,*APT] #ad 
,NOVEMB] #ah 

#aiai 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,OCTAVE ,MIRBEAU 

,AU?OR 3 ,B5JAM9 ,R4 ,TUCK] 

,TEXT 3 

,ROSE IS DEAD4 ,DECID$LY1 MIS=TUNE HANGS OV] ! CAPTA9'S H\SE4 ,POOR CAPTA96 ,HIS F]RET DEAD 444 ,B\RBAKI DEAD 444 & N[ IT IS ,ROSE'S TURN6 ,AFT] A SICKNESS ( SOME DAYS1 %E WAS C>RI$ (F DAY BE=E YE/]DAY1 9 ! EV5+1 BY A SUDD5 ATTACK ( CONGE/ION ( ! LUNGS4 ,%E WAS BURI$ ?IS MORN+4 ,FROM ! W9D[S ( ! L95-ROOM ,I SAW ! PROCESSION PASS 9 ! ROAD4 ,! HEAVY C(F91 BORNE BY SIX M51 WAS COV]$ ) CR[NS & ) BUN*ES ( :ITE FL[]S1 LIKE ?AT ( A Y\NG VIRG94 ,A CONSID]ABLE CR[D1 9 LONG1 D>K1 BABBL+ FILES1--ALL ,MESNIL-,ROY--FOLL[$ ,CAPTA9 ,MAUG]1 :O1 WE>+ A TI<TLY-FITT+ BLACK FROCK-COAT1 & HOLD+ HIMSELF V]Y /IFFLY1 L$ ! M\RN]S1 9 ?OR\<LY MILIT>Y FA%ION4 ,& ! *UR* BELLS1 TOLL+ 9 ! DI/ANCE1 RESPOND$ TO ! S\ND ( ! RATTLE WAV$ BY ! BEADLE4 ,MADAME HAD W>N$ ME ?AT ,I WAS NOT TO GO TO ! FUN]AL4 ,H[EV]1 ,I HAD NO DESIRE TO GO4 ,I DID NOT LIKE ?IS FAT & WICK$ WOMAN2 H] DEA? LEAVES ME V]Y CALM & 9DIFF]5T4 ,YET P]HAPS ,I %ALL MISS ,ROSE2 P]HAPS ,I %ALL MISS MY OCCASIONAL CONV]SATIONS ) H] 9 ! ROAD4 ,BUT :AT A S\RCE ( GOSSIP ?IS EV5T MU/ BE AT ! GROC]'S6 

,I WAS CURI\S TO KN[ :AT IMPRESSION ?IS SUDD5 DEA? HAD MADE UPON ! CAPTA94 ,&1 AS MY MA/]S W]E VISIT+1 ,I TOOK A WALK 9 ! AFT]NOON ALONG ! H$GE4 ,! CAPTA9'S G>D5 IS SAD & DES]T$4 ,A SPADE /UCK 9 ! GR\ND 9DICATES AB&ON$ WORK4 0,! CAPTA9 WILL NOT COME 9TO ! G>D510 SAID ,I TO MYSELF2 0HE IS UND\BT$LY WEEP+ 9 HIS *AMB]1 AMONG ! S\V5IRS40 ,& SUDD5LY ,I P]CEIVE HIM4 ,HE HAS TAK5 (F HIS F9E FROCK-COAT1 & PUT ON HIS WORK+-CLO!S AGA91 &1 ) HIS OLD =AG+-CAP ON HIS HEAD1 HE IS 5GAG$ 9 MANUR+ HIS LAWNS4 ,I EV5 HE> HIM HUMM+ A M>* 9 A L[ VOICE4 ,HE LEAVES HIS :EELB>R[1 & COMES T[>D ME1 C>RY+ HIS =K ON HIS %\LD]4 

0,I AM GLAD TO SEE Y\1 ,MADEMOISELLE ,CELE/9E40 

,I %\LD LIKE TO (F] HIM CONSOLATION OR PITY4 ,I SE>* = WORDS1 = PHRASES4 ,BUT H[ CAN ONE F9D A T\*+ WORD 9 PRES5CE ( SU* A DROLL FACE8 ,I CONT5T MYSELF ) REPEAT+3 

