,P>T #c 

#ahhbahhb 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,SO ,I LIV$1 AB&ON+ MYSELF TO ?IS 9SANITY = ANO!R SIX 
YE>S1 TILL MY M>RIAGE4 ,DUR+ ?AT TIME ,I W5T ABROAD4 ,LIFE 9 
,EUROPE & MY ACQUA9TANCE ) LEAD+ & LE>N$ ,EUROPEANS 
.<,FOOTNOTE3 ,RUSSIANS G5]ALLY MAKE A DI/9CTION BETWE5 ,EUROPEANS 
& ,RUSSIANS4 - ,A4,M4.> CONFIRM$ ME YET MORE 9 ! FAI? ( 
/RIV+ AFT] P]FECTION 9 :I* ,I BELIEV$1 = ,I F\ND ! SAME 
FAI? AMONG !M4 ,?AT FAI? TOOK ) ME ! COMMON =M IT 
ASSUMES ) ! MAJORITY ( $UCAT$ PEOPLE ( \R DAY4 ,IT WAS 
EXPRESS$ BY ! WORD 0PROGRESS04 ,IT !N APPE>$ TO ME ?AT ?IS 
WORD MEANT SOME?+4 ,I DID NOT AS YET UND]/& ?AT1 BE+ 
TORM5T$ 7LIKE EV]Y VITAL MAN7 BY ! QUE/ION H[ IT IS BE/ = 
ME TO LIVE1 9 MY ANSW]1 0,LIVE 9 CON=MITY ) PROGRESS01 ,I WAS 
LIKE A MAN 9 A BOAT :O :5 C>RI$ ALONG BY W9D & WAVES 
%\LD REPLY TO :AT = HIM IS ! *IEF & ONLY QUE/ION4 
0:I!R TO /E]01 BY SAY+1 0,WE >E BE+ C>RI$ SOME:]E04 

,I DID NOT !N NOTICE ?IS4 ,ONLY OCCASIONALLY - NOT BY 
REASON BUT BY 9/9CT - ,I REVOLT$ AGA9/ ?IS SUP]/ITION SO 
COMMON 9 \R DAY1 BY :I* PEOPLE HIDE FROM !MSELVES !IR LACK 
( UND]/&+ ( LIFE4444,SO1 = 9/ANCE1 DUR+ MY /AY 9 
,P>IS1 ! SI<T ( AN EXECUTION REVEAL$ TO ME ! 9/ABILITY ( 
MY SUP]/ITI\S BELIEF 9 PROGRESS4 ,:5 ,I SAW ! HEAD P>T FROM 
! BODY & H[ !Y ?UMP$ SEP>ATELY 9TO ! BOX1 ,I 
UND]/OOD1 NOT ) MY M9D BUT ) MY :OLE BE+1 ?AT NO 
!ORY ( ! REASONABL5ESS ( \R PRES5T PROGRESS C\LD JU/IFY 
?IS DE$2 & ?AT ?\< EV]YBODY FROM ! CREATION ( ! WORLD 
HAD HELD IT TO BE NECESS>Y1 ON :ATEV] !ORY1 ,I KNEW IT TO BE 
UNNECESS>Y & BAD2 & !RE=E ! >BIT] ( :AT IS GOOD & 
EVIL IS NOT :AT PEOPLE SAY & DO1 NOR IS IT PROGRESS1 BUT IT IS 
MY HE>T & ,I4 ,ANO!R 9/ANCE ( A REALIZATION ?AT ! 
SUP]/ITI\S BELIEF 9 PROGRESS IS 9SUFFICI5T AS A GUIDE TO 
LIFE1 WAS MY BRO!R'S DEA?4 ,WISE1 GOOD1 S]I\S1 HE FELL ILL 
:ILE /ILL A Y\NG MAN1 SUFF]$ = MORE ?AN A YE>1 & DI$ 
PA9FULLY1 NOT UND]/&+ :Y HE HAD LIV$ & /ILL LESS :Y HE 
HAD TO DIE4 ,NO !ORIES C\LD GIVE ME1 OR HIM1 ANY REPLY TO !SE 
QUE/IONS DUR+ HIS SL[ & PA9FUL DY+4 ,BUT !SE W]E ONLY 
R>E 9/ANCES ( D\BT1 & ,I ACTUALLY CONT9U$ TO LIVE 
PR(ESS+ A FAI? ONLY 9 PROGRESS4 0,EV]Y?+ EVOLVES & ,I 
EVOLVE ) IT3 & :Y IT IS ?AT ,I EVOLVE ) ALL ?+S WILL 
BE KN[N SOME DAY40 ,SO ,I \<T TO HAVE =MULAT$ MY FAI? AT ?AT 
TIME4 

