,P>T #i 

#ahhbahhb 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,A CONTRADICTION >OSE FROM :I* !RE W]E TWO EXITS4 ,EI!R 
?AT :I* ,I CALL$ REASON WAS NOT SO RATIONAL AS ,I SUPPOS$1 OR 
?AT :I* SEEM$ TO ME IRRATIONAL WAS NOT SO IRRATIONAL AS ,I 
SUPPOS$4 ,& ,I BEGAN TO V]IFY ! L9E ( >GUM5T ( MY 
RATIONAL KN[L$GE4 

,V]IFY+ ! L9E ( >GUM5T ( RATIONAL KN[L$GE ,I F\ND 
IT QUITE CORRECT4 ,! CONCLUSION ?AT LIFE IS NO?+ WAS 
9EVITABLE2 BUT ,I NOTIC$ A MI/AKE4 ,! MI/AKE LAY 9 ?IS1 ?AT 
MY REASON+ WAS NOT 9 ACCORD ) ! QUE/ION ,I HAD PUT4 ,! 
QUE/ION WAS3 0,:Y %\LD ,I LIVE1 ?AT IS TO SAY1 :AT REAL1 
P]MAN5T RESULT WILL COME \T ( MY ILLUSORY TRANSITORY LIFE - 
:AT MEAN+ HAS MY F9ITE EXI/5CE 9 ?IS 9F9ITE WORLD80 ,& 
TO REPLY TO ?AT QUE/ION ,I HAD /UDI$ LIFE4 

,! SOLUTION ( ALL ! POSSIBLE QUE/IONS ( LIFE C\LD 
EVID5TLY NOT SATISFY ME1 = MY QUE/ION1 SIMPLE AS IT AT FIR/ 
APPE>$1 9CLUD$ A DEM& = AN EXPLANATION ( ! F9ITE 9 
T]MS ( ! 9F9ITE1 & VISE V]SA4 

,I ASK$3 0,:AT IS ! MEAN+ ( MY LIFE1 BEYOND TIME1 CAUSE1 
& SPACE80 ,& ,I REPLI$ TO QUITE ANO!R QUE/ION3 0,:AT IS ! 
MEAN+ ( MY LIFE )9 TIME1 CAUSE1 & SPACE80 ,) ! 
RESULT ?AT1 AFT] LONG EF=TS ( ?\<T1 ! ANSW] ,I REA*$ 
WAS3 0,NONE40 

,9 MY REASON+S ,I CON/ANTLY COMP>$ 7NOR C\LD ,I DO 
O!RWISE7 ! F9ITE ) ! F9ITE1 & ! 9F9ITE ) ! 
9F9ITE2 BUT = ?AT REASON ,I REA*$ ! 9EVITABLE RESULT3  
=CE IS =CE1 MATT] IS MATT]1 WILL IS WILL1 ! 9F9ITE IS ! 
9F9ITE1 NO?+ IS NO?+ - & ?AT WAS ALL ?AT C\LD RESULT4 

,IT WAS SOME?+ LIKE :AT HAPP5S 9 MA!MATICS1 :5 
?9K+ TO SOLVE AN EQUATION1 WE F9D WE >E WORK+ ON AN 
ID5TITY4 ! L9E ( REASON+ IS CORRECT1 BUT RESULTS 9 ! 
ANSW] ?AT A EQUALS A1 OR X EQUALS X1 OR O EQUALS O4 ! SAME 
?+ HAPP5$ ) MY REASON+ 9 RELATION TO ! QUE/ION ( ! 
MEAN+ ( MY LIFE4 ,! REPLIES GIV5 BY ALL SCI5CE TO ?AT 
QUE/ION ONLY RESULT 9 - ID5TITY4 