0,A GREAT MIS=TUNE1 CAPTA91 A GREAT MIS=TUNE = Y\6 ,POOR ,ROSE60 

0,YES1 YES10 HE SAYS1 TAMELY4 

,HIS FACE IS DEVOID ( EXPRESSION4 ,HIS MOVEM5TS >E UNC]TA94 ,HE ADDS1 JABB+ HIS =K 9TO A S(T SPOT 9 ! GR\ND NE> ! H$GE3 

0,ESPECIALLY AS ,I CANNOT GET ALONG )\T ANYBODY40 

,I 9SI/ UPON ,ROSE'S DOME/IC VIRTUES4 

0,Y\ WILL NOT EASILY REPLACE H]1 ,CAPTA940 

,DECID$LY1 HE IS NOT T\*$ AT ALL4 ,ONE W\LD SAY EV51 FROM LOOK+ AT HIS EYES ?AT HAVE SUDD5LY BECOME BRI<T] & FROM WAT*+ HIS MOVEM5TS1 N[ MORE AL]T1 ?AT HE HAS BE5 RELIEV$ FROM A GREAT WEI<T4 

0,BAH60 SAYS HE1 AFT] A %ORT SIL5CE1 0EV]Y?+ CAN BE REPLAC$40 

,?IS RESIGNATION A/ONI%ES ME1 & EV5 SC&ALIZES ME A LITTLE4 ,TO AMUSE MYSELF1 ,I TRY TO MAKE HIM UND]/& ALL HE HAS LO/ 9 LOS+ ,ROSE4 

0,%E KNEW SO WELL Y\R HABITS1 Y\R TA/ES1 Y\R MANIAS6 ,%E WAS SO DEVOT$ TO Y\60 

0,WELL1 IF %E HAD NOT BE51 ?AT W\LD HAVE BE5 ! LA/ /RAW10 HE GR[L$4 

,&1 MAK+ A GE/URE BY :I* HE SEEMS TO PUT ASIDE ALL SORTS ( OBJECTIONS1 HE GOES ON3 

0,BESIDES1 WAS %E SO DEVOT$ TO ME8 ,OH6 ,I MAY AS WELL TELL Y\ ! TRU?4 ,I HAD HAD 5\< ( ,ROSE4 ,YES1 9DE$6 ,AFT] WE TOOK A LITTLE BOY TO HELP US1 %E ATT5D$ TO NO?+ 9 ! H\SE1 & EV]Y?+ W5T BADLY1 V]Y BADLY4 ,I C\LD NOT EV5 HAVE AN EGG BOIL$ TO MY TA/E4 ,& ! SC5ES ?AT W5T ON1 FROM MORN+ TO NI<T1 APROPOS ( NO?+4 ,IF ,I SP5T T5 S\S1 !RE W]E CRIES & REPROA*ES4 ,&1 :5 ,I TALK$ ) Y\1 AS ,I AM DO+ N[1--WELL1 !RE WAS A R[1 9DE$2 = %E WAS JEAL\S1 JEAL\S4 ,OH6 NO4 ,%E W5T = Y\2 Y\ %\LD HAVE HE>D H]4 ,9 %ORT1 ,I WAS NO LONG] AT HOME 9 MY [N H\SE40 

,HE BREA!S DEEPLY1 NOISILY1 &1 ) ! NEW & DEEP JOY ?AT A TRAVEL] FEELS ON RETURN+ FROM A LONG J\RNEY1 HE CONTEMPLATES ! SKY1 ! B>E GRASS-PLOTS 9 ! G>D51 ! VIOLET 9T]LAC+S ( ! BRAN*ES ( ! TREES AGA9/ ! LI<T1 & HIS LITTLE H\SE4 

,?IS JOY1 SO (F5SIVE TO ,ROSE'S MEMORY1 N[ SEEMS TO ME V]Y COMICAL4 ,I /IMULATE ! CAPTA9 TO FUR!R CONFID5CES4 ,& ,I SAY TO HIM1 9 A TONE ( REPROA*3 

