & MAT*+ IT ) EV]Y 9* ( ! O!R1 EV] SO C>EFULLY1 EV] SO G5TLY1 EV] SO PASSIONATELY4 ,EV]Y MOTION1 EV]Y GE/URE1 EV]Y POSITION %E HAD EV] DREAM$ ( TAK+ ) ,JAN %E TOOK ) ME2 EV]Y C>ESS1 EV]Y EMBRACE1 EV]Y KISS %E HAD EV] DREAM$ ( RECEIV+ FROM H] BRO!R %E GAVE TO ME40 

0,& ALL ?AT TIME Y\ PRET5D$ TO BE ,MIRNA80 

0,IT WAS ! EASIE/ ?+ 9 ! WORLD TO PRET5D TO BE ,MIRNA & TO ACCEPT ALL ! LOVE & PASSION %E WANT$ ,JAN TO GIVE H]4 ,?AT WAS :AT MADE ?AT NI<T SO 9COMP>ABLE1 SO MONUM5TAL TO ME4 ,& Y\ %\LD HAVE SE5 H] MO!R'S FACE ! NEXT MORN+ :5 %E F\ND H] VIRG9 SLEEP+ 9 ! DEVIL'S >MS6 ,TISSIE TOLD ME :AT Y\ LOOK$ LIKE :5 Y\ WOKE UP 9 H] EMBRACE4 ,Y\R LOOK MU/ HAVE BE5 COMPASSIONATE COMP>$ TO ?AT WOMAN'S4 ,ALL H] LIFE'S P5T-UP DESIRE1 9V]T$ 9TO HATR$1 WAS CONC5TRAT$ 9 H] LOOK4 ,%E IMM$IATELY RU%$ = ! BROOM4 ,Y>O/AN REMEMB]$ ! RE/ ( IT VIVIDLY 5\<3 ,! RE/ IS H>DLY WOR? REMEMB]+4 ,NO?+ ELSE HAPP5$ DUR+ ! NEXT TWO WEEKS4 ,AFT] ! OLD WOMAN *AS$ US AWAY WE W5T BACK TO ! C>TON PLANT4 ,I KEPT EXPECT+ NEXT /EPS TO BE TAK51 BUT !RE W]5'T ANY4 ,AFT] ?OSE /UPID DISCUSSIONS AB\T SLOGANS ON PO/]S EV]YONE EXCEPT ,JAN W5T BACK TO WORK TO PR9T ?OSE PO/]S4 ,JAN & ,I BOYCOTT$ ! WORK AS WELL AS ! RE/ ( ! MEET+S4 ,WE W&]$ ?R\<\T ! CITY1 AMONG CR[DS1 9TO FACTORIES1 AMONG /UD5TS4 ,WE KEPT LOOK+ = ?OSE :O W]E TAK+ ! NEXT /EP1 & WE DISCOV]$ :AT ,Y>O/AN DESCRIB$ TO Y\ 9 HIS SECOND LETT]3 A VA/ PUPPET %[1 ?\S&S ( MANIK9S ACT+ ON ORD]S PRET5D+ TO BE ACT+ ON !IR [N4 ,WE DID F9D A FEW FREE SPIRITS1 BUT !Y W]E ISOLAT$1 DISORI5T$ & FRU/RAT$4 ,JAN KNEW IT WAS ALL GO+ TO 5D V]Y BADLY4 ,IT WAS ALL TOO REPETITI\S1 TOO S]I\S1 & ,JAN KNEW ?AT A REVOLUTION C\LDN'T BE S]I\S4 ,SO AT LEA/ ! TWO ( US /OPP$ BE+ S]I\S1 WE PLAY$ AT REVOLUTION1 WE PLAY$ AT BE+ FREE2 WE *ALL5G$1 PROVOK$ & SABOTAG$4 ,BUT NO ONE RESPOND$4 ,WE MI<T AS WELL HAVE BE5 ALONE40 

,I REM9D H]1 0,9 ! RESE>* C5T] Y\ CONT9U$ TO EXPECT EV]Y?+ TO HAPP54 ,H[ C\LD Y\ HAVE KN[N DUR+ ?OSE EV5TS TW5TY YE>S AGO ?AT NO?+ ELSE WAS GO+ TO HAPP580 

0,I'M NOT SURE ,I CAN EXPLA9 ?AT1 ,SOPHIA4 ,MAYBE = ! SAME REASON ?AT ,I'VE TRI$ TO REALIZE CONTRADICTORY PROJECTS4 ,I'M HALF ,NA*ALO & HALF ,ALB]TS4 ,TW5TY YE>S AGO MY TWO HALVES TOLD ME ! SAME ?+2 TWO WEEKS AGO !Y TOLD ME OPPOSITE ?+S40 

0,I DON'T UND]/&10 ,I TELL H]4 0,I KN[ Y\ W]E 9 ! MID/ ( A CONTRADICTION 9 ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,Y>O/AN SAW ?AT RI<T AWAY1 & Y\ Y\RSELF W]E AW>E ( IT4 ,BUT ,I DON'T SEE :Y Y\ W]E SO S+LE-M9D$ TW5TY YE>S AGO4 ,:AT DID Y\R ,ALB]TS-HALF TELL Y\ !N80 

0,IT WASN'T MY ,ALB]TS-HALF1 ,SOPHIA1 BUT ,ALB]TS HIMSELF1 9 P]SON1 :O TOLD ME EXACTLY ! SAME ?+ ,JAN TOLD ME4 ,JAN KNEW RI<T AWAY ?AT ALL ! /RIKE ACTIVITY WAS /AG$ & HAD NO O!R AIM BUT TO REPLACE ONE SET ( RUL]S ) ANO!R4 ,ALB]TS SAID ALMO/ ! SAME ?+ TO ME A WEEK BE=E WE W]E >RE/$4 ,HE TOLD ME WE W]E GO+ TO EMIGRATE AS SOON AS HE GOT ALL ! PAP]S & O!R >RANGEM5TS 9 ORD]2 IF WE DIDN'T EMIGRATE WE'D SP5D YE>S 9 JAIL1 MAYBE EV5 ! RE/ ( \R LIVES4 ,I WAS 9DIGNANT AT FIR/4 ,I WANT$ ,JAN & ,MIRNA & ALL ! O!RS TO GO ) US4 ,HE TOLD ME IT WASN'T ! :OLE GR\P ?AT W\LD BE JAIL$1 BUT ONLY ! =EIGN]S4 ,HE SAID =EIGN]S W]E BE+ US$ AS SCAPEGOATS TO EXPLA9 :Y !RE WAS OPPOSITION TO ! REVOLUTION>Y APP>ATUS1 SO-CALL$4 ,IT'S SO EASY TO S+LE \T =EIGN]S4 ,I TOLD ,JAN :AT ,ALB]TS HAD TOLD ME & HE SAID HE WAS RELIEV$ TO LE>N WE W\LD BE ALL[$ TO EMIGRATE2 HE HAD />T$ TO WORRY :5 HE HE>D ! RUMORS ?AT W]E BE+ CIRCULAT$ AB\T ,LUISA4 ,HE DIDN'T EV5 IMAG9E HE W\LD BE >RE/$ TOO1 & DIDN'T DREAM ( EMIGRAT+2 HE HAD NO REASON TO4 ,ALB]TS MADE IT ALL V]Y ATTRACTIVE TO ME BY PROMIS+ ME A :OLE WORLD ( TE*NOLOGY AS MY PLAY?+2 HE EV5 TOLD ME HE'D BUILD ME A LABORATORY4 ,JAN & ,I KNEW \R FRI5D%IP W\LD 5D AS SUDD5LY2 AS IT BEGAN2 AT LEA/ WE HAD PRET5D$ A REVOLUTION WAS TAK+ PLACE40 

0,!N Y\ DON'T KN[ :Y ! O!RS W]E IMPRISON$ = SU* A LONG TIME80 ,I ASK H]4 

0,I HAV5'T ! SLI<TE/ IDEA1 ,SOPHIA4 ,Y>O/AN KEEPS ASK+ :Y ! ?REE ( US W]E RELEAS$ AFT] SP5D+ ONLY TWO DAYS 9 JAIL4 ,?AT'S NOT4 :AT SURPRISES ME4 ,I HAD KN[N WE W]E GO+ TO BE ALL[$ TO EMIGRATE4 ,:AT SURPRISES ME IS :AT HAPP5$ TO ! O!RS4 ,NO ONE1 NOT EV51,ALB]TS1 IMAG9$ ?AT ! ISOLATION ( SCAPEGOATS W\LD BE C>RI$ TO ! PO9T ( IMPRISON+ ! 5TIRE PRODUCTION CREW ( ! C>TON PLANT4 ,I DIDN'T HAVE A H9T ( ?AT FACT UNTIL ,Y>O/AN'S FIR/ LETT] CAME1 & ,I DON'T UND]/& IT4 ,:AT HAPP5$ WAS EXACTLY :AT ,ALB]TS HAD MADE ME ?9K W\LD HAPP52 ,I HAD NO REASON TO BE SUSPICI\S4 ,WE W]E ALL >RE/$2 WE SP5T TWO DAYS 9 JAIL2 WE W]E RELEAS$ & ! POLICE APOLOGIZ$ = !IR 'MI/AKE'4 ,LUISA'S & ,ALB]TS FRI5D ,ZABRAN WAS !RE AT ! P>T+4 ,ZD5EK'S CLAIM ?AT ,ZABRAN WAS 9 JAIL AT ?AT TIME IS PUZZL+2 ,ZD5EK MU/ HAVE HAD ANO!R P]IOD 9 M9D :5 HE TOLD !M ?AT1 OR ANO!R MAN4 ,I KNEW :O ,ZABRAN WAS1 & ! MAN :O SAW US (F WAS ,TITUS ,ZABRAN4 ,HE HAD BE5 >RE/$ TOO1 BUT ONLY = A DAY4 ,HE TOLD US ! 5TIRE CREW HAD BE5 >RE/$ 'BY MI/AKE4' ,I ?\<T ?AT APP>5TLY SOMEONE 9 ! POLICE ?\<T ! 5TIRE CREW W]E =EIGN]S4 ,Y>O/AN KEEPS PO9T+ \T H[ BIZ>RE IT IS ?AT ! ',ALB]TS ,R+' W]E RELEAS$ :ILE ! SO-CALL$ ACCOMPLICES ( ! R+ W]E LEFT 9 JAIL4 ,?AT C]TA9LY IS BIZ>RE1 BUT ?AT WASN'T ! IMPRESSION ,I HAD AT ! TIME4 ,ZABRAN1 NOT ! ,ALB]TS ,R+1 WAS RELEAS$ FIR/1 A DAY BE=E US1 & ,I WAS SURE ! O!RS HAD BE5 RELEAS$ TOO4 ,9 ANY CASE WE W]5'T GIV5 A GR& OPPORTUNITY TO F9D \T :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO ! O!RS4 ,! POLICE ACCOMPANI$ ! 'CELEBRAT$ PHYSICI/ & HIS FAMILY' TO \R H\SE1 WAIT$ :ILE WE PACK$1 & ESCORT$ US TO ! TRA9 /ATION = ! FIR/ TRAM \T40 

,DUR+ ! PA/ WEEK ,SAB9A ANSW]$ SEV]AL O!R QUE/IONS Y\ RAIS$ 9 Y\R NEWE/ LETT]1 AS WELL AS 9 ! TWO LETT]S ?AT >RIV$ :5 %E WAS 9 ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,& 9 ANSW]+ Y\R QUE/IONS1 %E COMPLETELY DEMOLI%$ ! 0ORIG9AL COMMUNITY0 ,I HAD GLORIFI$ 9 MY FIR/ LETT]S TO Y\4 ,IF ,I /ILL RETA9$ SOME ILLUSIONS AFT] Y\ TRI$ TO KNOCK !M \T ( ME1 ,SAB9A HAS F9ALLY CONV9C$ ME ?AT NO SU* COMMUNITY EV] EXI/$4 ,9 ! PROCESS ( CONV9C+ ME1 %E MADE ME D\BT ! REALITY ( MY MO/ REC5T EXP]I5CES AS WELL4 ,W]E ! COMMUNE & ! C\NCIL (FICE HALLUC9ATIONS8 ,DID ,I 9V5T !M8 ,W]E !Y DREAMS ON :I* ,I CAN BASE ANO!R LIFETIME'S HOPES8 ,IF ,I CORRESPOND ) ,PAT TW5TY YE>S FROM N[1 WILL HE WRITE ME ?AT ! EV5TS ,I REMEMB] NEV] HAPP5$8 

,AS Y\ CAN SEE1 ,I'M NOT TOO EAG] TO TELL Y\ H[ ,I HAPP5 TO BE HOME DISCUSS+ Y\R LETT]S ) ,SAB9A4 ,I DON'T EV5 WANT TO ?9K AB\T IT4 ,SAB9A IS RI<T2 ,I'D RA!R LET EV]Y?+ 9 MY HEAD JU/ LIE :]E IT FELL1 )\T MOV+ >\ND4 ,I MAY LAT] HAVE TO TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S WORD AB\T :AT HAPP5$1 BUT AT LEA/ ,I'LL HAVE SP>$ MYSELF ! PA9 ( LIV+ ?R\< A HORRID EXP]I5CE MORE ?AN ONCE4 ,I'LL TRY TO RELIVE IT -- ,I WAS GO+ TO SAY = Y\R SAKE1 BUT ,I CAN'T IMAG9E :AT GOOD IT'LL DO Y\ TO KN[4 ,I REALLY DO WI% ,SAB9A HAD WRITT5 Y\2 ALL ,I FEEL LIKE TELL+ Y\ >E ! ?+S %E TOLD ME4 

,I WAS SLI<TLY DRUNK1 COM=TABLY EXHAU/$ & V]Y HAPPY :5 ,I F9I%$ MY PREVI\S LETT] TO Y\4 ,! DAY BE=E1 ) ,PAT'S GRUDG+ HELP1 ,I HAD GIV5 ,LUISA & ,DAMAN A T\R ( ! CONT95T ,I HAD DISCOV]$ ?AT DAY4 ,I SLEPT S\NDLY = AT LEA/ TWELVE H\RS AFT] ,I F9I%$ ?AT LETT]1 GOT UP AT NOON1 & ATTACK$ ,LUISA'S REFRIG]ATOR4 ,%E HAD RETURN$ & LEFT AGA9 :ILE ,I HAD BE5 ASLEEP4 ,I SEAL$ ! LETT] & WALK$ ACROSS ! BORD] ) IT4 ,IT WAS A GORGE\S SUMM] DAY1 ,I LET MY HAIR BL[ 9 ! W9D1 & ,I EXP]I5C$ MYSELF AS A H]O9E4 ,I FELT VICTORI\S4 ,I HAD REALIZ$ ONE ( MY LIFE'S FEW1 MAYBE ONLY TWO1 9DEP5D5T PROJECTS4 ,I HAD PROJECT$ IT & C>RI$ IT ?R\< ALL BY MYSELF4 ,I FELT ?AT ,I HAD AT LA/ COME ( AGE TO TAKE P>T 9 A REAL REVOLUTION4 

,I WAS /ILL 9 ?AT MOOD :5 ,I WALK$ TO ! COMMUNE4 ,I WAS EAG] TO LE>N :AT O!R /RIKES HAD BROK5 \T1 :]E ELSE ! MOVEM5T HAD SPREAD4 ,:5 ,I REA*$ ! 5TRANCE ( ! =M] UNIV]SITY BUILD+ TWO T\<-LOOK+ Y\NG M5 TRI$ TO /OP ME FROM GO+ 94 

0,:O >E Y\80 ,I ASK$ !M4 

0,SECURITY10 ONE ( !M ANSW]$4 

0,:O ! HELL PUT Y\ !RE80 ,I ASK$4 

,! ANSW] WAS1 0,! BUILD+ IS FULL ( 9=M]S & SPIES40 

0,WELL GO JO9 ! POLICE =CE IF Y\'RE 9T]E/$ 9 9=M]S & SPIES60 ,I %\T$1 PU%+ MY WAY PA/ !M4 

,! C\NCIL (FICE WAS ALMO/ ! SAME AS ,I'D LEFT IT ?REE DAYS E>LI]4 ,IF ,I HADN'T JU/ RUN 9TO ! SECURITY GU>DS ,I W\LDN'T HAVE NOTIC$ ! DIFF]5CES AS QUICKLY AS ,I DID4 ,MO/ ( ! /ACKS ( PAMPHLETS & LEAFLETS W]E ! SAME1 BUT !RE W]E A FEW NEW /ACKS ( LEAFLETS1 & !SE W]E V]Y DI/9CT FROM EV]Y?+ ELSE 9 ! ROOM4 ,!Y W]E ! DIATRIBES ( POLITICAL SECTS4 ,NONE ( ! PEOPLE 9 ! ROOM W]E FAMILI> TO ME4 ,AS ,I LI/5$ TO !IR >GUM5TS ,I BECAME AW>E ?AT !Y W]E ALL POLITICIANS ) ESOT]IC AXES TO GR9D4 ,I WAS %OCK$4 ,I RAN UP/AIRS & D[N/AIRS LOOK+ = FAMILI> FACES3 = ,PAT1 = WORK]S :O HAD VISIT$ ! C\NCIL (FICE1 = PEOPLE ,I HAD MET AT ! (FICE-MA*9E PLANT4 ,BUT ALL ,I SAW WAS ! HO/ILE1 SUSPICI\S FACES ( D$ICAT$ PR(ESSIONAL RADICALS4 ,! MOOD 9 :I* ,I HAD WALK$ ACROSS ! BIRDGE WAS GONE4 ,I RAN TO ! PR9T %OP4 ,IT WAS FULL ( PEOPLE :O W]E /RANG]S TO ME1 ALMO/ ALL ( !M M54 ,SUSPICI\S GLANCES FOLL[$ ME AS ,I WALK$ >\ND & LOOK$ AT ! ?+S BE+ PR9T$4 ,ALL ( IT LOOK$ DRAB1 REPETITI\S & T]RIBLY REPRESSIVE2 0MU/ NOT0 & 0%\LD NOT0 APPE>$ 9 EV]Y S5T5CE4 ,9 ! G>BAGE B9 ,I F\ND A CRUMPL$ LEAFLET1 COLORFUL1 WELL LAID-\T & ILLU/RAT$1 SATIRIZ+ ! SELF-ELECT$ POLICE HY/]ICALLY TRY+ TO 0RECUP]ATE0 ! REVOLUTION>Y /RUGGLE4 ,I SUPPOS$ ?AT LEAFLET HAD BE5 DONE BY ,PAT'S GR\P2 ,I SAW NO O!R EVID5CE ( ! PRES5CE ( ,PAT'S GR\P 9 ! PR9T %OP4 ,I W5T UP ! BACK /AIRCASE & KNOCK$ ON ! DOOR1 BUT ,T$ WASN'T !RE4 ,NONE ( ! PEOPLE 9 ! PR9T %OP HAD EV] HE>D ( ,T9A4 ,:]EV] ,I HAD LEFT FRI5DS ,I F\ND ONLY /RANG]S2 :]EV] ,I HAD LEFT A COMMUNITY ) A PROJECT ,I F\ND ONLY HO/ILE POLITICIANS4 

,I WAS 9 A DAZE4 ,I DRAGG$ MYSELF \T ( ! PR9T %OP & DRIFT$ ACROSS ! CAMPUS LOOK+ = MY LIFELONG COMPANION & GUIDE1 ,Y>O/AN1 9 ALL HIS V>I$ =MS4 ,I WANT$ HIM TO TAKE MY H& AGA9 & %[ ME :AT HAD TO BE DONE NEXT4 ,I WAS ME AGA94 

