,*APT] #d 

#aheiahei 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,IT WAS ! ,C>EME DE L',ASSOMPTION1.<#c.> & CONSEQU5TLY NO ONE WAS SURPRIS$ AT MY COMM5C+ A SEASON ( DEVOTION4 

,DUR+ ?IS :OLE WEEK ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT* DID NOT ONCE COME TO SEE US1 & F> FROM BE+ SURPRIS$1 AL>M$1 OR ANGRY ) HIM1 ,I WAS CONT5T1 & DID NOT EXPECT HIM BE=E MY BIR?DAY4 ,?R\<\T ?IS WEEK ,I ROSE V]Y E>LY EV]Y DAY1 & :ILE ! HORSES W]E BE+ H>NESS$ ,I WALK$ 9 ! G>D51 ALONE1 M$ITAT+ UPON ! PA/1 & ?9K+ :AT ,I MU/ DO 9 ORD] ?AT ! EV5+ %\LD F9D ME SATISFI$ ) MY DAY1 & PR\D ( HAV+ COMMITT$ NO FAULTS4 

,:5 ! HORSES W]E READY1 ,I 5T]$ ! DROS*KY1 ACCOMPANI$ BY ,MA*A OR A MAID-S]VANT1 & DROVE AB\T ?REE V]/S TO *UR*4 ,9 5T]+ ! *UR*1 ,I NEV] FAIL$ TO REMEMB] ?AT WE PRAY !RE = ALL ?OSE 0:O 5T] ?IS PLACE 9 ! FE> ( ,GOD10 & ,I /ROVE TO RISE TO ! LEVEL ( ?IS ?\<T1 ABOVE ALL :5 MY FEET FIR/ T\*$ ! TWO GRASS-GR[N /EPS ( ! POR*4 ,AT ?IS H\R !RE W]E NOT USUALLY 9 ! *UR* MORE ?AN T5 OR A DOZ5 P]SONS1 PEASANTS & DROROVIES1 PREP>+ TO MAKE !IR DEVOTIONS2 ,I RETURN$ !IR SALUTATIONS ) M>K$ HUMILITY1 & W5T MYSELF1 7:I* ,I REG>D$ AS AN ACT ( SUP]IOR M]IT17 TO ! DRAW] :]E ! WAX TAP]S W]E KEPT1 RECEIV$ A FEW FROM ! H& ( ! OLD SOLDI] :O P]=M$ ! (FICE ( />O/E1.<#d.> & PLAC$ !M BE=E ! IMAGES4 ,?R\< ! DOOR ( ! SANCTU>Y ,I C\LD SEE ! ALT>-CLO? ,MAMA HAD EMBROID]$1 & ABOVE ! ICON/ASE.<#e.> TWO ANGELS SPANGL$ ) />S1 :I* ,I HAD CONSID]$ MAGNIFIC5T :5 ,I WAS A LITTLE GIRL2 & A DOVE SURR\ND$ BY A GILD$ AUREOLE :I*1 AT ?AT SAME P]IOD1 (T5 US$ TO ABSORB MY ATT5TION4 ,BEH9D ! *OIR ,I CAU<T A GLIMPSE ( ! EMBOSS$ FONTS NE> :I* ,I HAD SO (T5 HELD ! *ILDR5 ( \R DROROVIES1 & :]E ,I MYSELF HAD RECEIV$ BAPTISM4 ,! OLD PRIE/ APPE>$1 WE>+ A *ASUBLE CUT FROM CLO? :I* HAD BE5 ! PALL ( MY FA!R'S C(F91 & HE 9TON$ ! S]VICE 9 ! SAME VOICE :I*1 AS F> BACK AS ,I C\LD REMEMB]1 HAD *ANT$ ! (FICES ( ! ,*UR* AT \R H\SE1 AT ,SONIA'S BAPTISM1 AT MY FA!R'S FUN]AL S]VICE1 AT MY MO!R'S BURIAL4 ,9 ! *OIR ,I HE>D ! FAMILI> CRACK$ VOICE ( ! PREC5TOR2 ,I SAW1 AS ,I HAD ALWAYS SE5 H]1 A C]TA9 OLD WOMAN1 ALMO/ B5T D\BLE1 :O CAME TO EV]Y S]VICE1 LEAN$ H] BACK AGA9/ ! WALL1 &1 HOLD+ H] FAD$ H&K]*IEF 9 H] TI<TLY CLASP$ H&S1 GAZ$ ) EYES FULL ( TE>S AT ONE ( ! IMAGES 9 ! *OIR1 MUMBL+ ,I KNEW NOT :AT PRAY]S ) H] TOO?LESS M\?4 ,& ALL !SE OBJECTS1 ALL !SE BE+S1--IT WAS NOT M]E CURIOSITY OR REM9ISC5CE :I* BR\<T !M SO NE> TO ME2 ALL SEEM$ 9 MY EYES GREAT & HOLY1 ALL W]E FULL ( PR(\ND MEAN+4 

