,*APT] #b 
,:AT ,SORTS ( ,BULL%IT ,JOBS ,>E ,!RE8 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,DAVID ,GRAEB] 

,TEXT 3 

,*APT] #b 

  
,:AT ,SORTS ( ,BULL%IT ,JOBS ,>E ,!RE8 

  

,MY RESE>* HAS REVEAL$ FIVE BASIC TYPES ( BULL%IT JOBS4 ,9 ?IS *APT]1 ,I WILL DESCRIBE !M & \TL9E !IR ESS5TIAL FEATURES4 

,FIR/1 A WORD AB\T ?IS RESE>*4 ,I AM DRAW+ ON TWO L>GE BODIES ( DATA4 ,9 ! WAKE ( MY ORIG9AL #bac ESSAY1 0,ON ! ,PH5OM5ON ( ,BULL%IT ,JOBS10 A NUMB] ( NEWSPAP]S 9 DIFF]5T C\NTRIES RAN ! ESSAY AS AN OP9ION PIECE1 & IT WAS ALSO REPRODUC$ ON A NUMB] ( BLOGS4 ,AS A RESULT1 !RE WAS A GREAT DEAL ( ONL9E DISCUSSION1 OV] ! C\RSE ( :I* MANY P>TICIPANTS MADE REF]5CES TO P]SONAL EXP]I5CES ( JOBS !Y CONSID]$ P>TICUL>LY ABSURD OR PO9TLESS4 ,I D[NLOAD$ #abd ( !SE & SP5T SOME TIME SORT+ ?R\< !M4 

,! SECOND BODY ( DATA WAS ACTIVELY SOLICIT$4 ,9 ! SECOND HALF ( #b#a#f1 ,I CREAT$ AN EMAIL ACC\NT DEVOT$ SOLELY TO RESE>* & US$ MY ,TWITT] ACC\NT TO 5C\RAGE PEOPLE :O FELT !Y N[ OR ONCE HAD A BULL%IT JOB TO S5D 9 FIR/H& TE/IMONIES4.<#c#h.> ,! RESPONSE WAS IMPRESSIVE4 ,I 5D$ UP ASSEMBL+ OV] #be SU* TE/IMONIES1 RANG+ FROM S+LE P>AGRAPHS TO ELEV5-PAGE ESSAYS DETAIL+ :OLE SEQU5CES ( BULL%IT JOBS1 ALONG ) SPECULATIONS AB\T ! ORGANIZATIONAL OR SOCIAL DYNAMICS ?AT PRODUC$ !M1 & DESCRIPTIONS ( !IR SOCIAL & PSY*OLOGICAL EFFECTS4 ,MO/ ( !SE TE/IMONIES W]E FROM CITIZ5S ( ,5GLI%-SPEAK+ C\NTRIES1 BUT ,I ALSO RECEIV$ TE/IMONIES FROM ALL OV] ,CONT95TAL ,EUROPE1 AS WELL AS ,MEXICO1 ,BRAZIL1 ,EGYPT1 ,9DIA1 ,S\? ,AFRICA1 & ,JAPAN4 ,SOME ( !SE W]E DEEPLY MOV+1 EV5 PA9FUL TO READ4 ,MANY W]E HIL>I\S4 ,NE$LESS TO SAY1 ALMO/ ALL RESPOND5TS 9SI/$ !IR NAMES NOT BE US$4.<#c#i.> 

,AFT] CULL+ ! RESPONSES & TRIMM+ !M ( EXTRANE\S MAT]IAL1 ,I F\ND MYSELF ) A DATABASE ( MORE ?AN #a#a1 WORDS1 :I* ,I DULY COLOR COD$4 ,! RESULTS MI<T NOT BE ADEQUATE = MO/ =MS ( /ATI/ICAL ANALYSIS1 BUT ,I HAVE F\ND !M AN EXTRAORD9>ILY RI* S\RCE = QUALITATIVE ANALYSIS1 ESPECIALLY S9CE 9 MANY CASES ,I'VE BE5 ABLE TO ASK FOLL[-UP QUE/IONS &1 9 SOME1 TO 5GAGE 9 LONG CONV]SATIONS ) 9=MANTS4 ,SOME ( ! KEY CONCEPTS ,I'LL BE DEVELOP+ 9 ! BOOK W]E FIR/ SUGGE/$ 9 OR 9SPIR$ BY SU* CONV]SATIONS--SO1 9 A WAY1 ! BOOK CAN BE SE5 AS A COLLABORATIVE PROJECT4 ,?IS IS P>TICUL>LY TRUE ( ! FOLL[+ TYPOLOGY1 :I* GREW DIRECTLY FROM !SE CONV]SATIONS & :I* ,I LIKE TO SEE LESS AS MY [N CREATION & MORE AS ! PRODUCT ( AN ONGO+ DIALOGUE4.<#d.> 

! FIVE MAJOR V>IETIES ( BULL%IT JOBS 

  

,NO TYPOLOGY IS P]FECT1 & ,I'M SURE !RE >E MANY WAYS ONE C\LD DRAW ! L9ES1 EA* REVEAL+ 9 ITS [N WAY1.<#d#a.> BUT OV] ! C\RSE ( MY RESE>*1 ,I HAVE F\ND IT MO/ USEFUL TO BREAK D[N ! TYPES ( BULL%IT JOB 9TO FIVE CATEGORIES4 ,I WILL CALL !SE3 FLUNKIES1 GOONS1 DUCT TAP]S1 BOX TICK]S1 & TASKMA/]S4 

,LET US CONSID] EA* 9 TURN4 

#a4 :AT FLUNKIES DO 

  

,FLUNKY JOBS >E ?OSE ?AT EXI/ ONLY OR PRIM>ILY TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE LOOK OR FEEL IMPORTANT4 

,ANO!R T]M = ?IS CATEGORY MI<T BE 0FEUDAL RETA9]S40 ,?R\<\T RECORD$ HI/ORY1 RI* & P[]FUL M5 & WOM5 HAVE T5D$ TO SURR\ND !MSELVES ) S]VANTS1 CLI5TS1 SYCOPHANTS1 & M9IONS ( ONE SORT OR ANO!R4 ,NOT ALL ( !SE >E ACTUALLY EMPLOY$ 9 ! GR&EE'S H\SEHOLD1 & MANY ( ?OSE :O >E1 >E EXPECT$ TO DO AT LEA/ SOME ACTUAL WORK2 BUT ESPECIALLY AT ! TOP ( ! PYRAMID1 !RE IS USUALLY A C]TA9 PORTION :OSE JOB IT IS TO BASICALLY JU/ /& >\ND & LOOK IMPRESSIVE4.<#d#b.> ,Y\ CANNOT BE MAGNIFIC5T )\T AN 5T\RAGE4 ,& = ! TRULY MAGNIFIC5T1 ! V]Y USELESSNESS ( ! UNI=M$ RETA9]S HOV]+ >\ND Y\ IS ! GREATE/ TE/IMONY TO Y\R GREATNESS4 ,WELL 9TO ! ,VICTORIAN ]A1 = 9/ANCE1 WEAL?Y FAMILIES 9 ,5GL& /ILL EMPLOY$ FOOTM53 LIV]I$ S]VANTS :OSE 5TIRE PURPOSE WAS TO RUN ALONGSIDE C>RIAGES *ECK+ = BUMPS 9 ! ROAD4.<#d#c.> 

,S]VANTS ( ?IS SORT >E NORMALLY GIV5 SOME M9OR TASK TO JU/IFY !IR EXI/5CE1 BUT ?IS IS REALLY JU/ A PRETEXT3 9 REALITY1 ! :OLE PO9T IS TO EMPLOY H&SOME Y\NG M5 9 FLA%Y UNI=MS READY TO /& BY ! DOOR LOOK+ REGAL :ILE Y\ HOLD C\RT1 OR TO /RIDE GRAVELY 9 FRONT ( Y\ :5 Y\ 5T] ! ROOM4 ,(T5 RETA9]S >E GIV5 MILIT>Y-/YLE CO/UMES & P>APH]NALIA TO CREATE ! IMPRESSION ?AT ! RI* P]SON :O EMPLOYS !M HAS SOME?+ RESEMBL+ A PALACE GU>D4 ,SU* ROLES T5D TO MULTIPLY 9 ECONOMIES BAS$ ON R5T EXTRACTION & ! SUBSEQU5T R$I/RIBUTION ( ! LOOT4 

,JU/ AS A ?\<T EXP]IM5T3 IMAG9E Y\ >E A FEUDAL CLASS EXTRACT+ #e P]C5T ( EV]Y PEASANT H\SEHOLD'S PRODUCT4 ,IF SO1 Y\ >E 9 POSSESSION ( AN AWFUL LOT ( FOOD4 ,5\<1 9 FACT1 TO SUPPORT A POPULATION EXACTLY AS L>GE AS ?AT ( PEASANT FOOD PRODUC]S4.<#d#d.> ,Y\ HAVE TO DO SOME?+ ) IT--& !RE >E ONLY SO MANY PEOPLE ANY GIV5 FEUDAL LORD CAN KEEP >\ND AS *EFS1 W9E /EW>DS1 SCULL]Y MAIDS1 H>EM EUNU*S1 MUSICIANS1 JEWEL]S1 & ! LIKE4 ,EV5 AFT] Y\'VE TAK5 C>E TO 5SURE Y\ HAVE 5\< M5 TRA9$ 9 ! USE ( WEAPONS TO SUPPRESS ANY POT5TIAL REBELLION1 !RE'S LIKELY TO BE A GREAT DEAL LEFT OV]4 ,AS A RESULT1 9DIG5TS1 RUNAWAYS1 ORPHANS1 CRIM9ALS1 WOM5 9 DESP]ATE SITUATIONS1 & O!R DISLOCAT$ PEOPLE WILL 9EVITABLY BEG9 TO ACCUMULATE >\ND Y\R MANSION 7BECAUSE1 AFT] ALL1 ?AT'S :]E ALL ! FOOD IS74 ,Y\ CAN DRIVE !M AWAY1 BUT !N !Y'RE LIKELY TO =M A DANG]\S VAGABOND CLASS ?AT MI<T BECOME A POLITICAL ?REAT4 ,! OBVI\S ?+ TO DO IS TO SLAP A UNI=M ON !M & ASSIGN !M SOME M9OR OR UNNECESS>Y TASK4 ,IT MAKES Y\ LOOK GOOD1 & AT LEA/ ?AT WAY1 Y\ CAN KEEP AN EYE ON !M4 

,N[1 LAT] ,I'M GO+ SUGGE/ ?AT A DYNAMIC NOT 5TIRELY DIFF]5T HAPP5S UND] ! EXI/+ =M ( CAPITALISM1 BUT = ! MOM5T1 ALL ,I REALLY WANT TO /RESS IS ?AT ASSIGN+ PEOPLE M9OR TASKS AS AN EXCUSE TO HAVE !M HANG >\ND MAK+ Y\ LOOK IMPRESSIVE HAS A LONG & HONORABLE HI/ORY4.<#d#e.> 

,SO1 :AT MI<T ! MOD]N EQUIVAL5T BE8 

,SOME OLD-FA%ION$ FEUDAL-/YLE RETA9] JOBS /ILL DO EXI/4.<#d#f.> ,DOORM5 >E ! MO/ OBVI\S EXAMPLE4 ,!Y P]=M ! SAME FUNCTION 9 ! H\SES ( ! V]Y RI* ?AT ELECTRONIC 9T]COMS HAVE P]=M$ = EV]YONE ELSE S9CE AT LEA/ ! #a#i#eS4 ,ONE =M] CONCI]GE COMPLA9S3  
  

,BILL3 ,ANO!R BULL%IT JOB--CONCI]GE 9 ONE ( !SE BUILD+S4 ,HALF MY TIME WAS SP5T PRESS+ A BUTTON TO OP5 ! FRONT DOOR = RESID5TS & SAY+ HELLO AS !Y PASS$ ?R\< ! LOBBY4 ,IF ,I DIDN'T GET TO ?AT BUTTON 9 TIME & A RESID5T HAD TO OP5 ! DOOR MANUALLY1 ,I'D HE> AB\T IT FROM MY MANAG]4  
  

,9 SOME C\NTRIES1 SU* AS ,BRAZIL1 SU* BUILD+S /ILL HAVE UNI=M$ ELEVATOR OP]ATORS :OSE 5TIRE JOB IS TO PU% ! BUTTON = Y\4 ,!RE IS A CONT9UUM FROM EXPLICIT FEUDAL LEFTOV]S ( ?IS TYPE TO RECEPTIONI/S & FRONT-DESK P]SONNEL AT PLACES ?AT OBVI\SLY DON'T NE$ !M4  
  

,G]TE3 ,9 #ba ,I WORK$ AS A RECEPTIONI/ AT A ,DUT* PUBLI%+ COMPANY4 ,! PHONE RANG MAYBE ONCE A DAY1 SO ,I WAS GIV5 A C\PLE ( O!R TASKS3 

- ,KEEP C&Y DI% FULL ( M9TS4 7,M9TS W]E SUPPLI$ BY SOMEONE ELSE AT ! COMPANY2 ,I JU/ HAD TO TAKE A H&FUL \T ( A DRAW] NEXT TO ! C&Y DI% & PUT !M 9 ! C&Y DI%47 

- ,ONCE A WEEK1 ,I W\LD GO TO A CONF]5CE ROOM & W9D A GR&FA!R CLOCK4 7,I F\ND ?IS TASK /RESSFUL1 ACTUALLY1 BECAUSE !Y TOLD ME ?AT IF ,I =GOT OR WAIT$ TOO LONG1 ALL ( ! WEI<TS W\LD FALL1 & ,I W\LD BE LEFT ) ! ON]\S TASK ( GR&FA!R CLOCK REPAIR47 

- ,! TASK ?AT TOOK ! MO/ TIME WAS MANAG+ ANO!R RECEPTIONI/'S ,AVON SALES4  
  

,CLE>LY1 ONE CALL A DAY C\LD BE H&L$ BY SOMEONE ELSE AT ! PRESS 9 ! SAME MANN] IT IS 9 MO/ PEOPLE'S HOMES3 :OEV] HAPP5S TO BE ! CLOSE/ TO ! PHONE & ISN'T 9 ! MIDDLE ( SOME?+ ELSE PICKS IT UP & ANSW]S4 ,:Y %ELL \T A FULL-TIME SAL>Y & B5EFITS PACKAGE = A WOMAN--ACTUALLY1 IT W\LD SEEM1 9 ?IS CASE1 TWO WOM5--JU/ TO SIT AT ! FRONT DESK ALL DAY DO+ NO?+8 ,! ANSW] IS3 BECAUSE NOT DO+ SO W\LD BE %OCK+ & BIZ>RE4 ,NO ONE W\LD TAKE A COMPANY S]I\SLY IF IT HAD NO ONE AT ALL SITT+ AT ! FRONT DESK4 ,ANY PUBLI%] :O DEFI$ CONV5TION ?AT BLATANTLY W\LD CAUSE POT5TIAL AU?ORS OR M]*ANTS OR CONTRACTORS TO ASK !MSELVES1 0,IF !Y DON'T FEEL !Y HAVE TO HAVE A RECEPTIONI/1 :AT O!R ?+S ?AT PUBLI%]S >E NORMALLY EXPECT$ TO DO MI<T !Y JU/ DECIDE DOESN'T APPLY TO !M8 ,PAY ME1 = EXAMPLE80.<#d#g.> 

,RECEPTIONI/S >E REQUIR$ AS A ,BADGE ( ,S]I\SNESS EV5 IF !RE'S NO?+ ELSE = !M TO DO4 ,O!R FLUNKIES >E ,BADGES ( ,IMPORTANCE4 ,! FOLL[+ ACC\NT IS FROM ,JACK1 :O WAS HIR$ AS A COLD CALL] 9 A L[-LEVEL SECURITIES TRAD+ FIRM4 ,SU* FIRMS1 HE EXPLA9S1 0OP]ATE BY /OL5 CORPORATE DIRECTORIES3 9T]NAL COMPANY PHONEBOOKS ?AT SOME 5T]PRIS+ 9DIVIDUAL HAS /OL5 A PHYSICAL COPY ( & !N SOLD TO V>I\S FIRMS40 ,BROK]S !N CALL UPP]-LEVEL EMPLOYES ( ! COMPANIES & TRY TO PIT* !M /OCKS4  
  

,JACK3 ,MY JOB1 AS A COLD CALL]1 WAS TO CALL !SE PEOPLE4 ,NOT TO TRY TO SELL !M /OCKS1 BUT RA!R1 TO (F] 0FREE RESE>* MAT]IAL ON A PROMIS+ COMPANY ?AT IS AB\T TO GO PUBLIC10 EMPHASIZ+ ?AT ,I WAS CALL+ ON BEHALF ( A BROK]4 ,?AT LA/ PO9T WAS ESPECIALLY /RESS$ TO ME DUR+ MY TRA9+4 ,! REASON+ BEH9D ?IS WAS ?AT ! BROK]S !MSELVES W\LD SEEM1 TO ! POT5TIAL CLI5T1 TO BE MORE CAPABLE & PR(ESSIONAL IF !Y W]E SO DAMN BUSY MAK+ MONEY ?AT !Y NE$$ AN ASSI/ANT TO MAKE ?IS CALL = !M4 ,!RE WAS LIT]ALLY NO O!R PURPOSE TO ?IS JOB ?AN TO MAKE MY NEI<BOR ! BROK] APPE> TO BE MORE SUCCESSFUL ?AN HE ACTUALLY WAS4 

