,*APT] #b 

#aheiahei 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,! SPR+ CAME4 ,MY =M] 5NUI HAD DISAPPE>$1 & 9 EX*ANGE ,I FELT ! DREAMY V]NAL SADNESS1 WOV5 ( UNKN[N HOPES & UNSLAK$ DESIRES4 ,BUT MY LIFE WAS NO LONG] ! EXI/5CE ,I HAD L$ DUR+ ! E>LY W9T]2 ,I OCCUPI$ MYSELF ) ,SONIA1 ) MUSIC1 ) /UDIES1 & ,I (T5 W5T 9TO ! G>D51 TO SP5D A LONG1 LONG1 TIME 9 W&]+ ALONE ?R\< ! %ADY WALKS1 OR 9 SITT+ MOTIONLESS UPON SOME QUIET B5*4 ,GOD KN[S :AT ,I WAS ?9K+1 :AT ,I WAS WI%+1 :AT ,I WAS HOP+6 ,SOMETIMES = :OLE NI<TS1 ESPECIALLY IF IT WAS MOONLI<T1 ,I W\LD REMA9 KNEEL+ AT MY W9D[ ) MY ELB[S ON ! SILL2 MORN+ W\LD F9D ME !RE2 & SOMETIMES1 )\T ,MA*A'S KN[+ IT1 ,I W\LD /EAL D[N 9TO ! G>D5 AGA9 AFT] ,I WAS 9 MY SIMPLE NI<T-DRESS1 & FLY ?R\< ! DEW TO ! LITTLE POND2 ONCE ,I EV5 W5T \T 9TO ! FIELDS1 & SP5T ! RE/ ( ! NI<T ROAM+ ALONE AB\T ! P>K4 

,N[ IT IS DIFFICULT = ME TO RECALL1 /ILL LESS TO COMPREH5D1 ! REV]IES :I* AT ?IS P]IOD FILL$ MY IMAG9ATION4 ,IF ,I CAN SUCCE$ 9 REMEMB]+ !M1 ,I CAN H>DLY BELIEVE ?AT !SE REV]IES W]E MY [N1 SO /RANGE W]E !Y1 SO \TSIDE ( REAL LIFE4 

,AT ! 5D ( ,MAY1 ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*1 AS HE HAD PROMIS$1 RETURN$ FROM HIS J\RNEY4 

,! FIR/ TIME HE CAME TO SEE US WAS 9 ! EV5+1 :5 WE W]E NOT EXPECT+ HIM AT ALL4 ,WE W]E SITT+ ON ! T]RACE1 PREP>+ TO TAKE TEA4 ,! G>D5 WAS 9 FULL V]DURE1 & AT ,POKROVSKI NI<T+ALES HAD !IR HOMES ON ALL SIDES 9 ! ?ICK %RUBB]Y4 ,H]E & !RE1 L>GE CLUMPS ( LILACS RAIS$ !IR HEADS1 5AMEL$ ) ! :ITE OR PALE PURPLE ( !IR OP5+ FL[]S4 ,! LEAVES 9 ! BIR* ALLEYS SEEM$ TRANSP>5T 9 ! RAYS ( ! SETT+ SUN4 ,! T]RACE LAY 9 REFRE%+ %ADE1 & ! LI<T EV5+ DEW WAS GA!R+ UPON ! GRASS4 ,9 ! C\RT-Y>D BEH9D ! G>D5 W]E HE>D ! S\NDS ( CLOS+ DAY1 & ! L[+ ( C[S RETURN+ TO !IR /ABLE2 POOR HALF-WITT$ ,NIKONE CAME ALONG ! PA? AT ! FOOT ( ! T]RACE ) HIS HUGE WAT]+-POT1 & SOON ! TORR5TS ( COOL WAT] TRAC$ 9 D>K5+ CIRCLES OV] ! NEWLY-DUG E>? ( ! DAHLIA B$S4 ,BESIDE US ON ! T]RACE1 ! %9+ SAMOV> HISS$ & SPUTT]$ ON ! :ITE CLO?1 FLANK$ BY CREAM1 PANCAKES1 & SWEETMEATS4 ,MA*A1 ) H] PLUMP H&S1 WAS DIPP+ ! CUPS 9 HOT WAT] LIKE A GOOD H\SEKEEP]4 ,AS TO ME1 ) AN APPETITE %>P5$ BY MY LATE BA?1 ,I C\LD NOT WAIT = TEA1 BUT WAS EAT+ A CRU/ ( BREAD SOAK$ 9 FRE%1 RI* CREAM4 ,I HAD ON A L95 BL\SE ) LOOSE SLEEVES1 & MY DAMP HAIR WAS B\ND 9 A H&K]*IEF4 

,MA*A WAS ! FIR/ TO P]CEIVE HIM4 

0,AH6 ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*60 %E CRI$2 0WE W]E JU/ TALK+ AB\T Y\40 