,I L5T AN ATT5TIVE E> TO EV]Y WORD ( ! PRAY]S ,I HE>D READ1 ,I 5DEAVOR$ TO BR+ MY FEEL+S 9TO ACCORD ) !M1 & IF ,I DID NOT COMPREH5D !M1 ,I M5TALLY BES\<T ,GOD TO 5LI<T5 ME1 OR SUB/ITUT$ A PETITION ( MY [N = ?AT :I* ,I HAD NOT UND]/OOD4 ,:5 ! P5IT5TIAL PRAY]S W]E READ1 ,I RECALL$ MY PA/1 & ?IS PA/ ( MY 9NOC5T *ILDHOOD APPE>$ TO ME SO BLACK 9 COMP>ISON ) ! /ATE ( S]5ITY 9 :I* MY S\L WAS1 AT ?IS TIME1 ?AT ,I WEPT OV] MYSELF1 T]RIFI$2 YET ,I FELT ?AT ALL WAS =GIV5 ME1 & ?AT EV5 IF ,I HAD HAD MANY MORE FAULTS TO REPROA* MYSELF )1 REP5TANCE W\LD ONLY HAVE BE5 ALL ! SWEET] TO ME4 

,AT ! CONCLUSION ( ! S]VICE1 AT ! MOM5T :5 ! PRIE/ PRON\NC$ ! WORDS3 0,MAY ! BLESS+ ( ! ,LORD \R ,GOD BE UPON Y\10 ,I SEEM$ TO FEEL )9 ME1 9/ANTANE\SLY COMMUNICAT$ TO ALL MY BE+1 A S5SE ( EV51 AS IT W]E1 PHYSICAL COM=T1 AS IF A CURR5T ( LI<T & W>M? HAD SUDD5LY P\R$ 9TO MY V]Y HE>T4 

,:5 ! S]VICE WAS OV]1 IF ! PRIE/ APPROA*$ ME TO ASK IF HE %\LD COME TO \R H\SE TO CELEBRATE VESP]S1 & :AT H\R W\LD SUIT ME1 ,I ?ANK$ HIM ) EMOTION = HIS (F]1 BUT TOLD HIM ?AT ,I W\LD COME MYSELF TO ! *UR* EI!R ON FOOT OR 9 ! C>RIAGE4 

0,SO Y\ WILL Y\RSELF TAKE ?AT TR\BLE80 HE ASK$4 

,I C\LD NOT ANSW]1 = FE> ( S9N+ FROM PRIDE4 ,UNLESS ,MA*A WAS ) ME1 ,I S5T ! C>RIAGE HOME FROM ! *UR*1 & RETURN$ ON FOOT1 ALONE1 SALUT+ HUMBLY ALL :OM ,I MET1 SEEK+ OCCASION TO ASSI/ !M1 TO ADVISE !M1 TO SACRIFICE MYSELF = !M 9 SOME WAY2 HELP+ TO LIFT A LOAD OR C>RY A *ILD1 OR /EPP+ ASIDE 9TO ! MUD TO YIELD A PASSAGE4 

,ONE EV5+ ,I HE>D \R 9T5DANT1 9 MAK+ HIS REPORT TO ,MA*A1 SAY ?AT A PEASANT1 ,SIMON1 HAD COME TO BEG = SOME WOOD TO MAKE A C(F9 = HIS DAU<T]1 & = A SILV] RUBLE TO PAY = ! MORTU>Y S]VICE1 & ?AT HIS REQUE/ HAD BE5 COMPLI$ )4 

