,*APT] #i 

#aheiahei 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,\R H\SE AT ,NIKOLSKI1 SO LONG COLD & DES]T$1 CAME TO LIFE AGA92 BUT ! ?+ :I* DID NOT COME TO LIFE WAS \R OLD EXI/5CE4 ,MAMA WAS !RE NO LONG]1 & H5CE=? WE W]E ALONE1 WE TWO ALONE ) EA* O!R4 ,BUT NOT ONLY WAS SOLITUDE NO LONG] TO US :AT IT HAD ONCE BE51 BUT WE F\ND IT A BURD5 & CON/RA9T4 ,! W9T] PASS$ ALL ! MORE DRE>ILY = ME FROM MY BE+ \T ( HEAL?1 & IT WAS NOT UNTIL SOME TIME AFT] ! BIR? ( MY SECOND SON ?AT ,I RECOV]$ MY /R5G?4 

,MY RELATIONS ) MY HUSB& CONT9U$ COLD & FRI5DLY1 AS AT ,/4 ,PET]SBURG2 BUT H]E 9 ! C\NTRY !RE WAS NOT A FLOOR1 NOT A WALL1 NOT A PIECE ( FURNITURE1 :I* DID NOT REM9D ME ( :AT HE HAD BE5 TO ME1 & :AT ,I HAD LO/4 ,!RE /OOD BETWE5 US1 AS IT W]E1 AN (F5SE NOT =GIV52 ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT HE WI%$ TO PUNI% ME = SOME?+1 & ?AT HE WAS PRET5D+ TO HIMSELF TO BE UNCONSCI\S ( IT4 ,H[ C\LD ,I ASK =GIV5ESS )\T KN[+ = :AT FAULT8 ,HE ONLY PUNI%$ ME BY NO LONG] 5TIRELY GIV+ HIMSELF UP TO ME1 BY NO LONG] SURR5D]+ TO ME HIS :OLE S\L2 BUT TO NO ONE1 & UND] NO CIRCUM/ANCES1 WAS HIS S\L SURR5D]$1 ANY MORE ?AN IF HE HAD NONE4 ,IT SOMETIMES CAME 9TO MY HEAD ?AT HE WAS ONLY MAK+ A PRET5SE ( BE+ :AT HE N[ WAS1 9 ORD] TO TORM5T ME1 & ?AT HIS FEEL+S W]E 9 REALITY :AT !Y HAD =M]LY BE51 & ,I TRI$ TO PROVOKE HIM 9TO LETT+ ?IS BE SE52 BUT HE 9V>IABLY ELUD$ ALL FRANK EXPLANATION2 ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT HE SUSPECT$ ME ( DISSIMULATION1 & DREAD$ ALL MANIFE/ATIONS ( T5D]NESS AS ATTEMPTS TO RIDICULE HIM4 ,HIS LOOKS & HIS AIR SEEM$ TO SAY3 0,I KN[ ALL1 !RE IS NO?+ TO TELL ME2 ALL ?AT Y\ W\LD CONFIDE TO ME1 ,I ALREADY KN[2 ,I KN[ ?AT Y\ TALK 9 ONE MANN] & ACT 9 ANO!R40 ,AT FIR/ ,I WAS HURT BY HIS APP>5T FE> ( BE+ FRANK ) ME1 BUT ,I SOON ACCU/OM$ MYSELF TO ! ?\<T ?AT 9 HIM ?IS WAS NOT SO MU* LACK ( FRANKNESS1 AS LACK ( NECESSITY = FRANKNESS4 

,& ON MY SIDE1 MY TONGUE WAS NO LONG] CAPABLE ( TELL+ HIM IMPULSIVELY1 AS 9 ! OLD DAYS1 ?AT ,I LOV$ HIM1 ( ASK+ HIM TO READ ! PRAY]S ) ME1 ( CALL+ HIM TO LI/5 TO MY MUSIC :5 ,I WAS GO+ TO PLAY2 !RE SEEM$ TO BE C]TA9 RULES ( =MALITY TACITLY DECRE$ BETWE5 US4 ,WE LIV$ \R [N LIVES2 HE1 ) HIS V>I\S 9T]E/S & OCCUPATIONS1 9 :I* ,I NO LONG] CLAIM$ NOR DESIR$ A %>E2 ,I1 ) MY IDLE H\RS1 AB\T :I* HE NO LONG] SEEM$ TO TR\BLE HIMSELF4 ,AS = ! *ILDR51 !Y W]E /ILL TOO Y\NG TO BE 9 ANY WAY A BOND BETWE5 US4 