,I ROSE TO RUN 9 & *ANGE MY DRESS2 BUT HE MET ME AS ,I REA*$ ! DOOR4 

0,COME1 ,KATIA1 NO C]EMONY 9 ! C\NTRY10 SAID HE1 SMIL+1 & LOOK+ AT MY HEAD & MY H&K]*IEF1 0Y\ HAVE NO SCRUPLES BE=E ,GREGORY1--,I CAN BE ,GREGORY TO Y\40 

,BUT AT ! SAME TIME IT D>T$ 9TO MY M9D ?AT HE WAS NOT LOOK+ AT ME PRECISELY AS ,GREGORY W\LD HAVE DONE1 & ?IS EMB>RASS$ ME4 

0,I WILL BE BACK DIRECTLY10 ,I REPLI$1 DRAW+ AWAY FROM HIM4 

0,:AT IS WRONG AB\T IT80 HE EXCLAIM$1 FOLL[+ ME1 0ONE MI<T TAKE Y\ = A LITTLE PEASANT GIRL60 

0,H[ /RANGELY HE LOOK$ AT ME10 ,I ?\<T1 AS ,I HA/5$ UP-/AIRS TO DRESS MYSELF4 0,AT LA/1 ?ANK ,HEAV51 H]E HE IS1 & WE %ALL BE GAY]60 ,& ) A P>T+ GLANCE AT ! MIRROR ,I FLEW D[N AGA91 NOT EV5 TRY+ TO CONCEAL MY EAG] DELI<T1 & REA*$ ! T]RACE1 \T ( BREA?4 ,HE WAS SITT+ NE> ! TABLE1 TALK+ TO ,MA*A AB\T \R BUS9ESS MATT]S4 ,NOTIC+ ME1 HE GAVE ME A SMILE1 & W5T ON TALK+4 ,\R AFFAIRS1 HE SAID1 W]E 9 V]Y SATISFACTORY CONDITION4 ,WE HAD NO?+ TO DO BUT TO F9I% \R C\NTRY SUMM]1 & !N WE C\LD GO1 EI!R TO ,/4 ,PET]SBURG = ,SONIA'S $UCATION1 OR ABROAD4 

0,?AT W\LD BE V]Y WELL1 IF Y\ W\LD COME ABROAD ) US10 SAID ,MA*A1 0BUT BY \RSELVES WE %\LD BE LIKE PEOPLE LO/ 9 ! WOODS40 

0,AH6 W\LD TO ,HEAV5 ,I C\LD GO >\ND ! WORLD ) Y\10 WAS ! HALF-JE/+1 HALF-S]I\S ANSW]4 

0,WELL & GOOD10 SAID ,I1 0LET US GO >\ND ! WORLD !N60 

,HE SMIL$ & %OOK HIS HEAD4 

0,& MY MO!R8 ,& MY BUS9ESS8 ,COME1 WE WILL LET ! T\R ( ! WORLD ALONE1 N[1 & Y\ CAN TELL ME H[ Y\ HAVE PASS$ Y\R TIME4 ,CAN IT BE POSSIBLE ?AT Y\ HAVE HAD ! BLUES AGA980 

,:5 ,I TOLD HIM ?AT ,I HAD BE5 ABLE1 )\T HIM1 TO EMPLOY MYSELF & NOT TO YIELD TO 5NUI1 & ,MA*A HAD CONFIRM$ ! GOOD ACC\NT1 HE PRAIS$ ME1 ) ! SAME WORDS & LOOKS ( 5C\RAGEM5T HE W\LD HAVE US$ TO A *ILD1 & AS IF HE HAD A P]FECT RI<T TO DO SO4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME QUITE NATURAL ?AT ,I %\LD TELL HIM FRANKLY & M9UTELY EV]Y?+ ,I HAD DONE ?AT WAS RI<T1 & ALSO1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 [N TO HIM1 AS IF 9 ! CONFESSIONAL1 :ATEV] ,I HAD DONE ?AT MI<T DES]VE HIS C5SURE4 ,! EV5+ WAS SO BEAUTIFUL ?AT1 :5 ! TEA-TRAY WAS C>RI$ AWAY1 WE REMA9$ UPON ! T]RACE1 & ,I F\ND ! CONV]SATION SO 9T]E/+ ?AT ,I ONLY GRADUALLY BECAME AW>E ?AT ALL ! S\NDS FROM ! H\SE W]E CEAS+ >\ND US4 ,UPON ALL SIDES >OSE ! P5ETRAT+ NI<T P]FUME ( FL[]S1 ! TURF WAS DR5*$ ) HEAVY DEW1 ! NI<T+ALE 9 A LILAC BU% NE> US WAS EXECUT+ HIS R\LADES1 /OPP+ ABRUPTLY AT ! S\ND ( \R VOICES4 ,! />RY SKY SEEM$ TO /OOP CLOSE ABOVE \R HEADS4 