,I WAS PAID TWO HUNDR$ DOLL>S P] WEEK1 CA%1 LIT]ALLY FROM ! BROK]'S WALLET1 = MAK+ HIM LOOK LIKE A HI< ROLL]4 ,BUT ?IS DIDN'T JU/ MAKE = SOCIAL CAPITAL = ! BROK] ) REG>DS TO HIS CLI5TS2 9 ! (FICE ITSELF1 BE+ A BROK] ) Y\R [N COLD CALL] WAS A /ATUS SYMBOL1 & AN IMPORTANT ONE 9 SU* A HYP]MASCUL9E1 HYP]COMPETITIVE (FICE 5VIRONM5T4 ,I WAS SOME K9D ( TOTEM FIGURE = HIM4 ,[N+ ME C\LD MEAN ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 HIS GETT+ A MEET+ ) A VISIT+ REGIONAL HEAD OR NOT2 BUT = ! MO/ P>T1 IT JU/ PUT HIM ON A SLI<TLY HI<] RUNG ON ! SOCIAL LADD] ( ! WORKPLACE4  
  

,! ULTIMATE GOAL ( SU* BROK]S BE+ TO SUFFICI5TLY IMPRESS !IR BOSS ?AT !Y W\LD BE MOV$ FROM ! L[LY 0TRAD+ PIT0 TO AN (FICE ( !IR [N UP/AIRS4 ,JACK'S CONCLUSION3 0,MY POSITION AT ?IS COMPANY WAS :OLLY UNNECESS>Y & S]V$ NO PURPOSE :ATSOEV] O!R ?AN TO MAKE MY IMM$IATE SUP]IOR LOOK & FEEL LIKE A BIG %OT40 

,?IS IS ! V]Y DEF9ITION ( A FLUNKY JOB4 

,! PETT9ESS ( ! GAME H]E--EV5 9 ! #a#i#iS1 @s#b WAS NOT A LOT ( MONEY--HELPS LAY B>E DYNAMICS ?AT MI<T EXPRESS !MSELVES 9 MORE OPAQUE WAYS 9 L>G] & MORE COMPLEX CORPORATE 5VIRONM5TS4 ,!RE WE (T5 F9D CASES :]E NO ONE IS 5TIRELY SURE H[ OR :Y C]TA9 POSITIONS W]E 9V5T$ & MA9TA9$4 ,H]E IS ,OPHELIA1 :O WORKS = AN ORGANIZATION ?AT RUNS SOCIAL M>KET+ CAMPAIGNS3  
  

,OPHELIA3 ,MY CURR5T JOB TITLE IS ,PORTFOLIO ,COORD9ATOR1 & EV]YONE ALWAYS ASKS :AT ?AT MEANS1 OR :AT IT IS ,I ACTUALLY DO8 ,I HAVE NO IDEA4 ,I'M /ILL TRY+ TO FIGURE IT \T4 ,MY JOB DESCRIPTION SAYS ALL SORTS ( /UFF AB\T FACILITAT+ RELATION%IPS BETWE5 P>TN]S1 ETC41 :I* AS F> AS ,I'M CONC]N$1 JU/ MEANS ANSW]+ OCCASIONAL QU]IES4 

,IT HAS OCCURR$ TO ME ?AT MY ACTUAL TITLE REF]S TO A BULL%IT JOB4 ,H[EV]1 ! REALITY ( MY WORK+ LIFE IS FUNCTION+ AS A ,P]SONAL ,ASSI/ANT TO ! ,DIRECTOR4 ,& 9 ?AT ROLE1 ,I DO HAVE ACTUAL WORK TASKS ?AT NE$ DO+1 SIMPLY BECAUSE ! PEOPLE ,I ASSI/ >E EI!R TOO 0BUSY0 OR TOO IMPORTANT TO DO ?IS /UFF !MSELVES4 ,9 FACT1 MO/ ( ! TIME1 ,I SEEM TO BE ! ONLY ONE AT MY WORKPLACE :O HAS SOME?+ TO DO4 ,SOME DAYS ,I RUN >\ND FRANTICALLY1 :IL/ MO/ ( ! MIDLEVEL MANAG]S SIT >\ND & />E AT A WALL1 SEEM+LY BOR$ TO DEA? & JU/ TRY+ TO KILL TIME DO+ PO9TLESS ?+S 7LIKE ?AT ONE GUY :O RE>RANGES HIS BACKPACK = A HALF H\R EV]Y DAY74 

,OBVI\SLY1 !RE ISN'T 5\< WORK TO KEEP MO/ ( US OCCUPI$1 BUT--9 A WEIRD LOGIC ?AT PROBABLY JU/ MAKES !M ALL FEEL MORE IMPORTANT AB\T !IR [N JOBS--WE >E N[ RECRUIT+ ANO!R MANAG]4 ,MAYBE ?IS IS TO KEEP UP ! ILLUSION ?AT !RE'S SO MU* TO DO8  
  

,OPHELIA SUSPECTS H] JOB WAS ORIG9ALLY JU/ AN EMPTY PLACE FILL]1 CREAT$ SO ?AT SOMEONE C\LD BOA/ AB\T ! NUMB] ( EMPLOYES HE HAD WORK+ UND] HIM4 ,BUT ONCE IT WAS CREAT$1 A P]V]SE DYNAMIC BEGAN TO SET 91 :]EBY MANAG]S (F-LOAD$ MORE & MORE ( !IR RESPONSIBILITIES ONTO ! L[E/-RANK+ FEMALE SUBORD9ATE 7H]7 TO GIVE ! IMPRESSION ?AT !Y W]E TOO BUSY TO DO SU* ?+S !MSELVES1 LEAD+1 ( C\RSE1 TO !IR HAV+ EV5 LESS TO DO ?AN PREVI\SLY--A SPIRAL CULM9AT+ 9 ! APP>5TLY BIZ>RE DECISION TO HIRE ANO!R MANAG] TO />E AT ! WALL OR PLAY ,POKEMON ALL DAY1 JU/ BECAUSE HIR+ HIM W\LD MAKE IT LOOK LIKE ?AT WAS NOT :AT EV]YONE ELSE WAS DO+4 ,OPHELIA 5DS UP SOMETIMES WORK+ FR5ETICALLY2 9 P>T BECAUSE ! FEW NECESS>Y TASKS 7H&$ (F TO H]7 >E AUGM5T$ ) COMPLETELY MADE-UP RESPONSIBILITIES DESIGN$ TO KEEP L[-LEVEL /AFF BU/L+3  
  

,OPHELIA3 ,WE >E DIVID$ BETWE5 TWO ORGANIZATIONS & TWO BUILD+S4 ,IF MY BOSS 7! BOSS ( ! :OLE PLACE1 9 FACT7 GOES TO ! O!R BUILD+1 ,I HAVE TO FILL 9 A =M TO BOOK A ROOM = H]4 ,EV]Y TIME4 ,IT IS ABSOLUTE 9SANITY1 BUT IT C]TA9LY KEEPS ! RECEPTIONI/ OV] !RE V]Y BUSY & !RE=E1 9DISP5SABLE4 ,IT ALSO MAKES H] APPE> V]Y ORGANIZ$1 JUGGL+ & FIL+ ALL ?IS PAP]WORK4 ,IT OCCURS TO ME ?AT ?IS IS :AT !Y REALLY MEAN 9 JOB ADS :5 !Y SAY ?AT !Y EXPECT Y\ TO MAKE (FICE PROC$URES MORE EFFICI5T3 ?AT Y\ CREATE MORE BUREAUCRACY TO FILL ! TIME4  
  

,OPHELIA'S EXAMPLE HI<LI<TS A COMMON AMBIGUITY3 ,:OSE JOB IS REALLY BULL%IT1 ?AT ( ! FLUNKY8 ,OR ! BOSS8 ,SOMETIMES1 AS WE'VE SE5 ) ,JACK1 IT'S CLE>LY ! =M]--! FLUNKY REALLY DOES ONLY EXI/ TO MAKE HIS OR H] IMM$IATE SUP]IOR LOOK OR FEEL IMPORTANT4 ,9 CASES LIKE ?AT1 NO ONE M9DS IF ! FLUNKY DOES ABSOLUTELY NO?+3  
  

,/EVE3 ,I JU/ GRADUAT$1 & MY NEW 0JOB0 BASICALLY CONSI/S ( MY BOSS =W>D+ EMAILS TO ME ) ! MESSAGE 0,/EVE REF] TO ! BEL[10 & ,I REPLY ?AT ! EMAIL IS 9CONSEQU5TIAL OR /RAI<T-UP SPAM4  
  

,9 O!R CASES1 AS ) ,OPHELIA1 ! FLUNKIES 5D UP EFFECTIVELY DO+ ! BOSSES' JOBS = !M4 ,?IS1 ( C\RSE1 WAS ! TRADITIONAL ROLE ( FEMALE SECRET>IES 7N[ RELABEL$ 0ADM9I/RATIVE ASSI/ANTS07 WORK+ = MALE EXECUTIVES DUR+ MO/ ( ! TW5TIE? C5TURY3 :ILE 9 !ORY SECRET>IES W]E !RE JU/ TO ANSW] ! PHONE1 TAKE DICTATION1 & DO SOME LI<T FIL+1 9 FACT1 !Y (T5 5D$ UP DO+ #h P]C5T TO #i P]C5T ( !IR BOSSES' JOBS1 & SOMETIMES1 #a P]C5T ( ITS NONBULL%IT ASPECTS4 ,IT W\LD BE FASC9AT+--?\< PROBABLY IMPOSSIBLE--TO WRITE A HI/ORY ( BOOKS1 DESIGNS1 PLANS1 & DOCUM5TS ATTRIBUT$ TO FAM\S M5 ?AT W]E ACTUALLY WRITT5 BY !IR SECRET>IES4.<#d#h.> 

,SO1 9 SU* CASES1 :O HAS ! BULL%IT JOB8 

,H]E AGA91 ,I ?9K WE >E =C$ TO FALL BACK ON ! SUBJECTIVE ELEM5T4 ,! MIDDLE MANAG] 9 ,OPHELIA'S (FICE REORGANIZ+ HIS BACKPACK = A HALF H\R EV]Y DAY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BE5 WILL+ TO ADMIT HIS JOB WAS PO9TLESS1 BUT ?OSE HIR$ JU/ TO MAKE SOMEONE LIKE HIM SEEM IMPORTANT ALMO/ 9V>IABLY KN[ IT & RES5T IT--EV5 :5 IT DOESN'T 9VOLVE MAK+ UP UNNECESS>Y BUSYWORK3  
  

,JUDY3 ,! ONLY FULL-TIME JOB ,I EV] HAD--9 ,HUMAN ,RES\RCES 9 A PRIVATE SECTOR 5G9E]+ FIRM--WAS :OLLY NOT NECESS>Y4 ,IT WAS !RE ONLY BECAUSE ! ,H,R ,SPECIALI/ WAS LAZY & DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HIS DESK4 ,I WAS AN ,H,R ,ASSI/ANT4 ,MY JOB TOOK1 ,I %IT Y\ NOT1 ONE H\R A DAY--AN H\R & A HALF MAX4 ,! O!R SEV5 OR SO H\RS W]E SP5T PLAY+ #bdh OR WAT*+ ,Y\,TUBE4 ,PHONE NEV] RANG1 ,DATA W]E 5T]$ 9 FIVE M9UTES OR LESS4 ,I GOT PAID TO BE BOR$4 ,MY BOSS C\LD HAVE EASILY DONE MY JOB YET AGA9--FUCK+ LAZY TURD4  
  

,:5 ,I WAS DO+ AN?ROPOLOGICAL FIELDWORK 9 HI<L& ,MADAGASC>1 ,I NOTIC$ ?AT :]EV] ONE F\ND ! TOMB ( A FAM\S NOBLEMAN1 ONE ALSO 9V>IABLY F\ND TWO OR ?REE MODE/ GRAVES DIRECTLY AT ITS FOOT4 ,:5 ,I ASK$ :AT !SE MODE/ GRAVES W]E1 ,I W\LD ALWAYS BE TOLD !SE W]E HIS 0SOLDI]S0--REALLY A EUPHEMISM = 0SLAVES40 ,! MEAN+ WAS CLE>3 TO BE AN >I/OCRAT MEANT TO HAVE ! P[] TO ORD] O!RS >\ND4 ,EV5 9 DEA?1 IF Y\ DIDN'T HAVE UND]L+S1 Y\ C\LDN'T REALLY CLAIM TO BE A NOBLE4 

,AN ANALOG\S LOGIC SEEMS TO BE AT WORK 9 CORPORATE 5VIRONM5TS4 ,:Y DID ! ,DUT* PUBLI%+ \TFIT NE$ A RECEPTIONI/8 ,BECAUSE A COMPANY HAS TO HAVE ?REE LEVELS ( COMM& 9 ORD] TO BE CONSID]$ A 0REAL0 COMPANY4 ,AT ! V]Y LEA/1 !RE MU/ BE A BOSS1 & $ITORS1 & ?OSE $ITORS HAVE TO HAVE SOME SORT ( UND]L+S OR ASSI/ANTS--AT ! V]Y M9IMUM1 ! ONE RECEPTIONI/ :O IS A K9D ( COLLECTIVE UND]L+ TO ALL ( !M4 ,O!RWISE Y\ W\LDN'T BE A CORPORATION BUT JU/ SOME K9D ( HIPPIE COLLECTIVE4 ,ONCE ! UNNECESS>Y FLUNKY IS HIR$1 :E!R OR NOT ?AT FLUNKY 5DS UP BE+ GIV5 ANY?+ TO DO IS AN 5TIRELY SECOND>Y CONSID]ATION--?AT DEP5DS ON A :OLE LI/ ( EXTRANE\S FACTORS3 = 9/ANCE1 :E!R OR NOT !RE IS ANY WORK TO DO1 ! NE$S & ATTITUDES ( ! SUP]IORS1 G5D] DYNAMICS1 & 9/ITUTIONAL CON/RA9TS4 ,IF ! ORGANIZATION GR[S 9 SIZE1 HI<]-UPS' IMPORTANCE WILL ALMO/ 9V>IABLY BE MEASUR$ BY ! TOTAL NUMB] ( EMPLOYES WORK+ UND] !M1 :I*1 9 TURN1 CREATES AN EV5 MORE P[]FUL 9C5TIVE = ?OSE ON TOP ( ! ORGANIZATIONAL LADD] TO EI!R HIRE EMPLOYES & ONLY !N DECIDE :AT !Y >E GO+ TO DO ) !M OR--EV5 MORE (T51 P]HAPS--TO RESI/ ANY EF=TS TO ELIM9ATE JOBS ?AT >E F\ND TO BE R$UNDANT4 ,AS WE'LL SEE1 TE/IMONIES FROM CONSULTANTS HIR$ TO 9TRODUCE EFFICI5CIES 9 A L>GE CORPORATION 7SAY1 A BANK1 OR A M$ICAL SUPPLY CORPORATION7 ATTE/ TO ! AWKW>D SIL5CES & \TRI<T HO/ILITY ?AT 5SUE :5 EXECUTIVES REALIZE ?OSE EFFICI5CIES WILL HAVE ! EFFECT ( AUTOMAT+ AWAY A SIGNIFICANT PORTION ( !IR SUBORD9ATES4 ,BY DO+ SO1 !Y W\LD EFFECTIVELY R$UCE MANAG]S TO NO?+4 ,K+S ( ! AIR4 ,= )\T FLUNKIES1 TO :OM1 EXACTLY1 W\LD !Y BE 0SUP]IOR08 

#b4 :AT GOONS DO 

  

,! USE ( ?IS T]M IS1 ( C\RSE1 METAPHORICAL3 ,I'M NOT US+ IT TO MEAN ACTUAL GANG/]S OR O!R =MS ( HIR$ MUSCLE4 ,RA!R1 ,I'M REF]R+ TO PEOPLE :OSE JOBS HAVE AN AGGRESSIVE ELEM5T1 BUT1 CRUCIALLY1 :O EXI/ ONLY BECAUSE O!R PEOPLE EMPLOY !M4 

,! MO/ OBVI\S EXAMPLE ( ?IS >E NATIONAL >M$ =CES4 ,C\NTRIES NE$ >MIES ONLY BECAUSE O!R C\NTRIES HAVE >MIES4.<#d#i.> ,IF NO ONE HAD AN >MY1 >MIES W\LD NOT BE NE$$4 ,BUT ! SAME CAN BE SAID ( MO/ LOBBYI/S1 ,P,R SPECIALI/S1 TELEM>KET]S1 & CORPORATE LAWY]S4 ,ALSO1 LIKE LIT]AL GOONS1 !Y HAVE A L>GELY NEGATIVE IMPACT ON SOCIETY4 ,I ?9K ALMO/ ANYONE W\LD CONCUR ?AT1 W]E ALL TELEM>KET]S TO DISAPPE>1 ! WORLD W\LD BE A BETT] PLACE4 ,BUT ,I ?9K MO/ W\LD ALSO AGREE ?AT IF ALL CORPORATE LAWY]S1 BANK LOBBYI/S1 OR M>KET+ GURUS W]E TO SIMIL>LY VANI% 9 A PUFF ( SMOKE1 ! WORLD W\LD BE AT LEA/ A LITTLE BIT MORE BE>ABLE4 

,! OBVI\S QUE/ION IS3 ,>E !SE REALLY BULL%IT JOBS AT ALL8 ,W\LD !SE NOT BE MORE LIKE ! ,MAFIA HIT M5 ( ! LA/ *APT]8 ,AFT] ALL1 9 MO/ CASES1 GOONS >E CLE>LY DO+ SOME?+ TO FUR!R ! 9T]E/S ( ?OSE :O EMPLOY !M1 EV5 IF ! OV]ALL EFFECT ( !IR PR(ESSION'S EXI/5CE MI<T BE CONSID]$ DETRIM5TAL TO HUMANITY AS A :OLE4 