,I DID F9D A GUIDE4 ,SOMEONE H&$ ME A LEAFLET ANN\NC+ A 0MILITANT DEMON/RATION0 AGA9/ ! OCCUPATION ( AN ASSEMBLY PLANT BY ! POLICE4 ,I WOND]$ IF IT WAS ,LUISA'S PLANT4 ,I W5T TO ! GA!R+ PLACE TWO H\RS BE=E ! S*$UL$ BEG9N+ ( ! DEMON/RATION4 ,O!R DRIFT]S LIKE MYSELF JO9$ ME4 ,F9ALLY AN AU?ORITY >RIV$1 SOMEONE WE>+ AN >MB&1 & OBVI\SLY A MEMB] ( A POLITICAL GR\P4 ,AFT] LI/5+ TO SEV]AL M9UTES ( HIS RIGID RHETORIC1 ,I LE>N$ ?AT IT WAS 9 FACT ,LUISA'S PLANT ?AT HAD BE5 OCCUPI$ BY ! POLICE4 ,ON ! PREVI\S DAY MEMB]S ( V>I\S POLITICAL GR\PS HAD JO9$ ! UNION PICKET L9E 7,I WOND]$ IF !Y HAD FELT ?REAT5$ BY COMPETITION FROM ,DAMAN & HAD RUN TO SELL !IR POLITICAL COMMODITIES AT A L[] PRICE74 ,A FI<T HAD BROK5 \T BETWE5 UNION PICKET]S & ! SO-CALL$ 0SUBV]SIVE \TSID]S40 ,!N A RUMOR WAS SPREAD 7APP>5TLY BY UNION BUREAUCRATS7 ?AT 0SUBV]SIVE SABOTEURS0 HAD SEIZ$ ! PLANT4 ,?IS HAD BE5 AN AMPLE PRETEXT = ! POLICE TO OCCUPY ! PLANT4 ,& RI<T AFT] ! POLICE OCCUPI$ IT1 ! UNION CALL$ ON WORK]S TO DEF5D !IR PLANT FROM ! POLICE -- 9 O!R WORDS1 AFT] CALL+ 9 ! POLICE1 ! UNION BUREAUCRATS PRET5D$ TO BE ! GREATE/ OPPON5TS ( ! POLICE4 ,! LEAFLET QUOT$ A UNION BUREAUCRAT SAY+1 0,! GOV]NM5T IS FOM5T+ DISORD] & IS BE+ HELP$ BY GR\PS ( REVOLUTIONI/S1 ADV5TURI/S & PUNKS 4440 ,FROM ! >MB&$ 0LEAD]0 ( ! DEMON/RATION ,I ALSO LE>N$ ?AT ! PURPOSE ( ! 0MILITANT DEMON/RATION0 WAS TO 0(F] SOLID>ITY TO ! FI<T+ WORK]S0 BY JO9+ !M 9 ! /RUGGLE TO \/ ! POLICE FROM 0!IR PLANT40 ,I OBVI\SLY C\LDN'T HAVE GOTT5 HIM TO EXPLA9 TO ME 9 :AT S5SE ! PLANT WAS 0!IR PLANT10 NOR :Y ! WORK]S W\LD WANT TO GO BACK 9TO IT4 ,IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME TO SUGGE/ ?AT EV]YONE MI<T BE A LOT HAPPI] IF ! POLICE W]E LEFT 9SIDE ! PLANT & EV]YONE ELSE W5T (F TO DO O!R ?+S4 ,I JO9$ ! 0/RUGGLE10 & ,I WAS EXTREMELY N]V\S4 ,! ONLY O!R TIME ,I TOOK P>T 9 A 0MILITANT DEMON/RATION0 9 :I* ,I KNEW ,I WAS GO+ TO BE PHYSICALLY 9JUR$ WAS SIX YE>S AGO1 :5 ,I SAT 9 ! /REET TO BLOCK TRUCKS C>RY+ WEAPONS4 ,BUT ! 0/RUGGLE0 AT ,LUISA'S PLANT WAS MORE 9 TUNE ) MY UPBR++ ?AN ! PEACE DEMON/RATION HAD BE54 ,I IMAG9$ ?AT ,LUISA & ,DAMAN MI<T BE BEH9D B>RICADES2 ,I'VE ALWAYS ?\<T ( H] E>LI] B>RICADES ) NO/ALGIA2 ,I'VE ALWAYS WANT$ TO HAVE B>RICADES 9 MY [N LIFE4 ,I ALSO WANT$ TO GET AWAY FROM ! LOV$ PLACES ?AT HAD SUDD5LY BECOME SO ALI5 TO ME4 

,SEV]AL HUNDR$ PEOPLE GA!R$4 ,IT WAS ANN\NC$ ?AT ! DEMON/RATORS W]E TO BREAK UP 9TO GR\PS ( SIX & TO RIDE TO ! PLANT 9 C>S4 ,I F\ND A GR\P ( FIVE /UD5TS ) A C> & CLUNG TO !M4 ,= ONCE 9 MY LIFE ,I WAS ! LEA/ HY/]ICAL MEMB] ( ! GR\P4 ,!Y W]E COMPLETELY P>ANOID4 ,DUR+ ! 5TIRE TRIP !Y TALK$ AB\T POLICE & EV5 >MY UNITS SURR\ND+ ! PLANT ) MA*9E GUNS & EV5 TANKS4 ,I TOLD !M ,I D\BT$ ?AT W> HAD BE5 DECL>$1 BUT MY [N FE>S 9CREAS$ CONSID]ABLY4 ,SEV]AL DAYS LAT] ,I LE>N$ ?AT !IR P>ANOIA HAD BE5 GR\ND$ 9 SOLID REALITY2 IF ,I HAD KN[N ?AT AT ! TIME1 ,I W\LD HAVE COLLAPS$ LONG BE=E REA*+ ,LUISA'S PLANT4 ,IT TURN$ \T ?AT ,I WAS ! ONLY ONE ( ! SIX :O KNEW ! WAY TO ! PLANT1 & S9CE ,I HAD ONLY BE5 !RE ONCE ,I GOT LO/4 ,I DID MANAGE TO GET !M TO ! RI<T P>T ( ! CITY4 ,!Y 9SI/$ ON P>K+ !IR C> MILES AWAY FROM ! PLANT4 ,AFT] WALK+ = :AT SEEM$ LIKE H\RS1 & AFT] ASK+ SEV]AL PEOPLE :]E IT WAS1 WE REA*$ A F5CE 9SIDE ( :I* !RE WAS AN IMM5SE P>K+ LOT4 ,WE DECID$ WE HAD APPROA*$ ! PLANT FROM ! RE>4 ,SO MU* ! BETT]1 WE ?\<T2 ! POLICE W\LDN'T BE EXPECT+ US TO COME FROM ?AT DIRECTION4 ,WE HELP$ EA* O!R CLIMB OV] ! F5CE4 ,WE W]E 9SIDE ! PLANT6 ,BE=E WE HAD A *ANCE TO CONGRATULATE EA* O!R AB\T ?AT FACT WE SAW TWO BUSSES RU%+ T[>D US4 ,WE DIDN'T HAVE ! TIME TO CLIMB BACK OV] ! F5CE1 & !RE WAS NO PLACE TO HIDE2 WE W]E ON A COMPLETELY EMPTY P>K+ LOT4 ,BO? BUSSES W]E FULL ( POLICE1 ALL ( !M >M$ TO ! TEE?6 ,I DON'T HAVE ! WORDS TO TELL Y\ H[ T]RIFI$ ,I WAS4 ,BE=E !Y GOT \T ( !IR BUSSES !Y ?REW A CANI/] ( GAS AT US4 ,!N !Y CAME \T ( ! BUSSES WE>+ MASKS & PO9T+ !IR RIFLES AT US4 ,& !Y KEPT COM+ \T ( ?OSE BUSSES4 ,N[ ?AT ,I'M PUTT+ IT ON PAP] ?AT :OLE SC5E SEEMS SO LUDICR\S4 ,?REE /UDI\S-LOOK+1 CLEAN %AV5 Y\NG M51 TWO GIRLS :O H>DLY LOOK$ OLD] ?AN HI< S*OOL /UD5TS1 & ,I -- WE C\LDN'T HAVE MANAG$ A SL+%OT BETWE5 US4 ,YET !RE WE W]E1 BE+ BEAT5 UP BY AT LEA/ A HUNDR$ MASK$ POLICEM51 ALL >M$ ) RIFLES & CLUBS6 ,NONE ( US (F]$ ! SLI<TE/ RESI/ANCE2 ! SI<T ( ?OSE TWO BUSSES HAD KILL$ EV]Y TRACE ( REBELLION 9 ALL ( US4 ,YET ! POLICE CONT9U$ BEAT+ US4 ,F9ALLY !Y SEP>AT$ US 9TO GR\PS ( ?REE & C>RI$ US 9TO ! BUSSES4 ,! FRI<T WAS 9F9ITELY WORSE ?AN ALL ! BL[S ,I RECEIV$4 ,9SIDE ! BUS ! POLICE SPOKE ( US AS IF WE W]E =EIGN]S1 EV5 AS IF WE HAD COME H]E FROM ANO!R PLANET4 ,I HAD NO IDEA :]E ! BUS WAS TAK+ US4 BUT ,I HAD YET ANO!R FRI<T :5 ! BUS /OPP$ 9 AN EMPTY LOT ?AT LOOK$ LIKE A G>BAGE DUMP4 ,WE W]E PU%$ \T ( ! BUS4 ,I WAS SURE WE W]E GO+ TO BE %OT & AB&ON$ 9 ! DUMP4 ,BUT WE W]E TRANSF]R$ TO ! BACK ( A REGUL> POLICE WAGON4 ,APP>5TLY ! 0C\NT]-9SURG5T0 POLICE 9 ! BUSSES HAD TO GO BACK TO ! PLANT TO HUNT D[N MORE 0GU]RILLAS40 

,I WAS TREMBL+ & NAUSEAT$ :5 ! POLICE WAGON F9ALLY /OPP$4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ :AT P>T ( ! WORLD ,I WAS 9 :5 ,I WAS ORD]$ TO GET \T4 ,I VOMIT$ AS SOON AS ,I REA*$ ! GR\ND4 ,! SIX ( US W]E PU%$ 9TO A WAIT+ ROOM LIT BY ONE ( ?OSE ET]NALLY B>E BULBS4 ,I WAS SICK FROM ! BEAT+S2 MY LUNGS FELT HOLL[ FROM ! GAS2 ,I ?\<T MY 9SIDES HAD BE5 9JUR$4 ,I HAD FELT ?AT WAY EV]Y S+LE DAY :5 ,I'D WORK$ 9 ! FIB]GLASS FACTORY4 ,I WAS F+]PR9T$4 ,I HAD TO GIVE MY NAME REPEAT$LY4 ,& !N1 :ILE ,I WAS BE+ M>*$ ?R\< A HALLWAY ) MY FIVE COMPANIONS1 ,I SAW ANO!R GR\P ( 0GU]RILLAS0 >RIV+1 & ,LUISA WAS AMONG !M6 ,I SMIL$ WEAKLY TO H]1 BUT %E GL>$ AT ME ) UN=GIV+ HO/ILITY2 ! SC5E ,I HAD MADE ) ,PAT HAD SPOIL$ H] LOVE AFFAIR ) ,DAMAN4 

,?IS TIME ,I DIDN'T TRY TO CALL ,SAB9A OR ,DAMAN TO TRY TO GET ME \T ( JAIL4 ,I REMEMB]$ :AT ,MIRNA HAD SAID AB\T \R 0RUNN+ \T0 ON ! RE/ ( Y\1 & ,I WAS DET]M9$ TO PRACTICE SOLID>ITY ) MY 0COMBATIVE0 COMRADES4 

,BUT ,I WAS 9 = A BIG SURPRISE4 ,IT HAPP5$ DUR+ MY SECOND DAY 9 JAIL4 ,I WAS TOLD ?AT MY LAWY] WANT$ TO TALK TO ME4 ,I WAS ESCORT$ TO A FURNI%$ ROOM1 & !RE ,I RECOGNIZ$ ,M9NIE ,VA*6 ,M9NIE1 ! COLLEGE FRI5D ) :OM ,I HAD TRI$ TO EXPOSE ! MILIT>IZATION ( ! UNIV]SITY1 ) :OM ,I HAD ALMO/ BE5 >RE/$ = LITT]+ PUBLIC PROP]TY ) COPIES ( ,OMISSIONS4 ,AS SOON AS ! GU>D WAS GONE ,I ?REW MY >MS >\ND H] AS IF ,I W]E EMBRAC+ MY BE/ FRI5D4 

0,H[ 9 ! WORLD DID Y\ GET 9 AS MY LAWY]80 ,I ASK$ H]4 

,M9NIE QUICKLY TOLD ME ?AT %E WAS 9 FACT A LAWY]4 ,%E WORKS ) A GR\P ( LAWY]S :O %E REF]R$ TO AS A 0RADICAL LAWY]S' COLLECTIVE40 ,DAMAN HAD CALL$ H]4 ,%E TOLD ME WE'D HAVE TIME TO TALK AFT] ! TRIAL2 %E WAS 9 A HURRY TO EXPLA9 H] 0/RATEGY0 TO ME4 ,%E TOLD ME ,I WAS TO PRET5D ?AT ,I WAS NO?+ MORE ?AN AN 9NOC5T BY/&]4 

0,BUT !Y >RE/$ ME 9SIDE ! PLANT60 ,I REM9D$ H]4 

0,IT DOESN'T MATT]10 %E TOLD ME4 0,Y\ W]E DO+ RESE>* ON ! /UD5T MOVEM5T4 ,Y\'RE ,PR(ESSOR ,HESP]'S ASSI/ANT4 ,:]E Y\ *OOSE TO DO Y\R FIELD WORK IS NONE ( !IR BUS9ESS40 

,I WAS 9T5SELY DISAPPO9T$2 ,I REGRETT$ HAV+ EMBRAC$ H] SO W>MLY4 ,I TOLD H] ,I C\LDN'T GO ?R\< ) H] 0/RATEGY40 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO RUN \T ON COMRADES ONE MORE TIME2 ,I HAD DONE ?AT (T5 5\<4 

0,SUIT Y\RSELF1 ,SOPHIE10 %E TOLD ME4 0,BUT Y\ %\LD KN[ ?AT ALL Y\R CO-DEF5DANTS >E GETT+ LAWY]S1 & NOT FREE ONES EI!R2 !Y'VE ALL GOT P>5TS :O CAN AF=D ! BE/ ?AT MONEY CAN BUY4 ,ANYWAY1 ,I'LL BE AT Y\R TRIAL40 

,I WAS T]RIBLY DEPRESS$ DUR+ MY LA/ DAYS 9 JAIL4 ,EV]Y?+ ,I HAD LIV$ = SEEM$ TO HAVE COLLAPS$4 

,9 ONE ( Y\R LETT]S Y\ HAD TOLD ME ?AT MY 0WORLD0 ( J\RNALI/IC FRI5DS CONSI/$ ( PEOPLE :O ASPIR$ TO ROLES )9 ! RUL+ BUREAUCRACY4 ,I HAD 9DIGNANTLY D5I$ ?AT4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I HAD ?\<T ,PR(ESSOR ,DAMAN ,HESP] WAS ! ONLY ONE :O REALLY FITT$ Y\R DESCRIPTION4 ,I C\LD NEV] HAVE IMAG9$ ,M9NIE AS A LAWY]4 ,:5 ,I KNEW H] ON ! NEWS-PAP] /AFF ,I C\LDN'T HAVE IMAG9$ %E W\LD COMPROMISE EV]Y?+ %E /OOD = TO ! PO9T ( JO9+ ! PR(ESSION ?AT PRACTICES 0! LAW40 ,9SIDE ?AT PRISON ,I C\LD UND]/& P]FECTLY1 :AT ,SAB9A TOLD ME LAT] AB\T ,LUISA'S *ANGE ( 0SOCIAL TA/ES40 ,:ILE ,I LAY 9SIDE MY JAIL CELL1 ,M9NIE WAS TREAT$ AS AN EQUAL BY PRISON AU?ORITIES :O REG>D$ ME AS NO?+ BUT SO MU* 0TRA%40 ,( C\RSE 9 RETROSPECT ,I CAN 0SEE0 ?AT ,M9NIE WASN'T AS UNCOMPROMIS+ AS ,I W\LD HAVE LIK$ TO ?9K H]1 BUT IT'S ALWAYS EASY TO SEE SU* ?+S 9 RETROSPECT4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! DAY :5 ,OMISSIONS WAS LAUN*$ & ,RHEA1 ,M9NIE & ,I W]E EXCLUD$ FROM IT ,M9NIE WAS ! ANGRIE/ ( ! ?REE2 %E SLAPP$ ,DAMAN SO H>D ,I ?\<T %E'D MADE A P]MAN5T M>K ON HIS FACE4 ,YET ONLY A FEW DAYS LAT] %E COMPROMIS$ H] SOLID>ITY ) ! O!R TWO EXCLUD$ WOM5 & JO9$ ! ,OMISSIONS GR\P4 ,BUT ?AT'S /ILL A F> CRY FROM JO9+ ! LEGAL PR(ESSION4 ,( ALL ! PEOPLE ON ! NEWSPAP] /AFF1 ,M9NIE HAD BE5 ! MO/ OPPOS$ TO ! IDEA ( WORK+ )9 ! SY/EM TO ACCOMPLI% ANY?+ SIGNIFICANT2 %E HAD BE5 ! V]Y ANTI!SIS ( ! MANAG+ $ITOR1 ,BESS4 