,:AT W>N$ ME ?AT NI<T HAD COME1 WAS ! SWIFT1 HEAVY RU% ( A BAT B5EA? ! AWN+ ( ! T]RACE1 & ITS BL9D1 T]RIFI$ CIRCL+ >\ND MY :ITE DRESS4 ,I FELL BACK AGA9/ ! WALL1 & ALMO/ CRI$ \T1 BUT ) ANO!R DULL SWOOP IT WAS (F AGA9 & LO/ 9 ! BLACKNESS ( ! G>D54 

0,H[ ,I LOVE Y\R ,POKROVSKI10 SAID ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*1 9T]RUPT+ ! CONV]SATION4444 0,ONE C\LD L+] = A LIFETIME ON ?IS T]RACE60 

0,WELL10 SAID ,MA*A1 0L+]60 

0,AH1 YES6 L+]2 BUT LIFE--DOES NOT PAUSE60 

0,:Y DO Y\ NOT M>RY80 CONT9U$ ,MA*A2 0Y\ W\LD MAKE AN EXCELL5T HUSB&60 

0,:Y80 HE REPEAT$1 SMIL+4 0,PEOPLE LONG AGO1 CEAS$ TO C\NT ME A M>RIAGEABLE MAN60 

0,:AT60 REPLI$ ,MA*A1 0?IRTY-SIX YE>S OLD1 & ALREADY Y\ PRET5D TO BE TIR$ ( LIV+80 

0,YES1 C]TA9LY1 & EV5 SO TIR$ ?AT ,I DESIRE NO?+ BUT RE/4 ,TO M>RY1 ONE MU/ HAVE SOME?+ ELSE TO (F]4 ,!RE1 ASK ,KATIA10 HE ADD$1 PO9T+ ME \T ) A NOD 0,GIRLS ( H] AGE >E ! ONES = M>RIAGE4 ,= US 444 \R ROLE IS TO 5JOY !IR HAPP9ESS40 

,!RE WAS A SECRET MELAN*OLY1 A C]TA9 T5SION 9 ! TONE ( HIS VOICE1 :I* DID NOT ESCAPE ME4 ,HE KEPT SIL5CE A MOM5T2 NEI!R ,MA*A NOR ,I SAID ANY?+4 

0,IMAG9E N[10 HE RESUM$1 TURN+ T[>DS ! TABLE AGA91 0IF ALL AT ONCE1 BY SOME DEPLORABLE ACCID5T1 ,I %\LD M>RY A Y\NG GIRL ( SEV5TE51 LIKE ,KATIA ,ALEX&ROVNA6 ,?AT IS A V]Y GOOD EXAMPLE1 & ,I AM PLEAS$ ?AT IT APPLIES SO WELL TO ! PO9T 444 !RE C\LD NOT BE A BETT] 9/ANCE40 

,I BEGAN TO LAU<1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT AT ALL UND]/& :AT PLEAS$ HIM SO MU*1 NOR TO :AT IT APPLI$ SO WELL4 

0,COME1 N[1 TELL ME ! TRU?1 'H& ON HE>T1'0 HE W5T ON1 TURN+ TO ME ) A BANT]+ AIR1 0W\LD IT NOT BE A GREAT MIS=TUNE = Y\1 TO B9D Y\R LIFE TO A MAN ALREADY OLD1 :O HAS HAD HIS DAY1 & WANTS NO?+ EXCEPT TO /AY JU/ :]E HE IS1 :ILE Y\1--,HEAV5 KN[S :]E Y\ W\LD NOT WANT TO RUN (F TO1 AS ! FANCY TOOK Y\60 

,I FELT UNCOM=TABLE1 & WAS SIL5T1 NOT KN[+ V]Y WELL :AT TO SAY 9 REPLY4 

0,I AM NOT MAK+ A PROPOSAL = Y\R H&10 SAID HE1 LAU<+1 0BUT1 N[1 TELL US ! TRU? >E Y\ DREAM+ ( SU* A HUSB&1 AS Y\ W&] ?R\< Y\R ALLEYS 9 ! EV5+1 & W\LD HE NOT BE A GREAT MIS=TUNE80 

0,NOT SO GREAT A MIS=TUNE 4440 ,I BEGAN4 

0,& NOT SO GREAT A BOON1 EI!R10 HE F9I%$ = ME4 

0,YES 444 BUT ,I MAY BE MI/AK544440 

,HE 9T]RUPT$ ME AGA94 

0,Y\ SEE8444 %E IS P]FECTLY RI<T4444 ,I LIKE H] HONE/Y1 & AM DELI<T$ ?AT WE HAVE HAD ?IS CONV]SATION4 ,I WILL ADD ?AT--TO ME--IT W\LD HAVE BE5 A SUPREME MIS=TUNE60 