,H]E AGA9 WE MU/ APPEAL TO ! SUBJECTIVE ELEM5T4 ,SOMETIMES ! ULTIMATE PO9TLESSNESS ( A L9E ( WORK IS SO OBVI\S ?AT FEW 9VOLV$ MAKE MU* EF=T TO D5Y IT4 ,MO/ UNIV]SITIES 9 ! ,UNIT$ ,K+DOM N[ HAVE PUBLIC RELATIONS (FICES ) /AFFS SEV]AL TIMES L>G] ?AN W\LD BE TYPICAL =1 SAY1 A BANK OR AN AUTO MANUFACTUR] ( R\<LY ! SAME SIZE4 ,DOES ,OX=D REALLY NE$ TO EMPLOY A DOZ5-PLUS ,P,R SPECIALI/S TO CONV9CE ! PUBLIC IT'S A TOP-NOT* UNIV]SITY8 ,I'D IMAG9E IT W\LD TAKE AT LEA/ ?AT MANY ,P,R AG5TS QUITE A NUMB] ( YE>S TO CONV9CE ! PUBLIC ,OX=D WAS NOT A TOP-NOT* UNIV]SITY1 & EV5 !N1 ,I SUSPECT ! TASK W\LD PROVE IMPOSSIBLE4 ,OBVI\SLY1 ,I AM BE+ SLI<TLY FACETI\S H]E3 ?IS IS NOT ! ONLY ?+ A ,P,R DEP>TM5T DOES4 ,I'M SURE 9 ! CASE ( ,OX=D MU* ( ITS DAY-TO-DAY CONC]NS 9VOLVE MORE PRACTICAL MATT]S SU* AS ATTRACT+ TO ! UNIV]SITY ! *ILDR5 ( OIL MAGNATES OR CORRUPT POLITICIANS FROM =EIGN L&S :O MI<T O!RWISE HAVE GONE TO ,CAMBRIDGE4 ,BUT /ILL1 ?OSE 9 *>GE ( PUBLIC RELATIONS1 0/RATEGIC COMMUNICATIONS10 & ! LIKE AT MANY ELITE UNIV]SITIES 9 ! ,U,K HAVE S5T ME TE/IMONIES MAK+ IT CLE> ?AT !Y DO 9DE$ FEEL !IR JOBS >E L>GELY PO9TLESS4 

,I HAVE 9CLUD$ GOONS AS A CATEGORY ( BULL%IT JOB L>GELY = ?IS REASON3 BECAUSE SO MANY ( ?OSE :O HOLD !M FEEL !IR JOBS HAVE NO SOCIAL VALUE & \<T NOT TO EXI/4 ,RECALL ! WORDS ( ! TAX LITIGATOR FROM ! PREFACE3 0,I AM A CORPORATE LAWY]444 ,I CONTRIBUTE NO?+ TO ?IS WORLD & AM UTT]LY MIS]ABLE ALL ( ! TIME40 ,UN=TUNATELY1 IT IS ALMO/ IMPOSSIBLE TO ASC]TA9 H[ MANY CORPORATE LAWY]S SECRETLY %>E ?IS FEEL+4 ,! ,Y\,GOV SURVEY DID NOT BREAK D[N ITS RESULTS BY PR(ESSION1 & :ILE MY [N RESE>* CONFIRMS SU* FEEL+S >E BY NO MEANS UNIQUE1 NONE ( ?OSE :O REPORT$ SU* ATTITUDES W]E P>TICUL>LY HI<-LEVEL4 ,! SAME IS TRUE ( ?OSE :O WORK 9 M>KET+ OR ,P,R4 

,! REASON ,I ?\<T ! WORD 0GOON0 APPROPRIATE IS BECAUSE 9 ALMO/ ALL CASES1 GOONS F9D !IR JOBS OBJECTIONABLE NOT JU/ BECAUSE !Y FEEL !Y LACK POSITIVE VALUE BUT ALSO BECAUSE !Y SEE !M AS ESS5TIALLY MANIPULATIVE & AGGRESSIVE3  
  

,TOM3 ,I WORK = A V]Y L>GE ,AM]ICAN-[N$ PO/PRODUCTION COMPANY BAS$ 9 ,LONDON4 ,!RE >E P>TS ( MY JOB ?AT HAVE ALWAYS BE5 V]Y 5JOYABLE & FULFILL+3 ,I GET TO MAKE C>S FLY1 BUILD+S EXPLODE1 & D9OSAURS ATTACK ALI5 SPACE%IPS = MOVIE /UDIOS1 PROVID+ 5T]TA9M5T = AUDI5CES WORLDWIDE4 

,MORE REC5TLY1 H[EV]1 A GR[+ P]C5TAGE ( \R CU/OM]S >E ADV]TIS+ AG5CIES4 ,!Y BR+ US ADV]TS = WELL-KN[N BR&$ PRODUCTS3 %AMPOOS1 TOO?PA/ES1 MOI/URIZ+ CREAMS1 WA%+ P[D]S1 ETC41 & WE USE VISUAL EFFECTS TRICK]Y TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE !SE PRODUCTS ACTUALLY WORK4 

,WE ALSO WORK ON ,T,V %[S & MUSIC VIDEOS4 ,WE R$UCE BAGS UND] ! EYES ( WOM51 MAKE HAIR %9I]1 TEE? :IT]1 MAKE POP />S & FILM />S LOOK ?9N]1 ETC4 ,WE AIRBRU% SK9 TO REMOVE SPOTS1 ISOLATE ! TEE? & COLOR CORRECT !M TO MAKE !M :IT] 7ALSO DONE ON ! CLO!S 9 WA%+ P[D] ADS71 PA9T \T SPLIT 5DS & ADD %9Y HI<LI<TS TO HAIR 9 %AMPOO COMM]CIALS1 & !RE >E SPECIAL DE=M+ TOOLS TO MAKE PEOPLE ?9N]4 ,!SE TE*NIQUES >E LIT]ALLY US$ 9 EV]Y COMM]CIAL ON ,T,V1 PLUS MO/ ,T,V DRAMA %[S1 & LOTS ( MOVIES4 ,P>TICUL>LY ON FEMALE ACTORS BUT ALSO ON M54 ,WE ESS5TIALLY MAKE VIEW]S FEEL 9ADEQUATE :IL/ !Y'RE WAT*+ ! MA9 PROGRAMS & !N EXAGG]ATE ! EFFECTIV5ESS ( ! 0SOLUTIONS0 PROVID$ 9 ! COMM]CIAL BREAKS4 

,I GET PAID ,G,B,P#a1 A YE> TO DO ?IS4  
  

,:5 ,I ASK$ :Y HE CONSID]$ HIS JOB TO BE BULL%IT 7AS OPPOS$ TO M]ELY1 SAY1 EVIL71 ,TOM REPLI$3  
  

,TOM3 ,I CONSID] A WOR?:ILE JOB TO BE ONE ?AT FULFILLS A PREEXI/+ NE$1 OR CREATES A PRODUCT OR S]VICE ?AT PEOPLE HADN'T ?\<T (1 ?AT SOMEH[ 5HANCES & IMPROVES !IR LIVES4 ,I BELIEVE WE PASS$ ! PO9T :]E MO/ JOBS W]E !SE TYPE ( JOBS A LONG TIME AGO4 ,SUPPLY HAS F> \TPAC$ DEM& 9 MO/ 9DU/RIES1 SO N[ IT IS DEM& ?AT IS MANUFACTUR$4 ,MY JOB IS A COMB9ATION ( MANUFACTUR+ DEM& & !N EXAGG]AT+ ! USEFULNESS ( ! PRODUCTS SOLD TO FIX IT4 ,9 FACT1 Y\ C\LD >GUE ?AT ?AT IS ! JOB ( EV]Y S+LE P]SON ?AT WORKS 9 OR = ! 5TIRE ADV]TIS+ 9DU/RY4 ,IF WE'RE AT ! PO9T :]E 9 ORD] TO SELL PRODUCTS1 Y\ HAVE TO FIR/ ( ALL TRICK PEOPLE 9TO ?9K+ !Y NE$ !M1 !N ,I ?9K Y\'D BE H>D-PRESS$ TO >GUE ?AT !SE JOBS >5'T BULL%IT4.<#e.>  
  

,9 ADV]TIS+1 M>KET+1 & PUBLICITY1 DISCONT5T ( ?IS SORT RUNS SO HI< ?AT !RE IS EV5 A MAGAZ9E1 ,ADBU/]S1 PRODUC$ 5TIRELY BY WORK]S 9 ! 9DU/RY :O RES5T :AT !Y >E MADE TO DO = A LIV+ & WI% TO USE ! P[]S !Y'VE ACQUIR$ 9 ADV]TIS+ = GOOD 9/EAD ( EVIL--= 9/ANCE1 BY DESIGN+ FLA%Y 0SUBV]TIS+0 ?AT ATTACKS CONSUM] CULTURE AS A :OLE4 

,TOM1 = HIS P>T1 DIDN'T CONSID] HIS JOB BULL%IT BECAUSE HE OBJECT$ TO CONSUM] CULTURE 9 ITSELF4 ,HE OBJECT$ BECAUSE HE SAW HIS 0BEAUTY WORK10 AS HE CALL$ IT1 AS 9H]5TLY CO]CIVE & MANIPULATIVE4 ,HE WAS DRAW+ A DI/9CTION BETWE5 :AT MI<T BE CALL$ HONE/ ILLUSIONS & DI%ONE/ ONES4 ,:5 Y\ MAKE D9OSAURS ATTACK SPACE%IPS1 NO ONE ACTUALLY ?9KS ?AT'S REAL4 ,MU* AS ) A /AGE MAGICIAN1 HALF ! FUN IS ?AT EV]YONE KN[S A TRICK IS BE+ PLAY$--!Y JU/ DON'T KN[ EXACTLY H[ IT'S DONE4 ,:5 Y\ SUBTLY 5HANCE ! APPE>ANCE ( CELEBRITIES1 9 CONTRA/1 Y\ >E TRY+ TO *ANGE VIEW]S' UNCONSCI\S ASSUMPTIONS AB\T :AT EV]YDAY REALITY--9 ?IS CASE1 ( M5'S & WOM5'S BODIES--\<T TO BE LIKE1 SO AS TO CREATE AN UNCOM=TABLE FEEL+ ?AT !IR LIV$ REALITY IS ITSELF AN 9ADEQUATE SUB/ITUTE = ! REAL ?+4 ,:]E HONE/ ILLUSIONS ADD JOY 9TO ! WORLD1 DI%ONE/ ONES >E 9T5TIONALLY AIM$ T[>D CONV9C+ PEOPLE !IR WORLDS >E A TAWDRY & MIS]ABLE SORT ( PLACE4 

,SIMIL>LY1 ,I RECEIV$ A V]Y L>GE NUMB] ( TE/IMONIES FROM CALL C5T] EMPLOYES4 ,NONE CONSID]$ HIS OR H] JOB BULL%IT BECAUSE ( CONDITIONS ( EMPLOYM5T--ACTUALLY1 !SE APPE> TO V>Y 5ORM\SLY1 FROM NI<TM>I% LEVELS ( SURVEILLANCE TO SURPRIS+LY RELAX$--BUT BECAUSE ! WORK 9VOLV$ TRICK+ OR PRESSUR+ PEOPLE 9TO DO+ ?+S ?AT W]5'T REALLY 9 !IR BE/ 9T]E/4 ,H]E'S A SAMPL+3  

0,I HAD A BUN* ( BULL%IT CALL C5T] JOBS SELL+ ?+S ?AT PEOPLE DIDN'T REALLY WANT_/NE$1 TAK+ 9SURANCE CLAIMS1 CONDUCT+ PO9TLESS M>KET RESE>*40  

0,IT'S A BAIT & SWIT*1 (F]+ A 'FREE' S]VICE FIR/1 & !N ASK+ Y\ = @s#a4#i#e = A TWO-WEEK TRIAL SUBSCRIPTION 9 ORD] = Y\ TO F9I% ! PROCESS & GET Y\ :AT Y\ W5T ON ! WEBSITE TO ACQUIRE1 & !N SIGN+ Y\ UP = AN AUTO-R5EWAL = A MON?LY S]VICE ?AT'S MORE ?AN T5 TIMES ?AT AM\NT40  

0,IT'S NOT JU/ A LACK ( POSITIVE CONTRIBUTION1 BUT Y\'RE MAK+ AN ACTIVE NEGATIVE CONTRIBUTION TO PEOPLE'S DAY4 ,I CALL$ PEOPLE UP TO HOCK !M USELESS %IT !Y DIDN'T NE$3 SPECIFICALLY1 ACCESS TO !IR 'CR$IT SCORE' ?AT !Y C\LD OBTA9 = FREE ELSE:]E1 BUT ?AT WE W]E (F]+ 7) SOME M9DLESS ADD-ONS7 = ,G,B,P#f4#i#i A MON?40  

0,MO/ ( ! SUPPORT COV]$ BASIC COMPUT] OP]ATIONS ! CU/OM] C\LD EASILY GOOGLE4 ,!Y W]E GE>$ T[>D OLD PEOPLE OR ?OSE ?AT DIDN'T KN[ BETT]1 ,I ?9K40  

0,\R CALL C5T]'S RES\RCES >E ALMO/ :OLLY DEVOT$ TO COA*+ AG5TS ON H[ TO TALK PEOPLE 9TO ?+S !Y DON'T NE$ AS OPPOS$ TO SOLV+ ! REAL PROBLEMS !Y >E CALL+ AB\T40  
  

,SO ONCE AGA91 :AT REALLY IRKS IS 7#a7 ! AGGRESSION & 7#b7 ! DECEPTION4 ,H]E ,I CAN SPEAK FROM P]SONAL EXP]I5CE1 HAV+ DONE SU* JOBS1 ALBEIT USUALLY V]Y1 V]Y BRIEFLY3 !RE >E FEW ?+S LESS PLEASANT ?AN BE+ =C$ AGA9/ Y\R BETT] NATURE TO TRY TO CONV9CE O!RS TO DO ?+S ?AT DEFY !IR COMMON S5SE4 ,I WILL BE DISCUSS+ ?IS ISSUE 9 GREAT] DEP? 9 ! NEXT *APT]1 ON SPIRITUAL VIOL5CE1 BUT = N[1 LET US M]ELY NOTE ?AT ?IS IS AT ! V]Y HE>T ( :AT IT IS TO BE A GOON4 

#c4 :AT DUCT TAP]S DO 

  

,DUCT TAP]S >E EMPLOYES :OSE JOBS EXI/ ONLY BECAUSE ( A GLIT* OR FAULT 9 ! ORGANIZATION2 :O >E !RE TO SOLVE A PROBLEM ?AT \<T NOT TO EXI/4 ,I AM ADOPT+ ! T]M FROM ! S(TW>E 9DU/RY1 BUT ,I ?9K IT HAS MORE G5]AL APPLICABILITY4 ,ONE TE/IMONY FROM A S(TW>E DEVELOP] DESCRIBES ! 9DU/RY LIKE ?IS3  
  

,PABLO3 ,BASICALLY1 WE HAVE TWO K9DS ( JOBS4 ,ONE K9D 9VOLVES WORK+ ON CORE TE*NOLOGIES1 SOLV+ H>D & *ALL5G+ PROBLEMS1 ETC4 

,! O!R ONE IS TAK+ A BUN* ( CORE TE*NOLOGIES & APPLY+ SOME DUCT TAPE TO MAKE !M WORK TOGE!R4  
  

,! =M] IS G5]ALLY SE5 AS USEFUL4 ,! LATT] IS (T5 SE5 AS LESS USEFUL OR EV5 USELESS1 BUT1 9 ANY CASE1 MU* LESS GRATIFY+ ?AN ! FIR/ K9D4 ,! FEEL+ IS PROBABLY BAS$ ON ! OBS]VATION ?AT IF CORE TE*NOLOGIES W]E DONE PROP]LY1 !RE W\LD BE LITTLE OR NO NE$ = DUCT TAPE4 

,PABLO'S MA9 PO9T IS ?AT ) ! GR[+ RELIANCE ON FREE S(TW>E 7FREEW>E71 PAID EMPLOYM5T IS 9CREAS+LY R$UC$ TO DUCT TAP+4 ,COD]S >E (T5 HAPPY TO P]=M ! 9T]E/+ & REW>D+ WORK ON CORE TE*NOLOGIES = FREE AT NI<T BUT1 S9CE ?AT MEANS !Y HAVE LESS & LESS 9C5TIVE TO ?9K AB\T H[ SU* CREATIONS WILL ULTIMATELY BE MADE COMPATIBLE1 ?AT MEANS ! SAME COD]S >E R$UC$ DUR+ ! DAY TO ! T$I\S 7BUT PAID7 WORK ( MAK+ !M FIT TOGE!R4 ,?IS IS A V]Y IMPORTANT 9SI<T1 & ,I'LL BE DISCUSS+ SOME ( ITS IMPLICATIONS AT L5G? LAT]2 BUT = N[1 LET'S JU/ CONSID] ! NOTION ( DUCT TAP+ ITSELF4 

,CLEAN+ IS A NECESS>Y FUNCTION3 ?+S GET DU/Y EV5 IF !Y JU/ SIT !RE1 & ! ORD9>Y CONDUCT ( LIFE T5DS TO LEAVE TRACES ?AT NE$ TO BE TIDI$ UP4 ,BUT CLEAN+ UP AFT] SOMEONE :O MAKES A COMPLETELY GRATUIT\S & UNNECESS>Y MESS IS ALWAYS IRRITAT+4 ,HAV+ A FULL-TIME OCCUPATION CLEAN+ UP AFT] SU* A P]SON CAN ONLY BRE$ RES5TM5T4 ,SIGMUND ,FREUD EV5 SPOKE ( 0H\SEWIFE'S NEUROSIS03 A CONDITION ?AT HE BELIEV$ AFFECT$ WOM5 =C$ TO LIMIT !IR LIFE HORIZONS TO TIDY+ UP AFT] O!RS1 & :O !RE=E BECAME FANATICAL AB\T DOME/IC HYGI5E AS A =M ( REV5GE4 ,?IS IS (T5 ! MORAL AGONY ( ! DUCT TAP]3 TO BE =C$ TO ORGANIZE ONE'S WORK+ LIFE >\ND C>+ AB\T A C]TA9 VALUE 7SAY1 CLEANL9ESS7 PRECISELY BECAUSE MORE IMPORTANT PEOPLE C\LD NOT C>E LESS4 