,BUT AS ,I LAY 9 MY CELL ?9K+ AB\T ,M9NIE'S 0COMPROMISES10 ,I C\LDN'T KEEP MYSELF FROM REMEMB]+ MY [N4 ,AT ! TIME :5 Y\ WROTE ME AB\T RAY UNIV]SITY FRI5DS' 0OPPORTUNISM0 ,I WASN'T LY+ 9 A JAIL CELL2 ,I WAS TEA*+ A UNIV]SITY-LEVEL C\RSE4 ,I WAS A MEMB] ( ! 0ACADEMIC COMMUNITY10 NOT BECAUSE ( CONVICTION OR AMBITION1 BUT BECAUSE ,I HAD DRIFT$ !RE4 ,I ?\<T MAYBE ,M9NIE HAD DONE NO MORE TO REA* H] PRES5T SITUATION4 ,I DRIFT$ BACK 9TO ! ACADEMIC WORLD :5 ,I LE>N$ H[ ,JOSE HAD DI$4 ,:5 ,SAB9A TOLD ME ,JOSE HAD BE5 PICK$ UP 9 ! /REET LIKE A DEAD DOG1 ,I C\LDN'T DO ANY?+ BUT DRIFT4 ,LE>N+ ?AT HE HAD DI$ TRY+ TO BECOME SOMEONE ,I C\LD ADMIRE S5T A T]RIBLE %OCK ?R\< ME4 ,I FELL 9TO ,SAB9A'S >MS LIKE A BABY4 ,I CRI$ HY/]ICALLY ?AT ,I WASN'T ANYONE TO ADMIRE2 ,I HAD NO?+ TO GIVE ,JOSE BECAUSE ,I HAD BECOME NO?+4 ,I WAS COMPLETELY ALONE AGA94 ,IF ,SAB9A HADN'T HELP$ ME ?R\< ?AT CRISIS ,I ?9K ,I W\LD HAVE DIS9TEGRAT$ ALTOGE!R & P]MAN5TLY4 ,AFT] MY MIS]ABLE EXP]I5CE ) ,>T & ! PEACE MOVEM5T1 ,JOSE HAD BECOME MY :OLE LIFE4 ,I DAT$ MY LIFE 9 T]MS ( HIS RELEASE1 SIMULTANE\SLY LOOK+ =W>D TO IT & FE>+ IT1 & AT NO TIME FEEL+ ABLE TO FACE IT4 ,JOSE'S RELEASE WAS GO+ TO BE ! TE/ ( MY CAPACITIES4 ,HIS DEA? PUT AN 5D TO ALL MY PROSPECTS4 ,I ?9K IT'S ONLY ! FACT ?AT ,SAB9A FELT AS DEVA/AT$ AS ,I ?AT KEPT ME GO+ DUR+ ! WEEKS AFT] WE LE>N$ ,JOSE WAS DEAD4 ,I HAD NEV] SE5 H] CRY BE=E2 ,I HAD ?\<T ?OSE BLACK EYES ?AT P]PETUALLY SP>KL$ ) MIS*IEF OR ! DESIRE = ADV5TURE W]E 9CAPABLE ( TE>S4 ,:5 ,I SAW TE>S UND] ?OSE LONG BLACK EYELA%ES ,I FELT AN EMOTION ,I CAN'T DESCRIBE ) WORDS LIKE FRI5D%IP & LOVE4 ,SAB9A HADN'T EV] BE5 0,JOSE'S GIRL10 %E HADN'T EV] %>$ HIS B$1 %E HADN'T EV] DESIR$ HIM PHYSICALLY1 YET %E LOV$ HIM2 ,I UND]/OOD H] LOVE = HIM ONLY BECAUSE ,I ?\<T IT MU/ BE SIMIL> TO :AT ,I FELT T[>D ,SAB9A :5 ,I SAW H] TE>S4 ,WE PROPP$ EA* O!R UP4 ,WE TALK$ TO EA* O!R AS WE HAD ONLY ONCE BE=E1 DUR+ ONE ( MY FIR/ DAYS 9 ! G>AGE4 ,WE DIDN'T TALK AB\T LOSE OR AB\T ! PA/ BUT ONLY AB\T \RSELVES4 ,SAB9A F\<T AGA9/ MY SELF-REJECTION BY TELL+ ME WE W]E P]FECTLY MAT*$ FRI5DS1 \R P]SONALITIES W]E EA* O!R'S P]FECT COMPLEM5TS3 MY LACK ( SELF-ASSURANCE WAS A C\NT]-WEI<T TO H] BL9D SELF-CONFID5CE2 MY CON/ANT SELF-EVALUATIONS W]E A C\NT]WEI<T TO H] UNCRITICAL ACCEPTANCE ( H]SELF4 ,I TRI$ TO TELL H] %E HAD F> LESS REASON TO BE SELF-CRITICAL ?AN ,I DID4 ,%E KNEW FIVE LANGUAGES1 WAS AS WELL V]S$ 9 ALL ! SCI5CES AS MO/ ACADEMICS ,I HAD MET1 HAD SE5 HALF ! WORLD1 HAD EXP]I5C$ EV]Y IMAG9ABLE =M ( HUMAN RELATION%IP1 HAD LAUN*$ PROJECTS & GR[N ) !M2 %E HAD 9 SOME S5SE A*IEV$ ! FULLNESS ( LIFE4 ,BUT %E TOLD ME %E HAD NEV] DONE :AT ,I DID ALL ! TIME2 %E HAD NEV] EXAM9$ ! MEAN+ ( ALL H] LIFE'S ACCOMPLI%M5TS4 ,IT WAS DUR+ ?OSE WEEKS ?AT ,SAB9A LAUN*$ ! PROJECT 9 :I* %E'S1 /ILL 5GAG$2 %E BEGAN A SY/EMATIC EVALUATION ( ! KEY EV5TS ( H] LIFE4 ,& BE+ ,SAB9A14 %E ?REW H]SELF 9TO ?AT PROJECT ) ! SAME S+LE-M9D$NESS & DET]M9ATION ) :I* %E DID EV]Y?+ %E SET \T TO DO4 ,I1 ON ! O!R H&1 SET \T ) MY1 USUAL LACK ( SELF-ASSURANCE & DET]M9ATION1 ,I GOT OV] MY %OCK1 BUT ,I CONT9U$ TO DRIFT4 ,WE REMA9$ EA* O!R'S 0COMPLEM5TS40 ,I W&]$ ?R\< FAMILI> & UNFAMILI>1 NEI<BORHOODS2 ,I W&]$ 9 & \T ( BOOK/ORES4 ,I W&]$ TO ! UNIV]SITY CAMPUS & F\ND MYSELF READ+ ! CATALOG ( UNIV]SITY C\RSES4 ,& :ILE W&]+ ?R\< ! CATALOG ,I F\ND ,DAMAN ,HESP]'S NAME LI/$ AS ! 9/RUCTOR ( A C\RSE ON POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY4 ,I C\LDN'T IMAG9E ,DAMAN PHILOSOPHIZ+ ON HIS [N2 ! LA/ TIME ,I HAD SE5 HIM HE HAD ONLY BE5 ABLE TO P>ROT HIS POLITICAL GR\P'S PHILOSOPHY1 & !N ONLY ) ,M9NIE'S HELP4 ,I ?9K IT WAS CURIOSITY ?AT DROVE ME TO 5ROLL 9 ,DAMAN'S C\RSE4 ,ONCE ,I 5ROLL$ 9 HIS C\RSE1 ,I ADD$ ! O!R C\RSES ,I NE$$ TO COMPLETE MY REQUIREM5TS = ! 0BA*ELOR'S0 DEGREE4 ,& ONCE ,I WAS A /UD5T AGA91 ,I CONV9C$ MYSELF ?AT SOME?+ ,I HAD ALWAYS WANT$ EXI/$1 AT LEA/ 9 EMBRYO1 AMONG ?AT G5]ATION ( /UD5TS3 SOME?+ LIKE A RADICAL COMMUNITY4 ,I />T$ TO LOOK =W>D TO ACTIVITIES :I* ,I ?\<T W\LD BE SIMIL> TO ?OSE ,I HAD EXP]I5C$ 9 ! C>TON PLANT4 ,I ?\<T ,I'D F9D FRI5DS ) SIGNIFICANT PROJECTS4 ,I HAD PROSPECTS AGA92 ! GAP LEFT BY ,JOSE'S DEA? />T$ TO BE FILL$4 ,?IS WAS ?REE YE>S AGO2 ! /UD5T MOVEM5T WAS JU/ />T+ TO TAKE ON ! *>ACT]I/ICS ( A G5]ALIZ$ MOVEM5T1 ! *>ACT]I/ICS :I* ?REE YE>S LAT] MADE POSSIBLE ! COMPLETE OCCUPATION ( ! UNIV]SITY & ! =MATION ( ! COMMUNE4 ,I WAS 9 ! PRES5CE ( SOME?+ ,I HADN'T EXP]I5C$ S9CE MY EMIGRATION4 ,EV]Y?+ HAD *ANG$ S9CE ! DAY :5 A T9Y GR\P ( RADICALS PUBLI%$ A S*OOL NEWSPAP] 9 ! MID/ ( AN ALMO/ UNANIM\SLY HO/ILE /UD5T POPULATION4 ,NOR DID ?IS MOVEM5T HAVE ANY?+ 9 COMMON ) MY ACTIVITY ) ,>T & ! PEACE MOVEM5T1 :]E A DOZ5 0SA9TS0 HAD DEMON/RAT$ !IR 0GOODNESS0 9 ! MID/ ( AN 0EVIL WORLD40 ,! /UD5T MOVEM5T WAS NO LONG] AN 05LI<T5$0 M9ORITY2 IT WAS A SUB/ANTIAL SECTION ( ! /UD5T POPULATION4 ,OPPOSITION TO ! W> HAD L$ /UD5TS TO BEG9 OPPOS+ ALL ! 9/ITUTIONS ?AT /OOD BEH9D ! W>1 9CLUD+ ! UNIV]SITY ITSELF4 ,:AT ATTRACT$ ME WAS NOT ! UNIV]SITY ITSELF1 NOR ! POSSIBILITY IT (F]$ = RIS+ 9 ! ACADEMIC HI]>*Y1 BUT RA!R ! OPPOSITION TO ! 9/ITUTION4 ,I HADN'T F\ND ANY?+ ?AT WAS SO SIGNIFICANT TO ME S9CE ! DAY :5 ,I HAD TRI$ TO F9D ,HU<'S 0,PROJECT ,H\SE40 ,I WANT$ TO BE P>T ( IT4 BUT 9 MY [N *>ACT]I/IC WAY4 ,AS ALWAYS ,I WANT$ TO WALK 9TO A READY-MADE 0RADICAL COMMUNITY03 ,I WANT$ TO SUBMIT TO ! TASKS AT H& 9/EAD ( DEF9+ & CREAT+ !M MYSELF4 ,AS ALWAYS ,I LOOK$ = A GUIDE1 & ,I F\ND ONE1 ?\< NOT AMONG MY FELL[ /UD5TS4 ,PR(ESSOR ,DAMAN ,HESP] BECAME NOT ONLY MY TEA*]1 BUT ALSO SOME?+ LIKE MY T\R GUIDE TO ! /UD5T MOVEM5T4 ,! FIR/ DAY ,I ATT5D$ HIS CLASS HE WAS COMPLETELY DI/RACT$ BY MY PRES5CE4 ,HE AVOID$ LOOK+ AT ME1 AS IF HE W]E AFRAID ( ME4 ,I /AY$ AFT] ! CLASS2 WE %OOK H&S /IFFLY2 HE SMIL$ DRYLY4 0,I SUPPOSE Y\'VE COME TO JUDGE ME10 HE SAID2 0,I'VE BECOME A LACKEY ( ! RUL+ CLASS & ALL ?AT40 ,HE ALMO/ APOLOGIZ$ TO ME4 ,! PR(ESSOR1 ! HI<E/ UNIV]SITY AU?ORITY1 HAD AN 9F]IORITY COMPLEX 9 FRONT ( ME4 ,I BEAM$ :5 ,I TOLD HIM1 0,I'M Y\R /UD5T1 ,DAMAN2 ,I'M 5ROLL$ 9 Y\R C\RSE40 ,HE C\LDN'T BELIEVE IT & LOOK$ AT HIS LI/ ( /UD5TS TO CONFIRM ! FACT4 0,WELL ,I'LL BE DAMN$10 HE SAID2 0! LA/ TIME ,I SAW Y\ WAS :5 ,I WAS *AS$ \T ( ! G>AGE AT GUNPO9T4 ,ALEC TOLD ME Y\ HAD MOV$ 9 ) Y\R MO!R BUT HAD !N DISAPPE>$ AGA92 ,I ASSUM$ Y\ HAD REJO9$ Y\R FRI5DS40 ,WE DIDN'T SAY MU* MORE ?AN ?AT TO EA* O!R DUR+ ! 5TIRE SEME/]4 ,DAMAN WAS V]Y RIGID AB\T NOT MIX+ HIS CATEGORIES4 ,! /UD5T-TEA*] RELATION%IP EXCLUD$ ! POSSIBILITY ( COMPANION%IP4 ,HIS C\RSE WAS AN ABSOLUTE BORE2 MY CURIOSITY AB\T ?AT DI$' ! SECOND DAY ,I ATT5D$ HIS CLASS4 ,DAMAN )\T ,M9NIE WAS ! SAME AS ,DAMAN ) ,M9NIE1 ,HE /ILL REPEAT$ ! SAME SLOGANS ) ! SAME EMPHASES & ! SAME TONE4 ,HIS READ+ LI/ CONSI/$ ( /&>D ACADEMIC BOOKS :I* HAD NO?+ AT ALL TO DO ) HIS LECTURES1 & HE MADE NO EF=T TO RELATE ! BOOKS TO HIS COMM5TS4 ,HE DIDN'T TREAT ME AS A =M] FRI5D UNTIL ! LA/ DAY ( CLASSES1 :5 ,I TE*NICALLY BECAME A COLLEGE GRADUATE4 ,HE TOLD ME SOME /UD5TS W]E ORGANIZ+ A 0TEA*-90 AB\T ! W> & 9VIT$ ME TO ATT5D ) HIM4 ,I WAS 5*ANT$4 ,I HADN'T DONE ANY?+ 0POLITICAL0 S9CE ! PEACE DEMON/RATION4 ,AFT] ?AT DAY1 DUR+ MY YE> 9 GRADUATE S*OOL ,I ATT5D$ /UD5T 0ACTIONS0 ) ,DAMAN AT LEA/ ONCE A WEEK1 ALWAYS AS A PASSIVE OBS]V]4 ,DAMAN WAS CURI\S1 BUT HO/ILE4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HAD SP5T SOME TIME WORK+ 9 A FACTORY S9CE ,I HAD LA/ SE5 HIM4 ,& HE CONT9UALLY REPEAT$ HIS FAVORITE REFRA93 ! REAL ORGANIZATION WASN'T GO+ TO BE ORGANIZ$ BY /UD5TS BUT BY 9DU/RIAL WORK]S4 ,I EV5 LI/5$ TO HIM LECTURE ON ?IS SUBJECT TWICE1 :5 HE WAS 9VIT$ TO SPEAK AT /UD5T TEA*-9S2 BO? TIMES HE WAS 9TRODUC$ AS 0FACTORY WORK] ,DAMAN ,HESP]40 ,FROM ! SCRAPS ( CONV]SATIONS ,I HAD ) ,DAMAN BE=E & AFT] /UD5T MEET+S DUR+ MY YE> 9 GRADUATE S*OOL1 ,I PIEC$ TOGE!R 5\< ( HIS LIFE TO FIGURE \T H[ ! 0FACTORY WORK]0 HAD BECOME A UNIV]SITY PR(ESSOR4 ,DAMAN HAD BE5 ! ONLY ONE ( ! ,OMISSIONS GR\P :O HAD 5ROLL$ 9 GRADUATE S*OOL AS SOON AS HE F9I%$ HIS UND]GRADUATE /UDY4 ,AFT] ,ALEC VISIT$ ME 9 ! G>AGE = ! FIR/ TIME1 HE TOLD ,HU<1 ,DAMAN & ,M9NIE ?AT ,I HAD TURN$ MY BACK ON ! ACADEMIC BUREAUCRACY & JO9$ ! WORK+ CLASS4 ,ACCORD+ TO ,DAMAN1 ?IS WAS :AT 9FLU5C$ ,HU< TO QUIT HIS /UDIES & ?R[ HIMSELF 9TO AN ALTOGE!R DIFF]5T ACTIVITY4 ,ALEC JO9$ ! G>AGE GR\P1 ,M9NIE GOT A JOB TEA*+ 9 A HI< S*OOL1 & BO? CALL$ ,DAMAN A HYPOCRITE = 5ROLL+ 9 GRADUATE S*OOL4 ,?AT WAS :5 HE & ,M9NIE BROKE UP1 AL?\< ,DAMAN CONT9U$ TO ATT5D ! MEET+S ( ,M9NIE'S ORGANIZATION4 ,:5 ,DAMAN TOLD ME AB\T ?IS EPISODE1 HE SAID1 0,I SOON REALIZ$ ?AT Y\R ACTIVITY 9 ! G>AGE HAD NO?+ TO DO ) ! REVOLUTION>Y POT5TIALITY ( ! WORK+ CLASS1 & BY TRY+ TO IMITATE Y\1 ,HU< & ,ALEC ONLY GOT !MSELVES 9 A B9D4 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT ! REVOLUTION WAS GO+ TO BE MADE AT ! PO9T ( PRODUCTION1 NOT 9 M>G9AL SEMI-CRIM9AL GANG ACTIVITIES40 ,SO HE W5T ON TO GET ! 0DOCTOR'S DEGREE0 9 PHILOSOPHY4 ,BUT HE DIDN'T />T TEA*+ RI<T AWAY4 ,HE GOT A JOB 9 A FACTORY & CONT9U$ TO ATT5D ! ORGANIZATION'S MEET+S2 HE EV5 TOOK 0A WORK] OR TWO0 TO SOME ( ! MEET+S4 ,:ILE HE HAD ! FACTORY JOB HE CONV9C$ HIMSELF ?AT 0,M9NIE'S COMMITM5T HAD NEV] BE5 TO A REAL WORK]S' ORGANIZATION1 BUT ONLY TO AN ORGANIZATION ( 9TELLECTUALS COMPLETELY SEP>ATE FROM ! WORK+ CLASS40 ,?AT 0REALIZATION0 BR\<T ON HIS F9AL BREAK ) ,M9NIE AS WELL AS H] ORGANIZATION4 ,HE TOLD ME ?AT 9 ! FACTORY HE />T$ TO 0MAKE CONTACT ) ! CLASS1 P>TICUL>LY ) ONE WORK]10 APP>5TLY A WORK] :O SEEM$ TO %[ 9T]E/ = ,DAMAN'S 0WORK]S' NEWSPAP]40 ,SUDD5LY ,DAMAN'S FACTORY C>E] 5D$2 HE TOLD ME1 0,?AT WORK] TURN$ \T TO BE A COP OR AN 9=M] BECAUSE ONE DAY ,I WAS FIR$1 )\T EXPLANATION1 & ! ONLY ?+ ,I HAD DONE ?AT WAS 9 ANY WAY \T ( ! ORD9>Y HAD BE5 TO 5GAGE 9 POLITICAL EX*ANGES ) ?IS WORK]40 ,LUCKILY !RE HAPP5$ TO BE AN OP5+ 9 ! PHILOSOPHY DEP>TM5T AT ! UNIV]SITY1 SPECIFICALLY 9 HIS 0SPECIALTY10 POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY4 ,! FIR/ SIGNS ( /UD5T DISSATISFACTION W]E JU/ APPE>+1 & ! ADM9I/RATORS W]E LOOK+ = A P]SON ) ,DAMAN'S QUALIFICATIONS1 !Y W]E LOOK+ = A 0REVOLUTION>Y FACTORY WORK]0 ) A DOCTOR'S DEGREE 9 PHILOSOPHY4 ,I SAW ?R\< ,DAMAN1 BUT MY [N SITUATION DIDN'T GIVE ME AN IDEAL VANTAGE PO9T FROM :I* TO CRITICIZE HIM4 

,MY [N DRIFT BACK TO ACADEMIA ALSO DIDN'T GIVE ME A V]Y SOLID BASIS FROM :I* TO CRITICIZE ,M9NIE'S ACCEPTANCE ( H] NEW PR(ESSION4 ,M9NIE HAD RECONCIL$ H]SELF TO ! /ATUS QUO :5 %E HAD JO9$ ! ,OMISSIONS /AFF4 ,BUT SO HAD ,I4 ,AL?\< ,I HAD REFUS$ TO WRITE = ?AT PAP]1 ,I HAD TAK5 P>T 9 ITS PRODUCTION AS WELL AS ITS DI/RIBUTION4 ,ONCE H] ANG] HAD PASS$1 ,M9NIE HAD ?R[N H]SELF 9TO IT :OLEHE>T$LY4 ,I HAD M]ELY LET IT HAPP5 TO ME4 ,& ?AT WAS EXACTLY :AT ,I DID AT ! TRIAL ?AT TOOK PLACE LA/ WEEK4 ,I RAN \T ON MY Y\NG COMRADES ! SAME WAY ,I HAD RUN \T ON ,RHEA1 ! SAME WAY ,I HAD RIM \T ,ON Y\ TW5TY YE>S AGO4 ,I RAN LA/ WEEK ! SAME WAY ,I'VE ALWAYS RUN3 PASSIVELY1 )\T CONVICTION1 )\T REASONS OR RATIONALIZATIONS4 ,I HAD LET ,DAMAN & ,M9NIE 0TAKE ME0 TO ! ,OMISSIONS MEET+S4 ,I HAD LET ,LUISA 0TAKE ME0 ON A TRIP ACROSS ! OCEAN1 AWAY FROM ?OSE ,I REG>D$ AS MY ONLY FRI5DS4 ,& ,I LET ,M9NIE 0TAKE ME0 \T ( JAIL4 ,I DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE TO H] 0DEF5SE0 /RATEGY1 BUT ,I DIDN'T RESI/ IT4 ,I SIMPLY LET IT HAPP5 TOME4 ,I MOV$ :]E O!RS PULL$ ME4 ,MY :OLE LIFE HAS BE5 LIKE ?AT TRIAL3 IT'S BE5 SOME?+ ?AT M]ELY 0HAPP5$0 TO ME4 ,EV5 :5 ,I F\ND ! COMMUNITIES ,I WAS LOOK+ =1 ,I WAS TAK5 !RE BY O!RS1 & :5 ,I GOT !RE ,I WAS %[N :AT TO DO & H[ TO PROCE$4 