0,:AT AN ORIG9AL Y\ >E6 Y\ HAVE NOT *ANG$ 9 ! LEA/60 SAID ,MA*A1 LEAV+ ! T]RACE TO ORD] SUPP] TO BE S]V$4 

,AFT] H] DEP>TURE WE W]E SIL5T1 & ALL WAS /ILL >\ND US4 ,!N ! SOLIT>Y NI<T+ALE RECOMM5C$1 NOT HIS ABRUPT1 UNDECID$ NOTES ( E>LY EV5+1 BUT HIS NI<T SONG1 SL[ & TRANQUIL1 :OSE ?RILL+ CAD5CE FILL$ ! G>D52 & FROM F> D[N ! RAV9E CAME = ! FIR/ TIME A RESPONSE FROM ANO!R NI<T+ALE4 ,! ONE NE> US WAS MUTE = A MOM5T1 LI/5+1 !N BUR/ \T ANEW 9 A RAPTURE ( SONG1 L\D] & CLE>] ?AN BE=E4 ,!IR VOICES RES\ND$1 CALM & SUPREME1 AMID ?AT WORLD ( NI<T :I* IS !IR [N & :I* WE 9HABIT AS ALI5S4 ,! G>D5] W5T BY1 ON HIS WAY TO HIS B$ 9 ! ORANGE-H\SE1 WE HE>D HIS HEAVY BOOTS ON ! PA? AS HE W5T F>!R & F>!R FROM US4 ,SOME ONE 9 ! DIRECTION ( ! M\NTA9 BLEW TWO %RILL1 QUICK NOTES ON A :I/LE1 !N ALL WAS /ILL ONCE MORE4 ,SC>CELY A LEAF WAS HE>D TO MOVE2 YET ALL AT ONCE ! AWN+ ( ! T]RACE PUFF$ \T SL[LY1 /IRR$ BY A BREA? ( AIR1 & A MORE P5ETRAT+ P]FUME /OLE UP TO US FROM BEL[4 ,! SIL5CE EMB>RASS$ ME1 BUT ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT TO SAY4 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM4 ,HIS EYES1 BRI<T 9 ! D>KNESS1 W]E FIX$ UPON ME4 

0,IT IS GOOD TO LIVE 9 ?IS WORLD60 HE MURMUR$4 

,I KN[ NOT :Y1 BUT AT ! WORDS ,I SI<$4 

0,WELL80 HE QUE/ION$4 

0,YES1 IT IS GOOD TO LIVE 9 ?IS WORLD60 ,I REPEAT$4 

,AGA9 ! SIL5CE FELL UPON US1 & AGA9 ,I FELT ILL AT EASE4 ,I C\LD NOT GET IT \T ( MY HEAD ?AT ,I HAD HURT HIM1 BY AGREE+ ) HIM ?AT HE WAS OLD2 ,I W\LD HAVE LIK$ TO CONSOLE HIM1 BUT DID NOT KN[ H[ TO SET AB\T IT4 

0,BUT GOOD-BYE60 HE SAID1 RIS+1 0MY MO!R EXPECTS ME TO SUPP]4 ,I HAVE H>DLY SE5 H] TO-DAY40 

0,I W\LD HAVE LIK$ TO PLAY Y\ MY NEW SONATA40 

0,ANO!R TIME10 HE REPLI$ COLDLY1 AT LEA/ SO IT SEEM$ TO ME2 !N1 MOV+ (F A /EP1 HE SAID ) A C>ELESS GE/URE3 0,GOOD-BYE60 

,I WAS MORE ?AN EV] CONV9C$ ?AT ,I HAD GIV5 HIM PA91 & ?IS DI/RESS$ ME4 ,MA*A & ,I W5T ) HIM1 AS F> AS ! POR*1 & /OOD !RE A:ILE LOOK+ D[N ! ROAD :]E HE HAD DISAPPE>$4 ,:5 WE NO LONG] CAU<T ! SLI<TE/ E*O FROM HIS HORSE'S FEET1 ,I BEGAN TO WALK AB\T ! T]RACE & WAT* ! G>D51 & ,I REMA9$ A LONG TIME !RE1 AMID ! HEAVY MI/ ?AT DEAD5$ ALL ! S\NDS ( NI<T1 BUSY SEE+ & HE>+ :ATEV] MY FANCY *OSE TO MAKE ME SEE & HE>4 