,SPR+ CAME4 ,MA*A & ,SONIA RETURN$ TO ! C\NTRY = ! SUMM]2 & AS ,NIKOLSKI WAS UND]GO+ REPAIRS1 WE W5T ) !M TO ,POKROVSKI4 ,! SAME OLD HOME1 ! T]RACE1 ! \T-(-DOOR TEA-TABLE1 ! PIANO 9 ! HALF-LI<T$ ROOM1 MY [N OLD *AMB] ) ITS :ITE CURTA9S1 & ! GIRLI% DREAMS :I* SEEM$ TO HAVE BE5 LEFT BEH9D !RE1 =GOTT54 ,9 ?IS *AMB] W]E TWO B$S2 OV] ONE1 :I* HAD BE5 MY [N1 ,I N[ B5T NI<TLY TO BLESS MY /URDY ,KOKO*A1.<#h.> 9 ! MID/ ( HIS B$TIME FROLICS2 9 ! O!R LAY LITTLE ,VASICA1.<#i.> HIS BABY-FACE ROSY ) SLEEP1 UND] ! S(T :ITE BLANKETS4 ,AFT] GIV+ ! B5$ICTION1 ,I (T5 L+]$ A LONG TIME 9 ?IS PEACEFUL *AMB]1 & FROM EV]Y CORN] ( ITS WALLS1 FROM EV]Y FOLD ( ITS CURTA9S1 CAME /EAL+ >\ND ME =GOTT5 VISIONS ( MY Y\?2 *ILDI% SONGS1 GAY *ORUSES1 FLOAT$ AGA9 TO MY E>S4 ,& :AT W]E !Y N[1--!SE VISIONS8 ,W]E !Y S\ND+ /ILL1 ANY:]E1--!SE GLAD & SWEET OLD SONGS8 ,ALL ?AT ,I HAD H>DLY D>$ TO HOPE HAD COME TRUE4 ,MY VAGUE & CONFUS$ DREAMS HAD BECOME REALITY1 & IT WAS N[ MY LIFE1 SO H>D1 SO HEAVY1 SO /RIPP$ ( JOY4 ,& YET H]E >\ND ME W]E NOT ALL ?+S AS BE=E8 ,WAS IT NOT ! SAME G>D5 ?AT ,I SAW B5EA? MY W9D[1 ! SAME T]RACE1 ! SAME PA?S & B5*ES8 ,F> (F !RE1 ACROSS ! RAV9E1 ! SONGS ( ! NI<T+ALES /ILL SEEM$ TO RISE \T ( ! RIPPLES ( ! LITTLE POND1 ! LILACS BLOOM$ AS !Y US$ TO DO1 ! MOON /ILL /OOD 9 :ITE GLORY OV] ! CORN] ( ! H\SE1 YET = ME ALL WAS SO *ANG$1 SO *ANG$6 ,MA*A & ,I HAD \R OLD QUIET TALKS1 SITT+ TOGE!R AS ( OLD 9 ! SALON1 & WE /ILL TALK$ ( HIM4 ,BUT ,MA*A'S BR[ WAS GRAVE1 H] FACE WAS WAN1 H] EYES NO LONG] %ONE ) CONT5TM5T & HOPE1 BUT W]E FULL ( SAD SYMPA?Y1 & ALMO/ EXPRESS$ COMPASSION4 ,WE NO LONG] W5T 9TO EC/ASIES OV] HIM1 AS 9 ! PA/2 WE JUDG$ HIM1 N[2 WE NO LONG] M>VEL$ AT \R GREAT HAPP9ESS & WOND]$ H[ IT CAME TO BE \RS1 WE NO LONG] HAD ! IMPULSE TO TELL ALL ! WORLD :AT WE FELT2 WE :ISP]$ 9 EA* O!R'S E> LIKE CONSPIRATORS2 = ! HUNDR$? TIME WE ASK$ EA* O!R :Y ALL WAS SO SAD1 SO *ANG$4 ,AS = HIM1 HE WAS /ILL ! SAME1 EXCEPT ?AT ! L9E BETWE5 HIS BR[S WAS DEEP]1 & HIS TEMPLES W]E MORE SILV]Y1 & HIS EYES1 WAT*FUL1 DEEP1 CONT9UALLY TURN$ AWAY FROM ME1 W]E D>K5$ BY A %AD[4 ,I1 TOO1 WAS /ILL ! SAME1 BUT ,I NO LONG] FELT EI!R LOVE OR DESIRE TO LOVE4 ,NO MORE WI% TO WORK1 NO MORE SATISFACTION ) MYSELF4 ,& H[ F> (F1 H[ IMPOSSIBLE1 N[ APPE>$ MY OLD RELIGI\S F]VOR1 MY OLD LOVE = HIM1 MY OLD FULLNESS ( LIFE6 ,I C\LD NOT1 N[1 EV5 COMPREH5D :AT 9 ?OSE DAYS WAS SO LUM9\S & SO TRUE3 ! HAPP9ESS ( LIV+ = O!RS4 ,:Y = O!RS8 :5 ,I NO LONG] WI%$ TO LIVE = MYSELF4444 

,I HAD 5TIRELY GIV5 UP MY MUSIC DUR+ \R RESID5CE 9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG1 BUT N[ MY OLD PIANO & MY OLD PIECES BR\<T BACK ! LOVE = IT4 