,& REALLY1 /RICTLY SCI5TIFIC KN[L$GE - ?AT KN[L$GE 
:I* BEG9S1 AS ,DESC>TES'S DID1 ) COMPLETE D\BT AB\T 
EV]Y?+ - REJECTS ALL KN[L$GE ADMITT$ ON FAI? & BUILDS 
EV]Y?+ AFRE% ON ! LAWS ( REASON & EXP]I5CE1 & CANNOT 
GIVE ANY O!R REPLY TO ! QUE/ION ( LIFE ?AN ?AT :I* ,I 
OBTA9$3 AN 9DEF9ITE REPLY4 ,ONLY AT FIR/ HAD IT SEEM$ TO ME 
?AT KN[L$GE HAD GIV5 A POSITIVE REPLY - ! REPLY ( 
,S*OP5HAU]3 ?AT LIFE HAS NO MEAN+ & IS AN EVIL4 ,BUT ON 
EXAM9+ ! MATT] ,I UND]/OOD ?AT ! REPLY IS NOT POSITIVE1 
IT WAS ONLY MY FEEL+ ?AT SO EXPRESS$ IT4 ,/RICTLY EXPRESS$1 
AS IT IS BY ! ,BRAHM9S & BY ,SOLOMON & ,S*OP5HAU]1 ! REPLY 
IS M]ELY 9DEF9ITE1 OR AN ID5TITY3 O EQUALS O1 LIFE IS NO?+4  
,SO ?AT PHILOSOPHIC KN[L$GE D5IES NO?+1 BUT ONLY REPLIES ?AT 
! QUE/ION CANNOT BE SOLV$ BY IT - ?AT = IT ! SOLUTION 
REMA9S 9DEF9ITE4 

,HAV+ UND]/OOD ?IS1 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE 
TO SEEK 9 RATIONAL KN[L$GE = A REPLY TO MY QUE/ION1 & ?AT 
! REPLY GIV5 BY RATIONAL KN[L$GE IS A M]E 9DICATION ?AT A 
REPLY CAN ONLY BE OBTA9$ BY A DIFF]5T /ATEM5T ( ! QUE/ION 
& ONLY :5 ! RELATION ( ! F9ITE TO ! 9F9ITE IS 
9CLUD$ 9 ! QUE/ION4 ,& ,I UND]/OOD ?AT1 H[EV] 
IRRATIONAL & DI/ORT$ MI<T BE ! REPLIES GIV5 BY FAI?1 !Y 
HAVE ?IS ADVANTAGE1 ?AT !Y 9TRODUCE 9TO EV]Y ANSW] A 
RELATION BETWE5 ! F9ITE & ! 9F9ITE1 )\T :I* !RE 
CAN BE NO SOLUTION4 

,9 :ATEV] WAY ,I /AT$ ! QUE/ION1 ?AT RELATION APPE>$ 
9 ! ANSW]4 ,H[ AM ,I TO LIVE8 - ,ACCORD+ TO ! LAW ( ,GOD4  
,:AT REAL RESULT WILL COME ( MY LIFE8 - ,ET]NAL TORM5T OR 
ET]NAL BLISS4 ,:AT MEAN+ HAS LIFE ?AT DEA? DOES NOT DE/ROY8  
- ,UNION ) ! ET]NAL ,GOD3 HEAV54 

,SO ?AT BESIDES RATIONAL KN[L$GE1 :I* HAD SEEM$ TO ME ! 
ONLY KN[L$GE1 ,I WAS 9EVITABLY BR\<T TO ACKN[L$GE ?AT ALL 
LIVE HUMANITY HAS ANO!R IRRATIONAL KN[L$GE - FAI? :I* MAKES 
IT POSSIBLE TO LIVE4 ,FAI? /ILL REMA9$ TO ME AS IRRATIONAL AS 
IT WAS BE=E1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT BUT ADMIT ?AT IT ALONE GIVES 
MANK9D A REPLY TO ! QUE/IONS ( LIFE1 & ?AT CONSEQU5TLY IT 
MAKES LIFE POSSIBLE4 ,REASONABLE KN[L$GE HAD BR\<T ME TO 
ACKN[L$GE ?AT LIFE IS S5SELESS - MY LIFE HAD COME TO A HALT 
& ,I WI%$ TO DE/ROY MYSELF4 ,LOOK+ >\ND ON ! :OLE ( 
MANK9D ,I SAW ?AT PEOPLE LIVE & DECL>E ?AT !Y KN[ ! 
MEAN+ ( LIFE4 ,I LOOK$ AT MYSELF - ,I HAD LIV$ AS LONG AS ,I 
KNEW A MEAN+ ( LIFE & HAD MADE LIFE POSSIBLE4 