0,CAPTA91 ,I ?9K Y\ >E NOT JU/ TO ,ROSE40 

0,EGAD60 HE REJO9S1 QUICKLY4 0,Y\ DO NOT KN[2 Y\ DON'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T IT4 ,%E DID NOT GO TO TELL Y\ ( ALL ! SC5ES ?AT %E MADE1 H] TYRANNY1 H] JEAL\SY1 H] EGOISM4 ,NO?+ BELONG$ TO ME H]E ANY LONG]4 ,EV]Y?+ 9 MY H\SE WAS H]S4 ,= 9/ANCE1 Y\ W\LD NOT BELIEVE IT1 MY ,VOLTAIRE >M-*AIR WAS NEV] AT MY DISPOSITION4 ,%E HAD IT ALL ! TIME4 ,%E HAD EV]Y?+1 = ?AT MATT]4 ,TO ?9K ?AT ,I C\LD NO LONG] EAT ASP>AGUS ) OIL1 BECAUSE %E DID NOT LIKE IT6 ,OH6 %E DID WELL TO DIE4 ,IT WAS ! BE/ ?+ ?AT C\LD HAPP5 TO H]1 =1 9 SOME WAY OR O!R1 ,I %\LD HAVE GOTT5 RID ( H]4 ,YES1 YES1 ,I %\LD HAVE GOTT5 RID ( H]4 ,%E WAS BECOM+ TOO MU* = ME4 ,I HAD HAD 5\<4 ,& LET ME TELL Y\2 IF ,I HAD DI$ BE=E H]1 ,ROSE W\LD HAVE BE5 PRETTILY TRAPP$4 ,I HAD A BITT] PILL 9 /ORE = H]4 ,MY WORD = IT60 

,HIS LIP CURLS 9 A SMILE ?AT 5DS 9 AN ATROCI\S GRIMACE4 ,HE CONT9UES1 *OPP+ EA* ( HIS WORDS ) MOI/ LITTLE PUFFS ( LAU<T]3 

0,Y\ KN[ ?AT ,I MADE A WILL1 9 :I* ,I GAVE H] EV]Y?+1--H\SE1 MONEY1 DIVID5DS1 EV]Y?+4 ,%E MU/ HAVE TOLD Y\2 %E TOLD EV]YBODY4 ,YES1 BUT :AT %E DID NOT TELL Y\1 BECAUSE %E DID NOT KN[ IT1 IS ?AT1 TWO MON?S LAT]1 ,I MADE A SECOND WILL1 CANCEL+ ! FIR/1 9 :I* ,I DID NOT LEAVE H] ANY?+1--NOT A S\40 

,UNABLE TO CONTA9 HIMSELF LONG]1 HE BUR/S \T LAU<+1 A /RID5T LAU< ?AT SCATT]S ?R\< ! G>D5 LIKE A FLI<T ( SCOLD+ SP>R[S4 ,& HE CRIES3 

0,AH6 ?AT'S AN IDEA1 HEY8 ,OH6 H] HEAD1--Y\ CAN SEE IT FROM H]E1--ON LE>N+ ?AT ,I HAD LEFT MY LITTLE =TUNE TO ! ,FR5* ,ACADEMY4 ,=1 MY LITTLE ,CELE/9E1 IT IS TRUE2 ,I HAD LEFT MY =TUNE TO ! ,FR5* ,ACADEMY4 ,AH6 ?AT'S AN IDEA60 

,I ALL[ HIS LAU<T] TO BECOME QUIET]1 & !N ,I GRAVELY ASK HIM3 

0,& N[1 ,CAPTA91 :AT >E Y\ GO+ TO DO80 

,! CAPTA9 GIVES ME A LONG1 SLY1 AMOR\S LOOK1 & SAYS3 

0,WELL1 ?AT DEP5DS ON Y\40 

0,ON ME80 

0,YES1 ON Y\2 ON Y\ ALONE40 

0,& H[ IS ?AT80 

,A MOM5T ( SIL5CE FOLL[S1 DUR+ :I*1 /RAI<T5+ UP & TWI/+ HIS PO9T$ BE>D1 HE SEEKS TO 5VELOP ME 9 A S$UCTIVE FLUID4 

0,COME10 HE SAYS1 SUDD5LY1 0LET US GO /RAI<T TO ! PO9T4 ,LET US SPEAK SQU>ELY1--SOLDI]-FA%ION4 ,DO Y\ WI% TO TAKE ,ROSE'S PLACE80 

,I WAS EXPECT+ ! ATTACK4 ,I HAD SE5 IT COM+ FROM ! DEP? ( HIS EYES4 ,IT DOES NOT SURPRISE ME4 ,I RECEIVE IT ) A S]I\S & UNMOV$ EXPRESSION4 

0,& ! WILLS1 ,CAPTA980 

0,OH6 ,I TE> !M UP40 

,I OBJECT3 

0,BUT ,I DO NOT KN[ H[ TO COOK40 

0,OH6 ,I WILL DO ! COOK+2 ,I WILL MAKE MY B$2 ,I WILL DO EV]Y?+40 

,HE BECOMES GALLANT1 SPRI<TLY2 HIS EYE SP>KLES4 ,HE LEANS T[>DS ! H$GE1 /RET*+ \T HIS NECK4 ,HIS EYES BECOME BLOOD%OT4 ,& 9 A L[] VOICE HE SAYS3 