,! MO/ OBVI\S EXAMPLES ( DUCT TAP]S >E UND]L+S :OSE JOBS >E TO UNDO ! DAMAGE DONE BY SLOPPY OR 9COMPET5T SUP]IORS4  
  

,MAGDA3 ,I ONCE WORK$ = AN ,S,M,E .<A SMALL OR M$IUM-SIZE 5T]PRISE.> :]E ,I WAS ! 0TE/]40 ,I WAS REQUIR$ TO PRO(READ RESE>* REPORTS WRITT5 BY !IR PO% /> RESE>*]-/ATI/ICIAN4 

,! MAN DIDN'T KN[ ! FIR/ ?+ AB\T /ATI/ICS1 & HE /RUGGL$ TO PRODUCE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT S5T5CES4 ,HE T5D$ TO AVOID US+ V]BS4 ,HE WAS SO BAD1 ,I'D REW>D MYSELF ) A CAKE IF ,I F\ND A COH]5T P>AGRAPH4 ,I LO/ TWELVE P\NDS WORK+ 9 ?AT COMPANY4 ,MY JOB WAS TO CONV9CE HIM TO UND]TAKE A MAJOR REWORK+ ( EV]Y REPORT HE PRODUC$4 ,( C\RSE1 HE W\LD NEV] AGREE TO CORRECT ANY?+1 LET ALONE UND]TAKE A REWORK1 SO ,I W\LD !N HAVE TO TAKE ! REPORT TO ! COMPANY DIRECTORS4 ,!Y W]E /ATI/ICALLY ILLIT]ATE TOO1 BUT BE+ ! DIRECTORS1 !Y C\LD DRAG ?+S \T EV5 MORE4  
  

,!RE IS1 IT SEEMS1 A :OLE G5RE ( JOBS ?AT 9VOLVE CORRECT+ ! DAMAGE DONE BY A SUP]IOR :O HOLDS HIS POSITION = REASONS UNRELAT$ TO ABILITY TO DO ! WORK4 7,?IS OV]LAPS SOME:AT ) FLUNKY POSITIONS :]E ! JOBHOLD] HAS TO DO ! SUP]IOR'S WORK1 BUT IT'S NOT EXACTLY ! SAME ?+47 ,H]E'S ANO!R EXAMPLE1 ( A PROGRAMM] :O GOT A JOB = A FIRM RUN BY A ,VI5NESE PSY*OLOGI/ :O FANCI$ HIMSELF AN OLD-/YLE SCI5TIFIC REVOLUTION>Y1 & :O HAD 9V5T$ :AT WAS1 9 ! COMPANY1 REF]R$ TO SIMPLY AS 0! ALGORI?M40 ,! ALGORI?M AIM$ TO REPRODUCE HUMAN SPEE*4 ,! COMPANY SOLD IT TO PH>MACI/S TO USE ON !IR WEBSITES4 ,EXCEPT IT DIDN'T WORK3  
  

,N\RI3 ,! COMPANY'S F\ND+ 0G5IUS0 WAS ?IS ,VI5NESE RESE>* PSY*OLOGI/1 :O CLAIM$ TO HAVE DISCOV]$ ! ,ALGORI?M4 ,= MANY MON?S1 ,I WAS NEV] ALL[$ TO SEE IT4 ,I JU/ WROTE /UFF ?AT US$ IT4 

,! PSY*OLOGI/'S CODE KEPT FAIL+ TO GIVE S5SIBLE RESULTS4 ,TYPICAL CYCLE3  

,I DEMON/RATE HIS CODE B>FS ON A RIDICUL\SLY BASIC S5T5CE4  

,HE'D WE> ,CONFUS$ ,FR[N3 0,OH444 H[ /RANGE 4 4 40 LIKE ,I JU/ DISCOV]$ ! ,DEA? ,/>'S ONE T9Y WEAKNESS4  

,HE'D DISAPPE> 9TO HIS CAVE = TWO H\RS444  

,TRIUMPHANTLY EM]GES ) BUG FIX--N[ IT'S P]FECT6  

,GO TO /EP ONE4  
  
  

,9 ! 5D1 ! PROGRAMM] WAS R$UC$ TO WRIT+ V]Y PRIMITIVE ,ELIZA SCRIPTS.<#e#a.> TO MIMIC SPEE* = ! ,WEB PAGES JU/ TO COV] UP ! FACT ?AT ! ,ALGORI?M WAS BASICALLY GIBB]I%1 & ! COMPANY1 IT TURN$ \T1 WAS A PURE VANITY PROJECT RUN BY A R5T$ ,C,E,O :O US$ TO MANAGE A GYM4 

,MANY DUCT-TAP] JOBS >E ! RESULT ( A GLIT* 9 ! SY/EM ?AT NO ONE HAS BO!R$ TO CORRECT--TASKS ?AT C\LD EASILY BE AUTOMAT$1 = 9/ANCE1 BUT HAV5'T BE5 EI!R BECAUSE NO ONE HAS GOTT5 >\ND TO IT1 OR BECAUSE ! MANAG] WANTS TO MA9TA9 AS MANY SUBORD9ATES AS POSSIBLE1 OR BECAUSE ( SOME /RUCTURAL CONFUSION1 OR BECAUSE ( SOME COMB9ATION ( ! ?REE4 ,I HAVE ANY NUMB] ( TE/IMONIES ( ?IS SORT4 ,H]E'S A SAMPL+3  

0,I WORK$ AS A PROGRAMM] = A TRAVEL COMPANY4 ,SOME POOR P]SON'S JOB WAS TO RECEIVE UPDAT$ PLANE TIMETABLES VIA EMAIL SEV]AL TIMES A WEEK & COPY !M BY H& 9TO ,EXCEL40  

0,MY JOB WAS TO TRANSF] 9=MATION AB\T ! /ATE'S OIL WELLS 9TO A DIFF]5T SET ( NOTEBOOKS ?AN !Y W]E CURR5TLY 940  

0,MY DAY CONSI/$ ( PHOTOCOPY+ VET]ANS' HEAL? RECORDS = SEV5 & A HALF H\RS A DAY444 ,WORK]S W]E TOLD TIME & AGA9 ?AT IT WAS TOO CO/LY TO BUY ! MA*9ES = DIGITIZ+40  

0,I WAS GIV5 ONE RESPONSIBILITY3 WAT*+ AN 9-BOX ?AT RECEIV$ EMAILS 9 A C]TA9 =M FROM EMPLOYES 9 ! COMPANY ASK+ = TE* HELP1 & COPY & PA/E IT 9TO A DIFF]5T =M4 ,NOT ONLY WAS ?IS A TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE ( AN AUTOMATABLE JOB1 IT ACTUALLY US$ TO BE AUTOMAT$6 ,!RE WAS SOME K9D ( DISAGREEM5T BETWE5 V>I\S MANAG]S ?AT L$ TO HI<]-UPS ISSU+ A /&>DIZATION ?AT NULLIFI$ ! AUTOMATION40  
  

,ON ! SOCIAL LEVEL1 DUCT TAP+ HAS TRADITIONALLY BE5 WOM5'S WORK4 ,?R\<\T HI/ORY1 PROM95T M5 HAVE W&]$ AB\T OBLIVI\S TO HALF ( :AT'S GO+ ON >\ND !M1 TREAD+ ON A ?\S& TOES2 IT WAS TYPICALLY !IR WIVES1 SI/]S1 MO!RS1 OR DAU<T]S :O W]E LEFT ) ! RESPONSIBILITY ( P]=M+ ! EMOTIONAL LABOR ( SOO?+ EGOS1 CALM+ N]VES1 & NEGOTIAT+ SOLUTIONS TO ! PROBLEMS !Y CREAT$4 ,9 A MORE MAT]IAL S5SE1 DUCT TAP+ MI<T BE CONSID]$ A CLASSIC WORK+-CLASS FUNCTION4 ,! >*ITECT MAY COME UP ) A PLAN ?AT LOOKS /UNN+ ON PAP]1 BUT IT'S ! BUILD] :O HAS TO FIGURE \T H[ TO ACTUALLY 9/ALL ELECTRICAL SOCKETS 9 A CIRCUL> ROOM OR TO USE REAL DUCT TAPE TO HOLD ?+S TOGE!R ?AT 9 REALITY SIMPLY DON'T FIT TOGE!R ! WAY ! BLUEPR9TS SAY !Y %\LD4 

,9 ?IS LATT] CASE1 WE'RE NOT REALLY TALK+ AB\T A BULL%IT JOB AT ALL1 ANY MORE ?AN WE'RE TALK+ AB\T A BULL%IT JOB :5 AN OR*E/RA CONDUCTOR 9T]PRETS ! SCORE ( A ,BEE?OV5 SYMPHONY OR AN ACTRESS PLAYS ,LADY ,MACBE?4 ,!RE WILL ALWAYS BE A C]TA9 GAP BETWE5 BLUEPR9TS1 S*EMATA1 & PLANS & !IR REAL-WORLD IMPLEM5TATION2 !RE=E1 !RE WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE *>G$ ) MAK+ ! NECESS>Y ADJU/M5TS4 ,:AT MAKES SU* A ROLE BULL%IT IS :5 ! PLAN OBVI\SLY CAN'T WORK & ANY COMPET5T >*ITECT %\LD HAVE KN[N IT2 :5 ! SY/EM IS SO /UPIDLY DESIGN$ ?AT IT WILL FAIL 9 COMPLETELY PR$ICTABLE WAYS1 BUT RA!R ?AN FIX ! PROBLEM1 ! ORGANIZATION PREF]S TO HIRE FULL-TIME EMPLOYES :OSE MA9 OR 5TIRE JOB IS TO DEAL ) ! DAMAGE4 ,IT'S AS IF A HOME[N]1 UPON DISCOV]+ A LEAK 9 ! RO(1 DECID$ IT WAS TOO MU* BO!R TO HIRE A RO(] TO RE%+LE IT1 & 9/EAD /UCK A BUCKET UND]NEA? & HIR$ SOMEONE :OSE FULL-TIME JOB WAS TO P]IODICALLY DUMP ! WAT]4 

,IT GOES )\T SAY+ ?AT DUCT TAP]S >E ALMO/ ALWAYS AW>E !Y HAVE A BULL%IT JOB & >E USUALLY QUITE ANGRY AB\T IT4 

,I 5C\NT]$ A CLASSIC EXAMPLE ( A DUCT TAP] :ILE WORK+ AS A LECTUR] AT A PROM95T ,BRITI% UNIV]SITY4 ,ONE DAY ! WALL %ELVES 9 MY (FICE COLLAPS$4 ,?IS LEFT BOOKS SCATT]$ ALL OV] ! FLOOR1 & A JAGG$ HALF-DISLOCAT$ METAL FRAME ?AT ONCE HELD ! %ELVES 9 PLACE DANGL+ *E]FULLY OV] MY DESK4 ,A C>P5T] APPE>$ AN H\R LAT] TO 9SPECT ! DAMAGE BUT ANN\NC$ GRAVELY ?AT1 S9CE !RE W]E BOOKS ALL OV] ! FLOOR1 SAFETY RULES PREV5T$ HIM FROM 5T]+ ! ROOM OR TAK+ FUR!R ACTION4 ,I W\LD HAVE TO /ACK ! BOOKS & !N NOT T\* ANY?+ ELSE1 :]EUPON HE W\LD RETURN AT ! E>LIE/ AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY TO REMOVE ! DANGL+ FRAME4 

,I DULY /ACK$ ! BOOKS1 BUT ! C>P5T] NEV] REAPPE>$4 ,!RE 5SU$ A S]IES ( DAILY CALLS FROM ,AN?ROPOLOGY TO ,BUILD+S & ,GR\NDS4 ,EA* DAY SOMEONE 9 ! ,AN?ROPOLOGY ,DEP>TM5T W\LD CALL1 (T5 MULTIPLE TIMES1 TO ASK AB\T ! FATE ( ! C>P5T]1 :O ALWAYS TURN$ \T TO HAVE SOME?+ EXTREMELY PRESS+ TO DO4 ,BY ! TIME A WEEK WAS \T1 ,I HAD TAK5 TO DO+ MY WORK ON ! FLOOR 9 A K9D ( LITTLE NE/ ASSEMBL$ FROM FALL5 BOOKS1 & IT HAD BECOME APP>5T ?AT !RE WAS ONE MAN EMPLOY$ BY ,BUILD+S & ,GR\NDS :OSE 5TIRE JOB IT WAS TO APOLOGIZE = ! FACT ?AT ! C>P5T] HADN'T COME4 ,HE SEEM$ LIKE A NICE MAN4 ,HE WAS EXCE$+LY POLITE & EV5-TEMP]$1 & ALWAYS HAD JU/ A SLI<T TRACE ( WI/FUL MELAN*OLY AB\T HIM1 :I* MADE HIM QUITE WELL SUIT$ = ! JOB4 ,/ILL1 IT'S H>D TO IMAG9E HE WAS P>TICUL>LY HAPPY ) HIS *OICE ( C>E]4 ,MO/ ( ALL3 !RE DIDN'T SEEM ANY OBVI\S REASON ! S*OOL C\LDN'T SIMPLY GET RID ( ! POSITION & USE ! MONEY TO HIRE ANO!R C>P5T]1 9 :I* CASE HIS JOB W\LD NOT BE NE$$ ANYWAY4 

#d4 :AT BOX TICK]S DO 

  

,I AM US+ ! T]M 0BOX TICK]S0 TO REF] TO EMPLOYES :O EXI/ ONLY OR PRIM>ILY TO ALL[ AN ORGANIZATION TO BE ABLE TO CLAIM IT IS DO+ SOME?+ ?AT1 9 FACT1 IT IS NOT DO+4 ,! FOLL[+ TE/IMONY IS FROM A WOMAN HIR$ TO COORD9ATE LEISURE ACTIVITIES 9 A C>E HOME3  
  

,BETSY3 ,MO/ ( MY JOB WAS TO 9T]VIEW RESID5TS & FILL \T A RECREATION =M ?AT LI/$ !IR PREF]5CES4 ,?AT =M WAS !N LOGG$ ON A COMPUT] & PROMPTLY =GOTT5 AB\T =EV]4 ,! PAP] =M WAS ALSO KEPT 9 A B9D]1 = SOME REASON4 ,COMPLETION ( ! =MS WAS BY F> ! MO/ IMPORTANT P>T ( MY JOB 9 ! EYES ( MY BOSS1 & ,I W\LD CAT* HELL IF ,I GOT BEH9D ON !M4 ,A LOT ( ! TIME1 ,I W\LD COMPLETE A =M = A %ORT-T]M RESID5T1 & !Y W\LD *ECK \T ! NEXT DAY4 ,I ?REW AWAY M\NTA9S ( PAP]4 ,! 9T]VIEWS MO/LY JU/ ANNOY$ ! RESID5TS1 AS !Y KNEW IT WAS JU/ BULL%IT PAP]WORK1 & NO ONE WAS GO+ TO C>E AB\T !IR 9DIVIDUAL PREF]5CES4  
  

,! MO/ MIS]ABLE ?+ AB\T BOX-TICK+ JOBS IS ?AT ! EMPLOYEE IS USUALLY AW>E ?AT NOT ONLY DOES ! BOX-TICK+ EX]CISE DO NO?+ T[>D ACCOMPLI%+ ITS O/5SIBLE PURPOSE1 IT ACTUALLY UND]M9ES IT1 S9CE IT DIV]TS TIME & RES\RCES AWAY FROM ! PURPOSE ITSELF4 ,SO H]E ,BETSY WAS AW>E ?AT ! TIME %E SP5T PROCESS+ =MS AB\T H[ RESID5TS MI<T WI% TO BE 5T]TA9$ WAS TIME NOT SP5T 5T]TA9+ !M4 ,%E DID MANAGE TO 5GAGE 9 SOME LEISURE ACTIVITIES ) ! RESID5TS 70,=TUNATELY1 ,I WAS ABLE TO PLAY ! PIANO = ! RESID5TS EV]Y DAY BE=E D9N]1 & ?AT WAS A BEAUTIFUL TIME1 ) S++1 SMIL+1 & TE>S071 BUT AS SO (T5 9 SU* SITUATIONS1 !RE WAS A S5SE ?AT !SE MOM5TS W]E 9DULG5CES GRANT$ H] AS A REW>D = C>RY+ \T H] PRIM>Y DUTIES1 :I* CONSI/$ ( ! FILL+ \T & PROP] DISPOSITION ( =MS4.<#e#b.> 

,WE'RE ALL FAMILI> ) BOX TICK+ AS A =M ( GOV]NM5T4 ,IF A GOV]NM5T'S EMPLOYES >E CAU<T DO+ SOME?+ V]Y BAD--TAK+ BRIBES1 = 9/ANCE1 OR REGUL>LY %OOT+ CITIZ5S AT TRAFFIC /OPS--! FIR/ REACTION IS 9V>IABLY TO CREATE A 0FACT-F9D+ COMMISSION0 TO GET TO ! BOTTOM ( ?+S4 ,?IS S]VES TWO FUNCTIONS4 ,FIR/ ( ALL1 IT'S A WAY ( 9SI/+ ?AT1 ASIDE FROM A SMALL GR\P ( MISCREANTS1 NO ONE HAD ANY IDEA ?AT ANY ( ?IS WAS HAPP5+ 7?IS1 ( C\RSE1 IS R>ELY TRUE72 SECOND ( ALL1 IT'S A WAY ( IMPLY+ ?AT ONCE ALL ! FACTS >E 91 SOMEONE WILL DEF9ITELY DO SOME?+ AB\T IT4 7,?IS IS USUALLY NOT TRUE1 EI!R47 ,A FACT-F9D+ COMMISSION IS A WAY ( TELL+ ! PUBLIC ?AT ! GOV]NM5T IS DO+ SOME?+ IT IS NOT4 ,BUT L>GE CORPORATIONS WILL BEHAVE 9 EXACTLY ! SAME WAY IF1 SAY1 !Y >E REVEAL$ TO BE EMPLOY+ SLAVES OR *ILD LABOR]S 9 !IR G>M5T FACTORIES OR DUMP+ TOXIC WA/E4 ,ALL ( ?IS IS BULL%IT1 BUT ! TRUE BULL%IT JOB CATEGORY APPLIES TO ?OSE :O >E NOT JU/ !RE TO /AVE (F ! PUBLIC 7?IS AT LEA/ C\LD BE SAID TO S]VE SOME K9D ( USEFUL PURPOSE = ! COMPANY7 BUT TO ?OSE :O DO SO )9 ! ORGANIZATION ITSELF4.<#e#c.> 