,M9NIE'S 0DEF5SE /RATEGY0 WAS +5I\SLY SIMPLE4 ,IT WASN'T BAS$ ON FACT1 BUT ON PLAUSIBILITY3 ,%E CONFRONT$ ONE AU?ORITY1 ! JUDGE1 ) ANO!R1 '! PR(ESSOR4 ,! PR(ESSOR SAID ,I WAS 9 FACT HIS RESE>* ASSI/ANT & HAD 9 FACT BE5 DO+ 0FIELD RESE>*0 ON ! /UD5T MOVEM5T4 ,I WAS ! ONLY ONE :O C\LD D5Y IT1 & MY D5IAL W\LD HAVE BE5 EXTREMELY EMB>RASS+ TO BO? ,DAMAN & ,M9NIE4 ,I LIK$ ,M9NIE MU* BETT] :5 ,I REALIZ$ %E WAS RISK+ H] REPUTATION ON MY BEHAVIOR2 ,DAMAN AS WELL AS ,M9NIE KNEW P]FECTLY WELL ?AT RELIABILITY & PR$ICTABILITY W]E2 NOT AMONG MY MO/ PROM95T QUALITIES4 ,DAMAN TOOK ! /& & DESCRIB$ ! RESE>*2 ! JUDGE FR[N$ BUT DIDN'T EXPRESS HIS VIEWS ( 0LEFT-W+ PR(ESSORS02 HIR+ OR FIR+ SU* PR(ESSORS WASN'T )9 HIS FIELD ( JURISDICTION4 ,I TOOK ! /& & NODD$4 ,:5 ! JUDGE ASK$ ME TO SPEAK L\D]1 ,I %\T$1 0,YES ,I AM1 ,YES ,I DID60 ,IT WAS ! EASIE/ ?+ 9 ! WORLD TO LIE TO ! ,/ATE4 ,& BY LY+ ,I RAN \T ON MY COMRADES4 ,M9NIE HAD TOLD ME !Y HAD ALREADY RUN \T ON ME4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ !IR NAMES2 ,I WASN'T ABLE TO F9D \T :AT HAPP5$ TO !M1 JU/ AS TW5TY YE>S AGO ,I HADN'T BE5 ABLE TO F9D \T :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO Y\4 ,I TOOK ,M9NIE'S WORD4 ,I ALSO TOLD MYSELF ?AT BY ! TIME ! TRIAL TOOK PLACE1 SOLID>ITY ) !M CONFLICT$ ) ! SOLID>ITY ,I [$ TO ,DAMAN & ,M9NIE1 FRI5DS :O HAD TAK5 SO MU* TIME & TR\BLE = ME4 ,! JUDGE TOLD ME HE HOP$ MY RESE>* W\LD CONTRIBUTE T[>D ! TASK ( 0KEEP+ ?OSE Y\NG V&ALS 9 L9E10 & /ORM$ \T ( ! C\RTROOM4 

,AS SOON AS ! JUDGE LEFT1 ,I EMBRAC$ ,M9NIE W>MLY & ?ANK$ H]4 ,I TOLD H] ,I WAS ABLE TO PAY ALL ! 0LAWY]'S FEES0 ?AT W]E 9VOLV$4 ,M9NIE SAID %E'D FEEL T]RIBLY 9SULT$ TO BE PAID BY 0ONE ( MY BE/ FRI5DS40 ,I ALMO/ CRI$ :5 %E SAID ?AT4 ,! LA/ TIME L HAD SE5 H]1I ON ! DAY :5 ,HU< HAD C>RI$ ME \T ( ! G>AGE1 ,I HADN'T TREAT$ H] AS ONE ( MY BE/ FRI5DS2 ,I HAD ANGRILY ASK$ ,M9NIE & ,DAMAN1 0,:AT >E Y\ TWO />+ AT80 

,I ASK$ H] H[ %E HAD BECOME A 0RADICAL LAWY]10 & ASK$ IF ?AT WAS SOME?+ LIKE BE+ A 0RADICAL G5]AL40 

,M9NIE SMIL$ & TOLD ME %E'D LIKE TO DISCUSS ?AT 0) Y\ MORE ?AN ) ANYONE ,I KN[1 ,SOPHIE40 ,BUT %E SAID %E HAD TO RU% (F TO ANO!R CASE1 & PROMIS$ TO VISIT ME4 ,I GAVE H] MY ADDRESS & PHONE NUMB]4 

,DAMAN WAIT$ =4 ME \TSIDE ! C\RTROOM4 0,WELL1 AT LEA/ ?AT'S OV] & DONE )10 HE SAID4 0,I TOLD ,SAB9A Y\ PROBABLY W\LDN'T BE RELEAS$ UNTIL ?IS AFT]NOON40 

,I ASK$ HIM1 0,H[ (T5 CAN Y\ BE BEAT5 BE=E Y\ CRY \T ) PA91 ,DAMAN80 

0,Y\ DON'T LOOK WELL AT ALL1 ,SOPHIE10 HE TOLD ME4 

0,! LA/ TIME ,I SAW Y\ ,I WAS C]TA9 Y\'D HATE ME = ! RE/ ( MY LIFE1 ,DAMAN60 

0,I DON'T CLAIM TO UND]/& Y\1 ,SOPHIE1 BUT ,I HAVE NO REASON TO HATE Y\40 

,HE AGA9 EXPRESS$ CONC]N = MY HEAL? & ACT$ AS IF HE'D =GOTT5 AB\T ! SC5E ,I MADE ) ,PAT & ,LUISA4 ,! AMAZ+ ?+ IS ?AT HE PROBABLY HAS6 ,TWELVE YE>S AGO1 :5 ,M9NIE HAD SLAPP$ HIS FACE AFT] ! =MATION ( ! ,OMISSIONS 0/AFF10 HE HAD WALK$ AWAY1 & A FEW DAYS LAT] HE HAD SIMPLY DRIV5 TO ,M9NIE'S H\SE TO PICK H] UP TO ATT5D ! NEWSPAP]'S PRODUCTION MEET+ -- AS IF NO?+ HAD HAPP5$6 ,HE SEEMS TO TAKE NO?+ P]SONALLY4 ,TWO YE>S AGO HE HELP$ ME GET MY FIR/ TEA*+ JOB2 :5 ,I WAS FIR$ ,I %[]$ HIM ) 9SULTS2 YET :5 HE HE>D ( ANO!R OP5+ HE CALL$ ME AGA94 ,& ?REE WEEKS AGO1 AT ,LUISA'S1 HE RAN AWAY FROM :AT MU/ HAVE SEEM$ TO HIM LIKE A PSY*OPA? & A NYMPHOMANIAC4 ,YET H]E HE WAS AGA91 HELP+ GET ME \T ( JAIL2 HE'LL PROBABLY CALL ME 9 A FEW DAYS TO TELL ME AB\T ANO!R TEA*+ JOB4 ,9 SOME WAYS HE'S 9SUPPORTABLE1 9 O!R WAYS HE'S ! NICE/ P]SON ,I KN[4 ,I TOLD HIM1 0,I DON'T UND]/& Y\ EI!R1 ,DAMAN1 & ,I DON'T HATE Y\40 ,I KISS$ HIS LIPS G5TLY AS SOON AS WE W]E 9 ! C>4 

,S9CE ,SAB9A WASN'T EXPECT+ US BE=E NOON1 ,I ASK$ IF HE'D M9D GIV+ ME A RIDE ACROSS ! BORD] TO SEE IF ANO!R LETT] FROM Y\ HAD COME TO MY BOX4 ,Y\R NEWE/ LETT] WAS !RE4 ,I CANCEL$ ! PO/BOX4 ,I WON'T BE NE$+ IT ANY MORE4 ,I TORE ! 5VELOPE OP5 RI<T !RE & />T$ READ+ -- BUT ,I GOT NO FUR!R ?AN ! MIDDLE ( ! FIR/ P>AGRAPH3 0,MORE IS BREAK+ D[N & MORE IS RIS+ UP ?AN ,I'M ABLE TO TAKE 940 ,! TE>S ?AT FILL$ MY EYES KEPT ME FROM SEE+ ! FOLL[+ S5T5CE4 

,ON ! WAY HOME ,I ASK$ ,DAMAN H[ ,LUISA HAD BE5 >RE/$4 ,I HAD ALREADY LE>N$ SOME ( ! ?+S HE TOLD ME4 ,! PICKET L9E AT ,LUISA'S PLANT HAD BECOME A BATTLEGR\ND = V>I\S IDEOLOGICAL GR\PS4 ,NO1 ! COMPETITION BETWE5 ! GR\PS WASN'T SET (F BY ,DAMAN'S MODE/ LEAFLET4 ,MEMB]S ( ?REE OR F\R POLITICAL GR\PS HAD CREAT$ 0RADICAL CAUCUSES0 9 ! PLANT'S UNION ORGANIZATION1 & EA* GR\P HAD COME TO ! PICKET L9E TO SUPPORT ! PROGRAM ( ITS CAUCUS4 ,! (FICIAL UNION APP>ATUS PUBLICLY LABEL$ ALL !SE POLITICIANS 0\TSIDE AGITATORS10 & UNION GOONS TRI$ TO REMOVE !M FROM ! PICKET L9E4 ,AT ?AT PO9T ! PICKET L9E BECAME A BATTLEGR\ND BETWE5 5TR5*$ & ASPIR+ UNION FUNCTION>IES4 ,! POLITICAL GR\PS SUMMON$ !IR FOLL[]S TO ! PICKET L9E TO /RUGGLE = ! RI<T ( RADICAL POLITICIANS TO JO9 PICKET L9ES & P$DLE !IR PROGRAMS )\T BE+ /IGMATIZ$ & ABUS$4 ,( C\RSE ,LUISA WAS ON ?AT PICKET L9E FROM MORN+ TO NI<T4 ,%E HAD BE5 WAIT+ = SOME?+ LIKE ?AT TO HAPP52 %E HAD HOP$ ,PAT & ! PEOPLE FROM ! C\NCIL (FICE W\LD SET IT (F4 ,! POLITICAL GR\PS WON4 ,!IR MEMB]S & SYMPA?IZ]S F> \TNUMB]$ ! UNION FUNCTION>IES4 ,AT ?AT PO9T ! UNION BUREAUCRATS )DREW FROM ! PICKET L9E1 & ! C5TRAL UNION APP>ATUS />T$ CIRCULAT+ ! RUMOR ?AT PR(ESSIONAL SABOTEURS HAD TAK5 OV] ! PLANT4 ,BUSSES LOAD$ ) >M$ POLICE AS WELL AS AN >MY UNIT ) MA*9E GUNS & A TANK ATTACK$ ! ASSEMBLY PLANT4 ,ALL ! PICKET]S1 ,LUISA AMONG !M1 W]E >RE/$4 ,!Y W]E TAK5 TO A HI< S*OOL GYMNASIUM :]E !Y W]E SUPPOS$LY GO+ TO BE 0PROCESS$40 ,! 0AGITATORS0 W]E GO+ TO BE SEP>AT$ FROM ! PEOPLE :O ACTUALLY WORK$ 9 ! PLANT & !RE=E HAD A LEGAL RI<T TO BE ON ! PICKET L9E4 ,! ID5TIFICATION C>DS ( ALL ! WORK]S W]E TAK51 & !Y W]5'T RETURN$1 NOR W]E ! WORK]S RELEAS$6 ,AT ?AT PO9T ALL ! PEOPLE AT ! GYMNASIUM W]E C>T$ (F TO JAIL2 ! WORK]S C\LD NO LONG] PROVE !Y WORK$ AT ! PLANT4 ,?AT WAS ! UNION'S WAY ( PUNI%+ WORK]S :O HAD /OOD BY ! 0AGITATORS40 ,DAMAN TOLD ME HE W\LD HAVE BE5 >RE/$ TOO IF HE W]5'T 9 ! HABIT ( GETT+ UP AT NOON2 BY ! TIME HE REA*$ ! PLANT IT WAS ALREADY OCCUPI$ BY ! POLICE & SURR\ND$ BY SOLDI]S4 ,HE W5T DIRECTLY TO ! JAIL :]E ! >RE/$ PICKET]S HAD SUPPOS$LY BE5 TAK5 & >RIV$ !RE BE=E !Y DID6 ,HE CALL$ ! 0RADICAL LAWY]S' COLLECTIVE0 & ,M9NIE SUCCE$$ 9 GETT+ ,LUISA RELEAS$ ! V]Y NEXT DAY1 AT :I* TIME ,LUISA TOLD !M %E HAD SE5 ME 9 JAIL4 ,I ASK$ HIM IF ! PEOPLE :O C\LDN'T PROVE !Y WORK$ 9 ! PLANT1 NAMELY ! 0\TSIDE AGITATORS10 W]E LEFT 9 JAIL4 

0,:AT W]E WE TO DO80 HE ASK$ ME4 0,LEAVE ,LUISA 9 JAIL8 ,A CIVIL RI<TS LAWY] 9T]C$$ = ! WORK]S :OSE C>DS HAD BE5 TAK5 AWAY1 & EA* POLITICAL GR\P 5GAG$ ITS [N LAWY] TO RELEASE ITS [N MILITANTS40 

,:5 WE REA*$ MY H\SE4 ,I TRI$ AWKW>DLY TO ASK ,DAMAN TO =GIVE ME = HAV+ BE5 SO MEAN TO HIM1 BUT HE REALLY DID ACT AS IF HE'D =GOTT5 AB\T IT SO ,I DIDN'T TRY V]Y H>D4 ,I ASK$ IF HE WANT$ TO COME 91 BUT HE DIDN'T4 

,SAB9A HE>D ME CLOSE HIS C> DOOR & CAME \T ( ! H\SE %\T+ AFT] HIS C>1 0,HEY ,PR(ESSOR6 ,?ANK Y\60 ,%E PULL$ ME 9SIDE ! H\SE & HUGG$ ME TI<TLY4 0,I FELT LIKE ! LA/ SURVIVOR10 %E TOLD ME4 0,T$ & ,T9A DISAPPE>$1 ,TISSIE IS GONE1 Y\ DIDN'T COME BACK -- MY :OLE UNIV]SE VANI%$40 ,!N %E LOOK$ AT MY BRUIS$ FACE & %\T$1 0,:AT DID ?OSE BA/>DS DO TO Y\80 

,DISREG>D+ H] CONC]N = MY 9JURIES14 ,I ASK$ H]1 0,H[ DID IT ALL 5D1 ,SAB9A8 ,:Y80 

0,I'VE BE5 WAIT+ = Y\ TO TELL ME ?AT6 ,Y\'RE ! SOCIOLOGI/ ( REVOLUTION1 NOT ,I4 ,LOOK10 %E SAID1 PO9T+ TO ! WALLS1 0,I'VE ?\<TFULLY DECORAT$ ! H\SE ) RESE>* DOCUM5TS1 SO ?AT Y\ CAN TELL ME H[ & :Y4 ,>E Y\ WELL 5\< TO LOOK AT !M80 

0,I'M WELL 5\<1 ,SAB9A1 BUT HELP ME6 ,I DON'T ?9K ,I CAN /& TO LOOK AT !M BY MYSELF40 

,SAB9A ESCORT$ ME TO H] 0EXHIBITS40 ,I READ UNTIL ,I COLLAPS$ 9 H] >MS COMPLETELY NAUSEAT$4 ,%E HAD DECORAT$ ALL \R WALLS ) >TICLES1 HEADL9ES1 PICTURES4 ,ALL ( !M TOLD1 9 A DI/ORT$1 9TIMIDAT+ MANN]1 ! /ORY ( ! DEA? ( ! HOPES ( ?\S&S ( PEOPLE4 ,ONE AFT] ANO!R /ORY DESCRIB$ 9 DETAIL ! 0RAISES0 ! UNION HAD 0WON0 = ! WORK]S1 AFT] :I* ! WORK]S HAD 0VICTORI\SLY0 RETURN$ TO WORK4 ,O!R /ORIES DESCRIB$ ALL SORTS ( 0V&ALS0 & 0\TSIDE AGITATORS0 \/$ FROM FACTORIES BY 0UNION (FICIALS ASSI/$ BY LAW-5=CEM5T AG5CIES40 ,I PAUS$ AT AN >TICLE :I*1 WAS HEAD$1 0,LIB]ATION ( ! ,UNIV]SITY40 ,MY HEAD SWAM AS ,I READ IT4 ,SEV]AL P>AGRAPHS DESCRIB$ 0GU]RILLAS & T]RORI/S0 :O HAD =CIBLY E/ABLI%$ 0FI<T+ BASES0 9 ALL ( ! UNIV]SITY BUILD+S4 ,! >TICLE W5T ON TO SAY ?AT REAL /UD5TS CALL$ ! POLICE TO PROTECT !M FROM T]RORI/S :O W]E BEAT+ & ?REAT5+ !M4 ,BUT ! >TICLE DIDN'T EXPLA9 :AT ! 0REAL0 /UD5TS W]E DO+ !RE2 PRESUMABLY !Y W]E TRY+ TO ATT5D !IR CLASSES4 ,! UNIV]SITY ADM9I/RATION !N DEM&$ =CEFUL & DECISIVE ACTION TO PUT AN 5D TO ! AN>*Y & T]RORISM1 AT :I* PO9T ! POLICE C\LD NO LONG] 0SIMPLY /& BY :ILE ! LIVES ( /UD5TS >E BE+ ?REAT5$40 ,! CONCLUD+ P>AGRAPH SAID ! POLICE DID NOT RECEIVE ORD]S TO 9T]V5E UNTIL 0RESPONSIBLE /UD5T GR\PS0 )9 ! UNIV]SITY ITSELF CALL$ = ! 0LIB]ATION ( ! UNIV]SITY0 FROM ! V&ALS1 GU]RILLAS & T]RORI/S4 ,IT WAS AFT] READ+ ?IS ?AT ,I COLLAPS$4 ,I C\LDN'T READ ANY MORE4 ,I TOLD ,SAB9A :AT HAD HAPP5$ AT ,LUISA'S PLANT & ASK$ IF ! DEFEAT HAD BE5 SIMIL> EV]Y:]E4 

,PO9T+ TO O!R CLIPP+S1 %E TOLD ME1 0,! PATT]N WAS SIMIL> AT ! RESE>* C5T] & 9 SEV]AL O!R PLANTS4 ,BUT ! POLICE ONLY ATTACK$ PLACES :]E ! UNION'S AU?ORITY WAS *ALL5G$1 :I* WAS ! CASE AT ,LUISA'S PLANT & AT ! RESE>* C5T]1 OR :]E !RE WAS NO UNION1 AS 9 ! UNIV]SITY4 ,9 MORE ?AN HALF ! PLANTS ! POLICE DIDN'T HAVE TO 9T]V5E4 ,! UNION H]D$ WORK]S HACK TO !IR PO/S MU* MORE EFFECTIVELY & ) MU* LESS FRICTION ?AN ! POLICE C\LD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE4 ,:5 Y\ FEEL BETT] /UDY SOME ( ! PICTURES1 ! ONES ( WORK]S RETURN+ TO !IR JOBS AFT] !IR VICTORIES1 SMIL+ & WAV+ !IR >MS60 

,SAB9A PULL$ ME TO ! KIT*54 ,%E HAD PREP>$ A RICE CASS]OLE = MY HOMECOM+6 ,ON ! TABLE !RE WAS A BOTTLE ( W9E AS WELL AS A BOTTLE ( *AMPAGNE4 ,I CRI$ FROM GRATITUDE & TOLD H]1 0,AT LEA/ WE /ILL HAVE EA* O!R40 ,I ASK$ IF %E WAS WILL+ TO TELL ME H[ %E'D GOTT5 SEP>AT$ FROM ,TISSIE4 