,ON RETURN+ FROM ABROAD ,I SETTL$ 9 ! C\NTRY & *ANC$ 
TO OCCUPY MYSELF ) PEASANT S*OOLS4 ,?IS WORK WAS P>TICUL>LY 
TO MY TA/E BECAUSE 9 IT ,I HAD NOT TO FACE ! FALSITY :I* HAD 
BECOME OBVI\S TO ME & />$ ME 9 ! FACE :5 ,I TRI$ TO 
TEA* PEOPLE BY LIT]>Y MEANS4 ,H]E ALSO ,I ACT$ 9 ! NAME ( 
PROGRESS1 BUT ,I ALREADY REG>D$ PROGRESS ITSELF CRITICALLY4 ,I 
SAID TO MYSELF3 0,9 SOME ( ITS DEVELOPM5TS PROGRESS HAS 
PROCE$$ WRONGLY1 & ) PRIMITIVE PEASANT *ILDR5 ONE MU/ 
DEAL 9 A SPIRIT ( P]FECT FRE$OM1 LETT+ !M *OOSE :AT PA? 
( PROGRESS !Y PLEASE40 ,9 REALITY ,I WAS EV] REVOLV+ R\ND 
ONE & ! SAME 9SOLUBLE PROBLEM1 :I* WAS3 ,H[ TO TEA* 
)\T KN[+ :AT TO TEA*4 ,9 ! HI<] SPH]ES ( LIT]>Y 
ACTIVITY ,I HAD REALIZ$ ?AT ONE C\LD NOT TEA* )\T KN[+ 
:AT1 = ,I SAW ?AT PEOPLE ALL TAU<T DIFF]5TLY1 & BY 
QU>REL+ AMONG !MSELVES ONLY SUCCE$$ 9 HID+ !IR 
IGNORANCE FROM ONE ANO!R4 ,BUT H]E1 ) PEASANT *ILDR51 ,I 
?\<T TO EVADE ?IS DIFFICULTY BY LETT+ !M LE>N :AT !Y 
LIK$4 ,IT AMUSES ME N[ :5 ,I REMEMB] H[ ,I %UFFL$ 9 TRY+ 
TO SATISFY MY DESIRE TO TEA*1 :ILE 9 ! DEP? ( MY S\L ,I KNEW 
V]Y WELL ?AT ,I C\LD NOT TEA* ANY?+ NE$FUL = ,I DID NOT 
KN[ :AT WAS NE$FUL4 ,AFT] SP5D+ A YE> AT S*OOL WORK ,I W5T 
ABROAD A SECOND TIME TO DISCOV] H[ TO TEA* O!RS :ILE MYSELF 
KN[+ NO?+4 

,& IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ,I HAD LE>N$ ?IS ABORAD1 & 9 ! 
YE> ( ! PEASANTS' EMANCIPATION 7#a#h#f#a7 ,I RETURN$ TO ,RUSSIA 
>M$ ) ALL ?IS WISDOM1 & HAV+ BECOME AN ,>BIT] .<,FOOTNOTE3 
,TO KEEP PEACE BETWE5 PEASANTS & [N]S4-,A4,M4.> ,I BEGAN TO TEA*1 
BO? ! UN$UCAT$ PEASANTS 9 S*OOLS & ! $UCAT$ CLASSES 
?R\< A MAGAZ9E ,I PUBLI%$4 ,?+S APPE>$ TO BE GO+ WELL1 
BUT ,I FELT ,I WAS NOT QUITE S\ND M5TALLY & ?AT MATT]S C\LD 
NOT LONG CONT9UE 9 ?AT WAY4 ,& ,I %\LD P]HAPS !N HAVE COME 
TO ! /ATE ( DESPAIR ,I REA*$ FIFTE5 YE>S LAT] HAD !RE NOT 
BE5 ONE SIDE ( LIFE /ILL UNEXPLOR$ BY ME :I* PROMIS$ ME 
HAPP9ESS3 ?AT WAS MY M>RIAGE4 