,! CORPORATE COMPLIANCE 9DU/RY MI<T BE CONSID]$ AN 9T]M$I>Y =M4 ,IT IS EXPLICITLY CREAT$ BY 7,U,S7 GOV]NM5T REGULATION3  
  

,LAYLA3 ,I WORK 9 A GR[+ 9DU/RY BORN \T ( ! F$]AL REGULATION ! ,=EIGN ,CORRUPT ,PRACTICES ,ACT4 

,BASICALLY ,U,S COMPANIES HAVE TO DO DUE DILIG5CE TO MAKE SURE !Y >5'T DO+ BUS9ESS ) CORRUPT OV]SEAS FIRMS4 ,CLI5TS >E BIG COMPANIES--TE*1 AUTO COMPANIES1 ETC4--:O MI<T HAVE MYRIAD SMALLI% BUS9ESSES !Y SUPPLY OR WORK ) 9 PLACES LIKE ,*9A 7MY REGION74 

,\R COMPANY CREATES DUE DILIG5CE REPORTS = \R CLI5TS3 BASICALLY ONE TO TWO H\RS ( 9T]NET RESE>* ?AT IS !N $IT$ 9TO A REPORT4 ,!RE IS A LOT ( J>GON & TRA9+ ?AT GOES 9TO MAK+ SURE EV]Y REPORT IS CONSI/5T4 

,SOMETIMES ! 9T]NET REVEALS SOME?+ ?AT'S AN EASY R$ FLAG--LIKE A COMPANY'S BOSS HAD A CRIM9AL CASE--BUT ,I W\LD SAY ! REALNESS_/BULL%IT FACTOR IS #b_/#h4 ,UNLESS SOMEONE HAS BE5 CRIM9ALLY *>G$1 ,I HAVE NO WAY ( KN[+ FROM MY AP>TM5T 9 ,BROOKLYN IF !Y'VE BE5 H&$ AN 5VELOPE FULL ( CA% 9 ,GUANGZH\4.<#e#d.>  
  

,( C\RSE1 ON SOME LEVEL1 ALL BUREAUCRACIES WORK ON ?IS PR9CIPLE3 ONCE Y\ 9TRODUCE =MAL MEASURES ( SUCCESS1 0REALITY0--= ! ORGANIZATION--BECOMES ?AT :I* EXI/S ON PAP]1 & ! HUMAN REALITY ?AT LIES BEH9D IT IS A SECOND>Y CONSID]ATION AT BE/4 ,I VIVIDLY REMEMB] ! 5DLESS DISCUSSIONS ?AT 5SU$1 :5 ,I WAS A JUNIOR PR(ESSOR AT ,YALE ,UNIV]SITY1 AB\T A FIR/-YE> >*AEOLOGY GRADUATE /UD5T :OSE HUSB& HAD DI$ 9 A C> CRA% ON ! FIR/ DAY ( ! T]M4 ,= SOME REASON1 ! %OCK CAUS$ H] TO DEVELOP A M5TAL BLOCK ON DO+ PAP]WORK4 ,%E /ILL ATT5D$ LECTURES & WAS AN AVID P>TICIPANT 9 CLASS DISCUSSIONS2 & %E TURN$ 9 PAP]S & GOT EXCELL5T GRADES4 ,BUT EV5TUALLY ! PR(ESSOR W\LD ALWAYS DISCOV] %E HADN'T =MALLY SIGN$ UP = ! CLASS4 ,AS ! EM95CE GRIZE ( ! DEP>TM5T W\LD PO9T \T DUR+ FACULTY MEET+S1 ?AT WAS ALL ?AT REALLY MATT]$4 

0,AS F> AS ! GUYS 9 ,REGI/RATION >E CONC]N$1 IF Y\ DON'T GET ! =MS 9 ON TIME1 Y\ DIDN'T TAKE ! C\RSE4 ,SO Y\R P]=MANCE IS COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT40 ,O!R PR(ESSORS W\LD MUMBLE & FUSS1 & !RE W\LD BE OCCASIONAL C>EFUL ALLUSIONS TO H] 0P]SONAL TRAG$Y0--! EXACT NATURE ( :I* WAS NEV] SPECIFI$4 7,I HAD TO LE>N AB\T IT FROM O!R /UD5TS LAT] ON47 ,BUT NO ONE RAIS$ ANY FUNDAM5TAL OBJECTIONS TO ,REGI/RATION'S ATTITUDE4 ,?AT WAS JU/ REALITY--FROM AN ADM9I/RATIVE PO9T ( VIEW4 

,EV5TUALLY1 AFT] LA/-M9UTE ATTEMPTS TO HAVE H] FILL \T A %EAF ( LATE-APPLICATION APPEAL DOCUM5TS ALSO MET ) NO RESPONSE1 & AFT] NUM]\S LONG SOLILOQUIES FROM ! ,DIRECTOR ( ,GRADUATE ,/UDIES AB\T JU/ H[ 9CONSID]ATE IT WAS ( H] TO MAKE ?+S SO DIFFICULT = ?OSE :O W]E ONLY TRY+ TO HELP H]1.<#e#e.> ! /UD5T WAS EXPELL$ FROM ! PROGRAM ON ! GR\NDS ?AT ANYONE SO 9CAPABLE ( H&L+ PAP]WORK WAS OBVI\SLY NOT SUIT$ = AN ACADEMIC C>E]4 

,?IS M5TALITY SEEMS TO 9CREASE1 NOT DECREASE1 :5 GOV]NM5T FUNCTIONS >E REORGANIZ$ TO BE MORE LIKE A BUS9ESS1 & CITIZ5S1 = EXAMPLE1 >E R$EF9$ AS 0CU/OM]S40 ,M>K IS ,S5IOR ,QUALITY & ,P]=MANCE ,(FIC] 9 A LOCAL C\NCIL 9 ! ,UNIT$ ,K+DOM3  
  

,M>K3 ,MO/ ( :AT ,I DO--ESPECIALLY S9CE MOV+ AWAY FROM FRONTL9E CU/OM]-FAC+ ROLES--9VOLVES TICK+ BOXES1 PRET5D+ ?+S >E GREAT TO S5IOR MANAG]S1 & G5]ALLY 0FE$+ ! BEA/0 ) MEAN+LESS NUMB]S ?AT GIVE ! ILLUSION ( CONTROL4 ,NONE ( :I* HELPS ! CITIZ5S ( ?AT C\NCIL 9 ! SLI<TE/4 

,I'VE HE>D AN APOCRYPHAL /ORY AB\T A ,*IEF ,EXECUTIVE :O TURN$ ON ! FIRE AL>M1 SO ALL ! /AFF GA!R$ 9 ! C> P>K4 ,HE !N TOLD ALL ! EMPLOYES :O W]E ) A CU/OM] :5 ! AL>M W5T (F TO RETURN TO ! BUILD+ IMM$IATELY4 ,! O!R EMPLOYES C\LD RETURN :5 ONE ( ! PEOPLE DEAL+ ) A CU/OM] NE$$ !M = SOME?+1 & SO ON & SO =?4 ,IF ?IS HAD HAPP5$ :5 ,I WAS AT ?AT C\NCIL1 ,I W\LD HAVE BE5 9 ! C> P>K = A V]Y LONG TIME6  
  

,M>K GOES ON TO DESCRIBE LOCAL GOV]NM5T AS LITTLE MORE ?AN AN 5DLESS SEQU5CE ( BOX-TICK+ RITUALS REVOLV+ >\ND MON?LY 0T>GET FIGURES40 ,!SE W]E PUT UP ON PO/]S 9 ! (FICE & COD$ GRE5 = 0IMPROV+10 AMB] = 0/ABLE10 & R$ = 0DECL9E40 ,SUP]VISORS APPE>$ 9NOC5T EV5 ( ! BASIC CONCEPT ( R&OM /ATI/ICAL V>IATION--OR AT LEA/1 PRET5D$ TO BE--AS EA* MON?1 ?OSE ) GRE5-COD$ FIGURES W]E REW>D$1 :ILE ?OSE ) R$ URG$ TO DO A BETT] JOB4 ,ALMO/ NONE ( ?IS HAD ANY REAL BE>+ ON PROVID+ S]VICES3  
  

,M>K3 ,ONE PROJECT ,I WORK$ ON WAS TO COME UP ) SOME H\S+ 0S]VICE /&>DS40 ,! PROJECT 9VOLV$ PLAY+ LIP S]VICE TO CU/OM]S1 & HAV+ LONG DISCUSSIONS ) MANAG]S AT MEET+S1 BE=E F9ALLY WRIT+ UP A REPORT ?AT GOT PRAIS$ 7MA9LY BECAUSE IT WAS PRES5T$ & LAID \T ATTRACTIVELY7 BY MANAG]S 9 ! MEET+4 ,! REPORT !N GOT FIL$ AWAY--MAK+ ABSOLUTELY NO DIFF]5CE TO ! RESID5TS BUT /ILL SOMEH[ REQUIR+ MANY H\RS ( /AFF TIME1 NOT TO M5TION ALL ! H\RS ! RESID5TS !MSELVES SP5T FILL+ 9 SURVEYS OR ATT5D+ FOCUS GR\PS4 ,9 MY EXP]I5CE1 ?IS IS H[ MO/ POLICY WORKS 9 LOCAL GOV]NM5T4.<#e#f.>  
  

,NOTE H]E ! IMPORTANCE ( ! PHYSICAL ATTRACTIV5ESS ( ! REPORT4 ,?IS IS A !ME ?AT COMES UP FREQU5TLY 9 TE/IMONIES AB\T BOX-TICK+ OP]ATIONS & EV5 MORE SO 9 ! CORPORATE SECTOR ?AN 9 GOV]NM5T4 ,IF ! ONGO+ IMPORTANCE ( A MANAG] IS MEASUR$ BY H[ MANY PEOPLE HE HAS WORK+ UND] HIM1 ! IMM$IATE MAT]IAL MANIFE/ATION ( ?AT MANAG]'S P[] & PRE/IGE IS ! VISUAL QUALITY ( HIS PRES5TATIONS & REPORTS4 ,! MEET+S 9 :I* SU* EMBLEMS >E DISPLAY$ MI<T BE CONSID]$ ! HI< RITUALS ( ! CORPORATE WORLD4 ,& JU/ AS ! RET9UES ( A FEUDAL LORD MI<T 9CLUDE S]VANTS :OSE ONLY ROLE.<#e#g.> WAS TO POLI% HIS HORSES' >MOR OR TWEEZE HIS MU/A*E BE=E T\RNAM5TS OR PAGEANTS1 SO MAY PRES5T-DAY EXECUTIVES KEEP EMPLOYES :OSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO PREP>E !IR ,P[],PO9T PRES5TATIONS OR CRAFT ! MAPS1 C>TOONS1 PHOTOGRAPHS1 OR ILLU/RATIONS ?AT ACCOMPANY !IR REPORTS4 ,MANY ( !SE REPORTS >E NO?+ MORE ?AN PROPS 9 A ,KABUKI-LIKE CORPORATE !AT]--NO ONE ACTUALLY READS !M ALL ! WAY ?R\<4.<#e#h.> ,BUT ?IS DOESN'T /OP AMBITI\S EXECUTIVES FROM *E]FULLY %ELL+ \T HALF A WORKMAN'S YE>LY WAGES ( COMPANY MONEY JU/ TO BE ABLE TO SAY1 0,OOH YES1 WE COMMISSION$ A REPORT ON ?AT40  
  

,HANNIBAL3 ,I DO DIGITAL CONSULTANCY = GLOBAL PH>MACEUTICAL COMPANIES' M>KET+ DEP>TM5TS4 ,I (T5 WORK ) GLOBAL ,P,R AG5CIES ON ?IS1 & WRITE REPORTS ) TITLES LIKE ,H[ TO ,IMPROVE ,5GAGEM5T ,AMONG ,KEY ,DIGITAL ,HEAL? ,C>E ,/AKEHOLD]S4 ,IT IS PURE1 UNADULT]AT$ BULL%IT1 & S]VES NO PURPOSE BEYOND TICK+ BOXES = M>KET+ DEP>TM5TS4 ,BUT IT IS V]Y EASY TO *>GE A V]Y L>GE AM\NT ( MONEY TO WRITE BULL%IT REPORTS4 ,I WAS REC5TLY ABLE TO *>GE >\ND TWELVE ?\S& P\NDS TO WRITE A TWO-PAGE REPORT = A PH>MACEUTICAL CLI5T TO PRES5T DUR+ A GLOBAL /RATEGY MEET+4 ,! REPORT WASN'T US$ 9 ! 5D BECAUSE !Y DIDN'T MANAGE TO GET TO ?AT AG5DA PO9T DUR+ !IR ALLOTT$ MEET+ TIME1 BUT ! TEAM ,I WROTE IT = WAS V]Y HAPPY ) IT NONE!LESS4  
  

,!RE >E :OLE M9OR 9DU/RIES ?AT EXI/ JU/ TO FACILITATE SU* BOX-TICK+ GE/URES4 ,I WORK$ = SOME YE>S = ! ,9T]LIBR>Y ,LOAN ,(FICE 9 ! ,UNIV]SITY ( ,*ICAGO ,SCI5CE ,LIBR>Y1 & AT LEA/ #i P]C5T ( :AT PEOPLE DID !RE WAS PHOTOCOPY & MAIL \T >TICLES FROM M$ICAL J\RNALS ) TITLES SU* AS ! ,J\RNAL ( ,CELL ,BIOLOGY1 ,CL9ICAL ,5DOCR9OLOGY1 & ! ,AM]ICAN ,J\RNAL ( ,9T]NAL ,M$IC9E4 7,I WAS LUCKY4 ,I DID SOME?+ ELSE47 ,= ! FIR/ FEW MON?S1 ,I WAS UND] ! NAIVE IMPRESSION ?AT !SE >TICLES W]E BE+ S5T TO DOCTORS4 ,TO ! CONTR>Y1 A BEMUS$ C[ORK] EV5TUALLY EXPLA9$ TO ME3 ! OV]:ELM+ MAJORITY W]E BE+ S5T TO LAWY]S4.<#e#i.> ,APP>5TLY1 IF Y\ >E SU+ A DOCTOR = MALPRACTISE1 P>T ( ! %[ 9VOLVES ASSEMBL+ AN IMPRESSIVE PILE ( SCI5TIFIC PAP]S TO PLUNK D[N ON ! TABLE AT AN APPROPRIATELY !ATRICAL MOM5T & !N 5T] 9TO EVID5CE4 ,:ILE EV]YONE KN[S ?AT NO ONE WILL ACTUALLY READ !SE PAP]S1 !RE IS ALWAYS ! POSSIBILITY ?AT ! DEF5SE ATTORNEY OR ONE ( HIS EXP]T WITNESSES MI<T PICK ONE UP AT R&OM = 9SPECTION--SO IT IS CONSID]$ IMPORTANT TO 5SURE Y\R LEGAL AIDES LOCATE >TICLES ?AT CAN AT LEA/ PLAUSIBLY BE SAID TO BE> 9 SOME WAY ON ! CASE4 

,AS WE WILL SEE 9 LAT] *APT]S1 !RE >E ALL SORTS ( DIFF]5T WAYS ?AT PRIVATE COMPANIES EMPLOY PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO TELL !MSELVES !Y >E DO+ SOME?+ ?AT !Y >5'T REALLY DO+4 ,MANY L>GE CORPORATIONS1 = 9/ANCE1 MA9TA9 !IR [N 9-H\SE MAGAZ9ES OR EV5 TELEVISION *ANNELS1 ! O/5SIBLE PURPOSE ( :I* IS TO KEEP EMPLOYES UP TO DATE ON 9T]E/+ NEWS & DEVELOPM5TS1 BUT :I*1 9 FACT1 EXI/ = ALMO/ NO REASON O!R ?AN TO ALL[ EXECUTIVES TO EXP]I5CE ?AT W>M & PLEASANT FEEL+ ?AT COMES :5 Y\ SEE A FAVORABLE /ORY AB\T Y\ 9 ! M$IA1 OR TO KN[ :AT IT'S LIKE TO BE 9T]VIEW$ BY PEOPLE :O LOOK & ACT EXACTLY LIKE REPORT]S BUT NEV] ASK QUE/IONS Y\ W\LDN'T WANT !M TO ASK4 ,SU* V5UES T5D TO REW>D !IR WRIT]S1 PRODUC]S1 & TE*NICIANS V]Y H&SOMELY1 (T5 AT TWO OR ?REE TIMES ! M>KET RATE4 ,BUT ,I'VE NEV] TALK$ TO ANYONE :O DOES SU* WORK FULL-TIME :O DOESN'T SAY ! JOB IS BULL%IT4.<#f.> 

#e4 :AT TASKMA/]S DO 

  

,TASKMA/]S FALL 9TO TWO SUBCATEGORIES4 ,TYPE #a CONTA9S ?OSE :OSE ROLE CONSI/S 5TIRELY ( ASSIGN+ WORK TO O!RS4 ,?IS JOB CAN BE CONSID]$ BULL%IT IF ! TASKMA/] H]SELF BELIEVES ?AT !RE IS NO NE$ = H] 9T]V5TION1 & ?AT IF %E W]E NOT !RE1 UND]L+S W\LD BE P]FECTLY CAPABLE ( C>RY+ ON BY !MSELVES4 ,TYPE #a TASKMA/]S CAN ?US BE CONSID]$ ! OPPOSITE ( FLUNKIES3 UNNECESS>Y SUP]IORS RA!R ?AN UNNECESS>Y SUBORD9ATES4 