0,TWO OR ?REE DAYS AFT] Y\ LEFT1 ONE ( ! WOM5 9 ! GR\P ,I WAS WORK+ ) DISCOV]$ A MISCALCULATION4 ,I & SEV]AL O!RS ?REW \RSELVES 9TO ! PROBLEM4 ,I WAS SURE ! VEHICLE W\LD RUN IF WE SOLV$ ?AT PROBLEM4 ,TISSIE WASN'T ) ME4 ,%E WAS UPSET ?AT NEI!R ,T$ NOR Y\ HAD RETURN$1 & %E W&]$ >\ND ! C5T] ?9K+ %E'D RUN 9TO ONE ( Y\2 %E EV5 WAIT$ = BO? ( Y\ AT ! GATE4 ,%E WASN'T ABLE TO 9T]PRET :AT %E SAW !RE1 SO %E CAME TO TOLL ME AB\T IT4 ,PEOPLE :O SEEM$ TO BE WORK]S W]E /OPP+ C>S AT ! GATE & ASK+ !IR DRIV]S = DOCUM5TS4 ,%E WAS EXTREMELY N]V\S AB\T IT & BEGG$ ME TO AB&ON ! C5T]4 ',LET'S GO ELSE:]E1' %E BEGG$2 'LET'S GO F> AWAY FROM ! CITY1 NE> A POND2 LET'S FIR/ F9D ,T$ & ,SOPHIA & ,T9A --4' ,I WAS ANGRY4 ,%E HAD DREAM$ ( AN ISL& EMPIRE BE=E1 9 ! G>AGE2 ,I WRONGLY ?\<T %E WAS REVIV+ ?AT SUGGE/ION4 ,I TOLD H] NOT TO WORRY AB\T ! NEW GU>DS AT ! GATE BECAUSE !Y W]E PROBABLY PEOPLE :O HAD ALWAYS WANT$ TO BE COPS & HAD NEV] BE=E HAD A *ANCE4 ,& ,I TOLD H] NOT TO WORRY AB\T Y\ OR ,T$ OR ,T9A2 IF ! :OLE WORLD WAS OP5+ UP1 Y\ W]E ALL HAV+ ! TIME ( Y\R LIVES ELSE:]E4 ,I RETURN$ TO ! TRANSPORTATION PROBLEM4 ,BY ! TIME ,I REALIZ$ ,TISSIE HAD BE5 RI<T AB\T ! *ANGE ( CLIMATE1 IT WAS TOO LATE4 ,A FI<T BROKE \T 9 ONE ( ! LABORATORIES4 ,A SELF-CON/ITUT$ ',RESE>* ,WORK]S' ,C\NCIL' ( F\R VIGILANTES CONFRONT$ ! LAB WORK]S BECAUSE !Y W]E 'H>BOR+ TWO \TSID]S4' ,! :OLE GR\P /OOD BY ! '\TSID]S1' JU/ AS RAY GR\P W\LD HAVE /OOD BY ,TISSIE & ME4 ,BUT ! VIGILANTES />T$ PULL+ ! '\TSID]S' \T BY =CE1 SEV]AL LAB WORK]S TRI$ TO /OP !M1 & SOME 9/RUM5TS W]E DAMAG$4 ,AT ?AT PO9T ! UNION SPREAD ! RUMOR ?AT V&ALS W]E DE/ROY+ ! EQUIPM5T & ?AT A WORK] HAD BE5 KILL$4 ,! PEOPLE GU>D+ ! GATE1 ,I LAT] LE>N$1 W]E UNION GOONS4 ,!Y LET 9 SEV]AL COPS TO '9VE/IGATE' ! SUPPOS$ SABOTAGE & KILL+4 ,! VIGILANTES ( ! ',C\NCIL' IMM$IATELY %[$ !M ! EQUIPM5T DAMAG$ 9 ! FI<T !Y HAD !MSELVES PROVOK$4 ,UNION L\DSPEAK]S ANN\NC$ ?AT ! 9VE/IGATORS HAD F\ND 'WANTON WRECKAGE' ( EQUIPM5T1 & ?AT ! BODY ( ! MURD]$ MAN HAD DISAPPE>$6 ,I LOOK$ FRANTICALLY = ,TISSIE BUT C\LDN'T F9D H]4 ,! POLICE GOT ! ORD] TO CLE> ! V&ALS \T ( ! C5T]1 :I* OBVI\SLY MEANT EV]YONE S9CE !Y C\LDN'T TELL FROM LOOKS4 ,SW++ !IR CLUBS & PO9T+ !IR RIFLES AT US1 !Y H]D$ US \T AS IF WE W]E CATTLE4 ,?OSE :O DIDN'T HAVE C>S W]E =C$ 9TO BUSSES UNTIL ! :OLE >EA WAS 'CLEAN4' ,! C5T] WAS SURR\ND$ BY POLICE AS WELL AS SOLDI]S1 & !Y ALL LOOK$ READY TO %OOT AT ! SLI<TE/ PROVOCATION4 ,ALL ?AT MATT]$ WAS ! PRECI\S EQUIPM5T2 ! PEOPLE W]E REPLACEABLE4 ,I CAME HOME & SAT BY ! TELEPHONE1 BUT NOT A S+LE ONE ( Y\ CALL$4 ,?IS H\SE WAS LIKE A PRISON4 ,TWO DAYS AFT] \R EVICTION FROM ! C5T] ,I TOOK A TAXI TO ,T$'S PR9T %OP & SAW POLICE \TSIDE & 9SIDE IT2 ,I W5T TO ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,!RE WAS OBVI\SLY NO SIGN ( ,TISSIE4 ,:AT ,I SAW WAS C>AVANS ( POLICE C>S1 BUSLOADS ( NATIONAL GU>D1 & POLICE B>RICADES ?AT KEPT ! TAXI FROM GETT+ CLOS] ?AN A 0BLOCK AWAY FROM ! GATE1 & EV5 AT ?AT DI/ANCE ,I WAS ORD]$ NOT TO GET \T ( ! TAXI4 ,I SAW A L>GE R$ BANN] ABOVE ! GATE BUT C\LDN'T READ :AT IT SAID4 ,I ASK$ ! COP :O HAD ORD]$ ME NOT TO LEAVE MY SEAT4 ',IT SAYS2 ,UNIT$ WE /&1 DIVID$ WE FALL1' HE TOLD ME4 ,I %\T$1 ',! POLICE & ! UNION6 ,H[ APPROPRIATE6' ,I RODE BACK TO MY PRISON4 ,SOME?+ 9SIDE ME />T$ TO BOIL4 ,I KNEW ,I HAD MADE A HORRIBLE MI/AKE BY ?R[+ MYSELF 9TO ?AT VEHICLE RESE>*4 ,?AT MI/AKE IS ?IRTY-TWO YE>S OLD --0 

0,DON'T1 ,SAB9A1 PLEASE6 ,I HAV5'T SE5 Y\ CRY S9CE ,JOSE DI$4 ,I CAN'T TAKE IT1 NOT N[1 NOT YET2 ,I WON'T BE ABLE TO SWALL[ Y\R WOND]FUL MEAL --0 

0,Y\'RE RI<T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,WE DO /ILL HAVE EA* O!R4 ,I W5T WILD ) JOY LA/ WEEK :5 ,DAMAN CALL$4 ,AT LEA/ Y\ HAD BE5 F\ND4 ,& ,T$ CALL$ ON ! FOLL[+ DAY4 ,HE TOLD ME HE HAD TRI$ TO RETURN TO ! RESE>* C5T] TWO DAYS AFT] HE HAD LEFT Y\ ) Y\R FRI5D ,PAT2 HE HAD /AY$ AN EXTRA DAY ?9K+ Y\ MI<T WANT TO GO BACK ) HIM4 ,BUT ,PAT RETURN$ TO ! PR9T %OP BY HIMSELF2 HE TOLD ,T9A & ,T$ AB\T SOME TR\BLE />T+ 9 ! UNIV]SITY2 ,PAT & ,T9A PR9T$ A LEAFLET & RAN (F ) IT2 ,T$ DIDN'T KN[ :AT HAPP5$ TO !M AFT] ?AT4 ,SO ,T$ HEAD$ BACK TO ! C5T] BY HIMSELF --0 

0,I WANT$ TO GO BACK ) HIM1 ,SAB9A --0 

0,BUT Y\ W]E BUSY EVALUAT+ :O Y\ REALLY W]E & :AT Y\ REALLY WANT$ --0 

0,?AT'S 9 FACT EXACTLY :AT ,I WAS DO+1 & ,I WAS WRIT+ ,Y>O/AN AB\T IT4 ,DIDN'T ,T$ GET BACK TO ! C5T]80 

0,! SELF-APPO9T$ GU>DS /OPP$ HIM AT ! GATE1 & HE DIDN'T HAVE AN ID5TIFICATION C>D SO !Y DIDN'T LET HIM 94 ,HE P>K$ HIS C> NE>BY1 HOP+ HE'D SEE SOMEONE HE RECOGNIZ$ :O MI<T LET ,TISSIE & ME KN[ :AT HAD HAPP5$ TO HIM4 ,BUT ! UNION GU>DS SAW HIM & GOT SUSPICI\S4 ,TWO POLICE C>S DROVE UP TO HIM4 ,!Y ASK$ HIM TO EXPLA9 HIS PRES5CE !RE4 ,HE TOLD !M HIS FRI5DS W]E 9SIDE ! PLANT4 ,!Y ASK$ HIM TO NAME ?OSE FRI5DS1 BUT HE REFUS$4 ,!Y BEAT HIM & !N >RE/$ HIM4 ,:5 ,I TOLD HIM ,TISSIE HAD DISAPPE>$1 HE SAID1 ',IT FIGURES4' ,I SUPPOSE IT DOES4 ,I KN[ AS WELL AS ,T$ :AT %E DOES :5EV] %E'S 9T5SELY DISAPPO9T$ & FRU/RAT$40 

0,H]O980 

0,YES1 ,SOPHIA4 ,& H] DISAPPO9TM5T & FRU/RATION BEGAN :5 ,I REFUS$ TO LEAVE ) H]4 ,LIKE ! POLICE1 LIKE ,ALB]TS1 ,I VALU$ ! TE*NOLOGY HI<] ?AN ,TISSIE'S LOVE --0 

,I 9T]RUPT$ H] AGA94 ,I WAS TOO WEAK TO LI/5 TO ,SAB9A'S SELF-ACCUSATIONS ON MY FIR/ NI<T HOME4 ,I TOLD H]1 0,I HAVE A SURPRISE = Y\40 ,I GAVE H] ALL ?REE ( Y\R LETT]S4 ,%E READ ALL ?REE ( !M ?AT NI<T4 ,I DIDN'T READ Y\R MO/ REC5T LETT] UNTIL ! NEXT MORN+4 ,I C\LDN'T1 = ! SAME REASON ?AT ,I C\LDN'T BE> TO SEE ,SAB9A TE> H]SELF 9SIDE \T -- NOT ?AT NI<T4 

0,Y>O/AN IS RI<T60 WAS ! FIR/ ?+ ,SAB9A %\T$ TO ME ! FOLL[+ DAY4 0,WE %\LD HAVE WRECK$ EV]Y?+ 9 ?AT RESE>* C5T] 9/EAD ( JU/ DAMAG+ A C\PLE ( 9/RUM5TS6 ,NONE ( ?AT IS = US1 = \R DESIRES & CAPACITIES40 ,FRU/RATION & ANG] /AY$ ) ,SAB9A ALL WEEK LONG4 ,Y\R LETT]S DIDN'T SET (F H] FURY1 BUT !Y DID FAN IT2 AT ! SAME TIME !Y HELP$ H] FOCUS ON ! CONTRADICTION AT ! HE>T ( H] LIFE4 0,:AT ,I TRI$ TO DO TO ,TISSIE WAS EXACTLY :AT ,ALB]TS & ,LUISA TRI$ TO DO TO ,M>G>ITA1 & :AT ,LUISA TRI$ TO DO TO ,Y>O/AN10 %E TOLD ME4 0,TISSIE WANT$ ONLY TO SWIM 9 A POND1 TO LIE ON ! BANKS 9 ! SUN1 TO WALK ?R\< A =E/4 ,BUT ,I DIDN'T WANT TO4 ,I WANT$ TO ELIM9ATE PONDS & =E/S4 ,I WANT$ TO REPLACE !M )1 SOME?+ ,I HELP$ CREATE4 ,I WANT$ AN IMM5SE CRY/AL PALACE ) >TIFICIAL SUNS1 >TIFICIAL PONDS1 >TIFICIAL =E/S1 ALL PRODUCTS ( SCI5CE & TE*NOLOGY40 

0,Y\ DID HAVE RES]VATIONS :5 ,I TALK$ TO Y\ AT ! RESE>* C5T]10 ,I REM9D$ H]4 

0,IT'S EASY TO HAVE RES]VATIONS1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I DIDN'T ACT ON !M1 & ?AT'S ALL ?AT C\NTS4 ,I REMA9$ ,SAB9A ,ALB]TS TO ! V]Y 5D4 ,I'VE LI$ TO MYSELF ALL MY LIFE4 ,I ALWAYS ?\<T ,I HAD CREAT$ SU* A P]FECT SYN!SIS BETWE5 ,M>G>ITA ,NA*ALO'S & ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS COMMITM5TS4 ,I WAS WRONG4 ,:AT CONFUS$ ME WAS ?AT ,ALB]TS HAD ALSO BE5 A REBEL ONCE4 ,HIS REBELLION WAS ! DIAMETRICAL OPPOSITE ( ,M>G>ITA'S4 ,%E REBELL$ AGA9/ ! CON/RA9TS IMPOS$ BY SOCIAL 9/ITUTIONS4 ,ALB]TS REBELL$ AGA9/ NATURE4 ,IT WASN'T :5 HE BECAME REACTION>Y ?AT HE NEGAT$ ,M>G>ITA'S REBELLION4 ,IT WAS HIS REBELLION ITSELF ?AT NEGAT$ ,M>G>ITA4 ,HE GAVE HIMSELF COMPLETELY TO SCI5CE & TE*NOLOGY4 ,HIS REBELLION WAS ! REBELLION ( ! BRA9 AGA9/ ! RE/ ( ! NATURAL 5VIRONM5T4 ,HE WAS COMMITT$ TO DE/ROY EV]Y?+ ?AT WASN'T SCI5CE & TE*NOLOGY1 TO DE/ROY ! V]Y 5VIRONM5T 9 :I* HUMAN LIFE CAN TAKE PLACE4 ,:ATEV] WASN'T ! BRA9'S CREATION HAD TO BE DE/ROY$1 EV]Y?+ WE CALL NATURE1 ! HUMAN BE+ 9CLUD$4 ,IT'S A HORRIBLE OBSESSION4 ,A PUNY P>T ( NATURE1 ! BRA91 SUDD5LY />T$ DE/ROY+ EV]Y?+ ELSE1 CONSUM+ ! CONDITIONS = ITS [N HEAL? & SURVIVAL4 ,IT'S AS IF MOSQUITOES />T$ TO CONSUME ! RE/ ( NATURE1 AS IF WAT] ATTACK$ ALL ! O!R ELEM5TS & TRANS=M$ !M 9TO WAT]1 AS IF FIRE SUDD5LY ATTACK$ & CONSUM$ EV]Y?+ ?AT WASN'T BURN+4 ,ALB]TS 9V]T$ ,M>G>ITA'S REBELLION4 ,%E AFFIRM$ LIFE1 FIR/ ( ALL H] [N LIFE2 %E REBELL$ AGA9/ EV]Y?+ ?AT CON/RA9$ ! LIV+4 ,ALB]TS AFFIRM$ TE*NOLOGY2 HE REBELL$ AGA9/ EV]Y?+ ?AT CON/RA9$ ! FUR!R DEVELOPM5T ( PRODUCTIVE =CES4 ,?AT'S :Y HE 5D$ UP CONSID]+ HUMAN BE+S REACTION>Y4 ,HUMAN BE+S CON/RA9 ! DEVELOPM5T ( PRODUCTIVE =CES2 HUMAN BE+S HAVE TO BE OV]COME4 ,! BE+S :O W\LD 9HABIT ! CRY/AL PALACE W\LDN'T BE HUMAN BE+S4 ,!Y'D HAVE TO BE PROGRESSIVE BE+S1 BE+S :I*1 LIKE ! SUNS & ! PONDS1 W]E PRODUCTS ( SCI5CE & TE*NOLOGY4 ,ALB]TS TRI$ TO *ANNEL ,M>G>ITA 9TO A REBELLION AGA9/ H]SELF4 ,HE FAIL$ ) ,M>G>ITA4 ,%E DI$ FI<T+ H] [N /RUGGLE4 ,IT WAS ME ?AT HE SUCCE$$ 9 *ANNEL+4 ,& ALL ! TIME ,I ?\<T ,I WAS *ANNEL+ MYSELF4 ,I ?\<T HE WAS HELP+ ME REALIZE MY [N DESIRES1 :I* ,I ?\<T ID5TICAL TO ,M>G>ITA'S DESIRES4 ,BE=E WE EMIGRAT$ ,I MADE HIM PROMISE TO BUILD ME A LAB4 ,HE KEPT HIS PROMISE4 ,HE BUILT ! LAB2 HE LET ME PULL \T ( HIM EV]Y?+ HE KNEW3 *EMI/RY1 PHYSICS1 5G9E]+2 HE BR\<T ALL K9DS ( BOOKS HOME3 TEXTBOOKS1 !ORETICAL WORKS2 HE SATISFI$ EV]Y DESIRE HE HAD HIMSELF CREAT$ 9 ME4 ,SOME?+ CRUCIAL WAS /ILL MISS+4 ,I MISS$ ,JAN ,S$LAK1 ! PLAYFUL1 9DEP5D5T PEASANT ) :OM ,I HAD SP5T ! TWO WOND]FUL WEEKS BE=E WE EMIGRAT$4 ,& ,I MISS$ HIS SI/]4 ,I DREAM$ AB\T ! =BIDD5 NI<T WE'D SP5T 9 EA* O!R'S >MS4 ,! FIR/ GAP WAS FILL$ :5 Y\ BR\<T ,RON ,MAT!WS HOME --0 

0,Y\ W]E DRAWN TO HIM LIKE A MAGNET1 ,SAB9A4 ,I ?\<T ! TWO ( Y\ W]E 9 LOVE ! MOM5T Y\ SAW EA* O!R40 

0,I KNEW Y\ ?\<T ?AT1 & ,I RES5T$ Y\R JEAL\SY4 ,RON WAS JU/ LIKE ,JAN4 ,AFT] HE'D /AY$ 9 Y\R ROOM = A WEEK ! ?REE ( US RODE TO A =E/4 ,?AT NI<T ,I TRI$ TO PRET5D Y\ W]E A LITTLE BIT LIKE HIS SI/]4 ,BUT Y\ W]E LIKE A CUBE ( ICE4 ,A FEW DAYS LAT] ,RON CAME = US ) HIS FA!R'S C>4 ,I HUNG]$ = ADV5TURE4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ Y\1 ,SOPHIA1 ANY BETT] ?AN Y\ KNEW ME4 ,Y\ W]E MEAN1 SUSPICI\S & FREEZ+ COLD --0 