,ONE DAY :5 ,I WAS NOT FEEL+ WELL1 ,I /AY$ AT HOME1 ALONE1 :ILE ,MA*A & ,SONIA W5T ) MY HUSB& TO SEE ! IMPROVEM5TS AT ,NIKOLSKI4 ,! TEA-TABLE WAS SET1 ,I W5T D[N-/AIRS1 &1 :ILE WAIT+ = !M1 SEAT$ MYSELF AT ! PIANO4 ,I OP5$ ! SONATA ,QUASI UNA FANTASIA1 & BEGAN TO PLAY4 ,NO LIV+ CREATURE WAS TO BE SE5 OR HE>D1 ! W9D[S W]E OP5 UPON ! G>D52 ! FAMILI> NOTES1 SO SAD & P5ETRAT+1 RES\ND$ ?R\< ! ROOM4 ,I CONCLUD$ ! FIR/ P>T1 & UNCONSCI\SLY1 SIMPLY FROM OLD HABIT1 ,I LOOK$ ACROSS TO ! CORN] :]E HE US$ TO SIT & LI/5 TO ME4 ,BUT HE WAS NO LONG] !RE1 A LONG-UNMOV$ *AIR OCCUPI$ HIS OLD PLACE2 FROM ! SIDE ( ! OP5 W9D[ A PROJECT+ BRAN* ( LILAC /OOD \T AGA9/ ! BURN+ WE/1 ! EV5+ AIR /OLE QUIETLY 94 ,I LEAN$ MY ELB[S ON ! PIANO1 COV]$ MY FACE ) BO? H&S1 & FELL 9TO A FIT ( MUS+4 ,I REMA9$ !RE A LONG TIME1 M\RNFULLY RECALL+ ! OLD DAYS1 IRREVOCABLY GONE1 & TIMIDLY LOOK+ AT ! DAYS TO COME4 ,BUT H]EAFT]1 IT SEEM$ TO ME1 !RE C\LD BE NO?+1 ,I C\LD HOPE NO?+1 DESIRE NO?+4 0,IS IT POSSIBLE ?AT ,I HAVE \TLIV$ ALL ?AT60 ?\<T ,I1 RAIS+ MY HEAD ) HORROR1 & 9 ORD] TO =GET & TO CEASE ?9K+1 ,I BEGAN TO PLAY AGA91 & /ILL ! SAME OLD &ANTE4 0,MY ,GOD60 ,I SAID1 0P>DON ME IF ,I AM GUILTY1 OR GIVE BACK TO MY S\L :AT MADE ITS BEAUTY 444 OR TEA* ME :AT ,I \<T TO DO1--H[ ,I \<T TO LIVE60 

,! S\ND ( :EELS E*O$ ON ! TURF & BE=E ! DOOR1 !N ,I HE>D ON ! T]RACE /EADY /EPS1 WELL-KN[N TO ME1 !N ALL WAS QUIET4 ,BUT IT WAS NO LONG] ! OLD FEEL+ :I* /IRR$ 9 ME AT !SE FAMILI> FOOT/EPS4 ,!Y CAME UP BEH9D ME :5 ,I HAD F9I%$ ! SONATA1 & A H& WAS LAID UPON MY %\LD]4 

0,A HAPPY ?\<T1 TO PLAY ! OLD SONATA60 HE SAID4 

,I MADE NO ANSW]4 

0,HAVE NOT Y\ HAD TEA80 

,I %OOK MY HEAD1 )\T TURN+ T[>DS HIM1 = ,I DID NOT WANT HIM TO SEE ! TRACES ( AGITATION ON MY FACE4 

0,!Y WILL BE H]E PRES5TLY2 ! HORSES W]E A LITTLE UNRULY1 & !Y >E COM+ HOME ON FOOT1 BY ! ROAD10 HE CONT9U$4 

0,WE WILL WAIT = !M10 ,I SAID1 GO+ \T ON ! T]RACE1 9 ! HOPE ?AT HE W\LD FOLL[1 BUT HE 9QUIR$ = ! *ILDR51 & W5T UP TO SEE !M4 ,ONCE MORE1 HIS PRES5CE1 ! S\ND ( HIS VOICE1 SO K9D1 SO HONE/1 DISSUAD$ ME FROM BELIEV+ ?AT ALL WAS LO/ = ME4 0,:AT MORE IS !RE TO DESIRE80 ,I ?\<T3 0HE IS GOOD & TRUE1 HE IS AN EXCELL5T HUSB&1 AN EXCELL5T FA!R1 & ,I DO NOT MYSELF KN[ :AT IS MISS+1--:AT ,I WANT40 

,I W5T \T ON ! BALCONY1 & SAT D[N UND] ! AWN+ ( ! T]RACE1 ON ! SAME B5* :]E ,I WAS SITT+ UPON ! DAY ( \R DECISIVE EXPLANATION LONG AGO4 ,! SUN WAS NE>LY D[N1 DUSK WAS GA!R+2 A %ADE ( SPR+ S(T5$ ! PURE SKY1 :]E ONE T9Y SP>K WAS ALREADY GLEAM+4 ,! LI<T W9D HAD DI$ AWAY1 NOT A LEAF OR BLADE ( GRASS /IRR$2 ! P]FUME ( ! LILACS & *]RY-TREES1 SO P[]FUL ?AT ONE MI<T HAVE ?\<T ALL ! AIR ITSELF WAS 9 BLOOM1 CAME 9 PUFFS OV] G>D5 & T]RACE1 N[ FA9T & N[ FULL1 MAK+ ONE FEEL AN IMPULSE TO CLOSE ! EYES1 TO %UT \T ALL SI<T & S\ND1 TO BANI% EV]Y S5SATION SAVE ?AT ( 9HAL+ ?IS EXQUISITE FRAGRANCE4 ,! DAHLIAS & ROSE-BU%ES1 YET LEAFLESS1 /OOD 9 /ILL L9ES 9 ! NEWLY-DUG BLACK MOLD ( !IR B$S1 LIFT+ !IR HEADS ABOVE !IR :ITE PROPS4 ,FROM AF> CAME ! 9T]MITT5T NOTES ( ! NI<T+ALES1 OR ! RU% ( !IR RE/LESS FLI<T FROM PLACE TO PLACE4 