0,>E !Y SO POOR80 ,I 9QUIR$4 

0,V]Y POOR1 MY LADY2 !Y LIVE )\T SALT10.<#f.> REPLI$ ! 9T5DANT4 

,I WAS DI/RESS$1 YET1 AT ! SAME TIME1 9 A MANN] REJOIC$ TO HE> ?IS4 ,MAK+ ,MA*A BELIEVE ?AT ,I WAS GO+ = A WALK1 ,I RAN UP/AIRS1 TOOK ALL MY MONEY 7IT WAS V]Y LITTLE1 BUT IT WAS ALL ,I HAD17 &1 HAV+ MADE ! SIGN ( ! CROSS1 HURRI$ (F1 ACROSS ! T]RACE & G>D51 TO ,SIMON'S COTTAGE 9 ! VILLAGE4 ,IT WAS AT ! 5D ( ! LITTLE CLU/] ( H\SES1 &1 UNSE5 BY ANYONE1 ,I APPROA*$ ! W9D[1 LAID ! MONEY UPON ! SILL & TAPP$ G5TLY4 ,! DOOR OP5$1 SOME ONE CAME \T ( ! COTTAGE & CALL$ TO ME2 BUT ,I1 COLD & TREMBL+ ) FE> LIKE A CRIM9AL1 RAN AWAY HOME4 ,MA*A ASK$ :]E ,I HAD BE51 :AT WAS ! MATT] ) ME8 ,BUT ,I DID NOT EV5 UND]/& :AT %E WAS SAY+1 & MADE NO REPLY4 

,EV]Y?+ AT ?IS MOM5T APPE>$ TO ME SO SMALL1 & ( SO LITTLE CONSEQU5CE6 ,I %UT MYSELF UP 9 MY *AMB]1 & WALK$ UP & D[N !RE ALONE1 = A LONG TIME1 NOT FEEL+ DISPOS$ TO DO ANY?+1 TO ?9K ANY?+1 & 9CAPABLE ( ANALYZ+ MY [N S5SATIONS4 ,I IMAG9$ ! DELI<T ( ! :OLE FAMILY1 & :AT !Y W\LD ALL SAY AB\T ! P]SON :O HAD PLAC$ ! MONEY UPON !IR W9D[1 & ,I BEGAN TO REGRET ?AT ,I HAD NOT GIV5 IT TO !M MYSELF4 ,I WOND]$ :AT ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT* W\LD HAVE SAID1 IF HE HAD KN[N :AT ,I HAD DONE1 & ,I WAS DELI<T$ TO ?9K ?AT HE NEV] W\LD KN[ IT4 ,& ,I WAS SO SEIZ$ ) JOY1 SO FILL$ ) A S5SE ( ! IMP]FECTION 9 MYSELF & 9 ALL1 YET SO 9CL9$ TO VIEW ) G5TL5ESS ALL !SE O!RS1 AS WELL AS MYSELF1 ?AT ! ?\<T ( DEA? (F]$ ITSELF TO ME AS A VISION ( BLISS4 ,I SMIL$1 ,I PRAY$1 ,I WEPT1 & AT ?IS 9/ANT ,I SUDD5LY LOV$ EV]Y CREATURE 9 ! WORLD1 & ,I LOV$ MYSELF ) A /RANGE >DOR4 ,SE>*+ MY PRAY]-BOOK1 ,I READ MANY PASSAGES FROM ! ,GOSPEL1 & ALL ?AT ,I READ 9 ?IS VOLUME BECAME MORE & MORE 9TELLIGIBLE2 ! /ORY ( ?AT DIV9E LIFE1 APPE>$ TO ME MORE T\*+ & SIMPLE1 :ILE ! DEP? ( FEEL+ & ( ?\<T REVEAL$ TO ME1 9 ?IS READ+1 BECAME MORE T]RIBLE & IMP5ETRABLE4 ,& H[ CLE> & EASY EV]Y?+ SEEM$1 :51 ON LAY+ ASIDE ! BOOK1 ,I LOOK$ AT MY LIFE & M$ITAT$ UPON IT4 ,IT SEEM$ IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIVE >I<T1 & V]Y SIMPLE TO LOVE EV]Y ONE & TO BE LOV$ BY EV]Y ONE4 ,BESIDES1 EV]Y ONE WAS GOOD & G5TLE TO ME1 EV5 ,SONIA1 :OM ,I CONT9U$ TO TEA*1 & :O HAD BECOME TOTALLY DIFF]5T1 :O REALLY MADE AN EF=T TO UND]/&1 & TO SATISFY ME1 & GIVE ME NO ANNOYANCE4 ,:AT ,I WAS TRY+ TO BE TO O!RS1 O!RS W]E TO ME4 