0,I ?\<T Y\ & ,RON --0 

0 -- HAD FUCK$ 9 ! WAT] OR ON ! BEA*1 & ,I HAT$ Y\ = ?9K+ ?AT4 ,I PURPOSELY MADE NO EF=T TO D5Y IT40 

0,IS ?AT :Y Y\ CALL$ ME A C[>D1 JU/ LIKE MY MO!R80 

0,I ?\<T Y\ W]E TRY+ TO DO TO ,RON :AT ,LUISA HAD DONE TO ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA3 PICK$ !M UP 9 ! /REET & %AP$ !M 9TO BECOM+ CANNON FODD] = H] ORGANIZATION4 ,I WAS WRONG AB\T Y\1 ,SOPHIA1 & ,I'M SORRY ,I SAID ?AT4 ,I WASN'T WRONG ONLY AB\T Y\4 ,I WAS WRONG AB\T MYSELF4 ,I WAS WRONG AB\T ,ALB]TS4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I /ILL ?\<T ,ALB]TS1 ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA /OOD = ! SAME ?+S4 ,I ?\<T ,ALB]TS W\LD RECOGNIZE ,RON AS ANO!R ,M>G>ITA4 ,ALL MY BUBBLES BUR/ :5 ,ALB]TS & ,I MOV$ 9TO \R H\SE & ,RON MOV$ 9 ) US4 ,ALB]TS C\LDN'T /& ,RON4 ,HE CALL$ ,RON A HOODLUM1 AN ADV5TURI/1 A PETTY CRIM9AL4 ,HE CALL$ ,RON EXACTLY ! SAME NAMES ) :I* HE HAD DESCRIB$ ! 'REACTION>IES' :O HAD F\<T AGA9/ HIS 'POPUL> >MY4' ,?AT WAS :5 ,I />T$ TO SUSPECT ,ALB]TS HADN'T F\<T ALONGSIDE PEOPLE LIKE ,RON1 PEOPLE LIKE ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA1 BUT AGA9/ !M4 ,MY SUSPICIONS W]E ALL CONFIRM$ :5 ,I LE>N$ ! ROLE ,ALB]TS PLAY$ 9 HAV+ ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS FIR$ FROM ! HI< S*OOL4 ,RON WAS FURI\S2 HE WANT$ TO DE/ROY ,ALB]TS' H\SE1 BUT ,I WAS TOO ATTA*$ TO MY LAB4 ,RON RESPOND$ EXACTLY AS ,JAN W\LD HAVE3 DE/ROY ! TE*NOLOGY4 ,= MY SAKE HE COMPROMIS$2 WE DECID$ TO 9CAPACITATE ! BR& NEW PROJECTOR ! S*OOL HAD JU/ ACQUIR$4 ,IT WAS A P]FECT !FT4 ,NO?+ WAS EV] PROV$4 ,?AT BA/>D FA!R ( HIS GOT ,RON JAIL$ BECAUSE HE WAS A HOODLUM & ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS' SON1 NOT BECAUSE !Y PROV$ HE HAD /OL5 ! L5S4 ,HE WAS S5T TO RE=M S*OOL & ,I WAS LEFT ALONE ) ,ALB]TS4 ,I HAD TO GET \T ( !RE4 ,I KNEW !N ?AT ,ALB]TS HADN'T BE5 ,M>G>ITA'S ALLY2 HE WASN'T EV5 ,LUISA'S2 HE WAS AS VICI\S A REACTION>Y AS ,TOM ,MAT!WS4 ,I HAD MET ,JOSE AT ,RON'S TRIAL4 ,HE HAT$ ,MAT!WS EV5 MORE ?AN ,I HAT$ ,ALB]TS4 ,HE & ,RON W]E ALMO/ BRO!RS1 Y\ KN[1 LIKE Y\ & ,I --0 

,I ASK$ ,SAB9A TO TELL ME AB\T ! TIME :5 ,RON & ,JOSE HAD BE5 0ALMO/ BRO!RS40 

0,!Y W]5'T REALLY LIKE Y\ & ME1 ,SOPHIA2 !Y W]5'T AS DIFF]5T FROM EA* O!R4 ,JOSE HAD BE5 ADOPT$ BY ! ,MAT!WS DUR+ ! DEPRESSION2 HIS FA!R WAS UNKN[N & HIS MO!R HAD DI$ GIV+ BIR? TO HIM4 ,TOM & ,DEBBIE BO? HAD JOBS2 !Y W]E ALSO POLITICAL MILITANTS4 ,:5 ,RON WAS BORN1 NEI!R ( !M HAD TIME TO BR+ HIM UP2 ,JOSE WAS ,RON'S NURSE1 TEA*]1 MO!R & FA!R4 ,HE TAU<T ,RON EV]Y?+1 9CLUD+ /EAL+4 ,ONCE1 SOMETIME AFT] ! W>1 ! POLICE CAME TO !IR H\SE & 9VE/IGAT$ ! /OL5 BIKES !Y KEPT 9 !IR BASEM5T4 ,JOSE ACT$ V]Y PR(ESSIONAL & TOLD !M HE & ,RON REPAIR$ BIKES2 !N HE *ALL5G$ ! COPS TO PROVE ! BIKES 9 ! BASEM5T W]E /OL52 ! FIR/ ?+ HE ALWAYS DID WAS TO *ANGE ! COLOR & REGI/RATION NUMB] & TO SWIT* P>TS >\ND DIFF]5T BIKES4 ,! POLICE LEFT1 BUT BY !N ,TOM ,MAT!WS WAS NO LONG] A POLITICAL MILITANT2 DUR+ ! W> HE'D BECOME A /AUN* LAW & ORD] MAN2 HE />T$ TO DREAM AB\T BUY+ HIS [N /ORE4 ,HE *AS$ ,JOSE \T ( ! H\SE & ACCUS$ HIM ( HAV+ TURN$ ,RON 9TO A PUNK4 ,JOSE HAT$ HIM AFT] ?AT4 ,HE GOT A FACTORY JOB & A ROOM4 ,SUDD5LY HE GOT DRAFT$4 ,HE WAS SURE ,TOM ,MAT!WS HAD CALL$ ! DRAFT BO>D4 ,JOSE QUIT HIS JOB1 LEFT HIS ROOM1 & W5T 9TO HID+4 ,HE LOOK$ UP ,SE?1 :O WAS WEAL?Y BY !N BECAUSE HE'D GOTT5 9TO DEAL+ H]O94 ,JOSE & ,RON HAD /OL5 BIKES ) ,SE?4 ,JOSE DROPP$ ! NAME ,MAT!WS & BECAME ,SIRISO4 ,SE? GAVE HIM A JOB4 NOT SELL+ H]O9 BUT MAK+ CONTACTS4 ,JOSE HAD JU/ />T$ WORK+ = ,SE? :5 ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS REA*$ HIM & TOLD HIM AB\T ,RON'S TRIAL4 ,I WAS REALLY IMPRESS$ :5 ,I MET ,JOSE4 ,NO?+ APPEAL$ TO ME MORE ?AN ! IDEA ( JO9+ ! HOODLUMS & ADV5TUR]S ,ALB]TS DESPIS$4 ,I SAW ,JOSE REGUL>LY2 WE TALK$ AB\T GETT+ A PROJECT (F ! GR\ND AS SOON AS ,RON WAS RELEAS$4 ,I C\LDN'T WAIT4 ,RON TOOK ME TO ,T$'S G>AGE ! DAY HE WAS RELEAS$4 ,I KNEW !N ,I HAD F\ND EV]Y?+ ,I'D EV] LOOK$ =4 ,RON & ,JOSE W]E LIKE ,JAN ,S$LAK'S BRO!RS2 ,T$ PROVID$ ! TE*NOLOGY2 ,TISSIE WAS A P]FECT ,MIRNA & ,M>G>ITA4 ,I ?\<T EV]Y?+ W\LD BE P]FECT IF ,I C\LD ONLY KEEP !M ALL TOGE!R4 ,BUT ?AT WASN'T GO+ TO BE EASY4 ,FIR/ ( ALL ,T$ WAS HO/ILE TO ME FROM ! V]Y FIR/ MOM5T WE MET4 ,SECONDLY1 ,RON P9$ = Y\2 HE LO/ 9T]E/ 9 EV]Y?+ ELSE4 ,& Y\ W]E BEYOND ANYONE'S REA* BY !N4 ,I C\LDN'T HANG ON TO HIM4 ,I BECAME DESP]ATE4 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE ANYONE ELSE4 ,SE? HAD MONEY4 ,! ONLY WAY TO COMB9E ,JOSE ) ,T$ & ,TISSIE WAS = ALL ( US TO BUY ! G>AGE ) ,SE?'S MONEY4 ,TO ,T$ ?AT WAS H]O9 MONEY --0 

0,BUT NOT TO ,JOSE80 ,I ASK$4 

0,JOSE WORK$ = ,SE? BUT DIDN'T GET DIRECTLY 9VOLV$ 9 ! H]O92 HE ?\<T NONE ( ! RE/ ( US W\LD GET 9VOLV$ EI!R4 ,DON'T =GET ,JOSE DIDN'T HAVE ?AT MANY ALT]NATIVES4 ,AFT] BE+ *AS$ \T BY ,MAT!WS HE'D GOTT5 A FACTORY JOB1 & EV]Y TIME HE'D SE5 ,RON HE'D TOLD HIM1 ',:AT A GR9D ?AT IS6 ,!RE MU/ BE O!R WAYS TO /AY ALIVE6' ,DON'T Y\ REMEMB] H[ PASSIONATELY ,RON HAT$ ! V]Y IDEA ( GETT+ A JOB8 ,& !N ?AT DRAFT CALL MADE ,JOSE FURI\S4 ',?OSE BA/>DS DON'T JU/ WANT Y\ TO SLAVE = !M2 !Y WANT Y\ TO DIE = !M TOO1' HE TOLD ME4 ,?AT WAS :Y HE'D LOOK$ UP ,SE?1 & HE'D BE5 V]Y IMPRESS$ ) ! WAY ,SE? HAD 'MADE IT' )\T LETT+ HIMSELF BE PUT ?R\< '! GR9D]4' ,AT ?AT TIME HE DIDN'T C>E A :OLE LOT JU/ H[ ,SE? HAD MADE IT4 ,& NEI!R DID ,I4 ,IF EV]Y?+ WAS ALL[$ & NO?+ WAS BANN$ !N ,SE? C\LD 6MAKE IT' ANY WAY HE PLEAS$4 ,BUT ,T$ DIDN'T GO ALONG ) ANY ( ?AT4 ,HE DIDN'T SAY A :OLE LOT ?AT FIR/ NI<T1 BUT ,I C\LD READ ON HIS FACE ?AT HE DIDN'T LIKE :AT ,JOSE & ,I W]E TELL+ HIM4 ,:AT 9TRIGU$ HIM WAS MA/]Y OV] ?+S1 & HE ?\<T ALREADY !N ?AT H]O9 MEANT MA/]Y OV] PEOPLE4 ,HE MADE IT A PO9T ( /EAL+ ONLY RI* PEOPLE'S C>S BECAUSE HE ?\<T EV]YONE \<T TO HAVE ACCESS TO :AT HE OR %E NE$$1 & /EAL+ FROM ! POOR DEPRIV$ !M ( !IR ACCESS4 ,HE & ,RON HAD %>$ ?AT ATTITUDE2 ?AT WAS :AT HAD DRAWN !M TO EA* O!R 9 RE=M S*OOL4 ,I UND]/OOD ,T$'S OBJECTIONS1 BUT ,I DISMISS$ !M4 ,I ?\<T HE WAS TOO LIMIT$2 HIS ATTITUDES CONFLICT$ ) NO?+ IS BANN$4' ,I TOLD HIM HE WAS A HUNDR$ P]C5T RI<T1 & !N ,I PROCE$$ TO DO TO HIM :AT ,LUISA HAD DONE TO ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA4 ,I DRAGG$ HIM 9TO A PROJECT ?AT NEGAT$ HIS [N4 ,I WAS SET ON COMB9+ ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS ) ,JAN ,S$LAK2 ,T$ & ,JOSE W]E P]FECT = ?AT COMB9ATION4 ,I HAD REJECT$ ,ALB]TS ! MAN1 BUT NOT HIS WORLD VIEW4 ,I TRI$ TO CONV9CE ,T$ BY TELL+ HIM O!RS DIDN'T TREAT HIM ! WAY HE TREAT$ !M4 ,HE WAS ,TISSIE'S BRO!R & GU>DIAN2 HE /OLE ONLY FROM ! RI*2 HE ?\<T HE SOLD ! C>S TO O!RS LIKE HIMSELF1 TO PEOPLE :O NE$$ ! C>S TO MAKE LIFE POSSIBLE = O!R ,T$S & O!R ,TISSIES4 ,I TOLD HIM HE WAS BL9D3 ! PEOPLE HE SOLD ! C>S TO RESOLD !M = A HUGE PR(IT1 & !Y EXPLOIT$ HIM AS WELL AS ?OSE !Y SOLD !M TO2 !Y W]E NO DIFF]5T FROM ! G>AGE [N] TO :OM HE PAID 5ORM\S R5TS4 ,T$ GAVE 91 NOT BECAUSE ,I CONV9C$ HIM BUT BECAUSE ,I SAW ?R\< HIM4 ,WE B\<T ! G>AGE ) ,SE?'S MONEY & TRANS=M$ IT 9TO ! TE*NOLOGICAL PLAY-L& ,I HAD WANT$4 ,T$ WAS SIMULTANE\SLY ATTRACT$ & REPELL$ BY ME4 ,HE LOV$ TO %[ ME H[ TO /EAL C>S1 & ,I QUICKLY BECAME ALMO/ AS GOOD AS HE WAS4 ,I1 9 TURN1 DEMON/RAT$ TO HIM ! !ORETICAL PR9CIPLES BEH9D ! ME*ANICAL OP]ATIONS HE HAD LE>N$ FROM PRACTICE4 ,HE WAS GRATEFUL BEYOND WORDS4 ,BAT EV]Y?+ ELSE AB\T ME REPELL$ HIM4 ,HE WAS AFRAID ( MY PHILOSOPHIZ+2 IT WAS ALL LIES TO ,T$1 LIES ) :I* ,I HAD COV]$ UP ! FACT ?AT H]O9 DE/ROY$ ! LIVES ( PEOPLE LIKE \RSELVES4 ,HE ?\<T ME A HYPOCRITE4 ,I HAD (T5 REPEAT$ ?AT ANY ( US C\LD LEAVE AT ANY TIME & />T AGA9 ELSE:]E4 ,BUT ,T$ DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ,JOSE OR ME OR ,TISSIE OR ! G>AGE2 HE JU/ WANT$ TO EXCLUDE ,SE? & ! H]O9 FROM ! G>AGE4 ,TELL+ HIM Y\ CAN LEAVE ANY TIME' WAS EQUIVAL5T TO TELL+ HIM1 ',?ANKS = ,TISSIE & ! G>AGE1 ,T$2 SEE Y\ >\ND4' ,& ,T$ KNEW ?AT IF WE FAIL$ TO DI/+UI% PEOPLE FROM ?+S \TSIDE ! G>AGE1 WE'D SOON FAIL TO DI/+UI% !M 9SIDE AS WELL2 IF WE TURN$ /RANG]S 9TO 9/RUM5TS1 WE'D SOON TURN EA* O!R & EV5 \RSELVES 9TO 9/RUM5TS4 ,& HE WAS RI<T4 ,IT WAS ,TISSIE :O BECAME ! FIR/ 9/RUM5T4 ,?\< NOT RI<T AWAY4 ,IT ALL TOOK PLACE 9 SMALL1 GRADUAL /EPS1 SO GRADUAL ?AT ,I FAIL$ TO NOTICE !M UNTIL !Y HAD ALL BE5 TAK54 ,WE W]E ALL FULL ( 5?USIASM :5 WE FIX$ UP ! H\SE BEH9D ! G>AGE4 ,I KNEW ,TISSIE WANT$ ME AS MU* AS ,I WANT$ H]2 WE HAD KN[N ?IS S9CE ! NI<T ( ,RON'S RELEASE4 ,BUT :5 ! H\SE WAS DONE1 ,JOSE & ,I EA* MOV$ 9TO SEP>ATE ROOMS1 ,TISSIE MOV$ 9 ) ,T$1 ,VIC ) ,SE? --0 

0,:]E WAS ,T9A AT ?AT TIME80 ,I ASK$4 

0,I HAD LEFT H] ) ,ALB]TS2 HE HIR$ A NURSE TO TAKE C>E ( H]4 ,TISSIE WANT$ TO MOVE 9TO MY ROOM1 BUT ,I DIDN'T WANT H] TO2 ,I ?\<T ?AT W\LD DRIVE A F9AL W$GE BETWE5 ,T$ & ME4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ,T$ HAD LONG BE5 FAMILI> ) ! NATURE ( ,TISSIE'S PASSION4 ,I EX]T$ MYSELF TO /AY AWAY FROM SOMEONE ,I LOV$2 ?AT WAS A V]Y BAD MI/AKE4 ,TISSIE WAS FRU/RAT$ & FELT REJECT$4 ,%E FIX$ UP ANO!R ROOM & MOV$ 9TO IT BY H]SELF4 ,& !N %E />T$ TAK+ H]O9 %OTS FROM ,SE?4 ,%E DID ?AT ONLY TO SPITE ME1 AS WELL AS ,T$2 %E CONV9C$ H]SELF ,T$ WAS RESPONSIBLE = MY UNWILL+NESS TO LET H] MOVE 9 ) ME4 ,IT ALL BECAME EXTREMELY COMPLEX :5 ,JOSE />T$ C\RT+ ME4 ,I ASSUR$ HIM ,I HAD NEV] BE5 ,RON'S GIRL OR ANY MAN'S1 BUT HE W\LDN'T BELIEVE ME4 ,IT WAS ONLY !N ?AT ,I ASK$ ,TISSIE TO MOVE 9 ) ME4 ,BUT IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE4 ,I DID GET ,JOSE TO ACCEPT ME AS ,I WAS2 A W>M1 MUTUAL FRI5D%IP REPLAC$ HIS 9ITIAL UNBELIEV+ %OCK4 ,BUT ,I C\LDN'T GET ,TISSIE TO DROP ! H]O94 ,%E HAD BE5 SO PRETTY2 %E BECAME SICKLY & MEAN4 ,%E />T$ TO BLACKMAIL ME ) ! H]O9 --0 