,= A YE> ,I BUSI$ MYSELF ) >BITRATION WORK1 ! S*OOLS1 
& ! MAGAZ9E2 & ,I BECAME SO WORN \T - AS A RESULT 
ESPECIALLY ( MY M5TAL CONFUSION - & SO H>D WAS MY /RUGGLE AS 
,>BIT]1 SO OBSCURE ! RESULTS ( MY ACTIVITY 9 ! S*OOLS1 SO 
REPULSIVE MY %UFFL+ 9 ! MAGAZ9E 7:I* ALWAYS AM\NT$ TO 
ONE & ! SAME ?+3 A DESIRE TO TEA* EV]YBODY & TO HIDE 
! FACT ?AT ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT TO TEA*71 ?AT ,I FELL ILL1 
M5TALLY RA!R ?AN PHYSICALLY1 ?REW UP EV]Y?+1 & W5T AWAY 
TO ! ,BA%KIRS 9 ! /EPPES1 TO BREA! FRE% AIR1 DR9K KUMYS 
.<,FOOTNOTE3 ,A F]M5T$ DR9K PREP>$ FROM M>E'S MILK4-,A4 ,M4.>1 
& LIVE A M]ELY ANIMAL LIFE4 

,RETURN+ FROM !RE ,I M>RI$4 ,! NEW CONDITIONS ( HAPPY 
FAMILY LIFE COMPLETELY DIV]T$ ME FROM ALL SE>* = ! G5]AL 
MEAN+ ( LIFE4 ,MY :OLE LIFE WAS C5T]$ AT ?AT TIME 9 MY 
FAMILY1 WIFE & *ILDR51 & !RE=E 9 C>E TO 9CREASE \R 
MEANS ( LIVELIHOOD4 ,MY /RIV+ AFT] SELF-P]FECTION1 = :I* 
,I HAD ALREADY SUB/ITUT$ A /RIV+ = P]FECTION 9 G5]AL1 
I4E4 PROGRESS1 WAS N[ AGA9 REPLAC$ BY ! EF=T SIMPLY TO 
SECURE ! BE/ POSSIBLE CONDITIONS = MYSELF & MY FAMILY4 

,SO ANO!R FIFTE5 YE>S PASS$4 
,9 SPITE ( ! FACT ?AT ,I N[ REG>D$ AU?OR%IP AS ( NO 
IMPORTANCE - ! TEMPTATION ( IMM5SE MONET>Y REW>DS & 
APPLAUSE = MY 9SIGNIFICANT WORK - & ,I DEVOT$ MYSELF TO IT AS 
A MEANS ( IMPROV+ MY MAT]IAL POSITION & ( /IFL+ 9 MY 
S\L ALL QUE/IONS AS TO ! MEAN+ ( MY [N LIFE OR LIFE 9 
G5]AL4 

,I WROTE3 TEA*+ :AT WAS = ME ! ONLY TRU?1 NAMELY1 
?AT ONE %\LD LIVE SO AS TO HAVE ! BE/ = ONESELF & ONE'S 
FAMILY4 

,SO ,I LIV$2 BUT FIVE YE>S AGO SOME?+ V]Y /RANGE BEGAN TO 
HAPP5 TO ME4 ,AT FIR/ ,I EXP]I5C$ MOM5TS ( P]PLEXITY & 
>RE/ ( LIFE1 & ?\< ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT TO DO OR H[ TO 
LIVE2 & ,I FELT LO/ & BECAME DEJECT$4 ,BUT ?IS PASS$ & ,I 
W5T ON LIV+ AS BE=E4 ,!N !SE MOM5TS ( P]PLEXITY BEGAN 
TO RECUR (T5] & (T5]1 & ALWAYS 9 ! SAME =M4 ,!Y 
W]E ALWAYS EXPRESS$ BY ! QUE/IONS3 ,:AT IS IT =8 ,:AT DOES 
IT LEAD TO8 

,AT FIR/ IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT !SE W]E AIMLESS & 
IRRELEVANT QUE/IONS4 ,I ?\<T ?AT IT WAS ALL WELL KN[N1 & 
?AT IF ,I %\LD EV] WI% TO DEAL ) ! SOLUTION IT W\LD NOT 
CO/ ME MU* EF=T2 JU/ AT PRES5T ,I HAD NO TIME = IT1 BUT :5 
,I WANT$ TO ,I %\LD BE ABLE TO F9D ! ANSW]4 ,! QUE/IONS 
H[EV] BEGAN TO REPEAT !MSELVES FREQU5TLY1 & TO DEM& 
REPLIES MORE & MORE 9SI/5TLY2 & LIKE DROPS ( 9K ALWAYS 
FALL+ ON ONE PLACE !Y RAN TOGE!R 9TO ONE BLACK BLOT4 