,PASS+ !N TO MY 5EMIES1 FROM :OM ,I MU/ OBTA9 =GIV5ESS BE=E ! GREAT DAY1 ,I C\LD NOT ?9K ( ANY EXCEPT ONE Y\NG LADY 9 ! NEI<BORHOOD1 :OM ,I HAD LAU<$ AT BE=E SOME COMPANY1 AB\T A YE> BE=E1 & :O HAD CEAS$ TO VISIT AT \R H\SE4 ,I WROTE A LETT] TO H]1 ACKN[L$G+ MY FAULT1 & BEGG+ H] P>DON4 ,%E RESPOND$ BY FULLY GRANT+ IT1 & ASK+ M9E 9 RETURN4 ,I %$ TE>S ( PLEASURE :ILE READ+ !SE FRANK L9ES1 :I* SEEM$ TO ME FULL ( DEEP & T\*+ S5TIM5T4 ,MY MAID WEPT :5 ,I ASK$ H] P>DON ALSO4 ,:Y W]E !Y ALL SO GOOD TO ME8 ,H[ HAD ,I DES]V$ SO MU* AFFECTION8 ,I ASK$ MYSELF4 ,9VOLUNT>ILY ,I BEGAN TO ?9K AB\T ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*4 ,I C\LD NOT HELP IT1 & BESIDES ,I DID NOT CONSID] IT A LI<T OR FRIVOL\S DIV]SION4 ,TRUE ,I WAS NOT ?9K+ AB\T HIM AT ALL AS ,I HAD DONE ON ?AT NI<T :51 = ! FIR/ TIME1 ,I F\ND \T ?AT ,I LOV$ HIM2 ,I WAS ?9K+ ( HIM JU/ AS ( MYSELF1 L9K+ HIM1 9 SPITE ( MYSELF1 ) EV]Y PLAN & IDEA ( MY FUTURE4 ,! DOM9AT+ 9FLU5CE :I* HIS PRES5CE HAD EX]CIS$ OV] ME1 FAD$ AWAY COMPLETELY 9 MY IMAG9ATION4 ,I FELT MYSELF TO-DAY HIS EQUAL1 &1 FROM ! SUMMIT ( ! IDEAL $IFICE :5CE ,I WAS LOOK+ D[N1 ,I HAD FULL COMPREH5SION ( HIM4 ,:ATEV] 9 HIM HAD PREVI\SLY APPE>$ /RANGE TO ME WAS N[ 9TELLIGIBLE4 ,TO-DAY1 = ! FIR/ TIME1 ,I C\LD APPRECIATE ! ?\<T HE HAD EXPRESS$ TO ME1 ?AT HAPP9ESS CONSI/S 9 LIV+ = O!RS1 & TO-DAY ,I FELT 9 P]FECT UNISON ) HIM4 ,IT APPE>$ TO ME ?AT WE TWO W]E TO 5JOY A CALM & ILLIMITABLE HAPP9ESS4 ,NO ?\<T 5T]$ MY M9D ( J\RNEYS TO =EIGN L&S1 GUE/S AT HOME1 EXCITEM5T1 /IR1 & GAIETY2 IT WAS TO BE A PEACEFUL EXI/5CE1 A HOME LIFE 9 ! C\NTRY1 P]PETUAL ABNEGATION ( ONE'S [N WILL1 P]PETUAL LOVE = EA* O!R1 P]PETUAL & ABSOLUTE ?ANKFULNESS TO A LOV+ & HELPFUL ,PROVID5CE4 