,IT WAS 9 VA9 ?AT ,I /ROVE TO CALM MYSELF1 ,I SEEM$ TO BE WAIT+ & WI%+ = SOME?+4 

,S]GIUS CAME FROM UP-/AIRS1 & SAT D[N BESIDE ME4 

0,I BELIEVE IT IS GO+ TO RA910 HE SAID1 0!Y WILL GET WET40 

0,YES10 ,I REPLI$2 & WE W]E BO? SIL5T4 

,9 ! MEANTIME1 ! CL\D1 )\T ANY W9D1 HAD CREPT SL[LY & /EAL?ILY ABOVE \R HEADS2 NATURE WAS YET MORE P]FECTLY TRANQUIL1 SWEET1 & /ILL3 SUDD5LY ONE DROP FELL1 &1 SO TO SPEAK1 REB\ND$1 UPON ! L95 ( ! AWN+1 ANO!R ROLL$1 A GR[+ BALL ( DU/1 ALONG ! PA?2 !N1 ) A S\ND LIKE DEAD5$ HAIL1 CAME ! HEAVY DA% ( RA91 GA!R+ =CE EV]Y MOM5T4 ,AT ONCE1 AS IF BY CONC]T1 FROGS & NI<T+ALES W]E SIL5T2 BUT ! LI<T PLA% ( ! F\NTA9 WAS /ILL HE>D B5EA? ! BEAT+ ( ! RA91 & F> (F 9 ! DI/ANCE SOME LITTLE BIRD1 NO D\BT SAFE & DRY UND] A %ELT]+ B\<1 *IRP$ 9 MONOTON\S RHY?M HIS TWO RECURR+ NOTES4 ,S]GIUS ROSE TO GO 9TO ! H\SE4 

0,:]E >E Y\ GO+80 SAID ,I1 /OPP+ HIM4 0,IT IS SO DELI<TFUL H]E60 

0,I MU/ S5D AN UMBRELLA & SOME OV]%OES40 

0,IT IS NOT NECESS>Y1 ?IS WILL BE OV] DIRECTLY40 

,HE ASS5T$1 & WE REMA9$ /&+ TOGE!R BY ! BALU/RADE ( ! BALCONY4 ,I PUT MY H& ON ! WET SLIPP]Y RAIL1 & LEAN$ =W>D 9TO ! RA91 ! COOL DROPS FALL+ LI<TLY ON MY HAIR & NECK4 ,! CL\D1 BRI<T5+ & ?9N+1 SCATT]$ 9 %9+ SPRAY ABOVE US1 ! REGUL> BEAT ( ! %[] WAS SUCCE$$ BY ! S\ND ( HEAVY DROPS FALL+ MORE & MORE R>ELY FROM ! SKY OR FROM ! TREES4 ,! FROGS RESUM$ !IR CROAK+1 ! NI<T+ALES %OOK !IR W+S & BEGAN AGA9 TO RESPOND TO EA* O!R FROM BEH9D ! GLI/5+ %RUBS1 N[ ON ONE SIDE1 N[ ON ANO!R4 ,ALL WAS S]5E AGA9 BE=E US4 

0,H[ GOOD IT IS TO LIVE60 HE SAID1 LEAN+ OV] ! BALU/RADE & PASS+ HIS H& OV] MY WET HAIR4 

,?IS SIMPLE C>ESS ACT$ ON ME LIKE A REPROA*1 & ,I LONG$ TO LET MY TE>S FL[4 

0,:AT MORE CAN A MAN NE$80 CONT9U$ HE4 0,I AM AT ?IS MOM5T SO CONT5T1 ?AT ,I FEEL NO?+ WANT+1 & ,I AM COMPLETELY HAPPY60 

70,Y\ DID NOT SPEAK SO TO ME :5 TO HE> IT W\LD HAVE MADE MY HAPP9ESS10 ,I ?\<T4 0,H[EV] GREAT Y\RS WAS1 !N1 Y\ US$ TO SAY ?AT Y\ WI%$ = MORE ( IT1 /ILL MORE4 ,& N[ Y\ >E CALM & CONT5T1 :5 MY S\L IS FULL ( 9EXPRESSIBLE REP5TANCE & UNSATISFI$ TE>S607 

0,TO ME1 TOO1 LIFE IS GOOD10 SAID ,I1 0& IT IS PRECISELY BECAUSE IT IS SO GOOD TO ME1 ?AT ,I AM SAD4 ,I FEEL SO DETA*$1 SO 9COMPLETE2 ,I AM ALWAYS WANT+ SOME O!R ?+1 & YET EV]Y?+ H]E IS SO GOOD1 SO TRANQUIL6 ,CAN IT BE POSSIBLE ?AT = Y\ NO SORR[ EV] SEEMS M+L$ ) Y\R PLEASURE 9 LIFE8--AS IF1 = 9/ANCE1 Y\ W]E FEEL+ REGRET = SOME?+ 9 ! PA/80 

,HE DREW AWAY ! H& RE/+ ON MY HEAD1 & WAS SIL5T = A MOM5T4 

0,YES1 ?AT HAS BE5 ! CASE ) ME1 =M]LY1 P>TICUL>LY 9 ! SPR+10 HE SAID1 AS IF SE>*+ HIS MEMORY4 0,YES1 ,I ALSO HAVE SP5T :OLE NI<TS 9 LONG+S & FE>S1--& :AT BEAUTIFUL NI<TS !Y W]E6444 ,BUT !N ALL WAS BE=E ME1 & N[ ALL IS BEH9D2 N[ ,I AM CONT5T ) :AT IS1 & ?AT TO ME IS P]FECTION10 HE CONCLUD$1 ) SU* EASY FRANKNESS ( MANN]1 ?AT1 PA9FUL AS IT WAS TO HE>1 ,I WAS CONV9C$ ?AT IT WAS ! TRU?4 