0,TISSIE BLACKMAIL$ Y\80 

0,YES1 ,SOPHIA4 ,ALL ( ,T$'S 9ITIAL FE>S />T$ TO BE REALIZ$4 ,WE W]E TURN+ EA* O!R 9TO 9/RUM5TS4 ,DEBBIE ,MAT!WS VISIT$ ! G>AGE & TOLD US ,RON HAD BE5 KILL$4 ,DEBBIE BLAM$ ME = HIS DEA?1 & 9 H] DRUNK5 /ATE %E CONSID]$ ,ALB]TS RESPONSIBLE = IT4 ,SO DID ,I4 ,TO ME ,ALB]TS SYMBOLIZ$ ! 5TIRE REACTION>Y APP>ATUS HE HAD DECID$ TO S]VE :5 HE HAD ,DEBBIE FIR$ FROM ! S*OOL4 ,I RU%$ TO ,ALB]TS' H\SE & KIDNAPP$ ,T9A :5 ! NURSE W5T %OPP+4 ,I LEFT HIM A NOTE TELL+ HIM ,I HAD BECOME A DOPE PU%] & C\LD !RE=E TAKE BETT] C>E ( ,T9A ?AN HE C\LD4 ,& BE=E ,I LEFT ,I DE/ROY$ ! UP/AIRS LAB4 ,T9A WAS F\R & ,I C\LDN'T /& H]2 %E WAS SO DUMB2 ,I ONLY TOOK H] TO SPITE ,ALB]TS4 ,JOSE FELT ! SAME WAY AB\T H] AS ,I DID1 BUT BO? ,T$ & ,TISSIE LOV$ H] AS SOON AS !Y SET EYES ON H]1 & EA* WANT$ TO KEEP ! O!R AWAY FROM H]4 ,T$ ?\<T ?AT 9 H] CONDITION ,TISSIE W\LD H>M ! *ILD1 & ,TISSIE'S RES5TM5T ( ,T$ GREW 9TO PASSIONATE HATR$2 %E />T$ CONSID]+ HIM H] JAIL]4 ,& ?AT WAS :5 %E />T$ BLACKMAIL+ ME4 ,%E TALK$ AB\T MOV+ TO A DES]T$ ISL& ) NO ONE ON IT BUT ,TISSIE1 ,T9A & ME4 ,GRADUALLY ! ISL& BECAME ! G>AGE ITSELF4 ,%E TOLD ME %E W\LDN'T /OP TAK+ H]O9 UNLESS ,I GOT RID ( ALL ! M54 ,IF ,I DIDN'T GET RID ( !M1 !N ,I WAS ! ONE RESPONSIBLE = H] TAK+ H]O91 ,I WAS ! ONE :O MADE H] ,SE?'S SLAVE1 BECAUSE ,I KEPT H] *A9$ TO ,SE?4 ,I ?\<T ,TISSIE WAS HALLUC9AT+1 BO? AB\T ! ISL& & AB\T MY RESPONSIBILITY = H] CONDITION4 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE A S+LE WORD ( H] ACCUSATION4 ,I HAD H] MOVE BACK TO H] [N ROOM2 ,I WANT$ TO BE ON MY [N4 ,A FEW WEEKS LAT] ,T$ TOLD ME HE HAD DECID$ TO LEAVE ! G>AGE4 ,HE DIDN'T TELL ME HIS REASONS2 ,I KNEW !M2 ,I ALSO KNEW HE HELD ME RESPONSIBLE = EV]Y?+1 JU/ AS ,TISSIE DID4 ,T$ ALSO ?\<T ,TISSIE'S H]O9 ADDICTION WAS A DIRECT RESULT ( ,SE?'S PRES5CE1 & ,I WAS ! ONE :O HAD BR\<T ,SE? AS WELL AS ,JOSE TO ! G>AGE4 ,T$ HAD PROBABLY BE5 CONV9C$ ALL ALONG ?AT WE C\LD HAVE B\<T ! G>AGE & ! BUILD+ )\T ,SE?'S MONEY2 ,I HAD D\BT$ IT2 ! SUM HAD SEEM$ IMPOSSIBLY L>GE TO ME1 & ,I HAD BE5 9 A TREM5D\S RU% TO GET \T ( ,ALB]TS' H\SE4 ,9 O!R WORDS1 BO? ,T$ & ,TISSIE W]E RI<T2 ,I WAS ! ONE RESPONSIBLE = =C+ ,SE? & ,VIC ON !M4 ,T$ ALSO BLAM$ ME = ! IMPOV]I%M5T ( ! ACTIVITY ITSELF4 ,:5 ,I HAD FIR/ MOV$ 91 HE & ,I HAD /OL5 ! C>S1 TRANS=M$ !M1 REPAIR$ !M4 ,BUT GRADUALLY ! G>AGE BECAME A F5CE1 A DEPOT = C>S ?AT Y\NG] KIDS /OLE2 ALL WE DID WAS TO PAY ! KIDS & TRANS=M ! /OL5 C>S2 WE W]E SOME?+ LIKE BOSSES TO !M1 :AT ,T$'S BOSS HAD ONCE BE5 TO HIM4 ,& ( C\RSE :AT ,T$ LIK$ LEA/ ( ALL WAS ! FACT ?AT ! G>AGE S]V$ MA9LY AS A FRONT = ,SE?'S H]O91 ?AT ,T$'S [N ACTIVITY S]V$ TO COV] UP SOME?+ HE HAT$40 

0,I REMEMB] HE HAT$ ! G>AGE :5 ,I WAS !RE2 IT WAS ,T$ :O TURN$ ,ALEC AGA9/ ALL ( Y\4 ,:Y DIDN'T ,T$ LEAVE8 ,BECAUSE ( ,T9A80 

0,DON'T KEEP R$UC+ HIM TO ?AT1 ,SOPHIA4 ,T$ DIDN'T LEAVE BECAUSE ( ALL ( US4 ,BELIEVE IT OR NOT1 HE ALSO LOV$ ME & ,TISSIE & ,JOSE2 ALL HE EV] WANT$ WAS ! EXCLUSION ( ,SE? & ,VIC4 ,BUT !RE WAS NO WAY TO GET RID ( ,SE?4 ,HE WAS ! [N]1 & HE ACT$ MORE LIKE AN [N] EV]Y DAY4 ,IF ,T$ HAD M]ELY HAT$ ! G>AGE HE W\LD HAVE LEFT4 ,BUT HIS ATTITUDE WAS AMBIGU\S1 LIKE HIS ATTITUDE TO ME4 ,HE WAS SIMULTANE\SLY REPELL$ & ATTRACT$4 ,& ! ?+S ?AT ATTRACT$ HIM W5T TOGE!R ) ?OSE ?AT REPELL$ HIM2 !Y W]5'T REALLY SO SEP>ABLE4 ,:5 ,T$ TOLD ME HE WANT$ TO LEAVE1 ,I ALREADY KNEW ,SE? WAS GO+ TO BUY ! B>4 ,& AL?\< ! B> ADD$ YET MORE ?+S ?AT REPELL$ ,T$1 IT ALSO ADD$ SEV]AL ?AT ATTRACT$ HIM 5\< TO CONV9CE HIM TO /AY4 ,I SAW ! B> AS AN ADV5TURE1 AS AN 5RI*M5T ( \R ACTIVITY4 ,IT WAS 9 FACT ,TISSIE :O MADE ME LOOK =W>D TO IT4 ,AS SOON AS ,SE? HAD TOLD H] AB\T ! B>1 %E HAD BOA/$ TO ME ?AT %E W\LDN'T NE$ ME OR ,T$ ANY MORE4 ',I'LL BE EV]Y BIT AS 9DEP5D5T AS MY ,GODDESS ,SAB9A1' %E TOLD ME4 ',I'LL BE A HI<-CLASS PRO/ITUTE2 ,I'LL BE ABLE TO BUY MY [N DES]T$ ISL&4' ,I HAVE TO ADMIT ,I TOO LOOK$ =W>D TO ?AT ACTIVITY4 ,M>G>ITA HAD BE5 A PRO/ITUTE2 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO EXCLUDE ?AT FROM MY LIFE4 ,& AT ?AT PO9T ,T$'S PR$ICTION WAS FULFILL$4 ,AFT] TURN+ EA* O!R 9TO 9/RUM5TS1 WE TURN$ \RSELVES1 \R [N BODIES1 9TO 9/RUM5TS4 ,TISSIE & ,I BO? BECAME HI<-CLASS PRO/ITUTES4 ,JOSE MADE ! >RANGEM5TS --0 

0,Y\ MEAN ,JOSE WAS A PIMP8 ,?AT'S :AT ,ALEC ACCUS$ HIM ( BE+60 

0,NO1 ,SOPHIA1 ?OSE W]5'T ! >RANGEM5TS HE MADE4 ,!RE W]E NO PIMPS2 OR IF Y\ PREF]1 EA* ( US DID H] [N PIMP+4 ,JOSE RELAT$ TO ! B> AS HE'D RELAT$ TO ,SE?'S H]O92 HE MADE CONTACTS1 PAID (F C]TA9 PEOPLE1 ?REAT5$ O!RS4 ,HE HAD NO?+ TO DO ) ! PRO/ITUTES OR ! CU/OM]S2 ! FACT IS ?AT HE DISLIK$ ! B> AS MU* AS ,T$ DID4 ,OR ,I = ?AT MATT]4 ,I C\LD HAVE KILL$ SOME ( ?OSE IMPORTANT BA/>DS60 

0,!N :Y 9 ! WORLD DID ANY ( Y\ /AY ) IT80 

0,I TRI$ TO TELL Y\ !N1 ,SOPHIA4 ,WE DIDN'T CREATE ! CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,WE F\ND \RSELVES 9 !M1 & TRI$ TO *ANGE !M4 ,AT LEA/ ,I ?\<T WE W]E *ANG+ !M4 ,IT WASN'T ! PRO/ITUTION ?AT DREW ME TO ! B>4 ,AFT] ! FIR/ NI<T ,I HAT$ ?AT4 ,IT WAS :AT ! B> MADE POSSIBLE ?AT DREW ME !RE4 ,DO Y\ KN[ H[ MU* MONEY WE TOOK 9 EV]Y NI<T8 ,EV]Y?+ ?AT WAS TAK5 9 WAS SPLIT EQUALLY AMONG ALL ( US4 ,SE? GOT T5 TIMES HIS %>E BECAUSE A LOT ( ! WOM51 9CLUD+ ,TISSIE1 AS WELL AS MANY ( ! CU/OM]S W]E ON H]O94 ,TISSIE PAID ,SE? MO/ ( :AT %E GOT4 ,BUT :AT ,I ALONE MADE PAID = ! H\SE1 ! G>AGE1 ! WORK%OP 9 ! BASEM5T1 BO? >T /UDIOS1 MY LAB1 & ALL ! MAT]IALS & MA*9ES WE C\LD DREAM ( WANT+ --0 

0,BUT !N IT WAS JU/ A BUS9ESS --0 

0,I DIDN'T WANT TO ?9K ?AT1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I /ILL DON'T4 ,T$ DIDN'T LIKE :]E ! MONEY CAME FROM1 BUT = A :ILE HE ACT$ AS IF HE DIDN'T KN[4 ,ONCE ! B> />T$ GO+ HE NO LONG] NE$$ TO BE A BOSS4 ,HE HELP$ ! KIDS SET UP !IR [N G>AGES & HE ONLY WORK$ ON ! REALLY DIFFICULT JOBS4 ,HE SP5T ! RE/ ( HIS TIME 9 ! WORK%OP OR UP/AIRS PA9T+4 ,NO ONE C\LD EV] HAVE DREAM$ :AT A CREATIVE P]SON ?AT C> ?IEF W\LD TURN \T TO BE4 ,& ,T9A BECAME A WOND]4 ,%E TOOK TO EV]Y?+ HE TAU<T H]2 %E WAS A PA9T] & A MA*9I/ AT SIX4 ,T$ & ,T9A W]5'T ! ONLY ONES EI!R4 ,I WI% ,I'D %[$ Y\ ! WORK%OPS & /UDIOS & AP>TM5TS SET UP BY SOME ( ! WOM54 ,I DON'T ?9K IT WAS JU/ A BUS9ESS1 ,SOPHIA4 ,MO/ ( ?OSE WOM5 W]E LIKE ,T$ & ,TISSIE2 !Y'D COME RI<T (F ! /REET2 IF IT HADN'T BE5 = ! B> !Y'D HAVE BE5 TURN$ 9TO G>BAGE4 ,& !RE WAS NO REASON ! ?+ C\LDN'T SPREAD4 ,AT LEA/ ,I DIDN'T ?9K !RE WAS4 ,IT WAS = ,SE? ?AT ! :OLE ?+ WAS JU/ A BUS9ESS4 ,! MORE MONEY HE TOOK 91 ! MORE ( A CAPITALI/ HE BECAME & ! GRE$I] HE GOT4 ,HE C\LDN'T /& ,T$ BECAUSE NONE ( ,T$'S ACTIVITY CONTRIBUT$ ANY?+ TO ,SE?4 ,HE SAW ALL ( ,JOSE'S & MY MONEY & SOME ( ,TISSIE'S GO 9TO ! H\SE & ! G>AGE1 & HE DIDN'T LIKE IT4 ,HE ?\<T ALL ( IT W5T TO SUPPORT ,T$ & ,T9A & !IR PROJECTS1 PROJECTS :I* 9 HIS EYES DIDN'T PRODUCE ANY?+4 ,SO HE TRI$ TO =CE ,TISSIE TO GET ME HOOK$ ON H]O92 :5 ?AT DIDN'T WORK HE TRI$ TO GET ,TISSIE TO TAKE ,T9A TO ! B>4 ,T$ /OPP$ ,TISSIE & :5 Y\ CAME HE ?\<T ,SE? HAD RECRUIT$ Y\ AS WELL --0 

0,?AT'S :AT ,TISSIE TOLD ME AT ! RESE>* C5T]4 ,BUT C\LDN'T Y\ HAVE TOLD ,T$ H[ WRONG HE WAS AB\T ME8 ,?AT W\LD HAVE CLE>$ UP SO MANY MISUND]/&+S60 

0,IF ,I HAD ONLY KN[N1 ,SOPHIA6 ,I DIDN'T LE>N A ?+ AB\T ?AT UNTIL ,T$ TOLD ME ! DETAILS SEV]AL YE>S LAT]6 ,I WAS 9 EUPHORIA :5 Y\ CAME TO ! G>AGE4 ,EV]Y?+ SEEM$ TO BE WORK+ P]FECTLY4 ,I HAD NO IDEA :AT WAS BOIL+ UND]NEA?4 ,I LOV$ Y\ = COM+ EXACTLY :5 Y\ DID4 ,I WAS AT ! PEAK ( MY LIFE'S ACCOMPLI%M5TS4 ,DUR+ ! MON?S BE=E Y\ CAME MY NEW ,M5DS HAD 9TRODUC$ ME TO EXP]I5CES ,I HAD NEV] BE=E IMAG9$4 ,! B> GAVE ME 9SI<TS 9TO ! P[] /RUCTURE ( ! 5TIRE CITY1 9SI<TS :I* ,I ?\<T ,I'D USE AGA9/ ?AT P[] /RUCTURE SOME DAY4 ,! H\SE & ! G>AGE HAD JU/ BE5 TRANS=M$ 9TO A TE*NOLOGICAL ,UTOPIA4 ,I WAS COMPLETELY 9DEP5D5T1 & ,I WAS SURR\ND$ BY PEOPLE :O RESEMBL$ ,JAN AS WELL AS ,MIRNA AS WELL AS ! BE/ SIDE ( ,ALB]TS4 ,Y\ C\LDN'T HAVE COME AT A BETT] TIME4 ,I ?\<T ?AT A FEW MON?S' CONTACT ) US W\LD TRANS=M Y\ --0 

0,9TO :AT1 ,SAB9A80 

0,I ?\<T Y\'D BECOME A LITTLE LIKE Y\ >E N[3 RES]V$ & 9TROSPECTIVE1 BUT W>M & 9T]E/$ & LIVELY --0 

0,& ,I DISAPPO9T$ Y\80 

0,NO Y\ DIDN'T6 ,Y\ BECAME ,JOSE'S BE/ FRI5D2 Y\ SEEM$ TO 5JOY Y\R WORK ) ,T9A SO MU*2 ,I WAS SURE WE'D GRADUALLY BECOME GOOD FRI5DS4 ,Y\ SEEM$ IRRATIONALLY AFRAID ( ,T$1 BUT ,I WAS SURE ?AT W\LD PASS4 ,I WAS TOTALLY BL9D TO ALL ! PROBLEMS Y\ EXP]I5C$4 ,I KNEW ?AT ,TISSIE WAS WILDLY JEAL\S ( Y\ -- BUT ,I KNEW ?AT ONLY BECAUSE ,I FANN$ H] JEAL\SY2 ,I TRI$ TO 'BLACKMAIL' H] ! WAY %E'D BLACKMAIL$ ME2 ,I TOLD H] ,I'D REPLACE H] ) Y\ & W\LDN'T TAKE H] BACK UNTIL %E DROPP$ ! H]O94 ,?AT WAS ANO!R MI/AKE4 ,TISSIE TRI$ TO GET BACK AT ME BY TAK+ Y\ FROM ME4 ,IT WAS ONLY 9 ! RESE>* C5T] ,I LE>N$ AB\T ?AT NI<T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I SUPPOSE IT'S RIDICUL\S TO APOLOGIZE N[ --0 

0,W]5'T Y\ EV5 SLI<TLY ANGRY AT ME = NOT HAV+ KN[N OR EV5 SUSPECT$ ANY?+ UNTIL !N1 = BE+ SO NAIVE1 SO /UPID80 

,SAB9A LAU<$ & ?REW H] >MS >\ND ME4 0,ON ! CONTR>Y6 ,I LOV$ Y\ = ?AT6 ,IT WAS SO *>ACT]I/IC ( Y\60 

,I WAS EMB>RASS$ BY MYSELF1 BUT ,I C\LDN'T HELP LAU<+ ) H]4 ,\R CONV]SATION TOOK PLACE AB\T TWO DAYS AFT] %E READ Y\R LETT]S4 ,IT RA9$ ALL DAY LONG1 & IT FELT WOND]FUL TO SP5D ! 5TIRE DAY 9DOORS ) ,SAB9A LI/5+ TO /ORIES ?AT HELP$ ME =GET EV]Y?+ ?AT HAD HAPP5$ ! PREVI\S WEEK4 ,AFT] SUPP] ?AT NI<T !RE WAS A VIOL5T ?UND]/ORM2 WE TURN$ \T ! LI<TS & SP5T AB\T AN H\R LOOK+ \T ! W9D[ AT A FRI<T5+ DISPLAY ( LI<TN+4 ,:5 ! ?UND]/ORM MOV$ AWAY1 ,I REM9D$ H] ?AT DUR+ ALL !SE YE>S ,I HAD NEV] LE>N$ :Y %E & ,T9A HAD F9ALLY LEFT ! G>AGE4 

0,I ?9K ! PRES5CE ( Y\R FRI5DS 9 ! G>AGE MADE ,SE? HY/]ICAL4 ,AFT] ,ALEC MOV$ 9 ,SE? ?REAT5$ ME3 ',IF Y\ DON'T GET HIM \T ( !RE1 ,I'LL CLOSE UP ! G>AGE & ,T$ & ,ALEC & ,SOPHIA GO \T ON ! /REET4' ,I OBVI\SLY TOLD HIM TO GO TO HELL2 HE DIDN'T PAY ! BILLS AT ! G>AGE1 HE NO LONG] LIV$ 9 ! H\SE4 ,BUT ! FACT IS ?AT HE DID [N IT4 ,:AT ,I DIDN'T KN[ WAS ?AT HE ACTUALLY BECAME P>ANOID4 ,ON ! DAY :5 Y\R O!R FRI5DS CAME1 ,SE? ?\<T Y\ & ,T$ HAD HAT*$ A PLAN TO GET RID ( ,SE? & ,VIC1 ?\< ,I /ILL CAN'T IMAG9E H[ HE ?\<T Y\'D DO ?AT4 ,& ON ?AT DAY ,I MADE YET ANO!R MI/AKE4 ,I ?\<T ,SE? WAS (F5D$ BY Y\R FRI5DS = ! SAME REASON ,I WAS3 BECAUSE !Y HAD COME TO JUDGE & TO CONDEMN ACTIVITY :I* WAS ORGANIZ$ BY ?OSE ) LEA/ ACCESS TO SELF-ORGANIZ$ ACTIVITY4 ,!Y HAD NO RI<T TO JUDGE US4 ,I WAS ACTUALLY GLAD :5 ,SE? PULL$ HIS GUN ON !M1 & ,I GAGG$ ) FRU/RATION :5 Y\ TOOK !IR SIDE & LEFT ) !M4 ,AFT] Y\R FRI5DS LEFT1 ,JOSE CONV9C$ HIMSELF ALL ( US W]E BECOM+ ,SE?'S EMPLOYES1 HIS TOOLS1 AS ,TISSIE HAD ALREADY BECOME4 ,HE AS WELL AS ,T$ TRI$ TO TELL ME ?AT1 BUT ,I W\LDN'T LI/5 TO ,JOSE ANY MORE ?AN ,I HAD EV] LI/5$ TO ,T$4 ,I WAS COMPLETELY BL9D4 ,I TOLD ,JOSE HE WAS DEAD WRONG2 ,I TALK$ AB\T EXP&+ ! ACTIVITY YET FUR!R1 AB\T HELP+ SET UP B>S & WORK%OPS ELSE:]E4 ,I IMAG9$ ?AT ! CRY/AL PALACE ,I HAD DREAM$ ( WAS AB\T TO BE BUILT1 FROM ! GR\ND UP1 BY ! PEOPLE !MSELVES1 ! L[E/ LAY]S AMONG !M4 ,JOSE GREW 9CREAS+LY FRU/RAT$ BY HIS 9ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE ) ME4 ,WE NEV] LE>N$ :Y HE GOT >RE/$1 BUT ,I SUPPOSE HE GOT C>ELESS ) ONE ( HIS CONTACTS4 ,IT WAS ONLY AFT] ,JOSE'S >RE/ ?AT ,I />T$ TO BECOME AW>E ( MY MI/AKE4 ,SOON AFT] ! >RE/1 ,TISSIE CONFRONT$ ME ) A PROPOSITION ?AT AT FIR/ SEEM$ LIKE ANO!R ONE ( H] ATTEMPTS TO BLACKMAIL ME4 ',GET RID ( ! M5' %E TOLD ME AGA92 ',TAKE OV] ! B>1 & ,I'LL /OP TAK+ H]O9 & /ICK BY Y\2 WE'LL MAKE IT \R EMPIRE4 ,IF Y\ DON'T1 ,T$ GOES \T ON ! /REET1 ! H\SE & G>AGE GET CLOS$ D[N1 & ,T9A COMES TO ! B>4' ,IT SEEM$ LIKE ! SAME PROPOSITION ,TISSIE HAD MADE E>LI]1 EXCEPT ?AT ,I RECOGNIZ$ ,SE?'S ?REAT BEH9D ,TISSIE'S4 ,& AT ?AT PO9T ,I KNEW ,JOSE HAD BE5 RI<T & ,T$ HAD BE5 RI<T S9CE ! BEG9N+4 ,SE? HAD PULL$ HIS GUN ON Y\R FRI5DS2 ,I KNEW HE'D PULL IT ON ,T$ AS WELL1 & ON ME IF NECESS>Y4 ,SE? SOMEH[ CONV9C$ HIMSELF ,I ACTUALLY WANT$ TO TURN ! B> 9TO ,TISSIE'S & MY 'EMPIRE' & MY EVICTION WAS V]Y SIMPLE2 ) HIS GUN PO9T+1 HE TOLD ME1 ',CLE> \T & TAKE ! KID ) Y\'4 ,YET ,T$ /AY$ ON UNTIL ,JOSE'S RELEASE6 ,HE C\LDN'T AB&ON ,TISSIE TO ,SE?1 & HE EV5 AGRE$ TO DO SOME ( ,JOSE'S CONTACT WORK AS A CONDITION = HIS /AY+4 ,IF ,T$ HAD LEFT TOO1 ! B> W\LD HAVE CLOS$ D[N :5 ,I LEFT40 