0,IF Y\ CAME TO ME1 ,CELE/9E1--WELL44440 

0,WELL1 :AT80 

0,WELL1 ! ,LANLAIRES W\LD DIE ( RAGE4 ,AH6 ?AT'S AN IDEA60 

,I LAPSE 9TO SIL5CE1 & PRET5D TO BE PR(\NDLY DREAM+4 ,! CAPTA9 BECOMES IMPATI5T4 ,HE DIGS ! HEELS ( HIS %OES 9TO ! S&Y PA?4 

0,SEE1 ,CELE/9E1 ?IRTY-FIVE FRANCS A MON?2 ! MA/]'S TABLE2 ! MA/]'S ROOM2 A WILL2 DOES ?AT SUIT Y\8 ,ANSW] ME40 

0,WE WILL SEE LAT]4 ,BUT1 :ILE WAIT+1 TAKE ANO!R40 

,& ,I RUN AWAY ?AT ,I MAY NOT BL[ 9TO HIS FACE ! TEMPE/ ( LAU<T] ?AT IS RO>+ 9 MY ?ROAT4 

,I HAVE1 !N1 ONLY ! EMB>RASSM5T ( *OICE4 ,! CAPTA9 OR ,JOSEPH8 ,TO LIVE AS A S]VANT-MI/RESS1 ) ALL ! CONT+5CIES ?AT SU* A POSITION 9VOLVES1--?AT IS1 TO REMA9 /ILL AT ! M]CY ( A /UPID1 CO>SE1 *ANGEABLE MAN1 & DEP5D5T UPON A ?\S& DISAGREEABLE CIRCUM/ANCES & A ?\S& PREJUDICES2 OR ELSE TO M>RY1 & ?US ACQUIRE A SORT ( REGUL> & RESPECT$ LIB]TY1 9 A SITUATION FREE FROM ! CONTROL ( O!RS1 & LIB]AT$ FROM ! CAPRICE ( EV5TS8 ,H]E AT LA/ A PORTION ( MY DREAM PROMISES TO BE REALIZ$4 

,IT IS V]Y EVID5T ?AT ,I %\LD HAVE LIK$ A REALIZATION ON A GR&] SCALE4 ,BUT1 :5 ,I ?9K H[ FEW *ANCES PRES5T !MSELVES1 9 G5]AL1 9 ! EXI/5CE ( A WOMAN LIKE ME1 ,I MU/ CONGRATULATE MYSELF ?AT SOME?+ IS COM+ TO ME AT LA/ O!R ?AN ?IS ET]NAL & MONOTON\S TOSS+ BACK & =? FROM ONE H\SE TO ANO!R1 FROM ONE B$ TO ANO!R1 FROM ONE FACE TO ANO!R FACE4 

,( C\RSE1 ,I PUT ASIDE AT ONCE ! CAPTA9'S PLAN4 ,MOREOV]1 ,I HAD NO NE$ ( ?IS LA/ CONV]SATION ) HIM TO KN[ ! SORT ( GROTESQUE & S9I/] M\NTEBANK1 ! TYPE ( ODD HUMANITY1 ?AT HE REPRES5TS4 ,BEYOND ! FACT ?AT HIS PHYSICAL UGL9ESS IS COMPLETE1--= !RE IS NO?+ TO RELIEVE & CORRECT IT1--HE GIVES ONE NO HOLD ON HIS S\L4 ,ROSE BELIEV$ FIRMLY 9 H] ASSUR$ DOM9ATION OV] ?IS MAN1 & ?IS MAN TRICK$ H]4 ,ONE CANNOT DOM9ATE NO?+2 ONE CAN HAVE NO 9FLU5CE OV] EMPT9ESS4 ,I CANNOT1 )\T *OK+ ) LAU<T]1 ?9K ( MYSELF = AN 9/ANT 9 ! >MS ( ?IS RIDICUL\S P]SONAGE & C>ESS+ HIM4 ,YET1 9 SPITE ( ?IS1 ,I AM CONT5T1 & ,I FEEL SOME?+ AK9 TO PRIDE4 ,H[EV] L[ ! S\RCE FROM :I* IT COMES1 IT IS NONE ! LESS AN HOMAGE1 & ?IS HOMAGE /R5G!NS MY CONFID5CE 9 MYSELF & 9 MY BEAUTY4 