,I CONCLUD$ MY DEVOTIONS1 AS ,I HAD PURPOS$1 UPON ! ANNIV]S>Y ( MY BIR?4 ,MY HE>T WAS SO OV]FL[+ ) HAPP9ESS1 ?AT DAY1 :5 ,I RETURN$ FROM *UR*1 ?AT !RE RESULT$ ALL K9DS ( DREAD ( LIFE1 FE> ( EV]Y FEEL+1 T]RORS ( :ATEV] MI<T DI/URB ?IS HAPP9ESS4 ,BUT WE HAD SC>CELY DESC5D$ FROM ! DROS*KY TO ! /EPS BE=E ! H\SE1 :5 ,I HE>D ! WELL-KN[N S\ND ( HIS CABRIOLET UPON ! BRIDGE1 & 9 A MOM5T ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT* WAS ) US4 ,HE (F]$ ME HIS CONGRATULATIONS1 & WE W5T 9TO ! DRAW+-ROOM TOGE!R4 ,NEV] S9CE ,I HAD KN[N HIM1 HAD ,I F\ND MYSELF SO CALM1 SO 9DEP5D5T 9 HIS PRES5CE1 AS UPON ?IS MORN+4 ,I FELT ?AT ,I BORE )9 MYSELF AN 5TIRE NEW WORLD1 :I* HE DID NOT COMPREH5D & :I* WAS SUP]IOR TO HIM4 ,I DID NOT FEEL ! LEA/ AGITATION 9 HIS SOCIETY4 ,HE MAY1 H[EV]1 HAVE UND]/OOD :AT WAS PASS+ )9 ME1 = HIS G5TL5ESS TO ME WAS PECULI>LY DELICATE1 ALMO/1 AS IT W]E1 A RELIGI\S DEF]5CE4 ,I WAS GO+ T[>DS ! PIANO1 BUT HE LOCK$ IT & PUT ! KEY 9 HIS POCKET1 SAY+3 

0,DO NOT SPOIL ! /ATE ( M9D ,I SEE Y\ >E 92 !RE IS S\ND+1 AT ?IS MOM5T1 9 ! DEP?S ( Y\R S\L1 A MUSIC :I* NO H>MONY ( ?IS E>? CAN APPROA*60 

,I WAS GRATEFUL TO HIM = ?IS ?\<T1 YET1 AT ! SAME TIME1 IT WAS A LITTLE DISPLEAS+ TO ME ?AT HE %\LD ?US UND]/&1 TOO EASILY1 & TOO CLE>LY1 :AT WAS TO REMA9 SECRET FROM ALL1 9 ! K+DOM ( MY S\L4 

,AFT] D9N] HE SAID ?AT HE HAD COME TO BR+ ME HIS CONGRATULATIONS & TO SAY F>EWELL1 AS HE WAS GO+ TO ,MOSC[ ON ! FOLL[+ DAY4 ,HE WAS LOOK+ AT ,MA*A :5 HE SAID ?IS1 BUT HE GAVE ME A QUICK SIDE-GLANCE AS IF HE WAS AFRAID ( NOTIC+ SOME EMOTION UPON MY C\NT5ANCE4 ,BUT ,I %[$ NEI!R SURPRISE NOR AGITATION1 & DID NOT EV5 ASK IF HIS ABS5CE W\LD BE LONG4 ,I KNEW ?AT HE SAID SO1 BUT ,I KNEW ?AT HE WAS NOT GO+4 ,H[8 ,I CANNOT1 N[1 EXPLA9 IT 9 ! LEA/2 BUT ON ?IS MEMORABLE DAY IT APPE>$ TO ME ?AT ,I KNEW ALL ?AT HAD BE51 & ALL ?AT W\LD BE4 ,I WAS 9 A MOOD AK9 TO ONE ( ?OSE HAPPY DREAMS1 :]E ONE HAS A K9D ( LUM9\S VISION ( BO? ! FUTURE & ! PA/4 

,HE HAD 9T5D$ GO+ IMM$IATELY AFT] D9N]1 BUT ,MA*A HAD LEFT ! TABLE1 TO TAKE H] SIE/A1 & HE WAS OBLIG$ TO WAIT UNTIL %E AWOKE 9 ORD] TO TAKE LEAVE ( H]4 