,LOOK+ AGA9 AT PEOPLE ( O!R L&S1 AT MY CONTEMPOR>IES 
& AT !IR PR$ECESSORS1 ,I SAW ! SAME ?+4 ,:]E !RE IS 
LIFE1 !RE S9CE MAN BEGAN FAI? HAS MADE LIFE POSSIBLE = HIM1 
& ! *IEF \TL9E ( ?AT FAI? IS EV]Y:]E & ALWAYS 
ID5TICAL4 

,:ATEV] ! FAI? MAY BE1 & :ATEV] ANSW]S IT MAY GIVE1 
& TO :OMSOEV] IT GIVES !M1 EV]Y SU* ANSW] GIVES TO ! 
F9ITE EXI/5CE ( MAN AN 9F9ITE MEAN+1 A MEAN+ NOT 
DE/ROY$ BY SUFF]+S1 DEPRIVATIONS1 OR DEA?4 ,?IS MEANS ?AT 
ONLY 9 FAI? CAN WE F9D = LIFE A MEAN+ & A POSSIBILITY4  
,:AT1 !N1 IS ?IS FAI?8 ,& ,I UND]/OOD ?AT FAI? IS NOT 
M]ELY 0! EVID5CE ( ?+S NOT SE501 ETC41 & IS NOT A 
REVELATION 7?AT DEF9ES ONLY ONE ( ! 9DICATIONS ( FAI?1 IS 
NOT ! RELATION ( MAN TO ,GOD 7ONE HAS FIR/ TO DEF9E FAI? & 
!N ,GOD1 & NOT DEF9E FAI? ?R\< ,GOD72 IT NOT ONLY AGREEM5T 
) :AT HAS BE5 TOLD ONE 7AS FAI? IS MO/ USUALLY SUPPOS$ TO 
BE71 BUT FAI? IS A KN[L$GE ( ! MEAN+ ( HUMAN LIFE 9 
CONSEQU5CE ( :I* MAN DOES NOT DE/ROY HIMSELF BUT LIVES4 ,FAI? 
IS ! /R5G? ( LIFE4 ,IF A MAN LIVES HE BELIEVES 9 SOME?+4  
,IF HE DID NOT BELIEVE ?AT ONE MU/ LIVE = SOME?+1 HE W\LD 
NOT LIVE4 ,IF HE DOES NOT SEE & RECOGNIZE ! ILLUSORY NATURE ( 
! F9ITE1 HE BELIEVES 9 ! F9ITE2 IF HE UND]/&S ! 
ILLUSORY NATURE ( ! F9ITE1 HE MU/ BELIEVE 9 ! 9F9ITE4  
,)\T FAI? HE CANNOT LIVE4 