,QUITE DIFF]5T >E MY FEEL+S T[>D ,JOSEPH4 ,JOSEPH HAS TAK5 POSSESSION ( MY M9D4 ,HE RETA9S IT1 HE HOLDS IT CAPTIVE1 HE OBSESSES IT4 ,HE DI/URBS ME1 BEWIT*ES ME1 & FRI<T5S ME1 BY TURNS4 ,C]TA9LY1 HE IS UGLY1 BRUTALLY1 HORRIBLY UGLY2 BUT1 :5 Y\ ANALYZE ?IS UGL9ESS1 Y\ F9D SOME?+ =MIDABLE 9 IT1 SOME?+ ?AT IS ALMO/ BEAUTY1 ?AT IS MORE ?AN BEAUTY1 ?AT IS ABOVE BEAUTY1--SOME?+ ELEM5TAL4 ,I DO NOT CONCEAL FROM MYSELF ! DIFFICULTY1 ! DANG]1 ( LIV+1 :E!R M>RI$ OR NOT1 ) SU* A MAN1 ( :OM ,I AM W>RANT$ 9 SUSPECT+ EV]Y?+1 & ( :OM1 9 REALITY1 ,I KN[ NO?+4 ,& IT IS ?IS ?AT DRAWS ME TO HIM ) A DIZZY VIOL5CE4 ,AT LEA/ HE IS CAPABLE ( MANY ?+S 9 CRIME1 P]HAPS1 & P]HAPS ALSO 9 ! DIRECTION ( GOOD4 ,I DO NOT KN[4 ,:AT DOES HE WANT ( ME8 ,:AT WILL HE DO ) ME8 ,%\LD ,I BE ! UNSCRUPUL\S 9/RUM5T ( PLANS ?AT ,I KNEW NO?+ (1 ! PLAY?+ ( HIS F]OCI\S PASSIONS8 ,DOES HE EV5 LOVE ME8 ,& :Y DOES HE LOVE ME8 ,= MY BEAUTY2 = MY VICES2 = MY 9TELLIG5CE2 = MY HATR$ ( PREJUDICES1--HE :O MAKES P>ADE ( ALL ! PREJUDICES8 ,I DO NOT KN[4 ,9 ADDITION TO ?IS ATTRACTION :I* ! UNKN[N & MY/]I\S HAS = ME1 HE EX]CISES OV] ME ! BITT]1 P[]FUL *>M ( =CE4 ,& ?IS *>M1 YES1 ?IS *>M ACTS MORE & MORE ON MY N]VES1 CONQU]S MY PASSIVE & SUBMISSIVE FLE%4 ,IT IS SOME?+ :I* ,I CANNOT DEF9E EXACTLY1 SOME?+ ?AT TAKES ME :OLLY1 BY MY M9D & BY MY SEX1 REVEAL+ 9 ME 9/9CTS ( :I* ,I WAS UNAW>E1 9/9CTS ?AT SLEPT )9 ME )\T MY KN[L$GE1 & ?AT NO LOVE1 NO ?RILL ( VOLUPTU\SNESS HAD BE=E AWAK5$4 ,& ,I TREMBLE FROM HEAD TO FOOT :5 ,I REMEMB] ! WORDS ( ,JOSEPH1 SAY+ TO ME3 