,! SUN WAS %9+ FULL 9TO ! DRAW+-ROOM1 & WE W5T \T UPON ! T]RACE4 ,WE W]E SC>CELY SEAT$1 :5 ,I 5T]$ UPON ! CONV]SATION :I* WAS TO DECIDE ! FATE ( MY LOVE4 ,I BEGAN TO SPEAK1 NEI!R SOON] NOR LAT]1 BUT AT ! FIR/ MOM5T ?AT F\ND US FACE TO FACE ALONE1 :5 NO?+ ELSE HAD BE5 SAID1 :5 NO?+ HAD /OL5 9TO ! TONE & G5]AL *>ACT] ( ! CONV]SATION :I* MI<T H9D] OR EMB>RASS :AT ,I WI%$ TO SAY4 ,I CANNOT MYSELF COMPREH5D :5CE CAME ! CALMNESS1 ! RESOLUTION1 ! PRECISION ( MY WORDS4 ,ONE W\LD HAVE SAID ?AT IT WAS NOT ,I :O WAS TALK+1 & ?AT SOME?+--,I KN[ NOT :AT--9DEP5D5T ( MY [N VOLITION1 WAS MAK+ ME SPEAK4 ,HE WAS SEAT$ OPPOSITE TO ME1 &1 HAV+ DRAWN D[N TO HIM A BRAN* ( LILAC1 BEGAN TO PLUCK (F ITS LEAVES4 ,:5 ,I OP5$ MY LIPS1 HE LET GO ! LITTLE BRAN*1 & COV]$ HIS FACE ) HIS H&4 ,?IS MI<T BE ! ATTITUDE ( A MAN :O WAS P]FECTLY CALM1 OR ?AT ( A MAN YIELD+ TO GREAT AGITATION4 

0,:Y >E Y\ GO+ AWAY80 ,I BEGAN1 9 A RESOLUTE TONE2 !N /OPP$1 & LOOK$ HIM /RAI<T 9 ! EYES4 

,HE DID NOT REPLY AT ONCE4 

0,BUS9ESS60 HE >TICULAT$1 LOOK+ D[N ON ! GR\ND4 

,I SAW ?AT IT WAS DIFFICULT = HIM TO DISSEMBLE 9 ANSW]+ A QUE/ION ,I PUT SO FRANKLY4 

0,LI/510 SAID ,I1 0Y\ KN[ :AT ?IS DAY IS TO ME4 ,9 MANY WAYS IT IS A GREAT DAY4 ,IF ,I QUE/ION Y\1 IT IS NOT ONLY TO %[ MY 9T]E/ 9 Y\ 7Y\ KN[ ,I AM US$ TO Y\1 & FOND ( Y\71 ,I QUE/ION Y\ BECAUSE ,I MU/ KN[4 ,:Y >E Y\ GO+ AWAY80 

0,IT IS EXCESSIVELY DIFFICULT TO TELL Y\ ! TRU?1 TO TELL Y\ :Y ,I AM GO+ AWAY4 ,DUR+ ?IS WEEK ,I HAVE ?\<T A GREAT DEAL ( Y\ & ( MYSELF1 & ,I HAVE DECID$ ?AT IT IS NECESS>Y = ME TO GO4 ,Y\ UND]/& 444 :Y8 ,& IF Y\ LOVE ME1 DO NOT QUE/ION ME60 

,HE PASS$ HIS H& ACROSS HIS BR[1 &1 COV]+ HIS EYES AGA9 ) ! SAME H&1 HE ADD$3 

0,?IS IS PA9FUL TO ME4444 ,BUT Y\ UND]/&1 ,KATIA60 

,MY HE>T BEGAN TO BEAT H>D 9 MY BREA/4 

0,I CANNOT UND]/&10 SAID ,I1 0,I CANNOT DO IT2 BUT Y\1 SPEAK TO ME1 9 ! NAME ( ,GOD1 9 ! NAME ( ?IS DAY1 SPEAK TO ME1 ,I CAN HE> EV]Y?+ CALMLY40 

,HE *ANG$ HIS ATTITUDE1 LOOK$ AT ME1 & CAU<T ! BRAN* ( LILAC AGA94 

0,WELL10 HE RESUM$1 AFT] A MOM5T'S SIL5CE1 9 A VOICE :I* VA9LY /RUGGL$ TO APPE> FIRM1 0?\< IT MAY BE ABSURD1 & ALMO/ IMPOSSIBLE TO TRANSLATE 9TO WORDS1 & ?\< IT WILL CO/ ME MU*1 ,I WILL TRY TO EXPLA9 TO Y\20--& AS HE UTT]$ ! WORDS !RE W]E L9ES ON HIS BR[1 AS IF HE WAS SUFF]+ PHYSICAL PA94 

0,GO ON10 ,I SAID4 

0,Y\ MU/ SUPPOSE !RE IS A G5TLEMAN1--,A4 WE WILL CALL HIM1--OLD1 WE>Y ( EXI/5CE2 & A LADY1--,MADAME ,B4 WE WILL SAY1--Y\NG1 HAPPY1 & AS YET KN[+ NEI!R ! WORLD NOR LIFE4 ,9 CONSEQU5CE ( FAMILY RELATIONS ,A4 LOV$ ,B4 LIKE A DAU<T]1 ) NO FE> ( COM+ TO LOVE H] DIFF]5TLY40 