0,!N Y\ DESIRE NO?+ MORE80 ,I QUE/ION$4 

0,NO?+ IMPOSSIBLE10 HE REPLI$1 DIV9+ MY ?\<T4 0,H[ WET Y\ HAVE MADE Y\R HEAD10 HE W5T ON1 C>ESS+ ME LIKE A *ILD1 & PASS+ HIS H& AGA9 OV] MY HAIR2 0Y\ >E JEAL\S ( ! LEAVES & GRASS :I* ! RA9 WAS FALL+ ON2 Y\ W\LD LIKE TO BE ! GRASS & ! LEAVES & ! RA92 :ILE ,I--,I 5JOY SIMPLY SEE+ !M1 AS ,I DO SEE+ :ATEV] IS GOOD1 Y\NG1 HAPPY40 

0,& Y\ REGRET NO?+ 9 ! PA/80 ,I P]SI/$1 ) ! DULL WEI<T ON MY HE>T GR[+ HEAVI] & HEAVI]4 

,HE SEEM$ TO MUSE = A MOM5T1 KEEP+ SIL5T4 ,I SAW ?AT HE WI%$ TO ANSW] HONE/LY4 

0,NO60 HE SAID1 AT L5G?1 BRIEFLY4 

0,?AT IS NOT TRUE6 ?AT IS NOT TRUE60 ,I CRI$1 TURN+ & FAC+ HIM1 ) MY EYES FIX$ UPON HIS4 0,Y\ DO NOT REGRET ! PA/80 

0,NO60 HE REPEAT$4 0,I BLESS IT1 BUT ,I DO NOT REGRET IT40 

0,& Y\ W\LD NOT WI% TO GO BACK TO IT80 

,HE TURN$ AWAY1 LOOK+ \T OV] ! G>D54 

0,I NO MORE WI% ?AT ?AN ,I W\LD WI% TO HAVE W+S4 ,IT CANNOT BE40 

0,& Y\ W\LD NOT RE-MAKE ?IS PA/8 ,& Y\ REPROA* NEI!R Y\RSELF1 NOR ME80 

0,NEV]6 ALL HAS BE5 = ! BE/40 

0,LI/560 SAID ,I1 SEIZ+ HIS H& TO =CE HIM TO TURN T[>DS ME4 0,LI/56 ,:Y DID Y\ NEV] TELL ME :AT Y\ WI%$ FROM ME1 ?AT ,I MI<T HAVE LIV$ EXACTLY AS Y\ DESIR$8 ,:Y DID Y\ GIVE ME A LIB]TY :I* ,I KNEW NOT H[ TO USE8 :Y DID Y\ CEASE TO TEA* ME8 ,IF Y\ HAD WI%$ IT1 IF Y\ HAD C>$ TO GUIDE ME DIFF]5TLY1 NO?+1 NO?+ W\LD HAVE HAPP5$10 ,I W5T ON1 9 A VOICE :I* MORE & MORE 5]GETICALLY EXPRESS$ ANG] & REPROA*1 ) NONE ( ! =M] LOVE4 

0,:AT IS IT ?AT W\LD NOT HAVE HAPP5$80 SAID HE ) SURPRISE1 TURN+ T[>DS ME4 0,!RE HAS BE5 NO?+4 ,ALL IS WELL1 V]Y WELL10 HE REPEAT$ SMIL+4 

0,CAN IT BE POSSIBLE10 ,I ?\<T1 ?AT HE DOES NOT UND]/& ME8 0OR1 WORSE /ILL1 ?AT HE WILL NOT UND]/& ME80 & MY TE>S BEGAN TO FALL4 

0,?IS W\LD HAVE HAPP5$1--?AT1 NOT HAV+ MADE ME GUILTY T[>DS Y\1 Y\ W\LD NOT HAVE PUNI%$ ME BY Y\R 9DIFF]5CE1 Y\R CONTEMPT10 ,I BROKE \T4 0,:AT W\LD NOT HAVE HAPP5$ IS SEE+ MYSELF1 ) NO FAULT ON MY [N P>T1 SUDD5LY ROBB$ BY Y\ ( ALL ?AT WAS DE> TO ME40 