0,Y\ >E LIKE ME1 ,CELE/9E4 ,OH6 NOT 9 FEATURES1 ( C\RSE4 ,BUT \R TWO S\LS >E ALIKE2 \R TWO S\LS RESEMBLE EA* O!R40 

,\R TWO S\LS6 ,IS ?AT POSSIBLE8 

,!SE S5SATIONS ?AT ,I FEEL >E SO NEW1 SO IMP]I\S1 SO /RONGLY T5ACI\S1 ?AT !Y DO NOT LEAVE ME A M9UTE'S RE/1 & ?AT ,I REMA9 ALWAYS UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( !IR /UPEFY+ FASC9ATION4 ,9 VA9 DO ,I SEEK TO OCCUPY MY M9D ) O!R ?\<TS4 ,I TRY TO READ & WALK 9 ! G>D51 :5 MY MA/]S >E AWAY1 &1 :5 !Y >E AT HOME1 TO WORK FURI\SLY AT MY M5D+ 9 ! L95-ROOM4 ,IMPOSSIBLE6 ,JOSEPH HAS COMPLETE POSSESSION ( MY ?\<T4 ,& NOT ONLY DOES HE POSSESS IT 9 ! PRES5T1 BUT HE POSSESSES IT ALSO 9 ! PA/4 ,JOSEPH SO 9T]POSES HIMSELF BETWE5 MY 5TIRE PA/ & MYSELF ?AT ,I SEE1 SO TO SPEAK1 NO?+ BUT HIM1 & ?AT ?IS PA/1 ) ALL ITS UGLY OR *>M+ FACES1 DRAWS F>!R & F>!R FROM ME1 FADES AWAY1 DISAPPE>S4 ,CLEOPHAS ,BISC\ILLE2 ,M4 ,JEAN2 ,M4 ,XAVI]2 ,WILLIAM1 ( :OM ,I HAVE NOT YET SPOK52 ,M4 ,GEORGES1 HIMSELF1 BY :OM ,I BELIEV$ MY S\L TO HAVE BE5 BR&$ =EV]1 AS ! %\LD] ( ! CONVICT IS BR&$ BY ! R$ IRON2 & ALL ?OSE TO :OM1 VOLUNT>ILY1 JOY\SLY1 PASSIONATELY1 ,I HAVE GIV5 A LITTLE OR MU* ( MYSELF1 ( MY VIBRANT FLE% & ( MY SORR[FUL HE>T1--ALL ( !M %AD[S ALREADY6 ,UNC]TA9 & LUDICR\S %AD[S ?AT FADE AWAY UNTIL !Y >E H>DLY RECOLLECTIONS1 & !N BECOME CONFUS$ DREAMS 444 9TANGIBLE1 =GOTT5 REALITIES 444 VAPORS 444 NO?+4 ,SOMETIMES1 9 ! KIT*51 AFT] D9N]1 :5 LOOK+ AT ,JOSEPH & HIS CRIM9AL M\?1 & HIS CRIM9AL EYES1 & HIS HEAVY *EEK-BONES1 & HIS L[1 KNOTTY1 HUMPY =EHEAD1 UPON :I* ! LAMPLI<T ACCUMULATES H>D %AD[S1 ,I SAY TO MYSELF3 

0,NO1 NO1 IT IS NOT POSSIBLE4 ,I AM UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( A FIT ( MADNESS2 ,I WILL NOT1 ,I CANNOT1 LOVE ?IS MAN4 ,NO1 NO1 IT IS NOT POSSIBLE40 

,& YET IT IS POSSIBLE1 & IT IS TRUE4 ,& ,I MU/ AT LA/ CONFESS IT TO MYSELF1 CRY \T TO MYSELF3 0,I LOVE ,JOSEPH60 

,AH6 N[ ,I UND]/& :Y ONE %\LD NEV] MAKE SPORT ( LOVE2 :Y !RE >E WOM5 :O RU%1 ) ALL ! CONSCI5CELESSNESS ( MURD]1 ) ALL ! 9V9CIBLE =CE ( NATURE1 TO ! KISSES ( BRUTES & TO ! EMBRACES ( MON/]S1 & :O VOLUPTU\SLY S\ND ! DEA?-RATTLE 9 ! SNE]+ FACES ( DEMONS & BUCKS4 

,JOSEPH HAS OBTA9$ FROM ,MADAME SIX DAYS' LEAVE ( ABS5CE1 & TO-MORR[ HE IS TO />T = ,*]B\RG1 PRET5D+ TO BE CALL$ BY FAMILY MATT]S4 ,IT IS DECID$2 HE WILL BUY ! LITTLE CAFE4 ,BUT = SOME MON?S HE WILL NOT RUN IT HIMSELF4 ,HE HAS SOME ONE !RE1 A TRU/$ FRI5D1 :O IS TO TAKE *>GE ( IT4 

0,DO Y\ UND]/&80 HE SAYS TO ME4 0,IT MU/ FIR/ BE REPA9T$1 & MADE TO LOOK LIKE NEW2 IT MU/ BE V]Y F9E1 ) ITS NEW SIGN1 9 GILT LETT]S3 ',TO ! ,FR5* ,>MY6' ,& BESIDES1 ,I CANNOT LEAVE MY PLACE YET4 ,?AT ,I CANNOT DO40 