,HE CAME A SECOND TIME1 A ?IRD TIME1 & ! LITTLE EMB>RASSM5T CAUS$ BY \R /RANGE CONV]SATION SOON VANI%$1 & NEV] RETURN$4 

,?R\<\T ! :OLE SUMM] HE CAME TO SEE US TWO OR ?REE TIMES A WEEK2 ,I WAS SO ACCU/OM$ TO HIM ?AT1 :5 A LONG] TIME ?AN USUAL PASS$ )\T HIS COM+1 IT SEEM$ TO ME PA9FUL TO LIVE ALONE2 ,I WAS SECRETLY 9DIGNANT ) HIM1 & ?\<T HE WAS BEHAV+ BADLY 9 ?US DES]T+ ME4 ,HE TRANS=M$ HIMSELF = ME1 AS IT W]E1 9TO A FRI5DLY COMRADE2 9DUC+ ! MO/ S9C]E FRANKNESS ON MY P>T1 GIV+ ME ADVICE & 5C\RAGEM5T1 SCOLD+ ME SOMETIMES1 *ECK+ ME :5 NECESS>Y4 ,BUT DESPITE !SE EF=TS TO REMA9 ALWAYS UPON MY LEVEL1 ,I WAS CONSCI\S ?AT1 BESIDES ALL ,I KNEW ( HIM1 !RE EXI/$ )9 HIM AN 5TIRE WORLD1 TO :I* ,I WAS A /RANG]1 & HE DID NOT ?9K IT WAS NECESS>Y TO ADMIT ME2 & ?IS1 MORE ?AN ANY?+ ELSE1 T5D$ TO KEEP UP MY FEEL+ ( DEF]5CE1 & AT ! SAME TIME TO ATTRACT ME T[>DS HIM4 ,I KNEW FROM ,MA*A & ! NEI<BORS ?AT1 BESIDES HIS ATT5TIVE C>E ( HIS OLD MO!R1 ) :OM HE LIV$1 BESIDES HIS AGRICULTURAL 9T]E/S1 & \R GU>DIAN%IP1 HE HAD ALSO ON H& C]TA9 MATT]S AFFECT+ ALL ! NOBLES1 :I* CAUS$ HIM MU* TR\BLE & ANNOYANCE2 BUT H[ HE FAC$ ?IS COMPLEX SITUATION1 :AT W]E HIS ?\<TS1 HIS PLANS1 HIS HOPES1 ,I C\LD NEV] DISCOV] FROM HIM4 ,IF ,I 5DEAVOR$ TO LEAD ! CONV]SATION TO HIS [N AFFAIRS1 A C]TA9 L9E APPE>$ UPON HIS BR[1 :I* SEEM$ TO SAY3 0,/OP !RE1 IF Y\ PLEASE2 :AT IS ?AT TO Y\80 ,& HE W\LD IMM$IATELY SPEAK ( SOME?+ ELSE4 ,AT FIR/ ?IS (F5D$ ME1 !N ,I GREW SO ACCU/OM$ TO IT ?AT WE NEV] TALK$ ( ANY?+ BUT :AT CONC]N$ ME2 :I* ,I F9ALLY CAME TO ?9K QUITE A MATT] ( C\RSE4 