0,:AT >E Y\ SAY+1 MY D>L+80 HE EXCLAIM$1 AS IF HE HAD NOT UND]/OOD MY WORDS4 

0,NO1 LET ME F9I%6 ,Y\ HAVE ROBB$ ME ( Y\R CONFID5CE1 Y\R LOVE1 EV5 ( Y\R E/EEM1 & ?IS BECAUSE ,I CEAS$ TO BELIEVE ?AT Y\ /ILL LOV$ ME AFT] :AT HAD TAK5 PLACE6 ,NO10 ,I W5T ON1 *ECK+ HIM AGA9 AS HE WAS AB\T TO 9T]RUPT ME1 0= ONCE ,I MU/ SPEAK \T ALL ?AT HAS BE5 TORTUR+ ME SO LONG6 ,WAS ,I TO BLAME BECAUSE ,I DID NOT KN[ LIFE1 & BECAUSE Y\ LEFT ME TO F9D IT \T = MYSELF8444 ,& AM ,I TO BLAME ?AT N[1--:5 AT LA/ ,I COMPREH5D1 ( MYSELF1 :AT IS NECESS>Y 9 LIFE2 N[1 :5 = MORE ?AN A YE> ,I HAVE BE5 MAK+ A /RUGGLE TO RETURN TO Y\1--Y\ CON/ANTLY REPULSE ME1 CON/ANTLY PRET5D NOT TO KN[ :AT ,I WANT8 & ?+S >E SO >RANG$ ?AT !RE IS NEV] ANY?+ = Y\ TO REPROA* Y\RSELF )1 :ILE ,I AM LEFT TO BE MIS]ABLE & GUILTY8 ,YES1 Y\ W\LD CA/ ME BACK AGA9 9TO ?AT LIFE :I* MU/ MAKE WRET*$NESS = ME & = Y\60 

0,& H[ AM ,I DO+ ?AT80 HE ASK$1 ) S9C]E SURPRISE & AL>M4 

0,DID NOT Y\ TELL ME YE/]DAY1--YES1 Y\ TELL ME SO P]PETUALLY1--?AT ! LIFE H]E DOES NOT SUIT ME1 & ?AT WE MU/ GO TO ,/4 ,PET]SBURG AGA9 = ! W9T]8 ,9/EAD ( SUPPORT+ ME10 ,I CONT9U$1 0Y\ AVOID ALL FRANKNESS ) ME1 ANY TALK ?AT IS SWEET1 & REAL4 ,& !N IF ,I FALL1 Y\ WILL REPROA* ME ) IT1 OR Y\ WILL MAKE LI<T ( IT60 

0,/OP1 /OP10 HE SAID SEV]ELY & COLDLY2 0:AT Y\ >E SAY+ IS NOT RI<T4 ,IT ONLY %[S ?AT Y\ >E BADLY DISPOS$ T[>DS ME1 ?AT Y\ DO NOT44440 

0,?AT ,I DO NOT LOVE Y\6 SAY IT6 SAY IT1 !N60 ,I EXCLAIM$1 BL9D ) MY TE>S4 ,I SAT D[N ON ! B5*1 & COV]$ MY FACE ) MY H&K]*IEF4 

0,?AT IS ! WAY HE UND]/&S ME60 ,I ?\<T1 TRY+ TO CONTROL MY *OK+ SOBS4 0,IT IS ALL OV] ) \R OLD LOVE60 SAID ! VOICE 9 MY HE>T4 ,HE DID NOT COME NE> ME1 & MADE NO ATTEMPT TO CONSOLE ME4 ,HE WAS W\ND$ BY :AT ,I HAD SAID4 ,HIS VOICE WAS CALM & DRY1 AS HE BEGAN3 

0,I DO NOT KN[ :AT Y\ HAVE TO REPROA* ME )1 EXCEPT ?AT ,I DO NOT LOVE Y\ AS ,I US$ TO DO60 

0,AS Y\ US$ TO LOVE ME64440 ,I MURMUR$ UND] MY H&K]*IEF1 DR5*+ IT ) BITT] TE>S4 

0,& = ?AT1 TIME & \RSELVES >E EQUALLY GUILTY4 ,= EA* P]IOD !RE IS ONE SUITABLE PHASE ( LOVE44440 

,HE WAS SIL5T4 

0,& %ALL ,I TELL Y\ ! :OLE TRU?1 S9CE Y\ DESIRE FRANKNESS8 ,JU/ AS1 DUR+ ?AT FIR/ YE> ( \R ACQUA9TANCE1 ,I SP5T NI<T AFT] NI<T )\T SLEEP1 ?9K+ ( Y\ & BUILD+ UP MY [N LOVE1 UNTIL IT GREW TO FILL ALL MY HE>T1 SO 9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG & :ILE WE W]E ABROAD ,I SP5T FE>FUL NI<TS 9 /RIV+ TO BREAK D[N & DE/ROY ?IS LOVE :I* WAS MY TORM5T4 ,I C\LD NOT DE/ROY IT1 BUT ,I DID AT LEA/ DE/ROY ! ELEM5T :I* HAD TORM5T$ ME2 ,I BECAME TRANQUIL1 & YET ,I CONT9U$ TO LOVE Y\1--BUT IT WAS ) ANO!R LOVE40 

0,& Y\ CALL ?AT LOVE1 :5 IT WAS NO?+ BUT A PUNI%M5T60 ,I REPLI$4 0,:Y DID Y\ LET ME LIVE 9 ! WORLD1 IF IT APPE>$ TO Y\ SO P]NICI\S ?AT BECAUSE ( IT Y\ W\LD CEASE TO LOVE ME80 

0,IT WAS NOT ! WORLD1 MY DE>1 ?AT WAS ! GUILTY ONE40 

0,:Y DID Y\ NOT USE Y\R P[]8 ,:Y DID Y\ NOT /RANGLE ME8 ,MURD] ME8 ,?AT W\LD HAVE BE5 BETT] = ME TO-DAY ?AN TO HAVE LO/ ALL ?AT MADE MY HAPP9ESS1--IT W\LD HAVE BE5 BETT] = ME1 & AT LEA/ !RE W\LD NOT HAVE BE5 ! %AME60 