,& ,I RECALL$ ! :OLE C\RSE ( MY M5TAL LABOR & WAS 
HORRIFI$4 ,IT WAS N[ CLE> TO ME ?AT = MAN TO BE ABLE TO LIVE 
HE MU/ EI!R NOT SEE ! 9F9ITE1 OR HAVE SU* AN EXPLANATION ( 
! MEAN+ ( LIFE AS WILL CONNECT ! F9ITE ) ! 9F9ITE4  
,SU* AN EXPLANATION ,I HAD HAD2 BUT AS LONG AS ,I BELIEV$ 9 ! 
F9ITE ,I DID NOT NE$ ! EXPLANATION1 & ,I BEGAN TO V]IFY IT BY 
REASON4 ,& 9 ! LI<T ( REASON ! :OLE ( MY =M] 
EXPLANATION FLEW TO ATOMS4 ,BUT A TIME CAME :5 ,I CEAS$ TO 
BELIEVE 9 ! F9ITE4 ,& !N ,I BEGAN TO BUILD UP ON RATIONAL 
F\NDATIONS1 \T ( :AT ,I KNEW1 AN EXPLANATION :I* W\LD GIVE A 
MEAN+ TO LIFE2 BUT NO?+ C\LD ,I BUILD4 ,TOGE!R ) ! BE/ 
HUMAN 9TELLECTS ,I REA*$ ! RESULT ?AT O EQUALS O1 & WAS MU* 
A/ONI%$ AT ?AT CONCLUSION1 ?\< NO?+ ELSE C\LD HAVE 
RESULT$4 

,:AT WAS ,I DO+ :5 ,I S\<T AN ANSW] 9 ! EXP]IM5TAL 
SCI5CES8 ,I WI%$ TO KN[ :Y ,I LIVE1 & = ?IS PURPOSE 
/UDI$ ALL ?AT IS \TSIDE ME4 ,EVID5TLY ,I MI<T LE>N MU*1 BUT 
NO?+ ( :AT ,I NE$$4 

,:AT WAS ,I DO+ :5 ,I S\<T AN ANSW] 9 PHILOSOPHICAL 
KN[L$GE8 ,I WAS /UDY+ ! ?\<TS ( ?OSE :O HAD F\ND 
!MSELVES 9 ! SAME POSITION AS ,I1 LACK+ A REPLY TO ! 
QUE/ION 0:Y DO ,I LIVE80 ,EVID5TLY ,I C\LD LE>N NO?+ BUT :AT 
,I KNEW MYSELF1 NAMELY ?AT NO?+ CAN BE KN[N4 

,:AT AM ,I8 - ,A P>T ( ! 9F9ITE4 ,9 ?OSE FEW WORDS LIES 
! :OLE PROBLEM4 

,IS IT POSSIBLE ?AT HUMANITY HAS ONLY PUT ?AT QUE/ION TO 
ITSELF S9CE YE/]DAY8 ,& CAN NO ONE BE=E ME HAVE SET HIMSELF 
?AT QUE/ION - A QUE/ION SO SIMPLE1 & ONE ?AT SPR+S TO ! 
TONGUE ( EV]Y WISE *ILD8 

,SURELY ?AT QUE/ION HAS BE5 ASK$ S9CE MAN BEGAN2 & 
NATURALLY = ! SOLUTION ( ?AT QUE/ION S9CE MAN BEGAN IT HAS 
BE5 EQUALLY 9SUFFICI5T TO COMP>E ! F9ITE ) ! F9ITE & 
! 9F9ITE ) ! 9F9ITE1 & S9CE MAN BEGAN ! RELATION ( 
! F9ITE TO ! 9F9ITE HAS BE5 S\<T \T & EXPRESS$4 

,ALL !SE CONCEPTIONS 9 :I* ! F9ITE HAS BE5 ADJU/$ TO 
! 9F9ITE & A MEAN+ F\ND = LIFE - ! CONCEPTION ( ,GOD1 
( WILL1 ( GOODNESS - WE SUBMIT TO LOGICAL EXAM9ATION4 ,& ALL 
?OSE CONCEPTIONS FAIL TO /& REASON'S CRITICISM4 

,W]E IT NOT SO T]RIBLE IT W\LD BE LUDICR\S ) :AT PRIDE 
& SELF-SATISFACTION WE1 LIKE *ILDR51 PULL ! WAT* TO PIECES1 
TAKE \T ! SPR+1 MAKE A TOY ( IT1 & >E !N SURPRIS$ ?AT 
! WAT* DOES NOT GO4 