,HE WAS SIL5T1 & ,I DID NOT 9T]RUPT HIM4 

0,BUT10 HE SUDD5LY PURSU$1 9 A BRIEF1 RESOLUTE VOICE1 )\T LOOK+ AT ME1 0HE HAD =GOTT5 ?AT ,B4 WAS Y\NG1 ?AT = H] LIFE WAS /ILL BUT A GAME1 ?AT IT MI<T EASILY HAPP5 ?AT HE MI<T LOVE H]1 & ?AT ,B4 MI<T AMUSE H]SELF ) HIM4 ,HE DECEIV$ HIMSELF1 & ONE F9E DAY HE F\ND ?AT ANO!R FEEL+1 WEI<TY TO BE> AS REMORSE1 HAD /OL5 9TO HIS S\L1 & HE WAS />TL$4 ,HE DREAD$ TO SEE !IR OLD FRI5DLY RELATIONS ?US COMPROMIS$1 & HE DECID$ TO GO AWAY BE=E !SE HAD TIME TO *ANGE !IR NATURE40 

,AS HE SPOKE1 HE AGA9 ) SEEM+ C>ELESSNESS PASS$ HIS H& ACROSS HIS EYES1 & COV]$ !M4 

0,& :Y DID HE FE> TO LOVE DIFF]5TLY80 ,I SAID1 PRES5TLY1 9 A /EADY VOICE1 CONTROLL+ MY EMOTION2 BUT NO D\BT ?IS SEEM$ TO HIM M]E PLAYFUL BANT]1 = HE ANSW]$ ) ! AIR ( A DEEPLY W\ND$ MAN3 

0,Y\ >E Y\NG2 ,I AM NO LONG] SO4 ,PLAY+ MAY PLEASE Y\1 = ME MORE IS NECESS>Y4 ,ONLY1 DO NOT PLAY ) ME1 = ,I ASSURE Y\ IT WILL DO ME NO GOOD1--& Y\ MI<T F9D IT WEI< ON Y\R CONSCI5CE6 ,?AT IS :AT ,A4 SAID10 HE ADD$1--0BUT ALL ?IS IS NONS5SE2 Y\ UND]/&1 N[1 :Y ,I AM GO+2 LET US SAY NO MORE AB\T IT1 ,I BEG Y\44440 

0,YES1 YES1 LET US SPEAK ( IT60 SAID ,I1 & TE>S MADE MY VOICE TREMBLE4 0,DID %E LOVE HIM OR NOT80 

,HE DID NOT REPLY4 

0,& IF HE DID NOT LOVE H]10 ,I CONT9U$1 0:Y DID HE PLAY ) H] AS IF %E W]E A *ILD80 

0,YES1 YES1 ,A4 HAD BE5 CULPABLE10 HE REPLI$ 9T]RUPT+ ME2 0BUT ALL ?AT IS OV]1 & !Y HAVE P>T$ FROM EA* O!R 444 GOOD FRI5DS60 

0,BUT ?IS IS FRI<TFUL6 ,& IS !RE NO O!R 5D80 ,I EXCLAIM$1 T]RIFI$ AT :AT ,I WAS SAY+4 

0,YES1 !RE IS ONE40 ,& HE UNCOV]$ HIS AGITAT$ FACE1 & LOOK$ AT ME /EADILY4 0,!RE >E EV5 TWO O!R 5DS1 QUITE DIFF]5T4 ,BUT1 = ! LOVE ( ,GOD1 DO NOT 9T]RUPT ME1 & LI/5 TO ME QUIETLY4 ,SOME SAY10 HE W5T ON1 RIS+1 & GIV+ A =C$1 SAD SMILE1 0SOME SAY ?AT ,A4 W5T MAD1 ?AT HE LOV$ ,B4 ) AN 9SANE LOVE1 & ?AT HE TOLD H] SO4444 ,BUT ?AT %E ONLY LAU<$ AT HIM4 ,= H] ! MATT] HAD BE5 BUT A JE/1 A TRIFLE2 = HIM1--! ONE ?+ 9 HIS LIFE60 