,!N OCCURR$ :AT HAPP5S TO EV]YONE SICK5+ ) A MORTAL 
9T]NAL DISEASE4 ,AT FIR/ TRIVIAL SIGNS ( 9DISPOSITION APPE> 
TO :I* ! SICK MAN PAYS NO ATT5TION2 !N !SE SIGNS REAPPE> 
MORE & MORE (T5 & M]GE 9TO ONE UN9T]RUPT$ P]IOD ( 
SUFF]+4 ,! SUFF]+ 9CREASES1 & BE=E ! SICK MAN CAN 
LOOK R\ND1 :AT HE TOOK = A M]E 9DISPOSITION HAS ALREADY 
BECOME MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM ?AN ANY?+ ELSE 9 ! WORLD - IT 
IS DEA?6 

,?AT IS :AT HAPP5$ TO ME4 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT IT WAS NO 
CASUAL 9DISPOSITION BUT SOME?+ V]Y IMPORTANT1 & ?AT IF 
!SE QUE/IONS CON/ANTLY REPEAT$ !MSELVES !Y W\LD HAVE TO 
BE ANSW]$4 ,& ,I TRI$ TO ANSW] !M4 ,! QUE/IONS SEEM$ 
SU* /UPID1 SIMPLE1 *ILDI% ONES2 BUT AS SOON AS ,I T\*$ !M 
& TRI$ TO SOLVE !M ,I AT ONCE BECAME CONV9C$1 FIR/1 ?AT 
!Y >E NOT *ILDI% & /UPID BUT ! MO/ IMPORTANT & 
PR(\ND ( LIFE'S QUE/IONS2 & SECONDLY ?AT1 OCCUPY+ MYSELF 
) MY ,SAM>A E/ATE1 ! $UCATION ( MY SON1 OR ! WRIT+ ( 
A BOOK1 ,I HAD TO KN[ "9:Y"9 ,I WAS DO+ IT4 ,AS LONG AS ,I DID NOT 
KN[ :Y1 ,I C\LD DO NO?+ & C\LD NOT LIVE4 ,AMID ! ?\<TS 
( E/ATE MANAGEM5T :I* GREATLY OCCUPI$ ME AT ?AT TIME1 ! 
QUE/ION W\LD SUDD5LY OCCUR3 0,WELL1 Y\ WILL HAVE #f1 
DESYAT9AS .<,FOOTNOTE3 ,! DESYAT9A IS AB\T #b4#g#e ACRES4-,A4,M4.> ( 
L& 9 ,SAM>A ,GOV]NM5T & #c HORSES1 & :AT !N80 444 ,& 
,I WAS QUITE DISCONC]T$ & DID NOT KN[ :AT TO ?9K4 ,OR :5 
CONSID]+ PLANS = ! $UCATION ( MY *ILDR51 ,I W\LD SAY TO 
MYSELF3 0,:AT =80 ,OR :5 CONSID]+ H[ ! PEASANTS MI<T 
BECOME PROSP]\S1 ,I W\LD SUDD5LY SAY TO MYSELF3 0,BUT :AT DOES 
IT MATT] TO ME80 ,OR :5 ?9K+ ( ! FAME MY WORKS W\LD 
BR+ ME1 ,I W\LD SAY TO MYSELF1 0,V]Y WELL2 Y\ WILL BE MORE 
FAM\S ?AN ,GOGOL OR ,PU%K9 OR ,%AKESPE>E OR ,MOLI]E1 OR ?AN ALL 
! WRIT]S 9 ! WORLD - & :AT ( IT80 ,& ,I C\LD F9D NO 
REPLY AT ALL4 ,! QUE/IONS W\LD NOT WAIT1 !Y HAD TO BE 
ANSW]$ AT ONCE1 & IF ,I DID NOT ANSW] !M IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO 
LIVE4 ,BUT !RE WAS NO ANSW]4 

,I FELT ?AT :AT ,I HAD BE5 /&+ ON HAD COLLAPS$ & ?AT 
,I HAD NO?+ LEFT UND] MY FEET4 ,:AT ,I HAD LIV$ ON NO LONG] 
EXI/$1 & !RE WAS NO?+ LEFT4 

7,S\RCE3 ,A ,CONFESSION1 BY ,LEV ,NIKOLAYEVI* ,TOL/OY1 ,DI/RIBUT$ BY ! ,TOL/OY ,LIBR>Y ,ONL9E1 ,FIR/ DI/RIBUT$ 9 ,RUSSIA 9 #a#h#h#b1 FIR/ PUBLI%$ 9 #a#h#h#d47 

,FROM 3 ,FLAG4,BLACK5$4NET4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
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