,:]EAS ! FIR/ V>IETY ( TASKMA/] IS M]ELY USELESS1 ! SECOND V>IETY DOES ACTUAL H>M4 ,!SE >E TASKMA/]S :OSE PRIM>Y ROLE IS TO CREATE BULL%IT TASKS = O!RS TO DO1 TO SUP]VISE BULL%IT1 OR EV5 TO CREATE 5TIRELY NEW BULL%IT JOBS4 ,ONE MI<T ALSO REF] TO !M AS BULL%IT G5]ATORS4 ,TYPE #b TASKMA/]S MAY ALSO HAVE REAL DUTIES 9 ADDITION TO !IR ROLE AS TASKMA/]1 BUT IF ALL OR MO/ ( :AT !Y DO IS CREATE BULL%IT TASKS = O!RS1 !N !IR [N JOBS CAN BE CLASSIFI$ AS BULL%IT TOO4 

,AS ONE MI<T IMAG9E1 IT IS ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT TO GA!R TE/IMONIES FROM TASKMA/]S4 ,EV5 IF !Y DO SECRETLY ?9K !IR JOBS >E USELESS1 !Y >E MU* LESS LIKELY TO ADMIT IT4.<#f#a.> ,BUT ,I F\ND A SMALL NUMB] WILL+ TO COME CLEAN4 

,B5 REPRES5TS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE ( TYPE #a4 ,HE IS A MIDDLE MANAG]3  
  

,B53 ,I HAVE A BULL%IT JOB1 & IT HAPP5S TO BE 9 MIDDLE MANAGEM5T4 ,T5 PEOPLE WORK = ME1 BUT FROM :AT ,I CAN TELL1 !Y CAN ALL DO ! WORK )\T MY OV]SI<T4 ,MY ONLY FUNCTION IS TO H& !M WORK1 :I* ,I SUPPOSE ! PEOPLE ?AT ACTUALLY G5]ATE ! WORK C\LD DO !MSELVES4 7,I WILL SAY ?AT 9 A LOT ( CASES1 ! WORK ?AT IS ASSIGN$ IS A PRODUCT ( O!R MANAG]S ) BULL%IT JOBS1 :I* MAKES MY JOB TWO LEVELS ( BULL%IT47 

,I JU/ GOT PROMOT$ TO ?IS JOB1 & ,I SP5D A LOT ( MY TIME LOOK+ >\ND & WOND]+ :AT ,I'M SUPPOS$ TO BE DO+4 ,AS BE/ ,I CAN TELL1 ,I'M SUPPOS$ TO BE MOTIVAT+ ! WORK]S4 ,I SORT ( D\BT ?AT ,I'M E>N+ MY SAL>Y DO+ ?AT1 EV5 IF ,I'M REALLY TRY+6  
  

,B5 CALCULATES ?AT HE SP5DS AT LEA/ #ge P]C5T ( HIS TIME ALLOCAT+ TASKS & !N MONITOR+ IF ! UND]L+ IS DO+ !M1 EV5 ?\<1 HE 9SI/S1 HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BELIEVE ! UND]L+S 9 QUE/ION W\LD BEHAVE ANY DIFF]5TLY IF HE W]5'T !RE4 ,HE ALSO SAYS HE KEEPS TRY+ TO ALLOCATE HIMSELF REAL WORK ON ! SLY1 BUT :5 HE DOES SO1 HIS [N SUP]IORS EV5TUALLY NOTICE & TELL HIM TO CUT IT \T4 ,BUT !N1 :5 HE S5T 9 HIS TE/IMONY1 ,B5 HAD ONLY BE5 AT ! JOB = TWO & A HALF MON?S--:I* MI<T EXPLA9 HIS C&OR4 ,IF HE DOES SUCCUMB EV5TUALLY & ACCEPTS HIS NEW ROLE 9 LIFE1 HE WILL COME TO UND]/& ?AT1 AS ANO!R TE/IMONY PUT IT1 0,! 5TIRE JOB ( MIDDLE MANAGEM5T IS TO 5SURE ! L[]-LEVEL PEOPLE HIT !IR 'PRODUCTIVITY NUMB]S' 0--& WILL !RE=E />T COM+ UP ) =MAL /ATI/ICAL METRICS ?AT HIS UND]L+S CAN TRY TO FALSIFY4 

,BE+ =C$ TO SUP]VISE PEOPLE :O DON'T NE$ SUP]VISION IS ACTUALLY A FAIRLY COMMON COMPLA9T4 ,H]E1 = 9/ANCE1 IS ! TE/IMONY ( AN ,ASSI/ANT ,LOCALIZATION ,MANAG] NAM$ ,ALPHONSO3  
  

,ALPHONSO3 ,MY JOB IS TO OV]SEE & COORD9ATE A TEAM ( FIVE TRANSLATORS4 ,! PROBLEM ) ?AT IS ?AT ! TEAM IS P]FECTLY CAPABLE ( MANAG+ ITSELF3 !Y >E TRA9$ 9 ALL ! TOOLS !Y NE$ TO USE & !Y CAN1 ( C\RSE1 MANAGE !IR TIME & TASKS4 ,SO ,I NORMALLY ACT AS A 0TASK GATEKEEP]40 ,REQUE/S COME TO ME ?R\< ,JIRA 7A BUREAUCRATIC ONL9E TOOL = MANAG+ TASKS71 & ,I PASS !M ON TO ! RELEVANT P]SON OR P]SONS4 ,O!R ?AN ?AT1 ,I'M 9 *>GE ( S5D+ P]IODIC REPORTS TO MY MANAG]1 :O1 9 TURN1 WILL 9CORPORATE !M 9TO 0MORE IMPORTANT0 REPORTS TO BE S5T TO ! ,C,E,O4  
  

,?IS K9D ( COMB9ATION ( TASKMA/]+ & BOX TICK+ W\LD APPE> TO BE ! V]Y ESS5CE ( MIDDLE MANAGEM5T4 

,9 ,ALPHONSO'S CASE1 HE DID ACTUALLY S]VE ONE USEFUL FUNCTION--BUT ONLY BECAUSE HIS TEAM ( TRANSLATORS1 BAS$ 9 ,IREL&1 WAS ASSIGN$ SO LITTLE WORK BY ! C5TRAL (FICE 9 ,JAPAN ?AT HE HAD TO CON/ANTLY FIGURE \T WAYS TO F9AGLE ! REPORTS TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE !Y W]E V]Y BUSY & NO ONE NE$$ TO BE LAID (F4 

,LET US MOVE ON1 !N1 TO TASKMA/]S ( ! SECOND TYPE3 ?OSE :O MAKE UP BULL%IT = O!RS TO DO4 

,WE MAY BEG9 ) ,*LOE1 :O HELD ! PO/ ( ,ACADEMIC ,DEAN AT A PROM95T ,BRITI% UNIV]SITY1 ) A SPECIFIC RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE 0/RATEGIC LEAD]%IP0 TO A TR\BL$ CAMPUS4 

,N[1 ?OSE ( US TOIL+ 9 ! ACADEMIC MILLS :O /ILL LIKE TO ?9K ( \RSELVES AS TEA*]S & S*OL>S BE=E ALL ELSE HAVE COME TO FE> ! WORD 0/RATEGIC40 0,/RATEGIC MISSION /ATEM5TS0 7OR EV5 WORSE1 0/RATEGIC VISION DOCUM5TS07 9/ILL A P>TICUL> T]ROR1 S9CE !SE >E ! PRIM>Y MEANS BY :I* CORPORATE MANAGEM5T TE*NIQUES--SETT+ UP QUANTIFIABLE ME?ODS = ASSESS+ P]=MANCE1 =C+ TEA*]S & S*OL>S TO SP5D MORE & MORE ( !IR TIME ASSESS+ & JU/IFY+ :AT !Y DO & LESS & LESS TIME ACTUALLY DO+ IT-->E 9S9UAT$ 9TO ACADEMIC LIFE4 ,! SAME SUSPICIONS HOLD = ANY DOCUM5T ?AT REPEAT$LY USES ! WORDS 0QUALITY10 0EXCELL5CE10 0LEAD]%IP10 OR 0/AKEHOLD]40 ,SO = MY [N P>T1 MY IMM$IATE REACTION UPON HE>+ ?AT ,*LOE WAS 9 A 0/RATEGIC LEAD]%IP0 POSITION WAS TO SUSPECT ?AT NOT ONLY WAS H] JOB BULL%IT1 IT ACTIVELY 9S]T$ BULL%IT 9TO O!RS' LIVES AS WELL4 

,ACCORD+ TO ,*LOE'S TE/IMONY1 ?IS WAS EXACTLY ! CASE--?\<1 IF AT FIR/1 NOT PRECISELY = ! REASONS ,I IMAG9$4  
  

,*LOE3 ,! REASON ?AT MY ,DEAN'S ROLE WAS A BULL%IT JOB IS ! SAME REASON ?AT ALL NONEXECUTIVE ,DEANS1 ,P,V,CS .<,PRO-,VICE ,*ANCELLORS.>1 & O!R 0/RATEGIC0 ROLES 9 UNIV]SITIES >E BULL%IT JOBS4 ,! REAL ROLES ( P[] & RESPONSIBILITY )9 A UNIV]SITY TRACE ! FL[ ( MONEY ?R\< ! ORGANIZATION4 ,AN EXECUTIVE ,P,V,C OR ,DEAN 79 O!R WORDS1 S_/HE :O HOLDS ! BUDGET7 CAN CAJOLE1 CO]CE1 5C\RAGE1 BULLY1 & NEGOTIATE ) DEP>TM5TS AB\T :AT !Y CAN1 \<T1 OR MI<T WANT TO DO1 US+ ! /ICK 7OR C>ROT7 ( MONEY4 ,/RATEGIC ,DEANS & O!R SU* ROLES HAVE NO C>ROTS OR /ICKS4 ,!Y >E NONEXECUTIVE4 ,!Y HOLD NO MONEY1 JU/ 7AS WAS ONCE DESCRIB$ TO ME7 0! P[] ( P]SUASION & 9FLU5CE40 

,I DID NOT SIT ON UNIV]SITY LEAD]%IP & SO WAS NOT P>T ( ! BUNFI<TS AB\T T>GETS1 OV]ALL /RATEGY1 P]=MANCE MEASURES1 AUDITS1 ETC4 ,I HAD NO BUDGET4 ,I HAD NO AU?ORITY OV] ! BUILD+S1 ! TIMETABLE1 OR ANY O!R OP]ATIONAL MATT]S4 ,ALL ,I C\LD DO WAS COME UP ) A NEW /RATEGY ?AT WAS 9 EFFECT A RE-SP9 ( ALREADY AGRE$-UPON UNIV]SITY /RATEGIES4  
  

,SO H] PRIM>Y ROLE WAS TO COME UP ) YET ANO!R /RATEGIC VISION /ATEM5T1 ( ! K9D ?AT >E REGUL>LY DEPLOY$ TO JU/IFY ! NUMB] CRUN*+ & BOX TICK+ ?AT HAS BECOME SO C5TRAL TO ,BRITI% ACADEMIC LIFE4.<#f#b.> ,BUT S9CE ,*LOE HAD NO ACTUAL P[]1 IT WAS ALL MEAN+LESS %AD[ PLAY4 ,:AT %E DID GET WAS :AT ALL HI<-LEVEL UNIV]SITY ADM9I/RATORS N[ RECEIVE AS !IR PRIM>Y BADGE ( HONOR3 H] [N T9Y EMPIRE ( ADM9I/RATIVE /AFF4  
  

,*LOE3 ,I WAS GIV5 A #g#e.0 FULL-TIME EQUIVAL5T ,P]SONAL ,ASSI/ANT1 A #g#e.0 FULL-TIME EQUIVAL5T 0,SPECIAL ,PROJECT & ,POLICY ,SUPPORT ,(FIC]10 & A FULL-TIME PO/DOCTORAL ,RESE>* ,FELL[1 PLUS AN 0EXP5SES0 ALL[ANCE ( TW5TY ?\S& P\NDS4 ,9 O!R WORDS1 A %$-LOAD ( 7PUBLIC7 MONEY W5T 9TO SUPPORT+ A BULL%IT JOB4 ,! ,PROJECT & ,POLICY ,SUPPORT ,(FIC] WAS !RE TO HELP ME ) PROJECTS & POLICIES4 ,! ,P,A WAS BRILLIANT BUT 5D$ UP JU/ BE+ A GLORIFI$ TRAVEL AG5T & DI>Y SECRET>Y4 ,! ,RESE>* ,FELL[ WAS A WA/E ( TIME & MONEY BECAUSE ,I AM A LONE S*OL> & DON'T ACTUALLY NE$ AN ASSI/ANT4 

,SO1 ,I SP5T TWO YE>S ( MY LIFE MAK+ UP WORK = MYSELF & = O!R PEOPLE4  
  

,ACTUALLY1 ,*LOE APPE>S TO HAVE BE5 A V]Y G5]\S BOSS4 ,AS %E SP5T H] [N H\RS DEVELOP+ /RATEGIES %E KNEW W\LD BE IGNOR$1 H] ,SPECIAL ,PROJECTS ,(FIC] 0RAN >\ND DO+ TIMETABLE SC5>IOS0 & GA!R+ USEFUL /ATI/ICS1 ! ,P]SONAL ,ASSI/ANT KEPT H] DI>Y1 & ! ,RESE>* ,FELL[ SP5T H] TIME WORK+ ON H] [N P]SONAL RESE>*4 ,?IS 9 ITSELF SEEMS P]FECTLY 9NOC5T4 ,AT LEA/ NONE ( !M WAS DO+ ANY H>M4 ,:O KN[S1 MAYBE ! ,RESE>* ,FELL[ EV5 5D$ UP MAK+ AN IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO HUMAN KN[L$GE ( H] [N4 ,! TRULY DI/URB+ ?+ AB\T ! :OLE >RANGEM5T1 ACCORD+ TO ,*LOE1 WAS H] ULTIMATE REALIZATION ?AT IF %E HAD BE5 GIV5 REAL P[]1 %E PROBABLY W\LD HAVE DONE H>M4 ,BECAUSE AFT] TWO YE>S AS ,DEAN1 %E WAS UNWISE 5\< TO ACCEPT A GIG AS HEAD ( H] OLD DEP>TM5T & WAS ?US ABLE SEE ?+S FROM ! O!R SIDE--?AT IS1 BE=E QUITT+ SIX MON?S LAT] 9 HORROR & DISGU/3  
  

,*LOE3 ,MY V]Y BRIEF /9T AS ,HEAD ( ,DEP>TM5T REM9D$ ME ?AT AT ! V]Y M9IMUM1 N9ETY P]C5T ( ! ROLE IS BULL%IT3 ,FILL+ \T ! =MS ?AT ! ,FACULTY ,DEAN S5DS SO ?AT %E CAN WRITE H] /RATEGY DOCUM5TS ?AT GET S5T UP ! *A9 ( COMM&4 ,PRODUC+ A CONFETTI ( PAP]WORK AS P>T ( ! AUDIT+ & MONITOR+ ( RESE>* ACTIVITIES & TEA*+ ACTIVITIES4 ,PRODUC+ PLAN AFT] PLAN AFT] FIVE-YE> PLAN JU/IFY+ :Y DEP>TM5TS NE$ TO HAVE ! MONEY & /AFF !Y ALREADY HAVE4 ,DO+ BLOODY ANNUAL APPRAISALS ?AT GO 9TO A DRAW] NEV] TO BE LOOK$ AT AGA94 ,&1 9 ORD] TO GET !SE TASKS DONE1 AS ,HO,D1 Y\ ASK Y\R /AFF TO HELP \T4 ,BULL%IT PROLIF]ATION4  
  

,SO1 :AT DO ,I ?9K8 ,IT IS NOT CAPITALISM P] SE ?AT PRODUCES ! BULL%IT4.<#f#c.> ,IT IS MANAG]IALI/ IDEOLOGIES PUT 9TO PRACTICE 9 COMPLEX ORGANIZATIONS4 ,AS MANAG]IALISM EMB$S ITSELF1 Y\ GET 5TIRE CADRES ( ACADEMIC /AFF :OSE JOB IT IS JU/ TO KEEP ! MANAG]IALI/ PLATES SP9N+--/RATEGIES1 P]=MANCE T>GETS1 AUDITS1 REVIEWS1 APPRAISALS1 R5EW$ /RATEGIES1 ETC41 ETC4--:I* HAPP5 9 AN ALMO/ :OLLY & 5TIRELY DISCONNECT$ FA%ION FROM ! REAL LIFEBLOOD ( UNIV]SITIES3 TEA*+ & $UCATION4 

,ON ?IS1 ,I WILL LEAVE ,*LOE ! LA/ WORD4 

,*LOE AT LEA/ WAS ALLOCAT$ H] /AFF FIR/ & ONLY !N HAD TO FIGURE \T H[ TO KEEP !M OCCUPI$4 ,TANIA1 :O HAD A S]IES ( TASKMA/] JOBS 9 BO? ! PUBLIC & PRIVATE SECTORS1 PROVIDES US ) AN EXPLANATION ( H[ 5TIRELY NEW BULL%IT POSITIONS CAN COME AB\T4 ,?IS LA/ TE/IMONY IS UNIQUE BECAUSE IT EXPLICITLY 9CORPORATES ! TYPOLOGY DEVELOP$ 9 ?IS *APT]4 ,T[>D ! 5D ( MY RESE>*1 ,I LAID \T MY !N NASC5T FIVE-P>T DIVISION ON ,TWITT]1 TO 5C\RAGE COMM5TS1 AM5DM5TS1 OR REACTIONS4 ,TANIA FELT ! T]MS FIT H] EXP]I5CE WELL3  
  