,I BEGAN TO SOB AGA91 & ,I COV]$ MY FACE4 

,JU/ AT ?AT MOM5T ,MA*A & ,SONIA1 WET & M]RY1 RAN UP ON ! T]RACE1 LAU<+ & TALK+2 BUT AT ! SI<T ( US !IR VOICES W]E HU%$1 & !Y HURRI$ 9TO ! H\SE4 

,WE REMA9$ :]E WE W]E1 = A LONG TIME1 SIL5T2 AFT] !Y W]E GONE1 ,I SOBB$ ON UNTIL MY TE>S W]E EXHAU/$ & ,I FELT SOME:AT CALM]4 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM4 ,HE WAS SITT+ ) HIS HEAD RE/+ ON HIS H&1 & APPE>$ TO WI% TO SAY SOME?+ TO ME 9 RESPONSE TO MY GLANCE1 BUT HE ONLY GAVE A HEAVY SI< & PUT HIS HEAD D[N AGA94 

,I W5T TO HIM & DREW HIS H& AWAY4 ,HE TURN$ !N1 & LOOK$ AT ME ?\<TFULLY4 

0,YES10 HE SAID1 AS IF PURSU+ HIS [N ?\<TS1 0= ALL ( US1 & P>TICUL>LY = Y\ WOM51 IT IS NECESS>Y ?AT WE %\LD \RSELVES LIFT TO \R [N LIPS ! CUP ( ! VANITIES ( LIFE1 BE=E WE CAN TA/E LIFE ITSELF2 NO ONE BELIEVES ! EXP]I5CE ( O!RS4 ,Y\ HAD NOT1 AT ?AT TIME1 DIPP$ V]Y DEEP 9TO ! SCI5CE ( ?OSE 5TRANC+ & S$UC+ VANITIES4 ,!RE=E ,I ALL[$ Y\ TO PLUNGE = A MOM5T2 ,I HAD NO RI<T TO =BID IT1 SIMPLY BECAUSE MY [N H\R = IT WAS LONG S9CE OV]40 

0,:Y DID Y\ LET ME LIVE AMONG !SE VANITIES1 IF Y\ LOV$ ME80 

0,BECAUSE Y\ W\LD NOT--NAY1 MORE1 Y\ C\LD NOT--HAVE BELIEV$ ME AB\T !M2 IT WAS NECESS>Y = Y\ TO LE>N = Y\RSELF2 & Y\ HAVE LE>N$40 

0,Y\ REASON$ A GREAT DEAL10 SAID ,I4 0,?AT WAS BECAUSE Y\ LOV$ ME SO LITTLE40 

,WE W]E SIL5T AGA94 

0,:AT Y\ HAVE JU/ SAID TO ME IS H>D1 BUT IT IS ! TRU?10 HE RESUM$1 AFT] A :ILE1 RIS+ ABRUPTLY1 & BEG9N+ TO WALK AB\T ! T]RACE2 0YES1 IT IS ! TRU?6 ,I HAVE BE5 TO BLAME10 HE W5T ON1 /OPP+ BE=E ME4444 0,EI!R ,I \<T NOT TO HAVE LET MYSELF LOVE Y\ AT ALL1 OR ,I \<T TO HAVE LOV$ Y\ MORE SIMPLY--YES60 

0,S]GIUS1 LET US =GET EV]Y?+10 SAID ,I1 TIMIDLY4 

0,NO1 :AT IS GONE NEV] COMES AGA91 !RE CAN BE NO TURN+ BACK 4440 HIS VOICE S(T5$ AS HE SPOKE4 

0,IT HAS ALREADY COME AGA910 SAID ,I1 LAY+ MY H& ON HIS %\LD]4 

,HE TOOK ! H& 9 HIS1 & PRESS$ IT4 

0,NO1 ,I WAS NOT TELL+ ! TRU?1 :5 ,I PRET5D$ NOT TO REGRET ! PA/2 NO1 ,I DO REGRET Y\R PA/ LOVE2 ,I BITT]LY M\RN OV] IT1--?IS LOVE1 :I* CAN NO LONG] EXI/4 ,:O IS TO BLAME8 ,I DO NOT KN[4 ,LOVE !RE MAY EV5 YET BE1 BUT NOT ! SAME2 ITS PLACE IS /ILL !RE1 BUT D>K5$ & DESOLAT$2 IT IS )\T SAVOR & )\T /R5G?2 ! REMEMBRANCE HAS NOT VANI%$1 NOR ! GRATITUDE1 BUT44440 

0,DO NOT SPEAK SO10 ,I 9T]RUPT$4 0,LET IT COME TO LIFE AGA91 LET IT BE :AT IT WAS4444 ,MI<T ?AT BE80 ,I ASK$1 LOOK+ 9TO HIS FACE4 ,HIS EYES W]E S]5E1 QUIET1 & MET M9E )\T !IR OLD DEEP LOOK4 

,EV5 AS ,I ASK$ ! QUE/ION ,I FELT ! ANSW]1 FELT ?AT MY WI% WAS NO LONG] POSSIBLE TO REALIZE4 ,HE SMIL$2 IT SEEM$ TO ME AN OLD MAN'S SMILE1 G5TLE & FULL ( PEACE4 