0,:Y NOT1 ,JOSEPH80 

0,BECAUSE ,I CANNOT N[40 

0,BUT :5 WILL Y\ GO1 = GOOD80 

,JOSEPH SCRAT*ES HIS NECK1 GIVES ME A SLY GLANCE1 & SAYS3 

0,AS TO ?AT ,I DO NOT KN[4 ,P]HAPS NOT = SIX MON?S YET2 P]HAPS SOON]2 P]HAPS EV5 LAT]4 ,I CANNOT TELL4 ,IT DEP5DS40 

,I FEEL ?AT HE DOES NOT WI% TO SPEAK4 ,NEV]!LESS ,I 9SI/3 

0,IT DEP5DS ON :AT80 

,HE HESITATES TO ANSW]2 !N1 9 A MY/]I\S &1 AT ! SAME TIME1 SOME:AT EXCIT$ TONE1 HE SAYS3 

0,ON A C]TA9 MATT]2 ON A V]Y IMPORTANT MATT]40 

0,BUT :AT MATT]80 

0,OH6 ON A C]TA9 MATT]1 ?AT'S ALL40 

,?IS IS UTT]$ 9 A BRUSQUE VOICE1--A VOICE NOT ( ANG] EXACTLY1 BUT ( IMPATI5CE4 ,HE REFUSES TO EXPLA9 FUR!R4 

,HE SAYS NO?+ TO ME ( MYSELF4 ,?IS A/ONI%ES ME1 & CAUSES ME A PA9FUL DISAPPO9TM5T4 ,CAN HE HAVE *ANG$ HIS M9D8 ,HAS MY CURIOSITY1 MY HESITATION1 WE>I$ HIM8 ,YET IT IS V]Y NATURAL ?AT ,I %\LD BE 9T]E/$ 9 AN EV5T 9 ! SUCCESS OR FAILURE ( :I* ,I AM TO %>E4 ,CAN ! SUSPICION ?AT ,I HAVE NOT BE5 ABLE TO HIDE1 MY SUSPICION ( ! \TRAGE COMMITT$ BY HIM UPON ! LITTLE ,CLAIRE1 HAVE CAUS$ ,JOSEPH TO REFLECT FUR!R1 & BR\<T AB\T A RUPTURE BETWE5 US8 ,BUT ,I FEEL FROM ! TREMOR ( MY HE>T ?AT MY RESOLUTION1 DEF]R$ \T ( COQUETRY1 \T ( A DISPOSITION TO TEASE1 WAS WELL TAK54 ,TO BE FREE1 TO BE 5?RON$ BEH9D A B>1 TO COMM& O!RS1 TO KN[ ?AT ONE IS LOOK$ AT1 DESIR$1 ADOR$ BY SO MANY M56 ,& ?AT IS NOT TO BE8 ,& ?IS DREAM IS TO ESCAPE ME1 AS ALL ! O!RS HAVE8 ,I DO NOT WI% TO SEEM TO BE ?R[+ MYSELF AT ,JOSEPH'S HEAD1 BUT ,I WI% TO KN[ :AT HE HAS 9 HIS M9D4 ,I PUT ON A SAD FACE1 & ,I SI<3 

0,:5 Y\ HAVE GONE1 ,JOSEPH1 ! H\SE WILL NO LONG] BE 5DURABLE TO ME4 ,I HAVE BECOME SO ACCU/OM$ TO Y\ N[1 TO \R CONV]SATIONS40 

0,OH6 9DE$60 

0,I TOO %ALL GO AWAY40 

,JOSEPH SAYS NO?+4 

,HE WALKS UP & D[N ! H>NESS-ROOM1 ) ANXI\S BR[ & PREOCCUPI$ M9D1 HIS H&S N]V\SLY TWIRL+ A PAIR ( G>D5-%E>S 9 ! POCKET ( HIS BLUE APRON4 ,! EXPRESSION ( HIS FACE IS UNPLEASANT4 ,I REPEAT1 AS ,I WAT* HIM GO BACK & =?3 

0,YES1 ,I %ALL GO AWAY2 ,I %ALL RETURN TO ,P>IS40 

,HE UTT]S NOT A WORD ( PROTE/1 NOT A CRY2 NOT EV5 AN IMPLOR+ GLANCE DOES HE TURN UPON ME4 ,HE PUTS A /ICK ( WOOD 9 ! /OVE1 AS ! FIRE IS L[1 & !N BEG9S AGA9 HIS SIL5T PROM5ADE UP & D[N ! ROOM4 ,:Y IS HE LIKE ?IS8 ,DOES HE1 !N1 ACCEPT ?IS SEP>ATION8 ,DOES HE WANT IT8 ,HAS HE1 !N1 LO/ HIS CONFID5CE 9 ME1 ! LOVE ?AT HE HAD = ME8 ,OR DOES HE SIMPLY FE> MY IMPRUD5CE1 MY ET]NAL QUE/IONS8 