,AT FIR/1 TOO1 ,I FELT SOME DISPLEASURE1 7:ILE AFT]W>DS1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT HAD A K9D ( *>M17 9 SEE+ ! P]FECT 9DIFF]5CE1 ,I MI<T ALMO/ SAY CONTEMPT1 :I* HE %[$ = MY APPE>ANCE4 ,NEV]1 BY WORD OR LOOK1 DID HE GIVE ! LEA/ IDEA ?AT HE ?\<T ME PRETTY2 F> FROM IT1 HE FR[N$ & BEGAN TO LAU< IF ANY ONE REM>K$ BE=E HIM ?AT ,I WAS 0NOT BAD-LOOK+40 ,HE EV5 TOOK PLEASURE 9 CRITICIZ+ ! DEFECTS 9 MY FACE1 & TEAS+ ME AB\T !M4 ,! FA%IONABLE DRESSES1 ! COIFFURES1 ) :I* ,MA*A DELI<T$ TO ADORN ME ON \R HOLIDAYS1 ONLY EXCIT$ HIS RAILL]Y1 :I* *AGR9$ MY GOOD ,MA*A NOT A LITTLE1 & AT FIR/ DISCONC]T$ ME4 ,MA*A1 :O HAD SETTL$ 9 H] [N M9D ?AT ,I WAS PLEAS+ TO ,S]GIUS ,MIKAILOVIT*1 C\LD NOT AT ALL COMPREH5D :Y HE DID NOT PREF] ?AT A WOMAN :OM HE ADMIR$ %\LD APPE> AT H] BE/4 ,BUT ,I SOON DISCOV]$ :AT WAS ! MATT]4 ,HE WI%$ TO BELIEVE ?AT ,I WAS NOT COQUETTI%4 ,AS SOON AS ,I UND]/OOD ?IS !RE NO LONG] REMA9$ A TRACE ( COQUETRY 9 MY DRESS1 HAIR1 OR MANN]2 IT WAS REPLAC$--USUAL & %ALL[ LITTLE TRICK--BY ANO!R COQUETRY1 ! ASSUMPTION ( SIMPLICITY1 BE=E ,I HAD ATTA9$ ! PO9T ( REALLY BE+ >TLESS4 ,I SAW ?AT HE LOV$ ME3 :E!R AS A *ILD OR WOMAN ,I HAD NOT HI!RTO ASK$ MYSELF3 ?IS LOVE WAS DE> TO ME1 & FEEL+ ?AT HE CONSID]$ ME ! BE/ GIRL 9 ! WORLD1 ,I C\LD NOT HELP WI%+ ?AT ! DELUSION MI<T CONT9UE TO BL9D HIM4 ,& 9DE$ ,I DECEIV$ HIM ALMO/ 9VOLUNT>ILY4 ,BUT 9 DELUD+ HIM1 ,I WAS NEV]!LESS GR[+ MORE :AT HE ?\<T ME4 ,I FELT ?AT IT W\LD BE BETT] & MORE WOR?Y ( HIM TO UNVEIL TO HIM ! GOOD PO9TS ( MY S\L RA!R ?AN ?OSE ( MY P]SON4 ,MY HAIR1 MY H&S1 MY FACE1 MY C>RIAGE1 :ATEV] !Y MI<T BE1 :E!R GOOD OR BAD1--IT SEEM$ TO ME HE C\LD APPRECIATE AT ONE GLANCE1 & ?AT HE KNEW V]Y WELL ?AT1 HAD ,I DESIR$ TO DECEIVE HIM1 ,I C\LD ADD NO?+ AT ALL TO MY EXT]IOR4 ,MY S\L1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 HE DID NOT KN[3 BECAUSE HE LOV$ IT1 BECAUSE JU/ AT ?IS TIME IT WAS 9 FULL PROCESS ( GR[? & DEVELOPM5T1 & F9ALLY BECAUSE 9 SU* A MATT] IT WAS EASY TO DECEIVE HIM1 & ?AT ,I WAS 9 FACT DECEIV+ HIM4 ,:AT RELIEF ,I FELT 9 HIS PRES5CE1 :5 ONCE ,I COMPREH5D$ ALL ?IS6 ,! CAUSELESS AGITATION1 ! NE$ ( MOVEM5T1 :I* 9 SOME WAY OPPRESS$ ME1 COMPLETELY DISAPPE>$4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME H5CE=? ?AT :E!R OPPOSITE OR BESIDE ME1 :E!R /&+ OR SITT+1 :E!R ,I WORE MY HAIR DRESS$ HI< OR L[1 HE LOOK$ AT ME ALWAYS ) SATISFACTION1 ?AT HE N[ KNEW ME 5TIRELY2 & ,I IMAG9$ ?AT HE WAS AS WELL PLEAS$ ) ME1 AS ,I MYSELF WAS4 ,I V]ILY BELIEVE ?AT IF1 CONTR>Y TO HIS CU/OM1 HE HAD SUDD5LY SAID TO ME AS O!RS DID ?AT ,I WAS PRETTY1 ,I %\LD EV5 HAVE BE5 A LITTLE SORRY4 ,BUT1 ON ! O!R H&1 :AT JOY1 :AT S]5ITY1 ,I FELT 9 ! DEP? ( MY S\L1 IF1 UPON ! OCCASION ( MY EXPRESS+ SOME ?\<T OR LETT+ FALL A FEW WORDS1 HE LOOK$ AT ME ATT5TIVELY & SAID 9 A MOV$ TONE :I* HE /ROVE TO R5D] LI<T & JE/+3 