0,H[ Y\NG Y\ /ILL >E1 & H[ OLD ,I AM ALREADY60 HE SAID4 0,:Y DELUDE \RSELVES80 HE ADD$1 /ILL ) ! SAME SMILE4 

,I REMA9$ NE> HIM1 SIL5T1 & FEEL+ MY S\L GR[ MORE & MORE TRANQUIL4 

0,DO NOT LET US TRY TO REPEAT LIFE10 HE W5T ON1 0NOR TO LIE TO \RSELVES4 ,BUT IT IS SOME?+1 TO HAVE NO LONG]1 ,GOD WILL+1 EI!R DISQUIET OR DI/RESS4 ,WE HAVE NO?+ TO SEEK =4 ,WE HAVE ALREADY F\ND1 ALREADY %>$1 HAPP9ESS 5\<4 ,ALL WE HAVE TO DO N[ IS TO OP5 ! WAY1--Y\ SEE TO :OM44440 HE SAID1 PO9T+ \T LITTLE ,VANIA1 9 HIS NURSE'S >MS1 AT ! T]RACE DOOR4 0,?AT IS NECESS>Y1 DE> LOVE10 HE CONCLUD$1 B5D+ OV] ME & DROPP+ A KISS ON MY HAIR4 

,IT WAS NO LONG] A LOV]1 IT WAS AN OLD FRI5D :O GAVE ! C>ESS4 

,! P]FUM$ FRE%NESS ( NI<T WAS RIS+1 SWEET] & /RONG]1 FROM ! G>D52 ! FEW S\NDS AUDIBLE W]E SOLEMN & F> (F1 & SOON GAVE WAY TO DEEP TRANQUILITY2 ONE BY ONE ! />S %ONE \T4 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM1 & ALL AT ONCE ,I BECAME CONSCI\S ( 9F9ITE RELIEF 9 MY S\L2 IT WAS AS IF A MORAL N]VE1 :OSE S5SITIV5ESS HAD CAUS$ ME KE5 SUFF]+ HAD SUDD5LY BE5 REMOV$4 ,QUIETLY & CLE>LY ,I COMPREH5D$ ?AT ! DOM9ANT S5TIM5T ( ?IS PHASE ( MY EXI/5CE WAS IRREVOCABLY GONE1 AS WAS ! PHASE ITSELF1 & ?AT NOT ONLY WAS ITS RETURN IMPOSSIBLE1 BUT ?AT IT W\LD BE TO ME FULL ( UN5DURABLE PA94 ,!RE HAD BE5 5\< ( ?IS TIME2 & HAD IT 9DE$ BE5 SO GOOD1--?IS TIME1 :I* TO ME HAD SEEM$ TO 5CLOSE SU* JOYS8 ,& ALREADY IT HAD LA/$ SO LONG1 SO LONG6 

0,BUT TEA IS WAIT+10 HE SAID1 G5TLY2 & WE W5T TOGE!R TO ! DRAW+-ROOM4 

,AT ! DOOR ,I MET ,MA*A1 & ! NURSE ) ,VANIA4 ,I TOOK ! *ILD 9 MY >MS1 WRAPP$ UP ! LITTLE B>E FEET1 &1 HOLD+ IT CLOSE TO MY HE>T1 B>ELY T\*$ ITS LIPS ) A LI<T KISS4 ,ALMO/ ASLEEP AS IT WAS1 IT MOV$ ITS LITTLE >MS1 /RET*$ \T ! CRUMPL$ F+]S1 & OP5$ ITS BEWILD]$ EYES1 AS IF TRY+ TO F9D OR REMEMB] SOME?+2 ALL AT ONCE ITS EYES FELL ON ME1 A LOOK ( 9TELLIG5CE SP>KL$ 9 !M1 & ! P9K PURS$-UP LIPS L5G!N$ 9 A BABY SMILE4 0,Y\ >E M9E1 M9E60 ?\<T ,I1 ) A DELICI\S ?RILL RUNN+ ?R\< ME1 & AS ,I /RA9$ IT TO MY HE>T ,I WAS HALF AFRAID ( HURT+ IT ) MY EAG] EMBRACE4 ,OV] & OV] ,I KISS$ ITS COLD LITTLE FEET1 ITS BREA/1 ITS >MS1 & HEAD ) ! SCANT COV]+ ( D[N4 ,MY HUSB& CAME UP TO US1 QUICKLY DREW ! WRAPP+ OV] ! BABY'S FACE1 !N1 DRAW+ IT AWAY AGA93 

0,IVAN ,S]GEVIT*60 HE SAID ) F+] UND] ! LITTLE *94 

,BUT ,I1 9 MY TURN1 COV]$ UP ,IVAN ,S]GEVIT*4 ,NO ONE %\LD LOOK AT HIM SO LONG1 EXCEPT MYSELF4 ,I GLANC$ AT MY HUSB&1 HIS EYES LAU<$ AS !Y RE/$ ON M9E1 & IT WAS LONG S9CE ,I HAD MET HIS ) SU* HAPPY JOY4 

,?IS DAY 5D$ MY ROMANCE ) MY HUSB&4 ,! OLD LOVE REMA9$1 & ! DE> REMEMBRANCE ( :AT C\LD NEV] COME BACK TO ME2 BUT A NEW LOVE = MY *ILDR5 & MY *ILDR5'S FA!R1 BEGAN ANO!R LIFE & ANO!R WAY ( HAPP9ESS1 UP TO ?IS H\R UN5D+ 444 = AT LA/ ,I KN[ ?AT 9 HOME1 & 9 ! PURE JOYS ( HOME WILL BE F\ND--REAL HAPP9ESS6 

,! ,5,D4 

,FROM 3 ,!,AN>*I/,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
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