,TANIA3 ,I MI<T BE A TASKMA/] 9 Y\R TAXONOMY ( ,B,S JOBS4 ,I WAS ONE ( TWO DEPUTY DIRECTORS ( AN ADM9I/RATIVE S]VICES (FICE ?AT H&L$ ,H,R1 BUDGET1 GRANTS1 CONTRACTS1 & TRAVEL = TWO BUREAUS ) TOTAL RES\RCES ( AB\T @s#f MILLION & A ?\S& S\LS4 

,AT SOME PO9T AS A MANAG] 7OR AS A DUCT TAP] HELP+ TO FILL FUNCTIONAL GAPS71 Y\ REALIZE ?AT Y\ NE$ TO HIRE A NEW P]SON TO MEET AN ORGANIZATIONAL NE$4 ,MO/ ( ! TIME1 ! NE$S ,I AM TRY+ TO FILL >E EI!R MY [N NE$ = A BOX TICK] OR A DUCT TAP]1 OR ! NE$S ( O!R MANAG]S1 SOMETIMES TO HIRE PEOPLE = NON-,B,S WORK OR TO HIRE !IR RATION ( GOONS & FLUNKIES4 

,! REASON ,I NE$ DUCT TAP]S IS USUALLY BECAUSE ,I HAVE TO COMP5SATE = POORLY FUNCTION+ PROGRAM-MANAGEM5T SY/EMS 7BO? AUTOMAT$ & HUMAN WORKFL[S7 &1 9 SOME CASES1 A POORLY FUNCTION+ BOX TICK] & EV5 A NON-,B,S-JOB SUBORD9ATE :O HAS JOB T5URE & TW5TY-FIVE YE>S ( \T/&+ P]=MANCE RAT+S FROM A SUCCESSION ( PREVI\S BOSSES4  
  

,?IS LA/ IS IMPORTANT4 ,EV5 9 CORPORATE 5VIRONM5TS1 IT IS V]Y DIFFICULT TO REMOVE AN UND]L+ = 9COMPET5CE IF ?AT UND]L+ HAS S5IORITY & A LONG HI/ORY ( GOOD P]=MANCE REVIEWS4 ,AS 9 GOV]NM5T BUREAUCRACIES1 ! EASIE/ WAY TO DEAL ) SU* PEOPLE IS (T5 TO 0KICK !M UP/AIRS03 PROMOTE !M TO A HI<] PO/1 :]E !Y BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM4 ,BUT ,TANIA WAS ALREADY AT ! TOP ( ?IS P>TICUL> HI]>*Y1 SO AN 9COMPET5T W\LD CONT9UE TO BE H] PROBLEM EV5 IF KICK$ UP/AIRS4 ,%E WAS LEFT ) TWO OPTIONS4 ,EI!R %E C\LD MOVE ! 9COMPET5T 9TO A BULL%IT POSITION :]E HE HAD NO MEAN+FUL RESPONSIBILITIES1 OR1 IF NO SU* POSITION WAS CURR5TLY AVAILABLE1 %E C\LD LEAVE HIM 9 PLACE & HIRE SOMEONE ELSE TO REALLY DO HIS JOB4 ,BUT IF Y\ TAKE ! LATT] C\RSE1 ANO!R PROBLEM >ISES3 Y\ CAN'T RECRUIT SOMEONE = ! 9COMPET5T'S JOB1 S9CE ! 9COMPET5T ALREADY HAS ?AT JOB4 ,9/EAD1 Y\ HAVE TO MAKE UP A NEW JOB ) AN ELABORATE JOB DESCRIPTION ?AT Y\ KN[ TO BE BULL%IT1 BECAUSE1 REALLY1 Y\'RE HIR+ ?AT P]SON TO DO SOME?+ ELSE4 ,!N Y\ HAVE TO GO ?R\< ! MOTIONS ( PRET5D+ ! NEW P]SON IS IDEALLY QUALIFI$ TO DO ! MADE-UP JOB Y\ DON'T REALLY WANT HIM OR H] TO DO4 ,ALL ?IS 9VOLVES A GREAT DEAL ( WORK4  
  

,TANIA3 ,9 ORGANIZATIONS ) /RUCTUR$ JOB CLASSIFICATIONS & POSITION DESCRIPTIONS1 !RE HAS TO BE AN E/ABLI%$ & CLASSIFI$ JOB TO :I* Y\ CAN RECRUIT SOMEONE4 7,?IS IS A :OLE PR(ESSIONAL UNIV]SE ( ,B,S JOBS & BOONDOGGL]Y UNTO ITSELF4 ,IT'S SIMIL> TO ! WORLD ( PEOPLE :O WRITE GRANT PROPOSALS OR CONTRACT BIDS47 

,SO ! CREATION ( A ,B,S JOB (T5 9VOLVES CREAT+ A :OLE UNIV]SE ( ,B,S N>RATIVE ?AT DOCUM5TS ! PURPOSE & FUNCTIONS ( ! POSITION AS WELL AS ! QUALIFICATIONS REQUIR$ TO SUCCESSFULLY P]=M ! JOB1 :ILE CORRESPOND+ TO ! =MAT & SPECIAL BUREAUCRATESE PRESCRIB$ BY ! ,(FICE ( ,P]SONNEL ,MANAGEM5T & MY AG5CY'S ,H,R /AFF4 

,ONCE ?AT'S DONE1 !RE HAS TO BE A N>RATIVE JOB ANN\NCEM5T ( ! SAME ILK4 ,TO BE ELIGIBLE = HIRE1 ! APPLICANT MU/ PRES5T A RESUME 9CORPORAT+ ALL ! !MES & PHRASEOLOGY ( ! ANN\NCEM5T SO ?AT ! HIR+ S(TW>E \R AG5CY USES WILL RECOGNIZE !IR QUALIFICATIONS4 ,AFT] ! P]SON IS HIR$1 !IR DUTIES MU/ BE SPELL$ \T 9 YET ANO!R DOCUM5T ?AT WILL =M ! BASIS = ANNUAL P]=MANCE APPRAISALS4 

,I HAVE REWRITT5 C&IDATES' RESUMES MYSELF TO 5SURE ?AT !Y DEFEAT ! HIR+ S(TW>E SO ,I CAN BE ALL[$ TO 9T]VIEW & SELECT !M4 ,IF !Y DON'T MAKE IT PA/ ! COMPUT]1 ,I CAN'T CONSID] !M4  
  

,TO PRES5T A P>ABLE V]SION3 IMAG9E Y\ >E A FEUDAL LORD AGA94 ,Y\ ACQUIRE A G>D5]4 ,AFT] TW5TY YE>S ( FAI?FUL S]VICE1 ! G>D5] DEVELOPS A S]I\S DR9K+ PROBLEM4 ,Y\ KEEP F9D+ HIM CURL$ UP 9 FL[]B$S1 :ILE D&ELIONS SPR\T EV]Y:]E & ! S$GE BEG9S TO DIE4 ,BUT ! G>D5] IS WELL CONNECT$1 & GETT+ RID ( HIM W\LD (F5D PEOPLE Y\ DON'T FEEL IT W\LD BE WISE TO (F5D4 ,SO Y\ ACQUIRE A NEW S]VANT1 O/5SIBLY TO POLI% ! DOORKNOBS OR P]=M SOME O!R MEAN+LESS TASK4 ,9 FACT1 Y\ MAKE SURE ! P]SON Y\ GET AS DOORKNOB POLI%] IS ACTUALLY AN EXP]I5C$ G>D5]4 ,SO F>1 SO GOOD4 ,! PROBLEM IS1 9 A CORPORATE 5VIRONM5T1 Y\ CAN'T JU/ SUMMON A NEW S]VANT1 MAKE UP AN IMPRESSIVE-S\ND+ TITLE = HIM 70,HI< ,S5ES*AL ( ! ,5TRYWAYS071 & TELL HIM HIS REAL JOB IS TO TAKE OV] :5 ! G>D5] IS DRUNK4 ,Y\ HAVE TO COME UP ) AN ELABORATE FAKE DESCRIPTION ( :AT A DOORKNOB POLI%] W\LD1 9 FACT1 DO2 COA* Y\R NEW G>D5] 9 H[ TO PRET5D HE'S ! BE/ DOORKNOB POLI%] 9 ! K+DOM2 & !N USE ! DESCRIPTION ( HIS DUTIES AS ! BASIS ( P]IODIC BOX-TICK+ P]=MANCE REVIEWS4 

,& IF ! G>D5] SOB]S UP & DOESN'T WANT SOME Y\NG PUNK MESS+ ) HIS BUS9ESS--N[ Y\ HAVE A FULL-TIME DOORKNOB POLI%] ON Y\R H&S4 

,?IS1 ACCORD+ TO ,TANIA1 IS JU/ ONE ( ! MANY WAYS ?AT TASKMA/]S 5D UP CREAT+ BULL%IT JOBS4 

ON COMPLEX MULTI=M BULL%IT JOBS 

  

,!SE FIVE CATEGORIES >E NOT EXHAU/IVE1 & NEW TYPES C\LD C]TA9LY BE PROPOS$4 ,ONE COMPELL+ SUGGE/ION ,I HE>D WAS = A CATEGORY ( 0IMAG9>Y FRI5DS0--?AT IS1 PEOPLE HIR$ O/5SIBLY TO HUMANIZE AN 9HUMAN CORPORATE 5VIRONM5T BUT :O1 9 FACT1 MA9LY =CE PEOPLE TO GO ?R\< ELABORATE GAMES ( MAKE-BELIEVE4 ,WE WILL BE HE>+ AB\T =C$ 0CREATIVITY0 & 0M9DFULNESS0 SEM9>S & OBLIGATORY *>ITY EV5TS LAT] ON2 !RE >E WORK]S :OSE 5TIRE C>E]S >E BAS$ ON DRESS+ UP 9 CO/UMES OR O!RWISE DESIGN+ SILLY GAMES TO CREATE RAPPORT 9 (FICE 5VIRONM5TS :]E EV]YONE W\LD PROBABLY BE HAPPI] JU/ BE+ LEFT ALONE4 ,!SE C\LD BE SE5 AS BOX TICK]S ( A SORT1 BUT !Y C\LD EQUALLY BE SE5 AS A PH5OM5ON UNTO !MSELVES4 

,AS ! PREVI\S EXAMPLES SUGGE/1 IT CAN ALSO SOMETIMES BE CLE> ?AT A JOB IS BULL%IT BUT /ILL BE DIFFICULT TO DET]M9E PRECISELY :I* ( ! FIVE CATEGORIES IT BELONGS TO4 ,(T5 IT MAY SEEM TO CONTA9 ELEM5TS ( SEV]AL4 ,A BOX TICK] MI<T ALSO BE A FLUNKY1 OR MI<T 5D UP BECOM+ A M]E FLUNKY IF ! ORGANIZATION'S 9T]NAL RULES *ANGE2 A FLUNKY MI<T ALSO BE A P>T-TIME DUCT TAP] OR BECOME A FULL-TIME DUCT TAP] IF A PROBLEM >ISES &1 9/EAD ( FIX+ IT1 ! BOSS DECIDES IT W\LD BE EASI] TO JU/ REASSIGN ONE ( HIS IDLE M9IONS TO DEAL ) ! EFFECTS4 

,CONSID] ,*LOE ! NONEXECUTIVE ,DEAN4 ,9 A WAY1 %E1 TOO1 WAS A FLUNKY1 S9CE H] PO/ WAS CREAT$ BY HI<]-UPS = L>GELY SYMBOLIC REASONS4 ,BUT %E WAS ALSO A TASKMA/] TO H] [N SUBORD9ATES4 ,S9CE %E & H] SUBORD9ATES DIDN'T HAVE MU* TO DO1 %E SP5T SOME ( H] TIME LOOK+ = PROBLEMS !Y C\LD DUCT-TAPE UNTIL %E F9ALLY CAME TO ! REALIZATION ?AT EV5 IF %E W]E GIV5 SOME K9D ( P[]1 MO/ ( :AT %E'D BE DO+ W\LD JU/ BE BOX-TICK+ EX]CISES ANYWAY4 

,I RECEIV$ ONE TE/IMONY FROM A MAN :O WORK$ = A TELEM>KET+ COMPANY ) A CONTRACT ) A MAJOR ,I,T FIRM4 7,LET'S SAY ,APPLE4 ,I DON'T KN[ IF IT WAS ,APPLE4 ,HE DIDN'T TELL ME :I* ONE IT WAS47 ,HIS JOB WAS TO CALL UP CORPORATIONS & TRY TO CONV9CE !M TO BOOK A MEET+ ) AN ,APPLE SALES REPRES5TATIVE4 ,! PROBLEM WAS ?AT ALL ( ! FIRMS !Y W\LD CALL ALREADY HAD AN ,APPLE SALES REP P]MAN5TLY ATTA*$ TO !M1 (T5 WORK+ \T ( ! SAME (FICE4 ,:AT'S MORE1 !Y W]E P]FECTLY AW>E ( ?IS4  
  

,JIM3 ,I (T5 ASK$ MY MANAG]S H[ !Y W\LD CONV9CE PROSPECTS ( ! VALUE ( TAK+ A MEET+ ) A SALES REP FROM \R TE*NOLOGY GIANT CU/OM] :5 !Y ALREADY HAD A SALES REP FROM ?AT SAME TE*NOLOGY GIANT ON !IR PREMISES4 ,SOME W]E AS HAPLESS AS ,I WAS1 BUT ! MORE EFFECTIVE MANAG]S PATI5TLY EXPLA9$ TO ME ?AT ,I WAS MISS+ ! PO9T3 AN APPO9TM5T-SETT+ CALL IS A GAME ( SOCIAL NICETIES4 

,PROSPECTS DON'T TAKE A MEET+ BECAUSE !Y ?9K IT MI<T HELP SOLVE A BUS9ESS PROBLEM2 !Y TAKE IT BECAUSE !Y FE> IT W\LD BE IMPOLITE NOT TO4  
  

,?IS IS AS PO9TLESS AS PO9TLESS CAN BE1 BUT H[1 EXACTLY1 W\LD ONE CLASSIFY IT8 ,C]TA9LY ,JIM1 BE+ A TELEM>KET]1 W\LD QUALIFY AS A GOON4 ,BUT HE WAS A GOON :OSE 5TIRE PURPOSE WAS TO MANEUV] PEOPLE 9TO BOX TICK+4 

,ANO!R AMBIGU\S MULTI=M CATEGORY >E FLAK CAT*]S1 :O MI<T BE CONSID]$ A COMB9ATION ( FLUNKY & DUCT TAP] BUT :O HAVE C]TA9 UNIQUE *>ACT]I/ICS ( !IR [N4 ,FLAK CAT*]S >E SUBORD9ATES HIR$ TO BE AT ! RECEIV+ 5D ( (T5 LEGITIMATE COMPLA9TS BUT :O >E GIV5 ?AT ROLE PRECISELY BECAUSE !Y HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO AU?ORITY TO DO ANY?+ AB\T !M4 

,! FLAK CAT*] IS1 ( C\RSE1 A FAMILI> ROLE 9 ANY BUREAUCRACY4 ,! MAN-:OSE-JOB-IT-WAS-TO-APOLOGIZE-=-!-FACT-?AT-!-C>P5T]-DIDN'T-COME MI<T BE CONSID]$ A FLAK CAT*] ( SORTS1 BUT IF SO1 HIS POSITION WAS AN UNUSUALLY CU%Y ONE1 S9CE HE ONLY REALLY HAD TO TALK TO UNIV]SITY PR(ESSORS & ADM9I/RATORS :O W]E UNLIKELY TO SCREAM1 P\ND ! TABLE1 OR BECOME VISIBLY UPSET4 ,9 O!R CONTEXTS1 FLAK CAT*+ CAN BE G5U9ELY DANG]\S4 ,:5 ,I FIR/ CAME TO ! ,UNIT$ ,K+DOM 9 #b#h1 ONE ( ! FIR/ ?+S ?AT /RUCK ME WAS ! UBIQUITY ( ! NOTICES 9 PUBLIC PLACES REM9D+ CITIZ5S NOT TO PHYSICALLY ATTACK M9OR GOV]NM5T (FICIALS4 7,IT /RUCK ME ?IS %\LD RA!R GO )\T SAY+4 ,BUT APP>5TLY IT DOESN'T47 

,SOMETIMES FLAK CAT*]S >E WELL AW>E ( :AT !Y'RE !RE =1 AS ) ,NA?ANIEL1 :O SIGN$ UP = A WORK-/UDY PROGRAM AT A COLLEGE 9 ,CANADA1 & WAS ASSIGN$ TO SIT 9 ! REGI/R>'S (FICE & CALL PEOPLE TO TELL !M ?AT SOME =M WAS FILL$ \T 9CORRECTLY & !Y'D HAVE TO DO IT ALL OV] AGA94 70,S9CE ALL FRONTL9E WORK]S W]E /UD5TS1 IT KEPT ! CAP ON H[ PISS$ (F ANYONE C\LD REASONABLY GET4 ,! FIR/ L9E Y\ US$ :5 SOMEONE BECAME AGITAT$ WAS1 ',SORRY1 MAN1 ,I KN[ IT'S ,B,S4 ,I AM A /UD5T1 TOO4' 07 ,O!R FLAK CAT*]S SEEM T\*+LY 9NOC5T3  
  

,TIM3 ,I WORK 9 A COLLEGE DORMITORY DUR+ ! SUMM]4 ,I HAVE WORK$ AT ?IS JOB = ?REE YE>S1 & AT ?IS PO9T1 IT IS /ILL COMPLETELY UNCLE> TO ME :AT MY ACTUAL DUTIES >E4 