0,YES1 YES1 !RE IS SOME?+ 9 Y\6 ,Y\ >E A GOOD GIRL1 & ,I \<T TO TELL Y\ SO40 

,& = :AT DID ,I RECEIVE ?IS RECOMP5SE :I* FILL$ MY HE>T ) JOY & PRIDE8 ,P]HAPS BECAUSE ,I HAD SAID ?AT ,I SYMPA?IZ$ ) OLD ,GREGORY'S LOVE = HIS LITTLE DAU<T]1 P]HAPS BECAUSE ,I HAD BE5 AFFECT$ TO TE>S :ILE READ+ A POEM OR A ROMANCE1 P]HAPS = PREF]R+ ,MOZ>T TO ,S*UL(F6 ,I WAS AMAZ$ BY ?IS NEW 9TUITION1 :I* 5ABL$ ME TO DIV9E :AT WAS GOOD & :AT ONE \<T TO LIKE1 ?\< AS YET ,I HAD NO POSITIVE KN[L$GE ( EI!R4 ,MO/ ( MY PA/ HABITS & TA/ES W]E DISPLEAS+ TO HIM1 & A LOOK OR AN IMP]CEPTIBLE MOVEM5T ( HIS EYEBR[S WAS 5\< TO MAKE ME UND]/& HIS DISAPPROVAL ( :AT ,I WAS AB\T TO DO2 :ILE A C]TA9 AIR ( SLI<TLY DISDA9FUL PITY1 :I* WAS PECULI> TO HIM1 W\LD AT ONCE MAKE ME BELIEVE ?AT ,I NO LONG] LIK$ :AT HAD =M]LY PLEAS$ ME4 ,IF ! ?\<T ( GIV+ ME ADVICE UPON ANY SUBJECT1 OCCURR$ TO HIM1 ,I KNEW BE=EH& :AT HE WAS GO+ TO SAY TO ME4 ,HE QUE/ION$ ME ) A GLANCE1 & ALREADY ?IS GLANCE HAD DRAWN FROM ME ! ?\<T HE WI%$ TO ASC]TA94 ,ALL MY ?\<TS1 ALL MY FEEL+S DUR+ ?AT TIME1 W]E NOT MY [N2 !Y W]E HIS1 :I* SUDD5LY BECAME M9E1 P5ETRAT+ & ILLUM9AT+ MY LIFE4 ,9 A MANN] 9S5SIBLE TO ME1 ,I BEGAN TO SEE EV]Y?+ ) O!R EYES1 ,MA*A1 MY S]VANTS1 ,SONIA1 AS WELL AS MYSELF & MY [N OCCUPATIONS4 ,! BOOKS :I* =M]LY ,I HAD READ ONLY 9 ORD] TO W>D (F 5NUI APPE>$ TO ME ALL AT ONCE ONE ( ! GREATE/ *>MS ( LIFE1 & = NO REASON EXCEPT ?AT WE TALK$1 HE & ,I1 ( BOOKS1 ?AT WE READ !M TOGE!R1 ?AT HE BR\<T !M TO ME4 ,HI!RTO ,I HAD CONSID]$ MY WORK ) ,SONIA1 ! LESSONS ,I GAVE H]1 AS A PA9FUL OBLIGATION1 ONLY FULFILL$ FROM A S5SE ( DUTY2 N[ ?AT HE SOMETIMES CAME TO ASSI/ AT !SE LESSONS ONE ( MY DELI<TS WAS TO OBS]VE ,SONIA'S PROGRESS4 ,TO LE>N AN 5TIRE PIECE ( MUSIC HAD ALWAYS SEEM$ IMPOSSIBLE1 & N[1 KN[+ ?AT HE W\LD LI/5 & P]HAPS APPLAUD IT1 ,I ?\<T NO?+ ( GO+ OV] ! SAME PASSAGE =TY TIMES 9 SUCCESSION1 POOR ,MA*A W\LD 5D BY /OPP+ H] E>S ) COTTON WOOL1 :ILE ,I W\LD NOT CONSID] ! P]=MANCE AT ALL TIRESOME4 ,! OLD SONATAS SPOKE \T UND] MY F+]S 9 A V]Y DIFF]5T & V]Y SUP]IOR VOICE4 ,EV5 ,MA*A1 :OM ,I HAD ALWAYS KN[N & LOV$ AS MYSELF1 SEEM$ TOTALLY *ANG$4 ,IT WAS ONLY N[ ?AT ,I UND]/OOD ?AT NO?+ HAD COMPELL$ H] TO BE :AT %E HAD BE5 TO US1 A MO!R1 A FRI5D1 A SLAVE TO \R :IMS & FANCIES4 ,I COMPREH5D$ ALL ! ABNEGATION1 ALL ! DEVOTION1 ( ?IS LOV+ CREATURE1 ,I REALIZ$ ! GREATNESS ( MY OBLIGATIONS TO H]1 & LOV$ H] SO MU* ! MORE4 ,HE HAD ALREADY TAU<T ME TO REG>D \R PEOPLE1 \R PEASANTS1 \R DROROVIES1.<#a.> \R M5 & WOM5 S]VANTS1 9 A TOTALLY DIFF]5T LI<T4 ,IT IS AN ODD FACT1 BUT AT SEV5TE5 YE>S ( AGE1 ,I WAS LIV+ 9 ! MID/ ( !M A F> GREAT] /RANG] TO !M ?AN TO PEOPLE ,I HAD NEV] SE52 NOT ONCE HAD IT CROSS$ MY M9D ?AT !Y W]E BE+S CAPABLE LIKE MYSELF ( LOVE1 DESIRES1 REGRETS4 ,\R G>D51 \R WOODS1 \R FIELDS1 :I* ,I HAD KN[N EV] S9CE ,I WAS BORN1 SUDD5LY BECAME QUITE NEW TO ME1 & ,I BEGAN TO ADMIRE !IR LOVEL9ESS4 ,!RE WAS NO ]ROR 9 ! REM>K :I* HE SO (T5 MADE1 ?AT1 9 LIFE1 !RE WAS BUT ONE C]TA9 HAPP9ESS3 TO LIVE = O!RS4 ,?IS HAD APPE>$ /RANGE TO ME1 & ,I HAD NOT BE5 ABLE TO UND]/& IT2 BUT ! CONVICTION1 UNKN[N EV5 TO MY [N M9D1 WAS P5ETRAT+ LITTLE BY LITTLE 9TO ! DEP?S ( MY HE>T4 ,9 %ORT1 HE HAD OP5$ BE=E ME A NEW LIFE1 FULL ( PRES5T DELI<TS1 )\T HAV+ 9 ANY WISE *ANG$ OR ADD$ TO MY OLD EXI/5CE1 SAVE BY DEVELOP+ EA* ( MY [N S5SATIONS4 ,FROM MY 9FANCY EV]Y?+ >\ND ME HAD REMA9$ BURI$ 9 A SORT ( SIL5CE1 ONLY AWAIT+ HIS PRES5CE TO LIFT UP A VOICE1 SPEAK TO MY S\L1 & FILL IT ) HAPP9ESS4 