,TREMBL+ A LITTLE1 ,I ASK HIM3 

0,WILL IT CAUSE Y\ NO PA91 ,JOSEPH1 IF WE DO NOT SEE EA* O!R AGA980 

,)\T HALT+ 9 HIS WALK1 )\T EV5 GLANC+ AT ME \T ( ! CORN] ( HIS EYE1 9 ! MANN] SO *>ACT]I/IC ( HIM1 HE SAYS3 

0,( C\RSE4 ,BUT :AT CAN Y\ EXPECT8 ,ONE CANNOT OBLIGE PEOPLE TO DO :AT !Y REFUSE TO DO4 ,A ?+ EI!R PLEASES1 OR IT DOES NOT PLEASE40 

0,:AT HAVE ,I REFUS$ TO DO1 ,JOSEPH80 

0,& BESIDES1 Y\ >E ALWAYS FULL ( BAD IDEAS AB\T ME10 HE CONT9UES1 )\T ANSW]+ MY QUE/ION4 

0,:Y DO Y\ SAY ?AT80 

0,BECAUSE44440 

0,NO1 NO1 ,JOSEPH2 Y\ NO LONG] LOVE ME2 Y\ HAVE SOME?+ ELSE 9 M9D N[4 ,I HAVE REFUS$ NO?+2 ,I HAVE REFLECT$1 ?AT IS ALL4 ,IT IS NATURAL 5\<1 ISN'T IT8 ,ONE DOES NOT MAKE A LIFE-CONTRACT )\T REFLECTION4 ,MY HESITATION1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 \<T TO MAKE Y\ ?9K WELL ( ME4 ,IT PROVES ?AT ,I AM NOT LI<!AD$1--?AT ,I AM A S]I\S WOMAN40 

0,Y\ >E A GOOD WOMAN1 ,CELE/9E1 AN ORD]LY WOMAN40 

0,WELL1 !N80 

,AT LA/ ,JOSEPH /OPS WALK+1 &1 GAZ+ AT ME ) PR(\ND & /ILL SUSPICI\S1 BUT YET T5D]]1 EYES1 HE SAYS1 SL[LY3 

0,IT IS NOT ?AT1 ,CELE/9E4 ,!RE IS NO QUE/ION ( ?AT4 ,I DO NOT PREV5T Y\ FROM REFLECT+4 ,REFLECT ALL Y\ LIKE4 ,!RE IS PL5TY ( TIME1 & WE WILL TALK AGA9 ON MY RETURN4 ,BUT :AT ,I DO NOT LIKE1 Y\ SEE1 IS SO MU* CURIOSITY4 ,!RE >E ?+S ?AT DO NOT CONC]N WOM52 !RE >E ?+S44440 

,& HE F9I%ES HIS PHRASE ) A %AKE ( HIS HEAD4 

,AFT] A MOM5T'S SIL5CE HE RESUMES3 

0,I HAVE NO?+ ELSE 9 M9D1 ,CELE/9E4 ,I DREAM ( Y\2 ,I AM CRAZY OV] Y\4 ,AS TRUE AS ! GOOD ,GOD EXI/S1 :AT ,I HAVE SAID ONCE ,I SAY ALWAYS4 ,WE WILL TALK IT OV] AGA94 ,BUT Y\ MU/ NOT BE CURI\S4 ,Y\ DO :AT Y\ DO2 ,I DO :AT ,I DO4 ,9 ?AT WAY !RE IS NO MI/AKE1 NO SURPRISE40 

,APPROA*+ ME1 HE GRASPS MY H&S4 

0,I HAVE A H>D HEAD1 ,CELE/9E2 YES1 9DE$6 ,BUT :AT IS 9 IT /AYS 9 IT1 & CANNOT BE GOTT5 \T ( IT4 ,I DREAM ( Y\1 ,CELE/9E1 ( Y\ 444 9 ! LITTLE CAFE40 

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahii 3 ,*APT] #ad -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #i1 #bba 3 ,*APT] #ad -- ,ADD$4 

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