,A SOLUTION ( ! CONTRADICTION BETWE5 ! F9ITE & ! 
9F9ITE1 & SU* A REPLY TO ! QUE/ION ( LIFE AS WILL MAKE IT 
POSSIBLE TO LIVE1 IS NECESS>Y & PRECI\S4 ,& ?AT IS ! ONLY 
SOLUTION :I* WE F9D EV]Y:]E1 ALWAYS1 & AMONG ALL PEOPLES3  
A SOLUTION DESC5D+ FROM TIMES 9 :I* WE LOSE SI<T ( ! LIFE 
( MAN1 A SOLUTION SO DIFFICULT ?AT WE CAN COMPOSE NO?+ LIKE IT 
- & ?IS SOLUTION WE LI<!>T$LY DE/ROY 9 ORD] AGA9 TO 
SET ! SAME QUE/ION1 :I* IS NATURAL TO EV]YONE & TO :I* WE 
HAVE NO ANSW]4 

,! CONCEPTION ( AN 9F9ITE GOD1 ! DIV9ITY ( ! S\L1 
! CONNECTION ( HUMAN AFFAIRS ) ,GOD1 ! UNITY & EXI/5CE ( 
! S\L1 MAN'S CONCEPTION ( MORAL GOODNESS & EVIL - >E 
CONCEPTIONS =MULAT$ 9 ! HIDD5 9F9ITY ( HUMAN ?\<T1 
!Y >E ?OSE CONCEPTIONS )\T :I* NEI!R LIFE NOR ,I %\LD 
EXI/2 YET REJECT+ ALL ?AT LABOR ( ! :OLE ( HUMANITY1 ,I 
WI%$ TO REMAKE IT AFRE% MYSELF & 9 MY [N MANN]4 

,I DID NOT !N ?9K LIKE ?AT1 BUT ! G]MS ( !SE 
?\<TS W]E ALREADY 9 ME4 ,I UND]/OOD1 9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 
?AT MY POSITION ) ,S*OP5HAU] & ,SOLOMON1 NOT)/&+ \R 
WISDOM1 WAS /UPID3 WE SEE ?AT LIFE IS AN EVIL & YET CONT9UE 
TO LIVE4 ,?AT IS EVID5TLY /UPID1 = IF LIFE IS S5SELESS & ,I 
AM SO FOND ( :AT IS REASONABLE1 IT %\LD BE DE/ROY$1 & !N 
!RE W\LD BE NO ONE TO *ALL5GE IT4 ,SECONDLY1 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT 
ALL ONE'S REASON+S TURN$ 9 A VICI\S CIRCLE LIKE A :EEL \T ( 
GE> ) ITS P9ION4 ,H[EV] MU* & H[EV] WELL WE MAY REASON 
WE CANNOT OBTA9 A REPLY TO ! QUE/ION2 & O WILL ALWAYS EQUAL 
O1 & !RE=E \R PA? IS PROBABLY ]RONE\S4 ,?IRDLY1 ,I BEGAN 
TO UND]/& ?AT 9 ! REPLIES GIV5 BY FAI? IS /OR$ UP ! 
DEEPE/ HUMAN WISDOM & ?AT ,I HAD NO RI<T TO D5Y !M ON ! 
GR\ND ( REASON1 & ?AT ?OSE ANSW]S >E ! ONLY ONES :I* 
REPLY TO LIFE'S QUE/ION4 

7,S\RCE3 ,A ,CONFESSION1 BY ,LEV ,NIKOLAYEVI* ,TOL/OY1 ,DI/RIBUT$ BY ! ,TOL/OY ,LIBR>Y ,ONL9E1 ,FIR/ DI/RIBUT$ 9 ,RUSSIA 9 #a#h#h#b1 FIR/ PUBLI%$ 9 #a#h#h#d47 

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