,I %IV]$1 & W\LD HAVE BROK5 91 TO TELL HIM ?AT HE %\LD NOT D>E TO SPEAK = ME2 BUT HE /OPP$ ME1 &1 LAY+ HIS H& UPON M9E3 

0,WAIT60 HE SAID1 9 A %AK+ VOICE3 0O!RS SAY ?AT %E WAS SORRY = HIM1 ?AT %E FANCI$--POOR LITTLE GIRL1 KN[+ NO?+ ( ! WORLD--?AT %E MI<T ACTUALLY LOVE HIM1 & ?AT %E CONS5T$ TO BE HIS WIFE4 ,& HE--MADMAN--HE BELIEV$1--BELIEV$ ?AT ALL HIS LIFE WAS BEG9N+ AGA92 BUT %E H]SELF BECAME CONSCI\S ?AT %E WAS DECEIV+ HIM & ?AT HE WAS DECEIV+ H]4444 ,LET US TALK NO MORE AB\T IT60 HE CONCLUD$1 9DE$ EVID5TLY 9CAPABLE ( F>!R SPEE*1 & HE SIL5TLY SAT D[N AGA9 OPPOSITE ME4 

,HE HAD SAID1 0,LET US TALK NO MORE AB\T IT10 BUT IT WAS MANIFE/ ?AT ) ALL ! /R5G? ( HIS S\L HE WAS WAIT+ = A WORD FROM ME4 ,9DE$ ,I TRI$ TO SPEAK1 & C\LD NOT2 SOME?+ /OPP$ MY BREA?4 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM1 HE WAS PALE1 & HIS L[] LIP WAS TREMBL+4 ,I WAS V]Y SORRY = HIM4 ,I MADE ANO!R EF=T1 & SUDD5LY SUCCE$+ 9 BREAK+ ! SIL5CE :I* P>ALYZ$ ME4 ,I SAID1 9 A SL[1 CONC5TRAT$ VOICE1 FE>+ EV]Y MOM5T IT W\LD FAIL ME3 

0,!RE IS A ?IRD 5D TO ! /ORY0 7,I /OPP$1 BUT HE REMA9$ SIL5T71 0& ?IS O!R 5D IS ?AT HE DID NOT LOVE H]1 ?AT HE HURT H]1 HURT H] CRUELLY1 ?AT HE BELIEV$ HE WAS RI<T TO DO IT1 ?AT HE 444 ?AT HE W5T AWAY1 & ?AT1 MOREOV]1 MOREOV]1 HE WAS PR\D ( IT4 ,IT IS NOT ON MY SIDE1 BUT ON Y\RS1 ?AT ! TRIFL+ HAS BE51 FROM ! FIR/ DAY ,I LOV$ Y\2 ,I LOV$ Y\10 ,I REPEAT$1 & AT ! WORD 0LOV$0 MY VOICE 9VOLUNT>ILY *ANG$ FROM ITS TONE ( SL[ CONC5TRATION TO A K9D ( WILD CRY :I* APPALL$ MYSELF4 

,HE WAS /&+ UP BE=E ME1 V]Y PALE1 HIS LIP TREMBL$ MORE & MORE1 & ,I SAW TWO HEAVY TE>S MAK+ !IR WAY D[N HIS *EEKS4 

0,?IS IS DREADFUL60--,I C\LD B>ELY GET \T ! WORDS1 *OK$ ) ANG] & UN%$ TE>S4--0,& :Y84440 ,I JUMP$ UP HA/ILY1 TO RUN AWAY4 

,BUT HE SPRANG T[>DS ME4 ,9 A MOM5T HIS HEAD WAS UPON MY KNEES1 MY TREMBL+ H&S W]E PRESS$ AGA9 & AGA9 TO HIS LIPS1 & ,I FELT HOT DROPS FALL+ UPON !M4 

0,MY ,GOD1 IF ,I HAD KN[N60 HE WAS MURMUR+4 

0,:Y8 :Y80 ,I REPEAT$ ME*ANICALLY1 MY S\L 9 ! GRASP ( ?AT TRANSPORT :I* SEIZES1 POSSESSES1 & FLIES =EV]1 ?AT RAPTURE :I* RETURNS NO MORE4 

,FIVE M9UTES AFT]W>DS1 ,SONIA W5T DA%+ UP/AIRS TO ,MA*A1 & ALL OV] ! H\SE1 CRY+ \T ?AT ,KATIA WAS GO+ TO M>RY ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*4 

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