,! FOLL[+ DAY WAS CLE> & SUNNY4 ,AFT] LUN* ,SAB9A & ,I W5T = A WALK TO ! RIV]BANK NE> \R H\SE4 ,AS WE SAT & WAT*$ BOATS PASS BY US1 ,SAB9A DREW CONCLUSIONS FROM ALL %E HAD TOLD ME AB\T H] EXP]I5CES 9 ! G>AGE1 EXP]I5CES :I* W]E SO COMPLETELY DIFF]5T FROM M9E4 0,I TRI$ TO COMB9E ELEM5TS ?AT C\LDN'T BE COMB9$4 ,Y>O/AN SEES A CONTRADICTION BETWE5 MY COMMITM5TS2 ,I'M ONLY />T+ TO SEE ?AT CONTRADICTION N[4 ,BY ! TIME ,I LEFT ! G>AGE ,I KNEW WE HAD ALL BECOME TOOLS1 NOT ONLY ,SE?'S TOOLS2 WE HAD ALSO BECOME TOOLS TO EA* O!R & TO \RSELVES3 9 ,SE?'S VIEW WE W]E NO?+ BUT CO/S 9 A CAPITALI/ 5T]PRISE4 ,IT'S NOT ! CONTRADICTION BETWE5 ,SE? & ! RE/ ( US ?AT'S BECOM+ CLE> TO ME N[2 ?AT WAS CLE> TO ME BY ! TIME ,I LEFT ! G>AGE4 ,:AT ,I'M />T+ TO SEE N[ IS ?AT ! TWO P>TS ( MY [N PROJECT W]E CONTRADICTORY4 ,I WANT$ TO REBUILD ,GEORGE ,ALB]TS' CRY/AL PALACE ) PEOPLE LIKE ,M>G>ITA1 PEOPLE LIKE ,JAN & ,MIRNA & ,Y>A4 ,BUT ?AT WASN'T POSSIBLE1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I DIDN'T UND]/& ?AT UNTIL N[4 ,9 ORD] TO DO ?AT ,I HAD TO DE/ROY !M4 ,NONE ( !M1 NOT ,RON OR ,JOSE OR ,TISSIE OR EV5 ,T$ C\LD C>RY ,ALB]TS' PROJECT AS !IR [N4 ,T$ WAS ! ONLY ONE :O EV5 CAME CLOSE TO HAV+ SOME ( ,ALB]TS' 9T]E/S1 BUT ,T$ NEV] HAD A MANIA TO DE/ROY ! 5VIRONM5T2 ALL HE WANT$ TO DO WAS DECORATE IT4 ,I TRI$ TO BE A BRIDGE BETWE5 L& & WAT]4 ,I DON'T LIKE TO ADMIT ?IS TO Y\1 BUT ,I N[ SEE ?AT MY PROJECT HAD A LOT 9 COMMON ) ,LUISA'S4 ,%E PICK$ UP ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA & GAVE !M TO ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN --0 

0,I DON'T SEE ?AT1 ,SAB9A4 ,LUISA TOLD ME ,ALB]TS CAME TO !M & (F]$ !M HIS S]VICES2 APP>5TLY HE KNEW H[ TO MAKE BOMBS4 ,& %E DIDN'T EV5 KN[ ,TITUS ,ZABRAN !N --0 

0,Y\'RE RI<T1 ,SOPHIA4 ,I'M ?9K+ \T L\D4 ,I'M NOT REF]R+ TO ACTUAL SITUATIONS1 BUT TO SYMBOLS4 ,! QUE/ION ,I'M ASK+ IS3 :O /OLE :OSE S\L1 & = :OM8 ,I KN[ ,ALB]TS W5T TO !M2 ,I ALSO KN[ HE 9ITIALLY W5T TO !M 9 ORD] TO S]VE !IR PROJECT1 NOT HIS [N4 ,BUT ! 9ITIAL AFFIRMATION ( !IR PROJECT TURN$ 9TO A NEGATION ( !IR PROJECT1 GRADUALLY1 /EP BY /EP1 SO GRADUALLY ONE C\LDN'T SEE :AT WAS HAPP5+1 AS 9 ! G>AGE4 ,LUISA GOT ,NA*ALO 9TO ! UNION1 BUT %E DIDN'T !REBY TRANS=M ,NA*ALO2 %E TRANS=M$ ! UNION 9/EAD4 ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA CAUS$ A SPLIT 9 ! UNION LOCAL4 ,9/EAD ( B5D+ TO ! APP>ATUS1 !Y MADE IT B5D4 ,!Y =M$ SOME?+ LIKE A T]RORI/ GANG 9SIDE ! UNION4 ,!IR GOAL REMA9$ :AT IT HAD BE5 BE=E3 TO REMOVE ! OB/ACLES TO HUMAN LIFE1 TO DE/ROY EV]Y?+ ?AT TURN$ PEOPLE 9TO TOOLS4 ,Y\'RE RI<T2 ,ALB]TS 9TRODUC$ HIS KN[L$GE 9TO !IR FRAMEWORK2 HIS EXPLOSIVES W]E TO BE US$ AGA9/ ! OB/ACLES TO !IR DEVELOPM5T4 ,BUT ?IS WAS ! EXT5T TO :I* !Y W]E 9T]E/$ 9 HIS TE*NOLOGY4 ,ALB]TS WAS ABLE TO TELL ME ?AT ,M>G>ITA DREAM$ ( 9DU/RIALIZ+ ! WORLD FROM ! GR\ND UP ONLY BECAUSE %E DI$4 ,DON'T Y\ SEE ?AT8 ,= ,ALB]TS ! PRODUCTION ( EXPLOSIVES WAS TO BE ! FIR/ /EP2 = ,M>G>ITA IT W\LD HAVE BE5 ! LA/4 ,= ,ALB]TS ?AT PRODUCTION WAS ITSELF ! GOAL2 = ,M>G>ITA IT WAS NO?+ BUT A MEANS4 ,IF ,M>G>ITA WAS ANY?+ AT ALL LIKE ,TISSIE OR ,MIRNA1 & ?AT'S H[ ,I N[ VISUALIZE H]1 !N %E DIDN'T DREAM ( GO+ ON FROM ! PRODUCTION ( EXPLOSIVES TO ! PRODUCTION ( >TIFICIAL PONDS1 >TIFICIAL SUN%9E & SUP]SONIC VEHICLES4 ,ALB]TS READ ?IS ,9TO H]1 & HE MADE ME READ IT 9TO H]1 BECAUSE %E SEEM$ TO HAVE DI$ = ?AT1 BUT ONLY 9 HIS EYES4 ,ALB]TS C\LDN'T UND]/& :Y ELSE %E'D HAVE F\<T ON ?OSE B>RICADES1 & NEI!R C\LD ,I4 ,N[ ,I'M />T+ TO UND]/& :Y2 ,MIRNA & ,Y>A HELP ME UND]/&4 ,Y>O/AN TOLD US :Y ELSE ,M>G>ITA W\LD HAVE F\<T4 ,TO CLE> AWAY ! OB/ACLES TO !IR 5JOYM5T1 NOT TO CLE> AWAY FETT]S TO ! DEVELOPM5T ( PRODUCTIVE =CES4 ,IT WAS ?AT 'POPUL> >MY' ,ALB]TS JO9$ ?AT F\<T TO REMOVE ! FETT]S TO ! CON/RUCTION ( HIS CRY/AL PALACE1 & ,M>G>ITA AS WELL AS ,NA*ALO W]E AMONG ?OSE FETT]S6 ,?AT WAS ! /RUGGLE ,LUISA TRI$ TO *ANNEL !M 9TO6 ,%E & ,ALB]TS W]E ABLE TO PRES5T !M AS =]UNN]S ( ?AT /RUGGLE ONLY BECAUSE !Y W]E DEAD6 ,LUISA TRI$ TO TURN !M 9TO AG5TS ( !IR [N REPRESSION & FAIL$4 ,!Y BO? HAD TO DIE BE=E !Y C\LD BECOME ?AT4 ,ONLY !IR CORPSES C\LD BE MADE TO S]VE ?AT /RUGGLE4 ,%E /OLE !IR S\LS & GAVE !M TO ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN4 ,H[ ELSE W\LD Y\ PUT IT8 ,%E TOLD Y\ ,ZABRAN & ,ALB]TS F\<T ALONGSIDE ,NA*ALO4 ,ONLY ,NA*ALO'S CORPSE F\<T ALONGSIDE ,ZABRAN & ,ALB]TS2 ONLY ,M>G>ITA'S CORPSE F\<T ,ALB]TS' REVOLUTION6 ,Y>O/AN SPECULATES ?AT ,ZABRAN C\LDN'T HAVE F\<T 9 ! 'POPUL> >MY4' ,Y>O/AN IS V]Y LUCID AB\T SOME ?+S2 HE'S WRONG AB\T ,ZABRAN4 ,! V]Y FIR/ TIME ,ALB]TS TOLD ME AB\T ?OSE EV5TS1 HE DESCRIB$ HIS RECRUITM5T 9TO ! 'POPUL> >MY' BY NONE O!R ?AN ,TITUS ,ZABRAN1 :O WAS 9DE$ 9 UNI=M AT ! TIME2 ! 'POPUL> >MY'S' UNI=M4 ,ZABRAN WAS ONE ( ! FIR/ RECRUITS TO ?AT ORGANIZATION4 ,ZABRAN & ,ALB]TS S]V$ 9 ! SAME UNIT1 ON ! SAME FRONT2 !Y EXP]I5C$ ! SAME DEFEAT1 !Y RETREAT$ TOGE!R1 !Y W]E DEMOBILIZ$ AT ! SAME TIME4 ,Y>O/AN IS RI<T AB\T ! AMBIGUITY ( ,LUISA'S CLAIM ?AT ',TITUS & ,GEORGE JO9$ ,NA*ALO AT ! FRONT4' ,HE'S RI<T BECAUSE !Y C\LDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE 'JO9$' ,NA*ALO6 ,I TOO W\LD LIKE TO KN[ :AT ,ALB]TS TOLD ,LUISA :5 HE RETURN$ FROM ! FRONT COMPLETELY TRANS=M$4' ,:AT SURPRISES ME 9 ,LUISA'S CLAIM ISN'T ?AT ,ZABRAN F\<T ALONGSIDE ,ALB]TS1 BUT ?AT ! TWO JO9$ ,NA*ALO4 ,I DIDN'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T ! MILITIA UNTIL ,Y>O/AN1TOLD US :AT HE'D LE>N$ FROM ,MANUEL2 ,I'D ?\<T :AT ,LUISA /ILL ?9KS1 ?AT ALL ( !M F\<T ! SAME /RUGGLE4 ,?AT'S :Y ,I WAS ABLE TO SYN!SIZE ,NA*ALO ) ,ALB]TS4 ,BUT ?AT UNITY DIDN'T EXI/ AT ITS V]Y ORIG94 ,:5 ,NA*ALO LEFT = ! FRONT1 A FEW DAYS AFT] ! B>RICADES1 !RE WAS NO 'POPUL> >MY4' ,NA*ALO JO9$ A MILITIA UNIT LIKE ! ONE ,MANUEL DESCRIB$2 HE MI<T EV5 HAVE BE5 9 ,MANUEL'S [N UNIT4 ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN 'JO9$' ,NA*ALO ! SAME WAY !Y JO9$ ,MANUEL3 AS MORTAL 5EMIES40 

,WE SAT ON A B5* BY ! RIV] UNTIL D>K4 ,ON SEV]AL E>LI] OCCASIONS ,SAB9A HAD TOLD ME FRAGM5TS ( :AT %E'D LE>N$ FROM ,ALB]TS AB\T ?AT REVOLUTION4 ,I HAD ALWAYS FELT SOME:AT PR\D ( ! FACT ?AT MY LIFE WAS 9 SOME WAY CONNECT$ ) ?OSE EV5TS4 ,BUT AS ,I LI/5$ TO H] A FEW DAYS AGO ,I DIDN'T FEEL PR\D2 ,I FELT UNEASY1 ALMO/ A%AM$4 ,DUR+ MY 5TIRE LIFE ,I HAD ID5TIFI$ ) EV]Y?+ ,LUISA HAD PRAIS$4 ,SUDD5LY Y\ & !N ,SAB9A />T$ TO UND]M9E IT ALL4 ,I'M ONLY N[ />T+ TO UND]/& ! 0REAPPRAISAL0 Y\ C>RI$ \T DUR+ Y\R SECOND PRISON T]M1 :5 Y\ REEXAM9$ EV]Y?+ Y\'D LE>N$ FROM ,LUISA 9 ! LI<T ( :AT Y\'D LE>N$ FROM ,MANUEL4 ,I'M />T+ TO UND]/& ! SIGNIFICANCE ( ! 0REVOLUTION>Y TASKS0 ,LUISA ACCOMPLI%$ 09 ! RE>40 ,%E NEV] HID ! FACT ?AT ! F9AL AIM ( ! EFFICI5T TRANSPORTATION1 VEHICLE PRODUCTION1 FOOD DI/RIBUTION WAS MILIT>Y1 NOR ! FACT ?AT ! PRODUCTION WAS W> PRODUCTION1 NOR ! FACT ?AT IT WAS DEVOT$ TO ! 'POPUL> >MY'S' MILIT>Y VICTORY1 ,LUISA GA!R$ ,NA*ALO & ,M>G>ITA (F ! /REET & GAVE !M TO ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN4 ,?AT'S SU* A /RANGE WAY TO PUT IT1 BUT ,I C\LDN'T TELL ,SAB9A ,I DIDN'T KN[ :AT %E MEANT4 ,I LE>N$ ONLY REC5TLY ?AT ,LUISA NEV] REALLY IMAG9$ DAILY ACTIVITY AS O!R ?AN :AT IT IS1 AS 'JOYLESS DRUDG]Y' = ! SAKE ( AN APP>ATUS :OSE GOALS WE DON'T UND]/&1 :OSE REASONS >5'T \R REASONS4 ,TO ,LUISA ?AT DRUDG]Y WAS MEAN+FUL1 %E EV5 F\ND JOY 9 IT1 BECAUSE %E WAS ALWAYS SO SURE ?AT ! PEOPLE :O DIRECT$ ! APP>ATUS UND]/OOD ITS GOALS & KNEW ITS REASONS1 PEOPLE LIKE ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN & ,DAMAN ,HESP]4 ,I CAN SEE :Y ,LUISA 9SI/S ,ALB]TS & ,ZABRAN JO9$ ,NA*ALO ON ! SAME FRONT4 ,IT'S BECAUSE H] 0FRONT0 ISN'T ! ACTUAL FIELD OR VILLAGE :]E ! BATTLES TOOK PLACE4 ,LUISA'S 0FRONT0 IS ! TRA9 ,ZD5EK DESCRIB$ TO Y\4 ,IT'S ! UNION4 ,%E WAS ! ONE :O TOOK ,NA*ALO ABO>D ?AT TRA94 ,EV]YONE ON ?AT TRA9 WAS P>T ( ! SAME /RUGGLE4 ,BUT ! CONT5T ( ! /RUGGLE1 ! DE/9ATION1 WASN'T DEF9$ BY ! PEOPLE ON ! TRA94 ,IT WAS DEF9$ BY ! TRA9'S CONDUCTORS1 ! 0PR(ESSORS DEVOT$ TO \R MOVEM5T40 

,! REASON ,I FEEL UNEASY1 EV5 A%AM$1 IS ?AT ,I CAN'T CONV9CE MYSELF ,I EV] WANT$ TO DO ANY?+ O!R ?AN BO>D ?AT TRAM4 

,PLEASE GIVE ALL MY LOVE TO ?OSE COMRADES ( Y\RS :O >E 9T5T ON DEF9+ !IR [N AIMS & ON FI<T+ !IR [N /RUGGLE4  
  

,Y\R  

,SOPHIA4  
  

,P4,S4 ,DON'T =GET TO ADDRESS Y\R NEXT LETT] TO MY H\SE1 S9CE ! PO/AL /RIKE IS OV]4 ,I ALMO/ =GOT TO ASK Y\ SOME?+ ?AT'S BE5 BO!R+ ME4 ,Y\ TOLD ME ,TITUS ,ZABRAN WAS ! FIR/ P]SON :O VISIT$ Y\ AFT] Y\R >RE/ AT ! TIME ( ! ,MAGAMA RIS+4 ,I ?9K IT REALLY /RANGE ?AT HE DIDN'T M5TION MY LETT] TO Y\1 ESPECIALLY 9 VIEW ( ! FACT ?AT ,MIRNA ALREADY !N CONSID]$ MY LETT] RESPONSIBLE = ALL ?OSE >RE/S4 ,! O!R ?+ ?AT BO!RS ME IS ?AT ,TITUS APP>5TLY WASN'T >RE/$ AT ?AT TIME4 ,I GA!R ?AT ,MIRNA LOOK$ = HIM & F\ND HIM %ORTLY AFT] ! >RE/S TOOK PLACE4 ,BUT ,I HAD ?\<T ALL ! PEOPLE ,I HAD WRITT5 TO HAD BE5 >RE/$1 9CLUD+ ,TITUS4 

,FROM 3 ,!,AN>*I/,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aige 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,EI<? ,LETT] -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,APRIL #b#f1 #bb 3 ,SOPHIA'S ,EI<? ,LETT] -- ,ADD$4 

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