,(T51 9 ! C\RSE ( ?IS SUMM]1 ,I W\LD GO UP TO MY *AMB]1 ?R[ MYSELF UPON MY B$1 & !RE1 9 PLACE ( ! OLD ANGUI% ( ! SPR+1 FULL ( DESIRES & HOPES = ! FUTURE1 ,I W\LD FEEL MYSELF WRAPP$ 9 ANO!R EMOTION1 ?AT ( PRES5T HAPP9ESS4 ,I C\LD NOT SLEEP1 ,I W\LD GET UP & GO & SIT ON ! SIDE ( ,MA*A'S B$1 & TELL H] ?AT ,I WAS P]FECTLY HAPPY1--:I*1 AS ,I LOOK BACK UPON IT TO-DAY WAS P]FECTLY NE$LESS2 %E C\LD SEE IT WELL 5\< = H]SELF4 ,%E W\LD REPLY ?AT NEI!R HAD %E ANY?+ MORE TO WI% =1 ?AT %E TOO WAS V]Y HAPPY1 & W\LD EMBRACE ME4 ,I BELIEV$ H]1 SO 5TIRELY NATURAL & NECESS>Y DID IT SEEM TO ME = EV]Y ONE TO BE HAPPY4 ,BUT ,MA*A HAD H] NI<T'S RE/ TO ?9K (1 SO1 PRET5D+ TO BE ANGRY1 %E W\LD DRIVE ME AWAY FROM H] B$1 & DROP (F TO SLEEP2 ,I1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 W\LD LIE = A LONG TIME RUNN+ OV] ALL MY REASONS = BE+ GLADSOME4 ,SOMETIMES ,I W\LD RISE1 & BEG9 MY PRAY]S A SECOND TIME1 PRAY+ 9 ! FULLNESS ( MY HE>T ?AT ,I MI<T ?ANK ,GOD BETT] = ALL ! HAPP9ESS ,HE HAD GRANT$ ME4 ,9 MY *AMB] ALL WAS PEACEFUL2 !RE WAS NO S\ND SAVE ! LONG-DRAWN REGUL> BREA?+ ( ! SLEEP+ ,MA*A1 & ! TICK+ ( ! WAT* BY H] SIDE2 ,I W\LD RETURN TO B$1 MURMUR A FEW WORDS1 CROSS MYSELF1 OR KISS ! LITTLE CROSS HANG+ AT MY NECK4 ,! DOORS W]E LOCK$1 ! %UTT]S FA/ OV] ! W9D[S1 ! BUZZ+ ( A FLY /RUGGL+ 9 A CORN] CAME TO MY E>4 ,I C\LD HAVE WI%$ NEV] TO LEAVE ?IS ROOM2 DESIR$ ?AT MORN+ MI<T NEV] COME TO DISSIPATE ! ATMOSPH]E IMPREGNAT$ ) MY S\L1 ?AT 5VELOP$ ME4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT MY DREAMS1 MY ?\<TS1 MY PRAY]S1 W]E SO MANY ANIMAT$ ESS5CES :I* 9 ?IS D>KNESS LIV$ ) ME1 FLUTT]$ AB\T MY PILL[1 HOV]$ ABOVE MY HEAD4 ,& EV]Y ?\<T WAS HIS ?\<T1 EV]Y FEEL+ HIS FEEL+4 ,I DID NOT YET KN[ :AT LOVE WAS1 ,I ?\<T ?AT IT MI<T ALWAYS BE ?US--?AT IT MI<T GIVE ITSELF & ASK NO?+ 9 RETURN4 

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