,PRIM>ILY1 IT SEEMS ?AT MY JOB CONSI/S ( PHYSICALLY OCCUPY+ SPACE AT ! FRONT DESK4 ,?IS IS :AT ,I SP5D APPROXIMATELY SEV5TY P]C5T ( MY TIME DO+4 ,:ILE 5GAG$ 9 ?IS1 ,I AM FREE TO 0PURSUE MY [N PROJECTS10 :I* ,I TAKE TO MEAN MA9LY SCREW+ >\ND & CREAT+ RUBB] B& BALLS \T ( RUBB] B&S ,I F9D 9 ! CAB9ETS4 ,:5 ,I AM NOT BUSY ) ?IS1 ,I MI<T BE *ECK+ ! (FICE EMAIL ACC\NT 7,I HAVE BASICALLY NO TRA9+ OR ADM9I/RATIVE P[]1 ( C\RSE1 SO ALL ,I CAN DO IS =W>D !SE EMAILS TO MY BOSS71 MOV+ PACKAGES FROM ! DOOR :]E !Y GET DROPP$ (F TO ! PACKAGE ROOM1 ANSW]+ PHONE CALLS 7AGA91 ,I KN[ NO?+ & R>ELY ANSW] A QUE/ION TO ! CALL]'S SATISFACTION71 F9D+ KET*UP PACKETS FROM #be 9 ! DESK DRAW]S1 OR CALL+ MA9T5ANCE TO REPORT ?AT A RESID5T HAS DROPP$ ?REE =KS D[N ! G>BAGE DISPOSAL1 & N[ ! S9K IS SPEW+ DECAY$ FOOD4 

,9 ADDITION1 (T5 PEOPLE WILL YELL AT ME = ?+S ?AT >E CLE>LY NOT MY FAULT1 SU* AS ! FACT ?AT !Y DROPP$ ?REE =KS D[N ! G>BAGE DISPOSAL1 OR ! FACT ?AT !RE IS CON/RUCTION HAPP5+ NE>BY1 OR ! FACT ?AT !Y HAVE NOT PAID !IR \T/&+ R5T BALANCE1 & ,I AM =BIDD5 FROM ACCEPT+ @s#a1#d 9 CA%1 & MY BOSS DOES NOT WORK ON WEEK5DS2 OR ! FACT ?AT !RE IS NO CONV5I5T ,T,V AVAILABLE ON :I* !Y CAN WAT* ,! ,BA*ELOR4 ,I ASSUME IT'S A K9D ( CA?>SIS = !M TO DO ?IS YELL+1 S9CE ,I AM N9ETE5 YE>S OLD & CLE>LY ABJECTLY P[]LESS4 

,= !SE DUTIES1 ,I AM PAID F\RTE5 DOLL>S AN H\R4  
  

,ON ! SURFACE1 IT MAY SEEM AS IF ,TIM IS JU/ A FLUNKY1 LIKE ! UNNECESS>Y RECEPTIONI/ 9 ! ,DUT* PUBLI%+ H\SE3 IT JU/ W\LDN'T LOOK GOOD TO HAVE NO ONE SITT+ !RE AT ALL4 ,BUT1 9 FACT1 IT SEEMS LIKELY ?AT 9S(> AS ,TIM PROVIDES A REAL S]VICE TO HIS EMPLOY]S1 IT'S PRECISELY BY GIV+ ANGRY /UD5TS SOMEONE !Y CAN V5T AT4 ,:Y ELSE1 AFT] ?REE YE>S1 W\LD !Y /ILL BE KEEP+ HIM SO COMPLETELY 9 ! D>K8 ,! MA9 REASON ,I HESITATE TO MAKE FLAK CAT*] A CATEGORY ( BULL%IT JOB IS BECAUSE ?IS IS A REAL S]VICE4 ,TIM IS NOT MAK+ UP = A /RUCTURAL FLAW LIKE ! MAN :OSE JOB IT WAS TO APOLOGIZE = ! FACT ?AT ! C>P5T] DIDN'T COME4 ,HE'S !RE BECAUSE IF Y\ GA!R TOGE!R A L>GE NUMB] ( TE5AG]S1 A FEW WILL 9V>IABLY ?R[ TEMP] TANTRUMS AB\T /UPID ?+S1 & ,TIM'S EMPLOY] W\LD PREF] !Y DIRECT !IR \TRAGE AT SOMEONE O!R ?AN HIMSELF4 ,9 O!R WORDS1 ,TIM'S IS A %IT JOB1 BUT IT'S NOT 5TIRELY CLE> ?AT IT'S A BULL%IT ONE4 

A WORD ON SECOND-ORD] BULL%IT JOBS 

  

,A F9AL AMBIGU\S CATEGORY CONSI/S ( JOBS :I* >E 9 NO S5SE PO9TLESS 9 & ( !MSELVES1 BUT :I* >E ULTIMATELY PO9TLESS BECAUSE !Y >E P]=M$ 9 SUPPORT ( A PO9TLESS 5T]PRISE4 ,AN OBVI\S EXAMPLE W\LD BE ! CLEAN]S1 SECURITY1 MA9T5ANCE1 & O!R SUPPORT /AFF = A BULL%IT COMPANY4 ,TAKE ,KURT'S (FICE ?AT PROVIDES ! PAP]WORK REQUIR$ TO MOVE ,G]MAN SOLDI]S' COMPUT]S D[N ! HALL4 ,OR ,N\RI'S FIRM ?AT PROMOT$ AN ALGORI?M ?AT DIDN'T WORK4 ,OR ANY ( A HUNDR$ FAKE TELEM>KET+ OR COMPLIANCE FIRMS4 ,9 EV]Y ONE ( ?OSE (FICES1 SOMEONE HAS TO WAT] ! PLANTS4 ,SOMEONE HAS TO CLEAN ! TOILETS4 ,SOMEONE HAS TO H&LE PE/ CONTROL4 ,& :ILE IT'S TRUE ?AT MO/ ( ! COMPANIES 9 QUE/ION OP]ATE 9 L>GE (FICE BUILD+S HO/+ ANY NUMB] ( DIFF]5T SORTS ( 5T]PRISE--:I* USUALLY MAKES IT UNLIKELY ?AT ANY ONE CLEAN] OR ELECTRICIAN OR BUG SPRAY] IS PROVID+ S]VICES EXCLUSIVELY = ?OSE :O BELIEVE !MSELVES TO BE 5GAG$ 9 USELESS OCCUPATIONS--IF ONE W]E TO MEASURE ! TOTAL PROPORTION ( CLEAN+ OR ELECTRICAL WORK ?AT IS ULTIMATELY P]=M$ 9 SUPPORT ( BULL%IT1 ?AT NUMB] W\LD BE V]Y HI<4 7,ONE W\LD HAVE TO ASSUME #cg P]C5T1 9 FACT1 IF ! ,Y\,GOV SURVEY IS ACCURATE4.<#f#d.>7 

,IF #cg P]C5T ( JOBS >E BULL%IT1 & #cg P]C5T ( ! REMA9+ #fc P]C5T >E 9 SUPPORT ( BULL%IT1 !N SLI<TLY OV] #e P]C5T ( ALL LABOR FALLS 9TO ! BULL%IT SECTOR 9 ! BROADE/ S5SE ( ! T]M4.<#f#e.> ,IF Y\ COMB9E ?IS ) ! BULL%ITIZATION ( USEFUL OCCUPATIONS 7AT LEA/ #e P]C5T 9 (FICE WORK2 PRESUMABLY LESS 9 O!R SORTS71 & ! V>I\S PR(ESSIONS ?AT BASICALLY EXI/ ONLY BECAUSE EV]YONE IS WORK+ TOO H>D 7DOG WA%]S1 ALL-NI<T PIZZA DELIV]YM51 TO NAME A FEW71 WE C\LD PROBABLY GET ! REAL WORKWEEK D[N TO FIFTE5 H\RS--OR EV5 TWELVE--)\T ANYONE NOTIC+ MU*4 

A F9AL NOTE1 ) A BRIEF RETURN TO ! QUE/ION3 IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A BULL%IT JOB & NOT KN[ IT8 

  

,! IDEA ( SECOND-ORD] BULL%IT JOBS ONCE AGA9 RAISES ! ISSUE ( ! DEGREE TO :I* BULL%IT JOBS >E JU/ A MATT] ( SUBJECTIVE JUDGM5T & ! DEGREE TO :I* !Y HAVE OBJECTIVE REALITY4 ,I BELIEVE BULL%IT JOBS TO BE V]Y REAL--:5 ,I SAY WE CAN ONLY RELY ON ! JUDGM5T ( ! WORK]1 ,I'M SIMPLY TALK+ AB\T :AT WE CAN1 AS OBS]V]S1 KN[ AB\T !M4 ,I W\LD ALSO REM9D ! READ] ?AT ,I :ILE ,I BELIEVE IT IS RI<T TO DEF] TO ! P>TICUL> WORK] AB\T ! FACTUAL QUE/ION ( :E!R !IR WORK ACTUALLY DOES ANY?+ AT ALL1 :5 IT COMES TO ! RA!R MORE SUBTLE ISSUE ( :E!R ! WORK 9 QUE/ION DOES ANY?+ ( VALUE1 ,I WILL ?9K IT'S ! BE/ ?+ TO DEF] TO ! OV]ALL OP9ION ( ?OSE :O WORK 9 ! 9DU/RY4 ,O!RWISE WE C\LD 5D UP 9 ! RA!R SILLY POSITION ( SAY+ ?AT ( ?IRTY LEGAL AIDES WORK+ 9 ! SAME (FICE & P]=M+ ! SAME TASKS1 TW5TY-N9E HAVE BULL%IT JOBS BECAUSE !Y ?9K !Y DO1 BUT ! ONE TRUE BELIEV] :O DISAGREES DOES NOT4 

,UNLESS ONE TAKES ! POSITION ?AT !RE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REALITY AT ALL EXCEPT = 9DIVIDUAL P]CEPTION1 :I* IS PHILOSOPHICALLY PROBLEMATIC1 IT IS H>D TO D5Y ! POSSIBILITY ?AT PEOPLE CAN BE WRONG AB\T :AT !Y DO4 ,= ! PURPOSES ( ?IS BOOK1 ?IS IS NOT ?AT MU* ( A PROBLEM1 BECAUSE :AT ,I AM MA9LY 9T]E/$ 9 IS1 AS ,I SAY1 ! SUBJECTIVE ELEM5T2 MY PRIM>Y AIM IS NOT SO MU* TO LAY \T A !ORY ( SOCIAL UTILITY OR SOCIAL VALUE AS TO UND]/& ! PSY*OLOGICAL1 SOCIAL1 & POLITICAL EFFECTS ( ! FACT ?AT SO MANY ( US LABOR UND] ! SECRET BELIEF ?AT \R JOBS LACK SOCIAL UTILITY OR SOCIAL VALUE4 

,I AM ALSO ASSUM+ ?AT PEOPLE >E NOT USUALLY WRONG1 SO IF ONE REALLY DID WANT TO MAP \T1 SAY1 :I* SECTORS ( ! ECONOMY >E REAL & :I* >E BULL%IT1 ! BE/ WAY TO DO SO W\LD BE TO EXAM9E 9 :I* SECTORS ! PREPOND]ANCE ( WORK]S FEEL !IR JOBS >E PO9TLESS & 9 :I* SECTORS ! PREPOND]ANCE DO NOT4 ,EV5 MORE1 ONE W\LD TRY TO TEASE \T ! TACIT !ORY ( SOCIAL VALUE ?AT L$ !M TO ?IS CONCLUSION3 IF SOMEONE SAYS1 0,MY JOB IS COMPLETELY PO9TLESS10 :AT >E ! UNSPOK5 CRIT]IA BE+ APPLI$8 ,SOME1 LIKE ,TOM ! SPECIAL EFFECTS >TI/1 HAVE ?\<T !SE ?+S ?R\< & CAN SIMPLY TELL Y\4 ,9 O!R CASES1 WORK]S >E NOT ABLE TO >TICULATE A !ORY1 BUT Y\ CAN TELL ?AT ONE MU/ BE !RE1 IF ONLY ON A NOT COMPLETELY CONSCI\S LEVEL--SO Y\ HAVE TO TEASE \T ! !ORY BY EXAM9+ ! LANGUAGE PEOPLE USE & OBS]V+ !IR GUT REACTIONS TO ! WORK !Y DO4 

,= ME1 ?IS ISN'T REALLY A PROBLEM4 ,I'M AN AN?ROPOLOGI/3 TEAS+ \T ! IMPLICIT !ORY ?AT LIES BEH9D PEOPLE'S EV]YDAY ACTIONS & REACTIONS IS :AT AN?ROPOLOGI/S >E TRA9$ TO DO4 ,BUT !N !RE'S ! PROBLEM ?AT PEOPLE'S !ORIES >E NOT ALL ! SAME4 ,= 9/ANCE1 IT HAS COME TO MY ATT5TION1 :ILE CONDUCT+ ?IS RESE>*1 ?AT MANY ( ?OSE EMPLOY$ 9 ! BANK+ 9DU/RY >E PRIVATELY CONV9C$ ?AT #ii P]C5T ( :AT BANKS DO IS BULL%IT ?AT DOES NOT B5EFIT HUMANITY 9 ANY WAY4 ,I CAN ONLY ASSUME ?AT O!RS WORK+ 9 ! 9DU/RY DISAGREE ) ?IS ASSESSM5T4 ,IS !RE ANY PATT]N H]E8 ,DOES IT V>Y ) S5IORITY8 ,>E HI<]-UPS MORE LIKELY TO BELIEVE 9 ! SOCIAL B5EFITS ( BANK+8 ,OR DO MANY ( !M SECRETLY AGREE ?AT !IR WORK HAS NO SOCIAL VALUE BUT JU/ DON'T C>E8 ,MAYBE !Y EV5 TAKE DELI<T 9 ! KN[L$GE ?AT !IR WORK DOES NOT B5EFIT ! PUBLIC1 ?9K+ ( !MSELVES AS PIRATES1 OR SCAM >TI/S1 9 SOME ROMANTIC S5SE8 ,IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY 7?\< ,JEFFREY ,SA*S'S TE/IMONY 9 ! LA/ *APT] AT LEA/ SUGGE/S ?AT MANY AT ! V]Y TOP SIMPLY FEEL !Y HAVE A RI<T TO :ATEV] !Y CAN GET74 

,! REAL PROBLEM = MY APPROA* COMES :5 ONE HAS TO DEAL ) ?OSE 9 PR(ESSIONS ?AT EV]YONE ELSE REGUL>LY 9VOKES AS PRIME EXAMPLES ( BULL%IT JOBS :O DON'T SEEM TO ?9K ( !IR JOBS ?AT WAY !MSELVES4 ,AGA91 NO ONE HAS DONE DETAIL$ COMP>ATIVE SURVEY WORK 9 ?IS REG>D1 BUT ,I DID NOTICE C]TA9 9T]E/+ PATT]NS 9 MY [N DATA4 ,I HE>D FROM ONLY A SMATT]+ ( LAWY]S 7?\< FROM A L>GE NUMB] ( LEGAL AIDES71 ONLY TWO ,P,R FLACKS1 & NOT A S+LE LOBBYI/4 ,DOES ?IS MEAN WE HAVE TO CONCLUDE !SE >E L>GELY NONBULL%IT OCCUPATIONS8 ,NOT NECESS>ILY4 ,!RE >E ANY NUMB] ( O!R POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS = !IR SIL5CE4 ,= 9/ANCE1 P]HAPS FEW] ( !M HANG >\ND ON ,TWITT]1 OR MAYBE ! ONES ?AT DO >E MORE 9CL9$ TO LIE4 

,I %\LD ADD AS A F9AL NOTE !RE WAS REALLY ONLY ONE CLASS ( PEOPLE ?AT NOT ONLY D5I$ !IR JOBS W]E PO9TLESS BUT EXPRESS$ \TRI<T HO/ILITY TO ! V]Y IDEA ?AT \R ECONOMY IS RIFE ) BULL%IT JOBS4 ,!SE W]E--PR$ICTABLY 5\<--BUS9ESS [N]S1 & ANYONE ELSE 9 *>GE ( HIR+ & FIR+4 7,TANIA APPE>S TO BE SOME?+ ( AN EXCEPTION 9 ?IS REG>D47 ,9 FACT1 = MANY YE>S1 ,I HAVE BE5 RECEIV+ P]IODIC UNSOLICIT$ COMMUNICATIONS FROM 9DIGNANT 5TREPR5EURS & EXECUTIVES TELL+ ME MY 5TIRE PREMISE IS WRONG4 ,NO ONE1 !Y 9SI/1 W\LD EV] SP5D COMPANY MONEY ON AN EMPLOYEE :O WASN'T NE$$4 ,SU* COMMUNICATIONS R>ELY (F] P>TICUL>LY SOPHI/ICAT$ >GUM5TS4 ,MO/ JU/ EMPLOY ! USUAL CIRCUL> >GUM5T ?AT S9CE1 9 A M>KET ECONOMY1 NONE ( ! ?+S DESCRIB$ 9 ?IS *APT] C\LD HAVE ACTUALLY OCCURR$1 ?AT !RE=E !Y DIDN'T1 SO ALL ! PEOPLE :O >E CONV9C$ !IR JOBS >E WOR?LESS MU/ BE DELUD$1 OR SELF-IMPORTANT1 OR SIMPLY DON'T UND]/& !IR REAL FUNCTION1 :I* IS FULLY VISIBLE ONLY TO ?OSE ABOVE4 

,ONE MI<T BE TEMPT$ TO CONCLUDE FROM !SE RESPONSES ?AT !RE IS AT LEA/ ONE CLASS ( PEOPLE :O G5U9ELY DON'T REALIZE !IR JOBS >E BULL%IT4 ,EXCEPT1 ( C\RSE1 :AT ,C,E,OS DO ISN'T REALLY BULL%IT4 ,= BETT] OR = WORSE1 !IR ACTIONS DO MAKE A DIFF]5CE 9 ! WORLD4 ,!Y'RE JU/ BL9D TO ALL ! BULL%IT !Y CREATE4 

,FROM 3 ,!,AN>*I/,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

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